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Understanding and Overcoming Homosexuality

By Navigating the Church Life

Book 2


Unless otherwise indicated, all scriptural quotations are from The Interlinear Bible – Hebrew Greek English. Jay P. Green, Sr. General Editor and Translator, sovereign / grace Publishers Lafayette, Indiana 47903 U.S.A. Book 2 Understanding and Overcoming Homosexuality By Navigating the Church Life Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba Toowoomba Queensland 4350

© Copyright 2014 by Kathleen Malligan ©Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba All Rights reserved on teaching material Kathleen Malligan

All rights reserved, apart from any fair dealings for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the copyright act reproduction of text in whole or in part without the express written consent by the author are not permitted and are unlawful according to the Australia Copyright Act. Cover Design by Kathleen Malligan Printed and published by Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba PDF file transfer by Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba

Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba – Releasing Hearts 3




Do I Have to Go to Church






Encouraging Word


End Notes


Bibliography and Acknowledgments



Introduction I know for myself in early years if eternity was not a weight to consider and the reality of the devices and realness of unclean spirits I would have left Church and returned to a homosexual lifestyle. But how could I leave? Jesus held the way out of torment from spirits. Jesus held the truth and the keys to my recovery, and truthfully deep down I did not want to return to the gay scene, I wanted to be set free of my emptiness and brokenness, I was crushed in spirit. I knew my divine destiny called my heart and He had a future for me, yet to surrender it was not easy so as to take hold of the sacrificial life. It has been no comfortable boat ride, but to grow I knew I had to do it His way, or there was no way to be regenerated. I now know He allowed many circumstances in my life so in my personal struggles they became growing and learning lessons and then the reality of the books I’d write. The counsel in this book came about to minister to myself as I had had enough of Christianity, the people in it, the church and her dynamics that I wanted out. Also out from the pain of rejection I experienced so often because of my homosexual background. But the only way out was the only way in and that was Church and I had to learn His way to stay at church and His way to stay in a Christian lifestyle. I had to look to Jesus to love others and those in the church, and it was only by His Love and anointing that I stayed and learnt to love them regardless of their bad manners, fear, shunning, and rejection. So what you will read will be some of what comes from my experience's first hand to learn and increase my capacity to understand and be content with the Christ life and some is general gleaned and wellknown counsel we have all heard. I know it will bless you encourage you and grow you as you continue on your sea journey to depart to the other side for truth is your sanctification, restoration and regeneration will take years. Be blessed and be a blessing, Agape

Kathleen Malligan 5


The answer is yes, but no matter how apostate the Church has become, we are still to be led by The Spirit to a house and or a worship center that has an organized structure of the people of God. If we are led to a house of God then He will cover us from the powers of darkness in and over that organized structure if we are studying to show ourselves approved then we will be able to divide the Word to retain ‘the meat and spit out the bones.’ Meeting with family, friends or at home does not constitute the assembling of ourselves together under Apostolic Leadership or a Pastoral Overseeing, this goes in a completely different direction to Biblical examples. I believe this is Satan’s counterfeit Christianity under men or women who are not properly trained or who are self-appointed ministers because they resist the sound counsel of The Word. Recall Korah (Numbers 16) and his followers who rejected the leadership that Yahweh appointed under Moses. Korah and his men believed that Moses and Aaron lifted themselves above the assembly of Jehovah because they believed all the assembly was holy to be the priesthood. But it was Yahweh’s will to have Moses, Aaron and the Levi’s set apart for leadership in a tent of meeting. Separating ourselves from God’s patterned ordained leadership because the people or the beliefs or the doctrines or the theology does not come up to scratch and or up to your standard is bluntly self-will. Just like Korah and his self-willed team who challenged Moses and Aaron (16:3) or who challenged Yahweh’s ordained order it cannot be done. If you separate yourself from the work of the Kingdom that God has under authority of leadership, you will not learn to be an active part of Christ’s body. You will not be in a position to be used as a weapon of warfare or a Holy Ghost Archer using The Word to deliver those in captivity to heresy, error, and perversion of the Gospel or demonic oppression. You will not allow yourself to be available for being led as He wills and most of all you will be as a self-appointed member with your own ideas that are contrary to the pattern of Scriptural gathering. When we don’t trust Yahweh’s and Jesus Christ’s ability to ‘run’ a church with leadership structure “and He put all things under His feet, and 6

gave Him to be Head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him filling all things in all” (Ephesians 1:22) we lack faith in His will for our personal life and the government that is on His Shoulders. The organized structure yes has its heresy, has its error, has its doctrinal differences and has demonic spirits and has those who do not understand sexual brokenness and many carnal members and or sinners saved by grace on the seats and also in the positions of leadership. But that does not give us the liberty or the excuse to stop being available for being led by The Spirit and The Word as to what organized structure of His Appointed Ministers He want us to be under. I feel like I never ‘fit in’, but this is how it is to be because the Christ-life is not comfortable. I am led by The Spirit to be part of a congregation that is flawed, deceived and learning just like me, flawed, deceived and learning. I do not feel comfortable with the Pastor’s teaching or his doctrine or his mannerism or the antics of the carnal person’s, but I know I am placed there to be active under His directive as He lays His will upon my heart. If you are comfortable because it is a place near where you live, or that’s where you were raised, or they speak in tongues, lay hands on the sick and cast out demons, or they speak on end times or they teach Bible prophecy or they observe the feasts or they observe the Sabbath or they are devoted to preaching the ‘full’ gospel or the ‘full’ message of the Bible or they say they are the ‘true church’ or you and they say the full truth is being preached that’s terrific. But I do not believe such a church exists that preaches the ‘full Bible’ I’d say some churches preach more truth than others, but I believe we as individuals are the living church who He scatters whom He places whom He raises up by sanctification of His Word who He ordains to be Apostles, Prophets, Teachers, Pastors, Administrators, Intercessors, Helpers, Deliverance Ministers and so on to appoint us and or leads us when and where to lay down roots or be placed for a season(s) in a house that has humanity with flaws faults and feelings and who unknowingly holds tight to heresy, error and perversion of the Gospel. Not matter what congregation we belong to as individuals we are to seek after the full gospel and or full bible truths. But according to His individual plan and purpose for His 0verall Kingdom He may will for you, or me to be placed in a church and or organized structure that have only partial truths and who have people that are scared of us and who may be so self-righteous that it does offend us – but God. I am not saying that you should stay under abuse, control, or blatant heresy or counterfeit signs and wonders, but you are to be in 7

check with The Holy Spirit and His Word. You have to be mature, mature also in discerning good from evil mature to be of service to The Master or you will most assuredly come under the demonic powers of darkness that hold their grounds in and over such a church. If you are not mature and living by meat or available as a Disciple bearing your cross and forsaking your lusts of the flesh (Luke 14:26-27, 33) then you need to change the house that you are going to that has a greater measure of truth taught and holds more to the practices of the Word. Truth is we are not to forsake the assembling (Hebrews 10:25) of ourselves together with other Christians. Deception is a major strategy the enemy uses to bring us into isolation and independence and here we backslide, pick up a drink, become sexually active again or run to whatever familiar cave comforts. There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors; this wisdom safeguards us so when we think we don’t have any need of other with the attitude: “I’ll do church my own way” “I’m still a Christian if I do not go to church” “Well God has called me and commanded me to come out of Babylon” “I’m not sitting under that Nicolaitanes spirit any longer” “He has called me to come away and be consecrated and to find my life in Him and Him alone, I am called to loneliness” “Yahweh is preparing His bride He is sorting out the sheep from the goats and the goats are those who go to church every Sunday and Saturday in organized religion.” “We are in the end times and God is doing a new thing He is bringing out of the Church all those who are not deceived by the apostate Church” we become more deceived than those who sit in a spiritist church. Recall we are admonished to submit to those in authority and this order Jesus Christ has put in place for a church structure. Firstly, there are Apostles second Prophets, third teachers, then workers of miracles, then healers, helpers, administrators, and speakers in various kinds of tongues. (1 Corinthians 12:28-29) 8

Church structure and meeting places have been with us since the first recording of the temple in the wilderness in Exodus, and this was heavens pattern! Recall there was Solomon’s Temple and Herod’s Temple where they gathered together to hear and be taught the Word. Synagogue is a group of ten or more people, and there were many in the land of Israel (Acts 9:2) and recall the Roman Centurion built a building (Luke 7:5) and or a meeting place for synagogue to come together under a Rabbi. Church or meeting together under an authority structure is as old as the Bible, yes even back to the days after Noah, his son Shem is recorded to have built a temple being Yahweh’s first Priest and King of Salem. Just you and The Holy Spirit alone is not what the Word admonishes or you the TV or membership with a church online in your own nation or overseas with Holy Ghost. Even though the church of God is referred to as a collective of people all around the world (1 Corinthians 11:16, 10:32, 15:9; 1 Thessalonians 2:14) we are still to come together as Christ is our example. Consider this thought: we are called to be a body, living stones that build His Temple, yes. So if you like being a social butterfly or someone who likes company and who likes socializing especially with those of your own kind would you like to be kept alone unable to meet together with people? I guess not! Therefore, if The Holy Spirit delights in coming together with other Holy Spirits and the multitude of angels in their presence and to worship with the angels and other Spirits of Christ Jesus should we keep Him isolated and alone? I guess not! Jezebel likes to isolate and make people loners; she brings all the thoughts to the mind to back up her reasons and wills to keep you in this pit. Independence and isolation seed rebellion, seed lawlessness. She wants to draw you away to get you out of the race. She wants to put out your fire and cause you not to be raised up to grasp the Christian lifestyle. She does not want you to walk the walk of advancing the kingdom of God and the waging of warfare against her or Antichrist or Hell and Death. If she can weaken you, she can devour you. If she can distort the teachings, block The Holy Ghost from working through you, she can control you. She can keep her inroad to ensure you do not follow the path of faith of The Shepard and the things concerning His sheep. Shepard’s in the east broke their wayward lamb’s leg in love to curb 9

their independence. Then they would carry them on their shoulders until the wound healed for a lesson necessary for their own survival against wild beasts. Once they learnt then they would stay close to the flock and heed the shepherd’s voice of direction. The message of sheep given throughout the Bible is that they are meant to be in a flock, with a Shepard over them. You can be guaranteed our archenemy is an influencing force behind reasons why we have had enough of the church why we want to leave the church. It is their will to put your head under water – pull your head out, look your enemy in the eye and see the land far off and declare thus far and no further, I am going to the other side! “And since we have a great high priest over the house of God…not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. Hebrews 10:21, 25 RSV The idea of these books is to pick them up and allow His Spirit to train you teach you and minister to you and especially when the waves are hitting on your boat for they will calm the sea.


Counsel __________________________________________________ TAKE HEART

The first Adam and his wife Eve in the Garden of Eden was told, “do not eat the fruit in the midst of the garden.” This was explained to them as the knowledge of good and evil. So by this they were to know God’s will by the spiritual boundary He set around the tree with a “thou shall not.” Being created they both choose their own will be done and not His will be done. It was innate it was base, and it was a misunderstood command, so they ate and from Adam and Eve all are born into sin all are born with sin. But Praise be to God for the victory is now in The Last Adam the Lord Jesus Christ for He said in the Garden of Gethsemane “not my will be done Father, but Yours be done.” Therefore, take heart as: “His all-sufficiency will meet your needs every day, so place your dependency on Him alone, His joy will balance your pain, His power will lift your burdens, His peace will calm your worries, His all-sufficiency will be more than adequate to meet your every need in your journey to the other side.” 1. [Graham Lotz, 1973:137]


I recall a preacher once said that when we are on the road to change and destiny by the hand of the Master Chef we will be sieved, mixed, baked, iced and cut before we can taste and be tasted. How true is this and how painful is this, chef Jesus needs all the ingredients to make the cake just right before it can be served and tasted. So expect you will go through some pain, some divine instrumented circumstances, refining and training before you will see the regeneration take deep roots. All circumstances will provide a way for The Lord Jesus to take you through a polishing process which will smooth away rough edges of 11

character. I know for myself the painful times have provided a way to cause me not to remain ignorant of His Biblical instructions on how to live His lifestyle as one set apart in His Kingdom. So I have taken the suffering and held onto “this is not going to last forever this too will pass.” So hang in there this journey’s waves will wash over you, they will beat against that boat; they will calm down, and they will lull you into peace and joy. But know The Sovereign One will not let that boat capsize and will He let those waters drown you, He has you He knows and has your best interest at heart.


It took me too many years to realize that you cannot please everyone and what you do right someone will think you have done wrong; then what you have done wrong someone will praise you for it and say it was right. Truth is you will never please everyone, so we do not live our life to please mankind but to live and be before God our Lord and Savior. I thought the people in the church were saints who had never done anything legally wrong. But sin is in the hearts of those in the church, Satan has his seat in the church, and Satan has his seat in various parts of the heart of God’s people and to date us included. I was so amazed that he and can and does work very easily through many in the church that I thought they needed an etiquette manual on how to behave! So I have to tell you if you are expecting to be in a perfect church, Bible College, woman’s group, home group or other church group you need to lower your expectations and receive unto yourself a reality check you won’t find one and there are many bad mannered saints attending these groups. Another lesson I learnt the hard way was ‘we are not in a popularity contest;’ we are not to pursue to be loved by every Tom Dick or Harry or Jill, Jane or Jackie because it will never happen. We have faults they have faults and people will always find fault in you and me no matter whom they are. The person of the flesh will always persecute the person of the Spirit; the flesh, the immature babe will always judge from their own sight than with the sight of The Spirit of Righteousness (John 7:24, 8:15). The envious, the jealous, the prideful will always find some type of criticism to speak your way and, so it is with the carnal side of all of us if 12

we let it rule. Until you are established in your heart that you serve Him to please Him, you will always be tossed to and fro when people speak against you or correct you or ignore you or are not overjoyed to see and receive you. Maturity is a process, and painful process when we continue to keep an attitude of me, myself and I’s what we wants and needs and selfish aspirations self-focusing and on what others think, judge or say pains will remains; pain will remain, anger, bitterness, disappointment and grief will remain. As Paul said, “I cannot speak to you as spiritual ones, but as to fleshly ones, as to babes in Christ.” (1 Corinthians 3:1) Contentment with Godliness is of great gain (1 Timothy 6:6), yes gain, it has to be gained, and learnt (Philippians 4:11). We grow up in Godliness the ways of our Lord and Savior to become more like Him, not more like natural person who is without God and darkened in their minds. We have to make the transition or we make the digression, so it’s either light or darkness, Spirit of flesh. “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is –his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Romans 12:2 NIV If we refuse to come to Him to have life (John 5:39-40) and are not willing to give our life or our whole heart to Jesus we will not become more like Him or know Him in His fullness (1 Corinthians 2:2; Galatians 6:14) neither will we come out of immaturity or carnal ways, so we need to digest this way of life and walk there in it. “We know that our old self was crucified with him so that the sinful body might be destroyed, and we might no longer be enslaved to sin.” Romans 6:6 We are in the Kingdom of God; this is the reality so we may as well get our thinking into line with Kingdom living Kingdom Requirements Kingdom expectations as those who belong and walk in His Kingdom here on earth. Much a time you will have to tell your flesh and sometimes daily when it wants its own carnal desires “no flesh you do not live like the uncircumcised, you are conforming to righteousness you are growing up whether you like it or not, you are in the Kingdom so sit down and shut up and remain in the boat and do it His way.”



I have hated much a time His Sovereignty in my sufferings in the way He has allowed the deception of darkness to torment, vex and bring grief and trauma to my soul. But if it were not for what I had to endure I would never have come to the authority and knowledge and strength I stand in today; for warfare is as much a part of life as eating food and drinking water. How did I know The Sovereign One’ was in my sufferings? It came clear to me that even though it was not His will to experience what I went through He revealed that there was a spiritual purpose from His sovereignty. He designed many situations and repeated circumstances for His eternal plans and purposes to unfold in my life for His Kingdom’s good. It came to me when I read that Laban gave Jacob Leah when the agreement in the natural was for Rachel to be his first wife. But the Sovereignty of God was for Leah to be the first wife. Because from Leah was to come two of the most important tribes of Israel, Judah, and Levi. Judah was to be powerful in political leadership and Levi to be powerful in spiritual leadership. From Leah maidservant Zilpah, who was given to Jacob when he married Leah came several of the tribes of Israel. In keeping with ancient Middle Eastern culture, the maidservant of a barren wife was also to be given to her husband. Rachel was barren; therefore, Bilhah was given to bear Jacob children as a substitute. Again this was the sovereignty of God to cause Rachel to be barren so as from four women He would bring forth the different people from children twelve tribes of Israel would come forth. Leah brought forth: Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Judah, Issachar, and Zebulun. Those from Zilpah were Gad and Asher. From Bilhah came Dan and Naphtali. From Rachel came Joseph and Benjamin. 2. [Boaz, 1999:117]



As it has been said by many: “the rest of your life is going to be the best of your life.” Your beginning was not in vain He knew your days before you lived them, and He knows your days tomorrow before you live them. He knows your greatest defeats are His greatest victories that He will outwork in your life. As it had also been coined before “I know I had a bad start, but I am going to have a great finish.” Life’s past experiences do not always mean He has ordained those past afflictions or those things that happened against your will and control. Why, because as a piece of fruit has seed to keep producing after its kind so does a woman’s womb. For some people, yes He has ordained their gender and has planned way, way, way in advance for His Kingdom plans and purposes before they have been born (Jeremiah 1:5). But this is not so with all human beings Christian or non-Christian on the face of the earth. There are billions perishing, would He ordain some in their mother’s womb to be judged for a lake of fire, and some not to be. No, it is His will that no one should perish, but all to come to everlasting life. Predestination that God placed all those who are Christians today in their mother’s womb is heresy; some have been born into utter horror, pain, misery, devastation and shame and die with great emotional and physical scars. Would He have known? Of course He knows the hearts of that family, their generational transgressions and current transgressions, His angels have been watching them for centuries and in books are these records (Psalm 56:8, 139:16). He gave free choice to all people plus He put the law in place of reproduction - a piece of fruit produces after its kinds by its seeds, a woman, and man produces after their kind by seed; it’s the cycle of life that God has ordained to take place; just like He has put in place a law of sowing and reaping and the moon to rule by night and the sun by day so will a woman’s womb bear children and a man produce seed after his own kind.


Take heart as it has been said before that “the rest of your life is going to be the best of your life” and “what the devil meant for harm God will use it for good.”


Circumstances are temporal and seasonal, and this may be your season to lie down (Psalms 23:2). Recall there is a greater power on the inside of you than the outside working in your life against you. Look up your redemption is nigh you are almost at your season to sit up then He will stand you up that temptation will not have the strength it used to have. “Don’t weep over this stuff” ‘The Sovereign One’ is at work for the welfare of your future, He knows your heart He knows your destiny and he knows what causations have brought forth homosexual attraction. Forgive yourself put on fresh linen and take hold of His hand and allow Him to lead you on.


If you are waiting for healing to happen overnight to bring you happiness, that’s not His timing. Your moment of acceptance is right now in the waiting not in when tomorrow comes. As hard as it is as painful to the emotions we have to become slaves of righteousness and learn to become content. As you yield in agreement for the power of The Holy Spirit to bring fruit forth (Philippians 4:11; 1 Timothy 6:6; Hebrews 13:5) you will get the rest and or peace for your soul. Then the attractions that remain will not burden you or lie to you that there is no hope of change or contentment with a Christ life.


If Paul was betrayed and was wounded by church members and he was a man of position, power, and popularity you can be sure so will you. “Make haste to come to me shortly; for Demas deserted me, 16

loving the present age; 14. Alexander the coppersmith showed many evil things to me. The Lord will give to him according to his works. 15. You also guard against him, for he greatly resisted our words. 16. In my first defense, no one was beside me, but all deserted me. May it not be reckoned to them. 17. But the Lord stood with me and gave me power, that through me the preaching might be fulfilled, and all the nations might hear. And I was delivered out of the mouth of the loin.” 2 Timothy 4:9-10, 14-17 We have to learn to live and serve in the moment, like Paul “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” Philippians 4:11


He will cover you in your brokenness that hinders you that which is holds you back from getting to the other side. Let The Spirit bring the life of God to you at the very point you know that hurts today. This will bring you peace that it’s ok to be where you are at. Let Him cause you to go the distance and rise above your storm that the brokenness in your mind and emotions is raining down. For today, He has a now word right into your spirit: I am Faithful, Merciful, Kind and Loving, I am for you, not against you. Contrary to what the demons repeat over and over again He is for you and wants to give grace, grace, and more grace. Open the eyes of my heart Lord Jesus and let me see clearly, open my ears greatly to hear You today, let this fresh anointing be released for me, Amen.


Jonah never expected to be in a whale for not obeying the voice of God’s direction. What kind of whale are you in today because you have taken yourself off the road to Nineveh? Are you miserable, unhappy and resisting the call on your life? Turn about face then get on your face and go for grace. 17

“I surrender Jesus enable me today to walk by Your grace.”


‘The Testing One’ can and does bring forth circumstances to test your heart, your faith, your love, your obedience, your faithfulness, and growth - but not in all cases so check with The Holy Ghost or the demons will run roughshod over your heart and mind having you blaming God so as to defame His character and Name. However, trials, tribulations, temptations and sanctification it is all part of the Christian lifestyle but consider as painful as the crucified life is what other lifestyle offers life such understanding, peace, joy and power to do everyday things and who else gives life eternally? Abraham had his test when he was commanded to give Isaac as a sacrifice. Joseph’s tribulations were many but brought him forth to set him up to be in a position to deliver the future heads of the twelve tribes of Israel – the Patriarchs from famine. Daniel had his faith tested in the lion’s den and became as like a Prime Minister. Esther had to surrender her life at the risk of being killed for her Jewish nation. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego stood their test of faithfulness in a furnace of fire. “God withdrew from Hezekiah in order to test him and to see what was really in his heart.” 2 Chronicles 32:31 God revealed, so as to prepare him for more responsibility. If you are serious for God take your current circumstances AND EMBRACE THEM; YOU WILL BE GIVEN ‘GRACE TO EMBRACE’ see them as opportunities for your growth and on a bigger scale He is at work for His Kingdom’s redemptive plan and purpose. Enable Him to give you awareness of the condition of your heart for better and for the worse. Let your circumstances let Him reveal your weaknesses that need His strength and grace and His capacity to change your heart. Let them give Him the opportunity to take up FULL residence in the brokenness of your heart, the self-sufficiency of your will, the protective walls, and the overwhelming loss you feel. Allow them to enable Him to provide a way out. Let Him delight Himself in you to Covenant you through them. When you make it 18

through the process of your flesh, you will see the purpose and as it has been said before “you are in training for reigning.” “Even if you think you can stand up to temptation, be careful not to fall. You are tempted in the same way that everyone else is tempted. But God can be trusted not to let you be tempted too much, and he will show you how to escape from your temptations.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-13 “If you can’t be trusted with this wicked wealth, who will trust you with true wealth? And if you can’t be trusted with what belongs to someone else, who will give you something that will be your own? Luke 16:11-12 ___________________________________________________________ CORRECTION IS NOT REJECTION

You will come across this often in your youth in Christ for when someone in authority has to correct you, you will have considered your heart, not theirs in offensive retaliation. Sometimes those in authority over us can correct according to their own sinful perception, not out of the will of Jesus. Or sometimes they correct without first building up, without speaking in love and sensitivity without considering their fleshly correction can crush the soul and open the door for grief and the condemnation of the enemy. But recall Galatians 6:3 “If anyone thinks to be something, he deceives himself, being nothing.” Galatians 6:3 The beginning of that verse reads: “Brothers, if a man is taken in some fault, you, the spiritual ones, restore such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering yourself, that you not also be tempted, Bear one another’s burden’s, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:1-2 What we sow we will also reap; God’s correction comes upon those who fleshly correct. “Do not be deceived, God is not mocked. For the one sowing to his flesh will reap corruption of the flesh. But the one sowing to the Spirit will reap everlasting life from the Spirit.” 19

“But we should not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap, if we do not faint. So, then, as we have time, let us work good toward all, and especially toward the household of the faith.” Galatians 6:7-10


At the other end of the spectrum, when we rightly should be corrected! When we are taken in some fault, we press on to take it as a “comeback, not a setback.” We look at it as an opportunity for “building blocks, not an offensive stumbling blocks” or a “Stepping stone than a stumbling stone.” 3. [Paula White: 2008] I do not recall who spoke this counsel, however, I do recall receiving it from Sid Roth’s ministry. “We look at what is the lesson we can learn out of this. What sin or sins have we committed that need to be put on the altar to be brought to death by The Holy Spirit? What commands do we need to renew our mind with so as to obey? What blessing can come out of this to enjoy? Is there a precept and is there a promise a Proverb to run with? Is there a new mindset to carry with us?” If you have lost heart that you were corrected, let it go, let it go and let Him turn it around for your blessing and let it be for your growth. “…we should not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we shall reap, if we do not faint. So, then, as we have time, let us work good toward all, and especially toward the household of the faith.” Galatians 6:9-10

A WORD RIGHTLY SPOKEN _______________________________________________________ “The answer from the tongue is from the Lord”

Proverbs 16:1

“The tongue of the just is as choice silver;” Proverbs 10:20


“A word rightly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.” Proverbs 25:11 “The law of the wise is a fountain of life” Proverbs 13:14 “The words of a man’s mouth are like deep waters; the fountain of wisdom like a flowing brook.” Proverbs 18:4 Receiving corrections can be like taking a drink from the fountain of a flowing brook. It can be healing for us other than a crush to the spirit. “A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it is a break of the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4 Once I was told by my Pastor not to share as much at her women’s meeting (Women of Wisdom) for she wanted to draw out those who are quiet and who share very little. Being new at this church, it was my second woman’s meeting, and she cut me off several times with the comment “we need to keep an eye on the time” Admittedly I was moreover in brokenness and sin, the pride of my heart that wanted to bless and share the abundance of knowledge I have for the edification of the body and to be so accepted for self I talked too much. In January 2007, I was not in ministry, still in training for reigning, still in preparation in Holy Ghost’s school and a little too eager to be placed and positioned for progress. So out of the correction I had seen my flesh has to submit yet again! This was the pain, not the correction, not the truth of my sinfulness, but more flesh, more of me has to come under the reign of the Holy Spirit. My tongue has to yield; my chains of righteousness have become tighter for service to The Master will. My spontaneity cannot be as spontaneous as I would like. My words in certain situations need to be timely not spontaneous. “A man has joy by the answer of his mouth; and how good is a word in its season! Proverbs 15:23 “In the abundance of words transgression does not cease; but one restraining his lips is prudent.” Proverbs 10:19 “There is a time to keep silence, and a time to speak.” Ecclesiastics 3:7


Submission, submission and more submission! I do not want to submit or willingly die; neither do I want to bring death to my tongue. But what shall I do then? “Therefore, my child, you be empowered by grace in Christ Jesus. And what things you heard from me through many witnesses, commit these things to faithful men, such as will be competent also to teach others.” 2 Timothy 2:1-2 The beauty out of this for me is “The answer from the tongue is from the Lord” it has forced me to go into the Spirit at meetings than the knowledge within my flesh. Therefore, I will be a greater blessing, sharing that which comes from the prompting of Holy Spirit than the compulsion of the corrupt, sinful nature or my brokenness. So what seemed to be a correction became a complement.


