DEAR
DAD JUNE 2020
M Y G I F T TO YO U T H I S FAT H E R’ S DAY
To be the father of a nation is a great honour, but to be the father of a family is a greater joy. – Nelson Mandela
– EDITOR’S NOTE – CONTENTS: 1. Siya Kolisi - The Papa Bear 2. Quirky Gift Guide 3. Hip-Hop Pops 4. Dads of TikTok 5. Qualities of a Great Dad 6. Activities for Dad 7. Dadvice 8. Movies for Dad 9. Macfarlane Moleli - Dad’s Joy 10. Dad Jokes 11. Lockdown Dad 12. MY DAD
AS I’M writing this, my daughter’s sitting at the window waiting for her father’s car to pull into the driveway. The minute he comes waltzing in, she goes in for a bear hug. It’s not like he has been away for the entire day; it has been just a few hours. The look on her face when she sees her daddy is one of indescribable joy. There is no love like that between a father and child. It’s a love that’s unconditional and immeasurable. When we set out to produce this magazine, we wanted to celebrate all fathers, and not just in the traditional sense. South African dads, such as our cover star Bok captain Siya Kolisi, are changing the narrative and redefining parenthood. Parenthood is a full-time job. Fathers are finding themselves having to navigate unknown territory as a global pandemic dictates our everyday lives. They’re leading conversations about race and inequality as the Black Lives Matter movement sweeps across the globe. This project has been a labour of love from the entire Lifestyle team, and we’re hoping you enjoy reading every single page. We salute you, dads of South Africa. Happy Father’s Day!
Marchelle Editor Marchelle Abrahams marchelle.abrahams@inl.co.za
Executive Editor: Lifestyle Nelandri Narianan
Designers Sandhip Roy Sing Nelandri Narianan
Siya’s favourite things about being a father: lLoving my children lSpoiling them lSupporting them lBeing present lGiving them all the things I never had growing up
A single lesson from Siya’s childhood he would want to pass on to his children: Be grateful for what you have and don’t complain.
FACING Bok captain Siya Kolisi in a rugby scrum – all 102kg of pure power packed into a 1.9m frame – must surely strike fear in the hearts of many opponents. The flank, who turned 29 on Youth Day, is no pushover. He has earned a reputation for standing his ground – probably because he’s literally immovable on the field. However, back home, Kolisi can be rapidly moved to action by one simple word – “Daddy”. Kolisi and his wife Rachel have two children, Nicholas Siyamthanda, 4, and Keziah, 2. They are also parents to Liyema and Liphelo, Kolisi’s siblings, whom the couple adopted in 2014. The quintessential South African dad, loved and idolised by children across the country, is quick to admit his weakness for children. As little Keziah calls out to him, with the authority only a daughter can command over her dad, the rugby
Siya’s dream for his four children and SA’s children: To grow up in a South Africa with equal opportunities, not like the one I grew up in. I would like to see children in townships have access to the same facilities as those in Model C schools so that they don’t have to leave their homes to make something of their lives.
giant shrugs his broad shoulders on our video call and concedes he is not the disciplinarian in his household. “I try. I show an upset face but then I just melt when they look at me.” With his humanitarian work taking him to all parts of the country, Kolisi says his soft side extends to all children. “Children have their go at me to see how far they can push me. At a visit to a soup kitchen recently, the kids kept coming back to curse me and were laughing at me to see what I would do.” A man raised by women – his grandmother, aunt and mother – and supported by a strong wife, Kolisi believes that everything he learnt about being a dad, he learnt from mothers. “The women in my life have all sacrificed to make sure I got what I need, to make sure I ate, with all the struggles we had. “Same with my wife, I’ve seen her grow, all I do is support her. “You can’t deny the value of women. We need to empower them. They give birth to the men who run the country, they nurture them and teach them who they are. “There are so many things women can help the world with, they just need to be empowered and supported.” Kolisi recently took to Instagram to join the clarion call for action on gender-based violence in SA and show his support for women – an issue he is clearly passionate about. “I choose to respect, protect, support and hear the women in and outside my environment. “I haven’t always got it right and
How Siya’s kids would I’ve messed up a describe him lot of the times, lFunny but I’ve chosen lGenerous to be better. I’ve lLoving got other good men holding me accountable for my actions.” Sharing the challenges of life under lockdown, Kolisi says it is difficult to make the children understand what is happening. “They keep asking questions; when is it going to end, mostly. We don’t have answers so we try to keep them as positive as possible.” Chuckling over the now-famous Instagram video of the mighty Bok giant mopping his kitchen floor, in which he sounded out a challenge to all men to do the same, Kolisi says he is a whizz with domestic chores. “I grew up doing household chores and cooking, so doing it in my home now is a pleasure. We could not even afford a mop back then. “Both my wife and I work hard, as is the case in many families, so why should she be the one doing everything in the house and taking care of the children while I sit back? “The older children help around the house during lockdown, but it’s still tough. “Fortunately, we’ve been able to travel during this period, doing work to help the vulnerable. We’ve travelled over 15 000km around the country for this purpose and we show our children the other side of life. This is important for us as parents.”
