112 ISSUE 22 WEEK 2
Bond University's Weekly Student Publication
INSIDE: White House Careers by Cocktail Bond Mooting News A Commentary on the Rapture ‘Split Apart’ Poetry
Editor’s Report It’s only Week 2 and I’ve already pulled my first sober all-nighter. I want to say #Winning, but seriously; I’d rather be asleep. With Week 1 undoubtedly a blurry, highlights reel of all play and no work, let’s kick start Week 2 with one thing in mind: Don’t burn out too quickly. Remember, there’s still a buffet of social events left to get through - White House, Palaver, Law Ball, Mid Sem Bash .... And then there’s that knowing niggle in the back of your mind (study, study, study). I think I start every semester with the same mantra: This time I will get on top of my work early. Let’s just say that hasn’t worked out so far (as usual); I’ve been distracted by those other important things (aka anything in, on, around or synonymous with Don’s). But enough late night rambling, get ready for the awesomeness that is Scope Week 2. On the topic of events, if you live under a rock and want an answer to the burning question, ‘Who is our sponsor nightclub and why’,’ check out page 3 for the 411. Or maybe you’re wondering what to expect for the events being served up in the notto-distant future? White House and Careers By Cocktail can satiate your hunger. If it’s laughs you’re after - Oliver Kidd’s Commentary on the Rapture is thoroughly entertaining, and (not to toot my own horn) the Bond-oscopes on page 18 may provide for some harsh truths. *Disclaimer: These horoscopes are humourous only, and not meant to be taken seriously.* For a beautiful read, check out Sam Kingsley’s ‘Split Apart’ poetry on page 21. Who knows, you may be inspired to write your own for next week! Keep that candle burning.
Weekly Busa Report
Careers By Cocktail
Live Below The Line
Bond Mooting News
A Commentary on the Rapture
Split Apart Poetry
One Minute With...
Andra.Nasrie..............Chief of Staff
Jorja.Wallace.........................Editor Milly.Arsic................. Sub Editor
Mona.Mizikovsky ................. Sub Editor Peter.Clayton ................. Sub Editor
Shannan.Smith ................. Sub Editor
Mitch. Hammer...........Photographer Kenny.Kagiah ..........Photographer
Jacqui.Ward ...................Designer bondstudents.com facebook.com/scope.bond
email us at: firstname.lastname@example.org Cover photo by Mitch Hammer
Weekly BUSA Report
“Buses to Shooters This Way Guys...”
You were right to wonder how for zero charge at Dons in 111 you could experience a midget dressed as a leprechaun for St Patty’s Day; receive $2000 worth of playing chips and try your luck at Blackjack, Roulette or Texas Hold ‘Em; or just casually step into a stretch Hummer to take you to Surfers...
With Shooters once again our Sponsor Nightclub for 112, these extra chances to get rejected by both the opposite sex and bouncers (both just as crushing to my self-esteem), are set once again to go above and beyond to make sure we don’t tone down Don’s funky flavour!
Each semester, BUSA tenders out the privilege to have a bunch The Hidden Extras of rowdy Bondies enter a club on a Thursday after serious predrinking, and a few cheeky jugs at Dons … Shooters also allows for epic events like Pub Crawl to be enhanced, hence the awesomeness of Where’s Wally and the Avatar The winner is not solely based on location, music, flashing lights T-shirts … OMG I totally wear them to the gym, so random! and efforts to minimise the number of mingas present; but rather, as corny as it sounds, what will give Bondies the best all round Perhaps you were daring enough to ride the Bucking Bull or presocial experience throughout the semester. tend to be Chaice Patterson, and fight in the Gladiator Ring at Club Sign On Day? These were entirely funded by Shooters, and So here is some insight as to why Shooters is our sponsor night- for little kids like me, fuelled hours of fun, and brought back many club for 112: memories... some that probably should have stayed repressed! The Special Service & VIP Entitlements The best thing about Shooters is the service you receive one those big boys in black shirts have checked to see that you at least pass for an 18 year old. Remember your VIP entitlements that will be handed out once you enter every Thursday, the free entry every night, at any time of the week, and the best ‘benefits’ in town from the friendly Shooters staff. If at any time, the service isn’t up to standard - just email busa@ bond.edu.au to send through your complaint!
In all seriousness, this is just an attempt to inform all our Scope readers, and all who attend on a Thursday Night, exactly why Shooters is our sponsor nightclub for 112, and how much effort is put into making nights out here a riotous, unruly and enticingly orgasmic experience!
The Parties A normal Thursday Night at Dons usually involves getting loose, whipping your hair back forth and messy hook-ups. Shooters gave us three extra chances to perform at our peak with three additional events in 111: Vegas Night, St Patty’s Day and Glow Party. Everything from smearing glow paint on bare skin, to sinking a jug of green beer, was all supplied and possible through Shooter’s sponsorship.
