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Photos: Brian Mitchell
If that sounds like I’ve got a touch of brain damage, it’s probably because health and safety wasn’t so great back then and I used to motivate myself in class by sniffing the inside of Woolworths highlighter pens. I also ditched fruit and veg in favour of foodstuffs that glowed like radioactive slime and contained more numbered additives than a sudoku - a couple of Wham bars could speed me through the school day, then I’d cycle home to change into my shellsuit, draw the curtains and spend the evening working on my TV tan to a soundtrack of equally artificial video game music. To some readers this neon nostalgia trip probably carbon dates me to the early 1980s, but the same bright memories might also be there for somebody who came of age in the 2000s, and then again for young people a couple of years ago. Fluorescent colours always threaten to come back in fashion, so in ten or twenty years time kids will still look back fondly on eye-searing neon, and not just because air pollution will soon blot out all natural night. I think it’s because things that glow with bright synthetic colours have the same effect on our animal brains that an electric lamp has on moths; they just light us up in a way that never gets dull, until we beat our heads against them and pass out. I don’t agree this is a bad thing - lots of fashionable lifestyle guides tell you to relax your personal space by filling it with natural light, subtle colours and plenty of space, but it might also motivate you to create an environment that resembles the situation room in a nuclear submarine. If you too want your personal aesthetic to resemble a laser battle or a scene from Tron, here’s a few places to start.
Get the look: sportswear and artificial fibres
NEON NIGHTS & FLUORESCENT FANTASIES: NATURAL COLOURS ARE OVERRATED WORDS Grant Runyon ILLUSTRATION Michael Ferns
If you were at school during the right decade, you’ll remember that the only things cooler than BMXs, Nintendo or WWF wrestlers were marked out by their eye-watering artificial colours. Whether it was clothes, toys or food, many of my fondest memories are preserved in a strobelit explosion of green, orange and purple like a catherine wheel going off in an aquarium.
and Pac-Man, but even as computer technology has become so powerful it can accurately model every bounce of Kim Kardashian’s bottom the vintage, 2D pixel styles have lived on. The latest PacMan game (Pac-Man Championship Edition 2) is faster, louder and more frantic, but harks back to its 1980s roots by glowing like a seedy Soho back alley. Instead of art, or wallpaper, in your home, purchase a few of the most powerful projectors money can buy, and decorate every wall with a moving mural of Pac-Man, Sonic the Hedgehog 2, or one of those Japanese space shooter games where the screen is 90% bullets.
Unbalanced diet: e-numbers are good for you
All-natural nutrition is great if you want to live to be as old as Gwyneth Paltrow (143), but scientists from the Panda Pops Institute of Technology have shown that artificial colours aren’t just pretty to look at, they also have a role in a balanced diet. If you consume sufficient quantities of blue fizzy drink, penny chews and Kraft cheese slices the accumulated chemicals have the same effect on your body as embalming fluid, except you won’t actually be dead just really twitchy. The habitual consumer of Mr Freeze, Mountain Dew and Skittles isn’t just treating their taste buds, they’re consciously preparing their body for the near-future, when all plants will be dead and the most nutritious thing on the menu will be violent orange Nik Naks made out of powdered insects. Stay bright - start your day with a bowl of Lucky Charms and banana milk and keep a packet of Fruit Salad in your pocket. You can ride that sugar wave all the way home.
“I also ditched fruit and veg in favour of foodstuffs that glowed like radioactive slime and contained more numbered additives than a sudoku - a couple of Wham bars could speed me through the school day, then I’d cycle home to change into my shellsuit, draw the curtains and spend the evening working on my TV tan to a soundtrack of equally artificial video game music.”
In the days of yore, bright dyes for clothing were many times more valuable than gold, and owning any vestments that weren’t the colour of dirt meant you were more or less royalty. A time traveller from the 80s/90s period would be worshipped as a god just for wearing a fluorescent green tracksuit, a Global Hypercolour T Shirt (with armpit sweatmarks) and a pair of bright orange trainers. Let’s hope the bald guy from Aqua never gets hold of the Tardis, or history will change beyond all recognition. Even the dullest of commoners can shine like a prince in our modern world, by purchasing some choice ‘pieces’ from the TK Maxx sale rail - the ones that still hurt your eyes even when you’re wearing sunglasses indoors. The best thing about this style is that it’s irrelevant whether the colours match or not - you want to look like a hardcore rave on a building site, like you killed and skinned an a coach party of German tourists from 1996. You even have the option of dyeing your hair electric blue or bright purple, although take it too far and you risk looking like a candyfloss unicorn.
