Growing Bolder Magazine: Vol. 39 by Growing Bolder

How your brain responds to change Online dating in the age of longevity Fearless Creativity

O RD I NARY PEO PLE LIVI N G E X TR AO RD I NARY LIVE S

The CoMindfulness Project Practice compassion to increase happiness

WINTER 2020 $9.99 G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 9

Your passion for competing doesn’t end when the games do We know you’re striving for success every day

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Machu Picchu, Peru G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 9

CONTENTS 88

features 44

SLOW AND STEADY PROGRESS

How your brain responds to change

THE CO-MINDFULNESS PROJECT

Practice compassion to increase happiness for yourself and others

special section: book excerpt GROWING BOLDER: DEFY THE CULT OF YOUTH, LIVE WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE 42 THE ART OF THE GROWING BOLDER COMEBACK

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A playbook for active longevity

Winter 20

in every issue

finance

NOTE FROM THE CEO

CONTRIBUTORS

PUTTING TOGETHER YOUR RETIREMENT PAYCHECK

YOUR TAKE

Making the money last as long as you do

Readers weigh in on ‘OK, Boomer’

GROWING BOLDER WITH

Big names, bold lives

TRANSLATING TECH

Online dating in the age of longevity

5 QUESTIONS

Going vegan-ish is easier than you may think

GB BOOK REVIEWS

Suggested reading for lifelong learners and bibliophiles

THE TAKEAWAY

Still sailing solo

defy 13

AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE BORN AFTER 1965

What both sides get wrong about "OK, Boomer"

KEEP DREAMING

Your evolving definition of success

travel 18

ACOUSTICS IN THE CANYON

Exploring the iconic Red Rocks Amphitheatre, nature's concert hall

TOUR PORTUGAL

A seven-day itinerary

NO EXCUSES

He quit working to start living

connect 26

BRING JOY TO THE PROCESS OF CHANGE

Create positive habits with behaviorchange strategies

DEFY!

The lasting legacy of Wendy Chioji

THE CO-MINDFULNESS PROJECT

CAREER REINVENTION

Entering academia at midlife as a new Ph.D. graduate

Practice compassion to increase happiness for yourself and others

DO I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES AT 60?

Asking the risk-takers

heal 16

AN EXPLOSION OF FLAVORS

Add some flair to your food

SLOW AND STEADY PROGRESS

How your brain responds to change

WINDOW TO THE HEART

How an eye doctor saved her life

BETTER LIVING THROUGH BETTER SEX

Holistic benefits of regular sex

move 57

HEART OF A CHAMPION

From cardiac patient to world powerlifting champion

A LEGACY OF HEALTH Three generations of fitness

create 37

FEARLESS CREATIVITY

Willingness to be a beginner

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NOTE FROM THE CEO

My Favorite Word Can Slow Down Time

Marc Middleton and colleague Wendy Chioji relaxing on the set. Wendy inspired people worldwide with her ability to live in the moment and DEFY expectations throughout a decade long battle with incurable cancer. Her inspiring story begins on page 50.

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THERE IS ONLY THIS MOMENT

and it expands or contracts according to mindfulness.

If you’re a fan of “The Actors Studio” TV show, you likely remember James Lipton’s questionnaire at the end of each interview. (Lipton, 93, retired as host and executive producer of the Emmy Award-winning show at the end of 2018.) He would ask every guest the same 10 questions, and the first one was always, "What is your favorite word?" The most common answer was “love” which, admittedly, is a great word. My favorite word changes frequently, but lately it’s been “mindful.” To me, mindful is simply recognizing and appreciating the never-ending novelty in each and every moment. I like it because I need a constant reminder to stop, look, listen, feel and mostly, appreciate. Mindfulness is a cornerstone of gratitude, which, in turn, is the basis of happiness. Being mindful is not only an important key to enjoying life but also to slowing the passage of time. How many times have you said lately, where did the time go? Doesn’t it seem as you get older, time passes more quickly? Of course, time moves at exactly the same pace that it did when we were kids, but our perception of time does change as we age. It changes because of a lack of novelty. It changes because we’ve been there and done that. And the mind, in its never-ending need to recognize, categorize and dismiss anything that is non-threatening, switches on a kind of autopilot that keeps us from fully experiencing the moment. Neuroscientists tell us that paying close attention to the here and now actually slows down our brain's perception

of time because we are processing more input. The more familiar each moment is, the less information our brains process and the more quickly time seems to pass. Being mindful is simply making a conscious effort to turn off the autopilot that short-circuits our powers of observation and prevents us from recognizing and appreciating the never-ending novelty in each and every moment. As we all know, but few fully grasp, there is only this moment; and it expands or contracts according to our mindfulness. Live as if each moment is unique and will never happen again. Because it is and it won’t. Don’t get caught in the trap of always looking forward to the end of the day, the upcoming weekend, your next vacation or retirement. Don’t just make friends with the present, luxuriate in the present. Celebrate the present, because tomorrow doesn’t exist except in our minds. Life only happens in the present, and you must be present to win. That doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be preparing for the future or planning for what’s next; but while we’re doing it, we have to learn to be mindful. Otherwise we’ll always be wondering, “Where did the time go?”

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Volume 39 PUBLISHER Jackie Carlin EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Emily Thompson CREATIVE DIRECTOR Ashley Heafy EXECUTIVE EDITOR Doris Bloodsworth FEATURES DIRECTOR Bill Shafer PRODUCTION DIRECTOR Jill Middleton EDITORIAL SPECIAL FEATURES

Ellen Barry Doro Bush Tricia Reilly VIDEO + PHOTOGRAPHY

Jason Morrow, Michael Nanus, Jacob Langston CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

Doris Bloodsworth Jean Chatsky Christy Wilson Delk Barbara Hannah Grufferman Mary Lou Janson Roger Landry, M.D., M.P.H. Leslie Kemp Poole Laura Savini Kay VanNorman Vonda Wright, M.D. GROWING BOLDER PRESS CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER Marc Middleton PRESIDENT Robert Thompson SUBSCRIPTIONS

For subscriber information or address changes, visit GrowingBolder.com/subscribe or email subscriptions@growingbolder.com NEWSLETTERS

To sign up for Growing Bolder's weekly newsletter, go to GrowingBolder.com/newsletter COMMENTS

For information about advertising and sponsorships, email sales@GrowingBolder.com GROWING BOLDER IS PUBLISHED BY GROWING BOLDER PRESS

Editorial Content Â©GrowingBolder. Growing Bolder is a registered trademark of Bolder Broadcasting Inc. Reproduction or use in whole or in part of the contents of this magazine without written permission for the Publisher is prohibited. Growing Bolder Publishing makes every effort to ensure the accuracy of all published content. Neither the publisher nor advertisers will be held responsible for any errors found herein and the publisher accepts no liability for the accuracy of statements made by advertisers in ad and/or paid promotional features. The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent the views and opinions of Growing Bolder Publishing. Growing Bolder Publishing does not endorse or recommend any article, product, service or information found within the articles. All content is presented for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional, legal, financial or medical advice. Growing Bolder Publishing expressly disclaims and denies any liability for any decisions made based upon the information presented. 8

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Jean Chatzky

Jean Chatzky, financial editor of NBC’s “TODAY” show, is an award-winning personal finance journalist, bestselling author and host of the podcast “HerMoney with Jean Chatzky” on iTunes. Her newest book, “Women with Money: The Judgment-Free Guide to Creating the Joyful, Less Stressed, Purposeful (and, Yes, Rich) Life You Deserve” is available now.

Barbara Hannah Grufferman

Barbara Hannah Gruffermanis a nationally recognized advocate for positive livingand the author of two books. She speaks nationally on health, nutrition, career, fitness, sex and other topics related to positive and healthy aging. She also discusses these topics as a frequent guest on national and local television shows.

Photo by Matthew Peyton/ Getty Images For American Express

Contributors Meet our team of global thought leaders

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Roger Landry, M.D., M.P.H.

Dr. Roger Landry, author of “Live Long, Die Short: A Guide to Authentic Health and Successful Aging,” is a graduate of Tufts University School of Medicine and Harvard University School of Public Health. He is president of Masterpiece Living, which helps communities become destinations for continued growth. Dr. Landry is a highly decorated colonel and chief flight surgeon at the Air Force Surgeon General’s Office in Washington, D.C. His medical career has included the Chernobyl nuclear disaster and U.S. shuttle launches.

Laura Savini

When not on her bicycle, Laura Savini produces “THE KATE,” a public television music series, and hosts PBS on-air fund drives. She also produced documentaries “Power Over Parkinson’s I & II.” She works closely with her husband, songwriter Jimmy Webb, to share his music and stories with the world.

Tricia Reilly Koch

Tricia Reilly Koch is co-founder of BB&R Wellness Consulting. She was introduced to the world of holistic health and meditation through her maternal grandmother. Driven by a lifelong passion to understand the mind-body connection, she is a certified holistic health coach, a student of Ayurvedic living and a wellness entrepreneur. Her most recent business endeavor is Georgetown Gourmet Market, with a mission to bring healthier foods to air travelers at DCA. Reilly has worked as an advocate and consultant helping individuals and businesses rethink health and wellness in the 21st century.

Kay Van Norman

Kay Van Norman is president of Brilliant Aging and an internationally known author, writer and thought leader in healthy aging. Her passion is uncovering hidden barriers so that people can move from intending to age well into taking actions that will help ensure that they age well.

Doro Bush Koch

Doro Bush Koch is co-founder of BB&R Wellness Consulting. She has managed the demands of being the daughter and sister of two U.S. presidents by practicing mindfulness. It has had such a positive impact on her life that she has spent the last two decades sharing the power of this ancient practice with others through her meditation CDs and at wellness conferences. Bush is the “New York Times” bestselling author of the book “My Father, My President: A Personal Account of the Life of George H.W. Bush.” She is also the chairwoman of The Barbara Bush Foundation for Family Literacy.

Leslie Kemp Poole

Leslie Kemp Poole is an author and assistant professor of environmental studies at Rollins College in Winter Park, Florida. Her work reflects her interest in how women, who historically had little political power, rallied together in grassroots efforts to protect the environment and preserve natural resources.

Vonda Wright

Dr. Vonda Wright is a frequent guest on the “Dr. Oz Show.” She is the only orthopedic surgeon on the show’s advisory board. She also has appeared on “The Doctors,” “CBS Evening News,” CBN, PBS and a host of other programs. She is the author of “Younger in 8 Weeks” and “Fitness After 40.” She has appeared in the “The Wall Street Journal,” “The New York Times” and more about fitness and aging. Among her specialties: Golf-injury prevention and living a hot, healthy, happy lifestyle. She is a boardcertified orthopedic surgeon and has pioneered research in mobility and new views on aging.

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YOURTAKE I’ve been teaching an undergrad course, Generational Differences in the Workplace, for many years. The OK Boomer retort may be new, but the sentiment is not. This — “time for you to go/time for you to grow up” — division among the generations has been ongoing throughout modern times. It’s normal, but it doesn’t have to be divisive. It takes personal connection that leads to mutual respect to change those beliefs. I require my students to conduct interviews with members of each of the four generations in the workplace (yes, many people of the Silent or Traditionalist generation are still employed). It never fails to change their minds. So I urge older Americans to meet the younger generations where they are and where you are — volunteering for the issues that matter to you. It will change them and it will change you.

Dismiss me at your peril. I am old and I know stuff.

What is your reaction to the ‘OK, Boomer’ meme?

Ok, Boomer is NOT about age but about entitlement. It can be used for anyone acting like they are "owed," including "owed" information. (For example, someone who won't just google something to find a quick answer.)

Janet Egiziano Moorpark, CA

Christine Obenreder Serfozo

Erie, Pennsylvania

Joyce Corey Lennoxville, Quebec

Just more divisive FB crap.

Angelo Castelli Copiague, NY

In this context Boomer does not refer to age, but to a mindset.

Patricia Willis Kemp

Colorado Springs, CO

Teresa Peacock

Santa Barbara, CA

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Here's my take. Lighten up. It is hilarious IMO. I love being a boomer, and I am bossy and opinionated. I can relate to both sides and I don't mind push-back.

O B

OK BOO

MER Growing Bolder Responds to ‘OK, Boomer’ Meme

An open letter to those born between 1965 and 2013: I’m on your side, and I was born in 1951. Marc Middleton

F E AT U R E

I’ve been asked recently by more than one media organization to weigh in on the “OK, Boomer” issue. Of course, the request is little more than a lightly veiled effort to sow more seeds of division in an already divided culture, to pit an entire demographic cohort against another for the amusement of readers or viewers. Yes, please. Let me participate in a deeply polarized debate in which facts don’t matter and let me be misquoted by someone only interested in “a good story.”

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Let’s acknowledge that every demographic cohort has self-centered, materialistic, resource hoarders as well as compassionate, creative, empathetic, thoughtful stewards of the planet. It’s not when you were born. It’s who you are. But now that an AARP senior vice president has offered the tone-deaf response, “OK, Millennials, but we’re the people that actually have the money,” I feel compelled to weigh in. Her comment was tone deaf because it totally ignores serious, legitimate concerns and because the boomer demographic is, in many ways, the most diverse of all time, containing wealth and poverty, health and sickness. And that’s just the beginning of the extreme differences in this and every other demographic cohort. Her answer simply reinforced the out-of-touch stereotype that’s being put forth by the “OK, Boomer” movement. In the unlikely event that you somehow missed the story that is igniting generational warfare, because the media continues throwing gasoline on it, here’s a short summary: “OK, Boomer” has become a flippant and dismissive response from Generation Z and millennials who see baby boomers — those born between 1946 and 1964 — as out of touch. It’s a bit more than the latest version of “whatever.” It’s demeaning shorthand for, “You’re a narrow-minded, self-centered, a**hole.” Don’t believe in climate change? “OK, Boomer.” Think all young people are lazy and lack ambition? “OK, Boomer.” Social scientists tell us that we’re actually hardwired

