Heart's DeLight: Men's Workbook

2018 Naam: _______________________

Heart’s delight Workbook For Emotional Healing Arise, shine; for your light has come!

And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.

For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, And deep darkness the people; But the Lord will arise over you, And His glory will be seen upon you. –Is 60: 1-2

Hanlie Wentzel Christain Counsellor: reg.no: ACC 6760

Baobab Consulting hanlie.baobab@gmail.com www.baobabtherapy.com

2

You shall be like a watered garden –Is 58:11 Your inner self (incorruptible beauty of the hidden person of the heart) is like a Secret Garden.

It is a walled garden, with a locked door.

You have to guard your heart, the door and walls are there for your protection.

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it spring the issues of life. –Prov. 4:23 Jesus is the Constant Gardener, that stands by the door and knock.

Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him. –Rev. 3:20 Only the Key of Love can unlock the door of your Secret Garden The Love of Jesus is perfect (unconditional) love that cast out all fear.

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy, I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. –John 10:10 When your walls are broken, your Secret Garden suffers plunder and destruction.

Your walls are the boundaries in your relationships and self-control.

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls. –Prov. 25:28

He who believes in Me, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water. –John 7:38

PARABLE OF THE SOWER (Luke 7: 4-15) Two kinds of seed are constantly being sowed into your Secret Garden. The incorruptible seed of the Word of God, and weed - both takes root downward and bear fruit upward. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faithulness, gentleness, self-control. –Gal. 5:22.

For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth. –Eph. 5:9.

The weed (flesh/sinful nature) can also take root and bear fruit. For the works of the flesh are adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, idolatry, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, envy, murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like. –Gal. 5:19-21.

And the weed that also produces fruit in your life. The fruit of the Spirit is:

For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death. –Rom. 8:2 Jesus can be your Constant Gardener. Weeding and pruning, and perfecting in you all the beauty, splendor and glory of JESUS that the Father created you contain.

What does your Secret Garden look like?

Does the Constant Gardener live there?

Does He walk with you, and talk with you, and tells you that He loves you?

3

The Spirit-controlled Temperament Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. –Gal.5:16, 18.

And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.

If we are led by the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. –Gal. 5:24, 25 What Season/Temperament is your Secret Garden?

Every Temperament has its own weeds/ desires and passions of the flesh that they fight against.

Some of us are summer gardens, some are spring gardens, some winter gardens and some fall gardens. Every garden is beautiful in its own way, with a unique purpose, strength and fruit to bear and share.

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. –Ecc. 33:1

The challenge for all of us is not to try and fix ourselves we must stop the constant renovations and home makeovers of the soul. The self-hatred and self-rejection that cause us so much pain.

A garden cannot weed or prune itself, you can only invite the Constant Gardener into your Secret Garden.

Give Him access to every secret part of your heart. To shine His light into every dark corner. To pull up the weed and thorns. To break up the hard ground, to soak it in His Spirit, to water it with His living waters. To open up your inner wells and unblock the rivers of living waters that can flow from the heart.

He designed and created the Secret Garden of your Heart.

He foreknew you and dreamed you into being.

You have been wonderfully and fearfully made (Ps. 139:40) The incorruptible seed of the Word will take root and bear much fruit in your heart.

You are a Christ-Container.

You are full of GOODNESS, RIGHTEOUSNESS AND TRUTH.

4

The Secret Garden of you Heart Inviting the Constant Gardener into your Garden Consider these prayerfully...ask Holy Spirit to show you Your Father’s Love & Truth, where your heart has been wounded and where you need ministry/counselling. Then pray it through with a fellow Christian (spriritual brother, sister, father or mother in Christ).Allow Him to use these KEYS to unlock your heart, and set you free.

1. What do I have to do to be saved? (John 3:3) The Life-Light The Word was first, the Word present to God, God present to the Word. The Word was God, in readiness for God from day one. Everything was created through Him; nothing – not one thing! – came into being without Him. What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by. The LifeLight blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn’t put it out.

The Life-Light was the real thing: Every person entering Life He brings into Light. He was in the world, the world was there through Him, and yet the world didn’t even notice. He came to His own people, but they didn’t want Him. But whoever did want Him, who believed He was who He claimed and would do what He said, He made to be their true selves, their child-of-God selves. – John 1: 1-14 (Msg) To be saved you have to want Him and believe Him, that He is who He says He is and that He will do what He says. Embrace the Life-Light and allow Him to make you into your true self… your Child-ofGod-Self.

Here is a step-by-step process.

First, you must consider your life and then turn away from everything in it that is contrary to what God wants. This turning away from selfishness and toward God is called repentance (Matt. 3: 7-10; Acts 3:19). Now it’s time to change your ways! Turn to face God so He can

wipe away your sins, pour out showers of blessings to refresh you, and send you the Messiah He prepared for you, namely, Jesus. – Acts 3:19 (Msg) Second, you must acknowledge that Jesus Christ died on the Cross to forgive you of sin. You take Him as your Savior to cleanse you from sin – as the substitute who paid the price due for your sin (Rom. 5:9,10; Titus 2:14).

God’s readiness to give and forgive in now public. Salvation’s available for everyone! We’re being shown how to turn our backs on a Godless, indulgent life, and how to take on a God-filled, God-honoring life. This new life is starting right now, and it is whetting our appetities for the glorious day when our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, appears. He offered Himself as a sacrifice to free us from a dark, rebellious life into this good, pure life, making us a people He can be proud of, energetic in goodness. – Titus 2: 14 (Msg) Third, you must ask Him to be Lord of your life, acknowledging openly and verbally that Jesus is not only your Savior but your Lord (1 John 2:23).

5

The Bible says that as many as received Him were given the power to become the sons of God (John 1:12). So when you open your heart and receive Him, He comes into your heart –your inner person – through His Holy Spirit, and begins to live His life in you. From that point it is your privilege and call to confess what God has done (Rom. 10:9). -sourced from: Spriritual Answers to Hard Questions, Spirit Filled Life Bible.

Daily Declaration Today I consecrate my whole being to Jesus Christ, body soul and spirit.

I am at war; I have an enemy, I prepare for battle.

Today is the day that the Lord has made! I will rejoice and be glad in it! Ps 118:24 Today is the day that I will walk in love, light and wisdom! Eph 5 Today is the day that my home will be filled with love, peace and joy!

Today is the day that I will live in victory! I am seated with Christ at the right hand of the Father in the heavenly places. Far above all principality, power, might and dominion, and every name that is named not only in this age but also in that which is to come. Eph 1:20-23, 2:6 Today is the day that I will be strong in the Lord and the power of His might!

For the weapons of our warfare are mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ. 2 Cor 10:4,5.

Today is the day that I will be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make my requests known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and mind through Christ Jesus.

Phil. 4:6,7 Today is the day that I put on the full armor of God – to vigorously oppose, bravely resist and stand my ground in Christ.

I put on the helmet of salvation: I will not believe any lie from the father of lies.

I will make NO AGREEMENTS with the enemy of my soul. My mind is renewed. I will resist.

I put on the breastplate of righteousness. I am righteous in Christ.

I will guard my heart, I will not fall into guilt and condemnation, but walk humbly in repentance. For I know that the enemy seeks to kill, steal and destroy my heart.

I put on the girdle of truth. I will have truth in my innermost being.

Expose every lie and live openly and honestly in my relationships.

I put on my feet the preparation of the gospel of peace.

Knowing that I go to war to advance the Kingdom of Peace.

I take up the shield of faith, to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.

To stop all thoughts, plans, schemes and agreements of the wicked one against myself and my loved ones- before it wounds us.

I take up the sword of the Spirit – the Word of God, to destroy the works of the enemy. Eph 6:10-20.

Today is the day that I will not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of my mind, that I may proof that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Rom 12

6

THE RACE OF FAITH † RENEW YOUR SPIRITUAL VITALITY -Heb. 12

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.– Heb. 12:3,4

Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed. Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled. – Heb. 12-15

And the Angel of the Lord appeared to him, and said to him, “The Lord is with you, you mighty man of valor.”

- Judges 6:12 I will never leave you nor nor forsake you.

The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

Heb. 13:6

7

2. Hope in God QUESTIONNAIRE ON AUTHORITY FIGURES (TRUST vs DISTRUST) 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

What is your reaction usually to authority/ authority figures in your life.

Are you openly rebellious and defiant?

Are you too submissive and find it hard to say no?

Who is the first authority figure in your life that you can remember.

Did that person protect and guide you, or did he disappoint you?

Was the person domineering and wanted to control your life?

How was your relationship with the person.

How is your confidence in authority figures broken down in the past?

Give examples.

What was the effect on your attitude to authority?

What do you want your counselor to do to win your trust.

How do you want to be treated by your counselor.

Do you believe that God exists, that He is good, He loves you just as you are?

What do you want God to do to prove to you that He exists and that you can trust Him? Are you willing to give yourself over to a Power greater than yourself. To God?

3.

