The Loss of Myself

It glares with its menacing eyes

Taunting me with all its glory.

“Take me by the hand,” it says, but I do not want it Oh, how it hurts me, please stop!

It holds my life tightly, threatening to take it.

It laughs in my grip, the final straw. I cannot take it anymore!

Contorted limbs, gasping for air Time freezes one moment too late. If only someone was there to listen. Maybe it wouldn’t have come to this, But it tempted me so nicely. How could I refuse?

Red lips, red blanket, red blood A beautiful color, tainted by being Splattered humanity dribbles out freely

A color so full of anguish, so full of torment

The cascade of beauty runs out, A crimson river of emotion, a final message,

Oh, my thoughts pound like a headache, Crawling out of my mouth in one last breath I do not feel the world around me, Fading away to meet my end, Beyond my body and beyond my mind. This is how I wanted to die.

A wild scene yet so at ease, How comforting the pain is. The worst and best feeling, Delusions fill my head, As my life empties out.

The limbo between life and death

A disgustingly comfortable moment

All the life in the world Not enough to fill the gash Even God himself could not save me now, For I am finished spilling out, Rotting away alone, With no one to notice, And no one to care. Hayden LeVan ‘25

The color stains my closet like paper and ink, The shade of the cosmetics lined about my bathroom sink. So, please I ask you, Just stop and think: Who else could have an aura so impossibly pink?

Yellow, orange, and green are nice, I suppose, As well as violet, and aqua, and ruby red rose, Black, grey, and white Heck! Anything goes. Still, I long to wear pink

From my head to my toes.

The fuchsia dawn’s song calls me to rise, Heaven’s cotton candy dances about her morning skies. Her sunlight streams in, I open my eyes

To blasts of carnation, And sherbet surprise!

As a girl, my walls were painted blush by my dad, And my bed sheets were dressed in peony plaid.

Shiney shoes, poufy skirts And ruffle clad.

I was a walking and talking Gymboree Ad.

Pink crawls through my veins, and swims in my soul. She brightens any day, creating diamonds from coal. Gently calling my name, So she can console, Turning my frown upside down.

Pink makes me whole.

Pink are the slippers I wear when I dance, twirl, and leap. Pink are the elephant pajamas I wear when I sleep.

Pink is my baby blankie.

Pink are the joyful tears I weep.

Pink is prettiest. Pink to whom I hold a love so deep.

Violence is amusing, to satisfy our needs. You think about it more and continue to proceed. The feeling is great in the moment of chaos, But guilt crawls up and your words are at a loss.

Violence roars for destruction, like a treacherous sea. It keeps on going, the more you feel free. It continues on, fierce and strong.

It’s hard to stop anger, even if it’s wrong.

Violence makes you have fun, in the moment of time. Violence makes you commit, a very nasty crime.

Violence makes you angry, as you realize what you’ve done. Violence makes you see, how each action was never fun.

Seeking destruction, violence is a hammer, Breaking through walls, with an unsettling manner. Destroying all connections, with those we cherish, Everything we love, seems to perish.

Violence is a curse, which no one draws near. It causes loneliness, which everyone fears. Destruction hits, no one to be found, Alone with your own, silent somber sound.

Men lead, women follow, they say A patriarchy's rule, day by day All power and control, in their grip With no need for women to equip.

Yet, gender roles are still persistent. Women are still seen as less efficient. Paying gaps, dealing with discrimination, Women still see societies norms as a constant frustration.

Men, stronger, they claim to be, But women, resilient, history can see Surviving wars, abuses, and strife Their determination like a sharp knife

Girls are taught to be demure, Boys to be tough and endure. Society's boxes, they fit us in, But what about those who don't fit in?

It's time for change, for equality, For gender roles, to lose their destiny. It’s time to have equal opportunities, Regardless of their identities.

Surrounded by darkness, without a specific single star to follow in the night sky. My whole life, I have never had a guide such as thy.

I act like I know where I am headed, but every word said is laced with a lie. Somewhere along the lines I met a gift of a woman, that was the best gift, O thank father time.

When she speaks it's the symphony, I have waited to hear my entire life, on repeat ‘til I die. Each time I go to sleep, she’s my only star in the night, that I pray to see when I close my eyes.

The love I have for her is so strong, but it’s a feeling I cannot express any clearer.

It punches the roof of my mouth when I see her with the will to escape like an angry prisoner.

These bars of metal surround my heart, and never let me say it without the outcome’s answer.

Love is described as the most heavenly healer, but I have only seen it used as a deadly killer.

I never mean to hurt her, I can’t let her go, and everywhere she goes I can't help but go with her.

I am not the one who should guide the way, and I have no desire to go any further.

But you can see it in the fire that burns in her eyes, her heart of gold cannot be contained. She is made for something more than this small town where we were raised.

Hidden in her melodies, she’s begging for an escape, somewhere with no footprints planted. So, we journeyed to a snow-covered mountain, where every sound was now silenced. Even the thoughts and words that have been fighting to make it past my lips paused. I never thought I could have made it this far from everything I have ever learned.

And as the moon rose, we built this fire, and all night long she wanted to conspire About each plan we were going to make and each trip we would take together. In the back of my mind, I couldn’t help but think I had almost held her back from better. If it wasn’t for her, I would still want to be stuck in the same place forever.

And a girl like her deserved to hold the world at the tip of her finger.

Deep down I knew these were all things I could never give her

As she shut her delicate eyes for a peaceful sleep, I thought of the act I must perform. To sneak away into the dark of the night, while my heartbreak becomes a storm. I took one more look at her beautiful face, before my pain turned full form.

And with a heavy heart I walked away, losing any feeling of warm.

And that was not because the fire was at a further distance, that only made me skerm. It is because she: my only source of light, is gone, and this cold I feel is a constant alarm.

As I made it closer to home, I thought of turning back, but I was already in too deep. I just have to comprehend that some things are just too good to keep. Without me there holding her back, I hope she takes every single big leap. But now I realize no place will ever feel like home without her by my side, so I’ll weep. And now I feel so lost, like every challenge is too steep.

Once again, I am not able to see my favorite star in the sky that guides, but maybe in my sleep.