Wholesale Value by K.C. Otenti

WHOLESALE VALUE by K.C. Otenti ACT ONE FADE IN: INT. SIMPSON’S FRONT HALL- DAY The front door opens, Marge walks in holding both of her hands up in front of her. They are heavily bandaged. Homer enters behind her and shuts the door. HOMER Kids! We’re back from the hospital! Bart and Lisa, with Maggie lagging behind, rush down the stairs. BART Why were you at the hospital? LISA (NOTICING MARGE’S HANDS) Oh my gosh! Mom, what happened to your hands? MARGE (GROANS) I was cooking a roast and I had a little… accident. HOMER A roast? You didn’t tell me a roast was involved! Is it okay?

MARGE I burned both my hands pretty badly, so I’m afraid everyone is going to have to pitch in with chores until my hands are healed. BART I call feeding the dog! He pulls a candy bar out of his pocket and throws it on the floor. Santa’s Little Helper runs over and gobbles it up. MARGE I already dictated a list of who will do what chores to one of the nurses in the emergency room. Homer, why don’t you hang it on the fridge? HOMER I don’t have any list. MARGE (POINTING TO A PAPER IN HOMER’S HAND) Then what’s that in your hand? HOMER This? Oh, this is just the, uh, shopping list.

MARGE Oh, good. Then you can go shopping while I have the kids write up a new chore list. HOMER No problemo. (UNDER HIS BREATH) Heh heh heh. (BEAT, ANNOYED GRUNT) INT. HOMER’S CAR- A SHORT WHILE LATER HOMER Stupid Marge. Tricking me into being useful. He pulls up at a stoplight in front of a wholesale club. HOMER (CONT’D) EJ’s? This didn’t used to be here, did it? He notices a sign near the entrance that says “Subway: Now Open Inside!” HOMER (CONT’D) They have a Subway? Mmm… eating fresh. He pulls into the parking lot, gets out of his car, and goes into the store.

INT. EJ’S- CONTINUOUS There is a sign above the entrance that reads ‘EJ’s, Where Values Come Out To Play’. Reminiscent of BJ’s Wholesale Club (or Sam’s Club), the interior of the store is cavernous, with high ceilings, wide aisles, and bulk items galore. Homer walks in and grabs a shopping cart, which is as tall as he is. HOMER Wow! Everything is bigger here! He begins to walk the aisles, browsing items such as 12packs of Big John’s Breakfast Logs, and 2 gallon economysized Tubbb! Behind the meat counter is a MEAT CUTTER who seems to be the crazy guy with a shotgun from “Marge Gets a Job”. Now, he’s wielding a meat cleaver, shifting his eyes side to side, and muttering to himself. Homer passes produce, where a WOMAN is shouting at the produce clerk, who is stacking the bananas. WOMAN Don’t stack them like that! You’re hurting them! As Homer continues, he hears yelling from a couple aisles up. He pauses at the end of the aisle, where he sees a short, round MANAGER with glasses and short, brown hair. She appears to be dressed as a dominatrix, complete with whip and chains. She is whipping a customer. MANAGER I told you- we don’t have any left. CUSTOMER But there must be some up in the steel.

MANAGER Well, there isn’t. CUSTOMER Well, I was here last week and they told me you’d be getting more in. MANAGER It hasn’t come, yet. (SNAPPING THE WHIP) CUSTOMER Fine! I’ll come back tomorrow. Just please stop whipping me! MANAGER (THE WHIP SNAPS AGAIN) What’s the safe word? CUSTOMER Kumquat! MANAGER (STAYING HER WHIP) All right. Thank you for shopping at EJ’s. Enjoy the rest of your day. (SEEING HOMER WATCHING HER) What the hell do you want? A push? Homer hurries away. He comes to electronics, and a man races past him. A SHOPPER yells out. SHOPPER Stop him! He stole an iPod!

A young man, dressed in a homemade Superman costume and an EJâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nametag identifying him as the Loss Prevention Manager appears. He chases after the thief, tackles him, and recovers the iPod. He then hands the thief over to the police, who have just arrived. WIGGUM The store is safe again, Superman, thanks to you. Homer walks toward the front of the store. He passes a green-skinned woman wearing a black dress and hat; red and white striped socks; and sparkly red shoes. The woman turns down an aisle, browsing the displays. There is a sudden, strong gust of wind that knocks a pallet off of the top shelf of the steel, which lands on the woman. All that is visible of her are her legs and feet. Another shopper runs up and grabs the shoes. SHOPPER Yoink! Homer passes an end cap display of lettuce on his way to the registers. LETTUCE Hey, Guy. HOMER Wow! Talking headsâ&#x20AC;Ś of lettuce! LETTUCE Imagine a job with little to no responsibility, little to no expectations, (LOWERS VOICE) and little to no pay.