Josephs coat was tailored made for him. No one else was or could have worn that coat. What thread is wound through your coat? Are you a Pastor of wounded hurting broken people who will not bear any fruit or a congregation of stiff religious people who are so righteous that they don’t have any issues, but see it in others? What about you, are you tired of people hurting you wanting to run your life, order your home and contents? Have you had enough of encountering in every church those who hurt you when you trust them? Have you had enough of the hypocrites, those who live like a saint on Sunday and a devil from Monday to Saturday or just put on the church face? Recall Jesus said, “Not everyone who says to me Lord, Lord will enter the kingdom of God” There is a coat that your Father has given you, you personally, a coat only you can wear. Don’t cast it off now, pick it back up and put it on and live, live, live and let these words prophetically speak to you live, live, live. Let Him breathe life back into you to walk again wearing your coat of many colors. Your coat is for you, concern yourself, not with other coats; they wear their coat and if they choose to take it off Monday to Saturday or whenever they want to put the act on or when they come to church on 22

Sunday with it slung over the shoulder other than wearing and walking in it, let Him deal with their hearts. They are responsible for their choices; you are responsible for your choices. If someone has mistreated, you they are responsible for their actions and they are accountable before God.” God is not mocked what they sow they will reap.” We will never avoid people anywhere and recall no group exists without conflict or offensive people who say one thing and do another. “Get wisdom, get insight; (RSV) and with all thy getting get understanding.” (Proverbs 4:5-7 KJ) Make an effort to work through why you want to leave the church and why you have had enough of Christianity? There is a mantle upon you; there is a coat that your Father has made especially for you, woven with the threads of your personal journey; the pathway ordained for you - either on a small or big the scale or an in between for His Kingdom plans and purposes you have a purpose and God has that plan and purpose especially for you and you alone. “I should have”, “I didn’t” “if only” “Maybe” “Why didn’t I” “How come” “She did” “He did this.” When “we get understanding” (Proverbs 2:11) we can move on to live, not in yesterday but for today. We learn from our past and receive healing from our past. Time does heal, yet the paradox is time may not heal. Memory recall is always within our makeup and always will need to be renewed with His principles of living, so it lessens its impact. We do not have to receive a disability pension for our past, or a mindset of powerlessness because of the reasons why we have come to have enough of Christianity. We are not powerless to “get understanding” we are not powerless without perception. If we can perceive the bad, we can perceive the good. Then we can start again, yes, pick up that coat and put it on and wear it and walk in it once again and if that is one step at a time or little steps at a time or giant steps at a time we can do it, we can start again. That’s the good news; we have the understanding indwelling us, a gift that is new every morning.


Reach in that pocket, wisdom is in one pocket and understanding in the other. Healing lines your coat, woven through all the threads all the stitching is the fullness of God to enable you, equip you, teach you, love you, counsel you, train you, bless you, elevate you, honor you, grace you, keep you, step you, walk you or even somersault you to fly. When you wear your coat you wear Him; The author and finisher of your life; ‘The One’ who walks with you in that coat so learn of His ways, walk in His ways; take His yoke that is His teaching and His burden that is light that is the power for the outworking of His teaching. He is the designer of your coat; He who tailored made it just for you to outlive His kingdom plans and purposes. When you grasp kingdom living victory is yours, righteousness is yours, peace is your, His life is yours, joy is yours His blessings are yours He has ordained for your life.


Jesus never told us to get up in the morning and firstly put on our title of Apostle, Prophet, Prophetess, Teacher, Pastor or Leader. He said put on the whole armor or God because the battle will be on every day of our life. If you are allowing the people with titles in your circles to get the victory over your view of your inner self, remember we all have to put on the whole armor. We are all robed in righteousness; all have been given the garment of light and all stand in Covenant. We all have Kingly authority. We all stand before Him in the same clothing wearing the same sword, the same helmet, same shield, same shoes, same breastplate and same girdle (Ephesians 6:10-18). We are all new creatures, born again and sealed with the Holy Spirit. We are all looked at as good enough through the blood of Jesus Christ as a righteous born again spirit person. Have you ever come into a group, a BBQ, a time of fellowship and felt inadequate or childish beside those with titles? I have, but I have moved beyond as we are all His people on the same mission in different fields. We are all loved by Him who governs His Kingdom we are all born again. Get on with your walk in The Spirit and what His Spirit wills of you personally and be true to your heart and be true to yourself and guard your heart. Then happier and more relaxed you will be around any of your brothers and sisters with a title. He believes in you; He knows what He sees in you. He loves and 24

knows your natural abilities. He loves you for you, just who you are. He sees you by your born again spirit person, not by the natural, carnal, sinful self that falls or tries to be holy or who bends over backward to please Him. But by the born again blood bought saint that you are.


“Love has patience, is kind; love is not envious; love is not vain, is not puffed up; does not behave indecently; does not pursue its own things; is not easily provoked; thinks no evil; does not rejoice over wrong, but rejoices with the truth; quietly covers all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things; love never fails.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 I know it is easier to say then to do “love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4) especially when someone in our church in authority seems unfair and has offended us. The hard part is God has put them in authority over us. But I found over the years by not retaliating into a critical spirit or a spirit of defense if I yielded to Love that is Jesus to love them, Love was then patient, and Love was kind and Love endured until Holy Spirit brought about change in both our hearts. By choice forgive them, yield to give grace and respond with Love. Love is finding a way to move towards them to embrace them instead of avoiding them or never hugging them again. It is the only way to rise above the flesh and the works of spirits who love any opportunity to keep us in sin. In the anointing of Holy Spirit is the place to yield to grace and to go back talking with them. Yield to grace and embrace it for the journey is long and if we don’t learn how to do church and how walk in Him we will turn from the church or make excuses why we don’t have to commit.


When someone has offended you or you have taken offense it will be difficult to be near him or her. You may sit on the same side, so you don’t have to look at their face or when they pass you by you will look the other way. When you have not worked through an offense, you will no longer 25

go to their house church, their women’s meeting or attend any invitation. You may even choose to leave the church and find another one! Or you may stay away and no longer attend their house church or the women’s group or if you are that offended you won’t even go to church. It was my last meeting together with the women’s group once and being a member of this particular church as The Lord has called me out from being under the spiritual network over the church and sent me to belong to a small fellowship just starting up I took great offense. I felt this person who ran the women’s meeting and also our cell group said things to me at times that were not truths about my heart and from her flesh and the attacks of the demonic control working through her came many a comment. I prayed against the spiritual network at times, and I worked through stuff when I did take offense and always I moved back each time to love her and accept her in The Spirit and Love of the brethren and most of all understanding sin structures and demonic activity. Overall I really did like this woman, she reminded me of my mother and a woman I once knew and she was likable. But this last meeting I had enough at what seems she just had to insult me and put me down once again. The week prior I had been called into the senior Pastor’s office. She did not like the expression in how I spoke to her in front of the other women at the women’s group which I believe the intent of my heart was not rude or demeaning – to which the Senior Pastor said anyway there was no guile in me. I did not even have an issue with her to speak alone to her anyway, but I felt backed in a corner by her and others deciding for me that I should marry. Or maybe it was because, at the home cell group, I objected in too much emotion against a doctrine the devil has peddled against the church and robbed them of their rightful power. Do I know what issue was her concern? So I sat the same side she did, avoided looking at her and did not want to reach out in the Love of The Spirit or any understanding and forgiveness. At the end of our women’s group’s lunch break up I had to move towards her to embrace her to say good-bye and thank her for being a blessing in my life which I sincerely meant, but I did it with hesitation. I was not expecting her again to hit a nerve, but she did! “Oh He is probably moving you on from our church so you can learn in a little church first if you don’t like to get close to people; because some people who belong to large churches like it as they do not have to get close to anyone.”


Her statement was again far from the truth like most of those she threw my way; I was there to connect and make a friend(s) that was a reason I gave up a day's work to be at her women’s meeting. To which when I left that day only one woman came over to me and said goodbye. So not only that she put me down again as was the ‘norm’ then build me up then and there and recognize the gifts on my life – yes I can see the pride of wanting to be commended for the gifts on my life she had seen operate through me! But I thought she just had to say something insensitive and untrue again than edifying or encouraging. At that time, I was glad I did not have to be near this woman or belong to her groups anymore. I can walk in love and walk in forgiveness and move on after dealing with an offense, but this woman just seemed to target me and cause offense on purpose. There was much a time I wanted to run from her insults and presence “What arrow is she going to fly at me this time?” Then “I wonder what reason can she find to have me up before the Sanhedrin again to bow me down to bring me under her control!” There are times when we are justified when we are offended times when we have been sinned against. But sometimes their sin has to be Jesus’ business, and He may not will for us to confront them but move on past the offensive behavior towards us and know He is and will deal with them. As we mature in discerning His voice, we will know if we have to confront anyone, as opposed to forgiving in the power of The Spirit of Christ Jesus. I recall Samuel, God put him under the Priest Eli, who was not that perfect, but he was to honor and submit to that authority over him. So may it be with us at certain times as Jesus has the time when He will confront their sin structures. The truth is hurting people hurt people, insecurity wants to guard a ministry position, jealously does not give in or give way to the gifted, the flesh wants to build its own kingdom and own their group, rejection has to be loved and accepted, control needs to have and see submission and reduce you mindless and have everyone all alike, no spontaneity, no personality. Sin and iniquity are part of our nature and insensitive men and women will always be with us and at some stage over us. So we will have to learn firstly to deal with all offense and offensive people and forgive no matter if they are at fault or if we have some sin or blame in it, or their comments to us hit the secret places of the heart that bring denial and things into the light to be dealt with by The Holy Ghost.


But needless to say to God they stand, to God they will fall, or to God they will be forgiven or to God they will be corrected. God is not mocked we reap what we sow. Sow to the flesh and we will receive corruption; the corruption of demonic strongholds, infirmity, unhappiness, sickness or maybe it will end up in disease if we choose to nurture and stay bonded to iniquity. Jesus is able to deal with His servants, no matter if it seems they are getting away with sin and offending us. He did eventually catch up with Eli, and it came straight from Him, not Samuel. “For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.” Colossians 3:25 NASB “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience,…” Ephesians 5:6 “according to the ruler of the authority of the air, the spirit now working in the sons of disobedience.” Ephesians 2:2 “Then being conceived lust brings forth sin. And sin being fully formed brings forth death.” James 1:15


Do you know what? You can let other people be right; it is the Christ-life to allow people the glory of being right even if you think they are wrong! When you are listening to others, and negativity is rising up in you or criticism according to your beliefs make a conscience choice to start taking those thoughts captive so you can replace that habit with a new habit of walking in love. Humility starts in the mind; we cannot go on thinking we know it all, and everyone else has got it wrong. Teachableness is a requirement of the Christ life and a fruit He wills to birth in us and a fruit that needs to be produced in and through us. You won’t sacrifice any of your inner notoriety by being a listener rather than a criticizer. You may even find yourself overall more relaxed than worried! 28

When your criticism and negativity have been brought to death you come into agreement with Him to put off the works of the flesh, so then you are becoming more in His image.


“Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples: “The teachers of the law and the Pharisees sit in Moses’ seat. So you must obey them and do everything they tell you. But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach. They tie up heavy loads and put them on men’s shoulders, but they themselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” Matthew 23:1-5 It is no different to today to the people in the church –lighten Up. When you have had enough of Christianity, enough of Church, enough of the Pastors and leaders, enough of those in the congregation just let The Spirit of Christ Jesus bring to your remembrance the scripture.


When we have jealousy towards others we always act like those fed on milk. We blame; we want; we feel; we get mad than we are angry with God and angry with others in the family of God. When jealous we want what someone else has, so dissatisfaction will be our bread and unfairness will be our perception and flight will be our action to closed doors and the rotten fruit of false securities. Maybe your old fruits were gossip or criticism or lust so don’t let jealousy cause you to go there or go leaving church or leaving God especially if these are your flights of escape. I know matters get worse we will have no peace and an unsettled mind as we will be digesting over and over in our mind the scenario of what they said and what we said. Keep processing the offense and keep surrendering it to Him until you are at peace with yourself and Him. 29

___________________________________________________________ IT’S NOT FAIR!!!

When coming from the opinion it is not fair; recall Jesus did not make all of us Apostles or all of us Prophets or all of us Teachers. Neither did He give to every believer the gift of tongues or the gift of interpretation of tongues or the utterance of wisdom or the utterance of knowledge or the working of miracles or the ability to distinguish between spirits (1 Corinthians 12:4-11), but to some as He willed. Recall we are all part of one body, we cannot all be ears; we cannot all be eyes, but we have to be a whole body functioning as a whole body. It may seem unfair that His will was for you to be an ear and you want to be a mouth; but God has arranged the body to depend upon each other and to work alongside and with each other, not to be a sole eye, “if the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?” 1 Corinthians 12:17 When we jealously desire to be a nose, and we were given to be an ear or we were ordained from the womb of our mother to be an organ, and we want to be a mouth it is not righteous unfairness. We cannot up and leave a church or up and leave God because we could have done a better job of planning the overall Kingdom Government than He could of by mantling ourselves with the call of Apostle, Pastor, Teacher or women’s group leader. God playing is a mindset we often have, we then think we are the Alpha and the Omega and know how to govern His church better and know how to accurately advance the Kingdom of God by choosing what mantle we should have or what gifts we should have and what mantles and gifts to strip jealously from others to put upon ourselves. Most times we think, feel and act this way out of our brokenness and the sin structures that The Spirit of The Lord has not brought to death (Romans 8:13) of rejection, inadequacy, insecurities, pride, fantasy, wanting to be loved, accepted, popular or lust or a greed for money and power sin structure. Knowing this knowledge and seeing this in our heart helps us to accept He has ordained our call according to His good will and pleasure and He is capable of having the Government upon His shoulders to run 30

His Kingdom according to His redemptive plans and purposes, not us being the walking and talking Holy Ghost’s. So give it up and give it over, time to let it die.


When the sunsets on jealousy, anger envy and bitterness will come with evil (Ephesians 4:26; 2 Corinthians 2:11; James 3:16) you can guarantee this. Devils will be gaining an advantage over your soul and will bring more defilement to His temple to heap upon this sin of jealousy. What is sin? The transgression of the laws of God. “Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law; for sin is the transgression of the law.” 1 John 3:4 KJ Selfish mindsets look at self’s desires and what is best for self’s will than His desire or His will for others and the overall picture. Jesus Christ our Rabbi teaches us to live for each other, to be and live as a called out community living for one another. He wills for us to live as a family who bears one another’s burdens, who lift each other up to become fully formed in what He has called each of us to be. If you are in a Spirit-filled church, He is not going to strip someone of his or her ministry position for no reason or because you think you’re ‘the man’ or want to be “God’s woman of power for the hour.” He teaches us to think more highly of others than ourselves, but still to think highly of ourselves. He teaches us to want the best for our brothers and sisters than to jealously want their gifts, calling or lifestyle. The plans and purposes He has for their lives in turn are for our edification, our learning, our growing, and our blessings. To keep the lies and deception of devils away from our thoughts, our mind will need to be renewed until such truths are written on the heart. The healing balm of Gideon will need to be applied, and light shed upon the brokenness to bring to health sick mindsets. Like all strongholds they need to be dismantled, each fort has to be taken little by little until we conquer and rebuild it according to righteous living, righteous mindsets. Little by little He will do this when we agree to yield this unhealthy mindset to Him for Him to heal. 31


The parable of the worker in the vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16) the one who worked all day received a denarius and there was the one who worked only an hour a day also received a denarius, does this seem fair? No. It does not seem fair how He distributed the same amount of money for a full day’s labor to an hour’s labor! Not at all but if we look upon Him as One who keeps a promise and as One who is generous and giving blessings when it is not earned or deserved we can see it in a new light. When we see someone who seems more blessed than us consider we also have received many a blessing when we did not deserve it; we also have received many a blessing when we did not earn it and to all it has come by promise. To want for us to be the only one who is blessed and not someone else is the self-centered will at work. But when we take time to pray and ask Jesus to teach us in all our circumstances, whether they be thoughts, feelings or actions we will receive much more peace and contentment with Christianity and those in the Church. Truth is life is unfair and you can think “why was I not born with a silver spoon in my mouth?” “Why was I not King David?” “Why was I not Joyce Myer?” “Why was I not Pastor or Leader or Prophetess?” “Why am I not accepted in the inner circles?” “Why was I not born with a mission that my name would be up in lights?” “Why were my books not published for the whole world to see. “Why did he win money when I have labored in His fields waiting for the promise of my inheritance, and he is not even in covenant?” God has ordained for us an individual plan and purpose in His whole redemptive work. Learning how to be content as Paul, the Apostle had to, is also what we have to do no matter what part of the body He has given to us individually. “Cease the day!” “Enjoy your day.” “Enjoy, where you are at it, could be worse!” It’s not that easy is it? No, but Jesus will cause us to be content so we can cease the day and enjoy the call and body part He has ordained us to have. God is able to change His individual plan and purpose for our lives, but firstly we need to accept we are to serve Him in the now. Serve Him in the moment, in the circumstances and calling we are in and agree to allow Him to mold and create the newness for a new wineskin. 32

But stay real, if you are not to be ordained and or commissioned to be in the limelight or on stage or seen or heard in some shape or form than that is to be your reality and He won’t be changing the direction of your life. Jesus cause my heart to be content with who I am in Your body ministry and my calling, Amen. You may surrender all of yourself, cry out for the fire of God, allow Him to take you to the threshing floor, be as wheat dying, pray in tongues for two hours a day straight seven days a week twelve months a year and He may still not give you a Ministry, a position of Prophetess, Pastor, Leader or a great TV Preacher, Evangelist or Teacher. But I know you will receive a throne (Revelation 3:21) to reign with Him a thousand years because you overcome your flesh, the devil and made the decision to love the Lord with all your heart and all your soul and all your resources. Serving Him for Him, serving Him out of the abundance of gratitude and thanksgiving has far more rewards in heaven and the now than living your life wanting to be seen and heard and someone else. Ministry is all around you when you daily give yourself and forget about seeing what’s in it for you and how you can be seen by others as ‘a somebody’ and one who is liked, popular, talented and gifted. I attended the monthly meeting for Israel and yearly they give out flowers to those who have worked on the bookshop, who have served the morning tea and lunches and to those who had been in the obvious ministry positions. I went to these meeting, and I allowed Him to minister through me to whoever He wills. Most times I got stuck with the ‘blue rinses’ so as to just take time to listen and share His atmosphere of love with them or to pray with them, and I’d pick up rubbish off the floor. Now not once did they give me a rose or a mention of being in ministry but I was in ministry, and I was content. I know my blessing will come from Him in the now and most assuredly in heaven to come. I have to be content with where I’m at in Him and what He wills to do through me at those meetings and most of all today and with the call and direction He has ordained personally for my life if I don’t I just eat rotten fruit and I am sad and unhappy. I do admit I am still learning to be content I am learning to accept the ugliness of church of behavior, but what can you do? Do we leave, do we rebel, do we quit because the church people are carnal moreover than spiritual? No, it’s just one big family of sibling rivalry! 33

It is far better to go with the flow Jesus has planned for our lives than to go with the plan the flesh and the devil have for our lives. After all, we serve one Master, the Lord Jesus Christ; we do not want to be like other who give cause to put their own army against each other. To He alone do we give our service, and our obedience and we go to church to meet Him and do His will there and hear what He has to say to us through others. In this, we are truly being born again from above.


If you need to talk to someone when you have had enough of Church, it helps you to let go of it. Not only does it do this but also it will always show you your own heart, for out of the mouth the heart speaks. You will hear if your thoughts and you will know which ones are false, self-centered or jealous or prideful. You will know if you have been digesting the enemy’s lies and their same old, same ole junk you have been listening to for ages, maybe even a lifetime! So don’t hesitate to share your heart with a friend, confess your heart before a prayerfully sought brother or sister as it will help you move on and see where your mind needs to renew, and your flesh brought to death by His Spirit, and to make yourself happy again.


When we idolizing think more highly of ourselves (Romans 12:3), than others we are demanding the honor our flesh thinks it deserves. When we think too highly of ourselves, by feeling not appreciated or not receiving accolades we deserve than a prideful value is on our self. Then, on the other hand, if we are thinking too little of ourselves than we are and not realizing the honor given in the gifts talents or ministry opportunities He has laid upon us to walk in us also are idolizing our self.


We all have uniqueness and value and worth, despite the measure of gifting, mantles or ministries He has given to us, so lighten up and surrender it up. Embrace your call as unique and personal. Embrace your gifts that are personally suited to you to reveal Him, His Kingdom’s plan and purpose for your walk with Him. These are life’s lessons you can learn the hard way or learn by knowledge and allow Jesus to write it on your heart, this way you are not going to backslide you’re not going to leave the church or walk away from the faith of Jesus Christ.


Consider this. Jesus made all different looking peoples in the earth; He made nine colors in the rainbow and He caused desert places to remain and has vast angry oceans. Not only that but He has made a variety of all things and a variety of places and none of us are really identically the same He has given us all our own fingerprints we are individuals. How good is that This is like the variety of His Gifts He gives to us by the same Spirit as The Spirit wills, but the same God who activates all of them in everyone (1 Corinthians 12:4-6). Being jealous, being envious leaving the church or being a sulk or getting depressed is ignorance of these truths in 1 Corinthians. Also, it is not accepting the truth of His Word or His Sovereignty of His Godhood. When the rubber hits the road, you are not accepting yourself in your individuality. I’m not talking about the sexual brokenness but the created mortality you walk in the fingerprint of your existence. Move on move on with Him and He will bring you forth to remain in Him and His ways and to enjoy His lifestyle – He loves you.


Jesus is the dressmaker He has fitted you out with the attire He wills for you and most of all He is the One who looks upon you. He is our audience; He is our designer, and He is the One who walks us in what He has dressed us to wear. 35

He wills you to be you; He is designing you to be you. Not to be like the old you and especially not to be someone else or to wear a mask of Sister Sally of Brother Bob. Someone once coined and said, “Destiny is calling you.” And destiny is calling you, embrace Him and go with Him for He will bring you forth into the newness of life that is yours by promise.


The old mindset says, “I can control my life” “I am in control of my life” “I can control life” “I’m in charge” “I’m the boss around here” “I’m the leader; I’m the leader of my life.” These are mindsets that need renewal and or need to be kept in check. When we believe God is not to be involved in every aspect of our lives or He does not care about this aspect or that aspect we have misunderstood being a child of our Father. We do not have to or need to look after ourselves; we have someone who Loves to look over us, someone who Loves to Father us. We have someone who wants to be involved in our life “The Spirit lusts over us” for involvement in our lives (Galatians 5:17). Misunderstanding God will cause us to want to flee people, flee church membership and flee relationship and obedience to Jesus. When we put ourselves above Him dissatisfaction will always come, and He uses this as a way to cause us to return to Him for He loves us. He loves us that much that He even takes the time to lust after us, to pursue us and if you see this - to even give us the bread of dissatisfaction. He is good, and His mercy endures forever.


Jealousy can be a root as to why we want to flee want to leave church want to turn that boat around and go back to the gay scene. You will know for you can see jealousy in: This life is not what I should be living when I see others living like an uncircumcised philistine;


Life has given me a raw deal; I was born into Christianity and cannot be like others who sin and have pleasures Others have better opportunities than me My life sucks I live in a dump and most others in the church live better I am not blessed as so and so. When we want to be that what we are not or have that what other have the subtlety of jealousy is at work. We are all the same struggling people who struggle with sin structures. Does not matter if we have been in the church since the womb of our mothers we all struggle to stay put even in the city and house we live in because of our fallen nature. So jealousy is a normal expression we will struggle with at some time or another. Some will have more; some will be exhumed with jealousy; some will see it and resist it as sin and some will have to have it brought to death by His Spirit (Romans 8:13) because it breeds a restlessness, unhappiness, and flight. Comparison will also bring with it “sickness of the soul” lack, loss of opportunity, no understanding, no wisdom, no insight and a distorted unhappiness with self and the desire to want to please your flesh, and we know what that means. We are all on the journey of healing and all in need of Him to search our hearts with His flashlight to bring forth unhealed area’s that keep us desiring to flee to bad fruit. So you can be assured when your flight is to jealousy the heart is in need of His flashlight for His counsel, stay with Him and keep your eyes on the other side, for you will get closer and closer that these fruits wither and die. Stay in the boat, yes, please stay in the boat He will row for you.



None of us can change anyone in our fleshly carnal nature unless we use iniquitous strategies. But as we have heard it said before “a person persuaded or manipulated from their opinion is still of the same opinion.” Jesus has not commissioned us to change the persona of other people and especially our husband or wife. Thinking oh, “I’ll change him” “I’ll alter her” “She’ll come round my way” “Just give her to me for a week I’ll change her.” Looking at those in the congregation, the pastors, the preachers, the reverends, the elders, and the prophet’s faults to want to change them is not our call. We cannot shape them up, turn them around, make them walk in our shoes or wear the size, color or cut of clothes we wear, they have free choice and free will as much as we do. This mindset will not make or keep you content or will you remain in any church or Christian group. God will never be what you want Him to be either and neither will Jesus. We all have to learn to love and accept God, Jesus and people for who they truly are warts and all; realities truths and all God is at work in them or on them. Disappointment and hurt will always be the fruit we eat when they don’t come up to our standard, our standard which is most times our personal opinion not necessarily the ‘norm’ or biblical. Jesus is the only One who can change anyone. It is by the working of His Spirit who brings to death our downfalls and or sin structures (Romans 8:14). This we have to yield and give Him permission or invite Him into these areas of our lives for change to come about for He is not going to willfully impose Himself upon us. Leaving because the people in the church don’t shape up or measure up to your standard is pride, deception and an opinion that opposes the Christ lifestyle and does need a reality check! It is a stronghold that needs to be handed over to Him so as to be demolished by His power, His Word, His wisdom, His knowledge. They don’t understand us or have they lived as we have and vice versa the shoe fits on the other foot. Keep that boat directed at the land on the other side for you will not be the person you are today you will be truly born from above, changed rearranged.



