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an alternative voice since 1984



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Psych, Oh Puck It Rifle Me This Super Single?

Table of Contents



5 EIC Letter Fake Romance 7 Agenda, Hit/BS Get Your Condoms, Boys 8 Awkward Do I know you? 9 Real Life Catfish The Real Deal 10 Gun Law Who has the power? 11 UB curse Since 1987 13 Your Dream Date Homewrecker 15 He Said/She Said “X” Edition 16 Mental Health The Other in Me 18 Sabres Hockey is Back 19 Buffalo Billion Give us Our Money 20 Steel Bellow Buffalo Poetry 21 Submissions 22 Parting Shots Addicted to Animal Crossing I Like to Write

Cover designed by Melissa Osterweil and Emily Butler, cover photo by Ally Balcerzak, photo source from all credits goes to respective photographer., (8), (9) www. (16) (17), (7) , (7), (7), (7) , (10), (11), (121), (20) (20) Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporation at the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine. Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephoane numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260. Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e-mailed to by 1p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2011 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000. ≠≠≠

Editor’s Letter


n honor of Valentine’s Day, I have a bone to pick with Nicholas Sparks and every single person who has ever had anything to do with writing, filming, or producing a romantic comedy. Actually, add Disney to that list because those classic Disney movies don’t help either. Don’t help what, you ask? To put it bluntly, romantic comedies, Nicholas Sparks, and Disney have ruined our expectations when it comes to relationships, members of the opposite sex, and love in general.

As a child, I watched every Disney movie about 50 times, just like anyone else in our generation. At the time, I was too young to realize just what those movies were teaching me about love, but looking back, most of those Disney princesses represent the extremes of how to get a man. Ariel traded her ability to speak for legs to win Prince Eric, aka changed fundamental attributes about herself to please him. Cinderella needed her Fairy Godmother to turn her rags into a gorgeous ball gown to get her Prince, showing us that it’s what on the outside that will catch the opposite sex’s attention. Then there was Sleeping Beauty, who wasn’t able to function until true love woke her from a deep sleep, and even then she immediately became a housewife; never living her own life. Thank you, Disney; for teaching young girls that the most important thing in life is finding a “prince,” no matter what we need to do to get him. But then again, it’s not just those of us with two X chromosomes who got mixed messages from Disney; guys did, too. Why on Earth did Aladdin masquerade as a prince and then risk his life for Jasmine after meeting her just one time in the marketplace? Why did Prince Phillip fight a fire-breathing dragon to get to Aurora in Sleeping Beauty? While Disney taught young girls to spend their lives looking for a “prince,” they were teaching young boys that they have to go to extremes to win the “princess.” Granted, I don’t know too many women who would be opposed to a man fighting for her. But let’s be honest, that’s not a realistic way to begin a relationship, especially in college. Despite it being common knowledge that most (healthy) relationships begin by meeting someone, getting to know them, and then becoming an item, movies have warped our expectations to the point that we now spend the courting period trying to show off. Take the movie Just Friends as an example. Ryan Reynolds plays a former high school geek turned hot, who winds up back at home one Christmas and attempts to win over his former best friend, played by Amy Smart. Throughout the movie we see Reynolds

try to woo Smart by driving a flashy car and bragging about his job in the music business. When another former geek, played by Chris Klein, comes into the picture, Reynolds suddenly will stop at no cost to win Smart’s heart. The competition becomes so heated that Chris ruins a Christmas light display in the process and for a moment, the audience believes he might not actually get the girl. But in a romantic comedy, the lead guy always gets the lead girl in the end. It’s pure fact, and it leaves us all wearing rose colored glasses when it comes to love. Whenever our love lives get complicated, we can’t help but hope things will play out like they do in the movies and we’ll end up with the one we want at the end. Whether we want to admit it or not, we’ve all thought it at some point, so don’t bother denying it, guys. Then there is Nicholas Sparks, the king of the romance novel-turned-romantic-movie. The man who wrote The Notebook. If anyone has given us unrealistic expectations about love, it’s him. For many women, especially those who have been scorned by love, there is nothing more romantic than the story of Allie and Noah. What’s not to envy about a story of love found, lost, and reunited? Aside from the lost part, not much, especially considering Noah never leaves Allie’s side once he has her back, even in death. The worst part about Hollywood giving us these warped expectations is the fact that we still flock to see these movies. Despite the fact that every time I walk out of the theater after seeing a rom-com, I vow to never see one again. But you can bet I’m calling my best friend the next time one comes out. At the end of the day we love these movies because while they’re unrealistic and we know it, they give us hope. Hope that one day we’ll find our Prince Charming or our Cinderella. So thank you Hollywood, for giving me hope while ruining my expectations simultaneously. Happy V-day!

Generation Staff 2013 Editor in Chief Ally Balcerzak Managing Editor Keighley Farrell Creative Director Melissa Osterweil Assistant Creative Director Emily Butler Photo Editor Dinorah Santos Web Editor Gabrielle Gosset Copy Editor Lee Auslander Associate Editors Laura Borschel Carlton Brock Paul Stephan Circulation Director Carlton Brock Business Manager Brian Kalish

Ally Balcerzak

Ad Manager Jessica Bornes Contributing Staff Angelina Bruno Eric Carlson



n o i t a c i l p Ap

O I B S n i s

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Wii U upcoming games Mike Birbiglia, February 14th

The famous comic will be at Helium Comedy Club on Valentine’s Day

At their Direct broadcast in late January, Nintendo announced several upcoming titles including a 3D Mario, Mario Kart, Zelda: The Wind Waker, which is getting an HD remake, and Super Smash Bros. They’re even going to be doing a crossover with Shin Megami Tensai and Fire Emblem. Now if only we could get a Wii U in our office.



Leading up to the episode of Snooki and JWoww where Snooki had her baby, there were an unlimited number of commercials reminding us of the television event. The week prior they aired 0 commercials for the season (and perhaps series) finale of Underemployed. We’ve all seen Snooki’s baby on tabloid covers; save Underemployed.

February is National Condom Month.

HBO Girls is on again


Not much else to say because it is perfection. And only a week and two months until Game of the Thrones starts again. Oh, and then True Blood comes back this summer. But I’d need more space to explain why that show is the greatest thing ever, so just go watch Girls.

It originally started at the University of California – Berkeley campus and has grown into an educational awareness week for schools, AIDs groups, planning organizations, and more across the country. Understandably so, February was chosen because of Valentine’s New Mexico House Rep. Cathrynn N. Brown proposed a bill classifying abortion after a sexual Day. Head to SBI to collect free condoms and help spread assault as ‘tampering with evidence.’ She seems to think that all sexual assault victims need awareness for sexual health. Safe sex is the best sex!

‘Tampering with evidence’


to carry out their unwanted pregnancies for the sake of collecting evidence. That evidence being the born child. How would you like to collect that evidence Representative? In an evidence bag?

