Untold Magazine | Fall 2022

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS Dear Readers, Thank you for taking the time to look through our beautiful magazine! We have spent a lot of time trying to make it as perfect as possible.

The Untold team is beyond proud of our theme for the semester. We chose to use the theme of passions because we think the Hamline community is so special. Everyone comes from different places and ideas, and everyone has a different experience here.

No one person thinks or believes the same and we wanted to explore that. What are the passions of the Hamline campus and how do people express them? What types of things do we celebrate and fall back on? On top of that, the Untold team wants to express our gratitude and respect to our wonderful and amazing advisor, Jen England. Jen is the backbone of our magazine. Although she is leaving this semester, she will forever be a part of the Untold team, inspiring and guiding passions for all of us.

-Kimia Kowsari and Joanna Johnson

TABLE OF TABLE OF CONTENTS CONTENTS thirsty Haley Klahsen ........................ page 4

thirsty

Haley Klahsen ........................ pageGuy 4 Bird Nose Kivi Weeks ............................... page 18

Recycling the Waste System at Hamline Maddie Urness ........................

5 Recycling the Waste System at Hamline Mosaicopage Communitara Maddie Urness ........................ page 5

Crystal Camacho ..................... page 19

The Race Between Arms and Lungs Aubrey Chavarria Sound ...................of page 6 The Race Between Arms and Lungs Music Aubrey Chavarria ................... page 6

Birds of a Feather Mac Wittkopf .......................... page 7

Passed Down Poetry Hodo Mohammad .................. page 8

Untitled Alexis Letang ........................... page 10

Michael Horton ...................... page 21

Birds of a Feather Mac Wittkopf .......................... page 7 Skyward Eyes Turned Josh Sedarski ........................... page 22

Passed Down Poetry

A Passionate Approach Burial Shroud for Later Alexis Letang ........................... page 18 L. Dhein .................................. pagefor 10 Jen A Painting Otto Harris .............................. page 25

Dis/phoria Olympe Kasten ....................... page 12 No, I’m not in an Open Relationship Jen Jodi Mohawald ........................ page 12

Burial Shroud for Later L. Dhein .................................. page 14

Dis/phoria Olympe Kasten ....................... page 16

Untitled Kivi Weeks ............................... page 17

Eyes Turned Skyward

Hodo Mohamed .................. page 8Healing Josh Sedarski ........................... page 17 Ferocious Anika Besst .............................. page 23

Mosaico Comunitaria

Crystal Camacho ..................... page 20

Michael Horton ...................... page 25

Sound of Music

No, I’m not in an Open Relationship

Breaking the Loop

Ferocious Healing

Bird Nose Guy

Tribute to Jen

Jodi Mahowald ........................ page 22 Michael Horton ...................... page 14 Jen Joanna Johnson ...................... page 26

Kivi Weeks ............................... page 15UntoldAnika Besst .............................. page 24 Learn about .................................................... page 28 Otto Harris, Michael Horton Kivi Weeks ............................... page 16 Staff Profiles Joanna Johnson ....................... page 26 .................................................... page 29

Web Exclusives .................................................... page 28

Staff Profiles .................................................... page 29

About Untold .................................................... page 30

thirsty Haley Klahsen you only want me when your life is still. i want you as the sink flows over, wetting the floor and leaking into the next room. i know that if i keep giving, my cup will become dry like yours. then, we will just be two people: you, you, and me, me. you left asking for more, me convinced yours is missing. so, i will split my contents now and go. someone else can show me love that flows freely. that way, my halfway will be our empty.

4 | UNTOLD

Recycling the Waste System at Hamline Maddie Urness Reduce, Reuse, Recycle. That’s what has, or at least should have been, taught since elementary school, but not as many people may know the benefits of a similar waste disposal system called composting. Composting is essentially organic recycling, and it is much more important than you may think. You see, our landfills are filled with things that don’t need to be in there, things that could be recycled or composted. Trash is messy and full of toxins and if it’s mixed with recyclables, they can not be recycled. Same thing for compost- if it’s contaminated with trash, it can no longer be composted effectively. The point of compost is to get rid of food waste or items that will deteriorate naturally… plastic does not deteriorate ever. There are over 7 billion tons of plastic on the earth right now.

100% of that plastic has been on this earth since it was made. (UN Enironment Programme) This means that if there is plastic in compost, it will be in there forever. Since these two systems of waste elimination are now compromised into trash, everything is just taking up space in the landfill.

The compost bins at Hamline University are just trash bins in disguise. Of course there are some people who aren't going to know how to compost correctly, but here at Hamline, it can be encouraged to do it wrong at times. We have a great start, it’s good that we even have a bin for compost, but I have noticed two major problems. First, once the landfill option gets too full, the workers in Anderson have historically said to just toss trash no matter what it includes into the compost or recycle bin until they are able to replace an empty trash. Well then what is the point of having the eco-friendly options in the first place? “At this point, [the compost bins] don’t even matter anymore because everyone just throws everything into the same bins”, says Jessa Schroetter, junior here at Hamline. People not caring is what defeats the purpose of compost and recycling because once trash is in the bin it just becomes another trash can.

The other big issue I have noticed is that there are only three places to throw away compost, and they are all on the second floor of Anderson. This raises the question- why aren’t there more places to compost across campus? Junior Ethan Hermann says “I know the majority of what I throw away is food, and without the option to compost in the dorms, part of me feels complacent in unsustainable waste management.” In every dorm hall, there are bins to throw your trash and recycling, but not compost.

It’s good that Hamline’s not doing nothing.

They have the option to compost, which is more than most places offer, but we can do more, and positive change can only happen if we try. More compost options -not just on the second floor of Anderson- more information and encouragement about recycling and composting and even just caring a little bit more than they do right now. Our efforts in waste management should not be a waste of time.

FALL 2022 | 5

The Race Between Arms and Lungs Aubrey Chavarria Ragged, the way my lungs are reaching, grasping at air with every breath I take. However, they cannot beat the turnover and reach of my hands, hitting the top of the water. Pulling, ripping the water at seams that cannot exist, fluid dynamics being destroyed at my fingertips. Arms and lungs in a race, a race to see who is stronger–the hammering demand to breathe or the need to feel something. At this rate, the need to feel is winning.

The thrumming I feel vibrates through everything it can reach, like an old car stereo when it’s turned up too high. It moves from my chest, down my arms, and into my fingertips, electricity shooting out, shaking when lifted from the water at the wall. The beat one I can set a pace to, why would I ever need a tempo trainer squawking an artificial beat when I have my own heartbeat to use.

Quiet begins to set in, all I can hear is the sloshing of the water around me and my heartbeat echoing in my eardrums. My own heavy breathing unheard, the voices of my coaches tuned out, the pool being the only thing I can hear. It’s peaceful. Similar to how when the noises fade as you lull yourself to sleep. Or how everything stops in those times that become everlasting moments. The way the tide recedes from the shore leaving behind wet sand as a reminder that it was there. The world outside doesn’t matter. It’s only me, the pool, and the clock, even with 20 other people at practice.

