Gair Rhydd - Issue 836

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ISSUE 836 MARCH 05 2007

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CARDIFF’S STUDENT WEEKLY free word - EST. 1972

IA N ARD T GU UDEN E ST G A Z IN MA F THE O AR YE

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WE CELEBRATE QUENCH’S 50TH EDITION WITH 50 EXTRA-SPECIAL FEATURES PLUS: FREE CD

QUENCH BRINGS YOU THE BEST OF THE LOCAL MUSIC SCENE

Being forced to pray in hallways because of the lack of facilities in university is ‘humiliating’ says Islamic Society President

Helen Thompson News Editor MUSLIM students have claimed that they frequently feel humiliated and under stress because the University does not provide adequate prayer facilities.

Cardiff University Islamic

Society is calling on the University to install new prayer rooms on campus, denouncing the current provisions as a ‘disgrace’.

The number of Muslim students at Cardiff University is estimated to be in the thousands, but the Cathays campus prayer room has a maximum capacity of only four people.

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

PRAYING UNDER THE STAIRS

Last year, Cardiff rated second to last for prayer facilities in the International Student Barometer, a survey of international students in 30 top UK universities, letting down its otherwise outstanding performance.

Muslims must pray five times a day, and up to three of these can fall Continued on Page Four

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NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

At

a glance

MARCH 05 2007 News Editorial & Opinion Column Letters Politics Science/Environment Features Tafod Health Jobs & Money Media Television Problem Page Five Minute Fun Grab Listings Sport

1 11 15 17 18 21 22 25 27 28 30 33 41 42 43 45 47

EDITOR Perri Lewis DEPUTY EDITOR Sophie Robehmed ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR Elaine Morgan CREATIVE EDITOR Graeme Porteous NEWS Adam Millward, Helen Thompson, Jo Dingle, Katie Kennedy POLITICS Andy Rennison EDITORIAL AND OPINION Ed Vanstone, Georgie Easton, Huw Davies SPORT Dave Menon, George Pawley LISTINGS Jenna Harris, Rosaria Sgueglia TELEVISION TV Gareth, TV John, TV Neil, TV Jane, TV Ellen LETTERS Rachel Clare GRAB Kayleigh Excell, Lisa Hocken TAF-OD Huw Pritchard SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT Ceri Morgan MEDIA Aline Ungewiss, Nadia Bonjour HEALTH Liz Stauber JOBS AND MONEY Gill Roberts PROBLEM PAGE Grace De Ville FIVE MINUTE FUN Lara Bell PICTURE EDITORS James Perou, Sarah Day SUB EDITOR Cathal McMahon ONLINE EDITOR Paul Springett PROOF READERS Bryony Tallack, Jenna Weeks, Andrew Rennison, Ed Vanstone, Kate Dobbs, Kate Monoghan CONTRIBUTORS Corinne Rhoades, Lee Macaulay, Samantha Shillabeer, Victoria Beddow, Jess Hart, Lucy higgins, Kate Monoshan, James Stileman, Will Taylor, Emma Jones, Matt Horwood, Eleanor Morrey, Victoria Lane, Steve Myerscough, Kirsty Page, Hollie Clemence, Chris White, Lucy Neal, Dan Ridler, Anna Milewski, Lisa Evans, Rhiannon Doe, Alex Klosinska, Jo Roberts, Sofie Jenkinson, Julia McWatt, Laura Hinson, Anneka Buckle, Jen Lloyd, Rachel McWhinney, James Smith, Alex McIntosh, Henry Winter, Lizzie Howes, Becky Oatley, Ingebjorg Braseth, Scott D’Arcy, Ed Slater, Ruth Smith, Jameson Kergozou ADDRESS University Union, Park Place Cardiff, CF10 3QN ADVERTISING 02920 781 474 EMAIL gairrhydd@gairrhydd.com WEB www.gairrhydd.com LOCATION 4th Floor Students’ Union

Very high Vice price

Bomb Squad at Oxford Uni Adam Millward News Editor

DAVID GRANT: Paid a lot

Figures show Cardiff’s Vice-Chancellor gets the highest salary of all University heads Samantha Shillabeer Reporter CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S ViceChancellor is the highest paid university head in Wales, new figures can reveal.

Data released last week revealed that the average annual wage for vice-chancellors rose from £153,061 to £165,105 in the last 12 months.

As many as 43 vice-chancellors now earn more than the Prime Minister, with 34 exceeding the £200,000 mark.

The highest earner in the UK was Laura Tyson, former director of the London Business School, who had

an annual wage of £322,000.

Vice-chancellors pay in Wales increased rapidly, with increases of over 11 percent in some cases.

These sharp pay increases for university heads compared to lecturers is thought to have negative consequences for the teaching of students with the average academic’s pay rising by just three percent.

Sally Hunt, of the University and College Union, the lecturers’ union, said: “At a time when the whole sector needs to unite around defending academic values, securing better funding and maintaining our proud world class teaching and research, the handsome rewards for those at

the top threaten this vital unity and send exactly the wrong message to university staff.

But Universities UK, a vicechancellor’s group, argued the pay packages were agreed by university committees, which report to governing bodies, and that average pay for vice-chancellors was much lower than that of directors and chief executives of major organisations.

A spokesman said: “It is important to note that vice-chancellors do not ‘award themselves’ pay packages.

“Any suggestion therefore that such pay deals go unchecked is sadly wide of the mark.”

Universities slammed over state school failure Calls to lower the number of private school pupils bring university admissions under scrutiny Corinne Rhoades Reporter UNIVERSITIES have come under fire for failing to admit more state school pupils.

The news comes as a disappointment to Tony Blair after he made promises to increase the number of university students from poorer backgrounds.

Figures have been released which confirm that although state school pupils make up 86% of those in higher education, elite universities failed even to reach the Government target of 75%.

With more students achieving A grades at sixth form, it is becoming increasingly difficult to distinguish between two students for one universi-

ty place.

For the first time, students applying for higher education may have to declare whether their parents have a degree on their application form.

Bill Rammell, the higher education minister, said: “It’s partly about attainment in schools, it’s also crucially about aspiration.”

But his comments have fuelled fears that the Government is only achieving their targets through ‘social engineering’.

If this is true, universities will be forced to admit state school pupils who are less ‘articulate’ simply to break the middle-class domination of the higher education system.

Jonathon Shepherd, the general secretary of the Independent Schools Council, said: “Universities should

accept candidates on merit, not to fill some preconceived quota system.”

Only seven percent of children attend private schools, yet over half the places at top institutions such as Oxford and Cambridge are given to them.

At Cardiff, 84% of pupils are from state schools – two percent more than the Government’s benchmark figure.

Stephen Rouse, public relations officer for the University, said that admissions tutors deliberately choose students who ‘have the greatest ability and potential’ to take the ‘fullest advantage’ of the University itself.

Cardiff University is also involved with support schemes to help state school students achieve their full potential before going to university.

WITH THE impending completion of its new controversial laboratory, two incendiary devices were found at Oxford University, last Monday.

An annex of Templeton College – a college that deals in business management – was sealed off and the area evacuated by bomb disposal specialists having been alerted to the site by a member of staff.

The devices were discovered following a lead from a website, which details the activities of animal rights’ groups and their communications.

The posting suggested the colleges’ offices had been hit by arsonists a few days earlier.

It read: “This latest action is part of an on-going fight against the University of Oxford and its continued reign of terror over the unseen victims inside its animal labs.”

Oxford University stated they have been extra ‘vigilant’ in recent months, especially since the spate of letter-bombings which occurred at the beginning of February.

A University spokeswoman said: “The University has its own security services who alerted the college when they discovered the posting on the website.

“We have increased security in recent times but obviously staff and students need access to university buildings and nobody would like us to make them into a fortress.”

A police spokeswoman was keen to stress that this was only one line of inquiry, and that the nature of the devices could not yet be confirmed.

This incident comes after claims of a rise in public support for vivisection in the interests of scientific progress.

It is the cause championed by the organisation, Pro Test, which was established one year ago by sixteen-year-old schoolboy Laurie Pycroft.

Iain Simpson of Pro Test, asserts that this incident has not deterred him or any of his colleagues from promoting animal testing.

He said: “These incidents are much less common than they were.

“More and more scientists are coming out, speaking about the work they do, explaining how their use of mice and rats models does help to come up with some cures for some hideous diseases.”

gairrhydd 3

NEWS Festival facts

MARCH.05.2007

REAL ALE: D’ya want a flake in that, love?

CHEERS: Beer anyone?

PHOTOS: ED SALTER

NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

2

number of days that the festival was on for

£1.10

price of half a pint of cider

10th

annual beer festival

Roll out the barrel

CARDIFF’S BEER festival was the biggest ever this year, with over 7,000 pints poured for thirsty students.

The tenth annual festival run by the Cardiff Real Ale and Cider Society was the largest yet, seeing almost 2000 people walk through the doors.

All proceeds went to charity Ty Hafan-a hospice for terminally ill children, and the money raised is expected to exceed £3,000.

1,400

number of people through the doors on the first day

1,560

pints of cider drunk on the first day

£3,000 Ian Hill, event organiser and president of the Real Ale and Cider Society said: “It’s been the perfect 10th birthday present for us, especially as one of the organisers from past years and the of founder of the festival have been here to see this year’s event.”

Edmund Schluessel who also helped at the event, said: “We are expecting to find out that we have just had the biggest beer festival in the UK.”

expected charity donation

3,240

pints of beer drunk on the first day

7,000+

total number of pints drunk over duration of the festival

Cambridge cleaned up Cambridge cleaners vaccinated as vommiting students present Hepatits B risk Victoria Beddow Reporter VACCINATIONS HAVE been introduced at Cambridge University to protect cleaners from Hepatitis B. Despite its highly acclaimed academic achievements Cambridge University students seem to be lacking in common sense, frequently drinking more than their limit.

Excess cases of vomit blocking sinks and covering students’ walls and

floors is thought to be putting staff at risk.

Extreme measures such as these vaccinations are being introduced more and more at Cambridge due to the rising level of drink-related incidents.

Cambridge Union president Tor Garnett commented: “Vomit issues have occurred before, but never as frequently as this.”

The university has introduced bans on drinking games and imposed booze

SVC representatives pick-up their awards

CAMBRIDGE UNIVERSITY: ‘Vomit issues’ limits in attempt to combat these problems.

A Cardiff University spokesperson stated: “The University carries out risk assessments to the health and safety of all employees, including cleaning staff.”

At this stage, there has been no need to enforce such extreme principles at Cardiff.

English student, Nicole Briggs said: “You don’t have to be a genius to know when you’ve had enough.”

Cheer for volunteers Samantha Shillabeer Reporter STUDENT VOLUNTEERING Cardiff (SVC) won a prestigious award last week, becoming the first higher education institution in the UK to receive the accolade.

The Investing in Volunteers Award, which has been running since 2004, recognises SVC’s contribution to volunteering in Cardiff.

SVC is the eighth volunteering organisation to win the award and will keep it for three years before being reassessed to ensure its high standards are still being reached.

Cardiff Lord Mayor Gareth Neil described the achievement as ‘sparkling’.

SVC Project Manager Andrea Dave said: “This award is not only about the prestige for us. It also lets us know that we’re looking after our students well.”

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NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Special Report: News explores the prayer facilities at other universities,

It’s only words, but...

The naming of any new prayer facilities will have massive implications for how the room is used.

We talked to Cardiff students for their opinions

Muslim Prayer Room Prayer Room Islamic Society president Mohsin Malik explains why it is essential that specific prayer rooms are provided for Muslims IDEALLY THE UNIVERSITY would provide a prayer room specifically for Muslim students as certain conditions need to be met for religious purposes.

Areas for prayer and ablution need to be divided by gender.

Sunset and night prayers and Friday sermon and prayer are quite loud, which fellow users would have to tolerate.

No pictures or forms of idolatry can be displayed and no practices antithetical to Islamic principles should take place in the room. Shoes are not permitted to be worn in the prayer room.

Out of hours access would be needed for dawn and night prayers. If these conditions are met then Muslim students would be more than happy to share quiet rooms with members of other faiths. However, most, if not all, Russell Group Universities provide specifically allocated Muslim prayer rooms with all of the above facilities and more.

If Cardiff University wants to compete in the global market with other top universities for the best students from the UK and abroad, it should be able to do the same for its Muslim students.

Quiet Room Nursing students, Alex Dixon and Nathalie Capt tell us why they think rooms should be set aside for reflection not religion

First year students Stuart Jolley, Mark Bartini, Ed Fowler and Sam Woodeson argue that the title prayer room would encourage integration CALLING THE ROOM A ‘Muslim prayer room’ makes it exclusive to one religion when it should be open to everyone.

