BEYOND
T H E G O D D E S S
FOUNDER’S NOTE
CO-FOUNDERS BEYOND THE GODDESS
Aiyana is a second generation Back to the lander. She enjoys helping people heal as a practitioner, songwriter and poet. Today Aiyana is determined to support her beloved community through journalism and her vision for Beyond the Goddess and a more sustainable economy in Northern California.
Daniel started working as a marijuana professional in 1998, operating from San Jose, California to Humboldt County. Since 2019, GW Smoke Break TV has been committed to producing culturally authentic content for the cannabis industry, empowering legacy operators in The Emerald Triangle and around the world.
DANIEL MONTERO
AIYANA GREGORI
Table of Contents
Poem By Tina Gordon. Humboldt County.
Poem By Caleb Chen. Humboldt County.
Poem By Daniel Montero. San Jose, California.
Artist
Article By Aiyana Floreterna Gregori. Humboldt County.
Poem By Daniel Montero. San Jose, California.
Poems By Colin Mitchell. Humboldt County.
Article By Wayra Ayelen Klocker Gregori. Humboldt County.
Article By Jose Delpilar. New York.
Poem By Aiyana Floreterna Gregori. Humboldt County.
Article By Trenton Simper. Humboldt County.
Article By Aiyana Floreterna Gregori. Humboldt County.
every body grows
POEM AND PHOTGRAPHY
BY CALEB CHEN
Every body is different
Every plant is different
To accept Mother Cannabis’s gift is to be free
To find the plant for you is to be connected
Grow forth and continue providing the plant for every body
iluminacion andina
POEM AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANIEL MONTERO
iluminacion andina
POEM AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANIEL MONTERO
artist spotlight: halley jean
ARTICLE BY AIYANA FLORETERNA GREGORI
ART BY HALLEY JEAN
Halley Bruno was born and raised in the high desert of Salt Lake City, Utah. She describes her hometown as a patriarchal theocracy, and that the irony of calling Utah the Beehive state is that they have never exalted a queen. She celebrates women’s embodiment in her art, as a reaction to being schooled in an environment that “Overtly and covertly denigrates the humanity of women and anyone who doesn’t conform to the ruling class”. Despite wearing a school uniform, she was shamed by her catholic school teacher for dressing inappropriately. However, she now boldly creates portraits of herself and other women in the nude, often accompanied by wolves, panthers, and snakes. These scenes may unsettle from a conservative religious perspective. To be truly magnetic, you must repulse as many people as you attract. Her relationship with home and the church-state as an entity manifests itself through her artwork. Religious iconography, angels, crosses, stained glass windows, blood sacrifice and apocalyptic judgment day scenarios are some icons that embellish her work. The agony and ecstasy of the drama of religious artwork allures and enchants her.
Allured and inspired to make art by her profound connection to animals, she finds them exquisite, fully present, authentic, and without shame. Her artwork is a love letter to the creatures of the natural world. Animals are her protectors, guides and emotional states. In their presence, she is at peace.
As she has introduced more human portraiture into her work, the contrast between humanity and the natural world has become clear. Within a group of animals surrounding a nude figure, they judge only one as naked. Halley loves creating scenes that pose many questions amidst a mystical and somewhat threatening aura. She wishes to empower the viewers how to move through the world respectfully, rather than unsettle her viewer, “The life and artwork of Frida Kahlo has also influenced me. Her self portraits and revolutionary spirit inspire me to create art that is personal, vulnerable, and willful.” Halley Bruno.
The Painting on the cover of this issue, was in a series of paintings depicting women having a moment of repose inside of a cave. The cave is akin to a womb or birth canal. The water, as a source of life, flows out from within. The cave is a protected space removed from the outside world. The figure, though an adult, is like a child in her mother's womb. From this aspect she is safe to be natural and free. In the world that surrounds me, I long to feel that I am safe to thrive and be myself. This painting has roses in it, which for me are a symbol of beauty, love, nature, and grace. The cloudscape outside is a reflection of the beauty and divinity within the character. Ultimately this piece is a love note to women and to life itself.
Jadis is a character Halley created to serve as an outlet for her dark feminine devouring mother archetype. Defined by her strength, fearlessness and power, she faces off with the gnashing jaws of the chaos dragons. Snakes and dragons have a long history in art representing evil, temptation and chaos. The serpent has an occult history as a symbol for the divine feminine. Loyal hounds by her side, she sips from a chalice sitting on her throne, bare-breasted and shameless. Nothing can intimidate her. She is solid in her identity, knows what she wants and how to get it.
Jadis is a totem of personal power, a refuge to connect with her capacities. In times of sorrow or pity, she wears this totem like a cloak to call forth her qualities. Art is healing for her; by externalizing these characters through meditation, like painting Jadis, Halley embodies that power as one of her many facets.