Bliss follows soon after, the sloshing allows my brain to focus on what I’m doing.

Pull, kick, pull, kick, turn, on repeat for the next two hours. My heartbeat only grows louder in my ears as we go, my face burning brighter and brighter each interval drop and with every round of the set. Nothing feels like this– the adrenaline that courses through you. The harder you push yourself, the further you want to push yourself.

6 | UNTOLD

The black tiled line at the bottom only becomes longer each length you go, never-ending as the amount of yards that turn into miles begin to blur. All you know is how you feel: unstoppable and on top of the world. When you lift yourself out of the pool, limbs shaking, unable to stand, you swallow air and water like they’re the best things you’ve ever tasted.

You feel accomplished, the pain sinks into numbness with time and repetition. High fives,fist bumps with teammates, and chit chat about the hell you all just put yourself through for hours is finally intelligible as the heartbeat recedes from your ears.

Standing after sitting is the worst pain you can feel. A hot shower is the only thing that stops your muscles from giving out on you. Layering to brave the Minnesota winter is truly a new battle in and of itself. But you’re going to come back the next day, and the next, and all those to follow until late February.

Flaking skin and chlorine burns from eight days of swimming multiple times a day in three different pools. Suits that look like they can fit on a large doll, shoved onto your body by three other people to experience floating on water like a kickboard. Resistance to going under as if you're a beach ball that hit you in the face on the beach, or at the public pool as a child.

Nothing can beat it, that adrenaline, the rush of knowing that your body can beat barriers you thought were solid concrete walls. The injuries, long hours, eyelashes freezing on the way to class, and all the other levels of hell that come with swimming can’t stop you.

When the pool not only becomes refuge, but home.

Birds of a Feather Mac Wittkopf

FALL 2022 | 7

passed down down poetrypoe passed Hodo Mohamed Hodo Mohammad hand-me-down strings attached to my fingers, tugging, hand-me-down strings attached to my fingers, tugging, i believe that through the caged bars of paper, i recognize a hand out i recognize a hand reaching out i believe that through the cagedreaching bars of paper, through the suitcase of my dad’s belongings; he suitcase claims he see mybelongings; own handwriting passed down, through the of can my dad’s he claims he can see my own handwriting passed down, a desperate plea to stay safe, my grandfather’s a desperatewriting– plea to stay safe, my grandfather’s writing– once a poet, each letter carries the cries a people: once of a poet, each letter carries the cries of a people: the hands tire of passed-down pain,the poetry. hands tire of passed-down pain, poetry. it envelops me, tinted orange roofs, itcardamom, cinnamon, a family tree,cardamom, cinnamon, a family tree, envelops me, tinted orange roofs, each branch a sentence, each leaf aeach poem’s title, a sentence, each leaf a poem’s title, branch pieces of the people’s struggles covered in of three less, pieces the stanzas people’sorstruggles covered in three stanzas or less, the bullets break the morning calm,the thebullets poet wakes song, break to thea birds’ morning calm, the poet wakes to a birds’ song, pages cannot contain what has beenpages passed downcontain by wordwhat of mouth, cannot has been passed down by word of mouth, evening news segments cannot condense lives down to soundbites, the death lives toll mounts– evening news segments cannot condense down to soundbites, the death toll mounts– commercials end in periods, a briefcommercials moment before news starts up, moment before the news starts up, endthe in periods, a brief the hands tire of writing passed-down thedeafening hands tiresilence. of writing passed-down deafening silence. wrapped diracs, the names of bride and groom delivered wrapped in green and gold diracs, the namesinofgreen brideand andgold groom delivered through the poetry of thedance woman through the poetry of the woman who sits, while her sisters artwho intosits, while her sisters dance art into thebyhearts of the crowd;atand traveled by the rocks thrown at those who colonized, the hearts of the crowd; and traveled the rocks thrown those who colonized, ululation andand protest injustices, and the warmth of the sun; ululation and protest demonstrations, injustices, the demonstrations, warmth of the sun; hands, as well as minds, ours, tire of passed-down troubled minds, their hands, as well as ours, tire of their passed-down troubled thetime dedication generations-long, each time a different cause, a similar kind. the dedication generations-long, each a different cause, a similar kind.

8 | UNTOLD

e qasil leaves, my crushed into powder, face recognizes the qasil leaves, crushed into powder, ver laid eyes on, from trees, I have never laid eyes on, honey, honey, turmeric, turmeric, g light, passedmixed down by my morning mom; light, passed down by my mom; in the

long a coastline, feet never left afootprints the my rush of have running along coastline,on; my feet have never left footprints on; are painted into my memory, these scenes are painted into my memory, by a poet, m, a photo album, of faces I may never see. of faces I may never see. calling out forif reunification with the seas, out for reunification with the seas, the ruins of Merca, calling dust, silence, feels collecting, the heaviness of dust, silence, collecting, eerigaabo, calling to those who once stepped alongout its’totrails, if theout mountains in Ceerigaabo, calling those who once stepped along its’ trails, laughter engraved in its’ memory, remembers, echoes of laughter engraved in its’ memory, speak, about who hasdabqaad passed could and enjoyed companionship of and enjoyed the companionship of if the speak, the about who has passed the clothes of the those in its’ incense, presence the a greeting, burning clothes of those in its’ presence a greeting,

passed-down poetry, then the hands send passed-down poetry, ar, the instructions unclear, n mourning. to a nation of poets in mourning.

ered to the next bundles, to the next generations in bundles, if itgenerations all could beindelivered may it be in peace, em. in the stanzas of a poem.

FALL 2022 | 9

Burial Burial Shroud Shroud For Later For L L. Dhein L. Dhein Livy DheinL. Dhein

A shroud burial is a body disposition A shroud option that burial allows is a body for a disposition high level ofoption personal that expression allows for aand high involvement. level of personal The shroud expression and i can be handmade and decorated by can the be loved handmade ones of the and deceased, decoratedorbyeven the loved the deceased ones of themselves the deceased, before or even death. theIdeceased wanted tothemselves create a shroud that could be used in create an eco-friendly a shroud that burial couldand be also useddisplays in an eco-friendly how deathcare burial canand be also celebrated displays as how an act deathcare of can be carrying out the deceased's wishes in carrying a way that out the reflects deceased' who sthey wishes were. inThis a wayshroud that reflects is organic whounbleached they were. This fabricshroud which isI organic unble decorated to reflect my preferences,decorated interests and to reflect values. myI wanted preferences, to make interests a piece and revolving values. Iaround wanteddeath to make thatawould piece revolving encour- around age viewers to look at end of life planning age viewers as antoact look of both at endpreparedness of life planning and self as anexpression. act of bothI preparedness believe that an and important self expression. step I belie in a more culturally positive relationship in a more withculturally death is acknowledgement positive relationship andwith education, death isand acknowledgement I especially encourage and education, people toand I espec learn about green body disposition options learn about suchgreen as natural body disposition organic reduction, options aquamation such as natural and organic shroud burial! reduction, aquamation and shrou

10 | UNTOLD

FALL 2022 | 11

Dis/phoria Olympe Kasten This isn't my skin.