SIYA_KOLISI
THE PAPA BEAR
The Springbok captain might be a giant on the rugby field, but, as Nelandri Narianan finds out, he is really putty in some tiny hands
QUIRKY
GIFT GUIDE Something special for every type of dad
SACHA VAN NIEKERK
10 FATHER’S DAY GIFT IDEAS:
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LEATHER SHOES
R950: blubetty.co.za
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Cast your eyes on quality, artisaninspired, singularly designed shoes – the Lando. Blu Bert, the menswear label of Blu Betty, created this shoe from full-grain quality genuine leather. It was chosen for its amazing comfort and superior quality and longevity – in fact, it far exceeds the anti-abrasion test BUY NOW limits for EU footwear.
WEBER FIREPLACE/BOMA
LEATHER APRON
R1 935: www.loot.co.za
R1 800: shop.babylonstoren.com
BUY NOW
The Weber Fireplace is beautifully designed, but those striking looks are combined with a well-thought out functionality with features such as the lid holder which, when the fireplace is in use, uses the lid to block wind, deflect the heat to where it is needed and stop the smoke blowing the wrong way. The lid features a weather-proof handle with a protective heat shield making it ideal to close down the fire when it needs to be put out.
PLANTER
R3 250: douglasanddouglas. co.za For dads with green fingers, this gift is the perfect way to show off the indoor plants he is so fond of caring for. Made of matt black powder-coated stainless steel with terracotta clay pot, the design will blend in with a variety of different decor styles and colour schemes.
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R139: www.loot.co.za
Extraordinary socks made locally using the best combed cotton we could find. They’re comfortable, breathable and supremely soft on the skin.
R4 700 from www. burgundycollective.com
BUY NOW
R265: www.loot.co.za
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SEXYSOCKS GEO GRID SOCKS
5 BUY NOW
TRAVEL BAG
BANTING 7 DAY MEAL PLANS Rita Venter, (founder), Kim Blom and Natalie Lawson are the brains behind the Banting 7 Day Meal Plans Facebook group. Filled with the knowledge of over 2 million group members, this book brings you 100 great recipes to start your Banting journey.
These leather aprons are made by hand with SA leather and feature an adjustable neck and waist strap with a suede storage compartment in front. This apron transitions from the kitchen to the braai with ease and is the perfect gift for dad.
Hand-crafted in Stellenbosch and is ideal for business travel. With multiple zip pockets, The Explorer bag complements the sleek attire of businessmen with its structured leather exterior and canvas cotton lining.
WOODEN BOW-TIE
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R480: hashtagbamboo. co.za
BUY NOW
Eco-friendly and trendy, Hashtag Bamboo’s unique wooden bow-tie combo set is a must-have for the dapper gent.
LK’S BILTONG MAKER R2 399: www.yuppiechef.com
Manufactured from high-quality, 430 grade stainless steel, to provide you with many years of making the finest pieces of biltong and droëwors. The perfect machine for any biltong lover.
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BLENDER BUY NOW
BUY NOW
BUY NOW
R7 700: www. ziyandappliances.com Whether your dad is always whipping up protein shakes or margaritas on taco night, the Ziyanda Blender offers the reliability, efficiency and versatility needed to stay inspired in the kitchen while enjoying delicious creations with minimal effort. It will blend just about anything, ranging from raw soups and sauces, to ice for the perfect cocktail. Plus it comes in a wide range of colours.
BUY NOW
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BUY NOW
BUHLE MBONAMBI
HIP-HOP POPS
South Africa’s top rappers’ bravado subsides for a more genteel side, when it comes to their children
RAPPERS have a reputation for being bad boys. Either from the lyrical content of their music, their behaviour or how they have chosen to brand themselves. It’s almost too easy for us to assume that they are playboys and will never settle down and be family men. But that has changed. Over the years we have seen some of South Africa’s top rappers settle down and become fathers. We have seen another side to them. The bravado subsides for a more genteel side. Fatherhood does that and these guys are hip hop’s top dads.