Surrender to God

1. My will What is your will or your willpower, where is it?

"You are a spirit, you live in a body and you have a soul" (1 Thess. 5: 23) • Body • Soul (Thoughts / Mind / Intellect, Emotions, Will) • Spirit God gave man a free will. "God is a gentleman." He will never force against your will. "Behold I stand at the door and knock ..." You have the choice to use your will and exercise your willpower to make decisions. Your will is your own, that's your choice: do you want to live according to your won desires or do you want to surrender your will to God, and live according to His will. YOU CAN ONLY SURRENDER IF YOU CAN TRUST HIM, AND KNOW THAT HE LOVES YOU AND THAT YOU ARE SAFE WITH HIM AND IN HIS WILL. “I

2. My life Your life is a gift, given to you by God. The body is just a temporary home, then you move on to the eternal. If your life comes from God and return to God, is it really yours? God give it and take it away again. What does your life consist of? Your breath / your time here on earth. Your relationships (family, friends), work, leisure, sports etc.. What happened to the quality of your life when you and your own will was at the helm. Was the fruit life or was it death?

Deut. 30: 19, 20; “I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing, therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live.”

8

The world teaches you, "You are the master of your own universe!" The Word of God says He must be God in your life. You have to choose, do you believe the world or do you believe the Word of God.

3. Self-centered vs. God-centered What does your life look like when you are the center and everything turn around you and your needs and desires.It only causes destruction. (James 7: 13-18, "self-seeking and bitter envy") How did it affect the people around you, were they happy?

4. What is holding you back from surrender What are you afraid to lose if you surrender your will and life to God? • Extra-marital affair / s • Dependent relationships • Lifestyle that does not honor God • Ways to escape • Selfish desires and needs • Decide how and where to serve God • Unwillingness to fail/ Fear of failure • Disbelief • Unforgiveness and right to revenge

What do you fear?

• Fear of what God expects of me • Fear of losing my individuality • Fear of intense emotional pain • Fear of emotional unbelief

Make a list of what is holding you back from surrendering your heart to God:

9

Weeding the Garden of your Heart Free to Love* Topics include: 1.

Communication

a. Recognizing different levels of communication b. Resolving conflicts

2. Purpose and Plan a. Overview of God’s plan and purpose for the individual and family

3. Identity and Destiny a. Seven critical times of blessing

4. Life patterns a. Eight adult life patterns b. Impact of lack of blessing/cursing of identity

5. Curses and Blessings a. Releasing God’s blessing b. Practical steps to freedom from cursing c. Personal ministry

‘’ He has sent Me to heal the broken-hearted to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound. ‘’ –Is. 61:1

“ Is this not the fast that I have chosen?

To lose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke?” Is. 58: 6

10

Honor & Dishonor Words can Hurt or Heal – Tame your Tongue A. Two levels of communication → Topical (verbal) issue and → Relational/Identity (non-verbal) issue.

B. Honour vs. Dishonour Definition of honour: “ A decision I make to place high value, worth and importance on another person by viewing him/her as a priceless gift and granting him/her a position in my life worthy of great respect.”

Honor in Hebrew means to make very heavy, dishonor is to make light/light of. 





Basis of honour: PERSONHOOD/IDENTITY, NOT PERFORMANCE/BEHAVIOUR – Unconditional love/acceptance not based on performance/behaviour  Separate identity and behaviour!!!!

Consequences of not separating identity and behaviour: o You will dishonour when attempting to correct behaviour o You will sow these 3 attitudes in others:  Rebellion  Correction = rejection  Honour/acceptance comes only from correct behaviour Cycles of dishonour: Deut. 5:16, 27:16 o Children who have been dishonoured by parents, will dishonour parents. o Children who have dishonoured parents will dishonour spouse/children. o Compulsive habits/destructive lifestyle patterns are often initiated at the time a decisive choice of rebellion against parents are made…

Relational Communication A. B. C. D. E.

Two levels of communication Honour vs. Dishonour When identity is cursed Ways we dishonour each other How to resolve relational conflict

11

C. When identity is cursed

Jas 1:26 - If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.

Two important things are value and significance:  Personal value: Each person has a need to feel valuable and significant. Husbands and wives perceive value differently: o Husband: value = significance: a realization that I am engaged in a responsibility/job that is truly important, whose results will not evaporate with time, but will last through eternity, that fundamentally involves having a meaningful impact on another person, a job for which I am completely adequate. o Wife: value = security/love: a convinced awareness of being unconditionally and totally loved without needing to change in order to win love, loved by a love that is freely given, that cannot be earned and therefore cannot be lost.

When identity is cursed, person dishonoured:  Husband feel unjustly accused, inadequate and displeasing, e.g. “she is always displeased with me”, “I can’t do anything right or good in her sight”, “when I go out of my way to do something extra/special for her, she only complains”, “even if I spent all my time and energy to please her, she still wouldn’t be happy”, “ in her sight I am just an inadequate husband, father, Christian and man”.  Wives feel unloved and not cared for, e.g. “he doesn’t really love me, he just doesn’t ever think about me”, “he is totally selfish, I am nr. 9,999 on his list, his career, friends, ministry, hobbies, sport and everything else are before me, I don’t mean anything to him”, “if I died tomorrow his life would go on unchanged, he’ll only need to hire a housekeeper, baby-sitter and cook”, “ no matter what I do I just can’t get him to pay any attention to me”.

Reactions to dishonour: 1. Fight: defend, attack, anger.

2. Flight: withdraw, silence, coldness, pouting.

Do I dishonour others (loved ones: spouse/children) in the way I speak to them?

AND am I dishonoured by others?

12

D. Ways we dishonour each other 1.

Wife can dishonour husband through: a. Withholding her heart from him b. Withholding sex as a manipulative weapon c. Physical violence d. Outbursts of anger e. Adultery f. Constant criticism and complaining g. Comparison with other men h. Making him her god i. Making her children her god j. Holding unforgiveness (IOU’s) against him 2. Husband can dishonour the wife through: a. Giving her no access to his heart b. Sexually violating her before marriage c. Sexual insensitivity to her within marriage d. Adultery e. Lording it over her in authoritarian insensitivity f. Constant criticism g. Physical violence h. Outbursts of anger i. Making his career or ministry his god j. Never hugging or showing physical affection k. Pride: never sharing a need 3. Parents and children: a. The rest of this article will focus on that.

E. How to resolve relational conflict 1. Ask God to make you sensitive and discern when you have hurt your partner.

2. If you’ve been hurt, go to God for comfort and truth and then forgive and release your partner.

3. When you have discerned that your partner is hurt, don’t evaluate whether he/she should be or not, ask God 2 questions: a. How have I cursed my partner’s identity? b. How have I made him/her feel?

4. Verify your partner’s feelings 5. Do not: a. Defend or explain b. Apologize tritely c. Attack d. Say: “you shouldn’t feel that way” e. Give advice f. Give correction 6. Repent and ask your partner to forgive you for hurting him/her 7. Bless your partner.

Prov 12:18 - There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

Prov 15:4 - A wholesome tongue is a tree of life: but perverseness therein is a breach in the spirit.

Prov 18:21 - Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

Prov 21:23 - Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.

-

KJV

13

Stand Firm in your Freedom THE BATTLE FOR THE SOUL 1.

WHO AM I? a. b.

c.

d.

Spirit, soul and body (1 Thess. 5:23) New creation in the spirit (2 Cor. 5:17): i. Body of sin done away with, in the spirit (Rom. 6:6) ii. Incorruptible seed in the spirit (1 Pet. 1:23) iii. Seed cannot sin (1 John 3:9) iv. Spirit is alive and full of Jesus’ righteousness (Rom 8:10) v. Born again spirit is one with the Lord (1 Cor 6:17) Soul is in process of salvation: i. Receipt of the Word in humility, engrafts it and saves the soul (James 1:21) ii. Faith in God brings salvation to the soul (1 Pet 1:9) iii. Soul must be transformed (Rom 12:2) Flesh: i. Not just the physical body, but the remnant of sin. ii. Nature of the flesh is hatred toward God (Rom 8: 6 – 8)

e.

f.

2. BATTLE FOR THE SOUL a.

b.

c.

d.

Spirit and flesh war against each other (Gal 5: 16 – 17) i. You cannot walk in the spirit and flesh at the same time (vs 16) – when you open door of spirit, door of flesh closes…

How does the flesh capture the soul? i. Conscious choice ii. Lack of knowledge iii. Deception (Rom 7:11, Heb 3: 12 – 13) What is the purpose of the flesh? i. Either Jesus in your spirit or you in the flesh at work (John 14:10) When soul is out of peace, the flesh brings comfort (Heb 4:10)

g.

h.

What moves the soul out of peace? i. Fear hath torment (1 John 4:18) ii. Fear of death keeps us in slavery to the devil (Heb 2: 14 – 15) What does the soul do when agitated by fear? i. Cuts off life of God in the spirit (Eph 4:18) ii. Seeks to save its own life (Mark 8: 35 – 37) iii. Fleshly comfort: anger, alcohol, drugs, sex, food, shopping, TV, sports, etc.

What activates fear? i. Lack of God’s love produces fear (1 John 4:18) ii. Because faith (opposite of fear) works through love (Gal. 5:6) iii. Natural mind’s interpretation of circumstances (1 Cor 2:14) Three basic lies of the devil which produce fear (1 Cor 2:14) i. God doesn’t love you and neither does anyone else. ii. You are worthless and of no value. iii. God won’t take care of you and your needs won’t be met.