The University accepts diversity but this is singling out one religion. It would be fair enough if they had one for Christians and Jews as well, but by labeling it as Muslim it could be a further cause of segregation. The University should be more impartial.

It’s not a simple issue because Muslims need specific facilities for their prayers, but if the University is going to do that then they should cater for everyone.

If it is the majority of Muslims using it then they probably won’t mind what it’s called anyway.

The University should have a meeting to discuss this issue. This will probably cost money and for us personally religion is not a priority but building more sports facilities is.

If you just called it a ‘prayer room’ then every religion could operate its own customs in there. But I think just calling it a ‘quiet room’ makes you think it’s not religious – it’s a bit too vague.

IT SHOULD DEFINITELY BE called a ‘quiet room’ not a ‘prayer room’, because it makes it more accessible to people.

More people would use it if it wasn’t so specifically labelled.

The name implies the right kind of attitude for meditation and people could go to it for studying as well.

Obviously we wouldn’t want to take anything away from the Muslim faith.

We know practising Muslims and we’re not practising Christians. Maybe it’d be good to split the room or have separate rooms for both needs. Not many students would probably use it but it would be good to know it was there to go to.

It’s good to meditate sometimes and have somewhere where you can just sit and think.

What do you think about naming prayer rooms? Leave your comment about at www.gairrhydd.com

‘Humiliated’ Muslim students speak out ■ Cardiff’s prayer facilities discourage Muslim students from applying to the University ■ The need to leave campus for worship encourages segregation of Muslims Continued from front during lecture hours.

Students claim that their studies are being disrupted due to the lack of designated rooms in University buildings.

Up to 50 students trek to the converted shower room in the basement of the Bioscience building each day, where they often find the room full and have to pray in hallways or stairwells.

Alternatively, students can go to the nearest mosque, which is a half hour walk away for some, but the time this takes can force them to miss lectures or lunch.

“An average of 6,000 prayers are missed each day” A room is available on the Heath Park Campus for students to share with doctors and patients, but this is too far away to benefit those based in Cathays.

Muslims must wash their face, hands and feet before prayer, and worshippers must be segregated along gen-

der lines.

Currently, students solve the problem of gender division by allowing women to pray inside the room while men pray outside in the hallway. Men who arrive after prayer has begun cannot enter the room to use the washing facilities until all women have vacated it, meaning they must use the men’s toilets.

“We do get funny looks when we take off our shoes and socks and try to wash our feet in the basins,” Islamic society president Mohsin Malik said.

“If people walk past while we’re praying in the hall they are generally quite surprised. It breaks our concentration and can be quite humiliating.”

It is obligatory for all male Muslims to attend Friday prayers, meaning that hundreds of students would use a facility available specifically for this purpose.

Although the campaign has been running since 2004, it is only recently that any progress has been made.

Nabil Jemah has been working on the campaign since it began. He said: “The University doesn’t seem to understand the seriousness of prayer. I estimate that about 6,000 prayers a day

are being missed, which is very distressing as prayer is the foundation of our religion.

“Sometimes there are chemicals left right outside the room, there is frequently water on the floor, and it smells. It doesn’t seem like the right environment for worship. In addition, the room is not signposted. Knowledge of its existence is passed round by word of mouth.”

“There are chemicals outside the door, the floor is wet and it smells” Students claim that the lack of facilities encourages a barrier between Muslims and their fellow students, because it forces them to conduct a major part of their life outside the university environment.

A Quiet Rooms Working Group has been set up to consider the feasibility of assigning more space to prayer rooms.

Katy Dobbs, Societies and International Officer, said: “Until

recently, the University wouldn’t consider dedicating more space to this, but now most universities provide this service.

“Options that we are considering include building a small unit in front of the Union. The Vice Chancellor has given us his backing and we are working to get funding from the Muslim Council of Wales.”

Executives are also unsure about what to call the potential rooms. Dobbs said: “Initially I was against calling it a Muslim prayer room, thinking that ‘prayer room’ or ‘quiet room’ would be more inclusive.

“But after learning more about the requirements of Muslim prayer I think it is impractical to make it available to others.

“Only Muslim students have specifically asked for this facility to be provided.”

A University spokesman said: “The report of the Quiet Rooms Working Group identified a need for further facilities in the main Cathays area, Colum Drive area and in Newport Road. Active steps are being taken to identify suitable venues within these areas.”

gairrhydd 5

NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

, and considers the issues surrounding the naming of a new room

gair rhydd investigates how Cardiff’s provision for Muslim students compares to that of other universities

Nottingham NOTTINGHAM University has one male and one female prayer room.

The buildings were extended three years ago and are located in the Students’ Union building after being requested as part of the University’s plans. Upon entrance there is a shoe rack and feetwashing facilities.

Manchester MANCHESTER UNIVERSITY HAS two prayer rooms.

One is situated on the main campus and the other on a smaller campus.

They each hold over 50 people and

there have been no reported issues with the washing facilities.

However, the prayer rooms are not well signposted until you actually get to the building.

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S Cathays Park prayer room only holds four people.

As a result, men are forced to pray in the hallway.

The room is not signposted, and one small sink serves as the ablutions facilities.

Cardiff Glamorgan Bristol UWE UNIVERSITY OF West England has had a combined male and female Muslim prayer room for almost six years.

It accommodates 30 people, which is considered to be too small.

Situated in a secluded area, the Islamic Society feels many are unaware of its existence.

There are no specific ablution facilities; instead those using the facility make use of the toilets on site.

GLAMORGAN University has one prayer room, split into male and female halves.

It has been situated on the centre of

campus for five years after being relocated in order to accommodate a growing Muslim population.

The washing facilities are good and

the Islamic Society works closely with the chaplaincy to ensure any problems are sorted out quickly.

The Jewish society has its say

The Christian Union gives its opinion

THE NAME HAS to depend on what exactly it is used for.

We would love to have a Jewish common room within the Union where people can go at any time of day - we do have our own space (at Hillel House) but due to security reasons it cannot be open all the time. Having a Jewish

THE CHRISTIAN UNION has the chaplaincy, which we use regularly.

It seems fair enough for them to want somewhere to pray.

We don’t have set prayer times, so we don’t necessarily need an allocated space on campus.

‘Quiet room’ would be the most inclusive

chaplain alongside the other ones would be fantastic, even if it was just a part-time post and they only spent a couple of days a week in Cardiff.

If there is a strong need for something among a large number of students it is important for the union to do their best to provide it.

name, and it would be good if the room could be open to other groups, but we understand that Muslim prayers have strict rules that might not be compatible for other religions.

We would probably use a quiet room in the Union, but we don’t have the same specific need that Muslims do.

6 gairrhydd

NEWS

MARCH.05.2007

Photo finish?

As the lecturers’ union bans photos of election candidates, we ask what Cardiff students think

Jess Hart Reporter LOOKS WILL not influence voters in the next University and College Union (UCU) elections, after it placed a controversial ban on manifesto photographs.

By solely printing the candidate’s details and policies, UCU hopes that voters will focus on individual merit.

The UCU said their new policy is not a one-off and that they use the same method in all their elections.

The UCU equality officer said: “Photos are a distraction.”

However, many members have described the policy as ‘out of touch with reality’.

One candidate, Roger Kline, has several pictures of himself and his family on his election website and does not believe that photos of him will affect the election.

He said: “Past performance is a pretty good guide to future performance.”

With Cardiff Students’ Union elections coming up, Vice-President Ed Jones does not think the policy is appropriate for our union.

He said: “I don’t think it would help our elections at all.

“Our voters aren’t idiots and are quite capable of making their own minds up with all the information available.”

Photos by James Stileman.

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NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Theme Cardiff THEME: Urban sprawl

Lucy Higgins Reporter

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A PROFESSOR at Cardiff University is concerned that the city is turning into an “urban theme park”.

This is not as fun as it sounds, as the phenomenon means that large schemes such as housing developments and shopping malls are taking over Cardiff, at the expense of quality public spaces and facilities.

John Punter, Professor of Urban Design at Cardiff University condemns the shift towards private corporations as being “socially irresponsible” by pushing forward projects that are leading to a citywide problem in “civic culture and education.”

In a report for Resource for Urban Design Information, contributed to by Punter, it is pointed out that the reason for this ‘theme park’ urbanism is that “the city is being driven into the hands of the private sector as the public sector is short of funds”.

However, a spokesperson for Cardiff City Council believes that the new developments will benefit those living in the city by generating millions of pounds of income, as well as creating thousands of new jobs.

Let the ale drinking begin As health month ends, Education & Welfare officer Kate Monoghan takes some time out to reflect...

FOR THE last month, there has been an abundance of activities throughout the Students’ Union celebrating Health Month, a campaign run to raise awareness of health-related issues and to get people involved with healthy activities.

As it came to and end on Friday, I took some time to reflect on the month, right before I headed into the Real Ale Festival: The month kicked off with ‘Food and Fitness’. Myself and a few fantastic volunteers (thank you all!) took the brave step of dressing as giant pieces of fruit.

My fruit and I spent the week distributing apples and bananas, Frisbees, slap bands and nutritional information.

By the end of the week we had got rid of 4 crates of fruit, 6 crates of water and 500 frisbees. Not bad going for some ladies dressed as idiots!

Week two was the sex! We discovered that most of you are great fans of the Pleasuremax condom, both ribbed and studded you know.

With the help of SHAG and the Terrence Higgins Trust, we gave you over 1500 condoms, femidoms and dental dams, of all different shapes, sizes, colours and flavours.

Rubber up for Rubber Duck was also a great success, although my condom costume didn’t turn up. Gutted.

Alcohol and smoking was always going to be a tricky one, but with the help of ASH and a giant cigarette costume, we managed to distribute a load

of pens, balloons, nicotinel gum, decks of cards, drinks coasters, leaflets, alcohol unit calculators and stress balls.

Kate Dobbs, who has been following the guidelines from the Health Month pull out in the gair rhydd said: “I am so glad I followed the Health Month plan.

“Rubber Up for Rubber Duck was also a great success, although my condom costume didn’t turn up. Gutted.”

“My aim was to cut down on smoking and eating sweeties. I feel so much better, the information provided on the stall was a great help. Not to mention the free massage I got during week four!”

Mental Health week was one of the most important weeks. One in five people suffer from depression at one time in their lives, and students are especially at risk given the pressure of exams, living away from home, combined for many with financial difficulties.

The Depression Alliance, Cardiff Mind, the National Public Health Service and the University Advice Centre all had stalls.

Lots of people picked up Financial Contingency Forms which provide an

opportunity to ask the University for some money if you are in need of some.

Even more people came along to get a free massage courtesy of Jennifer Cox who works as an occupational health therapist for the University.

Since the start of this campaign, Park Place gym has seen a large increase in the number of people using its facilities, and the health centre had a great uptake of people testing themselves for Chlamydia.

The Invest in Sport Campaign saw a fantastic Fun Run take place and an amazing pledge by the University to invest in a Rubber Crumb pitch.

This has no doubt been a great success, so keep up the good work!

gairrhydd 7

NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

The week in pictures Sarah Day at the Union’s celebration of internal culture, Global Village

PHOTOS: Left and below, performances from Sunday February 25, including dances and a fashion show. Above, one of the many stalls at the event

It’s draining Charlotte’s angel men James Stileman Reporter

CHOOSING THE wrong degree could be costing men highly paid jobs, research has shown.

Women achieved 59% of all 2:1s and firsts awarded by Russell Group universities, a study by RealWorld career magazine revealed.

The study also examined how subject choice could have an impact on the classification of the degree.

It found that 87% of students taking Psychology achieved a 2:1 or first, while only 63% of Maths students achieved similar grades, even though the maths students generally had better A-level grades than the psychology students.

Degrees in high-scoring subjects like Psychology, English and Media

Studies are more likely to be taken by women, whereas subjects in which firsts are rarer, like Maths, Engineering and Physics, have mainly male students.

Most graduate employers stipulate that applicants have a 2:1 or higher, in order to reduce the high volume of students searching for work on graduation, causing worry that more men may be excluded.

Dennis Norell, managing director of RealWorld said: “Men are being doubly hit because more study the sciences and because of the subject bias in awarding degree classes.

“The problem is employers are comparing courses that were never designed to be compared. If I got a 2:2 in engineering from Cambridge, who’s to say that I’d not be mentally capable of doing a demanding job?”

Welsh singing sensation announces she is pregnant with rugby star Gavin’s baby Will Taylor Reporter WELSH COUPLE Charlotte Church and Gavin Henson have confirmed that they are expecting their first child together.

The confirmation comes after a weekend rife with speculation over the pregnancy.

Suspicion was aroused in the press after Church was spotted not drinking at her recent 21st birthday celebrations.

Church’s management confirmed the news on her website saying the pair, who have been dat-

ing for two years, were ‘delighted’ at the news.