Parties from 111- See next weeks SCOPE for a preview of sem 112’s events
Friday Week Two. White House time. It’s going to be Elegant, Exclusive and naturally Exquisite. This semester White House is set to blow your mind with a new, phenomenal location never before visited by Bondies. We’ll give you some hints. You’ll see water, but you won’t see sand. You’ll be engulfed by colour, but surrounded by white. Buses have been booked from Don’s Tavern to take you on your mystery journey to White House heaven at 7PM sharp, this Friday. Great bites, beverages, and company are guaranteed. Ensuring exclusivity, ticket numbers are capped; so be sure to get in fast. Tickets can be purchased under the Arch 10am-2pm Monday to Friday this week, at a cost of $45 for those smart enough to have SAM, and $65 for Non-SAM. If you promise to dress in white cocktail attire, the HSA promises you a good night. All this and you still don’t know about the After Party. First, it’s not at Shooters. PICTURE LOUNGE BAR in Surfers Paradise is doing the honours to ensure all guests have a good night. The Gold Coast’s newest designer lounge bar, Picture defines elegance and opulence, providing an artfully designed backdrop for the luxurious White House After Party. So for something rather amazing and truly classy WHITE HOUSE is the night for you. Oh ... and VIP Entitlements included. Of Course.
Careers by Cocktail
James Guinane Vice-President Bond Marketing Group
One of the scariest sentences you can mutter to yourself at university: “So, it’s time to think about getting a job... but where do I begin???!!” Getting a head start in the professional world can be difficult especially when so many opportunities people receive are through the people they know. I guess you could always head to the Careers Office and they can help you with interview techniques and résumés but, at the end of the day, it is up to you to do the ground work and get a foot in the door. Bond Marketing Group (BMG) is proud and excited to present this amazing opportunity to help students get their foot in some doors. Next Tuesday, 31st May, we will be holding our inaugural ‘Careers by Cocktail’ event. It is the perfect way for you to explore where you want to go in the world and meet career professionals in areas of the workforce that are sometimes overlooked in mainstream Careers Fairs. Large law and business firms always have their intensive clerkship processes, but what about PR; marketing; events management; sports marketing and management; journalism; real estate; hotel and tourism; property and sustainability; and development? Have you missed out on a job in business, stockbroking, or banking? Do not fear! We have the people for you. • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Colonial First State Bank- Amanda McCluskey RBS Morgans - Virginia Fay Stokes Wheeler Pty Ltd - John Wheeler My Fun Gold Coast – Robert Landman Gold Coast Bulletin – Sylvia Bradshaw Australian Good Food Guide - Kelly Korpesio Wyndham Vacation Resorts Asia Pacific - Sue Currie Quadrant Creative - Jim Moores Gold Coast Blaze - Kyle Willebrands Gold Coast United Soccer Club - Neil Rangeley Shac Communications - Simone Holzapfel Events Queensland Gold Coast - Rachael White and Stephen Lock Mantra Group Australia - Ken Minnikin Bruce Lynton Car Sales - Beric Lynton Bartercard - Andrew Barker CB Richard Ellis - Geordie Edwards Deloitte – Ivan Obradovic
All of these people are at the top of their field; and as they reresent such a fantastic cross-section of the work force, this is an occasion not to be missed. Best of all - it’s FREE! There will be drinks and canapés throughout the event, all provided by Bond Marketing Group; and there will be a cash bar open to encourage as much mingling and networking as possible. Date: Next Tuesday, 31st May Time: 5:15pm (for 5:30pm start) – 7:30pm Dress: Cocktail Location: Princeton Room Contact: Alexandra.Gowdie@student.bond.edu.au or James.Guinane@student.bond.edu.au for any queries or more information. Price: Again it is ABSOLUTELY FREE! If you want to reserve your entry early, come on down to the Arch between 10am and 2pm from Wednesday to Friday this week to pick up a ticket. They cost you five dollars, which you get refunded at the door on the evening. This gives you priority choice over which professionals you want to sit down with at the events activities, so you can make the most of the night. Otherwise, just come along next Tuesday. ‘Careers By Cocktail’ is proudly sponsored by McGrath Real Estate Agents and we would love to see as many numbers there as possible. With a little bit of luck, the right job is there for everyone, the only way to find it is to start searching and speak to the right people. As my idol Oprah once said: ‘Luck is a matter of preparation meeting opportunity.’ This is your way to prepare for the greatest opportunity of your life... a rewarding career’.
