SENSUAL LOVE SECRETS BY JOYCE WOLAYO

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CONTENTS OF SENSUAL LOVE SECRETS

Introduction……………………page 5 Love……………………………page 7 Myths that will kill any love relationship……………………page 26 Myths about love and romance.........page 41 Tips to bring back love & romance into your life…….............................page 46 Love and money; the keys to creating happiness around money and relationship issues……………………page 53 Sex and love; the fears we have about anal Sex………………………page 62

How to keep sex alive in a long-term relationship…………………page 76 Healthy benefits of love and sex………………………………page 90 Sexual arousal in men; stages of sexual response in men and women……page 103 Marriage: ways to make a good marriage

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great…………………………page 143 So how can a relationship survive the inevitable struggles that come with a long term commitment?..........page 149 Finding the love of your life; how can you be sure your marriage won't fail…….page 167 How to get the love of your life back - 3 proven techniques to win them back when you lose them………………………page 195 Ways to keep a relationship Interesting………page 230 How to make a man keep loving you in a relationship……………………245 . Definitive ways to tell you’re in love with the right person……………………page263 . Romantic gestures for everyday life……………………………page 280 . Tips on how to make your boyfriend happy every day……………………page302 How to get him to propose by reading his mind…………………………page 308 . Dating relationships……………page 340

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INTRODUCTION

How are you going to solve all your love dilemmas? Is the first question I need to ask and the most inspiring question for me to write this incredible manual through albeit so many of your love articles but most importantly through genuine research and reading. I was inspired by the need to know everything about love and creating social harmony in my life through understanding the fundamental principles of love that make feel really proud and happy about myself. It was an inspiring journey that I hope everyone can take through reading this book. It has transformed the way I look at relationships and also personally made me feel really special and happy. I am hoping that all readers of this

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incredible manual will come to feel the way I feel and even transform their marriages, sex life and dating life.

This is what sensual love secrets is all about.

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LOVE

Love is a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection ("I love my mother") to pleasure ("I loved that meal"). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—"the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another".It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one's self or animals.

Ancient Greeks identified four forms of love: kinship or familiarity (in Greek, storge), friendship (philia), sexual and/or romantic desire (eros), and self-emptying or divine love (agape). Modern authors have distinguished further varieties of romantic love. Non-Western

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traditions have also distinguished variants or symbioses of these states.This diversity of uses and meanings combined with the complexity of the feelings involved makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, compared to other emotional states.

Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

Love may be understood as a function to keep human beings together against menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the species.

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LOVE AS A MYTH

It is important to keep in mind, as we read these images and texts together, that the myths expressed by these media were meant to be taken very seriously. In the ancient Greek song culture, myth was not mere fiction.

Just the opposite: myth was a formulation of eternal cosmic truths! So, the myths conveyed by the images of the paintings we will study are just as “truthful,� from the standpoint of ancient Greek song culture, as are the related myths conveyed by the Homeric Iliad. We need to read both the texts and the images of these myths as an accurate formulation of an integral system of thought the expresses most clearly and authoritatively all those things that really matter in life. Additionally, this module foregrounds the historical fact, explored more fully in

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the third module (“Hours 12-15: The Cult of Heroes�), that the heroes who were characters in the myths of ancient Greek epic, lyric, and other verbal media were at the same time worshipped as superhuman forces by the communities where their bodies were thought to be hidden from outsiders. When we take for example the Homeric Odyssey, we find that the main hero of this epic, Odysseus, was a cult hero, not only an epic hero.

And the agenda that center on the idea of a cult hero, like the prospect of immortalization after death, can be clearly seen in the overall plot of the Odyssey, especially in the memorable scene where the hero experiences his homecoming to Ithaca at the same moment when the sun rises as he wakes from a mystical overnight sleep while sailing homeward.

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LOVE MYTH STORIES

You take one look at a myth and it sounds impossible and if it’s impossible, love could also be impossible. So love comes through faith and however much we may argue about it, love is spiritual and fulfilling when acquired. We will study it and even spend countless hours thinking about it because love makes the world go round. If you understand divine love, it’s so much easier to understand our own human love. Below are a few love myths that most of us believe in.

Egyptian: Osiris and Isis

Osiris, son of Earth and Sky, was the husband-brother of Isis, goddess of the earth and moon. Set, Osiris' evil brother and god of darkness, trapped Osiris in a coffin and threw him into the Nile. Grief-stricken Isis found the

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Worms in love coffin on the Phoenician coast where it had washed and become encased in a tamarisk tree. Isis retrieved her husband's body, but inspite of her attempts to hide it in Egypt, Set found it again and cut it into fourteen pieces which he scattered throughout the land. Isis searched unwaveringly. When she found the parts, she rejoined the fragments, and restored the god to eternal life with the first use of the rites of embalment.

Babylonian: Ishtar and Tammuz

Ishtar, sometimes considered a war-goddess and sometimes a goddess of love and voluptuousness, in her youth loved Tammuz, god of the harvest. According to Gilgamesh her love caused Tammuz' death and she was stricken with such tremendous grief that she vowed to

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descend into the Underworld to rescue Tammuz. After threatening her way through the door of the Underworld, she preceded through the seven precincts. At the gate to each she was forced by Allatu, queen of the Underworld to remove one piece of her dress: her crown, her earrings, her necklace, the jewels from her breast, her girdle of birthstones, her wrist and ankle bracelets, and finally the garment covering her nakedness.

When Ishtar entered the realm of Allatu in a rage, Allatu ordered her to be imprisoned forever among the dead.

The earth became desolate, and the heavens mourned.

The god Ea sent a man to Allatu with a magical spell that forced her to sprinkle Ishtar with the water of life and return her to the earth. As Ishtar exited the gates, she was bestowed the adornments she had lost.

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Worms in love

Phoenician: Adonis (Eshmun) and Aphrodite

Adonis' mother transformed herself into a tree from which Adonis was born a most beautiful child.

Aphrodite placed him into a coffin which she entrusted to Persephone, goddess of the Underworld. When Aphrodite returned to retrieve the coffin she discovered that Persephone had opened it and claimed the handsome child for herself. Zeus, forced to intervene in the dispute between the two goddesses, decided that Adonis should spend half the year on earth and half in the Underworld.

In another version of this myth Adonis was an avid hunter. Because Aphrodite deeply loved Adonis, she tried to persuade him to give up the dangerous sport.

Adonis refused and was killed by a wild boar or bear. In

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Worms in love the sixth century the Phoenician name for this character was discovered. He was the agricultural divinity named Eshmun.

Persian: Zal and Rudabeh

Zal, son of a Feridun chief named Sam, was born with snow white hair. This curious condition aroused fear that he might be a daeva's son, and Sam was forced to abandon the boy on a mountaintop. A simurgh, a bird with magic powers, snatched up the crying baby and raised him with its own nestlings.

Upon dreaming that his son still lived, Sam prayed to be reunited. The simurgh instructed Zal that he must return to his father, but gave him a feather that would ensure

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Zal's safety if he were ever in danger. Sam welcomed his son and eventually put him in charge of Zabulistan where he performed his duties well. Zal regretted his ignorance of world, however, and decided to visit other places including Kabul. The chief of Kabul was a descendant of Zohak, an enemy of Zal's father Sam and the king of Persia. Zal knew that he should avoid contact with the chief, yet he yearned to meet the chief's daughter Rudabeh who was described as "fair as the moon with ringlets of dark hair that reached her feet and whose presence made men think of heaven." Rudabeh in turn had heard of Zal's exceptional white hair and strange upbringing. Her attendants sensed her interest in Zal and ventured to gather roses in a stream bed by his camp. When Zal shot a bird rising from the waters, he received a message that Rudabeh could be his if he were

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worthy. The maidens returned to Rudabeh with gems, robes, and rings from Zal. She invited Zal to her palace retreat. After calling to him from a balcony, she let down her tresses which Zal climbed. The two realized their great love for each other, but feared their families' enmity.

The days that followed were grim because the king of Persia vowed to destroy all descendants of Zohak. When Zal confessed his love for Rudabeh to his father, Sam consulted astrologers, and learned that the offspring of the two lovers would become a great conqueror. He sent Zal with a letter fo the king of Persia beseeching permission for the marriage. When the king received the same sign from the astrologers, he consented, and Rudabeh and Zal were married on the palace balcony.

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Worms in love The king of Persia also made peace with the ruler of Kabulistan.

When Rudabeh was ready to bare her child, she became gravely ill. Zal placed the simurgh feather on the fire.

The simurgh appeared and instructed that Rudabeh be drugged with wine. Her side was opened, her child drawn out, and the incision rubbed with an herb and another feather from the simurgh's wing. The child named Rustam revealed himself immediately to be a hero and the fulfillment of the simurgh's prophecy.

Indian: Sakuntala and Dashyanta (A story told by an early Indian poet Kalidasa)

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Sakuntala, the infant daughter of a sage and a nymph, was abandoned in the forest where she survived on food brought by birds. She was discovered by the sage Kanva who raised her as his own daughter at a hermitage. One day King Dushyanta was hunting in the forest, and having caught sight of Sakuntala, fell in love. He persuaded her to marry him and gave her a ring of commitment when he departed. Unfortunately, Sakuntala, upon returning to the hermitage, mistakenly offended the irritable sage Durvasas. He cast a curse that she would be forgotten by her husband forever unless King Dushyanta spied the ring he had left with her.

Eventually it was time for Sakuntala to find her husband and she left the hermitage. When she stopped to bathe in a sacred pool, Sakuntala dropped the ring. In accordance with the curse, Dushyanta did not recognize her when

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Worms in love she arrived at the palace and denied their marriage, although he did feel sorry for the grief-stricken girl about to give birth to a child. Sakuntala sadly withdrew from the palace only to be whisked away to a sacred grove by an apparition. There she bore a son named Bharata.

When a fisherman later found a ring inside a fish, he was taken before Dushyanta as a suspect of theft. Upon seeing the ring Dushyanta realized his vow to Sakuntala and anxiously sought her. The god Indra appeared in his chariot and carried Dushyanta to the sacred grove. There Dushyanta and Sakuntala were reunited and rejoiced in the heroic destiny of their son Bahrata.

Chinese: The Heavenly Spinster, Chih-nii and the Cowherd

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Chih-nii was the divine daughter of the August Personage of Jade, and for him she always spun seamless robes of brocade and clouds. As a reward, her father married her to the Heavenly Cowherd whom she came to love so dearly that she neglected her spinning. Her father became so angry that he separated them by casting one to the right of the Heavenly River (Milky Way) and one to the left. Chih-nii and the Cowherd were allowed to see each other only once a year.

Another version of this story adds many colorful details.

It is a popular legend in China and the source of frequent poetic allusions:

The Cowherd, a simple-minded mortal, was advised by his ox (a genius in disguise) that he could secure a beautiful wife cheaply by hiding the clothes of a girl

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bathing in the river on a certain day. He followed the ox's directions and hid a maiden's clothes in the well.

The maiden happened to be the Heavenly Spinster, who had ventured to earth with friends for a little fun, but could not return to heaven without her clothes. The Cowherd then took the opportunity to marry her. After the couple had been married several years and had born a son and daughter, the Heavenly Spinster again sought her clothes. When the Cowherd revealed the hiding place, to his surprise his wife put on her clothes and immediately returned to heaven. The Cowherd and his children, stricken with grief, consulted the ox which then bore them to heaven. In heaven the cowherd told his tale to the August Personage of Jade. When the August Personage of Jade verified the story with the Heavenly Spinster, he made the Cowherd immortal and lord over a

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Worms in love star to the west of the River (Milky Way). The Spinster ruled over a star to the East and the two had permission to meet once every seven days. It was because of a miscommunication that they thought they could meet only once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month. That is what they have always done, and on that day all magpies fly to heaven with a twig to form a bridge so that the Spinster and Cowherd can cross the river.

Japanese: O-Kuni-Nushi and Suseri Hime

O-Kuni-Nushi was the god of medicine who was credited with the invention of therapeutic methods. As a reward for curing an ailing hare he was granted the Princess Yakami. O-Kuni-Nushi's jealous brothers killed

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him, but because his mother interceded with a goddess Kami-Musabi, he returned to life as a strong young man.

In order to hide him from his brothers, his mother sent him to the god Susanoo in the Underworld. When OKuni-Nushi met Susanoo's daughter Suseri-Hime, they fell in love. Susanoo grudgingly welcomed O-KuniNushi and offered him a room full of snakes for his rest.

Suseri-Hime, however, gave him a scarf which spared his life. On the second night the god offered him a room full of centipedes and wasps, but once again SuseriHime rescued him with a magic scarf. Desperate, Susanoo shot a hissing arrow into a meadow and ordered O-Kuni-Nushi to find it. When O-Kuni-Nushi reached the middle of the meadow, Susanoo burned the field, but a mouse guided him to an underground shelter, then fetched the arrow. These escapes impressed Susanoo,

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and he began to approve of O-Kuni-Nushi. The god asked him to wash his hair, then fell asleep. Instead of washing, O-Kuni-Nushi cleaverly tied the god's long hair to the rafters of the house, stole his weapons and his harp Koto, then fled with Suseri-Hime on his back. The harp awoke Susanoo who pulled down his house with his hair while attempting to stand up.

When Susanoo saw O-Kuni-Nushi with his daughter in the distance and realized he had no hope of catching up, he advised O-Kuni-Nushi how to vanquish his enemy brothers with the stolen weapons and marry SuseriHime. Susanoo then asked that O-Kuni-Nushi and Suseri-Hime build their palace at the foot of Mt. Uka.

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MYTHS THAT WILL KILL ANY LOVE RELATIONSHIP

Music, movies, friends and fairy tales teach us how to love but they teach us the wrong thing. Accepting such lessons without question is dangerous to the health of your relationships. Here are five myths that can kill any love relationship. You'll be wise to avoid them.

1. Love is enough.

2. There is nothing to learn.

3. If you love me, you'll _______.

4. My mate will change.

5. I'll do my half.

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1. Love is enough: This is a lie. Love isn't enough to hold you together. You need to be able to communicate, understand each other, and solve problems together.

There will be no happily-ever-after when all you do is to ride off into the sunset together. What the movies and the romance novels really don't tell you is that on the other side of that sunset, the next day, life together begins. And life brings with it challenges. At the very least, you now have to find out how to share the same house, the same room, the same bed, and the same money. In addition, you now have new friends, relatives, and strangers to deal with. It's no longer the dating scene.

You don't go home at the end of the day, weekend, or whatever. You are now both home. Those charming things you like about each other are now with you all the time. There is no escape.

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Closeness brings intimacy but it also brings a need to change and adapt. Change is difficult. You can tolerate only so much change without being affected. So getting married is a major change. The rules are different now.

You can't even insulate yourself from these problems by living together first. In fact, studies show that living together before marriage is an indicator for a higher chance of divorce.

Even though you can't avoid problems, you can prevent their damage. What you can do is to create a safe environment at home where you can talk with each other. When you can talk without fear of criticism, anger, or any other lack of support, you can talk about anything. When you can talk as true partners on the same team, you can solve problems. As difficult as this is, once you have accomplished the task, you can use it

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forever. The book "Talk to Me: How to Create Positive Loving Communication" can help you create that safe environment so your love can prosper.

2. There is nothing to learn. Since love is not enough and you were probably not taught how to communicate and solve problems, it's time to learn. Even couples who have come from the best of homes probably never saw their parents solve problems. Parents rarely are able to teach their children the skills for handling difficult times and the skills for keeping love alive. There are skills to keeping romance from dwindling even when the children are crying and the job is a bore.

As you grow through life, you will change. Your partner will change.

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Your relationship will change. If you stay open to accepting change, you can grow from it rather than resisting it. It seems as though we pass through phases as individuals on about a five-year cycle. We are constantly alive. Learning who you are and who your partner is can be a wonderful experience. Just remember that it doesn't stop when you think you have learned everything from the past. You have the present and the future to look forward to.

Some of the key skills for marriages include: handling money issues, communication, creating ground rules to keep the home safe from damaging conflict, handling conflict, solving problems, handling anger, building selfesteem, understanding and supporting your partner, decision making, compromise, and keeping romance alive.

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Just being aware that there is so much to learn is powerful. Taking action will allow you to reap the fruit.

This website, and books, and the links are designed to help you learn. Good luck.

Learning how to practice the art of loving will help you keep your love alive.

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if you love me, you'll _______.Fill in the blank with what comes to mind. Some popular ones are: ‌you'll change, know what I need, do what I want, give in, and just trust me. This statement makes love conditional upon the other person doing what you ask as a proof of their love. Such expectation of conditional love is dangerous. There is a dark translation to this type of expectation. What you are saying, in effect is, "I don't trust your love so you better prove it to me now.", or "I don't care enough about you to consider your feelings, wants, and needs. What I want is more important."

This type of statement can be a warning sign. Demand and conditional love usually say more about the person making the statement than about the recipient. It speaks to an unreasonable expectation that may be motivated by

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a lack of care about the partner or by a personal lack of self-esteem.

Expectations of "knowing what I need" demand that your partner have the ability to mind-read. Since none of us have this ability, you're asking for trouble from the start. The only way your partner can know what you need, want, feel, or think is your telling them. Good communication is a powerful tool for understanding.

On the other hand, it is not unreasonable to have expectations of your partner in the relationship. How you voice them is important. It's okay to say for example, "If our love is going to stay strong, it's important to learn how to communicate better." It's not okay to say "If you loved me, you'd understand me." The difference is that in the first, you are owning your share of the relationship.

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You are not pointing the finger but, rather, inviting an opportunity to learn and grow.

Sharing and creating mutual expectations and boundaries is essential to creating a healthy relationship. Create them together in a way that is consistent with your values and beliefs.

4. My mate will change. Yes, they will and you have no control. The only person you can ever change is yourself. People who expect that their mate will change in the direction that they, personally, want after marriage are going to be very, very disappointed. This is a relationship-killing expectation.

Be aware that the addictive behaviors of others with alcohol, drugs, or other substances are outside your control. Your love cannot cure this type of illness. This

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calls for professional intervention. You may help your partner by making resources available and being supporting but it is up to them to work through the disease. Organizations such as Alanon can assist you if you are involved with an addictive personality.

Have you ever heard an engaged person say something like this: "Well I know it's annoying when he/she just goes out with their friends to play sports in the middle of the week but you know what, as soon as we're married that's going to change."? Or "I know she runs around on me now but once we're married, she'll change." Or "I know he drinks a lot but he'll cut back once we're married." If you've heard it at all, you've just heard a relationship-warning siren. Such demands are unreasonable, unwelcome, and unlikely to succeed.

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People change because they want to not because you want them to. People entering marriage and committed relationships do change some of the things they do. And all people change and grow as they age. But people rarely change for the better when they are under pressure from someone else‌even a loved one. In a partnership, you work together to mutually create the new relationship. It is a sharing process. Yes, it may have its painful moments but you are both working together for the betterment of each other and the relationship.

The strongest relationships are founded on the commitment of two strong individuals who bring themselves to the relationship. It means compromise, growth and change but it does not mean giving in to the unreasonable demands of another. The article, Change and Grow has some further insights on this subject.

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5. I'll do my half. There is no such thing as a truly successful long-term marriage where each partner gives only their half (50%). It's the terrible lie of the 50:50 marriage. The only truth is that our expectations for a fairy tale marriage lead us down the road to disappointment, disillusionment, and divorce.

"I've had it. You're selfish. If you really loved me, you'd understand what I need. I've been giving and giving and I get nothing in return. You don't give me what I want anymore. Maybe we should get divorced." This conversation or others like it is held thousands of times per day as over two million people in the United States decide that it's time to divorce. After the mystical magic of today's glamorous weddings, these words ring cold on the hard pain of disappointment.

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No other thing that we do starts with so much joy, optimism, and celebration and, all so often, ends in so much anger, fear, and disappointment, as does the modern marriage. It doesn't have to be this way but we have a difficult time seeing the alternatives. The truth will help you create your role in a positive lifetime marriage.

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The Truth: Men and women are not equal. Thank God. We are different as individuals and, in that difference, lies part of the answer to a happy marriage. What we choose to do with those differences determines, perhaps more than love, what our relationship will look like. And it's not a fifty-fifty deal. A truly happy and lifetime marriage relationship is a seventy five: seventy five proposition (75:75) and all marriages will have problems at some time. It's inevitable. Differences and intimacy are a recipe for conflict.

By giving more than half, with the faith that you are both committed to the same marriage team and by communicating for understanding, with the goal of a winning marriage, you can overcome the inevitable problems of creating a happy married life. You can prosper and be happy when you each give seventy five

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percent to your marriage. When you know that your partner is contributing more than their fair share, it's easier for you to do the same.

Even though the fairy tales aren't always right, there can be a happy ending; a happy married life for those of you who commit to giving more to your marriage. When you communicate for understanding, and make your relationship a priority, you do have a chance of succeeding where so many other millions have failed.

Yes, it takes work. And that's part of the secret to success within the seventy five percent solution.

Working on your relationship is a fulfilling labor of love.

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MYTHS ABOUT LOVE AND ROMANCE

Romance with all its charm, fascination and longing for companionship, has its own shares of myths and realities. Each of us may vary with regard to the conceptualized definition of love and romance; but as one of the primeval human emotions; love which in turn gives way to romance or adventure is bound by certain age old myths which despite their oft repeated recurrence have little or no semblance of truth.

. One of the most common myths about love and romance revolves around its association with marriage; with people being under the notion that marriage makes for the permanence of romance.

The twin ideas of romance and marriage should

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be delinked from one another. While romance or love is an expression of feelings; marriage is one of the forms of social contract which does not necessarily make way for the permanence of romance. . True love may lead you to accept your partner just the way he or she actually is. But to say that love or romance is completely blind may turn out to be mythical. In case your partner is endowed with a disagreeable trait, it may not be all that colorful from the point of view of romance and relationship. . It is traditionally held that absence short or long proves to be productive from the point of view of romance. But realistically speaking; long absence may prove to be counterproductive for romance,

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bearing in mind the oft repeated maxim - 'Out of sight, out of mind'. . Another common romantic myth involves the co relation of romance and physical passion. If one goes for a romantic liaison with the only objective of satisfying his physical passions; then he/she is bound to be a failure. Romance may make way for physical passion, but relationship entered into with the sole objective of satisfying lust, is bound to meet with failure. . Similarly erroneous is the linking of romance with material happiness. One need not be rich in order to be romantic; or need not be flaunting with an exotically expensive gift to prove your idea of romance. Simple gestures of thankfulness

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and care may go a long way in highlighting the depth of romance. . In keeping with the idea that romance calls for a lot of efforts and time management; one may be extra careful and concerned to unfold the depth of his romantic feelings. But such a conscious display may prove to be falsely attractive.

Romance is supposed to be a spontaneous feeling to unfold naturally with time and situations. So one need not put in extra bit of effort in order to prove a point. Trying to prove a point may turn out to be counterproductive. . Likewise, the idea of time management with regard to romance is uncalled for. Though it has to develop naturally with the passage of time, one

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need not wilt under the feeling that it calls for extra bit of time. . In keeping with the intensely romantic stunts made use of in films and mushy books; people romancing may come under the mythical impression that romance is best expressed with flowers and couplets praising the brows of beloved. It may also involve the oft repeated expression of the catchy phrases such as 'I love you' and so on. But on the contrary; it is more meaningful when you choose to express your romance through actions based on care and loving thoughtfulness. . Expression of romance by way of gifts, flowers, cards and candies has rather become clichĂŠd and commonplace. So try to be unique in your

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expression of romance by going against the set pattern of clichĂŠd formula. . It is imperative that one remains true to one's nature and perceptions when it comes to the questions of love and romance. Since no two persons are alike, it makes sense to believe in your natural instincts while dealing with the spontaneously aroused feelings of the heart.

TIPS TO BRING BACK LOVE & ROMANCE INTO YOUR LIFE

Any relationship, be it romantic or otherwise; needs a touch or two of rejuvenation for its sustenance and survival. The urgently appealing call for revitalization

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which is one of the key pre conditions to the longevity of relationship based on romance and mutual trust; can be ensured through careful and effective planning.

Romance Rejuvenation Tips - Improve Love & Romance in Life

Just as automated mechanisms and equipments call for oiling and servicing; similar is called for from the points of view of sustainability of human relationships. This is particularly true of romantic relationship which requires cautioned and delicate handling.