At present no further details have been released other than she is in ‘early pregnancy’.

Last February, appearing on Davina McCall’s BBC One chat show, the pop sensation come TV presenter revealed she would accept a proposal of marriage from Henson.

A month later, in an interview with Jonathan Ross, Henson said that he hoped Church would propose to him.

Despite this, an engagement has yet to be announced.

CHURCH: Bun in the oven

8 gairrhydd

NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

The societies awards 2007: gair rhydd catches up with the winners Best Society/ Best Marketed Event: Act one THE COVETED BEST SOCIETY award was scooped by Act One, whose pantomime, Jack and his Giant Beanstalk, was also named best marketed society event.

President, Tirion Jones, was extremely surprised by both wins; the society “certainly weren’t expecting it”. She added: “It’s a great feeling to know that others recognise all the hard work and dedication that the members of Act One invest in the society.”

“Our publicity for the Pantomime in December was extremely well done by

the directors and publicity officers, so I believe that we won the marketing award because everywhere you went in the week leading up to Jack there were flyers and posters advertising the event. They went to great lengths to ensure all Cardiff students were aware of it and promoted it non-stop!”

Act One have already produced four shows this season, and a fifth in the form of musical ‘The Hot Mikado’ will be performing from 6th-10th March at the YMCA Theatre.

Best Society President: Adam Cottrell, LMS ADAM COTTRELL, OF THE Live Music society, was awarded best society president, and it came as a total shock to someone who didn’t even realise he was nominated!

Why does he think he won? “Hopefully it's because of the sheer number of events that we've put on so far; 34 events that all involve booking a venue, getting musicians to turn up on time with the right equipment, and running the night. We have worked with 14 other societies in 11 venues this year, and I'd like to think that our collaboration with other groups has been rewarded.” What would you consider to be your main achievement as President? “I think finishing as runners-up in the Best Society award, along with sharing the Best Event award for RAID. We've also had people of national fame (namely members of Bloc Party and Funeral for a Friend) attending some of our events, so we must be doing something right! I am also currently in negotiation regarding the possibility of an Live Music Society stage at this year's Summer Ball, so watch this space...”

Best Society Event: Raid SARAH EMMERSON of People and Planet Were you surprised at your win?

“We were very pleased to win best event; its good news for the future of our AIDS campaign. A lot of people worked extremely hard to put RAID on, and there were over 50 artists performing, so perhaps we weren't totally surprised it won.”

Why do you think you won?

“I think RAID won because it offers music that perhaps people don't often hear in the Union, not to mention the fact that it raised over £1000 to help fight AIDS and there were ten live bands plus some really interesting stalls.”

Best Society Social: The Jewish Society’s Hanukkah Party WERE YOU SURPRISED that you won?

Yes, we were hoping for a runner-up place in one of the categories but to actually win one was a big shock!

Why do you think you won the category that your society won?

The Hanukkah Party really was a huge success, we're a very small society and to have so many people there and enjoying themselves was fantastic. I have to also say that I think a lot of the praise we got from people who went was down to the latkes (traditional fried potato cakes) made by our treasurer Tami!

Best New Society: Poker CRAIG DEVLIN, the Poker Society President, said: “We kept on joking about winning leading up to the awards but this was a front mostly, so it really was a great surprise when we won! It felt great to win the award, like all the hard work and organising had been recognised, and that’s a great feeling.”

“I think we won because firstly it was far from straight forward to set up the society from the offset due to its nature. Being essentially gambling, I had to really work hard to get it off the ground. Katy Dobbs has been a tremendous help and deserves a big thank you! Also our sponsorship from an online company called Blue square has been vital to the success of the society; I am truly grateful to them for their ongoing help. But I think the

most important factor in the success of the Poker Society was having a great executive team behind me, who made running the society even easier and a lot more fun, which in my opinion is what a good society is all about!”

Most Improved Society: Medecins sans frontieres “WE WERE VERY glad that the union thanked our efforts with a second prize in two years, we think we improved by making our society a bit more social and attaching more fun to the fundraising part of our society. We had a really good social in November and a Christmas Carol Concert.

“We try to make our charity activities seem more 'real' and achievable by having speakers come and talk about previous experiences. Even though MSF was started by doctors for doctors, the majority of people who volunteer for missions are now not doctors and a lot aren't even healthcare pros.”

Society with a Golden Heart: BACCUP

Most popular society: FADD

BACCUP has continued to raise money this year for the children of Novinki Orphanage, in Minsk, Belarus. All of the children have physical or mental disabilities, and need constant care and attention.

We employ a carer to continue this high standard of care during the rest of the year when we cannot be there. We fundraise to buy equipment and supplies for the orphanage and the children, our main fundraising project at the moment is a portacabin which we plan to build on the orphanage site, which will contain a soft play/sensory area and an art room, as well as a small room for supplies.

Best Society Website: Big Band “WE WERE REALLY surprised to win. Although we're a new society this year, the University Big Band has been running for many years now, and we thought we'd become a society to widen the appeal, and make people realise that the University does have a Big Band!

“We've played at lots of Union events this year - the Society Awards themselves, the abseil down the back of the Union to promote the 'Admission: Impossible' campaign, and have lots more lined up - including a slot at Varsity, and the Summer Ball.”

gairrhydd 9

NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

BUS-TED

Students slam the quality of the Uni Hall bus service

PHOTO: JOANNA DINGLE

Lee Macaulay Reporter

BUS STOP: Students have had enough of waiting for better buses

UNIVERSITY HALL BUSES have been slated by Cardiff students for being badly-scheduled, rundown and prone to leaving students stranded on campus at night.

The service offered by the Residences and Catering division operates from University Hall to the Students’ Union on Park Place and is paid for by residents.

One University Hall resident studying Journalism, Film and Media described the buses as being “usually on time but not very comfortable” and complained they had been stranded some nights.

He said: “For what I pay at Uni Hall, I don’t think the bus service is very good value for money.”

The state of the residence’s buses is put into more perspective when compared to the UWIC Rider scheme.

Though costing £185 per year, the

scheme provides a dedicated bus service 8am to midnight, Monday to Friday to all UWIC campuses, halls of residences and areas such as Cathays and Roath. It also gives free and unlimited passage on Cardiff Buses in term time.

One UWIC student described the service. He said: “It’s extremely convenient for getting around Cardiff and mostly on time. You never get turned away because there are three double-deckers just for UWIC students.”

Students’ Union President Joe AlKhayat said: “I sympathise with students living at University Hall.

“The Union is looking to expand the provision of minibuses for University Hall at night and at weekends to make up for the bus service “I’ve only realised recently that there was trouble with the buses.

“It shows that students need to make it clear to the Students’ Union when they have problems and then we can take action.”

Time, Freshers

A fine state?

Universities risk government fines if they surpass their quotas of students this autumn

STUDENTS: Too many and universities will have to foot the bill

Emma Jones Reporter UNIVERSITIES that take on more students than they are officially allowed this autumn are at risk of being fined by the government.

Universities currently risk the loss of government funding if they accept more than five percent above their limit of students.

Surrey University is just one of the institutions considering ignoring the current government cap on how many students they recruit. Some of England’s most popular universities are set to follow in their footsteps.

Surrey has seen a 39.2% increase in applications this year, while figures show that there has been a 7.1%

increase in applications nationwide.

The introduction of top-up fees of up to £3,000, along with the possibility of increased funding from private sectors such as match-funding, makes it easier for universities to exceed their quota of students because they can afford to incur the fine.

Vice-chancellor of Surrey University, Chris Snowden, is in favour of lifting the cap, which was introduced to give the government control over the financing of universities.

He said: “There are two options open to us: put up with the fine or persuade HEFCE (Higher Educational Funding Council for England) to give us additional student numbers.”

PHOTO: MATT HORWODD

Controversy at Bradford University after executives call an end to Freshers’ drinking

He suggested that the cap was hindering the government’s objective of getting 50% of students into higher education by the end of the decade.

However, academics fear that abandoning the cap could lead to less wellknown universities, who did not see such a sharp rise in applications this year, losing out on student numbers.

A spokesman for HEFCE said that there was scope for flexibility under the current system, but suggested that the students would suffer if an institution exceeded its figures.

He said: “If a university does go beyond its contract range it would not get any additional funding from us. It would be likely to be lowering its unit funding per student.”

Will Taylor Reporter BRADFORD UNIVERSITY has axed the traditional freshers’ week, the gair rhydd has learned.

The move comes after university bosses claim that the week had become “nothing more than a wild drinking binge”.

The University bosses continued to say that campus tours and sports club introductions have “all but given way to pub crawls and nightclub drinks promotions”.

Bradford University is just one of several institutions that have banned alcohol from official events.

The University of the West of England in Bristol have followed suit and has cut down on drinking by making alcohol only available at events at the weekend.

A UWE spokesman told the gair rhydd that too much drinking led to students dropping out because they failed to

keep up with work.

He added: “There is a rise in the number of international students who are less interested in drinking.”

Universities UK, which represents Britain’s 129 universities, commented on the new rules: “Excess boozing has become such an issue that universities have to clamp down on it.

“More focus is being put on getting properly integrated into a new life.”

In line with this, Bradford University now offers ‘give it a go’ sessions to try DJing or break dancing as part of alternative events.

Spokeswoman for Bradford University, Rachel Earlington said: “The change is partly coming from students – it costs so much to come here now that people want value for money.

“That means learning more and drinking less.”

BANNED: Last orders at Bradford

10 gairrhydd

WORLD NEWS

MARCH.05.2007 NEWS@gairrhydd.COM

Da Vinci Code: tomb Oscar winning film director’s documentary claims to have discovered Jesus’s tomb Eleanor Morrey Reporter

named Judah with Mary Magdalene.

Speaking in New York, the Oscarwinning Titanic director said statistical tests and DNA analysis back this view.

But Mr Cameron’s claim has been THE DA VINCI Code is still influattacked by archaeologists and theencing film-makers, as ologians as unfounded.

James Cameron prepares to The tomb was discovered in release a documentary that Jerusalem’s East Talpiot district makes similar claims.

by Israeli construction workThe Hollywood director’s ers, where they initially film examines a tomb found uncovered 10 of the 2,000near Jerusalem in 1980, year-old limestone coffins which producers say in a tomb in March 1980. belonged to Jesus and his According to the Israel family and which they say proves he had a son CAMERON: A very happy man

World News in brief Victoria Lane Reporter

TOMB: Cameron’s titanic find Antiquities Authority, six of those coffins were marked with the names Mary; Matthew; Jesua son of Joseph; Mary; Jofa (Joseph, Jesus’s brother); and Judah son of Jesua.

The documentary claims that tests on samples from two coffins show that it is likely Jesus and Mary Magdalene were buried in them and that they were in fact a couple.

The film-makers used this finding to claim that the coffin marked “Judah son of Jesua” contains the son of Jesus and Mary.

Academic Stephen Pfann, a scholar at the University of the Holy Land in

Jerusalem, said he did not expect Christians to accept the film’s findings.

However, the documentary makers are keen to point out that the discovery of the tomb does not undermine the key Christian belief that Jesus was resurrected three days after his death.

The findings have been refuted by Israeli archaeologist Amos Kloner, who was among the first to examine the tomb when it was first discovered.

He criticised the claims, stating: “The names marked on the coffins were very common at the time. The documentary film makers are using it to sell their film.”

Female chimps come up trumps Report suggests female chimps provided for the male

Corinne Rhoades Reporter NOODLES: Shot to space

Noodle man to moon Steve Myerscough Reporter THE INVENTOR of instant noodles went out with a bang this week as his ashes were shot into space in a special ceremony.

Momofuku Ando, the inventor of the student fast-food favourite, died in early January aged 96, and was symbolically blasted into space in front of thousands attending the ceremony in a closeddome baseball stadium in Osaka.

The ceremony was led by three dozen monks and included a reading by a former Japanese prime minister.

A spokesperson for Nissin Food Products, the company set up by Mr Ando, explained the thinking behind the ceremony.

“Before his death, he devoted his efforts to inventing space noodles, so our company has decided to use the space theme to conduct

the corporate funeral to see off the late Momofuku Ando into space.”

Mr Ando was born in Taiwan in 1910 and moved to Japan in 1933 where he had a number of jobs including as a textile manufacturer and a school headmaster.

He first sold his invention, ‘magic noodles’, in 1958 when he realised that a food shortage meant many Japanese people had to join long queues to buy fresh noodles.

They were an immediate success and sparked competitors to bring out similar products. His good business sense helped him to market his invention around the world, as well as developing a product to be eaten by astronauts.

The ‘cup noodle’ was Mr Ando’s most famous product and was first sold in the early seventies. This made preparation of the noodles even easier by placing them in an insulated cup to which boiling water was added.

