Fall 2019
BACK TO SCHOOL GEAR Classroom must-haves for the new year ahead
A health & family focused digital publication & community
The Art of Doing Nothing How to Navigate
BABY WEARING WRAPS Positive Parenting
SETTING EXPECTATIONS TO AVOID MELTDOWNS
Easy Fall Family Recipes
annmariegianni.com If you’ve been looking for a natural skin care line made with organic, chemical-free ingredients that you can trust—and that actually works—you’ve found it.
G E T YO U R S A M P L E K I T N OW >
Publisher & Editor in Chief Amity Hook-Sopko Creative Team Kaitlyn Kirby Tamara Hackett Copy Editor Megan McCoy Dellecese Cover Photography Lisa Holloway Contributors Peggy O’Mara Janet Lansbury Mellisa Dormoy Cai Dixon Carolina King Nikki Smith Paula Bordenkecher Stacy Roth Advertising Director Tracy Carter tracy@greenchildmagazine.com Media & Other Inquiries media@greenchildmagazine.com Green Child is owned and published electronically by Fresh Green Media, LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or distributed without written permission of the publisher.
10 GOOD GREEN NEWS 12 WELCOMING FALL Fun ways to celebrate the season 14 ECO FAB Our favorite sustainable picks
for the fall
16 BABYWEARING WRAPS: NAVIGATING THE LEARNING CURVE 18 WELCOMING FALL Fun ways to celebrate the season 20 GENIUS GEAR Our must-haves for Back to School goodies
22 TEACHERS’ TOP NEEDS FOR 2019 24 NAPTIME ACTIVISM Peggy O’Mara talks the art of a freeform day, or rather, doing nothing
28 LOOK LISTEN READ Pick up these fall reads for both
kids and grown-ups
30 RESPECTFUL PARENTING Janet Lansbury on how to stop
feeling threatened by your child’s behavior
34 POSITIVE PARENTING How to set expectations in order
to avoid meltdowns with kids
38 HOW AFFECTION BOOSTS BRAIN POWER IN KIDS 40 HELPING TWEENS AND TEENS DEVELOP THEIR AUTHENTIC SELVES 44 MOM’S POINT OF VIEW: OUR CHILDREN AREN’T PAINFUL PESTS 46 CONSCIOUS KITCHEN
Fall recipes to evoke those warm,
fuzzy feelings
52 DIY NATURAL LIP BALM 54 GUIDED MEDITATION
This calming script focuses on releasing anxiety from bullying
Editors’ Letter My friends and I often refer to this time of year as the “second new year”. A new school year, extracurricular activities, and the coming change in season can seem more significant to parents of school-age kids than the changing of the calendar year. If you like the idea of starting fresh with new routines and habits, you’ll enjoy this issue. It’s all about preparing mindfully for the busy season ahead, yet taking time to savor it.
Reach Green Child’s Executive Editor editor@greenchildmagazine.com
The holidays will be here before we know it. But instead of feeling like we’re in a race against time, we can plan a freeform day as Peggy O’Mara describes in her column. We can make a difference in our children’s physical and emotional health - no matter their ages - by staying connected and showing affection as Paula Bordenkecher outlines. You’ll also notice a new feature this month: Good Green News. When you believe that what you focus on expands, you start to get really careful what you let into your consciousness. Yes, we have to continue to take steps against climate change. And we can’t turn a blind eye to plastic pollution. But if we constantly look at these problems as insurmountable, we aren’t in the mindset to turn them around. When we see successes in sustainability and creative problem solving, our brains go to a more hopeful and productive place… and then we act accordingly. As always this time of year, we’re sharing Back to School inspiration, cooking up some family-friendly meals, and celebrating International Babywearing Week. So, carve out a little time to slow down, enjoy this issue, and savor (rather than stress) the second new year.
Amity
Amity Hook-Sopko Publisher & Editor-in-Chief
GOOD GREEN NEWS Positive changes are happening for the environment. We’re creating a new space to report on these little bits of good green news! Here are the stories that are giving us hope for the future of the planet right now.
The 2019 Google Science Fair winner found a way to remove microplastics at wastewater treatment plants. Fionn Ferreira, an 18-year-old from Ireland, won the competition for his method to remove microplastics from water before they enter our drinking water or the ocean.
The Florida Aquarium made scientific history as a group of coral has successfully reproduced two days in a row for the first time in a lab setting. Project Coral, a program designed in part with the goal of ultimately repopulating the Florida Reef Tract, is off to a great start saving “America’s Great Barrier Reef”.
Colorado’s Wild Animal Sanctuary just opened the first 35-acre habitat as part of a 9,000 acre refuge to come. Located near Keenesburg, Colorado, The Wild Animal Sanctuary is the largest nonprofit carnivore sanctuary in the world, with nearly 500 rescued Lions, Tigers, Bears, Wolves, Leopards and other carnivores living in large acreage natural habitats.
Coca-Cola and PepsiCo announced they are stepping away from a plastics lobbying group. Both soft drink companies are trying to increase the amount of recycled plastic they use in bottles, improve recycling infrastructure, and ensure their packages are recyclable.
Walt Disney World has unveiled its newest and largest solar farm. At 270 acres, the site is almost twice the size of the entire Magic Kingdom. The new facility is Disney’s largest solar endeavor and is expected to generate enough energy to power two of their four theme parks, or the equivalent of removing 10,000 cars from roads.
WELCOMING FALL The first day of Fall is September 23rd. The autumnal equinox is less showy than the summer and winter solstices. Most of us are accustomed to holidays that are aggressively advertised and loaded with expectations. Yet, considered a bit more closely, the autumnal equinox proves rich with meaning. Here are some ways to observe the autumnal equinox with your child.
LOOKING FORWARD, LOOKING BACK OBSERVATION
COLLECT AND IDENTIFY AUTUMN LEAVES Colorful leaves are an obvious and festive jumping-off point for fall activities, if you have them this early in the season. Go on a walk, seeking out the most beautiful specimens in your neighborhood. Take a field guide with you and identify the trees that made your favorite leaves. Create leaf people or other images using leaves you’ve gathered and pressed. Even if you don’t have fall foliage at hand, you can learn about photosynthesis and plant cycles and enjoy picture books like Lois Ehlert’s Leaf Man.