Halley feels connected to canines, and often paints wolves, coyotes and dogs. She resonates with their protective, playful nature. Reciprocal relationships with animals bring her joy. She feels loved. They are a confirmation from earth that she is worthy. This untitled painting of a wolf above the clouds and another sitting before the mountains represents spiritual guidance. The scene from the Lion King, where Simba calls upon his father, who appears in the clouds to speak from the beyond, inspires it. Knowing the power of synchronicity and embracing the concept of multidimensional consciousness, she accepts that the complexities of the universe are beyond her grasp. Her art is a mixture of her life experience and imagination.
‘Tiger and Dragon’ is a commissioned piece where the tree represents the spine. The two creatures are settling a spiritual and physical battle. A friend who has experienced lifealtering back pain wanted a painting that externalized her experience. The forces are fighting are fearsome and powerful, burning and scarring the tree, but still it lives. Enduring suffering is what it means to be human. The inverse is also true. To truly be human is to savor the pleasures and gifts of sensation.
“Throughout life, art has served me as an antidote to discomfort and a celebration of joy and beauty. The versatility of painting as a medium of expression suits me well. I am emotionally dynamic and enjoy riding the waves of passion and pain that flow through me.” Halley expresses that this painting also represents the metaphorical dance between fighting lovers. Though both the dragon and tiger bare their fangs, the dragon’s tail wraps around the tiger as a sort of embrace. When at war with another, it is because the loving presence has broken. She believes you cannot hate what you didn’t love first. To recognize what she doesn’t love is to identify what she’s indifferent to, as indifference and apathy are the true opposites of love.
Halley has always loved playing with scale in her artwork, as in her piece with two dogs facing each other before the clouds, and a river below them. They are like children playing with a toy much larger in imagination than in reality. She enjoys giving her characters extra gravity and magnitude. Born in a valley surrounded by mountains, she loves to see massive forces of nature rise above. Intrigued by the scale of nature’s pure force, she has always wanted to see volcanoes and tornadoes. The ocean has a similar effect. Exhilaration and fear inspire her by bringing her into the present moment.
The river in this painting emanates from the connection between her characters as a symbol of the unconscious and the source of life. Their union manifests as flowers blooming in the foreground, symbolizing life’s beauty, fertility, and nature. Her inspiration was her love of dogs. She has walked dogs for years as a side hustle, filling her phone with thousands of client animals. While she feels isolated from human relationships, she has never been without man’s best friend.
Her goal in art is not to make the viewer feel a certain way. She creates her art in a vacuum, where the energy she puts into it has no connection to the viewer’s receptivity. She doesn’t paint with her audience in mind, and is dangerously close to deleting all social media to keep her art to herself. They are the byproduct of meditation, not a product to be consumed by an audience. They are proof that she was here, and will remain a while after she is gone as an extension of her life.
In her piece of a winged woman with a wolf’s head, there was no story. She exists like a dream, begging more questions than answers. In the tradition of animism, some characters I paint exhibit their own will, as seen in the piece of a winged woman with a wolf’s head, where there is no story and she exists like a dream, begging more questions than answers. What they conjure in people’s hearts and minds is their own legacy. Through basic symbolism, she is freedom to access higher dimensions. The horns and wings may be a demonic aspect, but her hand over her breast signifies the seat of emotion. The snake may be temptation or magic, as the interpreter wishes. Dreams often inspire Halley’s paintings, personal yet collective. Sometimes, the meanings of Halley’s paintings source from the collective, while others are personal and unconscious. She sometimes back on a painting to later realize what she was trying to say. She loves painting these surreal characters and scenes, finding delight and surprise in the creations that emerge from her imagination.
‘Chamber of Changelings’ is whatever the viewer projects, akin to the Rorschach test. It is the liminal space of otherworldly portals with infinite questions and few answers. The character seems to expect the viewer, with no recognition in her eyes. Resting at her hip, the sword provides no clue as to its purpose. She is only a threat if threatened. Ageless, and has seen many souls pass before her through the gates. The only certainty is a sense of transformation. The snake could be a threat or the symbol of regenerative power by shedding its skin. Coiling in infinity, the snake embodies the timeless quality of the atmosphere. This could be where we rest between lives. Her intention was to create something beautiful, and the meaning emerges afterwards.
Humanity is in desperate need of truth and reflection. She believes that for her art to make a meaningful impact on humanity, individuals need to acknowledge and appreciate these two qualities, even if it’s not her primary intention. Her goal is to inspire others to be bold and unashamed, which brings her pleasure. Her target audience has always been herself and hopes to grow into a more self-aware and healed person so she can use her life to serve humanity in large and small ways.
