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an alternative voice since 1984 an SBI publication 10292013 Vol. 31 Issue: 05


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Table of Contents 05............EIC Letter 06............Agenda

Hit or Bullshit What’s on our Playlist

07............Pokemon X and Y A Game Mega Involved 08............Holiday Hallow A Special Brand of Magic 10............Body Image The Body Revolution 14............Afghanistan A Decent into Darkness? 15............World Cup 10


Clouds, Cups, and Committees ............Luna Medical Care Our Campus Primary Care ............UBreathe Free Breathe Freedom ............Halloween DIY Costume Closet ............UB 2020 UB 2020 ............Literary Submissions ............Literary The Writings of Sjon ............Parting Shots Sweet, Sweet Profit Curse Abroad!

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Cover designed by Emily Butler, Steve Bernhardt, Babita Persaud. Photos taken by Steve Bernhardt. Photo source from all credits goes to respective photographer. (7) Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporation at the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine. Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephoane numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260. Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e-mailed to by 1p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2013 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000. ≠≠≠

$10 off all wood plugs sale ends October 31st

Editor’s Letter

Dear Reader—

We are in your magazine. We are out on the streets. We’re publishing and not publishing. We’re putting on shows. We’re climbing twisted ladders. We’re biking through Amherst, Allentown, the West Side. We’re walking down Chippewa on a Saturday night with Lucy. We’re being mistaken for ghosts in the Outer Harbor. We’re standing four stories tall and looking out over the water. The sun is setting, and the windmills turn endlessly. We have been silent. You have forgotten our name. We haven’t forgotten yours.

I am the co-editor of Rocket Lawn Chairs. Or was. For one good year, I spent every minute I should have spent studying herding artists, designing posters, handing out zines—why? I first came to Buffalo four years ago. I was eighteen years old and knew what everyone who’s never been to Buffalo knows about Buffalo: that the winters are harsh, something about hot wings, close to Canada, etc. Before I came here I thought of it as a place I’d go to and then leave immediately when school was over. And yet—here I am. I fell in love in Buffalo. Three times. I got my heart broken twice. I’ve met people on the street, in parks, in basements or attics, at galleries and open mics and art shows and museums that frankly couldn’t exist in any other place. Where else do mass mobs of bicyclists take over the city’s streets at midnight? Where else do they do it every Sunday? I’ve climbed up nearly every object and structure in this city that I’ve looked at and, on a whim, decided I wanted to climb. You can’t do that in Chicago. You might, in some rare instances, be able to do that in New York. In Buffalo, there are community gardens. In Buffalo, there are guerilla gardeners. You meet people who’ll come to your open mic with a bottle of wine they made themselves from fruit trees growing freely in the city. You meet people who’ll help you fix an attic for no particular reason at all,

other than that they know how to and they like your project.

This is a city that was built on D.I.Y. There is a machine in Buffalo, but it’s not like the machine in Chicago. If there’s something you think needs done and nobody’s doing it, you can almost certainly just do it. You will probably not be stopped. And if you are, there are people around you, a community, who’ll be there to back you up. In the summer, my girlfriend and I would bike down a single street and she’d be recognized by three to five different people. This is not a city where it’s worth it to be invisible. And then there’s you. You’re stuck in Amherst. Maybe you’ve come from abroad. Maybe you’ve grown up in the suburbs and rarely, if ever, go into the city. You go to class. You go back to the dorms or maybe some compromise-version pseudo-apartment. You watch Netflix. You do homework. On the weekend, maybe you go to some bar on South Campus, or drink in the dorms, or, if in the city at all, beeline to Chippewa St. You think Buffalo sucks. You think the winter never ends. You are why I did what I did. I implore you: come to the city. Come to Allen Street and see local bands and artists and poets. Go to the Nature Reserve at Tifft near the Outer Harbor. Ask a punk about a show. Hang out in Delaware Park or Bidwell and Elmwood. Come to the West Side. No, it’s not “the ghetto”—where in god’s name have you been living that makes you consider the West Side a ghetto? Come to the West Side! This city is waiting for you. This life—your life— is waiting for you. The world is waiting for you. Don’t wait for the school or your parents or the television or me or any damned thing at all to give it to you, because they won’t. Tag. You’re it. --Metonymically Meta-anonymous in Chicago

STAFF 2013 Editor in Chief Keighley Farrell Managing Editor Angelina Bruno Creative Director Emily Butler Assistant Creative Director Babita Persaud Photo Editor Steve Bernhardt Web Editor Gabi Gosset Copy Editor Audrey Foppes Associate Editors Laura Borschel Jori Breslawski Sushmita Sircar Circulation Director Matt Benevento Business Manager Nick Robin Assistant Ad Manager Adinda Anggriadipta Contributing Staff Adam Johnson Cara Shelhamer 05

t T I i H ullsh B



Drenge- Backwaters Best I Ever Had- Gavin DeGraw Goodbye, Goodbye- Tegan and Sara

With the government up and running again (it’s still not working right but at least it’s running), government employees are once again being paid and America hasn’t led the world into a Mad Max style doomsday. The shutdown cost the nation billions of dollars and an unquantifiable loss of prestige but the country is running again, like a jerry-rigged engine slowly getting us home. There is a lot to complain about and a lot to examine in the flaws of our democratic system, but at least we are not traversing a desolated hell-scape populated by roving gangs of cannibals (as was predicted by the media during the crisis).



Rap God- Eminem

For the second time in the past month, UB’s lottery system has screwed me out of a chance to see America’s leading political figures. First with President Barrack Obama and now with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, UB has told me I may not attend. This is frustrating since, especially with the Distinguished Speakers Series, I am helping to pay for their visits. Having come to UB to study the political system, it seems unfair that I can’t see important political actors when they come to Buffalo because of the misfortunes of chance.

Bikeage- Descendents Sense the Darkness- Illdisposed Shape Shifter- Amon Amarth Jaws Theme Swimming-Brand New If I Lose Myself- One Republic FDB-Young Dro



Charlie Hunnam has been replaced by Irish Actor and Model Jamie Dornan, who has been newly cast to play Christian Grey in the film adaptation of E.L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey novel. Besides Jamie Dornan being 5,000 times more attractive than the previous male star, the fact that Sam Taylor-Johnson is the director is promising for the production. Taylor-Johnson has proven through her work Nowhere Boy that she can make the bawdy and crass into elegant and sensual artwork.


