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’m in my mid-40s, and for the first time in my life, I have no immediate family living in the same town as I do. I haven’t lived in the same town as my dad and stepmom since 1988, so I’ve long been used to making plans to see them, but my mother lived about four miles away all these years—until this year, when she retired, sold her house and moved to Edina, Minnesota. I used to be able to drop by to show her a new pair of shoes or call her and say, “Want to go downtown?” We have a lifetime of going to drugstores to look at makeup or taking walks through our neighborhoods. But now that’s all done. If you read my article about CMT Sews, you know that I have a new dress, which will have particular significance to my mother. But she hasn’t seen it yet because I haven’t been down to the Cities since I got it from Cindy. When my mother announced she was moving, my friends kept anxiously asking me how I was doing. I think they assumed I was feeling like I did when I sent my child off to his freshman year of college. When that happened, I was a wreck. But this time, I wasn’t, and I’m not. Don’t get me wrong. I miss having her at my nonprofit events, and I hate that she hasn’t yet seen the new dress, but there’s this funny
BY dayna dEL vaL
little thing called a telephone, and we use that every day. The day I dropped my son off at college, I kind of thought I might die. Funny, I didn’t. And in part I didn’t because I could see his incredible excitement for this next stage of his life. He was ready, and so I had to be, too, whether I was or not. The day my mother drove away from her house, I kind of thought I would at least feel some sadness. Funny, I didn’t. And in part I didn’t because I could see her incredible excitement for this next stage of her life. She was ready, and so I had to be, too, whether I was or not. While I miss having my mom down the street for those spontaneous, insignificant moments, she has taught me yet another lesson: Life doesn’t end when a partner dies, even if you kind of want it to. You must continue to live because you are part of the living. You must be willing to be brave and say yes and take risks and even let your heart love again. This holiday season, for the first time in my entire life, my husband and I will have to plan when to see both my parents as well as our son, for they all now live away from us. But it will be just fine because I will be ready, whether I want to be or not.
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