KWESTA KWESTA and his daughter Khai have a close relationship. So close she sometimes joins him in the studio when he is working on music. Now that’s a great father and daughter relationship – already creating a bond through something they clearly both love. She is also a toddler influencer, with more than 61 000 followers on Instagram, where she shares her adventures with her parents, especially her rapper father.
AKA
PRIDDY UGLY
EVEN though the rapper recently got into trouble on social media for using his daughter Kairo as a clap back in response to an insult, he still is a good dad and he has admitted Kairo has made him more serious about life. He’s often said he hopes she would become a tennis player and he’d make sure she’s financially independent from a young age. It seems he’s got the latter dream set already, thanks to him and DJ Zinhle ensuring Kairo becomes a toddler influencer with huge following on social media.
The rapper and his radio jock and choreographer wife, Bontle Modiselle, had daughter, Afrika, last year. They were already a fun couple, but seeing Priddy with Afrika has made him all the more endearing. From playing football and rugby with the dogs, with her in her walker, he often shares pictures on Instagram.
JR JR and Tshepi Vundla’s son, Siba, is already what one can call a celebrity baby. He already has his own following on social media and is a toddler influencer. JR has been a model dad – sharing videos of him and Siba kicking the ball in his garden, carrying him on his back when Siba is tired, and making sure he shows appreciation to Vundla for their son.
PROVERB THE rapper turned TV producer and presenter has a girl and a boy with his ex-wife. He rarely shares pictures of them but he does share their achievements, showing how proud he is. We like how he stresses the importance of teaching children financial literacy. He’s a good guy and we’re certain he’s an even better father.
DADS OF TIKTOK Fathers join videosharing social networking service community
SACHA VAN NIEKERK
FROM their dry sense of humour to partaking in embarrassing dance challenges, it seems dads are the butt of every good TikTok and we’re absolutely loving it. Hailing from the shores of Mzansi, these fathers have charmed their way into our hearts, fast becoming a major part of the TikTok community. By posting relatable, funny and often downright adorable videos from all aspects of their lives, they’ve also gained quite the following. Here are seven of our favourite TikTok dads.
@maggiesdad and @ maggiethurmon VIRTUALLY every video on Maggie’s account stars her father, a keynote speaker, author and performer, with whom she makes and creates viral dances. Always laughing, the duo seem to have a fun, light-hearted and healthy father-daughter relationship that’s more like that of best friends. Fans are constantly commenting on how their videos brighten their day and it’s true: when scrolling through their accounts, you can’t help but smile.
@somg63 @ kay_sibiya
A wonderful father to Bahumi, TV personality Somizi MhlongoMotaung has also recently joined the TikTok community and has brought all the Somgaga vibes with him. Fully committing to every skit with props, outfits, wigs and make-up, he gravitates more towards lip-synching to viral songs, like ZOL, by Max Hurrell.
KAY Sibaya is a television staple on local screens. Currently portraying Ayanda on SABC 1’s telenovela Uzalo, he’s already cultivated quite the loyal audience on his latest venture, TikTok. The doting dad created his account in the midst of the lockdown but it seems he’s already mastered the app with posts of hilarious magic tricks and illusions that have his family rolling their eyes.
@waynebrady @ courtnallskosan
@terrell_jarius
COURTNALL Skosan is not only one of South Africa’s most well-loved rugby players, but one of our favourite South African dads, too. Pop on to his profile to explore a range of helpful and inspiring workout content, as well as loads of fun and adorable videos with his family. Courtnall wants to grow his page to 300 000 – let’s get him there.
TERELL and Jarius Joseph had a tumultuous journey into fatherhood when their son was born prematurely at just 36 weeks weighing 1.36kgs. However, he defied all odds and is now a healthy almost 3-year-old with a younger sister. Participating in all the dance challenges, showing off their matching family outfits as well as precious moments from everyday life, the two dads also have an important message to share. Through every video they post, they seek to inspire and encourage love through their personal journey of fatherhood and same-sex marriage.
COMEDIAN and host Wayne Brady is quarantined with his blended family consisting of his daughter, ex-wife and her new partner. The group has banded together to post videos detailing their unusual living situation in the coolest way possible – through doing popular dances and challenges – sometimes even while wearing matching outfits.
