Coping with loss

There is no clinically proven method to deal with loss, but Time can be a great and comforting healer e all experience loss ac so m e time in our lives \'(l e al so deru w ith loss differen tly. Some want to calk abo ut i t, yec others prefer to be silen t. Be it Joss of mo n e y, p rope rty, employment o r otl1er material things and most of all, a loved o n e If the l oss is of material th ings we do move o n wit h in a reasonable time however large and precious ic may have been, but rhe loss of a loved o n e may take much longer.

From being grief- scricken to feeling vulnerable to becom ing resilie n t takes time, eve n though we experience loss at various level s constantly. \Ve can get over some of mese losses in stan tly and move on, yet ochers we find i t difficult to come to ter m s wi th fo r a long time. Fee li ngs of he lp lessness and hopelessness overwhelm us with different intensity, de p ending on the serio u sness of loss

Surpris ing ly, we seem to be ab le co console muselves reasonab ly w i thin a brief period when it comes to the loss of material th ings or m oney. The loss of a loved one is much harder to accept. Tbis i s particularl y so w hen tl1e loss is sudden and unexpected. Feelings mat are eKperi enced vary from person to person. Feelings o f sh ock and disbelief, overwhel ming sadness, guilt and even anger at oneself and the perso n who is n o more are all common. These feelings do not follow linear!)' from one to the other, bur may come and go with varying frequenc y ,rnd inten sity. Sometimes tl1e feeling that one will not be able to cope w imour the loved one surfaces, but almost always it is possible to adjust to life wimom me person.

The most fundamencal trmh is that grieving takes rime.

Bouts of crying, sleeplessness, feeling of emptin ess, u nable to eat or sleep are all common reactions to me loss of a loved one. These feelings are also present -when the loss is not of a person, but following major surgery The loss of function following traumatic injury can al so lead to such reactions.

Feelings of grief are d ifferem for each person and takes time to pass. There is no 'right' way to reacc because e verybody dea ls w ith loss differently.

Time is me g reatest healer, we hear often, and quite rightly so. As time passes, the feelings of grief won't be there aU the rime, and me y become less frequem and less intense. \X-'hile the symptoms of grief are the same as depressiou, me difference is drnt cbe process of grieving acts in a catl1artic way, leading to heali ng in time.

There are some helpful ways to manage gri ef and loss that may be worth considering First of all it is important to give oneself rime to grieve and then recover. Cr ying, even being alone for sometimes in d1e day, re-living happ y memories, letti ng go of the loss a re some of tl1e ways to help oneself work thro ugh loss and grief. Talking to some one almost always helps. Trying ro hide feelings as a way of protecting someone else may not always be helpful, except in circumsmnces with very young children.

It's impossible to predict how long it wi.11 take someone to overcome grief. Feelings come and go, and it can feel like you're always raking one step forwa rd and rwo seeps back. Fo r most peopl e time is t he best healer, and it may cake weeks or months before you can smrt to accept the changes in your life

Feeling bette r is a sign that yo u 're workin g througb your grief and adj u sting to life without your loved one - it doesn't mean that you're forgetting d1ern or letting them down. lf you continue to feel down, it may be that o ther things are affecting your mood. If you fee l sad or miserable most of the time and have lost interest in th ings you used to enjoy, you may be experienci n g d epression and need to get some help.

Some key points to re member as suggested b y experts in me field highlight the important differences between grief and major depression. lt is important to remember that each culture has a different way of grieving. For examp le, some traditional cultmes have a much longer mourning pe riod than others. This again draws our attention to not look ar grief as a unitary phenomenon as if mere i s only one particular way to grieve.

• While we may experience the following feelings at various times briefl y, when tl1ey persist fot a long period, it is impo rtanr to talk to your donor or a psychologist, specially i f you have felt

• sad , down or miserable or inirnble most of t he time,

• have lost interest or enjoyment in nearly aU of your usual activities

• might not doing so well at work or school, unive rsity or work

• experienc in g changes in your relationships with family and friends.

• los t or gained Jots of weight

• felt restless, agitated or slowed down

• lose a lot of energy and feel tired all the time

• find it difficult co concentrate or m ake up your mind

• feel worthless or guilty

• feel that life is not worth living

These feelings are unlikely to go away on their own.