HOMER Really? No responsibility? LETTUCE You could be helping dozens of people every day… no skills necessary! HOMER That’s good. LETTUCE Just imagine the possibilities! CUT TO HOMER’S FANTASY Homer is at a register, wearing an EJ’s vest, top hat, and shiny black shoes. He is surrounded by a golden aura. He drags items across the scanner as bright music plays, then tosses them into a carriage. He dances away from the register, helping other customers as he goes. He gives change to someone trying to put a dollar into a vending machine, he gives a lollypop to a crying child, he throws a steak to distract a rabid dog that is gnawing on a person’s leg, and he rescues a drowning puppy. A crowd of customers lift Homer up as he smiles and waves his hands. CUT TO REALITY HOMER (CONT’D) I’ll do it! LETTUCE There’s a table with job applications right past the registers up there.

Homer marches past a register where a shopper is holding a pair of sparkly red shoes and inquiring about the price. The table has a stack of job applications in front of a sign that says “NOW HIRING- Give us your soul, we’ll give you $7.50/hr.” CUT BACK TO LETTUCE DISPLAY The lettuce is sniggering. The camera pans down to reveal a man in an EJ’s vest crouching below the display, sniggering into a microphone. The man gets up and pulls a small speaker out from among the lettuce. He walks off, carrying the mic and speaker. INT. SIMPSONS’ KITCHEN- MEANWHILE Marge is sitting at the kitchen table with Lisa, who has the family’s bills and bank statements spread around her. Marge is instructing her on how to handle the finances. Bart is at the kitchen counter, standing on a chair, preparing pork chops for dinner. LISA You know, Mom, this would be much more efficient if you had your bills organized by their due date. That way, you know the one on the top of the pile is the next one you need to pay. MARGE That may be, but I know exactly where each one is if they’re alphabetical. LISA But if you-

MARGE No! (MURMURS) Why don’t you go do some homework? Lisa sighs happily and rushes off. Marge gets up to see how Bart is doing. BART (ADDING SPICES TO THE PORK CHOPS) A smidgen of rosemary, a dash of thymeMARGE No, that’s a dash of rosemary and a smidgen of thyme, not the other way around! BART I’ve always thought that was too much rosemary. MARGE (GASPING) Get out of my kitchen! BART Mom, IMARGE OUT! Go play with Milhouse or something! BART

Alright, if you insist. Bart runs out of the room. Marge sits down at the table and puts her head in her hands. MARGE Ouch! She quickly raises her head again. INT. EJ’S- A COUPLE DAYS LATER Homer is standing next to a cashier at one of the registers, wearing the green EJ’s vest and a nametag. Homer looks at his nametag, which is decorated solely with his name, then looks at the cashier’s nametag. This cashier’s nametag, which identifies him as Tito, is covered with smiley faces and various pins. HOMER Hey, how do you get all that junk for your nametag? TITO The smileys are for when you make an extra effort to help someone. This one (POINTING TO A PIN DEPICTING HANDS JUGGLING THREE BALLS) is ‘Job Juggling’. That’s when you’re trained in more than one area. (READS FROM ANOTHER PIN)’Our Members Rock’ is for when a customer tells a supervisor or manager that you were helpful. Everybody gets ‘Superior Safening’ (POINTING) when the store has

zero accidents for the quarter. HOMER How come you have so many of the calendar ones? TITO Those are for perfect attendance. You get one at the end of each month you show up on time every day. HOMER Well, I won’t be getting any of those. The GM approaches them. GM We’re getting lines. (TO HOMER) Dan, I need you to hop on your own register. HOMER My name is Homer. GM Yeah, okay. Just go ahead and jump on register 12. HOMER But I haven’tGM Thanks, chief.