@bonglez RADIO 702 presenter, Bongani Bingwa describes himself as a “regular dad totally in love with his daughter”, in the bio on his account. And, from the content he posts, it shows. His account is dotted with videos of the pair taking part in trending challenges, playing pranks on each other and, of course, dancing. In the caption of a picture of him and his daughter practising their dance moves, Bingwa shared his thoughts on parenting: “People say you must be a parent and not a friend to your kids. I think that is wrong. Nothing will ever make me NOT be her parent but in the years to come with the challenges she will face, I’m betting she is going to need me as a friend too.”
MARCHELLE ABRAHAMS
QUALITIES OF A GREAT DAD
WHAT are the qualities of an engaged, present father? So many times we take our cue from our own parents, hoping that we’re getting it right. And other times, some sage advice, coupled with gut instincts, strikes it lucky. We put this question to Durban-based counselling psychologist Claire Moore, and she responded with 10 qualities that make a great dad.
LISTEN
EMPATHY
Take the time to really listen to your child, no matter the circumstances. Whether a child is talking nicely, screaming, shouting or crying, we need to pay attention to what they are trying to communicate to us. Children actually communicate most effectively when they are emotional. Many men struggle to deal with their kids’ emotions. To be a great dad, you need to set aside any discomfort you feel when your child is emotional and listen well.
Empathising does not mean you have to always agree with your child or give in to them. It means that you put yourself in their shoes and see something from their perspective. Whatever your child is saying makes sense to them, and you need to understand how they are perceiving the situation before you can respond well. So often I hear dads getting annoyed with kids for having a different opinion or a supposedly irrational feeling, and telling their child that their perspective on a situation is wrong. That leaves them feeling unheard and misunderstood and often results in them digging in their heels. Before children will hear what you have to say, they need to know that you have understood that their feeling or
TONE REFLECT Reflecting is the skill of repeating back in paraphrase what someone has said to you. Children need to hear you explain to them what you have heard them say, and how you have understood their communication, before they will be able to listen to you. You also need to give them an opportunity to correct what you have heard them say, if you have misunderstood. Remember, you can understand their opinion and feelings, and still disagree.
Children are extremely sensitive to tone of voice in their parents, particularly in their dads. Tone with children always needs to be “low, slow and soft” and then can be either gentle or firm, depending on the circumstances. When your tone is low in pitch, your pace of speaking is slow and your volume is soft it communicates loving authority to your child. When a parent’s voice becomes high pitched or fast paced, it communicates that the parent is almost emotional and it subconsciously gives the child “permission” to argue back. When the tone is loud or aggressive it creates fear in a child, and discourages them from communicating at all.
TIME ACCEPTANCE
Make time to spend with your children. During that time, be consciously present with them. Engage with them, doing something they like to do, or show an interest in their interests. Spending quality time with a child makes them feel seen and valued. Many dads are so busy trying to provide financially for their children that they sometimes forget how important their time and attention is to their child. Society and media gives us the message that a good dad is one that provides all the latest gadgets, the best house, or the nicest car. The reality is that your children will remember the time you spent with them far more that the gadget that got them out of your hair.
Children need to know that you love and accept them for who they are, even when you are unhappy with their actions or if they are different from you. Always be conscious of separating your child’s character from their behaviour, and communicate to them that they are still good enough, even when they have behaved badly. Let your child know that they are allowed to have their own identity and be open to accepting things about them that you may not completely agree with. Most dads want what is best for their kids, but sometimes in an attempt to do what they think is best, they can inadvertently put pressure on their children to be “perfect”, or to be “just like them”. To be a great dad, remind your child that you accept them AFFECTION as a person, no matter what. Children need affection in order to feel safe and loved. It is the earliest love language you can speak to your child, and it remains a powerful way to make your BOUNDARIES child feel nurtured and valued. Affection can take many different forms. From a simple hug Children need boundaries to and kiss, to cuddles in bed at night, to a lightfeel safe and they need to know hearted wrestling match with your child, to a that their parents will consistently pat on the head, it all counts. enforce those boundaries. They need to be Some dads struggle to show physical told clearly what the rules are and what the affection to their children because of consequences will be if they break those rules. social messages that it is not manly, or However, they also need to know that the rules it is a mother’s role. To be a great are what is best for them and that you love them, dad, demonstrate your love by even when you are meting out punishment as a showing your children consequence. Many fathers find it difficult to be physical affection. both loving and affectionate, as well as firm and consistent in discipline. There seems to be an all-or-nothing approach for some; either they are the good cop or the bad cop and it is hard to play both roles. Children need their parents to be able to deal out consequences Moore is a counselling psychologist specialising one minute and a hug the next, in family counselling, couples therapy and without backing down on the addictions. consequences.