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to make snap judgments about others based solely upon how they look. This self-preservation mechanism originated hundreds of thousands of years ago when our survival was dependent upon first impressions. Friend or foe? Help or hurt? Fight or flight? Unfortunately, for some, this biological imperative has devolved into an excuse for ignorance and a justification for bigotry. Stereotyping is something in which some people of all ages, races, genders, socio-economic status, sexual preferences and religious backgrounds engage. It’s an equal opportunity human character flaw that we can no longer afford. The world is too interconnected and resources are too limited for an “us vs. them” mentality. The ripples of alienation spread quickly. To make this latest intergenerational smackdown something that can grab and hold our increasingly divided attention, the media is only too happy to paint both sides with a single brush. Anyone who does this — no matter their age — is ignorant. And any media organization that does it is irresponsible. I will be the first to agree that there is truth to the litany of complaints that Gen Z, Gen X and millennials are expressing. There are far too many men and women boomers who deny climate change, who care more

about their financial security than that of their grandchildren and who behave selfishly in nearly every aspect of their lives. But there are also many of us who agree that rising student debt, political corruption, economic inequality and leaving behind a planet that’s choking on man-made pollution are disastrous for everyone. It’s also important to remember that many born between 1946 and 1964 have waged war for decades on gender equality, civil rights, gay rights, equal pay and access for those with disabilities. And now we’re fighting ageism. Let’s acknowledge that every demographic cohort has self-centered, materialistic, resource hoarders as well as compassionate, creative, empathetic, thoughtful stewards of the planet. It’s not when you were born. It’s who you are. The answer to today’s serious problems is not generation shaming. It’s the exact opposite. It’s ignoring generational branding altogether, which is why Growing Bolder refrains from using the words “baby boomer.” It’s not that we’re afraid of it. It’s simply that it’s a very poor descriptor, a convenient and gross generalization that has no real value. Our mission is not focused on any demographic cohort. We’re focused on providing the inspiration, tools and resources to help anyone figure out what’s next in their life. We’re focused on educating adults of all ages about an entirely new life stage that offers the opportunity to live with passion, purpose and significance for two or three decades beyond what’s considered normal retirement age. And, yes, we’re fighting for the right to continue contributing. This is not simply a selfish desire. It’s an effort to change outdated norms. It’s great news for everyone of every age because it will benefit every older person, of every generation, forever. We’re proud and grateful that we have a large and passionate following among younger women and men. They bring great value, insight and energy to our movement, which is also their movement because growing older is something we’re all doing, if we’re lucky. I don’t want to be the guy that tells young people to get off my lawn. I want to be the guy that invites them inside. I need them. I am energized by them. I am inspired by them. And I believe I have something to share with them. Together we’re much stronger. Only together can we effectively attack the issues that result in unfairness and inequity. Only together can we battle corporate greed, polarized politics and selfish behavior. The power of intergenerational connection and cooperation is limitless. Generational name calling, in an effort to sell merchandise or newspapers, is “small ball.” It’s for little minds. To paint everyone within a demographic cohort with the same brush is as ridiculous, damaging, dangerous and ignorant as saying all men are misogynists, all immigrants are criminals or all police are corrupt. Empathy for others and the desire to do the right thing are not qualities exclusive to any generation. They are qualities expressed by many in all generations. They are the glue that holds society together. It’s not easy to be an older adult in today’s society. It’s not easy to be a young adult in today’s society. We are natural allies because no one, no matter their age, has the right to hoard resources and opportunity. And everyone, no matter his or her age, has the right to work and grow. There are serious issues that need big solutions. Passive-aggressive, sarcastic, flippant behavior won’t solve anything. What it will do is what it’s doing right now: sell a few T-shirts and newspapers. Let’s start looking for the good in others — no matter what generation they happened to be born into. Let’s start working together instead of letting small minds and big newspapers divide us. Ok, Boomer?

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An Explosion of Flavors Add Some Flair to Your Food Collette Haw

The winter months can feel bleak and dreary, but you can brighten up any glum day with dishes that will make your taste buds zing. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m constantly experimenting with ways to make dishes pop. Maybe itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a handful of pomegranate seeds, to add a burst of flavor to your favorite salad or some crunchy, savory pepitas (pumpkin seeds) added to chicken salad or the deep flavors of sweet potatoes used in this African Peanut Soup. The possibilities are limitless! Challenge yourself to start seeking out bright, beautiful colors at your favorite food market and cook up some tasty new ways to make your dishes come alive!

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Directions Heat avocado oil in a large stockpot over medium heat, for 2 minutes. Add curry powder to the avocado oil and toast, stirring constantly for 1 minute. Add onions to the curry powder mixture and sauté until softened about 6 minutes. Next add the garlic and sauté until the garlic becomes fragrant. Then add sweet potatoes, chicken broth, tomatoes and cooked ground turkey. Bring soup to a simmer for about 20-30 minutes or until sweet potatoes become tender.

African Peanut Soup Ingredients 1 tablespoon avocado oil 2 tablespoons curry powder 2 large onions, sliced 10 garlic cloves, microplaned 3 pounds sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed into ½ inch cubes 8 cups chicken broth 1 pound ground turkey, cooked 1 (28 ounce) can diced tomatoes, strained

½ teaspoon pink Himalayan salt 1 teaspoon black pepper 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper 1 cup all-natural peanut butter 1 cup roasted peanuts, chopped small 1 (15 ounce) can unsweetened coconut milk

After the sweet potatoes become tender add the salt, black pepper, cayenne, peanut butter, chopped peanuts and coconut milk to the soup, stirring well, and simmer another 15 to 20 minutes.

Soup is ready to serve. Garnish with micro cilantro and chopped peanuts.

Winter Citrus Smoothie Yields: 1 -12oz Smoothie

Ingredients ½ cup frozen mango ½ tablespoon ginger 1/3 cup frozen raspberries 1 teaspoon turmeric 5 ounces freshly squeezed orange juice ½ orange, with or without the rind 6 ounces coconut water ½ teaspoon hemp seeds to garnish

Directions Put the first 7 ingredients in the blender and blend until smooth. Pour in your favorite cup and garnish with hemp hearts. Enjoy!

Chef Collette Haw is a classically-trained Culinary Institute of America graduate. Chef Haw operates the Nourish Coffee Bar + Kitchen inside the Center for Health & Wellbeing in Winter Park, Florida, and approaches the Nourish menu with a unique hybrid of her comfort-food-gone-healthy and “food-as-medicine” philosophies. She also instructs cooking programs at the Center. Learn more at nourishchwb.com.

HEAL

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ACOUSTICS IN THE CANYON Nature's concert hall

Putt Sakdhnagool / Moment via Getty Images

Mary Lou Janson

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Visiting Colorado’s iconic Red Rocks Park and Amphitheatre had been on my to-do list for far too long. Defined by its large, red, sandstone rock outcrops, the park appealed to my inner hiker while its open-air theater’s distinction as the “only naturally occurring, acoustically perfect amphitheater in the world” piqued my curiosity as a lover of live music. To fully experience the venue, my trip needed to coincide with a concert. The summer concert season typically runs from April through October and, with just under 10,000 total seats, I knew my window of opportunity was limited and that sold-out shows are common. I could only get away for a few days. But I wanted to allow enough time for the concert and to explore a portion of the 738-acre park. It marks the meeting point between the Great Plains and Rocky Mountains, making it home to plants, animals and birds from both regions. Considering travel dates in late August, I eagerly anticipated Colorado’s more comfortable climate than the sweltering summer temperatures typically found in my hometown of Tampa. That cooler weather would be critical to an enjoyable daytime hike but could be of concern when deciding how much to bundle up to attend an outdoor concert in the hillsides after dark. Although it was months away, and a second performance had been added, only a handful of tickets remained for an appearance by the Colorado-based pop rock band OneRepublic, a personal favorite of mine that was upping the musical ante by performing on stage with the Denver Symphonic Orchestra.

T R AV E L

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Adam Springer / iStock via Getty Images

An orchestra pit built of stone fronted the stage; behind it, in full view of the audience, the lights of Denver would mark the horizon. 20

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I was hooked. And soon I was booked on a flight from Tampa to Denver. I made reservations for a twonight stay in Golden, Colorado, and purchased a concert ticket for a middle seat, about a third of the way up from the stage. Red Rocks is located in Morrison, Colorado, and is owned by the City of Denver. Golden offers an appealing selection of moderately priced hotels and restaurants; the neighboring, sprawling Colorado Mills outlet mall in Lakewood and proximity to the National Historic Landmark Red Rocks Park made it an ideal base for me. That was about all the planning I intended to do. After arriving on a weekday afternoon, I gauged what the weather would allow to set an agenda for that day. Early the next morning, I hoped to head for the hills to visit the venue during the morning and then embark on a hike from a nearby trailhead. That evening was reserved for the concert and the following day I anticipated exploring a little more before returning to Florida. The primary reason for going was simple: I wanted to hear for myself the renowned sound that has made this landmark such a popular tour stop, from rock stars to opera singers, and see for myself what it is like to look directly upon what has been described as “one of the world’s natural wonders.” It’s no fluke that Red Rocks has such a revered reputation. “Pollstar Magazine,” a leading live music trade publication, recognized Red Rocks Amphitheatre as the country’s Best Outdoor Concert Venue at its 2019 30th Annual Pollstar Awards. Winners are voted on by a panel of more than 2,000 agents, managers, venue operators and other professionals.

T R AV E L

Jason Bahr / Stringer / Getty Images Entertainment via Getty Images

What modestly began as a makeshift stage, originally known as the Garden of the Ages, officially opened as a formal amphitheater in June 15, 1941. Despite its remote location, Red Rocks quickly became legendary as a mandatory tour stop for musicians who appreciated its picture-perfect setting and pitch-perfect sound. The Beatles appeared here in 1964 and played before the only crowd that did not sell-out on their first U.S. tour. A run-in between fans and police during a 1971 Jethro Tull concert resulted in a five-year ban on rock acts. Highlights from the post-ban years include the filming of “U2 Live at Red Rocks: Under a Blood Red Sky,” and contributions to audio and video recordings by the Dave Matthews Band, The Moody Blues, the Zac Brown Band and more. According to the Colorado Music Hall of Fame’s web site, “For Colorado-based acts, performing at Red Rocks has become a rite of passage. John Denver, Earth Wind & Fire, The Lumineers, OneRepublic, 3OH!3 and Judy Collins have all done shows there.” The Civilian Conservation Corps and Work Projects Administration provided initial labor and materials for the project, after Denver purchased the parcel from a private landowner in 1927. However, it was Mother Nature’s handiwork that created the tilted rock formations that remain at an angle today, notably Creation Rock and Ship Rock. Both are nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls, according to Denver’s City Data website. At 300 feet tall, they stand almost even with London’s Big Ben. Architect Burnham Hoyt of Denver had already earned recognition for his contributions to New York’s Radio City Music Hall when he was hired to create the

amphitheater in the 1930s. Adamant about blending the walkways and dressing rooms without disturbing the natural surroundings, he incorporated existing topographic features and rock formations into the design. “An orchestra pit built of stone fronted the stage; behind it, in full view of the audience, the lights of Denver would mark the horizon,” according to the online history posted by Red Rocks Park and Amphitheatre. And what a view it was from 6,450-foot above sea level when I arrived in the morning and returned that same evening. The morning was well spent at Red Rocks Visitor Center and Hall of Fame. Admission and parking are free and the interactive, educational displays are really well done. The highlight for me was the Hall of Fame exhibit showcasing performers who have appeared on stage throughout the decades. Next stop was the Trading Post Gift Shop and Colorado Music Hall of Fame located downhill within walking distance. All sorts of snacks, souvenirs, sun protection, apparel and rock memorabilia are sold there. Plus, it serves as an ideal starting spot for a hike — particularly if beverages or restrooms are needed. It was a cool, clear, sunny day; and for most of the time, I had the Trading Post Trail to myself. Only the occasional runner, a few couples or small groups of hikers, were encountered during the hours I lingered here. Trails are well marked, and the terrain is a bit slippery in sections. But the sights were filled with fantastic rock formations in all directions. Eager to get back to Red Rocks before sunset, I returned to the hotel, hung up my hiking boots, dressed in layers to keep warm and headed back to where the day began but with a different purpose. From the first note of music, I knew. The view, the venue and the thrill of sharing the moment with more than 9,000 kindred spirits helped me to understand the meaning of a phrase that surfaced during my pre-trip research. Those few words aptly described Red Rocks as a “magical, spiritual and emotional stage.”

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I N E V E RY I S S U E : T H E TA K E AWAY

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GROWING BOLDER WITH

Marlo Thomas Marlo Thomas went from being a household name, and an award-winning star of her ground-breaking TV show, to becoming one of the driving forces behind St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Over her legendary career, she’s earned four Emmys, a Golden Globe and a Grammy. In 2014, President Barack Obama awarded her the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor. Thomas has made a career out of trying new things, something she says is vital to growth, no matter your age. “Everywhere I go, I meet women who say to me, ‘It’s too late isn’t it?’ And I say, ‘Of course it isn’t!’ If you’re 40, 50 or 60, you could have 50, 40 or 30 years left. That’s a lot of time to do a lot of things and make a lot of dreams come true.” One way she reinvented herself is by becoming an author. She’s now penned seven bestsellers, including “It Ain't Over... Till It's Over: Reinventing Your Life — and Realizing Your Dreams — Anytime, At Any Age." In it, she profiles 60 women who share their stories of starting over. “I wrote this book because I want to encourage people that, ‘Yes, you can start over at any age.’ Dream big but start small. I think a lot of people get daunted, but if you just do one thing every day, you will get there.”

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King Errisson King Errisson went from the depths of poverty in his native Bahamas to being considered one of the greatest percussionists in the world. “One night, I was doing a drum solo at the Conch Shell Club in the Bahamas, when Sean Connery and his crew from ‘Thunderball’ walked in and ‘discovered me,’” Errisson told Growing Bolder. “They ended up writing a part for me in the movie, and everything just broke loose. You can never tell where success is going to come from.” Errisson said once he took that chance, the phone started ringing and never stopped. As a kid, he played whatever he could get his hands on — coffee cans, buckets or bottles. By his mid-20s, he was in the recording studio with legends like Smokey Robinson, The Temptations, Marvin Gaye, Diana Ross and The Four Tops. Berry Gordy called him the “unsung hero of Motown.” Errisson also toured with Neil Diamond for more than 40 years. “Always be ready for that opportunity when it knocks at your door. A lot of people had the opportunities I had but didn’t take the jump. And their life didn’t expand. Mine did because I wasn’t afraid to try. Once I left the nest behind and branched off into the world, nothing was going to stop me from my journey.”

Charlie Daniels

Julie Andrews

Charlie Daniels has created hits on the rock, country, pop and Christian charts. He's won virtually every music industry award and accolade in multiple genres. His signature hit, "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," is among the most celebrated songs in the history of American music.

Julie Andrews is one of the most beloved movie musical stars of all time. She’s best-remembered for classics, such as “Mary Poppins,” “The Sound of Music,” “Victor Victoria” and “The Princess Diaries.” When her famous voice was silenced after a failed surgery, many wondered what she would do next.

Despite his many accomplishments, he’s always striving to be better.

“I'm not singing these days, and I miss it very much,” she said. “I had an operation that unfortunately made it impossible for me to continue my career, but I've just found a different way of using my voice.”

“I have a group of players with me and every one of them is a better musician than me,” he said. “And every night when we get on stage, I just have to really scuffle to keep up with these guys. It’s good for me physically and it’s good for me mentally. It’s a great way to live.” Daniels still plays more than 100 cities every year, and he’s passionate about making a difference in the lives of others. He’s the founder of the The Journey Home Project, which supports U.S. military veterans. He says continuing to perform music and give back keeps him engaged and passionate about life. “There’s very little we can do about our bodies aging, other than taking care of them, which I do. I think you have to keep your mind occupied with something new, fresh and challenging all the time, which I do, too. I am here to tell anybody: Don’t give up on your dreams just because you turn a certain age.”