“No relationship exists long without tensions. No community continues long without conflicts. No human interaction occurs without the possibilities of pain, injury, suffering and alienation. The hurts are always there; the misunderstandings inevitably happen.” 4. [Augsburger, 1983:6] Forgiveness is alike, no hurt happens without the need to forgive, no conflict happens without the need to forgive; no suffering happens without the need to walk in forgiveness. Therefore, no forgiveness happens without relinquishing the need to judge, if not He cannot; that’s His right and His alone. “And if seven times of the day he sins against you, and seven times of the day turns to you saying, I repent; you shall forgive him.” Luke 17:4


Injustice is just as much a part of life as justice is. People hit and run; people hit and remain. Relationships have ups; relationships have downs. Trails come, and trials go, offensive people stay and offensive go and guess what? Offensive people remain in our lives for lengthy times. When left to our self the sinful nature abuses, exploits, criticizes abuses, violates, dominates and lusts out of control. The truth is, in all the world and most assuredly in churches there are people who sin by choice, sinful by desire, sinful by will. None of us can escape the reality of imperfections of people in the church or the sinful actions of people in the church. They will always let us down especially if we think they should be perfect or they should abide by The Word because human frailty and human flaws are the truth of Christians. We are frail; we have flaws, and we are not perfect at all, and if we expect this – come back to reality – what did you do today or yesterday


or last week or last month or last year that offended a brother or sister or Jesus? Consider yourself – look within, do you truly measure up to perfection, the ideal Christian, the ‘dead set’ spiritual one who lives according to righteous instructions and who knows it all and who walks by it all? No! Then release them and receive them and allow Him to keep working on you first and leave them to Him for in the end you won’t be able to get away with the excuse of Adam “it was the woman God - it was you God you gave her to me” truth is we have to take responsibility for our own reaction and especially our responses to people in the church. We can forgive and move on and remember we have received forgiveness so in turn we forgive and let Him deal with them and we keep our eyes on Him for He is teaching us how to live on the other side.


The blame the blame the blame may well be more in their court than ours, but if we fix our hearts like glue to you’re the blame and not me - ‘ouch’ we are not going to go far. Don’t forget to recognize it takes two and take responsibility and own up to your part in the circumstance. Pray for Jesus to shine His light on your hearts condition, so you don’t become blinded to the reality of the situation for you will eat rotten fruit. We all want to nurture unforgiveness longer than it needs to be nursed, but it is to our own detriment. Church is like living with sisters and brothers we blame them and blaming avoids recognition of our own faults. Blaming points the finger and dumps it at the other person’s feet to avoid dealing with self. Regardless of who is right or who is wrong or who is more wrong than right we are all called to walk in forgiveness and in love, and it’s a law. Until we deal or honestly face our own sin and see our own hearts condition in any circumstance at church denial and unforgiveness will remain and give us pain. Pain has voices – I want to leave the church I want to go back to the past.


Blaming won’t heal us neither will it alleviate pain or disappointment no it will not go away we have to face it. It will not go away if we leave church or turn that boat around and go back to the old life we take it with us. You are only going to have to get back in the boat anyway and maybe if you try to turn around Jesus will cause a big wave to come and capsize your boat and all this does is prolong your pain. Jesus says: “first, be reconciled to your brother, and then coming, offer your gift.” Matthew 5:24 “if seven times of the day the sins against you, and seven times of the day turns to you saying, I repent; you shall forgive him.” Luke 17:4 Sin happens; sin will always be with us within us and against us in circumstances, situations, people, places and things and especially from people in the church. The quicker you realize that people in church are not Jesus, the better for your journey. But recall it is not what we do alone for there is no power other than His power to enable us to forgive and continue to walk in forgiveness. Jesus I am willing to be made willing to forgive, today with what I have I choose to obey the truth of forgiveness, I am willing to continue to forgive this person with Your help. Jesus I surrender this area of my heart to you to enable me to forgive totally his / her offenses against me. Jesus I receive by faith Your Love to continue to forgive until I am settled in my heart that I have forgiven him / her, Amen.


As most writers agree, “Forgiveness is not a feeling; neither is it simply trying to forget the bad things done to us. It is an act of the will and heart; it is giving a person something they have not earned the right to have-pardon. Forgiveness acknowledges that we have been wronged but it goes beyond that and extends mercy.” 5. [McClung, 1993:59] Even if you feel they don’t deserve your forgiveness for their sins against you recall Jesus is The Judge and before Him they stand and He will one day catch up to them and don’t forget fixed spiritual laws are against them – sew what you reap, judge and be judged, forgive or you won’t be forgiven they will receive the consequences of the wrong. One day they will stand to hear either enter into eternal life or enter into eternal death. 41

Consider also, Jesus has not asked us to be worthy of His forgiveness, His salvation, His Love His anything He gives us what we have not deserved in our sinful condition. Then who are we to think they don’t deserve our forgiveness. It has been said that mothers nurse babies, why continue to nurse unforgiveness it’s not only a health risk, but an eternal risk of losing your salvation as He commands us to forgive. “But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:15 KJ The only One who can demand we owe a debt is Jesus Christ. He alone is God and we do not have the privilege of goddess or godhood. We owe Him a debt if we do not forgive as He commands we forgive. Forgiveness is an obligation, a law that we have no choice, but to obey. There is no law that commands us not to forgive those who have sinned against us, no matter how gross their transgression was or is against us or for how long or how many times. “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord … do not overcome evil with evil” Romans 12:14-21KJ He is true to His Word this we can count on. Recall unforgiveness tormenting spirits








“And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him. So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses.” Matthew 18:34-35 KJ Recall, the Lord’s Prayer, “forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” Matthew 6:12 KJ These are all laws we cannot avoid or not obey. Recall we were dead, dead in our sins before He gave us the heart, gave us the grace to become His children so as we might receive eternal life here and in the age that is to come for eternity. 42

“Even when we were dead in sins, He hath quickened us together with Christ for by grace we are saved.” Ephesians 2:4-5 KJ “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; Matthew 5:44KJ “Therefore I say unto you, What things so ever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:24-25 KJ “But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:15 ___________________________________________________________ IT IS OK - IT IS A PROCESS AND A POWER GREATER THAN YOU

Total forgiveness is a process it can take a while to calm down, take time to digest and out work the dynamics of the whole circumstance. Don’t get concerned when the sun has set, and your heart has not totally forgiven you have made the initial step to make the choice to forgive. Jesus knows forgiveness is a process; He knows how deeply we have been hurt and how long it takes to heal all these wounds. He has heard your prayer when you invited Him into that area of your heart to enable you to walk out and through forgiveness, so you totally forgive and no longer charge that offense to their account. He understands we need to talk it over with Him as being honest with Him is where healing begins. He knows us better than we know ourselves; He knows how we tick and just how to speak into those wounds. Allow Him to stand only as a judge over your heart not condemnation, fear, guilt or people, He knows where you are at in the process of healing and He is the One who is taking you through this process to bring you to forgiveness.



You are not inferior or less than or below someone when you forgive them. On the other hand, you are not required to admit or see yourself as inferior or worthless when you are forgiven. We are all equal at the cross no matter what sin we have sinned against others or what sin they have sinned against us. Forgiveness is a law we are all required to live by. The judge over all of us determines the outcome of any sin. He judges if there is a consequence “adultery I will judge” (Hebrews 13:4) or if there is complete forgiveness “I will cast your sins as far as the east is to the west.” (Psalms 103:12) There is no debt to be paid to us because we forgive someone of a ‘gross’ offense or any offense that crossed our belief system or any sin against vice versa or us. Right relationship brings us all back to a horizontal line. “If you have anything against your brother be reconciled before you bring your gift to the altar.” (Matthew 5:24) Reconciliation identifies equality, as all of us are sinners in need of forgiveness. Reconcile in your heart, He is able to cause you to reconcile in the heart first before you go face to face. But do it in His timing, as boundaries may need to be kept to safeguard you and others when these people do not show the fruits of repentance or a change of lifestyle to commitment to Jesus Christ as their Lord and God.


When forgiveness is one way, when it seems as if they are going to get away with how they have sinned against you and how often they have sinned against you or how powerless you were to remove yourself from the situation or someone to believe you: He can turn back on them their own wickedness they will reap what they sow the net that they have hid will catch themselves their mischief will come back upon their own head God can curse those condemnation of the law









He can and their transgressions lay them in a bed of affliction. God is a God of recompense, justice, vindication, vengeance and retribution. These all come from the Scriptures. He is the same God yesterday today and tomorrow, Judge of all. The sadness of reality is that injustice, injury and invasion are inflicted on innocent people. But do not give way to wrath, let Him be God and avenge and return upon them what He wills. Let Him cause them to reap what they sow, lay them in beds of affliction and you work through forgiveness and let God be God. Let Him cause your heart to forgive and understand we live with broken sinful people who will always sin against each other in all different measures and in addition who are driven by the powers of darkness. Consider this thought: there are millions of people who will not come to Him for salvation. How often He sends His ministering angel spirits to speak into their hearts. How often He sends the right person across their path to speak with them but they will not listen as they choose sin over commitment to a lifestyle of Christianity. How often is He sinned against? How often is He given offense, how often is He slapped in the face? How often does His heart cry for the lost because they choose the penalty of sin being death, eternal death for not having Him as their Lord and Salvation and their God? Yet He is still willing to forgive them of their sins against Him until they breathe their last breath, and even here He is still trying to offer them forgiveness and salvation. How much mercy is extended in that, how much forgiveness is this? I think of what people did over the centuries to His people the Jews and still He offered them forgiveness. He was willing to forgive the perpetrators of the Holocaust and offer them forgiveness, life, and life eternal. I would have struggled over great lengths of time in outworking forgiveness if I was God; as they were His first-born sons and daughters His chosen race of people. But we are called to walk as He walked and forgive as He forgives, forgive so that we might be called sons and daughters of God, and forgive so that we might receive eternal life. Soulish justice profits nothing as it is against His laws and His unconditional love and forgiveness. If He did not offer forgiveness to us we would receive the penalty of sin being death, a death of separation without Him throughout all eternity.


So I am thankful for forgiveness that He offers it to me or I would be lost, lost in eternal death. I have been forgiven many transgressions that would have sent me straight down the stairway to hells door. So I will continue to make choices to outwork and extend the mercy and forgiveness to those who will sin against me and those who have sinned against me. For your sake forgive, for with His divine power at work within us who has called us out of darkness into His light will cause the heart to forgive and heal. I am not lessening the sins against you, but how does your sins before the Lord God Almighty those you refuse to have sanctified or those of the moment stand against: “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him; A proud look, A lying tongue And hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, Feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, And he that soweth discord among brethren.” Proverbs 6:16-19 KJ We are all in need of being forgiven, all need our sins forgiven, and all of us have fallen short of the glory of God and sinned around these things He hates and may well be bonded in one or more of these “abominations unto Him.”


What we feed our minds we become “as a man thinketh in his heart so he is” “as a woman thinketh in her heart so she is.” Proverbs 23:7 KJ Keep going back to Jesus and yield, if the ‘I’m feeling sorry for myself’ comes up again in your mind yield this. Yield to the most Loving One, the Forgiving One, He is the One we can go to and express our self to. He is our answer and solution, He is the Compassionate One who extends counsel to our hearts to continue to


forgive and who will cause us to know His ways on the journey to the other side.


Instant forgiveness buries the emotions. Healing begins when we are sincere, honest with our feeling to God. He is not going to fall off His throne if you express your true heart. He has been around for a long time and has seen it all and knows it all and knows you better than you know yourself. Whatever your feelings are express them to Jesus and Father. If you’re mad at Him, tell Him you’re mad. If there is change of heart in your attitude needed towards Him of reverential fear, He will get to that. He will bring conviction in His timing and begin to change your heart so you taper down any disrespectful way in expressing yourself to Him. Be your true self with Him; express your hurt of the offense against you to Him. When we keep it in, it is like the venom of a spider that travels through the blood stream that causes sickness or death. He accepts us, accepts us as we are sinful, emotional, we are able to express our hurts and emotions to Him, not bottling them up in fear of Him. He knows our weakness, knows we were made from dust, and knows how and when to change us.


The bitterness and the vows that will come in not forgiving: “I won’t …” “I hope he or she rots in hell” “I would not give him or her the satisfaction …” “I will always …” “I will never …” “I’ll get …” The shrugging it off


“Oh well that’s the way the cookie crumbles” “Oh that was my appointed lot in life” “You win some you lose some” “There’s nothing more to say” “I’ll just laugh it off” “Oh well one more down for experience.” Detaching from your feeling or denial of real feelings, or adjusting to sinful circumstances or dismissing the reality leaves your heart distorted your soul fragmented. Maybe this is causation as to why you have had enough of Christianity; one of these or a few of these ways are your habits or the ways you take flight. Reasoning or working it out without His help will bring or leave inner bitterness, resentment, inner vows and actions that will bring all types of conflict sooner or later. If we refuse to come to terms with “why have I had enough” we are not making it less painful, less threatening or likely to go away. Bury things alive they will come back to life again in some other form – “and it might get ugly”. Facing the presence of our heart and investigating the why and working through the whys with His enlightenment will put our heart back to desire to continue to fight the good fight, run the race and be transformed by the renewing of our mind. Freedom comes when we allow ourselves to own our feelings, recognize with His help to pinpoint why; and then accept life for what it was, what it is, and know what it will become as we continue to apply Spiritual principles to life. We are all familiar with the term “conflict resolution” it’s a journey we all have to face.


Angry at life angry with God brings stagnation. Do you only love God out of duty? Do you only love God out of fear of losing your salvation? Do you love God because you have to? To love out of law can be like chalk and cheese.


“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” Deuteronomy 6:5 “This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 “Love is the fulfillment of the laws.”

Romans 13:8-10

How do you love God when you don’t even like Him? How do you love God when you don’t even like yourself? How do you love God when you think He is nasty? How do you love God when you believe He expects so much of you? How do you love God when He wants you to be perfect? How do you love God when you are always trying to be good for Him? How do you love God when you are always feeling judged, condemned and guilty? How do you love God when you never feel good enough? How do you love God when you have to earn His love? How do you love God when He thinks I’m a failure? How do I love God when I always have to seek His approval? Man, how do you love a God like this? I work hard enough for what He expects from me! How do you continue on with God when you feel like this? We do so only by the renewal of our mind with these distorted beliefs about Him. When we grasp what it is to live a grace-based life we will be at peace with self and peace and contentment with God and it will come into the heart. Religious spirits, distorted thinking, religion that defames the character of God and says, “Dammed if you do and dammed if you don’t” make us unhealthy. So you learn to function in your dysfunction, give in, leave, except this life as a norm, just plod along, find an escape route or put your own in here…. Recall when you go about renewing your mind in this area to know God as a God of Grace and Mercy it will become crystal clear to you that your thinking was distorted and above all He is not this type of God. God’s unconditional love and approval cannot be brought, cannot be worked for, cannot be earned, cannot be given because of any works, action, attitude or gender or race or status. His love and approval is manifested because of grace, because of His nature cannot stop but love and understand the human nature. We receive not because of us fulfilling


laws, but because of why He gave us Jesus and what Jesus “finished” and what Jesus does as our High Priest and Intercessor and Covenant Lamb. Grace is God’s love in action to us, God does not say I will love you if…. Or I will love you after you…. Or I will love you provided…. Or I love and approve of you only when…. Or I will love and approve you because…. His love depends not on us doing anything, or being anyone, or doing this or doing that but on what He is. God is love so He loves. God approves because He sent His only begotten perfect sinless Son as our substitute. Cat’s meow because they are cats, same thing; God loves us because He is and just can’t stop loving us, as He is Love. And what about the cross, what about the whole purpose and message of His life, His crucifixion, His death, His burial, His resurrection and His ascension – a perfect work for we’ve got buckles of being perfect and fulfilling and obeying His laws and requirements; there was only One man who did that or who could ever do that so that’s why He sent Jesus to come in the flesh and that’s why He came, our substitute, our redemption, our sacrifice, our penalty was paid for by His perfection. God says I know I ask you to love Me with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself but Grace says I know you cannot do such a thing without my help, without my enabling power, without my Love coming from the inside of you out, without Me empowering you to walk in My Spirit. Lighten up, we are going to fail, we are going to fall, we are going to sin, we are going to see things distorted, we are all going to misunderstand the race set before us, we are going to get deceived that we think we should or could be a better Christian. The good news is you are going to have a change of the way you think and see we all fall short of the glory of God; so that’s why we look to Jesus the One who went before us and accomplished all that God expected, planned and equipped Him to do so we could stand excepted, loved and approved.


We have heard it said before that forgiveness is not forgetting, not stuffing down emotions, nor accepting sinful behavior or injustices. It is not even good manners or an exaltation of self to give someone understanding and mercy that they don’t deserve, but a law from the Word of God for the benefit of our own natural and spiritual and eternal 50

welfare. Forgiveness is a gift to self, a healing balm for the forehead. Unforgiveness eats us up, keeps us down, and keeps us in a wounded crushed spirit. We stay in despair and will become physically and emotionally sick. Forgiveness is a course we have to walk out and through so as to receive the benefits of its blessings. Sometimes we think we have dealt with areas in our lives that needed the oil of forgiveness and healing, but upon us come life’s circumstances and up come that pain once again. Before I became a Christian I had spent years in rebellion, anger and bitterness because I have seen and perceived much sin against women and been sinned against for being a woman. Most of the time I had felt being a woman was unfair and unjust as women could not vote; women were bashed and abused who did the food shopping with their black eyes and bruises; women were nothing but a womb to be fruitful and multiply and girls were for the abuse and demands of their father's pleasure; women had to stay home while the men went with the mates, went to the pub; women were there to be walked over and walked on; women were dependent upon the wallet of their power tripping husbands; women were to get less wages as men are men and they get the most; your just a woman with no worth or value; men get the monetary inheritance in the family, the women were nothing, they get no share because the men were the providers and boss of the family and are not expected to pick up after themselves. Monday the 23rd April 23, 2007 eleven years a Christian with years of healing of the emotions and character change; years of renewal, years of applying myself to seek keys of the kingdom, the bricks to rebuild and repair the broken walls of my life, years of application to raise up former desolations, years of refinement to walk this highway of holiness. But today I see my beauty and worth as a woman who is accepted loved and who is able to be in ministry. I am still not totally whole and healed of a wounded and broken spirit because of the injustices I have perceived against the female gender and my mother, my sisters and myself, but I will be free and renewed for I believe and receive. Saturday night was one of my sisters fiftieth birthday, she gathered the sisters that were there and myself in private to say her and our brother won $200,000.00 on a bingo scratchy. Instead of being happy for them I lost it and broke down into an emotional blurb. I reacted from a subconscious mindset that I have labored in God’s Covenant vineyards for years yet I take sealed and food from the local


rubbish dumps and the bin of one of the houses I clean and I am in Covenant with the God who owns a thousand acres. To add I keep God’s laws and He does not allow me to work outside school hours so as to keep my life and His house from being defiled with Jezebel’s web of matricide and infanticide. If I was to leave my child motherless by entering into the workforce of a nine-to-five job so I could not contain my tears any longer. Then to add, He would not allow me to open a business in the city, but to run it from home and that did not come to any profit or success as I had desired and besides I had to have the time to write these books and out work the call on my life. Angry emotions at this win, not because they won but because I have served God writing His books for years, worked for years tiding up my back yard of demons and curses and allowing Him to sanctify me so I can walk an upright and honest life. Yet to see my brother who willfully ‘dodges’ God to not come into Covenant and be a Christian; and who being one of the three brothers who all equally received and accepted the family inheritance of $30,000 each which none of us seven women received I became irrational and distraught with all this in the front of my mind. Injustice just sang through my mind and emotions, as I have known the pain of sanctification and the striving of obedience. Obedience so I could receive my financial inheritance God has promised in His Word if I would follow and walk in His ways. Then here is my sister and brother being ‘lucky’ not blessed, ‘lucked’ by the lesser gods for gambling’s and walking in sin! Little did I realize the idolatry of Mammon in my heart, for a love of money I have been motivated. That’s all right, I want to be rich, debt free of the $77,000 I owe on my mortgage and that’s ok. But not seeing money a god and the bees all and end all of life as I see hidden in my heart. To add, in my heart, I wanted to be seen as a witness to the promise of prosperity for serving God and obeying God so my sisters and brothers had of seen that serving God pays and wished they had of come to salvation. Now they see the lesser gods give – but the devil is a liar and he gives with one hand and takes back with both and never changes his strategies to conquer then divide. To make matters worse, I have hopefully, jest-fully and seriously asked God could I win money, yet spiritually knowing I could only ever gamble if He said I could. Or if He commanded the enemy to pay back 52

what he has stolen from me or allowed me to eat the wealth of the wicked could this ever happen. I know He is not corrupt and would not steal or interfere in the Governments Lotteries Agencies to make them pay His Biblical righteous financial commitments and promises as He has His own bank account – but He can as the earth is His and all that is in it. Anyway, I’ve dreamt on and in humor, thought there was no harm in always asking and maybe He might just allow it and give me a dream of the lotto numbers to pick – yet another idol I have to smash and a distorted reality and fantasy I have to face, release, stop and allow Him to bring it all to death. Another cry of my heart was the pain of feeling I was raised as a son yet denied the financial inheritance as a son and this son wins a fortune after he squandered and drank his inheritance that I was supposed to have shared in. I felt robbed, so robbed of my money of inheritance and to top it off my gender identity that could not blossom because of my parents want for a son than a daughter and I told my sisters with unhealed agony of heart. So that night out of my heart came awareness I still had a root of bitterness. Blame came, hidden emotions came for being robbed, for being a female, for being robbed from my inheritance, for being robbed of my true identity as a female, for being affirmed as a son, for being abused and betrayed for being born a woman and in need of ongoing healing so as to be able to commit myself to a relationship with a male so as to become heterosexual. And God you have some blame in this too, I am eating from the dump and the rubbish bin and I have labored for you, kept your Word, obeyed your directives and wear your bond slave chains and I can’t receive this provision that comes by faith and sowing seed. Because I don’t get it from you until I can believe and have faith and walk your walk - so man I can see myself serving another seven years before I catch on to this faith and seed walk for my promises of financial provision to escape lack. This is my story and this is my pain, the pain I perceived and received so I write from my hearts brokenness. Not through the eyes of another sister’s perception or a brother’s perception of their life’s history but my own. We cannot be totally healed and made whole until we understand our personal perception of our past history so we can move on to our personal destiny Jesus has for us. The impact of our parent’s lives has a way of coming into our life for good or bad and our personal perception whether in reality true or false enters the heart, and we will outlive this accordingly.


Healing from furrows of deep wounds has to be brought forth in stages, and these stages can take years and more years, but when we apply and surrender our hearts for Him to use any circumstances to raise up former desolations, repair the breaches, build the walls, wholeness and healing will fully spring forth and the pains of our history’s impact will lesson. Saturday night I laid my burden against good news, against something that should have been celebrated to which I am repentant – forgive me Jenny and sisters and anyone else who were offended. I used no self-control but let my emotional baggage spring forth “what about me that isn’t fair, he stole my inheritance; he owes me my share and now he wins money.” It was not pain against the ‘she’ but the he factor. In reality, my heart is truly happy for their win, but my hidden pain and irrational thinking focused on me, myself and I. Roots cannot be seen as they are underground, but they need to be cursed to wither and die so they can be uprooted and no longer produce rotten fruit. Sometimes roots that we think we have dealt with have not, but only the offshoots have withered and died, and the taproot remains, so the storm is needed to see the root surface. I see the pain in feeling like the prodigal’s brother who has worked hard for The Father and received no honor, no financial inheritance. But the truth is it was always there for him, and all He had to do was ask The Father. He had to see his heart was in works to obtain favor and prosperity and inheritance from his father that is rightfully available to him. So, therefore, I line up my heart with His Word and receive a daughter’s prosperity, His daughter’s inheritance(s) that rightfully belongs to me and believe it will spring forth now and as destiny awaits me to walk through that door. In my heart, I have even felt like Jacob who worked a seven-year term under the rules and headship of Laban (God) unable to receive his promise of the hand in marriage to Rachel; then to have to work another seven years before the fulfillment of the promise. Because I still haven’t caught on to this spiritual principle of prosperity – faith comes by hearing, seed and more seed? So I have decided now, to take God at His Word as the ‘Faithful One’ ‘Generous One’ ‘Sufficient One’ ‘Able One’ and ‘Responsive One.’ I will wait to receive the promises of provision and the provision of obedience and be expectant that I will have my financial blessings. So, therefore, I will believe His workers are worthy of payment for 54

their labor. I will stand in faith my Sovereign God has a plan as He did with Jacob and will fulfill His promise of a financial inheritance and will give me back double for the loss of my natural inheritance and He will continue to give me beauty from the ashes of my brokenness. I will never rise above the image I have because of the injustices that have been put against me, my mothers and my sisters and women in general if I continue to stay in a broken mindset or the message that I see is not yet fully erased ‘women have no worth or value’. My brothers became as it’s been said before “a mosaic” of my broken father, and my father was a mosaic of his father who did not and they have not yet broken the cycle or drew the bloodline of Jesus Christ against generational curses and generational patterns of iniquities. So, of course, they would pass them on to their sons and harm their daughters with all the rotten spiritual forces that go with them. So I have to, and I will release the debt I believe my parents and my brothers owe me. I have to, and I will forgive them for they know not what they did, and they really cannot be held accountable. They were under the sway of the gods of this age, their brokenness, their strongholds of iniquity, and my parents did bring me up to what they were able, capable, foreseeable and knowledgeable to do. I will to release this mentality they owe me, they did this; they did that and see now Jesus has given me a door and new life and who brings life out of death. I will keep in remembrance I am not a powerless woman or just a woman of no worth or value, but one brilliant, unique, remarkable God planned; God ordained female, destined for great things that will bring about change to nations of hurting people, my life’s mess has and will become His message. Jesus makes my pain someone else’s counsel, someone else’s healing balm, someone else’s deliverance, someone else’s key; someone else’s tool to break their strongholds, someone else’s stepping stone, and building block, someone else’s opportunity to overcome their injustices. For to Him be the power be the glory, for He is The Lifter of my head, The Restorer of paths to dwell in. He is my Rock; He is my Source; He is my Provider, and He is my Bread. He is my Destiny; He is The Promise Keeper, and He is my Prosperity. God is My Father who cares and will provide for myself and my daughter as His own with justice and provision. So I will stand, I will trust, I will have faith and I will wait until I walk into my destiny within the household and Kingdom of God. I will continue to serve, continue to work His fields for my denarius no matter if 55

someone else gets paid the same twelve hours a day. I will continue your journey of healing is not as become your blessings. This is the

for only ten minutes’ work and I labor to work the work set before me so that lengthy as mine so that my blessings Christ life.