14

i.

In the flesh  Soul out of peace  Fear of death: torment  Lack of love  Perfect love Truth (against the lie that contains the fear)

j.

Two fears i. Identity: no value ii. Welfare: needs not met Two fleshly reactions i. Pride: if you are of no value, do something to make yourself of value 1. Outward: arrogance 2. Inward: self-pity ii. Rebellion: do whatever you need to do to get your own needs met 1. All deeds of the flesh stem from pride and rebellion rooted in fear.

2. Example: reaction to relational message in traffic.

Jos_10:25 And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight. 1Ch_28:20 And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD. Psa_56:4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Psa_118:6 The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me? Joe_2:21 Fear not, O land; be glad and rejoice: for the LORD will do great things.

Heb_13:6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. Deu_20:3 And shall say unto them, Hear, O Israel, ye approach this day unto battle against your enemies: let not your hearts faint, fear not, and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified because of them; Deu_31:8 And the LORD, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed. Jos_10:25 And Joshua said unto them, Fear not, nor be dismayed, be strong and of good courage: for thus shall the LORD do to all your enemies against whom ye fight. Psa_46:2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Pro_3:25 Be not afraid of sudden fear, neither of the desolation of the wicked, when it cometh. Isa_35:4 Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompence; he will come and save you. Isa_41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isa_41:13 For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee. Isa_43:1 But now thus saith the LORD that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine. Isa_44:2 Thus saith the LORD that made thee, and formed thee from the womb, which will help thee; Fear not, O Jacob, my servant; and thou, Jesurun, whom I have chosen. Isa_44:8 Fear ye not, neither be afraid: have not I told thee from that time, and have declared it? ye are even my witnesses. Is there a God beside me? yea, there is no God; I know not any. Isa_54:4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more. Isa_54:14 In righteousness shalt thou be established: thou shalt be far from oppression; for thou shalt not fear: and from terror; for it shall not come near thee. Jer_30:10 Therefore fear thou not, O my servant Jacob, saith the LORD; neither be dismayed, O Israel: for, lo, I will save thee from afar, and thy seed from the land of their captivity; and Jacob shall return, and shall be in rest, and be quiet, and none shall make him afraid. Jer_46:27 But fear not thou, O my servant Jacob, and be not dismayed, O Israel: for, behold, I will save thee from afar off, and thy seed from the land of their captivity; and Jacob shall return, and be in rest and at ease, and none shall make him afraid. Dan_10:19 And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be strong, yea, be strong. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me. Mat_10:31 Fear ye not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows. Luk_8:50 But when Jesus heard it, he answered him, saying, Fear not: believe only, and she shall be made whole. Luk_12:7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows. Luk_12:32 Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Rom_8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father. 2Ti_1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Heb_13:6 So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. 1Jn_4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. Rev_1:17 And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last:

15

FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real) – a lie, smoke and mirrors, no real power, only deception.  In what area of your life is your soul out of peace? Is there fear that torments your soul: ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ (Work/finance/marriage/children/other relationships/your identity/etc)  What lie of the enemy causes the fear? ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

 What truth in the Word does God give you, to cast out the fear? ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

1. Ask Holy Spirit to expose the lies of the enemy.... take authority over the lies of enemy and declare that you will not believe them or agree with them.

2. Repent of believing and agreeing with the lie of the enemy of your soul.

3. Receive LOVE and TRUTH from Jesus, the Lover of your soul. Ask Jesus to exchange the lie with the TRUTH and to fill you with His LOVE. 4. Remember: the enemy will test you again in this area... so stand firm and do not give up the ground you have gained.

Abide in the Father, the “Father in Me do the works”– otherwise it is you In your own flesh trying to do the works of the Father.

16

2. GOD’S PURPOSE AND PLAN FOR FAMILIES 1. We have forsaken the ancient paths (God’s ways): God’s plan for the family (Jer 6: 13 – 16) a. A family is a spiritual entity not just a collection of people living under one roof. b. A family is one male and one female joined together by God in a marriage covenant.

Children are conceived, born and reared within the spiritual protection of covenant. c. A family is a unit (Luke 1:27, Acts 16:31) i. House (Greek: oikos, means, descendants thereof, Math 12:29) ii. An enemy must bind the strongman in order to plunder his house (Math 12: 28 – 29) iii. Iniquity, not sin, is transmitted generationally (Ex 34:7) d. A family is an atom, an atom is not just a collection of particles, but rather is bound together with a nuclear force. When an atom is split, a devastating chain reaction is initiated releasing a powerful destructive force. The family is like an atom and when split, undergoes in the spirit realm a similar nuclear reaction. e. God designed the family to work as follows: i. Responsibility of the parents for children ii. Submission of children to parents: which produces in children 1. Covering, which produces 2. protection, which produces 3. security, which produces 4. correct Godly personality development and 5. correct Godly destiny and direction in life. f. God intends for people to move form one circle of protection directly to another with no in-between exposure (Gen 2:24)

2. Why don’t marriage partners “cleave” to each other (Gen 2:24, 25) a. You cannot cleave if you didn’t leave b. Leaving is not physical, it is spiritual and soulical.

3. Why doesn’t one leave? a. You cannot leave if you’re not blessed b. Lack of blessing creates a bondage in the soul to the present parent. c. Two different manifestations of a soul tie to a parent: i. External hardness (I don’t need blessing and acceptance) ii. External longing (I’ll do anything for blessing and acceptance)

4. Marital relationship remains under the curse due to lack of blessing a. The wife desires and the husband rules (Gen 3:16) i. Desire: Hebrew teshuquah: pursue, run after, chase down. ii. Rule: Hebrew mashal: exercise authority over, put under ones feet.

5. Lack of blessing usually results in establishment of false image a. False images contain hurt, which produces fear regarding identity and welfare i. Fear torments the soul: 1. The flesh rises up to comfort the soul with pride and rebellion.

2. Other works of the flesh stem out of the above.

6. Blessing: to receive, consider a success, TO EMPOWER TO PROSPER. 7. Power of blessing (Gen 27: 34 – 41) 8. Blessing is God’s ordained method of imparting identity and destiny

17

a. b. c. d.

God established in ancient cultures measures to insure blessing Our culture has been stripped of all God’s protective measures Without blessing, we have an entire generation of people without identity and destiny Without a Godly culture. we must have knowledge (Hosea 4:6)

3. IDENTITY AND DESTINY 1. INTRODUCTION God is determined to bless you and your family, as He promised to Abraham (Gen. 12:3): “And in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed”. It is God’s nature and character to bless people!

Blessing is God’s ordained method of imparting identity and destiny.

Remember from previous sessions, God is not the enemy – cursing or lack of blessing is the result of sin and iniquity, or schemes of the enemy. God made provision for our blessing, and created the covenant of marriage where parents are positioned to protect and bless their children, thus imparting God’s identity and destiny.

But we live in a broken world – the result is that lack of blessing or cursing happens! Our parents aren’t perfect, even if they loved us wholeheartedly.

2. IDENTITY AND DESTINY Def: Blessing: To receive, consider a success, to empower to prosper, to love unconditionally (acceptance not based on behaviour/performance).

Def: Cursing: Lack of blessing, to reject, to consider a failure, abuse (verbal, emotional, physical, sexual), conditional love.

Power of the spoken word: God speaks and created the heavens and the earth; we are children of God, we speak and…

Identity: My perception of me Destiny: Sense of purpose in life (parents are bow that shoot the arrow towards target) The following are POTENTIAL results of cursing/lack of blessing. The way you have been treated by others in your life (cursing or blessing) is never deterministic, but only influential. Your RESPONSE to the way people treat you determines the outcome of your life. (You are not a victim, you have a choice how to react and deal with it!).

NOBODY HAS THE AUTHOURITY TO DESTROY YOUR LIFE, UNLESS YOU GIVE THEM THAT AUTHORITY. ONLY GOD HAS THE AUTHORITY TO GIVE/TAKE LIFE. You can be free by forgiving the offender and by cutting yourself loose from the offender and all ungodly ties because of unforgiveness and bitterness: JESUS PAID FOR THE SIN – remember often forgiveness is like peeling an onion – it may take time as God takes you deeper and deeper.

18

3. 7 CRITICAL TIMES OF BLESSING 1.

CONCEPTION A. Blessed: Wanted, accepted, received. Occurs between husband and wife in covenant marriage relationship. Occurs in love and not in lust.

B. Cursed: Not wanted, not accepted, not received. Resented as an intrusion into life of parents.

Occurs outside wedlock (Deut. 23:2, enemy has legal authority over them for 10 generations). Occurs in lust.

C. Potential results, feelings in child of: Rejection, depression, fear, lust, irrational anger, “I didn’t ask to be born”, guilt, “I’m a mistake”.

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Capital punishment for fornication and adultery. Cultural attitude toward children (children were a blessing/wealth). Cultural attitude towards marriage.

2. PREGNANCY A. Blessed: Wanted, accepted, received. Lack of emotional stress and turmoil. Nurturing, love and anticipation.