I mean in the technical sense it is digitally or reality or neither or both or irregardlessly attached to my muscles that are attached to my bones that my brain rests within and my consciousness lives somewhere inside but it does not feel like my own maybe a tattoo would help I don't claim ownership over much of my body I tend to claim ownership on the parts I like when the dysphoria gets bad these are most definitely my eyes this is most definitely my beauty mark and those are most probably my eyebrows the rest is off to the wayside misidentified as my own by the erroneous code that keeps my consciousness in a physical place it is mine by decree of life or law or both but I don't particularly listen to those things it's been like this for a while some great cosmic 0 that should have been a 1 or maybe a 1 that should have been a 0 and I can only pick up where the code leaves off The first edit is scary the second one hurts the third is shaky and unsure the fourth is expert the fifth bleeds too much the sixth bleeds not enough should I be bleeding at all my nose is bleeding my skin is softer I have a larger chest the seventh is the most painful so far the eighth I fuck up its bad I have to start over the eighth is a waste of a spike but that's fine I have more I wont run out I can keep going this body will be mine it will not win I will subject and direct and alter and primp and preen and press and inject and inject and inject and inject and inj Inject.

12 | UNTOLD

I cannot remember what it ever felt like to be in control of my body the sound of a gun cocking in an unlit parking garage the vertigo of a drop with no bottom a cosmic slight given voice the feeling of being three feet to the left and two seconds ahead my code fragmenting and corrupting and disintegrating and love and lust and leers at my own body and code and self and space and I am not normal but who is If I were to be the other the natural the smooth the long the desirable the unholy and undeniable the contradictions that connect and conquer and i am running out of time and I am enough and I am walking nay sprinting towards a direction in which has no end not towards a direction or a place or a goal or a finish line but to a concept a construct A con.

Digital realms are escapes are offshoots are disguises are fleeting and firm and fickle and if you could know what I feel like it might make more sense but you do not and cannot and might not and do if it were easy to explain why it may have been easier to just walk instead of sprint but here I am a marathon runner in my own head an Olympic sprinter in the world of code not that I am allowed to be an Olympic sprinter they say my form my body my self my code gives me advantage and gain and power and robs others but if that is the case why do I still sit here in wait as my rights are stripped around me and power is only power if the powerful deem it desirable and I will become desirable to become powerful

People ask why and I look and I stare and I think and I speak but not in any way that makes sense to them nor in any way that they can identify with or any way that anyone who is not like me will see or read or hear or feel and rambling is not helping but I am here and I am now and my god that has to be worth something Right?

There are others there are friends there are those who seek to help who seek to repair erroneous code who seek to strip back and provide space and look and listen and watch and there are those who are silent in their grief that they got it wrong there is too many people and not enough and yet I sit and remain among them Translate transhumanist transit transgender transpose transsexual transport transfemme transfer and I cannot list more but there are more and my job is to know more and tell you more and explain to you more and explain every time how much I am in need of a transistor or a transmitter or why so many synthetic terms are trans maybe that's why I am too

Am I at all?

I can only sprint and move and watch and look and listen and craft and mold and shape and become and in becoming I am creating and sharing and moving and its so scary but so fun and so inspiring and so disheartening and so normal and so uneasy and when was the last time i saw myself in the mirror and did not smile or see the smile in those around me and does that mean that I am running in the right direction Why did god or nature or chance or chaos create wheat but not bread fruit but not wine for any reason other than to allow us to join in the act of creation I read that somewhere it was shown to me I found it I searched for it it found me I cannot remember where or when or how or why but it has stuck with me since A tattoo sounds nice.

FALL 2022 | 13

Sound of Music Michael Horton My bones thrummed with excitement as my black boots thumped against the stairs of First Avenue.

The opener had just finished her set and the crowd disbanded from the main floor, going to get drinks or merch or to chatter mindlessly until the next performer came on. My brother and I took this chance to make our way from the second floor to the main standing area where we found a front row spot. I had never been in the front row of a concert before.

I was by far one of the smallest and youngest people in the venue as many people towered over me like buildings but I didn’t care much as I finally was going to see one of my favorite performers of my young adult life. I ignored the obviously drunken women next to me and bounced on the heels of my feet. My eyes trailed to my phone every few minutes, watching as the time ticked by slowly. It was like watching sand fall through an hourglass, each grain building up my excitement until I was for sure I would burst.

Then the curtain lifted.

I started screaming before my brain could even catch up with what was happening. Claps and stomps of feet echoed through the building and sent vibrations through my soul.

“Holy shit!” My brother said next to me as the band made their way onto the stage, “He’s never played with a band before! It’s always been solo” My heart pounded in my ribcage, this was going to be fucking amazing.

With the first strum of the banjo I felt like I was dreaming as the singer's low baritone voice filled the room through the speakers. My alto-tenor voice did its best to follow along and I was able to hit most of the notes but it didn’t much matter as all I could do was stare up in amazement at the singer. Each song sent me deeper and deeper into a fuzzy headspace. I barely noticed it when the woman next to me spilled part of her drink on my shoulder or when my brother put his hand on my head to rub it in sibling affection. I’m not religious but this felt like heaven.

14 | UNTOLD

During a slow song, my eyes closed and I swayed back and forth to the beat. I could feel tears fill my eyes as the lyrics touched my soul. The music was so loud I felt like I was underwater. Floating in a pool of warm vibrations.

And suddenly it was like I was in a small basement again.

People were packed in like sardines with us all trying to get a good view of the stage that was level to the floor. I stood alone with my fingers typing frantically at my phone.

“OH MY GOSH, WILL WOOD JUST WAVED AT ME” I texted my group of friends.

I had been dreaming about going to this concert for months and finally it was here.

I bopped my head along with the opener and gave him a ‘thank you’ as he walked past me to get to what I assumed was the green room. A few moments later, the room filled with applause and cheers as we all watched a scraggly man with a ukulele make his way up to the stage. My brain buzzed with excitement as a huge grin spread across my face.

The artist spoke playfully to us as an audience and laughter bubbled in the room, making it feel more relaxed and chill. When the music started up, I sang alone easily, reminding myself of the months that I spent listening to his albums on repeat. I wanted to know every word so that if by some one in a million chance, the man I was watching with such admiration, would be impressed.

Between songs, we were shown a vulnerable part of not only the musician but also the music that he created.

