Fall 2019 Issue | Untold Magazine by Untold Magazine

FALL 2019 | 1

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR The fall semester started out a bit rough for the magazine. This summer, Hamline introduced Canvas as the new learning management system, which meant that our previous name Canvas Magazine would present a problem. At the start of the semester, I received several emails to the magazine saying “I’m having a tech issue with Canvas, how can I fix it?” “Will there be training on how to navigate Canvas’ website?” There was already confusion with the two names, so I knew we had to change our brand. Working with our amazing team of editors and contributors, we came up with some new name options, and out of them all, Untold Magazine seemed to resonate the most with our values and goals as a publication. We’re all about finding and sharing the seemingly hidden stories of Hamline life, with the same quirky and interesting content as always. Picking a new name for the magazine was very stressful and I was worried that we would be set back from all the work that’s been done to get our magazine out into the community. But between our dedicated staff and writers supporting the rebrand, we are no further behind. I’m so thankful to be this year’s Editor-in-Chief and get the opportunity to work with such talented artists and writers committed to bringing Hamline’s stories to the page. Welcome to the first issue of Hamline’s Untold Magazine!

Sydney Holets Editor-in-Chief

WHAT’S IN YOUR BACKPACK?

interviews by sydney holets photos by sophie warrick

MUNCH ON THESE MUG MEALS compiled by sydney holets

PISTOLS, PROBLEMS, & PLASTIC words by luca gronimus

FEELINGS AND CHOICES words by emily brown

FUSING TOGETHER

words and photo by zully sosa

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BIG DATA, PEOPLE, AND THE WORLD

WHAT’S ON YOUR WATCHLIST/PLAYLIST?

BEHIND THE SMILE

words by gloria lee photo from hamline.edu

words by martha seymour collage by sophie warrick

words by emily brown photos by sophie warrick

A WEEK ABROAD IN FOOD

words and photos by kat mccullum

HUES OF HAMLINE

words and photos by kim truong

ART OF THE ISSUE sheila lacroix

BLACKOUT POETRY

by sydney holets & k mcclendon

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Unpacking the mysterious depths of our backpacks to find out what students carry with them every day. interviews by sydney holets photos by sophie warrick

Chloe Ricks (she/her) Sophomore, Philosophy major Along with backpack basics like notebooks, pens, and highlighters, I found that I had a lot more random items in my backpack than I had realized before. I keep my magnetic poetry kit (it uses the language and imagery of my favorite band, Lady Lamb!) in my bag so that I can use it when I'm stressed or just looking for a break. I also keep a few crystals and essential oils in my bag for similar reasons. I always have a pair of headphones in my bag because music is a very important part of my life. That's also why I have a couple guitar picks in my bag as well. The last thing I always carry with me is a book I'm reading for fun. Currently, I am reading The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss!

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Ruweida Sheikh (Ru-Wayduh Shake, she/her) Junior, History major/TEFL certificate In my backpack, it’s the usual books and folders. I have books I’m reading for fun; however, an unusual thing I do have is my daily emotional journal. I keep track of my hour-to-hour mood. I keep it literally glued to me. I almost had a mini breakdown when I left it at the table where I was writing. The entire time walking back, I had this fear someone opened it and was like, “Wow, this person has some deep feelings,” so I keep it with me, and it gives me hope. In the side of my backpack where folks usually have a water bottle, I have my eyebrow pencil. I can’t live without it. I have two brow pencils: one is for my everyday natural brows and the other one is super dramatic. I also keep almonds because I have IBS and when my stomach is upset, it’s the only thing I can eat. I also keep lip balm because my lips are chapped and dry like the Sahara desert.

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MJ Luna (he/they) Sophomore, Theatre Arts and Social Justice major When I went through my backpack, I realized it was pretty utilitarian. I have the 3-ring binders, notebooks, pens and pencils that I need for class, and not a whole lot more. This revelation surprised me because I tend to be a bit of a sentimental hoarder who has a very, very hard time letting things go. I did find three items that weren't technically necessary for my day, but that I carry anyways: my assorted Dungeons and Dragons things (my character sheets, dice tray, and dice), my Nintendo DS from fourth grade, and the book We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan 1961-1991. We Both Laughed in Pleasure is the selected diaries of Lou Sullivan, a trans pioneer and activist who, in his own words, "could not live as a gay man, but...[could] die as one." I got interested in reading Lou's diaries because he was from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin, which is also my hometown. Did you know he almost attended the high school I went to? And I almost attended the high school he went to? And that he grew up about 10 minutes from where I grew up? It meant a lot to me to find these things out because it gave me hope. It gave me someone to look up to, someone like me in whose footsteps I could maybe follow. And having a figure like that in your life is priceless. So, that's what's in my bag: the things I need to get through class and a few things I need to get through life.