I N E V E RY I S S U E : G R O W I N G B O L D E R W I T H

She’s found a compelling way to combine her acting and musical talents to keep the art of storytelling alive through children’s books. Over the past 15 years, she’s collaborated with her daughter Emma Walton Hamilton on 32 books, including the “Very Fairy Princess” series for young children and their latest, “Home Work,” a memoir about Andrews’ years in Hollywood. After discovering her love of writing more than 40 years ago, Andrews says she now realizes writing is her life’s great passion; and it’s a learning curve that never stops. “I think one should always look for other opportunities to grow, because it's all about learning more and more about a craft you love doing.”

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Kay Van Norman

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

Deagreez / iStock / Getty Images Plus

BRING JOY TO THE PROCESS OF CHANGE

Chances are the desire for a more joyful life is at the core of most

resolutions. What if instead of setting overly high expectations for specific changes, (complete with a high probability of failure), we consider how a focus on joy might help us reach desired goals? Taking time to consider what we are grateful for, what we appreciate about ourselves and what we’d like to experience in life can support the process of change. B E H AV I O R - C H A N G E R E S E A R C H D E S C R I B E S A R EC O G N I Z A B L E F I V E - S TAG E PAT T E R N TO C H A N G I N G

If you made New Year’s resolutions, was one of them to experience more joy?

A B E H AV I O R , I N C LU D I N G ;

1. Pre-contemplation (not even thinking about changing a behavior). 2. Contemplation (“I probably should change this behavior”). 3. Preparation (“I’m gathering information about making the change”). 4. Action (“I’m taking steps to change”). 5. Maintenance (“I’ve changed the behavior for the better”). Two of these stages — contemplation and preparation — largely feed the multi-billion-dollar infomercial industry hawking nutritional supplements, fitness equipment and so-called miracle, instant-lifeenhancers as people dance between these two stages but find themselves unable to move into sustained action.

Plans and Positive Health Habits

Why is it so difficult to move into action and maintenance, especially when trying to adopt a new healthy habit, even when we have the desire? Changing attitudes and expectations around aging and wellness is a critical first step — so is creating a vitality plan and making regular vitality deposits. But I think something else is working under the surface to derail positive change.

Goals Versus ‘Shoulds’

Often when we have a goal in mind — get stronger, lose 15 pounds, get more organized, clear out clutter — it becomes a chore on our long list of “shoulds.” My friend, Chris, often says, “Stop ‘shoulding’ all over yourself.” It always brings a laugh, but it also merits some thought. When a goal sits in the “should” category, there’s little chance you’ll feel committed to the steps necessary to accomplish that goal. In fact, it’s more likely to become demoralizing rather than motivating. For example, many people are in a perpetual state of “I should lose 15 pounds.” Have you ever heard the phrase, “You wouldn’t weigh as much if you got off your own back?” That’s another one of Chris’ favorite sayings! I’m not advocating for giving up on self-improvement; but when self-improvement is so continuously difficult to accomplish that it mocks you at every turn, then perhaps it’s time to step back and look at your persistent list of “shoulds.”

F E AT U R E

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Free Writing for Insights

Consider writing each “should” at the top of a page — a separate page for each one. Then free write down why this item is on your list. (Free writing is the process of writing without stopping and without regard to the usual rules of writing.) Don’t spend time crafting the reasons. Instead, just write words and phrases that relate to why this item is on your list. Next, free write about why you think it’s been so difficult to accomplish this particular goal. When you made attempts to achieve this goal, how long did the effort usually last? What stopped you in the past? What stopped you from just erasing it from your list? Again, this isn’t an essay so don’t try to make it pretty. Just write words and phrases that reveal motivations for this goal and barriers to making it happen. N OW F R E E W R I T E A B O U T:

1. How you would feel and what would change in your life if you accomplished this goal? 2. How you would feel and what would change in your life if you didn’t accomplish this goal? 3. How you would feel and what would change in your life if you simply erased it from your list completely? This process can help you identify what things on your persistent selfimprovement list are actually goals that you want to pursue and which ones simply landed there by default as a “should.”

A Deliberate Shift

Consider whittling down your list to things that truly matter. Look at your free writing for clues and pay close attention to how you feel about a particular goal and specific actions that would take you towards that goal. Does it feel like a chore? Do the actions feel forced? Change is often uncomfortable and certainly more difficult than just staying the same, so look for ways to bring joy to the process. Without a sense of joy and opportunities for fun along the path, goals can stall permanently. So, consider engaging a friend or family member to work together towards a goal, and figure out ways to turn the desired actions into a game. For example, I made a pact with a friend who lives two states away to “virtually walk” toward each other. We picked a route and a place to meet in the middle, decided how many minutes of physical activity equaled how many miles of “walking” and then we agreed to text each other daily to share our progress. It was fun to connect regularly (even if to say “I ran into the ditch today – will do better tomorrow”). And it was motivating, because both of us wanted to do our part to meet in the middle.

Position of Strength

Finally, take time to celebrate the things you love about yourself, right now — today — so you can start any type of change from a position of strength. Plan for joy and fun as you take small steps toward your goals. Life is far too short, and joy far too important, to squander on “shoulds.”

Visit the Ignite Personal Vitality and Articles & Resources tabs at kayvannorman.com to download the Vitality Portfolio® Starter Toolkit and other free resources to support positive lifestyle changes.

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

Plan for joy and fun as you take small steps toward your goals.

EMBODY JOY TO HELP CULTIVATE IT FOR CHANGE Bringing joy to the process of change can make it more enjoyable for yourself and others. But what exactly does joy mean to you? Take a few minutes to close your eyes, breath deeply and reflect on the joy in your life. Think about what has brought you joy at different stages of life, with others and by yourself.

1. Does gratitude for specific things in your life help you feel joy?

4. How can you actively cultivate more joy in your life based on your reflections?

2. Can you physically feel joy in your body when you recall a joyful memory? If so, where in your body do you feel it?

5. In what ways can you bring that sense of joy to pursuing your goals?

3. What do your most joyful memories have in common?

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CHANGING LIVES AND TRANSFORMING COMMUNITIES Phil Madsen owns Anytime Fitness in Port Orange, Florida. His goal is to change the culture of aging in his gym and his community and says "Growing Bolder, Defy the Cult of Youth" is helping make that happen. ”When I read the book it literally took my breath my away,” he says. "My staff did a study of the book and we held meetings to discuss it. We practiced and rehearsed the many good ideas so that we can better communicate with our members, and that's made a big, big difference. Our training program increased dramatically once we learned how to speak the language of Growing Bolder. The mindset that's communicated in the book is something that's beyond the gym. It goes to the very depths of our souls. Growing Bolder is a philosophy that works. It changes people's lives. We can all live a longer, healthier and happier life by embracing the Growing Bolder philosophy.” Anxious to share the message beyond the gym, Madsen has now started a community-wide Growing Bolder Book Club. “We see people making wonderful progress at the gym, but we don't have room for everybody in the county. The more people develop this Growing Bolder mindset, the more likely they're going to find their own way to make their own progress.”

Fight back against the ageist stereotypes from Hollywood and Madison Avenue. Growing Bolder inspires readers of all ages to believe that it's never too late to pursue your passions. Marc Middleton shares how to make the rest of your life the best of your life.

Growing Bolder: Defy the Cult of Youth, Live With Passion and Purpose Available now on Amazon.com 30

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“HARD WORK IS GOOD FOR YOU, SO DON’T SIT DOWN ON YOUR BUTT. KEEP MOVING. I’M GONNA KEEP ON DOING WHAT I’M DOING AND LIVE EVERY DAY AS IF IT WERE THE LAST.” HELEN RUTH ELAM, 91 AKA BADDIE WINKLE

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TRANSLATING TECH Finding love in the Age of Longevity Emily Thompson

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

Love looks differently in our era of increased longevity and active aging. Many people, who married early in life, find themselves back on the market after divorce or the death of a spouse. Others who didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel at liberty to openly explore same-sex relationships, because of cultural taboos, finally may feel empowered to live their truth. While marriage is the goal for some, others want something more casual. Commitment, without the legal entanglements of marriage, may be preferable for others. There are online dating platforms for active adults that cater to all kinds of connections. Safety is a primary concern for anyone meeting strangers online, and most platforms that cater to a 55+ audience take extra precautions. Here are a few of the platforms that aim to serve the unique needs of active adults looking for love or companionship.

eHarmony

Elite Singles

Match

Silver Singles

eHarmony is designed for those looking for a serious commitment and marriage. Every user is required to fill out a lengthy personality and values questionnaire. Afterward, eharmony will provide you with matches with the highest chances of compatibility and long term success. It’s one of the more expensive options at $54.95 for one month or a monthly rate of $18.95 for 12 months. eHarmony was founded in 2000, has a satisfaction guarantee and was responsible for 4% of all marriages in the United States in 2013.

Match is the original online dating site, founded in 1995. They have the highest number of monthly users, at 35 million. Users create a profile, which pops up in other users’ feeds. There is no extensive personality test, and Match sends five suggested matches per day. Users are free to browse all profiles. The most popular time to join is between Dec. 26 and Feb. 14, as people look for love before Valentine’s Day, causing registrations to spike 42% during that period. Users pay a monthly rate of $23.99 for three months or $19.99 a month for a year.

For people who know exactly what they’re seeking, Elite Singles may be a fit. The site caters to professionals looking for someone with similar interests. Most users are college graduates, with 67% holding a bachelor’s degree or higher. Users take an extensive personality test, and the site’s algorithm creates matches, allowing both parties to see their own results and the results of the people with whom they match. Elite Singles uses a fraud detection system to manually verify profiles. This is to help ensure that people are who they say they are and to prevent scams. Fees are on the higher side at $62.95 a month for three months or $31.95 a month for a year.

This sister site to Elite Singles is designed especially for people 60+, meaning most users have been previously married. It uses the same personality profile as Elite Singles, measuring users on five personality traits — openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. It also encourages users to be as specific as those of Elite Singles, but it’s tailored to older adults. The site sends users five matches per day, and you can’t search through a pool of people. This forces users to seriously consider the people with whom they are matched based on the personality test instead of photos and first-person bios. Safety is a primary feature, allowing users to block or report any suspicious or unwanted behavior. Three months are $57.95 a month, and one year is $31.95 a month.

S A F E T Y I S A P R I M A RY C O N C E R N FO R A N YO N E MEETING STRANGERS ONLINE , AND MOST P L AT FO R M S T H AT C AT E R TO A 5 5 + AU D I E N C E TA K E E X T R A P R EC AU T I O N S .

Illustrations: Alina Kvaratskhelia / iStock / Getty Images Plus

I N E V E RY I S S U E : T R A N S L AT I N G T EC H

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Going vegan-ish is easier than you may think

Jackie Carlin

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

Angela Weiss / Stringer

QUESTIONS WITH

For starters, can you tell us how you define vegan? And what do you mean by “veganish?” To be vegan means you avoid all animal products. Not only are you avoiding meat and fish but also milk, cheese, butter and eggs. When I first heard that I was like, “Oh, my gosh, there’s no way I could do that!” And that’s why I really like the term “veganish,” because you don’t have to be 100%. You can be someone who’s interested in moving away from eating animals, but you’re not committed to giving up your favorite cheese fries or the occasional burger. You can lean toward a primarily plant-based diet.

What do you think is the biggest misconception people have about adopting a vegan diet? What keeps us from taking that step? It sounds so hard and restrictive. If you’re anything like me, you grew up eating chicken, barbecue ribs, burgers and steaks. The idea of giving up all those comfortable, familiar foods is really scary. When I first dipped my toe into this idea, I thought I would just try some new recipes. I would order a little differently at restaurants and try more ethnic cuisines, such as Thai and Mexican, both of which feature a lot of plant-based foods like beans, tofu, rice and vegetables. Then you realize it’s not that hard. If you start crowding out animal foods instead of cutting them out, then you have a better experience. It’s more of an adventure. I’m a big believer in doing it gradually, hence the “-ish” on “The Book of VeganISH.” I’m all about the “-ish!”

We hear about veganism almost daily. Doctors and longevity experts all extol the many benefits of a plant-based diet. What’s the primary motivation driving people to veganism? Is it overall health? A fear of diseases like cancer? A concern for animals? You hit on two really important things, and research shows that they’re equally important. Probably half the people are interested because of health. They’ve been told by their doctors that they need to reduce their cholesterol and lose weight or else they’ll have issues with Type 2 diabetes. The other half is aware that animal cruelty exists in a big way in slaughterhouses and factory farms, and they want to avoid eating too much meat for that reason.

I N E V E RY I S S U E : 5 Q U E S T I O N S

And are others considering a vegan diet out of concern for the environment? Absolutely. That is an issue that no one was really aware of for a long time. Even environmental organizations weren’t speaking about it. About 10 years ago, the United Nations did a study called “Livestock’s Long Shadow.” The report cited issues such as water pollution from factory farm runoff and water scarcity from supplying water to animals on factory farms. It also highlighted our new monoculture, which means we’re experiencing a loss of biodiversity because of all the corn and soy that’s grown for animals. For all those reasons, environmental organizations are taking notice of animal agriculture now. I think the younger generation, in particular, is saying “You know what, we need to cut back on meat for the environment, for the animals and for our own health.”

We all know we should adopt healthier eating habits like this, but getting started is always the hard part. What happened in your life that made you do it, and how tough was the transition? I was writing books on meditation and how to be more aware in relationships, and one day I realized what a hypocrite I was. I was advising people to be more awake and aware, and yet I never paused to consider where my food comes from. The reason is because it’s hard to look at. You really don’t want to know where that hot dog came from. And you really don’t want to know what it does to your body, because it’s so damn enjoyable! Plus, I’m a big animal lover. I love my dogs, and dogs are no different than chickens or lambs or cows or any other animal. If I wouldn’t want my dogs to go through that horrific process, then I probably should move away from eating chicken and beef. It's connecting the dots that had to happen for me to make the change.

Kathy Freston is a health-and-wellness expert and the “New York Times” best-selling author of “The Lean,” “The Book of VeganISH” and “Quantum Wellness.” Her writing has appeared in “Vanity Fair,” “Self” and “Harper’s Bazaar;” and she’s a regular contributor to the “Huffington Post.” She’s also a favorite guest on national TV shows such as “Oprah,” “Good Morning, America” and “Ellen.” In fact, Ellen DeGeneres, who famously became a vegan several years ago, calls Freston her “vegan health guru.” Freston says she wants to help demystify veganism for the “vegan curious.” In “The Book of Veganish: The Ultimate Guide to Easing into a Plant-Based, CrueltyFree, Awesomely Delicious Way to Eat with 70 Easy Recipes Anyone Can Make,” she offers a simple, transitional plan for going vegan.