“If only they didn’t” “if only, if only.” Recall Mary and Martha cried to Jesus “if only you had been here” (John 11:4) Lazarus would not be dead. They had sent word to Him “he whom you love is ill.” But Jesus hearing he was ill “stayed two days longer in the place where he was.” (John 11:6) They had thought Jesus had let them down and was not there when they needed Him the most. But Jesus knowing this was an ordained opportunity “for the glory of God, so that the Son of God may be glorified by means of it” tarried. He knew the future; He knew the past and He knew the present had an answer and a solution. Martha thought her answer was in the vast future “I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day.” (John 11:24) But Jesus plan in this circumstance was in the here and now not the far off future. Four days Lazarus had been in the tomb in death, four days they had to endure before Jesus presence was evident. Martha’s patchwork of regrets, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died…” (John 11:21) sounds like the quilt we patch when we forget we have sat at the feet of our Rabbi and listened, understood and applied His teachings. Only to have experienced His power, seen His miracles, and lived in His presence of love but looked back upon the old cloth to stitch within the new. “God you didn’t,” “God why,” “God how could you” “If only God you had” Regret is such a bitter bread to swallow, but we do pick it up off the table and bite on it powerlessly and purposely. Sometimes not seeing there is sweet bread to eat than this sourdough or seeing we have the power to use new ingredients than the old. It takes His trust to stop looking back over our shoulder at the pain of yesterday “if only” “Jesus you should of” “but he” but they.” It takes His impartation of trust and His remembrance and knowledge of His Word and wisdom and counsel to continue to see out the four days before Jesus will arrive to give us our breakthrough to bring life from our death.


Jesus timing can be perfect as we continue to put our faith and trust and eyes on Him to outwork it. If He seems to tarry and go to Judea then come directly to our family affair we continue on, He is on His way. Jesus is our solution, not our problem; He knows there has to other dealings in our life before life can come out of death. We have to mourn over our death first, seek our friends to console and counsel us, gather information, arrange the funeral procession, buy the tomb and bury the dead. We have heard this said over and over “the reality is – what’s done is done.” Yes, but, let's remember what “Jesus said to her” [Martha] “I am the resurrection and the life, he who believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and whoever lives and believes in me shall never die.” John 11:25-26 He will bring life from death; He will resurrect the areas of death we have encountered to bring life; it’s a promise we can be assured He will keep.


Redeemed from the curse of the law is this; the Mosaic Covenant required all to continue in all the things having been written in the book of the Law and to do them. This is what we are redeemed from having to keep all the things written in the book of the Law and if we did not keep all then all the curses would come upon us. Recall Galatians 3:10 that for as many, meaning Christians who are sealed with The Holy Ghost if they are living by keeping all the things written in the book of the Law, including the sacrificial, circumcision, works to obtain righteousness and justification then they are cursed “who has bewitched you having begun in the Spirit, are you now made perfect by the flesh and or works of the Law to obtain salvation, acceptance and righteousness and Covenant promises (Galatians 3:1-3). Revealing again cursed children. “For as many as out of works of law, these are under a curse. For it has been written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all the things having been written in the book of the Law, to do them.” Galatians 3:10


____________________________________________________ SPIRITUAL ABUSE

Demonic doorways bring cycles; emotional cycles, subconscious cycles, flight cycles, resistance cycles, rebellious cycles, performance and works cycles, approval cycles and or acceptance of the status quo cycles and on we could go. When these works of darkness are against us, we have had enough of the church, Christianity and the people who abuse or who offend. Denial may be the bread you eat or you may not want to confront your reality. Maybe depression is your bread because you feel powerless to do anything about your circumstances or you cannot find the keys to open your door to freedom or understand living with grace. If you have been under a spiritual abusive and a controlling House this gives grounds to demons and reasons for “had enough”. Abuse may be subtle, or it may be obvious, consider the following. If this is true, renounce membership of that particular church ask for the power and motivation to go to another church then ask for the release of all soul ties, demonic spirits, and any or all curses, for a renewal of the mind and the pathway of healing. Consider the following and listen to what is coming out of your spirit than your mind or for a lesser word your intuition to hear if these are the conditions you are under or have been under from a Pastor or church denomination or group. ❑ ❑

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Harsh discipline and verbal abuse Shaming and critical messages coming from the pulpit directed at you and or the ‘sheep’ of his/her pasture Brainwashing Monitoring where you can go what other meeting you are allowed to attend, it’s as if they own you Told if you leave our church the devil will get you or some are sent to try and bring you back Women cannot pray before a man Women cannot teach men Women have to wear long skirts and no makeup Making you all stand-up Look at me and listen Why are you walking out of the service come on and sit down and listen to the service Exposure of a tender brokenness before all the congregation that exposes you and shames you 58

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Building you up and then bringing you down with criticism or public words to shame and to embarrass you Intimidation False front especially to seduce you of your money False loyalty Sexual overtones and perversion Manipulation Lies about you Accuses you of being a Jezebel because you won’t submit to their authority Brought before the Pastors for a sin that was not true or that did not need Pastoral discipline and or caused despair You must come to cell church and the women’s meetings and attend every Sunday “why can’t you go to a cell church” made to feel guilty or cohered into attendance and rendered powerless so you give up and attend Told to pray in tongues four hours a day seven days a week and accused of not being spiritual if you do not; and not to bring a word from The Lord if you don’t pray in tongues at least up to four hours a day because that cancels you out - how could you hear Jesus’ Spirit if you don’t pray in tongues. Pastor shows no fruit of love or mercy or compassion and is arrogant aggressive and filled with pride and criticism


If you have been violated exploited and wounded by those in the church, the healing balm of Gideon will need to be applied to these areas. Jesus is the healing balm of Gideon, who wills to heal where others have sinned against us. Religious abuse and the demons associated can leave you with a mindset of: ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑ ❑

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“It’s my fault” “God is cruel” “I can never please God” “I feel I always have to perform for God and He is never happy” “I refuse to get close to this type of God” “God has let me down so many times” “I resist intimacy with Father, Jesus or Holy Ghost, I’ll serve Him out of duty and just to get to heaven” “Why bother, nothing ever changes” “I don’t trust those in authority” “I won’t get involved” “I’ll just attend church and go straight home” “I’ll drop out” 59

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“I’ll just go to any church I like; I’ll go to all different churches” “I’ll join a home church where there is no structure” “I don’t want to belong to the church; I’ll just attend a BBQ church where the Holy Ghost is in control. [Truth is He is not as most there are carnal, bound in lawlessness and rebellion and refuse God’s ordained order of Church structure or His marriage order or a headship order” Recall Solomon’s temple and Herod’s temple had structure, Synagogues had structure with those in authority who taught and house churches had structure, overseers, deacons] “I won’t submit to a church leadership ever again” “I’ll just watch TV and that will be church for me” “They preach the same stuff over and over again” “You just can’t move in your gifting’s” “I can’t move in The Spirit because the ones in authority are to be the ones who move in the anointing I cannot give a word to anyone after the church service and I cannot give anyone a teaching, a prayer strategy or any books or any of my books, teachings or prayer strategies” “I feel powerless” “They are such hypocrites” “They never practice what they preach” “They backstab and they are no different to factory workers who do not know God’s ways of living” “I feel ashamed of my life” “I won’t open up to anyone” “I’ll pretend to be obedient” “I fear the church” “I fear those in authority” “I fear being abused and controlled again – unless the spiritual grounds are taken back, you will walk back again into a church that has religious control, witchcraft control and antichrist abuse over it. This will increase the nest of spirits within and over you bringing more abuse and more wounding and keeping you in fear and brokenness” “I refuse to enter into relationship with any Pastor or those in authority

Inner vows have just as much a stronghold over us as when we have unhealed, unprocessed hurts, abuses and where we have been controlled or sinned against in some other way, which leaves fragmentation of the soul. These vows need to be verbally renounced and asking for the anointing upon the areas so as we continue to walk out of the mindsets and not walk back into them as familiar territory. Father, I ask for any other inner vows I have made so I can renounce them as well as those above. I ask for the release of all effects of inner vows and the anointing upon that area’s I also forgive those who 60

have sinned against me and for the reasons I have made these inner vows. Father, I repent and renounce………… Inner vows can cause us to be carnal keeping a way of lifestyle that is not Spirit-led. They cause the heart to be stony, hard or even soft when courage is a way of life. False guilt is produced and always feeling condemned or self-condemning when you do not live up to your inner vows “I’ll never be like my father” “I’ll never lose my temper like my mother” “I won’t be a clean perfectionist like my mother” When inner vows have been at work since our youth not only have they taken on a life of their own but also they will need to remain dead once realized to be brought to death. There is no power but God’s power to bring these subconscious or conscious vows to death and keep them dead “But if by the spirit you put to death, the practices of the body, you will live.” Romans 8:13 So we continue to resist and no longer live from such emotion, thoughts and actions. “Father, keep my heart in check, so I no longer live out of my inner vows. Change my heart that I am renewed and choose not to act out of these vows. I invite you into every area of my inner vows to bring all fruit and the roots to death and to bring continuous change and healing for the putting off of the fruit they have produced. I thank you it may take some time, but I am willing to allow you to change my heart and my mindsets and outwork this in my life. Amen.


What Jesus taught us throughout Luke chapter 13, revealing bad things happen to Christians, curses cause demonic activity against us and demons are always at work scheming to catch us to devour us. Pilate killed the Galileans and mixed their blood with their sacrifices (Luke 13:1-3). Revealing hidden occult in our lives gives demons rights to bring death, destruction, and devastation. Also, Christians will be martyred in this age for being a follower of Christ because the god of this age is a god of this age. The tower in Siloam fell and killed eighteen people (Luke 13:4-5). Revealing the earth is under curse because of the sins of Adam and Eve 61

from the Garden of Eden. Accidents will happen it is part of the earth’s cause and effect of the fall (Romans 5:19). Then, the sinful man runs his and her own lives walking about in the flesh going here going there without listening to Wisdom crying out in the heart. There is the parable of the vineyard (Luke 13:6-9), Jesus has come to this man three years looking for fruit unto repentance but found none. This man had failed to tend the fig tree in his vineyard, failed to be excellent, failed to be diligent, failed to do the job that was required of him to bear fruit. He was slothful, lazy, a sluggard and did not receive the harvest the fig tree could of produced. He did not obey the instructions of righteousness, work out his salvation with fear and trembling, or study to show himself approved, just sat back and thought he was safe the tree would look after itself. But he had opened up doors to devils, He had not done what the Master had intended him to do in order to bear fruit. His disobedience allowed the spirit of this age to be at work in him and through him (Ephesians 2:2) because of his disobedience the wrath of God came to him a child of disobedience (Ephesians 5:6) to want to cut down the tree. The woman, who was bound eighteen years (Luke 13:10-12), reveals warfare exists; spirits are at work to deceive, lie, trick, kill, steal and destroy if we allow them. She received the infirmity because Satan bound her eighteen years, not a judgment of God, but a deception of devils. I have heard where those who receive “a thorn in the flesh” as being from God when it was a lie from a devil, therefore, they have received the infirmity attached to such a lie. God never intended or caused the infirmity, only they received the deception and with it their so called thorn in the flesh of MS, Cancer, torment, bad eyesight, rheumatoid arthritis, oppression as correction or whatever they have believed to have been from God as their personal thorn in their flesh!


The walk of Christianity is not always sugar and sweet, but bitter and sharp. Walk the way of the Master and we walk with sorrows, share His sufferings and conform to His death. “Well what about me” is not the main song we are to sing! Our nature wants its own way and will never change without the empowering of His Spirit. His nature never changes His way never changes; He is the truth, the way, and the life. His way is the only way, the way down, the way of death, the way of the Christian lifestyle.


Deception comes when our hearts are not set upon the Way. Recall lying signs and wonders are sent and received to those who have not the love of the truth (2 Thessalonians 2:9-12). If you are bored, tired of tradition and religion and the church at large, you may be one of those who become easily deceived by false prophets, false signs, and wonders, false revivals, false, false and anything false. Crucifying the flesh is the Christ life, if you look to The Holy Spirit for signs and wonders to relieve why you’ve had enough rather than allow Him to empower you to crucify the flesh and walk in The Spirit ways, you may well be captivated by all the false manifestations of supernatural power getting around today. There is “another” who comes “in his own name” guise as His name, and you will receive this other spirit(s) if you are looking for wine to drink to get you drunk to elevate your will be done, then His will be done.


There are times of separation and preparation; Discipleship is a lifetime even if you have become the Rabbi. Recall John the Baptist spent years in solitude, preparation and growing in the Lord before his public appearance. If you are a John the Baptist, a Paul, Timothy, or if you are a Phoebe, a Priscilla, Chloe or a Junia hang in there and wait. Impatience against a call way off in the distance can bring discontentment and the want to open doors in the flesh and or walk in the lusts of the flesh. This is how the golden calf came about. Moses was so long to come down the mountain that they gathered around Aaron and demanded he make them gods to go before them. “I cannot wait forever God, I’ll do it my way and open up a door, as I want to be in my ministry.” It seems John the Baptist kept the vision close to his heart; He knew with such a call God would open the door at the appropriate time. He waited patiently, trusting in Him for the fulfillment of the promise on his life. Fit His mold, not your own, the arm of the flesh will always bring you onto a horizon of discontentment and fleshly striving not a continual upward motivation of transition by His Spirit.


The Lord will carry you straight over the threshold into your ministry so faint not, strive not, look, not for a quick work, let Him prepare the way so when you are positioned you are poised.


We are all goal orientated; all have a mission on our mind in some form or another. God has got in the way of my perfect thought of what the church should be like. What the people in the church should behave like and what job and gifts I should be blessed with. So when these goals are blocked and do not work out according to plan, up comes disappointment to anger even bouts of depression because of powerlessness. We have to get real, see reality and reassess these goals. Anger will always be a result of unrealistic opinions, thoughts, and understandings or plans or things or people that don’t work out.


Anger is a good emotion. I’m all for anger, recall Jesus got angry. There just needs to be self-control exercised whilst being angry. Emotions are difficult to turn on and off at will. We know we are feeling them or pretend they are not there, but they are still there! Therefore, we tell God “Jesus I am angry,” “I am so full of rage” “I am furious!” “I want to be Christ-like in my actions, but at the moment I am filled with bitterness and unforgiveness and getting angry.” He who started a good work in us will bring it to completion; He will bring to death any sin structure attached to anger. We are to be honest with Him where we are at in our emotions rather than deny them or stuff them down. We know buried stuff alive has a way of coming back to life at an inappropriate time or against our health.


Your anger can be used of God. Your anger can also be a teaching tool He may want to use to mature you in the ways of a Christ lifestyle.


Recall Ezekiel (Ezekiel 24:15-17) lost his wife and God told him to groan quietly. Emotions are a much a part of us as sweating and breathing is. Like Ezekiel, he was to deny himself outward expression and groan inwardly. He was to acknowledge but not express or dump it on anyone. We can also learn and be strengthened to allow Jesus to absorb our anger, then take it out on or tell every Tom, Dick and Harry or Jill, Jane and Jess.


We all desire significance; it still angers me when women who know what “I once was” hug me sideways or don’t hug me at all. It reinforces, and reminds me, and keeps alive my past in their minds and brings back the remembrance to my mind. I would rather move on without identifying with the past unless I sense a need of ministry from The Holy Ghost to do so. We all have to find a personal way to process our anger and overcome the automatic response. No matter if it comes from a false belief of insignificance, a misunderstanding or insecurity or an unrealistic expectation or our needs have not been met or any type of genuine reason that causes us to become angry. Each will need a different way of processing. How you personally process someone who hugs you sideways or does not hug you may not be how I would process the anger. But it has to be personal and appropriate to our individual heart our understanding and our personality. We have to keep in mind that all people will fail to meet our desires, fail to meet our expectations of what and how a Christian should act and be. Not everyone embraces the teaching of Christ or knows them or do they choose to move in an anointing or walk in love. Or check within their spirit to discern the heart of someone else in any circumstance. None of us can control anyone, perceiving someone who wills not to hug me or hug me sideways as an indication of who I am today is bound to anger me. Because my expectations of people’s choices and behavior need to come into reality and I have to realize I cannot control any of these women. So when I confuse their choices with my needs of love and acceptance my responses will be nothing but carnal, nothing but anger. I desire acceptance for the totality of who I am in Christ today and for what I once was, but to make that a goal or something I have to have from every woman only sets me up to be hurt and to get angry and it is totally unachievable. 65

By acknowledging this reality and seeing this reality of desire and goal I can redirect my thoughts and my emotions and will not go to anger. I no longer set my heart on reaching this desire or expecting it to be an across the board woman Christian attribute, because it’s not the way to set the heart on reaching a desire and it’s an unrealistic desire, it’s not attainable all Christian women differ and walk differently. Therefore, I need not seek some way to make this happen, say like a sinful response by telling those people “If you can’t hug me front on, don’t hug me at all.” Goals drive us to make things happen, but desires allow for grace, allow for differences and allow for understanding and allow for human frailty and human flaws and demonic activity in them and me. I could pray to the One who is in control and who is Lord to change their heart towards me, but does it really matter now anyway? Really do I need to care what they think about me or see me as a shadow of my past? No, but if I continue to think like this it’s a trap of the flesh and enemy I stay in. As someone once coined this saying “live and let live” or “let go and let God” live for and please God, not man or woman, but don’t forget about making yourself happy and caring and loving yourself!


When we think through things, take time to talk things over with The Lord Jesus and then re-label our thoughts so they do not color our emotions we are less likely to nurture anger. Thoughts produce emotions and emotion produce action, either for good or for bad or for sin unto death or righteousness unto life. Actions can be redirected; actions can be changed to bring about ministry in the power of the Holy Spirit. Pouring out our hurt on others instead of yielding it unto The Lord Jesus will keep us caught in our anger cycle. What the devil intended for bad, God turns out for our good. Likewise, what feels bad or what can create an emotional response can be turned around for good if we seek Him for the way how.



We will many a time get annoyed with God, the Pastor(s), the elder, the Prophetess, the teacher, the congregation, some family in the church, ourselves, our restoration and healing taking so long or wondering why these attractions have not fallen off like dead skin. But recall Paul had to learn contentment (Philippians 4:10-13) and learnt through suffering, so this is likewise for us; further we will have to seek it through understanding and wisdom from the Word and the counsel of The Holy Ghost. In church, we will suffer pain and experience pleasures. As it has been said “you got to take the bitter with the sweet.” When your life depends on other people meeting your needs and desires you will always respond with anger and bitterness. Our life is not to be wrapped up in Sister Sally or Brother Bob, denomination AOG, COC, Full Gospel Baptist, title this or title that but our Father and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and the fellowship with Holy Ghost. Christ is adequate enough, His gifts, His anointing(s), His ability, His sufficiency, His strength, His knowledge and His counsel is more than enough to help us in our time of need. He provides the way out, the way around, the way to overcome and to be able to stand and stay standing. He is able to turn all things around for our good and cause us to minister out of what we have overcome and been through to be His instrument in touching the life of a fellow sister or brother. Anger will always be an emotion, an emotion that needs to be reigned over, and out worked when we are responding sinful. I have written more about feelings and emotions in “Rejection.” Even if you have not been bound with rejection the knowledge and keys written can be utilized for overcoming anger, self-pity and so on. This book is useful for other emotions where we end up in sinful responses, habitual cycles and unknown causations to our actions.


We will walk through things for redemptive purposes. Anger may surface moreover than any other emotion in a season. Why? Because He wants you to recognize it, sanctify it, refine it and walk you out of it into maturity where you are immature in His ways of dealing with anger.



In anger, our behavior can be irrational. Our words we spurt out at God are not necessarily true or the words we rant and rave at others. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, but not necessarily in anger. The mind is irrational and feeling sorry for self. Things have not gone according to our expectations liking or desires or plans so up comes this surge of emotion with its power to dominate and have a life of its own. Inwardly and outwardly we intertwine and act out to lose our temper. We may lash out physically or verbally on others or self. Irritability is anger, depression can be from suppressed unprocessed anger, and resentment is anger unprocessed and not defined. Being negative and critical is also anger not dealt with. Anger has many faces and many behaviors. Someone who has come from one addiction into ‘addiction transference’ has not uprooted the causations that drove them into the first addiction. When we do not get to the root of our outbursts of reactive anger that is sinful we will transference our anger to something else that puts us or keeps us in bondage. Work out and don’t give up until you get the keys to work through why you are angry with Christians or unbelievers, why you are angry with God and Jesus or The Holy Ghost. Someone once coined “anger is like acid, it does more damaged in the one stored than the one to which it is poured…” 6. [Mark Twain]


This singer sang “If I could turn back time if I could find a way, I’d take back all the things that hurt you and I’d say…” 7. [Cher, 1989] Yes, God can bring about good from bad but reality is we cannot turn back time, we cannot take back “I should have done this” “I should have done that” “I should have brought that then” “I should have just done what I usually did and not run that add and I’d have thirty-five dollars more in my pocket” “I wish I had not been so angry” “I wish I had not been off the air I would of thought more rationally” “I wish I had of listened within to my heart.”


Regret, regret, and more regret. Let it run a course and it will eat away like rust. But recall the simplicity of this statement: “What’s happened has happened, so I have to move on now.” Forgive yourself, release yourself and put it all in His hands, allow Jesus absorb all and each and every one of your regrets.


We all experience problems and sometimes churches are not equipped to minister effectively or even understand some of our problems or past life outside of Christ. People also can have a cut and dry answer “that it’s all in the Word” “you will get fixed up if you read and study your Bible.” Angry at their ignorance or solutions like “go and witness” “do something for someone else” “sow a seed” “get on your knees” “stop your introspection” “don’t focus on the problem” “get into the Word” “join a house or cell or men’s or woman’s group” only buries anger and keeps angry bottled to surface again. The ‘good Christian’ does not realize or understand struggling people. They neither understand we have psychological problems, different temperaments or are in need of healing of painful memories, have buried hurts, are the product of parental mistakes or are bound in strongholds of attitude character or personality. These internal problems need to be changed. They need to be prayed about to be brought to the light so as He can pinpoint the root and its offshoots cut off so we can walk in the change. God, Jesus and Holy Ghost understand us when others don’t or others may never. Angry at others inadequacies will only nurture our anger than set us free from its destructive and snowballing force. Besides, we have enough defects of character and brokenness to deal with other than our want to change them so our little world is full of compatible and understanding people.


The following and as other stories in this book I have left them as they were written in the year I wrote them.


Anger has roots. I’m was still angry at the Church (12th July 2007) because I’ve been in Christianity for 12 years this December 2007 and have no friends other than a phone friend who lives out of town but goes past my turn off and never drops in for a coffee. Maybe she has tolerated me in the love of the Lord these past 11 years and maybe this is all she can be a phone friend because of her personality? I have another friend of one year, who lives as if Sunday church is her fire insurance and in a day of self-pity coupled with anger I could not care less if we were never friends again. But she receives me warts and all so I continue the relationship. I have never been my real self with her, because I have spent so much time with inward anger at her and those in the church and “God is this, the best you can do and sake she is not even spiritual!” After years of having different friendships and them not working out mostly because I was either so intense, or had been a homosexual, or too much to deal with, or to demon orientated, or too busy licking my wounds, or too angry or too ugly or to self-opinioned or always whining about how rejected I was or for this or that reason they and I perceived true or false, I’ve continued to nurse dress and feed anger. I have tried to make friendships either to no avail, or when they found out I was once a lesbian nothing went anywhere or as one particular woman I am currently establishing friendship with said “my sister is a lesbian I wish I could talk with her like I talk to you” I’ve felt the church people have never seen me any other way than ‘once a lesbian always a lesbian’ – anger and anger. A woman in ministry said to me of late “you have been like the woman at the well.” In reality the Christian community may well have shunned me, and not received me, but I cannot go on with this anger anymore. I have to let it go and rise above it, work through it and move on to maturity. Most of all trust again to connect for friendships and go places to make friendships. I am not as ugly or fragmented on the inside as I used to be. The truth is we have to face the ugliness about ourselves that repels friendships. There are not only legitimate reasons why people do not choose our friendship but there are character defects that need attention and refrained from walking in. Facing the reality, I gave women good reason to back away from me has to be considered. Blaming others for our circumstances will not get to the root nor will we take accountability for our inner self or the sin structures and ungodly mannerisms we have.