In 2024 and beyond, she wants to focus her energy on healing her mind and body so she can increase her capacity to create large-scale artwork. Murals are an enticing but daunting challenge for a small scale artist such as herself. Her focus on personal projects prompts her to view public art as a means of reaching a larger audience. Her aspiration is to create a portfolio of murals that will allow her to travel the world and leave a lasting impact for others to appreciate. Above all, she wants to convey the message of unity and love for everyone.
milky way whirlpool
POEM AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANIEL MONTERO
milky way whirlpool
POEM AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANIEL
MONTERO
Autumn Poems
BY COLIN MITCHELL PHOTOGRAPHY BY TRENTON SIMPER
Isn’t it silly how a season of death can be so beautiful?
The leaves aren’t dead yet, like in Winter
But they’re dying
Isn’t that more morbid?
Or is it less? I’m not quite sure
When I think about autumn, I think about death
I’m not quite sure why
I’m not a particularly morbid person
But when I think about death, I also think about life
Funny how closely opposites are related
The leaves are alive with colours, that’s for sure
While I sit here under covers, wrapped in fur
Perhaps I’ll go outside and see this I won’t hide from Fall bliss
It’s the only season with two names
A season with two claims to fames
Fall or autumn, pick your choice
Depends on which has the most pleasant noise
So pick your favourite season
Or have your favourite be them all
But I see no other reason
Why your favourite can’t be Fall!
Harvesting intuition
ARTICLE AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY WAYRA AYELEN KLOCKER GREGORI
harvesting gratitude
ARTICLE AND PHOTOGRAPHY
BY JOSE DELPILAR
Here at Cowhouse Genetics LLC, with over 20 years of experience in cultivating cannabis, we take pride in providing you with clean organic canabis grown with minimal inputs and amendments. Our goal is to have you experience an array of the rarest cannabis cultivars from around the world, choosing only the best phenos, not because of how they look or how much they yield, but their effects. Bottom line, cannabis that gets you high.
With the 2024 season wrapping up here in the Hudson Valley my main goal was to try and create a strain that will acclimate well to the New York weather. The most difficult thing to do up here in New York is to avoid mold and bud rot, it is one of our main issues here up in the Northeast.
With that being said, I've Introduced some cultivars from all around the world. For example, the Guru G1 From Leap Frog Genetics coming from South Africa in collaboration with terpfi3ndgenetics out of the USA, this strain has amazing floral scents with hints of orange zest that leaves you mesmorized by the odd smells that are not reminiscent of any cannabis you have ever smelled before. The Guru G1 looks very promising and didn't have any bug pressure or mold issues and will be making its way back into my outdoor gardens in the 2025 growing season. With its short, vigorous growth and quick flowering times It's a staple in my indoor garden. I have also introduced it into a lot of my breeding projects and hope to find something special.
Growing out here in the Hudson valley can be very challenging. With the unexpected weather patterns, you have to be ready for anything nature throws at you. Fast flowering times, short, strong, robust plants are a must to succeed here in the Hudson Valley. The Guru G1 checks all the boxes.
With that being said, now that cannabis is legal here in New York. It has become very difficult and almost impossible to get affordable quality cannabis. The goal at Cowhouse Genetics, LLC, is to provide the knowledge and genetics for you to be able to grow your own cannabis at home and in your yard. Using Bokashi Earthworks makes all of this possible. It's one of the simplest nutrient lines on the market. No PH needed. Combining good genetics with a simple nutrient line can almost guarantee you success. Also, learnig just a few basic things by checking out my Instagram, @cowhousegenetics, you too can have the ability to grow the dank. If we all stick together in this community, the future can look promising by supporting each other and supporting local. Everyone should have access to good cannabis and also have the ability to grow it themselves.
Some of the challenges I faced this year was trying to create a strain that will withstand the high humidity here in ny. I tried many different varieties and some made the cut. I took that opportunity to realized sativa leaning hybrid’s love newyork weather. It’s such a overwhelming felling of accomplishment begin able to grow my own and every time I harvest I get reminded how amazing this plant is. It has given me something to look forward to on a daily. It has helped me become more consistent in life. The plant pretty much keeps me in tune with a lot of things and I’m over thankful for this wonderful plant.
regneration of this nation
POEM BY AIYANA FLORETERNA GREGORI
PHOTOGRAPHY BY CASEY O’NEILL
regneration of this nation
POEM BY AIYANA FLORETERNA GREGORI
PHOTOGRAPHY BY CASEY O’NEILL
love & challenges
ARTICLE & PHOTOGRAPHY
BY TRENTON SIMPER
Main challenges come with change. Its very important to not get emotional and keep moving in a forward positive direction. First hurdle took me 35yrs to get through my alcoholism and drug addictions. It was a wonderful childhood, born in southern Utah at 18 month caught Pneumonia and my left lung collapsed. It was a miracle I made it, and my father decided to uproot and move to Weiser Idaho where I was raised on a ranch most the time. I had a horse named Rusty that I would ride to school and at rodeo events, he was an appaloosa. I have very fond memories of my father and I on the rocky mtn slopes late at night herding cattle in the rain that will forever be with me. I was 9 when my father decided to move back to Utah. My brother and I fought to survive in the city getting picked on by everybody it seemed. Lots of fights luckily city kids were not tough lol.