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Education Programs to Motivate Your Healthiest Self The Center for Health & Wellbeing is an 80,000-square foot, state-of-the-art facility located in the heart of Winter Park, Florida. From personalized fitness plans and picturesque walking trails and gardens to the leading physicians and medical services, there is plenty to inspire and motivate you to becoming your healthiest. We host nationally recognized experts, stimulating speakers and group meetings centered around the Seven Dimensions of Wellbeing. Our programs educate and inspire our community on all things health and wellbeing, covering topics like: • • • •

Health & Wellness Seminars Cooking Tips for a Healthier You Hobby-Focused Programs like Dance, Art and Pottery And Many More

To learn more and to register for all Center programs, please visit YourHealthandWellbeing.org/events or call 407-644-CHWB. The Center for Health & Wellbeing is a partnership between the Winter Park Health Foundation and AdventHealth.

FE ARLE SS CREATIVITY Be willing to be bad in order to have fun and get good Laura Savini Courtesy of Melanie Soloway

For many, our artistic endeavors were put on ice once we left our teens. It’s time to rediscover our artistic side. Life coach and lawyer, Melanie Soloway, 54, suggests the first step to reigniting our artistic potential is “to stop listening to the voices of others. What is your soul’s song?” Soloway says it’s easier to be creative as we age, because we have life experience. She explains, “The messages and the power of our experiences are now clear and guide our creativity, making it more potent.” My mom, Corinda Savini, 84, attends art classes offered at her library. “I used to be worried about what others in the class would think,” Savini said, “but now I do art projects to enjoy and express myself.” I am creative but not artistic, per se. I enthusiastically take an art lesson, only to freeze nervously when the paint brush is millimeters from the paper. My recent endeavor was far from what the teacher expected, but she said my painting illustrated my journey, what I have learned and what I am learning still. Wow! I did it! Isn’t that what art is supposed to represent? Angela Manfredi greatly benefitted from the power of her newly discovered artistic endeavor. She took care of her parents in their last years, often watching “Dancing with the Stars” together for moments of happiness. Later,

searching for a connection to them, Manfredi, at 52, took up ballroom dancing. Neither musically inclined nor athletic, she learned you have to be “OK with being really bad before you become really good. You must be willing to be vulnerable as you develop your artistic side.” Manfredi won a competition just one week before she was diagnosed with melanoma and underwent a complicated surgery. “My recovery was much faster because I was emotionally and mentally ready to face this challenge,” Manfredi said. “My passion for dancing gave me that. And it helped accelerate my recovery, because I couldn’t wait to get back to dancing. You won’t be compelled to do something that you don’t have a natural passion for.” Manfredi says dancing for her is “pure joy.” “The win for me was that I found something I loved,” she said. “I bring my best self to the dance floor.” We don’t have to make it to “Dancing with the Stars” or take home a Grammy. As Soloway noted, “Play, let go. Stop doubting. Be humans doing, not just humans being.” Laura Savini became a TV producer at age 50. She produces the public TV music series ”The Kate.” She is also an on-air host. She works closely with her husband, composer Jimmy Webb, to share his music, words and stories with the world.

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When I was asked to teach a class at a local college 19 years ago, little did I suspect that it would change the trajectory of my life. As a freelance writer, community volunteer and full-time mother, I had my hands full. But my sons were teenagers, needing me less for entertainment and more for oversight. I had begun to wonder what my next iteration would be. And then it came to me — at the YMCA. An environmental studies professor from Rollins College, whom I had interviewed for an article about city planning, approached me as I huffed and puffed on the treadmill. Would I be interested in teaching an evening class that focused on environmental literature? He sweetened the offer by promising I could choose any author I wanted, including Florida writer Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings, a personal favorite. I recently had written a magazine article about Rawlings and her love of the natural world — her inspiration in good times and solace in hard ones.

Career Reinvention Entering academia at midlife as a new Ph.D. graduate Leslie Kemp Poole

I jumped at the chance; and in a few weeks, to my great surprise, I discovered that I loved teaching. The class was small, the students were eager learners and I led them through books and authors that I adored and would have talked about for hours even without pay. Some happily read more than required, finding inspiration in the writers. I fed off the students’ energy and enjoyed their perspectives and challenging questions. My mind was on fire. Maybe I was good at this. And maybe it was good for me. After four years as an adjunct professor, I felt a push from colleagues, and especially from my husband, to get my doctorate degree. It had been more than a decade since I had finished my master’s thesis, which I thought was the last of academia for me. Going back to school suddenly seemed like a goal I could achieve and one that I would enjoy. I began exploring programs at local universities. After lunch with a history professor at the University of Florida, during which it seemed we shared the same interests, I had found my college, my adviser and my focus for research: the role of women in Florida’s

environmental movement. In my first career, I had been a newspaper reporter, covering many stories about activists trying to save natural resources. One common thread I discovered was women were always the “doers” who propelled grassroots movements to create change. It was an area I wanted to explore, and my advisor encouraged me to do so. After studying for the GRE exams, I braved my way through the test, turned in my references and application and waited patiently. Then the acceptance letter came — at age 47, I was a college student. I couldn’t attend full time, so I took the slow route, driving two hours every week in white-knuckle traffic to Gainesville, Florida, taking a three-hour class and then heading home the same night. I was exhausted but exhilarated from spending hours talking with people who shared my passion for history. I was older than most of my classmates — and some of the professors, too — but in this setting, age didn’t seem to matter. Ideas, discussion and critical thinking did. If it’s possible, I think it made my brain younger, rousing long-dormant cells. My closest friends in the first few classes were in their 20s, closer to my sons’ ages. Yet, the students treated me as an equal; and we shared the angst of classwork, weird professors and essay deadlines. Unlike my undergraduate days, I was not afraid of my professors and sought them out for ideas and constructive criticism. I often offered them candid feedback that I doubt they got from younger students. My family gracefully absorbed the impact of my new path. My husband and youngest son, then in high school, took advantage of my traveling day by declaring it Sushi Night and watching “manly movies” until I arrived home. Our oldest son, then in college, and I shared the agony of writing long papers and meeting our teachers’ expectations. Weekend afternoons for me meant being chained to the computer; to the men, it meant unfettered television sports. I traveled around the state conducting research, which included interviewing women activists and environmental leaders, digging into archives and, more than once, carefully picking my way through old, dusty boxes. I found a wealth of information that supported my thesis; and after seven years — the last two at home intensively writing my dissertation — I finally finished. My thesis was 415 pages long, and I was 55 years old. It was the hardest project I’d ever taken on, requiring tenacity, patience, and four rounds of rewrites. But I was now “Dr. Poole.” What next?

While I continued to teach as an adjunct professor, I sent out resumes and applications for college jobs. While some of my friends warned that my age would work against me, others thought it might be in my favor. After some early job frustration, I turned my attention back to

F E AT U R E

my dissertation, rewriting and publishing it as a book for the general public. Then my college had an offer I couldn’t refuse — teaching as a visiting professor while a colleague was gone on sabbatical. During that year, a slot in the department opened up; and, after a lengthy search process, I got the full-time position of assistant professor. So, while my friends contemplate retirement and their golden years, I am now toiling to earn tenure. Some friends, seemingly bewildered by my leap into academia, have faded away and I miss them. But I am moving forward, enjoying my work colleagues as well as students who regularly knock at my door. In a paraphrase from a very bad movie, “I’m getting older, but the students are not. I may share more life experience with their grandparents, but I find real purpose and energy in working with them and offering advice to guide their way.” I find that the Ph.D. also enhances my value, whether deserved or not. I am often asked to speak, to contribute essays and to lend my name to community groups, due in part to my academic status. I’ve learned to say “yes” to opportunities I never would have imagined: a PBS documentary, a TEDx talk, a conference keynote speech and trips to new parts of the world. As I embrace my 60s, I have entered a realm I never could have envisioned. Who knew that this new chapter awaited? I can’t wait to see what the next page brings.

As I embrace my 60s, I have entered a realm I never could have envisioned. Who knew that this new chapter awaited? G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 9

QUALIFY FOR THE NATIONAL SENIOR GAMES TODAY! Experience over 23 miles of GOLDen coastline to enjoy, thousands of acres of Everglades to explore, countless attractions, shops, and restaurants. Greater Fort Lauderdale and Broward County is a destination that will work hand-in-hand with the National Senior Games to create an atmosphere that feels welcoming and familiar to all of the attendees when they visit South Florida! Greater Fort Lauderdale and Broward County will offer The 2021 National Senior Games presented by Humana attendees an opportunity to visit one of the most popular beach destinations in the country! Make sure to go to NSGA.com to find out how you can qualify in your state!

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

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In Greater Fort Lauderdale, we welcome everyone who shares our spirit of adventure. Discover a vibrant collection of cultures and activities, along with many ways to stay and play. Start planning at sunny.org

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The Art of the Growing Bolder Comeback A Playbook for Active Longevity

Excerpt from “Growing Bolder: Defy the Cult of Youth, Live With Passion and Purpose,” by Marc Middleton.

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream. — C.S. Lewis We’ll all experience an endless series of setbacks as we grow older. We’ll arrive at countless intersections where our desires collide with our fears. Do we stretch, trying to move forward? Or do we withdraw, trying to avoid further exposure? These are critical and ultimately lifedefining moments that test our wills and our belief systems about what’s possible. Learning how to push through intersections and bounce back from setbacks is one of the most important life skills that we can acquire. Because comebacks, or at least the need for them, are part of the human condition. This is one of the most important goals of the Growing Bolder mission — to share what’s possible. It wasn’t long ago that, for an elderly person, a hip fracture was virtually a death sentence, with an 80% mortality rate. Patients were treated with a cast, traction and six months of bed rest. Total hip replacements with complete recovery are now commonplace, even for the elderly. Today, the mortality rate is less than 1% for patients under age 80 and only 5% for patients over age 90. I spoke at a caregiving conference about “The Power of Relatable Examples” and shared how Growing Bolder tries to smash destructive stereotypes and false narratives by showing what’s possible for ordinary people. After I spoke, a caregiver told me about her friend’s vibrant, energetic 90-year-old mother who had broken her hip. Despite their best efforts, she told me they had been unable to reignite her passion for life. “Honey,” the elderly woman had said, “no one comes back from a broken hip at my age.” Two months later she was gone. This is exactly why we need to produce and share the stories of 90-year-olds who do come back from hip replacements or spinal reconstructions or organ transplants. It’s difficult, if not impossible, for most of us to achieve something that we don’t truly believe is possible for ordinary people. All of us are in the middle of a comeback right now — some more challenging than others. We’re coming back from being fired or laid off, from a pulled muscle or a broken back. We’re coming back from a bad investment, a bad accident, a bad childhood or a bad relationship. We’re coming back from a 48-hour case of the flu or a yearlong battle with cancer. We’re coming back from a stroke, a heart attack or a devastating diagnosis.

We’re all in the ring, battling life’s never-ending challenges — and every challenge represents an opportunity to either make a comeback or to gradually become weaker before eventually giving up. Make no mistake about it: Life will continue to knock us down, and the “Machine,” the powerful forces in healthcare, government, the media and broader culture, will continue trying to count us out. The only question is this: Will we stand up and fight for all that life still has to offer, or will we accept defeat and stay down? How successful we are in bouncing back and moving forward has a cumulative effect on how quickly we age, how long we maintain our independence and, ultimately, the overall quality of our lives moving forward. I’ll grant you that it is far easier to buy into the popular and flawed belief that beyond a certain age it’s too late to stage a comeback, chart a new course, master a new skill, find new happiness or achieve new success. Comebacks can be difficult and frustrating. If you want to accept your current situation or the impact of your most recent setback, that’s your right. But understand that there will be another setback and then another and another. Understand that each setback will extract a toll on your overall wellbeing — and the quality of your life will be progressively diminished. At some point, if we live long enough, nearly all of us will lose the desire to keep fighting and we’ll eventually surrender. Not only is there nothing wrong with that, it’s an important and appropriate response. But if we don’t fully understand the benefits of continuing to mount comebacks for as long as possible, it becomes easy to rationalize giving up years before it’s necessary to do so. Therefore, the next question is: When is it too late to mount a Growing Bolder comeback? IS IT TOO LATE?

The question arrives in an infinite variety of ways: a glance in the mirror, a bittersweet memory, a comment from a friend or spouse, a few extra pounds on the scale or a few deep breaths at the top of the steps. Has the best part of life really passed? Is it too late to dream and achieve? Is it too late to connect with the passion and purpose that everyone possesses but most have buried in the past? The answer to this question is informed by decades of seeing older people portrayed as weak and frail. The

advertising line, “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” is designed to put fear into every older person. It discourages risk-taking and reinforces the demeaning and negative stereotyping so prevalent in our culture. Eventually, even walking to the mailbox becomes something to fear. What if I fall? What if I have a heart attack? For most of us, the list of “what ifs” continues to grow exponentially with each year ultimately keeping us on the couch, paralyzed with fear. As we age, our comfort zones typically become smaller and smaller. If you find comfort in the status quo, if you prefer what is to what might be, you should probably stop reading right now. Do you want to continue living under the Machine’s control, believing that it’s too late for you? Or do you want to see how deep the rabbit hole goes? Do you want the life-transforming truth about possibility and opportunity — fully understanding that you must work for it and that nothing is guaranteed?

Will we stand up and fight for all that life still has to offer, or will we accept defeat and stay down?

Growing Bolder: Defy the Cult of Youth, Live With Passion and Purpose Available now on amazon.com

Special Section: Book Excerpt 43

SLOW AND STEADY PROGRESS How Your Brain Responds to Change Roger Landry, M.D., M.P.H

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OK, you know that your lifestyle is the big player in how the next chapter of your life will turn out: how much you move, keep learning, stay connected and have meaning and purpose.

And you also know that you’re a little light in one or two of those areas. So, you’re going to put on the “Rocky” music and fix that — and fix it right now! Whoa there! Let’s first forget about the grand gesture. Forget about being able to brag about losing 57 pounds in two months, or running a marathon backward or learning Chinese by the end of the year. You should forget these ideas because the odds are heavily against you ever doing any of them. You know that. Your New Year’s resolutions have never made it much past February, right? Any attempted major change in lifestyle, from losing weight, or getting in shape or being kinder to everyone, has eluded you. And you’re beginning to think you’re a slacker or it’s just too late for you to make changes. Flash! You’re not much different from most of us, and it’s NEVER TOO LATE (or too early) to grow. So, if that’s true, then how are you going to make the changes that will help you to grow and be healthier well into your longevity?

HEAL

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Nice try but no cigar

I applaud any motivation to change — to keep growing, to be healthy. I even applaud the flashy, heavy lifting, burn-it-at-both-ends type of change. It’s commendable, although it’s most likely not sustainable. What I don’t applaud is the unwillingness to do the real work, to go the distance and to understand that any durable change takes time and comes in small increments. The reason for that is a complex brain mechanism. But basically, large change sparks a reaction in the amygdala part of the brain, setting off a fear response, which affects the body and stacks the deck against us making and sustaining change. Hence, our New Year’s resolutions are often debacles. So, what to do?

No Fear

Let your heart, your passion and your spirit be in charge, not a number.