This is why I write this; I have to overcome anger that keeps on surfacing. Overcome my anger and bitterness towards church people and keep allowing Him to walk me through. If not these things block me, and shut me down from ministering effectively. And this keeps me bound emotionally and under the demonic and continuously living with disappointment and heartache. I know it has been said before “it is how you respond” to people when they sin against us or do not act accordingly to our desires, wants or needs. And I know we are to judge our own heart first and allow God to judge their heart. And I know we are to forgive those who reject us or hurt us or sin against us. And I know we are to keep the unity of the Spirit (Ephesians 4:3, 13) in the bond of peace and mature to the fullness of Christ. And I and we are to lay down our lives for others. And I know we are to love the brethren in spite of their human frailty and flaws and accept those who are different or don’t fit our mold of what a woman a man or a Christian should be like act like and speak like. And I know, and I know and I know this and that, but I am still getting angry because it just stays the same. I see demons can and people just let demons have their way so easily in them than walking in The Spirit. So I need a deeper revelation in my heart why I cannot move on or apply wisdom and knowledge to stop being angry at the church people in general. I am sure it is because I get ‘wrecked’ by rejection. But I have to find what is going to work personally for me, what is going to make me walk on and put all this behind me. I know if I don’t there are doorways on doorways for works of darkness when I go into full-time ministry. Jezebel will be in pursuit of me and is anyway but I don’t want to give her a knowing legal or easy access. Humility, meekness, patience, forbearance are just not the avenues I can take to overcome. I know I have put women or those in the church on a pedestal. I have expected more of them in behavior, but I should have had no expectation and standard on them. So I have experienced disappointment, anger, bitterness and resentment. I did not have the insight to know that people will fail us, fail our expectation, and fail our needs wants and desires. Fail to come up to the biblical standard or even a worldly courtesy standard. I did not have the insight that Christians had weakness, were disobedient to the instructions in righteous living, walked moreover in the carnal man than the Spiritual man and could be rude and self-orientated and lived for themselves rather than the teachings and ways of Christ;


and were not discerning of demonic activity tempting them or when they are in manifest in and over them. I guess I have to excuse and forgive myself for having such high expectations on how I should have been accepted. How I should have been treated, how I should have been loved and received with warts and all. Even if I have been sinned against or have given reasons to repel people from friendship with me, I need to look within myself and come into reality with self. Judging them one-eyed will not heal me or alleviate my angers and completely pull out the root of bitterness. Lowering and releasing my standard of others in church “They should have known better” “I expected love and acceptance” “They should have loved me where I was at” “I am a likable person, I would make a good friend” “What about the message of the cross, why does it not apply to me” will release me. Seeing through eyes of reality that pastors and people in the church will and do make mistakes and Pastors run their church according to what they believe is biblical truth and right before God. Seeing people manipulate and hurt people, reject, are rude and speak their mind. Seeing they let their yes be yes and their no be a flat out no, no matter how insensitive it may sound. Seeing they are selective in friendships, fear homosexuals and this very thought is gross and an abomination to them. Seeing they will not receive all persons in the church, will ride over people's feeling and disobey the Word and seeing they operate from their individuality and personality and have religion will cause me and you to move beyond anger. Seeing this reality, instead of walking in bitterness, anger, unforgiveness, judgment and grumbling will enable me to release my anger. Anger because they never came up to the unrealistic standard I expected of them, and that I expected of them to be towards me. Reality checks work well! “Discretion shall keep you; understanding shall watch over you;” Proverbs 2:11 In reality perfection does not exist, perfect churches are not to be found, and perfect behavior is not a reality, perfect days seven days a week 364 days a year do not happen. Man-woman is carnal, man woman has demons, man woman has choices and have their own personal convictions of what is wrong and what is right and who is okay and who is not, what is sin or what is righteousness and I myself am no different, I reject.


Therefore, this is enough for me to release my anger at the church and everyone in it that has knowingly and unknowingly hurt me. I release my expectations my anger, bitterness and unforgiveness to the wind and renounce all my false expectations on how I should have been received, how I should have been loved and how many friends I should have now. I forgive them all and forgive myself and release them all and release myself to continue to walk on this path and to press on and wage this warfare and pursue maturity. It’s a new day, I surrender unknowingly trying to control people by my expectations on people to be thus and so and thus and so towards me or have friendships with me.


When we go through a storm sometimes we do let the storm get in us. Sometimes circumstances do not allow the storm to pass over but pass in open windows and doors we have forgotten to close or because there is broken glass in the window. People will turn on you, even the ones you thought you were alright with! One moment you will be talking and having coffee together, then bang the next Sunday they can become your enemy and betray you, gossip about you, use something personal against you, tell on you to the Pastor and they said this done that! Stand, keep watch the enemy prowls around like a lion and never gives up on getting an opportunity to devour you in any way he can!


Jesus said He would instruct us and teach us in the way we should go (Isaiah 2:3). He said He would counsel us with His eye upon us (Psalm 73:23). He said He would lead us (Romans 8:14, Galatians 5:18) living with us day and night as our Shepherd (Psalm 23:1). Every one of us have been given a vision as every one of us are appointed for Kingdom living and every one of us are called to advance the Kingdom of God. Without this knowledge we establish and advance the Kingdom of self. “I’m not going to be ‘a somebody’ or a leader, a minister, or have my own ministry, or be seen or heard, write books or be a pastor over a 73

congregation so I’m casting off the restraint of His Word. I’M not going to live Kingdom ways or by Kingdom principles, who cares what Rabbi Jesus teaches I’m letting loose and gunner do my own thing.” A vision for the equipment of the saints most assuredly does motivates us to want Kingdom living and to advance the Kingdom of God. But what if there is no vision and or God-ordained call in your life of being an Apostle, Prophetess, Teacher, Worker of Miracles, Healer, Administrator, Evangelists or Pastor (1 Corinthians 12:28, Ephesians 4:11). Your drive to advance the Kingdom of God can be little. “Why do I have to commit myself to the Church and the people in it, I have no motivation I’m just a pew sitter.” The enemy is alive and doing well and seated in the body of Christ. Ignorance of his devices and discernment when they bring lies and deception against the mind will cause us to be ensnared. But, besides being aware of demonic works and assignments there is a need to see the call on your life. All of us are called to snatch those who are close to the fire, those who have fallen into heresy, those who are in chains, those who are deceived, those who are hurting and snatch those who are on the broad way and minister with resources and prayer to those who are demonized. We are all called to a prayer life to intercede and travail, all of us can take this call. Those who take a call of intercession are considered to be on the front line and are known as mighty men and women of God. You can take this call and allow Him to train your hands to war and train you in ways of righteousness. He will put a double-edged sword in your hand to bring down strongholds over cities and regions. You will bring warfare to scatter Princes and come against Kings and other angelic ranks in the air. We can all be warriors; all of us are called to pray in The Spirit. All of us are called into relationship, partnership to love each other, to aid our neighbor, to build up the body to live as a Christian community. We are all called to fight, all called to wage this warfare to deliver our brother and sister out of any type of captivity. As you avail yourself, be yielded to be trained to use the sword and the whole armor of God, you will be surprised where and what He will do through you. There are many of the brethren blinded by lies and heresies that need to be set free from captivity and outside your own church, many thinking they don’t have demons, curses or bonds of iniquities that are fortified by devils. 74

There is work to be done, a call on your life to be available for Him to use you where you are established in doctrine and to establish you in other doctrines so as to share those truths with whoever He will put across your path if you will to see afresh the call on your life. We do not have to leave our brothers and sisters in captivity any longer than they should be; we have a call to wage this warfare in The Spirit and in utterance of Truth. If He wills as you make yourself available to Him you could be even moved around the body of Christ for a season to minister one to one with others who are in captivity - it is ministry. I have been in transit between churches and prayed for opportunity to set those in captivity free. So He has moved me in and I have given over prayer strategies, teachings and out I have come to be sent into another group of people in which I wait until I receive His command to know what He wills of me in there. Even if I have to stay in a particular body where there are attitudes and comments about women or “that women cannot teach, they must remain silent.” Or where a man handles my arm strongly to make me listen to his one-sided opinion – I set a boundary and confront such behavior but I stay and work through any offense and what hits a nerve or an unhealed emotion, and only leave when I am released to move on. I even ask for divine appointments in my house-cleaning job and receive them. Some I stay at, some I clean for a short time and then I do not go back, it is as The Lord wills. Even if that means clean some elderly persons home then stay because she wants to make me a sandwich for lunch and have a yarn. In as much as I may not will to eat or stay, but it is as unto The Lord and it is His ministry. “The Lord says: “If you will receive this call a fresh, I will use you, draw you near, continue to train you, increase discernment and bring to you works to advance The Kingdom of The Living God.”


We are not called to condemn the church or to accuse and criticize the church of His anointed ones or our fellow brothers or sisters, Jew or Gentile. Could it be that the enemy has fortified a stronghold over your mind to be against the church and its system? Could it be that they are at work for you to leave the church and the fellowship of the saints? Absolutely!


With a heart that has had enough of Christianity we all need to know that we know that we know and even set ourselves to a fast to know if it is His will to leave any mainstream church, church or home church or fellowship. If you are considering going to a little home church, or a new church movement in town, or another denomination or stay at home and have TV your church consider are you walking out of one net into another bigger net? The enemy wills to render you powerless and he will anyway he can if you lack knowledge and are out of God’s will and most assuredly if you’re a carnal man or woman ruling over and in your own life “well what about me” “I” “I” and “I” and “but they” “but I can’t do and be thus and so.” We are called to judge doctrines and the kingdom of darkness, we are not called to judge Jesus’ body, which will be to our own judgment by God.


Malachi 3:14 “You have said, it is vain to serve God, And, What profit, is it that we have kept His charge, and that we have walked as mourners before Jehovah of hosts? Sometimes we cry this message “It is vain to serve God, what profit is it to obey His commands when I feel like, when this is happening to me.” But, it is not in vain what you are not going through what you are going through.


The disciples spent three years with Jesus before they were released into ministry, not to mention the years prior being taught in Synagogues and the houses of books before they could even be chosen as one of the twelve. You are important to Him and His Kingdom plans and purposes. Jesus had more than twelve disciples, but the twelve were to walk closer than the multitude of the other disciples.


Come back to run the race, to fight the fight if you are one of those who are set apart all the days of your life in consecration and holiness unto The Lord (Luke 1:75-79). Your call and vision He has placed in your heart is for that multitude to train them up. You have a place to place in the big picture in the governing of His Kingdom. Take of the Covenant cup and body for refreshing. Allow your heart to be empowered once again. Let the power of His shed blood impart His victory against the work the demons have done on your mind and heart. Allow His Blood to come one with your spirit to rise again with life, resurrection life power and strength. Let the power of His Blood Covenant raise you up again and keep you up above your circumstances and mindsets.


If we have lost the presence of God, the joy, the excitement, and the thrill of ministry the desire to walk the Christ life we get on your face and go for grace. If your walk has pressures don’t turn and do more works to alleviate stress or ease your heart. Turn aside to His presence for restoration. Take sabbatical, take communion often. Often allow the power of His Blood to speak into your heart and redirect your steps. Let His Blood’s victory impart the shadow of His wings against the works of darkness. Go rest in Him, take shelter in His blood, and take the hiding place in His blood. Come back into intimacy; come back to fellowship with Him in all things. Grace is available and Covenant Grace is abundant so converse with Him at all times. You are the righteous, flaws and all, faults and all, failings and all and striving and all and trying and all. He sees you through eyes of grace, eyes of the finished work of Calvary, eyes of the power of His blood. So ease up on yourself, you are terrific you’re doing great. If you’re caught in striving, or trying to be for Him or others quit trying, quit striving to be and just be as “in Him we live and be.” His presence His company His fellowship and our relationship with Him is of far greater weight than fulfillment from ministry or doing service. Satisfaction will not be found in ministry alone, but firstly from honest open be yourself relationship and intimacy with Him. God wants to walk with us Jesus wants to walk with us Holy Ghost wants to walk with us. He is more interested in forming relationship with us than forming a ministry or a ministry position. He wants us to walk 77

with Him, not walk after a call, after a ministry door, after a position, after a call or after a vision. He delights in us and delights us when we set our affection on Him. We find part of our identity in ministry and in the natural, but He wants us to find it firstly in our relationship with Him and to Him; and to this He even gives the desire and the power if we are willing. He is not after anything; He is not up to anything. There is no evil motive for Him by winning or wanting our affection. He is love, and delights in loving, delights in blessing, delights in well you can say it like this - just like you delight in kissing the one you love He delights in loving us, except His delight is more intense, He is Love, pure love and knows how to love us individually and personally (1 Corinthians 13:4-8) and loves to love us. He is not taking another little piece of your heart again to get something from you. He does not want to chain your heart against your will for sanctifying purposes or ministry. Consider, He did ask you if you would like to be born again! So He will continue to ask you to enter into personal relationship and deeper fellowship and sanctification with Him (Romans 8:35, 37-39; Ephesians 1:17-23). Yes, He has a will a purpose and a plan for us and we are important in His kingdom plans and purposes, but most importantly He wants relationship and from this intimacy all ministry flows forth. How can we get direction if we have not taken the time to discern Him to hear the voice of The Lord? Letting peace be your umpire is a great thing, but it has a carnal side to it. We all need to allow Him to mature us to hear His small still voice, develop our intuition that we know that we know it is as “my sheep hear my voice and they follow me and will not follow any other voice.�


It is the inner life, the inner heart that has to attach itself to relationship with our God. It is the inner heart that is important to all our happiness whether it be spiritual, marriage, family, friends the material or geographical. Our heart will attach itself to what it believes is important and if that is a five-bedroom home with two children or to be the best wife or to become a school teacher or to put God first in all things that’s where the heart will go.


Weight on attachments with externals for satisfaction before relationship and invitation to Jesus in the inner heart will not bring spiritual freedom or happiness. Where your treasure is there is your heart. We are called to walk in the Spirit and look to the things not seen and see ourselves as citizenship in Heaven and to build our treasure up in heaven. Therefore, if we pursue with our heart the temporal, the earthly, the sensual, the world there will be emptiness and dissatisfaction, even though all this is part of our whole tri-unite existence. The spiritual comes first, Jesus comes first, and relationship with Him comes first. And out of this flows satisfaction with the material, the family with the temporal. The horse goes before the cart! We are called to a higher life, created for a higher life, created to live spiritual before carnal, created for relationship with Father, Son and Spirit. To go one step further we were created and ordained for the glory of God and for service to His people, one another.


Relationship with Him is the prerequisite to fulfillment, fulfillment in His call on our lives. When you think of it, we are accompanied by Christ Jesus. We are called to work with Him under His leading. We are even called His friend and can be as one with Him (John 17:20-23). “You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything I have learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:14-15 Friends talk to each other, friends listen to each other. When you have had enough of Christianity, return to relationship, foster relationship. He keeps nothing from us, everything He has learned from the Father He makes known to us. Yes, He is Deity and we are His creation so we cannot be as One with Him Being Him. But as His workmanship we can be one with Him as He wills to work through us in Spirit anointed ministry if that be in the limelight or in the fellowship of the congregation or at work or in day to day living, every bit counts and even builds treasure. He sees in us the likeness of Himself and we are made in His image. He came in likeness of our flesh. He accepts us warts and all He truly loves us.



No matter if no-one believes in the call on your life, you do. You know what the direction He has taken your life and what He had put in your heart. So stand and look to what your heart is saying not your head, not the demons, not the people in the body of Christ who the devil uses to discourage you and limit you. The enemy will dwarf your heart, your call, and your view of yourself and the freedom of being yourself; and stop your anointed self when you focus on the others! Jesus has brought you thus far and He will bring you into the next thus far. Redirect your thinking redirect your focus once again to the call on your life. Consider, does it really matter if people do not believe in you or the call on your life? Pride profits nothing, ego does not either. The proof will be in the pudding, the day you enter into the day appointed for you in ministry will testify to yes I was called, yes I am called and yes I was not dreaming or deceived. I was led to blow the shofar three times for the opening of the doors of Triumphant Ministries that no man could shut and to this I refocus when no one received or believed or discerned the ministry call on my life. I could not move in churches because of submission and the appointed roles and positions within the churches structure. Therefore, I could not give any of my teachings to anyone and I could not minister in the gifting and anointing on my life in church even though I have much to give, my appointed had not come. In your heart you also have a something spoken to you to refocus on. What is that? Look to that when your heart fails you, when patience has a while to go. It will come to pass and you will be who He said you will be; no matter what others think or how they restrict you or what the demons are singing in your head or what you believe in times of your ‘flesh’ feeling sorry for itself.



You will be birthed through refiner’s fire so don’t be like Aaron who was taken up the mountain and told to undress out of his Priestly garment or his mantle and anointing and then struck dead because he refused to walk in refiner’s fire according to the call and anointing on his individual life. When I have had enough of refiner’s fire because I have to submit to this submit to that and be this and be that I eat the bread of oppression, sadness, discontentment and find it difficult to walk in forgiveness and I take offense so easily. The reality is I have a mantle that requires refiner’s fire, I have to move upward towards the requirements needed on my life, not only in my behavior but even my persona has to change. I was watching the movie Educating Rita and The Holy Ghost used words the Professor spoke to Rita into my heart. They spoke so loud and clear to me that I wrote them down so I could rearrange them to apply to me personally, and these are what follow: “Take an honest account of your personality and the way you come across, will anyone take you serious? Take an honest account of your whole presentation, the way you come across to people. Yes, you are you and unique but you are going to have to change. What you have is valuable but if you are going to come up higher and be the person who writes the books you are going to have to suppress and even abandon your old self.” Growing up is not a transition that comes with age, it is a learnt and acquired process. As painful as it is, we have to change not only in our persona but in the ways of righteous instruction that allows Him to refine our sin structures and accept that the Christ life is the life of refiner’s fire and living out of that newness of life. Allow Him once again to empower you and change you, come back into agreement to allow Him to change your heart and cause you to accept the calls requirements on your life. Intertwine once again with His will for your life, the bread is sweeter and in His presence is much better than the devils or the flesh where no good thing dwells.



When God has a call on your life demons are operative and are sent by Witches, Warlocks, Satanists, Principalities and Wickedness in High places. Your Ruling spirit in and over you also devises ways to paralyze you, hijack your heart and emotions or whatever is your weakness. They will try to cause you to abort and or prolong and or even abandon and or abort your call. They will use members in the churches to cause division, dissention, opposition, resistance and rejection against you to weaken you so they can enforce their legal grounds against you when you are down and or at your weakest – emotionally physically or mentally. Demons do not lay down and die, and they know how to and do move freely and easily through those in the church, and the flesh is as much of a force as demons. Envy, jealousy, pride will contend against you and will not give way to the gifted, people want their own kingdom over the principles of Kingdom living and control is a force to reduce you and snuff out the light of the vision in our heart. If we do not find the keys and change of heart to rise above these realities the reality is we will be tossed to and fro with every work of darkness and work of flesh. Sin and iniquity and demonic activity is as much of a reality as the sun and moon in the sky, so we have to become as spiritual ones (1 Corinthians 3:1) choosing to make the transition to put into practice what we know and allowing The Spirit to make it become life to us.


If you are in the wilderness or in isolation being trained for reining this separation is a ‘norm.’ Anyone who is going to be used ‘powerfully’ of The Lord Jesus isolation and separation is part of the training. For years I did not understand this truth as I had roots of rejection so I took my isolation as a form of rejection from the body. It was not His perfect will for me to be a ‘social butterfly’ or have several friends or to go gallivanting about from house to house to fellowship with others. He 82

wanted me in isolation to be taught to be trained to write to learn in the school of The Holy Ghost. Not knowing this and in the process of overcoming rejection anyway I often became emotionally hurt and wrecked by rejection. Demons schemed and capitalized for their own gain and assigned works through others to try to ‘finish me off’ to build their fort for future devastation. Becoming a warrior in the army of God is no comfortable ride. Watchman Nee writes in “The Spiritual Man” Volume 2 that was noted in Win Worley’s Booklet 14 of God’s Plan for Leadership: “To remove warfare from spiritual life is to render it unspiritual. Life in the spirit is a suffering way filled with watching and laboring, burdened by weariness and trial, punctuated by heartbreak and conflict. It is a life utterly outpoured entirely for the Kingdom of God and lived in complete disregard for one's personal happiness. When a Christian is carnal he lives towards himself and for his own ‘spiritual’ enjoyment. Of little real value is he in God’s hands. Only as he dies to sin and to his personal life shall he be able to be used by God. A Spiritual life is one of spiritual usefulness because it is lived to mount assault upon assault against God’s spiritual enemy.” 8. [Worley, 1991:1] The quicker we accept spiritual life and spiritual attack is against us in many forms, especially against our weak or unsanctified or unhealed area’s peace will be ours and victory. Purpose will be fresh and we will understand people’s behavior then our circumstances become more clearly seen. When we accept it is just self and Jesus’ Spirit in these times of isolation and separation and give Jesus control of our life we will block their inroads and start to demolish the strongholds they have built up because of our lack of knowledge and yielded grounds. Fighting against His plan and purpose for our lives will not empower us for Kingdom works. If doors close, they close for a purpose. If doors do not open or opportunities you think you should have come and don’t come your way, then it is for a reason. You are called of God, separated as unto Him for Him for His redemptive plan and purposes for His body. The doors will open when they are ordained to open and the opportunities will come when they are to come. Your life is in His hands give Him your heart again for walking after and towards His will.


If you have gone lukewarm or hardened your heart, repent and return to love. Repent and return from rebellion and stubbornness and draw near to Him who has chosen you to equip you for the honor of 83

serving His people for His Kingdom come His will be done. Come out of agreement with the flesh and with darkness with His help. Inquire of the Lord if grounds of harlotry block your heart as they will turn away our heart from Him who redeemed us (Hosea 4:11). Harlotry has grounds with all sexual immorality, uncleanness; rape, incest, fornication, adultery, ritual occult practices in worship to other gods and goddesses, prostitution, sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, bi-sexuality, sodomy, Tran-sexuality, seduction in all its forms either for money power or position or favor, betrayal in the marriage, infidelity including pornography and movies and any other sexually immoral practice. Spiritual harlotry is also generational cult and Baal worship/occult and witchcraft practices of any of the lesser deities including practices of sexual immorality.


Jesus will turn up not one minute before or one minute too late. He said He would open the door for your ministry then He will open the door for your ministry. If you blew the shofar for the opening of the doors of your ministry and that no man could shut, then the doors will be opened. His promise does not return to Him void, what He said He will do He will perform. He said in your heart He would do this and so for you, then thus and so He will do, your vision will come to pass. Do not harden your heart in the days of adversity in the days of waiting. To take the waiting and the training out of reigning is to take out T to W from the alphabet. To take the warfare out of spiritual warfare is to make the walk not after the Spirit. We are to walk in the Spirit, to be led of the Spirit; in some form or another we will always wrestle against powers and principalities against demon spirits in and over us while waiting for our appointed day and within our appointed ministry. Adversity is just as much a part of life as eating food and drinking water is. Demons always scheme to be two steps ahead of you and two steps behind you and bluntly this is where they are. They are clever, evil, cunning, liars and far more skilled in this labyrinth game than us. Unless we are in purity or discerning and in union with the movements of The Holy Ghost they are beyond our capabilities. We are no match for them where we lack and where we have agreement with them. If we are going to be successful, a walk of the Spirit has to be 84

fostered and deepened and most of all we have to come to terms this is our portion this is our call this is the life He has ordained for us. If you fight it you can be guaranteed that you will go from being confused, agitated, rebellious, indulgent, depressed and desperate until you give up and realize you cannot fight what is your purpose and what is the reality of the call or the Christ life. As separated unto Him, we will see that others can do things that we cannot; others will not have their reigns so tight. Others will not be required to live in the ‘ok corral’, they will be able to run in the long paddocks and go into other grass fields. We cannot, we are in one paddock and one paddock only. Trained to stand and if that means do not move, then that means we do not make one movement, we are selected by the Master for fine work, so we give up and give it all, we give all of ourself without reservation or we won’t break the cycle, truth is we are not in control of our life or our circumstance and if you are still there then from confusion to desperation you will go until you realize GIVE UP. Resurrection life is after we have been to the cross, we have to die first. It will profit us to no avail by not believing the call on our lives will come to pass in its appointed time. Whining, feeling sorry for ourselves, resentful or wishing we had never become a Christian because this walk is without the lust of the flesh only prolongs His work. Or because spiritual adversity is against us; or because there are offensive carnal Christians unknowingly being used as arrows for devils will profit only the flesh and only unhappiness and demonic building blocks that have to be demolished. It does not take long to get into a sin structure, but it takes much, much longer to demolish it to come out of it. Happiness does not come from the self-life it does not come from a life of looking at the cross that is supposed to crucify us. It comes from the Spirit/spiritual life, the resurrection life the GIVE UP to Him life it’s a lesson we have to learn whether we like it or not. You're either in or you're out, there is no fence sitting. There is no one foot in or one foot out, the carnal one minute then the spirit life the next. There is no Balaam attitude of both sides to profit ourselves; he walked straight into the net the enemy set for him and died by the sword of his own people Israel. There will always be downs in life, always be adversity. There will always be a fleshly battle a power struggle with the flesh and the spirit life. You might as well accept this truth that happiness will not come wishing we could be a carnal Christians without boundaries. There is no point being self-absorbed or always trying to control the way life should be for us or we will live the same day over and over again until we realize we have to give up to His plan and purpose before something changes in our heart. 85

You are a Christian, I am a Christian and He will not bless flesh, the Spirit is against the flesh and a life of the flesh is against the Spirit. We are baptized unto Him, children of God, there is no turning back so we might as well conform to righteousness, give it 100% commitment to walk the walk and reap the benefits, storm the gates of hell and set the captives free we are called to a higher life. If we do not die to our flesh, the life of Christ cannot come forth. Recall “there is joy, peace and love and righteousness in the Holy Ghost.” The fruit of the Spirit is not going to be there when you walk in the flesh, only the ugliness of the sinful nature: criticism, resentfulness, hate, anger, rudeness, nasty thoughts, lust, desire, want and dissatisfaction with all things, breeding grounds for the devils to further reinforce our carnality and their dominion. There are two choices, life or death. Choose this day the life of The Spirit or the life of the letter that brings death – spirit or carnal. The truth is we are a Christian with the Spirit of Grace indwelling you. He is not going to allow us to perish He is not going to let us go. He is not going to allow us to lie down and give up and lay in the arms of demons. He is not going to reward us for walking after the flesh because our ministry is a way off and are digesting the lies of the demons. He does not reward tantrums and He is not persuaded by fleshly manipulation or fleshly reasoning or our lordship over our life. He is not going to bring our ministry to fruition until His ordained appointed time, so we may as well go with the flow and enjoy our self and get on with His business and do what He tells us to do, He’s got all that it takes to be happy and satisfied and equipped. We have been appointed for a great ministry, you cannot go into the darkness with darkness in our own life or you will be brought down by their greater skills and spiritual insights. Jesus was called into darkness to preach the light and when you are called into the throws of darkness you have to go with light we have to go walking in the light as He is in the light, we have to come out of agreement with darkness and come out of their grip. Deliverance Ministry, setting the captive free has a prerequisite of being relatively free and a heart’s desire for a constant and consistent walk of The Spirit life. Healing of the emotions has to come to the measure of maturity or this gives access for demonic resistance and deception. Demons will want their reign in the deliverance ministry to hinder fullness of ministry; they are masterful deceivers and treacherous. They have no conscience and have nothing but contempt for Christians and especially those who walk in deliverance authority. When you still 86

have grounds for them to function and bring warfare and where you are unskilled in a walk of The Spirit they will build their blocks to step in and step up in your ministry. Therefore, we give up our control of life, yield to walk, yield to be healed and come in agreement with the work that has to be done within us before He can release us in our call.