Tears filled my eyes in understanding as he talked about his mental health issues which led to his alcohol and drug problems. He reminded me that he is still human, just like everyone else.

I left these experiences feeling refreshed and new.

Breaking the Loop Kivi Weeks During the worst parts of my life, I became stuck in loops of apathy. I would sit at my desk, playing video games and not writing or painting, not hanging out with my friends. And I did everything in my power to avoid thinking about the fact that I wasn’t happy.

I am someone who cannot exist without the trimmings of activity. When I’m happy, I try new things every day and revel in being a jack of all trades. In the parts of my life in which I’ve been the least happy, I wasn’t trying new things, and I wasn't exercising old skills either. I just kept going through the motions of life, because that was all I could do. Most of those times occured before I went to therapy, so I didn’t really have the self-knowledge to make sense of what I was feeling. I could tell I was unhappy, but not why.

And without a why, I couldn’t start fixing it.

When I attempt to break out of these loops, I learn something that I’ve learned many times before, and I learn it again every time I escape the cycle: that I need to be doing things to be happy. I am someone that needs to constantly have my hands busy, always have a project on my desk. For me, the opposite of sadness is passion.

Sickness is the rejection of creation. My self-love has become the pursuit of some new art or craft.

In a lot of ways I am lucky. My drive to create things has started making a life for me. And life always comes with a price tag. For a while, that price was paid by my parents, and they fed my creative exploits with their wallets and approval.

But as I got older, my pursuits got more expensive, and I started needing to foot the bill myself.

Some of my creative impulses are strong enough to be money-positive, which is unusual in the scheme of things.

However, I’m not sure if that really makes me “lucky.” On the face of it, being paid for something creative isn’t the usual outcome for most people. The majority of artists in this world didn’t get rich painting one picture at a time. Sure there are a few artists who do make it to mansion and Ferrari territory, but they’re the outliers. But, for every successful artist out there, there are a hundred more who had to set aside their passion so they didn’t starve.

I’m grateful to even have creativity and passion and that they help me find happiness. But I often worry that I’ll end up being one of those hundreds of artists who give it up, living day to day like the zombie I was when I was still drowning in my apathy.

My mom has this saying she likes. It goes; “Science and math make life possible. Art makes life worth living.” I grew up hearing this. It is something I believe with my heart and soul. But whether or not it’s sustainable to think this way in our current culture isn’t clear to me. It’s not fair to the many artists that so few can succeed. And it’s at least a little selfish for me to hope I am one of the successful ones, although I think it’s something all of us hope for.

In truth, I think everyone deserves to be able to sustain themselves on whatever makes them happy. I think the solution will require a lot of work— social change is never easy, but it’s possible and it is wonderful. And I think it’s worth doing. I think it’s worth allowing people to survive off their passions.

FALL 2023 | 15

Bird Nose Guy Kivi Weeks

16 | UNTOLD

Eyes Turned Skyward Josh Sedarski The childlike wonder I fear I’ve lost is violently revived within me as I turn my head to the heavens.

There, I see your face pervading my field of view, riding the four winds just to be everywhere.

Your divinity showers down in a torrential deluge that I think I might drown in.

I couldn’t say I am afraid of this outcome; I would gladly consign myself to a life spent cheating death if it meant I could bask in your glow just a little longer.

My incarnation lusts to know you; it longs to be reunited in celestial bliss.

What was, must be again soon, lest I should ever descend my gaze into a sunset of apathy.

Though the wind bites with a rage I defy it to cling to your burning radiance. The warmth of my joy sustains me in my fool’s crusade.

When I eventually succumb to my corporeal limits, my soul renews its covenant, my solemn vow: that we should know each other and no silence should ever cause us to forget.

FALL 2022 | 17

A Passionate Approach Alexis Letang “What do you want to do with your life?”

“What makes you happy?”

“What are you passionate about?”

These are big questions that in some way shape or form are asked to high schoolers whose brains are not fully developed. When you apply to college, everyone says that you don’t have to know what you want to do.

In some cases, that is true. However, there is no denying the pressure to know what you want to do.

When students, teachers, professors, parents, distant relatives who you haven’t seen since you were in diapers, ask about future plans, and hear the response, “I don’t know,” there is this uncomfortable moment. Then they say, “Oh, that’s okay. You have time.” Rarely, if ever, does that feel genuine.

As most people do, I have gone through many different ideas for what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a psychiatrist at the age of eight. I was really into pretending to be a spy. I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to be a chef. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to be an author. I wanted to be a journalist. Now, I am all grown up. I know what I want. . .to study. I have ideas and thoughts about what I want to and could be. I think that’s a healthy place to be.

I think that while there is no one size fits all approach to figuring out what you want to do with your life, there has been this process society has deemed the best way to do so. That is: Pick your career Pick a major that will help you get to said career.

Graduate with a degree in that major.

Get a job.

While for some careers such as doctors and lawyers that require a specific kind of school in order to be in that profession, there is a different approach that I believe may be more effective.

Children typically decide on what they want to be based on whatever they are really into at the time. If a child really likes dinosaurs, they will say that they want to learn about dinosaurs or that they want to be a dinosaur. If a child really likes horses, they may say that they want to be a cowgirl or cowboy. If they like to swim, they may say that they want to be a swimmer or a mermaid. While all having varying levels of achievability, all of these goals are driven by a singular passion. Why should this way of thinking be limited to a child?

When we get to college, we are asked to pick a major, not a career, even though the end goal is a career.

What if we went about the college process as a child goes about picking what they want to be when they grow up? What if we approached college like this:

18 | UNTOLD

Step 1: Answer these questions: What do you want out of life?

Don’t jump to a career just yet. Think about your life outside of work. You’re a person with your own desires. You most likely do not simply want to work.

You may want time to spend with your loved ones.

You may want to travel. You may want to have a family. You may want to help others. We all want something. What is it that you want?

What makes you happy?

This is relatively simple to comprehend, but difficult to answer. Again, don’t think about careers yet. Just think about what makes you happy.

What are you passionate about?

What is something that you always tend to gravitate towards? Do you always find a creative or artsy way to present information? Do you typically opt for writing?

Is there a certain lens or perspective that you seem to focus on everytime you are able to do so? Think of the things that you could talk about for hours. Think about the activities you do and what they have in common. Think about everything in your life that you have a burning passion for.

Step 2: Pick a major that allows you to explore your answers.

You figured out that you tend to lean towards science-y topics, now you’re looking at majors related to that. You figured out that you have a desire to create, now you’re exploring majors that would allow for that. You like being in charge or being the lead, now you’re looking at majors that will help you do that effectively. Your major, while not every aspect of it will be enjoyable, will keep you interested. It may help your motivation overall because even if it is hard, at least it is something you are genuinely interested in.

Step 3: Find a career that fits with your major and what you want out of life.