Compromise in Washington?


President Obama is poised to make a major announcement on immigration in the coming days. What the final proposal will entail is not yet known. However, Democrats and Republicans appear to be crossing the partisan divide and compromising this time around. Perhaps they’ll finally pass a budget after they get done with immigration.

Margarita Day, February 22nd

Needing an excuse to drink all day? Well, this is the time to do it. Kick back and relax with some Tequila, Triple Sec, and lime juice and enjoy the party.

Taylor Swift and breakups


The pop star that has made a name for herself by making songs of her scorned womanhood, has recently broke up with Harry Styles. This has many people on edge, wondering when TSwift will write her next song. It also has a few people wondering when Taylor Swift will realize maybe she is the problem.


Women in Combat

On January 19th, after more than a decade at war, Pentagon Chief Leon Panetta lifted the ban on women in combat. In 1994, a rule was passed barring women from many combat positions, a move that many have argued has lead to women being passed over promotions in rank. Thankfully, Panetta has realized it’s no longer 1913 and that women should be able to serve alongside men in combat.

Valentines Day, February 14th

The holiday many love to hate is around the corner. If you’re in a relationship, be sure to make those dinner reservations, pick up some chocolate, and buy a new outfit. If you’re single, we’ll see you at Slick Willies for ladies night with the rest of us.

Banning Cats


A man in New Zealand is on a crusade to ban pet cats because he feels they are a danger to native birds. Clearly this man has never held a kitten in his arms because no one who has could possibly try to get rid of our feline companions. Cat Ladies of New Zealand unite!


Life With Lee

Important lessons brought to you by our favorite Long Island Jew



find that awkward moments are painful. Most people I talk to say that it is only painful if it is you experiencing the awkward moment, but I don’t think so. Awkwardness in scenes in books and movies usually get me, and I have to pause the movie or stop reading because I can feel the embarrassment from the characters. A girl I used to be friends with (before I came to my senses) used to love purposely creating those lovely moments, until everyone wanted to punch her in the face (I still do and I don’t deny it at all).

What is awkward for some people isn’t awkward for others. But some situations we can all say are not the most comfortable to be in. And what makes it incredibly worse is when it’s a reoccurring experience. Meaning, as college students, the places we have to frequent the most (outside the library, of course. I still have a long list of grievances regarding library behavior on this campus) are our classes. I happen to go to every class. Yes. Every. Single. Freaking. Class. It’s incredibly rare for me to skip, even when I’m sick. But when the class itself is incredibly awkward for a specific reason and you can’t escape it, then skipping seems like a fine choice. The only problem is that short of resigning the class, you end up having to go at least a couple of times. Crap. My most awkward experience had to be when half of the class thought that my TA had a crush on me. Pro? Well, obviously I got an A in the class with minimal effort. Con? Uncomfortable. I met the TA a long while before I realized he was going to be teaching the class I enrolled in. I didn’t think much of it until the first day of class, where he praised the project we did in class, despite the fact that I had seriously messed up and even a blind monkey wouldn’t like what I had on my paper. I didn’t think much of it until my friends in the class insisted he had a crush on me. He had gotten into the habit of calling on me for every single question and was beyond patient when I didn’t understand anything. He’d try to strike up long conversations both before and after class. Luckily, I had the excuse that I was going to be late for a meeting. I don’t like it when people assume that others have crushes on them. It makes you sound like such a snobbish asshole, and I try to limit how asshole-ish I am allowed to be. But when all your friends in the class insist on it, it’s a bit of an issue. I’m still not really sure if it was true. He may have just enjoyed my outstanding personality and sarcastic charm (There’s the first snobbish asshole comment I’m allowed to have in print this semester.) But one thing is for sure; that class was the most awkward experience of my life. And it lasted an entire semester.


One of my friends had the most horrific awkward experience last semester. I didn’t notice that she and a guy in our tiny seven person class didn’t like each other. I certainly didn’t notice that she tried to avoid him (how do you avoid someone in a class that small?) She told me, “In all fairness, this should be the lesson of ‘don’t hook up with people who are in your classes, especially your major classes.” It was only after that we became better friends that she informed me that she developed feelings for the guy in our class when he was in another of her classes a semester before. She said they agreed to go out for drinks sometime together, but what that really meant to him was showing up at her door at 2 am, hammered. It turned into a one night stand. After avoiding her and not answering her text messages, she decided to delete him from her life, only to find him in that small class last semester. They pretended that they didn’t know each other at first, and I can’t even imagine how awkward that must be. To make it even better, it was a discussion-based class, so they were forced to talk to each other. Lovely. Fortunately, she still retains her sense of humor, saying, “We managed to act like we didn’t know each other for an entire semester when all I wanted to say was, ‘you couldn’t c**, what a letdown.’” Oh, dear. It could always be worse. This is college after all. There are plenty of examples to choose from. If only awkwardness could be avoided…

Article By: Dinorah Santos


he was ashamed of herself and hated how she looked. She wanted to be someone else, anyone but herself. Then she set her eyes on my sister, her classmate, and her coworker. It began as a little “game” and ended as a stolen identity. There have been numerous arguments about how the digital age has changed the way love is found but like everything else there are flaws with this approach. The advancement in the Internet has made it that much easier for someone to lie about who they truly are. They easily hide behind their computer monitors, stock their prey, and attack. Okay, that might be a little too harsh but that’s what it seems from the outside looking in. It was an average day for Shadaylee; nothing out of the ordinary until she logged into her Facebook. She had received a friend request but it was no ordinary friend request. The profile picture was of her. It couldn’t be her doppelganger because she remembers taking that photo. She sat there, staring at the friend request, too freaked out to approve it. She couldn’t believe it; she didn’t want to believe it. So she sent this anonymous person a message, “Who is this? You need to delete this page, this is childish!” But, no one replied. She was confused and wanted to see what this page was about and who this person was so she approved the request. This person had pictures Shadaylee from her old MySpace, photos that she deleted from her page, of her prom, of the pageant she recently won and even her family. This person has been talking and pretending to be Shadaylee for over 3 years. This page was very believable; it had regular timeline post, pictures with friends and family. The last post said, “I’m sorry

everyone, this is not the real me, this is a girl named Shadaylee Vasquez’s pictures. I did it to make someone like me.” Then she got another friend request by a young Hispanic boy named Bebo, who was from NYC. Bebo messaged Shadaylee saying, “I need to talk to you about the page. I’m the one who added you using that page.” It turns out that he was in love with Shadaylee, the fake one. They exchanged num-

bers and he explained his situation to her. Bebo was in love with someone but he didn’t know with who. He didn’t know what to say when speaking to the real Shadaylee on the phone; he would say, “I was in love with you…her…I don’t know.” He thought it was Shadaylee but it wasn’t. Bebo spoke on the phone with the girl who pretended to be Shadaylee. They spoke every day for 3 years. He fell in love and he fell hard. He wanted to meet her, touch her, he even told her he would come to Buffalo and move in with her but she always had an excuse. Everything came crumbling down so fast. The anonymous girl went to New York City for vaca-

