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(sexual, emotional, intellectual and spiritual). And

provide the respect, care and intimacy I can expect

when this “ledger” is chronically out of balance,

in a relationship? Is this someone I can respect or

then expect chronic conflict.

care about or be intimate with? Often times we know the answers to these questions but choose

A relationship is always a give and take dynamic, but it may not always be in perfect 50-50 balance at any given moment. Instead, the reality and hope, is that the “ledger” is balanced over time where both partners are giving and receiving equally. There will be periods where you are giving more, but there need to be periods where you are receiving more, too.   If this does not occur, then it is hard to trust the relationship and your partner to meet your needs of respect, care and intimacy.  And when trust goes, then so goes the relationship.

to put the relationship in neutral, moving neither backward or forward, settling for the known instead of risking ourselves in the unknown. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to finally say goodbye, for we are not only saying goodbye to a person, but also all the energy and time and hope we invested in the relationship. Goodbyes can often leave an empty feeling, a space that longs to be filled.   Let the space be and allow yourself to feel what feelings are there.  But also know that you are not saying goodbye to the pleasant memories and

Trust is the lifeblood of a signification relationship. In

all the lessons learned that have made you who

the words of Terry Hargrave, PhD, “Trust is…the

you are today, someone who is better because of

primary relational resource from which we learn

the experience and better prepared for a new one.  

how to interact with others.” How much lost trust does it take to end a relationship?   It is hard to know.  Like individuals, relationships have different thresholds. And what are your limits?   Your

Endings can be a place where hope begins to emerge, where what we need finds us and we embrace the newness. But the route to “hello”

threshold? Some good questions to ask oneself

often begins with “goodbye.” As Sigmund

are: Is this someone I trust to see his/her part in the

Freud so wisely put it, “We become whole

problem? Is he/she willing to work on him/herself

through relationships and through letting go of

and to grow? Is he/she willing (or even able) to

relationships.” IN FLUENTIAL 19

January / February 2013 InFluential Magazine  
January / February 2013 InFluential Magazine  

The Art of Living Well: Creating New Beginnings