Could You Survive off just $2 a day? By Laura Bingham
Extreme poverty - we have all heard about it. You have seen the ads on TV and possibly even studied it. Some of us could probably even rattle off a few statistics about it if asked. But can any of us truly imagine a life in which everyday is a struggle to make enough money to eat? One in which every night you go to sleep hungry and uncertain of when your next meal will be? … No? Me either, and that’s why I choose to take up the challenge and take part in Live Below the Line (LBL) by surviving off just $2 a day for all my food. Let’s get one thing straight. I like food. Actually, I love food. But I am also passionate about social justice. So, when push came to shove, I chose to trade one of my passions for the other. Yes, I willingly traded in my uni coffee dates, sushi and chocolate for a bag of rice and some frozen veggies (yum yum). But at the end of the week, I was able to return to my normal life - unlike the 1.4 billion people around the world who don’t have such a privilege. In fact, for them, $2 has to stretch a lot farther than just food – it’s for everything. I struggled enough feeding myself on $2 a day, let alone having to account for electricity, gas, transport, shelter, clothing and the list goes on. While my diet for the week was void of any remnants 8
of taste and I suffered from some serious caffeine withdrawals, I also gained so much perspective. Even before I started the challenge I was learning some valuable lessons; although it may seem obvious, shopping with $10 is far from easy. It was while in Aldi I learnt the extent of this lesson. Overwhelmed with what to eat for the week and on the edge of a breakdown, I called my sister in Adelaide for reassurance. The irony of this lesson was that the phone call probably cost me more then a few days of food did during the whole week. Gratitude! Like most of you, I am also aware that our world is riddled with injustice. The disparities between the rich and the poor is just one example of this. Yet, I still manage to take so much for granted – the roof over my head, access to a clean water supply, infrastructure and a decent education. Sometimes I lose sight of how truly lucky I am and Live Below the Line reminded me of this. More importantly, it reminded me that our prosperity puts us in a position, perhaps even bestows on us a duty of care, to make real change in our lifetime. I take away from this challenge a new perspective on life. At Friday midnight when Live Below the Line officially ended and I began to gorge myself on icecream, I couldn’t help but think that what was only a week in my life is a lifetime for so many.
To those of you considering taking up the challenge next year, my advice would be to try and find a fruit and veg shop with a reductions bin. Also, if you can, compare prices (a luxury not afforded to the developing world). In an effort to make my $10 stretch as far as possible, I made a visit to Aldi, Coles, Woolworths and the markets. Thank goodness for supermarket competition. Oh yes, and one more piece of advice that would seem quite obvious – DON’T trade dinner for instant coffee. Yes, it would seem the obvious conclusion to make. But deranged from lack of food and coffee withdrawals, I couldn’t see any other way to make it through my night lecture. I am sure if I truly only had $2 left to my name and was unsure of when my next meal would be, the prospect of instant coffee over a meal wouldn’t even enter my mind. But, alas, when the prospect of another bowl of porridge or more carbs makes you feel ill and your body doesn’t have enough food, you can make some illogical decisions. For more information on Live Below the Line visit www. livebelowtheline.com.au or my personal page www. livebelowtheline.org.au/laurab. While the challenge has officially finished, you can still make a donation to support the anti-poverty initiatives run by Oatree Foundation and the Global Poverty Project.
Oats 700g - $0.99 Pasta 1kg - $0.69 200g rice - $0.40 1L milk - $0.99 Whole Cauliflower - $1.49 Eggplant - $0.75 Broccoli - $0.88 Pumpkin - $1.29 Frozen veg - $1.59 2 x apples - $0.56
Total = $9.63
Illegally Bond Photographer: Mitch Hammer
Photographer: Kenny Kagiah
Club Sign On Day Photographer: Kenny Kagiah
Pub Crawl Goes Avatar Photographer: Jorja Wallace
BOND WINS AT INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT MOOT Cale Davis International criminal law is a funny creature. The International Criminal Court (ICC) is still finding its feet and trying to gather respect from States; and has jurisdiction over the crimes of genocide, crimes against humanity, war crimes, and almost has jurisdiction over aggression.
It is, therefore, an exciting time to be involved in international criminal law. Luckily for Gabrielle Morriss, Susan Forder, Tegan Little and myself, Bond gave us the opportunity to take our involvement a step further and take part in the International Criminal Court Trial Competition, held in Den Haag (or ‘The Hague’) in April.
In its current form, international criminal law is a new field. Beyond a body of law, the ICC regime represents a landmark in the development of international relations and diplomacy. Created out of an agreement between States, the ICC is a Court that would, arguably, have been inconceivable several decades ago. Today, the Court illustrates the shifting tides of State relations and highlights the significance the international community has placed on prosecuting the most serious crimes of international concern.
What’s more, the moot problem we had the opportunity to deal with concerned the crime of aggression. For a bit of background, aggression (in its current form) is a new crime - a really new crime. So new that there is no case law on it, and very little commentary. Arguing the moot problem was an interesting experience for us, as it essentially involved creating something out of nothing. According to people who study science and my research on Wikipedia, this is apparently difficult to do.
The winning Vis-East team in April
The week we were in Den Haag didn’t involve much sleep. Days melted into one as we spent many nights working though flaws in our arguments and polishing our strongest points. We successfully mooted our way to win the finals of the competition, which was a very rewarding (and exciting!) experience. This was made all the more rewarding and exciting by the fact we were mooting in front of real ICC judges, in the real ICC courtroom, with a packed 2-story gallery sheltered behind thick soundproof
The ICC team in the Hague
glass listening to us moot via headphones; the moot being translated live into French, and being broadcast live via the internet around the world. We were excited to know that even though the competition was taking place late at night/early morning in Australia, several ‘hubs’ had sprung up around the University with students watching us perform. It’s a good feeling knowing that you’re being supported from the other side of the world. To all those students who watched us on their computers, to all the staff that sent us support emails, to all those who judged us, we would like to pass on our sincere thanks. Even though we were on the other side of the world, we were not alone. And to Jodie O’Leary and Joe Crowley in the Law Faculty, we could not have done this without you. So to the two best international criminal law coaches in the world – thanks a million.
