Modern match-making

The complexities ofsearching for a sou/mate in today's world are many, but the process is undoubtedly easier

needed, in addirion to patience and perseverance in these maners.

BY MALLI IYER

Meeting a soul mate is a common need, a nd so mething everyone dreams about. It muse be underlined tli at if love were a T -shirt, one size no longer fits all. Eligible prospects hawking tl1emselves on internet websites impress only the very few, and many would admit that partnering is a highly complex business No matter where people live or what tl1eir lifestyle, the business of finding a partner or a soul mate is, more often man not, a challenging task. It is obvious mat we have come a long way from the days of parents finding a suitable match for tl1eir offspring and following mac, eve ryo ne got on w im life without former ado.

Whetl1er the search for a partner is initiated by the parents or elders in the family, or b y me man and the woman who seek a relationship the goal is t he sarne - that of finding the i deal partner - almough me preferred route chosen by the parties may be complete ly different. 1n almost all cases tl1ere seems to be a yawning gap in me way families communicate witli each other about this vexing issue. A parent- to -child talk is rarely a conversation be1'veen equals, and frequentl y a breakdown in conm1luiication looms large. The generntion gap intervenes and nl.istrust is created. When selecting a partner they are intim idated b y a fear of the unknown. Gone are ilie days when eligible men/ women/boys and girls didn't have to go far - tlieir fam.il y seard1ed within their community or social grouping, and at best tliey went exploring in me next village or town, and me deed was done.

More recently, experience shows mat parencaJ co ncerns about meir mill1arried children, particularly true of Sou m Asian farnilies, creates family discord and unnecessar)r stress. Thei r frustration increases as me young members in the fam ily are unable to find partners till they are in their l ate twenties or early thirties. The incidence of mis happening is quite widespread - most of it due to societal transition caused by employment and migratory trends. A better understanding of tl1e changing roles and personality profiles of those involved becomes hig h priority. Adjustments are

We are now in me realm of scanning a vast expanse - die world is the stage and me pl ayers corne with several strings attached - a different culture, varying levels of education, upbringing and family values mat are alien, not to mention the choosy, un yielding disposi rion of the parties directly involved. Anyone with an Lmchanging mindset is Lmlikely to find easy pickings in sud, an environment On me omer hand, a somewhat adventurous approach brings witli it greater opportunities - be i t browsing me internet wim matrini onial websites, hobnobbing with 'singles ' and lonely hearts clubs, or simpl)' getting into active circulation with me help of friends and family Nothing should be ruled 'in' or 'ou t', since tl1ere are scores of potential soulmates waiting 'out mere' w ith a r;imilar need to meet a prospect wim whom mey could share ilieir file.

Statistics revealed in 20 11 tliat over 5 billion use mob il e phones, and over 2 billion browse the internet regul arly. Electronic age marvels have come out to aid partner-seekers such as tab lets witl1 android and other downloadab le apps, smart phones, social websites like Facehook, You Tube and T11Jitter all provide me latest tools to help people come together. Sli!)ipe and Google Chat enables one-on -one communication or small groups to chat live and help to make seam.less contact as often as needed, shrinking the world through satellite communications.

As with any unproven tech11.ique, li nking up with people electronically is fraught wim risks - such as the fakes and fraudulent, imposters and die predators - all of who prey on me innocent and ilie gullible. In me final analysis, mere is no subsritute for a gesrarion period to developing chemistry between two people befo re settling down rogemer in the longer term. Most people would do well to understand tl1at there are no guarantees, and n1ost relationsliips will sc.1.nd die test of time only if me partners change wim tl1e rimes and are willing to share and care for each other, literally! The respecrive roles played b y the man and the woman are not cast in scone, particularly as breadwinning and money-making is no longer me sole prerogarive of die man. \\?omen in our society are very much in tl1e forefront, so it is not uncommon fo r me male of me species to be adept in kitchen duties and tending to babies, whilst me lady of the house plays cermis or go l f. It lends a completely new meaning co tl1e old cliche, ' It tak,es hJJO to tango'.