tion; she even told Bebo where she was, not thinking he would come. When a man loves, they love hard and no one can stop them. Bebo was tired of seeing Shadaylee through his LCD screen. Since he lived in NYC he knew it was is last chance to actually meet her in person, so he bought beautiful flowers and climbed in a cab. When he got to her doorstep to surprise her, he decided to give her a call and let her know he was there and he told her, “Come down because I’m not leaving till I see you.” She began to cry hysterically saying, “I’m sorry. Sorry! This is all a lie, I’m not who you think I am.” She never came down because the embarrassment was too much to handle. She hated how she looked and did not want him to see the real her. Bebo threw the flowers away and left her doorstep with his heart shattered into pieces. Shadaylee finally found who her stalker was; she also found out that she had been working with her for over a year now. She spoke to her all the time; they even went to the same grammar school together. “Wow, I knew this girl for years, I worked with her every day, never would I have thought this,” said Shadaylee as she sat their recollecting the events of that day. She forgave the girl for what she did, at first they didn’t speak at work because it was too awkward but as time went by they started to speak again. Till this day as Shadaylee talks about her experience, the hairs behind her back raise. When you lie, no matter how small that lie may be it can cause great pain. Bebo was in love with a lie and Shadaylee’s privacy was invaded. But at the end of the day the person who that girl hurt the most was herself. -9-


Gun Laws Article By: Laura Borschel


ith the recent terrors of mass shootings across the country, many American citizens and politicians have called for immediate federal action regarding magazine size, increased background checks, the banning of assault weapons, and overall increased regulation over fire arms within the nation. Despite horrific past events that still resonate with many Americans like Columbine and Virginia Tech, gun control and the issues surrounding it have somehow always stayed in the back of most Americans’ and politicians’ minds. With thousands of people dying each year due to gun violence, it is a wonder why it took this long to get the ball moving on a macro level. At the same time, however, on a small town micro level it is easy for me to understand why gun laws and regulations face resistance. Growing up, even though my family never owned any type of fire arm, the parents of almost every kid I knew had guns or rifles to go hunting or for target shooting. Guns were, and still are, a sort of facet within -10-

my small-town community. I never had any type of personal exposure to firearms until I was in high school, when I decided to join my school’s varsity rifle team. After that first practice, I knew I had found my sport, my one true sports passion: competitive shooting. Our team was the best of the best; we had been division champs for a total of over thirty years, we had won regional’s several times, and perhaps most importantly, we had a coach who had been teaching and coaching for over thirty years. Before we were even able to touch any of the rifles every person on the team had watch several educational videos on gun safety, and know how our firearms worked. At first, every new person would start out on an air rifle, to see whether or not he or she could handle maintaining and shooting a .22. Gradually once we actually began shooting, we were taught how to properly handle and take care of our rifles. Through the structure of the team and my coach, I was taught and trained for four years how to properly treat and maintain firearms.

Whenever an issue about gun control would grace the news it was always a relatively hot topic on the range with the team. To my knowledge, most kids didn’t agree with increasing regulations and waiting periods because they were doing everything right according to the law. They felt as if they were being unfairly punished for people who were not properly trained, using guns for the wrong reasons, and those who didn’t take owning a gun seriously. And for the most part, I agree with them. Like my teammates, I take shooting and handling firearms extremely seriously. I don’t think it would be an over generalization to say that there are a good portion of Americans who own guns who do not realize the seriousness and reality of what they can do. Guns possess serious power to do many things, including inflicting violence. Unfortunately, the sad fact is that there are people in America who do not handle guns with responsibility, and ultimately do make it harder on responsible gun enthusiasts. I do think however we have passed the

point of keeping the responsible gun own at the forefront of our minds. We have reached a critical juncture as a country to acknowledge that we must do something for the greater good of our nation, which includes further regulating and controlling guns on a higher level. The fact of the matter is that certain people simply cannot handle the responsibilities that other people can handle, and if that means taking certain aspects of that away for everyone, so be it. While a part of me is frustrated over the fact that it may become even harder for me to obtain a gun, as a responsible enthusiast, I also notice the practical reality of the situation: something must be done quickly in order to prevent thousands of deaths caused by gun violence each year. We cannot simply accept these deaths in order to look out for those who are responsible gun owners. We must look on a larger scale to the people who have no longer have a voice.




’s Distinguished Speakers Series dates back to 1987. Everyone from former presidents, comedians, philanthropists, authors, and journalists have made the lineups interesting, enjoyable and thought provoking. They come not only to entertain but also to spread awareness for the causes they are passionate about. Each strives to use their public position and celebrity to give a voice to problems and movements that might otherwise go unnoticed. For this reason, it is surprising and a little upsetting that in the past few years, after speaking at UB, a number of speakers have gone on to disgrace themselves. Is the “UB Curse” haunting these individuals? In the 2010-11 series of speakers Greg Mortenson and Arnold Schwarzenegger were on the lineup. Mortenson detailed his experiences that led him to write his book, Three Cups of Tea, the 2010 UB reads selection. I remember my grandmother constantly trying to lend me her copy of this book and feeling guilty for not having time to read it. It turns out, I should not have. Mortenson’s story of how he ended up in Korphe, Pakistan and promised to build schools for girls turned out to be a hoax. On April

17th 2011 CBS’s 60 Minutes made allegations against Mortenson. He was accused of making up the story and its sequel, of not building or supporting the schools that were built, and for mismanaging and taking advantage of charitable donations to the organization CAI. CAI or the Central Asia Institute was the organization that was supposed to be used for the funding of schools. Mortenson took advantage of everyone who felt very strongly about the issues he was supposedly trying to combat. Later that year in May of 2011 Schwarzenegger was accused of cheating on his wife Maria Schriver of 25 years. Arnold had been accused of groping women in the past while running for governor but his wife stood by his side and vouched for his character. It turned out he had cheated with a woman who had worked for their family for 20 years and even fathered her child. He later confessed that these allegations were true as well as multiple other affairs. The Former action star and governor’s seemingly golden marriage to Schriver, member of the democratic Kennedy family, ended. A man who shared such positive messages at UB to “always follow your dreams and stay

motivated” apparently could not stop himself from following all his desires and ruining a great marriage and family. While I was not present for the previous Speakers, I attended Lance Armstrong’s event. I thought he seemed really genuine and had truly helped to make progress with the Livestrong organization. I remember everyone scrambling to buy the bracelets in middle school and here was the man behind it. He overcame cancer and came back to win the Tour de France Seven times. It was most inspiring to see all the cycling fans who came out to see Lance, especially the young kids who had read his book and wanted to meet their idol. After finding out he was stripped of his titles in June 2012, not even a couple months after I had seen him in person, I was shocked. I thought back to the event and how when one of the fans asked Lance if he would be willing to participate in a bike race held in Buffalo to help them raise money for a similar cause, he had said he would be involved in another race. While he apologized during his recent big exclusive interview with Oprah and obviously was a busy man, I think that moment reflects how his competitive side may have taken precedent over his