Homer signs on to the register and turns on the lane light. Agnes Skinner approaches the register. She looks at Homer, looks up at the light, then looks back at Homer. AGNES Are you open? HOMER (ANNOYED) What do you thHe looks at Tito, who is shaking his head and pointing to his ‘Our Members Rock’ pin. HOMER (CONT’D) I mean, yes, I am. How are you today? AGNES Tired. This place is too big. I don’t like having to walk so much. You’ll have to put my things on the conveyor belt for me. I’ve got a bad back. HOMER Okay. He takes everything out of Agnes’ cart and places them on the belt. He scans her membership card, and the renewal prompt is displayed. He briefly studies the screen. HOMER(CONT’D) Hmm. This thingy says your membership renewal is due.

AGNES Well, I‘m not going to renew today. I always renew on the last Tuesday of the month. Today is not the last Tuesday of the month. Homer clears out of the prompt and begins scanning items. After he scans the last item and hits the total button, Agnes hands him a coupon. HOMER Hey- this coupon is expired! And it says ‘Valid only at Target’! AGNES I used a coupon exactly like this one just the other day. HOMER We don’t take coupons like this. AGNES You used to. HOMER No, we didn’t. AGNES Just take the coupon. Homer grumbles as he takes the coupon. HOMER Your total is $74.81.

AGNES Oh, is that all? In that case, I’ll renew my membership. HOMER I can’t renew it now, I hit no. You told me no. AGNES Well, I changed my mind. I’m going to renew now. HOMER You’ll have to pay for it separately. I can’t go back. AGNES I don’t want two receipts. Isn’t there something you can do? HOMER (THINKS) My supervisor could void this transaction, then I could re-scan all of your items. At this point, a line has formed behind Agnes, and there are audible sighs and groans at this news. AGNES Well, let’s do that. The supervisor comes over, voids the transaction, and Homer rings everything through again after selecting the renewal option.

HOMER Your new total is $119.81. AGNES What? Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an awful lot. How much was my membership? HOMER $45. AGNES Never mind. Take it off. FADE OUT END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO FADE IN: INT. SIMPSONS’ KITCHEN- MEANWHILE Abe Simpson and Jasper enter the kitchen as Marge sits, despondent, at the table. ABE Jasper and I were passing by and thought we’d stop in. MARGE Passing by? What could you possibly need this far from the retirement home? ABE We were on our way to that self-storage place across from the train station. MARGE Why were you going there? ABE We’ve got some stuff we need to hide, and the closer to the train station, the better. We’ll need to make a quick getaway. Jasper looks sharply at Abe.

ABE Uh, I mean, I just like the atmosphere. Abe walks over to the counter and looks at the pork chops. ABE Uh oh. Are you trying to cook again? MARGE No. I can’t cook with my hands like this. (SHE LIFTS HER HANDS SO ABE CAN SEE THE BANDAGES) ABE You couldn’t cook without the bandages, either. MARGE See if I invite you over at holidays anymore. ABE Why would I want to spend any time with my worthless son and his ungrateful family? MARGE I don’t know. Why did you stop by in the first place if you were just going to insult me and then argue about it?

ABE I like insulting and arguing. I can’t do it at the retirement home because the nurses won’t listen to me, and the others can’t hear me. MARGE (MUTTERING) The perks of being deaf. ABE What did you say? So why are these pork chops here, anyway? MARGE Bart was trying to help make dinner, but he put way too much thyme on them. ABE That’s ridiculous. You can never have too much thyme. He picks up the thyme and starts to shake more over the pork chops. Jasper grabs his wrist. JASPER You fool! Let me do that! Jasper brushes each of the pork chops off over the sink and grabs some spices. JASPER (CONT’D) A dash of rosemary, a smidgen of thyme, a pinch of marjoram…

ABE Quit showin’ off, you showoff! You don’t need all those fancy spices. Just butter ‘em up, throw some breadcrumbs on ‘em, and shove ‘em in the oven, already! JASPER Quiet, Abe. Let me concentrate. Now, where was I? Oh, yes: a sprinkle of chervil, a half teaspoon of turmeric… Marge (PLEASED) And a whisper of MSG. JASPER Good lord, woman. Are you crazy? MSG causes obesity and emotional disorders. You wouldn’t want to inflict that on your family, would you? (BEAT) No, the extra ingredient is care. He gently lifts the pan and eases it into the oven. JASPER (CONT’D) Nighty, night, little pork chops. He shuts the oven door.

