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and shut out of the relationship. Maybe the relationship no longer feels emotionally safe, and they are subconsciously seeking acceptance in a world outside of your relationship.”
Higher levels of phubbing are often associated with greater relationship conflict While the cause isn’t always clear, one thing that is certain is that phubbing can be damaging, not only to your relationship but to your emotional health as well. It can cause us to feel neglected. You might experience a drop in mood or selfesteem, or even feelings of anger and
resentment. And, over time, these feelings add up. “If the relationship is even just a tad insecure, anything less than complete openness and transparency could give rise to suspicion. The sense of disconnection may trigger anxiety and fear that the relationship is in peril, and cause the anxious partner to question: ‘Do I even matter to you?’” Judy explains. It’s not healthy to foster feelings like these regularly, let alone towards your partner. It doesn’t have to be this way, though, and it’s actually easier than you’d think to avoid these conflicts. It’s all about creating boundaries and being honest with one another. The best way to have the conversation is to approach it in the same way as
you would for any other factor in your relationship. Judy says: “Express your feelings and needs with compassionate curiosity. For example: ‘When I see you on your phone so much I worry that you’re preoccupied with work [or someone/something else]. I care about you and our relationship so much, but I feel isolated.’” Make an effort to be more “present” when you are together. Try creating technology-free zones; leave your phones out of sight when you’re having dinner, allowing yourselves that time to sit and eat together, reflecting on how your day was. Or perhaps, make your bedroom a no-phone zone. This could help you “reconnect” as a couple – and even get a better night’s sleep, too.
August 2018 • happiful • 15