Article By: Angelina Bruno

better judgment in more situations than one. While the UB Curse has become somewhat of a joke, we should take care not to undermine or ignore the positive messages the Distinguished Speakers Series represents. The individuals mentioned in this article had everyone fooled; other schools had even awarded Mortenson honorary degrees. Their actions took place and the after effects hurt a lot of people, but we can’t ignore the positive things they did accomplish. People make poor decisions and mistakes in their lives and we can learn from those experiences as well. Maybe Maria Schriver will speak at UB someday about overcoming her struggles as well as the issues she supported as a California Governor’s wife. When dealing with public figures, society has learned to take the good with the bad, we don’t have to condone bad behavior but we can move on from it and learn from it. While this fluke occurred and a few of the speakers whose actions took place over a long period of time all happened to get caught after speaking at UB, we should remain confident in the series and the great messages and ideals that it represents. -11-

VALENTINE’S DAY HOOK UP Hello Valentine’s Day lovers. Still dateless? Well, here is your chance to meet your dream guy or gal. We have a vast array of potential blind date candidates. From music majors to your classic homewrecker, we have your soulmate. But in all seriousness, if you want to have fun this Valentine’s Day, feel free to email us at and we will set you up with one of our single(ish) editors, so you both get to have a special/ bizarre holiday this year.

Name: Laura “Listen, You Don’t Understand” Borschel Age: 20 Major: Tumblr Looking For: Women. Sweet sweet women. Hailing from our glorious city of Buffalo, NY, Laura spends her free time making snide comments about celebrities and drooling over celebrities. She considers herself to be quite a skilled art critic, and has attended more than one thousand (minus 998) art galleries in the past week. Laura would never consider touching a single DROP of alcohol, unless the day of the week ends in a Y. Her cartoon-character-esque wardrobe can be spotted from a mile away; with her Abercrombie button-downs and stunningly crimson Hollister beanie, she is the essence of fashion. A lover of all things F. Scott Fitzgerald, she’s hoping to find the perfect Nick to her Gatsby. (Because they’re totally gay for each other.)

Name: Melissa Jill Osterweil Age: 21 Major: Visual Studies with a minor in Sarcasm Looking for: A nice, cute, Jewish boy Melissa is a feisty graphic artist who enjoys eating bacon, drinking Manishewitz, and going to the gym twice a week. She has been known to read novels such as Fifty Shades of Gray, go for a swim at random hours, and spend copious amounts of time designing life-size structures using only the alphabet. She’d also love to wear sweatpants everyday because she finds normal pants to be restricting. If you’re going to take her out, Melissa’s idea of a perfect date involves drinking wine and eating enormous amounts of food, preferably with something Oreo flavored.

Name: Paul “Bosa Nova” Stephan Age: 21 Major: Urban & Public Policy Minor: Music (he can totally serenade you…) French (Couchez avec lui!) Looking for: Eco-friendly vegetarian. Preferably of the female species. Now as much as people say they don’t mind being alone on Valentine’s day, we all know this is not true. So, GIRLS, here is your chance for you to meet your dream guy. Paul has a few interests. As a former SA employee, he has the info for the best places on campus. He feels very strongly about politics, but don’t worry; this guy knows how to party all day every day… but seriously. And if you’re still not convinced this is the right guy for you, he occasionally likes to wear skirts, more specifically, kilts. Hey, easy access.

Name: Dinorah “Step into my cantina” Santos Age: 20 Major: Communications Looking For: Men Dinorah is a feisty, single Latina looking for love. A sassy Puerto Rican from Buffalo, Dinorah is a photographer and loves taking pictures, if you’re into that kind of thing. She never fails to look professional and ready to take on the world, be it at her job at Campus Tees or when writing an article on creepy guys at the club. In her spare time, she enjoys watching Tyler Perry movies on Netflix on the office computers. Also, she’s not really into Latino men. Lo siento, muchachos.

Name: Ally “The Batman” Balcerzak Age: 21 Major: Stress with a minor in Bossy Pants Looking for: Men and Jennifer Lawrence By day, Ally is hard working pre-law student who is consumed by her daily responsibilities as a hard-working college student. By night, well, let’s just say the only managing she does is managing crime (you know, Batman). Apart from being a vigilante, she enjoys the life of a regular playboy, enjoying activities such as bartending, yoga, and smiting her irresponsible employees. Ally is searching for her perfect someone who can be the Robin to her Dark Night.

Name: Keighley “Homewrecker” Farrell Age: 19 Major: Weirdness, primarily, but also English and Photography Looking for: Handsome, older gentlemen Are you a middle-aged gentleman looking for a discreet affair with a younger engaged woman? If so, then Keighley is absolutely perfect for you. This gal doesn’t want to be all by herself in any facet of life. Just leave your wife and baby at home and join up with Keighley for a night of listening to Die Antwood, having secret parties, and putting post-it note labels on everything, in case you lose your basic memory of the English language.

Name: Carlton N Brock III Age: 22 Major: English Looking for: Women and Leonardo DiCaprio Carlton is a Pittsburgh born, tall, black male senior at the University at Buffalo, Carlton likes to read for days upon days and long silent walks in the library. If you are looking for someone who is a strong believer of rubbers then Carlton N. Brock III is your man. He is a strong believer of wearing rubber gloves while scrubbing his kitchen floor spotless. Carlton recently diagnosed himself with amnesia and likes spending endless nights watching WWE Royal Rumble reruns.



Job entails distributing Generation Magazine to various locations around campus.


He Said

Article By: Paul Stephan and Laura Borschel

How do I solve for x? HS: When your girl is giving you the right sins, you’ll know it’s time to solve for her x. Be like an asymptote. Get closer and closer to your limit, but don’t hit it too soon. SS: So you want to solve for her X? Before you check out the curves on her parabola, there are a few steps you can take so she’ll be loggingyour-rhythm. First, you’re going to want to get horizontal and parallel to her complementary angles. After that you’ll be able to get your solution all over her problem.

I caught my boyfriend watching XXX last weekend. What should I do? HS: I, for one, am outraged that any self-respecting man would watch porn. None of my male friends have ever seen porn. We don’t even know what sex is outside of what we were told in fifth grade and what we see on the Discovery Channel. SS: Obviously, he was watching that gay porno with Vin Diesel in it. Don’t confront him. Just yell about it, because that really isn’t definitive proof that he’s a raging homo. You do, however, want to talk to him if you catch him putting your curling iron in the hole of his anus, because then you’ll know he’s gay.