. Trips short or long serve to energize and refresh romance by doing away with long standing boredom or monotony. Mundane mediocrities of life giving way to boredom can be easily got over with the occasional planning of trips and

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stopover. As it is, the core value of properly planned trips and vacations exceeds the worth of any sum of accumulated possession or wealth . It can either be a short stop over to a site away from home or a properly planned vacation to a chosen tourist destination. . Sudden and surprise gifts extended to your beloved, partner or husband can also count amongst the romance rejuvenating tips. Gifting may not be treated as an occasion bound phenomena and when gifts transcend the limits of special occasions or events; they definitely add to the thrill of romance. . Planning of an act or entertainment particularly longed for by your beloved may also turn out to be an effective romance rejuvenating tip. In case

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he happens to be one of those ardent foodies, tossing up the dish of his choice can come as an interesting relief making way for rejuvenation.

Similarly planning a trip to his favored holiday resort or for that matter arranging for combined viewing of a flick portraying his chosen matinee idol can turn out to be a delightful idea.

. To break the commonplace spells of boredom or monotony, add a personal touch to romance to show your caring concern for your beloved. Do something out of ordinary like planning a candle light dinner within the precincts of your house to enliven the dying embers of romance and passion. . In case he is emotionally attached to a friend or relation; surprise invitation extended to him/her

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can add a touch of glow to your beloved's life; thereby indirectly serving to add to the meaningfulness of your emotional bond. . Occasional planning of outdoor picnics together with friends or joint viewing of football or rugby match for your sports freak beloved are some of the ways whereby you can keep the glow of romance alive and burning. . Suddenly surprising decision to bring in a new look to your bedroom by bringing about a change in its drapery, lighting and setting can go a long way in invigorating the physical as well as the emotional aspects of romance. . Having his/hers study beautified with a placard displaying ten or so reasons why you love him/her more than anybody else may

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significantly brighten up your partner's day by adding to the thrill of romance. . Try spicing up your love life by indulging in a game or two with your partner. It need not be an outdoor game always. Going for some of the simple board games like scrabble, darts and puzzles may prove to be interesting options from the viewpoint of romance and thrill. . Occasional break from the mechanized bounds of professional activities for spending a day in each other's company can be another option serving to spruce up the dying romance. You may even have your kids packed off to your parents' or in laws place in order to relax and revel in the cozy togetherness.

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It should be borne in mind that healthy sustenance of love or romance depends a lot on reciprocated sharing and caring. Try to be innovatively demonstrative in your show of love and affection in order to keep it glowing and long lasting.

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LOVE AND MONEY

The keys to creating happiness around money and relationship issues include:

Understanding yourself and others:

Compatibility is key. Answering these questions can give you some insights into your relationship with money. Do you agree or disagree? Why or why not?

For love and money does not have to be a matter of conflict. You can enjoy life today and build for your future. Money can’t buy you love or even happiness.

The key is to understand yourself and others, reach a common ground through discussion and be financially responsible along the way.

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A 2008 international study conducted by University of Pennsylvania researchers showed that people with higher annual incomes reported more happiness, even in rich countries. Similarly, earlier studies of lottery winners seemed to indicate they were not any happier years later, but more recent studies do show an increase in long-term happiness after winning the lottery. While some relationships may suffer, increased wealth creates a multitude of new opportunities.

Having more money can cushion the effect of life stresses and transitions, giving people more options and resources. Money can pay for childcare, therapy, medications, or vacations to help people cope. Also, without resources, an unexpected event such as an injury, serious illness, or unemployment can condemn a family to poverty and put excessive stress on

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relationships. Worry about basic survival can substantially interfere with people’s ability to enjoy life and connect empathically with others.

A 2010 study of 450,000 Americans, by Nobel prizewinning scientist Daniel Kahneman and colleagues at Princeton University, found just such an effect.

Comparing people who experienced similar events, there was a substantial benefit to having a higher income.

Among divorced people, about half of those earning less than $1,000.00 a month reported feeling sad or stressed the previous day, compared to only less than a quarter of those earning more than $3,000.00. But, when annual income reached $75,000, this effect disappeared. Once people reached this level of income, sufficient to meet basic needs (except if you happen to live in Marin county, like I do), more income did not make people any

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happier or less stressed. Rather, individual personality factors and life circumstances were the major factors determining happiness.

What You Do With the Money Matters

Research studies show that spending money on experiences, such as family vacations, educational courses, or psychotherapy provides more happiness “bang for the buck” than spending money on possessions. That is because much of the pleasure of possessions seems to be in acquiring them. Once we have them, we adjust our expectations and begin to take them for granted. We start to crave the next big thing that we don’t yet have, a phenomenon that manufacturers exploit by bringing out new models all the

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time. Researchers at the University of British Columbia found that, after receiving an unexpected windfall, those who put the money in the bank and spent it cautiously only for special things, or those instructed to give the money away to a deserving person were happier later on than those whowere told to spend it on themselves. By depriving ourselves in between purchases, we get more satisfaction when we do buy something. If we shop whenever we feel like it, the satisfaction from each individual purchase seems to diminish (kind of like the 20th bite of chocolate, compared to the first)..

Relative Wealth May Be More Important Than Absolute

It also makes a difference what we earn, compared to other people like us. Being the poorest person in a

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wealthy neighborhood may lead to feeling deprived and worse off than one’s peers. We may enviously look over the fence at our neighbor’s big swimming pool and wonder why we can't afford one. The richest person in a less prestigious neighborhood, on the other hand, benefits from relative status and privilege. Imagine being the kid who has the big swimming pool! A study of 12,000 British adults by Boyce and Moore (2010) found that the higher a person’s income was, relative to other people of the same age group, or living in the same neighborhood, the happier she was.

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Money Does Not Make As Much Difference as We Think

When researchers asked people earning $25,000 how much happier they would be if they earned $55,000, most people said their happiness would more than double. However, when actual happiness scores were compared, those earning $55,000 were only about 10 per cent happier. So, money does make you happier, but mostly only a little. However, we tend to overestimate the impact of more money on our lives, perhaps leading us to make decisions that are not in our best interests. In some cases, it may be better to pass up the promotion that requires an 80-hour work week, constant trael, or

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relocation. In the Gallup study, more than two-thirds of Americans were happy, regardless of income level.

Final Thoughts

Although money does buy happiness, it is not the only ingredient. Money may make us smug and materialistic, leading us to miss out on life’s simple pleasures and not fully appreciate the gifts of family or nature. However, money spent on helping the people we care about, or that used as a savings buffer against unexpected life crises may be money well spent. Money can help our kids afford a decent higher education, provide us with access to healthcare as we age, and help us care for elderly parents. It can also provide us with the means to retire and to replenish ourselves during times of stress. These factors need to be weighed against the opportunity costs

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– that is, the amount of time we invest and opportunities we forego in order to earn the money. Of people’s greatest regrets at the end of life, not spending more time with their kids when they were young, is one of the most common. Overall, money to meet basic needs is necessary, but not sufficient for life happiness. It is a piece of the pie in overall life satisfaction, along with relationship satisfaction, meaningful work, health, and spiritual wellbeing

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SEX AND LOVE

WAYS TO BE POSITIVE YOU’RE SEX POSITIVE

1. Having sex is healthy, but so is not having sex. Some people are legitimately asexual, meaning they don’t experience sexual attraction. About 1 percent of the population, at the very least, identifies as asexual.

And some people are gray-sexual, which is a more fluid orientation between asexual and sexual. So is everyone a sexual being? Is sex essential and beautiful? No, not for everyone. And yet, there is an idea that wanting sex all the time should be the goal. But some people just don’t want to have sex all the time, or at all. Sex positivity has long been about “owning our desires” but it should also be about owning our lack of desire, which is totally OK.

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2. Stop glamorizing sex. There can be pressure when you decide you are sex positive to talk about the healthy sex you are having,as though it’s somehow better than other peoples’ “regular” sex, or lack thereof. I used to do this in high school. I was fond of bragging about all the crazy sex stuff I was into. Looking back, I’m not even sure what I meant. That I owned a plaid skirt from Hot Topic? That I watched anime porn with my boyfriend?

Talking about your sex life as if it’s better than someone else’s is glamorizing sex, and that doesn’t move the dialog forward. Just look at all those sexy advertising campaigns. It’s not much different than that. And in fact, glamorizing helps cement the idea that sex all the time should be the goal instead of knowing your desire levels and honoring those.

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3. Slut-shaming also means shaming people who are more “out of the box” with their sexuality than you. Many of us felt it wasn’t cool when Rush Limbaugh called women who take birth control “sluts.”

And since 80 percent of American women take those slut-pills, the majority of women reading this article are, in Rush’s opinion, “sluts.” If you felt that was slut-shaming, maybe you were also down with SlutWalk and the idea that wearing something skimpy doesn’t mean you are “asking for it.” These things make sense, right? And yet, slut-shaming continues to be a common practice.

When my cool, urbanite friend said she “felt bad” for women in pornography, that was slut-shaming. When the (now defunct) revenge porn site “Up all Night” published nude photos of people without their consent,

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along with a Facebook screen grab and their full-name, that was slut-shaming. When I talked with people at parties about that site and they said stuff like, “It was their fault for taking the photos,” that was slut-shaming.

This is the world we live in, sadly. But I have high hopes that our generation will change this. Maybe in the future a topless photo on Tumblr or a home video uploaded to YouPorn will become as much of a non-issue as having tattoo. I hope that someday we will be saying, “Remember when people acted like sexy photos were a huge deal?” But in order to get there, I think we need to check ourselves more about shaming people for putting their sexual selves out there.

4. Know thyself. I am sex positive, therefore everything I do sexually is healthy. No, wait that isn’t true. This one is about your personal journey, not policing other people,

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but policing yourself. Labeling oneself sex positive could be an excuse to avoid looking at, say, whether going home with someone new every night is truly healthy. Okay, so we might be using my 21-year-old self as an example here. While I would never suggest policing someone else’s actions, I do think it’s important to always dig into your own emotions/mind/psyche and assess: What is this doing for me? How do I feel afterward? How is my sex life impacting other areas of my life? Just because you like something sexually doesn’t mean it is good for you. Remember, sex positivity is not sexual hedonism. It’s about ethics and self-development rather than simple pleasure-seeking.

5. Listen. Listen. Listen. Remember how last year many women of color penned an open letter to SlutWalk opposing their use of the word “slut?” The letter

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explained that many women of color did not feel a kinship with the SlutWalk march/movement. As they felt they had been hyper sexualized in the media, they did not wish to reclaim the word “slut.” The people of SlutWalk kind of listened, and then totally didn’t.

In my experience, the sex positive movement is largely made up of white, middle class activists who are also often cis-gendered/able-bodied. These are the people with the most agency. And that means we have to make an extra effort to listen to the experiences and ideas of minorities whose stories are not showcased in the media.

6. Consent is sexy in lots of forms. Among consenting adults, whatever goes. But it always comes back to consent. Sex positive blogs have popularized the idea of enthusiastic consent — only having sex in which both parties are enthusiastically consenting. I use this in my

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own relationship. If my partner senses that I am just going along with the motions, he stops. And vice versa.

This means a lot more starting and stopping and a lot less sex than we used to have. But the sex we do have, we both enthusiastically want.

But yet, even in the consent obsessed, sex pozzie community, sexual assault still occurs. This was recently highlighted by the Consent Culture campaign, which collected sexual assault stories from the kink and BDSM community. The founders have also started doing workshops across the U.S. in an attempt to eliminate the harsh divide between “victims” and “abusers.” The workshops create a space of empathy for those who have violated boundaries, a safe space for those who have been assaulted and lots of tips about how to raise awareness around the idea of consent.

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One idea I love is that if someone turns you down sexually, the proper way to respond is, “Thanks for taking care of yourself.” Genius, right? BDSM activist, Clarisse Thorn, says that we can learn things from pick-up artists. Thorn points out that PUA’s use body language or “indicators of interest” to see if a woman is into them. But everyone can use body language to sense consent or lack there of. For instance, if someone says “yes” but their arms are crossed and their body is pointed away from you, maybe they really want to say “no.”

7. Just because it doesn’t turn you on doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Clown sex, diaper fetishes, puppy play, littles (meaning role-playing like you are a little kid).

Littles: They’re here! They get off on baby-gear! Get used to it. Just because these sexual practices might give

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you a strong skeeved out reaction doesn’t mean they are wrong. Other sex writers have pointed out that using this kind of knee-jerk, personal reaction as a basis for saying something is “wrong” is what has helped keep LGBTQ people marginalized and discriminated against.

8. Intimacy is complex. For some people, sex is easy, but it’s also good to acknowledge that sex can be heavy.

It isn’t all casual orgies and running through fields of daisies naked. Sex can be emotionally, psychologically and physically intense. Sharing your body with another person(s) can be a big deal … even if you didn’t mean for it to be. And if having sex opens up all kinds of emotional doors for you, that is totally OK. There is no need to pretend that you take it lightly if you don’t. Sex can be a form of intimacy, it can be linked to relationships and all kinds of complex experiences. At

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the same time, there are worlds of intimacy one can experience without the act of sex. And seriously, you don’t have to do everything … or anything at all! Screw any pressure to be poly or try anal or find your magical G-spot or whatever you feel like you have to do in order to be a sex positive person. It’s all about finding out what works for you.

THE FEARS WE HAVE ABOUT ANAL SEX

Guys, we know how excited you would be if we were as enthusiastic about entering through the back door as you are . Sometimes you mention it, and we smile and shrug.

“Yeah, maybe some other night,” we reply

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noncommittally, handing you back the lube. It’s not that we’re prudes who don’t care about your pleasure, it’s just that sometimes our buttholes need to be wooed. This anal sex thing is scary for us, as it’s frightening for most of you strictly heaters. Even for those of us who have taken it up the butt before, it’s still frightening.

Especially if your d**k is way bigger than the guy we tried it with. Once. And that was seven years ago. Our brown eye has gone back to sleep since then. Truth is: We actually want to try it with you. But only if you take our fears seriously. Unless you assuage our anxiety and make us feel totally comfortable about anal sex, it’s never gonna happen. Bring our butts flowers. After the jump our real (and imagined fears) about taking it up the poop chute.

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1. Shit accidents. We so greatly fear having of some kind of shit accident during anal. If our poop got on your dick or if it made us have to poop so badly that we had to leap out of bed to run to the bathroom, we’d be mortified. Not to mention, it would totally kill the mood.

2. Getting hemorrhoids. If you have ever seen pictures of cauliflower butts that gay men get from too much anal sex … well, Jesus that’s just about the scariest thing in the world we can imagine happening to our asses.

3. That it will hurt really bad. Remember how scared we were to pop our hymens when we virgins? We were scared of the pain, scared of the blood, scared that we’d be walking funny for days. Well, multiply that times 1,000 in the case of popping our butt cherry.

4. Anal urban legends. We have a friend, who has a friend who was really, really into anal and she ended up

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with a spastic colon for life. Rationally, we know that this is probably not related to her penchant for anal, but still, we forever associate ass sex with rectal disorders.

Also, another friend had a gay roommate in college who had to get a probe up his ass because anal sex tore something up there and he had to sit on a donut pillow thing everywhere he went for two months.

5. Tearing or leaking. Speaking of the guy who had to sit in a donut pillow for two months, it’s hard not imagine something awful like that happening. We’re scared that an inexperienced man will thrust his penis in too quickly and tear something up in there. Or the asshole will stretch out so much that we have poop leakage forevermore. Or did you ever read that book Wetlands? There are images from that book that will never leave our psyches.

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6. Anal queefing. Does that exist? Is it the same as farting? We’re not sure, but we’re scared it will happen.

7. The powerlessness. We would be remiss if we didn’t mention the power dynamic at play during male on female butt love. It puts a woman in a very vulnerable position, and if we have any history of rape or sexual assault, this might cause us extra, extra anxiety.

8. That you’ll only want it that way. Once you go back door, you never go back. Did we hear that? Or are we just imagining it? Will you ever want regular sex again once you’ve had our asses? These are things we fret about.

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HOW TO KEEP SEX ALIVE IN A LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP

One widely acknowledged challenge of long-term relationships is keeping the sexual spark alive. There are so many things that get in the way: careers, routines, health problems, kids and even just lack of interest. Over time, what used to be several times a week becomes maybe once or twice a week, then a few times a month until sometimes, couples aren't getting down to it at all.

Ever.

And that, for one partner or the other, can be a dealkiller.

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The truth is that we aren't horny teenagers forever. Many long-term partners struggle with a loss of desire or sexual drive at some point in their relationship. And that’s normal. Unfortunately, many also break up because they aren’t able to openly discuss this issue and find a solution together.

Sex is a game for two. That means if you aren't getting any, both you and your partner have to get involved in the solution. Here are some tips on what to do if the sex in you relationship dries up.

Open Up

The issue of lack of sex never goes away on its own.

Keeping quiet and allowing frustration to build only makes matters worse; nothing kills the mood more than anger and silent brooding.

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To avoid this vicious cycle forget about touch for a minute and start talking. You need to open up to your partner about how you feel. If lack of sex is affecting your life and your feelings for one another, you need to acknowledge it. Talking about the fact that you don’t have sex isn’t always sexy, but neither is not having sex.

If you want to get back to bed, you'll have to buck up and speak up.

Of course, bringing it up isn't easy. Our sex lives tend to be a soft spot, especially when things aren't going well.

We tend to react, to be hurt, or to feel attacked when our partners bring up the problem. If you're going to make the first move, choose your words carefully. Talk about how you feel. And do not, in any circumstances, accuse your partner of anything.

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Say, "I feel frustrated that we don't have sex as often as we used to."

Not, "You never have sex with me anymore."

Say, "I feel sad that we aren't connecting."

Not, "Why did you stop putting out?"

Say, "I miss you."

Not, "I'm tired of how you're treating me."

See the difference? If you open a discussion you're more likely to make progress. If you blame the problem on your partner without being willing to listen to how he or she feels, you're setting yourself up to fail.

Dude, Where's My Sex Drive?

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Loss of libido can happen for many reasons. It can be linked to physical illnesses, childbirth, stress or depression. It can be a side effect of medication, such as birth control or antidepressants. In other words, just because you aren't having sex doesn't mean your partner's lost interest; it might just mean his or her body isn't allowing all that sexual energy to fire up. That's why it's important to discuss your sex life, and what may have caused it to slow down.

That said, a lack of sex drive can also have roots in the relationship. How is your communication? Do you still feel attracted to each other? Was there a recent event infidelity, breach of trust - that made one partner angry with the other? When lack of sex drive is a symptom of another problem, you'll have to deal with that before you can get back on track in the sack.

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How to Get Your Sexy Back

Our bodies tend to change relatively slowly. That means that no matter what turned off your sex drive, it isn't going to turn back on like a light switch. It will take time and require work. The good news is that the work can be fun. Just know that anything is possible for two people who love each other. Here are some tips to start feeling sexy again:

. Have a frank discussion about your sexual needs.

Is the problem a discrepancy in desire? Does one want it more than the other, making one partner scared of disappointing or not performing? . Plan for sex. It sounds silly; after all, the myth of good sex says that it must come spontaneously.

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But planning a date - just like you used to do before you lived together - is a great way to build desire. You end up looking forward to this time, which makes sex more fun. . See a couples' counselor. There’s no shame in asking for help. Sometimes, you just need an outside perspective to help you figure out how to move on with your sex life. Just be sure to choose a reputable counselor with the appropriate credentials! (You can get more libido-boosting tips from our sexpert, Jessi Fischer here.) . Up the flirting game. Living together for a long time can cause two people to take each other for granted. Start looking at your partner with a new eye. Leave sexy notes in his or her briefcase.

Send a hot text during lunchtime. Welcome him

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or her home with a deep kiss. There are many ways to reintroduce physical intimacy and sexual desire in your daily life. The trick is to keep it up!

If At First You Don't Succeed ....

If you aren't having the sex life you want to have, it often seems easier to just settle and get used to it. The truth is, you won't. Sex is a basic human need, and not fulfilling this need will only lead to more tension, frustration and anger down the road.

Fortunately, the secret to keeping your sex life sexy is simple: Have faith. Have faith that your partner loves you and cares for you. Believe that he or she still wants you, even when it’s not that obvious. Know that if you had a steamy sexual connection once, you can have it again - or even for the first time. Finally, have frank and

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open communication, learn to listen and put in an effort.

The results are totally worth it.

Keep the passion alive

In the early days of a relationship, sex is full of discovery, intimacy and fun. But as your relationship develops, and you perhaps move in together or have children, other demands of life can mean that your sex life is neglected.

“This doesn’t mean you can’t still have a fulfilling and desirable sex life,” says Denise. “It just means you need

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to recognise that this is natural, and that your relationship is changing.”

Talk and listen to each other

If you don’t talk about it, the silence can create a distance between you.

“You have to talk to each other about how you’re feeling,” says Denise. “You probably talk about other important parts of your life, such as career choices and your child’s school, but sex is equally important.”

If you find it difficult to talk about sex, Denise suggests saying how you feel and asking how your partner feels.

For example, "I get the feeling you don't want to make love to me any more, and I wondered how you feel about that". Then listen to what they say. If they’re upset, give

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them space to think and come back to the discussion another time.

Reassure your partner that you love them and enjoy being close to them. “Your desire for sex might not be as frequent, but that doesn’t mean your desire to be with that person has dwindled,” says Denise.

There’s more to sex than penetration

“If I ask people what makes a satisfying sex life, they usually say it's about penetrative sex and orgasms,” says Denise. “But this isn’t necessarily what sex and intimacy is all about.”

Enjoy all the feelings of arousal with your partner, not just the orgasm. Take time to be more sensual.

. Explore each other’s bodies.

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. Bathe together. . Massage. . Kiss. . Touch each other’s skin. . Undress each other. . Tell each other what you like. . Listen to your partner’s breathing and the sounds they make.

Many people give each other oral sex or masturbate together as a healthy and enjoyable part of their sex life.

If you’re not sure how to suggest something new, try saying, "I enjoy it when we make love, and I wondered how you might feel about trying…".

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Find out what you like

Even if you think you know what you like when it comes to sex, it’s worth exploring a bit more.

“Sometimes I'm struck by how little people know about their own body and their partner’s body, and their likes and dislikes,” says Denise. Ask yourself what you might like more (or less) of, and what you can give to your partner.

Get to know your body and what feels good. Lie in a warm bath and explore your body. Think about how the water feels on your skin, and relax while enjoying the sensation. Find out what you like through masturbation, then share this with your partner.

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“Sexual preferences are such a unique and individual thing that when you start talking about it and exploring it, you might surprise one another, which is exciting,” says Denise.

If you both want different amounts of sex

This happens in many relationships. Losing desire can happen for a number of reasons, such as getting older, illness, having children or worries about work, money or the relationship itself. Be open about how you're feeling.

Explore why you want less sex, and how it makes you both feel.

“If one partner has a higher sex drive than the other, we work out how to manage it within the relationship,” says Denise. “Masturbation might be an option, or sex toys. A lot of people would be happy to give their partner that

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kind of pleasure but don’t feel able to accommodate full intercourse.”

Don’t be afraid of hugs and kisses. People often worry that their partner might assume that a hug means "I want sex". But if you agree that a hug is just a hug, you can enjoy non-sexual physical contact simply for what it is.

HEALTHY BENEFITS OF LOVE AND SEX

Besides a heart full of love and a big smile, romance can bring some positive health benefits.

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Some scientific studies suggest that a loving relationship, physical touch and sex can bring health benefits such as lower blood pressure. Of course, no relationship can guarantee health and happiness, but cupid's arrow can send you some health boosts.

Sex is good for your heart

Want to get healthy and have fun at the same time? Anything that exercises your heart is good for you, including sex. Sexual arousal sends the heart rate higher and the number of beats per minute reaches its peak during orgasm.

But, as with most exercise, it depends how vigorously you do it. Some studies show that the average peak heart rate at orgasm is the same as during light exercise, such

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as walking upstairs. That's not enough to keep most people fit and healthy.

Adults should do at least 150 minutes (two and a half hours) of moderate-intensity aerobic activity, such as cycling or fast walking, every week.

Unless you're lucky enough to have 150 minutes of orgasms a week, try cycling, brisk walking or dancing.

Having heart disease doesn't have to hold you back in the bedroom. Experts advise that you can usually have sex as long as you can do the everyday activities that have the same impact on your heart without causing chest pain, such as walking up two flights of stairs.

