C O M M U N I T Y | VO I C E
Crossing Cultural Borders WORDS SATOKO KIYOHARA ILLUSTRATION TANIA VICEDO
I
vividly remember my first night at college in the United States 30 years ago. My dorm roommate at Randolph-Macon Woman’s College (now known as Randolph College) in Virginia asked me if she could decorate our room with posters. I told her it was fine. But I was left stunned when she stepped on my bed with her shoes on to put up a poster. While many of my new friends had kept their shoes on when they visited my room, I was aware of this Western custom. I was determined not to let it bother me and to accept this new culture. Still, I couldn’t believe that stepping on someone’s bed would be acceptable in America. My roommate wasn’t rude. Quite the opposite, in fact. She was intelligent, thoughtful and friendly, which made me even more confused. Since I was fresh from conservative Japan, I decided not to complain. That incident marked the beginning of my cross-cultural education. I always tried to understand different types of behavior and to remain
open-minded. It proved a constant learning process. My second time staying in the US was for work. In my late 20s, I was sent to New York. On my first morning in the office, I picked up the phone. The call was for somebody who had left the company the day before. “She quit yesterday,” I informed the person on the line. “You should have said that she is no longer with us,” my boss told me as soon as I hung up. I had assumed that the formalities and nuances usually found in Japanese didn’t apply to the direct and casual nature of English. I gradually discovered that English is full of expressions and euphemisms for different situations. I next returned to the States as a trailing spouse and mother of three children. We lived in Stamford, Connecticut. Soon after my 5-year-old son entered the local elementary school, his English language teacher asked to see me. “Your son showed a lack of respect,” she informed me. “He needs to learn how to show respect to his friends.”
According to my son’s teacher, he had laughed at a student who couldn’t answer a question. I was certain he had never intended to hurt his friend. His smile of happiness after being able to answer correctly was probably just misinterpreted. While I knew that “appreciation” and “harmony” were key values taught to young children in Japan, I had never encountered this idea of respect in early education. But I came to understand the importance of respect in a society of diverse peoples and ideas. My son’s own experience taught me how I should regard different ways of thinking and acting. I was truly lucky to experience life in the US. Each cultural challenge helped me broaden my outlook. Now, through the TAC Toastmasters Club, I am learning to overcome a new set of hurdles in my quest to better express myself. This article is an edited version of a speech Member Satoko Kiyohara made at a TAC Toastmasters Club luncheon.
MARCH | 29