What’s the best way to get back at my ex? HS: You need to make her jealous. Go to the Steer, get wasted (white girl wasted is preferred), hook up with some random person, and (this is the most important part) take drunk pictures of the two of

She Said


you at a dimly-lit bar, and post them on Facebook that night. She’ll be really jealous of you after that. Yeah. SS: Always try to get back with your ex; even if she says no, she really means yes. That’s because all women play hard to get, and really just mean the opposite of what they say.

Why do they put Xs on my hands when I go out to the club? It makes me feel so left out. HS:This is totally offensive. Putting Xs on my hands at a club infringes on my religious liberty. Please allow me to write a threepage letter to the editor to express my outrage. SS: Like you, Rosa Parks felt the overwhelming feeling of oppression and adversity. She wasn’t even allowed to buy marble cake or mix her darks and whites at the laundromat until the famous Montgomery Bakery sit-in of 1955. Will you stand for the exact same oppression that Rosa Parks sat down against? Which seat will you take?

X Edition

face right off. Notice someone vandalizing a public building? Use your drug-induced rage to make sure they can never do it again.

Someone told me “X marks the spot.” What does this mean? HS: So your love life has gone little astray, and you want to spice things up? Well, to find her buried treasure, make sure you’re well equipped to dig deep and un-pry her crusty chest of gold and jewels. According to, you’ll need to make sure her seas are salty and stormy before you dock your vessel into her harbor. SS: Before you plunge into her depths, you really need to make sure that the waters aren’t too choppy (which vary based upon the lunar cycle). Then you need to drop your anchor before you get too close to shore. After that, gather the seamen and storm her Normandy beaches.

Why do they X-ray me at the airport? It makes me feel uncomfortable. So I took a bit too much PCP and I feel I have superpowers like the X-Men. What do I do? HS: Lemme be honest with you. I saw the X-Men movie a long time ago, and I don’t remember a thing about it, other than that weird wolf-claw man. So here’s what you do: make a movie about yourself, and if no one watches it, then you’re just like the X-Men. If people do watch it, you might be Batman, or maybe the star of a romantic comedy. SS: What you should do, is go fight crime and test those powers out. See someone littering? Eat their

HS: For more than a decade the United States has been putting the “pat” in patriot. Sure, I may enjoy a pat down every once in a while. Sure, I might relish in the fact that at least someone will see me naked this week. But that’s not why I go through security at the airport. I do it for love of country. SS: The TSA is working every day to fondle potential terrorist attacks before they start. So stand by your country and let them see your weapons of ass destruction.

Send your questions to!


The Other in Me Why we need to stop equating mental illness with violence

Article By: Paul Stephan


hortly after the Newtown shooting, NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre said that gun-free zones, “tell every insane killer in America that schools are their safest place to inflict maximum mayhem with minimum risk.”

I was particularly struck by his use of the term “insane”, as if the use of that word can explain violence, or can distance us from those who commit it. Unfortunately, LaPierre’s statement is still representative of how we view mental health in America. Although great advances have been made in treating the mentally ill over the past several decades, there still exists a stigma against those with psychological disorders. Ultimately, this stigma discourages people from seeking mental health care and prevents us from having a real conversation on the real issues at hand. This stigma is a problem that deserves our attention and vigilance. Consider the following three things: mental illness, violence, and the “other”. By mental illness I mean the broad umbrella of psychological disorders classified by professionals in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM). Violence is self-explanatory; as for the other, I mean individuals and practices that we mark as fundamentally different from ourselves and less than ourselves. In war, for example, soldiers will often view their enemies as the other and by marking another human as something different from oneself, the killing becomes more justifiable in the mind of the warrior. Mental illness, violence, and the other: These three things are distinct from one another in fact, but in the popular perception they are linked and, in some cases, totally exchangeable. We see those with mental illness as the other, strange, sick, and outside of our own sane existence. We often tie violence with mental illness, believing that everyone from wife beaters to serial killers do what they do because there’s something internally wrong with them. And we connect violence with the other. We still believe in the Disney-style fairy tale that the world is divided between good and bad people, and it’s the bad ones who commit acts of violence.


Linking mental illness, violence, and the other is comforting for us. It allows us to distance ourselves from the more grisly parts of this world. We can sit at home assuring ourselves that we’ll never succumb to mental illness, and we’ll never be violent, because those people are different from us. And we can solve the world’s problems by locking up the troublemakers, because they’re not fit to inhabit normal society. It’s very nice to believe that we’re fundamentally different from the mentally ill or the violent. The problem is that we’re not. The mentally ill and the violent are, for the most part, about as normal as we are. The sooner we accept that, the sooner we’ll be able to deal with the issues as they are, instead of as we imagine them to be. Mental Illness and Othering We really do want to believe that mental illness is confined to a relative few. The truth of the matter is that mental illness is incredibly common. According to a 2005 report by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), 26.2% of Americans age 18 and over have a diagnosable psychological disorder in a given year. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMSA) puts that figure a little lower, at about 20%. That’s just in a given year, though. NIMH also reported that more than half of all Americans will have a mental illness at some point in their lives. In other words, at least every other person in your life, including you, will have a psychological disorder. Most of the disorders with which people struggle are not schizophrenia or antisocial personality disorder (sociopathy, roughly). Of Americans with a mental illness in a given year, about a third are diagnosed with mood disorders, such as depression or bipolar disorder. The NIMH discovered that 14.8 million adults (about one quarter of that 26.2% in the study) have major depressive disorder. About 40 million adults have some type of anxiety disorder, such as Social Phobia, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, or PTSD.

In short, the more than half of us with psychological disorders generally have something other than what we think of when we envision “crazy” people. Part of the reason mental illness is so common is that psychologists and psychiatrists are beginning to put names and diagnoses to things that went unlabeled for a long time. A prominent example of this is ADHD. It has always existed, arguably, but has only been diagnosed recently. Some have criticized this expansion in the number of diagnosable disorders. Dr. Paul McHugh, a psychiatrist at Johns Hopkins, said this to The New York Times in response to the 2005 NIMS report, “Fifty percent of Americans mentally impaired are you kidding me? Pretty soon we’ll have a syndrome for short, fat Irish guys with a Boston accent, and I’ll be mentally ill.” I disagree with McHugh. There are two very good reasons why professionals should continue to broaden the number of people diagnosed with mental illness. First, it allows people to receive treatment more easily, as insurance companies are much more likely to cover conditions recognized by the DSM (the big book of psychological disorders). Second, when more people are diagnosed as mentally ill, it will help remove the stigma surrounding mental illness. When more than half of us have some sort of marked disorder, we can no longer tie mental illness to the other. We’ll instead be forced to accept the normalcy of non-normalcy. The field of psychiatry has traditionally tried to do remove the stigma surrounding psychological illness through the medical model - the idea that those with psychological disorders are similar to those with medical diseases. They should be diagnosed and treated to fix the disease. This ideal has done a good deal to normalize mental illness and remove some of the stigma surrounding it. The problem with the medical model, however, is that it presumes that mental illness is something that happens to people and can be removed, rather than it being something intrinsic to one’s personality and identity that cannot be completely “treated” in the medical sense. In any case, the linking of mental illness to the other is incredibly destructive, and the realization of how common mental illness is will hopefully remove its stigma. Violence Unfortunately, mental illness and violence are often tied together in the popular imagination, and the former is often used to explain the latter. After mass shootings, we typically conclude that the shooter was mentally incapacitated in some way. Only someone truly crazy would commit acts of such violence. And from there it follows that one of the best policies to end violence is something like involuntary commitment, where those deemed mentally unfit by the courts are forced to undergo psychiatric treatment, typically at a mental hospital. As The Wall Street Journal wrote in a December editorial, “A Hartford judge named Robert K. Killian Jr. has been arguing for a bill in the Connecticut legislature that would give the state the authority to forcibly medicate and stabilize people with severe mental disabilities like schizophrenia for up to 120 days. Judge Killian is working from his own experience with repeat offenders, but Democrats keep killing the bill on civil liberties grounds.”