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Source: Rerkpattanapipat P, Stanek MS, MN Kotler. Sex and the heart: What is the role of the cardiologist?

European Heart Journal 2001;22: 201-208.

A hug keeps tension away

Embracing someone special can lower blood pressure, according to researchers. In one experiment, couples who held each other's hands for 10 minutes followed by a 20-second hug had healthier reactions to subsequent stress, such as public speaking.

Compared with couples who rested quietly without touching, the huggers had:

. lower heart rate . lower blood pressure . smaller heart rate increases

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So give your partner a hug – it may help to keep your blood pressure healthy.

Similar effects have been found for non-sexual stroking, although this appears to only reduce blood pressure in women who are stroked, not men.

Source: Grewen KM, Anderson BJ, Girdler SS, Light KC. Warm partner contact is related to lower cardiovascular reactivity. Behavioural Medicine, 2003;29:123-30.

Sex can be a stress buster

Workload too high? Hot and bothered after the morning journey to work? Sex could help you beat the stresses of 21st century living, according to a small study of 46 men and women.

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Participants kept a diary of sexual activity, recording penetrative sex, non-penetrative sex and masturbation.

In stress tests, including public speaking and doing mental arithmetic out loud, the people who had no sex at all had the highest stress levels.

People who only had penetrative sex had the smallest rise in blood pressure. This shows that they coped better with stress.

Plenty of people find that intimacy or orgasm without penetration helps them feel relaxed, as do exercise or meditation. It doesn't have to be penetrative sex; it's whatever works for you.

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Source: Brody S. Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity. Biological Psychology,

Weekly sex might help fend off illness

There's a link between how often you have sex and how strong your immune system is, researchers say.

A study in Pennsylvania found that students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of an important illness-fighting substance in their bodies.

Immunoglobulin A (IgA) was 30% higher in those who had sex once or twice a week than in those who had no sex at all. However, the lowest levels were in people who had sex more than twice a week.

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But don't devise a sex calendar just yet. More research is needed before it can be proved that weekly sex helps your immune system. Another study found that stroking a dog resulted in raised IgA levels in students (resting quietly or stroking a stuffed dog didn't).

Sources: Charnetski CJ, Brennan FX. Sexual frequency and salivary immunoglobulin A (IgA). Psychology Report, 2004;94:839-44.

Charnetski CJ, Riggers S, Brennan FX. Effect of petting a dog on immune system function. Psychology Report, 2004;95:1087-91.

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People who have sex feel healthier

It could be that people who feel healthier have more sex, but there seems to be a link between sexual activity and your sense of wellbeing.

A study of 3,000 Americans aged 57 to 85 showed that those who were having sex rated their general health higher than those who weren't.

And it's not just sex, it's love too. People who were in a close relationship or married were more likely to say they felt in "very good" or "excellent" health than just "good" or "poor". It seems that emotional and social support can boost our sense of wellbeing.

Source: Lindau ST, Schumm LP, Laumann EO, et al. A Study of Sexuality and Health among Older Adults in

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the United States. New England Journal of Medicine.

2007;357:762-74.

Loving support reduces risk of angina and ulcer

A happy marriage can help to fend off angina and stomach ulcers – at least, it can if you're a man.

One study of 10,000 men found that those who felt "loved and supported" by their spouse had a reduced risk of angina. This was the case even if they had other risk factors, such as being older or having raised blood pressure.

Similarly, a study of 8,000 men found there was more chance of them getting a duodenal ulcer if they:

. had family problems . didn't feel loved and supported by their wife

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. didn't retaliate when hurt by colleagues – in other words, they repressed their anger (researchers called this their "coping style")

Researchers suggest that stress, lack of social support and coping style can all affect a man's likelihood of developing an ulcer.

Sources: Medalie JH, Goldbourt U. Angina pectoris among 10,000 men. II. Psychosocial and other risk factors as evidenced by a multivariate analysis of a fiveyear incidence study. American Journal of Medicine, 1976;60:910-21.

Medalie JH, Stange KC, Zyzanski SJ, Goldbourt U. The importance of biopsychosocial factors in the development of duodenal ulcer in a cohort of middle-

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aged men. American Journal of Epidemiology, 1992;136:1280-7.

And if you're single‌

Spending an evening with friends is good for your health, too.

One 10-year study of 1,500 people over 70 years old found that those with stronger friendship networks lived longer than those with fewer friends.

Researchers thought this could be because friends may have a positive influence on lifestyle choices, such as smoking or exercise, and offer emotional support.

Source: Giles LC, Glonek GF, Luszcz MA, Andrews GR. Effect of social networks on 10-year survival in very old Australians: the Australian longitudinal study of

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aging. Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, 2005;59:574-9.

Or celibate‌

A life without sex is no bar to excellent health. A longterm study into the health and ageing of a group of nearly 700 older nuns found that many are keeping active and living well into their 90s and past 100.

Since 1986, participants in The Nun Study have had yearly checks on their physical and mental abilities.

Researchers have used convent records to obtain their social, family and educational background.

While they've found some links between lifestyle and dementia (for example, higher education or positive

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emotions in early life might cut the risk of dementia), this isn't linked to sexual activity.

If you do have sex, using a condom will protect you and your partner against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and unplanned pregnancy.

SEXUAL AROUSAL IN MEN

Researchers have identified four stages of sexual response in men and women: arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution.

Stage 1: excitement or arousal

A man gets an erection with physical or psychological stimulation, or both. This causes more blood to flow into three spongy areas (called corpora) that run along the

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length of his penis. The skin is loose and mobile, allowing his penis to grow. His scrotum (the bag of skin holding the testicles) becomes tighter, so his testicles are drawn up towards the body.

Stage 2: plateau

The glans (head) of his penis gets wider and the blood vessels in and around the penis fill with blood. This causes the colour to deepen and his testicles to grow up to 50% larger.

His testicles continue to rise, and a warm feeling around the perineum (area between the testicles and anus) develops. His heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, breathing becomes quicker, and his thighs and buttocks tighten. He's getting close to orgasm.

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Stage 3: orgasm and ejaculation

A series of contractions force semen into the urethra (the tube along which urine and semen come out of the penis). These contractions occur in the pelvic floor muscles, in the vas deferens (tube that carries sperm from the testicles to the penis), and also in the seminal vesicles and the prostate gland, which both add fluid to the sperm. This mix of sperm (5%) and fluid (95%) is called semen.

These contractions are part of orgasm, and the man reaches a point where he can’t stop ejaculation from happening. Contractions of the prostate gland and the pelvic floor muscles then lead to ejaculation, when semen is forced out of the penis.

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Stage 4: resolution

The man now has a recovery phase, when the penis and testicles shrink back to their normal size. He is breathing heavily and fast, his heart is beating rapidly, and he might be sweating.

There's a period of time after ejaculation when another orgasm isn’t possible. This varies between men, from a few minutes to a few hours or even days. The time generally gets longer as men get older.

If a man gets aroused but doesn’t ejaculate, this resolution stage can take longer, and his testicles and pelvis might ache.

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Male sexual problems

It’s estimated that one in 10 men has a problem related to having sex, such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction. Dr John Tomlinson of The Sexual Advice Association explains some of the causes, and where to seek help.

“Sexual dysfunction in a man is when he's not able to perform properly,” says Dr Tomlinson. “The main problem is being unable to get an erection. It’s much more common than people realise. In the 20-40 age group it affects around 7-8% of men, in the 40-50 age group it affects 11%. In the over-60s it affects 40%, and more than half of men over 70.”

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It can affect any man, whether he is straight, gay, bisexual or transgender. Read more about erectile dysfunction (impotence) and premature ejaculation.

Erectile dysfunction (impotence)

This is when a man can’t get, or keep, an erection. Most men experience it at some time in their life. “It only becomes a problem when the man or his partner considers it a problem,” says Dr Tomlinson.

What causes erectile dysfunction?

“A variety of things cause it. Some psychological and some physical,” says Dr Tomlinson. "Psychological issues tend to affect younger men, such as first night nerves and so on. Often, these problems don’t persist.

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But there can be more serious psychological problems about sex that need the help of a psychosexual therapist.�

Worries about work, money, your relationship, family, and even worrying about not getting an erection, can all be factors.

Physical reasons for erectile dysfunction include:

Medical conditions that cause erectile dysfunction

. heart disease . diabetes . raised blood pressure . raised cholesterol: this can lead to clogging of arteries, including the arteries in the penis, which are very narrow (1-2mm in diameter compared with around 10mm in the heart artery)

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. low testosterone: testosterone levels fall as men get older, but not all men are affected by it.

Those who are affected will have symptoms such as feeling tired and unfit, and loss of interest in (and inability to have) sex.

Drugs that cause erectile dysfunction

. some prescription drugs: these can include medicines (such as beta-blockers) used to treat raised blood pressure, and antidepressants, antipsychotic drugs and anticonvulsant drugs . alcohol . recreational drugs such as cannabis and cocaine . smoking: nicotine affects the blood supply to the areas of the penis that cause erections

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What should I do if I have erectile dysfunction?

See your GP. He or she can give you a physical examination and carry out blood tests to identify the cause.

Erectile dysfunction can be an important signal to other issues. “It's associated with raised cholesterol, diabetes and raised blood pressure. Any of these can be a warning of future heart disease,” says Dr Tomlinson. Your doctor can ensure that you get the treatment you need.

What's the treatment for impotence?

First, adjust any lifestyle factors that might be causing your problem.

“If you stop smoking, drinking too much or using recreational drugs, the problem should eventually go

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away. But it can take months,” says Dr Tomlinson. “There is no overnight cure.”

If you're prescribed blood pressure tablets or antidepressants, your doctor may be able to put you on a different kind.

Low testosterone can be treated with hormone replacement therapy, which should resolve erectile dysfunction as long as it's used together with erectionhelping drugs. Other conditions, such as diabetes and high blood pressure, can be treated, which may improve erections. Find out more about erectile dysfunction treatment, including sildenafil cotrate (viagra). The Sexual Advice Association has useful factsheets on all of this.

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Some men benefit from psychosexual therapy, which is a form of relationship therapy where you and your partner can discuss any sexual or emotional issues or concerns.

You can contact the Sexual Advice Association, Relate, sexual health charity FPA or your GP to ask about psychosexual therapy.

Premature ejaculation

This is when a man ejaculates (comes) sooner than he wants to during sex. It's only a problem if it bothers him or his partner.

You can see your GP or a psychosexual therapist for help.

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What causes premature ejaculation?

"Either just being very excited with a new partner, or an acute sensitivity of the local nervous system, which triggers orgasm too suddenly," says Dr Tomlinson.

It can also be linked to anxiety about sexual performance, stress, unresolved issues in a relationship, or depression.

What should I do if I have premature ejaculation?

See your GP, or a psychosexual therapist. A therapist can teach you techniques to try to delay ejaculation.

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What treatment is there?

“A lot of men and their partners don’t worry, and they work around it," says Dr Tomlinson. "But if you’re very unsatisfied, there are some things you can try.”

. Have sex again soon after the man ejaculates.

The second time, it will take longer to reach an orgasm. Older men might find this difficult as it may take too long to get a second erection. . Creams (available from sex shops) can be put on the penis to numb sensation. “But this tends to transfer the numbing sensation to the partner, which they don't always like,” warns Dr Tomlinson. Some find using a condom useful. . The man’s partner can squeeze his penis in a certain way to prevent him ejaculating. “A man

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needs an extremely willing partner to do this, and some partners don’t feel comfortable with it,” says Dr Tomlinson. . Antidepressants called selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) can slow ejaculation, but only for a year or so. “We’ll try every other treatment first before starting on drugs,” says Dr Tomlinson. . Psychotherapy might help in terms of relaxing or exploring problems in the relationship. Find out what a sex therapist does.

Female sexual problems

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Many women have problems with sex at some stage in their life. Here's a look at some forms of female sexual dysfunction (FSD) and advice on where to get help if FSD affects you.

According to the Sexual Advice Association, sexual problems affect around 50% of women and become more common as women get older.

Dysfunction can include loss of desire, loss of arousal, problems with orgasm, and pain during sex.

To identify the reasons behind sexual dysfunction, both physical and psychological factors have to be considered, including a woman's relationship with her partner.

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Loss of desire

Loss of desire, or lack of sex drive, affects some women at certain times of life, such as during pregnancy or times of stress. But some women experience it all the time.

A lack of sex drive can have a range of physical or psychological causes, including diabetes, depression, relationship problems, hormone disorders, excessive alcohol and drug use, tiredness, and previous traumatic sexual experience.

Sex drive can also fall if a woman's natural testosterone levels drop. Testosterone is produced in the ovaries and adrenal glands, so levels can drop if these are removed or if they're not functioning properly.

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Psychosexual therapy can help a woman overcome orgasm problems. It involves exploring her feelings about sex, herself and her relationship

Orgasm problems

These can be divided into two types: primary (when a woman has never had an orgasm) and secondary (when a woman has had an orgasm in the past but can't now).

Some women don't need to have an orgasm to enjoy sex, but an inability to reach orgasm can be a problem for some women and their partners.

Reasons why a woman can't have an orgasm can include fear or lack of knowledge about sex, being unable to "let go", not enough effective stimulation, relationship

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problems, mood disorders (such as depression), and previous traumatic sexual experience.

Research is being done into certain medical conditions that affect the blood and nerve supply to the clitoris to see whether this affects orgasm. Find out more in What is an orgasm?.

Psychosexual therapy can help a woman overcome orgasm problems. It involves exploring her feelings about sex, her relationship and herself.

Pain

Pain during sex (also called dyspareunia) is common after the menopause as oestrogen levels fall and the vagina feels dry. This can affect a woman's desire for

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sex, but there are creams that can help. Ask your GP or pharmacist.

Vaginismus is when muscles in or around the vagina go into spasm, making sexual intercourse painful or impossible. It can be very upsetting and distressing.

Vaginismus can occur if the woman associates sex with pain or being "wrong", if she's had vaginal trauma (such as childbirth or an episiotomy), relationship problems, fear of pregnancy, or painful conditions of the vagina and the surrounding area.

It can often be successfully treated by focusing on sex education, counselling and the use of vaginal trainers.

Vaginal trainers are cylindrical shapes that are inserted into the vagina. A woman will gradually use larger sizes until the largest size can be inserted comfortably.

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Getting help

To establish the cause of sexual dysfunction, a doctor or therapist will need to ask you questions about your medical, sexual and social history. Your GP can carry out tests for underlying medical conditions.

If your problem is related to lack of hormones such as testosterone or oestrogen, hormone replacement therapy (HRT) can help.

Treating other conditions such as diabetes or depression might also alleviate symptoms of sexual dysfunction.

In many cases, sexual therapy can help. Talk with your partner about your problem and see a therapist together if you can. Don't be embarrassed. Many people

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experience sexual dysfunction and there are ways to get help.

Your GP can refer you to a therapist, or you can see one privately. Look for a therapist who is a member of the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. This means they'll be fully qualified and will make sure you get a proper check-up of physical and psychological factors.

The Sexual Advice Association offers sexual health factsheets on topics ranging from loss of sex drive to talking to your GP about sexual problems, and ageing and sex.

Keeping your vagina clean and healthy

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The vagina is designed to keep itself clean with the help of natural secretions (discharge). Find out how to help your vagina keep clean and healthy – and why you don’t need douches or vaginal wipes.

The vagina is a tube of muscle inside a woman’s body that runs from the cervix (the opening of the womb) to the vaginal opening. The external sex organs, which are called the vulva, surround the vaginal opening.

Looking after your everyday health can help keep your vagina in good shape, says Dr Suzy Elneil, consultant in urogynaecology at University College Hospital, London, and spokesperson for Wellbeing of Women. “Generally, good vaginal health is maintained by making sure you’re in good general health,” she explains. “This includes healthy diet and exercise. Normal exercise helps

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maintain good vaginal function, as walking and running helps the pelvic floor to tone up and helps ensure good general health.”

Find out more about having a healthy diet, exercise and keeping fit, and pelvic floor exercises.

Vaginal secretions or discharge

Other than your period as part of your natural menstrual cycle, it’s normal to produce clear or white secretions (discharge) from your vagina. This mucus is produced naturally from the neck of the womb, known as the cervix.

“Vaginal discharge is not ‘always a bad sign’,” says Dr Elneil. “There is a myth that copious clear or white discharge is associated with sexually transmitted

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infections. Changes in the amount of discharge can be 100% hormonal – in other words, linked to the menstrual cycle, pregnancy or menopause.”

The character and amount of vaginal discharge varies throughout your menstrual cycle. Around the time that your ovary releases an egg (ovulation), your discharge usually becomes thicker and stretchy, like raw egg white.

The vagina contains more bacteria than any other part of a woman's body, after the bowel

Healthy discharge doesn’t have a strong smell or colour.

You may feel an uncomfortable wetness, but you shouldn’t have any itching or soreness around your vagina. If there are any changes to your discharge that aren’t normal for you, such as a change in colour or if it

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starts to smell or itch, see your GP as you might have an infection.

You can find out more about vaginal discharge, pregnancy and the menopause.

Bacteria in the vagina

There are lots of bacteria inside the vagina, and they’re there to protect it. Professor Ronnie Lamont, spokesperson for the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists, says: “The vagina contains more bacteria than anywhere else in the body after the bowel, but the bacteria are there for a reason.”

The good bacteria inside the vagina:

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. provide "numerical dominance": they outnumber other potential harmful bacteria that might enter the vagina . help to keep the vagina’s pH balance (how acidic the vagina is) at an even level, which helps to keep the balance of bacteria healthy . can produce bacteriocins (naturally occurring antibiotics) to reduce or kill other bacteria entering the vagina . produce a substance that stops invading bacteria sticking to the vagina walls, which prevents bacteria from invading the tissues

If the balance of bacteria is disturbed, this can lead to infection and inflammation. Bacteria called lactobacilli help to keep the vagina’s pH balance at its normal low level (less than pH 4.5), which also prevents the growth

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of other organisms. If the pH of the vagina increases (in other words, if it gets less acidic), the quality or amount of lactobacilli can fall and other bacteria can multiply. This can result in infections such as bacterial vaginosis or thrush, which can cause symptoms including itching, irritation and abnormal discharge.

Washing your vagina

It’s a good idea to avoid perfumed soaps, gels and antiseptics as these can affect the healthy balance of bacteria and pH levels in the vagina, and cause irritation.

Use plain, unperfumed soaps to wash the area around the vagina (the vulva) gently every day. The vagina will clean itself inside your body with natural vaginal

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secretions (discharge). “During your period, washing more than once a day may be helpful,” says Dr Elneil, who points out that keeping the perineal area (between the vagina and anus) clean is important too. “Good perineal hygiene is necessary, by washing that area at least once a day using your normal bathing routines.”

“All women are different,” says Professor Lamont.

“Some may wash with perfumed soap and not notice any problems. But if a woman has vulval irritation or symptoms, then one of the first things you can do is to use non-allergenic, plain soaps to see if that helps.”

Vaginal douches

A douche flushes water up into the vagina, clearing out vaginal secretions. Some women use a douche to "clean" the vagina, but using a douche can disrupt the normal

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vaginal bacteria so it isn't recommended that you use one.

“I can’t think of any circumstances where douches are helpful, because all they do is wash out everything that’s in the vagina, including all the healthy bacteria,” explains Professor Lamont.

There is no evidence that douching protects against STIs or vaginal infections, and it may even increase the risk.

Scented wipes and vaginal deodorants

These perfumed products can disrupt the vagina’s healthy, natural balance. “If nature had intended the vagina to smell like roses or lavender, it would have made the vagina smell like roses or lavender,” says Professor Lamont.

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Washing with water and a plain soap should be all you need to keep your vagina healthy. It’s normal for the vagina to have a scent. “Vaginal odour can change at different times of the reproductive cycle and shouldn’t always be thought of as being a sign of infection or illness,” says Dr Elneil.

If you’re worried about the way your vagina smells, if the smell is unpleasant, or you’re using perfumed products to cover up your vagina’s smell, you should see your GP. You might have an infection that needs treatment.

The most common cause of unusual vaginal discharge is bacterial vaginosis, which can cause an unpleasant smell.

It’s easily treated with antibiotics, so see your GP if you’re worried.

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You can find out more about symptoms of bacterial vaginosis, symptoms of thrush and symptoms that could signal a sexually transmitted infection.

Safer sex

Some bacteria and viruses can get into the vagina during sex. These include the bugs that cause Chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, genital warts, syphilis and HIV. You can protect your vagina against these infections by using a condom every time you have sex.

Cervical screening

All women aged from 25 to 64 are invited for cervical screening. Being screened regularly means that any abnormal changes in the cervix can be identified early on and, if necessary, treated to stop cancer developing.

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Sexual arousal in women

During arousal and sex, there are various stages of physical response. Researchers have identified four stages of sexual response in women and men: arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. This article describes what happens in a woman's body when she is sexually aroused.

Stage 1: excitement or arousal

When a woman becomes aroused (turned on), the blood vessels in her genitals dilate. There is increased blood flow in the vaginal walls, which causes fluid to pass through them. This is the main source of lubrication, which makes the vagina wet.

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The external genitalia or vulva (including the clitoris, vaginal opening, and inner and outer lips or labia) become engorged (swollen) due to the increased blood supply. Inside the body, the top of the vagina expands.

The pulse and breathing quicken, and blood pressure rises. A woman may become flushed, especially on the chest and neck, due to the blood vessels dilating.

Stage 2: plateau

Blood flow to the lower third of the vagina reaches its limit, and causes the lower area of the vagina to become swollen and firm. This is called the introitus, sometimes known as the orgasmic platform, and undergoes rhythmic contractions during orgasm.

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A woman’s breasts may increase in size by up to 25%, and blood flow to the area around the nipple (the areola) increases, making the nipples look less erect.

As a woman gets closer to orgasm, her clitoris pulls back against the pubic bone and seems to disappear.

Continuous stimulation is needed in this phase to build up enough sexual excitement for orgasm.

Stage 3: orgasm

Orgasm is the intense and pleasurable release of sexual tension that has built up in the earlier stages, characterised by contractions (0.8 seconds apart) of the genital muscles, including the introitus. Read more here: what is an orgasm?

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Most women don’t experience the recovery period that men do after an orgasm. A woman may have another orgasm if she's stimulated again.

Not all women have an orgasm every time they have sex.

For most women, foreplay is an important role in an orgasm occurring. This can include stroking erogenous zones and stimulating the clitoris.

Stage 4: resolution

This is when the woman's body slowly returns to its normal state. Swelling reduces, and breathing and heart rate slow down.

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PENIS HEALTH

It's the body part that men arguably value the most, so you owe it to your penis to always keep it clean, healthy and fit for purpose.

Give it the care it deserves and you may not be the only one to benefit – your partner will probably be grateful too.

'It's really surprising how many men don't clean underneath their foreskin'

Patrick French, sexual health expert

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Gently wash the penis with warm water each day when you're having a shower or bath. If you have a foreskin, pull it back gently and wash underneath.

If you don't wash underneath the foreskin correctly, a cheesy-looking substance called smegma may begin to gather.

Smegma is a natural lubricant that keeps the penis moist.

It's found on the head of the penis and under the foreskin.

If smegma builds up in the foreskin, it can start to smell, stop you easily pulling your foreskin back and become a breeding ground for bacteria. This can cause redness and swelling of the head of your penis, called balanitis.

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'Off-putting smell'

Patrick French, a consultant physician in sexual health, says: "It's really surprising how many men don't clean underneath their foreskin. Not only do they regularly develop complications from poor hygiene, but it's also very off-putting for a sexual partner."

Don't try to forcefully pull back the foreskin of a baby or young boy as this could be painful and cause harm. Their foreskin might still be attached to the head of the penis and will therefore not retract fully. At this stage of their development, there's no need to clean inside the foreskin.

Gently wash the penis with warm water each day when you're having a shower or bath.

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If you have a foreskin, pull it back gently and wash underneath.

While regular personal hygiene is important, too much washing with soap and shower gels can cause soreness.

Gently washing your penis once a day with warm water is sufficient to maintain good hygiene. If you want to use soap, choose a mild or non-perfumed soap to reduce the risk of skin irritation.

It may be tempting to use talc and deodorants on your penis, but these are best avoided because talc will get under the foreskin, where it may cause irritation.