Be the Tortoise. You know, the one who beats the hare to the finish line? The one who gets the job done by persistence, resilience, patience and small steps? The Japanese call this approach to change KAIZEN™, and it works. By making manageable, small-bite goals, there’s no fear response triggered, and you can steadily get closer to where you want to be. Achieving these small goals won’t be something you’ll be able to brag about, at least not in the short term; but it’s pretty much the only way to make a change that will last. If you want to lose weight, and you only eat broccoli, you’ll lose weight all right; but I’m sure broccoli will start looking like garbage before long, and you’ll be back to the chips. We usually begin to dread changes that require immediate major adjustments in our lives and look for any reason not to do it. Changes that we cannot sustain for long periods also won’t be incorporated into our lifestyle and will fall by the wayside, victims to a “I-don’t-have-thetime” mentality. Instead, ask yourself, “What’s the smallest thing I can do to work toward my big goal?” If the big goal is to lose 30 pounds, then the answer may be to take 100 more steps a day. That is the goal. When you’re doing that regularly, then make a new goal, such as adding more steps or eating only until you’re only 80 percent full. Be patient. Don’t be seduced by the need to be a hero — or a hare. This way you cannot fail. If you don’t make the next goal, just make it less of a giant step and reset your pace. Your brain and body will smile at you, and you will grow and change and have a new healthier lifestyle.

Never Act Your Age

Many of your friends and family may tell you that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. They may question why you should bother to change at this stage of life. Let your heart, your passion and your spirit be in charge, not a number. It’s never too late to make changes that will help you stay all you can be for as long as possible. Enjoy the ride! A friend of mine once told me that if you’re heading in one direction and you make a one-degree course correction, you will eventually end up in a place quite a ways away from where you would have been. No matter what your age, make the one-degree change that will improve your life. Live Long, Live Well!

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SLOW AND STEADY PROGRESS How Your Brain Responds to Change

It’s never too late to grow, learn and pursue goals. With life experience, we can look back on how we’ve changed for the better and consider what our own process of change looks like. We can remind ourselves that working toward goals can give us a sense of purpose, no matter how slow our progress. Take a few minutes to reflect on how you think about change and what goals you might like to pursue. Then answer the questions below to see how Dr. Landry’s advice applies to your own life.

1. Why does sustainable change take time and come in small increments?

4. Name a big goal you currently have. Now ask yourself, “What’s the smallest thing I can do to work toward my big goal?”

2. Describe a time in the past that you used persistence, resilience and patience to improve an area of your life or health.

5. How does it make you feel to imagine making very small, gradual changes over the next year to make progress toward your big goal? Does it give you more confidence about making long-term change?

3. The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for setting off a fear response to the thought of making a big change immediately. How can you circumvent this natural, biological reaction?

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Maskot / Maskot via Getty Images

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Blake Blakely Photography, BeTheMatch.org

GB Book Reviews “Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones” By James Clear Contrary to popular belief, less is more when it comes to making big changes. James Clear, an international expert on habit formation, distilled the best ideas from multiple scientific disciplines to create a practical guide for change. Learn to break bad habits, form good ones and embrace the power of tiny changes for the best results.

“American Dirt” by Jeanine Cummins

Lydia lives in Acapulco with her son and husband, a journalist. They share a comfortable life until a new customer changes everything. Javier buys two of Lydia’s favorite books, erudite selections for a new customer. It’s not until Lydia’s husband publishes a tell-all profile of the jefe of the cartel that has taken over their city that she realizes that Javier is not who she thought he was. After Javier realizes Lydia and her family know his identity, their lives will never be the same.

“You Look Like a Thing and I Love You: How Artificial Intelligence Works and Why It's Making the World a Weirder Place” by Janelle Shane

Artificial intelligence is now mainstream. We ask Alexa for the weather and ask Siri for directions. We ride to work in autonomous vehicles. Ever wonder what those learning robots are thinking? Scientist Janelle Shane, creator of the popular blog AI Weirdness, explores the often hilarious ways AI tries to act human. Shane explains how AI learns, fails and adapts, just like us. Well, almost like us.

“All Blood Runs Red: The Legendary Life of Eugene Bullard—Boxer, Pilot, Soldier, Spy” by Phil Keith, Tom Clavin

Eugene Bullard fled home at the age of 11 to escape the racial hostility of Georgia, ending up in Europe with new opportunities. There he became a world famous boxer before flying for France as a fighter pilot in WWI — becoming the first African American military pilot in history. Returning to Paris as a war hero was only the beginning of his adventures. The extraordinary life of Eugene Bullard is a chronicle of the twentieth century and a study in the power of courage and self-determination.

“Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale”

by Adam Minter Have you ever wondered where your donated clothing and household items end up? Reuse is a multibillion-dollar industry, where one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Journalist Adam Minter visits thrift stores in the U.S., flea markets in Asia, used-goods companies in Ghana and beyond. He looks at consumer culture and how to build a sustainable future through the stories of what we discard.

I N E V E RY I S S U E : B O O K R E V I E W S

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The Lasting Legacy of Wendy Chioji Marc Middleton

Growing Bolder recently lost a close friend, longtime colleague and constant inspiration. Wendy Chioji was an award-winning journalist who had the rare ability to connect with all viewers, readers and listeners irrespective of age, gender, race, religion, political persuasion, sexual preference or socio-economic standing. When it came to human connection, Wendy was a universal donor. She was a perfect match for everyone, a brilliant mass communicator who brought a never-ending supply of curiosity, intellect and compassion to every story she told. Wendy spent the majority of her career as a beloved news anchor for WESH-TV in Orlando, Florida. After 25 years reporting the news, the story that she began to tell most frequently, and the one that would ultimately have the greatest impact on others, was her own. In 2001, the week after competing in the Boston Marathon, Wendy was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer. She was 39. At a time when few media personalities shared details of private health battles, Wendy didn’t hesitate to broadcast her story. “I am blessed with a large media platform,” she told us. “I have the ability to reach tens of thousands of people every day. I’m obligated to use it for good. I want to shout, ‘I have cancer!’ because it’s something that nearly every family in America is dealing with or will deal with. The way we destigmatize something is to talk about it, so let’s talk.” For the next two years, Wendy fought a very public battle, sharing intimate details not only of her surgeries and treatment but also of her roller coaster of emotions. She emerged cancer-free, with a new appreciation for the value of every minute. Wendy was respected for her talent, but she was loved for what she did next. She walked away from the anchor desk at the peak of her career, leaving behind a glamorous, high-paying job and moved to Park City, Utah, to become a fitness coach, adventure racer, triathlete and advocate for cancer causes. “It is very much a Growing Bolder move,” she said. “A cancer diagnosis redefines how you look at life. You realize that maybe you have next year and maybe you don’t — so there is no waiting. There is only now. I’m going to live big and bold, taking chances and calculated risks while trying to make a difference in the lives of others.” DEFY

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Unfortunately, her battle wasn’t over. In 2013, an MRI revealed a small mass in her chest. A biopsy confirmed a rare and aggressive form of cancer called thymic carcinoma. Surgeons removed her thymus gland; and after radiation treatment and low-dose chemotherapy, her cancer was declared in remission. One year later it returned, and the diagnosis was now stage 4 metastatic thymic carcinoma. With no known treatment options, Wendy began participating in clinical trials hoping to contribute to research that she knew would likely never cure her but would advance the knowledge base and one day lead to the breakthrough for others that she hoped for herself. “I’m not a doctor or a researcher,” she said. “I don’t have the power to make myself better, but by participating in clinical trials I can help the overall effort to develop effective treatments and hopefully find a cure.“ Wendy never let her cancer steal her quality of life. She competed in the KONA Ironman World Championships, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro with fellow survivors and Mount Fuji with her father. She anchored Growing Bolder’s Emmy-nominated program “Surviving & Thriving” and worked as an on-air correspondent for Growing Bolder and Park City TV. She traveled with family and friends to Central and South America, Antarctica, Europe, Asia, Alaska, Hawaii and nearly everywhere in between. She gave speeches, wrote articles, raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for Livestrong and Pelotonia while working as a volunteer at the National Ability Center. She visited friends, went on yoga retreats and ate an enormous amount of pie. “You can’t let cancer steal your life,” she said. “You just can’t. It’s sad that it usually takes a crisis for people 52

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to realize that they only have one life. I do ‘regret checks’ every once in awhile, pausing to ask myself if there is something that I wish I had done or I wish I hadn’t done. I can honestly say that I have no regrets. I can’t think of anything specific that I have left to do. It’s kind of a brilliant feeling.” In our final interview with Wendy, she acknowledged her mortality and shared the message that had come to define her life. “I get frustrated when I see others not taking full advantage of good health, of resources, of free time and making their lives everything they can be. I would love to have that opportunity. I'd love to be able to count on 20 more years of traveling around the world, visiting many more countries and eating great food. I'm not going to have that. I know that. So, my advice is to take calculated risks. Say yes. Go out and do things. Try to be great every day because it might be your last day.” Ironically, the vast majority of those who loved Wendy never met her. They never chased a breaking story, rode a bike, climbed a mountain or skied with her. They never laughed or cried with her. They never polished off bottles of red wine at a book club, ate a slice of pie or a bowl of spicy tuna with her. They fell in love with her through her words. Wendy was a brilliant writer and shared her hopes, triumphs, fears and frustrations in her blog “Live Fearlessly.” Her talent was so sublime that it was easy not to fully appreciate it. She wrote with clarity and complexity. Her posts were filled with simple truths and profound wisdom. She wrote in a style that seemed to be stream of consciousness but couldn’t have been. It

was too perfectly formed, too clever, too deep. She offered hope, inspiration and tough love. She told us that we’re blowing it if we don’t fully realize the value of every breath. She delivered an unvarnished, hopeful, heartbreaking, and ultimately, optimistic vision of life. She was, as she had been throughout her career, 100% authentic and unapologetic. Wendy didn’t try to be, but she became a powerful brand. She was always on message. It was a message that she delivered in her blog, private conversations, public speeches, articles and videos that she wrote and produced for Growing Bolder and in articles and videos that were written and produced about her. Great poets, authors and orators have all labored to describe the precious nature of life. Wendy showed us the precious nature of life. She didn’t beat us over the head with the truth. She beat us over the head with her living the truth. She didn’t just have a personal mantra. She had three. And they weren’t simply words taped to the refrigerator door as a daily reminder. They were fully formed concepts tattooed onto her brain and absorbed by her soul. They were her North Star. They say our legacy is simply the stories they tell about us when we’re gone. We will all be telling inspiring stories about Wendy for the rest of our lives. We’ll tell stories that remind us that every breath is precious and that life is worth fighting for. We’ll tell stories about our many “Wendy moments” when we’re afraid or uncertain and we hear her voice whispering her three mantras: “Say yes. Live Fearlessly. DEFY!” Wendy Chioji was a tour de force who never ran out of energy, passion or love. She simply ran out of time. DEFY

Wendy Chioji lived each day with passion. Whether it was traveling around the world, competing in triathlons, hitting the ski slopes in her beloved Park City, Utah, or spending time with good friends, she said yes to new adventures and experiences, lived fearlessly and taught us all how to DEFY.

I can honestly say that I have no regrets. I can’t think of anything specific that I have left to do. It’s kind of a brilliant feeling.

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WINDOW TO THE HEART How an Eye Doctor Saved Her Life Bill Shafer

Kimberly Ward is a nurse. She takes care of others. It’s her passion and her career. She had no idea that others would soon need to take care of her. Only 42 years old, her heart was a ticking time bomb, and she was totally unaware of her condition. Her only symptom was migraines accompanied by a temporary loss of vision. Ward made an appointment to see her eye doctor who, after a complete examination, suggested that she might be having ministrokes, which could be symptomatic of cardiac issues. Ward was stunned. “That couldn’t be possible,” she recalled thinking. “So, hoping to wish it all away, in my mind I cursed at the opthamologist and told myself the whole thing was ridiculous.” Still, she kept hearing the voice of her eye doctor echoing in her mind. “I knew enough to know that denial wasn’t going to get me anywhere,” she said.

I think scars make you stronger by constantly being there to remind you to be appreciative of the things you’ve had to overcome in life. After a few sleepless days of wondering what she should do next, Ward made an appointment to see a cardiologist, who delivered a diagnosis that caught her completely off guard. Scans revealed a hole in her heart that

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her cardiologist believes had been there since birth. He told her that surgery would be necessary as soon as possible. “I went from thinking there must be some mistake to wondering if I was going to die,” she said. During surgery, doctors discovered a second hole and were able to repair both. Her recovery was quicker and less painful than she had feared. Ward said she sensed a change right away. There was a noticeable increase in her energy level. Ward wasn’t the only one who saw the improvement. “My husband, daughter and even my friends would comment that I had much more color in my face,” she said. “I guess since I had it all my life, I never knew how much it was affecting me.” Today, Ward is more physically active than ever and lives with a renewed appreciation for life. She is grateful to the eye doctor who alerted her to the possibility of impending disaster. “Looking back, my opthamologist saved my life,” she said. Now, all that’s left of her ordeal is a scar on her chest. “I don’t mind,” she said. “I think scars make you stronger by constantly being there to remind you to be appreciative of the things you’ve had to overcome in life.” Ward has made it her mission to share her story with as many people as possible. “I feel I can continue on my journey in life and hopefully make a difference with other people, by being there for them to help talk them through things,” she said. “Everybody has something. Everybody has challenges to deal with in life.”

DEFY

From cardiac patient to world powerlifting champion Doris Bloodsworth

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In her 60s, New York attorney Sharon Hernstadt was clearly facing growing health concerns, not the least of which was heart disease, triple bypass surgery and osteoporosis. As part of her recovery from the surgery, Hernstadt found herself in cardiac rehabilitation working with Vadim Vilensky, an exercise physiologist. When Vilensky opened his own fitness studio in Scarsdale, Hernstadt followed and began working out several times a week. She noticed Vilensky and several other men working out with free weights and asked to join them. As she grew stronger, Hernstadt started lifting a barbell. Then she saw a newspaper story about an older woman who set a state record in bench press and showed it to Vilensky.

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Hiroshi Watanabe / DigitalVision via Getty Images

HEART OF A CHAMPION

“He said, ‘You can do that,’” Hernstadt recalls her trainer saying. “It changed my life, because from then on, instead of going to just work out, I had a goal: to become strong enough to compete and be able to do the three lifts of powerlifting (squat, bench press and dead lift).” Today, Hernstadt, an 80-year-old grandmother of six, is a five-time world and national champion who has set records at the state and national level. She is on USA’s national team scheduled to compete in Pilsen, Czech Republic in May, 2020, at the IPF World Masters Bench Press Championships. Besides earning medals, Hernstadt says power lifting has improved her health. Doctors discontinued her osteoporosis medication after her bone density rose more than 10% from lifting weights. It was just one of many health benefits.