SUCCESS AT THE VIS-EAST COMMERCIAL ARBITRATION MOOT Alex Myers Most law students will be aware that Bond has been very successful in international mooting competitions this year. Bond has already won three international titles: the International Criminal Court Trial Competition held at the Hague, the Willem C Vis International Commercial Arbitration Moot held in Hong Kong and the Beijing Foreign Studies University Intellectual Property Moot. I was a member of the Vis team, along with Matthew Hartsuyker, Sophie McNaught and Rupert Pedler. Our student coach was Mark Wires and our faculty supervisor was the extremely resourceful and supportive Assistant Professor Louise Parsons. Many Law Faculty staff members and several students were
also on hand to lend us their expertise and Vis was a great experience from which I was patience during many, many practice moots. able to learn many things. As well as improving persuasive speaking, research and The Vis competition involves a problem writing skills are also developed through based around the use of international ar- the writing of memoranda. Mooting also inbitration to settle a commercial dispute in- volves developing good teamwork skills and volving the sale of goods from one state to allows participants to learn more about the another. Our problem specifically concerned area of law the moot covers. Mooting is also the sale of squid and raised issues including a lot of fun! confidentiality, jurisdiction of the tribunal, conformity to the contract and examination All of the teams for the national competitions of the goods. The problem posed many chal- taking place this year have been chosen, but lenges and allowed for many different angles the international teams will be chosen at and arguments. some point later this semester. I strongly encourage any law student to get involved in The competition took place over six days at mooting, as although it is hard work, it is a the City University of Hong Kong. Eighty-six truly great and unforgettable experience. teams from around 20 countries were involved.
Well, It’s Monday, And This Is Awkward. A Commentary On The Rapture That Wasn’t In case you didn’t hear, on Sunday morning (our time) we were supposed to bear witness to a rapture of all good Christians. I think. The billboards weren’t too clear about who was on the list and who wasn’t. That’s neither here nor there. The point is, it didn’t happen and now Harold Camping has unsuccessfully predicted the end of the world. Twice. The first time Harold failed to correctly predict the apocalypse was in 1994, where he said he made a simple mathematical error. The correct next incorrect answer was in fact May 21st 2011. This was Harold’s final throw of the biblical dice.
Then there’s the actual broadcast… Oh what a terrible situation. I imagine a crackling broadcast of white-noise, followed by old Harold: “Wait for iiiiiiiiit…” It is this almost utterly insufferable awkwardness that leads to what may be considered one of the more practical recommendations for Harold: Next time he should qualify his statement… There was just no way out. If he had just given himself a more flexible timeframe he could have retained some dignity. The Rapture is Upon Us!
*I’m like 90% sure it’ll happen w/in the
“There’s no way it can’t happen,” he said. Harold spent over $140,000 preparing. I really do feel sorry for him because whether or not he simply forgot to carry the 1, or missed a page in the Bible; the fact is it didn’t happen, and now he’s bankrupt. Oh, wait. No, he’s actually mega-filthy-stinking-rich. What was less publicised was that he had been collecting money from worried Christians who wanted to be saved. Same sort of business plan as his friends west of the Tiber. If I were one of the employees still working at Family Radio, I would sit him down and give him some advice. Firstly, put some kind of proactive information on there. I don’t want to tune in at 6.10AM on the day of the rapture, which is what the ads instructed, to only then be told how to save my soul. That is not going to look good for me at all is it? I want to be one of the first ones in there ‘crying mightily unto God for forgiveness’. If I’m doing it at 6.10AM on the day of the rapture, it’s going to look about as professional and well calculated as my interest in the several law-firms I am yet to hear from… Seriously though, no one’s going to buy that. Secondly, and probably less importantly, if you want people to take this seriously; reconsider the Avatar font. Because that’s what he used. Avatar font. Seriously, go look. On a more philosophical note, I have been thinking about the moral drive behind these particular Evangelical Christians. Obviously after Harold was proved wrong by the most basic of physics; he looked more like an idiot than ever. He wallows in his tacit defeat. This has been taken as reason to party by some of the more – let’s say obnoxious – survivors. A member of the church (Harold’s church) has since come out and said that while we (why stop generalising now, right?) sinners are out partying to celebrate our survival (seems silly, I know), members of their church are out helping drug-addicts, prisoners, the poor, and the homeless. Seems like a fair point at first, but then again, think about it. Weren’t those people (the drug-addicts and whatnot) the same ones that Harold and his cronies were happy to see left behind with the other 97% of humanity, to suffer through the 5-month apocalypse mere days ago? I think they were. Hardly seems righteous.