Circumcised men have to be just as careful about cleaning their penis. Gently washing the penis with warm water once a day is sufficient.

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Testicles and pubic area

Don't forget to clean the base of the penis and the testicles, where sweat and hair can combine to produce a strong smell, just as unpleasant as in your armpits.

These areas need frequent washing to stop sweat from accumulating, especially as they are enclosed in underwear for most of the day.

Make sure the area between the base of the testicles and the anus is also clean and odour-free.

While you're down there, it's a good idea to check your testicles for lumps once a month after a warm bath or shower.

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MARRIAGE

In love there is marriage.if a man loves you truly he ought to do things right by taking you to the isle.This is when you say I do and promise each other to stay together till death do you part. It is not an easy road to walk but we all do take it and we need a lot of advise to make it work.

Ways to Make a Good Marriage Great

1. Spend time together Even ten minutes a day of uninterrupted time to touch base builds connection. Spending more time when

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available and setting aside time to be together (e.g., date nights) are just as important. The key is being present, focusing only on the person in front of you, to the exclusion of all other distractions. This builds connection and closeness.

2. Listen and support each other It is essential to learn how to actively listen to each other and express support for your spouse’s day-today life issues, no matter how small and mundane.

3. Express gratitude Remember to say “thank you” for the little things you often take for granted. Even though you expect your spouse to take out the garbage, cook dinner, and pick up the dry cleaning, it is important to express your appreciation as often as possible. If you would do it for a

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stranger, why not for your spouse? Expressing gratitude increases the positive feelings you will have regarding your relationship.

4. Be kind to each other Express compassion and understanding. Learn to listen to your spouse’s pain, validate it and help her stay strong. This is a special kindness that helps your spouse feel that she is not alone. Show your concern by doing the little things that your spouse will appreciate. Go beyond the call of duty and help your spouse without letting her know. Do the things that only you will know are meaningful and appreciated by your spouse.

5. Respond to your spouse Never ignore even seemingly trivial conversation with

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your spouse. Giving each other the gift of attention shows that your partner is important to you.

6. Be influenced Don’t be afraid to listen to your spouse and change your ideas or opinions on issues big and small. Insisting on your way may feel right at the moment, but that is not healthy for a marriage. Be open to what is important to your spouse. Being right has little value in marriage; making your spouse happy is what counts.

7. Argue respectfully Conflict is ubiquitous in relationships, not a sign of trouble. How you argue is the key. You don’t have to yell to be heard. Criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling destroy marriages. Address the issue, don’t attack the person. Don’t overreact if your spouse is

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upset; he is probably looking for support, not a fight. If you find yourself being contemptuous of your spouse, it’s time to recall all the positive things about your relationship. If you’re too upset to talk about it at that moment, make a time to continue the conversation; don’t just walk away. Arguing is better than no communication.

8. Make up Practice and learn how to fix things during and after a fight. “Love is never being afraid to say I’m sorry.”

Using humor, changing the subject and avoiding sensitive issues are all expressions of your concern about the relationship and making sure arguments don’t damage it. Remember, kindness counts.

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9. Create rituals Create times that are touchstones of your relationship to help keep it healthy—whether it’s bike riding Sunday mornings or going to Starbucks every Thursday night.

Couples connect to each other by engaging in rituals, by sharing purposeful activities together.

10. Shared meaning Doing meaningful things together makes your relationship more special. You and your spouse should get involved in a chesed activity that you both are passionate about. Volunteer to work with developmentally disabled youth or visit the lonely people at the local nursing home. Be adventurous. You’ll both benefit from the experience, and your relationship will blossom.

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SO HOW CAN A RELATIONSHIP SURVIVE THE INEVITABLE STRUGGLES THAT COME WITH A LONG TERM COMMITMENT?

1. Seek help early

Research tells us that the average couple waits six years before seeking help for relationship problems. This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long. It’s hard and sometimes embarrassing to admit

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that you cannot sort it out between you. Professionals will understand this and very little shocks them.

2. Be careful what you say

The happiest couples avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics. After all, when you want to blame or give out, do you really expect them to say ‘here, let me pull up a chair and you can tell me all about how I’m ruining everything for you’?

3. Accept influence from your partner

Long term happy relationships tend to turn to each other and consider the other’s needs as well as their own. This helps to build trust in the relationship and keeps goodwill and sharing alive. You need to know you matter and that you are cared for. This includes your

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partner listening to what you have to say, and not always just trying to get their own needs met.

4. Have high standards

Happy couples will refuse to accept hurtful behaviour from one another (eg criticism, contempt, defensiveness and/or stonewalling). It sets a tone of respect between them. Low levels of tolerance for bad behaviour at the start equals a happier couple down the road.

5. Learn to repair and exit the argument

Happy couples have learned how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control.

Examples of repair attempts: using humour (but not defensively); stroking your partner with a caring remark (“I understand that this is hard for you�); making it clear

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you’re on common ground (“We’ll tackle this problem together”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial art Aikido, you often have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

6. Focus on the bright side

In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example “We laugh a lot” as opposed to “We never have any fun.” A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make regular deposits to your emotional bank accounts.

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7. Stay interested

In long term happy relationships, couples remain interested in each other, they pay attention to what the other has to say and set time aside to be with each other (it’s why date night is so popular). Being busy at home and work means that conversations happen when there are other distractions, like making the dinner, putting the kids to bed, checking email, texts, Facebook, etc. When did you last look into their eyes? And smile straight at them? And say thanks, like you really meant it and it is not just a cursory gesture.

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What a man in a relationship should be:

Lesson #1: Take responsibility

Learn from Adam. Don't do things you know are wrong and then blame others. If you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions. One of the meanings of the word "husband" is someone who skillfully manages his household. A manager takes responsibility. As Adam experienced, there is little sympathy for a man who blames a woman for something that has gone wrong.

He's often still held responsible. People will ask him, "Why did you let it go on?" A man has to look at himself and see how he can change his own actions to properly handle similar situations.

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Lesson #2: Show leadership

If a man wants to be seen as worthy and have a good relationship with a woman, he has to show leadership.

When he sees a situation that needs to be dealt with, he should step forward and handle it. People admire those who step forward to handle difficult situations. We don't admire those who stand back and wait for others to solve the problem.

Some men avoid taking the lead because they don't want to be criticized. They think they're playing it safe. A man should say, "I'll handle it," and take the initiative to find solutions. If he's not sure what the solution is, do what other leaders do -- consult the many sources of information available.

Lesson #3: Make decisions

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One of the meanings of the word "manly" is being decisive. A man needs to make decisions and take responsibility for the outcome. If he's reluctant to make decisions, she may resent him. Part of making decisions is understanding the other person's views and being flexible. She doesn't want someone controlling her, but she also doesn't want someone who leaves every decision to her. A man who is afraid of making a wrong decision should ask himself: Who should make decisions? -- someone who isn't afraid of making mistakes.

Lesson #4: Be strong

The Talmud asks: Who is strong? He who can control his passions (Ethics of the Fathers, 4:1). Someone who can control his anger is better than a physically strong

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man who can conquer a city. Blowing up in anger can seriously damage a relationship. If a man thinks he can't control his anger, he should imagine being angry at someone, the telephone rings and it's his boss. Would he calm down? Of course, or he'd lose his job. Not getting angry doesn't mean he accepts bad treatment; he calmly sets limits on the treatment he accepts from others.

Lesson #5: Be manly

Being manly is not being macho. Manliness is the positive qualities of decisiveness, strength in one's convictions, confidence, self-reliance, high moral qualities, self discipline, honesty and integrity. A man who is manly has courage to be able to deal with difficulty, pain or danger without backing away despite his fear.

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To women: ask your husband to read this. To men: If after years of watching Homer Simpson, you haven't heard these ideas before, ask your wife if this is what she wants. You may be surprised at her response.

MORE MARRIAGE ADVICE FROM YOUR FRIENDS

No doubt there are days when you feel as though you deserve the Best Wife in the World award: You make sure dates with your mate stay hot, you settle arguments with amazing grace and you don't always go into whining mode when you find his dirty socks next to, rather than in, the hamper. How did you get so smart?

You were given some stellar marriage advice from friends and family. Here, the nuggets of nuptial wisdom

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you've stayed faithful to over the years.

Polite Fight "On my wedding-invitation RSVP cards, I left space for guests to write their favorite wedding wisdom. The tidbit that rings truest after almost nine months of marriage is: 'Attack the issue, not each other.' How it works: If my husband and I disagree about something, we stay focused on the issue and skip the personal put-downs."

Fit to a Tee "My grandmother insisted that I learn how to play golf.

'If your husband loves to play, you can go along and spend hours together,' she said. So I took lessons, and now my husband and I hit the links once a month. We

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both love the game and are thrilled to share a hobby, even when we spend half an hour looking for my out-ofbounds balls!"

Tabletop Trick "My aunt told me that if I'm running late when it's my turn to make dinner, just set the table. That way my husband thinks he'll be eating any minute, so he doesn't start complaining, which buys me some time. It's a silly trick that sounds straight out of the 1950s, but I have to admit that I've tried it a few times in the three years I've been married — and it works!"

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Perfect 10 "My husband's great-aunt wrote a list of the 10 most important things in a marriage, and she gave it to me at my bridal shower. It read: 10. Patience 9. Kindness 8. Patience 7. Communication 6. Patience 5. Caring 4. Patience 3. Patience 2. Love 1. Patience

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"First of all, this couldn't be more true. Second, an 80year-old woman made up a top-10 list; how funny is that?"

Ratio for Romance "After my husband and I got together, a close friend of mine told me, 'If the sex is good, it's only 10 percent of the marriage. But if the sex is not so good, it's 90 percent. So do your darndest to make sure it stays really, really good!'"

Boob-Tube Brilliance "Because my husband is such a remote-control freak, my mom suggested that we have 'my turn' TV nights. That

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means three nights a week I get to hold the remote and watch whatever I want, and on the other nights it's his turn to hold the remote and watch whatever he wants.

Now when he starts flipping through the channels, it doesn't get on my nerves like it used to."

Pop the Question "My sister-in-law passed this helpful hint on to me, and it has served me well for our five years of wedded bliss: 'Marriage is not mind reading, so ask your spouse what he/she wants and believe what he/she says.'"

Nix the Nit-Picking "Before I said 'I do,' my mom (who's been married to my dad for 55 years) told me to take out a piece of paper and

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write down the top three things that bugged me about my husband-to-be. Then she told me to forget the things on that list and forgive him for not being flawless. Once you make a commitment this big, she explained, you can't let petty things get in the way. In our eight years of marriage, my husband and I have had two kids, tackled cross-country moves and started two businesses — and so far, so great."

Space Smarts "Always have separate closets, my best friend told me. It may seem silly, but I listened to her and made sure to find a one-bedroom apartment with two closets (mine being the larger, of course). Now my husband and I each have our own private space, and we respect that: If he

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wants to keep his shoes in one huge heap or leave his dirty clothes in a pile on the floor, the mess doesn't bother me a bit!"

Agree to Disagree "Before we got married, my minister told my husband and me, 'You are two imperfect people making an imperfect union, and that's wonderful.' This advice made me ditch my belief that in a happy marriage, the couple always agrees. My husband and I have learned to appreciate our differences (yes, even differences of opinion!); in fact, we encourage them because we realize now that those differences are what makes each of us unique and special."

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Comic Relief "Before I headed down the aisle, my stepfather told me to always laugh and never take myself too seriously.

After four years of marriage, I know that this trick works. My husband and I often play practical jokes on each other and always try to crack each other up, even in the middle of an argument. Hey, if one person laughs, a fight tends to fizzle, doesn't it?"

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FINDING THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE How Can You be Sure Your Marriage Won't Fail

Over 90% of all people who live in the U.S. will marry at least once during their lifetime. Yet nearly half of all first marriages and 60% of all second marriages which begin this year will end in separation or divorce.

Dr. Neil Clark Warren has been counseling couples for more than twenty-five years. In the process, he has discovered that the majority of successful couples followed certain principles that enhanced their ability

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to choose a compatible partner. By applying these principles, you can significantly increase your chances of having a great marriage.

He says, "Most of the failed marriages I have encountered were in trouble the day they began. The two people involved in each of them simply chose the wrong person to marry. Why do individuals choose their lifelong partners so poorly? Because they have received almost no instruction about how to do it well. But here's the happy news: successfully choosing a marriage partner is a skill anyone can develop."

Finding the Love of Your Life offers ten proven principles to help you choose the right person to

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marry. Whether you are looking for someone or think you've found the perfect mate, Dr. Warren's critical information will increase your chances of having a great marriage.

The ten principles are: 1. Eliminate the seven primary causes of faulty mate selection.

2. Find a person to love who is a lot like you.

3. Get yourself emotionally healthy before you get yourself married.

4. Develop a clear mental image of your "perfect

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person."

5. Find love that you can feel in your hones, and express it with great wisdom.

6. Let passionate love mature before you decide.

7. Master the art of intimacy.

8. Learn how to clear conflict from the road to love.

9. Refuse to proceed until you can genuinely pledge your lifelong commitment.

10. Celebrate your marriage with the full support of your family and friends.

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No other relationship can contribute so generously to your happiness and well-being. Finding the Love of Your Life helps you make the right decisions concerning a life partner. No matter what stage of courtship you're in-whether you've been married before or not-you can find someone to love and share your life with, and build your marriage on a solid foundation.

"There is more knowledge available than ever before about what it takes to select a marriage partner with whom you can enjoy a lifetime of happiness and love.

Your choice of this person can be made with more confidence and certainty than was true for your parents or theirs.

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I strongly believe that we can significantly improve this vital area of our corporate life. Men and women throughout our land can be helped to find a person to love with whom they can experience a lifetime of meaning. It takes hard work and patience. It requires training and guidance. But after all, it is for a lifetime, it is worth every ounce of time and effort you give it.

So let the revolution begin with you. No more secondrate marriages! Great marriages-that must be our goal.

The vast preponderance of research studies proves that you tend to be happiest with someone a lot like you. Even within our own families, we most enjoy persons who have a genetic makeup highly similar to

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our own.

One of the most important principles to follow in choosing a mate revolves around a highly established reality: Stable and satisfying marriages usually involve two people who are very much alike.

50-item List of Helpful Marriage Similarities 1. Socio-economic background of family 2. Intelligence 3. Formal education 4. Verbal skills 5. Expected roles for both persons within the marriage

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6. Views about power distribution within the family 7. Desired number of children 8. When a family should be started 9. Child rearing views 10. Political philosophy 11. Views about smoking, alcohol and drugs 12. Amount of involvement with in-laws 13. Sense of humor 14. Punctuality 15. Dependability 16. Desire for verbal intimacy an ability to be intimate 17. The role of conflict and how to resolve it 18. The way to handle anger 19. How friendships with the opposite sex should be handled

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20. Expected amount of privacy and rules for its use 21. Level of ambition 22. Life goals 23. Attitudes about weight 24. Religious and spiritual beliefs and preferences 25. Amount of church involvement 26. Family spiritual involvement 27. Hobbies and interests 28. Type of music enjoyed 29. Energy level for physical activities 30. Sexual drive and sexual interests 31. Amount of income to be spent and saved 32. How money should be allocated (clothes, vacations, etc.)

33. Amount of money to be given away and to whom 34. Degree of risks to be taken with investments

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35. Attitudes about cleanliness-house, clothes, body, etc.

36. Ways of handling sickness 37. Health standards-when to see a doctor 38. Interpersonal and social skills 39. Amount and type of social involvement preferred 40. Geographical area in which to live 41. Size and style of house 42. Type of furniture and decorations 43. Amount and type of travel preferred 44. How to spend vacations 45. How to celebrate major holidays 46. How much time to spend together 47. When to go to sleep and get up 48. Temperature of home during the day and night 49. Activity during meals (talking, watching TV,

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etc.)

50. Television programs preferred

The Principles Are Crystal Clear

We do not have to act like blind persons searching in the dark. The signs of good marriages and failureprone marriages are well established. Consider in rapid summary our straightforward principles: 1. Don't get married too quickly. Longer courtships produce consistently healthier marriages.

2. Don't get married too young. Wait to get married until you know yourself well, and until you know well the kind of person with whom you can be happy. This usually means that first marriages will not begin until

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the mid to late 20s.

3. Don't be too eager to get married, and don't let anyone else who is overly eager push you into marriage. Make sure your mind is clear and settled.

4. Don't try to please someone else with your choice. You are the one who will profit from or suffer from your choice for a lifetime.

5. Don't marry someone until you know him or her in a lot different ways. You can make a far more accurate prediction about how much you will enjoy being married to a person if your experience base is broad.

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6. Don't get married with unrealistic expectations.

Marriage isn't a panacea; it requires an incredible amount of hard work. Don't allow yourself to expect too much from your marriage.

7. Don't marry anyone who has a personality or behavioral problem that you're not willing to live with forever. These problems don't vanish; in fact, they often get worse. Miracle cures" are far easier to come by before you are married. If the problem can be cured, make sure it is cured before you are married.

Is There Skill Involved in Mate Selection?

Why do some individuals choose their lifelong" partners so poorly? Because they have received almost no instruction about how to do it well. And

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how in the world are you supposed to make such a brilliant choice when you have been "coached" so little?

Our society-specifically, television and the movie industry-teaches people to rely almost exclusively on their "natural instincts" when choosing a mate. But romantic feelings, those seemingly trustworthy emotions, offer almost nothing of substance when it comes to making a wise choice about a potential marriage partner. in fact, they frequently get in the way. They literally anesthetize you to the critical factors you desperately need to examine.

But here's the good news: choosing a marriage partner successfully is a skill you can develop.

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Great marriages are possible if you select a great mate, and this selection is virtually never the consequence of luck or laziness. It is the reward given to those who follow carefully formulated principles.

Those who adhere to these principles may not always be aware that they are doing so. But if they end up with a marriage partner they can love and live with happily for a lifetime.

If you know these principles up front and learn to practice them conscientiously, you can significantly increase the probability of having a great marriage.

But if you count on luck and chance-or passion and romance-there is a better than 50 percent probability that your marriage will be disappointing, if not

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excruciatingly painful.

Love Can Turn Sour

Each year in the United States, more than 200,000 marriages end prior to the couples' second anniversary. Imagine the collective pain of these 400,000 people!

But as overwhelmingly painful as these breakups are, they may represent far and away the least devastating of all the divorces -- if the couple has no children. It is when children become involved that pain begins to multiply.

We cannot fail to recognize that such chaos in the fundamental unit of our society is responsible for

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much of the agony people are experiencing today.

When our system of nurturing has reached tills level of decay, we can expect all manner of frantic behavior, from gangs and drugs to mental breakdowns and suicide.

We Seek a Revolution

What we desperately need in America is a revolution - a total change in our mate-selection procedures.

Love in an Enduring Relationship is the Finest Prize

I am convinced that this life offers nothing comparable to the love of a man for his woman, and a woman for her man. When you find that soulmate for whom you have longingly searched, you will be at the beginning of a relational journey filled with joy.

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In the middle of a world that is so conditional-so stern and begrudging-the discovery of a lifetime partnership with a lover is the closest thing possible to heaven on earth. To be loved forever by the person you most love is a God-given experience. I hope very much that you will have it.

CHOOSING YOUR LIFE PARTNER is one of the most important decisions you make in your life. Your future entirely lies on the threshold of the choice you make.

With your future lying exposed to this decision, are you one amongst those who leave it to destiny? Would you settle for someone who does not fulfill your desires, because you think that your desires are way too specific?

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Worst - would you leave it to chance? Talking about choosing your life partner, the first thing would be on what basis would you make the choice. Remember, whatever be your choice, the person should be one with whom you can continue to grow, laugh, be surprised, share your interests and ideas year after year, without getting bored. Choose a person who is compatible with you and makes you feel loved and cared for. In the following lines, we have provided tips on how to choose your life partner. Choosing your life partner is the most difficult task. Whether you do it or your parents, the task is equally pressurizing for both. The person thus chosen will be a part of your life. It’s thus, not a matter of a day or two. It’s the most important decision to make, which partly depends on destiny and partly on the measures that you take.

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It’s a life’s decision and you must take it seriously. Choosing the person who will stay by your side for life is a big responsibility. Do it with care. Some of the steps involved and tips for how to choose your life partner are:

Determine Your Needs

Before choosing your life partner, you need to determine your needs. You need to find out what attributes you are looking for in your life partner. Pen down a wish list of all the things you are looking for - the most important ones as well as the seemingly unimportant ones. Right from physical looks, career, financial status to moral values, etiquettes and spiritual beliefs, make a list that covers all the sectors. This way you can limit your choice. For instance, if you are certain that your wouldbe should be a businessman / homemaker; your options

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would then be limited, as those who are in a job can be ignored.

Analyze Past Relationship

Many-a-times we are bombarded with the question What did you learn from your past relationships?

Though it might be embarrassing or hurting, the question is an important one to consider before choosing your life partner. Find out what was it that attracted you to your ex? Was it his/her smartness and looks? Was it his/her care and affection? Was it his/her financial status? You should also find out what went wrong in the once-sorosy affair. This would help you find out your needs, which he/she could not fulfill.

Analyze People You Admire

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Evaluating people you admire would also be a good option to consider before selecting your Mr. or Ms. Right. This would help you understand qualities that are important for you in life. You need to find out what is that you admire in them. Is it his/her sense of humor? Is he/she extremely loyal and trustworthy? Is it his/her family background? By determining the characteristics of the person you admire, you are unknowingly or knowingly setting the mark for your ideal mate.

Personal Characteristics & Values

Though one of the most ignored sectors, determining personal characteristics and values is extremely vital.

Remember, personal character defines the future of a person. For instance, if he/she is a hardworking and persistent person, he/she is likely to be financially well

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off in future. A person with strong moral values is likely to be spiritual. Identify the characteristic that you are looking for in your ideal mate. Right from compassion, affection, determination, honesty to sexuality, selfdiscipline, vivaciousness intelligence and wit, there are a lot of things you need to consider. If you are sociable, ideally your partner should be one who loves talking or making friends.

Take Time

Limiting yourself to a specific date or a scheduled time for finding the right partner is an unreasonable demand.

Remember, it a matter of your life and your future is based on your choice. One wrong decision and you would be regretting and repenting all your life. These things are sensitive and can take from a few days to

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several months. Make sure you give in all the time that you want, before pronouncing the judgment.

Trust Your Choice

Remember, a person should dictate his/her needs and wants and not the other way round. Do not think about what you 'should' want. Instead, focus on what you want and desire in life. Do not be concerned about whether your desires and needs are right or shallow or unpopular.

Keep in mind, no two persons can have the same needs or wants. Once you have made a choice, trust it and give in your 100% in the relationship!

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Know your needs: It is very essential to identify the kind of person you want to spend your life with. First step in searching the right mate for yourself is to know your needs. You must know first what kind of person will entice you for life and keep you happy.

Reciprocate your needs: After identifying your needs, you must reciprocate it to your family and friends, so that they can help you find your kind of mate. Incase you are approaching a marriage portal, you must tell them about your choice. This will help them scan the profiles and pick out the best ones for you.

Research well on the person and his/her background: Before proceeding on the profile or profiles you need to check on the background of the person. If it’s a love marriage, you still need to check on the background to be sure that the person doesn’t turn out to be fake. It may not an emotional

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thing to do but indeed a practical option. You must know at least something about his/her past record before proceeding with the person for life.

Fix a meeting or a date: Your next step is to fix your first meeting with the person.

This may be a casual date or a serious meeting where you get to know about the person. The first meeting is important as this is where you get the first impression of the person. In case of love marriage, you must have done it already and wont need it again.

Have a first impression: First impression is indeed the last impression. The impression you get after meeting him/her during the first date is the best one. Hence, make sure to notice everything about the person and have an opinion too.

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Talk openly: Talking helps you to open up with the person. This also brings out the real person in the prospect as he/she talks to you. You will get to know more and more about the person and also know if the person is interesting or boring. Talking will actually help you get the first impression of the prospect.

Check if the person maintains an eye contact: While you talk, notice if the person is maintaining an eye contact with you. A genuine person will always maintain an eye contact while he/she talks. This is the first sign of knowing the person and a vital sign that needs to be noticed.

Notice his/her actions: Notice if he/she is fidgety or nervous. There are different other sign that may impress you or put you off. Depending on these, you can choose your life partner.