MARGE Amazing. Your recipe is almost identical to mine. ABE Besides the MSG. MARGE Heh- well, I only use that when I buy organic. Homer won’t eat them, otherwise. ABE Horse feathers, he won’t! Homer will eat anything you put in front of him, and you know it. MARGE Of course I know that! I just read somewhere that MSG aids in protein digestion. I liked to think it worked. JASPER That’s a load of malarky. If you know what’s good for your family, you’ll throw out what’s left of your glutamic salts and use only natural herbs and spices. Who knows? Maybe whatever (MORE)

JASPER (CONT’D) damage you’ve already done will reverse itself. Marge imagines Homer’s reaction to this: HOMER Just think, Marge- no more mood swings, no more getting easily distracted, no more shaden-whazzit. Y‘know- that Germanian word Lisa uses sometimes. I’d be your intellectual equal! MARGE (MURMURS) I’ll take it into consideration. Jasper, do you think you could help me with my bills, too? JASPER Sure thing. He sits down at the table and starts leafing through Marge’s bills. MARGE All I ask is that you keep them alphabetized. JASPER Of course I’ll keep them alphabetized! What do you take me for, a senile old fool?

Abe snorts in amusement. JASPER (CONT’D) What are you laughing at, old timer? ABE (SARCASTIC) I don’t see how anyone could think a man who sends his grandchildren sympathy cards for their birthdays would be senile. JASPER It had a very nice picture on the front. My granddaughter loved it. Besides, who’s the one who was afraid to buy a color television because he thought the color would burn holes through his retinas? ABE The president? JASPER I was talking about you, you mealymouthed mug! ABE At least I’m not the one who claimed that the dinosaurs were God’s way of confusing evil people.

JASPER That wasn’t me, either. That was Lottie. Remember? She always used to stomp on peoples’ toes with her cane as she passed them. ABE Yeah, well…. Aw, nuts to you. I’m goin’ home. Abe walks out. Jasper returns his attention to the bills, and soon has them finished. JASPER Anything else? MARGE Well, I do need a few things at the grocery store…. JASPER No problem. My car or yours? EXT. GROCERY STORE- A SHORT WHILE LATER Jasper and Marge are in Jasper’s old jalopy with a handicapped placard hanging from the rearview. They pull in to a handicapped parking spot next to the store entrance. MARGE Wow. I’ve never been legally parked in one of these spaces!

JASPER Yeah. This wooden leg has more than paid for itself with that little perk. Although I didn’t actually pay for it. I got it back when health insurance still existed. They enter the store. After they find everything Marge needs, they make their way to the register. The cashier scans everything and takes off a senior citizen’s discount. MARGE You saved me almost $20! I should bring you with me every time I go shopping! JASPER I also get a discount at Herman’s Military Antiques and the porno shop. MARGE I think we’ll stick to the grocery store. INT. EJ’S BREAK ROOM- LATER THAT DAY A long, white room is filled with plastic folding tables and chairs, a fridge, and a microwave on a counter. Homer is sitting at one of the tables with SQUEAKY-VOICED TEEN and Tito, eating lunch. There are other people occupying other tables. One person is rummaging in the fridge, while another is heating a burrito in the microwave.

HOMER How can you guys take that abuse from customers day after day? SQUEAKY-VOICED TEEN It’s easy: if we don’t, we get canned. HOMER I never realized what a demanding job this was until I tried it for myself. Cashiers deserve respect, just like any other unskilled laborer: ice cream men, nuclear safety technicians, and so on. CASHIER Tell that to the jerks who think they can treat us like dirt just because they pay to shop here. HOMER Maybe I will. Maybe we all will. (CLIMBING ONTO A TABLE AND RAISING HIS VOICE) We need to rise up together, as one voice, and demand the respect we deserve. We must uphold the honor of the Wholesale Club Cashier! And, to a lesser extent, Retail Cashiers.

The cashiers agree and talk excitedly to one another. SQUEAKY-VOICED TEEN Where do we start? HOMER First, we need a catchy slogan and an eye-catching banner. He turns toward the wall, on which hangs a banner that reads, “THE ‘OUR MEMBERS ROCK’ PLEDGE: As EJ’s team members, we pledge to put our MEMBERS first, greeting each one with a pleasant smile and a positive, upbeat attitude to show we care.” The banner has been signed by many team members. Homer rips it off the wall and spreads it out on the table, facedown. One of the cashiers hands Homer a marker, and Homer begins writing on the banner. He steps back to admire his work. He has written, “Respect Your Cashier, Dammit.” TITO I don’t know how favorably people will respond if we’re swearing at them. HOMER We’re not swearing at them, we’re swearing with them. SQUEAKY-VOICED TEEN I don’t think they’re swearing. HOMER Oh, yes they are. This one guy, he comes up to me and he says-

