It was a rainy Friday morning when our son woke us. He had found his cat curled up at the end of his bed, and she wasn’t doing well. We rushed to the veterinarian’s office, where we learned that she had suffered a stroke and had only few hours to live. Suddenly faced with many decisions, we felt an overwhelming need as attached parents to comfort our children in their time of loss. It isn’t a topic we want to think about or plan for, but especially for families experiencing a pet death for the first time, there’s a lot to consider. Below, experts offer suggestions for helping kids cope and for honoring the special relationship between children and their pets.
What does death look like? “Many people tell me they feel more deeply about losing a pet than a person in their lives,” says Margo Mitchell Hunt, a veterinarian and mom of three boys practicing in Austin, Texas. But when children are allowed to experience death first-hand, it can remove some of the fear. It can be surprising for parents, but depending on a child’s age and personality, she may want to pet a dog after he dies, or help dig a hole for burial. Rev. Rebecca Ninke, of Madison, Wis., is a mom of two kids and five pets who got her start as a Lutheran minister presiding over backyard pet funerals. She advised parents to let kids “see, feel and handle death if they want to … obviously no child should be forced, but open the opportunity to let the child decide.”
When a pet is euthanized If the decision is made to euthanize, Hunt al-
ways lets parents lead the conversation with their own families. She said her experience as a mother has taught her that parents know their children better than anyone. Where she assists moms and dads is in explaining how the process will work because it can be unfamiliar. Most clinics will allow families to say good-bye in a treatment room or do whatever it takes to help kids feel most secure. Hunt said parents shouldn’t be afraid to ask for what their family needs. “It’s your moment,” she explains.
Last words Knowing that an animal’s death is imminent can be emotional and overwhelming. Kids wondering what to say might like this thought from my sister, another animal-lover and mama who supported our family the night our cat died at home, “I don’t like good-byes,” she said simply. “I might say instead, ‘Tell her anything that you want her to know.’”
“Bodies hold what’s inside us” The choice to bury a pet or have her cremated is more than just a question of logistics. Our veterinarian says burial seems to be easiest for young kids to comprehend. Sometimes backyard burial isn’t an option. Ninke once explained cremation to her son by “talking about our mulch pile and how things go back to the earth. Cremation speeds up the process a bit.” It may also help children if they are allowed to cremate a memento – a photo, a drawing, or even a blanket or toy -- along with their pet. 65