We found trouble together and enjoyed it a little to much. Young my brother at 14 got some weed and insisted I try it. It seemed like 4 different times before it kicked in and man I was blown away and ahhh wow and paranoid too, I was young and dumb my father and mother drank and fought a lot, Mom would get hit and things would get broke, if my brother or I even spoke up we would be next. once I found a way out I used it. I started drinking as a teen, this was the worst thing for me to do young and in Highschool, my parents were at each others throats, in a middle of a divorce, my brother and I were smack dab in the middle of. We found Drugs, Violence, Hate and all the wrong things to live for. I ended up in a lot of trouble as a teen everyone wondered if I would live past 18. I kept getting caught for drinking and which would get me locked up and make me angrier and more rebellious. I read how to grow weed when I was locked up, no one knew any different. Grandma kept insisting I'm a miracle baby, very religious Mormon family. I moved out at 17 and found my own way finally doing my own thing, I found a kind of happiness in work and education but my alcoholism stuck to me hard. I was able it seemed to work well and achieve but have huge issues with binge drinking and drug use on weekends. Not a lot of people knew this about me.
I moved back to Utah from Washington State, I was going to go to college when I ran into my high school sweetheart. I was 20, she changed everything we married and had 3 children, My son my oldest I was 24 at the time, then there's my two daughters. So much more to live for at this point but an addiction that was eating me alive, body and mind. I knew I had extreme issues my dad had put my in rehab at age 15 I had taken acid and heavily into the drug dealing scene by then, so off and on in my life I would quit but find my way right back to it. My drug addiction was horrible between coke, pain pills ect. I was still very toxic and blind. My health took a turn at age 30, its definitely when I should have woke up, I was an aerospace cnc machinist and the 30 years of labor doing the same repetitive motion was destroying my lower back, doc did the same to me as everyone else, here's 90 Percocet 10mg come back in a month. I would eat 5 at a time and drink too. I was building missile engines at the time and this was the last straw. The drinking, Adderall, cocaine & Percocet's all weekend every weekend, endless bills and a job it seemed I was helping to kill others. I was absolutely numb to the world. 40 yrs of age hit, what a miracle I made it that far. So many times, God stayed by me. I ended up with a condition called gastritis a pain that hit my stomach region and buckled my ass on the spot. I went to the doctor immediately, Joan a local doctor, very well known by the family seen me, and made sure to order all the tests. She ordered scopes of my stomach and everything else and while at it asked me for the truth. She asked what really is causing this Simper?
I fessed up to a person for the first time in my life, told her about the 30 racks of beer Friday mornings and 8 balls to match it, that was the beginning to the weekend. She already knew about the pain pills. The test came back and she let me know I have a week to live, If I would have gone out 1 more weekend and puked everyone would have found me out back the next day dead because my stomach would have split. 30 yrs raising a family buying a home holding a solid career and completing college. People were blown away. I started to smoke weed again and eat it, the edibles would make my stomach feel better. I decided to become the best version of myself for me and my family my son was following me in the wrong direction, even yelled at me, why would I quit now. He was 15 and going downhill fast, he had already overdosed once. I will work on that daily the rest of my life to be good to others. There's to much pain on this planet and I have taught my son to bring joy and smiles to others. This has definitely grown into so much gratitude for life and love I'm overflowing with it.We seen the legalization in Washington State from our home state in Utah and when everything hit the fan at age 40 a life change was a must, I lost my job, home, everything by my family, and in order to save myself and my family. I made the choice to uproot my family and come to Washington State. I changed my career and way of living, I reject modern medicine and believe in natural holistic medications such as weed and shrooms of all types. CBGN is even noted to kill the Coronavirus I made sure to dab a lot in those days.
Quitting drinking changed everything about me, its like I found the kid in me again and a new deep profound passion for agriculture, cultivation, horticulture and organic fertilizers. I enjoy growing, and making a difference in the world for good. There's good in this world that we can all do, I believe I found the path God intended for me. I started by growing weed here and getting myself and family healthy, that I did. I saved my wife and my son along with myself and the positive path I started on has led my family to a much better wholesome life of loving and nurturing. Happiness is a gift and I truly hope everyone can find that gratitude in life to be happy and compassionate. I found love, and I spread it daily, working to make America healthy again at Nubsfarms LLC, I work in my community as a postal worker too.