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See if he/she pays respect: Respect is an important part of any relation. In a marital relationship, this is perhaps very important. During the meeting you must check if the person respects you. Notice the way he/she addresses you or talks to you.

Take time to form an opinion: Do not jump into a conclusion. Take enough time to analyze all aspects, match him/her with your requirements and see if this is the perfect person to spend your life with.

If all goes well, you can fix another meeting and know more about the person’s likes and dislikes and other choices.

Following all the above tips, you will get your answers for how to choose your life partner.

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HOW TO GET THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE BACK - PROVEN TECHNIQUES TO WIN THEM BACK WHEN YOU LOSE THEM

Apologize to your ex. A lot of people shun this advice based on the fact that they were the one who was dumped. Learning how to get the love of your life back includes understanding that sometimes you just need to be the bigger person and do things based on what your ex's reaction will be. Think about your behavior during the relationship and prior to the break up. If you did things you know irritated or angered your ex, now is the perfect time to make amends. Just call them up and tell them you're sorry for your mistakes. This can go a very

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long way to smoothing the path towards a reunion between the two of you.

Agree with the break up, for now. Up to this point you've probably spent the majority of your time thinking of what you can say to win back your ex. This may range from telling them that you can't live without them to blaming them for the depression you are certain you'll suffer the rest of your life. If you can take a step back for just a minute you'll quickly realize that saying anything like this to the love of your life doesn't make you look like a hopeless romantic, it makes you look hopeless. Go the opposite route and tell your ex that you're fine with the break up. Let them see that you're mature enough to handle a break up and that you're strong enough to handle it emotionally.

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Focus more on yourself and less on others. The real key to getting back the love of your life is showing them that you're someone worth loving. You aren't going to accomplish that if you spend day after day alone at home, crying and mourning a lost relationship. Make yourself into the person you know you are capable of being. Go out, hang out with friends, chase after a career dream, spend more time with your family and just be happier overall. If you can move on from the lost relationship and come out a better person than you were before, your ex can't help but be impressed by that.

Being a strong, mature and emotionally calm person is essential if you want to get the love of your life back.

Show them that you're the person they first fell in love with and it's bound to happen all over again.

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Your words and actions in the days and weeks following a break up can impact any chance you have of ever getting back together with your ex. One wrong move or word can cost you any chance of happiness with the person you love the most.

YOU CAN FEEL THEM PULLING AWAY. You can see it. They may have even said it straight out, "I'm leaving you." Often this sets off a number of emotional alarm clocks at their highest volume and intensity. Few times in life is it easier to panic. Few times in life is it more important you don't.

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It feels like a disaster doesn't it? Well you've watched disaster movies. You know how it goes. The ones who panic die off early in the movie. They are small part actors and you never remember their names. The one's who keep their heads in the crisis tend to walk out of the flaming building with the other most attractive character on their arm. If you want to win them back you must make a decision now to either panic and most likely lose your goal before you get close to it or to get in your brain, utilize your anxiety, depression, anger, and loneliness. And while you're at it don't forget to utilize rather than suffer all that pain you've been given.

Chances are you're getting a lot of conflicting advice from folks. It all boils down to fish or cut bait. The advice I give to win a love back starts with the same advice as for letting go.

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Let go.

Romance, love, sex, it's always a dance. It's all back and forward, back and forward. When your love pulls back, then back again and you are still moving forward, it's no longer a dance, it's a chase. And what do people do when we chase after their affection? They run.

I imagine your love is prepared for the chase to continue, and if I'm right it makes them feel guilty. How often does guilt buy love and attraction? Not often. I've never seen it. Have you?

If anything will work at all it is to let go. Not let go and sit home and suffer, but let go and go have a blast every day. This may sound impossible. But if your love is strong enough, if your goal of winning them back is compelling enough; you can do anything you have to do.

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Letting go and having a blast strengthens your position several ways.

1. It surprises them. They have taken your suffering for granted. They assume it. That's the person they're dumping. Who the hell is this person having so much fun? Curiosity is compelling.

You get happy and relaxed with this and it hits them like a bucket of cold water that they don't know you quite as well as they thought they did.

2. We're all sexier and more attractive when we're having a blast than when we're depressed. It's far more compelling than making them responsible for our happiness.

3. When they see beyond a shadow of a doubt you're no longer chasing after their affection they can quit running and make their decision based

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on what they want instead of the chase they're running from.

4. We often take each other for granted. Part of the reason you've stopped taking them for granted right now is they've pulled back. The water in the well really is running dry. If your love will come back it will be after "they" realize all that's missing from life without you. They can't know what that is till you've pulled back as well.

Impatience is your enemy. It compells you to take action out of fear and we know that causes more mistakes and bigger mistakes. Generally impatience cannot be just pressed down, it creeps out and peeps out when you least expect it. Impatience is just that little voice inside your head that tells you, you can't be happy until you know your love is glad to be back. There's only

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one thing that really squashes impatience - making yourself go have so much fun every day that your brain has to go, "well, duuuuh, guess I can be happy right now and continue taking strategic actions towards my goal."

A former Boss of mine had a standard rule for submitting loan applications, "Don't hurry up to get a turn down." If it's important, you must focus more on getting it right than doing it in a hurry.

I promise you , you're far more likely to win them back the more you enjoy this process and the less you suffer it. If you think that's impossible, think again. The most successful people on earth choose to enjoy challenges rather than be swamped by them. You must only make a decision now whether or not this goal is important enough for you to use your head or unimportant enough

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for you to allow your compulsions to defeat you. It's up to you.

I've seen this advice bring couples back together after restraining orders have been issued and clients have been arrested for breaking them. I don't guarantee it to work everytime and it works better than anything else. And if it doesn't work to win them back, in the process you've been strengthened and prepared to let go for good far more comfortably than you are right now.

Your fear is that if you let go you'll lose them. In fact you're more likely to lose them if you don't.

By the way I know taking this advice is a lot more challenging than giving it because I've done both.

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Whoever you are, my prayer and my faith are with you. This is a helluva a "bump" on life's road, but you're stronger than you realize and you will be alright. If it's terribly important to you and you really work at this recipe you'll do quite a bit better than alright.

I was talking to a girl the other day that was following a recipe for grief. Her rule was that she was not promiscuious. It's a good rule. She felt like a relationship really had to be serious before she put out. Only under the influence of starry nights and a glass of something bubbly she'd put out and then decide it must be serious, this must be the one since she did in fact put out. This now caused her to treat the poor guy like "hey, we're destiny" and he would run from her speed and consequently her relationships were ending in disaster before they ever started. I suggested she change her rule.

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I suggested her new rule be that if she really liked and respected the guy and visa versa; if there was chemistry and they were safe.... then it was okay to have sex without this having to be "her soulmate." Either that or cut out mixing starry nights, bubbly and attractive men.

Many will disagree and yet she seems far, far happier for the change.

For some there is the added problem of your love thinking they're in love with someone else. That's about as hard a romantic bump in life as there is. You hate your rival. And yet, many times I've seen the other person be the key that puts your relationship back together. HOW??? Simple, while you've got alarm clocks going off like crazy the one you love is in the flush of infatuation. Infatuation is not love. Looks like it,

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feels like it, but it isn't love. Love is when you look at someone and say "I know all their faults and even if they never change a thing - I love them enough to stay." A person who's infatuated isn't qualified to make that statement. Not that it stops them or stops them from believing it. It's just good to know.

When you utilize your alarm clocks and make yourself have so much fun you can be patient.... now they have time alone with the new Mr. or Miss wonderful.

Infatuation moves into the stage of disillusionment. They wonder what they saw in the new one in the first place.

If at the same time they see you're not chasing them they can far more easily find themselves thinking "Why the new one isn't as good as the other one, am I being an idiot here or what?"

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One girl told me, "But I can't have fun while I'm picturing them together!" Good point. Quit picturing things that hurt. Have three things you love to think about and three things you love to do in mind and handy at all times. When the picture starts, treat it like an alarm clock telling you to "Right now this very minute, think and do something else fun!" The first few times will be a little difficult, after that it's easier.

Finally, last but not least ask yourself these hard questions. Do I really love this person? Really? Do I love them enough to let them go? Do I love them enough to let go and have fun today and tomorrow and the days after that? Or is my love so selfish that I can only be happy if they're here serving my emotional needs no matter how much they may not want to right now?

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Feeling like you're losing someone you love can be rough. It demands hard questions be answered. Serious decisions must be made. You're stronger than you realize. You can do whatever you need do to make your life healthier and happier if you choose to. Give it some thought, time and prayer and then choose.

Your Own Thoughts And Feelings Can Lead You To Do The Wrong Thing!

In many areas in life it is best to follow your gut feeling.

This can be the WRONG approach to get them back.

Ask yourself a few questions:

. “Am I feeling in control right now?” . “Am I happy right now?”

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. “Am I thinking about other things other than them right now?”

If you answered “NO” to any of these questions it’s time to STOP listening to how you’re thinking and feeling. If you do not you will make the WRONG choices and YOU WON’T EVER GET THE ONE YOU LOVE BACK.

Let me give you an example: You know that aching desire you have to call your love right now? So you can just hear their voice… So you can just to let them hear you cry… Just so they KNOW you care. You may think that maybe you can find some magical words to convince your love to come back to you.

Deep down you have to realize that this will make you look needy and desperate but you still want to do it!

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A big part how to get the one you love back is avoiding these kind of mistakes. If you’ve already made these mistakes it’s especially important that you start doing things right immediately. Try to not worry about the past mistakes and focus on doing what’s right.

It’s normal to want to beg and plead to get the one you love back to get them to come back. I know you care about them and couldn’t imagine your life without them.

This begging and pleading is actually the worst thing you can do right now. They are in need of some space and you’re trying to take that away from them. In order to be truly caring for your love right now you have to respect their decision for space. Otherwise you risk pushing them away even further.

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Think about it – if you would beg and plead when they break up with you – It’s The exact moment that they needs space and you’re using everything to try to get them closer to you. It’s the wrong time for it. Timing is very important.

Real love can only happen between two equals so that means they won’t take you back because they feel pity for you. The one you love must respect you and you must respect them.

This means that you will have to consciously act differently from the way that you’re feeling. This means you can’t trust your instincts on what to do. So now that you know you can’t trust your own confusing emotions.

So now you know the basics of getting your love back!

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What Do You Do To Get The One You Love Back?

If you’ve read anything else on this subject you’ve probably heard of the no contact rule. The no-contact rule is when you stop all communication between you and your love for 3 to 4 weeks after the breakup. Some people think this will create jealousy and to make them think you’re over them. This is not the right attitude. The no contact rule is over simplified of what you really need to be doing.

If you’re one of those people who can’t stop thinking about them, who feels out-of-control and full of sadness.

You should do the no contact rule. This is because it allows you to stop making mistakes while you make the real game plan. Without a real game plan your chances

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to get your love back decreases. It will also give you space to get yourself emotionally under control before interacting with your love again.

There are some obvious problems to the no-contact rule.

For example, what do you do if you have a class together? Are you suppose to completely ignore your love and act like they don’t exist? When you’re forced to be in the same room as someone you cannot not communicate. By acting like they don’t exist you’re giving off the WRONG signal.

How To Do The No Contact Rule Properly

When you first start the No Contact rule it is best to be respectful about it. If you decide to just stop responding and your love doesn’t know why it will make them angry. If you make them angry they won’t want to be

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with you. In order to do it correctly you need to send them a message first that says something along the lines of:

“I want you to know that I understand your need for space and it’s actually a good thing. I need space too. I won’t be contacting you for awhile but you also need to know that it’s not that I don’t have feelings for you anymore, I do. I just need to have my space for right now. I hope you understand.”

This will let them realize that you haven’t moved on from them and you still have feelings for them. That is a good thing. Also, when you tell other people what you intend to do, it actually makes you more likely to actually do it.

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So what if your love has a class with you or some other activity that you absolutely MUST see them?

Well, this becomes a little more complicated. You don’t want to completely shun them but you don’t want to talk personally to them either. If you have to talk to them, avoid talking about anything emotional. If they bring it up just tell him this,

“Look, I was serious about what I said. I just need some space right now and you have to respect that. I don’t want to talk about anything like that.”

For Girls:

You will want to be friendly to him like you would be friendly to a guy you like as an acquaintance. This isn’t even the kind of acquaintance you want to spend much

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time around but someone you are nice to because you know hes a good person but you have nothing in common with and don’t feel emotionally comfortable with. So mostly you just avoid him until he says or does something and you kinda just give a smile and say very little. I have a strategy if it’s hard for you to act this way to him. First imagine a person that fits that role of the acquaintance in your life. Then when speaking to him imagine you’re speaking to that person and not your love.

For Guys:

You will want to be friendly to her like you would be friendly to a girl that you’re not attracted to at all. This is the kind of girl that you don’t even want to talk to but you think they’re an OK person. It’s the kind of girl you

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don’t want to share your personal stuff with. This girl is a girl you don’t hate but you just don’t really want to make the effort to be friends with. So you just smile if she makes an effort but mostly just brush her off. In order to make this work for you you have to employ a strategy. First imagine a person that fits that role in your life. Then when speaking to her imagine you’re speaking to that person and not your love.

So when you don’t have to see him how do you act?

The ONLY time you should contact your love during the no-contact period is if they text you. In that case you just say:

“I am serious about what I said. I need space right now.

I don’t want to talk for awhile.”

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Otherwise you just don’t text, call or communicate with your love in any way for 4 weeks.

What is the purpose of the no-contact rule?

There are many reasons why you need to do this. For one it gives you time to:

1. Get control of yourself.

2. Figure out your game plan.

3. EDUCATE yourself about your specific situation and what to do about it.

Also, this strategy will show your love that you are a strong person that must be respected. It shows them that you’re not going to just come back to them because they call you back to them.

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Want to Learn More About How To Get Your Love Back?

Whoever faces a relationship break up know the fact that getting dumped is the worst part of falling in love, however, it is a no-win solution when we allow the feelings of saddness and rejection to take over. This website is for people who really understands what true love is...and is willing to take the step to get it back.

Bottom line: If you are not ready to take charge of your relationship then most probably you are in the wrong place!

If you have decided that your ex is "the one" and you are willing to act rationally and take charge of your own future, then let us start with some simple truths about break ups...

- Nothing is impossible when love is involved.

Thousands of couples are getting back together every day so make sure you do not lose faith when the situation get harsh while you are

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trying to get back your lost love. It is how you approach the situation that determines your fate so make sure you do not lose control and create desperate actions like drunk dialking or stalking your ex as they can easily become your own worst enemy.

- Learn to practice patience and not push too hard.

Pushing too hard will only increase the tension between the two of you so make sure you learn how to practice patience. Figure out what actually went wrong and try to see things from your ex's point of view.

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Discover How To Get Back Together with No Contact Rule!

- Think back how you attracted your ex in the first place and start to "think out of the box" The secret of how to get back together is sometimes as simple as understanding why your relationship worked so well in the past.

How did you attracted your ex in the first place? And it is important that you need to GET CREATIVE and come up with words and actions to convince your ex that things will be different if they give you another chance. By doing so, this show some promise of a brighter future and make sure you don't put up a half-hearted effort as this will only confirms to your ex that you will never change.

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To understand how to get the love back, you will need to get inside their head and create feelings of curiosity, anticipation, and lust.

The Disclaimer

. These 5 steps are in no way, shape or form a guarantee that this will work but it is a series of steps that have been proven to work at least once. . These 5 steps are geared toward getting back someone that was in love with you and you were and are in love with them. . These steps are designed as a strategy to help not only the person you want back but also to make sure that this relationship is right for you!

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. P.S. they may not be as easy as the title may suggest...... But when has anything that has been amazing easy to get?

Is this enough SPACE??

Step 1: Space

Space can be one of the worst words in the English language, especially when used during a relationship, but it may just be the first step in getting back the one you love. Most likely if your no longer in a relationship with the person then you are probably already not really in contact with them so you just take it a step farther and take time to be separated from that person. This serves multiple purposes, it gives you time to take a look at the

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relationship and figure out all the bad things that caused the break up and see if those issues can be work passed.

This is a crucial step because not only do you give yourself time to determine whether they may be the one it also gives them time to miss all the things that made them love you to begin with. During this step you start the next step, becoming a better you.

Sometimes people from New Jersey do have good ideas

Step 2: Improve Your Image

It is easy to think giving someone space is easy, that o yeah I can totally just stop talking to or interacting with this person, it should not be hard at all! The reality though is that giving someone space is usually a bitch,

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extremely stress full and can cause anxiety. Therefore Step 2 improving your image helps work to divert this stress and anxiety into more positive outlets. You hear all the time that working out releases endorphins but along with working out there are many other activities that can cause this release, such as getting some sun or even just having a good laugh! Doing these activities can promote a better you, by improving your overall health through exercise, getting some color, if that makes you feel you look better, and having a more positive outlook on life. You want to be a better you, because even if that person your trying to get back loved the person you were, they will not complain if you put forth the effort to look and feel better. After this we move on to step 3, the reconnection.

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I'm just pieces without you

Step 3: The Reconnect

Step 3 is not a step to be taken lightly..... You have given the person space, and you have made yourself into a better more desirable you now though you have to face a possibility. That person might have tried to move on..... or successfully have moved on. This is why its such a big step, you have to almost put yourself out there and lightly reconnect. I do not want to put a time stamp on how long you should wait, but i would give it at least a month, or until you see some noticeable changes from step 2. Reconnecting should never involve the phrase "I have missed you so much" not only does this destroy all the time put into step 1 and 2, it almost puts the person on the defensive. I would advise just starting with the a

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neutral how have you been. This is the moment when the person will answer with either an opening to start pursing them again or finding out you missed out. If you are so lucky, and the person is not as happy as they thought they would be without you then you now get to move on to step 4, be perfect.

Step 4: Be Perfect

If you've completed steps 1-3 and your still game to win back the one then its your turn to be the one. Perfection is a word that has been misused and is not fully understood.... but if you know the love of your life the way you should then you know how to be perfect for them. Although I would warn you though, do not and I

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mean do not go over board with perfection because you do not want to wear yourself out. You do not want to stop being perfect, you just have to, after step 1, know that you want to put forth the effort and continue to put forth that same effort to keep the relationship going because no relationship can work without trying. It should not feel like work though, and if it starts to you have to look back at the relationship and know you want to keep at it because the 5th and final step can by be the hardest, patience and persistence.

Step 5: Patience coupled with Persistence

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Patience is the key to getting back the love of your life.

Why is this? Its easy nothing ever comes easy or fast, unless you win the lotto.... Regardless it takes persistence, you can not give up, you have to prove to this person that you are the one for them and that it was a mistake to let them go in the first place. NO relationship is healed in a day, or maybe even a week, it may take even as long as a year but, if your willing to go the extra mile you may like what you get at the end of the road

WAYS TO KEEP A RELATIONSHIP INTERESTING

Relationships are always tough, and things don’t get any easier as time goes on. You don’t get any better at it just because you’ve been on the job longer. With most longterm relationships, there are going to be periods of ennui and speed bumps of tedium along the way. Wandering eyes can also become a problem when anyone spends the bulk of his time with just one person. The most Sensual love secrets by Joyce wolayo

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important thing is to be aware of the inevitable lulls or moments of doubt, and to make a plan to counteract them. Just because you’ve been together a long time doesn’t mean you can’t still have fun being in the relationship.

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Of course, the key ingredient to any satisfying relationship is to be in love and that’s something we can’t guide you on. However, we can give you the following 10 ways to keep a long-term relationship interesting through even the most trying times.

Throw parties

One of the biggest mistakes that a couple can make is to spend every second with just each other. By just throwing a party and inviting both of your groups of friends over, not only will you be introducing some of your buddies to some new ladies, but you’ll also have an opportunity to be around each other without being attached to one another; this is a great way to keep a long-term relationship interesting. You can play some poker with your bros while she entertains her friends, or

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you can spend your time meeting some of her friends while she does the same. It will be enriching, exciting and most of all, fun.

Visit someplace new

If you guys end up going to the same restaurants all the time, you’ll inevitably be spending a lot of time retreading the same ground. By going to a new city, a new beach or a new hotel, you’ll be opening up a wide range of new conversations and it's a great way to keep a long-term relationship interesting.

It’s wonderfully revitalising for any relationship to be put in a situation where you’re on equal footing, both unaware of how exactly this new place operates. And when it’s time to go back to the hotel room at the end of

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the day, you’ll be able to enliven your love life on an entirely different bedspread.

Spend time apart

This is one of the hardest things to do if you’re in a longterm relationship with someone you truly care about.

When you love someone, you want to spend as much time with them as possible, but it’s important to not only have some space, but to also spend a night apart every once in a while as well.

Being apart not only allows you some freedom, but it will also make both of you miss each other a little bit and is an ideal way to keep a long-term relationship interesting. Now, we're not suggesting you spend a night apart with other people, we're suggesting you take a

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night to visit a friend out of town, or you can suggest she spend the weekend at her parent's so they can catch up.

Give gifts

Giving a gift to someone not only lets them know you love them, but also that you’ve been thinking of them when they weren’t around. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or pricey, it just has to be something from the heart that your partner would really enjoy. Even if they tell you that it’s unnecessary and not to buy it, it’s very much necessary for the future health of your relationship and a great way to keep a long-term relationship interesting.

Make surprise visits

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Don’t be a stalker, but every once in a while pop into her work and take her out for lunch or just stop by to say hello. It’s the same reasoning behind getting her a gift; it’s a reminder to her that you were thinking of her.

However, the difference with this way to keep a longterm relationship interesting is that not only were you thinking of her, but the thought of her imbued you with an urgent need to see her at once. Isn’t that romantic?

Well, she'll think so.

Go on dates

Hey, just because you’ve been dating a while doesn’t mean you should shirk your duties as a gentleman. And a date doesn't mean you take her to that local Mexican place you always go to. Instead, do some planning and make a reservation someplace affordable, but romantic.

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Open the door for her, order some wine and dessert and hold her hand if she wants to. Make it a regular thing, weekly or bi-weekly depending on your budget and schedules. It might seem like a lot of work, but it’ll make your relationship stronger and healthier in the long run.

Set goals together

This is a great way to reinvigorate not only your longterm relationship, but your ambition. Sit down with your partner and decide where you guys want to be in the long-term -- neighborhood, house, kids, jobs, etc. -- and how to get there. Ask each other for advice about how best to accomplish those goals and once they are accomplished. And don’t just stop there, set new goals: health, comfort, happiness, redecorating, and so on.

There are always ways to better yourself and your

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relationship, and it’s better to do it together than separately.

Try new things in the bedroom

Trust us, there is always something that you haven’t tried. Let’s face it, if you’ve been with someone for a long time, it inevitably gets a little monotonous in the bedroom with both partners wanting to just get their kicks and go to bed. However, if you really want to give your long-term relationship staying power, give a little extra effort in the bedroom: bring in some sex toys if she wants (or if you want); bring on the whips and chains; or pour some candle wax. These things don’t have to sound appealing to you, but give them a try anyway and you might be surprised. At the very least, you’ll have shared a new experience together.

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Introduce a third party

Ultimately, every couple will make that fateful decision to add someone new to the mix. Get your minds out of the gutter, we’re talking about bringing a child into the world. There is nothing that will bond a couple quite like having something to care for together, something that is more important than each other. If you’re not quite ready to take that step (and don't have a child simply because the relationship is in trouble and needs patching, it is not a fix-all solution), then think about bringing in a dog, a cat or even a goldfish, any being that both of you can care for and love.

Discover things together

In the end, the best way to keep a long-term relationship interesting is the easiest thing you can do: Add that

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element of “new” to your life and your long-term relationship. Take a cooking class together, do yoga with each other or take dancing lessons. Hell, just take her to a new museum once in a while. The bottom line is that you want to be with each other, but it’s always better to have something in common that you can discuss together. The stuff in the bedroom, that’s the easy part, but finding someone you actually want to talk to afterward, that’s the tough part. And when you finally get that, keep searching for something new to converse about and keep that initial feeling alive for the years ahead.

A Happy Relationship

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Sure, Valentine's Day is great and all, but wouldn’t it be nice to keep the romantic vibe going the other 364 days of the year?