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Kyla Kemp (she/her) Senior, Psychology major/Education minor Currently in my black hole of a purse, I have: Four pens: As far as I know, three of them work, one of them only works part-time, and I always forget which one it is because they all look exactly the same My work badge from St. Paul Public Schools: It is decorated with neon pink duct tape and stickers, and my lanyard is strung with beaded projects made by first graders. I love it. Multiple lip glosses: I have a personal vendetta against dry lips. I must have some kind of lip gloss or balm with me at all times. I said multiple because it’s more than a reasonable number. I like variety. Pretty as a Peach body spray from Bath & Body Works: I love smelling good, and that scent is a classic year round. I usually rotate that scent with the OG Sweet Pea scent too. Bandaids: Boo-boos happen. A pink mini stapler and staples: I knew that I had really become an adult once I bought my own stapler. It’s very convenient, and I’m thrilled about it. Airborne immune tablets: I get sick quite often and I am convinced that as long as I take Airborne as soon as I start feeling sneezy, I can fight off a cold. I once survived the flu with just a concoction of tea, honey, and Airborne tablets. A variety of snacks and candy in small packets, including Welch’s fruit snacks, Sour Patch Kids, Gobstoppers, and Chewy Sweet Tarts. I have no idea where I keep getting these from, and I’m not sure I’ll ever eat them, but I have them just in case. The bag changes with the days. Sometimes I have apples in there, or my entire laptop, or a full Subway sandwich, and sometimes an umbrella. It’s as cluttered and random as me.

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MUNCH

ON THESE

mug meals compiled by sydney holets

2-Minute French Toast Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 2 minutes Servings: 1

Microwave/mug mastermind: Jaime from Pretty Prudent blog Ingredients 1 or 2 slices of bread, cubed (just fill your cup to overflowing a bit) 1 Tbsp. butter 1 egg 3 Tbsp. milk Dash cinnamon Drop of vanilla extract (optional) Instructions Cube bread. Melt butter in mug (just a few seconds in your microwave) and swoosh it around the mug. Add bread to the mug. In a separate mug, combine the egg, milk, cinnamon, and vanilla. Stir. Pour the liquid over the bread. Smoosh it a little and allow the liquid to soak into the bread. Microwave. Start with one minute, then add ten seconds at a time until it’s cooked to your liking (no runny eggs). In my microwave, that’s 1 minute, 20 seconds. Add syrup if desired. Eat! https://www.prettyprudent.com/2012/01/entertaining-food/2-minute-f rench-toast-in-a-cup/

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When another day of cafeteria food sounds like the same as yesterday and cooking in a dorm on a student budget is difficult, it can be easy to feel like you’re running out of new meal options. Never fear! I’ve compiled a list of the quickest and easiest meals to make in a dorm… MUG MEALS! You can have breakfast, lunch or dinner, and even dessert all easily cooked in a mug with a microwave. Whether you’re living on campus or just need simple food in a time crunch, these recipes will give some variety to your meals with few ingredients and fast cooking. Enjoy!

Microwave Macaroni & Cheese Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 5 minutes Servings: 1

Microwave/mug mastermind: Gemma Stafford from Better Bolder Baking blog Ingredients 1/3 cup pasta 3/4 cup water, cold 4 Tbsp. milk 1/4 tsp. cornstarch 4 Tbsp. cheddar cheese, grated salt and pepper Instructions In a large microwavable mug or large bowl, add the macaroni and the water. You need a large mug as the water will boil up. Microwave for roughly 3.5 minutes. You want the pasta to be fully cooked (timing is based on my 1200W microwave, so your timing might vary). Pour off the remaining cooking water. Stir in the milk, cornstarch, and shredded cheese and microwave for a final 60 seconds to create your sauce. Stir well, season with salt and pepper, and enjoy. https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/microwave-macaroni-and-cheese

Microwave Peanut Butter and Banana Cake Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 1 minutes Servings: 1

Microwave/mug mastermind: Gemma Stafford from Bigger Bolder Baking blog Ingredients 1/2 medium banana, mashed 1 Tbsp. peanut butter (or any other nut butter) 1 egg white 1/4 tsp. vanilla extract 4 ½ Tbsp. flour 1/4 tsp. cinnamon 1/4 tsp. baking powder pinch of salt Instructions Mash banana in a large microwavable mug. Mix in peanut butter, egg whites, and vanilla. Add in flour, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt. Gently stir until combined. Microwave for 45-60 seconds or until it is firm in the middle (timing is based on my 1200W microwave, so your timing might vary). Top with some more sliced banana and enjoy warm. https://www.biggerbolderbaking.com/peanut-butter-banana-mug-cake/