B. Cursed: Not wanted, not accepted, not received (Ps. 58:3). Child considered intrusion into mother’s life. No nurturing or love.

C. Potential results, feelings in child of: Rejection, depression, fear, lust, irrational anger, “I didn’t ask to be born”, guilt, “I’m a mistake”.

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Mother relieved of other duties during pregnancy. Cultural attitude towards children.

3. BIRTH (Mother plays main role in imparting identity and destiny) A. Blessed (Is. 44: 1-2, 24): Received as the sex that God created (Sexual/gender identity). Received, loved and nurtured by parents. Reasonably trauma-free birth.

B. Cursed: Born the ‘wrong’ sex. Not received, or loved or nurtured by parents. Trauma during birth.

C. Potential results: Fear of death (Heb. 2: 14-15). Insecurity. Fear in adulthood (all varied types of phobias). Homosexuality. Striving to become what parents wanted. Anger and frustration.

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Entire community anticipated with joy the birth of a child. Blessing by Rabbi and family at birth. Circumcision and/or naming on the 8th day.

19

4. INFANCY (Mother plays main role in imparting identity and destiny) A. Blessed: Acceptance, love and nurturing. Breast-feeding and close bonding with mother.

Physical affection of father.

B. Cursed: No physical affection or nurturing of mother or father. No security established by needs being met. No bonding with mother.

C. Potential results: Fear of death. Establishment of identity in self (If you want your needs to be met or want something done, you’ll have to do it yourself).

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Mother’s attitude of making the infant a priority. Later age of weaning (usually 3 or 4 years old). Cultural attitudes toward marriage and family.)

5. PUBERTY (Father plays main role in imparting identity and destiny) A. Blessed: Parents separate identity from behaviour. Relationship with parents facilitates sharing of feelings (not children are seen and not heard!). Father through acceptance and blessing severs identity from mother. 3 Fold blessing: (i).

Confirmation of gender identity. (ii) Confirmation of God’s plan and blessing. (iii) Parental blessing and release into manhood/womanhood.

B. Cursed: Parents curse identity in attempt to correct behaviour. Lack of open relationship with father (reasons: death, desertion, divorce, apathy, insecurity, ignorance). No acceptance or blessing. Parental attitude of shame/embarrassment over physical changes. Sexual violation: molestation, incest, abuse.

C. Potential results: Insecurity and insignificance. Striving to prove manhood/womanhood.

Rebellion. Lack of release into proper gender identity. Retention of identity with the mother. Life-long unrest in soul and quest for identity.

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Bar Mitzvah and other such ceremonies.

6. MARRIAGE A. Blessed: Son/daughter has parents blessing for marriage. Parent and child are in agreement about the marriage partner and timing. Acceptance and reception of child’s marriage partner. Wedding attended and blessed by both sets of parents.

B. Cursed: Parents refuse to attend wedding. Parents maintain that it is a wrong choice and won’t work. Parents refuse to accept marriage partner. Parents won’t release child to cleave to spouse.

C. Potential results:

20

Marriage labours under a curse. Judgement, resentment, and bitterness toward parents (bondage). Both partners strive to disprove parents. Unhealthy tie back to parents causing inability to cleave to spouse.

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Marriages arranged by parents and thus blessed. Cultural attitude and covenant understanding of marriage.

Classical concept of dating: Motive of self-gratification (“have fun – no consequences”). Based on physical attraction. No long term goal. Short term, breakable, uncommitted relationship is good practice/preparation for divorce, not for marriage! The heart (emotions) is broken and shredded when relationship is terminated.

“Love is blind” – often make foolish choices. Young/single people must learn: You are not your own.

- Your heart and body are not yours to give to whom you will.

- Commit yourself to spiritual, emotional and physical/sexual purity.

- Commit to partner in agreement with your parents regarding God’s will for a future marriage partner.

7. OLDER AGE A. Blessed: Children rise up and bless their parents later in life (Prov. 31: 28-29). This completes the cycle of blessing.

B. Cursed: Children curse their parents later in life. Children are retained in resentment and bitterness in adulthood.

C. Potential results: Parents are retained in bondage and never come to know Christ. Parents are robbed of enjoying their children’s friendship. Children are never blessed and freed in their identities. Children’s lives are shortened and don’t prosper due to dishonour (Deut. 5:16).

D. God’s concern and protective measures in ancient Hebrew culture: Cultural attitude of children towards parents. Parental blessing of children created a desire to bless parents.

21

THE ROAD TO FREEDOM

I walk down a road.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost….. I am helpless… It isn’t my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don’t see it.

I fall in again.

I can’t believe I am in the same place, but, it isn’t my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in… it’s a habit….. my eyes are open…

I know where I am!

It is my fault. I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

I walk down another street… what a great feeling!!!

22

4. LIFE PATTERNS A. EIGHT ADULT LIFE PATTERNS 1. FATHER REJECTS SON: HE REJECTS FATHER'S BLESSING WINTER (MALE)   





2.   



Predisposed not to receive love from a man.

Expects to be rejected and not approved of by men.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Self: independent, macho image.

1.1 Career: work-aholism, striving for achievement.

1.2 Money: stinginess, fear of lack, need to accumulate.

1.3 Power and status: shallow, manipulative.

1.4 Ministry: ministry superstar.

1.5 Any role in which he feels he can prove himself to be a real man.

Potential results: 1. Conflict with male authorities.

2. Doesn't need or trust other people.

3. Is insensitive to the needs of others.

4. Hard and harsh in relationships.

5. Reproduces in his own life hated qualities of his father.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Wife's primary purpose is to complete his masculine identity.

2. He doesn't enter her world.

3. He doesn't grant her access to his heart.

4. He comes across as insensitive, discourteous and selfish.

5. Wife feels: 5.1 Not loved.

5.2 Not needed.

5.3 Low priority.

5.4 Used sexually.

FATHER REJECTS SON: HE STRIVES AFTER FATHER'S BLESSING: SUMMER (MALE) Predisposed to strive after love and acceptance from a man.

Will do whatever is needed to be accepted and approved of.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Others: Cares very deeply what others think of him.

1.1 Wife 1.2 Children 1.3 Hero 1.4 Boss 1.5 Pastor 1.6 Friends Potential results: 1. Highly sensitive to the needs of others.

2. Compassionate and caring.

23



3.   





3. Perceived as weak or sissy.

4. Highly self-critical.

5. Undo striving to be accepted by other men.

6. May despise his own masculinity.

7. May entertain homosexual fantasies or experiences.

8. May take on many feminine characteristics.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Abdication of role as head of the household.

2. Compassionate and sensitive toward his wife.

3. Perfectionism strains the marriage.

4. Homosexual fantasies or relationships strain marriage.

5. Depression and self-criticism emotionally drain wife.

6. Wife feels: 6.1 Ignored 6.2 Not needed 6.3 Low priority 6.4 Not loved

FATHER REJECTS DAUGHTER: SHE REJECTS FATHER'S BLESSING: AUTUMN (FEMALE) Predisposed not to receive love from a man.

Expects to be rejected and not approved of by men.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Self: independence, has no needs.

1.1 Femininity: beauty, promiscuity.

1.2 Career: workaholism, striving.

1.3 Money: stinginess, fear of lack, need to accumulate.

1.4 Power and status: shallow, manipulative.

1.5 Ministry: ministry superstar.

1.6 Motherhood: supermom.

1.7 Any role in which she can excel.

Potential results: 1. Conflict with male authorities.

2. Doesn't need or trust other people.

3. Is insensitive to the needs of others.

4. Hard and harsh in relationships.

5. Reproduces in her own life hated qualities of her father.

6. May not act very feminine.

7. May enter into lesbian fantasies or experiences.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Usually overtly rebellious toward her husband.

2. Craves love, but won't open up to her husband.

3. Her husband is unable to please her.

4. Highly critical of her husband.

5. May be sexually very unresponsive.

6. Husband feels: 6.1 Unjustly accused

24

6.2 Unable to ever please her 6.3 Dishonoured

4.   





FATHER REJECTS DAUGHTER: SHE STRIVES AFTER FATHER'S BLESSING: SPRING (FEMALE) Predisposed to strive after love and acceptance from a man.

Will do whatever is needed to be accepted and approved of.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Others: Cares very deeply what others think of her: 1.1 Husband 1.2 Children 1.3 Hero 1.4 Boss 1.5 Pastor 1.6 Friends Potential results: 1. Highly sensitive to the needs of others.

2. Compassionate and caring.

3. Undo striving to be accepted by men.

4. May be flirtatious or promiscuous.

5. Often has feelings far more highly developed than logic.

6. Highly self critical.

7. Little inner confidence.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Usually overtly submissive to her husband.

2. Clamours after and smothers her husband.

3. Often makes her husband god.

4. May be possessive and jealous of her husband.

5. Depression and self-criticism emotionally drain husband.

6. No matter how he tries to love her, it is never enough.

7. Presents her husband all her unpaid emotional bills from her father.

8. Husband feels: 8.1 Unjustly accused.

8.2 Unable to ever please her.

8.3 Frustrated.

8.4 Inadequate.

8.5 Smothered.

5.