BUL It’s all up to you? BULLSHIT! The judges of the UB Scholarship Gala poster contest apparently only like balloons. The judges decisions were questionable.

October 31st: Halloween!

Too spoopy to live, too creppy to die. Make sure you celebrate Dia de los Muertos and Mischief Day as well- just don’t TP our office. Okay fine, go ahead.

Pokémon X and Y

A Game Mega-Evolved Article By: Gabrielle Gosset


hen they announced another Pokémon game, I was about as excited as I had been for every previous Pokémon game, which is to say not very. Don’t get me wrong, I like Pokémon, but it seems like every game is the same thing rehashed with some new Pokémon whose designs are questionable at best (see: Nosepass) in a new area that is almost undistinguishable from the last game’s region. So, I expected to do what I do for every Pokémon game: buy it when it comes out, play it for a couple days, get a few Pokémon I really like and then quickly get bored and never play it again. Of course, that was before they revealed screenshots and gameplay videos. After seeing the gameplay footage, I was ecstatic for this game and when I finally got a copy of it, it was love at first play. This isn’t your childhood Pokémon game. The game is set in a Pokémon version of France, including Lumiose City (which is clearly Paris). Each new city and town feels unique and has its own style and charisma. Even traveling along the routes (which all have their own names) is more exciting. Now you can run, bike or rollerblade from area to area and even do tricks like backflips along your way. There are dynamic camera angles in the game so you can see a view of the river (let’s be real, it’s the Seine) while you ride you go down a long horizontal route or see the view up to the top of the Prism Tower as you enter the center of Lumiose City.

The gyms have always been pretty different from each other, but in X and Y they have their own style and unique adventure to get to the gym leader. You have to swing from vine to vine in the grass-type Gym while you traverse a human-sized spider web maze in the bug-type gym. Each gym has its own quirks and character depending on the leader and the type of Pokémon you’ll be battling in that gym. Battling in X and Y also got an upgrade from previous games. The Pokémon Stadium-esque animations and the addition of other battle types like rotation battles have added even more depth to the gameplay in one of the shallowest aspects of the game. There is also a new type of Pokémon: Fairy. This new type means there are also new Pokémon that are actually well thought out. To add more balance to the gameplay, fairy types are immune to dragon type attacks but weak to poison, steel and fire. This gives the generally underwhelming poison and steel types some more relevance while downplaying the overpowered dragon type. There’s also a new form of evolution: mega evolution. This evolution only happens in battle when a certain Pokémon that can undergo this evolution holds a Mega Stone specifically for that Pokémon. This not only enhances moves of the Pokémon but also changes its appearance and is different between the X and Y versions. Your “rival” is now a part of a group of friends,

all with their own character quirks that come and go throughout the story to add dimension to your journey in the game. These characters all have their own relationship with your trainer and sometimes come in the whole group while other times one of your friends comes alone to help with a problem they would be the best suited to help solve. These added characters help your game and your journey feel more personal. Another addition to add personality to the new generation of Pokémon games is the customization of your trainer. In the beginning of the game, you choose whether or not to play a female or male trainer and then are given the option of three different skin tones, which is a first for the game series. After this, you travel the region and eventually come across a hair salon which allows you to change the cut and color of your trainer’s hair, as well as a contact lens case that allows you to change your eye color. Along with this, you can also change your outfit, hat, and accessories at different boutiques throughout the entire game. The addition of more vibrant travel, settings, and camera made the game look different than any previous Pokémon game. The dynamic battling and personalized customization shows that the game is tailored towards a market used to a more interactive experience. These changes make the new generation of Pokémon games not just another remake but an entire evolution of the games we know and love.

Holiday Hollow A Special Brand of Magic


s the end of October draws near, many of us have turned our attention with great anticipation toward the coming festivities on the 31st. Halloween is exciting for nearly everyone, as people of all ages rejoice in celebrations ranging in everything from a classic night out bagging sugary delights to gyrating under the blaze of black lights in some rather scandalous costumes, enjoying a particularly ecstatic brand of “Halloween magic.” Traditionally, Halloween has always encompassed the supernatural, whether it was praise to the gods for a successful season of crops or, more recently, keeping witches and demons at bay by wearing startling masks and arming your front steps with the fiery grins of jacko-lanterns. Today, however, Halloween has been largely commandeered by that particular brand of magic that comes clinking in glass bottles and wafts euphorically in and around the pulsing dance floor or raging frat house, reducing bunny costumes to a mere set of ears (and not much more). And while that brand of magic certainly does lend itself to some very memorable (or forgettable) celebrations, I can’t help but feel that without the more whimsical charm, Halloween just wouldn’t be as much fun.


Article By: Audrey Foppes

Despite the hyper-commercialized, over-sexualized, and dramatically gory characteristics that Halloween has adopted, there still remains a singularly unique charm that enchants the child inside of us all. It’s the reason we are willing to don ridiculous costumes and spend all evening trailing brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews through apparently endless streets of candy-yielding houses. It’s the reason Witch Hazel and Charlie Brown continue to enchant audiences anew or remain favorites of you older tick-or-treaters. It’s the reason we all squeal with delight

upon discovering the orange-stuffed Oreos in the supermarket. This is a magic that, although perhaps a little weakened, has not been entirely divorced from this age-old holiday.

Over time, the camp became too difficult to maintain, and eventually, a flood definitively damaged the site, leaving George and Barb to return to their native United States where they set about renewing their dream.

It is that brand of Halloween magic, that innocent captivation with the strange, whimsical, and supernatural, that inspired George and Barbara Walker to create what they describe as “Western New York’s only holiday shire,” aptly named Holiday Hollow. Nestled within the rolling hills of Pembroke, NY, Holiday Hollow is utterly unique in its entirely family-oriented celebration of the Halloween season, carried out with childlike enthusiasm throughout the month of October.

Originally, the couple wanted to build a tearoom, in which they could serve afternoon tea while the audience enjoyed a small theatrical production. The Walkers managed to buy their property in Pembroke, but had no money with which to build their tearoom. With nothing but a dream, the Walkers set about cultivating a pumpkin patch, hoping to attract Halloween customers.