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PISTOLS PROBLEMS

&PLASTIC

how the U.S. differs from my home country words by luca gronimus photos compiled by luca gronimus

It was a warm night in October 2018. I was sitting on my balcony and decided that I wanted to live in a different culture and experience a different lifestyle for a year or two. I lived in Germany the first twenty years of my life; it’s an amazing country and I’m happy to have grown up there. But at a certain point in your life you just feel the desire to explore and have experiences that are more intense than a vacation with your family or a camping trip with your friends. After living at different places in my country and making road trips all over Europe, I decided that this desire is more global than continental. So the next day, I wrote my application for an exchange year in the U.S. Both Germany and the United States are Western countries with similar cultures, but still I noticed some major differences to my home country. It’s really interesting to see how things work in other societies, and I want to share five of these differences:

When I first came to Hamline, I was surprised by all the activities and opportunities you can find on campus. No matter what kind of problem you have, contact points like health services, a writing center, counselor, or public safety provide help for everything. The same goes for the tons of clubs and events at Hamline. I wanted to see more of the nature here, so I joined the Outdoor Recreation Club. And when I felt like going rock-climbing, I visited the Climbing Club for a trip. In Germany, universities feel like institutions—a place where you do your work, maybe meet some friends and eat. But in general, your social life is centered far less around university than is the case here. Even though in Germany you have the possibility to participate in things like a campus radio or fulfilling a role as chairperson in your subject, clubs are a rather rare thing and the opportunities to engage are more limited. In the U.S., you are not only paying for education itself, but also for services, events, clubs, university allegiance, and simply the “college experience.” University in Germany is free. You don’t have to worry about being in debt for educating yourself, but you are also the one being responsible for taking care of your issues and doing your work in order to successfully graduate.

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Nº2

A topic that is discussed intensely in Germany and that people there have been aware of for some years is the importance of reducing plastic garbage and recycling. Even though Hamline seems like a good example of an institution trying to set an example against littering, for me if feels like there is way too much garbage produced on and off campus. At every event there is an unnecessarily high usage of plastic cups, plates, and knives landing in the dumpster. Moreover, for every occasion, both big events like Halloween or just small festivities, there is so much decoration to be discarded hanging around. Even though it might be nice to look at, the excessive usage of decoration on every occasion feels like a waste to me, as so much of it will simply land in the trash can afterwards. In terms of sustainability, it feels like a very ignorant and irresponsible attitude. There is always another plastic bag to carry your stuff, another disposable package around your product, and another wasteful decoration at a minor event.

Another big difference I noticed during my first weeks in the U.S. is the way of leading arguments and debates. In Germany, a debate, be it an official political event or a discussion on a talk show, is normally led in a calm and reflective way. The priority lies on proving your point with good arguments and backing up those arguments with facts. In the U.S., this is also a big part of leading a debate, but delivery and performance play a far bigger role. Back in my home country, overly excessive usage of gestures or rapidly raising your voice when trying to prove a point would be seen as a hint that the speaker does not have arguments and tries to hide this behind his performance. In the States, on the other hand, these performances are important when having a debate. Delivering and telling a story is part of persuading the audience or interlocutors. In Germany, this way of excessively performing would raise eyebrows; the unemotional German way of leading a debate, however, would bore an American audience.

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Nº4

Just like Germany, the United States has a big passion for sports, from matches on TV of live events to fantasy leagues. People on both continents get really involved in this topic. One difference is the choice of sports. In the U.S. football, baseball, and basketball are equally popular. In Germany, Europe, and on a global scale, however, soccer is the undisputed number one sport. The last four World Cups were four of the seven biggest sport events in history, with a TV audience of over three billion people each. The other three events were recent Olympic Games. Apart from the choice of sports, the most favored U.S. sports also have far more commercial breaks than is the case for soccer in Europe. When I watched my first football game here, I really had to get used to this. The games for me feel far less fluid because I’m not used to all the commercials in sports events.