SENEGALESE chimps may have proven that it was the female who developed hunting tools.

A research report, which studied primates in Fongoli, Senegal, describes how they took branches and turned them into spears to hunt with.

The females picked up the technique quicker than the males, and used the tools to poke at smaller animals hiding in tree-trunk hollows.

Adolescent chimps also fashioned the implements more frequently after watching their mothers’ behaviour.

Jill Pruetz and Paco Bertolani, the authors of the report, were amazed at their findings which they claim have shed new light on evolution theories.

Pruetz said: “I saw about 13 different hunting bouts. So it really is habitual.”

Although the apes’ activities were not c a p tured o n

CHIMP: Clever clogs

film, the chimps were said to have already devised a system.

After breaking off a branch, they skilfully stripped off the bark and leaves, occasionally sharpening the tip with their teeth.

Without their natural prey to hunt, the chimps attacked the bushbaby with their spears.

According to Pruetz, the females displayed a talent that ‘the males seem to ignore’.

The research reportedly supports theories about human evolution that say it was actually a huntswoman who brought home the bacon.

Devil child A RUSSIAN woman has filed legal action against local officials who gave her baby daughter the birth registration number 666.

Natalia Serepova protested that the number was Satanic and “soiled the soul of any Christian”.

Every newborn in Russia is given a number; however, a hearing is to be held on March 7 after authorities have refused to change the number 666.

Resit Rubbish 700 PSYCHOLOGY students, in Belgium, are having to retake their exams due to a university lecturer accidentally throwing away their papers with the rubbish.

Hugo Schouppe left the marked papers by a wastepaper basket where a cleaner mistook them for rubbish and threw them out.

A university director decided the students should take them again to give every student a fair chance. Students are furious.

High jump THE WORLD’S highest bungee jump is to take place over Kuala Lumpa in Malaysia later this year.

A New Zealander is to jump 4,920ft from a helicopter in an attempt to get into the record books.

AJ Hacket, 48, has already bungeed off the Eiffel Tower, but now wants to double the existing bungee jump record.

The cord is a breakthrough in technology, fatter at the top than at the bottom, meaning that it will stretch longer.

gairrhydd

EDITORIAL & OPINION

MARCH.05.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

freewords the voice of gairrhydd

Est. 1972

A dreadful sight The sight of our Muslim students praying on a cold floor in a University stairwell is something Cardiff University should be ashamed of. Hearing that they feel ‘humiliated’ on a day-to-day basis is something we should all be disgusted by.

The lack of provision for prayer space is a problem that has been growing for too long. And it’s not because it has gone unnoticed by the University – the Islamic Society have been lobbying them for years to get better facilities and nothing has been done. This is simply not good enough.

We’re clearly lagging behind in prayer-room provision: other Russell Group universities offer their Muslim students significantly better facilities.

Even Glamorgan, our former Poly next-door-neighbours, don’t ‘humiliate’ their Muslim students like it is alleged that Cardiff does. We might get all high and mighty in Creation because our students scream louder at the monkeys than our Glamorgan-based peers, but when it comes to things that matter like praying facilities, they have got a lot more to shout about than we do.

Obviously the University has got space issues: students and lecturers are always moaning about how little study space they have and our societies are constantly frustrated by the lack of spare rooms around campus. However, while this inconveniences them, they are not left ‘humiliated’ because of it.

They are clearly two very different needs.

The Muslim students of Cardiff University have gone unacknowledged for too long and it’s time for the University to act. Things need to change, and soon, before we subject yet more people to the humiliating act of praying under the stairs.

We made it It’s been a great four years for Quench. Since it’s birth in 2003 it’s won several national awards, has featured some of the best celebrity interviews and has Perhaps more importantly, it’s given some of the students a bit of a helping hand into what we like to call The Real Media. Two of the three former Quench editors are now working for the Guardian and there’s plenty of other ex-writers on publications such as Loaded, Q and Elle. As we go to print one of last year’s music editors is interviewing Damian Albarn at the NME awards. It’s a hard life for the alumni of the UK’s best student magazine.

So the current team and next year’s team and teams and teams after that will plug away even harder to make sure the next 50 issues are even better than the last 50 were. It’s a hard job, but someone’s got to do it. It’s just lucky that we love doing it.

11

The price of flames In just five years’ time, the Summer Olympics will descend upon London. But with costs revealed to be spiralling into the stratosphere, is it all really worth it? Huw Davies comments

I

t has become another of those inescapable questions regarding one’s personal recollection of moments in history: where were YOU when London was announced as host of the 2012 Olympic Games? Personally, I was in France on that momentous June day of 2005, which gave me a very satisfying view of miserable Parisians muttering that they didn’t really care about hosting the Olympics anyway. Perhaps, on hearing the news, you celebrated: you might even have been one of the thousands in Trafalgar Square waiting on the result. Or maybe, like me, you sighed in despair.

Protecting against the increased threat of terrorism will cost the proverbial bomb The reason for my despondency was not a general antipathy towards optimism (though I am dead inside), but a brief reflection on the inevitable financial cost of such a mission.

Preparing for and hosting the Olympics was always going to be inordinately expensive, while protecting against the increased threat of terrorism will cost the proverbial bomb (sorry) – and now, in a development totally unsurprising to anyone, there have been further revelations that despite thinking through the complex economic issues for at least several seconds, the Government underestimated the price of its moment in the sun.

The initial quote featured in London’s bid to host the Olympics was a mere £2.35 billion, roughly equivalent to David Beckham’s forecasted weekly wage at L.A. Galaxy.

However, the BBC has revealed that this figure will rise to a possible £9 billion. Yes, £9 billion. In case anyone missed that, due to strategic spillages on the paper or something, I said £9 billion. It is hard to imagine – £9 billion – just how much money £9 billion really is, but one way of looking at it is this: £9 billion is greater than the combined GDP of 19 African countries.

And they won’t win any medals anyway.

Of course, money isn’t everything.

And, as the optimists keep saying, the Olympics will bring the UK great international prestige. But what does that even mean? Sod all – and as far as increased tourism is concerned, it will

MONEY: Everywhere only serve to wipe out the massive debt incurred in the first place.

Even reduction in unemployment, admittedly beneficial while it lasts, will be noticeably temporary. True, transport services around London will improve dramatically – at long last – but it shouldn’t take an international sporting event to catalyse that.

Although on the plus side, there is now a definitive, immovable deadline for improvement in development of travel services, and the same goes for building projects. You can put off Wembley, but you can’t put off the Olympic Games.

Are the financial risks really worth the blank cheque they are printed on?

There are, of course, a number of arguments in favour of London hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics. The success of the 2002 Commonwealth Games, held in Manchester, proves that a prestigious international sporting event, if handled with skill and efficiency, can on the whole produce more significant benefits than drawbacks. But this is not purely a question of whether London – and the rest of Britain, given how many events will take place outside of the capital – will be capable of achieving such an ambitious goal, but whether, in securing

this success, the financial risks are really worth the blank cheque they are printed on.

The problem with Olympic economy (and the reason why I’m continuing to fight this very lonely corner) lies with how long the debt lasts. The likes of Sydney and Barcelona successfully paid off their arrears quite quickly, and each have a virtually disused stadium to show for it, but not every city is so lucky.

Montreal hosted the Summer Olympics in 1976, and built a stadium for the occasion. Last November, they finished paying for it. Famously, ‘The Big O’ became ‘The Big Owe’. Until only a few months ago, citizens of Montreal were still being taxed for an event that took place three decades previously, before many of them were born. Repaying the debt was more than a hurdle; it was a marathon.

All in all, Montreal lost $2 billion from hosting the Games, most of which was paid by the Quebecian taxpayer. There is nothing to say that London could not suffer a similar fate.

As Chancellor in charge of the Olympic budget, Gordon Brown’s legacy may turn out to be a poisoned chalice for the 2012 Prime Minister once the payback kicks in, and who’s to say that that Prime Minister won’t be Mr. Brown himself? The following statement may sound as if it is quoted directly from the voiceover on a televised insurance ad – and it is, without a doubt, one of my favourite sentences ever – but sadly it is true: “The

The gair rhydd editors’ blog

http://freewords.gairrhydd.com

International Olympic Committee accepts no responsibility for any actual debt incurred from staging the Olympics.” Presumably, it accepts no responsibility for any British sporting failure either. It is understandable, of course, but the IOC’s refusal of liability potentially leaves the British taxpayer up the Thames without a paddle.

Montreal hosted the 1976 Olympics.

Last November, they finished paying for it

By now, I imagine everybody thinks I’m a miserable bastard (some, for writing this article). But I’m not decrying the Olympic Games as an institution, and I’m not necessarily saying that the Government was totally wrong to take them on. In fact, I might even get a job out of it, if by some miracle I am doing anything remotely journalistic in five years’ time. I simply fear for the economic hangover of this giant two-week party.

Jean Drapeau, the Mayor of Montreal during the aforementioned 1976 Olympics, famously commented, “The Olympics can no more lose money than a man can have a baby.”

Perhaps he should have watched Junior – the man who had that baby went on to become Governor of California. What are the chances?

Better than London’s.

12 gairrhydd

OPINION

MARCH.05.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

Sporting business Women might work as hard as men on the tennis court, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they deserve equal pay, says Kirsty Page

W

and a half hours for Serena Williams to prevail over Shahar Peer in the quarterfinals. However, last year’s first round at Wimbledon saw Scotland’s Alan Mackin battling for over four hours in five sets before succumbing to the pressures of a seeded player while some of his female equivalents were overcome in mere 6-0, 6-1 matches. It is evident that this court time related argument swings both ways; it is not as simple as it seems.

Sport is a business.

If there was no demand for it then professional sport would cease to exist Many outraged male (and some female) tennis fans argue that women should be made to play the best of five sets if they want to earn their pennies.

Length of play, sets and court time seem to be the only things considered in this age-old debate. In my opinion, the number of sets played is actually far more irrelevant than is presumed.

Sport is a business. Fact. If there was no demand for it then professional sport as we know it would cease to exist. Sportsmen and women are paid in accordance to ticket sales, event attendance, sponsorship and advertising revenue. Harsh as it seems, pay

ILLUSTRATION: ANDREW STYLES

hite shorts, strawberries and cream, Henman Hill and rain. Wimbledon: what is more indicative of a quintessential English summer?

The much loved tennis tournament has sparked interest and controversy over its recent announcement that men and women are to be awarded equal prize money, from the eventual winners all the way down to first round losers. Having held out for decades, Wimbledon yielded to pressure from the government, players and officials and is following the example of its fellow three major Grand Slams, (although the French Open still only offers equal pay to the champions).

The main argument against such a move is that women play the best of three sets while their male counterparts play the best of five. If women are playing less then why should they be rewarded equally? In simple terms, this seems fair enough, but tennis is unusual in its unpredictability in that there is no fixed time to any one match.

A man might be slogging it out in a five setter whereas a female player finishes off the day in two sets. While it may seem heinously unfair that they would be awarded the same prize, this assumption that a man is always on court longer is flawed. In the Australian Open semi-final earlier this year, Federer polished off Roddick in just 83 minutes whereas it took two

The Barbican Art Gallery is to exclude under 18-year-olds from its forthcoming raunchy exhibition. Hollie Clemence explains why this is a bad idea

cheques are not reflective of how hard someone works. A premiership footballer at the peak of his career will earn astronomical amounts of money whereas an equally talented rugby player will earn nothing like it. An Olympic 100m sprinter will earn more money than a marathon runner despite being on the track for less than 12 seconds each race. To say that one works harder than the other is absurd. Try telling a nineteen stone Prop that he doesn’t work as hard as a footballer; I certainly wouldn’t want to be there to witness his reaction. Earnings are relative to how much money there is in a sport. The more people that are prepared to pay for tickets and watch the matches on television, the more revenue is poured into the game; the upshot of this is that they can afford to reward the stars with huge incomes.

Female football exists, but I for one have never seen it on television, and that is because the demand is not there.

In business, if people do not want to buy your product then you will not get the same profits as a highly successful company, even if you’ve worked just as hard to produce it. Sport is exactly the same, regardless of gender.

The reason why the difference in male and female prize money at Wimbledon, and other Grand Slams, instigates so much controversy is because the two sexes are competing in the same competition, albeit it in dif-

H

ow old were you when you learnt about the birds and the bees? I was about ten or eleven when I first discovered girly magazines, Judy Blume and a great book called How the Body Works, in which the body is portrayed as a mechanical robot controlled by tiny little men that apparently live inside us.

I ask because the Barbican art gallery in London are planning an exhibition called Seduced: Sex in the City, a ‘serious scholarly’ presentation of sex from an extensive cultural and historical perspective, but they are intending to deny access to under-18s.

I feel that this would be an unfortunate regulation that grossly underestimates the intellectual capacities of young people.