The tiniest little asterisk would have sufficed. Instead, he’s left penniless wealthy, and exiled from a society that had, until this discrepancy, showed nothing but love and appreciation for people like Harold. You’re probably wondering ‘what now’ for Harold? Well he’s now mega rich. Like, MEGA rich. Multiply the book-sales from his circa ’94 rapture book, then multiply that by BETTER MARKETING and WIDE-SPREAD USE OF INTERNET. You’ll end up with a couple of million. He still believes the end of the world is five months down the track. But surely the rapture hasn’t happened yet. Why would Harold have been left behind with the other 97% of humanity? He sits at the tippy-top of the righteousness pyramid; selling (fairly pricey) tickets to us on the lower floors to mosey up there and join him. One thing is for sure; we’ll be hearing from him again. He could probably afford TV ads now. So until then, look forward to it. It’s going to happen. I’m like 90% sure.
BOND-OS ARIES 21 MAR – 20 APR Arians are typically bossy and domineering. Other signs should not invite them to join their Strat Management project group. You’re smug and obnoxious even though the only achievement to your name is that you’re first in the zodiac line-up. Woopdeefuckingdo. With a temper that resembles an erupting volcano stuck in a tornado, many lay dead in the wake of your destruction. Arians constantly have a bone to pick with the world, and anyone who dares to take them on ends up battered and horny. Your favourite holiday destination is New Zealand. Book in for a wax; your eyebrows are worse than old mate Johnnie Howard’s. Ideal profession: Crash test dummy TAURUS 21 APR – 21 MAY You’re stubborn and possessive. When the fire alarm goes off, others observe your curious habit of thundering down the stairs of the blocks, arms overflowing with possessions, and a pained expression on your face. This is probably because you had to leave something behind. Material items matter more to you than another’s life. Once you charged at a little old defenceless granny because her old lady breath was getting on your Mac Book Pro. Walls are no match for your thick head, and you have a roundhouse kick rivaling that of Chuck Norris himself. Like a bull you’re full of shit, and talking to you is more painful than paper cuts to your eyeballs. You’re egotistical and opinionated, and God help anyone who has to sit in a tutorial with you. On the plus side, you’re probably well endowed like your bovine counterpart. Ideal profession: Dictator GEMINI 22 MAY – 21 JUN If you’re not spreading rumours, you’re creating them. You can be found at the heart of the Bond Rumour Mill, churning out absolute gems of information about anyone and everyone that looks at you the wrong way. When you walk past the CDC you check out your reflection in the window. Brinkman sits inside and laughs at your vanity. Your doppelganger is Jim Carrey’s character in Me, Myself and Irene. Who needs friends when you’re a Gemini? You’re more than enough company for yourself. Remember, the first sign of insanity is that you were born between May 22 and June 21. Ideal job: Journalist
CANCER 22 JUN - 23 JUL You are weird. If you were in a room full of people, you would stand out like a Griffith student at a Bond event. When conflict arises, you scurry off sideways and bury yourself in the sand. At times of social intercourse, you are awkward and laugh at inappropriate intervals. Your friends can go weeks at a time without seeing you, as you prefer to hermit inside your room than venture out into the big, wide world. You love to help others and rarely say no, however, your generosity is regularly taken advantage of. You can usually be found escorting drunken friends home from Don’s covered in vomit. Ideal job: Doormat LEO 24 JUL – 23 AUG Everyone knows Leo’s are superior to all other signs. All that nonsense about Leo’s being self-centred and arrogant is a bunch of jealous lies concocted by non-Leo’s. When you walk into a room everyone stares. Everyone wants to be you or in, on and around you. You have dazzling good looks and are just better in every way than everyone else. Despite being so incredibly awesome, you’re also humble and modest. Having a conversation with you is enlightening and entertaining. When you walk outside, the sun comes out because the world is so happy to have you in it. You’re probably doing multiple degrees because you’re incredibly talented, and at least one of those is law because law students are inherently superior beings. Ideal job: God VIRGO 24 AUG – SEPT 23 A pedantic perfectionist, you never let things go. Your whinge quota overflows daily and you rarely have something nice to say about others. Getting you to attend events is like trying to make a cow walk down stairs. Sometimes your practicality means you miss out on having fun like a uni student should. Typically found in the library, lawbry, MLC or batties; your pet hate is people who breathe too loudly while you are trying to study. If you could have it your way, people would not be allowed to breathe within 20 metres of your study zone. You’re also a germaphobe, and can run at lightning speed when you become aware of any bacteria hanging in the air close to you. A Virgo should never be confused with a virgin. Ideal job: Politician
SCOPES Jorja Wallace