8 plus yrs green and clean as Patrick would say, I've watched my children and family blossom, They stayed close to their father in one of our hardest changes in life. we were gifted 10 acres of wetland here in Washington by our family. We just had to catch taxes up 25k. My Children learned a lot more than any school or any business degree will ever teach them. My children are thriving and doing wonderful in this harsh world now. I wanted everything different here, In the first 5 yrs. I grew, grew, grew and built Nubsfarms LLC Bulk organic fertilizer and soil Distribution, we went through many hard changes and challenges. staying on my path the whole time Truth, love, gratitude, positivity. Certified organic nutrients that help our planet and farmers, I can stand behind. Our children do not need to see sickness and disease like we all have in our generation. I operate with integrity and stand by my word each and every time. I pray and thank God every morning when I wake up and I spread that positivity for life every day to people all over the world, it brings me joy to connect with others.
Bio-ag is a prime example of a company producing a product that will in turn help and save our planet, soil, and human race. Fulvic and Humic Acid are amazing and can and will clean contaminated soil within 3mths. The use of Bio stimulants in Agriculture and cultivation has increased yields, flavors, terpenes, smells and increases the natural immunity to pests. With so many positives here's a couple more. Reduce the need of fertilizer, water, and pesticides.
Bio-ag is bringing a whole new level of cultivation to the game with moving a wonderful agricultural priced product into the cultivation world. I am sponsored by and a direct Bulk supplier for Bio-ag and many other product companies such as Big Rootz Soil from the Soil King, Royal Gold, Bio-365, Organic Matters, Forest Floor Soils. Dr. Zymes Organic Insecticide and Fungicide Ipm, Lost Coast Therapy IPM, Blacksmith NO Fly Ipm. The Greengro Biologicals, Mr. Bs Greentrees, Tony's Magic Mix Fertilizer, Bio-Ag Bio stimulants , The Soil King Big Rootz Soils, AC moon Crop Tops, PNW Organics Liquid Fertilizer, T3 Greenhouses, Precision and Low temp Rosin equipment, Humboldt Seed wholesaler, Smartpots, Grassroots Fabric pots, Cali Lights, Faven under canopy lighting, Eazy Plug organic substrate solutions, Dri-Flower Harvesting Systems.
still so many products, I like to say just call me I'll find it cheaper than you can. Where I'm direct with farmers you can call on me to buy anything at a Commercial or even wholesale cost for you. Your farm and business with your tax EIN# is tax free with Nubs AG Supply.
In business there are many challenges, let alone when you are building a whole new life for yourself. There's been many times you would think its over your finished, and like The Soil King says, that next sale is right around the corner. Product companies will have all there issues and fail too. This can feel like total disaster. Never is, keep going on whatever it is your doing there's always more, much more products and people around every corner.
Another benefit to our new life is traveling and getting to know our surroundings and meet such wonderful kind people. Ive been networking over 3 years going up and down the coast from Washington State to events in Oregon or California. Ive never felt the love like I did in Humboldt at cannifest. Ive always heard that if you travel and open up to others a whole new world awaits. I definitely found that out my rolodex as they say has gotten huge over the last 3 yrs plus traveling the coast.
I have been in 4 magazines several podcasts and they get bigger and richer every year. I absolutely love Northwest Leaf Mag and what they represent to the cannabis community. I can not express how much love I have felt from farmers and other business owners. I am so appreciative of Josh, Kevin, Patrick, Lena, Rasufa, Mamma K international and so many others. The main point is never give up and never give in, don't ever lose your passion for what you love.
Myself and my family are here to ensure that your farm is thriving organically and certified too. Increase yields, cut costs and much more. I'm a solutions based business man and I can help you grow and stream line your business. Pay for systems, water tanks, Solar water towers. I definitely found everything the farmers need to cut costs across the board and have the best crops ever.
finding my people
ARTICLE AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY AIYANA FLORETERNA GREGORI
As I walked down the long line of people waiting for the Medical Medium Meet and Greet the surrounding air seemed to shimmer. I felt incredible—part of something expansive, miraculous, and deeply healing. People who I had been texting with over social media for years to support each other in healing became tangible as we met for the first time I felt an overpowering sensation of spiritual clarity. A deep vibrating connection to that golden thread that carried me through decades of chronic illness was overpowering. For 12 years, I waited for this moment. Amy, a friend I made through Muneeza Ahmed’s online community, along with new friends from waiting in line, grabbed a table where two other people sat.