Elijah’s time in Zarephath. The death of the widow’s son brought light to Elijah that there must be a death for there to be a resurrection. This is the same with us; there must be a death to self, an experience of death to the self-life for the ‘anointing life’ to come forth. Waiting for a vision to come to pass could be as simple as: He is waiting for us to die a little more, grow up a little more and our character cemented in the Christ walk. Character is essential in any vision; we have to make room for the call and gifts on our life by our character. This is a truth “the greater the level the bigger the devils.” They will strategically engineer more attacks on our weaknesses and create circumstances in and through other Christians as weapons against us. Knowledge of the Word of God is not what spiritual growth is. Knowledge alone does not change our lives or our attitude towards circumstances. “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1) the walk of love is the pivotal stone for the Christ life for character. Scripture is relational, the Bible is a book about people’s lives and their God ordered or ordained experiences and His inspired wisdom to them for our lives. So we allow the scripture to divide the thoughts and the intents of our hearts so we can see how we are walking in Christ and in the love walk. When we have a look at ourselves and understand ourselves other than knowing and understanding God, Jesus and Holy Spirit we will allow Him to empower us to be changed. Sometimes I have had enough of reading the Word looking at me or hearing sermons that scream “you’re not good enough” “your sins and character have so many things wrong with it.” So going through the Bible for self-exposure is not an event we will to do each time we read study or 87

hear the scriptures taught, but it is a spiritual discipline to develop and have on our consciousness. When we are walking close with God, The Holy Spirit will and does bring enlightenment to our hearts for area’s to surrender so He can bring about change. When we think of Samson who knowingly had a high call went against God and his parents because his character was not changed we see he allowed his heart that is deceitful above all things and the lusts of his flesh towards the Philistine woman, a people who God forbid the Hebrews to marry rule over his circumstances. Intellectualizing the Word then quenching The Holy Spirit’s convicting work will not equip us to walk in our vision, our calls or high calls in Christ. Jesus sees spiritual growth as just as important in waiting for a vision to come to pass as to walking in the vision. Our heart is deceitful above all things and the lusts of the flesh the carnal person is just as much as a hindrance as a head full of knowledge. Embracing change, the change from living in the lusts of the flesh to holy living is not an event we want to take hold of, but we must embrace change - wilderness lack or the Promised Land provision? We have to walk the walk and talk the talk, not make intellectual choices with the knowledge of grace and forgiveness of sin. Destruction follows, we have potential to touch lives with His anointing or bring destruction in many forms to others lives. We can and do get hardened by sin's deceitfulness (Hebrews 3:13) so we have to be changed from the inside out and allow Him to fashion and mold us and we are best to yield to His empowerment to walk dead to sin but alive unto Him. As difficult as it is at times to put off the old man it is far better, far, far better to walk in Christ than in the old man. Once realizing this in the heart it is far easier to accept, receive and embrace the Christ life. Being spiritual at the moment of ministry or when doing the ‘God stuff’ is not the Christ walk or walking towards the vision He has for our lives. Embracing change is the Christ walk, embracing love, yielding to love daily is the Christ walk “love builds up.” Embracing being a doer of the Word is the Christ walk, embracing the power available to walk in The Spirit is the Christ walk. Try as you might or try as you may to stay dead to sin or to not sin only amounts to striving and fleshly works. Yielding daily to walk in love and in Christ’s Spirit empowers us to live. We do have a choice, life or death, we do have a choice to yield to be delivered from temptation or yield to the temptation. I realize it is not this simple; however, we have power to be progressively changed and have strongholds brought to death and grounds discerned to have any hidden grounds of darkness or judgment brought to light. 88

Kingdom living in essence demands change, progressive change and the heart circumcised to continue to walk in what change has taken place in the old man's or woman’s heart. The love walks surrenders self to be available any day anywhere so He can work in and through us for us as His body. The love walk surrenders to be empowered by love. The love walk will sooner or later marry with the heart that we walk in love and become less likely to tire from the Christianity.


It took one woman to bring revival to Samaria (John 4:7-42). Woman you have destiny; your flesh will hinder your work for Him when you stop believing you have gender value. The woman at the well was no more an immoral woman shunned by her community. Was she immoral or just shunned because of religious rabbinic tradition? Was she divorced against her will because she did not cook right or could not bear children or not pretty enough? Whatever the truth of her five husbands she met with destiny. She met Messiah and drank of Him, received the living water. She met with Him and left behind her water pot, as James and John left behind their fishing, “come follow me.” She grasped the revelation that He was who He was, and what living water could do for her. She received the call of who she would become. In His eyes she was going to be remarkable, a voice of proclamation, and a voice to herald Messiah and repentance. In His eyes we too are chosen as she is. Some of us women will be Apostles, some Prophetess’s, some Teachers, some to do Works of Power, some to be Healers, some in Helps, some in Governments and some to speak and minister in kinds of languages and some to be interpreters of languages (1 Corinthians 12:28-30) then some to be Pastors and some to be Evangelists (Ephesians 4:11). Jesus knew the field for harvest He knew He would break their mindsets of men’s tradition to send a woman as His chosen laborer to proclaim Him, and “because of the word of the woman testifying many of the Samaritans out of that city believed into Him.” (John 4:39) This woman became a history maker, her life before and after she had been with the Rabbi lives on. She was given retribution for how she was treated by the religious, how she was treated in the name of man’s holiness. Walk on, choose life again and let nothing and no one hinder


your call, your vision, your destiny your assigned work for Him. Be a wet water walker than a dry boat dreamer. He exalted woman that day, let Him continue to exalt you. You are called with a purpose, called with a plan, called for a mission, called without sexual preference, called because you have value and worth and called because He believes in you. Get out of your boat and walk on water “Jesus if that is you beckon me to come to you.” He has been at work in your heart with His power to get you out of the boat. Get up you’re not stuck and walk on water with Him and for Him.


Jesus trampled underfoot the ordinances of man, the rabbinical laws and customs that were not according to truth according to true interpretation of His Law. In every incident that Jesus meets and speaks with a woman He dispels these rabbinical heresies of ordinances. This is worthy of repeating; every incident that Jesus meets and speaks with a woman He dispels rabbinical heresy of ordinances put against her. He set women free in every incident. He has set women free to be the women disciples He has intended them to be. He intended them to be first disciples in His school so as they could then to be His teachers, His Prophetess, His Pastors, and His Ministers. Jesus set women free from the old age lie “women may not go to the altar and minister due to they are at times unclean.” 9. [Payne, 1998:9] The excuse of the monthly menstrual cycle is only one of the lies attached to the curse of Eve that kept women silent separated and subordinated in the things of Torah. If you have had enough of Christianity because of the injustices, you see against women in the churches awaken Woman you have access to the Holy of Holies just like men. Christ has redeemed us, seated us in the third heaven and calls us women to ministry, the same ministry positions men have. We are called to declare His mighty works, not only of our personal lives but the lives of others and the lives written in the Word. The woman who was subject to bleeding for twelve years (Luke 8:43-48) was not supposed to be in public according to Law (Leviticus 90

15:19-24) so she did not make anything or anyone unclean that she touched. But in Zechariah 13:1 there was written that a fountain will be opened up to cleanse from sin and impurity or uncleanness. This was The Christ, the Christ who would come and set free women from these cleanliness laws. Recall He never told her to go and wash and segregate herself for seven days or offer two pigeons at the temple (Leviticus 15:28-30). Nor did He stop His ministering (Leviticus 15:27) to go and wash; “And He said to her, Daughter, be comforted. Your faith has healed you. Go in peace. 49. As He was yet speaking, someone came from the synagogue ruler, saying to him, Your daughter has expired. Do not trouble the Teacher. 50. But hearing, Jesus answered him, saying, do not fear; only believe, and she will be healed. 51. And coming into the house, He did not allow anyone to enter except Peter and James and John, and the father and mother of the child.” (Luke 8:48-51) We have been set free not only from the handwriting of the ordinances of Jewish cultural traditions those steeped in hypocrisy and heresy; but from many Old Testament laws that were written for a rehearsal of the coming Messiah and the birthing of a Nation and a people who were wilderness dwellers who had no guidelines, no instructions on how to live as a people separated unto holiness. The Bible must be understood in the era and culture it was written. However, this does not take away foundational and eternal truths we are as His people to live by. But the war on the sexes has been around since Eve and will continue to around until the end of this age. The question is: Are you going to allow the adversary to win this war personally against you and our sisters in Christ to keep from us what rightly belongs to us? Are you going to compare and study the Scriptures, the book writers, the theologian’s teachings, the Pastors opinions to prove if women can truly be Pastors, Leaders, Ministers, Teachers and all the others callings? Judge for yourselves, Jesus said The Holy Spirit will teach you all things that you may know the truth. The school of The Holy Spirit will assure you of this truth as you step out and invite Him to settle this in your heart. It may take years, it may not, but study and prove the doctrine or you will rob yourself and your daughters and granddaughters of satisfaction in the heart and from rising up to their personal call, their specific personal calling on their lives as a woman in ministry titles as men. Not by ordaining themselves or choosing to become a Pastor or a Ministry Title as if it can be a career option. Flesh will not profit the body, “But all these gifts are one work of the one and the same Spirit, distributing them separately to each individual as He wills.” (1 Corinthians 12:7-11)


As He wills to call us and this applies to men they too cannot put themselves in ministry unless they are personally called. They cannot go to Bible College as a career option and become a Pastor or Theologian or Minister of some title unless they have been ordained from the womb of their mothers or the course of their lives changed by The Sovereign God Yahweh. Otherwise it is a call of the flesh, a false call bringing a covering of powers of devils and doctrines mixed with heresy error. Males do not have a legal right to put themselves in Ministry just because they are males or the firstborn, or because Jesus chose twelve male disciples and twenty-four elders around the throne. Both males and females have to be personally chosen, personally invited by Jesus so as He can raise them up to become Apostles, Pastors, Prophets, Evangelists, Teachers and so on. Until I near completed a book “To A Thousand Generations of Women.� A book I found out I was ordained to write from the womb of my mother to release women from darkness to light to know the Kingdom has come among women; and to know that women can have ministry positions as men, ministry titles like men as He personally places the call in their hearts. I had at many a time been angered, down, disheartened with Christianity and God. I believed women could not have the same titles and calling as the men, but His truth set me free. I know that I know that I know He is Lord He is Head of the body, the body of both male and female and if He wills to ordain a woman as a Pastor or a Teacher of men or as an Apostle He has full Lordship as Head of the body His church and as Christ, as God and Son to do as He wills to run and govern His Kingdom. Jesus most assuredly raised women from the dead, the death of heresy and error handed down throughout the ages – so we do not have to drink of this cup anymore! The woman with the issue of blood He restored her self-respect. He spoke to her in public, expelling the rabbinic bondage against speaking to women in public. Breaking the woman out of the bondage of their oral laws, then showing that menstrual law no longer would make women unclean half their lives. We have to consider in those days it was rather prehistoric, ancient. There was no technology, and no medicine as we have so laws in part had to be in place to protect women and men from the spreading of infection, disease and so on. Also protection for women from the lusts of the flesh or the sex drives of their husbands that could have brought upon themselves and their wives curses. Recall both men and women in that dispensation did not have the Holy Spirit to enable them to walk in the Spirit than the flesh.


Her faith, her belief in the Word, the Prophets writing that Messiah would come with healing in His wings enabled her to touch the Tizzot of His prayer shawl. The blue and white cords or the wings of the prayer shawl in faith believing He was the One who would come for both women and men with healing in His wings. She knew He was the One who would come and pour out His Spirit on both men and women and they would be able to prophesy or proclaim with teaching His testimony and their testimony of what He had done for them. Every woman He spoke with, every woman He ministered to revealed how He set women free to be a part of His redemptive plan and purpose distributing His Spiritual gifts as He wills to govern His Kingdom. Jesus deliberately broke rabbinical customs that degraded women that kept women out of the picture. Jesus restored her inner heart to let her know she had value and had worth as a daughter. The old age war “she will crush your head and you will bruise her heal.” The tactic of vengeance is nothing new, such laws the devils have introduced against women through schools of the Rabbinic thought “you could divorce a wife is she spoiled his cooking, divorce a wife if he found a woman more beautiful, divorce a woman if she went in public without a head covering, or spoke to a man or men or if she spoke too loudly at home she was not entitled to any financial settlement at divorce.” Against such backgrounds you will find every time the record of when He speaks to a woman, ministers to a woman, calls a woman reveals Himself to a woman in the New Testament it is because of the bondage they were held in from demonic doctrines, heresy and error, men’s traditions, Rabbinic schools of theology and Herod’s Temple lawyer’s teacher’s elders and priests. Is Jesus not the Word, the Hammer that breaks the bondage of rocks that have kept women weighted down from believing in a call or from following the call they do really know that is in their heart? Woman, “as a new creature in Christ you are called to be gifted by God and Christ. Take your liberty, pray to free yourself of any shackles that would prevent you from being all that He has personally called you to become. Fight the fight, run the race and hold on to what is yours as a woman. Hold on to what is yours as a daughter of The King of The Kingdom, yours as a chosen vessel. He has the government on His shoulders to choose who He wills to choose and if that be you a woman, then you are approved called and appointed.



Jesus implication to Martha when she complained that Mary was sitting at the feet of Jesus learning rather than doing the cultural thing of helps and waiting on the men and the guests. Jesus praised Mary “one thing is needful. Mary has chosen the good portion, which shall not be taken away from her” (Luke 10:41-42 RSV) While family and household works are important, spiritual growth, Jesus, relationship, learning the Word of God and Kingdom work has priority. His Lordship over our lives has far more weight than the natural fleshly decisions of life. Sexual stereotypes of the day demanded women to serve rather than learn Torah. But again Jesus loosed woman to learn at the feet of a Rabbi. Jesus allowed females to travel with Him as His disciples (Luke 8:1-3). They were not just there to serve Him out of their substance or material possessions; they were students of The Word, students of The Torah made flesh, they were His disciples. They were women who were called to surpass the restricted life of the home they were to go with Jesus throughout His times of ministry, then be part of the seventy sent (Luke 10:1). Mary the sister of Martha, the sister of Lazarus who was raised from the dead (John 11:1-5; 12:7-8) anointed Jesus with rare and expensive spikenard ointment (John 12:1-8; Matthew 26:6-13; Mark 14:3-9; Luke 7:36-50), the weight was a pound. It was so expensive that it was a gift that those who could afford it would give to Kings or important people like say Pilate or Herod. This ointment was not the predominate oils used at burial as those mentioned that Nicodemus used (John 19:39) of myrrh and aloes of about one hundred Roman pounds’ weight. Consider a female anointed the King of the Jews, the Head of the body. It was not by a male or one of the Twelve Disciples or given to a male disciple but was a divine appointment to be given to a woman. A woman a forgiven woman a Jewish woman who was accepted as a follower accepted to be a disciple; accepted as a servant of the God of Abraham accepted by her Rabbi Jesus Christ of Nazareth by her King of her people the Jews “your many sins are forgiven… go in peace.” (Luke 7:47-50) We see a forgiven “sinner” a redeemed Jewish woman’s hair and hands touching a man in public. And not only a man but a Holy Man, a King, a High Priest and a God. By Rabbinical and Pharisaical or religious standards this was not acceptable or doctrinally sound! She was to sit at His feet (Luke 10:41-42) had seen and heard Him minister had listened to be able to hear Him speak of His death burial and resurrection. She


would have heard why He should be the Passover Lamb to give His life for her for Gentiles and all her Jewish people. Was she the woman in Jerusalem caught in adultery that was by Law to be stoned to death? Is that why she was sorrowful for His death? Is that why those at Simon the leper’s (Judas Iscariots father - John 12:4) house alluded to her as being “a woman who was a sinner in the city” (Luke 7:37) and “the woman who touches him is; for she is a sinner” (Luke 7:39)? Or was she once the “sinner in the city” a prostitute as possibly alluded to in “publicans and sinners” (Matthew 9:10)? No, she was from the village of Bethany (Mark 14:3; Luke 7:37; John 11:1-2). The woman caught in adultery was from the city of Jerusalem who was brought before Jesus at the Temple of Herod (John 8:1-5) to which she had already been forgiven. Jesus declared to Mary of Bethany “your sins are forgiven…your faith has saved you go in peace.” (Luke 7:47-50) He was forgiving Mary for her “many sins” (v47) at Simon the leper/Pharisees house whereas He told the woman caught in adultery “do not sin again.” (John 8:11) I find no evidence other than the wording city to imply Jerusalem as Bethany was a village or a town very close to Jerusalem. That she was this woman can only be an assumption. Sinners were considered also as the heathens the gentiles and those who did not keep Torah, biblical or oral. Matthew 21:31 refers to harlots as harlots not sinners. Was she Mary Magdalene whom seven demons had gone out (Luke 8:2)? No, this Mary was from Magdala a city on the southwest coast of the Sea of Galilee. Just as Jesus was Jesus of Nazareth Mary was Mary of Magdala. Also if Mary Magdalene was a prostitute she would have had more than, many more, many - many more than seven demons cast out of her! Was this the hypocrisy of them weighing themselves up against others as they were ‘after all’ the Pharisees (Luke 18:9-12) the Torah observant the righteous? Was she considered by the Pharisaic standards ‘unclean’ and this Jesus had now come in contact with an ‘unclean’ person, a sinful person. And if this Jesus of Nazareth was a Holy Prophet He should have Spiritually discerned this? Yes, Simon first saw her ‘in her sins’ not as coming to Jesus as a repentant person or as a forgiven and redeemed person but as an ‘unclean’ sinner; a woman who did not keep Torah so she was not a righteous woman. It appears he had been converted because he had been healed but had not become a disciple of Jesus still keeping his Pharisee position.


Torah taught and the Pharisees were taught that when they came in contact with the realm of sin and death it rendered one unclean. The Law taught when a person touched blood or had some kind of bodily fluid flowing from him or her they were considered unclean. The same if they touched a dead person or a person with some type of skin affliction or who touched or lived in a house with mold. A person who was seen as walking in sin like they still viewed Mary of Bethany and who had come in physical contact with something or someone they were both to be seen as unclean (Luke 7:39); an object lesson pointing to walking in the realm of sin and death “the woman who touches him is; for she is a sinner.” Anyway she could have been guilty of any amount of sins or just that she was not a Torah observant woman! I can discern no satisfactory evidence that either Mary Magdalene or Mary of Bethany were prostitutes or harlots or adulteress women. Simon understood what it was to be considered unclean because of his skin infection of leprosy (Leviticus 13:1-3, 59). It was believed that any person with skin disease or whatever type of leprosy was the result of unconfessed sin in their life. With his mind un-renewed still in religion still Pharisaic he did not understand New Blood Covenant or Jesus actions and acceptance of Mary’s actions. He did not understand righteousness imputed, he did not understand she had been forgiven, was considered clean no longer walking in the realm of sin and death but was able to draw near to the Son of God to touch Him, kiss Him and anoint Him. Women are not forbidden by Jesus “The Word made flesh” to anoint men to have authority over men to lay hands on men and pray for them, not at all. This object lesson of Mary of Bethany reveals such truth. God taught spiritual lessons by His laws His commandments. We cannot approach Him in sin, life does not agree with death, light has no agreement with darkness, and sin does not agree with righteousness, sacred does not match with the profane. His commandments as object lessons taught that His Kingdom was different from the realm of sin and death. If one had sinned or had come into contact with the realm of sin and death one was prohibited from coming into the physical representation the House of God to come into the presence of God. Another object teaching that there are consequences to sin and or walking in sin or walking in the realm of sin and death; walking in the god of this world’s ways - in short are the opposite ways of God. We are either in life or in death, living or dead and we cannot be in both kingdoms at one time. If you go into the other kingdom you will receive the consequences and be separated from His Kingdom.


For lepers the exclusion and examination by the Priest gave time for him/her to examine their life and go back before God to see if there was un-confessed sin and to mend his/her ways (2 Samuel 2:14). As is the same in Blood Covenant; when we confess our sin He is faithful and just to cleanse us from all unrighteousness� (1 John 1:9) and the cleansing is the conscience and the healing from the consequences of the disease and receiving demons. Simon did not realize in times of Messiah (Ezekiel 36:25) there would be no separation for declaration as of old as clean or unclean because all our sins will be forgiven straight forth after confession straight to our High Priest Jesus Christ. No rituals no declaration by the Priest no immersion after forgiveness no sacrifices needed to bring one near to God no observation by the High Priest or the Priest no separation would be in Eternal Blood Covenant. Jesus the High Priest taught by receiving Mary that she was not to be seen in the shadow of her past but in the light of the newness of life, not the sin and death but life in Messiah or in Christ. From Torah teachings Jews understood two kingdoms, kingdom of this world/Satan or sin and death/Adam and the kingdom of God kingdom of life and light. The two states clean and unclean were object lessons to picture these kingdoms (Romans 5:12-21). To a Jew and according to Torah to come in contact with either sin or death or disease rendered one unclean; they were then to be separated from the community and or the presence of God. This they understood as Torah taught that when a woman had a baby she was to go through the period of purification (Leviticus 12) and to offer a sacrifice for sin (Luke 2:22-24). Was this about gender difference or one sex being better than the other? I do not know but it would have been an object lesson God was teaching about sin and death and the two kingdoms; and the fact that they are both born in sin and are sinners in need of forgiveness (Psalm 51:5; Romans 5:12) because of the sin offering. The sin inherited from the first parents Adam and Eve and herself being an instrument for bringing another sinner into the world. Also the life of the flesh is in the blood – bodily discharge identifying with death that was not life-giving therefore it pictures the realm of death thus unclean, this again an object teaching. I do not have the full revelation as to why it was double the time of separation for birth of a female but it could have been an object lesson to say she would one day menstruate and give birth herself. Teaching again about coming into contact with the realm of sin and death and which is opposite to the holiness and expectation of living in the Kingdom of God. Also it may allude to and reinforce the curse of Genesis 3:16 as Torah 97

and other Books always pit one curse, one commandment against another to bear witness and for interpretation. In teaching by these object lessons He also taught the difference between His Kingdom His nature and the kingdom of the world. His ways in His kingdom were governed completely different to the way the kingdom of the world/flesh and the devil was run. To enter into His Kingdom life, we are to abide by His rules and regulations of His Kingdom not by the world/Satan or the traditions of men’s rules and regulations. Mary knew (John 12:7) He was to be crucified after 2 days on Passover (John 12:1; Matthew 26:2; Mark 14:1) so He was to be anointed for burial. She knew His body would remain in the grave for three days and three nights then to be raised. But did she know the all in all significance of the anointing ointment (Luke 7:46) and her being a woman (John 12:7) I don’t know. When you read all the accounts like a detective of spikenard on His feet in the Gospels you will find they all allude to the Passover feast - two days. Even though one writes 6 days it writes in a following verse on “the morrow” is the feast (John 12:12). They all mention Judas is about to betray Jesus, therefore I would say the 6 days refers to a time frame that Jesus came and was in Bethany. Also it is not two accounts of Jesus having His feet and head anointed by separate women. Recall Mary washed His feet with her tears then wiped them with her hair (Luke 7:44). This Mary was not Mary Magdalene but was Lazarus’s and Martha’s sister who appeared to violate custom and rabbinical teachings but she was not violating Jesus’ teachings. Jesus taught us true and new doctrine through what Mary of Bethany experienced as Rabbi’s and Torah teach us by object lessons. In Jewish custom they would collect their tears in a small vial and or a bottle (Psalms 56:8) as a remembrance of sorrows. The tears that Mary used to wash Jesus feet clean were most probably her tears that she had collected in a bottle; she knew there was going to be sorrowful suffering. Her hair was long according to custom both biblical and cultural (1 Corinthians 11:1-11). Her hair may have fallen out of her head covering as she would have been kneeling down. She leaning over as Jesus was laying down in the Jewish way of reclining to eat with the men culturally before the women ate; 12 disciples, Lazarus, Simon the leper Martha serving, there was a possibility of Simon’s wife as Judas Iscariot was his son and Mary had been there and before Jesus arrived (Luke 7:45). This amounts to 17 people, and there may have been more of 98

Simon’s Pharisee friends. Or she may have uncovered her head to wipe His feet dry so as to apply the ointment oil or may have had no head covering on? If you have had enough of the Pharisee’s, the self-righteous people who have judge you because of your “past sins.” Those who do not see you as righteous and in newness of life, recall the blood. The Blood of Jesus shed for your transgressions shed for the forgiveness of your past sins, shed to impute to you right standing – righteousness. You are able to come into His presence able to have fellowship with Him able to go into the holies of holies because you have been cleansed by the blood of The Lamb, redeemed by the Blood of The Lamb. He has received you; you are in Eternal Blood Covenant, eternally righteous.


I cannot remember where I gleaned the following from but it is noteworthy to leave in this book. If your image is coming from being a wife and mother and your interests and activities are from your husband and children, you have the cart before the horse. If you are trying to conform to some type of a ‘Biblical wife’ loosing self with your image as “I am the mother of Pastor Jack” or “I am the wife of Pastor Jason” “I am mother and wife of ….” any wonder, you have had enough of Christianity. Emptiness dissatisfaction lack of personified identity will drive you further into destruction. Shopping, busyness, redecorating, more children, alcohol, antidepressants, eating and women’s magazines and that spiritual face “everything’s all right everything’s fine and I’m sleeping well at night!” If you lack purpose apart from your husband or children and you are trying to be a super housewife a superwoman all in the name of hubby and kids and a super Christian in the name of God, problems will continue to exist. Denying you are frustrated and feeling ‘incomplete’ as a personified woman by thinking true happiness comes from having a big strong and spiritual husband and with him being your identity will make you and keep you immature, naturally and spiritually.


Have you lost your identity of being a woman that you are always making yourself beautiful just for him? Is he your rock which happiness title and security rests on? Then you are living your identity through your husband and no doubt the mother of your husband’s children. You have personal needs of your own, two people come together each living his and her own life and then putting them both together. It is not I ought to live ONE life and that is his life as wife, the mother of his children. Housework, mothering, cooking cleaning waiting on hubby is not enough and will never be satisfying for you as a biological woman. Obedience to biblical standards of submission to the husband as the head of the house is not the role play I am referring to, but the loss of your individual identity apart from the coming together as one. Even on the other side of seeing yourself as Christian Jane, Pastor Jill or Youth Leader Sue as we are body, soul and spirit can cause emptiness. Those who are called with high calls or have great Holy Spirit gifts and anointing need to separate themselves from their gifts and callings. Out of balance in the spiritual image will tip the scales and cause you to be just as dissatisfied as much as seeing your worth and value and identity alone in your husband and children. Jesus prayed “that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me, and I am in you.” (John 17:21 NIV) Jesus remained separate in identity even though the Father was in Him and they were One. “If you had known me you would have known the Father” (John 14:7) He still maintained His own value, worth and identity as I Am from the beginning and the Jesus Son of Man who got hungry, thirsty and who had emotions.