Nº5

As a German, the American legal system was definitely something I had to adapt to. Back home, when I was 16 years old, I just went into a liquor store, bought a beer or a bottle of wine, had a seat in the park, and got drunk with my friends. Two years later, we repeated the process with tequila or vodka. In the U.S., you need to be 21 in order to buy any alcoholic beverages and drinking them outside is a bad idea regardless of your age. Weapons, on the other hand, can be purchased from a young age in the U.S. with few restrictions. In Germany, you have to go through a long process and need to have a certificate and reason to own a pistol or gun, while heavy weapons are completely illegal for civilians.

There are many other social and infrastructural differences between the U.S. and Germany, but I don’t want to go beyond the scope. On one hand, there are social differences such as debates and sports. On the other hand, there are infrastructural differences like gun laws and waste production. I personally find the social ones really interesting and see them as a great way to broaden my view and maybe find a new hobby or perspective for myself. The infrastructural ones, however, are points I see as rather critical. While I don’t personally agree with the way these things are being dealt with in the U.S., I still see it as important and valuable to understand how other countries handle these issues. So far, I’m having a great time with many new experiences and memories for my life. I will remember them when I sit on my balcony in Germany in two years, thinking about life and where to go next.

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feelings and choices words by emily brown

I am only human I can’t take it all I’m sorry I can’t do all And be the inspiration in a wheelchair I found my love of Creative Writing again this summer My dark oak desk Is like a big, comforting tree I can escape to and have my own world to play in That short story I wrote in class last year I am now working on making it a ten novel series It’s my pride and joy And I want to make it my life But, I can’t Because an unfinished manuscript won’t pay the bills A job as a freelancer Sounds like heaven Being my own boss Having plenty of time to work on my writing My work uniform is an Old Navy pajama top And an old pair of pajama bottoms Making my own dreams come true A job as a paralegal Will pay the bills and give me healthcare But, will it make it happy? I don’t know My worst fear is a job I hate A job that stresses me out and exhausts me I’m too tired to write when I get home And my manuscript stays in the bowels of mind Forgotten like a teenagers favorite stuffed animal fallen under the bed Overworked Exhausted Stressed Unhappy Four feelings I’ve felt for too long and I don’t want to make my life off of those feelings What I look towards For the light at the end of the tunnel last year Law school and becoming an attorney Doesn’t look as glamorous It feels more stressful than inspiring It looks like a jungle An inaccessible jungle with a thousand stairs And 500 law school students climbing on top of each other To get to the office on the top floor of a downtown New York skyscraper I’ve turned my head towards a different light Being a bestselling author and making writing my full-time career I think that has been the light all along And I just turned away from it because it didn’t make sense to follow it I don’t know if it still doesn’t But, the light is lighter than ever I can no longer avoid it And I just want to run towards it But, I can’t I hold myself back with all my might I don’t know what to do I guess I just keep going ‘Cause that’s what I always do

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FUSINGTOGETHER 14 | UNTOLD

Celebrate multiracial and transracial identities with Fusion, an org creating a safe space for students who hold multiple racial and cultural identities. words and photo by zully sosa

Fusion, one of the eight student organizations that finds its home in the Hedgeman Center, educates and advocates for the multiracial students and transracial adoptees here at Hamline. Fusion strives to create a safe space for students of multiracial and transracial identities to explore and discuss their identities while also raising awareness about the cultural, political, and racial issues that affect them. When President Alex Aguirre and Vice President Grace Ryan first joined Fusion, it looked more like a one-man band than a student organization. Though it’s been around for 15 years, Fusion has had multiple rebuilds in its lifetime due to members graduating without recruiting new members. Fusion’s current board members are determined to end this cycle and see a bright future for this organization. “Alex was left on his own to keep it up,” says Aguirre of Alex Chang, the former lone member of Fusion. “There weren’t that many general members that could help spread the word, so it sort of just diminished. Once Grace and I heard that they were bringing Fusion back, we immediately jumped on board.” Since then, the club has focused on growing internally, inviting friends to attend meetings or, in the case of secretary Jake Velesquez, join the board.

“Since I am multiracial, it kinda drew me because I really struggled with identity because of having this white skin with a Latino background,” Velesquez said. “It felt like a group that really fit me.” Students like Velesquez who struggle with defining their multiple ethnicities aren’t the only people Fusion seeks to speak out for. The club also proudly includes topics pertaining to transracial and transcultural adoptees, an issue personal to Vice President Grace Ryan. “I was born in China, so I was born into a certain racial group and then I was adopted into a different racial group,” Ryan said. Though Ryan identifies herself with two different countries, she explains that being transracial can also relate to states. “It can also be culture because as we well know, there are people who are born in Idaho and then adopted to New York City when they were 10, and that’s a really big culture shock.” “Going to the club [Fusion], it also helped me understand better that multiracial and multiculturalism isn’t just the color of your skin, but is also the things surrounding you,” Velesquez said.