those who are dependent on intoxicating substances. In other words, it’s likely that some of the people in your local bar are at greater risk of committing murder than your average person with mental illness.” If mental illness isn’t really a good explanation for violence, then why do we keep using it to explain tragic events like those that happened at Newtown? I posit two explanations. First, we have a bad habit of characteristically lumping all psychological disorders into one basket, in the same way that Americans tend to think of Africa as a homogenous continent rather than a collection of diverse nations and cultures. Second, we try to tie violence to the other. As Wayne LaPierre said, “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.” In this fantasy, the world is divided into objectively good people and bad people. The bad people are the ones who are dangerous, and it’s up to the good guys to stop them. (This idea doesn’t stand up to scrutiny. See the Milgram Experiment and the Stanford Prison Experiment) A slightly more humane way of framing the good guy-bad guy worldview is through mental illness. They’re not evil people; they’re just mentally ill. Although this explanation for violence seems to be rooted in compassion, it is based on the same flawed logic; that the violent are somehow fundamentally different from us. Conclusion We don’t place the mentally ill, the violent, and the other in one cognitive basket without good reason. It’s very comforting for us to do so. If we can convince ourselves that the mentally ill are different from us, and that it’s the mentally incapacitated who commit acts of violence, we remove ourselves from responsibility. We rest assured that we would never be like them, and that we can’t influence their actions because they’re outside the realm of normal human thought. As comforting as this notion is, it’s wrong, both factually and morally. When we excuse acts of violence as the result of mentally illness, we ignore the true causes of violence, and we resign ourselves from taking steps to prevent it. And when we place the mentally ill in a separate group from “normal” society, we do an injustice to our family, friends, and neighbors who struggle with these stigmatized conditions. This is not an article about what we should do after Newtown, or how we should care for those with psychological disorders, though I hope it invites discussion on those topics. This is, above all, a piece about a mindset that has infected our society. If this mindset is removed and replaced with something less comforting but more accurate, we can make great advances in mental health care and violence prevention. As long as it remains in place, however, we should expect these problems to continue unabated.

Maybe this seems sound on its face. After all, as commentator Joe Nocera put it, “Anyone who goes into a school with a semiautomatic and kills 20 children and six adults is, by definition, mentally ill.” So why not be precautionary and put these people away before they do something rash? Because the mentally ill aren’t that much more violent than anyone else. To correlate mental illness with violence is to misrepresent the facts and to do an injustice to the mentally ill. As Vaughn Bell described in Slate in 2011,“A 2009 analysis of nearly 20,000 individuals concluded that increased risk of violence was associated with drug and alcohol problems, regardless of whether the person had schizophrenia. Two similar analyses on bipolar patients showed, along similar lines, that the risk of violent crime is fractionally increased by the illness, while it goes up substantially among


It’s (Finally) Hockey Night in Buffalo Again T

o a hockey fan, the greatest event of 2013 was the end of the NHL lockout. Ever since it was announced that a deal had been struck on January 6, hockey fans have been rejoicing and declaring their predictions for the shortened season. Instead of the usual 82 games, teams will be playing 48 games in three months. But at the end of the day, they could be playing 30 and fans would be excited purely because it’d mean hockey is back. With the season officially underway, many fans and sports broadcasters have turned their attention to past statistics. Even the radio stations that never talk numbers have become fascinated by the Sabres’ past statistics. But can a few numbers on a piece of paper really predict the season? Or is there more to a team than past goals allowed, points scored, and total penalty minutes? When the schedule finally came out, the most important statistic quickly became how well (or poorly) a team did while playing tired. The regular season is running from January 19th to April 27th, forcing teams to play three or four games a week in order to cram all 48 in. With weekends being packed with games, many teams will be facing the prospect of playing back-to-back games more often than in past seasons. Some teams excel when playing on tired legs, while others fail horribly. Playing tired can be even more troublesome for injuryprone teams such as the Sabres. When the body is tired or sore, its reaction time slows down and stamina decreases. Suddenly that check into the boards from two games ago becomes a bigger problem because players are not able to give their bodies adequate time to rest


and recover. In years past, the Sabres have fallen apart mid-season due to injured star players. There have many a Cup dreams ruined thanks to a concussion or busted knee. This year the Sabres don’t appear to be off to a good start on the injury front since Nathan Gerbe was injured while playing in Europe. He returned from across the pond with a back injury that is supposedly healed, but only time will tell how well of a recovery he really made. To add insult to injury, the team was also forced to play its first five games of the season without Gerbe because any player injured while playing in Europe was given a five game suspension from the NHL.

Despite past years full of injuries, the Sabres seem to be ready for a playoff run this year. The line of Vanek, Hodgson, and Pominville has been a force to be reckoned with since their opening game against the Flyers. When those three are on the ice every Buffalo fan has their eyes glued to the ice waiting for a goal, or at the very least a shot. Up in the 300 level of the First Niagara Center there is a sign that reads “Pominville Population” which tracks how many goals he has each season. This year the goal-trackers were able to make the first tally during the


Article By: Ally Balcerzak

team’s first game, and everyone hopes he’ll keep adding to it nightly. Vanek was tied for first place in points in the Eastern Conference after Sunday’s opening game. As of press time he was fouth in the league with nine points. If he keeps up his streak, the Sabres will be a top contender for the Stanley Cup this season. The lockout was a dark time for hockey fans, especially in Buffalo where our teams are our lives and Sabres owner Terry Pegula has been worshiped since the day he bought the team in February of 2011. While other franchises saw players and coaches at odds with their owner and management over money and contract stipulations, the Sabres never appeared to be surrounded in rumors or even a major part of the bickering happening during negotiations. A Buffalo hockey fan is different than other hockey fans because while we care about the wins, we ultimately care more about the feeling hockey season brings. Sure, diehard fans will be able to recite the team’s leading scorers for the past three seasons while simultaneously calculating just how many points we need to win our division and clinch a playoff spot. But the average person on the street will simply put their jersey on, crack open a Labbatt, and scream every time the referees break up a fight or miss a holding penalty. Nothing compares to standing outside the arena on game night for Party in the Plaza and watching the game with a few hundred other freezing cold, obnoxiously yelling, blue and yellow wearing Sabres fans. As much as we’d love to finally win the Cup, as long as we get our hockey, we’ll be happy.