A case for ‘bulking up’

According to WebMD, strength training can help prevent bone loss and help build denser bones, especially in the spine and hips, areas affected most by osteoporosis in older women. Strong muscles also help men and women keep their balance and coordination, which is critical to preventing falls and fractures. An Australian study found that muscles release hormone-like chemicals, called myokines, that reduce the inflammation thought to contribute to heart disease, Type 2 diabetes and Alzheimer’s and that the chemicals “possibly work as tumor suppressants.” Dr. Arun Karlamangia, an associate professor at the Geffen School at the University of California, summarized his test results on the benefits of strength training this way: “The greater your muscle mass, the lower your risk of death.”

From patient to champion

At the 2019 USA Powerlifting Raw Nationals, Hernstadt was the clear crowd favorite. Over the rock music that blared, while competitors strained to lift heavy weights on five platforms, the audience cheered, “Sharon! Sharon!” as Hernstadt stepped up. She also has a fan base in her family. “One of my grandsons told his high school friends that his grandma lifted more weight than they did,” said the 4-foot, 10-inch Hernstadt, who has a personal best of bench pressing more than 110 pounds. Vilensky, her trainer, said that Hernstadt serves as a role model in his gym. Vilensky believes that many of the ailments of older adults, and even the premature need to go to a nursing home, are often due to loss of muscle tone. “You have to challenge your muscles to live a full life,” he said, and points to the fact that Hernstadt travels around the world without assistance. “When she first came to the gym, she was a cardiac patient who was scared,” he said. “Now she is strong and powerful and inspiring others.” Vilensky said when younger people complain in his gym, he tells them to stop whining and points to Hernstadt as a role model.

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Sharon Hernstadt is an 80-year-old grandmother of six, is a five-time world and national champion who has set records at the state and national level. She is on USA’s national team scheduled to compete in Pilsen, Czech Republic in May, 2020, at the IPF World Masters Bench Press Championships.

It’s never too late

Athletics was not something Hernstadt embraced in her youth. Although she skied, she said she usually found an excuse to skip gym in high school. Even her career as an attorney came later than for most. She earned her bachelor’s degree in comparative literature from Columbia University in 1969. It was after becoming an empty nester, many years later, that she took aptitude tests that showed she was well suited for a legal career. She graduated from New York Law School in 1980 and practiced general law for 24 years. Hernstadt also became a potter and master gardener. Today, family and training three days a week are a big focus in her life, along with encouraging others to take up strength training. “I tell others that it’s never too late. I tell them, ‘You can do it,’” Hernstadt said. “There aren’t many things you can do that would benefit you more. And, of course, that applies in spades to seniors.”

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PUTTING TOGETHER YOUR RETIREMENT PAYCHECK Making the Money Last as Long as You Do

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Jean Chatsky

The biggest financial fear women have is running out of money before we run out of time. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not unreasonable considering the fact that we live five years longer than men and still earn far less. But today we have tools, solutions, investments, and insurance policies that we can use to make this whole question of running out of money a nonissue. Then we can go back to worrying about more important things, like whether our go-to brand of chicken stock has added sugar and if Aruba or Antigua is better for winter break. Traditional pensions provided guaranteed income â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a lifetime paycheck of sorts. Those of you who work as teachers or in government, belong to a union, or have served in the military may still have this. With the exception of Social Security, which is a sort of pension but not one ever intended to cover our full cost of living, the rest of us are out of luck. So we have to stitch together a paycheck of our own. How?

FINANCE

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Be strategic about Social Security.

Consider annuities.

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It’s possible to claim your benefits as early as age 62, but for every year you delay claiming until age 70, your monthly benefit will grow another 8 percent a year, a guaranteed return that’s tough to beat anywhere else. The math here is a little complicated, but if you’re single, you have to live to age 80 for the bigger checks you’ll receive each month to make up for the years of smaller checks you missed. If you don’t think you’ll live until 80, you should claim sooner. Couples are more complicated and one of you may want to begin benefits sooner. I suggest paying a few bucks to run a Social Security calculator like the one at SocialSecuritySolutions.com or MaximizeMySocialSecurity. com, where a computer will tell you precisely the best claiming strategy for you.

Annuities have a bad reputation for being complicated (sometimes true) and laden with fees (they can be). But if you choose the right ones (the simpler, the better), they can be a good option for providing another income stream. I prefer fixed annuities — both immediate ones and deferred (also called longevity) ones. Buying a fixed immediate annuity is like buying a paycheck. You pay a premium now and receive a monthly payment for a set number of years or for life. A deferred or longevity annuity is similar except that you pay the premium now and don’t start the payments until some point in the future. That allows the annuity company to hold on to your money for a while and grow it, so deferred annuities are less expensive than immediate ones. In addition to the financial benefits of annuities, there’s a psychological component to purchasing one — the income is guaranteed. I’m a fan of making sure you have enough arriving each month in the form of paychecks from Social Security and annuities or other pensions to cover predictable fixed costs like housing, transportation, food, and healthcare. Think of it like sleep insurance. You may not have enough for fabulous extras, but you know you don’t have to worry about the basics at all.

Withdraw strategically.

PM Images / DigitalVision via Getty Images

For years, the standard advice for retirees has been to withdraw no more than 4 percent a year from your retirement stash. In real life, however, withdrawals have varied. Morningstar researcher David Blanchett has noted that retirement withdrawals — when graphed — resemble a smile. They’re heftier in the early or go-go years of retirement, when we travel a little more, spend more on entertainment and eating out, and finish up the mortgage or college payments. They tail off in the middle or slowgo years, as we stay home more and the kids are out of school and (hopefully) out of the house. And they pick up again in the later or nogo years as healthcare costs begin to add up. JPMorgan Chase research confirmed these findings and noted that retirees are surprisingly willing to roll with the punches of the

markets. When their portfolios are performing particularly well, they withdraw a little more. When the markets are down and their portfolios lagging, they withdraw a little less. It often works out to the difference between one and two vacations a year. But the 4 percent rule remains a good starting place (though if the markets are down in your early retirement years, consider taking a little less). Just as important as how much you withdraw is the order in which you make withdrawals. Earlier in the chapter we talked about how you have taxable, taxdeferred, and tax-free buckets. The standard advice has been to withdraw from the taxable accounts first and allow those assets that are growing without being taxed to continue to add up. But those tax-deferred assets are not allowed to grow forever. You’re allowed to start withdrawing from 401( k) s and IRAs at age 59 ½, but you must start withdrawing from them by age 70 ½ — and the size of your withdrawal is based upon your age and the balance in the account. By waiting, you may end up being forced to make bigger withdrawals at age 70 ½ and you may end up owing more taxes overall. I know. It sounds like it’s getting complicated. And it is — which is why as you’re transitioning to retirement, working with a financial advisor is a must in my book.

FINANCE

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Where life is better lived.

L A K E 64

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A LEGACY OF HEALTH Three generations of fitness Vonda Wright, M.D., M.S., F.A.O.A

The fact is women make more than 80% of all the healthcare and household decisions for themselves and everyone they touch, from their children to their co-workers, to their partners — and in the sandwich generation, their parents.

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Last Thursday was a big day for our family. It was our twins’ 25th birthday, my 11 year old’s first day of school, I had an office full of patients and my husband was playing a golf tournament he had been eagerly anticipating for months. It was also the day when my 79-year-old dad was bench pressing in the basement and began to have chest pain. He decided to take a nap and sleep it off until I got home, while I drove like the wind with my hospital’s emergency defibrillator. It sounds like a crazy day; and yet, for many of us it has elements of being a typical day — caring for and making decisions that impact not only myself but my parents and my children. The fact is women make more than 80% of all the healthcare and household decisions for themselves and everyone they touch, from their children to their co-workers, to their partners — and in the sandwich generation, their parents. We became a beautiful sandwich more than 11 years ago when I had our youngest child and my parents retired, sold their store and house and moved from the family home in Kansas to Pittsburgh, where I was an orthopedic surgeon. Having left home more than 20 years earlier, I was skeptical when my mother proclaimed that we would have dinner together every night now that we were together again. But she was right, and we have never looked back.

Living my parents’ legacy My parents always told me I could do anything I wanted; and with their support, their work ethic and a long and costly education, I am a surgeon, researcher, author and keynote speaker. I am thankful for all of this. I am more thankful, however, for the legacy of health they gave me and our children. Research shows that the health habits of grandparents impact generations within a family, not only because of the genes they pass on, but most importantly because of the health lifestyles, beliefs and actions they model. This is true for their own children but also for their children’s children. Often when I’m speaking, I joke with the audience that my mom is glad that I can no longer blame her for my health because more than 70% of my health is due to lifestyle choices I make everyday. We have come to understand, however, that while only 30% of our health is due to the genes we inherit, we can directly impact how those genes behave by the way we behave. My health is connected to what I inherited and learned from my parents. But the legacy of health they impart is also continuing in our daughter as she watches my father run, lift weights and talk about healthy eating. She also joins my mother for her daily swim and witnessed her grandmother’s first sports injury — a sprained ankle that happened in her 70s while in Zumba class. The legacy of health my parents passed on to me, and now on to my daughter, connects us in body, mind and spirit. Their legacy changed our family’s health trajectory. My grandfather did not purposefully make healthy choices, which truncated his longevity. This is a lesson to me and to all that no matter where we find our state of health, we can pivot, as my father did, to build a better future for our children.

Leaving a legacy of health As an eldest daughter, wife, mother and surgeon, I am constantly aware of the choices I make for my entire family and of the impact I will have on my children’s children. I am encouraged that our youngest child, who loves pizza and cake as much as the next sixth-grader and who always ate veggies off our plates as a baby, values mobility and sports, knows the negatives of too much sugar, drinks mostly water and can verbalize the value of sleep and restoration — even when she would rather stay on her phone all night. I’m thankful for the legacy my husband brings to our blended family because our five older children also were athletes. And to this day, they choose to make up games and make smart nutrition choices when we are together. This bodes well for the health of the grandchildren we see in the future. All of my family stories reinforce in me the knowledge that we are all connected by our health. Our minds, bodies and spirits are influenced by those closest to us; and for those like me, sandwiched between parents and children, we are a powerful force in the health of ourselves and everyone we touch.

M OV E

Dr. Vonda Wright is an orthopedic surgeon and internationally recognized authority on active aging and mobility. She specializes in sports medicine and currently serves as the inaugural Chief of Sports Medicine at the Northside Hospital Orthopedic Institute in Atlanta. She is author of five books on active aging available at www.drvondawright.com.

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DO I HAVE WHAT IT TAKES AT 60? Asking the risk-takers Ellen Barry

Daniel Grizelj/ DigitalVision via Getty Images

When some of us listen to the NPR series, “How I Built This," we daydream that we, too, could build the next great thing. We hear stories of successful entrepreneurs and their strokes of luck, coincidence and hard work; and suddenly, we are in the midst of our own reverie around building a business or opening a firm. In reality, there are not that many of us, especially in our 50s and 60s, who can take the leap to start that firm or build that business. However, over the past six months, I started thinking that maybe I could actually be one of those risk-takers. Then I said to myself: “But you’re 60 years old. Can you really do that at this point? Do I have what it takes to jump without a net?”

DEFY

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For years I worked for “the Man,” “the Woman,” the small company, the nonprofit, the private firm, the public conglomerate. As a corporate and crisis communications expert, I provided advice on oil spills, drug crises, proxy fights, mergers and acquisitions, as well as IRS and Securities and Exchange Commission investigations. I managed teams that were down the hall and across the ocean. We pulled all-nighters and sat in makeshift war rooms awash with bad food, old coffee and muted polycoms, as conference calls felt never-ending. I enjoyed the camaraderie and teamwork. Now, I wondered if I could really work just for myself.

Then I said to myself: “But you’re 60 years old. Can you really do that at this point? Do I have what it takes to jump without a net?” 70

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When trying something new, my usual M.O. was to wing it — just try it out and see if maybe it works. (That’s how I lived in 18 apartments in New York City and moved 32 times in 35 years.) This new pursuit seemed to require a more studied approach, so I added some discipline — for a change — to help weigh the pros and cons. I had previously toyed with the idea of starting my own firm. Once, I even wrote what I thought was a business plan. But when I shared it with my brother, a turnaround specialist, he had just one comment: “There’s nothing in here about how you are going to get clients.” Oh, yeah, that. His comment was in my mind as I started asking people how they built their firms, acquired clients, kept them and gained new clients. Instead of just buying people coffee and chatting with them casually, I constructed a set of question-and-answers to guide my discussions. These required me to ask tough questions and to let the respondents reflect on why and how they made decisions. Many of them wanted to launch immediately into advice or ask me about my motivations, but I did my best to keep the conversations focused on their paths and their decisions. I started the process of interviewing these risk-takers with the hope of finding common themes, similar traits and maybe even that one magic element that they all shared. I have been talking to people who live across the United States who range in age from 34 to 63. With few exceptions, I focused on communications professionals who are experts in the fields of marketing, branding, lobbying, writing, editing, media relations, strategic consulting and political campaigns. A few of the subjects provided technology or programming support to organizations; but for the most part, they are communications experts. One thing they all shared is that they left full-time jobs to try careers on their own. Over the course of my interviews, I looked to see what they learned and to figure out if I have what it takes to make the leap. Their observations and war stories are just one of the tools that I am using to find my own path at this stage in my career. At first blush, three common themes emerged. As I move forward in my exploration, I will share more of what I have learned and also bring you along on my journey of exploration and incorporation.

Lessons Learned YOU WILL GET CLIENTS FROM THE MOST UNLIKELY PLACES.

Many of my subjects noted that the people they believed would be the best referral sources suddenly ghosted them — unexpectedly cutting off communication. Some who were interviewed thought the ghosting was due to fear of competition. Others attributed the contacts’ reaction to a lack of belief in the sources’ ability to get and hold onto clients (something I have heard a number of times). Still others said that their contacts just “disappeared into thin air.” On the flip side, many of the subjects said that random acquaintances and people with whom they worked years ago reappeared with opportunities and were supportive.

LESSON 1:

Contact everyone you know and let them know you are in the market.

FIND AN ANCHOR CLIENT.

This seems obvious. It's also essential. Many of my subjects left a large organization and negotiated a way to keep that former employer as a client. The familiarity with the team and the story made it a smooth transition. Others were able to bring clients from a prior agency. And others just cast a wide net and found that first client who allowed them to make the leap.

LESSON 2:

Having one client allows you to find your next. It builds confidence and shows seriousness and a track record.

JUST TAKE THE RISK.

This is the advice that strikes me as the most fun — and the scariest. The women I interviewed said fear was their biggest obstacle: fear of failure, fear of economic insecurity and fear of not being good enough. However, once they hung their shingle and started their business, the fear subsided. No one has said that the fear goes away.

LESSON 3:

Face the fear and embrace the opportunity.

I am now much more optimistic about putting this advice to use as I determine whether or not to set up my own business. There are many more lessons to be learned and shared. The one thing that I have not heard from anyone else is that I am too old. Let the adventure begin!

DEFY

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MAKE 2020 YOUR BEST YEAR YET!