This step is relatively self-explanatory. You can finally start thinking about a career. Do research. Ask people questions. Use the internet. Find a career that interests you and will allow you to get what you want out of life.

This process is not perfect, but I think it is something to at least think about. I think that oftentimes in society we focus on what we want the end goal to look like rather than thinking about the steps that will get us there.

I think everyone should embrace their inner child a bit more when it comes to thinking about life.

FALL 2022 | 19

Mosaico Mosaico Comunitaria Communitara Crystal Camacho Crystal Camacho

I have always been a firm believer that wealways are all been a firm believer In mywemind, my friends were always and I have that are all Inbrothers my mind, my friends were alw walking eachother home. Growing walking up, my Mother another life. I knew that deepfrom down, we eachother home. Growingsisters up, myfrom Mother sisters another life. I knew always told me how important it is always to love told and me takehow important it iswere farand more connected than we could knowconnected and to love take were ever far more than we care of one another. We were Catholic, understand.

I carry parts of each ofunderstand. my childhood care which of one meant another. We were Catholic, which meant I carry parts of each every Sunday in our household wasevery a little chaotic, with me become a part of me and they hav Sunday in but our household wasfriendships a little chaotic, but and they have friendships with I am also a firm believer that chaotic canalso be good. whocan I am them.

I am a firm believer that chaotic be now, good. 343 miles away fromwho I am now, 343 miles away fr Sunday mornings began with music, Papi would be began with music, I remember when home to come Sunday mornings Papi would be I moved away from I remember when toI moved away somewhere singing, Ma was in the somewhere kitchen cooking, was so scared about the ways I would singing, Ma was in thecollege, kitchenIcooking, college, I waschange. so scared about the usually something like eggs, rice and beans.something My I was worried and honestly usually like eggs, rice and beans.

My about making new friends, I was worried about Imaking new siblings and I are rushing to clean the house, that I wouldn’t find people I had common siblings andhoping I are rushing to clean was the worried house, hoping was worried that I wouldn’t find to have enough time to get ready and dressed up. We ground with. queer hispanics? to have enough time to get ready and dressed up.Would We there be other ground with. Would there be oth have to look our best for the lord, Amen!

Would there be someone else who grew upthere in a trailer have to look our best for the lord, Amen!

Would be someone else wh In our household, we spoke spanish; facthousehold, up until Iwe spoke spanish; park?

What I didn’t Ininour in fact upifuntil I find friends who park?spoke Whatspanish? if I didn’t find friend was about 8, I just assumed everyone inabout the WORLD Would others be open about havingWould immigrant was 8, I just assumed everyone in the WORLD othersparents? be open about havi spoke Spanish. My community is a spoke beautifully vibrant were some of the questions revolving around Spanish.

My community is aThese beautifully vibrant These were somemy of the questions one. A warm, beautifully seasoned one. that I was really worried about when I came one. A warm, beautifully seasoned identity one. identity that I wastoreally worried Hamline in the fall of 2018.

Hamline in the fall of 2018.

There is something so beautiful about growing up as a so beautiful about growing up as a There is something child of immigrant parents. We are child the beautiful community here at day; and of immigrant parents. We areFast the forward beautifulto present day; and myFast forward to present children that defy what many workchildren hard against; but Iwhat many workHamline has grown learned muchbeautifully. I that defy hard against; but I beautifully. I have Hamline hassogrown think we are the very image of the American Dream (if image of the about myself throughout my time here, for that I think we are the very American Dream (if aboutand myself throughout my time you believe in that kind of thing). Iyou grew up in in trailer eternally grateful. Hamline gaveam meeternally a community believe that kind of thing). Iam grew up in trailer grateful. Hamline g parks, and it gave me some of the best memories of my where queerness celebrated. parks, and it gave me some of the best memories of was my not only accepted, wherebut queerness wasI not only acc childhood. I grew up in a community where there did where indeedthere meet other Latine queers, have met other childhood.

I grew up in a community didI indeed meet other Latine que were other children my age, and many us had more my age, and many children immigrants, and we have all bonded and wereofother children of usofhad more children of immigrants, and we h things in common about our upbringing differ- about our upbringing laughed overdifferour shared experiences.

I haveover made it shared my thingsthan in common than laughed our experien ences. We spent our days riding ourences. bikes,We racing to just be someone here that others to feel by. spent our days riding ourmission bikes, racing mission justseen be someone here t through the park, rolling down the through hills in the back, park, rolling down the hills in the back, playing dress up. We would make our favorite dishes playing dress up. We would make our favorite dishes like tacos, pozole and even desserts like like tacos, flan out of and even desserts like flan out of pozole dirt, grass and whatever other odds dirt, and ends grass we andcould whatever other odds and ends we could find. We all loved music, and spent find. time We having all loved music, and spent time having singing contests and on the best days, we would evenand on the best days, we would even singing contests dance. Through all this, my love of dance. music,Through food andall this, my love of music, food and community grew far beyond measure.

I am so grateful community grew far beyond measure. I am so grateful to have grown up in a community where to haveI could growntalk up in a community where I could talk to all my neighbors, and play with all themy kids who to all neighbors, and play with all the kids who lived in the park with us. I remember experiencing lived in the park with us. I remember experiencing some of the best, and some of the worst together, somedays of the best, and some of the worst days together, in community. in community.

20 | UNTOLD

he legacy I want When to leave, I think I just about the legacy I want to leave, I just maybe a littlewant more, others that to webelieve maybe a little more, that we nnected than we really realize. all are I am more a connected than we realize. I am a g people first. firm I believe believer in loving, in loving people first. I believe in loving, d boldly! I can’t andthink loving of openly, anything and boldly! I can’t think of anything urrent society,more than radical just loving in our andcurrent society, than just loving and unity, and thecaring peoplefor inyour it. We community, and the people in it. We xperienced so have muchallwithin collectively the experienced so much within the deserve love and pastgrace, few years. and quite We all deserve love and grace, and quite Our communities frankly need we it. all need it. Our communities need it. ealize it, we have Whether all been or not shaped you realize it, we have all been shaped and those in it.byWe ourallcommunities, carry parts and those in it. We all carry parts em, and thus of carry ourselves parts ofwithin them them, and thus carry parts of them your community within is also us. an Caring act offor your community is also an act of e are the communities self-care, because that lift these us are the communities that lift us . Your friendswhen are your we need communiit most. Your friends are your communiy is your community. ty. Your The chosen people family is your community. The people e are our community. and the There places is weno love are our community. There is no ne what a community one-right is,way or what to define it what a community is, or what it e that for yourself, isn’t, and you you get to getdecide to that for yourself, and you get to apply the rules.

vorite things One aboutofthis my world absolute is favorite things about this world is picking up new thatlittle we are habits, constantly picking up new little habits, om the peoplephrases, we love;and from quirks our from the people we love; from our nds taught mecommunities. how to ride aMy bike, friends taught me how to ride a bike, en hearts, shared they their mended favorite my broken hearts, shared their favorite discover partsbooks, of myself and that helped I me discover parts of myself that I ting to be found. didn’t Weknow are allwere waiting to be found. We are all e person we have mosaics ever of loved; everyeven single person we have ever loved; even . We carry recipes, if onlyjokes, for afavorite heartbeat. We carry recipes, jokes, favorite rstitions, favorite songs, movies, hairstyles, partysuperstitions, favorite movies, party more from the tricks, variousand people so much we more from the various people we h, every hug, every have met. “aha!”Every moment. laugh, every hug, every “aha!” moment. e top of your lungs.