Billion Dollar Bet


elieve it or not, Buffalo used to be one of the most prosperous cities in America. It strategically sat within the old manufacturing belt, now referred to as the rust belt. At its height, Buffalo was the eighth most populous city in the country. Globalization and aggressive lowering of trade barriers precipitated its fall from grace. This led to a massive exodus of good old-fashioned American manufacturing jobs to cheaper locales such as China. With the heart of the economy hemorrhaging, the long painful decline ensued. It is within this stagnation we sit waiting eagerly for a reprieve. And now it seems we may have one.

Article By: Eric M Carlson a 50 million dollar investment to bring the Albany Molecular Research Inc (AMRI) to the new Buffalo-Niagara Medical Campus.

This initiative needs to be major launching pad for a comprehensive economic shift of Buffalo. A billion dollars, while helpful, is not enough make Buffalo prosperous once again. For example, in December the Bills reached an agreement to remain in Western New York for another 7 years, putting to rest speculation that they may be relocating. The plan also included 130 million dollars in stadium renovations. They only got it half right. If the city and state are serious about revitalization, they should abandon trying to make In his state of the state address in 2012, Governor Ralph Wilson Stadium better, and build a new Andrew Cuomo announced an initiative to invest stadium actually in Buffalo. Building down in the 1 billion dollars into economic revitalization waterfront is a perfect choice. Not only would a efforts of the Buffalo-Niagara region, aka “The new multipurpose stadium have a residual effect on Buffalo Billion”. As a part of the Governor’s business already located there, it also incentivizes larger state economic plan, he charged the newly new startups in that area. formed Western New York Regional Economic Development Council (WNYREDC) with One important aspect that is lacking in the Buffalo identifying strategic areas for investment. Our Billion is higher education. This might sound university president Satish K. Tripathi is one of self-serving, but the state needs to invest in the the co-chairs of WNYREDC. They proposed local state colleges. These new business initiatives 6 areas for investment, ranging from research, are pointless if there are no qualified applicants. manufacturing, tourism, etc. What better way to fill these needs with locally grown talent? It also gives those of us who are In his latest address a few weeks ago, Cuomo not from Buffalo a compelling reason to make reiterated his commitment to the Buffalo Billion, a life and have a career here. I will go where the claiming how it will create jobs and spur private opportunity is, and if it happens to be in the same investment. One of the latest facets of the plan is place I went to school, then so be it. But when the

state perpetually cuts funding it does a disservice to both the students and the local economy. Don’t get me wrong, UB doesn’t run as efficiently as it should. There are plenty of wasted funds that could be better allocated. The potential for Buffalo remains high even in the face of economic decline. The unemployment rate in Buffalo has remained relatively stable even while the national rate has been stubbornly high. Buffalo is also a highly ranked location for raising a family. There is also a lot of really cool history in this town. Not every town can say a president was shot there. Not to mention on of the most alluring tourist attractions in the world is in our backyard. On the whole the Buffalo Billion makes total sense. Buffalo is standing at an economic crossroad, and a large state investment may be the catalyst necessary for long-term viability. Having said that, the governor would do well to see the funds are subject to strict oversight. This money cannot be another slush fund for special interests. If we can maintain focus, there is no reason Buffalo cannot transform into a successful post-industrial city such as Pittsburgh. I like the economic initiatives the governor is pursuing, and his attention on Western New York has been some of the strongest we have seen from Albany in quite some time. Now we have to follow through, and make the Buffalo Billion a model for the nation.


Rebreathing Life Into

Buffalo Poetry A

bellow is an instrument used in the process of making steel. It is an accordion-like tool that pushes strong blasts of air and assists in the process of shaping the metal whether in a factory or in a smith shop as was found in in the olden days. Breathing the new air into steel is exactly the idea behind Steel Bellow, a literary magazine founded by Senior English Major, Paige Melin. We caught up with Melin at the first Steel Bellow reading, which was held at UB’s Anderson Art Gallery, just outside of South Campus. Melin acted as both a reader and master of ceremonies at the event, which featured readings from five local poets that were featured in either Steel Bellow vol. 1 issue 1 which released in this past November, or in the second issue, which released in January. “Well Buffalo used to have steel factories, we wanted to use steel for sure and then bellow is the blacksmithing tool that blows air so it’s kinda representing how we’re trying to breathe life into [the] Buffalo poetry scene and make it come back to life and spark again.” Said Melin, a winner of the 2012 Academy of American Poets Award, “but it also represents something that’s kinda outdated.” On the second floor of the Anderson Gallery that night, standing behind a podium in the same view as a colorful painting, one would assume that the poetry scene in Buffalo was fully shaped and functioning. The pieces read that evening were from an array of subjects ranging from love, to the city, to uncertainty. Likewise, they elicited a myriad of emotions from humor, to familiarity, to a sense of empathy. In most cases the pieces read could be found in copies of Steel Bellow, available -20-

for free at various places around campus. Steel Bellow is the second attempt of defunct literary magazine: We The Notorious Pronouns. After some issues in deciding the direction of the magazine, it eventually broke apart. Rather than give up on the whole thing, Melin along with Vincent Cervone and John Cutito, decided to restart it. “It was just too messy, it was too big,” Melin said when speaking about the creation of Steel Bellow, “It was dying, and Vincent and John and I said we still wanted to do something.” The magazine is comprised of submitted work from local writers. Each issue is comprised of pieces from three writers which are selected from the submissions and then picked according to which writers would go best together in the magazine when read in succession. Among the readers at the event were Melin, Cervone, and Cuttito whom all act as editors in the magazine. Also featured were, UB Grad Student, Mary Kohler and local author Fred Whitehead. Submitted pieces can be sent to steelbellow@ The editors also have expressed a desire to do more readings in the future. “I like performing it better because I like when people know how I want it to sound.” Melin said when asked which she preferred, seeing her work written or performing. Paige Melin’s fellow editor, Vincent Cervone, a graduate of UB and a current teacher in Kenmore has been

Article By: Carlton N. Brock The Third writing since he was 13, and has been poetry since he was in high school. Cervone likened the experience of the evening to a new television show, “it was kind of like a pilot, just kinda getting the word out and seeing how people react to it.” Both of the editors introduced new pieces at the reading, which added to the air exciting of the evening. In Melin’s case, the new piece felt a bit more emotional to her than usual. “It was a bit stressful because my boyfriend was there and it was about him.” Cervone also implemented a change, “I don’t name my pieces but I’ve had this obsession with Kafka lately,” he said of his poem simply entitled, “Kafka.” Both poets, in addition to the others that joined them behind the podium, seemed extremely comfortable despite any changes to their work. The idea behind blowing new air onto the Buffalo literary scene, while it seems like an insurmountable task, it may in fact be as simple as pushing the ends of a bellow together.