You absolutely can, says Lois Barth, a motivational speaker and life coach in New York City. Whether you’re married, cohabitating, or dating, check out these six tips to keep the Valentine’s mentality going:

1. Make it all about you—some of the time. Add in a few moments of pleasure to your daily routine. “Maybe it’s taking 15 minutes to walk by the water on your lunch hour, or allowing yourself a cat nap,” says Barth. “When you feel less stressed and more vitalized, you’ll have more energy and patience for your relationship.”

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2. Ditch energy vampires. Whether it’s a toxic friend or a cluttered kitchen, make one small move to tackle an energy sucker and instantly feel better. “One of my clients opted never to ask her Negative Nellie relative the three ominous words, 'How are you?,' " says Barth.

Instead, she set a boundary on calls by saying, 'Hi, I only have five minutes and needed to know the time of the party.' " The more you can deal with the stressors outside your relationship—and bypass complain-o-logues—the more mental bandwidth you’ll have to deal with any problems within your relationship.

3. Giggle about your gripes. “It's so easy to get into the ‘terminal roommate syndrome’ where all of your time is spent on logistics, like bills and household chores, versus reaping the benefits of being in love,” says Barth. Find ways to be playful, even in your challenges. For

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example, one of Barth’s clients decided that instead of complaining when his wife would continually leave the sponge in the sink, he’d make a ridiculous siren sound and shriek "Sponge alert! Sponge alert!" which would inevitably make his wife laugh—and still get his point across. “Humor allows us to move from criticism to creativity, a much needed ingredient in relationships,” says Barth.

4. Make a date night. There’s a reason why you’ve heard this advice before: It works. Married or cohabitating couples who go on regular dates come back to their lives and their relationships with fresh eyes, says Barth.

5. Learn your partner's language. Most marriages don’t end because people fall out of love, says Barth. It’s

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because people lose the ability to speak their partner's love language, leaving the other person feeling unloved.

So what is the language of love? Things like spending quality time together, speaking words of affirmation, making thoughtful gestures, and touching. “Clue in to what love language is most important to your partner by asking him to share a few stories of when he felt most appreciated and loved—and make sure to recount your own,” says Barth.

6. Show some appreciation. It sounds so simple, but most of us don’t actually verbalize appreciation for our partners. Try taking a few minutes once a day—every day—to look your partner in the eye and tell him something specific that you appreciate (whether it’s fixing the drain or the fact that he always kisses you

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good night). “It’s far more effective than any slinky lingerie,” says Barth. Though it never hurts to try both!

HOW TO MAKE A MAN KEEP LOVING YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP

There are many large and small differences between men and women but we can learn how to transcend the differences between us if we acknowledge, accept and even embrace those differences. A man has an enriched personal value that not all understand. Men love physical and action side of love while women tend to be emotional. To learn how to being

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loved and loving a man, i will suggest some specific ways below.

1.Learn to appreciate his ‘I love you’ language. Men speak volumes mostly by actions, they could offer you a ride in his car, buy you lunch, fix broken stuff etc. it is not hard to translate his language which he demonstrated to you by his action. So you should express your gratitude for his demonstrations of love in your everyday life.

2.Give him time to process his emotions and to understand yours. The biggest gift to a man is time to figure out your feeling and his too. If you don’t allow him time to go underground and get the right answers, he will have to come

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up with lies. Let him procrastinate until he is ready to share.

Repeat your requests as often as you need too.

3.Start with the bottom line, then add the details. Don’t beat around the bush when you want to talk about issues. Start with concrete issues not abstracts when communicating.

4.Let him ask for what he want. Don’t assume anything. Your efforts might not be appreciated and will lead to anger. Let him ask for sex, your advice, marriage etc. you can generally sometimes ask what he wants rather than assume.

5.Dont make him guess what you want. Men are better at giving and doing than asking and guessing what you want.

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Make a realistic request that has no guarantee of response rather than let him guess.

6.Don’t use sex as either a sample or substitute of or for something. Sex is not a trial sample for love nor is it a substitute for conflicts or problems. Be honest and thorough.

7.Get a life of your own – don’t borrow his. He does not give you an identity so it is better to love him enough to love yourself and enough to be the best of who you are, the best of how you are. You don’t have to be what you think he would approve you. You are not your hair, speech, nails, dress etc. it’s your life and you need to liberate it without someone fashioning it for you.

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8.Be his partner, not his mother. Don’t raise a man when you are sure he got a mother. He does not need a mother but a lover standing by him. Make a specific list of things you will do for him that are not mothering. Stop the care taking services. Remember men love action than words.Commanding him is wrong.

9.Trust him until you have good reason not to. Men crave for trust from women who love them. Measure his trust worthiness by his commitments to his promises. It is a gamble to an investment in future after evaluation.

10. Disagree agreeably. Disagreements don’t have to turn physical. You have a right to hold an opinion contrary to his.

Let him know its okay for him to disagree. It is a chance to

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show your values and believes. Give each other feedback about what did and didn’t work when you talked it out.

11.Be his lover, not his toy. Know when to say no to lies and deceptions. Set your boundaries in this relationship and don’t allow yourself to be toyed around. If you don’t want night visits put a halt to them without using excuses or apologies.

Reward yourself if you win something.

12.Touch him often. Touching delivers so many intimate messages, it calms, reassures, encourages, grants forgiveness etc. it can be done by caressing, stroking and fondling. Ask him if he has noted something.

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13. Don’t let money or success distract you from love. Don’t lower the quality of your substance relationship by chasing fame and fortune. Money can vanish overnight and you remain with his character. This distraction is normal but don’t add up to the quality of their relationship.

14.Don’t be a slave to your emotions. If Jealousy, insecurity, anger, depression or worry and hate keep robbing you happiness, consult close friends, medical doctors and counselors when you are ready to.

15.Fight to support your man-not to keep him. Women tend to invest too much to keep their men rather than supporting a good mutual relationship. Love and trust will keep him but if he has to go, go!

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16. Don’t play with marriage. A marriage is a promise to make other person better no matter what. But if you don’t fit it then don’t force it.

17. Study other women who are in love with men. Learn from how they know how to attract and keep their men happy by the way they talk to men and their warmth and openness they give to men.

Knowing how to keep love alive in a relationship can seem easy, but it’s actually more difficult that most lovers imagine.

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You have to remember you’re not always going to be the same teenager who fell in love with your teenage lover.

You will evolve and so will your partner.

Most couples assume they don’t need to have intimate conversations or exchange thoughts about each other’s views on life because they already know everything about their partner.

But what many don’t understand is that we grow and evolve as individuals constantly, and our likes, dislikes and opinions too change all the time.

In the introduction on how to keep love alive, we’ve seen that there are just two basic requirements for a relationship to be successful.

Affection and sexual desire.

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As long as we can keep these two emotions on a high, love too can be kept alive and exciting.

Find out how to keep love alive and make the relationship more exciting and fun, even as the years roll by with these simple and at times, unconventional tips.

HOW TO KEEP LOVE ALIVE

Most lovers start taking their partner for granted over the years, and this eventually leads to boredom in a relationship. Curiosity in a relationship is the driving force in keeping love alive in a long term relationship.

When you assume you know everything about a partner, love starts to stagnate and differences start to crop up, even if the words aren’t voiced out. After all, both of you grow as individuals with each passing day.

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Here are a few tips on how to keep love alive in a relationship and how to bring the excitement back again, especially when it comes to affection and sexual attraction.

Avoid taking each other for granted

One of the disadvantages of long term relationships is the fact that lovers start to take each other for granted.

They assume they know their partner’s likes and dislikes and end up making a lot of assumptions, which can be critically wrong at times.

On the other hand, even favors and special gestures are taken for granted as the years go by. If a husband prepares a breakfast-in-bed for his wife every Sunday morning for a few months, it’s a special gesture at the beginning. But as the months go by and the husband

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decides to sleep in one Sunday morning, the wife ends up getting upset that she wasn’t served her breakfast.

Likewise, there may be several other kinds of special gestures that lovers share with each other which can eventually be taken for granted.

By taking these gestures for granted, nothing really becomes a special gesture anymore. Instead it becomes an obligation. Always remember to acknowledge a gesture, however small it may be if you want to understand the secret behind knowing how to keep love alive in a relationship.

By taking each other for granted, be it an evening foot rub or a big birthday bash, you’re taking away the affection behind a gesture, and turning it into an obligation. If you want to keep the love alive in your

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relationship, acknowledge the gestures and never ever take your partner for granted.

Surprise each other

Remember the first year of your relationship? Both of you went out of your way to buy each other birthday gifts, and every now and then you popped in a surprise just to see your lover smile in surprise. Do you still do that?

In almost all cases, couples stop paying attention to happy surprises after a few years. We want to keep the love alive in a relationship, but almost all of us stop doing anything to keep the relationship exciting and unique. It doesn’t matter if it is concert tickets, a surprise vacation or even a posse of flowers. Go out of your way to make your partner feel special like you used to, and

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you’ll see that the relationship will only get more exciting and affectionate in no time.

Celebrate special occasions

Pay attention to relationship landmarks and special occasions in the relationship. Many Valentine’s Days, anniversaries and birthdays may come and go, but that doesn’t mean you should ignore them because you have so many special moments all year round.

Try to make every year exciting and special in its own way. And wherever possible, try to go out of your way to make your partner feel special. You may lose a few hours or a couple of days planning something special, but the fact that you still try to please your partner and make them feel special is a sure sign that you’re taking an initiative to keep the love alive in the relationship.

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As long as you give enough importance to affection and sexual desire in a relationship, it’s a great assurance that the flame of love will burn bright in your relationship for years to come. [Read: 9 relationship stages all couples go through]

Keep sex exciting

Sexual desire is by far, one of the most important requirements of a happy romantic relationship. If you want to know how to keep love alive, then your best bet is to focus on a more than satisfying sex life.

Can you remember the first time you got intimate with your partner? It may be a while ago, but you can’t really forget the racing heartbeats, the passionate cold sweat and the weak knees, can you?

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Now just because it’s been a few years since you’ve been together, there’s really no reason why sex can’t remain exciting and heart pounding. Most people want to know how to keep love alive, but yet they don’t really pay attention to sexual attraction between the partners.

Humans are built for procreation, we’re one of the few species on earth that indulge in sex for pleasure. All of us want and need sex, irrespective of whether we get to have it with a partner or someone else. So if you really want to keep your love life on a high, you really have to understand the importance of sex in a relationship, and how vital a role it plays in holding two individuals together in a romantic relationship.

You may have been satisfied doing the missionary position or making love in a quiet bedroom for years

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until both of you start to get bored with each other bodies. But you can change all that in a few weeks. Start doing something new and exciting, be it indulging in a few fantasies or trying new things in bed or finding new places to make love with each other. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll be able to have a more satisfying and fulfilling romantic life if you can satisfy your inbuilt sexual urges.

Explore each other’s sexual interests

If you want to understand how to keep love alive in a relationship, you need to understand your partner, both romantically and sexually. Individuals and their interests, sexually or otherwise, change over the years. Do you really understand your partner and their sexual interests?

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In several cases, partners may be reluctant to share their secret sexual interests because of the fear of being judged negatively in a relationship. And instead of actually enjoying a great sex life, they end up dissatisfied and shrink further away from intimacy.

To keep love alive and keep the sexual intimacy on a high even as the years pass by, you need to take a few bold decisions. Speak with your partner about their sexual fantasies and what excites them in bed, be it a sexual fetish or a sexual fantasy. You have to remember that we’re all human, and just like we enjoy expressing our love in our own ways, sexual desires too are unique and can be enjoyed better in its own ways.

Try these simple tips on keeping love alive and you’ll be able to see the difference in no time, and enjoy a better

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love life that’s strong on communication and enjoyable in bed.

Remember that knowing how to keep love alive in a relationship even after years of being together can be simple if you learn to understand your partner, and keep affection and sexual satisfaction on a high.

DEFINITIVE WAYS TO TELL YOU’RE IN LOVE WITH THE RIGHT SOMEONE.

Falling in love is one of the most exciting, rewarding and scariest things you could ever do.

Once you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to remember how you lived without him or her. Of course, you were

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alive before you met this person, but you really didn’t start “living� until the two of you met.

I remember when I first fell in love with my girlfriend; it was a very scary feeling, as I had managed to elude love for the entirety of my life before her. I specifically remember the transition from when I liked Vanessa to when I began to love her.

Vanessa went from being someone who made me smile to being the greatest catalyst of the happiness and joy in my life. She went from a gorgeous girl I met to the most beautiful girl I know. She went from my crush to the love of my life.

Everyone experiences love differently, and at different times. Even the meaning of love is extremely subjective,

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but I say for certain that anyone who’s experienced it knows it’s the best feeling ever.

Here are 10 ways to know if you might be in love — rather than in like — with someone:

1. The best part of your day

As Childish Gambino said, “When I’m alone, I’d rather be with you.” Seeing my girlfriend is always the highlight of my day. If you really love someone, you never truly get tired of him or her.

No matter how great your day might be going, your special person will make it better. When you just like someone, he or she might make your day better, but probably isn’t the best part.

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2. The first person you think about

Your love will be the first person you think about when you wake up and the last person you think about before you go to sleep. When something good happens to you, this is the first person you want to tell.

When something bad happens to you, you look to this person for support.

3. Prioritize above your own needs

Love is selfless. I was the most important person in my world until I met my girlfriend. Once I fell in love with her, her needs became much more important than my own.

This is just how love is. Your needs always seem trivial in comparison to your significant other’s needs.

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4. You’d do anything

If I tried to construct a list of things I wouldn’t do for my girlfriend, the list would be pretty empty. When you’re in love with someone, you do whatever you can to make the person happy.

When you like someone, you may feel like there is a lot you would do for the person, but you have your limits.

True love knows no limits.

5. You are never afraid to express your feelings in public

I have this semi-bad habit of telling the world how in love I am with my girlfriend.

When you’re truly in love, you want everyone to know.

You are not bashful about your feelings by any means.

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When you like someone, there is a lot of holding back on how you feel.

6. You love the imperfections

My girlfriend is the most beautiful girl I know, but she does have some imperfections. But, to me, they’re not imperfections — they’re unique qualities and things I love.

When I tease her about them, she thinks I am making fun of her, but I am truly just admiring them. Love is the ability to know and accept someone’s faults.You may know the imperfections of a person you like, but having the capacity to embrace them likely won’t happen unless you fall in love.

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7. You think long-term

When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to imagine a future without the person in it. For this reason, you will think long-term about how you can build a life with this person.

You won’t give in to short-term temptations that might mess up your long-term goals. When you just like someone, thinking long-term can be pretty scary.

8. You become a better person

No one is perfect; we all have room for improvement.

But, being in love will force you to work on these things.You want to become the best version of yourself

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for the person you love. I am a better person now than I was before I met my girlfriend.

9. Your feelings are unconditional

When you love someone unconditionally, it means that your love knows no conditions and is absolute. I don’t actually like the term “unconditional love” because I think it’s redundant — I believe all true love is unconditional.When you like someone, your feelings change depending on the condition.

10. Your love is your best friend

Sometime along the way, my girlfriend became my best friend. I believe this to be true for most people who fall in love.

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Your significant other becomes your partner in crime.

You feel like, together, you can take on the world.

The ‘Big L’

Whether you’re starting a new relationship or feel yourself developing deeper feelings about one you’ve been in for a while, you might wonder if you’re falling in love. It can be tricky to tell, especially when a relationship is new, whether or not it’s love or just an intense crush.

It is also important to remember that if you don’t feel like you’re in love right away, that’s okay. In many relationships, it’s a feeling that grows over time.

Sometimes, you might have a couple crushes before you find love.

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How do you know if you’re in love?

If this special person is the first thing on your mind when you wake up, the last person on your mind when you go to sleep, and the person you think about the most throughout the day, you’ve probably wondered if you’re in love. You might sporadically call or text them during the day to ask them how they’re doing or what they’re doing later just to keep the conversation flowing. Your mind and your heart may be in the wonderful first stage of being in love.

What is love?

Love can be expressed in many different ways because it has no set definition. It’s a feeling, it’s a mood and it’s also a different way of thinking about someone. When you love someone you invest a lot of time and effort into

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that one person. You may spend so much time thinking about this one person that you feel certain other relationships or interests become less of a priority. Love is not always a fairy tale and intense feelings can sometimes get a little confusing. You might feel the sense of being in love early on in a relationship, after time and deep talks about your feelings for one another or, even, for an ex. Love can be expressed by telling to “get some rest” or “you should relax, you’ve had a long day.” Love doesn’t always need to be expressed from “I love you.”

Love versus Like (or a crush):

Love is:

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. Responsible. When you admit to your mistakes and not point fingers as to who started what it shows great maturity in the relationship . Unselfish. When you put your significant others needs/feelings before your own it shows how much your care for him/her . Constant. Though love does have it’s occasional rough patches, love will always bounce back to its original state of happiness . Understanding. You may experience disagreements with your significant other, but if you come to a mutual consensus then it shows that you’re willing to compromise to make things work . Comfortable. You may find yourself exhibiting habits that you only would show in front of your best friends (ie: dressing sloppily, stuffing your face food, and even showing your emotional sides)

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Like may be:

. More Shy. You might not feel comfortable talking about your feelings and thoughts that run through your mind because you might be afraid that they might judge you and not like you as much anymore . Misunderstanding. If someone text you or call you when they’re suppose to you might point fingers as to who’s fault it was and you may argue for a little bit thinking that who ever was wrong should apologize

How will I know when I’m ready to say ‘I love you?’

Sometimes it can be helpful to wait for some time to pass to see whether the strength of your feelings has staying power. Healthy relationships can be tested by disagreements and the partners will continue to love each

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other. Before you tell someone you love them, it can be helpful to ask yourself if you feel confident in your feelings. This can make it easier to say. It can also be helpful to ask how you’d feel if your partner isn’t ready to say it back.

How do I know if I’ll hear they love me back?

Unfortunately, no one can tell you how your partner will react. Even in healthy, happy relationships, the “l word” can make some partners nervous, so preparing yourself for different possibilities can make it easier to talk about your feelings.

If you feel attracted to your partner, respected in your relationship and happy about your dynamic, then the feeling might be mutual. It still might be possible that your partner doesn’t feel ready to use that word, but

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communication and not applying pressure (i.e., feeling okay with saying it first and not hearing it back) can help you continue to feel connected.

If they tell you that they only want a casual relationship or see you as a friend, don’t feel discouraged. While it may be painful at the time, in the long run it’s better that they’re being honest with you. It may take time and support from good friends to accept, but this information will help you decide on your next steps.

If you fall in love, remember:

. Don’t hold on too tightly – Healthy loving relationships require trust and faith that the other person returns your feelings – even if they’re not constantly demonstrating their love. You have to make sure that there’s freedom in a relationship. Let

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your partner go out with their friends or if he or she wants to sleep a little early, don’t make them stay on the phone with you. If you hold something too tight, it’ll crumble. And this is applicable to your significant other as well. They should allow you to flourish because you shouldn’t feel restrained in a relationship. . Don’t lose yourself. If you feel used or disrespected in a relationship, don’t feel obligated to stay with a person just because you’ve said you love them or they’ve said they love you. Loving yourself is the most the important thing and that means getting the respect and kindness you deserve in a relationship

IS LOVE COMPLICATED?

Love isn’t always complicated. You and your partner may have some disagreements here and there about the

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smallest things, but if you are both willing to work on the relationship and communicate about any issues that come up (effective communication fact sheet), love can prevail. If you don’t feel heard or understood in a relationship, it can be a sign that you need to communicate more. If your partner is unwilling to talk about or your concerns or what feels challenging, it may be time to reassess the relationship.

Compromise is key and it can really help mend your arguments. Talk it out with your partner, say what bothered you because your partner can’t read your mind.

You may not even have realized that you did something that irked your partner until after you two talk it out.

Love isn’t always complicated if there’s communication.

It is important to remember that there is no one way to tell if you are in love or to tell if your partner is in love

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with you. You cannot be told that you love someone because the feeling you are feeling (whether that be love or an intense like) can only be felt by you. No matter what you call the feelings you share., the most important thing this is feeling happy and respected in your relationship.

ROMANTIC GESTURES FOR EVERYDAY LIFE

A great relationship doesn’t need expensive shows of affection all the time.What matters more are sweet romantic gestures that can make your lover go awww‌

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Sometimes, a sweet gesture can make your partner’s day, even if it’s done in the smallest way.

It doesn’t matter if you’re the husband, the wife or even a boyfriend or girlfriend to use these tips.

What matters is that you care enough to create little ways to remind your lover that you’re still madly in love with them.

Here are some sweet romantic gestures and date ideas for everyday life that you can use, and let your mate know that there’s still a lot of love floating everywhere.

Love never asks for expensive gifts.

You may have heard that before, but it’s something you must never forget.

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After all, love is in the air only if it’s in the details. No one cares about the big picture.

Read these romantic gestures and use them when you’re with your partner, and love will find a cozy spot to settle in both your hearts.

#1 Clasp hands when you’re crossing a street or walking through a crowd. Wrap your arms around your lover when you’re standing close to each other, and don’t keep more than a feet’s distance between each other unless you have no choice!

#2 Write little love notes and slip it into your lover’s pocket even if it’s just a little ‘I love you’. These notes don’t have to be elaborate. Even a little lipstick mark on a piece of paper will bring the same smile!

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#3 Record a love message on your partner’s phone. Set an alarm for a time when you’re not around them with a message saying “check your recorder app/voice recorder”.

#4 Surprise your partner by taking her out to a nearby favorite picnic spot late in the night while she’s still in her night suit. Spread a blanket on the ground and have an impromptu getaway with champagne and strawberries. Or plan a surprise weekend getaway to a nearby place.

#5 Sit on his lap and behave like a mischievous minx when both of you are relaxing at home. Don’t let your woman walk around the house for a few hours. Carry her around the house no matter where she wants to go.

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#6 Help your partner prepare dinner and clean the dishes.

Think of something innovative to do while you’re at it, like cooking while wearing nothing but aprons or a little food fight.

#7 Fill the tub with hot water when your partner returns from a business trip or a long day at work. Get in together and give your partner a backrub and a massage.

Get naughty if the mood feels right.

#8 Look into your partner’s eyes and say “I love you”.

Say it like you mean it without trying to be funny or sounding corny.

#9 Spend time with your partner now and then when they’re enjoying their favorite hobby, even if it’s something that doesn’t interest you much.

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#10 Dedicate a song and sing it out in a karaoke bar for your partner. A few glasses of booze can give you the courage you need. But if you’re too shy for that, sing it over the phone.

#11 Plan a flash mob dance along with friends on your partner’s special day.

#12 Whisper a message in your partner’s voicemail and say something naughty in the middle of the day.

#13 Give your partner a foot massage when both of you are relaxing on the couch. Hold your partner’s hand and waltz while humming your lover’s favorite tune. Look for little ways to bring a smile on your lover’s face.

#14 Stop on your way back home and pick up your partner’s favorite dessert for a late night treat.

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#15 If your partner isn’t enjoying their food at a restaurant, switch plates and give them your better dish.

#16 Slip into bed naked and surprise your partner with your impromptu nudity. Tie a little ribbon around your waist or any strategic locations if you want to be their gift for the night.

#17 Take a picture of yourself wearing your partner’s clothes and sext it to “the best partner in the world!”

#18 Give him a shave when he’s lazy. Help her brush her hair when she’s in a hurry.

#19 Give each other inexpensive well wrapped gifts every now and then. It could be chocolates, flowers, a game CD, or even a potted plant. #20 On the days that

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you forget to kiss your wife goodbye, drive back home and give her an intimate kiss and a bear hug *unless you’re in a hurry*. Or come back home now and then just to kiss your wife *because you missed her already!*

#21 Bring breakfast in bed with your sweetheart’s favorite breakfast menu. Try your best to prepare them yourself. And don’t forget the flowers!

#22 Perform an erotic dance. Even better if you have two left feet which leaves your partner in splits.

#23 Be your partner’s maid for a day. Treat your partner like royalty for a day or even a few hours if your partner doesn’t allow you to play the maid for an entire day. You can even wear a French maid’s dress!

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#24 Watch a romantic movie together once a month and order all the rich takeout food you’ve been craving for the entire month. Switch off your phones, cuddle up for the evening and don’t move out of each other’s sight.

#25 Give each other a happy ending massage! Love is less about having sex seven times a week. And love is less about expensive gifts.

Love is more about bringing a smile on each other’s faces for no reason at all. And love is more about letting your partner know you’re still in love with little affectionate gestures.