This magical hidden treasure features a pirate-themed village, inhabited by an array of costumed characters, in which the Walkers operate an outdoor Halloween festival every weekend in October. This Halloween shire sports several elaborate outdoor stages (including Captain Hook’s good ship, The Jolly Roger) on which many cartoonish skits are performed throughout the day, much to the delight of Holiday Hollow’s most valued guests: the kids. Children of all ages (even those 70-something children) return year after year to shriek with laughter at Mr. Smee’s latest blundering spectacle or gasp in wonder at the magic tricks in The Wacky Witch Cooking Show. Even the surliest of personas has been known to walk away grinning, defenseless against the unbridled charm that permeates this hidden village. But why try? Why strive for such an outdated, cheesy brand of magic? In a world as cynical and adulterated as ours, wouldn’t it be easier, indeed, more profitable, to offer a gory house of horrors instead? George and Barb agree: that’s precisely the point. In explanation as to how and, more precisely, why Holiday Hollow has come into being, George Walker stated eloquently, “kids grow up too fast in a profane and cynical world—there’s no time to be a kid. This way, they can come to place that’s wholesome and innocent.” For that reason, George and Barb have continued to maintain a level of magic, a level of pure joy, in their Halloween celebrations, reminding people of what Halloween can be. But such genuine magic does not simply come about without a few years of experience. In this case, the magic originated at a summer camp in Canada. George and Barb first realized their passion and penchant for helping children discover the world through play, humor, and adventure when they ran a summer camp for children in Canada. By telling campfire stories of the voyageurs of the north and establishing such practices as communal singing during long canoe trips or while they shared the burden of chores, George and Barb cultivated a family atmosphere, the effects of which were magical. To watch the older children “melt” under the charms of young, innocent campers, and to watch the older counselors become “heroes” to the younger children was amazing and moving to the Walkers—they realized this was a brand of magic they wanted to perpetuate.

It was Barb, however, who realized that no one had any particular reason to come to their little patch, so she and George designed and built what would become the first building at Holiday Hollow: Sir Timothy’s Puppet Theater, a small building in which a pumpkin-themed puppet show was performed. The couple also created a second show, The Haunted Forest Walk, during which George (in character) lead groups of guests through the forest to stop at comical displays, a show, George says, that was “riddled with rhyming jokes and endless puns.” Thus, Holiday Hollow was born. Twenty-one years later, Holiday Hollow sports ten buildings, including Yorkshire Hall, in which many weddings, baby and bridal showers, dinner theater shows, and afternoon teas have taken place. What began as a single puppet theater has blossomed into the Halloweenthemed village of today, offering seven shows, as well as a dark maze, a haunted hotel special effects show, face painting, caricatures, food, desserts, popcorn, and more. And of course, you can still pick out a pumpkin on your way home. Ever since its first year in 1992, Holiday Hollow has never lost the magic that makes it so incredibly unique. “Disneyworld,” George says, “was a huge inspiration because of their outstanding customer service and the fun that guests have. What they do is magic and we

wanted to try to make that magic, too. And the magic is not just in the shows, it is in creating happiness.” Barb agrees, saying, “We love making people happy. It’s not about the money, it’s about the satisfaction of creating and watching people have a great time.” Of course, in the business of creating magic requires some very real work, not all of which the Walker s were prepared for. Worst of all, they agree, is the mercurial tendencies of Western New York weather. George remarked that, “when you’re only open nine days a year, losing even one day really hurts.” More habitually difficult, however, is the issue of advertising. Considering the small size of their operation and audience, George reflects on the constricted nature of their advertising budget and the staggering amount of time required to make any real progress. Despite the overwhelmingly positive responses they have received from guests, George and Barb agree that the biggest problem is that their business is utterly unique which means no one quite knows who they are or what they do. George remarked, “we’d love to have an intern, maybe a marketing student from UB, that would be great!” Despite these difficulties, George and Barb love what they do and are happy for finding the eventual, if not circular path, to realizing their dream. “We’re glad we have a Holiday Hollow where we can keep doing what we love, which is something people seem to like, so we’re going to keep doing it.” Holiday Hollow is open for its final weekend of the 2013 season this weekend (the 26th and 27th) from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM. Directions can be found at As you prepare for another year of ghoulish festivities, stop by this Halloween shire to reunite with the kid inside of you with a little help from Holiday Hollow’s special brand of magic. Happy haunting!

The Body

Revolution Article By: Keighley Farrell

“If I had never seen a magazine, I would love my body. I wouldn’t know that I wasn’t considered ‘perfect.’ It’s just sad to know that I could be so happy with myself, but I know in the back of my mind that I’m not what people would consider beautiful.”


was shocked at how many people I found who felt this way about their bodies. With media presence at an all time high, it’s hard not to constantly compare yourself to the thousands of celebrities that swarm our consciousness daily. But I’m not going to write about them. I’m going to write about us. It seems like a pretty obvious fact that we are only given one body to love, cherish, decorate, and display for the rest of our lives. Even so, men and women everywhere are actively wishing for a new one. They address their unique features as “flaws,” and cover them with makeup, clothing, and shame. The need for body positivity in a time of escalading media influence is absolutely essential. The more we become disconnected from our bodies, the easier it is to forget about how miraculous and spectacular each and every body is. With an endless number of frames, statures, and skin tones, each human being is a work of art. Like the rings of a tree, freckles, burns, 10

stretch marks and scars tell visual stories of our struggles and successes.

this was what I needed to look like to be accepted, I guess.”

Companies like Dove have been trying their hand at body positivity for a few years now, making awareness videos about how heavily edited advertisements are, and including a larger range of actresses in their commercials. Though I admit that the messages are uplifting, it still acts as a form of media propaganda. It also excludes every other demographic that struggles with body image.

We need to make it clear that this is not true. Our lives are no longer measured by how many people want to reproduce with us. This evolutionary desire has driven our concept of attractiveness for as long as we have existed, but now that our planet is bursting at the seams with bodies, it is the perfect time to embrace the skin we exist in.

Lacking confidence in our bodies also gives us a skewed perspective on what will make us happy. Humans everywhere are hoping to transform their lives by transforming their appearance. “I don’t work out to stay healthy,” Jack, a senior, admitted with a chuckle. “I work out because I want to be attractive to girls. I know girls like dudes who are in shape, so I stay in shape.” When I asked him why he didn’t like how his body looked when he didn’t work out, he responded, “I don’t know, because I grew up thinking that

I encourage you to take an active stance against body discrimination. Your body is the only one you will ever have, and it is beautiful the way it is. We will all age, we will all stretch and wear, and it is natural and essential. You will never look like the men and women who litter magazine covers and billboards and commercials, and that is okay. “I’ve finally reached a point where I am totally in love with my body.” Heather, a senior, gushed with a certainty that was hard to ignore. “I love it. I love it! I have stretch marks on my stomach and my boobs from when I grew, like, two feet in one year. I have scars from when I used to play soccer, big ones.

