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My Adoption Story by Jen Marie Cliff
Heredity or environment, which are you a product of? Neither, my child, neither; just two different kinds of love.
26
Family • April 2020
was adopted at six months old in Manila, Philippines in 1984 during the month of February — 36 years ago! I consider my story unique because my mom knew me before she adopted me. She volunteered at the American Women’s Association. Through that organization, she’d take time at the local orphanage to play with the babies. That’s where she met me! I had no official name except the volunteers would call me “Funny Hair” for my cowlicks or “Juliet” for my rosy cheeks and pink lips. Before my parents adopted me, my mom had to convince my dad. Apparently, he was hesitant at the time. But just like any smart person who wants to convince their significant other to adopt (a human baby, a puppy, a kitty, etc.), you take them to the orphanage or kennel, where they fall in love with the idea of taking the baby or animal home. That’s exactly what happened with my parents! I don’t remember a thing at that age, but Mom would tell me stories. There was one that always stood out in my mind: After volunteering for a while at the orphanage, my mom was ready to adopt a baby. She was offered a healthy baby girl. The day my mom arrived to pick up the baby, the image of what was to happen burned in her brain forever. The mother of the baby girl, a local Filipina maid, was there, crying. The mother did not want to give up her baby. Next to the crying mom was her boss, a wealthy woman demanding the maid give up the child. At that moment, my mom refused the healthy baby girl and everyone who worked at the orphanage thought she was crazy. If you knew anything about my mom, you’d know she’s fearless. She stands up for what she believes is true and takes on whatever challenges come her way with grace and gumption. There was no way my mom was going to be on the receiving end of that tragic story. It pains me to imagine all the moms in history who had to give up their child — no matter what the circumstance. So by divine order, the orphanage gave my mom a sick baby instead — ME! I had all kinds of issues; malnourishment, plagiocephaly, multiple ear infections, fevers, colds, etc. Without complaint, my parents took me in and got me back to health, and I made up for the lost time.
When I was a child, Mom used to read my favorite poem, “Legacy of an Adopted Child.” She’d cry every time. This helped me understand my situation. My parents went out of their way to read books about adoption, diversity, and being different. At a young age, I established the belief that being adopted was normal. For the most part, it didn’t bother me. As for the teenage years, I’d like to think that the thoughts of running away and hating my parents were a normal thing. I never ran away, nor did I tell my parents “I wish you’d never adopted me,” because in truth, I’m grateful — even if my stubborn teenage self didn’t want to admit it. The most significant time of my life that made me truly appreciate my family was when my son Liam was born in June 2017. Motherhood brought me closer to my mom. Today, I reflect on something she told me in my 20s, and it didn’t mean much until now: “I never thought of you as being adopted. To me, I gave birth to you. I know I actually didn’t, but you are my daughter, and that’s how I feel.” I am filled with gratitude to have a family who loves me for who I am — not for where I came from or for the color of my skin. Family is defined by healthy and supportive relationships, not by biology. Jen is a mom to a wild toddler and wife to a firefighter/paramedic student. She has two bachelor’s degrees, in art history and in nursing. Her diverse experiences in nursing include resource pool, neurotrauma critical care, and home hospice. In addition, she traveled to Duke University Medical Center for one assignment in the Neuro ICU. Currently, she holds a per diem position on an oncology/palliative care unit. She has been a Usui and Karuna® Reiki master teacher (RMT)/practitioner since 2011 and a shaman apprentice since 2018, and she opened her small holistic business in 2019, focusing on self-care, spirituality, and intuitive development for moms. She is one of the co-founders and directors of Huddle Up Moms, a new local organization dedicated to empowering women through education and connection. She is passionate about health, wellness, and alternative methods and hopes to inspire moms to love their bodies, minds, hearts, and souls. Check out her personal website, jenmariecliff.com, and the Huddle Up Moms site, huddleupmoms.org.