LIBRA 24 SEPT – 23 OCT You’re indecisive; you can’t decide. You’re always looking, from left to right. You’re a fence-sitter who is always searching for the right balance in your life. You change your mind so often it’s hard to keep up with what you actually do and don’t like. Librans will rag on Palaver for an entire semester, then attend it the next and rave about its awesomeness until they hate it again. You’re probably so indie it hurts. No one else can measure up to your standards of uber trendiness. If you get a scratch you go to the hospital for stitches, then complain about how much it hurts for the next two weeks, when you’re hit by another life-threatening illness or injury. No one’s sure where they stand with you. You’re constantly trying to keep the peace and make sure everyone’s happy by lying outright to their faces about how much you support their view. Ideal job: Diplomat. SCORPIO 24 OCT – 22 NOV You’re a Facebook warrior who hides behind technology to communicate with other humans. You’ve probably got 500 – 1000 friends online, but don’t talk to a single one in real life. You identify most with Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory. Unlike a Scorpion, your sting is not poisonous (although your presence is painful). You’re a conspiracy theorist who is convinced BUSA is always up to something. However your secret desire to dominate Bond will never come to pass, because that would actually involve talking to people face-to-face. You’re incredibly jealous and can violently stab at the keyboard on your laptop when pissed off. Ideal job: Numa Numa Guy SAGITTARIUS 23 NOV – 22 DEC You shoot your mouth before aiming your thoughts. Thus you always miss the target, and end up hitting some poor bystander in the face with your venomous and insensitive words. You’re probably that guy on an FSA or club exec that takes on everything but does barely anything. People annoy you because you’re impatient. You regularly daydream about transforming into the opposite gender. You’re loud and offensive, but think you’re incredibly entertaining and hilarious. You would rather die than take the easy road, and thoroughly enjoy stomping on any small animals or children that cross your path. Some people would call you an emotional cripple because excessive human contact drums up the desire to shoot things. Ideal job: Serial Killer.
CAPRICORN 23 DEC – 20 JAN You’ve already decided that the Capricorn write-up is worse than all the other signs. You are the victim; so hard done by and always overlooked. When people say nasty things, they’re probably about you (even if they don’t know you). You know that every time you leave your house something bad will happen. You’re going to fail Torts. You’re always the person standing behind the guy who buys the last ticket for Law Ball. Everything bad happens to you. You know this because you know everything. You know exactly how Palaver will turn out, even though it’s a week away, because no one holds more knowledge than you. If someone tries to challenge your knowledge, you speak down to them like the Griffith student that they (probably) are. You like to think you resemble the centaurs of Harry Potter that hang around in groups and slay pussy, but you’re really just a big-headed goat-fish. Remember, it’s always healthier to hold a grudge. Ideal job: Microsoft ‘Error’ Message Writer, or Apple ‘Spinning Wheel of Death’ Creator. AQUARIUS 21 JAN – 19 FEB Getting close to you is harder than trying to hear after a Justin Bieber concert. You sprint from emotional expression like it’s herpes on crack. Relationships? Hell no that involves feelings and sharing. You’re colder than Bond’s overly air-conditioned lecture theatres. Besides it’s your way or the highway, none of this compromising nonsense. Who needs that? Alan Bond was clearly not an Aquariun because there’s no way you’d settle for sandstone over marble. Your mood changes like the Gold Coast weather. One minute you’re happy, the next you’re abusing someone in a position of authority. Once that rage train leaves the station - there’s no stops. Well, at least not until your mood changes again. Ideal job: Mortician. PISCES 20 FEB – 20 MAR Suffering hardship for your beliefs is a fundamental aspect of your personality. Complaining at every opportunity, you would rather endure pain and discomfort than actually have to do something to remedy the situation. Thus, you are always a victim and everyone else is better off than you are. You hope that others see your pain and will try to fix it for you. They won’t. Maybe instead of complaining you have nothing to do once you graduate because you’re unemployable, you should go make an appointment with the CDC or GDO. This will never happen because you would rather wallow in self pity. Sadness hovers over you like a hungry seagull. You wish you could escape reality. Bed is your best friend. In fact anywhere you can take a nanna-nap and drift off into the wonderful land of nod, works for you. Some people mistake you for being dippy. You’re really just lost in your thoughts because you think your imagination is more fun than Bondstock. Everyone else thinks you’re nuts and boring. Ideal job: Mattress Tester.
Scope Review L.A. Noire L.A. Noire allows the player to don the pressed suit and fedora of Cole Phelps, a straight-laced rookie detective attempting to bring justice to the sordid streets of 1940s Los Angeles.
Angry Boys The long awaited, and highly anticipated, Angry Boys premiered two weeks ago. The series features Australian comic genius, Chris Lilley, in his signature mockumentary style. Angry Boys includes a few of his old favourites, plus a number of bizarre and confronting new characters.
In Rockstar’s latest title, developed by Australia’s own Team Bondi, players are challenged to utilize not only their brawl, but their brains as well, while attempting to solve crimes and apprehend suspects in a stunningly massive and detailed open world.
We were first introduced to Daniel Sims (previously starring in We Can Be Heroes), who provides a narration of life with his profoundly deaf and ‘slightly retarded’ twin brother, Nathan. I particularly enjoyed their hobby of doing all kinds of ‘mainies’ down the main street of Dent in the ‘Pulsie’ - an accurate demonstration of teenage boredom in a small town.