AFFIRMATION Praise your child, first for who they are, and then for the things they have done. Begin by praising their character. Tell them that they are kind, loving, honest, understanding of others, loyal, etc. Then, when you are sure that they know they are good enough as a person, you can tell them you are proud of their achievements or behaviours and that they are beautiful/handsome and intelligent. Many men were raised by fathers who tried to motivate them with criticism or fear, and dads often unknowingly perpetuate this parenting style. They fear that praising their children will make them complacent and less motivated to achieve. In reality, affirming a child creates confidence in themselves and their ability, and therefore builds a stable self-esteem and allows the child to achieve their potential.
STABILITY Children need their parents, and their dads in particular, to be their rock; the people they can rely on most to keep them safe. Show your children that you are stable and that you are willing and able to cope with whatever troubles life throws at you. Make sure that they know that you will be there if they need you.
SACHA VAN NIEKERK
ACTIVITIES FOR DAD
Rather than a gift, consider giving a memorable experience FATHER’S day is fast approaching, so it’s time to start thinking of ways to honour and celebrate the paternal figures in your life. Whether it’s adventures in the outdoors or a cosy day at home with the family, we’ve curated a list of activities to celebrate Father’s Day.
GAME DRIVE Public and private game farms have been opened for self-drive excursions. If your father has been craving an adventure, perhaps rattling over winding dirt roads, passing thorny acacia trees and the golden and green landscape that’s home to South African wildlife is just what he needs? Whether you choose to go in the morning to catch the early risers as they emerge from the bush or as the sun starts to set, pack a game-drive-inspired lunch consisting of all his favourites, to keep hunger at bay. Feasting on biltong, salted nuts, fresh sliced fruit, crackers and cheeses will help set the scene for a wonderful day immersed in nature.
HIKE For the outdoorsy dad who’s itching to work up a sweat and take in the fresh air and glorious views South Africa has to offer, a hike may be the perfect way to celebrate. Hiking is allowed, so long as it is done in compliance with lockdown guidelines and not in groups. As you would for any hike, ensure that you have the essentials with you. Carry items like a charged cellphone, power bank, snacks and water. Take a jacket in case the weather changes.
BEER TASTING Is your dad a huge fan of beer, wine or whisky? Plan a tasting evening where he gets to taste a variety of different alcohols by his favourite brand. Do a little research and prepare key cards with a few notes detailing the different flavours, aromas and colours as well as some other interesting facts he might enjoy. Of course, you’ll need something to pair the alcohol with because the combination is always a winner. Be sure to find out which foods best accompany your chosen beverage. Lager beers go down a treat with shellfish and spicy food, whereas dark chocolate, grilled steaks and cheeses suit whisky best.
BREAKFAST IN BED Ah, breakfast in bed, the traditional go-to for practically any special occasion from Valentine’s day to birthdays. Simple and easy to achieve, this classic is for anyone who loves their eggs in bed. Whether it’s a full English breakfast or yoghurt with muesli and fresh fruit, lay down the spread on a tea tray, with a place mat or tea towel underneath, use your best bowls and cutlery. Add a vase of flowers and a homemade Father’s Day card to finish the look.
BACKYARD CAMPING A cosy fire, the sounds of nature and a sky full of stars – backyard camping can be just as fun and adventure-filled as the real thing. It’s probably been awhile since your last camp-out, so perhaps it’s time to put that gear to good use? In the comfort of your garden, (or balcony if you don’t have one) set up a tent to relax in, play music, bring board games outside to play on a blanket, build a fire on the braai and toast marshmallows. It’s the perfect way to celebrate as a family – without all the admin of a camping trip. FYI: If you don’t have a tent, a makeshift one using sheets propped up by random objects will work just as well.
GAME NIGHT It’s time to whip out old favourites like 30 Seconds, Pictionary and Scrabble for a family game night. Since it’s dad’s special day, let him pick the games – even if it is a round or two on the Xbox. Create a leaderboard, tallying everyone’s score. Heighten the stakes by allocating prizes for different categories. Ranging from the usual titles like “Overall Winner” to funnier one’s like “The First Person To Throw Their Cards On The Floor” during Monopoly or a card game. You are sure to have lots of fun – whether you win or lose.