There’s one here—“ She pointed to her forearm, where a line as long and thick as a pencil ran from her wrist to her elbow. “—I got this one when I fell off my bike and it sliced my arm right down the middle. It was ridiculous. Most people would try to cover it up, but I just love it. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” Confidence like this is the weapon of choice in the battle against the body stigma. The more I celebrate my body and the things I love about it, the more people agree and see positivity in their own bodies. Photos By: Steve Bernhardt

We asked UB students to volunteer for our photoshoot for this issue, and it was amazing to see how many people volunteered. Inspired by projects like “The Nu Project,” Generation’s photo editor Steve Bernhardt photographed the many kinds of bodies that exist right here on our campus. We want to hear your response to our project, be it personal experiences, photos, testimonials, or epiphanies. Send any thoughts to, and wear your skin with pride. 11

Photos By: Steve Bernhardt

A Descent into Darkness?



Article By: Jori Breslawski


any Americans were thrilled upon hearing that our combat mission in Afghanistan would come to an end by 2014, but the question remains; is Afghanistan ready? And the more troubling question; did we really accomplish anything? Or did we simply show both our friends and our enemies the limits of American power? By the end of next year, the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) will have evacuated its combat units in the country. Our role in Afghanistan for the next decade will be dictated by the contentious Bilateral Security Agreement (BSA), which will define what American troops who remain can and cannot do. The U.S. is pushing to reach an agreement by the end of October, however President Karzai has made it clear that he’s happy to let his predecessor take over the negotiations when he leaves office in April. The problem with prolonged negotiations is that it represents an opportunity for the Taliban and other militant groups to take advantage of the rift between the allies. Afghanistan has had a long and complex history, and in recent years, an extremely turbulent one. The present jihad began to take shape after the Soviets withdrew and

the United States lost interest in the country. In this volatile environment, the mujahedeen forces were left to battle for the deserted country in an eight year long civil war from which the Taliban emerged the victors. The Taliban ruled a horrific regime from 1996-2001. The country was governed by strict Islamic Law; women were terrorized, forced to wear head-to-toe veils, men were thrown in jail whose beards were too short, and music, television, and any connection to the outside world were forbidden. Afghanistan’s tumultuous past could once again come to life when the U.S. pulls out completely. Although the Afghani military has made great strides over the past few years, it is still plagued by drug abuse, illiteracy, and desertion. The Afghan forces now stand at 350,000 strong but constantly face losses; the casualty rate is 50100 dead each week and desertion of 2 to 4 percent a month. What’s worse, deserters usually join the insurgency. A growing number of green on blue attacks (Afghan troops attacking their American comrades) have made for a disturbing phenomenon. Afghanistan in no longer a safe haven for the Taliban, as it was before the U.S. invasion in 2001. However, the Taliban and other extremist groups

have enjoyed sanctuary in Pakistan, and as long as they can thrive there, it will be difficult to end the insurgency in Afghanistan. And although Afghanistan is no longer the Taliban’s playground, they are still very much alive there. According to a recent Pentagon report, the Taliban are still “resilient and determined”. They stage suicide bombings. They cut off entire areas. They terrorize and coerce the population with death threats to them and their families. They have returned to areas now vacated by American soldiers and Marines. The U.S. is chasing shadows. The war on terror was a war that was impossible to win from the very start; we set ourselves up for failure, and although we have temporarily ousted the Taliban from power in Afghanistan, we did not defeat our enemies. However, no matter how grim things appear, I cannot bring myself to say that going into Afghanistan was a mistake, or a waste. 13 years ago, there were few girls attending school; now, there are millions. There has been very real progress in women’s rights, when compared to where the country stood during Taliban rule. During that time, one in ten Afghans had access to basic health care, and now it is available to almost everyone; as a result, life expectancy has jumped from 45 to

63 in just one decade. Thousands of schools and irrigation networks have been built, which has had a positive impact on two-thirds of the rural population. The economy has improved immensely—from a $2 billion GDP in 2001 to $20 billion a decade later. Communication abilities have sky rocketed, with one in two Afghans now owning a cell phone. There are dozens of newspapers and TV channels and once eerily quiet streets now thrive with traffic and small businesses. This is all of course largely due to foreign aid, but regardless, millions of peoples’ lives have been improved. So the Taliban looms waiting for the U.S. to leave. Will we have wasted more than 13 years and close to $4 billion? Without American assistance, the fragile war-torn country could easily descend back into anarchy, violence, and become a country once again ruled by warlords. The chaos will be a breeding ground for extremists like the Taliban and al Qaeda once again. My sincere hope is that the fragile government will gradually grow strong enough to withhold the tribal fractures and hungry extremists, that our decade long struggle is not lost to chaos, and that the people who have suffered through years of conflict will someday know stability and peace.

Clouds Cups, and C mmittees R

of other international commitments like the European Championship qualifiers.

Unfortunately this plan has more than a few drawbacks as well as highlighting some serious questions about FIFA, and Qatar’s original bid. In 2010 Qatar went up against Australia, Japan, South Korea and the United States for the rights to host. Despite lacking in many important areas like security and existing infrastructure Qatar was able to beat out their competitors with promises of new hotels, stadiums, and even a science fiction inspired stadium cooling system, utilizing solar power and artificial clouds. Unsurprisingly, after Qatar won their bid, the plans for the cooling system were deemed hopeless, which brought FIFA back to the unpopular idea of hosting the World Cup during the club season.

FIFA’s solution to extend the season to allow time for the tournament could put a serious strain on leagues in Europe. The potential backlash could negatively impact clubs financially and success wise. Imagine if a player like Messi or Ronaldo was injured during the tournament. Normally the player would have time to recuperate but with the World Cup in the middle of the season it could irrevocably shift the balance of power in an important competition potentially costing a club millions of dollars and a chance at glory. This begs the question; why was the World Cup awarded to Qatar in the first place and why is FIFA changing the rules for them? The fact is Qatar should have never won in the first place. Historically the country has no solid connections to the game. Qatar has never qualified for the World Cup, despite competing in the relatively easy Asian Football Confederation and now will receive automatic qualification in 2022. Qatar has strict laws against homosexuality. Men found guilty are subject to imprisonment making Qatar a very unfriendly place for gay football fans to visit. FIFA President Sepp Blatter has advised that fans should refrain from homosexual activity in Qatar.

ecently FIFA has announced that it is considering moving the 2022 World Cup from the summer months of June and July to a “cooler” period of the year. On the surface this seems like a smart decision. FIFA believes it could be unsafe to force players and fans to endure temperatures than can easily break 100 degrees in the oppressive desert environment.