For a limited time only, we’re offering our Growing Bolder Magazine readers FREE oneyear access to the new Growing Bolder Portal. “The Portal”, is an exclusive site for Growing Bolder Members designed to not only inspire you to live a life of passion and purpose but also to provide the tools and resources to turn that inspiration into action. It’s a portal to personal transformation, to health and wellbeing, to information and inspiration.

FREE one-year access! Just visit GrowingBolder.com/portal, click on the Become a Member button and when prompted during the registration process, use the Portal access code GBNEWYEAR

Join us in the Growing Bolder Portal and start the new decade with purpose, passion and intention. Happy New Year!

CO-MINDFULNESS

Co-mindfulness is about bringing our attention, integrity and compassion to our relationships and into our communities to nurture more love in our life and to thrive. Co-mindfulness recognizes that our individual growth only becomes meaningful in how it lifts up the lives of others. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s about the healing, happiness and sense of fulfillment that we can experience when practicing mindfulness together.

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THE COMINDFULNESS PROJECT Practice compassion to increase happiness for yourself and others Doro Bush Koch and Tricia Reilly Koch

THE STORY BEHIND THE CO-MINDFULNESS PROJECT

Niccoló Pontigia / EyeEm via Getty Images

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This year, we started working on a book that will feature interviews about the different ways to practice mindfulness — spending time in nature, listening to music, engaging in a creative project. The aim of the book is to help people, who might not be drawn to meditation, find ways to practice mindfulness that appeal to them to increase their happiness and sense of wellbeing. For the book, we had the great privilege of interviewing His Holiness the Dalai Lama. When we asked him what was the best way to practice mindfulness, to our surprise, his answer was not meditation but compassion. The Dalai Lama’s answer had us wondering if the mindfulness movement might be putting too much emphasis on our individual happiness and wellbeing and not enough on the wellbeing and happiness of others. During this time, we also met Amma, who is known throughout the world as the hugging saint. We were deeply moved by Amma’s life of service and her message and example of unconditional love. And we definitely recommend her hugs. What we noticed about these two great spiritual teachers was that their love and compassion for others seemed to give them an awful lot of joy. Was this the real secret of mindfulness and how to achieve happiness and a sense of wellbeing — focusing our attention and love a little less on ourselves and more on others? As the Dalai Lama has so famously said, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” Practicing compassion, as it turns out, is one of the best ways to invest in our own happiness. And so, we started asking ourselves: How can we practice mindfulness with others to cultivate more love and compassion? That question led us to the concept of co-mindfulness, which we define as bringing our attention, integrity and compassion to our relationships to nurture more love in our lives and to thrive. G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 9

1 DEEP LISTENING.

Deep listening is about making ourselves fully available to another person. When we listen deeply, we listen to the person’s emotions as well as their words. Instead of responding with our own story or thoughts to what the person is telling us, we ask questions that draw the person out to forge a deeper understanding and intimacy. The more we practice deep listening with the people in our lives, the more we show them our understanding and love, the more we will be loved and understood in return.

2 PAYING CLOSE ATTENTION.

Mindfulness is about bringing our full attention to the present moment. In co-mindfulness, we bring our full attention to another person. We pay attention to the person’s body language, tone of voice, what they’re not saying. We also pay attention to our own thoughts and feelings as we engage with the person. When we pay close attention, we are essentially in meditation with another person, observing with compassion what comes up for them as well as for us.

3 LEADING WITH CURIOSITY NOT JUDGMENT.

In co-mindfulness, we reject our automatic default mode with people. Instead, we stay open and curious to everyone with whom we come into contact, even the people we know well. By leading with curiosity instead of with judgment, our relationships become creative spaces where we can be taken by surprise, learn about ourselves and others, explore new levels of intimacy and be inspired to grow.

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THE 10 PRINCIPLES OF CO-MINDFULNESS:

4 LETTING GO OF EXPECTATIONS.

Often, what harms our relationships most are the expectations we have of people. And yet, mindfulness is at the heart of accepting what is, which includes accepting the people in our lives for who they are. In co-mindfulness, we strive to love the people in our lives for who they are all the while gently helping them be the best that they can be. Our expectations won’t change people, but our love might.

5 COMMITTING TO THE TRUTH.

A mindful relationship is committed to the truth, even when the truth might be uncomfortable for us. Don’t ignore difficult emotions you might be having with someone. Find a kind way to express, in the moment, how the person’s actions are making you feel. And remember, the truth goes both ways. Be prepared to listen, with patience and kindness, to the person’s experience of your actions.

INVITING CRITICISM.

None of us is perfect. While this shouldn’t be an excuse for bad behavior, it’s important to acknowledge that we all make mistakes. Our relationships offer us the best opportunity to learn from our mistakes and grow. So, be proactive and invite the criticism by asking, “Have I said something to hurt or offend you?” The worst that can happen is the person says yes. The best that can happen is you learn from the experience and grow closer.

CONNECT

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BREATHING TO AVOID REACTING.

CIRCLING BACK TO COMPASSION.

Just like we use our breath when meditating to focus our minds, we can use our breath to regulate our anxiety and other difficult emotions to be in the present moment with another person. You’re walking into a big meeting, stop for a moment and breathe. Your child is on the attack and pushing all your buttons, breathe. Let your breath keep you centered and prevent you from reacting without thinking.

We make a huge mistake when we treat our relationships as a means to an end. In co-mindfulness, our compassion drives our relationships, not our self-interest. Instead of asking ourselves, “What am I getting from this person?” we ask ourselves, “What can I give this person? What does this person need?” We do this from a place of strength, knowing that the more care and compassion we show others, the happier and more confident we become.

MAINTAINING OUR INTEGRITY.

CONNECTING WITH LOVE.

Co-mindfulness is a deeply giving practice. However, at no point does giving generously of ourselves involve compromising our integrity or core values. If someone is mistreating you or acting in ways that don’t align with your core values, it’s important to speak up. If the person still fails to meet you, then it might be time to walk away. Remaining true to who you are is key to a mindful relationship.

We wait for the day when love will sweep us off our feet. But we do love and ourselves a great disservice when we limit love to a romantic experience between two people. Love isn’t something that happens to us, it’s a choice. We don’t wait for love, we give love. Love isn’t limited to two people or even a small group of people. In co-mindfulness, we recognize love as a powerful force for change in our world and consciously choose to create sparks of love with every person we meet.

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BBR CONSULTING

BBR Consulting’s co-founders have been students of mindfulness for over 25 years. Fifteen years ago, they launched Bright, Bold & Real Consulting with the simple mission of sharing with people how best to take care of themselves through mind, body and spirit. As part of that mission, they created an annual Achieving Optimal Health Conference, which is in its ninth year. They also created the podcast, HEALTHGIG, in which they interview inspirational people about their personal journeys to health and wellness. In the company’s Co-Mindfulness Project, people put co-mindfulness principles into practice with a relationship in their life that they would like to improve. Readers can join by simply signing up on the company’s website (www.bbrconsulting.us). Results from the project will be included in a forthcoming book about co-mindfulness. HARVARD STUDY ON LONGEVITY AND JOY

A 75-year old study by Harvard University recently revealed that the key to a long and happy life is not money, success or fame. It is good relationships. Having people in your life on whom you can rely helps your nervous system relax, helps your brain stay healthier and reduces emotional and physical pain. How many relationships you have is not what matters. What matters is the quality of those relationships.

DORO BUSH KOCH Doro Bush Koch is co-founder of BB&R Wellness Consulting. She has managed the demands of being the daughter and sister of two U.S. presidents by practicing mindfulness. It has had such a positive impact on Bush’s life that she has spent the last two decades sharing the power of this ancient practice with others through her meditation CDs and at wellness conferences.

TRICIA REILLY KOCH Tricia Reilly Koch is co-founder of BB&R Wellness Consulting. She was introduced to the world of holistic health and meditation through her maternal grandmother. Driven by a lifelong passion to understand the mind-body connection, she is a certified holistic health coach, a student of ayurvedic living and a wellness entrepreneur.

WHY JOIN THE BBR CO-MINDFULNESS PROJECT?

We need to pay more attention to our relationships and increase the love and connection we have with people for our happiness and wellbeing. We also believe, as the lives of the Dalai Lama and Amma have shown us, that our individual growth only becomes meaningful in how it lifts up the lives of others. Co-mindfulness is about the healing, happiness and sense of fulfillment that we can experience when we practice mindfulness with each other. We hope you’ll join us in this new and exciting movement. — Doro Bush and Tricia Reilly, Co-Founders of BBR Consulting

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THE CO-MINDFULNESS PROJECT Is compassion the key to happiness?

The concept of co-mindfulness refers to bringing our attention, integrity and compassion to our relationships to nurture more love in our lives and to thrive. Our individual growth only becomes meaningful in how it lifts up the lives of others. It’s about the healing, happiness and sense of fulfillment that we can experience when practicing mindfulness together. Review the principles below and reflect on the relationships in your own life.

The 10 Principles of Co-Mindfulness

3. Which relationship would you most like to improve by practicing co-mindfulness?

1. Deep listening 2. Paying close attention. 3. Leading with curiosity not judgment. 4. Letting go of expectations. 5. Committing to the truth. 6. Inviting criticism. 7. Breathing to avoid reacting. 8. Circling back to compassion. 9. Maintaining our integrity. 10. Connecting with love.

1. With whom do you currently have the most mindful relationship?

4. Would joining the free, guided Co-Mindfulness Project help you stay accountable to yourself as you work to improve this difficult relationship?

Join The Co-Mindfulness Project. It’s free! REAL PEOPLE. REAL DATA. LEARNING TOGETHER.

2. Is there a challenging relationship(s) in your life?

If you are interested in actively improving an important relationship in your life using the co-mindfulness principles, join our citizen science project. We believe that together, we can generate the knowledge and power to enact real change in our lives and in the lives of others. Sign up at bbrconsulting.us/comindfulness

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BETTER LIVING THROUGH BETTER SEX

CSA Images via Getty Images

Barbara Hannah Grufferman

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“At 74, I have never had such a fulfilling sex life.” — Jane Fonda

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Jane Fonda may sound too cool when she brags about enjoying sex well into her 70s. But why shouldn’t she enjoy it? Just because we’re getting older, are we supposed to suddenly lose interest? Pretend we no longer have sex? No longer want it? Absolutely not! The reality is that sex can be even more amazing as we age, because we, dear readers, are at the top of our game. Think about it: You’re not worried about getting pregnant, you’ve had decades to discover what you like, and you aren’t (or shouldn’t be) afraid to coach your partner. You’re finally at that delicious time of your life when you can feel free to actually say—out loud—that, yes, you love sex and want more of it! Sure you can live well and be happy without sex, and it might just be something you’re not interested in. But, if you are, sex is a lovely part of a healthy life. And if like me, you’ve lived most of your life being a bit more shy about sex than Ms. Fonda, well… get over it! It’s time, girlfriends, to reclaim a part of you that can be absolutely fantastic. Besides, it’s good for you.

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Want to Look and Feel Amazing? While most of us enjoy sex because it feels good, it also offers some very nice benefits beyond just making our cheeks glow. And, far from being less important as we get older, regular sex can actually help us age better. If you need a few good reasons to jump in the sack (alone or otherwise), here you go: + Arousal and orgasm help to increase oxytocin (the feel-good hormone) and decrease cortisol (the stress hormone), leading to better sleep. + According to researchers in Scotland, people who have sex around three times a week actually look (and feel) younger, due to hormones like estrogen and oxytocin that are released during sex— and they probably take better care of themselves, too. + Sexual arousal and orgasm cause blood to flow to the vaginal walls, making the vagina more lubricated and elastic. You may need a little help from prescription or over-the-counter lubricants to get started, but having sex a few times a week can keep things flowing along nicely. + Couples who touch each other more frequently—it doesn’t have to be intercourse—tend to report higher marital satisfaction than those who do not, even after many years of being together. And if you are thinking sex: A 2015 study from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology found that the happiest couples were those who reported having sex at least once a week—although doing it more often didn’t make them any happier. (But it didn’t make them less happy, either…) + Studies show the pain of headaches— even migraines—can be lessened by having an orgasm. Our blood pressure drops after sex, which can reduce tension headaches,and the endorphins triggered by orgasm are powerful natural painkillers. In fact, regular sex can almost double our overall pain tolerance, according to recent studies from Rutgers University. 84

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+ People who have sex a few times a week are happier than those who rarely do. Those magical endorphins and oxytocin, along with other hormones, not only make them feel good but also make them feel good about themselves. + The more sex you have, as it turns out, the more you want. It’s even more addictive than French fries. (Lower calories, too…) So if it’s been a while, then it’s time to talk to your partner about how to get things started again. And if you don’t have a partner, then book a little “me time” and rediscover just how good it feels to feel good. + Having intercourse, especially with orgasm, exercises and strengthens the pelvic-floor muscles, which not only increases the pleasure of sex but also can help keep you from becoming incontinent. + To lower blood pressure, it’s not just arousal or orgasm that does the trick, but actual sexual intercourse, which offers a nice burst of aerobic exercise. + Okay, it’s not quite a substitute for a real cardio session, but active sex is still a fun way to burn extra calories. Researchers at the University of Montreal sent young couples home with fitness monitors and discovered that the average woman burns 3.1 calories during every minute of sex. And the friskier your fun, the better the workout. Barbara Hannah Grufferman is a nationally recognized advocate for positive living and the author of two books. Her most recent book is, "Love Your Age: The Small Step Solution to a Better, Longer, Happier Life." Barbara speaks nationally on health, nutrition, career, fitness, sex and other topics related to positive and healthy aging. To learn more, visit barbarahannahgrufferman.com

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.” —Mae West

Nitric Oxide

the average woman burns 3.1 calories during every minute of sex

arousal and orgasm lead to better sleep

The Sexy Health Boost? According to Christiane Northrup, a leading authority on women’s health, nitric oxide is one reason sex is so good for us. It is released from the lining of our blood vessels during intercourse and orgasm, which increases blood flow to organs, reducing cellular inflammation. Inflammation can wreak all kinds of havoc in our bodies, and may contribute to cancer, heart disease, arthritis, Alzheimer’s, osteoporosis, and autoimmune disease. So three cheers for a good romp in the hay, eh?

regular sex can almost double our overall pain tolerance CONNECT

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Better Balance Makes Me Feel Free

The Zibrio SmartScale measures and tracks your physical balance so you can live your best life. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s easy, just stand still with your eyes open for 60 seconds.

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TOUR PORTUGAL A seven-day itinerary INTERNATIONAL LIVINGâ&#x20AC;? CORRESPONDENTS

View from the steps leading to the coastal village of Azenhas do Mar, Colares, Sintra, Lisbon district, Portugal. / Getty Images: Marco Bottigelli

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How to Spend Seven Days in Portugal Cruise a river past the terraced landscape of one of Portugal’s finest wine-growing regions. View a Gothic church with 650 pounds of gold plating. Step back in time at Portugal’s best-preserved Roman ruins and experience interactively the history of the nation’s capital. Stretch out on the sands of the Portuguese Riviera and, atop a mountain in a national forest, embrace Romanticism in a flamboyant palace. Sip award-winning wines, dine on fresh fish and aged beef and marvel at the variety of breads and pastries available in aromatic padarias and pastelarias. Think you can’t do it all in one week? Read on.