After seeing this impact firsthand, it’s no wonder that the trio has endless motivation to increase the club’s presence at Hamline, as it’s impacted their experiences on campus drastically. The organization hopes that through holding weekly meetings they can gain a steady attendance and get the attention of administration to let them know that students with these identities exist and want to be represented on campus.

The board also stresses that they hope by tabling in the Anderson lobby they can educate others on what it means to be multiracial and transracial. “You are a multiracial, multicultural person whether you like it or not when you grow up in the United States,” Ryan says. The board wants to spread this message all around campus, and plans to do so through meetings and by holding events throughout the year.

Fusion meets biweekly on Monday in East Hall 08 at 4-5pm. For more information about events, meetings, and their mission, visit hufusion.weebly.com.

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Dr. Suda Ishida on her educational journey, personal growth, and the issues she tackles in the classroom. words by gloria lee Impassioned and excited, Professor Ishida always enters the classroom of my First-Year Seminar (FYSEM) class on time, bringing snacks and a plethora of knowledge to share. She makes sure to end every lesson with advice for students, ranging from resisting digital addiction in order to focus academically, reminding them to take care of their bodies. Ultimately, Ishida aims to keep her students cognizant of corruption and divisiveness. Communication Studies professor Dr. Suda Ishida currently teaches Media and Global Environmental Conflict, Argumentation, and Advocacy and FYSEM: Life 3.0, Big Data, Social Media, AI, and Bots. Her teaching approach is known to be more hands-on and discussion-based. Despite her notable credentials and years of teaching experience, what is most admirable about Ishida is her unique journey from growing up in the slums of Bangkok, Thailand, to successfully working in academia at Hamline University. I sat down with Dr. Ishida to discuss her personal experiences and what she wants the Hamline community to know. Ishida’s childhood was in many ways destitute. The second of four kids, Ishida and her siblings slept on the floor in their home in an impoverished part of Bangkok, Thailand. Ishida’s father was absent, resulting in her mother waking up at 2 a.m. to butcher and sell pork at the local market in order to support her children. “We grew up basically stinky,” Ishida said. Despite this, Ishida noted that she was “lucky.” “I didn’t have to take the pressure [...] like my older sister, who had to take care

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of the family,” she recounted. “When you’re the second [child], you’re more independent. You just [...] go do whatever.” Since Thailand only required up to seven years of compulsory education, Ishida never actually graduated high school. Instead, she attended a vocational school, training to be a housemaid. Due to the school’s foreign language requirement, Ishida learned English, practicing speaking to foreigners while making beds and cleaning bathrooms. Afterward, with the valuable advantage of knowing English under her belt, Ishida passed Thailand’s university entrance examinations. During her undergraduate studies, Ishida explored her passion for justice and equality through building schools in rural areas, protesting against the American Farm Bill and the World Bank, and working for nonprofits. However, it wasn’t until her senior year of college that Ishida took a journalism class under an American journalist, which sparked her interest in communications. After graduation, Ishida worked at a national English newspaper as a proofreader, eventually working her way up to become a news reporter. She mentored under copy editors from other countries, as close as Singapore and far as Britain. She traveled around the world with photojournalists, reporting on environmental and socio-economic problems. Since then, she has traveled to more than forty countries. “[But] I’m not a tourist,” Ishida noted. “The world is complex.” She travels in order to better understand the complicated issues being tackled around the world, rather than simply out of personal pleasure.

Fitting with her passion for fighting social injustice, Ishida’s favorite place that she has traveled was Phuket, Thailand. She was impressed by Phuket’s strong women leaders and the efforts they have taken to fight the negative “effects of globalization and tourism on [Phuket’s] environment.” The mountainous rainforest island has become a major vacation spot for tourists, resulting in a massive plastic pollution problem. Dying marine life and plastic bags threaten the island’s natural beauty, pushing the Phuket Hotel Association and even the Thailand government to put in limits regarding plastic use. Later, due to her ample work in journalism, Ishida received a scholarship to obtain a Masters’ degree at a university in Sydney, Australia, where she met her husband. The couple then moved to the States and attended the University of Iowa’s Ph.D. program. It was then that Ishida applied for a teaching job at Hamline. “Without education, I wouldn’t have come this far,” Ishida reflected. “Education is a personal investment to secure your life.” Despite her success, Ishida admitted she had “made some mistakes.”