Later, at the after party, I looked at the room full of round tables, an upper level, and a stage. There was a deluxe healing buffet waiting. for us. I’d been meeting people healing “The Medical Medium Way” all morning, at the September 2024 meet and greet at Erewhon, Calabasas and it hadn’t really hit me yet.
After a lifetime of mystery symptoms, spent enough to buy a house, studied and applied countless hours over 25 years searching for effective healing, this was a balm for my soul. Despite the sweltering heat, I felt I was diving into a deep, cool, emerald-green river on a 110-degree day. The healing buffet was an oasis. We filled our plates with vegan zucchini noodles, stuffed chile-baked potatoes, baked onion skin boats with mushroom mashed potatoes, avocado halves filled with tomatoes and red bell peppers, and oven-braised sweet potatoes sizzling with garlic and topped with bagel-style onion flakes. A giant bowl of seven mixed greens with lemon tahini dressing, walnut pesto, or hummus with veggie sticks. The bar was overflowing with apples, bananas, oranges, and silver platters stacked with blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, and pineapple. On the other end were hot tea and four selections of iced waters: blueberry spritzer, lemon water, iced tea, and hibiscus.
My spirits were soaring. While passing through the Grapevine on the way down I-5,I stopped to pick wild sage, leaving in thanks a prayer and an offering. The Agro-industrial nightmare of the Central Valley had shaken me. I yearned for a spirit connection.. The cloudstreaked blue evening sky absorbed my prayers, gifting me a deep peace, and the powerful intuition that I was fulfilling the ‘personal prophecy’ of healing I received nearly 12 years ago.
After eating, sharing stories and getting to know my new friends. Anthony William came up on stage. The room fell silent. All eyes were on the man who taught us to heal after a lifetime of impossible circumstances. He had filled our hearts with hope and concrete healing after an eternity of searching through the never-ending maze of conventional and alternative medicine, many of us nearly ready to give up. As we all sat listening, he welcomed and thanked us for being so determined and brave to heal. Sometime after his initial speech, and the first of many light blasts I felt a powerful clarity. An overwhelming heart opening expansion of enlightenment spread through being. I had travelled full circle after so many years. A powerful channelling from my higher self and plant and tree guides 12 years before had instructed me of the coming of the very moment I was then living. Over the decades reading accounts of powerful healing stories, people transformed into healing facilitators after an arduous dark night of the soul, suddenly I was standing on a similar threshold. My spirit sang to me in shimmering golden and silver threads throughout the room. I knew the time had come.
I’ll take you back for a quick history to put everything in contect. My symptoms—too numerous to list here—began when I was 13 and went largely ignored, creeping up like the tide that traps you on a hidden beach. I was strong back then, able to ride my bicycle 22 miles both ways to town, hike 10 miles a day for a week, and practice Tae Kwon Do after running barefoot around a hill 10 times without losing my breath. Despite eating farm-raised, homegrown food and healing with herbs, I suffered from mystery eczema, insomnia, depression, mood swings, anxiety, ADHD, and by my late teens, weed addiction, roving joint and muscle pain, and IBS.
When I finally had a baby after five years of infertility, uterine fibroids forced my daughter Wayra into a third of the “available space,” requiring a C-section. This was followed by four major abdominal operations in five years. By the time I was 32 and had undergone my third myomectomy, my nervous and immune system were shot. I felt my physical and mental health plummeting. I realized that my efforts to avoid overreactions, have better coordination, memory, mood stability, immune system or sleep and so on weren’t working. I got scared. People I loved started to repeat phrases like “antidepressants’, psychiatrists, and ‘another doctor’, and as the list lengthened of doctors, treatments, diets, energy techniques, biohacks, minerals and vitamins to infinity I became determined to take control and find a solution that wouldn’t permanently damage my body or brain in the process. I realized I was largely on my own.
For the next 15 years, I hit the books whenever I wasn’t tending our organic cannabis farm or caring for our family. Despite devastating brain fog, I pressed on, searching for answers to my illness using every trick in the book. Brain fog, mood swings, catastrophic insomnia, depression, memory loss, irritability, ADHD, hypoglycemia, night sweats, systemic candida, Epstein-Barr and other viruses, heavy metals, toxic liver, PTSD, severe anxiety, disorientation, cannabis and caffeine addiction, eating disorder, ME/CFS, POTS, IBS—these are just a fraction of what I battled. I became a voracious student of healing, devouring information on sound healing, neuroplasticity, yoga, reiki, gut health, trauma work, diet, detox, mineral deficiencies, EMFs, allergies, etc.
