Don’t hold back: Child Abuse Survivor Speaks Out

Photo by Jeffrey Riley on Unsplash

DON’T HOLD BACK: DON’T HOLD BACK:

CHILD ABUSE SURVIVOR CHILD ABUSE SURVIVOR SPEAKS OUT SPEAKS OUT

by Kimberley Kleczka

This is a cliché, but sometimes we lose sight of it: Children are our future. The brighter they live their lives, the brighter the world will be for us all. Sometimes those who sadly suffer abuse as a child turn their story into advocacy for a better life for other children. And so, we introduce a beautiful soul, a voice for those who go unheard and an advocate for all children suffering from sexual abuse: Emma-Jane Taylor.

Because of her own childhood abuse, Emma Jane has vowed to take on one of the most important roles for the future of humanity. That of protecting the innocence and wellbeing of children.

In 2018, Don’t Hold Back, Emma Jane’s debut book was published. Here she is, telling us what inspired it and keeps her going.

www.morethanacover.com

Tell us about your book, ‘Don’t Hold Back’?

Don’t Hold Back was written to give thought and insight of a survivor and what it has taken to recover, succeed, and the battles that continue to rise. I wanted to give someone hope and the opportunity to make a difference to their own life. It continues to be read around the world, and I am proud to have supported many on this subject. It was a scary experience writing and sharing this book, but for all the judgements and concern, it has served a great purpose and message - and for this I will always be grateful.

The book is full of practical tools and possibilities, and whatever your experience, I only hope that the motivational tips and exercises will provide the reader with new possibilities to discover yourself.

Where did you find the inner strength to fight?

It definitely wasn’t a smooth ride speaking up and out, but then neither was being sexually abused as a child, or abandoned by my father..... and I had to keep this in mind as I navigated my way through difficult conversations and as I did so, I remembered the pain, darkness, loneliness, bulimia, hurt, anguish, night terrors - having to sleep with my light on, the fear, paranoia, addictions, disorders, delayed onset of maturity - I still wet the bed at 11 years old, C-PTSD, triggers, abreactions and and and… the list went on! I have never forgotten my ‘why’.

How common is sexual abuse among children of different ages?

Extremely.

Who are the most common perpetrators?

People we know and usually love.

How can one help prevent the abuse?

Education is an important part of reducing Child Sex Abuse. Supporting children to understand healthy relationships, what is appropriate, language to use and respect, mitigates the impact of a very unstable world for young children, especially given the seductive online world they live in.

What is Project 90/10?

Project 90/10 is a powerful mission and vehicle for influential attitude and action change through education and awareness campaigns in the area of sexual abuse. The mission only offers clear protection, support, and solutions for children and parents who have already suffered but key education and innovative awareness to diverse sectors of society, enabling prevention over cure. In an ever changing world Project 90/10 is passionately committed to changing the way this pivotal issue is averted, treated, healed, and supported.

It is a charity being set up currently.

Recently you did a TEDX talk, what was your message?

I want better protection for young lives and a change in thought processes around Child Sex Abuse. We are still educating young people on stranger danger’ and tick boxing activities within PHSE days, but the realities of Child Sex Abuse lie closer to home, in that most victims know their abusers. It is an eye-opening conversation that many don’t want to have, but they need to. Schools need to work with experienced voices/trainers/ speakers to raise awareness, important conversations and more regularly.

What do you do to stay resilient?

I go to the gym (Mon-Friday) for 90 minutes and on the weekend I take family walks/ outside runs/ cold water swimming and garden. Downtime is important for me and helps my soul grow. Being nurtured by the great outdoors is equally important and something I do daily with dog walks.

I also don’t let social media/ technology come upstairs in my home. This gives privacy and a much needed time-out from screens.

Do you have any special stories to share with us?

I was called a failure and the girl ‘going nowhere’ at school; sent to junior psychiatrics, put in isolation and chastised regularly. I never thought I’d do anything, didn’t think I was clever enough, able, or talented. I spent my life in a haze, unable to function with anything other than partying; so my achievements as a businesswoman, speaker, author and corporate trainer have been significant, and I don’t often understand how I’ve done that given my early life experiences of abuse, abandonment and emotional trauma. It still comes as a shock that I have achieved so much… Given all this, it’s been overwhelming to say the least. In 2021 I was invited to speak at the NSPCC’s Celebrity Dinner Gala at The Guildhall, London. Being invited as the keynote speaker at their biggest fundraising event was something I was extremely proud to do.

There were 500 people in the audience. My speech alone raised £22k…..maybe I wasn’t quite the failure I was told I’d be.

Congratulations on your Queen’s award. Can you tell us about that?

The Queen’s Award for Voluntary Service is the highest award given to volunteer groups across the UK. I received it alongside other volunteers for my role as Ambassador for Smart Works, Reading.

You have various platforms you use to share important messages about CSA, radio being one of them, who is your audience?

With radio, I usually find survivors or loved ones of survivors tune in, and to be honest, I also find that it is mostly survivors listening and sharing stories because non-survivors don’t want to listen to the reality and the harshness of the conversation – in my opinion this needs to change, because it is this change that will reduce the crime and help educate those who ‘don’t think it will happen to them or their child’.

What amazing projects are you currently working on?

1. Project 90/10. 2. My second book. 3. Corporate events – speaking engagements – just confirmed a booking for 2023. 4. Writing and developing school presentations and safe-guarding. 5. Continuing to grow as a person.

A child should never be abused. A child should never suffer. Let’s keep our children safe and surround them with love.

How important is it to stand up for your beliefs?

For me, very. I believe we should all feel comfortable to use our voice without feeling ashamed, scared, embarrassed or traumatised by doing so. Going through life feeling afraid to say something because of upsetting someone who has hurt you - is not acceptable in the 21st century. As a young girl I didn’t know I had a voice, I didn’t know how to say no, and I didn’t know I could stand up against what was wrong.

Do you have any last thoughts to share with us?

• Life is short, there is not enough time to do everything we might want to do, so why not create a bucket list of realistic achievements that you could work through in time and enjoy them?

• Not everyone is going to like what you do, say or enjoy – but that is okay. Don’t let this stop you enjoying those things, and remember it is not your problem how people feel towards your decisions. Stay true to you, what you want and need.

• Lean into kindness, empathy, understanding and believe someone who is telling you – especially a child – that they have been abused.

• Authenticity will always be an easier way to live.

• Be with the people who make you feel good – not the other way round! |

Speak up and use your voice.

Education is an important part of reducing sex abuse.

Fund support schemes for survivors of Child Sex Abuse

I know first-hand how difficult it was to be heard, and how uncomfortable it was for me to speak up in my professional environment. Labelled a failure and the girl going nowhere, I was absolutely held back by the stigma attached to my life, that I hid for years - ashamed of what had happened to me. As an Advocate for survivors of child sex abuse, I believe governments across the globe should be more engaged on the realities of child sex abuse and the talented lives that are being ruined.

For many, the resultant mental trauma from child sex abuse is like being in prison. Because of this many survivors don’t have the ability to apply for jobs, work or find any success. Talented survivors circle around a life of silence & fear because they are ashamed of what has happened to them. By allowing this conversation some air we can create increased productivity and success for the many survivors suffering in silence.

The Government must fund specialist schemes to provide more support for survivors than is currently available, including support for people to get into and return to work.

Sign the petition here.

“‘Silence’ is deafening when you are being abused as a child...”

EMMA-JANE TAYLOR 2ND DECEMBER 2021 GUILDHALL, LONDON, UK