The obvious problem with this revision is the negative impact it will have on the European leagues that normally play through the winter. Most of the best players in the world play in Europe as well as playing for the best teams in their respective leagues. These clubs are already prone to problems of fixture congestion. Even teams in the smaller leagues are often involved in multiple competitions. Top clubs already simultaneously compete in their domestic leagues and cups, as well as fighting for continental glory in the Champions League or Europe League, with the added problem

There have been reports of “slavery like” conditions for Nepalese workers, working on the new stadiums. Many of the workers are forced to endure harsh conditions, while some have claimed that they do not have proper access to necessities like water. There have been reports of immigrant workers getting their


Article By: Matt Benevento

passports confiscated and pay being withheld to stop them from leaving. Over the summer it was reported that on average one worker died every day, many of them from heart attacks. So, why did FIFA award Qatar the World Cup? It’s no secret that there have been widespread allegations of corruption against FIFA and not just for Qatar’s World Cup bid. In 2010 two members of FIFA’s executive committee (the guys who vote) offered to sell their votes for money and favors to undercover British reporters posing as bidders. Though there is no concrete proof of bribes available, it’s not hard to connect the dots when you consider the history of groups like FIFA and Qatar. Considering how it got to this point and the potential for further disaster, the only fair thing to do is hold Qatar to their promises or preferably award it to another of the bidders. Australia has never hosted before and already possesses the infrastructure and fan base for the tournament. South Korea and Japan could also be successful destinations with a large fan base and a proven track record from 2002. The US is another good choice having already hosted 1994 and ranking high in safety, infrastructure, and being in a relatively good time zone for broadcasting purposes. With the 2022 World Cup less than a decade away time is still on our side. Hopefully by then Qatar will have proven why they deserve to host or FIFA will have come to their senses and awarded the tournament to another country.


Your Campus on Primary Care:

Luna Medical Care I

f you happen to go by the Commons, there is a small clinic located in suite 212, guided by Dr. Hongbiao Liu (he goes by Dr. Liu). Splitting his time between two businesses, Dr. Liu manages his clinic in the Commons and also his main clinic located in downtown Buffalo; in addition to this, he is also a house physician for Brylin Hospital, and a medical officer at the VA Hospital. Dr. Liu began his medical career immediately upon gradating high school. He went to Wenzhou Medical College in Zhejiang, China. Refusing to stop there, he continued his medical training at the Shanghai Second Medical University (now known as Jiao Tong University), a public medical institution, located in Shanghai, China. He remained here for the following six year, obtaining his PhD and receiving his fellowship training. Dr. Liu did not stop there and, upon arriving in the United States, continued to expand his clinic and broaden his certain set of skills and experiences to a wider scale to the audience that it most need it – hence, students. Via his unique education program, that is held every Monday from 4-6PM, he holds informative presentations, often held by a nutritionist, mental health counselor or few advanced interns – all for the benefit of students and patients.


Liu’s main focus right now is advancing UB commons

Article By: Zainab Alkhamis

clinic; with a total of 14 interns; five business interns, and nine medical interns, the practice is so much larger than when he first started the internship in November of 2012. His clinic has the following focuses and goals: 1. Developing and delivering the best practice approaches to medical services 
 2. Offering general health care education to patients and local community 3. Promoting advances in research related to best practice approaches and medication 4. Exceeding the patients’ expectation in the quality of the services One intern that is currently volunteering at the clinic whose a prepharmacy major Farheen Ansari says “I manage between school and as an intern by making sure that I am managing my time well. As long as I do my homework and studying on time” she thinks it’s a valuable opportunity that is worth experiencing especially that she’s learning how to interact with patients and other interns as a team. Dr. Liu says as a doctor, he must be cautious every step of the way; a doctor must always be alert and cannot slip up, even once. “As a doctor helping people, sometimes you should be like the FBI, in order to tell the difference of what is true or not.” He also recognizes that sometimes, it may get difficult to recognize the truth of the matter versus who might be playing a game. “It’s helpful to collect information like the patients past medical history such as alcoholics, or medication abuse,” he said. One of the poorer patient cases Dr. Liu experienced was with a woman who had gotten into a car accident. He had been her primary doctor when she was going through the accident, and as such, he prescribed for her medications; however her medical insurance company refused to pay. The woman claimed that she had lost her prescriptions, and she submitted the claim in a police report. Fortunately for Dr. Liu, the pharmacy had already called the him the day previous, and it had been revealed that this patient sold the prescribed medications, and put herself in a position where she stayed in pain. She was later discharged from the clinic. The doctor thinks that she broke the doctor/patient trust. Still, negative experiences only make him more determined, and he hopes for the future – that his practice not only continues at UB, but flourishes throughout the years.


olleges such as UCLA, University of Denver, UNC, and many others, are taking the initiative to create smoke free environments for their students and faculty. As we have all come to understand, UBreathe Free is a campus-wide campaign attempting to create a smoke free environment on both the North and South campuses. Yes, I am a smoker, and yes I am aware that cigarettes are one day going to be the death of me, but it is my body and my choice how to treat it. Having a smoke after a stressful study session or long lecture is a simple liberty that we as students should be allowed to take part in. College life often demands long hours of working and studying, with little food or sleep. Not to mention those of us who have to juggle a job, as well. Sometimes a cigarette is our only release during the day. It sure is better than half of the student body walking around with flasks in their pockets. Sure, I sometimes sympathize with the Pink Lunged people of Buffalo; I don’t always want to walk through smoke clouds when I’m

leaving Capen, either. But we smokers are human beings, too. Many international students come from cultures that are accustomed to smoking; and I doubt changing their lifestyles to fit ours is their top priority. I won’t lie, I don’t abide by the Ubreathe Free rules. Besides, UB police have better things to do than walk around telling people to put out their cigarettes. So what’s the point of having it if you wont enforce it? The only people who have ever mentioned anything to me were belligerent RAs on power trips. So UB, I have a proposal. Instead of trying to ban our entire campus from smoking, I propose that we create smoking designated areas outside a few buildings, equipped with butt dispensers and benches. I would happily abide by these rules. Sure, many others will still smoke where they please (since we’re all such rebels), but it makes a lot more sense than trying to ban smoking on an entire campus, and I think it’s a fair compromise. And even if the smoking designated areas never materialize, at least place a handful of butt dispensers around campus.