Malachi 3:6 declares “For I the Lord do not change;” (RSV) Recall what Jesus declares in John 18:37 “For this reason I was born, and for this I came into the world, to testify to the truth.” Wrong does not become right because a denomination, theologian, a teacher or an intelligent person or by what a male says.



“To keep silent, thus saith the law” (1 Corinthians 14:34) is referring to oral law of the Hebrew culture, not Biblical law. The doctrines around ‘the curse of Eve’ have over centuries maimed women in all aspects of life. Women were not allowed according to Torah to be High Priests or Priests only males and only from Aaron the tribe of Levi (Exodus 4:14, 28:1, 29:9; Numbers 18:1-8). Men who were not from the tribe of Levi were excluded from becoming High Priests or Priests.


When you think God cannot hear you, or you go cold in heart because you believe He does not answer your prayer of help or your prayer for healing recall He will answer you and the answer is there as you continue to seek it out. Habakkuk was asking “Is God there?” and “Does he care?” Answers for Habakkuk took time, not the timing he willed but as He willed. Not the answers he willed but what He willed. Habakkuk’s name means to “embrace” and sometimes that is what we have to do before our appointed time for healing before our appointed time for answers to our questions.


The Lord used the Babylonians or the Chaldeans to be the “wicked foe” against Israelites. In this Habakkuk loses hope in the fairness the justice and the goodness of God. It is easy to lose hope and easy to judge God’s character from our own sense of justice and inept intelligence. But this does not make it an absolute assessment when we judge with our carnal mind and carnal nature. To the enemy God has always been known by His judgments and by His holiness. His knowledge His insight His governing His leading His plans and purposes for our lives is available to our understanding. There is always an answer to our circumstances. If we do not know why the Chaldeans are coming against us and we cannot escape the invading army we remain as Habakkuk decided to, 101

faithful. Jesus will be faithful in keeping us until we learn how to escape the oncoming army, until we find out our answer why is the army oncoming and ongoing. But what do we do if the oncoming army is cancer, what if the oncoming army is arthritis? What if we see the oncoming army as a disease an infirmity or an illness or a situation that seems to render us powerless? What if it takes us time to get our answer? What if it takes time to get healed or to see things change? What if, what if, what if? We stand, we seek, we continue on with the faith He imparts into our heart. We continue on and embrace the One who is the all-knowing One. We embrace the One who is our answer, our solution. Habakkuk says “Though the fig-tree shall not blossom; and fruit is not on the vines; the work of the olive fails, and the fields make no food; the flock is cut off from the fold, and no herd is in the stalls; 18. yet I will exult in Jehovah; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.” (Habakkuk 3:17-18) Ask yourself are you serving God and Jesus just for what He will give you or do for you? It seems Habakkuk’s love for God was not based on what God would give him, or do for him but on the fullness of who He was. Even though God was sending judgment of suffering and pain and loss on the nation Israel Habakkuk saw Him and decided to intertwine in His joy and see the end, the eternal salvation that was his and the outcome of the adversary. This may be ‘the how it has to be for some of us.’ Not that it is His choice of perfect will for us or that He has placed a judgment on us but this is how it will be for reasons beyond the timing and opportunity to get the answers we need to see healing, to see deliverance from our painful circumstances. I have arthritis in the right hip and the right knee, and I get mad as I know He could heal me while I sleep. When I think of all the times I’ve laid hands on the Television screen when they have asked for the TV audience to reach out in faith and I’ve believed for my healing. Then all the times I have had faith in Covenant, and in grace and mercy and in taking communion for healing and know and have seen His power I am still day in and day out with the discomfort of arthritis. Is it the deceiving Chaldeans trampling over my life? Am I under His judgment? Is it bitterness of the heart towards Him and others of the Church? Is it a natural consequence rooted in a wounded spirit that dries


the bones? Is it the results of my diet from childhood to date and not a curse? I do not have the full revelation but I do now know I have the hardness of heart towards Him and the immaturity to boot because He will not heal me today, right now. I now know my heart reveals a part of my love for Him is around my healing. “If you heal me I’ll love you more, and if You heal me I’ll know you really love me.” My heart does not say in union with Habakkuk “though the fruit is not on the vines; the work of the olive fails…I will exult in Jehovah; I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.” My love seems conditional and I will only fully love Him if He performs for me the way I want Him to be – am I God or is He - um! The truth is God is not a liar, if He said He loves me He loves me. If He said Blood Covenant makes provision for healing, then there is healing available for my arthritis. The missing piece is on my side, not His. Is God there? Yes. Does God care? Yes. Is God fair? Yes. But sometimes “this is how it is to be” until our appointed time. Our appointed time may be in three days, three months, three years or three centuries? Our appointed time may be nothing more than the right healing meeting or a healing of the heart or a hidden transgression we are blinded and bonded in. Until then we embrace God for who He is, not for what He can do for us, we embrace God for all of His character. And it that even means I have to die without ever being healed because in His Sovereignty it serves a purpose then ‘that it how it has to be.’ If it is my ignorance; or my lack of faith; or a bad diet; or from a long lifestyle of bad living; or because of cherished or hidden sin iniquity and transgressions; or unhealed wounds, then I need to embrace Him for Him not for just the dimension of Jehovah Rapha my healer. He is our Covenant help He is our solution not our problem.


“When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me’. For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone.” (James 1:13) Recall sin and evil entered the world through the disobedience of Adam and Eve (Romans 5:12-14). So we are as believers and unbelievers are subject to our fallen corrupt flawed nature and to making mistakes and others against us; to demonic activity and also the correction of a Father to save our souls from eternal death. 103

Pain suffering, loss, accidents, illness, disease, sickness demonic attacks are as much of the Gospel (Luke 13:1-16) as is healing, love, forgiveness, restoration and prosperity is. God does and will work in all these areas of the Gospel “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9) “And we know that, in all things, God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purposes.” (Romans 8:28) “You know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete.” (James 1:3-4) “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction.” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4) Jesus will meet us where we are at, if that is in sin, iniquity transgression, pain, suffering, disease, distress or temptation we can turn to Him. If it is our fault, His fault or deception from demons, Jesus will triumph in and through us no matter how long we have to wait. Covenant Jesus has been triumphant over evil and sin and sickness and disease. Covenant Jesus provides grace, grace and more grace. Covenant Jesus provides anointing He provides a way out. How long do we have to wait? As long as it takes! Keep making the decision to get out of the boat to walk on water. Each time we walk it will be more and more steps before we get wet. Then one day we will be embraced in the arms of Jesus dry, healed delivered and set free. The reality is “that tribulation, distress, persecution, famine, nakedness, peril, sword, death, life, angels, principalities, things present, things to come, powers, height, depth” (Romans 8:35-39) and whatever else is here in creation and is part of the Christian life.


Bitterness is like rust; it eats away at the soul. I have a root of bitterness that will surface with anger. I’m angry at the people in the churches, angry at God angry at Jesus and angry at Holy Ghost. Does this sound strange considering the knowledge I possess, the revelations that are revealed to me under the anointing? Not at all! I am human who as much as I try to tell my mind I do not need love or unconditional love and approval and recognition from those in the church 104

I innately believe I do and starve for love and to be embraced for my real self. These needs just do not seem to get met no matter how many keys I have to understand and what I know of my natural self. So this waters the seeds of anger and I react with analytical criticism and fault finding. Especially against those who act like they are a spiritual giants and the others who have hurt me by rejecting me over the years. This main message I received and this repeats itself in my heart “if you had not been a homosexual Kathleen I would have received your friendship or association.” Whether real or imagined or people’s choice or preference or my misunderstanding and false expectations of people in the church this is the perception of my heart and this is what I have to address. I understand humans have conditional love and acceptance which is not the Christ way even if they are schooled in Rabbi Jesus’ class. And I understand people are flawed and have choices, but I continue to receive this same message of rejection and still continue to sense I am not loved and accepted or received within the church walls. Yet I do not feel this outside the church for the majority of people in my path truly like me and enjoy me. It is only in the church circles that I do not sense I am liked and this is where I want to feel liked and accepted for after all this is where I am told my life comes from. To add to and in my bitterness I sometimes don’t like God, Jesus or Holy Ghost because they won’t heal me now (bones) and I know what Covenant says. And with this condition I’m sure they could find me in school hours a better job than house cleaning and scrounging at the dump for a living. So my anger remains and bitter feelings rise up when life is in the valley of the shadow of death. I have to add here He has laid on my heart that I can wait a little longer for a job but I doubt, reason it out and make excuses. Then I know demons and excuses keep the pain in my heart. So it would appear I’m more content in my complaining and dysfunction than moving forward! But “I can’t get above this.” “Help me Jesus, I call upon the power of Blood Covenant, deliver me from self and the forces that hinder me from moving forward to what you have for me.” Sounds oh so much like the blame game now that I’m looking at what I’m writing. Cleaning is due to the various seeds of my youth to the age of 34. The arthritis I can take accountability for my bitterness bad diet and sinful living. The dump scrounging, well the truth is I enjoy this and have been buying and selling for years to meet the costs of living and the things I find, well ‘wow’. 105

I believe biblically I have to stay out of the nine to five or six to two workforce so I do not leave my child motherless as well as fatherless so I’ve worked in school hours. With my limited work skills due to multiple career selections cleaning and dump scrounging, buying and selling is all that I’ve been able to rise up and do. Still I blame God for not finding me a nine to two-thirty job (for three years He did), when the roots or the seeds of my lifestyle outside of Christ has harvested me the choices I have made today and live in today. “My Father, I repent and I am sorry for my blame, forgive me.” I am reading a short story “Dig out the root of Bitterness” by James Hilt in the book “Reasons to Be Glad” and he suggests four steps for healing of bitterness. The first is to confess it as sin; The second to ask God for the power to accept its source. To ask Him to remove the mental revolt connected with it. This is the memory that I repeat to my mind – “Jesus push the stop button, take out the tape and record over it.” Third he writes to ask God for the power to forgive every offender and do it by individual name. Fourthly ask Christ to heal you of all bitterness we hold towards others, self and God and allow Him to dig out and up all bitterness from the years past. 10. [Hilt, 1998:37] It’s time for this bad fruit to leave; Jesus wants me to bear fruit in everything and overcome my enemies, those that are both attitudes and demons. He does not want to stand over me a judge and jury, but love me into repentance. They want us to make it, “it is finished.” Blaming God or Jesus or Holy Ghost does not understand how Blood Covenant works nor does it take accountability for our own actions. Christ’s Blood Covenant of grace cries out to bring our heart to healing. So complete is reconciliation that the powers of the Blood will still any judgment, any open door of the natural heart or any open door to the enemy. Years had gone by and I did not know this truth, so the decay of arthritis continued on. Today I know the decay is stilled, but the complete healing is for tomorrow when the roots and taproot to arthritis is totally pulled out. When we ask and find out this truth that the beauty of Blood Covenant reconciliation stills all judgments all consequences of transgression, iniquity and sin so that our heart can be brought into 106

alignment with His Word of holiness, sanctification and restoration we partake and receive the promises of communion. So there is no point in blaming Him or continuing to nurture or stay in anger and bitterness. So therefore once again I receive the grace, I receive the stilling power of covenant and I “take it eat it, each time I do I remember Him” and now ‘I wait for this is how it has to be for a little while longer.’ I want to add, it is now March 18th 2008 and I no longer feel bitter, angry at those in the church, or at God, Jesus or Holy Ghost. I just decided to receive the counsel, the knowledge, and the power to take a hold of His life and move on with Him and for Him, and out of this all things work for the good of those who are called according to His will. I realize contentment with Godliness is gained (Philippians 4:11) and the spiritual life is the higher life (1 Corinthians 3:1) than the blame game of the carnal life; for the truth is sin is in the hearts of everyone in the Church and the devils are alive and doing their deeds of darkness in and over those in the church. I had to write a back cover statement for my book on “Overcoming Rejection” rather than put my photo or ‘vast Christian ministry experiences’ because I have none so this is part of what I wrote “Seeing ourselves as the rejected victim and blaming everyone keeps us down and dragging a load too heavy to bear. The truth is people reject people and Church people do not accept or love others warts and all or no warts at all. Holding onto false hopes and false beliefs that we should be accepted and loved for who we are or who were once were is a mindset we need to let go and be freed from.” The good news is we do move on we do overcome and our heart will line up with our mind sooner or later to embrace the spiritual life. There is better new again it is January 10, 2010 and I have had a midday till 6 pm job at a Pharmacy for the past 14 months as their courier driver for medications to nursing homes and private homes. Further He has healed my arthritis, I just woke up one morning in October 2009 and I felt no stiffness, no pain and walked as if was 30 again. He is certainly a good God and will keep His Word, no matter what we think feel or say.



Jesus is not the author of death, devastation or destruction but the master of and over them. Our transgressions, our sins, our choices, our ignorance, demonic deceptions or hidden generational curses are the author of all the “D’s.” Jesus is our rescuer of our circumstances. He is the ‘Stilling One’, who has the power to bind, loose and still until we close open doors, until our waiting comes to pass. Jesus is on our side He is not the enemy. Blood Covenant is not willingly wanting to inflict us, wound us, kill us, disease us, infirm us or make us sick. 6. “…and Jehovah has made meet in Him the iniquity of all of us.” 11. “My righteous Servant justify for many, and He shall bear their iniquities.” 12. “And He bore the sin of many, and made intercession for transgressors.” 5. “But He was pierced for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was on Him; and with His wounds we ourselves are healed.” Isaiah 55:6, 11, 12, 5 There are spiritual laws at work when we practice the kingdom of darkness’s ways. There are consequences to playing with fire or in other words playing in the devil’s playground. We will get sickness, illness, disease, death, wounds, emotional heartache, infirmity and affliction put upon us for that is the fruit of their reward for playing in their playgrounds. “According to the ruler of the authority of the air, the spirit now working in the sons of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2) If your disobedience has opened a door because you are going to Ti Chi, or practicing Yoga, or Kung-Fu or seeing a physic or playing or have a deck of cards in your home or are deceived in thinking it is ok to wear a ‘charm’ bracelet of Christian symbols, demonic spiritual laws are in effect against you if you believe it or not. Demons get a doorway to bring the ‘D’s’ against you - devastation, death, destruction, disease, delusion, deception and so on. Faith, Blood Covenant, blood reconciliation, blood redemption or not spiritual laws are in effect and are set in motion. In as much as the same way when an engine is turned off of a plane in mid-air the law of gravity is in effect. 108

However, because of His victory and His Blood we can pray for the stilling of all effects of open doors in and over our life daily until revelation comes forth to uproot, tear down and remove. Covenant also provides us prayer to enforce Blood Covenant in the breath of The Spirit until we discern “why God do I have to wait so long for my healing? We are redeemed; we are under Blood Covenant, the earth is His and all that is in it and He has disarmed the enemy. But these doors will remain open against us unless we shut them unless we enforce the victory of Blood Covenant against them and the victory of forgiveness of sins and the cleansing of all the unrighteousness of demons, disease, sickness, infirmity, torment or premature death. We cannot partake of what we do not know. Heresy will not inherit the promises as much as deception will steal the promises. My people are destroyed, cut short, robbed, deceived because of lack of knowledge (Hosea 4:6); the devil devours us when we do not know Covenant, when we do not know the Word. In short consider a denomination you know who lack the blessings because of their traditions or their beliefs or their doctrines. In as much as that lack we also will lack the blessings we wait for. Faith can be dependent on knowledge. Consider why does a woman who knows how to wield the sword of the Spirit and enforce Covenant power not get assaulted as opposed to a Christian woman who is ignorant about demonic forces at work through the person get assaulted. Because of her lack of knowledge lack of the faith that is dependent on knowledge so she did not enforce and or release Covenant powers against the assailant. Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith for our spiritual and natural welfare. It is the devils that steals kills and destroys none of these ways have to do with Blood Covenant.


Striving to please God will not cause Him to stop why it takes so long. Striving in the flesh not to be a sinful person also will not cause Him to be quick for your deliverance. If you are bonded to the causation or to the root structure you do not have the power to stop doing this. Whatever you think is that reason why He is taking so long to heal you or deliver you or someone of your family you have not as yet found the keys to unlock your circumstance to be in union with Him to set yourself free.


Blaming God, the demons, someone else will not make the time frame quicker. Giving up or self-pity also will not hasten your healing or deliverance. None of these ways have to do with Covenant. None of these ways say what provision has God made as a Covenant promise keeper. They do not say how do I trust and rest in the God who said He would do what He gave His word to do. We are His Representatives His co-workers; His Covenant partners we are ‘in Christ’ with all heaven backing us up. God is not standing by and cheering that poverty, disease, sickness, illness or demonic activity is against you. He is our comfort in all things, He is our Covenant Keeper in all things He is the all in all in all things. We invite Jesus into to these areas and ask to reveal why this ground is occupied. When we stop seeing God or Jesus or Holy Ghost as the enemy or the One doing this, we start to line our mind and heart up with the New Blood Covenant. I recall Holy Ghost saying I could invite Him into my arthritis pain. But if we think it is Him afflicting us in our pride and stubbornness why would we. Sometimes I did, and sometimes I did not want His companionship because of His judgments due to my unforgiveness anger and bitterness, but it profited me nothing as He does care and is merciful and loving. He will come into any of His judgments to comfort to love to still and to raise us up above them. If He has judged us He will give grace and mercy and comfort us in our pain and suffering. “God will judge fornicators and adulterers”

Hebrews 13:4

“being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete” 2 Corinthians 10:6 RSV “should preach a gospel to you beside what we preached to you, let him be accursed” Galatians 1:8 “God will send to them a working of error who have delighted in unrighteousness” 2 Thessalonians 2:10-12 “realizing the fact the law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious” 1 Timothy 1:9-11


“Or do you not know, brethren (for I am speaking to those who know the law), that the law has jurisdiction over a person as long as he lives?’ Romans 7:1 “Behold I am throwing her into a bed, and those committing adultery with her into great affliction, unless they repent of their works.” Revelation 2:22 “Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience: Ephesians 5:6 “having eyes full of an adulteress, and never ceasing from sin; alluring unsettled souls; having a heart busied with covetousness; cursed children;” 2 Peter 2:14 “as many as received Him, to them He gave authority to become children of God: John 1:12-13 “Let everyone naming the name the name of Christ depart from unrighteousness” 2 Timothy 2:19-21 site to look into for the reading of Romans 1. In this Covenant He is compassionate, merciful and understanding of our weakness’, the deception we get caught in, the ignorance we fall into, the war of heresy and error, doctrinal ignorance, the warfare at work against us and that warfare to tempt us and our sinful nature that gets bonded in disobedience to the lusts and desires of the flesh then the desire to walk in the flesh rather than the Spirit. No longer are we taken outside the gates and automatically stoned to death or burnt with fire. Blood Covenant has given His Spirit to all who believe. Blood Covenant has given His Power His impartation to overcome. To be lead into repentance and He will bring to death the desires the sin structure as to why judgment has come upon us. He will still His judgments when we turn from them, He will still His judgments when we are willing to be made willing to turn from them. He will still His judgments when we invite Him into the sin structure that brought judgment so He can bring it to death (Romans 8:13, Colossians 2:13) and circumcise our flesh in this area. It may not be His judgment, it may be that you have yielded to a lie, or have demonic generational curses against you – freemasonry is the grossest; it may be that you are intertwining in artificial demonic fear, guilt, condemnation or accusation that is making you sick. 111

It may be a natural outcome of ‘poor’ living bad diet because of circumstances either against your control or by your own choices. If you drink coffee, all day and no water you will get kidney stones. Eat sugars, foods high in fats you will put on weight. Weight causes emotional problems, breakdown of the body the internal organs, disease infirmity and sickness. This is not His fault, but the freedom of choice to eat what we want when we want. It may be taking so long because you have yielded to a false way of dying to self or misunderstood how The Holy Spirit leads. You may have allowed your mind to go passive so He can take over to walk you in The Spirit. When in truth we are free slaves with choices with a will of our own, not to be robots or empty vessels for some form of Holy Ghost takeover. I have watched a 65-year-old plus woman for years believe she is under the anointing and The Holy Ghost to shake her head vigorously sideways back and forward in intercession or when she falls down under the presence of God. When in truth she has yielded to a lie as it is a work of demons. She complains that she gets exhausted and her age cannot handle such manifestation. Yet she sincerely believes this is of God and wants to please Him so she continues to allow this manifestation of demons. “…cleaving to deceiving spirits and teachings of demons, in hypocrisy of liars, being seared in their own conscience” (1 Timothy 4:1-2) Is this you, or is this someone you know? Keep verbally pursuing them and keep praying for them and in The Holy Ghost. Warfare until they come out from the deception. If this is you and your manifestations of The Holy Ghost are weird or not the ‘norm’ in the house of God, ask Him to reveal and touch your eyes to bring His light so you can see any counterfeit manifestations. So you can see where you have become seared in the conscience to the deception and lies of the manifestations. Waiting so long always has an answer, not liking God any more or going luke warm, hard-hearted profits nothing. It won’t make Him come to you quicker but will put you behind. Go to Him, Blood Covenant has provision and a way out of all things. Go to Him for understanding, go to Him He is for us. His Love will override judgment, His mercy will melt His judgments and His grace will deliver you and heal you. Your day of deliverance your day of healing awaits you. You and this destiny will kiss each other sooner or later. Until then embrace, hold on to Him, seek, stay, be loyal and faithful and surrender to His Love Mercy Compassion and Grace. 112


Biblical principles bring hope; Prophetic words bring hope. Every word spoken to you to date has to of been witnessed firstly to your heart. You have that knowing already in your spirit what Holy Ghost has spoken to you. We have to test and approve every prophetic word we receive even if it is by the ‘spiritual giants’ of satellite, those with television ministries. Sometimes we go to meetings where a Prophet or Prophetess has been invited or come from another nation so we do not know of them. But we do have the inward witness of The Holy Ghost and when we listen to the person prophesying we will sense and or discern if they are anointed. You will discern the witness in your spirit if you do not pay attention to what your mind is saying – fear, doubt, unbelief, confusion, criticism or negativity. If you have received a prophetic word in private or have been taken away from those who have authority or by someone whose walk is not upright lay down the word. This approach does not line up with Scripture therefore it will be most probably being false or counterfeit. If you’re taken alone there is no one to judge its accuracy, even if you are mature enough to accurately discern the witness of Holy Spirit lone words do not line up with how a prophetic word is to be given anyway. Word’s should be given before others and they should exhort, encourage and build up. If prophecy comes with correction it is without condemnation but will still edify, exhort built up and encourage and bear witness with what He is convicting you in your private life. Every prophetic word is to line up with The Word of God. A word given that God is not going to heal you in this life can in part not line up with the Word of God. Covenant means healing, covenant says, “they shall lay hands on the sick and they shall recover.” (Mark 16:17-18) “Jesus went about … healing all manner of sickness and all manner of disease among the people.” (Matthew 4:23) “…by whose stripes ye are healed.” (1 Peter 2:24 KJ) There is always an answer as to why healing is taking so long. Luke 13 speaks about three types of reasons why we have need of healing. One is a judgment from God (13:6-9), two judgments from the demonic


(13:10-16, 1-2) and thirdly due to fault of our own humanity our own choices (13:4). There are areas where God by Covenant does not have to heal. If we cut off our finger because we were too lazy to get it out of the way, that’s our fault. If the sign said no diving in the water and we disobeyed broke our neck and became paraplegic that’s our fault. Likewise, if you refuse to drink water or take care of your health or skin He is not obligated to anoint your unhealthy lifestyle that has brought forth heart disease, kidney stones, skin cancer or some other disease or illness. However, Jesus is Sovereign; He will heal out of the greatness of His Love, Mercy and Compassion even if we have brought anything upon ourselves. If God judged you, then when you repent and turn He is true to His Word His Covenant and will heal you (Psalm 103:2-3). If your need of healing is due to playing in the devil’s playground and or opening yourself to the demonic, He will also heal you when you repent.


What did Jesus tell the cripple when He healed him? “Sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee.” (John 5:14 KJ) Now recall this same principle again spoken by Jesus “then he goes and takes seven other spirits more wicked than himself; and entering he dwells there. And the last things of that man become worse than the first.” (Luke 1:26) Recall the parallel of this spiritual truth spoken under Blood Covenant “having once escaped the defilement of the world again being entangled and overcome, then their last things are worse than the first.” (2 Peter 2:20) It is not God’s will that our ministry or our circumstances or our need of healing stays the same. It is His will for us to come into a growing experience with Christ His ways and His Words. To live His life that produces peace and grace and fruitfulness which are His ways from being defiled or being in a state of “worse than the first.” (2 Peter 3:18, 1:2, 1:8, 2:20, 1:19-21) If we have grown lukewarm or turned away in the heart, He wills for our personal return to Himself in the condition our heart is in. He will do a work of change He will receive us where ‘we are at’ not matter what opinion we hold of Him. 114

His Word appeals to us over and over and over about holy living the Christ life that we may reign with Him now and in the promise of the new heavens and new earth. It is His will that “none of us should perish” that we all come to a place of trust and obedience and a level of faith with His enabling power so that we can live in health, have victory in all our circumstances and see our ministries prosper in all aspects. We are to continuously learn how to destroy the works of the devil, not to entertain them or engage in their ways. What God forbids in His Word are their ways not His ways “do not” “thou shall not” “you will not” “flee from” “regard them not” “that you no longer walk” “keep back” “abhor that which is evil” “have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness” “depart from all unrighteousness” “put off” “practicing sin is of the devil” “cannot partake of the table of the Lord and a table of demons”. We are to learn to walk in the Spirit and we are to learn the simple belief in His Word, the experience of His Word, the belief if He said He would do it then He will do it. We believe; we live by faith and go from glory to glory. The faith that comes by knowledge or study and His gift of faith and belief that is imparted to the heart and it can be poured out upon the heart. “All things are possible to him or her that believes.” (Mark 9:23) “I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) Covenant provides freedom from sin and sickness. He took and nailed sin and sickness on the cross (1 Peter 2:24). God’s Word works accept it like a child and know the Kingdom of God will come upon you. Ask for a fresh release of faith and belief. Ask for the demolishing of powers of darkness that hinder or have caused your circumstance. Ask Him to curse the root so that it withers and dies that you may be set free. Declare: “In Jesus name I curse the root of arthritis that it withers and dies” or whatever it is that you are facing. Ask Him for revelation knowledge if you are under His judgment. “Bless the Lord O my soul and forget not all his benefits. Who forgiveth all thine iniquities, who healeth ALL thy diseases.” Psalm 103:2-3 KJ


There is a place called “there”. God told Elijah to go there, to go to the brook Cherith (1 Kings 17:3). “There” was where the ravens would 115

feed him, there and only there would the ravens feed him (1Kings 17:45). God leads His people today tomorrow and yesterday. He cares what happens in our lives. He leads us to the place “there”. It is only “there” where the waiting ends. That “there” may be a study on “can Christians have demons” or a study on does God judge or a time of increasing our faith or a particular ministry or a particular meeting or that “there” may be a Television ministry a book or for The Holy Spirit to bring you to a place to see you have the exact faith and belief as Jesus. Just continue to believe, your day of appointment is a “there” day. One day you will get “there”.