“I started to drink when I was thirteen [...] and smoke cigarettes since [back then] there were no laws for that.” Ishida told an alarming story of when she had to “run home, in the dark, drunk” as a child because she missed her bus stop. She warns students now to avoid partaking in drugs and chemicals and resents how they are being “sold as a cool lifestyle” by companies. “Be aware of who’s manipulating you,” Ishida cautioned. “[Businesses] are making money out of us, [outside of] our consciousness.” This notion heavily applies to technology companies as well. Ishida emphasizes the community needs to be aware of phone addiction and how it negatively affects mental health. She encourages students to use “verbal, face-to-face communication” more often to create closer, less digitized connections with each other. Professor Ishida’s heightened awareness, international understanding, her compelling story of perseverance and thirst for knowledge make her one of the most influential and inspiring professors on the Hamline campus. Her cautionary tales are aimed not to scare or agitate, but to keep students “ten steps ahead” of everyone else. Ultimately, Ishida just wants people to “love each other and strengthen the community.”

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hues of HAMLINE

words and photos by kim truong

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My inspiration came from the lively environment of our campus during the week of homecoming. Decorations in the form of signs and flags adorned our university to coincide with the changing of the leaves. The warmer leaf colors against our campus and its colors were pleasing to my eye, so I felt compelled to snap some photos.

I am a sophomore here at Hamline University majoring in Exercise Science. My passion is to help those in need, and my hobbies involve the Orchestra and Theatre programs on campus. A fun fact about myself is that I am a First-Gen student (born and raised in Minnesota) that speaks fluent Vietnamese. My family and I travel to Vietnam every other summer to do volunteer work and also have some vacation time on the side too.

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what’s on your watchlist/playlist? interviews by martha seymour collage by sophie warrick

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“I like Barry, the TV show. It's a really cool exploration of morality, but also it's super well-written and produced. Bill Hader is a super creative guy, and it's cool to see something he created from his heart. I’m listening to Altogether, an album by Turnover. It is brand new, so I've been trying to find my opinion on it, but I've really been into it so far. Collection is a really cool album and Soccer Mommy is an incredibly talented writer. I like how much her personality translates through her music.”

“I’m watching Shameless on Netflix. I’ve watched it since sophomore year. I like how it’s chaotic and shows lower class in pop culture. It’s a really fun time to watch.” Paula Burgos: First-year, Anthropology major

“I usually listen to country music, but since I just had a cross country meet, I’m listening to more hip-hop and pop because it helps hype me up for my race. I also enjoy watching Grey’s Anatomy.”

Ian Fox: Sophomore, Psychology major

Jalisa Matthews: First-year, Psychology major

“I am watching Insatiable on Netflix, and listening to Melanie Martinez’s new album, K12. Both are super entertaining. Insatiable is hilarious and crazy. K12 has really good songs and the movie she created with it is cool.”

“I’ve been watching Demon Slayer. I like it because the animation is unique. And it makes me cry a lot. I listen to a lot of alternative, lo-fi type music because it calms me down.”

Hannah Notebaart: First-year, Business Management major

Leslie Torres: Sophomore, Psychology major

“I’ve been listening to Keep for Cheap. They have an incredible sound. Their songs make me feel things. Plus, the band members are Hamline students.”

“I recently watched the series The Last Tsar on Netflix. It’s super fascinating for those interested in history, or not! It has a good balance of dramatic scenes and historical input to appease everyone.”

Rachel Sucher: Sophomore, Creative Writing major

“Currently I have both Bazzi’s album COSMIC and his mixtape Soul Searching on repeat. Also Alec Benjamin’s album Narrated For You. Otherwise it’s a big mix of pop and r&b. Bazzi and Alec Benjamin have music that fits almost any mood, and it’s nice in the background to do some homework to.” Aubrey Chavarria: First-year, Biochemistry major

“Brooklyn 99. It is a lovely break to an otherwise stressful day. The characters are relatable, yet lovable, and the writing is excellent.” Douglas Voigts: First-year, Neuroscience major

“I have been listening to Modern Baseball—I just really enjoy their music, —and The Front Bottoms—they came out with a new album a while ago and I never listened to it.” Grace Uhlenkott: Senior, Environmental Studies major

Julia Peterson: Junior, History major

“Superhero movies (most recently Joker), shows on Netflix such as Aggretsuko. I like superhero stuff and anime because that's just what I've always been into. I think it might have something to do with liking stories about underdogs? But it's hard to recommend that sort of stuff because some people just can't get into it, which is understandable. I have been listening to an indie band called London Grammar lately. I would recommend them because they have some really beautiful and meaningful songs. Their music is perfect for when you're in a certain mood to listen to something different, but also touching at the same time.”