One of the World Health Organization’s requirements during the Covid-19 pandemic is for people to wear masks when in public. However you choose to celebrate, make sure you do so mindfully and in accordance.
NEVIN MARTELL
DADVICE Everything I learnt about being a father, I learnt from my mother
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THE TRIP
JUST over a month before my son was born, my father and I took a week-long fishing trip to Costa Rica. One last epic adventure before my life would change in almost every way possible. I had an ulterior motive: to pick his brain for advice on being a dad, because I felt vastly under-prepared for the task. Unfortunately, dad was no help. On our first day in Costa Rica, during a three-hour road trip from the airport to the house we were renting, I asked him for tips on fatherhood. “You’ll figure it out,” he replied. “To be honest, your mother really did all the parenting.” Over the course of our week-long vacation, I tried asking for advice in four dozen ways, but dad never shared a single insight. Nothing. Nada. As always though, dad was Captain Adventure, ensuring we took the roads less travelled at every turn. I came home exhilarated, but disappointed by the lack of “dadvice” I received.
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MUM
As soon as my son, Zephyr, arrived, I realised my autonomy had an unexpected downside: it felt like going up a certain creek without a paddle. I needed a lodestar to help guide me through the process. I had so many questions and so few answers. And then, my mother came to live with us for several weeks to help us transition into parenthood smoothly. Whenever Indira needed a break from holding Zephyr and I wasn’t there, my mom swooped in to take him before she was even asked. I’d be feeling tired, and my mother would magically ask whether I’d like a cup of the coffee she was thinking of brewing. Zephyr would be on the verge of getting fussy, and she would suddenly be rocking him while cooing and making cute faces. She seemed to anticipate everyone’s every needs, often offering help before we even knew to ask. As she parented all of us, she doled out anecdotes about my childhood, a verbal highlight reel. There were the inevitable comparisons between me as a baby and Zephyr. She sprinkled in memories of her own upbringing.
MY PROMISE
I promised myself I was not only going to be the best father I could be but also remember everything I did (good, bad and downright ugly), so I could one day share insights with my son if he became a father. There was a certain sense of liberation and self-empowerment that came with this forced course. I would be a father of my own making, a tabula rasa of dads. I would forge fatherhood into an experience uniquely my own, one I felt would best serve me, our son and our family in the best ways possible.
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CONCLUSION
When I had a moment to process her stories and observations, I realised many were allegories hiding helpful bits of wisdom: never stop telling your child you love them unconditionally. Hugs make almost everything better. A thoughtful compliment boosts confidence. True authority doesn’t require yelling. Be on the same page as your spouse when it comes to rules and enforcement. Give presents that mean something. Don’t think of cooking as a chore, think of it as a way of expressing your love. Mistakes are inevitable, so learn from them. There was so much to absorb about being a dad, so much to process. I still talked to my mother constantly after she went home. Sometimes I bluntly asked for parenting advice because I was at my wit’s end and didn’t know who else to ask; sometimes she just realised I needed it and gently gave it to me. The one thing I didn’t want to broach with her was my lack of a fatherly guide for my journey through dad-dom. My parents divorced decades ago and are on good terms, but I still avoid conversations about one with the other if I can help it. Why walk across a minefield when there’s a perfectly good path around it? Despite my lack of a parenting sherpa, I was loving fatherhood and throwing myself into it with sometimes reckless abandon. I told my son I loved him unconditionally an almost uncountable number of times every day. One day, I had one of those revelations that seems like such an obvious thought in hindsight. Why was I so fixated on having a dad as a touchstone? I didn’t need a father to guide me on how to be a good father. I needed a parent to guide me on how to be a good parent. An obvious role model had been with me my entire life: my mother. | The Washington Post
MARCHELLE ABRAHAMS
MOVIES FOR DAD Films that have planted seeds of emotion
FATHEROOD is an exhausting, exhilarating roller-coaster ride of highs and lows. It’s a full-time job with maximum input rewarded with sloppy kisses, ice-creamsplattered clothing and red-faced tantrums. Yes, you bought a oneway ticket to Funky Town, but no one’s given you directions and the manual’s been out of date for 20 years or so. When it comes to the complexities of parenthood, Hollywood’s got it wrong so many times. But every once in a while comes a movie that plants a seed of emotions, compelling us to revisit memories that we’ve compartmentalised into the good or bad section. So in the spirit of Father’s Day, we’ve selected a list of movies that reflect real-life parenting, minus clichéd Hallmark music.
