6 High Expectations You Should Not Set For Your Partner

6 High Expectations You Should Not Set For Your Partner

Perhaps you have heard many times that having high expectations in the dating world is bad, it is just not possible to let go of the preconceived idea of how you want your partner to treat you. There is a very thin line between having unrealistic expectations and setting healthy boundaries of what you want out of your romantic pursuit.

You need to not allow simple notions to spiral into unrealistic expectations. You need to keep in mind that the other is a separate person with their weaknesses, doubts and uncertainties. If they don’t meet up your expectations, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are bad. If you feel like you have fallen victim to unrealistic expectations, you have to remember how to overcome them. First, you need to be able to know what falls in the category of expectations that you should not hold within a romantic relationship. Here are a few examples:

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You expect the other person to be attractive at all times – attraction is very dynamic and should not be treated as a constant.

You should not expect your partner to look attractive at all times, clinging to those done-up days when you were dating for the first time and you were both putting your best foot forward. You should reframe your attraction – things beyond the physical. Maybe it is their confidence, their sense of humour or just anything beyond the way they look that you find irresistible.

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You expect them to plan perfect date nights – it may be fun feeling courted at the start of your relationship. However, once you are committed long-term, you should not always let them plan everything. Putting that pressure on them could be detrimental.

Think about what you can do to provide for dating and rekindling romance between you two, instead of just expecting them to put in the effort.

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You expect them to spend all their free time with you – it is okay to want to spend more time with someone as you are getting to know them. However, you should not have the immediate expectation of them being 24/7 with you. The best relationships have both partners maintaining a certain level of independence in their lives. When they are free to enjoy their hobbies and spend time the way they want to, they tend to contribute to better relationships.

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You are always expecting them to apologise first – no matter what sort of conflict you are having, it is not reasonable to expect them to apologise first. It is just not fair to avoid doing any work to better your bond and to better yourself. Sometimes you have to be the one willing to come forward after a fight, as it shows you value your relationship more than your ego.

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You think your life takes precedent – if you are always willing to put your problems ahead of your partner, your relationship will become unequal. You have to keep your lines of communication open and work around mutually suitable arrangements.

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You expect them to take care of things in the house – both partners need to respect the space they live together in. It is not good to expect the other to do chores and maintenance. Division of labour is very important, especially if it leads to both of you doing your share of work.

It is very important to let go of unrealistic expectations if you are to allow your relationship to flourish and to find joy in your partner. ©Kate Mansfield Dating Coach