Every Laughs song sang that at the top of your lungs. Laughs that eing yourself,leave or both! you Every crying or peeing yourself, or both! Every tamales, my Papi’s sharedcafecito. pie, Abuelitas Every tamales, my Papi’s cafecito. Every ’m sorry”, every heartbreak, tear you dried scream, for“i’m sorry”, every tear you dried for someone driedsomeone for you.else, Every or tear someone dried for you. Every at was placed by half-assed my littlebandaid sister. that was placed by my little sister. me guitar. TheMy goosebumps brother teaching I feel me guitar. The goosebumps I feel e A Capella Choir. when Every singing orientawith the A Capella Choir. Every orientaful, ugly, sillytion. moments All ofhave the beautiful, ugly, silly moments have ic that I am. We shaped havethe all very beenmosaic that I am. We have all been mosaics that make shaped us into who the we are. very mosaics that make us who we are. ing more beautiful I can’tthan think that. of anything So, more beautiful than that. So, rtbeat, I will continue even if only to love for amyheartbeat, I will continue to love my beautiful people community, in it, as weand all the beautiful people in it, as we all le closer to home. walk each other a little closer to home.

FALL 2022 | 21

No, I’mNo, NotI’m in an Not in an Open Relationship Open Relationsh

“You know what I mean,” he says flatly, uninterested.

“I’m a loyal person. That just sounds like avoiding No matter how many tim commitment.” stings. It hurts to be judg “I could never do that; I don’t like to share.” He to be dismissed, to be told No matter how many times I hear it, this one always sips his drink as he watches me, unblinking, staring partner and I have for ea stings. It hurts to be judged, of course. It hurts more at me in a way that implies I’ve somehow asked him years into our relationshi be dismissed, to beHe toldsips that the deep love my to compromise his values in order “I forcould me tonever go ondo that; Itodon’t like to share.” because it isn’t exclusive. and I have for each more than 3 existing the way I am- non-monogamously. his drinkIastryhenot watches partner me, unblinking, staring at other, now monogamy and faithfulne our relationship, of commitment to let my eyes dart nervously. me in a way that impliesyears I’ve into somehow asked him tois devoidthat love wasn’t a finite r because it isn’t exclusive. that compromise his values in order for me to go on I wish he knew personally, I know. monogamy and faithfulness It’s late 2019. I’m sitting at a roundexisting dining the table with way I am- non-monogamously.

I try not weren’t synonyms, and that love wasn’t a finite resource. But I can’t take it a semi-formal place setting in the dimly-lit to let my reception eyes dart nervously.

I try to keep the energy f personally, I know. hall of my childhood friend’s wedding. I instantly consider myself to be a ve feel my body stiffen at his words, not what It’s because late 2019.

I’m sitting at a round dining table with really value commitment I try in to the keepdimly-lit the energy flowing. “I’d actually he’s saying is so terrible or unusual.a Instead, it’s the semi-formal place setting recepI don’t rely on monogamy consider myself to beI a very committed person. I opposite- what he’s saying was the same thing tion hall of I’ve my childhood friend’s wedding.

I are best friends. We’ve s really atvalue commitment it’s just that heard before a thousand times andinstantly I’m preparing feel my body stiffen his words, not in my life too, through everything. Isn’t don’t rely on or monogamy Ryan and myself for what I know will be a less-than-ideal because what he’s sayingI is so terrible unusual. for my security.

He doesn’t seem convince I are what best friends.

We’ve each other response as I fruitlessly try to defendInstead, my identity. it’s the oppositehe’s saying wassupported the complicated. I don’t see w through that commitment?” same thing I’ve heard beforeeverything. a thousandIsn’t times can just be happy with m doesn’t seem Iconvinced. overly Weddings always seem to prompt these andconversaI’m preparing He myself for what know will“It just seems harder?” complicated. see what the point is when you tions with the strangers and acquaintances I be a less-than-ideal responseIasdon’t I fruitlessly can my justidentity. be happy with monogamy. Why make it end up seated with. Inevitably, somebody try to defend I wish I could make him harder?” asks me if I think my partner will feel like a choice for me. propose soon or whether we have Weddings always seem to prompt choice; I’m not just in an I wish I couldwith make that it doesn’t wedding plans yet (after all, we’ve these conversations thehim understandnon-monogamous person. feeland likeacquaintances a choice for me.

It’s not a relationship been together for at least one full strangers I end I’m not just in an “open relationship”; I’m a calendar year, which apparently in up seatedchoice; with. Inevitably, somebody It’s been 5 years total now person. disagree. your mid-20’s is ample time for youasks to me non-monogamous if I think my partner will We agree to non-monogamous, but I s turn up the pressure for an engage- propose soon or whether we have talking about it, even tho It’splans beenyet 5 years now that I’ve been openly ment to a 10). This event is no wedding (after total all, we’ve deeply passionate about, e non-monogamous, butfull I still feel some discomfort exception. Somehow the topic has been together for at least one genuinely love to talk abo talking about it, even though it’s something I’m come up, and, in the spirit of openness calendar year, which apparently in lies in the things we hide about, even though it’s something I and self-disclosure, I’ve given the honest your mid-20’s isdeeply ample passionate time for you to turn in our core identities. genuinely love to to atalk response that no, I’m actually not interested in up the pressure for an engagement 10).about.

This I think passion so often lies in the ourselves, marriage because I don’t identify with eventanisinstitution no exception. Somehow thethings topic we hashide comedeepest within I heard about polyamory our core identities. built upon monogamy. This never up, goesand, down in without the spirit of in openness and self-disclosure, 17 years old, on one of th a fight. Maybe that’s to be expectedI’ve when you’re at a response that no, I’m actually given the honest 2010’s reality shows I wat I heard about polyamory in 2013, at wedding, huh? not interested in marriage because I don’t identifyfor the firsta time beautiful, bohemian-esq 17 years old, on one early with an institution built uponof the many poorly-rated with long hair and a floo 2010’s This reality shows I watched family when “Well, that’s the thing… I don’t monogamy. never goes down with my shown hugging and kissin a beautiful, bohemian-esque from LA really believe it’s ‘sharing’ at all without a fight. Maybe that’s to belly dancer men and one woman- goo with long hairyou’re and aatfloor-length batik skirt was because I don’t have any owner- be expected when a filming. They surrounded shown hugging partners- two ship over my partner. I can’t wedding, huh?and kissing her threetrinity.