More Sweet Romantic Gestures For Everyday Life

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1. You can simply record an erotic love message on your partner’s phone and set the alarm for the time you are away. We know that you would not be around to see that blushing face, but you will surely get a lovely kiss for your effort as soon as you return back.

2. Take a day off once in a week or fortnight and indulge into one of your beloved’s favourite activities.

Enjoy to the fullest as this will make your partner feel more adorable. Better if you don’t like it much, this will impress him/her beyond your imagination.

3. Preparing a romantic meal or doing the dishes is one of the most conventional and sweet romantic gestures for everyday life. If you haven’t done this yet, try it and see your beloved having all smiles for you.

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4. When your partner insists that you don’t go for work on that day pretend as if you have to rush straightaway. Go half the way and return back with her much-loved dessert or you can even get tickets for his favourite concert.

5. Surprise your partner with his/her favourite breakfast on bed and get dressed only in an apron, wearing that gorgeous smile of yours. Enjoy a nice romantic meal and get naughty if the mood signs out intense passions.

6. Once in a month lock both of yourselves in house and don’t allow your valentine to move out of your sight.

No matter wherever she goes, you are supposed to take her there in your arms.

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7. When your partner returns home, surprise him with a great massage session. Lit the whole room with aromatic candles and let your hands speak for your innermost desires. Set the ambiance right for a romantic evening as you both will be relaxed and excited at the same time.

8. You can slip a love note in his pocket, car seat or dining table. You can pen down all your naughty thoughts and leave a question. For example, feeling hot, are you ready for tonight? Longing for that sensuous kiss from the most handsome guy or the most beautiful girl.

9. When you both are heading for a movie or during its interval, just see deep into his/her eyes and say “I Love You� without any laugh or smile. If you are new into a relationship, this will call for a romantic

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encounter and if the other case, you can experience the re-ignited passions floating right in the air.

10. Hold his/her hands tight while crossing the road or going for a street walk. Tell your partner about all those things that make you love him/her more than before. This will really make your beloved glow with blissful love.

11. Surprise your partner by planning a picnic by the near side romantic spot. Take him/her out when he is just ready to sleep and is in a night suit.

12. Dedicate a romantic track to your partner, when he/she is least expecting it. You can do this at any of the Karaoke nights. If you are a shy fella, just make it happen in-between your regular conversations on

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phone.

13. Get prepared with a hot bubble bath when your partner returns from a long official trip. Scrub him and enjoy that sensuous bath with him.

14. In middle of the day, call your partner and let him know how much you love him/her. Make sure you don’t say hello. Just say two lines about what you feel and no need to say bye. Experience love in the air, when he/she meets you in the evening or anytime soon.

15. “I could stare at you forever and I’d still feel like I haven’t had enough of you.” You can say this just when your partner is about to sleep or waking up in the morning.

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16. Reading out a short and adorable poem for your partner is one of the sweetest romantic gestures for everyday life. Do this when you are about to leave for work or when you have invited your couple friends at home. Next what? Feel heaven as you see him/her contented with this heart felt gesture.

17. If it’s raining outside, nothing can stop you from spending a great romantic time together. Wet your selves, kiss and then cuddle up in cosy bed to set the ambiance right for a passionate evening. You can also team it up with any of your favourite romantic flicks.

18. Twice in a week, gift bot of yourselves a 30 seconds moment of kiss in the morning. Yes, giving a cute peck on cheeks before leaving for work makes your day perfect, but you would surely wait for this moment after doing it for the very first time. Limit to

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twice in a week at this would never fade away its charm.

19. After dinner feed each other with grapes or strawberries. Make sure you are cut from all the technologies and experience the age-old romance all over again.

20. Blindfold your beloved when she is working in the kitchen, kiss her and we do not need to say anything further. But all this way make sure she is blindfolded.

21. Working out or running together will not only keep you in great shape, but make you two spend a quality time. Besides fit body, this would definitely lead to healthier relationship.

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22. Just take her on the roof and stargaze while sharing your most memorable experiences together. You can even club this moment with a chocolate and kiss under moonlight, making it a more romantic period.

23. Annoy your Valentine intentionally for something and the very next moment tell her how much you love her.

Best would be to hug her tight and whisper all your feelings in her ears.

24. You can even do it the Kid’s way. Take a day off and head to the amusement park for creating a memorable fun day.

25. At the end of the day undress each other with your own time and tell all your naughty thoughts that you would love to put into action for tonight.

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Heck, what's more chaotic than being in love? One of the perks of being in a relationship is being able to discuss subjects you avoided during the early stages of dating.

Among the scores of substantive topics people discuss, we've come up with 10 that we believe couples should relish during heart-to-hearts

1. Embarrassing moments. If you can't share the awkward, American Pie-worthy moments that occurred throughout high school with your boyfriend, you can you tell them to? Don't be afraid to broach the subject, if you haven't already. We wouldn't be surprised if his are more horrifying than yours.

2. Political viewpoints. How do you feel about the freshly-approved healthcare bill? You don't have to

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agree with each other, although it would certainly help.

A good relationship allows both parties to discuss their own philosophies without taking the opposition personally.

3. Fears and insecurities. By fears, we don't mean your phobia of earthworms. We're talking about things that make you wake up with gray hairs. What worries you? What do you want to improve in yourself? What are your past skeletons? In being vulnerable, you risk judgment, but more importantly, you chance being understood.

4. Childhood. Ask your partner what he or she was like as a kid. Did he make friends easily? What kind of games did he like to play? Did he have trouble in school? Childhood memories make for fun

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conversations, but they can also lend insight into how your guy became the person he is today.

5. Past relationships. This is a touchy one because no one wants to hear the person they're with spouting sonnets about an ex. There is, of course, a difference between longing for (or being bitter over) the past and simply acknowledging what happened. With enough practice, seasoned, happy couples learn how to address why past relationships ended without inandvertently comparing their current partner to an old flame.

6. Family life. Knowing a person's upbringing and relationship with his or her parents is paramount to understanding his current attitude toward family. If you're even slightly contemplating a future with this person, it might help to ask how well he gets along with

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his parents. Why does he resent his mother? Why is he closer to his sisters than to his brothers? How well can he handle family gatherings?

7. Current events. Thanks to the overflow of information, it's nearly impossible to stay up-to-date on everything going on around us. Here's where teamwork comes into play: Ask your partner about his interests, be they economics or regional politics, and see if you can't learn a thing or two. Who knows, maybe you'll help him develop an interest in international affairs or science news. 4 First-Date Conversation Killers

9. TV and movies. Compared to politics and personal fears, entertainment might seem pretty shallow, but Dr. Mehl actually classified discussions about movies in the "deep" category, given that people focused on character

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motivations and plots rather than on, say, the hot leading actors.

10. The future. Need we ask what's scarier than the future? While we're not saying you should pressure your partner into talking about his plans for marriage and children, we do believe that whether he openly talks about them or you ask directly, you should know his dreams, goals, and aspirations. What is he working toward? What drives him to succeed? Where does he see himself in five years? Someone who desires growth and is not afraid of the unknown is surely dynamic enough to deserve you.

As Eleanor Roosevelt said, great minds talk about ideas; small minds talk about people. What do you and your significant other talk about? If you constantly hit the

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heavy stuff you're probably happier than if you spend time gossiping about your neighbors or coworkers.

TIPS ON HOW TO MAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND HAPPY EVERY DAY

We all want to make him happy,don’t we? So he can love us and stick with us…

Follow these relationship rules in your own relationship, irrespective of whether it’s new or old. As long as you’re committed to creating a better relationship, you’d have no trouble creating a magical experience out of love.

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#1 Try your best to love your partner unconditionally even if it seems hard not to be selfish.

#2 Think from your partner’s perspective when it comes to matters of the heart.

#3 End an argument as soon as possible, even if hugging your partner is the last thing on your mind.

#4 Make love regularly, but never allot times for it.

Scheduling a time for sex makes it a chore that can start to become a bore.

#5 Communicate with each other and grow together in love, but never grow apart with lack of communication as the years pass by.

#6 Learn to give space to each other to become better individuals. Even the closest of relationships need some alone time to miss each other now and then.

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#7 Never take each other for granted. This is the easiest way to fall prey to affairs and arguments.

#8 Say a white lie when you need to, especially if it’s a little lie that won’t change your relationship, but will make your partner feel happy.

#9 Never shy away from positive criticism. As long as you say it in a constructive manner, it’ll help your partner become a better person.

#10 Be the shoulder to lean on, no matter what. Tough times are the most testing phases of a relationship. Stand by your partner, and when the storm ends, love will shine brighter.

#11 Never argue in public, but indulge in public display of affection.

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#12 Date each other even if you’ve been together for years. It keeps the love alive.

#13 Look sexy for each other, and that includes a flat tummy. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean you should let yourself go and look shabby.

#14 Compliment your partner, even if it’s a regular chore or habit. Compliments are the best way to thank a special someone for the effort they’ve taken for you, however small it may be.

#15 Celebrate the special days. Birthdays and anniversaries may repeat itself too many times, but it’s these milestones that create memories.

#16 Never intentionally try to make your partner feel bad or look bad. It’ll leave a lasting scar that can hurt the relationship.

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#17 Learn to forgive without holding grudges. As hard as it may be, forgiveness is one of the qualities of true love that matters most in a relationship.

#18 Respect your partner whole heartedly.

#19 Understand that your partner can have crushes on others too. It’s a difficult thought, but if you admire someone else, so can your partner.

#20 Trust your partner and your instincts, even if others say otherwise.

#21 Never grumble or badmouth each other even if you’re tempted to, out of anger or frustration.

#22 Learn to spend quality time with each other. There’s no better way to fall more in love with each other as the relationship grows.

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#23 Behave like children now and then. A few pillow fights or cute wrestles can never hurt anyone. But it can help both of you enjoy the relationship.

#24 Be spontaneous with your affections. Don’t always wait for special occasions or moments to express your love. Spontaneous surprises are always happier than planned surprises.

#25 Whatever works! No relationship is alike. Instead of learning from someone else’s relationship, learn from your own relationship’s successes and failures.

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HOW TO GET HIM TO PROPOSE BY READING HIS MIND

Is he ready for marriage in the first place?

If you don’t want to put any pressure on him and want to understand what he may be thinking, here are a few things to watch out for.

#1 Men have to be mentally ready. Your man has to be mentally prepared to propose and move into the next stage of his life. No one can make up his mind for him, not you or anyone else. It’s a thought that’ll strike him just like a bolt of lightening when he least expects it, and just like that, he’ll be ready to get married.

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#2 Men wait for the right time. Men have a right time for everything in their life, at least most well organized men do. During one of your weekend conversations with him, find out what his goals in life are. Once you hear his dreams, it’ll help you understand his priorities and realize when his right time to get married is.

#3 He learns from his friends. Men think they can never be manipulated. But in reality, they’re constantly manipulated by people in their lives, discreetly or otherwise. Take a good look at his friends. Are they married? Do you know their opinions on marriage? If all his friends are single, big chances are, he won’t be ready for marriage too. He may love you, but he may not be ready just yet to love you as a wife.

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Things to remember if you want him to propose to you

Just like that fabled phrase, you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. If he’s not ready, he’s not. Here are a few things you should keep in mind while trying to subtly convince him to go down on one knee.

#1 Don’t change yourself. Don’t withhold something just to punish him. You’d be behaving like a child.

Really, do you want him to propose to you happily or do you want to arm twist him, gag him and shove marital bliss down his throat? #2 Avoid giving ultimatums. It’ll never work. On the other hand, it might just backfire and force him to harden his stance on not getting married just yet.

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#3 Don’t panic. When it happens, it will. If he feels like he’s ready to propose marriage to you, he will.

#4 Tell him how you feel. If you can’t stop panicking, tell your boyfriend how you really feel. Tell him you’re really happy with him and your life, but are afraid of the future because you have no idea what could happen.

Additionally, tell him that your life seems too good to be true, like a happy bubble that may burst anytime. If he has any sense, he’ll know it’s time for him to make some assurances to you.

#5 The last resort. Don’t hide your emotions or play with words. Tell him exactly how you feel. Tell him you feel like the relationship is not moving forward. No guy who really loves you would make you feel like you’re hanging by a thread all the time. And if he really does

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love you, he won’t be upset to hear that. Instead, he’ll say something that makes you feel better.

#6 If he gets upset. If he retaliates badly, it only means he’s just not ready to commit no matter what you or anyone else says. A guy may truly love you, but he may not be interested in marriage. Can you deal with that? If you can’t handle that, and are really serious about getting married soon, it’s probably time to ask yourself if you’re with the right guy for you.

Tips to get him to propose to you

Here are a few subtle moves to help him see that a life with you as a wife can only make life a lot better and happier for him. You can’t buckle his knees for him, but you can definitely help him see that you’re the perfect wife he could ask for with these tips.

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# Be the perfect girlfriend for your boyfriend. Let him realize that he’s got all he needs in a perfect wife in you.

# Take your boyfriend out with your married friends.

Spend holidays or go out occasionally with a few of your happily married friends. Let him see how happy marital life can be so he’ll realize that he has nothing to fear.

# He has to like your family, and you definitely have to like his. Take time to know his family and get along with them. Likewise, he has to know your family and feel comfortably happy around them.

# Make long term plans together. Talk about buying a house, a pet, or investing together. While this may not make him go on one knee, it’ll at least reveal his acceptance of seeing both of you as a couple for years and decades.

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# Don’t get too comfortable. Don’t settle into the serious boyfriend-girlfriend lifestyle and ignore your friends and your own life. Have your own life and your own ambitions so he knows you can live without him.

It’s a subtle way of letting him know that you don’t need him to live your life. Men always like to feel like they’re being depended on, which makes them feel more in control of the relationship and the direction it takes.

# Have your own friends of both sexes. Always make him feel secure, but drop a few hints about all the other guys who are vying for your attention. Guys have a tendency of taking things for granted easily. By letting him know that there are a hundred other guys who would be happy to take his place, you’re letting him know that

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as much as you love him and care for him, you’re still not a pushover. A guy will realize your value only when he feels like you’re a prize that’s being fought over.

# Look after him. Make him a better man. Let him genuinely see that he’s helpless without you and your advice. As manly as men may seem, they always need a shoulder to lean on now and then. He’ll truly understand how much he needs you in his life when you support him and stand up for himThings you need to remember

If you’re wondering how to get him to propose to you soon, here are a few things you need to remember. After all, you are an individual, not just his arm candy.

# Your boyfriend doesn’t own you or control you. He is no one to make you feel ecstatic or down in the dumps by the way he behaves. If you really want him to propose

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to you, tell him straight that you’d like the relationship to take the next step. You’re both equal partners in a relationship, after all. And you definitely have a right to your own happiness and your future together with him.

# He may be using you. Your boyfriend may have unrealistic expectations. Is he really happy with you or could he just be using you to bide his time? If he gets upset while talking about the future of the relationship, think twice about whether you should still stay in love with him.

# Listen to his explanations. Don’t argue with each other. Instead, try to understand each other’s perspective.

Your man may have his reasons for putting the talk on marriage on hold for his own reasons. Understand his

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perspectives and voice your concerns. If true love exists, true love will triumph without any hitches.

To Get Him To Propose

1. Don’t Frequently Talk About Your Dream Wedding

Unless your boyfriend is Franck from Father of the Bride, don’t show him photos of ice sculptures, wedding dresses, flowers and wedding cakes. He probably likes the idea of marrying you, but the specific tactics of a wedding can seem overwhelming.

2. Give the Runner A Signal

There are loads of possible reasons why a guy hasn’t proposed, and fear of rejection is one of them. Eliminate

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this fear. Give the runner a signal that it’s okay to round the bases — you can do this with innuendo subtler than “I expect you on one knee by midnight of December 31.”

3. Let Him Know What Kind of Ring You Want

For 99 percent of men, the idea of ring shopping is perplexing and terrifying. We know that it’s supposed to be expensive and diamond-y, and that’s about it. What kind of shape, setting and style do you want? You can say something like, “My friend Julie just got engaged — her ring is gorgeous. It’s just perfect; it has yada yada yada…” He’ll see through your little ruse, but so what?

(You just gave the runner a signal.)

4. Withhold Sex Until He Gives You A Ring (Just Kidding!)

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This is more of a “what not to do.” If you find yourself nodding in agreement to this suggestion — “yes, yes, a little leverage” — there’s not much we can do to help.

5. Have Your Parents Confront Him (Please Don’t Really Do This)

Your dad can ask, “What are your intentions with my daughter?” and this should put him at ease. (Can you sense the sarcasm?)

6. Be Comfortable With A Proposal in 2014, Not 2013

You’ll spend the next 50+ years together (or if you’re Kim Kardashian, the next 50+ days). Think Big Picture: Does it really matter if you get engaged in December or June?

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Of course, if he’s been playing Hamlet (to wed or not to wed…) for five years and you’re at the end of your rope, and you know in your gut that IT’S TIME, DAMMIT, there’s really only one strategy you need…

7. Have An Honest Conversation

This is probably the most important tip: No games, no trickery. Without framing it as an ultimatum, talk about how you both envision your future together. Where is this going? When is this going? Try not to nail down a specific, concrete date — this saps the proposal of spontaneity and romance — but you can have the conversation in broad strokes.

And if that fails, you can always withhold sex.

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. Get him to realise you want to be with him for a lifetime. Whilst out shopping drop hints such as “What would we name our kids?” or “Where would our first house be?”. However, never hassle him with demands about getting married. . Always make sure you highlight shared actives, goals and desires. This will help him realise that you are so alike and you are the one he wants to be with. . As obvious as it may sound you must always show him affection and care. By doing this he is more likely to show you the some appealing traits back and feel more wanted. It may sound silly mentioning this but for a lot of couples these traits wear off after some time, and it is extremely important that you keep showing your love. . From the above note, it is always a good idea to plan romantic dinners, evenings out and even weekends or

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a short get away together. Dont just assume or expect him to organise these actives, be proactive. . Let him know about other married couples that you both are friends with, and remind him of how happy they are together. Especially if those friends of yours that are married have things in common with you too.

Drama will not work, but will send him on a marathon run to the hills. You have to create an intense attraction that goes past his body and into his soul. An attraction and deep love that will send him on a marathon straight to the jewelry store. To go from girlfriend to wife, and get him to propose, you must be that irresistible woman with boundaries and self respect.

A woman with boundaries and self respect knows what she will and will not accept in a man and she stands her ground. This challenges a man and a man loves a

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challenge. When he is challenged he feels he is going to win a prize and the prize will be you. You have to be that rare woman unlike all those before you. When something is rare, its value goes up and a man will pay more for it. A man treasures that which he works the hardest for.

Walking power is a very valuable tool in getting a man to propose to you. Walking power is when your man just knows that if he crosses any of your boundaries or deal breakers you have, without a doubt you will kick his fanny to the curb. Walking power is also when he knows that you are still deciding if you want him long term.

This means knowing that if certain things show up while you are dating, you will walk away and not look back.

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If you are always available, doing all the work in your relationship, you lose your value. He will see you as the permanent girlfriend and you may never get that walk down the isle. If you have your own full life and passions in life outside of him, he will naturally be drawn to you. If you are always there and try to make his life easy, it will backfire. He will take you for granted.

You don't want backfire, you want real fire. You want him to feel a burning hot fire for you that tells him in the core of his being that you are the woman that was made just for him. This is what gets a him to propose.

Get ready to toss that girlfriend crown a replace it with a ring. Show him you are more than a girlfriend, you are a Goddess and enchant him and get him to propose and commit for life.

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Men are the sexiest creatures on the earth and it has been observed during the survey that men think of sex every five minutes. Men love sex more than anything else in the world.

Men love to engage in sex routinely and have a very high appetite for sex. Sex is like a need for men and they want it at any cost. Men are also very creative about sex and like to have sex wherever and whenever possible. After food anything else men desire is only the sex. But, due to the lot of tensions and stress the sexual creative nature of the men is hampered badly. Even the sex life of the men is getting boring due to the same monotonous sex routine. So, this is need of time that I should bring to the notice of the men the sexual fantasies that they could enjoy the most.

Here, is the list of sex fantasies for men— 1. Anal sex

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Anal sex with the lady partner ranks first as the sex fantasy for men. Why, nobody knows, but men like to love the backdoor sex. Women on other hand don’t like it at all and disallows the men partners to have it. This might be the reason that men give more preference to anal sex. Another reason is that the pleasure that men get through the anal sex is more than the vaginal sex because the anal opening is very much tight and this gives them more pleasure during the penetration.

2. Sex with two women Men are as always crazy about the sex. They are not able to satisfy one woman perfectly, but still as a sex fantasy they think of having sex with two women. Men are like the sex machines who want to have sex as much as possible. This fantasy is hard to achieve, but if you convince your partner then you will be enjoying the heavenly fun.

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3. Beach sex Sex on beach is liked by the men, or in fact sex in outdoor is very much adored by the men. The romantic ambience formed by the sun rays gives the superb view of the female body and this makes them more aroused. Sex on the beach is found to be very much fascinating by men as they feel really pleasured on that sand bed and the passion is at its best when they have it out door.

4. Sex in all places in house Sex gets monotonous by having it in only one place specifically bedroom. Men love to have sex at each and every place in the house. This makes them enjoy the sex more. Sex in kitchen, bathroom, bathtubs, drawing room, balcony, and wherever possible, men love to do it everywhere. Sex even in

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basement or terrace of house is always a special sex fantasy of men.

5. Oral sex Oral sex is what men love to give and get. Fellatio (oral stimulation of penis) is enjoyed by men a lot. Women are not much comfortable to take it in mouth, but men enjoy the feeling of tongue on the genitals the most. Even giving oral sex to the women is liked by the men a lot. And, having oral sex somewhere outside or in car is the most thought sexual fantasy by men.

6. Sex in different positions For men sex is like the game that they like the most to play.

Men are very much interested in sex and this makes them to think of sex in different positions. By trying of this sexual

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fantasy they feel like they are very much compatible in the sex and if there partner gets actively involved in the sex then they start loving her more. Certainly the rear entry position and women on top position are liked by majority of the men.

7. Playing games Playing sex games is what everyman is interested in, whatever may be the result he enjoys playing sex games a lot.

Specifically the games where you undress the other partner are liked by men. Even pool side games of sex are enjoyed by men to a certain extent. Playing games is the sex fantasy for men that even women like a lot.

8. Nude dance Men love to watch their ladylove completely nude and this is like the wish of every man to see her in the birth suit. Men

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like to see the nude women dancing and this makes them really feel horny. This fantasy is liked by nearly all the men and they like to see it more and more. This is the reason why stripper clubs in which nude women dance are very much famous in US. 9. Videotaping the sex Videotaping the sex scene and then watching it on screen is most enjoyed sexual fantasy by men. Sex in front of the camera makes them more aroused by the feeling that we will be able to see it again, so this makes them feel more passionate and they get more engrossed in the sex. This sex fantasy for men is enjoyed a lot by men.

10. Mirror sex Sex in front of the mirror is the sexual fantasy that is loved by

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men as well as by women. Both the partners get aroused by seeing the images in the mirror and this creates a wonderful impact on the sexual performance. The view of the women body in the mirror makes the men enjoy the sex more and they really feel pleasured by the visual effect.

These sexual fantasies for men are taken by the conducting a survey, but one thing is sure that if you try out these sexual fantasies then you will enjoy sex more and if your sex routine has become monotonous and boring then sexual fantasies are necessity for you. So, go home and start trying them today.

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OTHER 10 MALE FANTASIES

10. Sharing his partner

The reasons for this fantasy are quite diverse. Some of the men who fantasize about this simply enjoy the thought of pleasuring a woman in ways that are physically impossible for a single man (at the same time, anyway), others are turned on by the element of humiliation to themselves it can contain, and yet others get excited over the element of submission on the woman’s side that might be implied. All these different

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fantasies combined make this one of the more popular themes.

9. Being watched

The combination of being taboo and involving others is what makes this fantasy a turn-on for quite a few men.

Forbidden fruit is always attractive, especially when it comes to sex. When the chance of showing off ones sexual prowess to the world is added to that, it becomes an irresistible fantasy for many.

8. Age differences

Sometimes it’s a simple matter of taste, sometimes a matter of wanting what you don’t have, and sometimes a matter of nostalgia. Either way, men often fantasize about women with ages vastly different from their own.