While those who are already familiar with games such as Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption will recognize Rockstar’s signature touch on the gameplay of L.A. Noire, the most fascinating aspect of the game is that the player is expected to utilize actual detective skills in order to find evidence, uncover clues and interrogate suspects (all of whom are rendered in nearly lifelike fashion due to the use of brand-new technology). If you are a fan of car chases and shootouts, fear not. These are present as well, but the emphasis of the game is on writing wrongs rather than perpetrating them. You won’t be able to draw your weapon without good reason, and mowing down pedestrians is a one way ticket to “Game Over”.
Next we met Gran, a newbie from Lilley, who also happens to be the grandmother of Daniel and Nathan. A warden at the local juvie, she sees herself as the closest thing to a mother figure the boys residing there have. She shows her love for them by calling them “lazy abos” and playing her favourite game, “gotcha.”
What stands out the most is L.A. Noire’s unflinching depiction of post-war L.A. The cases you take on while climbing the ladders of the LAPD are all based on real life stories, and the game does not shy from depicting the harsh world of murder, vice and corruption that existed at the time. Those with a sensitive disposition, beware.
In the second episode, the comedy was toned down to make way for some deeper and more vulnerable insights from Daniel and Gran. It also introduced S.Mouse - Daniel and Nathan’s favourite rapper who shot to fame after the release of his Soulja Boy-esque song, ‘Slap my Elbow.’ In reality, S.Mouse is not very gangster at all. He grew up in a wealthy neighbourhood and attended a private school; and enjoys playing basketball while riding a segway.
This blend of cerebral police-work, fast paced action sequences, and the engrossing and authentic 1940s environment make L.A. Noire an entirely unique experience amongst all other triple A titles being released this year. For those who pride themselves on being able to utilize their critical thinking and problem solving as well as their trigger finger, L.A. Noire is not to be missed.
Once again, Lilley has demonstrated his unique ability to dissolve completely into the characters he plays and that he is not afraid to stomp over some very shaky ground. Lilley also has the talent to successfully pull us from our comfort zones and drop us into deeply confronting plotlines. As much as I enjoyed the first two episodes, and as much as they showed flashes of the anticipated brilliance, there were not enough laughs to live up to my expectations. I am hoping that as the series progresses it will gain comedic momentum and a sense of energy that wasn’t quite present in the opener.
Rating: 6.5/10 -- Catherine Phillips
If you want to try out the game, the Bond Casual Gaming Society will have a copy to play at our weekly casual gaming night in the undergraduate lounge this Friday from 7pm, come check it out. -- Miles Burns
Split Apart Sam Kingsley
The girl who smiled Standing on the edge of oblivion. Staring, searching, seeing only a lonely reflection. Gazing deeper, looking for the end, knowing there isn’t one. Melting, reforming, two blue pools, bright and shining. Replacing the abyss. So beautiful and so much hidden. Still never ending. Tipping, falling. Lost. Lost in these blue pools of hope and sorrow. All the pain, the weight, the sadness, listed and washed away. The light entering my soul, opening me up, cleansing, erasing the darkness, leaving only light. Falling deeper, the past fades, the present blurs. Time ceases to exist. The future, irrelevant. Deeper still. Consciousness, soul, thought, heart, everything fades. Only a single feeling remains. Love. Falling backwards. Rising. Conscious feeling, joy, memories. Everything rushing back, flooding my sight. Standing, staring. Staring into those blue pools. Those mesmerizing blue pools. I am lost looking into your eyes.
My second self I watch you taste it. I see you face. And I know that I’m alive. You’re shooting stars from the barrel of your eyes. And it drives me crazy; just drive me wild. Send us over the edge, that burning edge of passion. Cutting like a knife, wrenching in my gut. Losing each other in a pool of desire. Drowning in this lust. I want you with me. I need you beside me. My second half. Split apart, our bodies yearn to meet. Crave to join. A carnal hunger swelling from within
Pump up the volume! Talk hard. Words, going where nothing else can. Slipping in and corrupting our minds. Painting their pictures and leaving their dirty marks on our every thought. Silent and unrelenting. Joining and forming, making ideas where before lay the blank pages of a book. Waiting to be written. Ideas taking root, spreading out like a tree. A disease warping the things we see, how we see them. With words come ideas, with ideas comes speech, lies soon fall into line and so their march of corruption begins. Talk the truth. Say what you mean. Mean what you say. Speak with pride and passion. Talk hard
A sleepless night The night is pure. The night is virgin. It’s soft breath washes over me. Wafting through me. It has a smell all of it’s own. One of hope, of possibilities, of unspoken words. You are alone in the night. It’s yours for the taking. It brings with it a fresh day, a blank canvass. In its wake, a multitude of sins lay bare, for all to see. On its breeze plays a soft song, of childhood games and mischief, of teenage abandon. It swallows everything, with no escape, it’s never ending. And yet it brings with it such a feeling of peace. Pray and love and lust at night. We watch the stars and search for an answer. Feel for a connection. Hope to find that one point of light, that single perfect truth, so everything falls into place. Me? I just sit and listen as the night breathes around me.
