ReDefIning
TOXIC Relationships
Written by: Alyse Messmer Illustrated by: Jacob Dimsey
Making sense of unhealthy relationships — and what to do about them
T
oxic relationships come in many different shades and often leave victims feeling physically and emotionally bruised. Whether physical abuse, emotional manipulation or any form of harm, toxic relationships often strip victims of confidence, security and trust in others. Philip Breitenbucher, assistant professor of social work, says he defines relationships as “toxic” when harm of any sort takes place. “A toxic relationship involves a toxic partner who causes emotional and, often times, physical harm to their partner. Emotional harm comes in the form of belittling, controlling and manipulating behaviors. If you are in a relationship that leaves you feeling insecure, unsafe, fearful, belittled or helpless on a regular basis, this is a sign of a toxic relationship," Breitenbucher says.
Signs of a tOxic relationship Toxic relationships are not always identifiable and are sometimes ignored. While the good parts of a relationship
40 | Pursuit
can be enjoyable, some people use these moments to excuse the hurtful behavior they receive from their significant other. One major sign of a toxic relationship is a fear or anxiety of how your significant other will respond in situations. “A healthy relationship doesn’t require you to compromise your selfesteem, to live in fear or to feel helpless," Breitenbucher says. “Couples in healthy relationships are able to safely discuss their feelings. If one is feeling like they are constantly being belittled, manipulated and/or controlled, they should find a safe place (both inter-personally and physically) to discuss these feelings with their partner, being prepared to leave if necessary.” “My relationship was more about fear than actually being in love or anything happy or romantic. I was so afraid of the repercussions and hurt I would get if anything ever went wrong or I didn’t give him what he wanted," CBU anonymous student says. “For most of our relationship, I would leave his house feeling like nothing more than a toy he could play with. He would just want to be physical and get mad at me when I didn’t want to. That made my worth purely found in my body." A relationship where you feel unable to
