The Uncertainty of Developing in Womanhood

By Tatiana Scherman

Can I stay up past my bedtime?

Pleaseeee? We used to beg our parents. For a later bedtime. For more dessert. For another playdate with our friends. I remember as a young girl, having a magic diary. I would write about having ‘the best day EVER’ because I rode a rollercoaster for the first time, or I would rant about my sister getting her way because she was younger.

However, most of the time I would write lists of hopes and dreams, for the future, for when I entered womanhood. Except they weren’t hopes and dreams because they were definitely going to come true. Why? My magic diary, of course. I believed that whatever aspirations I wrote down in my diary, HAD to come true.

My list of totally achievable and realistic, and not at all cliché aspirations read as follows: When I grow up, I am going to …

1. Have a boyfriend

2. Have long beautiful hair

3. Be popular

4. Have a model’s body

5. Be pretty

Little me thought it would be so easy, all I had to do was wait and just like, you guessed it, magic, I would transform and my list would complete itself. Plot twist, little me was wrong.

“Can I stay up past my bedtime?” turned into “Who am I?” Am I pretty? Am I likeable? Am I good enough?

Where did these doubts come from?

Womanhood and all its uncertainties. It is as though a switch flipped overnight. Suddenly I was filled with self-doubt and a craving to be like everyone else.

What I didn't realise was that womanhood was supposed to be uncertain, how else was I supposed to make my own choices and become my own person? I found freedom in the uncertainty, my life was mine to build.

What I have also come to realise is that it is not the uncertainty that causes anxiety and despair. The stressor is the lie that everyone else has got it figured out, the false belief that life is only uncertain for me.

With all these realisations, it is only right that I update my list.

With all these realisations, it is only right that I update my list.

1. Find happiness within myself

2. Cherish every moment

3. Hold on to your people

4. Remember you’ve always been capable

5. Appreciate what you have, nothing and no one lasts forever

Developing in womanhood is complex, it is scary and beautiful and difficult and tiring and wonderful and full of surprises. If you take away nothing else, just remember, be kind to yourself and everything will be okay.