MOTHER REJECTS SON: HE REJECTS MOTHER'S BLESSING AUTUMN (MALE)

  

Predisposed not to receive love from a woman.

Expects to be rejected and not approved of by women.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Self: independence, isolates himself from women.

1.1 Masculinity: physique, sexuality.

1.2 Career: workaholism, striving.

1.3 Money: stinginess, fear of lack, need to accumulate.

1.4 Power and status: shallow and manipulative.

25





6.   





1.5 Ministry: ministry superstar.

1.6 Any role in which he can excel.

Potential results: 1. Conflict with female authorities.

2. Doesn't need or trust others (especially women).

3. Is insensitive to the needs of others.

4. Sometimes has very little awareness of his own emotions.

5. Reproduces in himself or his wife hated qualities of his mother.

6. Sometimes hard and harsh in relationships.

7. May turn toward homosexuality in rejection of women.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Is often insensitive or totally oblivious to his wife.

2. Sexually unresponsive and rarely romantic.

3. May become overtly angry and physically abusive.

4. May unwittingly push his wife into the role of being his mother.

5. Wife feels: 5.1 Rejected and mistreated.

5.2 Frustrated.

5.3 Manipulated.

5.4 Like his mother rather than his wife.

MOTHER REJECTS SON: HE STRIVES AFTER MOTHER'S BLESSING: SPRING (MALE) Predisposed to strive after love and acceptance from a woman.

Will do whatever is needed to be accepted and approved of.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Others: Cares very deeply what others think of him.

1.1 Wife.

1.2 Children.

1.3 Hero.

1.4 Boss.

1.5 Other women.

Potential results: 1. Sensitive and caring.

2. May be highly self critical.

3. Striving to be accepted by women.

4. May have strong focus on physical appearance.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Clamours after his wife's love and attention.

2. May smother his wife, make his wife god.

3. May be possessive and jealous.

4. May force his wife into the role of his mother.

5. Presents his wife all his unpaid emotional bills from his mother.

6. No matter how she tries to love him, it is never enough.

7. Wife feels: 7.1 Smothered.

7.2 Frustrated.

7.3 Drained.

26

7.4 Inadequate.

7. MOTHER REJECTS DAUGHTER: SHE REJECTS MOTHER'S BLESSING: WINTER (FEMALE)   





Predisposed not to receive love from a woman.

Expects to be rejected and not approved of by women.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Self: independent 1.1 Career: workaholism, striving.

1.2 Money: stinginess, fear of lack, need to accumulate.

1.3 Power and status: shallow, manipulative.

1.4 Ministry: ministryholic.

1.5 Motherhood: supermom.

1.6 Any role in which she feels she can prove herself to be a real woman.

Potential results: 1. Conflict with female authorities.

2. Doesn't need or trust other people.

2.1 I can do it myself attitude.

2.2 May not be sensitive to the needs of others.

2.3 May be flirty and promiscuous.

2.4 May reproduce in her own life hated qualities of her mother.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Husband's primary purpose may be to complete her feminine identity.

2. She may be very critical of her husband.

3. She may demand that he love her, but will not let him.

4. She may have difficulty submitting to his authority.

5. She has difficulty communicating real feelings with him.

6. Husband feels: 6.1 Dishonoured 6.2 Unable to please her.

6.3 Unjustly accused.

6.4 Frustrated.

8. MOTHER REJECTS DAUGHTER: SHE STRIVES AFTER MOTHER'S BLESSING: SUMMER (FEMALE)   



Predisposed to strive after love and acceptance from a woman.

Will do whatever is needed to be accepted and approved of.

Identity likely to be established in: 1. Others: Cares very deeply about what others think of her.

1.1 Husband.

1.2 Children.

1.3 Hero.

1.4 Boss.

1.5 Friends.

Potential results: 1. Highly sensitive to the needs of others.

2. Compassionate and caring.

3. Highly self critical.

27



4. Undue striving to be accepted by other women.

5. May despise her own femininity.

6. May enter into lesbian fantasies or experiences.

7. She may take on many masculine characteristics.

Relationship in marriage: 1. Perfectionism may strain the marriage.

2. Depression and self-criticism emotionally drain her husband.

3. She may tend to put more energy into friendships than marriage.

4. Her husband can't satisfy her need for love and acceptance.

5. Husband feels: 5.1 Ignored.

5.2 Frustrated.

5.3 Not needed and unable to capture her attention.

5.4 Dishonoured.

B. COMBINED MESSAGES 1/5: Husband: 1/6: Husband: 2/5: Husband: 2/6: Husband: 3/7 Wife: 3/8 Wife: 4/7 Wife: 4/8 Wife:

I don't need you and I won't let you in.

I desperately need your love, but I won't let you in.

I don't need you, but I need love from others (men).

I'll do anything to get love from you or anyone else.

I don't need you and I won't let you in.

I don't need you, but I need love from others (women).

I desperately need your love, but I won't let you in.

I'll do anything to get love from you or anyone else.

5. BLESSING AND CURSING SOME WAYS A CHILD'S IDENTITY AND DESTINY CAN BE CURSED BY HIS/HER FATHER 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

Shame of his heritage.

Rejection of child's sex at birth and/or later.

Refusal to relate to the child.

Frequent expression of anger toward the child.

Frequent physical beating of the child.

Constant criticism of the child.

Lack of affirmation or expression of delight in the child.

Lack of discipline.

Physical beating of the child's mother.

Constant quarrelling among the parents.

Sexual molestation or incest.

Lack of hugging and physical affection.

Blame of the child for his own unhappiness.

Lack of blessing at puberty.

Physical unavailability.

Emotional unavailability.

Preference of a sibling.

Authoritarian and insensitive attitude.

Death.

28

20. Divorce.

21. Desertion.

22. Use of the child to sustain the marriage.

SOME WAYS A CHILD'S IDENTITY AND DESTINY CAN BE CURSED BY HIS/HER MOTHER 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

Conceived in lust.

Unwanted conception.

Attempted abortion.

Traumatic birth.

Attempted adoption.

Release for adoption.

Lack of breast-feeding or nurturing in infancy.

Rejection of child's sex at birth and/or later.

Over possessiveness.

Rejection of child due to a molestation or incest experience.

Resentment of child as an intrusion into her life or career.

Constantly criticising the child.

Preferring a sibling.

Viewing the child as a replacement or replication of someone who died.

Death.

Divorce.

Abandonment.

Using a child to sustain a marriage.

BREAKING THE IDENTITY CURSE AND RELEASING GOD'S BLESSING 1. Humility: agreement with God about your own need (James 5:16).

2. Ask God to show you in what areas your identity has been cursed.

3. Ask God to reveal to you your own feelings from specific experiences.

4. Confess to God how you felt.

5. Repent and receive forgiveness for not running to Him at that time.

6. Repent of resentment, bitterness and hatred.

7. Receive God's forgiveness.

8. Forgive each parent.

9. Release and cut the tie and inner longing for blessing with each parent.

10. Go to the cross of Jesus Christ and receive His blood for: 10.1 Restoration of relationship with the Father.

10.2 Cleansing from defilement.

10.3 Healing of hurt and wounds.

11. Go to the Father and ask Him to reveal to you the truth of: 11.1 Who He is and how He has always related to you.

11.2 Who you are in His sight and your value to Him. 12. Receive your heavenly Father's blessing of your identity.

13. If married, ask your spouse to forgive you for not cleaving and honouring.

14. Cleave to your spouse and let God teach you to bless and honour (Phil. 2:3-4). *Sourced from Craig Hill, Family Foundations International

29

Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious,

never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude.

does not demand its own way. not irritable or touchy

does not hold grudges will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.

never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever truth wins out.

If you love someone you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost.

You will always believe in him, always expect the best of him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

All the special gifts and powers from God will someday come to an end,

but love goes on forever ... the greatest ... is love.

1 Cor 13 (The Living Bible, paraphrased)

30

4. My Moral Inventory & list of Grievances: Write a Moral inventory & List of Grievances, to address your resentment, anger, fear, jealousy and sexual offenses. (Give yourself time for grief / mourning and forgiveness.) List all your grievances against people, institutions and principles that made you angry and that you have a grudge against.

These include: resentment, anger, fear, jealousy, sexual offenses. Thoroughness and honesty is required.

How to make a list of all your grievances: Use any paper / journal / book at your disposal. See example: Make a list of persons / institutions / organizations that you have a grudge against (unforgiveness): PEOPLE THAT SINNED AGAINST YOU:

My List of Grievances: Grudges:

Anger:

Fear:

Jealousy:

Sexual offenses:

1. What is forgiveness: • • • •

To forgive is a decision and not a feeling.

Forgiveness is a process, forgive until you no longer feel angry or sad if you think of any person or person's actions (like peeling an onion until you have reached the core).

You cannot earn forgiveness, is is a free gift (vs. God, others, self). You cannot force someone to forgive you, you can only ask for their forgiveness.

You forgive someone to free yourself of the person, his behavior, and the impact of his behavior on your life. Through forgiveness you can let go of your past. It does not mean you approve what happened.