TITO Let’s just change the slogan. Tito grabs the marker from Homer and flips the banner back over. He crosses off ‘MEMBERS’ twice and writes ‘CASHIERS’ in place of both. The cashiers all chatter agreeably. FADE OUT END OF ACT TWO

ACT THREE FADE IN: INT. EJ’S HALLWAY FROM BREAKROOM- A SHORT WHILE LATER Homer and the cashiers descend the stairs from the break room and follow the hallway that leads out onto the frontline. About halfway down the hall, there is an alcove where two people are waiting at a counter, much like the counter at a bank. Behind the counter is a short, stocky woman with dark hair and a lip ring. She is dressed in camouflage with a red key coil on one arm and an emblem of two perpendicularly bisecting dollar signs on the left breast pocket. She is holding what appears to be a riding crop in one hand, which she bangs against the counter to punctuate her speech. The first person approaches the counter and mumbles something to the woman. The woman—the CASH OFFICE NAZI— shrieks a response. CASH OFFICE NAZI You want petty cash? You have receipt? The person mumbles again. CASH OFFICE NAZI No receipt? No petty cash for you! NEXT! The first person cowers, then scurries away. The next person slinks up to the counter and mumbles nervously to the CO Nazi.

CASH OFFICE NAZI You want jewelry safe key? Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not manager! No safe key for you! The cashiers continue out to the registers. Two of them hang the banner between two of the register lights. As Homer passes one of the tube system box stations, he pauses to follow the tube with his eyes. HOMER Yeah, we used to have a tube system like this at the power plant. They had to take it out, though. The river behind the plant was overflowing because the beavers were building dams with all the tubes. Back at his register, Homer happily rings out the pleasant customers, but kicks the rude ones out of his line. The other cashiers are following his lead. RUDE CUSTOMER I want to recharge my gift card. Put another $20 on it, will you? HOMER Gee, I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t ever done that before. RUDE CUSTOMER What, are you stupid? Just put 20 bucks on the card.

HOMER I’m not stupid, I just don’t know what I’m doing. RUDE CUSTOMER Well, figure it out. I’m in a hurry. HOMER Hey- if you’re not going to be nice, then get out of my line. RUDE CUSTOMER Excuse me? HOMER You heard me. If you’re not going to respect me, I’m not going to ring you out. Now, beat it! The customer storms off, and shortly, the GM comes over. GM (POINTING TO ONE OF THE CASHIERS) TinoTITO It’s Tito. GM That’s what I said. Tino. Could you help this member over here with a mattress?

TITO Yeah, sure thing, Ray. GM (SMUGLY) I’m Stan. TITO That’s what I said. Tito goes to help the member. GM (TO THE GROUP) Now, what’s going on, here? I keep getting complaints that people are being refused service. Get back on your registers and ring these people out! HOMER No way, man. Not until we get some respect. We’ve helped all the customers who have treated us like fellow human beings. But we don’t have to stand here and take abuse from the jerks who think we cashiers are just scum that get paid hourly.

GM You get paid to cash out all the customers. If you will not help all of the customers, you will not get paid. The only thing you will get is fired. SQUEAKY-VOICED TEEN You can’t fire all of us, though. CASHIER Yeah, you won’t have any cashiers left. HOMER Look, we’re not asking for a pay raise, or better benefits, or anything like that. We’re just asking for some respect. That doesn’t cost anything. GM I have a better idea. How about I fire Frank (POINTING TO HOMER), and the rest of you (POINTING TO THE OTHER CASHIERS) get back to work. The GM tears down the banner and growls at the cashiers. The cashiers race back to their respective registers. He turns back to Homer, who’s looking forlorn. GM What’s your problem?

HOMER You never even learned my name! Homer runs out of the store crying. INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN- A SHORT WHILE LATER Jasper is putting away groceries under Marge’s supervision. MARGE Prime parking, generous discounts; I never knew how rewarding being old and crippled could be! I have so much to look forward to! JASPER Yeah, it’s mighty fine. As long as you don’t mind cataracts, prostate cancer, and Alzheimer’s. Other than that, itwho are you? What are you doing in my house? (LOOKING AROUND) This is my house, isn’t it? MARGE Uh, look- your pork chops are burning! Jasper turns to the pork chops. Homer comes in, sniffling and wiping away a tear. MARGE What’s wrong, Homer?