Macho and chauvinistic thinking are on tl1eir way out as women have become mo re asserrive and have demonstrated resilience to create a ni che for memselves in die social nl.i lieu It is no longer unusual to see a homemaker husband with a su per-professional o r g lobetrotting w ife who calls tlie shots in a relacionsbip. 111e male of the species cannot daim meir v irili ty o r sexual prowess as being adequate reasons for living in a socall ed 'man's world' or superiority in a relationship, since 'hired help' in every area is developing as an industry E uropean statisrics co rnpiled in 2011 on the state of relationships are interesting: 60% of married people are pol yan1orous and have extramarital affairs. Whil st 8% of children were born out of marriage in 1971, more than 50% of children were born our of marriage in 2010. The figmes for Norm America are not any different - in 2010 there were. 88 unmarried men for every 100 unmarried women. There are 12 mi.Ilion people who are cohabiting but mm1arried, and tl1is is a tenfold increase since 1960. These figures clearly illu strate that it is not a social malaise tl1at we are dealing witli. A sustaining change in our attitudes ,viii w1doubtedly he lp to adapt to the changes that we are witnessing.

Peop le need to review tl1eir own understanding of what 'compatibility' means and what each one has to do to meet at a common ground on people's eirpect.'lrions. People have to openly address tl1e fears asso ciated wid1 getting into a new relation ship For exan1p le, mete is no room for men to remain a 'Mama's boy' even mough mey are in tlieir nl.idthirties. Parents have to work incessand)' at creating children who think for tliemselves and become independent, mentally and financially. Parents have to acknowledge that notliing educates a cll.ild better tlian his/ her own mistakes as they advance to adulmood. Faniil y backing to build confidence amongst younger faniily members is a continuing exercise.

In our society, we will need to address die issue of same sex relationships with openness and creating a support structure towards gay and .lesbian offspt:ing, but tliat would be an incondus ive analysis un tiJ sometime in die future, as i t is still in me domain of 'work in progress'.

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Seeking Grooms

Seeking well qualified match for very fair young looking Hindu lady, 54, veg, divorced, daughter living with her. He must be aged 49-55, non smoker with strong moral values. Contact lifepartner@hotmail. com.au or 0404043904.

Seeking suitable match (from Australia, never married) for Hindu girl, 34 yea rs, Chartered Accountant (non- veg), living in Australia over 25 years, with eastern and western family values. Please email with all details on ganesh2011 v@gmail.com

Well-settled Sikh family in Australia seeks good natured, educated, professional match from a cultured family for their good looking, slim and fair daughter. Completed medicine (M.B.B.S), currently doing internship. Please contact singh 195950@yahoo.com

Seeking well-settled professional from Australia for a 25-year- old, 5' 6" charming Punjabi Arora girl, working in Aust. Public Service. Been in Australia for 21 years, family oriented, vegetarian non smoker and non drinker, with a modem outlook. Email profile and recent photo to Sydney. matri87@gmail.com

Well-settled Hindu family seeks a mature, well settled, good natured, professional boy from a cultured family for our charming daughter, '79 born, 5'2'; IT professional (Masters IT ). Caste no bar. Respond with photo sssvjp@hotmail.com

Seeking Brides

Seeking Hindu girl, preferably Gujarati, good family values, for my son, dob 7/8/7 5 divorced, no children, fair, 5'8'; vegetarian, down to earth, genuine, well- built, nonsmoker, light drinker, Australian citizen, tax consultant, lives with parents Con t act 0423 328 800 or sydau714@hotmail.com

Compatible match for 1975 born, clean shaven Sikh Khatri boy, 5'9'; two postgraduate degrees from India and recently finished Masters in I.T from Australia. Currently on temporary resident visa (with full work rights) and doing 3 months Internship at Optus Sydney. Living with elder brother (Australian citizen), and parents who are on 1 year Visitor visa. Girl should be tall, well educated, with pleasing personality and must be from Sikh background. Early marriage and serious proposals please. Contact Ph. 02 9476 4570 or Email: jas_ghai01@hotmail.com

Seeking a suitable match, with Indian values, for 27- year- old, 5 '6'; Punjabi Khatri boy, Permanent Resident, permanent job, parents in Australia for visit. Please email sunaina_aqua 1@yahoo.com or call 0421 959861.

Well-settled Hindu family invites alliance for tall, handsome Australian citizen, 38/5'- 1o· : innocent divorcee. Excellent salary package, own house in Sydney. Seeking qualified, beautiful girl from cultured Hindu families well settled in Australia or India Please send details with recent pictures to shaadi@live.com.au