PLAY THE “HOW TALL IS MY SHADOW GAME” At around noon on the first day of each new season, measure from your child’s toe to the top of her shadow. Have her measure your shadow, too. As you gather data on all four holidays, you can ask your child to guess which shadow was longest. Discuss the changing angles of the sun or read about our solar system and the Earth’s seasons.
This observance can take place with your family or alone. On paper, out loud, or simply in your thoughts, reflect on these questions or others that suit you better: What are you thankful for, in this particular season of plenty? What would you like to carry with you into the darkness of the coming season? What are you happy to leave behind? At this time of a shifting balance, what would you like to change?
TAKE A CUE FROM NATURE Make like the squirrels who are storing nuts for the cold months. Try canning, pickling, or other methods of storing up today’s bounty for tomorrow’s challenges. Store up some sunshine, warmth, and optimism for the winter, too. Make and display art to remind yourselves that spring will indeed arrive, talk about what you’re excited to do this winter, or reacquaint yourselves with your favorite your cold-weather clothes.
HEAR ME ROAR Adorable baby dinos for your adorable baby human! Made with GOTS Certified organic cotton, these soft and sweet baby clothes from The Blackbard Bunny are sustainable and ethical. All of their nature-inspired items are handmade in their Berlin studio with no harsh chemicals or dyes. Their production method is lowwaste, and they use recycled packaging.
Eco Fab
Try out this selection of sustainable products we’re loving this season!
REFILLABLE PALETTE With a gorgeous palette of universally-flattering shades, Honeybee Gardens is one of our favorite natural beauty brands. Their highly pigmented powders apply evenly and blend well to create crease-proof looks that last all day. Like everything they make, these are gluten-free, vegan, paraben-free, and cruelty-free. And they contain no petroleum-based oils, alcohol, talc, fillers, fragrances, preservatives or chemical dyes.
ZERO WASTE Once you swap disposable cottonballs or pads for reusables, you’ll never look back. They’re softer and better at removing makeup or swiping toner over your face. We especially love Wonky 2nds because they include slight faults so they’re cheaper (roughly half the price of first-quality) and they use fabric that might otherwise end up in a landfill.
LOOK, NO HANDS! Whether you’re documenting an amazing trip or emptying the dishwasher while listening to your favorite podcast, being hands-free is a win. The Keebos Crossbody Phone Case is a stylish way to stay connected without feeling tied down. Back cardholder securely stores credit cards, IDs, and cash for outings where you don’t want to bring along a purse.
VEGAN SOOTHER Every ingredient in Earth Mama’s Vegan Nipple Butter is soothing and immensely moisturizing. Made from mostly organic ingredients, it’s packed with herbs that help heal dry, sensitive skin. And since it might end up in baby’s mouth, it’s Non-GMO Project Verified. No need to wash it off before nursing!
LIGHT THERAPY Science shows the benefits of red light for reducing inflammation, improving skin, joint help, regrowing hair, and reducing oxidative stress. The Joovv Go is a portable red light therapy model at a great price. It’s also small enough to fit in your purse. FDA-approved, battery-powered and rechargable, it’s ideal for face, hair, neck, or any sore muscle or joint.
BABYWEARING WRAPS: NAVIGATING THE LEARNING CURVE
by Megan McCoy Dellecese
Babywearing wraps are both useful and beautiful, but they can be intimidating at first. With these tips and a little practice, you’ll be wrapping your baby with ease in no time.
PRACTICE YOUR WRAP BEFORE ADDING BABY Practice, practice, practice. It’s not just the way to get to Carnegie Hall; it’s also how to get rid of those jitters. Start without your baby to get familiar with where the fabric goes next and when to tighten the top, middle, and bottom thirds of the wrap.
AIM FOR PROPER POSITIONING One of the biggest fears of new wrappers is positioning. While hip dysplasia is a real issue, being aware of wrapping at the natural
spread squat position will guarantee your baby is comfortable and developmentally protected. You also want to ensure that baby isn’t dangling too low and is close enough to kiss. Facebook group Clan Oscha mama, Sarah, suggests, “When you think it’s too tight, tighten just a bit more.”
LEARN FROM A PRO OR WATCH BABY WRAPPING TUTORIALS If you have an experienced wrapping friend, get together for a bird’s eye view of how it’s done. The great thing about learning from a friend is that you can ask questions and they can help give you support. But if you know anyone who has used a wrap,
don’t worry— the internet is full of tutorials. Don’t get overwhelmed. Just find a video for one carry that you like and watch it a few times before giving it a go. Notice whether they put the wrap on first (versus starting with the baby in arms), notice the size of the wrap they use, and how they tighten each strand. Some YouTube channels you might find useful are Oscha Slings, Close and Calm, and Sheffield Sling Surgery.
Rails describe the sections of a wrap. The top rail is the top section, the bottom rail is the bottom section.
Be sure to take your time when you begin your own wrapping journey; many of these videos are sped up (or done by experts who do this many times a day). Remember that one of the amazing benefits of babywearing is bonding with your baby, so slow down and enjoy it!
Go for safe and comfortable first; then perfect your wrapping Of course your main concern is to keep your baby safe, then that you’re both comfortable. Maybe this means that your passes are a little messy or you’re not showing the “prettiest” side of the wrap.
GET FAMILIAR WITH BABYWEARING LINGO Knowing the language can make it easier to learn how to wrap (especially when you use videos to figure it all out). Here’s a quick primer: Passes are layers (which you create when you put a wrap on– layers). A horizontal pass is the layer going straight across your body; a layer going from under your arm to over your shoulder is a cross pass. A carry is the way you put the wrap on yourself and it consists of a combination of passes (as mentioned above).
Tails refer to the ends of the wrap. M position (also called Deep Seat) refer to the natural, spread squat position (which resembles an “M” with their bottom lower than their knees) that we mentioned above.
ADVICE FROM BABYWEARING MAMAS “Don’t give up,” Shell says. “There’s a knack to babywearing and you can’t expect to be perfect at it straight away. Practice makes perfect.” Heather’s sage advice: “For wrapping, you don’t need to master every carry. Everyone is different, so find out what works for you and perfect that. This may or may not change over time as your baby gets older.” About wrapping in public, Pauline says, “Tell yourself in advance of wrapping in public that you’re likely going to have to redo a few times from being nervous, your tails will get dirty, the pattern may be upside down in the end and people will gather, stare, comment and even touch, but it’s okay. You’ve got this!”
