ihsvoice.com
THE VOID April 1, 2015
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New high school to be built next to Pacific Commons By Shayna Kapadia Student Life Editor
Last March, the FUSD approved plans to build a new high school on the empty plot of land behind Pacific Commons in order to accommodate the growing number of freshman each year. Construction will begin next month, and the new school will open for the 2015-2016 school year. According to the FUSD superintendent Mr. Romis, the freshman class has been steadily increasing by 5 percent each year, and there is no longer adequate space to educate them all. “We don’t know why the number of students keep increasing,” Romis said. “We haven’t seen this increase in children since the 1950s baby boom.” The new school will be three times the size of Irvington, as the district predicts the number of children will continue to increase. “We want to make sure we don’t run into any space issues in the future, so this school is going to be big enough to educate thousands of children,” Romis said. “Our high schools right now are too small and renovating them would be impractical because we would have to shut them down for a year as construction cannot be finished over the summer. We just can’t afford that with our ever
Irvington faculty, including Ms. McAuley, is concerned about the upcoming civil war. (Photo: Shonushka Sawant)
The district recently released a blueprint for the new school. (Photo: Shayna Kapadia) growing teenage population.” Due to the schools large size, funding for the construction has been difficult. The board of directors has been scouring all corners to find leftover change to fuel this project. “We haven’t had much luck with finding money,” said Phushi Katel, the construction planner. “We’ve been searching behind couches, in front of couches, and even in couches, but, even though we found enough for materiels, there just isn’t enough to get the whole project done.” The recent discovery
of oil underneath the library at Irvington gives the district hope that there will be enough money to pay for the new buildings. However, because of the raging ASB civil war, the district fears that money cannot be raised through calm negotiation, so are prepared to take legal action. “Right now there’s a large debate about where the money will go,” said FUSD treasurer, Ms. Liear. “We currently are filing a claim to seize the money so hopefully it goes through.”
Irvington wins celebrity principal from Get Schooled Competition By Nathan Tietz Staff Writer
On May 22, better known as National Turtle Day, a celebrity principal will grace the bricked hallways of Irvington as the reward of the student body’s hard work throughout the Get Schooled Challenge. Out of the many choices for celebrity principals available, Irvington was lucky enough to draw Senator Mitch McConnell over the likes of rapper Kendrick Lamar and actor Channing Tatum. McConnell’s representatives have reported that McConnell will change the mascot and colors of Irvington from a bearded viking and blue to Yertle the Turtle and beige. In accordance to these changes, all athletic functions on this day will feature new uniforms for players. Additionally, he will read the student bulletin as his longtime father figure Master Splinter and attend one AP Environmental Science class, where he will teach the students how to save his natural pond habitat. “All fathers care for their sons,” McConnell said in a getschooled.com interview. “These Irvington students will be my sons. Cowabunga!” As expected, student response was overwhelmingly positive. “This is an amazing event!” senior Tortuga Jones said. “McConnell is an inspiration to those of us in the student body who are struggling with association with turtles. He is living
ASB enters civil war over oil found beneath Irvington’s library By Shonuska Sawant Web Editor
On March 27, civil war broke out among ASB members after a disagreement about the ownership of crude oil recently discovered underneath the library. The junior and senior members of ASB decided to lay claim to the oil and seek private monetary gain from sale, but the underclassmen violently opposed the decision and insisted that the entire class had rights to the oil. Although ASB advisor Mr. Williams attempted to settle the dispute peacefully, the two parties began a series of hallway brawls, angry text messages, and heated conversations over Facebook. Eventually, he decided that the only way to settle the matter was through a no-holds-barred battle in the courtyard, scheduled during the lunch period on April 1. “Once this issue is settled fair and square, and both parties have gotten their wish to
do bodily harm to the other, we can return to our previous state of peaceful harmony,” said Mr. Williams. “Personally, it doesn’t matter to me who wins,” Mr. Williams said. “ASB is supposed to be a completely united class, and obviously, there’s no way the school can function until this issue is settled fair and square. We’ve decided that battle is the most democratic way to do it.” Each member of each side will be allowed to bring all weapons from home that they can carry in their backpacks. On the day of the battle, he FUSD will lift the ban on items such as knives and firearms on school campuses. “I honestly think that while people might get hurt, no one will be mortally injured,” ASB President Dill Pickle said. “Dodging bullets–literally–is actually much easier than most people realize.”
State law introduces mandatory parenting class By Rohit Dilip Staff Writer
McConnell shows his true identity as a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle (Photo Illustration: Matthew Chan) proof that we can overcome this obstacle and embrace our true identities.” ASB President Dill Pickle agrees. “This is another great moment for Irvington. I’ve heard legends about times when Irvington’s student body ral-
lies for great causes, and much like our success in becoming the greenest school in America, this reward of an inspirational celebrity principal is the culmination of a year’s worth of dedicated effort.”
A provision in the recent Proposition 29 ballot passed requires all high schools in California to implement a mandatory Advanced Parenting course for seniors. The law will take effect at the beginning of the 2015-2016 school year. Proposition 29 was proposed by lawmaker Gabriel Gardner in response to growing parental concerns over high rates of divorce among adults born in California. The bill passed with a resounding majority vote, and requires all high schools without a comparable mandatory parenting course to implement one, subject to a probationary five-year period of scrutiny by the state. Additionally, all teachers are required to take the course, an unprecedented decision in educational legislation. Although Irvington has already has a home economics course, the course curriculum fails to meet the required standards. Assistant Principal Jay Jackson explained the logistics of the program. “Because current juniors have already chosen classes, it becomes somewhat complicat-
ed,” Mr. Jackson said. “They’ll have to choose one course to drop sometime in May.” The first semester of Advanced Parenting covers topics like divorce proceedings, the most effective way to conceive a child, and how to deal with tense dinners after a family argument. The second semester predominantly focuses on financial difficulties, shifting blame towards one’s’ significant other, and how to deal with a sex life that will inevitably go downhill after the first year. The majority of Irvington students, however, reacted negatively to the decision. “I had all my classes planned out, and now this is messing with my schedule,” junior Mimran Soza said. “This really isn’t fair.” Despite the negative student body response, Irvington is mandated to comply with the guidelines. “We really don’t have a choice,” explained Advanced Parenting Coordinator Matthew Philips. “Even I have to take the course, and I’m sterile!”