I was entranced. M men and one woman- goodbye before she left for ‘share’ what’s not mine,” I “weird,” in an off-handed filming.

They surrounded herI like a perfect holy reply with a half smile, “Well, that’s the thing… polyamorous woman was trinity.

I was entranced.

My mother had called it willing him to give me an don’t really believe it’s person I had ever seen, b “weird,” in an I felt like this inch. But he doesn’t ‘sharing’ at off-handed all because way.

I myself. I pushed them as polyamorous woman was quite possibly the coolest budge. person I had ever seen, but I kept those thoughts to myself. I pushed them aside.

Jodi Mahowald

Jodi Mahowald

22 | UNTOLD

My relationship My relationship with Ryan is different than most inwith a Ryan is different than most in a fewinways.

We have few ways. We have separate bedrooms the home we separate bedrooms in the home we 3 years later, I found myself in young adulthood, in young adulthood, share.

Weour spend share. We spend more time apart, both with ownmore time apart, both with our own haphazardly n cheaphopping apartments and bad between cheap apartments and bad and partners friends and partners as well as just friends being alone.

We talk as well as just being alone. We talk relationships ever since I had graduated high school. I d graduated high school.

I openly that most people would never dare to openly about things that most people wouldabout neverthings dare to knewand I was bisexual, but I was closeted and deeply as closeted deeply with their partner. We will never marry, but we bring up with their partner. We willbring neverupmarry, but we insecure.

6, I decided, wasThe mysummer time to of 2016, I decided, was my time to feel entirely secure feel entirely secure in our relationship.

And if we ever in our relationship. And if we ever explore, outside of the confines of a cishet man’s e confines of a finally, cishet man’s have children, it will be a very different dynamic that have children, it will be a very different dynamic that judgment of mybut sexuality as something to be used but something to be used have need to learn we’ll have to learn how to navigate.we’ll We don’t to how to navigate. We don’t need to never was tired of feeling like a stranger in of feeling likeembraced. a strangerI in eachofother make each other the top priority ormake the focus a the top priority or the focus of a my own relationships. relational hierarchy to know we arerelational loved andhierarchy to know we are loved and valued.

We take less for granted. Our commitment valued. We take less for granted. Our commitment I’dwith ended up in awho casual relationship with a person who tionship a person feels like a choice, every day, ratherfeels thanlike a a choice, every day, rather than a was everything I wanted to be- a vibrant, intelligent, e- a vibrant, intelligent, We don’t need each other, but we choose contract. We don’t need each other,contract. but we choose queer who wasopenly working as apsych peer student who was working as a peer each other anyway. each other anyway. educatordrawn on LGBTQ issues. I was instantly drawn to I was instantly to them.

Onwere our polyamthird date, they told me they were polyamy told me they Something that many Something that many people don’t understand is that I people don’t understand is that I orous, think I surprised us both with my non-reacd us both withand myI non-reacneverrelationship,” wanted and do not have an “open relationship,” never wanted and do not have an “open Something my mindtion. when they cameclicked out in my mind when they came out one where one where I’m given metaphorical hall passes I’m and given my metaphorical hall passes and my me.sure Until that moment, I hadn’t been sure that hadn’ttobeen that exists in partner exists in blissful ignorance partner while I juggle myblissful ignorance while I juggle my was choose real, something you could actually choose ng you polyamory could actually personal affairs and seamlessly playpersonal the role affairs of bothand theseamlessly play the role of both the forItyourself andfor live wholeheartedly. It wasn’t just for artedly. wasn’t just independent slut and the loyal, doting adventurous, independent slut and adventurous, the loyal, doting porn,women Mormons, and mysterious hippie women on reality ous hippie on reality We are all in. We are two full-fledged girlfriend. We are all in. We are twogirlfriend. full-fledged It wasfor. forItpeople peopletv.

I cared could I knew, people I cared for. It could non-monogamous individuals, whether we are non-monogamous individuals, whether we are be for me too. together or not. together or not.

I’ve changed I’ve changed so much on an individual level too.so much on an individual level too. followed wasofnot a beautiful, romantic coming of utiful, What romantic coming age story that transformed my life into everything I’d y life into everything I’d Non-monogamy has taught me thatNon-monogamy I don’t need to has taught me that I don’t need to of. Instead, ears of dreamed feeling alone and it was years of feeling alone and control things to feel safe. I embrace the autonomy control things to feel safe. I embrace the autonomy misunderstood.

It was countless hours of asking myself ess hours of asking myself theuncertainpeople around me, as well as the uncertainof the people around me, as well asofthe why Ifeeling can’t just be grateful and content, feeling nd content, ties of life. ties of life. I have a greater understanding of I have a greater understanding of convinced that there’s hing very wrong with me. It something very wrong with me. It and appreciation for community. I know and appreciation for community. I know was sessions, long journal se therapy and entries, tense therapy sessions, and what it’s like to be surrounded by what it’s like to be surrounded by conversations ends. Ittearful was knowing that with friends. It was knowing that but still feel alone, and now I people but still feel alone, and now people I every who timecould I thought nd someone love I’d found someone who could love strive to find others who are on a strive to find others who are on a methat without askinggive, me for something that I couldn’t give, mething I couldn’t journey like mine. Most of my journey like mine. Most of my without ction was close monogamy, to follow. that rejection was close to follow. friends are queer and non-monoga-friends are queer and non-monogaAnd finding a non-monogamous partner wasn’t the ous partner wasn’t the mous, and we share in each other’smous, joys and we share in each other’s joys of it either. I’ve been with my current e been end-all-be-all with my current and suffering with empathy and and suffering with empathy and Ryan, feeling for 6 years now, and the sickening feeling w, andpartner, the sickening understanding. All my relationshipsunderstanding. All my relationships is an illusion that will soon usion that our will relationship soon feel like they are the most natural feel like they are the most natural hasseveral only just begun to pass. The first several to pass.crumble The first versions they can be; I don’t need toversions they can be; I don’t need to with someone else, I came home and e else, times I cameI had homesexand force anyone to conform to the standards force anyone to conform to the standards in though his armsI over the guilt I felt, even though I guilt I sobbed felt, even of another to be close to me. of another to be close to me. wasn’t we had knew to sit he with the angry. And we had to sit with the Most of of my my life. loved ones know this aspect of my life.

Most of my loved ones know this aspect pain we of jealousy a hundred times before we undredgnawing times before reading For some, reading this piece will beFor thesome, first time theythis piece will be the first time they realized thatwasn’t controlling each other’s behavior wasn’t a h other’s behavior a hear about as it, much and I’m hear about it, and I’m ready for that.