WIZARD IN TRAINING No Hogwarts letter? The magical new backpacks and accessories from JuJuBe + Harry Potter might soften the school year start. JuJuBe bags hold up extremely well, even under constant use. Plus they’re easy to clean, and the zippers never snag or catch. Light-colored interior lining lets your child see all of their items so they won’t need a summoning charm to find them.
BENTO BOX The lunches you pack will look immediately Insta-worthy in this cute little bento style lunchbox. Kinsho’s stainless mini lunchbox is perfect for the younger set with kid-sized compartments. The food containers are stainless steel and the outer box is BPA-free with kid-friendly latches to keep it secure. SNACK ON THE GO You might find yourself hoarding these beautiful S’well containers instead of sending them to school with the kids. With double-layer, food-grade stainless steel to keep food cold or hot longer, you’ll want these super useful containers to go along with your gorgeous and durable S’well water bottles.
BEETLE BAG Calling all bug lovers! The handmade beetle pencil case is also useful for small toys and favorite treasures. Minniebites bags are 100% cotton, completely lined, and feature zippered closures— easy for little hands.
Genius Gear
It’s Back to School for the kids and we’re sharing our favorite school supplies!
VINTAGE VINYL For journaling, taking notes in school, or writing song lyrics, these upcycled notebooks are created from vintage 12” records. With 100 sheets of ruled paper and an elastic band closure, your child will find this eco-friendly notebooks useful, convenient, and super cool.
REUSABLE BAGS Endlessly useful, these snack bags are ideal for school, work, or travel. They can hold sandwiches, wraps, fruit, baked goods, and snacks. Super easy to clean (top rack dishwasher safe), these fun snack bags are an easy choice compared to plastic baggies.
TEACHERS’ TOP NEEDS FOR
2019
Great classrooms don’t happen by accident. Teachers across the country work hard to build vibrant, energizing learning environments for their students, which often means everything from microscopes to pipe cleaners, graphic novels to oboes, class pets to field trips and much more. As a result, teachers spend more than $1 billion from their own pockets each year on supplies. However, parents and community members can lend a hand. Helping to offset teachers’ expenses can take many forms, from work-
ing directly with your child’s teacher to identify needs to participating in schoolbased fundraisers. Another option is sharing your assistance with a program like DonorsChoose. org, which makes it easy for any individual to address the inequity in schools, one classroom at a time.
Over the past 19 years, more than 3.8 million people have donated to classrooms through the program. Last year alone, nearly 145,000 teachers had projects funded on the site and over 255,000 classroom requests were brought to life. These requests reveal some of the key things teachers across America need for success:
BOOKS, BOOKS, AND MORE BOOKS
While books may seem “old school,” teachers know that a single book can change a student’s life. Year after year, teachers request books more than any other resource. Many elementary school teachers ask for leveled reading books to meet their students’ individual needs. Others want to diversify their li-
braries with books that reflect their students’ identities. “The Hate U Give” and “Wonder” are among the most popular books requested this year, and e-readers have become a popular way to expand libraries beyond what the classroom bookshelf can hold.
ing poverty with free toiletries to take home such as deodorant, toothbrushes and toothpaste, as well as laundry supplies and clean undergarments.
AN APPRECIATION FOR THE ARTS
Many teachers credit flexible seating with transforming the classroom learning experience. Rather than rigid desks, students choose from comfy chairs, bouncy balls, bean bags or wobble stools, all designed to let students get those wiggles out so they can better focus on their work.
There are plenty of extracurricular activities at nearly every school that require care and compassion from the community. Drama teams, for example, require supplies to create music, perform plays and more. Donations often allow students to explore their artistic abilities while learning how to create sets, write their own scenes, use instruments and more while simultaneously building their management and teamwork skills.
TECHNOLOGY
COMMUNITY SERVICE
FLEXIBLE SEATING AND CLASSROOM FURNITURE
Because of rapidly evolving technology, 65% of children now entering primary school will hold jobs that don’t currently exist. Resources like laptops and tablets help students learn at their own pace and practice 21st century skills like coding. For example, coding robots and 3D printers are becoming some of the most popular items requested in high schools.
BACK TO THE BASICS
Many teachers simply need basic supplies: paper, pencils and tissues top the list. Last year, teachers requested enough pens and pencils to write the complete works of William Shakespeare more than 2,000 times.
LIFE ESSENTIALS
Another popular request is “hygiene closets,” which allow teachers to provide students fac-
Not all learning must take place in a classroom. In fact, teachers across the country often take aim at new ways to engage students, such as integrating practical life into the daily curriculum through an outdoor learning environment like a community vegetable garden. By requesting composters, rain barrels, seeds, gardening tools and more, educators can take their classrooms outside to help make the planet healthier while students learn how to be healthier themselves. It also gives students an opportunity to give back to their community by donating food to local families in need. Learn more about how you can make a difference for classrooms in need at www.donorschoose.org.
NAPTIME ACTIVISM
DOING NOTHING Even though this column is called “Naptime Activism,” I want to check my assumption that we need more activism—more activity—and talk about doing less. In fact, I want to talk about doing nothing.
SACRED TIME
For weeks there was only Time of cries and breezes Only the time of iris Bloom The day was spring And so was the hour. The minute was milk And the feeling.
OUR ASPIRATIONAL CULTURE
BY PEGGY O’MARA By doing nothing, I’m not As “milk time” passes and our peggyomara.com talking about a non-work children get older, time itself day when you do errands and seems to speed up. We are so catch up on the house. I mean a freeform day busy with so many activities that we literally in which you don’t plan to do anything, but don’t know how to stop. just let the day unfold, as it will. You know the drill. You must sign your This kind of freeform time when you children up for all kinds of activities during let the day lead could be called sacred time their two and a half months of summer freebecause there is a holiness to trusting things dom because their brains might drain away as they are and not planning or controlling and because, well, that’s what a good parent them. does. And, now with school starting you want to make sure your child is taking dance MILK TIME or gymnastics and you are probably wonderIf you’re lucky, this is the kind of time you ing when he or she should start learning an have or had with a new baby. While we often instrument and looking into Suzuki. wish, during the early years of parenting, that The pressure in our society to be more this kind of freeform “milk time” would be than you are is tremendous. In our aspiless chaotic, when we think back on it, what rational culture, we have bucket lists, and we remember is its sweetness. As the poet, passion calendars and don’t feel good about Joan Logghe, says in her poem, “Surrender:” ourselves unless we are always getting better. With back to school time and fall coming up, I took off my watch things will speed and, by the end of the year, When labor began. we’ll feel out of breath and glad that the holidays are over.