I tried everything very seriously, giving each the time to work or not conventional medicine, alternative treatments, herbal protocols, bio hacks, fasting, cold therapy, hypnosis, many different diets and cleanses, supplements and herbal protocols, including a long list of lyme treatments with and without antibiotics. I also tried every energy technique, yoga, self help, hypnosis, meditation, breathwork or remotely similar invention and even family constellations—searching desperately for peace and harmony. I also worked with psychiatric medicines both natural and conventional, in the specialized Amen clinic after an expensive brain scan where I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, neurological Lyme, dementia, and anxiety/depression disorder. They prescribed me some mood stabilizers, antidepressants, a hyperbaric oxygen chamber, and an infrared dry sauna. After the previously described failed treatments, I suspected black mold as well.
As the years passed I began to realize I couldn’t be the only person going through this. After a lifetime of wondering ‘where are my people, my tribe?’, I was still unable to find an answer .Dropping much of my victim story, I suspected that I wasn’t the only one who was sick, unable to fulfill my ‘life’s purpose’. Could there be thousands, even millions of people around the world too ill to fulfill their purposes like myself? This question was confirmed during my tree and herb channeling sessions. Could they be my people?
I held the vision like a beacon, my North Star on moonless nights during those dark years. I never let myself believe it was truly hopeless. I changed my technique and around 2008 I began passionately studying the science of neuroplasticity, the art of recreating our beliefs to alter our realities and so on. I figured it would lead me to healing sooner than research at that point. I was determined to heal myself and learn to share my talents to help others heal as well. Through my journey, my music, medicine songs, storytelling, poetry, and healing foods to help others along the way.
I couldn’t take it anymore! I felt like a complete failure in my life. Utterly hopeless it seemed that no matter how hard I studied, applied, and worked, no matter what techniques I used, I was doomed to remain sick. I needed to be alone in the forest. I knelt on the late-spring grass near my 8x8 cabin, surrounded by forest, sobbing and pleading to the earth, God, the angels, guides, and ancestors for help. I couldn’t take it anymore. My heart burned with determination to be present for my daughter, Wayra, and fulfill healing myself to help raise the vibration and healing of humanity.
I don’t know how long I wept. The same beloved, patient forest that embraced me when I was a seven-year-old girl searching for guidance held me that day. Eyes blurry, head fuzzy, I watched the sky. Songbirds chirped and larger winged ones circled endlessly on the currents. The squirrels chattered, tossing acorns at my cabin roof to see if I yell out. I relaxed into the timeless world to commune with my tree and plant family. I watched the great white oak’s aura shimmer into view. I tuned into the wind, the birds, and the silence, seeking guidance from within and from my surroundings. I needed a life-changing answer. I felt as though I would fall off the edge of reality if I didn’t receive one soon.
Kneeling once again, both hands on the earth, I connected deeply. I retrieved sage from my cabin and a feather, smudging the six directions and left an offering to spirit. Lifting my hands and eyes to the heavens, I prayed, “God, Divine Mother, Great Spirit, I am so lost without your guidance. Thank you for being my guide when I lose hope. I feel like I am wasting my life. I search for health to no avail. How can I fulfill my purpose of being a lightworker and healing facilitator if I can’t even heal myself?”
Unexpectedly, I heard a powerful voice from within: “You are exactly where you need to be. Keep moving forward. There is still a long road ahead. The healing for all people is the same on the outside as it is on the inside. Remember these words and keep your spirit light.” And just like that, the voice was gone.
My focus shifted. I could no longer return to my previous hopelessness. I knew I must persist, no matter what. That divine voice guided me. I delved into shamanic drum journeying, learning from Sandra Ingerman and others how to enter the upper, middle and lower worlds through dream trances. I learned more about plant spirit communication after I received my first of many sacred medicine songs, channeled directly from the San Pedro cactus. I felt the converging silver-golden threads of countless people joining this soul mission to heal humanity, one person at a time. I simply hadn’t met them yet. That vision sustained me, hopeful for the next 13 years. I knew I had a mission, and I was 100% certain it would work; I just didn’t know how or when. I did know the only thing I had to do was to always choose the learning side of all challenges no matter how difficult they were.
In 2015 I discovered Anthony Williams first Book “ Medical Medium”. I read it cover to cover, twice while hiding out in my 8x8 cabin in the forest with a food stash, crying tears of joy nearly the whole time. After so much research and application of treatments, I had no doubt that I found my solution and immediately adopted all of the suggestions of the book save one. The black mold and stress levels in my home were phenomenal. I had my work cut out. My late then husband Ivan had decided I was the ‘complicated one’ and the black mold couldn’t possibly be the issue. Finally in December 2017 I moved out onto the roofed deck in the snow and remained there until early 2019. (he’d put a worker in my cabin). I made him promise that if he saw 40% improvement over the next 3 months he would repair our eight leaky windows, which ended up taking over a year and a half more. I did however finally begin to heal!