Forgiveness works on three levels: - God (Receive and ask) - Other people (Receive and ask) - Self (Receive and ask)

2. Is forgiveness necessary in your walk with God: We can only surrender our will and our lives to God if we believe in forgiveness. We can only surrender to God's healing and restoration of our own hearts, if we can forgive ourselves, forgive others and ask forgiveness to others for what we did (where we have sinned against them). Here we confess to God and ask His forgiveness. Later we ask forgiveness and make right with people who hurt us.

FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY TO HEALING: physical, psychological, spiritual and relational.

31

How does unforgiveness / hatred make you sick?

Physical: Tired, tense walk hunched, listless, restless, etc..

Psychological: Emotions: angry, resentful, sad, afraid of getting hurt, vengeful, anger outbursts, feeling rejected and inferior, over sensitive/touchy, easily angered, perfectionist / critical of self (can not forgive himself).

Thoughts: Negative, obsessive, critical, dark, paranoia ("everyone is against me") etc..

Spiritual: Feel far from God, evil, arrogant, challenging God, etc..

Social: Isolate yourself, little long-term relationships, critical of people, find fault with people, you feel better than others, cannot give or receive love, difficult to make friends, do not trust others.

How do you feel when you forgive someone of an old grudge and let the person go, like you have been set free yourself? HATE BRINGS BONDAGE, LOVE SETS US FREE.

How do I forgive?

• •

• • • • •

•

•

To learn forgiveness, one must look in the Bible: Math. 18: 21-35. (from the heart).

We cannot expect God to forgive us, or others to forgive us, if we are not willing to forgive.

Often when you cannot accept God's forgiveness, it is because there is still unforgiveness in your heart.

Express your negative feelings, do not deny it or suppress it, Key 4.

Accept responsibility for your own response to the person's behavior. Own angry, resentful and hatefull feelings. (Not victim mentality).

Ask yourself whether you really want to be healed emotionally and mentally.

By faith you choose to forgive those who hurt you.

Forgiveness must be declared, do it out loud. Talk to God, or pray with another person (eg pastoral counselor). Name the person's name and what that person have done to you, even if the person is deceased. It may help if you call this person, or write a letter, however it is not essential.

Forgiveness means that you pray and intercede for the person, if you still feel the pain and anger against that person. (Gal. 6:7) The sowing and reaping principle: you ask that God will pardon him in His grace through the blood of Jesus and that it does not come back to person.

(Luke 6: 28, 1 Cor. 4: 12) Forgive!

Release!

Bless!

It is often necessary to pray for God’s blessing in the area in which the person's misdeed against you, robbed you of blessing (eg Financial). Col. 3: 12-13.

Conclusion: By forgiving someone it makes you free yourself from your past, ant the hold that person had on your emotions and thoughts, and your behavior in response to the person's actions. God in the Bible requires us to forgive, otherwise He cannot forgive us.

Unforgiveness makes a person physically, psychologically, spiritually and relationally sick. Forgiveness heals and set you free.

32

5. Confession To admit to God, yourself and another human being the exact nature of your own mistakes / to recognize sin (James 5:16). Verbally and in person, in order to clean house, humble, honest and fearless. Confidentiality is absolutely essential.

Your Life-graph is drawn in absolute honesty and shared with a person.

Draw your Life-graph: Take any paper / journal or book, and start to draw your Life-graph. Positive milestones / events above the line (+) and negative milestones / events below the line (-): the X-axis. The Y-axis represents the years of your life. Begin at birth and complete to where you are now.

It is one thing to admit our mistakes / sins only on paper, but quite another thing to acknowledge it to another person in humility and honesty. It is supposed to be a humbling experience, to begin to see yourself in perspective. To honestly see who you really are, and thus to determine who and what you want to be in the future. IT IS IMPORTANT TO BE extremely HONEST. It's more than just a list of your mistakes, wrong actions and their consequences. It is also an attempt to identify wrong thinking and behavior patterns. In order to determine what need to change in yourself, for you to live a happy and productive life.

7 OBJECTIVES: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

To take an honest and complete look at the faults / failures in our past and to identify the character flaws that constantly get us in trouble.

To identify specific events and behaviors in the past that we want to resolve and put behind us. (At Key 8 and 9) To experience a sense of humility, by admitting to God, ourselves and another person the "exact nature of our mistakes."

To experience conviction and remorse for mistakes/ sins in the past. To motivate us to work on our temperament flaws and allow God to change our hearts and renew our minds. (Key 6).

To discover that we can forgive and receive forgiveness for ourselves.

To get rid of the terrible feeling of isolation and loneliness.

At the end of the step to be saved from our guilt and shame.

At the end of an honest and thorough confession, you must be saved and be free of guilt and any shameful feelings of your past. You need to experiecne relief, forgiveness and healing.

33

"We are as sick as our secrets."

Only when our dark secrets come to light, and the Light, can we be set FREE, to receive healing and restoration.

6. Willing to be changed by God: CHRIST-CHARACTER Insight development and identifying temperament flaws or development areas in your personality, in order to change it with the help of God. Use tools such as the 4 Seasons Temperament Analysis and Christ-Character to identify your temperament flaws: Baobab Consulting - Temperament Profiling

Self-esteem "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Where does self-rejection, and even self-hatred come from? How do I love myself?

DEFINITION OF SELF-IMAGE Each person has three images of himself: Your Ideal Self: Christ-character (C), your Social Self: Personality (P) and your True Self: Temperament (T).

Healthy Self-image

For a healthy self-esteem these 3 should integrate. If the three images differ too much, the person feel removed/ disconnected from himself and not in touch with his own feelings.

HOW A NEGATIVE SELF-IMAGE DEVELOPS: Your self-esteem usually develolps from negative messages or information you receive about yourself: ● others (parents, family, friends, teachers etc.). ● your environment (situations, achievements, failures etc.). ● self: own thoughts: GREATEST INFLUENCE (what you think and believe about yourself: "THE BATTLEGROUND OF THE MIND") ● God: this is the most important: your Identity in Christ: who you are in Him. When you don’t know the the truth of the Word of God and how God sees you and loves you, your righteousness in Christ, you will believe the lies of the Enemy of your Soul who is the father of lies.

34

IDEAL SELF (C) ↓ You realize your Ideal Self (C) and True Self (T) are not the same ↘ self-contempt → self-esteem weakens ↗ ↘ fail to fix self guilt feelings ↖ ↙ Try to fix self and compensate with achievements / or fake it / "Constant renovations" It is a vicious cycle, and it must be broken. The way you break out of this cycle is to accept yourself for who and what you are, for who and what God created you to be (your Temperament), to see your potential in Christ through His eyes (Christ-character). To stop trying to change and fix yourself, and the temperament flaws you have (because every single person has character flaws and shortcomings in his Temperament). Simply give it over to Jesus, to change your heart and renew your mind. So that by the power of the Holy Spirit at work within you, Christ's character can take shape in your heart (Secret Garden of the Heart).

Take an honest look at yourself, identify the temperament flaws you want to surrender to Jesus, so that He can be formed in you. Remember no one is perfect, this side of eternity ... just trust God's process in your life, surrender to Him with an open heart and mind, willing clay in the Potter's hands, let Him shape you and make you into a vessel of glory.

SUMMARY OF 4 SEASONS AND THEIR FEATURES

Key Words Strengths

Left brain dominant - Task oriented

Right brain dominant – People oriented

Winter Garden Organizer: Driver Doer

Summer Garden Developer: Expressive Feeler

Action, Organize Strong willpower Visionary Practical Productive Decide fast Leader Optimistic Confident Activist / doer Persevere Orderly, purposeful Want to be in charge Organize Plan

Spring Garden Planner: Analytical Thinker

Ability, Gifted Aesthetic Artistic Gifted, creative Self-disciplined Productive Self-sacrificing Outwardly calm Realistic Experience intense emotions Sensitive Intuitive Quiet, reflective Loyal Keep in background

Synergy, Innovate Passionate Popular, enjoyable Responsive Enthusiastic Communicate easily Warm Big hearted Friendly Free with emotion Optimistic Intuitive See the big picture Idealistic Musically gifted Sensory seeking

Autumn Garden Diplomat: Genial Helper

Peacemaker, Teacher Calm Quiet Reliable Stable Objective Diplomatic Effective Practical Dry humor Non-aggressive Easy going Peacemaker Live ordered High stress tolerance Musically gifted

35

Independent Team player

Weaknesses/ Flaws

Your thoughts

Work well with others that

Introspective Idealist Thinker Bossy Theoretical Unemotional Touchy Touchy Easily offended Domineering Revenge Unforgiving Persecute Sarcastic Self-absorbed Moody Moody Cruel Asocial Self-sufficient Perfectionist Aggressive Self-critical, selfInsensitive belittling Unsympathetic Indecisive Heart is hardened Pessimistic Impatient Easily discouraged Plan Logical Organize Analytical Detail Internalize deeply Sequencing Quantitative Preserve Factual Control Critical Conservative Technical Like procedure Like numbers Search for solutions Intellectual in the past Rational Quick witted

Respond best to parent/ boss who

Likes routine, sustains and finish tasks. Are more careful. Are more factual and detailed.