Porto, Vila Nova de Gaia, Braga, and Esposende (two nights)

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Begin your week in Porto, arriving as early in the day as possible. Leave your luggage at your lodging and head to Rua Santa Caterina. At the church of the same name, you’ll get a dazzling introduction to the classic blue-and-white Portuguese tiles, azulejos. Stroll along Santa Caterina and stop at the art deco Café Belle Époque for coffee. Fifteen minutes away is Lello Bookstore, famous for its legendary staircase and frequented by “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling when she taught English in Porto. Next, visit the Church of São Francisco, noted for its painted woodwork and gold decor. At lunchtime, stop into Pestana Vintage Porto Hotel’s Rib Beef & Wine Restaurant, featuring a mixology bar and Tomahawk Irish Black Angus. You can work off those calories with a walk to the Douro riverbank, where you can browse for souvenirs at its many stalls and shops. In the late afternoon, cross the Dom Luis I Bridge spanning the river to Vila Nova de Gaia where you can tour and taste at centuries-old port wine houses. Grab some petiscos, the Portuguese equivalent of tapas, before turning in early for a good night’s sleep. The next day, opt for a relaxing boat cruise through the Douro Valley, including lunch and wine tastings. It might be just the ticket if you have a touch of jet lag. Or experience two new cities: Drive 45 minutes north to Braga. Close to the city’s center is the cathedral, one of the most architecturally important buildings in the country. Next, visit the Residence of the Biscainhos, a former manor house, which is now a decorative arts museum boasting manicured gardens. When it’s time for coffee and pastry,

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pop into Centésima Página, a charming bookstore located in Casa Rolão, an 18th-century, Baroque-style house with a garden café. Esposende is about 30 minutes due west of Braga, situated on the Atlantic Ocean and the Rio Cávado. Stroll the marginal and enjoy a late lunch at one of the inviting waterfront cafés. Afterwards, explore the past at Castro de São Lourenço, an archaeological area in Vila Chã. Back in Esposende, finish with an oceanside sunset cocktail before returning to Porto.

Aazulejos wall of Igreja do Carmo church in Porto. Getty Images: Francesco Riccardo Iacomino

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Lisbon, Cascais and Sintra (two nights)

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Rise early for the three-hour drive south, then begin your Lisbon experience at Castelo São Jorge. It’s a hike to the top and tuk tuks are available for rent. Roam the ramparts with camera in hand, because here are some of the best views of the nation’s capital. You’ll also want a shot of the outdoor café’s famous locals: a glorious muster of parading peacocks. The castle is in the city’s oldest district, Alfama, whose Moorish influence gives it a distinct, culture-rich flavor. After lunch at Time Out Lisbon Market, which features many local chefs, head to the Lisboa Story Center. It offers a comprehensive picture of Lisbon, from its earliest roots to the present, including a first-hand look at the Great Quake of 1755, which destroyed most of the city. Just 20 minutes away is a closely grouped treasure trove of sites. Jerónimos Monastery is a prime example of Portuguese late Gothic Manueline style architecture and a UNESCO World Heritage Site. Entrance to the church — housing the sepulchers of kings and discoverers — is free, and there are lovely gardens complete with a grand fountain in front of the complex. Directly across from it stands the Monument to the Discoveries, a towering structure perched on the edge of the Tejo River. The trio is complete with another UNESCO site, the 16th-century Belém Tower, which played a significant role in the country’s maritime adventures. Wrap up the day at Lx Factory. A historical industrial complex open until 2 a.m., it provides a variety of arty retailers and restaurants. In the morning, take A5 west along the Estoril coastline, which is lined with lovely beaches. Thirty minutes later you’ll arrive at the expat-friendly fishing village of Cascais, filled with restaurants, shops, parks and more. The bayside, 15th-century fortress is now a pousada (historic hotel), perhaps a spot to stay on a return visit. Your next stop is Sintra. Skip the Moorish castle if you had your fill at São Jorge, but do tour the town’s colorful trademark Palace of Pena. It appears as it did in 1910, when a revolution forced the king and his family to flee the country. Time permitting, take in Monserrate Palace, an exotic villa with exquisite grounds — just one of the other attractions in town. Sintra is packed with opportunities to explore, eat, drink and shop. It’s also packed with tourists, so be prepared to wait at times. It’s worth it.

Évora (one night) An hour-and-a-half east of Lisbon, Évora is the capital of the country’s Alentejo region. Don’t miss the Roman Temple, the cathedral and the Igreja de São Francisco, a church with an eerie, skeleton-adorned chapel of bones. If you haven’t lost your appetite, go to Fialho and order favada real de caça, a bean stew traditionally served to royal guests after hunting trips, and sopa de beldroegas (purslane soup). Finally, spend the night in Monte do Serrado de Baixo, a bed-and-breakfast in a typical alentejana structure.

Old Town Street and The Capela dos Ossos (Chapel of Bones) in Évora, Portugal. / Ventura Carmona

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

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Palacio da Pena,Sintra,Portugal / Getty Images: Carol Yepes

Albufeira and Vilamoura (one night) It’s time to experience Portugal’s southern region, the Algarve, and discover why it’s favored by so many expats. After the two-and-a-half-hour drive from Évora, stop first in Albufeira, Algarve's largest and busiest city, and book a cruise on a pirate ship for dolphin and whale watching. Vilamoura lies 30 minutes to the east. Here you can enjoy golf, tennis, boating or simply loll on a pristine beach. At nightfall, chic bars and a wide assortment of restaurants offer their best. Sunset at Marinha Beach in the Algarve, Portugal. / Getty Images: ARoxo

Faro and Tavira (one night) After breakfast, drive 30 minutes east to Faro. In nearby São Brás de Alportel, you can take a cork factory tour (Portugal supplies 80% of the world’s cork) or rent bikes and tour the countryside. Tavira is noted for its 37 churches. There’s also an excavation underway in the middle of town, uncovering ruins from the days when it was a Roman seaport. You might want to know, too, that Seville is only 110 miles from here. Sample Spain and return to spend the night at a former 16th-century convent, Pousada Convento de Tavira. In the morning you can hop a flight to Porto, if you booked a roundtrip from your point of origin, or you can simply fly home from Faro International Airport.

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Houses in Tavira. / Getty Images: Juampiter

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KEEP DREAMING Your evolving definition of success

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Christy Wilson Delk

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

Only one person can define your success in 2020. That one person is you. It is your life, and you are the boss. In transitional life stages, your definition of success ideally should be reviewed and reworked, on an annual basis. I recommend finding a platform — a particular page on your device or in a favorite journal — for notetaking, inspirational thoughts and for drafting your unique version of what success means to you. As a business owner for 15 years, I faithfully used a disciplined approach each December to gauge the success of the business and then retooled and mapped out my new definition of success for the coming year. What works for business often works in one's personal life.

Develop a big-picture perspective of your success in 2020

Start by writing down a few keywords under three to four category headings. My success vision in 2020 involves zeroing in on the things I want to spend time doing and what activities and commitments I want to do less. Under the category “Do More,” I list what brings me joy and energy. Under “Do Less,” I put boundaries on the time and energy I spend doing things for others and on projects that do not bring fulfillment. A note of caution: This is for one year, not the rest of your life! Don’t overcommit. Next year, I plan to include the new things I want to focus on, like playing the guitar that is sitting in my closet and learning how to cook healthy, nourishing soups.

Starting a business in 2020

First, keep Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh's advice top of mind: “Stop chasing the money and start chasing the passion." Hsieh is responsible for creating the highly successful corporate culture of Zappos, the online shoe merchant. He also orchestrated the $1.2-billion sale of his company to Amazon in 2009. He shares the journey in his book, “Delivering Happiness: A Path to Profits, Passion and Purpose.” The message? To have a sound business, you must be passionate about what you are doing. Second, feel confident in knowing that you are in outstanding company. According to a 2019 article written by Matt Mansfield for smallbiztrends.com, the reasons for starting a new business vary: 2 2 % of new small business start-ups had people over age 60 at the helm. 3 5 % were between the ages of 50-59 years old. 2 6% started a business because they wanted to be the boss. 2 3 % listed “passion for the product or service” as the reason they started. 69 % started their business from home. Whether success for you means starting a business, or it means having something more personal, heed the words of Walt Disney as you design your roadmap: “The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing." And my favorite Disney quote is, “If you can dream it, you can do it." Yes, you can.

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NO EXCUSES He Quit Working to Start Living

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Bill Shafer

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

Countdowners. You probably work with a few. You know, people aware of exactly how many years, months and days are left until they can retire. Maybe you’re one of them.

Bill White still had seven years to go. He listened to his coworkers talk about all the exciting things they were planning and he started to think, “What in the world are they waiting for?” So, on the day of his 58th birthday he went to the office, and much to the surprise of everyone there, he turned in his resignation. “Ten days later I hopped on my bicycle and headed to Key West,” White said. It didn’t make sense to him that so many people are okay with going through life just waiting for the days to tick by before they begin doing what they truly want to do. He knew all the reasons that people give, but he started to believe those reasons were simply excuses. “A lot of people say, ‘Well, I can’t afford to quit.’ Well, I couldn’t afford not to,” he said. “We all live in fear of not having enough money, and what I’ve learned through this whole thing is the need for money is greatly overrated.” White says we don’t need as much of a nest egg as we think. “I don’t have a fancy house, don’t have a fancy car, don’t have a boat, don’t got jet skis, don’t have any of that stuff,” he said. “I’ve got a bicycle, and I’ve got my life. And that’s more important than all the money in the world.” What does have value for White is seeing the country and meeting people — and not just by passing them on a highway. He traded in his seat behind a desk in an office for one behind the handlebars. He became an adventure cyclist. He would be gone for a week, then a month, then three, sometimes traveling thousands of miles. He loves the scenery, the people he meets and the connection he feels with the earth. And he’s very clear about why. “It’s not about the bicycle. It’s not about being an adrenaline junkie because I am not,” he explained. “It’s about really being alive and making your own choices. It’s about meeting like-minded people along the way and seeing the world.” He recalled one incident in particular that cemented his feelings. He was riding through the redwood trees in California when a family in a minivan passed him. The vehicle pulled over long enough for the kids to roll down the windows, take a couple of photos and then up went the windows and they continued down the road. “It dawned on me right there that’s the way most of us go through life. and that’s just wrong,” he said. “When you slow life down, you start to think about who you are, what your life is about and what’s really important. Isn’t it ridiculous to wait until we’re in our sixties to do it?” he said. White said far from winding down he’s now living with a whole new level of excitement. “I am more motivated today than I’ve ever been before,” he said, “because every single day of my life is mine.” His advice is plain, clear and direct. “My gosh, look around, people! There’s a big old world out there. Hike it, bike it and explore it. Just don’t do it in a minivan. Get outside your little world. Reclaim your own life and feel what it’s like to truly be alive.”

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STILL SAILING SOLO Jackie Carlin

GROWING BOLDER / WINTER 20

THE TAKEAWAY I'm a pretty persistent person. I don't take no for an answer easily; and if I can see that there's a way to make something happen, well, I make it happen. I didn't start sailing until I was 48, and I had to learn from scratch. I was just so taken with it that there was no way I wanted to stop. I’ve now completed four solo trips around the world. It's wonderful learning how to manage your boat. It’s such a supportive community, and everyone you meet is friendly and supportive. But it’s not always easy. Sometimes you have to contend with bad weather or equipment issues on the boat, but it’s an absolutely marvelous way to see the world. I also haven’t let physical issues keep me on land. A couple of years ago, I was preparing for a trip and fell off a ladder, breaking my neck and 11 ribs. I was in a brace for three months; and after that, I slowly recovered. But I got back out there as soon as I could. I love being out in the ocean, thousands of miles from anywhere. I know I can rely on my boat to look after me, as long as I don't do anything really stupid. When you’re out there with just the ocean and the sky, you get this feeling of being at one with nature. Then maybe an albatross comes by and you see enormous birds that have adapted so well to the ocean. They sort of look at you and say, “What are you doing out here? This is my territory, my ocean.” The best thing is when you turn off the engine, start

British yachtswoman Jeanne Socrates holds the record as the oldest person to sail around the world solo, non-stop and unassisted. She’s also the only woman to ever accomplish this incredible feat. She completed her record-setting trip in September, 2019, more than 11 months after setting sail. In 2013, at the age of 70, she was awarded the Guinness World Record for being the oldest woman to circumnavigate the world solo. Socrates is a retired math teacher. Although her address is in Lymington, England, she considers home to be her boat, Nereida. She will share stories from her incredible adventures at Growing Bolder Presents on Feb. 10 at the Center for Health & Wellbeing in Winter Park, Florida. To register, visit YourHealthandWellbeing.org/events.

I N E V E RY I S S U E : T H E TA K E AWAY

sailing and it’s just you, the sail and the wind, pushing the boat along, and there’s no noise. It’s a quiet, peaceful, beautiful way of getting about. I’m actually quite a sociable person who likes talking to people. When I’m out on my boat, I’m not lonely because I’m not isolated. I have a long-range radio, and I’m talking on that radio every day to people, many of whom I know quite well, even though I’ve never met many of my “radio friends” in person. I’m 77 years old, and I've got plans for the next few years. I have to admit, I normally just don’t look at my age. While I’ve got my health, and while I’ve got the willingness or the will to do something, I just go ahead and do it. Quite often, people tell me they would have liked to do something like my around-the-world trips, but their husband or wife or whoever told them it wasn’t a good idea or they were too old to try. Don't listen to people like that. If you think you're well enough, and you really want to do it, go ahead and do it. Trust me — it’s better to live your dreams instead of sitting around in carpet slippers and wishing you had lived your dreams. We sometimes have to push ourselves a little bit. If it is something that we would like to do, and we think maybe we can do it, then I'm sure that actually means we can do it. That’s my attitude, at least. It’s better to have tried and failed than to never have tried.

Trust me — it’s better to live your dreams instead of sitting around in carpet slippers and wishing you had lived your dreams. G R O W I N G B O L D E R / VO L . 3 9

CLUTTER ISN’T JUST PHYSICAL STUFF. IT’S OLD IDEAS, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS, AND BAD HABITS. CLUTTER IS ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT SUPPORT YOUR BETTER SELF." Eleanor Brownn

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Colorectal cancer is beatable if caught early. If you're 45 or older, get screened.

What's the best feeling, ever? It's a tie: between the confidence that comes when you complete a necessary task, and the pride you feel when you know you're taking care of yourself. Colorectal cancer is the 2nd-leading cause of cancerrelated death in the U.S. But it's treatable and beatable if caught early during a colonoscopy. New guidelines set the screening age at 45.

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