THIS IS 40 The 2012 comedy written and directed by Judd Apatow was the unofficial spin-off from his 2007 film Knocked Up. The movie is centred around married couple Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann) who are both dealing with their own existential crisis as they head for the big 40. Debbie is having difficulty letting go of her youth while Pete is begrudgingly obliged to pay for his father’s upkeep, despite having a family of his own. It doesn’t help that their children have little to zero respect for them and they’ve now become “that boring couple”. A total cringe-fest, it’s the funny moments which sometimes feel too real that are a reminder that as parents, we’re all just winging it and hoping for the best. LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE This was arguably the breakout independent movie of 2006. With a cast including Greg Kinnear, Steve Carell, Toni Collette, Alan Arkin and Abigail Breslin, the witty script and offbeat characters earned 91% Rotten Tomatoes score. Most of us see ourselves in the dysfunctional family set-up. Throw a road trip into the mix and you’ve got a recipe for unbridled chaos. It’s a reminder that family in the nontraditional sense can raise confident, close-to-stable young adults.
TRANSAMERICA Starring Felicity Huffman and Kevin Zegers, a preoperative transgender woman takes an unexpected trip when she learns she fathered a son, now a teenage runaway hustling in New York. The 2005 screenplay was inspired in part by conversations between director Duncan Tucker and his then room-mate Katherine Connella. The movie is an observation of human nature. At its core is a relationship between child and parent struggling to fill in the gaps after 17 years.
LOSING LERATO Kagiso Modupe’s self-funded movie took almost four years to come to life. On making Losing Lerato, he said: “There are a lot of things going wrong in society and we are not opening up and having a conversation about it. We are always looking at the final product, never looking at what causes it. Those are the things that made me want to make this film.” The film tells a story of a successful young black man who takes matters into his own hands when he fights for the right to be with his daughter as fathers still face discrimination in a court of law when it comes to child custody.
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS This movie will probably strike a chord with those who have been following Black Lives Matter protests around the world. Poignant and dramatic, Will Smith encapsulates a desperate and selfless father in the form of Chris Gardner, a homeless salesman fighting against a system that was built to keep people suppressed. What makes this movie so evocative is the fact that it was based on Chris’s own struggles as he and his son lived on the streets for almost a year. The film was nominated for an Oscar and Golden Globe for Smith’s performance.
SHE’S HAVING A BABY This 1998 romantic comedy is an oldie but its storyline is still relevant today. Kevin Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern are a couple struggling to conceive a baby, something that most couples battling with infertility can relate to. Kevin’s character is a man trying to reconcile two worlds, and the result is an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty. What makes it so engaging is that you think you might have it all together but nothing prepares you for parenthood.
DEBASHINE THANGEVELO
Macfarlane Moleli
DAD’S JOY ‘We run together, we pray together, we exercise together and we play together’
PART of the Carte Blanche family, Macfarlane Moleli has a pretty busy schedule. As much as he loves what he does, he also takes great pride in his other role as a father. “My kids are my life, every single one of them has something special about them and they make being a dad so easy because they are so loving. There is never a shortage of kisses, hugs and ‘I love you’, in my home.” And he is grateful for the lessons his father imparted to him, which he practices, too. “As much as my dad was obsessed with education, he instilled the love of knowledge into our hearts and minds. I guess being an educator didn’t end at the office for him because he brought the same discipline at home. So as children, we knew we had to read and know something about everything. “Reading is a huge part of my children’s lives, I try to equip them with knowledge at every given opportunity, even though times have changed and Google has taken over. “I still make sure that my kids are well-read and I make sure that if they don’t know or understand anything, they must seek out the answers. “We read every night at my house for at least half an hour. So besides what we read together as a family, I try and get my kids to always have a book that they are reading.” Moleli is a dad of six, whom he fondly refers to by their nicknames: Moppet, 7, Zeed Zeed, 8, Maani, 11, Keemy, 14, Khadj, 16, and Ato, 20. Every dad has a vault of treasured memories, Moleli is no different. “Watching my children grow will always be a truly enriching experience, seeing how each of them has a part of you in their mannerisms, their thinking or actions is mindblowing. “I can almost hear my mother’s voice saying, ‘When you have kids, I wish they drive you as mad as you drove me’. “Watching this literally happen in front of my eyes every day is a surreal experience.” As much as there is plenty of cherished moments, challenges are part for the course, too. Moleli agreed: “Prayer has become the foundation which we are building our family on, and praying together as a family every night has not only brought us closer. It has also given us an opportunity to realise that we are not alone in our struggles. This has changed our family immensely.” As for his greatest joy of being a dad in today’s world and the words of wisdom he often passes onto his kids, he said: “I am never too busy for my kids, I make time for them in whatever way I can. I’m fortunate enough that we are only ever really busy for one or two days at the most. “However, on my off days, I’m always at home and I get to spend time with my children. I won’t say I have mastered the work-life balance, but I do my best to make sure that when I have a chance, I give adequate time for my kids. We run together, we pray together, we exercise together and we play together. “Knowing that my kids are happy is the greatest joy any parent could ever ask for because all we can do is try our very best for our families. “I try to teach my children that family is everything and the only salvation we have is putting our faith and trust in Allah.”