Traffic in the sky Rain falls, it’s gentle notes lulling our tired souls. Each a tear from above. A tear from earth shed by those that still care. Our hearts used to beat to nature. Our breath the wind. Thoughts crashing as the waves in the ocean. Passion raging, tears flowing. Fires burning, rivers running. Tattooed to us in bond and blood. Now our blood pumps to the sound of traffic. The orange glow of the city, our new fire of warmth. Our new nature; our concrete jungle. We are so tired. Our planet is so tired. This tired world is crying. Each tear an atrocity. It can’t take this anymore. Our planet is exhausted
Warmth That rush of warmth. It flows up from my toes and through my chest. Like morphine it deadens me. Relaxing I sit back and let it all unfold. A single strand of light catches and reflects on a shard of glass. Fragmented into a thousand strands, multiplied by a million shards. The warmth is shattered by a cacophony of noise. Smashing this illusion. There’s no more warmth, no more peace. Just the screech of tortured metal, splintering glass. My own shock, worth a thousand words. No life flashing before my eyes. As the air leaves me, crushed by an invisible fist, I’m a helpless passenger, watching my own fate. Those fractional seconds slowed down and seen as minutes and weeks. The slower it goes, the more it blurs, time becomes the ultimate decider of what is left behind; dumped and deleted. The silence returns, without the warmth, the smoke is choking every memory. Through the silence comes the lonely, piercing wail. A siren drawing slowly in. That fading noise my only lifeline. As her hand goes limp in mine, the siren disappears. Replaced by that rushing warmth, that welcoming warmth. I know that I will hold her hand again soon
Check Out The Improved Student Portal. Whatâ€™s New? - Event Calendar (can import to iCal) - Club Administration page (forms for clubs) - Scope Online (viewed through Issuu) - Links menu to Bond online services (Lecture Streaming, Off-campus connect, etc.) If you have any issues or feedback, please contact email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org
Which computers are available? And where can i find them? Have a look at our new Computer Avail- Please let us know what you think! You ability Page on the Bond Website! can send your comments and feedback to email@example.com Here you can find â€Ś http://www.bond.edu.au/student-re- A one-glance overview of the availa- sources/computing-support/for-stuble computers in the two Libraries and dents/computer-availability/index.htm the Multimedia Learning Centre. - Map views of the main library showing you the exact position of free/ used computers on each level.
Philosophy Society Executive Positions Available! The Bond University Philosophy Society is currently calling for nominations for the roles of President and Treasurer on their executive committee. To be eligable, students need only demonstrate a passion for philosophy, a willingness to accept and accommodate the beliefs of others, and an intellectual approach to discussion of philosophy. If you are interested in either role, please forward a brief email of nomination to firstname.lastname@example.org for more information.
HOT OR NOT
You know what’s exciting about netball? EVERYTHING! Oh boy is netball on fire this semester! Not one, not two, but four teams are in training to go to Armidale for Northern University Games this year. And then we have our two fabulous external teams – Mixed competes every Wednesday night and Women’s every Tuesday. But isn’t that already muchos netball you ask? Wouldn’t Bond explode if there were more netball to be had? Ummm, hells to the no! At approximately 5.30pm this Thursday you will feel the reverberations in your bones, the rumble in your blood, the rupture in your spleen as the Thursday night social competition kablooeys – yes ‘kablooey’ – onto the scene for yet anther scintillating semester of Social Mixed Netball! If you haven’t signed up and got involved yet – don’t wail and gnash your teeth! Instead send a friendly email (they also accept moderately sexual ones too) to email@example.com with your name and preferred position and they’ll keep you in the loop about the happy-haps for this semester. Oh and for the rest of your sports fans out there – keep your rear to the ground for more info about Rival Night, which may or may not be coming very soon!
UEFA Champions League Final FC Barcelona Obama’s Irish Heritage American roadtrips (very hot) Free cake Swedish boys New and improved Student Portal Computer Availability website Australian Women’s Handball Team The Maroons Oprah no longer on TV Being on top... of things
The Rapture Lightening strikes Volcanoes Adultery Sprinting The Blues False prophets Obama’s ‘car crash’ Manchester United
Run Club Run club starts Thursday, 2nd June, 6-7 PM. Meet at the Club Sport House on the Rugby Fields for our first casual training session. Contact us on Facebook or email Debbie.Savage@student.bond.edu.au http:/www.facebook.com/pages/Bondy-Bullsharks-Running-Club
Marmite banned in Denmark
One minute with... Where are you from? New Zealand. What do you do in your spare time?
Who is your favourite person to work with and why? The stewards because they just smile and nod.
I’m kind of a homebody so I mostly What is the worst experience you’ve play poker online, or go on eBay. Com- had while working? puter stuff really. Students are pretty good. I’ve only had Salad or vegetables? one guy who got cranky because he couldn’t have what he wanted at the Salad for sure. I don’t like vegetables. buffet. What is your favourite type of cofee? Latte
If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go? Dubai because I want to go to Dubailand