Provides direct answers. Sticks to tasks. Gets to the point.

Provides pressure. Allows freedom for personal accomplishments.

Basic Motivation

Challenge & Control

Make quick decisions.

Are optimistic and encouraging.

Help convince.

Artisan Feeler Exaggerate Egocentric Unproductive Unstable, volatile Undisciplined Impractical Give up easily Talk a lot Double minded, don’t stick to decisions Little willpower Impulsive Restless Poor concentration Emotional Interpersonal Sensation seeking Kinesthetic Expressive Synthesize (make new plans) Live in present Metaphorical thinking, think visually

Are more factual and detail oriented.

Perseveres and concentrates on task. Approach a task logically.

Provides Is fair and is also a reassurance. friend.

Spells out detailed Provides social operating involvement. procedures.

Provides Provides recognition of resources to do abilities. task correctly.

Offers rewards for Listens to risk-taking. suggestions.

Quality & recognition & Correctness Approval

Teacher Helper Logistical Unmotivated Postpones easily Selfish Stingy Indecisive Worried Observe as outsider Slow and lazy Tease Stubborn Avoid conflict Collects gossip, and "horror stories" Easily feels inferior Holistic Intuitive Metaphorical Integrating Visual Conceptual Logistics Learn by doing Interpersonal Academic

Reach out for new challenges. Help to solve problems.

Initiate and pursue change.

Is relaxed and friendly.

Allows time to adjust to changes.

Allows to work at own pace.

Gives personal support.

Stability & Support

36

Motivation

Mastering Achievement Quality control Security, Reliability Productivity

Compassion Effectiveness Functionality Value, Quality Harmony

Discovery Strategy Pleasure Beauty Risk, adventure

Love and kindness Mercy Communication Order Peace

Ideal environment at work or at home

Constant and new challenges.

Freedom to act and do. Diverse and varied activities.

Freedom from control. Needs authority and to control. Difficult assignments.

Opportunities for advancement .

Choices rather than ultimatums.

Needs direct answers from others.

Friendly atmosphere and relationships. Free from control and detail. Prestige.

Opportunities to help, influence and motivate others.

Likes public attention and events. Likes positive affirmation and to be praised.

Needs enthusiastic and positive feedback on ideas.

Chance to verbalize and explain ideas.

Specific and specialized.

Opportunity to work in a team.

Identification with a group's established work pattern.

Security.

Consistent, predictable and familiar. True appreciation and recognition of work.

Prefers traditional methods. Seek opportunity to explore new relationships.

Needs to learn

You need people.

Relaxation is not a crime. Some controls are needed.

Everyone has a boss/ parents.

Self-control is most important.

To focus on finishing well is important.

Sensitivity to people's feelings is wise. Patience.

Be more flexible.

Likes new challenges and problems. Dislike

Clearly defined tasks. Strong on detail. Limited risks. Tasks that require precision, punctuality, accuracy and planning. Time to think and meditate.

Opportunity to analyze and judge. Peace and quiet. Specified and stable work environment.

Needs time to do things right.

Needs to be reassured.

Total support is not always possible.

Thorough explanation is not everything.

Deadlines must be met. More optimism will lead to greater success. Be more open to feelings.

Discover confidence.

Develop more optimism.

Likes specific methods.

Dislikes lack of

Time must be managed.

Deadlines are important. Too much optimism can be dangerous.

Being responsible is more important than being popular.

Listening better will improve one's influence.

Objectivity in decision making.

Change provides opportunity.

Friendship isn't everything.

Discipline is good.

Boldness and taking risks is sometimes necessary.

Confrontation and conflict is necessary.

Initiate more.

Work faster.

Likes to be involved with other people.

Dislikes being

Likes friendship and harmony.

Dislikes conflict.

Likes and dislikes

37

What makes him ‘tick’ Spiritual weakness

Negative effects of the above

Fruit of Selfishness Christcharacter Features: FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT Spiritual Gifts are often

standing still or advancing too slowly.

Seek results.

New challenges.

quality.

isolated.

It has to be right or correct.

Quality.

Pride (Self 1st):

Seeks appreciation and recognition.

Approval.

Seeks relationships.

Appreciation.

Pride (Self 1st):

Pride (Self 1st):

Self-pity Critical of self.

Judgmental Shy, embarrassed.

Self-conscious.

Easily offended.

Do not like people who stand in your way or whose opinions differ from yours.

Expect too much from children.

Interfere in others' affairs.

Will take time off work for own tasks.

Vindictive, struggle with unforgiveness.

Don’t trust people.

Let emotions lead, over sensitive, easily offended, take things too personally.

Paranoid Feel that people conspire against you.

Fear

Self-centered

Self-preservation

Hedonistic: pleasure seeker.

Easily tempted/ enticed.

Aimless.

Financial difficulties.

Do not stick to timeframes.

Poor time management.

Cannot focus on one thing for long.

Waste time with too much talking.

Start new things that are not easily completed/ finished.

Postpone easily.

Impatient with Spring Gardens.

Attention Deficit.

Hyper active.

Bad study habits.

Impulsive / hasty reaction to circumstances.

Led by feelings.

Reject others if they disappoint you.

Critical of others.

Lie / Mislead others.

Fear of conflict.

Hurt people with insensitive humor, jokes, mocking.

Do not put everything in and work hard on an ongoing basis.

"White" lies, distort the truth.

Manipulate others (to have own way).

Passive-aggressive, avoid conflict.

Can become ruthless ... even cruel when conscience become seared.

Emotionally numb, struggle to connect with your partner, children.

Stubborn.

Resist change.

Anger

Fear

LOVE PEACE GENTLENESS GOODNESS PATIENCE

GOODNESS FAITH JOY PEACE LOVE

SELF-CONTROL PEACE HUMILITY PATIENCE

LOVE FAITH GOODNESS FRIENDLINESS SELF-CONTROL

Leadership Prophecy Prophet

Exhortation Mercy Gifts of Healing

Pride (Self 1st): Self-sufficient Smug Impatient Domineering Want themselves to be in control.

Struggle with surrender – let God be in control.

Hasty, thoughtless decisions.

Too strict with children.

Too high standards.

Easily take credit for what God has done.

Lack of humility.

Abrupt.

Quarrelsome, enjoy arguing.

Emotionally hardened.

No sympathy for others' mistakes, weaknesses or suffering.

Lack love / compassion.

Anger

GENTLENESS Giving Evangelist

Teaching Ministry Pastor/ Teacher

38

You’re Born with It! “Why is it that I can’t control myself? I know what’s right and wrong. I just don’t seem to be able to do what’s right. The apostle Paul no doubt felt that same way when he said, “To will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me” (Rom. 7:18-20).

Note that Paul differentiated between himself and that uncontrollable force within by saying, “It is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.” The “I” is Paul’s person, the soul, will, and the human mind. The “sin” that resided in him resulted from the natural weaknesses that he, like all human beings, received from his parents.

At the moment of our conception we all inherited a basic genetic temperament that contains both our strengths and Spirit-Controlled Temperament our weaknesses. This temperament is called several things in the Bible: “the natural man,” “the flesh,” “the old man,” and “corruptible flesh,” to name a few. It is the basic impulse of our being that seeks to satisfy our wants. To properly understand the temperament’s control of our actions and reactions, we should define three terms and carefully distinguish among them: temperament, character, and personality.

Temperament Temperament is the combination of inborn traits that subconsciously affects all our behavior. These traits, which are passed on by our genes, are based on hereditary factors and arranged at the time of conception. Six people contribute through the gene pool to the makeup of every baby: two parents and four grandparents. Some authorities suggest that we may get more genes from our grandparents than our parents. That could account for the greater resemblance of some children to their grandparents than to their parents. The alignment of temperament traits, though unseen, is just as predictable as the color of eyes, hair, or size of body. It is a person’s temperament that makes that person outgoingand extrovertish or shy and introvertish.

Doubtless you know both kinds of people who are siblings—born to the same parents. Similarly, it is temperament that makes some people art or music enthusiasts, while others are sports or industry minded. In fact, I have met outstanding musicians whose brothers or sisters were tone-deaf. I think of one professional football player whose brother has never watched him play a game because, as he tells it, he “just can’t stand to watch violence.”

Character Character is the real you. The Bible refers to it as “the hidden person of the heart” (1 Pet. 3:4). It is the result of your natural temperament modified by childhood training, education, and basic attitudes, beliefs, principles, and motivations. It is sometimes referred to as “the soul” of a person, which is made up of the mind, emotions, and will. Character combines your temperament, training, moral values, beliefs, and habit patterns. It is indeed the net result of all the influences and religious commitment on your life. It is what you really are when there is no one else around. What you do when you have the freedom to do what you want to do is an expression of yourself.

39

Personality Personality is the outward expression of oneself, which may or may not be the same as a person’s character, depending on how genuine that person is. Often personality is a pleasing facade for an unpleasant or weak character. Many are acting a part today on the basis of what they think they should be as a person, rather than what they really are. This is a formula for mental and spiritual chaos. It is caused by following the human formula for acceptable conduct. The Bible tells us, “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Sam. 16:7), and, “Out of it [the heart] spring the issues of life” (Prov. 4:23). The place to change behavior is inside man, not outside.

