study suggests that being a primary caregiver for someone with Alzheimer’s damages your immune system and shortens your life by years. But, like thousands of other caregivers, I did it because I loved my husband. On our wedding day, I promised I would be his partner in sickness and in health. It was time to make good on that promise. For me, the physical manifestations of caregiver burnout were unmistakable. I ground my teeth so fiercely that I cracked several molars. I had pounding headaches that were impervious to aspirin, chronic heartburn, dizzy spells and even chest pains. The osteoarthritis I inherited from my mother grew significantly worse. Gery’s behavior became more erratic and unpredictable. Even going to the grocery store was an ordeal because he continually wandered away. One day, as we drove down a busy street, he opened his car door. Gradually, it became easier to just stay at home. The isolation warped my perspective and numbed my awareness of just how bad things were getting. By late summer 2010, Gery stopped talking to me in any meaningful way and didn’t know who I was. His anxiety reached epic proportions, and he paced continually. I had to help him dress, undress, shower and go to the bathroom. He was incontinent several times a week. He slept less and less. When the third sleeping medication failed, the doctor told me I was seriously jeopardizing my own health by keeping him at home. I had known from the start that eventually I would be forced to place Gery in long-term care. I also knew that I couldn’t let anyone make this decision for me because I was the one who would live with it. Even when many people were telling me the time had come, I struggled to accept it. I told myself I could do it for one more month, one more week, one more day. Finally, the lack of sleep forced me to let go. I placed Gery in long-term care in October 2010, three years after his diagnosis. My 96-year-old aunt occupied the room across the hall, and I will never forget how ridiculously young Gery looked compared to the other residents. He died Dec. 24, 2011, of a septic infection. To this day, it makes me sad that I wasn’t able to keep him at home until the end of his life. It would be easy to remain forever in despair over the life and love that I lost, but I’ve tried to let go of my anger and grief and move forward. Instead of asking, “Why?” I try to ask, “Where is the meaning in this?” I’ve learned that the only security in life is your own inner strength. I’ve learned that taking a loved one for granted, or treating them badly, puts you at risk for a lifetime of regret. I’ve learned that just one happy day is a rare and precious gift. Most of all, I learned that I was married to the bravest and most selfless man I’ve ever known. Despite his terrible diagChristine Sutton has detailed her times as a care- nosis, he consciously chose happiness. He didn’t giver for her husband who 5801 Northwest Grand Boulevard • Oklahoma City waste a moment of his precious time on false hope, suffered from early onset www.balliets.com • 405.848.7811 alzheimer’s disease in Stop anger or regret. How many of us would maintain Monday to Saturday 10AM to 6PM and Smell the Garbage. such strength of character in the face of our own mortality? So, the adage is true. My life did change forever when my husband got sick and I became his caregiver. When grief threatens to overtake me, I 12815 Balliets.indd 1 2/6/13 Oklahoma Magazine presents recall his amazing grace and courage and it gives our annual survey of the state’s me the strength to go on. This is what he would want for everyone who loved him. top young professionals: 40
Apr
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Oklahomans under the age of 40 who are making Oklahoma a better, richer and more exciting place to live.
ChRiSTine SUTTOn
Sutton is a contributing editor to Oklahoma Magazine.
MEET THE AUTHOR
12:43 PM
OKLAHOMA
christine Sutton will appear from 1 to 3 p.m. Saturday, March 9 at Steve’s Sundries to sign copies of her book, Stop and Smell the Garbage. The book chronicles Sutton’s experience as a caregiver for her husband, who died of early onset alzheimer’s disease.
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