LITERARY This week’s Literary Section Submission come from yours truly. If you would like to submit please send to Why I Quit Working at the Convenience Store It was a calm normal day. On the day I quit working on the convenience store. Quiet for a Wednesday On the day I quit working on the convenience store I had been promoted for about six months On the day I quit working on the convenience store And then it happened There was a complaint On the day I quit working on the convenience store I sat and waited to know what it was It couldn’t have been about me On the day I quit working on the convenience store And that’s when I got the call To clean a mess On the day I quit working on the convenience store Now you didn’t know That this mess was in Women’s Bathroom Nor did you know it was A clogged Toilet On the day I quit working on the convenience store It was like Mt Vesuvius went off The smells and sights And my own despair On the day I quit working on the convenience store And that’s when it happened The toilet volcano erupted All Over My face On the day I quit working on the convenience store

Can you feel it?


I can feel it. Can you feel it? My heart pounding. Your skin brushing against mine.

You want to know alone. Alone is when you can go a day …Or two. ……Or six. And not say more than a thousand or so words.

I can feel it. Can you feel it? My eyes meeting yours Your hand accidentally touches mine I can feel it. Can you feel it? Your cool breath inches from my face My face turning red I can feel it Can you feel it? Your infectious smile My nervous laugh I can feel it. Can you feel it? My imagination running wild with paranoia You having no idea how I feel.

You’re not alone. Your friends want to be there all the time. Sometimes they’re busy. You need to stop being jealous. You want to know alone. Alone watching everyone achieving life dreams. And then having a private freakout every single night. Because you don’t know what you want yet. You’re not alone. You have conversations everyday With people just like you Stop worrying. You want to know what alone is. Alone is watching television Realizing you hate the characters as people Because you’re too attached Just hoping they respond to your anger. You’re not alone. Its called the internet Millions and millions of people Are on it Having the same discussions you’re having. You want to know alone. I’m arguing myself. You’re right. -21-

PARTING SHOTS I am a Workhorse I write a lot. I’ve written two books. I take three English classes every semester and I try to get multiple articles in every issue of Generation. On top of that, I also have been consistently on the e-boards of every club I’ve joined at UB and have been employed since I was 18. I try to have perfect attendance at all my classes and meetings and I do every single reading assignment regardless of whether or not it’s relevant to the class or not. In college I haven’t taken a break in the summer because I volunteer my time at every single orientation. Simply put, I am what you might call a “workhorse”. Generally, I love the title; people depend on us workhorses and likewise, we yield the results you can’t expect

Articke By: Carlton Brock

from a normal person. Yet, I’m here to tell you that being a workhorse is not worth the effort. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been rewarded for working hard, but not for my hard work. Instead, I am seeing the actual reality of being a workhorse. I’ve been tied to a trough and told to pull it across the fields. Occasionally, I’ll get a carrot but who remembers the mixedbreed workhorse. And when the efforts of the workhorse aren’t enough to save the farm, they take the horse out, and shoot it. Use the hair to make bows for string instruments and the body to make glue. It’s a sacrifice to make the farmers happy; why fix the farm when you can get a new horse, right? That’s the

reward for working hard; the horse is kept long enough to be shot. Some of you may ask, “well, what’s the difference between being rewarded for your hard work and being rewarded for working hard?” It’s fairly simple; a reward for working hard is more work. It’s essentially being allowed to continue what you were doing. In fact, it slows down the workhorse because it disrupts the pace. Being rewarded for the hard work is simple; it’s an end to the work. It’s success. It’s being seen for the vitality that the horse has become to the operation that the horse really is. An athlete is given an opportunity to showcase their prowess on the field in a winning game. A

Article By: Keighley Farrell I brushed the dust off of my Nintendo Gamecube and sighed. It had been years since I’d graced this godly square with my gaming business, but I knew that it would be a long time before I ever would again. I’d lost Animal Crossing.


student gets a high grade. An employee gets recognized as employee of the month. But for the true workhorses, this effort goes unnoticed. The work is pointless and thankless. And upon that first bad winter where the crops die out, the first thing replaced is the workhorse. Regardless of the amount of loyalty, the workhorse showed the farm. The farm isn’t loyal to the workhorse. The farm is ungrateful for everything that the horse has done and instead just wants a jackass to fill the spot the horse once occupied. Well, I’m done being a thankless workhorse. Damn the farm and all the people that depended on the workhorse to get stuff done. This horse is going into the races for himself.

Addicted to Animal Crossing Years later, I was rummaging through some old books in my garage, hoping to subtract at least one textbook cost from the bill of my sophomore year of college, and my fingers felt something round and sharp amidst the pages.

Every day I would race home from school to visit the cheery animals that inhabited my town, always waiting with something sassy to say and something fun to gift me. I would plant trees and catch fish, collect Gyroids and complete quests… but it was too good to last forever. One day I came home, eager to jump back in to my alternate reality, and I opened the case to find nothing but a baron crater in the plastic. The disc was gone. Never to be found again.

Dear sweet God in heaven I found it.

Over the years I tried my hardest to replace the void that Animal Crossing had left in my heart. I tried Zelda, Harvest Moon, Super Mario Galaxy, Bioshock, Little Big Planet. But none of them could compare to the addictive adorable gameplay that only Animal Crossing possessed.

I can’t stop playing. It seems easy enough, just turn it off, don’t turn it back on again. But every time I save my file and reach for the power button, I hesitate. “But the game is in real time,” I think to myself, “If I turn it off for days, they’ll be angry with me…” and I switch it back on.

I rushed inside to the Wii, inserted the disc, and could hardly contain myself when the familiar chirp of “Nintendo” graced my living room. The joy I felt while beginning a new game, the same way I had almost 10 years ago, was indescribable. But now there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

I’ve become a junkie. I know all of the background music, memorized the entire map, my basement is full to bursting with outfits and umbrellas, I’ve maxed out the amount of money you can carry at one time. Just when I think I’ve run out of things to do, something new and exciting appears and I’m sucked back in to the spiral, wasting hours and days and months living in this tiny colorful world of pure evil. But… now that I think about it… it’s really not so bad, right? I could be addicted to crystal meth, or hijacking cars. I’m really much safer inside anyways, especially in the crazy Buffalo weather. Maybe I’m not so unhappy after all, maybe I just need to get back to the game, I think that might be best for everyone.

Volume 30 Issue 9  

Psych, Oh