Electric leisure: retro video games
At first, video games had to glow because it was the only way you could make anything out on their primitive displays. They offered something thrilling and futuristic if you had the imagination, sketched out with pulsing shapes in red or green and bright white explosions that could trigger seizures in the unwary. The distinctive way that games used the limited colours available to them was staked out in pioneering titles such as Space Invaders, Defender
“THE ROSSBOROUGH HEALTHCARE FASHION IN BLOOM GARDEN PARTY” IN AID OF THE MANX BREAST CANCER SUPPORT GROUP.
A healthy glow: follow the neon lights
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To fully embrace the neon lifestyle, as I have, you should learn to view bright artificial light as a sign that leads you towards good things - like a bee lured to sweet flowers, or a dog attracted to other dogs’ bums. Think of all the great things in life that are advertised by neon signs or those LED ones that tell you the kebab shop is open - massage parlours, 24 hour snooker halls, seedy nightclubs, burgers, unauthorised mobile phone repair services. It's said proper neon signs are actually making a comeback, so I intend to start buying enough of them that my house resembles a fairground or a nightclub from a David Lynch movie. You won’t be able to miss 3 feet of glowing neon tubes signposting my fridge, cocktail bar or toilet, although I hope your aim will still be good after I paint the walls black and replace the bulbs with purple UV ones. If you get disoriented, don’t worry. Pulling the flush triggers off a strobelight and a couple of lasers, so just follow the flashing yellow arrows back to my living room and help yourself to a glass of Mountain Dew and some migraine pills.
he Rossborough Healthcare Fashion in Bloom Garden Party hosted by Miss IOM finalist Rachel Corlett was held at the Abbey Ballasalla on Tuesday 27th June. Champagne and Canapés were served whilst watching the Pre-Fall Collection by Claire Christian. Models walked to original songs by Coral Amphlett. Then a fabulous lunch. A total of £15,000 was raised on the day for the Manx Breast Cancer Support Group. Which will go towards much needed equipment for the Manx Breast Unit.The Manx Breast Cancer Support Group has to date raised over £2.1m. The final of Miss IOM is to be held on Saturday 5th August.
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FEATURE: Neon Lights & Fantasies
HARDWARE
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EVENTS: MBCSG - Fashion in Bloom
MOTORING NEWS
HARDWARE
wealth
“Not enough”
Do you have Goldilocks wealth?
FIVE ELECTRIC CARS ON SALE TODAY
“Just right”
“Too much”
Less than 1 per cent of cars on the road today are electric powered. What is significant is the rate at which that is changing. Electric car sales were up 42 per cent in 2016,
“one of the biggest worries many people face is ensuring that they don’t run out of money before they run out of life”
TESLA MODEL S
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got speaking to a man called Albert in the changing room of my local gym the other day. I mentioned to him that I enjoy keeping fit and healthy, but as I’ve got older, I get a few aches and pains. He replied that although he has had to modify his fitness routine given his age, he still felt as fit as a fiddle.