Summary In summary, temperament is the combination of traits we were born with; character is our “civilized” temperament; and personality is the “face” we show to others. Since temperament traits are inherited genetically from our parents, we should keep in mind some of the natural factors that influence them.

Temperament traits, whether controlled or uncontrolled, last throughout life. The older we get, however, the softer and more mellow our harsh and hard traits tend to become. People learn that if they are to live at peace with their neighbors, it is best to emphasize their natural strengths and subdue their weaknesses.

Many successfully develop their characters and improve their personalities, but it is doubtful that any are able to change basic temperament. Yet it is possible to modify it to such a degree that it almost seems to have changed. (from “The Spirit-controlled Temperament, Tim laHaye)

The Character of Christ is formed in you, as you yield to the work of Holy Spririt in your life, you will become more Christ-like.

The more you die to self, the more you are alive in Christ – when you allow the Potter to form the clay into a vessel for His glory, purposes and Kingdom. “Christ in us, the hope of glory”.

When you allow the Refiner’s fire to purify you from your own weaknesses, charater flaws, sins and habits.

Not trying to constantly renovate yourself, but yield to His work in you.

7. Prayer Recognition and surrender to God of the negative areas in your temperament, through prayer. Ask God for the gifts of the Spirit to take shape in you, through the inworking o f His Holy Spirit. For each temperament flaw, there is a fruit of the Spirit. Admit that you cannot rely on your flesh, but must die to self, and live a spirit-life, "Christ in us, the hope of glory".

Pray with your counselor.

"We humbly ask God to remove our shortcomings."

40

PRAYER: "Almighty and loving Heavenly Father.

I am now ready to surrender to You completely, the good and the bad.

I pray that you will now start to change my heart and renew my mind, remove my shortcomings and deliver me from my temperament flaws.

Those flaws that stand in the way of my relationship with You and others.

Let the fruit of Your Spirit take root and bear fruit in the garden of my heart.

I want to be useful to you, so that Your kingdom can come, in me and through my life.

Grant me the strength and wisdom, from this poin on, to do Your will.

Amen. "

41

Christ-Character Refiner’s Fire my heart’s one desire is to be holy set apart for You -let me be as gold pure gold.

42

Refined As Gold The refining process is painful and takes a long time.

However, the end result is worth more than gold in the eyes of the Lord!

“Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.” ~Isaiah 48:10 “I will bring the one-third through the fire, Will refine them as silver is refined, And test them as gold is tested.

They will call on My name, And I will answer them.

I will say, ‘This is My people’; And each one will say, ‘The LORD is my God.’” ~Zechariah 13:9 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.

Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness. ~Malachi 3:3

Christ in us, the hope of glory Harvest It’s time now for the harvest!

And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ~ Galatians 6:9 Those who sow in tears Shall reap in joy. ~Psalm 126:5

43

Winter Garden The Harvest: Patience Patience conveys the idea of someone who is tremendously strong and able to withstand all assaults. -Oswald Chambers The end of a matter is better than its beginning, and patience is better than pride. ~Ecclesiastes 7:8

Summer Garden The Harvest: Trust “Faith, as the Bible teaches it, is faith in God coming against everything that contradicts Him— a faith that says, “I will remain true to God’s character whatever He may do.”

The highest and the greatest expression of faith in the whole Bible is— “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him” ( Job 13:15 )." ~Oswald Chambers

Autumn Garden The Harvest: A New Heart I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. ~Ezekiel 36:26 So then neither he who plants is anything, nor he who waters, but God who gives the increase. ~1 Corinthians 3:7 You have given me greater joy than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine. ~Psalm 4:7

Spring Garden The Harvest: Treasure For the LORD has chosen Jacob to be his own, Israel to be his treasured possession. ~Psalm 135:4 God sees His children as precious treasures.

44

Love Conquers All “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.

Now remain in my love.”

-John 15:9

The Anointing Oil The oil is in the crushing.

The greater you crush an olive— the greater the oil flow.

Suffering releases the power of the Holy Spirit (oil). If you had not gone through what you’ve been you, you wouldn’t have the empowerment for the next level God is bringing you into.

He Delights in me You shall no longer be termed Forsaken, Nor shall your land any more be termed Desolate; But you shall be called Hephzibah [My delight is in her], and your land Beulah [Married]; For the LORD delights in you, And your land shall be married.

Isaiah 62:4

So Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and from that day on the Spirit of the LORD came upon David in power. ~1 Samuel 16:13

45

8. List of persons harmed To make a list of all persons you have harmed and with whom you are willing to make matters right.

List is set up, include people who are far away or who have died, see Inventory at Key 4. Including those for which you are not ready to apologize / ask forgiveness to now.

9. Make matters right To make matters right and reconcile with those you hurt directly, unless it will hurt people unnecessarily. Wisdom must be used, love comes before honesty. In order to accept consequences and take responsibility for wrong doings in your past.

Go to the person in the spirit of humility and forgiveness, repent of own ill feelings in the past and express regret about events. Focus on your own mistakes, and not on criticism of the other person, ask for forgiveness.

This step involves: • Thorough and honest introspection. Start with people listed in Key 4 Inventory.

• If you do not feel willing to do so, pray and seek God until you are.

• Read about how you should approach the person with whom you rectify matters:

Use the following guidelines: - Approach person in a spirit of forgiveness and assistance.

Express your regret about the events, honestly.

Under no circumstances should the person be criticized or argued with.

- Do not discuss the person's mistakes, but admit your own.

Be CALM, STRAIGHT, FRANK. Be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble, but you do not have to grovel.

"faith without works is dead" If this step is carefully and honestly done, you will know new happiness and freedom. You will not regret the past. You will know peace and serenity. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

You will lose interest in selfish things and develop interest in your fellow man. Selfishness will fade.

Your whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and economic insecurity will disappear. You will suddenly realize that God is for you, and that God can do for you what you cannot do for yourself.

46

Example of List: Name of person

Relationship with person

Harm done

Temperament flaw of self

Am I willing to forgive and make matters right?

Erik

Employer

I stole R1000

Dishonest and greedy.

Yes.

10. Regular inventory "We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."

This Discipleship process and 12 Keys is a new way of life after we have been cleaned of our past. So we want to keep our lives clean and enter the life of the Holy Spirit. We are more discerning, have greater understanding and wisdom and live more effective lives as disciples of Jesus. Guard against selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear (As well as the Temperament flaws that you have identified in Key 6). If we want to come up, we ask God to remove them, and we have to change as He changes our hearts and renew our minds.

It is easy to relax this spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. If we do, we seek trouble. WE MUST STAY SPIRITUALLY FIT. Every day is a gift of grace, where we first seek God’s will and His Kingdom in our lives. REMEMBER: DO UNTO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD LIKE THEM TO DO UNTO

YOU.

Sowing the Good Seed 11. Contact with God Through prayer and meditation on God’s Word we try to improve our conscious contact with God and we only ask for knowledge of His will for us and the power to execute it."

This step involves prayer and reflection, in the morning, during the day and in the evening. In the morning when we wake up, we think about the day ahead. We ask God to guide our thoughts, and free us from self-pity and dishonest and selfish motives. Ask God for wisdom and inspiration for decisions to be made. Surrender ourselves to God, trusting Him for the day, relaxed and calm, abiding in His rest in the day. Our lives do not become a struggle. In the evening we look back on the day in a positive way. We ask God to forgive our trespasses, and for wisdom to know what we can do to rectify matters. But beware not to become over-analytical and to be full of worry and unfounded guilt. We trust God through the Holy Spirit to make us aware of any thoughts or behaviors that hurt ourselves or others.

LET YOUR WILL BE DONE TODAY. Live life to the fullest, one day at a time.

47

12. Testify – Make disciples "After we have had a spiritual awakening, as a result of these actions, we conveyed this message to others and applied these principles in all our affairs."

As you can see, only the last step is to help others. Sometimes you want to prematurely jump in and help others, before you have been helped and healed first. Wait with this step until you are spiritually, emotionally and physically ready.

However, it is very necessary that a desire arises in your heart to help others. It will also make you stronger in the process.

ENJOY YOUR NEW LIFE. A LIFE OF SURRENDER TO GOD AND HIS WILL AND PLAN FOR YOUR LIFE. THIS IS A PRECIOUS GIFT FROM GOD. ALSO REMEMBER THAT YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE. GOD PROMISED IN HIS WORD: "I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU, NOR FORSAKE YOU." (Heb. 13:5) So since Christ suffered in the flesh for us, for you, arm yourselves with the same thought and purpose, patiently to suffer rather than fail to please God. For whoever has suffered in the flesh having the mind of Christ is done with intentional sin, has stopped pleasing himself and the world, and pleases God. So that he can no longer spend the rest of his natural life living by his human appetites and desires, but he lives for what God wills.

Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, For love covers a multitude of sins, forgives and disregards the offenses of others.

1 Pet. 4:1,2,8

48

Hanlie Wentzel Baobab Consulting

079 877 8678 hanlie.baobab@gmail.com www.baobabtherapy.com