HOW DO YOU REGENERATE?
One of the ways to counteract this feeling of overdrive is to think deeply about how you regenerate. Often going to nature helps, but this can just mean going outside in the yard. You may want to set a day a week as your family’s “Soul Day” or “Green Day” or “Do Nothing Day.” Don’t have a fixed idea or agenda for this day. It’s just about setting the intention to stop for a while. You’ll figure out how to do it. You could use this day to do some activity in nature or something together as a family, but try just doing nothing. Maybe this is the day you have hodgepodge for dinner. Pull everything out of the fridge and have a picnic in the living room. Maybe this is the day you allow yourself to read all day in your pajamas. Now, I understand that you can’t read all day in your pajamas when you have a toddler, but you can go outside and sit in the grass while your toddler climbs on you. You can lay with your toddler in a kiddie pool or run in the sprinkler. You could play games with the family, board games or badminton. Just try to keep yourself from “catching up on things.”
THE ORDINARY
To slow down, it’s necessary to embrace the ordinary. What about simple everyday life? Is it not enough? Is it not rich enough for us? Does it not have enough content? Why are we afraid to allow our children or ourselves to be bored? Boredom is the cauldron of creativity, a fertile ground for new ideas and new inspirations to bubble up.
Mary Oliver describes the ordinary in her poem, “The Summer Day:” “I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass, how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields, which is what I have been doing all day. Tell me, what else should I have done? Doesn’t everything die at last and too soon? Tell me what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” There will always be an inevitable push and pull between being and doing. Can we accept ourselves just the way we are or do we only feel worthwhile when we are achieving? While achievement is important both personally and socially, it’s not possible without regeneration. We often tell our children that they are all right just the way they are. Can we believe it about ourselves? For one day a week, can we just be?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Peggy O’Mara is an independent journalist best known for editing and publishing Mothering magazine for over 30 years. She is now the editor and publisher of peggyomara.com. Her books include Having a Baby Naturally, Natural Family Living, and New Mexico Mountains. She has presented at Omega Institute, Esalen, La Leche League and Bioneers. Peggy is the mother of four and the grandmother of three. She has lived in Santa Fe, New Mexico for 35 years.
Look Listen Read THE HEART OF A BOY
by Kate T. Parker Boys can be wild. But they can also be gentle. Bursting with confidence, but not afraid to be vulnerable. Ready to run fearlessly downfield—or reach out to a friend in need. This book celebrates “boys being boys” in a myriad of positive and inspiring ways. With photos and quotes from the boys themselves, this book spreads a much-needed uplifting message of openness, self-confidence, and warmth.
I WALK WITH VANESSA
by Kerascoët When a child witnesses another child being bullied, it’s hard to know what to do. This simple picture book from a New York Times bestselling husband-and-wife team tells the story of one girl who inspires a community to stand up to bullying. With themes of acceptance, kindness, and strength in numbers, this timeless story resonates with readers young and old.
BOSS THE BESTSELLER LIST LIKE J.K. ROWLING
by Caroline Moss Caroline Moss’ “Work It, Girl” series chronicals modern successful women, from designers and musicians to CEOs and scientists. This book follows the ups and downs author J.K. Rowling faced along her road to success, including all the hard work that went into writing the Harry Potter series, her many rejections, her eventual and amazing success, plus the importance she places on giving back.
A COMPUTER CALLED KATHERINE
by Suzanne Slade This picture book tells the story of one of NASA’s human computers, Katherine Johnson. Social wrongs are compared to miscalculated math problems, as in the sexist belief that “women could only be teachers or nurses. Katherine knew that was wrong—as wrong as 10 – 5 = 3.” Because she broke barriers that sought to limit her abilities, Katherine stands as an example of persisting to make change. Illustrator Jamison beautifully conveys Katherine joy and determination as she succeeded in a male-dominated field.
COOK WHEN YOU CAN, EAT WHEN YOU WANT
by Caroline Pessin Getting a healthy dinner on the table night after night is an ongoing challenge. This practical cookbook provides 16 menus to create 80 balanced meals for a family of four, using common ingredients and a small investment of time once a week. Plus it’s loaded with photos - a huge bonus in getting your family to help with meal planning!
SHARING STORIES, MAKING MEMORIES
by Scarlet Paolicchi Sharing Stories, Making Memories is a beautiful shared journal for grandparents and grandchildren. With fun, insightful questions about childhood, family traditions, friends, and relationships, grandparents can fill in this special journal as they each learn special things about one another. It’s a beautiful tool to help them get to know each other and will likely serve as a cherished memory as your child grows and grandparents pass on.
