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(sexual, emotional, intellectual and spiritual). And
provide the respect, care and intimacy I can expect
when this “ledger” is chronically out of balance,
in a relationship? Is this someone I can respect or
then expect chronic conflict.
care about or be intimate with? Often times we know the answers to these questions but choose
A relationship is always a give and take dynamic, but it may not always be in perfect 50-50 balance at any given moment. Instead, the reality and hope, is that the “ledger” is balanced over time where both partners are giving and receiving equally. There will be periods where you are giving more, but there need to be periods where you are receiving more, too. If this does not occur, then it is hard to trust the relationship and your partner to meet your needs of respect, care and intimacy. And when trust goes, then so goes the relationship.
to put the relationship in neutral, moving neither backward or forward, settling for the known instead of risking ourselves in the unknown. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to finally say goodbye, for we are not only saying goodbye to a person, but also all the energy and time and hope we invested in the relationship. Goodbyes can often leave an empty feeling, a space that longs to be filled. Let the space be and allow yourself to feel what feelings are there. But also know that you are not saying goodbye to the pleasant memories and
Trust is the lifeblood of a signification relationship. In
all the lessons learned that have made you who
the words of Terry Hargrave, PhD, “Trust is…the
you are today, someone who is better because of
primary relational resource from which we learn
the experience and better prepared for a new one.
how to interact with others.” How much lost trust does it take to end a relationship? It is hard to know. Like individuals, relationships have different thresholds. And what are your limits? Your
Endings can be a place where hope begins to emerge, where what we need finds us and we embrace the newness. But the route to “hello”
threshold? Some good questions to ask oneself
often begins with “goodbye.” As Sigmund
are: Is this someone I trust to see his/her part in the
Freud so wisely put it, “We become whole
problem? Is he/she willing to work on him/herself
through relationships and through letting go of
and to grow? Is he/she willing (or even able) to
relationships.” IN FLUENTIAL 19