Breathe Freedom Article By: Sven


Tianfang Du: I think that UBreathe Free doesn’t make much sense. Instead they should make designated smoking zones.

“Ricardo Castillo Sr”. : I don’t want to have to walk to the parking lot every time I have to smoke. Josh Eagan: A Smoke free campus doesn’t make any sense. Removing all the ashtrays from a campus and declaring it smoke free, is like closing every homeless shelter and declaring your city poverty free. “John Smith”: If UB is so concerned with our health, they would cook healthier food on campus. They should discriminate against the obese because of their food addictions. Joe Grasso: I don’t really think that the smoke free campaign is working. Besides, less people care about the ban than those who do. Also, what is the point if its never enforced. 17

Costume Closet Article By: Angelina Bruno



alloween is in a couple of days. Between classes and exams it really sneaks up on you doesn’t it? If you don’t have a costume right now, it seems like the time to panic right? Wrong. If you have a dress, you have a costume. No reason to run out and buy an expensive piece of cheap fabric when you have a closet full of options. Here are six dresses that easily lend themselves to Halloween party wear with a few simple accessories.

1. LBD to Cat

Everybody has a fantastic little black dress. It always looks good and makes you feel great. Want an excuse to wear it on Halloween? Add some cat ears and kitten heels and you are a “sexy cat.” Congratulations, you just avoided spending fifty dollars on some strips of cheap nylon. You can make your own cat ears by coloring two paper triangles black and attaching them to a simple headband or pick up a cheap pair at most retailers. There are many different varieties with fun additions like rhinestones or feathers.

2. Sequined Dress to Mermaid

Sequins, especially in jewel tones, are the perfect substitute for fish scales and mermaid tails. Make a conch or starfish out of paper, attach it to a bobby pin and clip it into your hair. Wear it in long loose waves or a fish tail braid and BAM! You’re a mermaid! You can also go for a nostalgia theme and be the ever-generous Rainbow Fish. Hand out sequins to everyone at the party and they will love you forever.

3. Black and White Stripes to Prisoner

Black and white is even chic behind bars, or on the bus to south. All you need to be a jailbird are some accessories. Make a little striped cap to match the dress or just wear a black beanie. Belt it and pick up some cheap handcuffs to drape over it and you are officially a prisoner. Congratulations. Wear with black tights and boots if it is cold out. P.S. Orange is the new black, so this outfit will work with any orange dress you may have as well.

4. Red Dress to Devil

If you have a red dress then all you need are some horns. Once again, color some horns red, cut them out and attach them to a headband. Throw in a pitchfork and if you’re feeling fancy maybe even a tail. “This girl is on fire,” will be your theme song of the night.

5. Red and White polka dots to Minnie Mouse

For the Disney fans out there, Minnie Mouse is easy and cute if you have a red, or really any other colored polka dot dress. Wear yellow or black shoes and black tights to pull off the look and top it off with a big bow or homemade ears. For an extra touch, feel free to draw a nose and whiskers with eyeliner.

6. Flowered and Floaty to Fairy or Hippie

Use a floaty patterned summer dress to be a flower child or a garden fairy. For a hippie, wear a faux fur or denim vest, a peace sign necklace and a flower crown with sandals. For a fairy, replace your flower crown with an actual crown, and remove the vest. If you’re feeling ambitious maybe even add some wings, although you will have to make sure you don’t get caught on anyone or anything while you’re out and about.


Now that you officially have six great ideas it’s time to go shopping—in your closet. Go pull out every dress you own and be creative. There are no limits to ideas that are easy to pull off.



Article By: Laura Borschel

“Some critics of the plan would say that it would make UB less affordable for college students and set our school on the track to a less public and more exclusive institution.”


hroughout my four years at UB, I have noticed that the school has been permeated by the idea of UB 2020. Despite the buzz, no one seems to know exactly what the plan is and what it will affect. Some of the stories range from the eventual privatization of UB to transforming it into The Derek Zoolander School for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Want to Do Other Stuff Good Too. Ok, so I may have made the last one up, but one can dream that UB would be transformed into the vision of the best male model of all time. I digress, however; there have been many rumors about what UB 2020 will do, between hiking up tuition, offering more state of the art facilities, and more advanced research opportunities. But what does this all mean for us? How will it specifically affect undergraduates and future students to come? Some critics of the plan would say that it would make UB less affordable for college students and set our school on the track to a less public and more exclusive institution. The ultimate fear of these individuals is that UB will eventually become private and work against everything that the public educational system strives for. One has to wonder how different student fees and overall tuition will be influenced by the plan. Supporters of the plan however, assert that it will provide much needed assistance to an ever-developing need for technological improvement, increased research opportunities, and overall growth of the

school as a whole. Can UB currently provide for the vast array of needs for students and staff? Will this plan help push UB into the next frontier of higher education? In an effort to answer these critical questions, I decided to go onto the official UB 2020 website in an attempt to get answers. What I found, however, was more vagueness and few answers as to how it would affect future undergrads. The website itself was impressive enough and aesthetically pleasing, but like everything else about UB at a higher institutional level, it was a let down which didn’t answer any practical questions. The 2020 plan itself is described on the website as “our plan for enhancing educational opportunities for our students, advancing research discoveries that improve life for people throughout the world and increasing UB’s economic impact on our region and New York State.” Seems simple enough right? Wrong. While I enjoyed hearing about new possible state of the art facilities, the expanding of campuses, and other aspects of the 2020 plan, I wasn’t able to find the specific ways those goals would be enacted. After scouring the site, I was unable to figure out how the school planned to keep the tuition relatively the same price that we pay now. I also failed to see any forum pages, or anything

that could spark dialogue between those enacting the plan and those who actually attend the school. I understand that UB wants to present this plan in the best light possible, but I am left to wonder whether or not this is actually crushing an open conversation with students and staff. Personally, I have some concerns about why the website and information out there is relatively one sided. It causes me to wonder whether or not, as a body of people, we still have power, influence, and even a voice at the institution that we attend. On top of everything else, I found the actual layout of the website to be somewhat misleading, confusing, and complicated. There were so many sub-sections, sub-sub-sections, drop-down tags, and hyper links that I eventually gave up on finding out any more information. I also failed to find any critiques or possible problem scenarios that could happen. If something goes wrong, does UB have a plan, or will hindsight be the real 20/20? Creating a more user-friendly website that has more options for open discussion, questions, and one that isn’t so one sided when it comes to the actual issues, would be a significant benefit to the 2020 plan. Despite my personal desire for a Derek Zoolanderinspired upgrade, we may very well have to accept this plan as the possible future of UB.