Gabrielle Ronnenberg: Senior, Global Communications and Media Studies major

“I have been watching Gilmore Girls and Terrace House. They are pretty wholesome. I have been listening to KR&B and Lauv. They’re chill but can also be fun.” Abi Kartheiser: Senior, Mathematics major

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BEHIND THE SMILE

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words by emily brown photos by sophie warrick

I’m heading to Anderson after a three-hour shift at work. I’m exhausted and hungry. My mind is racing. What major should I be? Should I change? What am I doing with my life? What if I can’t find a job after college? Will everyone be disappointed? What if I don’t get a job after college? Crap! I’m so damn exhausted! All I want is to do is go home and sleep. No time for that. Okay, when I get to work tomorrow… “Hi, Emily!” a friend stops to talk to me. They’re smiling. “Oh, hey! How’s it going?” I immediately pack away all my stressful thoughts and go into happy friend mode. We share some small talk and then go our separate ways. The conversation was enjoyable for me and it cheers me up a bit. I feel included after being in 12 years of isolation and eating lunch alone in grade school.

The past four years are a blur of mixed emotions and stressful events. I have gone months without a panic attack and then had multiple panic attacks in a single week. I’ve laughed so hard I cried, and cried so hard my body shook. But throughout the whole time, I retained my happy, funny facade. Sometimes, it isn’t a facade. Sometimes, the smile is the most genuine thing. I’m actually enjoying myself and my life in that moment. Other times, I’m hiding years of trauma, self-hate, stress, anxiety, and total exhaustion in every single way. The fake smile is exhausting. I’m tired of pretending everything is okay and that my cerebral palsy doesn’t emotionally affect me to the extent it actually does. Not only does my mental health emotionally affect me, so does my physical disability. Our society has this idea of disabled people being these inspirational beings who are always happy and never let life get them down.

Sometimes, it isn’t a facade. Sometimes, the smile is the most genuine thing. I enjoy a nice, big lunch with a couple of friends. I’m laughing and cracking a couple jokes per minute. But something feels different. Something feels off. I’m faking it. Not all of it. I genuinely think it’s funny, but I’m faking the smile and I’m faking the carefree, happy-go-lucky attitude. On the outside, I’m relaxed. But on the inside, I'm physically and emotionally exhausted. I hide it well though. Only half of my friends know the real me. The one with not only cerebral palsy, but also with PTSD, OCD, anxiety, and depression. Looking back, I realize I've been struggling with my mental health since I was five. Things really took a turn for the worse the summer before my freshman year of high school, which bled into the school year. I had to stay overnight in the mental hospital for about a week before school started and two more times during the school year. It was one of the worst years of my life. I never want to feel that much pain again. I felt numb, empty, and anxious. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and I struggled to get out of bed each morning.

I, your local neighborhood disabled person, am here to say: This. Is. Complete. BULLSHIT! Now, don’t get me wrong: I don’t constantly wallow in self-pity over the fact that I have cerebral palsy nor do I want to. There are actually some perks to cerebral palsy, such as zooming around ValleyScare with my best friend and having my mom around a lot, since she gets paid to take care of me. But, it’s not all fine and dandy. I had to endure bullying, teachers who probably didn’t want to teach me, over a decade of wearing hot, itchy ankle/foot orthosis for support, five surgeries, painful recoveries, the most disgusting-tasting medicine ever to roam the earth, loneliness and isolation, and too much bigotry and ableism for one person. Despite all the stress, I keep going because there’s no other option. It’s getting exhausting, and I’m just confused about where to go next. All I know is that I'm tired of faking, and I’m about ready to show what is truly behind the smile.

FALL 2019 | 23

A Week Abroad In Food 24 | UNTOLD

After a life-changing opportunity to study abroad in the UK for a semester, I took an average week in York and connected it to food I enjoyed, because who doesn’t love a good foodie photo-op? words and photos by kat mcullum

Sunday

I arrived in the UK on a Sunday and instantly felt alive and treasured, wrapped up in the warm arms of my new city, York. Not too long after arriving, I met my flatmates: the 16 or so of us sharing the floor and the other 20 who live right above us. Every Sunday, we cook a flat meal, all chipping in money, time, and hunger to ensure everyone is happy, welcomed, and fed. The bonds first-years create here triumph over any I have seen in U.S. universities. Much like our weekly meals, these people are good for the soul.