Because as ready for that. Because as much as r pain. sustainable way to soothe our pain.

I ached and agonized, I ached and agonized, both internally and externally, and both internally and externally, and as much time as I spent hating myself for feeling this as much time as I spent hating myself for feeling this comes bility, It inall a way.

Wedown both to sustainability, in a way. We both way, I know now that it is not only way, I know now that it is not only knew couldn’t keep living the way we were. It wasn’t the way we we were.

It wasn’t part of my identity, but one of the part of my identity, but one of the that theeasy transition to non-monogamy was easy or natural; onogamy was or natural; topics I am most passionate about. topics I am most passionate about. it’s that it was necessary for us to thrive. us to thrive.

I hope people ask questions, and I I hope people ask questions, and I hope this sparks conversahope this sparks conversation, because the only tion, because the only thing worse than denying thing worse than denying a piece of myself is to a piece of myself is to know it and keep it a know it and keep it a secret. secret.

FALL 2022 | 23

Ferocious Healing: an exercise of finding passion Anika Besst My mom once told me her trick for remembering my sisters’ and my birth years was based on major events.

One of ours was the O.J. Simpson Trial, another when Prince Charles and Princess Diana divorced, and for me, it was the September 11 attacks. As a kid, it made enough sense, though I didn’t know who O.J. or Princess Di was yet. It seemed like something my mom could relate to the years, a way to mark the things she wanted to hold on to.

As I have gotten older, I have seen other people doing the same, especially throughout the past three years.

They have positioned their personal, intimate memories based on the monumental events occurring in seemingly faster succession. It has become a web of stories of the years and events, memories and remembrance. I think it is a way of grasping what has become so unexplainably life-changing.

People remember all kinds of things. It becomes a blend that is often messy of heartbreaking, devastating, triumphant, and joyous moments. This way of understanding the world is not an act of denying that the world can be complicated and suffocating when you look at the big picture, but rather an existential practice that allows us to stop white-knuckling the ride life puts us on. It is a way of telling and connecting stories for our own betterment. It reminds us we are not alone and instead someone who experiences life uniquely but alongside many others.

24 | UNTOLD

It all seemed so obvious when I was a kid and my mom explained her system to me. Cut and dry with nothing to be lost in the translation between memory and growing older.

Yet, things aren’t that comprehensible anymore. What was once a roadmap, a list of instructions is now smeared with ink from moments I want to save but can’t remember clearly. The associated stories have lost their plot points, main characters have retreated, burrowing into the corners of forgetfulness.

This storytelling is profound. Its power is unavoidable and ceaseless. Yet, the pages don’t want to hold the stories anymore. Maybe the memories sit in a Microsoft Excel sheet saved in some folder that I have neglected in an effort to run away from all the chaos. Or maybe the ink ran dry leaving stories half-finished or, in some cases, pages left covered in dust or warped due to tears and spilled coffee.

I think that at some point the drive to tell these stories ran out. They were too heavy to carry and to hold, and even heavier to share. So we kept them inside, not relating them to anything for fear of hearing them spoken aloud. The act of revisiting was too burdensome so I never sought them out. I stopped looking for angles.

I stopped making those connections because living in the abyss of each passing day was enough.

It was somewhere along this mess I realized how easy it was to misplace myself. The stories I used to determine myself were missing. For my whole life, stories were my sinew. They connected the pieces of me. I carried the stories between my bones and muscles. Bits of guilt between my knee and femur. The humor in ribs and sternum, and the butterflies that fill the gaps in between the bones in my hand.

As the stories withdrew, the sinews faded. Bits of me that were so sure floated freely of each other. I felt like a poster faded from the sun. I was still there but only in body; the intricacies of note were bland. I was lost.

I wish I could say there was a magical moment when everything rushed back to me and my bodily tissues became replenished. However, this encyclopedia of stories could not be restored overnight. I needed to warm to stories again. To relearn the act of being connected to time and space and community all at once.

The process was messy. It hurts like pins and needles. It was raw. I knew I wanted to feel immensely small, swaddled by the ordinary stories around me every day and the breaking news that flooded my Instagram feed.

So, I opened myself to the certainty these stories once offered me. It was the stories of the hardest breakups. The best and worst coffee recounts. The late-night romance tales.

Stories of dancing in the streets and what people were doing as tragic news broke on the radio. Dog adoptions and Oscar viewing parties. Valentine’s Day cards and Halloween costume mishaps.

I discovered a wealth of random stories from strangers, mentors, family, friends and peers. Sometimes they were nothing to the storyteller, but they became everything to me all at once.

Ferociously, I stumbled back into myself. Stories as sinews; the past as memory.

FALL 2022 | 25

This section was made as a tribute to our wonderful and perfect advisor, Jen England. Jen England has made Untold what it is today. We would not be here without her and unfortunately, Jen is moving onto better things. We wanted to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts. You were not only our advisor and professor, you were a true friend. Someone we could all count on in times of need and in times of joy. We will miss you beyond words, but we all know you’re going to do amazing things.

Jen Michael Horton jen a caring warm hug bubbling laughter relatable share a cup of coffee spill your guts smile in understanding creative kind pleasant calm me down candy “can we talk?”

Always

A Painting for Jen Otto Harris

26 | UNTOLD

Ode to Jen Joanna Johnson

Web Exclusive Content We have more PASSION content on our website: hamlineuntold.com The E-Sports Community Korai Kayim-Yanko & Colby Wong

GRAFFITI IS ART Maxwell Lakso

The Somberlain Thorn Sandstrom-McGuire

Passion for Fashion: Interviews with the Fashionable Students of Hamline Alison Pasbrig

Peaceful Change Emma Coppola

fotos de Mosaico Comunitaria Crystal Camacho

28 | UNTOLD

Read them here:

Meet our Staff!

Co Editors in Chief Kimia Kowsari & Joanna Johnson

Creative Director Max Ridenour

Editorial & Graphic Designer Madeline Randall

Content Managers Misha Ram & Alex Sirek

Editorial Assistant Michael Horton

Media & Events Coordinator Aubrey Chavarria

Faculty Advisor Jen England

FALL 2022 | 29

What is Untold?

Untold Magazine tackles the underground and under-discussed stories of Hamline. Drawing inspiration from feature writing, creative nonfiction, zines, collage, photography, and more, our publication is as eclectic as the people whose stories we are privileged to tell.

We release a new issue every Fall and Spring semester in print and online at hamlineuntold.com.

Want to get involved?

Current students and alumni can pitch story ideas to our call for submissions that we post at the beginning of each semester. We welcome new voices and will support contributors through the editing and publishing process. Untold pays for all original written, visual, and digital work published with us.

If you have questions, send us an email at untoldmagazine@hamline.edu.

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FALL 2022 ISSUE - PASSION