Kate Bush, the head of art galleries at the Barbican, stated that the exhibition “asks difficult and challenging questions of its viewers by looking at how artists through the ages and in different places have approached the subject.” Yet maybe the most telling indication of our contemporary approach to sex is the very exclusion of young people from such an exhibition.

By explicitly censoring sex from young people, adults construct the unknown as mysterious for the child, projecting their own fears onto the forbidden subject. Although this might save adults from having to talk about some notoriously embarrassing issues, it discourages young people from ask-

WOMEN: Enough demand? ferent categories. It is easy to construe the former financial inequalities as gender discrimination. It is not. If female players are to be paid the same as men then it should have nothing to do with how long they spend on court but how much revenue they attract through their game. If they draw in as many viewers as the male players then of course they should be paid the same.

If they don’t, then they shouldn’t. If people would rather watch the men play and the demand increases then the multi-million pound sponsors and business will put in the money and the players will reap the benefits. I do not ing the questions that need answering.

They are likely to be duped by the playground rumours and be far more susceptible to the riskier aspects of sex when they finally come to it.

Furthermore, to set the age margin at 18 seems quite illogical with relation to the legal age limitations; for a teenager who can legally have sex, smoke, drive a car and have a family of their own, to be refused entry to an explicit art exhibition is quite ridiculous.

Bush partly claims the reasoning is that the exhibition “contains imagery for which you need to be able to understand the context.” This may be true for some young people, but surely this is a perfect opportunity to help them see the significance of context in sex representation; ‘context’ being the buzzword of the exhibition as the line between art and pornography is proffered for debate.

Most people certainly have a very different take on sexual images in high-brow art as opposed to images found in top-shelf magazines. Devon Ostrom, now a postgraduate in Curating, carried out a research paper during his undergraduate course in Qualitative Research, in which he found a large number of provocative neo-classical works, some actually romanticising rape and sexual violence.

While we might not regard such ‘masterpieces’ as distasteful, the distinction seems to be based on time and

see why tennis should be an exception to any other sport. Popularity is the deciding factor when it comes to profit, not gender.

This is why I hope Wimbledon’s decision really is a reflection of an increased turnover from women’s tennis rather than an attempt to boost the competition’s reputation in an increasingly politically correct world.

Disagree? Leave your comment at www.gairrhydd.com context; new forms of media, such as film and photography, and the emergence of mass production means that sexual images are readily available and more graphic than ever before. I imagine that Seduced: Sex in the City provides a considerable insight into these issues.

Why not allow young people to take part in the discussion of sex and culture? They form an enormously important percentage of culture and would undoubtedly provide a crucial outlook on the subject. Humans have lived through periods and societies where children were regarded as adults and sent to work at the ages of eight and nine, or married off at 13 and 14.

We are now in an age where adults desire to keep children young, perhaps in a bid to prolong nostalgic memories of their own childhood, but young people nearly always know more than their elders imagine.

At some point they will be confronted with images regarded as sordid and obscene and, if not already, sexual relationships of their own. I would like to urge the curators of the exhibition to reject this stringent act of censorship in favour of providing young people with a space to look at sexual imagery with a critical approach and the guidance to understand its vastly diverse status within human civilisation.

If anyone is interested in visiting the Seduced: Sex in the City exhibition, it is at the Barbican Art Gallery from October 12 to January 27.

gairrhydd

OPINION

MARCH.05.2007 OPINION@gairrhydd.COM

T

hose casually passing by the Union building during the next fortnight could be forgiven for mistaking the goings-on outside as some sort of satire on the style-over-substance vacuity of national politics.

It’s not: it’s just election time again, where, if the past few years are any sort of indicator, the winner will be the candidate with the best funny costume or whoever shouts louder than the competition for two weeks. It wouldn’t be terribly difficult to misconstrue it as a send-up of blindly following the hoody-hugging Blue Team or the tough-on-crime Red Team in a general election.

But in the end, the joke’s on us - we have to put up with the winners for the rest of the year. And if they’re not good enough, we’re stuck with them.

We’ll continue to see the people who run our Students’ Union elected in a popularity contest rather than on their policies and credentials for as long as debate remains so poor. It hasn’t been uncommon over the last few years for candidates’ own campaign teams to be unable to recite their manifesto promises when grilled; hustings are very poorly attended; and the one place where a real, substantial policy debate ought to occur – right here - is the one place where it cannot.

We’re fortunate enough to have not voted in any real turkeys The Union’s constitution forbids gair rhydd from expressing comment on any candidate until after the election results are published. (Although, curiously, the prohibition doesn’t apply to sister publication Quench, which slack amending speaks volumes about the attention to detail shown by the last four years’ worth of presidents.)

The reasons for this ban initially seem sensible – an unprincipled editor could easily misuse their position to promote a friend contesting an election. But it’s an insult to students’ intelligence to contend that they can’t tell the difference between nuanced manifesto analysis and brazen propaganda.

While current president Joe AlKhayat recognises the need for election candidates to engage with students far more, he refused to comment on whether he thinks the restrictions on gair rhydd should remain. It shouldn’t: if a manifesto promise is completely unworkable, as some invariably are, then the electorate should be informed.

Al-Khayat himself has done a

ILLUSTRATION: ANDREW STYLES

Electile Dysfunction

The carnival of costumes, false promises and cheesy slogans is set to begin... Chris White looks at the problems with Union elections

Children have more freedom when it comes to making GCSE subject choices. Lucy Neal discusses the impact of a more flexible curriculum

C

ELECTIONS: Farce? remarkably good job over the last year – he’s done more work on recycling and fair trade than had been accomplished in the last five years, and proposed a very sensible reform of Student Council. But this was impossible to foresee while he was campaigning on the rather populist platform of shunting students from neighbouring UWIC to the bottom of the priority order for the sale of Come Play tickets – all the while dressed as GI Joe. Similarly, while my editor here is undoubtedly talented, she won her job, in large part, not due to her ability to edit gair rhydd but because she spent two weeks wearing a dress made out of it. It seems like an odd way to appoint someone to a job – and can easily go wrong.

We’re fortunate enough not to have voted in any real turkeys (to sabbatical positions, at least). Manchester University isn’t so lucky.

At their Union, as at ours, the editor of the student newspaper’s job is an elected position. Last year, the role was contested by one Sajid Rafiq, who had never written so much as a single word for Student Direct. He mobilised his chums from Manchester’s Islamic Society – and he won.

His first acts as editor were to take down their website, costing them a good deal of advertising revenue; fire two long-serving staff, by text message, for questioning his decisions; and use his first editorial to attack this newspaper – for our lack of sheep stories.

Without the freedom to question a candidate’s suitability for their intended role, that could happen here. We’ve

already seen, in the time I’ve been in Cardiff, how impotent students are when a sabbatical officer introduces a policy contrary to their manifesto or is simply ineffectual.

If a manifesto promise is completely unworkable, as some are, then the electorate should be informed Last year, having promised to “extend the possibilities of lifetime membership” of the Students’ Union, Pete Goodman’s actual policy consisted of doubling its price and making it only a year’s extended membership.

The previous year, Athletic Union President James Cole was suspended shortly after taking office and spent the rest of the year sitting at home pocketing his £15k salary while his deputy balanced doing both this extra job and a full-time degree. There was no support for motion of No Confidence, and even if there had been, we were informed it would have been “contentious under employment law”.

Between a poorly informed electorate and this lack of accountability and scrutiny, what is billed as “student democracy” is nothing of the sort.

Elections, on their own, don’t make a democracy, nor news a newspaper.

And that’s no laughing matter.

What does Politics have to say? Turn to page 18

13

lose your eyes for a second and imagine yourself back in time, to that tender age of 14 when the GCSEs were looming large and the world seemed a rather intimidating place to live in.

Maybe you’re old enough to remember the days when certain subjects were compulsory and you, as a mere youngster, had little choice.

However old you are, you will recognise the landslide shift in recent times towards a ‘pupil-directed’ curriculum that appears less and less regimental. It remains to be debated how beneficial this scheme will be for both pupils and teachers. In the world of education, the idea of a David Beckham degree might be laughable. But in reality, is it that different from a degree in film or media studies? Both appear firmly cemented in contemporary culture. We must question to what extent traditional subjects should crumble under the weight of a new and potentially less academically challenging curriculum.

The government’s decision to allow students the freedom of choice has led to a dramatic slump in subjects once considered vital for their long-term educational development. As a result of this freedom of choice, seven out of 10 children have given up history by age fourteen, and only 3.7% of GCSE students now study geography. With the current cultural and political climate, not to mention the imminent threat of global warming, the world could be a dangerous place to inhabit for the uninformed.

Only 3.7% of GCSE students now study geography The government’s novel idea to teach the origins of ‘Britishness’ to students appears bizarre when this could have in fact been the role of history within the education system.

Education Secretary Alan Johnson’s plans to teach climate change through geography appears futile if so few students are committed to the subject.

However, as always there is another side to the story. It appears as though youngsters are reflecting their own social position within the world through their educational choices.

Thus, not only is media studies

increasingly popular, so too is religious education (up 8.2% last year). Surely this is a stark reflection on the heightened tensions surrounding Islamic fundamentalism, which has increasingly come to affect the Western world. If the new generation of political activists and informed citizens are better educated in the issues most pertinent in our current culture, this cannot be a negative thing.

Not only is media studies increasingly popular, so too is religious education

There is a rising argument against the teaching of the ‘traditional’.

Outdated subjects such as ancient history arguably have little relevance to a teenager who is growing up in an atmosphere of uncertainty not about the past, but about the future of humanity.

The constant undermining of the new curriculum comes not from children themselves, but from those already outside of the system. It comes from those who were schooled in a wholly different generation, who adamantly insist on traditionalist methods of teaching. This is not a negative either, as tradition has its place within British society, which strongly values its heritage and has heavily relied on patriotism to thrive.

This surely should not be forgotten in the current political hype and rising trend for media related curricula. As usual, it appears as though the government cannot make up its mind. One minute children can choose whether or not to do foreign languages at GCSE, the next Labour are considering a retraction of this new-found flexibility. But considering the instability of the current political ground, this is no surprise.

After all, politics is fundamentally about keeping the population not only under control, but satisfied, and to satisfy one group is to irritate another.

Human nature prevails.

One can only hope that the education system itself remains solid enough to provide a stable environment for those growing up on what can only be described as rocky and volatile ground.

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gairrhydd 15

OPINION

MARCH.05.2007 EDIFICATION@gairrhydd.COM

Edification

Plying the depths of prevariction in search of the pretty pearls of principle

Smoking them out

B

ack when I was in secondary school, the cool kids used to smoke in the leisure centre car park every lunchtime, puffing diligently away outside the auspices of the college.

Rebellious and rugged, they were an impressive crowd; they could really spit on the floor with authority and poise. For a while, I really wanted to be one of them.

But my parents (aided by my early adoption of atheism and a concomitant terror of human mortality) had done a good job. With sonorous tones and sad eyes my mother and father had skilfully implied that if I ever started smoking they would be disappointed. They would be very, very disappointed.

And so I never did. I never even tried it once, and I still haven’t. Yes, I am that much of a square.

A lot of my friends, however, did try it. Devoid of my shield of godlessness and grimacing guardians they escaped from the claustrophobia of peer pressure. And inevitably, while still teenagers, they became addicted.

Slowly and insidiously they became physically, mentally and habitually addicted.

Most remain so. Countless attempts to quit have proved fruitless. A few days, a week, even a month may occasionally be battled through without the nicotine hits their body demands, but, eventually, a drunken lapse will draw them back into the comfort of the familiar: beer in one hand, fag in the other, a pleasant feeling in the stomach that this is how it is all supposed to be.

In all my twenty-two years I have never witnessed a long-term smoker successfully give up the fags first

The truth about... laughing

L

aughing is a lot of fun. It’s certainly one of the more pleasant ways to spend the brief period of time granted to us between the messy poles of birth and death. In the hierarchy of the body’s natural processes it beats hiccuping and yawning, but places just below sleeping.

However, the laugh is one of the human’s most manipulative faculties, used almost exclusively in social situations. Nobody ever laughs when they are on their own. Try it. Isolate yourself in your room and watch your favourite sitcom. You won’t laugh. It’s still funny, but you won’t laugh, because there is nobody to laugh with.

ed epitomises this worrying trend of oppression. Smokers are not pariahs; they are normal people who just happen to be addicted to a drug. I would suggest that forcing them onto the streets to satisfy their habit would likely cause more stress and resentment (and a correspondingly augmented intake of nicotine), as opposed to weaning them off the drug, as the ban will hopefully do for some.

In all my 22 years I have never witnessed a long-term smoker succesfully give up the fags first hand SMOKERS: Victimised hand. It’s a perniciously addictive drug. People become hooked and they cannot give up. It’s as simple as that.