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I asked Albert how old he was, thinking he would say he was in his early 70s, and was astounded when he told me he was 93. So I asked him to what he ascribed his long and healthy life. His reply was always being optimistic, keeping active and not worrying about things too much. Sage advice. But one of the biggest worries many people face as they get older is ensuring that they don’t run out of money before they run out of life. It is very hard to predict exactly when you are going to die. The average age of death in the UK is just over 79 for a man and 82 for a woman, but that’s just an average - many people live even longer. There is a one in three chance that you will live to 90, or to 95 if you are in a long-term relationship. It therefore makes sense to assume that you (or your spouse) will live to 100. Even if you continue to earn income to fund your lifestyle until age 65, you are still looking at a potential 30-year retirement. To make sensible ongoing decisions about working, spending and investing, you need to have a picture of how your income and net wealth might change over your lifetime. This involves projecting your
agenda
yearly cash flow and financial asset values until age 100. It’s easy to get overwhelmed about planning for the long term and all the variables and imponderables. Although a lifetime wealth projection will almost certainly turn out to be wrong, it is still useful to have an idea of the potential outcome, as that will help influence your ongoing financial actions and decisions. You might not have clear long-term financial goals on which to base a lifetime projection. Relax. Just make some guesses about how your income, spending and investing might pan out. It is OK to change your mind in the future. You just want to get a rough idea of how your wealth might look, not pinpoint accuracy. Aim to build up an overall picture of your wealth. I call this the Goldilocks technique, as it will show that your financial resources are either not enough, too much, or just right - a bit like the optimal temperature of Goldilocks’ porridge. “Not enough” means that you may run out of money in your lifetime (remember we are just guessing about spending, earning and investment returns). This means you might suffer lack of choice and ON THE AGENDA
quality of life in your later years. To rectify such a shortfall, you might need to spend less now (or in retirement); earn more now; work for longer; or accept greater investment risk. Alternatively, you might want to change your guess to include the proceeds from downsizing your home, an inheritance or other financial inflow. “Too much” means you might die with wealth still in your estate. This might mean you haven’t lived life as fully as you might (time to think about booking that trip of a lifetime). It could also mean that your heirs will not get the chance to use your excess wealth while you are alive, and will end up paying 40 per cent inheritance tax after your death. If this surplus is significant, it might mean that you can take less risk with your investments; spend more during your lifetime; earn less or even stop work earlier. It might mean that you have scope to make gifts during your lifetime to people or causes that matter to you. “Just right” means that you are unlikely to run out of money, but will die with little or no wealth in your estate. This means that your spending appears sustainable and you will have the security
and choice that comes from not having to rely on your family or local authority to meet your care needs in later life. Once you have a central scenario of how your wealth might look like over your lifetime, you can then look at alternative scenarios based on different assumptions. What if you worked less, or lived on a lower income for longer? What if you got a 1 per cent per annum lower real return on your investments? What if you spent a bit more on your lifestyle? What if you downsized earlier for to release more capital? What if you gave away some wealth in your lifetime? The real value from creating lifetime cash flow and net wealth projections isn’t really the output, in the form of a pretty graph. The real value you get is from the process of thinking about your long-term future in the context of the lifestyle that you want, based on what’s important to you given your available resources. The process of thinking about and projecting your financial position is iterative and needs to be done at least yearly, so you can make any corrections well before you encounter any problems. For example, if your actual investment
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Here are the key characteristics of five electric cars you can buy. Is one right for you?
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It’s impossible to think of a modern electric car without a Tesla popping first into your head. Elon Musk’s premium brand has very quickly established itself as the leader of the electric pack when it comes to alternatives for conventional power.
Not enough, too much, just right . . . it can be tough to judge it correctly By Jason Butler
about eight times faster than growth in the overall market.
The Model S has spearheaded the success of the California-based manufacturer and it’s easy to see why. Not only can it deliver an impressive 409-mile range (albeit requiring a nine-hour charge), should you
returns turn out to be lower than assumed for the next four or five years, this will be reflected in your updated lifetime projection and you can then decide what alleviating action to take. You can create a very simple projection yourself using a spreadsheet - there are a few online tools which do basic projections. A proper financial planning firm will help you to define what you want out of life and where money fits into that. They will also build your lifetime cash flow and wealth forecast and a range of alternative scenarios using sophisticated financial planning software. The latest systems used by financial planners allow for a great deal of client collaboration and interaction so that you really engage with and own the final plan. Paying for financial planning help like this is likely to deliver far more value over your lifetime than an overpriced but commoditised investment management service. And remember - there is a good chance you’ll be like Albert and live well into your 90s. If you have Goldilocks’ wealth, it will won’t be too little or too much but just right. agenda
opt for the P100D model, you can get nearsupercar levels of performance too. Tied together with a luxurious and well-equipped package, you’ve got one of the coolest cars on the planet. That said, it’ll set you back at least £120k.
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RENAULT ZOE
OK, so it’s got a silly name, but that doesn’t make the Zoe a silly car. First of all, it’s a cheap way to enter the EV scene, starting from £18k. Included with that is your own home wall charger, which can take the battery from flat to full in five hours.
Not that you would have to plug it in too much if you were using it purely as a city car, as the Zoe can manage 250 miles on one charge.