RESPECTFUL PARENTING
HOW TO STOP FEELING THREATENED BY YOUR CHILD’S BEHAVIOR Our children are born sentient — as present as you and I — so our primary job is forging person-to-person relationships with them, relationships that are honest, caring, respectful and unconditionally loving. Yet all children exhibit behaviors that are impulsive and irrational, especially during periods in their development when they need to resist us in order to test their wings (like the toddler and teen years). How are we supposed to respect our small “person” when she can be so disrespectful, hurtful and downright rude? Some might conclude that young children are nothing more than thoughtless beasts (and that would explain the “taming your toddler” type of advice, which includes distractions, tricks, treats and other manipulative interventions). It’s easy to get personally offended, or fear that we’ve failed our child somehow, that we didn’t teach her appropriate behavior or respect. Triggered by our Our children are anger, frustration, born as present as fear, or guilt, we are likely to respond in you and I. a manner that unfortunately creates even more challenging behavior. Truly, when
children repeatedly test, it is more often than not the direct result of our previous responses. That is why BY JANET LANSBURY remaining janetlansbury.com calm and centered matters. A lot. The easiest and surest way to calm ourselves is perspective, which might mean reminding ourselves that the toddler screaming and swinging at us is a tiny person who has spent only 2 ½ years on this planet. She needs us to tolerate her screams and stop her from hitting, but a response of anger or confusion would be unsettling to her, to say the least. And so I suggest that parents suffering the slings and arrows of a child’s behavior consider it in the context of something cuddly and benign, like a teddy bear. Teddy bear behavior includes occasional hitting, kicking, biting, screaming, whining, refusing to follow directions, re-
sistance and rejection, “I hate you” (in all its forms), and grumpy teenagers scrutinizing you under a microscope and criticizing every single thing you say, do and wear. It is age-appropriate and can certainly be annoying, but it is essentially harmless. If we can perceive teddy bear behavior for what it is and respond appropriately (for more on that please read HERE and HERE), it will be temporary and not progress to chronic, dangerous or harmful.
FEELING OUT OF FAVOR, IGNORED, UNLOVED
The addition of a sibling, moving to a new home, attending school for the first time, changing schools, changes of any kind EMOTIONS SURROUNDING TRANSITIONS:
DEVELOPMENTAL PHASES AND MILESTONES
Teddy bear behavior is sparked by:
The two’s and teenage years are classic teddy bear territory, but ages 4, 6, and early adolescence (ages 9 and up) can also be teddy bear periods.
A NEED FOR THE REASSURANCE OUR GENTLE LEADERSHIP PROVIDES
Teddy bear behavior is eased when we:
STRESS, HUNGER, EXHAUSTION
FEEL UNTHREATENED, BREATHE, LET IT ROLL OFF OUR BACK, PROJECT CONFIDENCE
FEAR, SADNESS, ANGER, FRUSTRATION, ALL OF WHICH CHILDREN NEED US TO HELP THEM EXPRESS
PREVENT IT WHENEVER POSSIBLE:
By giving
children safe “yes” places to explore, for example, rather than free access to markers and white sofas. SET LIMITS CALMLY, CLEARLY, EARLY
voices. Children are whole people who always deserve our respect and authenticity. However, once teddy bear behavior has subsided, they might want a cuddle, whatever their age.
ACKNOWLEDGE ALL DESIRES AND FEELINGS AND
“You feel like throwing the trucks. I can’t let you. That’s unsafe. Are you upset about Daddy leaving for work? You sometimes miss him when he goes. Over there are some safe toys you can throw.” ENCOURAGE CHILDREN TO EXPRESS THEM:
DISCERN NEEDS AND DO OUR BEST TO MEET THEM
Perceiving teddy bear behavior doesn’t ever mean treating children like teddy bears, objectifying them, ignoring them, or talking down to them with patronizing words and cutesy
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Janet Lansbury’s respectful parenting advice is quoted and shared by millions of readers worldwide. She is the author of two bestselling books, Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting and No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame. Janet is also the creator and host of “Janet Lansbury Unruffled,” one of the most downloaded parenting podcasts on the web and recommended listening by The Washington Post.”
POSITIVE PARENTING
AVOID MELTDOWNS BY SETTING EXPECTATIONS CHILDREN CAN UNDERSTAND
BY CAROLINA KING
mamainstincts.com
Imagine you wake up one morning excited to be spending the entire day with your friend.
This is where setting clear expectations comes into play.
You get dressed, and she takes you out. You don’t know what you’re going to do or where you’re going to go, but you’re ready for a fun time. After a while, you realize it’s not fun. She took you out to run errands. You don’t know how long each errand is going to last. You don’t know when you’ll eat or get some free time, nor when will your mysterious day will end. You feel helpless and probably a little irritated.
Setting expectations means that you’re going to explain to your child what their day (or part of their day) is going to be about, in detail and in the order of events.
This is what every day is like for a lot of kids. So many times we don’t talk to our children about their day. They don’t know what to expect and many times they don’t even get a say. This can lead to tantrums, frustration, and power struggles. As parents we sometimes need to do things that are not as fun for children. It’s part of life. But that doesn’t mean it has to be frustrating for either you or you children.
When children know what to expect and what’s expected of them, it’s easier for them to handle themselves better throughout the day. However, setting clear expectations is not as simple as saying we’re going to the store and then home, especially if you have a young child. They tend to need more clear guidance.
GIVE YOUR CHILD A RUNDOWN
Children don’t always understand what an event or errand means, and they don’t keep track of time like we do. The best way to explain to your children what the next hours are going to be like is by giving them a detailed rundown - using actions you plan to take during the day as markers for them to remember what’s next.
For example, if a trip to IKEA with your children always ends in tears because they want to run around the store and play instead of walking with you choosing furniture. So, before you get to the store you give them the full rundown. “We are going to Ikea to buy a new couch. I know you love to play there so we’ll get to do both things... what mommy needs and play. The first thing we’re going to do is walk through the store and pick a couch. Then we are going to go to the register to pay for the couch and take it to the car. After that, we will have lunch and then we’ll go to the kids’ section so you can play!” Why give such detailed information? Because when your child is about to have a meltdown in the store you can remind them of the order of things. So using this same example, let’s say your child starts getting frustrated when you’re at the checkout lane. You can remind them what are the following steps (after we pay this couch we’re going to put in the car, eat, and then go play) which usually helps to calm them down because they realize they won’t be in this boring checkout lane forever. Giving your child a detailed rundown doesn’t take more than a few minutes, and can even happen while you’re driving to your destination. Make it a habit by practicing this daily, even for the little things.
REPEAT
The first time you give a rundown, your child might not remember what you said. Use the time while you’re driving or walking to your destination to go over the plan again.. Have them repeat it back to you. You want to make sure your child understands what they’re going to be doing and when they will get to play.
MAKE TIME FOR FUN
Children need time to play. Whenever possible make room for play time before, during, or after your errands. We usually leave it for the middle or the end because it gives them something to look forward to. When your child knows they will get some time to do something they enjoy too, it’s easier for them to behave better during the “boring” part of their day. A child once told me, “Being a kid is so boring, I never get to say what we do.” Those words made me realize how we forget how little control children have over their lives. That’s why it’s important to make space in the day for a fun activity or something they choose to do. If you are short on time and can’t let them play freely, turn your errand into a fun adventure by involving them in the process. Let them help you choose food at the market. Make it a game to spot items of a certain color, take four steps and make a silly move, sing a song, etc.