Nicotine addicts have become the latest demographic that it’s acceptable to be malicious towards So why don’t we cut them a little slack? Because it seems to me that nicotine addicts have become the latest in a long line of demographics that it’s now acceptable to be malicious towards. Recent additions to the pantheon include skinny famous women,

castigated almost universally for being bad role models for young girls.

But some people are just skinny – their metabolism will not allow them to put on weight. It shouldn’t be any more acceptable to harangue them about it than it is to shout “Hey, fatty, lay off the lard” to someone overweight.

Incredibly stupid people, famously, have become the most fashionable hate group. But people so unintelligent that they cannot express their feelings of inferiority and anger in any other way than through bullying deserve our sympathy, not our scorn.

Jade might be a hideous bully, but she’s a stupid hideous bully, not a racist hideous bully, and the media shrieks slandering her should be of far more concern to us than anything that

went on in the Big Brother House.

At the Cardiff AGM this year, smoking was the hot topic. A motion to spend £50,000 on shelters to accommodate smokers when the ban on April 2 comes into effect was debated vociferously before, finally, the decision was put off until November. What caught my attention, however, was an accompanying motion that proposed smoking should not be allowed on Union premises, including all steps and balconies.

Smokers, like in my college days of old, would be consigned to huddle away from their educational establishment, never to sully its walls with tartinged breath again.

Thankfully, these plans were defeated through the democratic vote, but the fact that they were even moot-

The laugh, then, far from being an innocuous outburst of happiness, is in fact a very shady little enterprise indeed.

The laugh, far from being an innocuous outburst of happiness, is in fact a very shady little enterprise Monitoring your laugh can help you to decipher how you feel about people if, like me, you aren’t in tune with your ‘feelings’. If somebody says something really witty, causing eruptions of mirth among your cohorts while leaving you curiously unmoved, then you probably don’t like them that much.

You probably hate their stupid, smug, oh-so-clever face. Similarly, if someone comes out with a weak or slightly

LAUGHTER: Keeps the pain at bay racist joke and you collapse into a fit of hysterics, you probably want to give them special touches.

Laughing is an excellent way to make friends. A laugh shared between two people can forge a bond that would take hours to form through boring things like talking. But one must always be wary of a person who laughs

too much. There is a distinct possibility that they may be a mentalist. Or a demon.

Everybody has a regular laugh and a real laugh. The real laugh only occurs when something extraordinarily humorous happens, like a friend failing utterly at a task, or Jimmy Carr getting hit by a car – really layered stuff; uni-

It is right that people should not be able to smoke in enclosed spaces. It is right, also, that we do not spend £50,000 on shelters to accommodate smokers. But to propose such draconian measures as shunning cigarettes from the Union steps and balconies is as ridiculous as the rhetoric heard at the AGM: “Students who smoke obviously have money to burn so they can build their own shelters.”

They don’t have money to burn. I repeat: they are addicted. We should all give them a break. It can’t be easy satisfying a craving that eats away at both wallet and lungs. So, while we’re all rejoicing that the stench of ash will soon no longer permeate our wardrobes, let’s take time to hug a smoker, because very soon things for them are going to get pretty tough.

Disagree? Let us know what you think at www.gairrhydd.com

versal comic-gold. Regular laughs can be attractive, they can light up someone’s face and make them look beautiful, and they can sound like bubbly joy distilled into sound waves. But real laughs are never alluring – they involve face crumpling, a purple complexion infesting the face and a sound akin to a warthog’s death rattle. Real laughs are no joke.

There is a myth surrounding humorous people, suggesting that they possess the ability to ‘laugh someone right into bed’. I can pretty confidently say that this has never happened in the entire history of the world. Jesters are not sexy. Neither are clowns. Even on a night on the town when one is firing out witticisms left, right and centre, one will always find that the opposite sex’s chuckles fade off into the gloom accompanied by stoic man-people with funny bones squeezed dry between bulging muscles. One goes home, alone, watches a comedy DVD, and doesn’t laugh. And it’s not funny.

gairrhydd

LETTERS

MARCH.05.2007 LETTERS@gairrhydd.COM

letters@gairrhydd.com Dear gair rhydd, GEORGE PAWLEY’S PIECE "Arms open for Varsity" in GR 834 betrayed shocking ignorance of the history of Welsh rugby.

Speaking of the Cardiff Arms Park it states that "the stadium hosted the Welsh national side's matches for over 100 years until it was replaced" by the Millenium Stadium. The Arms Park has always been Cardiff Rugby team's ground, and has always sat in the shadow of a larger national stadium. The Wales rugby team always used to play at "The National Stadium". This was the one that was demolished in late 90's to make way for the new ground, and this was the pitch that played host to Ieuan Evans' famous try against the Scots in 1988.

Andy Williams, JOMEC

Named and proud Dear gair rhydd, I WOULD LIKE TO make clear that I am happy to be named as the author of last weeks comment on Hollie Clemence's article in the preceding weeks gair rhydd.

I thank Ms Clemence for conceding that her article was based on inaccurate information. If Ms Clemence could not be trusted to get her facts straight in the introduction to the piece, is it any wonder why one might question the journalistic quality of the remainder of the article?

The remaining paragraphs added little new to what, I agree, is an interesting moral, political and scientific discussion. Indeed there were further inaccuracies!

"We still have a higher age of con-

sent for homosexuals than for heterosexuals, and have only recently legalised gay civil matrimony". This is not true, and has not been since the Sexual Offences (Amendment) Act 2000. Also, matrimony implies marriage. Couples in civil partnership are not married.

"Teachers in England and Wales have also only been authorised to educate students about homosexuality since 2003, when Section 28 of the Local Government Act was withdrawn." Again, simply not true, section 28 only talked about the 'promotion' of homosexuality. It was never forbidden to talk about or discuss homosexuality.

Admittedly this is semantics, but it provides further evidence that Hollie's article lacked the sort of intellectual rigour which the topic deserves.

Whether Hollie likes it or not, student politics and journalism have reputation for being of rather a low quality and I would suggest that poorly conceived, inaccurate articles such as appeared two weeks ago in gair rhydd only add to this negative impression.

I sincerely hope that you can print this letter, along with my name.

Neil Young. PG Chemistry.

Driving us crazy Dear gair rhydd I AM WRITING to express my disgust at a disease that is blighting our society. A pest to all normal students striving to get to a lecture, a blight on us innocent pedestrians. The disgraceful people of which I am talking are, of course, pavement cyclists.

Now, before we start, I obviously have no problem with cyclists on the whole. Environmentally friendly, fit

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I am scared of the demons.

They will tear me to shreds

Politics Rennison begins search for ugly, rich medic

Have you ever loved and lost somebody?

Whose idea was it to put pint glass holders in the Taf toilets? How was that ever going to work?

Kiss my face

Have you ever tried to eat a coconut shell.

It’s rubbish The gair rhydd office is rife with decadence

and sustainable, cycling is obviously the movement method of choice.

What I object to is the cyclists who, at 9 o’clock on a Monday morning, while half of the student world are walking in for lectures, decide to try and cycle through the bloody crowd.

Two reasons to dislike these people: firstly, they run over peoples feet and seem to think that they have some sort of a God’s right to make you/your mates move to let them come through, despite the fact that they are in fact breaking the law. Secondly, they are clearly exceptionally stupid because, as everyone knows, it is slower to ride through a crowd than to cycle round it since you are slowed to the speed of those people in front of you who are walking. That’s walking. What pavements are for, morons.

If you want to get to lectures quickly and have a bike then ride on the road and stop being an idiot. You are both annoying and obviously too stupid to be at this venerable institution.

Finally, brothers and sisters, walkers everywhere, I call you to join together in arms by kicking this disgusting plague of pavement cyclists back onto the road.

Yours, James, fourth year

text: 07791165837

Welsh rugby ignorance

17

CUTV: A good thing Dear gair rhydd, After reading last week’s article about CUTV (‘Cue CUTV’, p5) all I can say is I’m bloody excited.

As a regular up in the Xpress studios where some people are wondering if video will kill the radio star, I think CUTV can only be a good thing for Cardiff media. For one, it’ll give me yet another place to hang around to avoid being on my course or doing my washing but I really think it will help to get more people into student media through CUTV and hopefully into gair rhydd and Xpress Radio.

It’ll take a lot to set up, even more than Xpress probably, with studios and all if everything goes to plan but it’ll cement Cardiff’s status as an all round super brilliant amazing student media centre. With universities all over the country setting up TV stations, Cardiif is slightly behind and even with our already award winning media, we can’t afford to be complacent. We’ve got great people working in the student media and I’ve no doubt we can get more amazing cameramen, producers, script writers and actors into CUTV. P.S Can we have a soap opera? Like a Cardiff Hollyoaks but good.

First year journalist

Don’t want to write a letter but have an opinion on one of our articles?

Leave your comments at www.gairrhydd.com

@

letter of the week

1984 Dear gair rhydd, THE ISSUE OF IDENTITY cards and the proposed national identity register doesn't seem to register on the student radar despite the vast impact the scheme will have on their civil liberties and I am writing this letter in an attempt to spread awareness about the issue.

Britain is already one of the most spied upon nations in the world coming third to only China and Malaysia. According to Britain’s information minister we have sleepwalked 'into a surveillance society' and everyday huge institutions such as GCHQ tap our phone calls and read our emails. Already it seems that we have moved towards the nightmarish world of 1984 where 'the party' can monitor our actions 24 hours a day and Identity cards will mark a further step into the surveillance society predicted by Orwell in 1949.

Identity cards and the national identity register were first proposed as a knee jerk reaction to the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Centre and legislation enabling its introduction was forced through by Labour in 2006 despite public opinion being against it (just like the Iraq war and we all know what a great success that was). In doing this the government further undermined democracy in this country. The proposed identity card and register will hold information such as biometric data, your past residences etc. In essence information on your whole life will be stored on the database. The govermnet will know everything about you.

Some people argue that the cards

gairrhydd.com comments Name: Stuart Message Regarding: General Message: I’m writing in regard to the many letters in gair rhydd about the ability of the door staff.

I am here to put in a good word as no one alse has done so. I understand that some have had a bad run in with some of the staff, but not all of them are bad.

I’ve seen many times the doormen (and door women) helping people that clearly needed to be helped. I’ve seen them bring people out that just shouldnt be in that state. I’ve even see the doorstaff pull people out that are covered in their own vomit and faeces and the doorstaff having to clean them up and get them home safe, surely no one signs up enough for that! Another thing, a few weeks ago someone said that when there is a fight,people get knocked over and that the doorstaff should walk over! what is that about? if my

will stop terrorism although quite how it is not clear. The former head of MI5 questioned the usefulness of the scheme and David Blunkett stated that "ID cards won't stop terrorism". Surely it would be cheaper to alter our foreign policy which is what makes us a target in the first place than to embark on what has been described as a £20 billion white elephant.

It is also argued that ID cards will stop illegal immigrants. This argument just seems to be fodder to keep readers of The Sun and Daily Mail happy because why on earth would an illegal immigrant run the risk of deportation and register for the card in the first place. This arguement is laughable at the very least.

Possibly the most frightening thing about identity cards and the associated database is that the data held will be made available to up to 48,000 private organisations. Why is this number so high? What do these people need with our information and can they all be trusted to use the data responsibly? It’s bad enough the government holding all this information about us.

I could write until my fingers fell off about why ID cards are bad but the gist of the argument is that they are a costly and ineffective idea that will bring few benefits but greatly reduce our privacy and personal liberty. The final question is what can you do about it.

Firstly renew your passport before April because after then it will be compulsory to give biometric data when applying for one, secondly simply refuse to give your details to be used for the scheme because they cannot arrest all of us, vote with your feet because the electoral system clearly doesn't work.

Rhys Schofield friend was being beaten to a pulp I would want them there in a second! OK some of them are too big for their boots,but most of them are really nice.

Name: Bernard North Message regarding:"Fees? protest hits London" Message: Well if students don't like top-up fees then they need to vote for the one party that still opposes them: the Lib Dems.

Really that is the only thing that will make Labour (or Tories) take notice: the prospect of "electoral suicide".

There is no need for top-up fees: the £1.4 billion they raise is a drop in the ocean yet raising that amount to fund HE by targetting graduates at the start of their careers will lead to half the population (graduates) starting the working lives £30k in debt !

Name: Aisling Message regarding:"Rids? Room 101" Message: Proofreaders need more love, I think. Especially when people abuse semi-colons.

18 gairrhydd

POLITICS

MARCH.05.2007 POLITICS@gairrhydd.COM

Case for the defence

One aspect of US foreign policy revo-lves around missiles; Anna Milewski weighs up their controversial agenda

T

he years following 9/11 have witnessed the issue of nuclear weaponry and warfare turning from a distant nightmare to, if we are to believe Bush, a very real possibility.

