Relationships Cooper Lawrence, PhD Fling into Summer

By Cooper Lawrence, PhD

Summer flings are like when you go away to sleep-a-way camp and decide to become someone you’re not: someone else, someone different than you are at home with your school friends; someone you like better than that winter person who got ghosted after a third date and someone who is no longer the harmless wingman for all your hot friends. You want to shed that goody two-shoes image and be bad—or just be different. Similarly, summer flings are a chance to try on new identities, but in bed. And it’s temporary. What’s it like being totally dominant, you wonder? Or maybe you’re the person who hooks up with two people in the same share-house? The summer fling is your oyster!

However, the summer fling is not for the faint of heart. There are rules, and if you don’t follow them then a summer fling can go from something unexpected and fun to something where you’re crying on TikTok to Sara Kays “Remember That Night?” while brushing your cat.

So, to all the potential flingers who want their fling to be flung, I give you the Ultimate Summer Fling Checklist. Rule number one: A Summer Fling is not the beginning of a relationship. It IS the relationship.

A summer romance is not a fling. You’re looking for something that is happening outside your normal routine, where normal behavior isn’t followed. Like IRL, you might not make the first move or text the person after the initial hook up. With a summer fling, there are no rules. You’re not trying to wife them, you just want to have an experience that you’ll remember, like a trip to Disney World, but in Paris. It’s exotic, unpredictable and fun … but you’ll probably never go there again. Rule number two: A Summer Fling is a chance to take risks—but calculated ones.

Studies show that people are less inhibited during a summer break or on vacation; and they are willing to try new things they might not normally try, sexually, like a beach hook-up or a make-out sesh in a restaurant bathroom. Experimenting sexually with someone you’ve just met—as long as there is mutual consent and you’re practicing safe sex—is the essence of the summer fling. Which brings us to…

Rule number three: Summer Fling sex must be talked about.

After the first night or so, if you see this going from a one-night stand to a fling, you must talk about casual sex with any new partner—for many reasons. Starting with making sure you’re on the same page. It’s cruel to want something casual with someone who is looking for something permanent. Be up front with what you want. You also want to make sure that everything you do is consensual, especially if this is your chance to try new things. But, this is also the time you have to discuss your sexual history, especially if it will impact the other person.

Studies show that people who are more into casual sex communicate less about sexually transmitted infections compared to partners in committed relationships. While you don’t need to give the other person your full medical history, you must disclose anything that could affect them (and sometimes you’re legally obligated to do so).

Rule number four: A Summer Fling has a clock on it (yes, I said, “clock”).

A summer fling is not, necessarily, a one-night stand. It can last anywhere from two weeks to three months, as long as you’re honest and upfront that you just want to have fun, you’re not exclusive and, like camp, at the end of the summer, you’ll be going back to your real life—which doesn’t include them. Be clear that it’s casual and not a low-key way to get them into something more serious. The beauty of the fling is that it can be shorter and more intense, or not intense at all. Sometimes it has an accelerated timeline, sometimes it’s as slow as your mom’s old computer dial-up.

Rule number five: The Summer Fling dating checklist must be super short.

On the apps and dating sites everyone is looking for “the one,” so the checklist is long. Not for flings. Your checklist should include, “showers” and “is generous in bed” or neither of those. The idea is, no expectations. So the “wants a family” and “shares my religious beliefs” people need not apply. I’m telling you now, some of the wildest and best sex you may have could be with a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster who, unlike you, wants 11 kids—it matters not. Your goals in a summer fling should be to have an orgasm, not a June wedding.

Rule number six: The Summer Fling should bring out your adventurous side.

Wanna try a threesome? Do you have a secret kink? Ever wanted to hook up with someone much older or someone a little dangerous; or a place that’s a little dangerous? Now’s your chance. A recent study found that four out of five hook-ups that took place outside the bedroom left their participants more satisfied than those that took place between the sheets. Just the act of messing around in a new, nontraditional locale can be a simple way to tap into your adventure gene.

Rule number seven: The Summer Fling partner(s) should be chosen wisely. Don’t make it awkward.

It is a rare person who can have a summer fling with someone in their immediate circle and not have lingering awkwardness. There is always the person who secretly likes you more than you like them and you have to see them again at New Year’s; or worse, you catch feelings and they don’t. Hooking up with someone in your friend group is just that—it is not a summer fling. Think Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams in The Notebook or the ultimate awkward summer fling reunion between Sandy and Danny Zuko in Grease. You don’t want that. You want Before Sunrise or Knocked Up, without the obvious complications.

Asummer fling can be intense and passionate like a night in Manhattan … or light and breezy like the Hamptons air. Either way, it’s free from emotional baggage. Your goal is no-strings-attached excitement and a brief romance under the sun.

About: Cooper Lawrence PhD, is an accomplished radio and TV personality, author-Celebritocracy, Gracie Award Winner, and relationship expert who has worked behind the scenes in conjunction with hosting and guest starring on some of New York’s most iconic shows and stations such as: The Joan Rivers Show, Dish Nation, The Tyra Show, iHeart, Cox, and Cumulus Media, 1010 WINS, CBS, Z100, KTU, Q104 and WBLI radio.

To keep up with all that she’s doing, check her out online at: www.cooperlawrence.com

IG @thecooperlawrence