Whatever the story, anecdote, fictitious tale, rant, cultural observation or Club commentary, now’s your chance to take it to the world…well, Membership, anyway. E-mail your submission (no more than 700 words) to editor@tac-club.org.
I
know a thing or two about expat wives, having been one for more than five years. I also know that no two are alike; we all have different backgrounds, aspirations and outlooks on life. Being an expat wife in Japan or any other equally exotic location, where language, customs and way of life are widely different from our own, is challenging and rewarding in equal measure. When I moved to Tokyo in December 2006, my husband had already been in the country for six months. The week that he was offered the job, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. But rather than changing our plans and risk missing out on the opportunity, I sent him off by himself and battled the beast alone while continuing to care for my then 3- and 1-year-old daughters. I have never regretted that decision. Life in Tokyo was an amazing journey and it was not without sadness that I packed my bags for life back in Europe. I don’t need to tell iNTOUCH
The Truth about Expat Wives by Ulrica Marshall
readers about the lush countryside beyond Tokyo’s borders and the exquisite cuisine (sushi has now been joined by kaiseki and yakitori on my favorite foods list, though I struggled with horse meat), and you already know about the charm, kindness and thoughtfulness of the country’s inhabitants, as well as their admirable resilience in the face of adversity. Nor do I need to expand on the solid bonds of friendship we form here, many of which remain for life after intense and condensed experiences. We lean on each other in ways that would be unlikely back home. We are all different, but because we live the same experiences we come together as a community…most of the time. Outside the realms of horticulture, there is no such thing as a bed of roses, and being an expat wife is no exception. Ingredients in supermarkets are a mystery (hardly ideal for those with allergies
BACK WORDS
in the family), and it takes weeks before you can navigate the aisles without ending up with a selection of wrong purchases. Actual employment is difficult once you take into account the wish to look after your own children, the cost of childcare and the workplace requirement for bilingualism. A Minato Ward bureaucrat once got into a flap when I wrote “writer” in the occupation field; I was not allowed to work in Japan. A hasty change to shufu (housewife) prevented the situation from becoming a crisis. For someone who expected more from life than a 1950s-style homemaker existence, it was a bitter pill to swallow. There are lots of ways (other than raising our families) we can add meaning to our lives, not least through helping others, as such outstanding Club Members as Vickie Paradise Green and Kim Forsythe have formidably proven. But, for many, that top-tier of psychologist Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, tantalizingly termed “self-actualization,” often remains vacant while in Japan. Even the level below, “esteem,” can suffer some bruising as we struggle to justify our existence. Faced with the alienation we may experience, particularly in the beginning while we adjust to our new lives, we can choose to laugh or cry. I think I did both, then I wrote a book about it. $Expat Wives started out as a series of writings on aspects of life in Tokyo. Then I decided to add characters and fictionalize the story. As with most things written for entertainment, many events in the story are exaggerated or invented. But underlying the entertainment are the issues that we face as we try to create a new life in a foreign and often intimidating environment: the unfortunate cultural faux pas; the risk of highpressure work demands casting a shadow over our marriages; and the absence of constantly traveling spouses that leave us feeling like single parents—all without the support network of our friends and families back home. In publishing this book, I wanted to entertain; lay bare the feelings and experiences of expat life—be it in Tokyo, Hong Kong or Johannesburg—somehow catch at least a glimpse of that top tier of Maslow’s hierarchy; and, not least, to support a charity close to my heart in Japan. o Marshall and her family left Japan in December. $Expat Wives is available on Amazon (print on demand), Kindle, Sony Reader and iBooks. All profits go to the Run for the Cure Foundation.
Members have their say 47