EXPLAIN THE EXPECTED BEHAVIOR
If you’re taking your children somewhere where they won’t have much freedom to run and talk, explain the type of behavior you expect. You can say things like, “The library is a place where we use our quiet voices, but once we come out we can do a silly dance and sing out loud.” Remind them of this during your errand, especially if you see that they’re about to have a meltdown. You will probably have to remind your child many times, and that is completely normal.
TIME IT WISELY
Let’s face it. Some errands or events can be boring - even for us. Avoid taking your child to something that will bore them when you can. And when you can’t avoid it, make sure you’re not dragging them out during nap or meal time, or whenever it might be hard for them to behave.
If you know you might be somewhere a long time, let them pack a few of their favorite toys to bring along.
KEEP YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS IN CHECK
Many times we are so rushed, we tend to bring stress into their lives. We forget they are children, and we start to expect from them more than they can give at their current stage of development. Being stressed out makes us forget at times that our kids are still learning how to deal with their emotions and how to live in this world. If your child starts to have a meltdown, instead of rushing them or getting angry, remember they are little and learning. Be a calming presence in their lives by giving them space to feel their emotions and then showing them how to calmly process them. You do this by showing them how you are a calm parent, even in the midst of chaos.
ALWAYS CARRY A SNACK, BOOK, OR TOY
You never know when a child will get hungry and many times we miscalculate the time involved. Be prepared by bringing extra snacks, books, or small toys you can easily carry in your purse when they’re starting to get bored or lose their patience.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR Carolina King is a mom of two and the founder of Mama Instincts.
HOW AFFECTION BOOSTS BRAIN POWER IN KIDS
by Paula Bordenkecher
“A hug a day keeps the doctor away!” That’s what my mother would say before I bounced off to school in the morning. With her petite arms outstretched, she’d bring me close, then release to give what she believed was my daily emotional vitamin. I always laughed, believing that it was merely an excuse to get a cuddle as she wasn’t a particularly demonstrative person. However, I had to admit that sick days during my school years were minimal.
WAS MY IMMUNE SYSTEM STRONG DUE TO THE DAILY HUGS? Research has proven for years that touch is necessary for human survival. Babies in NICU greatly benefit from nurses and volunteers who spend hours holding them. According to the article: “Why Touch is So Im-
portant” in Medical News Today, studies have also shown that those who grow up without affective touch can have developmental issues and struggle with relating socially. The article discusses how touch can “activate particular areas of our brain and influence our thought processes, reactions, and even physiological responses. One study shows brain scans that reveal how affective touch activates the orbitofrontal cortex, a brain region associated with learning and decision-making as well as with emotional and social behaviors.”
HOW DOES AFFECTION DIRECTLY INFLUENCE STUDENT LEARNING? Child Trends, a non-profit research organization that focuses on improving the lives of children, youth and their families states that
warmth and affection from parents to their children results in life-long positive outcomes such as higher self-esteem and fewer behavioral problems, which allows students to be cognitively and emotionally available for learning. The loving touch of a parent is the ultimate calming agent and reduces anxiety. Hugging or even high fiving your child before school is a way to increase their chances of having a positive day. This results in less altercations and an increased ability to focus. My mother as it turns out, was on to something.
AFFECTION AND TOUCH HELPS OLDER CHILDREN AND TEENS Dr. Carl E. Pickhardt states in the article “Adolescence and Physical Affection with Parents” that as adolescence begin the journey of separating from their parents to become more “grown up,” they may choose to give up receiving and giving physical expressions. While they may miss parental physical contact, during this period, their need to establish independence seems more important to them. This doesn’t mean they don’t still need this form of comfort from their parents as they are facing various social and academic challenges, and are still cognitively developing. There are things parents can do to continue offering the support teens need. Providing a lesser form of affection such as a side hug, a pat on the back or even words of encouragement can be equally effective. Usually as teens grow into young adults, their confidence returns and maturity allows them to become ac-
cepting of parental affection once again. With all of the research and various modalities of proof that parental affection is beneficial to brain development, it’s interesting to consider those in cultures and past generations who found success, yet did not embrace or know the benefits of this practice. How were they able to cope without daily hugs, kisses and high fives from their moms and dads? As an English instructor and researcher, I have learned that kind and encouraging words can be life changing. Dr. Pickhardt supports the use of positive language when dealing with teens as an alternative to affection. Could they, like teens have relied more upon positive language? It’s possible. Thankfully, parents have this additional tool that can foster success in children. Affection can establish a strong mental and emotional foundation that will last a lifetime. It makes us all feel happy and loved. When children are happy, their immune systems are healthier, which prevents additional sick days away from school, and they are able to spend more time in the classroom. When children feel loved, they feel better about themselves and have more courage to tackle days filled with academic and social challenges. When they feel believed in, they believe in themselves. Although my mother was not a scientist, she was an educator who understood the importance of sending me out every day with the armor of affection. It served as a loving shield against a world that was not always easy for children to navigate.
HELPING TWEENS AND TEENS DEVELOP THEIR AUTHENTIC SELVES BY STACY ROTH
A big part of adolescence is developing an identity and building positive self-esteem. The tween and teen years aren’t typically easy, but the digital age can certainly complicate them. With mounting academic and social pressures, today’s young people can feel expected to be accessible all hours of the day and night. The constant connection to technology and social media raises important concerns about adolescents’ brain health, mental health, and wellbeing. As parents, clinicians, and educators, we need to model self-care and rest for adolescents, so they can develop a positive sense of self and wellbeing, and create meaningful relationships. The first step is to introduce self-care. Essentially, self-care is treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and caring for your needs by making yourself a priority each day. The second step is to introduce rest to adolescents. Rest means giving our minds a break and doing less. Nataly Kogan points out, “There is increasing scientific evidence that supports the benefits of rest, particularly the ways in which doing less can help us become more creative and productive.” Through the practice of self care and rest, adolescents can begin to take the necessary steps to discover themselves. Teaching adolescents these valuable skills will also help them be resilient when they are faced with life challenges.