HOMER The general manager never got my name right. MARGE Why are you making such a big deal about it? It took years for Mr. Burns to remember your name. HOMER Yes, but this is different. This guy doesn’t get anyone’s name right. MARGE Well, when you go in tomorrow, introduce yourself. If you make a good impression, chances are he’ll remember who you are. HOMER I don’t think he’s expecting me tomorrow. I may have been fired. MARGE (MURMURS) What did he say to you? HOMER ‘How about I fire Frank.’ MARGE Who’s Frank?

HOMER Me. MARGE Oh. I guess you were fired, then. HOMER Well, there’s always my ‘fall-back’ job at the power plant. MARGE Gee, I almost forgot you worked there. Do you still get a paycheck every week? HOMER Every week I actually show up. MARGE That’s good. Anyway, you don’t need to worry about the chores, Homer. Jasper’s been helping me, and he’s doing a wonderful job. HOMER Oh, good. Because I was desperately concerned that nothing would get done. MARGE I know that was sarcasm, but it’s still nice to hear you care.

HOMER Of course I care. It’s just hard to be sincere when I’ve just been fired. MARGE You mean you aren’t used to it by now? You’ve been fired something like 18 times, haven’t you? HOMER Oh, it’s gotta be more than that. MARGE You don’t know? HOMER I can’t be expected to keep track of my vocational status. Too bad I can’t get a job where all I ever had to do was get fired. I’m pretty good at that. Marge murmurs. JASPER Who’s ready for pork chops? Jasper presents the pork chops on a platter. HOMER Oh, me! Me! Me! I am! I am! Homer rushes into the dining room as Marge calls the kids down to dinner. The family sits as Jasper moves around the table, serving the pork chops to each person. He gets to Lisa last.

LISA I don’t suppose you thought to make anything for me. JASPER Of course I did. (PLOPPING A CHOP ONTO LISA’S PLATE) Tofu chop. Lisa happily digs in. LISA It tastes just like Mom’s, but without the aftertaste of senseless murder! MARGE Jasper, will you join us for dinner? JASPER No. I’ve got flavorless mush waiting for me at the rest home. But I’ll be back after breakfast tomorrow to help with the baby. HOMER Hey! Just because I’m sensitive doesn’t mean you can call me names! MARGE Not you, Maggie! LISA Uh, Mom? Where is Maggie?

BART Yeah, I haven’t seen her for at least 18 minutes. MARGE Oh, I had Patty and Selma take her. INT. PATTY AND SELMA’S APARTMENT- MEANWHILE Maggie is on the floor, playing with some building blocks. MacGyver can be heard on the television in the background. Jub-Jub suddenly crashes through the blocks that Maggie has stacked. Maggie starts to whimper, and Jub-Jub starts making lizard noises. He flicks his tongue gently against Maggie’s cheek, and she laughs. SELMA Dinner time, kids! PATTY We’re having liver! Jub-Jub and Maggie make faces. SELMA Don’t worry. We’ve got squash for Maggie, and dead crickets for Jub-Jub. Jub-Jub and Maggie look happy as they are seated at their respective meals. All four of them begin to eat.

PATTY That singing group we took Maggie to see today was horrible. I don’t see how those parents haven’t shot themselves, yet. SELMA I can’t understand how two grown men are so willing to embarrass themselves on stage like that. They must have been neglected as children. PATTY But the important thing is that Maggie had fun. Maggie rolls her eyes and makes a face. When they finish eating, Patty clears the table. SELMA Time for bed, kids! She picks up Jub-Jub and Maggie and carries them over to a portable crib that has been set up in the living room. She puts them both into the crib and pulls a blanket over them. SELMA I bet you’ll want to listen to the CD we bought today! She turns on a nearby CD player and puts in a Hosenshortz CD. The first song is ’Rhinoceros Jam’. Maggie and Jub-Jub exchange disapproving looks.

After Patty and Selma retire to their bedroom, Maggie stands up and throws her pacifier. It hits the CD player, changing it from “CD” to “Radio”. The current station is playing Fergalicious. The pacifier bounces back to Maggie, who catches it and resumes sucking on it as she and Jub-Jub dance to the music. FADE OUT THE END