Couple that with a rather limited 186-mile range and it’s difficult to justify if you’re just in the market for a new Golf.
makes for an alternative choice to some of the more conventional cars in its sector, if nothing else.
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However, if you want to join the electric revolution in something that doesn’t make a fuss about what’s underneath, this may just be the right car for you.
It’s certainly one pricey Hyundai though, starting at £33k and with a measly range of 174 miles that takes eight hours of charging to replenish, it’s going to take a very dedicated Korean car fan to justify buying this one.
VOLKSWAGEN E-GOLF
Electric cars don’t always have to be bespoke models with wild styling and funky names. Here, you simply get a Volkswagen Golf that so happens to have an electric motor in place of a combustion engine. Having said that, it is pricey for a Golf, starting from £31k ( just £1k shy of an R).
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HYUNDAI IONIQ
Admittedly the Hyundai Ioniq is not the most inspiring car on this list, but it’s by no means a bad one. It’s understated in design (perhaps even a bit bland, depending on your tastes) and
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BMW I3
This is one for those looking to stand out. Styled like something that would usually barely make it past the concept
phase, the BMW i3 is certainly a striking thing to look at. It’s pretty tech heavy in its construction too, with a body made largely of carbon fibrereinforced plastic which alone offsets the weight of the 230kg battery pack. If you’re one for function over form though, the i3 isn’t going to be for you. With a rather poor 81-mile range, it’s not going to serve you well if you fancy taking it out of town. There is a version with a petrol range extender available, but that kind of ruins the point of it being all-electric, no?
ASTON MARTIN REVEALS VULCAN AMR PRO Aston Martin has launched an even more extreme version of its track-only Vulcan the AMR Pro. The AMR Pro package is available as an upgrade for current owners of the Vulcan and brings a whole host of improvements. The front wheel arches see the addition of louvred carbon-fibre panels which extract high pressure air in an effort to reduce aerodynamic lift. Dive planes are present on both sides of the nose to keep the
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Vulcan grounded, with the front splitter also gaining new turning vanes to improve steering response. Thanks to a lighter engine cover, there’s also a 5kg weight loss. There’s improvements at the back of the Vulcan AMR Pro, too. A new design rear wing is in place, with a dual plane design rather than the base car’s single plane, with a 20mm Gurney flap featuring on the trailing edge that is supplement with slotted wing endplates.
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HARDWARE: Motoring News
THE REST UPFRONT
Edito...........................................................................................................................5 What's On...............................................................................................................8 Electric Dreams...................................................................................................10 13 Signs You're Having A Bad Day.............................................................12 News In Numbers...............................................................................................13 GIVE.........................................................................................................................14 Neon Lights...........................................................................................................16 MISC.........................................................................................................................18
EVENTS
Crogga Royale Event...........................................................................20 Newfield Host Super Sunday............................................................22 Jeffrey & Kara Moore's Wedding Day...........................................24 MBCSG - Fashion In Bloom Event..................................................26
CULTURE
Culture Vulture.......................................................................................30 Culture News...........................................................................................31 Peel Gets Into The Groove.................................................................32 Kim Draws A Crowd.............................................................................33 UPLOAD....................................................................................................34
TRAVEL
5 Gentle Cycling Routes...............................................................................38
AGENDA Business News...................................................................................................42 Appointments....................................................................................................48 Do You Have Goldilocks Wealth......................................................50 Old Economy Meshes With New On Other Side of Atlantic52
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Top Earners Spend £21,000 On Alcohol & Tobacco................54 The Value of A Virtual High Five.....................................................58 Lessons From The Book Of Zuck...................................................60
PLACES
Feature Properties..........................................................................61-70
APPETITE
Recipes...................................................................................................................72 Taking The Lead At Liberties............................................................73 A Glass Of Fizz......................................................................................50 Starters & Snacks..................................................................................76 The Courthouse Supports New Produce Logo Scheme........77 Wine Talk.................................................................................................78
FASHION & BEAUTY
Get the look.............................................................................................80 Flannels - New Store Open In Douglas.........................................81 Beauty Products....................................................................................82
ACTIVE
Active News............................................................................................84
HARDWARE
Motoring News.......................................................................................88 FIAT 500 60th Birthday.....................................................................90
PAPARAZZI
Are you in?........................................................................................94-98
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