HOW TO HELP ADOLESCENTS DEVELOP A PRACTICE OF SELF-CARE AND REST 1. Facilitate a conversation with young
people about what self-care means to them. Encourage them to ask themselves these questions: What makes me happy? What is missing in my life that I used to enjoy? Who do I have meaningful relationships with in my life? What are my needs and wants? What brings me joy?
2. Once adolescents decide what they
want and need more in their lives, this self-awareness can assist them to develop a plan of action for creating a self-care and rest practice. After creating a plan, help them schedule this downtime.
3. It’s important for adolescents to check in with themselves on a daily basis. It allows them to evaluate how their plan is working. A key question to consider: How is the time I’m making for myself impacting my thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and relationships?
4. Help the young person in your life
continue to explore his interests and support him in finding outlets to explore his thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a positive way. A self-care practice gives him a tool to develop positive coping skills and permission to work through stressful situations in his life.
HOW TO HELP ADOLESCENTS DEVELOP A PRACTICE OF SELF-CARE AND REST 5. Begin teaching your child mindfulness and self-monitoring. The basic
mindfulness meditation practice involves focusing awareness on the breath and noticing thoughts as they arise. The goal is to focus on the moment-to-moment experience without judging or reacting (Stixrud & Johnson, 2018).
6. Some key questions to ask your child: What is stressful for them? When do
they experience stress? Where do they begin to feel stress in their body during these moments? How does this stress in their body impact their thoughts, feelings, and actions? Once they become mindful of their body’s reaction to a stressful moment, they can learn mindfulness techniques to become present through tools such as deep breathing, nonjudgmentally observing thoughts, and positive self talk to regain control rather than the situation controlling them.
7. Gratitude is an excellent self-care practice to teach adolescents to stay in the
present. Despite a stressful situation, writing a list of things to be grateful for in the present moment can help adolescents build positive coping skills.
8. Encourage your child or student to get involved in yoga. It is excellent for
calming the mind and strengthening the body. Yoga can help her get in touch both her inner and outer strengths.
9. A meditation practice is another effective tool to help adolescents engage in
self care and rest. Emily Fletcher makes a valuable point about the benefit of a meditation practice, “It will help calm the nervous system from past stressors and experience deep rest for the body and mind.” Through a meditation practice, adolescents learn to cope with stress, get in touch with themselves, tap into creativity, and gain clarity. References 1. Fletcher, E. (2019). Stress Less, Accomplish More, Meditation for Extraordinary Performance. New York: William Morrow, Harper Collins. 2. Kogan, N. (2018). Happier Now. Boulder, CO: Sounds True. 3. Stixrud, W. & Johnson, N. (2018). The Self Driven Child. New York: Penguin Random House.
MOM’S POINT OF VIEW
OUR CHILDREN AREN’T PAINFUL PESTS
BY NIKKI SMITH
www.earthwayparenting.com.au
I overheard a group of mums in the playground this morning discussing their “painful pests” in front of their toddlers. I’m going to be completely honest here. I really struggle to understand why we, as parents, feel that it’s ok to call our children names in front of them? Would you speak to your friend like that? Your partner? If they spoke to you like that, or if you overheard them, how would you feel?
Our children are not a burden. They weren’t brought upon this Earth to upset you purposefully (even though on those really emotionally exhausting days it can feel like it!) Your child doesn’t cry and express her big emotions in public just to make you feel like an incompetent parent. They don’t refuse to eat their dinner because they know that you’re watching your favourite tv show. Like us, they have very real needs and very
big emotions. If their needs—food, nap, exercise, play, and being outside to ground their energy—haven’t been met then, they express it in a BIG way. Those big feelings are due to their still-developing brains. I have a three year old... I get it. I have experienced parenting toddlers three times over now, and it’s not easy. What I can say though, is that I always come back to empathy. When I can meet their needs, this eases both of us into a calmer state of being. It is never too late to start parenting mindfully and with empathy. Empathy is at the heart of what it means to be a human being. It is the foundation for learning how to love others as they are, to take a step back and try to see things as they do. To care about another’s feelings is the beginning framework for healthier relationships. Let’s grow our children with mindfulness, empathy, and kind words. Because peace begins at home.
Conscious Kitchen Fresh Tomato Basil Soup
Is there anything more comforting in cool weather than a warm, nourishing bowl of soup? This rich tomato basil soup is quick enough to make a healthy main course or a delicious, hydrating side dish to any meal.
INGREDIENTS 3 lbs tomatoes chunked 1 onion sliced thickly 5 garlic cloves peeled and crushed 3 tablespoons olive oil 2 tablespoons salt 1 tablespoon pepper Âź cup fresh basil, roll with your fingers to gently bruise and release the oils 2 cups of organic chicken broth or organic vegetable broth
Optional: coconut milk, heavy cream YIELDS Makes enough for 6 large bowls (about 9 cups of soup) TIME 30 minutes.
DIRECTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. 2. Place tomatoes on a cooking sheet, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt & pepper, and roast at 450 degrees for 25-30 minutes or until the tomatoes look a bit blistered. Broil for 5-10 minutes to get a bit of char on the tomatoes. 3. Bring the broth to a boil. 4. Add the tomatoes and fresh basil. 5. Blend until creamy (a hand immersion blender works best). Optional: Stir in 1 cup coconut milk or heavy cream and any additional salt and pepper, to taste and reach desired consistency. 6. Top with shredded cheese, croutons, and a swirl of olive oil.
Conscious Kitchen Spinach Garlic Spaghetti Squash
Fresh spinach, garlic, and parmesan cheese are baked right in the spaghetti squash to make this rich, flavorful, and fun dish.