Monday Mondays bring me to my internship at Aesthetica, an arts and culture firm where my artistic understanding of the world is constantly challenged. On days when I have my internship, food looks like a nice leisurely lunch, bookended by on-campus catered dining. Working in the City Centre gifts me with the ability to experience the various street vendors and partake in British classics like a Yorkshire sausage, best served with caramelized onions and a handful of napkins.

Tuesday On one of my less busy days of the week, I head into the City Centre to do my shopping and indulge in some creative, non-academic writing. Thus, Tuesday has become my coffeeshop day. I grab a warm tea and a sweet pastry treat to supplement the energy spent on the week’s shopping and silly little stories to which I am both creator and sole reader. The simple treat reminds me of study dates with those I’ve left at Hamline, summer gossip with old friends, and self-care time with my mom.

Wednesday Although only the middle of the school week, Wednesdays are the days to live for. My work at my internship is done for the week and my next class does not meet until Friday. I join the students of York out on the town, where sweet treats and magical elixirs are headed our way. On this day to indulge, I will grab a bite before heading to the club where I let loose with some dancing and good times. While academic learning plays a role in this experience, the adventure beats it out, meaning a little party never hurt nobody and dessert can come before vegetables.

FALL 2019 | 25

Thursday On my free day, I look to my new campus for academic inspiration, taking the day to catch up on readings and prepare for class discussions. The academic process differs in more ways than one, and it can seem overwhelming, even scary, much like the idea of curry to a Midwestern girl with no spice tolerance. But like most things in life, it requires trying at least once. The payoff has been beyond incredible on both fronts; the manner in which my class is structured has given me a chance to reflect on how I learn and how I engage in an academic setting, and curry is flat-out delicious. It reminds me of all the risks and chances I took to even get to the UK and my current position in life. Now, curry is a dish that empowers me, reminding me of my current feelings of triumph and satisfaction at the way I lead my life and what I eat during it.

Friday With the weekend within my grasp, the anticipation and desire to escape the classroom is nearly too much to bear! When feeling so flighty, I opt to settle for a grounding meal, something that keeps my feet on the ground and ass in the seat, even if my head might be a little beyond the classroom walls. I turn to the York icon, the Yorkshire pudding. Although seemingly just a hollow vessel, it is the base for a thousand culinary jumping points, including being used as the base of a trendy wrap. Much like the York Roast Company takes the classic to new heights, my time here has inspired me to live each day to the fullest. Opportunity exists around every corner, and my time here, like a Yorkshire pudding, doth runneth over with some of the best experiences and memories of my life.

26 | UNTOLD

Saturday With Saturdays come exploration of the city, of the country, and of the continent. Walking down any street presents a smattering of identities and cultures, voices and stories moving seamlessly among one another and educating along the way. I take a break in the second and third story cafes above the streets, gazing upon the life below while enjoying my own sample of culinary diversity. Platters/boards are quite popular here, a reminder to keep your horizons, and heart, open.

My semester abroad has been everything I imagined and more. Each day presents new challenges and rewards with one-of-a-kind insights into the secrets for leading a fulfilling life. And the food, well, that was just the cherry on top of the whole experience.

FALL 2019 | 27

untitled art by sheila lacroix

from the 2013 issue of The Fulcrum: Volume XVI

28 | UNTOLD

thanks by sydney holets

city cat by k mcclendon

FALL 2019 | 29

UNTOLD MAGAZINE STAFF

HE I F

SY RIO

LU C

D I T OR

P HE R

IA & WEB

LLY S OSA

P HIE W A

ALLY G AL

GRA O T

E PY

S O C I AL

E M

IAN

DIA H ANS

AGE R

T MCC

I T OR

R ED

NAH

L E K

O DNEY H

I T OR

O IFER R

SI DE

NC IG

SS I S TA

A GN

I N - CH E I F

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faculty advisor JEN ENGLAND

WHAT IS UNTOLD?

Untold Magazine is a paying publishing market for written and visual pieces on all topics surrounding Hamline’s campus. We tackle the strange, the quirky, the serious, and the overlooked once a semester through our print magazine. We offer students a place to contribute their work and gain insight into the editing and publishing process.

WANT TO GET INVOLVED?

We are looking for contributors and staff members to join our Untold community. Untold is a wonderful way to get involved, whether through writing or visual art, get paid for your creative work, and be a published creator!

CONTRIBUTORS

cover art by Sophie Warrick Sydney Holets Luca Gronimus Emily Brown Zully Sosa Gloria Lee Martha Seymour Kat McCullum Kim Truong Sheila LaCriox K McClendon

email: untoldmagazine@hamline.edu social media @hamlineuntold