MARCHELLE ABRAHAMS
DAD JOKES Knock knock. Who’s there? Daddy. Daddy who? Daddy cool
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.” – Ryan Reynolds “Today, my son asked ‘Can I have a bookmark?’ and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.” – Anonymous “How do you find Will Smith in the snow? You look for the fresh prints.” – @ baddadjokes/Twitter “What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.” – Anonymous “What did the fisherman say to the magician? Pick a cod, any cod.” – Parents. com “Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.” – Buzzfeed “I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.” – Anonymous “I’ve forgotten all my boomerang jokes, but I’m sure they’ll come back to me.” – @ baddadjokes
DAD jokes are the cornerstone of every bad joke institution. And yet, there’s always that one joke that gets passed on from one generation to the next. It might not be Comedy Central material, but you have to admit there is a certain amount of appreciation to be had for a well-timed pun, especially if it’s followed up by roars of laughter by yours truly. If you thought for one minute that dad jokes had overstayed their welcome, think again. In recent years, mass-sharing on the internet has facilitated a renewed appreciation of the dad joke. Well, US publication The Atlantic seems to think so. According to them, online forums like Reddit have more than 1 million subscribers with several new posts every hour. Even popular online series Dad Jokes has found an audience with its more than 1.1 million followers on Facebook. In each video, two comedians face off by telling dad jokes to each other. The first one to laugh loses. And if you’re looking for new material, Twitter is a nonstop shop for “comedy gold”; just type in the #dadjoke hashtag and you’ll be rewarded with a treasure trove of cirque du soleil (lame) jokes. But maybe now is the time to retire the cringy one-liners or inappropriate innuendos and top up your arsenal with new punchlines. We went in search of the worst dad jokes that are so bad, they’re funny.
DEAR DAD
DEBASHINIE THANGEVELO
DEAR DAD FATHER’S Day is almost here. But I won’t get to spend it with you since I’m 600km away. The Covid-19 lockdown has made things even more stressful for me and it feels like the distance between Durban and Joburg is wider. That said, I love our chats, which we need to have more of. But your words comfort me, despite the distance. It feels like you are in the room, cautioning me as always. At 60-plus years, you’ve become a lot crankier, which mom keeps complaining about. But enjoying having your family around is something that hasn’t changed over the years. Despite getting older, though, you remain a fiercely protective figure in my life. You might not be overly affectionate or say “I love you”, but your actions sum up up your love. As a blue-collar worker, you worked hard to provide for your two kids. One of my fondest memories was of you coming to school on a Friday morning, after working a night shift, to bring my brother and I treats before the lunchtime bell rang. We were also spoilt with some spending money to treat ourselves. With you losing your parents as a child, I know you did the best you could for your own family with what little you had. It taught me that being a father isn’t about simply providing. It’s about being present in every way. You’ve been that for my brother and I. I secretly smile when you reprimand us, as adults, as you feel we’ve done something we should not have. I can’t wait to see you again. And I know as soon as you hear I will be coming “home”, you will be eagerly waiting by the garage to give me a hug and help me with my luggage. That’s the kind of understated love I grew up with and cherish every day. You are loved and missed. Happy Father’s Day, dad!
MY DAD BROUGHT TO YOU BY IOL LIFESTYLE WWW.IOL.CO.ZA/LIFESTYLE