INGREDIENTS 1 medium spaghetti squash, baked 2 cloves garlic 1 tablespoon olive oil 1⁄4 cup roughly chopped parsley 2 cups fresh baby spinach 1⁄2 cup coconut milk (you could also
try heavy cream or half and half) 1⁄4 cup Parmesan or Pecorino cheese, additional 1⁄4 cup for topping 1⁄4 cup Greek yogurt, room temperature
DIRECTIONS 1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees Cut squash in half, lengthwise. 2. Scoop out the insides (save those seeds for roasting!) and brush the inside flesh with olive oil. Pierce the skin with a fork multiple times. 3. Place the halves flesh side down on a baking pan lined with unbleached parchment paper. 4. Roast the squash for 30 minutes or until it is fork-tender. Don’t overcook (it will produce extra liquid). 5. Separate the flesh of the baked squash with a fork. Stir it and leave it in the shell. FOR THE SAUCE 1. Add olive oil to a skillet on medium high heat. Add garlic when the pan is hot. When garlic is fragrant, add the parsley and spinach. 2. After the spinach is wilted, remove the pan from heat and add the coconut milk and cheese. 3. Slowly add the Greek yogurt. Stir well. 4. Top the squash with the mixture, stir it into the squash a bit, and then additional parm cheese and a sprinkle of pepper. 5. Bake for 20 minutes. If desired, broil for 2 minutes or until golden brown. 6. Top with chopped green onions (optional). Salt and pepper, to taste.
Conscious Kitchen Crispy Einkorn Waffles When you’re trying to avoid conventionally grown wheat, you might find yourself getting creative on carb replacements. With these crispy einkorn flour waffles, you won’t feel like you’re missing out on one of your breakfast favorites.
INGREDIENTS 2 ½ cups Einkorn flour 1 tablespoon aluminum free baking powder ½ cup oil 2 cups buttermilk 2 egg yolks 2 egg whites, beaten until stiff peaks formed
1 teaspoon vanilla ½ teaspoon salt 2 tablespoons organic cane sugar (optional)
DIRECTIONS 1. Heat waffle iron until hot. 2. In a large bowl, stir together the sugar, vanilla, flour, baking powder, salt, oil, buttermilk, and egg yolks. 3. Beat until smooth. 4. Gently fold in the egg whites just until stirred in. Do not over-mix. 5. Pour by heaped ¼ cups into the HOT waffle iron. 6. Bake until golden brown. Serve with grass-fed butter, berries of your choice, and organic maple syrup. Note: The sugar helps create waffles with soft centers and crispy edges, but isn’t necessary for flavor if your family avoids added sugar. Be sure to let the waffle iron heat in between each waffle. The super hot iron will help give you crisp edges without extra sugar. Beating the egg whites before adding them to the batter helps these waffles stay light and airy even though einkorn flour can sometimes be dense and thick.
DIY Wild Beauty Natural Lip Balm
This sweet balm combines luscious cocoa butter and coconut oil along with wax to seal in moisture. It is a real treat for parched lips any time of year. The two scent options give you a Creamsicle or mint chocolate treat; you can’t go wrong. You can add alkanet root for a lightly tinted berry color (see variation). YIELD: 1 1⁄2 OUNCES
INGREDIENTS 2 tablespoons cocoa butter 2 tablespoons coconut oil 2 tablespoons beeswax or vegan wax 1⁄2 teaspoon vitamin E For a creamsicle scent: 7 drops sweet orange essential oil 3 drops vanilla CO2 extract
For a minty scent: 10 drops peppermint essential oil Optional: 1 teaspoon alkanet root powder ADDITIONAL EQUIPMENT Metal tins with lids (either one 2-ounce tin or two 1-ounce tins)
INSTRUCTIONS Heat 2 inches of water in a small pot over medium heat. When it boils, turn down to simmer. Add cocoa butter, coconut oil, and wax in measuring cup and put in pot. When fully melted, remove from heat. Let mixture cool for several minutes and add vitamin E and essential oils of your choice. Stir well and pour into tin with lid. Let cool until fully hardened. Apply with fingers to lips as desired. Will keep for up to a year. VARIATION FOR COLORED BALM If you use alkanet root (unpowdered), add 1 tablespoon to mixture while heating. After you remove from heat, strain with fine-mesh strainer to remove root. If you use powdered alkanet root, add 1 teaspoon directly to mixture after you remove from heat and stir well.
By Jana Blankenship
Guided Meditation
To release anxiety from bullying BY MELLISA DORMOY ShambalaKids.com
When you’re ready, close your eyes and take in a few nice deep breaths. (Pause for breathing) Imagine that you’re taking a beautiful walk in a cool forest. You can hear the bubbling sounds of a stream somewhere in the distance. You’re totally comfortable just walking along and enjoying the beautiful weather. The sun shines on your face and warms you thoroughly.
You see a small bridge ahead. This is where you can cross the stream you’ve been hearing in the distance. As you make your way toward the bridge, some thoughts come to mind. These are thoughts of some unkind things that some people have said to you. You probably try not to think of these things normally, but today we are going to do something to help let those things go. If anyone
has ever said something to you to make you feel sad, we are going to let all of that go. We’ve come here on this beautiful forest walk today to leave these things behind, so we no longer carry them in our hearts or in our minds. You can imagine that many times people say unkind things because on the inside, they are hurting. You can understand this because maybe when you’ve been upset, you may have said something that wasn’t very nice.
As you choose to let the unkind thing go, you throw the rock deep into the stream to never see it again. The stream is so deep it swallows it up. The stream is happy to take away anything that hurt you.
Unkind words usually have nothing to do with you. They’re more about the person who said them, so there’s no reason for you to feel embarrassed or hurt by them.
Suddenly, your heart feels lighter and freer. One by one, you thoughtfully decide to throw the rest of the rocks into the stream. I’ll stay quiet, and you can let me know when you’re finished.
And today, in this warm, welcoming place, we’re going to let go of the negative or hurtful things people have said to you.
(Pause until prompted by child to continue)
So, imagine now that each negative thing is a rock inside your pocket. Maybe some rocks are heavier because they were very unkind things. And maybe some rocks are lighter because they were only small things that still hurt your feelings. Now, as you come to the middle of the bridge, take out any rock. Look closely at the rock you chose. This rock represents some unkind thing that was said to you. You decide it’s time to let that go in order to free up that space in your heart.
It feels so good to let all of those hurtful things go, to finally release them and be light and free in your heart. Something quietly tells you that today is a brand new day— a happy day! The sun shines brightly on your face, and you feel wonderful! I am so proud of you today for letting all of that go. When you’re ready simply give your body a nice stretch and open your eyes.
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