Suddenly S

uddenly, she was terribly, terribly lonely. She dragged herself, sobbing brokenly, to the mirror. Under the harsh light of the lamp, she examined her face. Red from crying, weeping with exhaustion, wrinkled with the worries of a lifetime devoted to her career, she looked straight into her eyes. Even blurred with tears, their black depths held a steely resolve, an unwavering response to the question of whether she should just give up, give in, break down. She looked away. Dragged herself from the mirror, crumpling desperately her skirt as she threw herself on her bed. In the depths of her mind, she knew that she was play acting. Pretending the grief that seemed to be devouring her. It was not that she wasn’t lonely. She had gone through the

list of the contacts on her phone, finding no one she could call and confide in. She had looked back on the years, lingering over each of the men she’d been with- briefly, before her interest subsided and went back to the long hours of work that sustained her. She had gone through albums and yearbooks in memory of all those friends that Facebook- for all its reach- could not restore. No- she was lonelier than she could imagine, but she was aware of how she looked while she sobbed her heart out. Each hitch in her breath, each attempt at stopping the flow of tears was testimony to her self-awareness. Even at this minute, she was too proud to abandon herself to her grief. Her shaking hands involuntarily loosened the knots in her

Articles By: Sushmita Sircar

long chestnut hair, letting it fall loose along her shoulders and forehead. Her fingers moved graspingly along her pillow cover, looking for some hold to stay her shaking hand. Her feet fumbled with the heels on them, allowing them to clatter on to the floor in a scatter of disarray. Tragic heroines might have made such a sight mourning the loss of their loves. She was merely grieving the insubstantial worth of her life, the lack of testimony left to bear to the vicissitudes of time . Outside it was snowing, soft flakes that fluttered relentlessly to cover the ground beyond recognition. The tears had stemmed by now, and her eyes followed the flakes in their descent by the lamplight from her bedroom.

Choosing Realities L

ife is largely about choosing the fictions which we inhabit. Sitting in one of my English classes this past week, I was struck by how such classes enable us- require us, even- to inhabit fictions. I do not mean that they ask us to read a certain number of pages, to traverse the worlds outlined within the pages of a book. Rather, the classes ask us to do this, and then they ask us to care. You’re not just reading a book for pleasure, for escape from real life, only to toss it aside and return to reality. Instead, the classes ask us to pretend that the concerns over the use of one particular word, the actions of an entirely made-up person, the structuring of thoughts, matter. The books, their worlds and words, constitute their own reality and demand adequate consideration. This, then, is what makes the really good classes so remarkable- that they carve out a space to examine alternate realities, and consider these versions equally valid and just as interesting as the life that clamors on the edges of the classroom door. After all, one cannot spend three hours discussing a play written four hundred years ago, or a novel written originally in Russian, analyzing how those


characters and that world functions, without first suspending disbelief and according the fiction a semblance of reality. It is perhaps for this reason that I hate when people gather after or before a class that I happen to like to complain about how boring it is, or how contrived the discussion is, or how they were just saying things for the sake of participation credit. As guilty as I am of all these things at some point or another, I also want to believe in the illusion that what is discussed in these classes has relevance, at least for the duration of that class. And saying that your interest in a class is merely for the sake of your grade, for the sake of completing a requirement- well, I suppose these are all legitimate reasons for taking a class, but they ultimately undermine the class’s existence. If you don’t like taking English classes, if you cannot believe at some level in the validity of what you’re reading and discussing, then why, pray, continue to be in this class? Surely it is not for the earning potential of this degree. One talks, when trying to justify the existence of the humanities or one’s decision to major in it, about the

analytical skills acquired and the real world applications of knowledge. And of course, I do not mean to imply that studying literature has no real world application, or that it isn’t conducive to practical skills. But these are after all, not engineering classes, where physics is translated into concrete use, or business classes, that transition smoothly to tangible applications in the workplace. Rather, even if studying literature is practical, these concrete effects are secondary. The primary importance lies in being able to believe in something intangible, in caring to spend enough time traversing the depths of a made-up world, when the “real” world often seems to offer no meaning. And perhaps this leads one to question the reality that one unconsciously accepts- the humdrum routine of rushing between classes and earning money and dealing with people and niceties and etiquette and small talk and grocery shopping. As David Foster Wallace puts it in “This is Water,” “the most obvious, important realities are often the hardest to see and talk about it.” Talking about literature as a proxy, instead, might be one way of approaching these “obvious realities,” questioning, and restricting them.


The Writings of Sjón


hen contemplating the state of mankind, it becomes difficult not to feel that something has been lost. A something primordial and profound; something hidden in our collective past by centuries of reason, progress, and endless ‘modernization’. In the West, old gods and superstitions were torn down in the name of science. Humanity ceased to be divine, and started to become commoditized. The Marxists preached class, the capitalists preached markets, and all reality seemed to become a means to reach an indescribable end. The old myths died, and nothing arose to take their place. Scholars preached that history had ended, and the world was once more set adrift on the sea of time. It is with this mind that I approached the newly translated books of Icelandic writer Sjón. In Sjón’s mystic narratives, the modern literary fashions and styles meet the ancient mythic tradition that once gave meaning to a complex and chaotic world. Immortal Greek heroes listen to the lectures of distinguished eugenicists, sinful hunters become the very creatures they have killed, and walking corpses are exorcised by the recitation of poetry. The pollution of humanity mixes with the mythic ideal, creating a narrative all the more tragic in its meditations on the ways of humans. Sjón’s humanity is a tribe of outsiders, profaning the beauty and profundity of the natural world with their greed and ignorance, hatred and pride. A short tale begins his novel “From the Mouth of the Whale”. The angel Lucifer has returned to Heaven and found the holy palace upturned. God has created Man and commands His creations to bow down before His latest invention, one whose first word is “I” and who stinks up the palace with “the stench of blood and urine, sweat and sperm, mucus and grease.” The absurdity of that scene, of God so proud of a creation that shits itself and then raises the waste to its mouth, establishes the grand metaphor of his writing: the absurdity of Man’s “rightful” position on Earth. How Man, with its prejudices, jealousies, and endless need to divide itself, can consider itself the superior creature seems to be the question writhing just beneath the surface of the text. Yet even through all this filth, Sjón is able to create characters that transcend the seeming baseness and abject cruelty of mankind. In “Whale’s” Jónas Pálmason, we see a man