The supposed threat facing the globe within the next 10 to 15 years was last month made even more alarming by China’s “scientific” missile test, which saw the successful firing of a missile into a defunct weather satellite, the first test by any nation in twenty years.

The test has placed China as only the third nation to use weapons beyond the atmosphere, behind Russia and the United States – making itself a major nuclear player.

Reports suggesting that China’s defence expenditure has increased by 10% a year since 1990 imply that this test was not simply science, but perhaps a show of newfound military might, which could have a seriously destabilising influence on the balance of power in the pacific.

To add to this, reports have emerged from the Iranian media stating that they too have successfully launched a rocket with atmosphere-reaching capabilities, a worrying thought in light of the US and UK’s continued fears of the country’s nuclear ambitions.

Last week President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's speech in Tehran painted a chilling picture, when he defiantly likened the Iranian nuclear weapon

programme to, “a train with no brakes and no reverse gear.”

The sub-orbital rocket, which was allegedly carrying material intended for research created by the ministries of science and defence, sparks serious implications about Iran’s capabilities as a dangerous nation.

These advancements may appear to be a safe distance away, but recent talks between the UK and US about the expansion of the American missile defence system, ‘Son of Star Wars’, have re-ignited the issue.

The system is designed to detect and destroy missiles launched at the US. It is claimed that it would reduce threats from the ‘rogue’ nations such as North Korea and Iran that Bush and Blair maintain have strong nuclear ambitions.

In a bid that has sparked a wave of controversy, Blair is reported to have offered bases to host these US silos on British soil. Though talks are at an early stage, a spokeswoman for Blair stated that he is eager for the UK to be considered as Washington continues to develop the system.

Blair reportedly raised the issue with Bush, so convinced is he that the system could not only work, but that its location in part of the UK could be an effective defensive mechanism against the Middle East if needed.

Though emphasis in recent weeks has been on the issue of installing aspects of this system on British soil,

ogy will strike up dismayed similarities with 'Star Wars', the father system proposed in 1983 by Ronald Reagan, in preparation for a Soviet nuclear attack, an idea which flopped as infeasible and unaffordable.

Twenty-three years later, this once cranky notion has become a firm, yet controversial reality.

Criticisms have been put forward by many, including Labour backbenchers who have warned that the decision would “add to global weapons proliferation”, with more worries that it could make Britain a target.

China is only the third nation to use these weapons, making it a major nuclear player

PROLIFERATION: more nations are acquiring long-range missiles an important factor has been pushed to the sideline.

Britain is already involved; an early warning radar system at an RAF Flyingdales base in Yorkshire has recently been upgraded to work alongside this latest generation of intercep-

tion technology.

It would seem that the UK is more than prepared to believe Bush’s claims that the system will not only prove beneficial for America, but also Europe.

For many, this new wave of technol-

The chairman for the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND), Kate Hudson, expressed concerns: “It puts them on the front line in a future war.

The US must call a halt to this dangerous and provocative system.”

Is it fair for the US to really complain about progressive powers such as China developing missiles, when clearly it is actively trying to expand its bases abroad?

It could be argued that the US is being completely hypocritical in their latest measures to curb nuclear activity in Iran.

Could they not be seen as merely giving ‘extremists’ another excuse to attack without fear of retaliation?

These questions, when taken in light of their 2002 decision to withdraw from the Anti-ballistic missile treaty signed with the Soviet Union in 1972, fuel the notion that the US is an increasingly meddlesome force, with Britain in danger of following closely behind.

With Cardiff awaiting its student elections, Political Editor Andy Rennison asks if the routine criticism of the process is justified

Right to vote

A

mid the endless philosophising over how our lives are run, a wise man once suggested that “Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.” These hallowed words conjured images of Freshers’ year; the music, the explosions, the inevitable fancy dress – Halls was the biggest circus this side of Moscow.

Accordingly, the art of governing this city-wide, 22,000-strong extrava-

ganza is not one to be taken lightly.

Yet once again that time of year is approaching when a handful of plucky, ambitious and utterly uninhibited Cardiff students stand up and face the challenge of University democracy.

This March will crown the six Sabbatical officers for the next academic year, who form the core of the Union’s operation. In addition, fourteen part-time non-Sabb positions are up for grabs, ranging from Women’s Officer to IMG Chair.

The paid Sabb posts of President, Vice-President and AU President are particularly prestigious – largely because they all have the word ‘President’ in the title.

But they face increased competition from the non-Sabb roles this time around, which from next year will include a part-time pay packet in line with the fully-paid Sabb officials.

Despite this, the Student Elections fall victim every year to a cynical regurgitation of damning headlines,

declaring the failure of uni democracy.

The campaigning itself is routinely denounced as not only irritating but even repellent, discouraging students from voting due to sheer annoyance.

More alarming still, the introduction of part-time wages for non-Sabbs raises once again the issue of office value: is the post of Heath Campus Officer as important or as time-consuming as that for Welsh Affairs? Should the role for Race Equality be promoted considering the current social climate?

It is impossible to objectively assign all twenty Union posts into a definitive hierarchy, yet the murmurs of democratic discontent still rumble among the ranks. There are students who go as far as to question the existance of certain positions.

But our democracy will never content everyone. University-wide satisfaction has never and will never be a reality, as disagreement is at the heart of any democratic system.

As far as the infuriating campaign trail goes, it remains the unhappy truth that fancy dress, megaphones and amateur choreography are the lesser of many evils. What other approach would allow candidates to better instil themselves into our subconscious?

We would like to think that, being

18 going on 22, we are all old enough to be met by a well-polished gentleman at our front door, who politely articulates his manifesto to us before shaking our hand goodbye.

University-wide satisfaction has never and will never be a reality In reality, the contenders that stay with us are those in the brightest colours with the catchiest slogan.

Without a doubt’s shadow, there are holes in our yearly festival of crude student electioneering. But where are the alternatives? There are none, only potential improvements.

Like any circus, our democracy has banana skins on the floor and clowns on their backsides, but the best we can do is to take five minutes on March 19/20 to ensure that next year the Union’s monkey cage will house the best primates for the job.

Turn to page 13 to see what another of our writers thought, and give us your thoughts at www.gairrhydd.com

gairrhydd

19

POLITICS

MARCH.05.2007 POLITICS@gairrhydd.COM

Private eyes PM recoils

Rhiannon Doe Political Correspondent

T

his week political scandal (if you can really call it that) took a funny turn, as it was revealed that the Foreign Secretary, Margaret Beckett, was fooled into divulging her opinions on fellow cabinet members during a phone interview with satirist Rory Bremner, posing as Gordon Brown.

The conversation happened during the 2005 General Elections, with Margaret Beckett then in the post of Environment Secretary. Bremner, posing as the Chancellor, managed to draw out her private opinions on the forthcoming cabinet reshuffle, including her views on who deserved to stay and who deserved to go.

In an interview with the BBC’s

Sunday programme Bremner admitted that Margaret Beckett had discussed the performance of MPs ranging from Patricia Hewitt, then Secretary of State for Trade and Industry, to the former Transport Secretary Stephen Byers.

Beckett herself claims no recollection of the conversation, but does this just serve to illustrate how easy it is for journalists to fool our politicians and leaders and pry into their private lives?

This begs the question: how far is too far with regard to laughing at our politicians’ expense? Granted it was pretty funny to hear that one of Gordon Brown’s own longtime colleagues could be fooled by an impersonator, but there’s an underlying concern of how easy it was to con her into opening up.

Bremner was unable to use the voice footage from the conversation for regulatory reasons; however, as seen before

BECKETT: caught out by Bremner

UNjustice

UN verdict on Serbia leaves some unsatisfied, writes Alex Klosinska

B

y the crushing majority of 13 votes against two, judges of the UN’s International Court of Justice established that Serbia was not responsible for the Srebrenica massacre, which took place in July 1995, during the Bosnian war. Fourteen years after Bosnia’s application to the Court, ICJ has finally reached the verdict.

However, the Court has also ruled that the massacre in Srebrenica was genocide (unlike other atrocities that took place in Bosnia between 1992 and 1995) and found Serbia guilty of failing to prevent it.

The judges established that Belgrade supported the Bosnian Serb Army, which was responsible for the massacre, both financially and militarily. According to the verdict, Serbia has violated the UN genocide convention, signed in 1948.

It is the first case of a state being

judged over the accusation of genocide.

If the Court had found Serbia guilty, the compensation could have reached billions of dollars. With this verdict, Bosnia will not be able to claim war damages.

The reactions in Bosnia are divided. Despite officials’ moderately contented declarations, families of almost 8,000 Muslim victims remain unsatisfied with the ruling.

Before the judgement, Munira Subasic, the leader of the organisation Srebrenica Women, who lost 22 members of her family in the massacre, said: “I believe that justice will be fulfilled.” After the verdict Ms Subasic bitterly stated: “Europe has once again proved that it is against Muslims.”

“I am speechless,” said Fadila Efendic, mother and wife of victims killed in Srebrenica. “We know that Serbia was directly involved. We saw

it’s all too easy to print scandal gathered in underhand ways. Should ministers and the public be concerned over the breach of privacy?

In a number of countries – France, parts of the US – this would be considered illegal due to their strict privacy laws. Does media intrusion into MP’s private lives and opinions limit how effectively they can carry out their jobs? Beckett herself claimed the phone call to be an “unprincipled and unpleasant breach of privacy”, making clear her embarrassment over the whole situation.

But as voters we could argue that the freedom of the press to use underhand means to gain information allows us to know more about what would otherwise be a very secretive club.

So, what to do?

Should we respect the right of our MPs to privacy at the expense of salacious gossip, or should we use the freedom of our press to expose the indiscretions of men and women who, let’s face it, have a reputation for being quite hard to trust in the first place!

As with anything, we need to trust our own judgement. Politicians deserve a right to privacy, just as anyone else does; however, the criticism of political life in Britain could be seen as promoting awareness of current affairs to the masses.

Stunts such as Rory Bremner’s may seem to shake the normally respectful foundations of the UK political scene, but few of the revelations were worthy of headline space – hardly the scandal we first thought.

So, to round off, I’ll use that phrase borrowed from my school teachers: as long as it’s not hurting anyone and is taken in the spirit it was meant, I think it’s ok.

Serbian troops shell us... and kill our sons and husbands, we saw them commit genocide here.”

Serbian politicians perceive the end of the case as a victory. Pro-European president Boris Tadic said that: “The ICJ decision is the court epilogue for the policy of Slobodan Milosevic.

“Whoever counters the cooperation with the war crimes tribunal from now on can be described as working directly against Serbia, its future and citizens.”

In Belgrade, there are also opponents of this judgement, who argue that Serbia should be found guilty.

Sonja Biserko, chief of Serbian Helsinki Foundation, says: “This verdict is not good for Serbia. It is the effect of political compromise and indicates crime as a relative.”

What remains unsolved is whether Serbia will hand over two of the men responsible for the atrocity that took place in Srebrenica: Bosnian Serb wartime commander General Ratko Mladic and Radovan Karadzic, who are believed to be hiding in Serbia.

The International Court of Justice ruled that: “Serbia shall immediately take effective steps to transfer individuals accused of genocide.” The Serbian government claims it is unable to locate Mladic and Karadzic.

The end result of this long-running issue is still to come.

As alarm grows over Britain’s gun-ho youth culture, Lisa Evans digs at the issue’s root causes

T

he debate over Britain’s gun crime reached a new level of intensity this week, following the shootings of several teenagers during February. This issue was highlighted by a youth who made a gun gesture at David Cameron, during the Tory leader’s recent visit to Manchester. The problem of youth gun culture has been of central focus for the two main political parties.

we live in a “broken society”, and to a certain extent this is true. There are inevitable divides within our society, along the lines of race, religion and class.

There are not only social divisions, but also a breakdown in traditional values across Britain. Cameron has placed emphasis on the role of families as a contributing factor towards gun crime.

Role models, particularly fathers, have been urged to set examples, as many teenagers are often involved in gangs through relatives and friends.

Yet the PM appears much more reserved about the issue, and has tried to calm the situation by reassuring the public that this is a small minority of people in specific areas. This may indeed be the case, but this type of approach is quite simply the rea-

LOADED: armed police officers are now the norm in inner London Gun crime has always existed in the UK, yet the new revelation about firearm use by the young has sparked growing concern. Until recently, there has been little focus on gangland life in Britain, so nothing has been done to deal with the situation.

There is often a stereotypical view of gang members, who are not individually helped and so have a lack of selfworth.

Many of the bullet-based incidents have involved young black teenagers in poorer areas of London. For teenagers, initially a gang is seen as an attractive option as it offers security within that group, along with an element of status.