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Eighteen year old men fantasize about women in their forties, fifty-eight year old men fantasize about eighteen year old women, and so on.

7. Going down

When it comes to specific sex acts, one of the most popular ones to fantasize about is performing oral sex on women. Both the thought of pleasuring a woman as well as stimulating senses like taste and scent make this fantasy incredibly arousing for many men.

6. Various orifices

While performing oral sex on women is a popular fantasy, even more popular are receiving oral sex from a woman or performing anal sex on her. The difference in sensations from “normal� sex as well as the taboo aspect

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these acts hold for some prove to be incredibly alluring for many men – especially those who haven’t tried them before.

5. Sexy outfits

Nurse costumes, schoolgirl outfits, leather corsets and smart business suits. They’re just a few of the many outfits men fantasize about women wearing. While men usually aren’t quite as interested in high fashion as women are, the right set of clothes will turn many on.

4. A change of scenery

“Location, location, location” might be the motto of real estate agents, but for many men it’s also a main feature of their fantasies. Whether it’s a tropical beach at night, the hood of their car, a sunny park in spring or the

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kitchen, sex in specific places is one of the most exciting fantasies for many men.

3. Watching

It’s often said that men are visual creatures, and this fantasy definitely confirms that. Watching a single woman masturbate, or watching a couple having sex – they’re favorite fantasies among a large group of men.

Perhaps not surprising, considering the popularity of porn.

2. Giving up control

In a society where men are often expected to take initiative, it shouldn’t come as a shock that many of them fantasize about doing the exact opposite and completely giving up control to a woman. Fantasies

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involving this range from simply being lazy in bed to being tied up and ravished by a woman.

1. Three’s company

It’s cliché, but true: the most popular fantasy among men involves having sex with multiple women at the same time. Virtually every straight man will fantasize about it several – or, more likely, numerous – times in his life.

Even if it usually doesn’t work out quite as well as you’d hope in real life, as a fantasy it is virtually unbeatable.

Finally, before you go out and suggest trying all these things to your partner, a word of caution: even if these are popular fantasies, every man is different. The best way to find out what your husband or boyfriend fantasizes about is asking him, not reading articles on

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websites. And always keep in mind that some fantasies are best left unfulfilled.

WOMEN'S TOP 10 SEXUAL FANTASIES

10. Strangers in the night. Yes or No?

9. The more the merrier(Group sex MFM, FFM, ...). Yes or No?

8. Who's your daddy(dominate a man). Yes or No?

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7. Lay me out on display(audience whilst engaging in sexual acts with a partner). Yes or No?

6. Sexually ravaged. Yes or No?

5. I taw, I taw a putty tat(Sex with another woman). Yes or No?

4. Leave a good tip(Role playing a Stripper). Yes or No?

3. Two can chew(having two men all over their bodies).

Yes or No?

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2. Strap me on, I'm going in(being the man for one night... literally). Yes or No?

1. Ooh, my virgin ears("rape fantasy"). Yes or No?

DATING RELATIONSHIPS

1. Couples usually wait until six to eight dates before they are willing to enter into an exclusive relationship.

2. Speed dating, invented by a rabbi from Los Angeles in 1999, is based on a Jewish tradition of chaperoned gatherings of young Jewish singles.

3. The most common time for breakups is around

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three to five months.

4. One in three teenagers have experienced violence in a dating relationship.

5. In a survey conducted by MSNBC.com and Elle magazine, more than 31% of men said they dumped an overweight partner compared to 12% of women.

6. On average, it takes between 12 to 14 dates before couples will trade house keys.

7. Women who post a photo on Internet dating sites receive twice as many email messages as women who don’t. The same study found that men who reported incomes higher than $250,000 received 156% more email than those with $50,000.

8. Match.com reports that 44% of its members in the United States have children.

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9. On free dating sites, at least 10% of new accounts are from scammers.

10. If a man can’t decide what to wear on a date, he might want to wear blue. Studies show that women are attracted to men in blue.

11. Ninety-two percent of single parents would rather date other single parents.

12. Thirty-three percent of online daters form a relationship, 33% do not, and 33% give up.

13. The online dating industry generates $1.8 billion per year and the matchmaker/dating coach business generates $260 million per year in the United States.

14. The third week in September is National Singles Week in the U.S. 15. According to the U.S. census, there are 95.9

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million unmarried people in the U.S. of which 47% are men and 53% are women.

16. Researchers at the University of Chicago found that people were twice as likely to find a date through friends and family than through the bar scene.

17. Four out of 10 workplace dating relationships result in marriage.

18. Psychologists at the University of Pennsylvania studied data from over 10,000 speed daters and found that most people make a decision regarding a person’s attraction within three seconds of meeting.

19. One Manhattan matchmaker’s price begins at $20,000. If a match (marriage) results, a marriage bonus is expected.m

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20. At 4M Multimillionaire Matchmaking Club based in Seattle, WA, clients are men who have made millions but are still single. The matchmaking service charges between $10,000 and $30,000 for men. Women pay around $250 to be listed as potential partners.

21. In the online dating world, women are afraid of meeting a serial killer. Men are afraid of meeting someone “fat.� According to Ann Rule, about 3% of men are psychopaths, of which only a tiny percentage are serial killers.

22. In a survey of 5,000 singles conducted by Match.com, 43% said fresh breath mattered the most before a date, 17% said stylish clothes, 15% said sexy fragrance, 14% said good skin, and 10% said great hair.

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23. Typically, dating specialists suggest waiting until the third date to cook someone dinner at home.

24. Nearly 40% of men do not feel confident meeting a woman for the first time.

25. Immediately after Tiger Wood’s affairs became public, men looking for discreet relationships on BeNaughty.com dropped by 47.5%.

26. During the early twentieth century, dating evolved out of a courtship ritual where young women entertained male callers under the watch of a chaperone. By the 1960s and 1970s, “hooking up” increasingly replaced dating, mainly because the age at which people marry for the first time had begun creeping up.

27. Studies show that schools, colleges, coffee shops, and malls are all excellent places to flirt because

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people are more open to meeting others in these places. Poor locations are restaurants and movie theaters.

28. Studies show that before a man even speaks a word, the way he stands (whether he is slouching or not) counts for over 80% of woman’s first impression.

29. Studies show that happiness is contagious and that potential dates find it hard to walk away from happy people.

One of the biggest turn-offs during a date is negativity.

30. Studies show that men are put off by groups of loud women. If a woman wants to get a date, she should break away from a loud group to give a man a chance to approach her.q

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31. Mirroring, or repeating someone’s body language, often impresses a date because it subtly conveys interest to the other person. One should avoid copying every move, however.

32. Body language studies show that revealing areas of the body that aren’t usually on display (such as the inner wrist, the inside of the upper arm, ankles, feet, inside calf muscle, and the nape of the neck) has an immediate effect on a date and shows an instant liking.

33. If you want to create an instant link with a date, say his or her name at least twice in the conversation. This shows attentiveness and connectiveness.

34. Studies show that remembering bits of information about a person and working them

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into conversations not only is highly flattering but also shows interest.

35. Bad breath and bad teeth are an instant turn-off for potential dates. If deep dental cleaning doesn’t improve a person’s breath, he or she could have a stomach bacterium called H. pylori, which causes bad breath.

36. Research has confirmed that women are more attracted to men who wear pheromone-based colognes or aftershaves such as 10X. Studies have also shown that women, who have a stronger sense of smell than men, are particularly attracted to musk and black licorice smells.

37. Body type is important in attracting a date.

Studies show that overweight individuals were perceived less favorably than thin or muscular

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people. Thin individuals were perceived as intelligent but fearful, and muscular individuals were perceived as being healthy, brave, and good looking.

38. Top ten turn-offs for women include cystic acne, raggedy nails, flatulence and belching, missing teeth, body odor, bad breath, hairy nostrils, “man boobs,” “goofy” glasses, and hair “mistakes.”

39. Depending on the type of women a man would like to meet, he should visit that type of clothing store. For example, if a man likes “outdoorsy” women, he should go to an outdoor clothing store.

40. When a man first approaches a woman, she will base 55% of her initial impression of him on his appearance and body language, 38% on his style

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of speaking, and 7% on what he actually says.

41. If a group of women are standing together but their eyes are wandering, they are likely to be looking for guys. If they each take a turn to break away from the group to head to the bathroom alone, they are on the prowl. If they are huddled together giggling, they are usually not interested in finding men.

42. If a woman is interested in her date, she will often smile at his jokes, play with her hair, fidget with an object such as a glass, blush when he pays her a compliment, pout or pucker her mouth, stumble over words, or lean in towards him.

43. Signs that a woman is not interested in her date include avoiding eye contact, faking a smile or

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not smiling, leaning away, answering in monosyllables, sagging her shoulders, looking at her watch, tapping her foot, or staring blankly.

44. Beautiful women typically get more stares, winks, and harassment than average-looking women do, but they are also less likely to get asked out by average-looking men because those men tend to be intimated by them.

45. The appropriate time to call after meeting a man or woman is hotly debated among dating experts.

Typically, the ideal time to wait to call is two to four days, though no longer than four to five days. Calling too soon can appear desperate.

46. Choosing exciting places for a first date increases the chances of the other person falling for you.

There is a definitive link between danger and

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physical/romantic attraction.

47. Worst places to go on first date include fast-food restaurants, your kids’ birthday party or school play, your parents’ house, strip clubs, X-rated films or swingers parties, a party where your ex will be, church activities, or window shopping.

48. Dating specialists suggest that if a woman doesn’t return a call after two messages, she is not interested.

49. If a woman offers to pay for everything, chances are she isn’t that into the date. There’s an unspoken understanding that a man paying for everything is a form of “copulatory gift,” which is almost universal in all animal species.

50. Eye contact, or a “copulatory gaze,” is a primary and powerful tool for attracting a potential date

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for both men and women. However, the meaning of various types of eye contact differs from culture to culture.

51. Statistics show that trying to get a relationship to work with an ex doesn’t usually work. The case where it might work is if there were extenuating circumstances of the breakup, such as one of couple had been going through a family tragedy or moved.

52. In American society, when a man offers his date his palm face up, he is most likely deeply attracted to the woman. In fact, a human’s brain is wired to respond to hand gestures and hand shapes, though the brain’s response depends on the man or woman’s culture and ethnicity.

53. Research shows that men know they’re falling in

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love after just three dates, but women don’t fall in love until date 14.

54. On average, daters will kiss on the second date.

55. A recent AOL survey says that 40% of women view an appropriate time frame to wait for sex as being one to three months, while 35% of men think the third date is fine. On average, couples have sex within about four to six dates.

56. Twenty-nine percent of Americans have had sex on the first date.

57. It is hard for a man to strike up a conversation if there are just two women at a social scene because he doesn’t want the other friend to feel abandoned. So a woman who is looking to attract a date should bring two “wing women” with her.

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58. Talking to a bartender makes a woman seem more friendly and makes it easier for a guy to jump in on her conversation.

59. A woman can increase the likelihood of a man approaching her if she uncrosses her arms, makes subtle eye contact, and smiles.

60. Italian food is one of the most popular restaurants for a first date.

61. Twenty to 40 million Americans have used online dating services. Nearly 50% of online daters are aged 18-34 and 24% are 35-44.e 62. On average, there are 86 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women in the U.S., though the actual numbers vary according to region.f 63. New York and Washington have the most state residents who are unmarried, 50% and 70%,

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respectively. Idaho and Utah have the most state residents who are married, 60% and 59%.

64. Approximately 48% of online daters reported that their breakups occurred via email.

65. On Match.com, 132 million winks are sent out each year and members go out on a six million dates per year.

66. eHarmony.com boasts that 236 of its members marry each day, accounting for 2% of U.S. marriages.

67. “Desperate� daters are typically always available, are clingy, need constant relationship status updates, fish for compliments, drop their standards, and rationalize bad treatment.r 68. Over 50% of all singles in America have not had a date in more

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than two years.

69. Five types of women that men tend to avoid are serial flirters, someone who talks about marriage too soon, clingy women, the party-girl, and a woman who talks too much or is drama queen.

70. Four common date blunders include showing up late, talking about yourself too much, revealing too much about your ex, and an obvious overeagerness.

71. A man’s top dating fears include that a woman will come between him and his friends, won’t allow him free time, will turn out to be a stalker, won’t respect him, or will be too high maintenance.

72. Five common signs a man may be cheating in a relationship are that he accuses his partner of

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cheating, he’s extremely vague, he seems to be compensating by acting extra nice for no reason, he’s always at work, and his partner's friends drop her hints.

73. The curve of the counter in a bar is designed so other customers can easily “check out” other customers. Bars also purposely place mirrors to help create a larger sense of place and to allow a person to scope out other people behind them.

74. Signs that a man is about to break up with a woman include that he spends less time with her, he is no longer romantic, passionate kissing turns into quick pecks (particularly no kiss during sex), he fantasizes about someone else during sex, he pats her during a hug, and he tries to start fights.

75. An attractive online “About Me” section in your

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online dating profile often includes a brief description of what you are passionate about or thankful for, a couple of things your friends say about you, qualities you are looking for in a potential partner, the first thing people notice about you (other than appearance), how you spend your leisure time, five things you can’t live without, and the latest good book you’ve read.

76. Humans like mystery and “the chase,” so don't be too “available” to a date. Dating experts typically suggest not sleeping too early with a date because the longer the chase, the more likely love will blossom.

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What Men Want (and How to Give it to Them)

Want to know what your man is thinking as you crawl into bed? The male brain's needs, fears, and secret desires will surprise you

Talk More Like a Man

We don't mean to clear your throat, speak in deeper tones, and scratch your privates between declaratives.

Just get to the point quicker. As much as men love the sound of your voice and really love to help you out, their attention spans are short. Their minds will wander if they don't see a climax and conclusion on your story's horizon. So, as you are sharing the details of today's run-

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in with Brenda from Business Affairs, skip the transcript of the exchange and create a highlight reel. He'll get the gist if you keep it short and just say what's on your mind—like most men talk when talking with other guys.

But, remember, he's not hearing the story for story's sake. He's looking for a problem to fix for you. So, if there isn't one or you're not really looking for solutions, broadcast that to him in black and white: "I'm not looking for you to fix anything; I feel better just having you understand how I'm feeling." Say it your way.

Suddenly, you will have given him the reward he was looking for—the satisfaction of having provided something of value to you, the woman he cares about.

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He Digs It Doggy Style

Doing it like the lions on the Discovery Channel is arguably the most popular and arousing position for men. Men love the primal element and find the fantasy submissiveness highly erotic. No wonder it's also the most difficult position for men to hold off orgasm

To Find Out What He Likes, Ask

Guys can be shy about telling you what really turns them on and how they like to be touched down there. So, ask.

Your permission to be open will create a safe, comfortable atmosphere that can turn into some really hot sex.

Ask him to demonstrate how he masturbates while thinking of you. Note the way he grips his shaft and

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mimic it. Also, become familiar with his frenulum, one of the most sensitive areas of the penis, which is on the underside of the head. Playful licks and light pressure to the frenulum often coax more blood into the penis for even harder erections. When stimulating him manually, wrap your hand around his penis so that the fleshy pads of your fingers, not the fingertips, rub over the frenulum.

Try using a lube—it will make the experience more pleasurable for both of you. Place his hand over yours so he can guide you up and down just the way he likes it.

To double his pleasure, stimulate another erogenous zone while playing with his penis—his anus, his testicles, his nipples. Lick the nerve-rich seam running down the middle of his scrotum, then gently push up against the base of his testicles with your hand. That's a

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way to arouse his prostate, the sensitive gland known as the male G-spot, without having to insert a finger in his anus, according to author Ian Kerner.

The Double-Handed Butt Grab

Wrapping your hands around his derriere will make him feel wanted, which will turn him on more than any Victoria's Secret undergarment. Don't be shy about squeezing hard. It's plenty padded back there.

He Wants More Foreplay

You think we're kidding. Well, the vast majority of men responding to The Big Book of Sex survey said they expect foreplay to last 15 minutes or longer, on par with what the women respondents think.

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Slow-burning sex isn't better only for you. "Longer foreplay helps men synchronize with their partners, giving them confidence and, as a result, better control over ejaculation," says San Francisco sex therapist Seth Prosterman, PhD. Men know that it takes women longer to become aroused. So, relax and take your time, and put some of your own effort into getting in a sexual mood, suggests Gardos. Fantasize the way you do when you are masturbating alone. Grab your vibrator or use your fingers to start to rev things up. He'll love watching you.

When he stimulates you with his hand, guide him to show him how you like to be touched. Your magic phrase? "Like this." That's all—he'll get the picture. Slip one hand down his backside and pull his pelvis toward you, showing him the motion that turns you on. Don't forget your line: "Like this."

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During sex, switch positions—you on top. Slowly kiss him along his neck and collarbone. Linger by his belt line, looking up at him as you kiss his abdomen. Then go down on him slowly, looking up at him as you take him into your mouth—which men find to be an incredible turn on.

SEX MOVES MEN LOVE MOST

1. Let him watch What it is: Moving in a way that is specifically intended to excite him How to do it: Men are erotic visualists, more intensely aroused by visual stimulation than women are. Some men say that watching a woman climax is the ultimate form of arousal

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for them.

Many women touch themselves discreetly during intercourse to facilitate orgasm. Few realize they can use this little move with a theatrical flourish to arouse their men. Next time you're ready to make love and he isn't particularly interested, put on a sexy shirt and nothing else (except maybe black thigh-high stockings and a pair of heels) and assume a provocative position, with your back against the headboard, legs open and bent at the knees. Place two fingers in an inverted V straddling your clitoris.

2. Stand up your man What it is: A manual wake-up call for him How to do it: Men love to be stroked,

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fondled and handled with authority by expert female hands — and they love watching a woman take manual erotic control of them. If he's having trouble getting a firm erection, rub a small amount of oil or lubricant onto your palms and put one hand firmly around the base of his penis. Work the other hand from the base up to the head in a circular, twisting motion, as if you were following a winding staircase up his appendage. Caress the head with your palm. Then start at the bottom again. This staircase goes only one way: up.

If he's sensitive around his perineum (the space between his testicles and anus), adjust the hand gripping the base of his penis so you're free to massage the perineum with a

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finger or your thumb. Or pay attention to his testicles if he likes that. When he has a full and firm erection, guarantee his stamina by using this stroke: Open your hand and form a V with your thumb and index finger. Slide his penis between the V so the flat of your palm caresses the shaft, and move upward from the base to the head. Again, only move up.

2. Take matters into your own hands What it is: A hand job like he's never had — and couldn't possibly give himself How to do it: This is really a two-hand job.

Begin by clasping your lubricated hands together, fingers interlaced, tightly around him (but not so tightly, of course, that you cut off his circulation). Move your hands up the shaft in one long twisting motion followed by

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the same motion as you work your way back down. Now vary that move by eliminating the twist. When he has a firm erection, clasp your hands at the top of the shaft. Gently contract and release them around the shaft at approximately one-second intervals. Keep doing this up and down the shaft, stopping at the rim where the shaft meets the head.

Alternate the twisting and the contracting strokes until he is ready for launch. Then hold him firmly in both hands, gently contracting them in time with his spasms. Finish him off by running your thumb from the base of the shaft on the underside up to the head.

4. Perfect the stand-up kiss

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What it is: A way to arouse him or restore his flagging erection during lovemaking How to do it: This can arouse him when he thinks he's not in the mood; it's the most direct route to a state of heightened readiness. Holding his penis firmly in one hand, take it in your mouth, moving the head and the top third of the shaft in and out. When he becomes erect, use a variety of strokes, including these two:

. The twist and swirl: Use one hand to do the circular twisting motion described in move No. 2 as you swirl your tongue around the corona (the ridge separating the shaft from the head), paying particular attention to the frenulum (the small piece of skin where the head meets the shaft).

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. The butterfly flick: Lightly flick your tongue back and forth across the delicate corona.

3. Give him the ultimate delight What it is: Oral sex all the way How to do it: He'll be eternally grateful for this one. Do the steps in move No. 4 until he's close to orgasm. Then gradually draw him in, as much of him as you can comfortably handle, keeping a hand firmly around the rest (use your thumb and forefinger to form a ring — an okay sign — and place this ring around your mouth). Move your tongue around the shaft. Pull in your cheeks to create suction.

Open your mouth to release the suction, but keep the tip of your tongue engaged. With the

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palm of one hand or your thumb, massage the perineum.

4. Take the roundabout path What it is: An arousing spin on the femalesuperior position How to do it: Men love the special moves women make in the female-superior position.

To increase his excitement and visual stimulation — and intensify clitoral and Gspot stimulation for you — move on an oval track rather than straight up and down.

Imagine you're circumscribing an oval with your body, with the downstroke at one end of the oval, the upstroke at the other. Lean forward slightly as you push down on him, stimulating your clitoris. Pull up and move backward slightly on the upstroke,

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stimulating your G spot. (Can't find your G spot? It's a patch of skin a third of the way up the front vaginal wall, easily reachable with your fingers.)

5. Adjust the angle What it is: A variation on the rear-entry position that dramatically improves the experience for both of you How to do it: This simple adjustment to the basic rear-entry position accomplishes two worthy goals: It presents your buttocks in the most flattering way possible and it increases G-spot stimulation. Never had a G-spot orgasm? You just may have one now.

Here's how you do it: Kneel on the edge of the bed and have your man stand behind you.

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Lie with your chest flat on the bed and elevate your hips at a steeper angle than you would normally do in this position. This elongates the vaginal barrel, making the fit tighter and creating additional stimulation for both of you.

OTHER THINGS HE WANTS TO DO

. 1. Tell Him What To Do: This was the most common request from the guys I talked to — they’re dying for a little instruction. Guy parts are different from girl parts and sometimes they need to hear what you want. “A lot of the time, mind and body reading is the only way to know what a woman wants,” said one dude. “That’s an art that young men like myself are working on but won’t be able to perfect without some direction or just

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lots of trial and error.” Likewise, another dudebro said, “Every woman is a little different about what they like, how they like it, and at what frequency and pressure. It’s okay to just shout out ‘Hey! Put your tongue here!’ It helps everybody.” . 2. Leave A Little Hair: For now, Brazil has won the pubic battle, but some guys don’t want going bare to win the war. “Too many women are too bald,” said one guy. “There are lots of guys that like the ’70s porn star look. Goddamn, I’ll take a ’70s porn star (who actually looks like a real woman) over a contemporary porn star (who looks like a plastic cyborg Barbie) any day.” Just a sec, I need to replace my waxer’s number in my phone with this guy’s digits. But seriously, while

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you should groom however you darn well like, consider this further reason to eschew permanent laser hair removal at the very least. . 3. Channel Your Inner Truck Driver: While you’re telling him what you want him to do and how to do it, get a little filthy with your vocabulary. “I love it when women use any combination of the words ‘cock, pussy, wet, come, and all over,’” said one potty-mouthed, penis-toting friend of mine. Any combination?

How’s this: “COME COCK WET ALL OVER PUSSY”? Oh great, now he’s looking at me funny. . 4. Swallow: I would explain this one further, but my mouth is full.

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. 5. Masturbate: I’ll admit it. I kind of like watching a dude jerk off, but sometimes they’re shy about it. Likewise, gals can be bashful about touching themselves in front of their man — don’t be. Dudes like to watch. Rubbing one out for his viewing pleasure also gives him visual instruction to go along with the verbal mentioned in #1. . 6. Rub Him Everywhere Else Too: “I would seriously love the occasional back rub or any unsolicited massage,” said a male coworker. Yes, his penis is his number one erogenous zone. But don’t neglect his less boneriffic parts — a back rub shows you care about him, not just getting him off.

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. 7. Be Open-Minded: “Humor us when we want to try something you think is different or weird,” said a guy I used to hook up with. “Don’t immediately say no and dismiss it. We’re boys, we’re curious and chances are we’ll try it once and lose interest anyways.” That’s not to say you should give up anal if you absolutely hate it, but if he’s interested in playing with handcuffs or role-playing, for example, don’t automatically dismiss the idea as him being pervy. . 8. Don’t Hold Back: With the exception of being on top, most standard sexual positions put the dude in the driver’s seat, in that they’re doing all the thrusting — but that is not any excuse for just lying there. “If you want to be on top, get on top,” said Paul. “If you want it to be more rough,

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get rough with us. We don’t mind doing the work, but we don’t want to be the only ones who put in the effort.”

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