of great curiosity and sensitivity, a poet and healer forced into outlawry by selfish and greedy men. In “The Blue Fox”, we witness the relationship between the herbalist Fridrik Fridjónsson and Abba, a young woman with Down syndrome whom Fridrik had rescued from abandonment many years before. None of these characters are exceptional and none can be considered heroes in the traditional sense, yet each follows a moral compass in societies that seem to see morality as something to be used, not aimed for. Sjón’s prose adapts to the story that is being told. Thus, even within a single novel one may find poetry, confessions, encyclopedic entries or stream of conscious thought. His fables are starkly poetic, his saga full of mythic associations to the world around it, his memoir-ic accounts stated with the stiff reserve one would expect from the character narrating. Yet through it all, it remains fresh and lyrical, rarely didactic and constantly entertaining. Much of his writing seems like it was written in dreams, and often one finds the purported ‘reality’ of the setting fading into a territory more strange and surreal. Dreams come to express reality and reality seems at best a steady dream. Passages seem to fall into the realm of myth, only to soon jump back, making you question if the lapse had really taken place. Yet, this does not mean the narrative becomes overly complex or pleonastic. In its clarity, there exists much to interpret and much to divine, a possibility not always seen in even the most twisted and muddled of plots. Like the myths of old, the world of Sjón is recognizable even as the beings that inhabit it defy possibility. It presents a view of the world that allows for other possibilities, unbounded by the absolute “truth” that we strive for in this age. And through it all, the frozen mountains and bays of Iceland provide an unsettling backdrop of nature’s indifference. Farrar, Straus and Giroux have published three of Sjón’s novels in the United States within the past year: 2004’s “The Blue Fox”, 2005’s “The Whispering Muse” and 2008’s “From the Mouth of the Whale”. Victoria Cribb’s translations are lyrical and poetic, preserving the energy that sometimes gets lost from language to language. Having traveled through the lands of Sjón’s mind, I wait expectantly for any future translations of his magical narratives.

Article By: Adam Johnson


Parting Shots Sweet, Sweet Profit

Article By: Gabrielle Gosset


utumn can be a very fun and romantic season. Bonfires crackling as hoodies and jackets are being borrowed and never given back, apple picking and corn maize exploring, clinging to someone’s arm through a haunted house. In the Great Lakes Region a holiday known as Sweetest Day attempts to capitalize on this romance of fall. On this holiday, the third Saturday of every October, gifts of

candy and other sweets are to be given to friends, loved ones, and close family members in celebration. But this holiday isn’t as innocent and sweet as it appears. The holiday was created by a committee of 12 confectioners chaired by candy maker in the early 1900s in an attempt to boost sales of chocolate and candy. Hallmark also jumped on the profit bandwagon to sell more overpriced greeting cards (And yes, they make greeting cards just for Sweetest Day). Cards and candy are not the only industries making money. The addition of Sweetest Day and the more recent rise in popularity of the holiday has led to the extending the wedding season to include autumn as well, allowing for an increase in inflated prices. That all being said, it can still be a fun holiday to celebrate. If nothing else, it’s a great excuse for a fun autumn date or get-together with friends. As

Curse Abroad!


veryone loves cursing. Especially in foreign languages. Like, tell me that swear words aren’t the first thing you inquire about when you meet someone from another country. Not to mention, when I was abroad in Morocco, there were times I desperately wished I had the ability to tell some people how pissed off I was—in their language. With all the traveling millennials are bound to do in the coming years, I thought I would put together a little composition of useful phrases. Because come on, swearing in other languages is one of the most useful skills you could possibly have. French is my favorite, and swearing just sounds so much more elegant in the language of love. Everyone knows “merde” (maird) right? Shit? I feel like that’s in all the movies. Putain! (Poo-TAHN) packs a serious punch so use it carefully—it literally translates to whore, but it is used more like the word fuck in English. If you want to direct it at someone in particular, you would say “ça pute”—that whore. If you are out in a French speaking country and you see


someone whose birthday is close to Valentine’s Day and loves autumn as much as I do, I embrace capitalism and celebrate Sweetest Day, even knowing its profit-driven foundation. It’s fun to celebrate, no matter what the holiday’s original motivation (Valentine’s Day is really celebrating someone’s death, by the way). What really matters is what you make of it. If you just want a day in your favorite season to celebrate what someone means to you, then by all means, go for it! You don’t have to even spend money if you don’t want to give the candy companies a profit, then spend the afternoon carving pumpkins or playing in leaves or have a bonfire with friends. Since Sweetest Day is a made up holiday, then you can make it whatever you want it to be.

Article By: Jori Breslawski someone hot, all you need is “embrasse-moi”, “je te veux” and “n’arrete pas!”—kiss me, I want you, and don’t stop. You’re set. Okay, let’s try Italian. I read the book Eat, Pray, Love over the summer, and the author writes about the fact that each country has a single word that describes it. Italy’s word, according to her, is sex. “M’attizzi” is a good one—it means you really turn me on. Another useful one? “Da te o da me”—your place or mine? Want to be a little romantic? Try “ti desidero disperatamente”—I want you desperately. As far as swearing goes, “cazzo” (CAHT-zoh) is the all-purpose Italian swear word. Its literal meaning refers to a certain part of the male anatomy, but it can be used in all kinds of situations and is the most used swear word in Italian. Okay enough romance languages. These next ones I am totally unfamiliar with, so if you are fluent in one of these languages and I totally screw this up, I apologize. I looked up ways to swear in other

languages, and here are some of the funniest expressions I found: Polish— “Jebiesz jeze”—you fuck hedgehogs. Like, why hedgehogs? They are so cute. Danish—”doedit fede pikfjaes”—die you fat cock-head (I guess that one is for when you’re really angry). Dutch—“Apenaaier”— monkey-fucker. Filipino—“pesteng ulupong”—you accursed snake. And finally some Turkish—“Bin yarrak gotune girsin”—a thousand penises go in your ass! So there you go; if you are ever pissed off abroad and want to express yourself, you’re welcome.

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