We have to stay focused on the promises, not the problems. We all have tendencies to judge from the outside or judge by our problems, or judge by the flesh. This may negate our faith or prolong our appointed day. “God heals in the North Pole, India but not here in Australia.” This will in as much negate our healing as judging by the problem, not the promise. I saw a red dragon spread along a healing line at the church I am attending. They have come under unbelief, doubt and complacency because they continue to receive and not discern these works of darkness. Recall what Jesus said, “And he could do no mighty work, save that he laid hands on a few sick folk and he healed them. And He marveled because of their unbelief.” (Mark 6:5-6) Jesus did lay hands on people for them to be healed. He laid hands on the woman who was bent over eighteen years, and she was healed (Luke 13:13) See for other references Mark 1:40-41; Acts 28:8, 5:12. I have seen many people who refuse hands laid on them for fear of demons, yet these people do not believe Christians can have demons. This is funny for how is the demon going to get them anyway? No wonder why we lack because of lack of knowledge. We lack for lack of studying and proving the Scriptures for ourselves. Recall the man who brought his epileptic son, he believed but did not have all the faith necessary for the deliverance and healing (Mark 9:14-29). The prayer “I believe help me in my unbelief” (Mark 9:24)


and the faith of the person with a healing mantle can bring forth healing (James 5:14). Receiving healing for ourselves sometimes seems so difficult. We see other people testify to being healed and delivered yet we at times cannot receive the healing for ourselves even though we believe He heals. You would think it was as easy as taking someone at their word “If you flick that switch up the electricity will stop.” When Jesus said His Word does not return unto Him void (Isaiah 55:11), but still we disbelieve still we flick the switch and out goes all the electricity. When in truth His Word has the power to do what He said He would do. He has the power to do what the Word The Christ said He would do. “Now to Him being able to do exceedingly above all that we ask or think, according to the power working in us.” (Ephesians 3:20) The healing power is within us, The Holy Spirit. Jesus said “Somebody hath touched me; for I perceive that virtue power is gone out of me.” (Luke 8:46 KJ) Luke said “By the hands of the apostles were many sign wrought among the people.” (Acts 5:12 KJ) Jesus said “The Spirit of the Lord is upon Me; therefore, He anointed Me to preach the gospel to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to captives, and new sight to the blind; to send away crushed ones in deliverance;” (Luke 4:18) “If I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the Kingdom of God has come unto you.” (Matthew 12:28 KJ) We do not have a visitation by another Holy Spirit to bring healing neither does another Holy Spirit come upon our indwelling Spirit or is the healing by an angel of God. If you have believed this is how you have received your anointing to heal, lay it down and pray for eye salve to bring light to all deception and counterfeit and commit yourself to study the scriptures and read authors books. The healing ministry is the Holy Spirit’s “treasure in earthen vessels” (2 Corinthians 4:7). “I am the vine, ye are the branches. He that abideth in me and I in him the same bringeth much fruit, for without me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5 KJ) We are the instrument which the Holy Spirit works through. Jesus being The Son of God did nothing from Himself (John 5:19, 30, 8:28-29, 16), His works His miracles where the ministry of The Holy Spirit. “Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit into Galilee: and there went out a fame of him through all the region round about. (Luke 4:14) 117

“And Jesus being full of the Holy Ghost, returned from Jordan…” (Luke 4:1) The anointing of The Holy Spirit and or The Holy Spirit was working through Him, speaking through Him, therefore, Jesus was able to preach, heal, raise the dead, and cleanse the lepers and cast out devils. Today I do not walk in the healing anointing, but tomorrow I believe I will. I possess the power within, but I do not have the mantle of works of miracles or healings (1 Corinthians 12:28). But I have been given the mantle of power over all the power of the enemy and to cast out demons (Luke 9:1, 10:17 Mark 16:17) by His Spirit. But this does not mean He will not use me in times for healing or miracles just that this is not my main call of ministry work. The healing gift does come with the casting out of demons, but the healing mantle in its own standing differentiates. When someone who does not have these gifts or mantle then prays for us and we see no healing, it does not mean that we lack faith or are in unbelief or under judgment or under works of darkness or we have brought it upon our self. It is just that they are not as one of those who God placed in “the church; firstly, apostles, secondly, prophets, thirdly, teacher, then works of power, then gifts of healing ...” (1 Corinthians 12:28) We have to continuously seek and continue to stay loyal and serve God no matter how long it takes to choose Him and His life over our past life. Also no matter how long it takes for our healing or how long before the answer comes or how long the end results come. Jesus did take upon Himself our sin and by His stripes we are healed (1 Peter 2:24). He did say “And signs will follow to those believing these things: they will cast out demons in My name; they will speak new languages; 18. they will take up snakes; and if they drink anything deadly, it will in no way hurt them, they will lay hands on the sick, and they will be well” (Mark 18:17-18) Recall He also said “Behold, I have given you the authority to tread on snakes and scorpions, and on all the power of the Enemy, and nothing shall hurt, not at all.” (Luke 10:19) By deception or lack of Truth if we swallow a snake or a scorpion which is the language of symbolism for demons/spirits because of deception or transgression of His laws if we believe and pray, then they will in no way hurt us. They cannot poison us so to speak. Jesus disarmed the enemy, set us free, but lack of knowledge and limited revelation from other ministries brings on us the need for Light and healing in this area. Father where I have swallowed snakes and scorpions because of heresy, negligence or unknowingly or knowingly because of transgression 118

I thank you they cannot hurt me because of the blood of Jesus and His finished work of Calvary. Thank you they cannot cause disease; illness or sickness they cannot harm me as Your Word declares neither can they continue to function in those areas of my mind for I renounce this …………. and agree with You that it is transgression. Where I am under Your judgment for any transgression, I committed knowingly or unknowingly I ask that you still any effects. No of disease, illness infirmity or sickness and even torment of the mind can touch me for I desire to follow after Your ways and walk in holiness and The Spirit. I continue to ask for discernment and surrender these areas so that You can bring to death these sin structures so that I may be totally set free and come out of the cave I have gone into. Father where I have brought any or all disease or illness or infirmity upon myself because of ignorance, bad choices or choices beyond my control I ask for Your grace of divine health. I continue to invite you into these areas so I may change and with Your help take control of my life to be and live healthy not only in my body but also in my mind.”


We have individual limits; we all have our personal threshold of how much work and busyness we can be about doing. When we go beyond this and continue to go beyond this the mind breaks down, the emotions collapse and the health slides and this can be a reason why we have had enough of Christianity. If you have had enough of His expectations, His boundaries, His laws, His Lordship and His Kingdom rules and regulations and want nothing to do with Him or His people or the subject of ministry we are called into you are stressed strained and maimed. Constant busyness brings us to the mindset of “I’ve had enough of Christianity” and enough of Christian ministry means we need a sabbatical. We need to love on ourselves be kind to ourselves and take stock of our own humanity and rest a while to bring ourselves back to a full tank. Busyness is ok, being occupied and doing His will is what we are geared for and called for, but when we overdo it, overdo it, overdo it,


when we go beyond our limits of busyness this is where the self-harm comes to us. Richard Swenson writes “You see, it is okay for me to have limits-God doesn’t. It is okay to get a good night’s sleep-God doesn’t sleep. It is okay for me to rest-God does not need to. It is probably even okay to be depressed-because God isn’t. Busyness to overload is not a spiritual discipline Jesus calls us to; He made us with limits, made us to put boundaries around all things just as He Himself sets boundaries.” 11. [Swenson, 2004] He knows our weakness; He knows the church dynamics, He knows the world demands this and that and He knows humanity in all its facets. He is not falling off the throne because you can’t go to work, do His work or have had enough of Him and His Kingdom come His will be done. It is okay, you are amazing you are terrific you have done more than enough for Him. Now He is able to give you rest and He is able to take your load and bring you back in His timing, “so take a load off Sally and put the load right on me”.


“And let us consider one another, to incitement of love and of good works, not forsaking the assembling together of ourselves, as is the custom of some, but exhorting; and by so much more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:24-25 When we consider the Hebrew people were a community and Yahweh dealt with them as a Nation of people and still does today we have to realize shadows and patterns speak loudly. Therefore, neglecting to meet with other believers regularly is not and will not build up the body, us included. “I give a new commandment to you, that you should love one another; according as I loved you, you should also love one 120

another. By this all shall know that you are My disciples, if you have love among one another.” John 13:24-35 The Old Testament speaks of the assembly and the congregation. Living stones being built come together to be built they do not stay strewn all around the land! It is heresy to believe we do not have to attend church or a structured fellowship. “By this the children of God and the children of the Devil are revealed: Everyone not practicing righteousness is not of God; also the one not loving his brother. Because this is the message which you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,” 1 John 3:10-11 We are a called out community-church-the Body of Messiah. We cannot have some transcended view that we as a whole are the church or some mystical view that we as all believers, both Jew and Gentile are all the Body of Messiah so as to forsake the gathering together of ourselves. We are to meet, commune, form relationships and be personally involved in our church community– the fellowship of believers to do His works. Organized religion or church structure has its foundations and premise in Biblical truths. Even if the church denominations are full of hypocrisy, error, heresy, wounded bulls and selfish people it does not necessitate we throw out the baby with the bath water. “for you to walk worthily of the Lord to all pleasing, bearing fruit in every good work, and growing into the full knowledge of God;” Colossians 1:10 Being a part of a group of believers to come together to receive to give is a New and Old Testament model. Recall Paul who was sent out as an Apostle with the five-fold ministry was still a member of a local organized structured congregation at Antioch. The feasts that foretold, they were mo’ayd or appointed meetings, appointed times, including seasonal observances and New Moons. These Holy convocations were laws. They were times of remembrance, joy, dance and intimacy with Yahweh. They were not outward observances or ‘mere’ ceremonies but they all had deeper spiritual meanings that were filled with symbolism, prophecy and Hebraic Biblical Tradition, culture and custom. The nation of Israel was called to celebrate feasts in their religious cycles; Passover, Feast of Unleavened Bread, Firstfruits, Feast of 121

Pentecost, Memorial Blast of the Horn, Day of Atonements, Feast of Tabernacles. In these ANNUAL convocations only three are feasts. In addition, there was the Seventh-year Sabbath and Jubilee Year (Leviticus 25). These other Holy convocations are seven in number and have a cycle of ANNUAL appointments that extend over seven months having intervals. We cannot justify not going to church or not coming together in a structured setting under authority just because God’s appointed times were not church as it is done today. These were His appointed times and they did meet to hear the Word of God (Deuteronomy 23:3, Nehemiah 13:1-3). Warfare against us precedes regardless our gender, opinions, beliefs and doctrines. The accusers of the brethren want to get you out of the picture anyway they can. One way is all the excuses why we have to come out of the mainstream churches. It is wisdom to search the Scriptures to discover congregational and assembly patterns. Without a doubt church as a group of people coming together in a structured meeting place has existed from the days of the Patriarchs carried over into Jesus day (Matthew 18:17, Psalms 100:4) the early establishing days of the New Testament churches (Acts 6:9, 11:26; James 2:2) and to date in our time. The Samaritans built their temple on Mount Gerizim. “The Samaritan temple dates from the time of Nehemiah (13:28). Its construction seems to have been a result of the expulsion of the High Priest, as punishment for marrying the daughter of the ruler of Samaria.” 1. [Zanger, 1989:11] King Solomon built the Temple being destroyed by the Babylonians which was rebuilt by Zerubbable (Haggai 2:6-9). The Second Temple was built by Herod then destroyed by the Romans. Each Temple had Priests, Scribes, Pharisees, Teachers (John 7:14-15, 28), worshippers, singers, instrumental musicians with services of teaching, training, instruction, prophecy and times of prayer (Isaiah 2:1-3, 56:7). Temple was not just for sacrificial purposes or just for the gathering purposes of His appointed feast times (Psalm 22:22, 89:5-7, 51:13). The Temple mentioned in Ezekiel is constructed after a heavenly model as was the tabernacle in the wilderness (Exodus 26:30; Ezekiel 40-42). The pattern has existed from Exodus and has its origins from Heaven (Revelation 3:12, 7:15, 11:19, 15:5) it is only in the descent of The New Jerusalem there is no temple in the city because the Lord God and The Lamb are its temple as it arrives at its fullness (Revelation 21:22). 122

You cannot escape church, the assembling together with other believers in an organized system or structure no matter how you want to justify not attending a church or an organized fellowship under those in authority. The Centurion built the Jews a meeting place for synagogue (Luke 7:5). Solomon’s Porch within the Temple was a meeting place for Rabbi’s to teach it was where the Apostles taught, preached and did miracles (Acts 5:12) where Jesus walked (John 10:23) and taught. The Libertines had a synagogue where Stephen preached (Acts 6:9). Jesus “went into their synagogue” (Matthew 12:9) “taught them in their synagogue” (Matthew 13:54) “saith unto the ruler of the synagogue” (Mark 5:36) “he preached in their synagogues” (Luke 4:44) “Sabbath day he entered into the synagogue” (Mark 1:21). There were many synagogues their home schools of study of Torah, The Prophets and The Writings throughout Israel “…to the Synagogues at Damascus…” (Acts 9:2) besides the Pharisees Synagogue School within the Temple of Herod. Paul was taught at the feet of the Rabbi Gamaliel at synagogue in Cilicia (Acts 22:3) educated according to the strict manner of the law of our fathers.” (Acts 22:3) Synagogue means a group of ten or more people similar in meaning to a quorum. Synagogue met as an assembly for fellowship, instruction in righteous living, worship, prayer and teaching and study of the Torah/Law and laws of God. It goes back to the time of Ezra and possibly the period of the Exile in Babylonia (Psalm 74:8). We go to and have church on this same pattern; we fellowship, worship, assemble for prayer, instruction in righteous living, teaching, study of the Law and laws both Old and New Testaments. Temples had Priests; Synagogue had a ruler and or a Rabbi an organized structure as we have a Pastor or Minister with organized structure. James 2:2 reveals the assembling together in Synagogue, Hebraic custom and Jewish culture of the day was synagogue. The pattern, custom and culture continued with church and house church “Therefore, take heed to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit placed you as overseers, to shepherd the church of God, which He purchased through His own blood.” (Acts 20:28) “to the church of God existing in Corinth, those having been sanctified in Christ Jesus Christ in every place, both their and ours.” (1 Corinthians 1:2) “For you 123

heard my way of life when I was in Judaism, that with surpassing zeal I persecuted the church of God, and ravaged it.” (Galatians 1:13) “Paul and Silvanus and Timothy to the church of Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ;” (1 Thessalonians 1:1) Recall in the days of the early Church great persecution took place in Jerusalem and all were scattered throughout the region of Judea and Samaria (Acts 8:1-8). Persecution caused the early church to meet in homes in secret or to go underground. However, house churches were a norm as was synagogue meetings in homes, a normal cultural occurrence. “And finding him, he brought him to Antioch. And it happened that many of them were gathered to them in the church a whole year. And they taught a considerable crowd. And the disciples were first called Christians at Antioch.” Acts 11:26 It was not until the days of Constantine that buildings were specifically built to hold meetings then to be considered a church building. Church throughout the Word has its implication as a congregation or collective of people not always a Christian place of worship however both are mentioned (Matthew 18:17, Acts 8:1, 9:31). Public assembly is Old and New Testament law (Hebrews 10:24-25, 1 Corinthians 14:26). There was the Nazarene fellowship (Acts 24:5) The Way (Acts 24:14) assembling together (Acts 2:42) in teaching in fellowship, in breaking of bread and prayer, again the fellowship/synagogue of the Libertines (Acts 6:9). There is Church government we see in 1 Corinthians 12:28, oversight in 1 Peter 5:1-2 and 1 Timothy 3:2. The great commission includes teaching all nations. Peter’s Pastoral commission was to feed Christ’s flock (John 21:15) to build His church body (Matthew 16:1819), Paul was the master builder (1 Corinthians 3:10). Disturbing? You may be considering various reasons why you cannot be a member of a congregation and or denomination; “come out from her” “that Nicolaitanes spirit over the church” “control” “witchcraft” “heresy and error” “traditions” “no Spirit” “they deny the power of God” “I am not of the apostate church” “it is filled with false signs and wonders” but you will only give place to the devils by thinking you are getting away from them. You may end up in some little ‘elite’ group who claim they hold all the truth and nothing but the truth and are supposed to be doing it just like Paul did, but you are more deceived than those before you.


The truth is Christ Jesus told us what the Kingdom of God was like; He said there would be heresy and error and sinful men by the parable of the tares and the wheat. He said the birds that are symbolic of demons would nest in the tree that came from the mustard seed. He said there was leaven in the dough that the doctrines of devils would always be in the church as we are sinful men and women by nature go to church, and He said that Satan has his seats in the church in this age and is permitted for a time. If He has led you to a specific church to be a member, in the power of The Holy Ghost demon spirits connected can be daily bound still, and the link ups broken from them in and over you. We can safely assume going to church is Biblical, but to be LED BY THE SPIRIT OF CHRIST JESUS is the only way to be covered with the reality of the churches spiritual condition today. Being LED by THE SPIRIT is the only way to know His will for you to be in what church, what meeting place what denomination what fellowship what church that is His personal plan and purpose and will for your individual and or family Christ life. If you want Him to unravel you Church life, just ask Him and He will move you on and move you into the assembly of people He wants you to belong or be a part of. If you know that you know He has led you there, He will contend against the demonic as you daily ask, pray and walk in The Spirit. Truth is we cannot sit in churches that have the obvious counterfeit of signs and wonders, and you must prove what is true and false and what are the biblical signs and wonders. We cannot sit under religious control, or we will lose authority as our warfare will be ineffective as we are in deception and in disobedience to the Word and a love of His truth. Regardless of such differences and the reality of the spiritual condition of the church and the brokenness of the people in it, including ourselves we are called to belong to a community of believers, so we have to be led to a church that is less demonically infested than those who are under false signs and wonders and those that exercise an unbiblical control over their flock. Commit your ways unto The Lord and He will direct your paths, pray for continual enlightenment to reveal hidden knowledge of His mysteries and the mystery of Your will. Pray that He would keep you from every spirit that is of the enemy and that we would not be taken captive by philosophy, legalism, and religiosity, traditions of men and Judaism and worldly knowledge and third wave movements of false and counterfeit, and to expose why they marry up with the lusts of your flesh that are 125

your weakness’s that keep you getting deceived in doctrine and false teaching. Thank Him we have an anointing that we may know all things and that we may know the doctrines, where our conscience is seared ask for a binding of spirits and an un-searing that you may see the error and heresy and where you are being used to carry out the will of the enemy ask to be lead to His Truth and bring truth to your remembrance and however else He would bring you back to Truth and obedience. Be blessed and be a blessing and please read on:


Please don’t turn your back on the Church or the people in the church just because of fundamental human flaws and bondages of religious flaws. Nor turn away because of the self-righteous and the judgmental religious people for them to believe they are serving and honoring God when they judge us because of our past sexual encounters and our homosexual lifestyle. In this human frailty, He has intended for us to be in the House of God and have Spirit-filled teachers, preachers and prophet/ess to instruct, guide and guard in the things of His Words but us, and they come with flaws and frailty. Remember He expects us to love and accept the brethren and the sisters and to bear fruit. To test and approve the doctrines, serve and so on. The hypocrite the self-righteous, the judgmental all think they are righteously correct obedient and justified to their actions, opinions and understandings of the teaching of Christ and all others are wrong. In as much as there is good and bad in the Churches, there is worse. So don’t move out don’t move on unless He speaks into your spirit. There is seduction, perversion, falseness, heresy, deception and the devils will to darken your mind from a personal and corporate will of God in this Day. The scriptures will not contradict themselves if you test a group, a fellowship a denomination a doctrine, a move, an issue a concern. Human frailty will always be with us, God is their judge and to Him they answer according to His righteousness, you have to leave their sins to Him. Get on with departing to the other side, your journey is going to be lengthy with all types of weather. So you need to get on with your call 126

your vision you becoming king and priest get on with your role, your position, your quest, your job He has assigned for you. There is work in you and for His Kingdom come to be done; souls to save, devils to bust, strongholds to demolish many to rescue from the pit of hell. You have Love to share, kindness to care; gifts to give and rewards to build up for the next age. Keep your eye on the shore ahead, there is a throne to be attained if you will overcome the flesh, homosexual lust, the devil and the world by walking in the Spirit of our King and High Priest Jesus Christ. So I release anointing for you to be TRIUMPHANT the rest of your days in Jesus Name Amen. “not forsaking the assembling together of ourselves, as is the custom of some, but exhorting, and by so much more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews 10:25

Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba – Releasing Hearts


End Notes

1. Graham Lotz, A. Just Give Me Jesus [Word Publishing, Nashville, United States of America, 2000] 2. Boaz, Michael, First Fruits of Zion Torah Club [First Fruits of Zion, Inc. PO Box 620099 Littleton, Colorado 80162-0099 USA, 1999] 3. White, Paula [2008] 4. Augsburger, D., Caring Enough To Forgive Caring Enough To Not Forgive [Regal Books, Ventura, California 93006, 1983] 5. McClung, Floyd, Learning to Love People You Don’t Like [Kingsway Publications Ltd Lottbridge Drove, Eastbourne, E. Sussex BN236NT. 1987] 6. Mark Twain [Quote only] 7. Cher, Heart of Stone, If I could Turn back Time [Geffen Records, 1999] 8. Worley, W. God’s Plan for Leadership [H.B.C. Box 626, Lansing, Illnois 60438, 1991] 9. Payne, Sandra, A Call To Women [Living Way Publishers, McLarenVale, South Australia, 1982] 10. Hilt, J. Reasons to Be Glad [Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, World Wide Publications, 1303 Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55403, 1986] 11. Swenson, R.A The Overload Syndrome [NavPress, PO Box 35002, Colorado Springs, CO, 1998]


Bibliography and Acknowledgments ___________________________________________________________________________ Augsburger, David, Caring Enough To Forgive Caring Enough To Not Forgive [Ventura, California 93006, Regal Books. 1983] Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, Reasons to Be Glad [World Wide Publications, 1998] Bushnell, Katherine. C. God’s Word to Women [Christian for Biblical Equality 122 West Franklin Ave., Ste. 218 Minneapolis, MN 55404-2451, 2003] Crabb, Dr Larry, How To deal With Anger [NavPress Toll Free 800-3667788. 1982] Cruse, C. F. Eusebius Ecclesiastical History [Hendrickson Publishers P.O. Box 3473 Peabody, Massachusetts 01961-3473, 2004] Ezell, Lee, The Cinderella Syndrome [Eugene, Oregon 97402 Harvest House Publishers 1985] Fryling, Alice, Reshaping A Jealous Heart [P.O. Box 1400, Downers Grove, IL 60515, InterVarsity Press. 1994] Graham Lotz, Anne. Just Give Me Jesus [Word Publishing, Nashville, United States of America, 2000] Ghezzi, Bert, The Angry Christian [Servant Books P.O. Box 8617 Ann Arbor, Michigan 48107. 1980] Hilt, J. Reasons to Be Glad [Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, World Wide Publications, 1303 Hennepin Avenue, Minneapolis, Minnesota 55403, 1986] Johnson, Ann. Miryam Of Jerusalem [Ave Maria Press, Notre Dame, Indianna 46556, 1991] Joplin Janis, Me and My Bobby McGee [Columbia Records, 1988] McClung, Floyd, Learning to Love People You Don’t Like [Kingsway Publications LTD Lottbridge Drove, Eastbourne, E. Sussex BN236NT. 1987] Michael, Boaz, First Fruits of Zion Torah Club [First Fruits of Zion, Inc. PO Box 620099 Littleton, Colorado 80162-0099 USA, 1999]


Payne, Sandra, A Call To Women [Living Way Publishers, McLarenVale, South Australia, 1982] Ramey Mollenkott, Victoria. Women Men & the Bible [Parthenon Press, Nashville, Tennessee, United States 1977] Washburn Osborn, Daisy. The Woman Believer [OSFO Publishers Box 10 Tulsa, OK 74102 USA, 1990] Wilson, Sandra D., Hurt people hurt People. [Nashville, Tennessee, Thomas Nelson, Inc. 1993] Worley, Win, Proper Names of Demons [ E-Mail: H. B. C Box 626, Lansing, Illinois 60438, 1991] Worley, Win, Dodging Those Sex Hooks [H. B. C Box 626, Lansing, Illinois 60438, 1983] Worley, Win, God’s Plan for Leadership [H. B. C Box 626, Lansing Illinois, USA 60438, 1991] Worley, Win, The Satanic Cosmos [WRW Publications and Hegewisch Baptist Church, Highland Indiana, P.O. Box 629, Lansing Illinois, USA 60438, 1983] Worley, Win, Seducing Spirits [H.B.C Box 626, Lansing, Illinois, USA 60438, 1983] Zanger, Walter, The Vinyard - Mount Gerizim Volume 31 [David Press, 908 North Road, Beatleigh East, Victoria, 3165, 1989]



Understanding and Overcoming Homosexuality By Navigating the Church Life Book 2 Truth is that Church life will cause you to be tossed around especially when those waves and the wind come from a church people. Reality is that storms will come as the devil sits in the same seats as you and the flawed and sinning people. Know this that you will take offense at church. You will become critical and judgmental and put up walls of protection around your heart. You will want to react with leaving the church to do church your way and you will start to look back at the homosexual life you once left. When we don’t understand church and that church is full of people with problems, like us holding heresy and error it can and it will be difficult to remain a member. Therefore, this book will counsel you as you prayerfully seek Jesus Christ to remain in attendance at Church. It will teach you, train you, build you up, and it will cause you to see beyond yourself; so your journey to the other side is not hindered by the faults and flaws of church and the people in it and the games the devils play against us.

Kathleen Malligan Triumphant Ministries Toowoomba 132

Profile for Kathleen Malligan

Book 2 By Navigating the Church Life  

Truth is that Church life will cause you to be tossed around especially when those waves and the wind come from a church people. Reality is...

Book 2 By Navigating the Church Life  

Truth is that Church life will cause you to be tossed around especially when those waves and the wind come from a church people. Reality is...