In late November 2019, after the most peaceful 9 months of our recent lives, my then husband of 25 years was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic lung cancer that had spread to his brain and bones. Over the next year, as he transitioned from this realm, I clung to that golden thread of hope practicing much prayer and qigong even as I succumbed to alcohol marijuana , tobacco and caffeine addiction during the deepest grief and confusion of my life. Over the next four years I faced a complete life reconstruction, a catastrophic fire that destroyed my cannabis farm, and betrayals by people who ripped me off during my grieving. I let go of the legal cannabis cultivation license I worked so hard to achieve, accepting a complete personal reinvention while still far too sick to even dream this could be possible. Nevertheless none of these nor the tumultuous sea of grief and heartache of Ivan’s passing could shake that golden thread.
I prayed countless times since Ivan’s illness with my good friend Dan Miller almost daily. It gave me the strength to stay in AA for nine months when I was too hopeless to stop drinking, and eventually, I began the Medical Medium Morning Cleanse with stubborn persistence, even with a hangover. Five months later I quit drinking. Additionally, I quit oils, marijuana, tobacco, and became a grain, soy, egg, dairy, canola and GMO free, occasionally I ate grass fed animals.The relentless earache, catastrophic depression, narcolepsy, and utter exhaustion that plagued me after getting COVID were blessed with the same guidance and unstoppable love I had received in early 2011. I knew I would make it through. I persisted with great determination applying the medical medium healing tools, healing my heart and organizing my life.This was all fueled by that golden thread of hope.
Every day since, and every prayer uttered both in desperation and humble gratitude has been guided by that powerful prayer and the answer I received that day. It was that answer from 2011 that carried me down I-5 to the After Party Club. I saw some of the very people I had only dreamed of 13 years ago in my desperation to find “my people.” I was eating, talking, laughing and dancing with them. Together, we stood up to receive over 10 light blasts from the Spirit of Compassion through Anthony William that day I felt my blockages dissolve one by one It became real I could scarcely believe it! I was no longer looking or waiting for something in the future. I was standing at the threshold prophesied to me during that moment of prayer
Between each light blast, my heart acknowledged 80% improvement in mental health over my 4 years on the Morning Cleanse, Heavy Metal Detox Smoothie, Medical Medium protocols etc. My heart soared like the Andean condor over La Cordillera de los Andes. I knew my time had come. We are all determined to heal and help others heal. I am part of something beautiful that has finally begun to bear fruit. I think of the Chilean Monkey Puzzle trees that take 60 years to produce their piñones, and I realize my journey is just right. The miraculous day ended with a dance party and people who often don’t have the energy to perform basic daily functions rose from our chairs to dance until the night was over! Pure joy and healing transformation filled the air!
My mind soars. So many people on the earth search for healing, we can work together for this grandiose opportunity, each one shining in our participation. Undoubtedly, I realize I too, can take part, and that I have been the whole time. I never strayed from my mission to heal myself. Heart awakening, I know I have the clarity I prayed for so long ago. A path to follow to heal, do what I love, to help others to heal and live better while also making a living. Sitting at the table, silver tears of joy spring as I think of my Emerald Triangle family, of the regenerative farmers, energy workers, poets, permaculture people, artists, musicians and cooperative builders and so on who are all doing our part to make this world a healthier, more loving place. In that moment I let go of all of my fear, and simply allowed my spirit to know that it is possible to love enough to make a change. Often we don’t know what it looks like for our dreams to manifest. We work step by step, surrendering to the divine and holding the vision. We Hold fast to that golden-silver thread to heal ourselves, and work together, It does come to fruition.
I REAP WHAT I SOW
POEM AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALFRED FOOTE
Life erupts from the stars, Beginnings are so minuscule, Nucleus's spread far & wide, Carried by endless solar waves
Seeds burst below,
Where no soul is to be found
Am I left on these grounds?
To wilt, never to be found?
Deep, deep within, I must venture Venture within to survive, My current surroundings will be my demise
How deep must I go?
Rains frolic around me
Is this what my soul needs?
Is this what my soul craves?
Elixir of Mother Earth surrounds me, She nourishes me, she teaches me, she nurtures me
I REAP WHAT I SOW
POEM AND PHOTOGRAPHY BY ALFRED FOOTE
Tidal waves of green erupt through valleys
Lifeless plains serve not in vain Here love beams so bright Here we can survive, here we can maintain Foreboding storms tumble in, bellows over all to be saw Ominous days cast their spells upon me Is this my reality? Moonlight shimmers & glimmers throughout these lonesome nights Giving fortuitous hope of a new light of sun-rays that ever greet us at tomorrow So now, I feel love, not sorrow And joyous for a tomorrow
CULTIVATING A REGENERATIVE NEW WORLD.