It gives members a place in society that they can relate to. In addition, many gang members have left school with a low level of education, and so making large sums of money through gang activities is more appealing than a low paying nine to five job.

There are obvious problems within society that lead to teenagers joining gangs. However, Prime Minister Blair is simply trying to solve the problem through legislation, such as extending jail sentences for certain age groups.

Though new laws need to be implemented in order to create a firmer stance on gun crime, wider issues also have to be addressed. In comparison, Cameron has stated that

son why gun crime still exists, and is rising.

Gang members are often those neglected by society; they have little choice but to resort to gang crimes.

The youth gun culture is a much more complex tripartite, with guns, gangs and drugs playing equal roles. There needs to be a precise focus on each part of this new culture in order for wider problems to be dealt with.

Furthermore, members of gangs need to be educated about the effects of drugs and gang crimes. The real outcomes of gang activities need to be stressed, rather than this idealised view of gangs being ‘cool’.

It is also the government’s place to provide teenagers with other opportunities - ways of escaping the need to be involved in gun crime.

Teenage gun crime needs to be tackled by treating the gang members as individual human beings in need of help, rather than as a minority group who can be ignored.

New legislation is not the sole answer to the problem. In order to save lives and change the pattern of younger generations those who join gangs need instead to feel a sense of purpose in society.

The government should consider the needs of these teenagers and find out why they join such gangs, instead of hiding behind legislation. Only then can the real issues be resolved.

gairrhydd 21

MARCH.05.2007 SCIENCE@gairrhydd.COM

SCIENCE & ENVIRONMENT

March 9-18 is National Science and Engineering Week. Science & Environment shows you the cheapest ways to get in on the action

Learn something new every day Event: Women in Science and Engineering During the evening there will be a documentary, presentation and a photographic exhibition, as well as a chance to network.

Date: 15 March (18:30 - 21:00) Location:Chapter Arts Centre Contact: claire.stevens@womensworkshop.org.uk Cost: Free

Event: NESTA Famelab - Cardiff Heat

Part of a national competition to find the best new talent in science communication. Welsh finalists attempt to bring science alive for three minutes, in order to secure a place in the grand final at Cheltenham Science Festival and attend a media masterclass.

Date: 10 March (15:30 - 18:00) Location: National Museum of Cardiff Contact: famelab@cheltenham.gov.uk Cost: Free

Event: Exploring the red planet

rth planet in Learn all about the fou ll as the we as , tem sys ar our sol y to Mars wa the on latest missions - 13:00) :00 (10 rch Ma 10 Date: e for Location: Cardiff Centr ng rni Lea g lon Life e on Contact: Call the centr 3 18 4 87 0 92 02 Cost: ÂŁ16.50

l e Ig Nobe h T : t n e v E ture Wales Lecimprobable research,

rful brate nd wonde Help cele to weird a e world. n te s li d n th a d 0) om aroun science fr arch (19:00 - 21:3 M re tu c e L e g Date: 09 Julian Hod Location: rdiff University ec a C , c.uk/jom Theatre w.cardiff.a w w t: c ta Con Cost: Free

ne Mari

Fair

s ivitie f act w o e g o t: a ran to kn it Even rough you need ome. Vis cih t a s e h g s h n t i i t i e h . re th t call es, w ver yt Explo ind out e tures tha ne galleri uestions q f and t the crea and mari wer your ble sesabou ew tur tle d to ans nd booka 0) the n ts on han ssions a 16:0 e 00 - Cardiff entis drop-in s : 1 1 ( e Free availabl 1 March seum of sions s: 10 - 1 ional Mu uk s.ac.

Date tion: Nat wale a m c u o e L act: mus Cont .evans@ i d i e he : Fre Cost

22 gairrhydd

FEATURES

MARCH.05.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

gair rhydd International Women’s Day special: part one

It’s ladies’ night NUS Wales’ Women’s Officer Jo Roberts tells us why we should celebrate International Women’s Day

W

omen Watch describes IWD as a day when women are recognized for their achievements without regard to divisions, whether national, ethnic, linguistic, cultural, economic or political.

It is an occasion for looking back on past struggles and accomplishments, and more importantly, for looking ahead to the untapped potential and opportunities that await future generations of women.

IWD has been celebrated across the world since the early 1900s and began with small-scale protests and campaigning with the first IWD held in the United States on 28 February 1909.

Today many global corporations, such as Google and HSBC, to name only two, support IWD by sponsoring events. IWD is also now a holiday in many countries across the world such as Armenia, Russia, Azerbaijan, Belarus, Bulgaria, Kazakhstan, Macedonia, Moldova, Mongolia, Tajikistan, Ukraine, Uzbekistan and Vietnam.

A popular misconception by many individuals within society is that feminism is an out-dated concept in times where women and men have already reached equality.

Well, haven’t they? If you are one of the individuals that shares that opin-

ion then read on to find out the reality of life as a woman in today’s world:

In the UK ■ There is still a significant gender pay gap in Wales and across the whole of the UK. In the UK it currently stands at 17% in full-time work and in Wales the figures are 12% in hourly earnings and 31% in part-time work.

■ Every minute in the UK the police receive a call from the public for assistance for Domestic Violence.

■ Women’s representation in Parliament is only 1 in 5.

Across the world: ■ 70% of the 1.2 billion people living in poverty are women and children.

■ 1 in 7 women in Ethiopia die in pregnancy or childbirth (it is 1 in 19,000 in Britain).

■ Gender-based violence across the globe causes more deaths and disability among women aged 15 to 44 than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents and war put together.

■ Women work two-thirds of the world’s working hours, yet own less than one per cent of the world’s property.

■ In many poor countries women still have great difficulties in getting a basic education, finding a job, or having fair control of household income.

It is also a time for reflection on the challenges that still lie ahead As these statistics show, everyone is still affected by gender inequality, if you are a woman and work you will be subject to a pay gap. If you are a man that has a mother, sister, daughter, or girlfriend would you be happy that they could be subject to domestic abuse at some point in their lives? On a global scale the reality of equality is bleaker and women can find difficulty in getting access to things that here we may deem everyday, such as education and jobs. So this evokes the question – are we all equal now?

IWD allows for recognition of the significant contributions that

women have made and continue to make to society and the progress that has been made in the field of women's rights. However, it is also a time for reflection on the challenges that still lie ahead for the women's movement; for contemplation of the fact that there is still nowhere in the world where women can claim to enjoy the same rights and opportunities as men.

Despite the significant progression towards it, in the UK and other developed countries, gender equality is far from established across the world as resonantly illustrated by the above statistics. The need to fight for equal human rights regardless of gender, ethnicity, class, sexual orien-

tation or disability is more apparent than ever. If you believe in equality for all then women’s liberation is relevant to you. IWD gives us an opportunity to view this from a wider perspective, further than our immediate surroundings, to recognise the world that we live in is far from equal and now is the time to do something about it.

‘Millions of women are still battling against poverty, discrimination and unequal access to education, training, credit and technical assistance. If given the opportunity women everywhere will work like champions to develop better lives for their families and communities.’ www.womensaid.org 2007

20th century Women in industrially developing countries start entering paid work

A socialist international meeting in Copenhagen was held in question of a new International Women’s Day. Over 100 women from 17 countries voted in favour of the idea.

1910

1911 First National Women’s Day. Held in Australia, Denmark, Germany and Switzerland on 19th March. Over 1 million attended rallies campaigning for women’s rights and the end of discrimination.

1914 Women across Europe held rallies to express women’s solidarity and pushed for world peace

After the death of nearly two million Russian soldiers during the war, Russian women became the first group to be awarded the vote after strikes.

1917

1918 Women aged 30 years onwards are given the right to vote.

gairrhydd 23

FEATURES

MARCH.05.2007 FEATURES@gairrhydd.COM

Music Editor Sofie Jenkinson on why The Gossip’s Beth Ditto is more than just the coolest person on the planet

gair rhydd asks female students: “what’s the best and worst thing about being a woman?”

B

eth Ditto is the embodiment of fabulous. As the lead singer of The Gossip, one of the most exciting bands around at the moment she is hot property.

Forget sleek, label-clad, cocktail drinking New York dolls tottering around in their Manolo Blahniks, ripping strips off the behaviour of others.

That is the definition every fabulous large multimillion pound media conglomerates would love every woman to believe. Encouraging them to strive for the brand of perfection in appearance, relationships and materialism that they project. This amazing lady is so much more than that.

Ditto is, first and foremost, completely comfortable in her own skin.

She has achieved the impossible, she truly loves herself. This so often seems to be half the battle for most of the women on this planet. Secondly, she has got guts. Hell, she has bigger balls than any of the lily-livered, sickly thin, drainpipe jean clad white boys who dominate NME on a weekly basis. Her mere existence between the pages of such mainstream media being a refreshing and inspirational difference in itself.

After receiving the title of the ‘Coolest Person in Rock’ in NME's 2006 Cool List the magazine planned a follow up cover feature with some of the women in the list including: Lily Allen, Kate Jackson of the Long Blondes and Ditto herself. This was a rare moment of inspiration and edginess for the NME, in tune with the wider issues at play in the world. But at the last minute the feature was pulled in favour of a Muse cover over fears of circulation figures. On stage at the Astoria last weekend Ditto bravely and

Wendy, second year English Literature Best: Women’s rights are being taken more and more seriously Worst: Being expected to conform to female stereotype – to follow fashion and be a ‘size zero’.

Rachel, first year English Language Best: We have more of an opportunity to experiment with our looks Worst: Childbirth!

Rachel, first year Biology Best: Being able to get away with shopping lots!

Worst: Women have the unfounded reputation of being bad drivers Jenny, first year Biology.

Best: We can cry at will and have men do our bidding.

Worst: Cramps! PMS! Chloe, third year Psychology Best: Shopping all the time and getting away with having lots of shoes!

Worst: Having to give birth.

Inga, third year Education Best: Being able to cite “women’s problems” Worst: Men ogling you and having no respect.

1920

Oxford university opens its degrees to women

incredibly powerful gospel-esque voice, “You wanna be edgy? Get some fat girls on the runway!”

Their recent re-released single Standing In The Way Of Control, originally released and largely ignored in 2005, deals with issues of civil rights after the decisions of the Bush administration in the area of gay marriage. “I wrote the chorus to try and encourage people not to give up. It's a scary time for civil rights, but I really believe the only way to survive is to stick together and keep fighting."

She has bigger balls than any of the lily-livered, sickly thin, drainpipe jean clad white boys who dominate NME on a weekly basis

Maybe the world wasn’t quite ready for this song back then, but it certainly seems to be now, it is even the backing sountrack to the current Skins adverts, (way to kill a song.)

A girl from Arkansas, Ditto’s wonderful southern drawl gives an air of grace and beauty to even the most dirty of phrases that roll forth from her luscious lips. The “swamp pussy” situation caused by her outfit being the best. After running off to deal with that situation she suddenly appears and gently leads us by the hand into a transgender love song. Ditto herself is a lesbian and has been in a relationship with a transgendered man. She has made much headway in the area of gay rights and raising the profile of such important issues.

It's people like Ditto who move the world forward, smash taboos and engage marginalised groups in society. She's inspirational because she is not afraid to be herself and doesn't give anyone the slightest chance of having a problem with that. It’s people like this that make it seem like anything is possible and it’s women like this that make me feel as though I can make a difference. If more people were like Ditto there would be more parties, less unmentionables and a whole lot more tolerance.

unapologetically broached the subject, “Thank you to NME for making me number one in their Cool List and then chicken shitting out of putting us on the front cover.”

At the same show Ditto stormed on stage at first wearing a bin bag, later bursting out of it to reveal an all-in-one electric blue leotard which left little to the imagination. Bringing up important issue after issue inbetween belting out a string of thunderous songs each embellished by her

1926 Coco Channel introduces its ‘little black dress’. For the first time hemlines are at the knee

Royale is one hell of a politician, and she just happens to be a woman

S

tanding up to chauvinistic scorn in the workplace, juggling motherhood with her escalating career, renowned for her stylish outfits and close-to-thepeople approach, Ségolène Royale could be set to make history as she stands a strong chance of moving into the Elysée Palace as President of France.

Throughout her career, she has remained defiant that she wishes to be treated as a politician, not as a female politician.

This attitude was made clear when asked by a journalist "who designed your jacket?" and "what brand of shoes are you wearing?", she replied with tight lips, "would you ask the same question of a man?" before brushing off the inquiry and referring back to her policies; policies that her (male) colleagues had implied her unqualified - as a woman - to tackle.

The woman who may one day be President has confidently made her feminine nature work in her favour, confounded her critics and soared in the polls.

1929 Mother Theresa starts life as a missionary with the Loreto nuns in Calcutta.

1960 Sirimavo Bandaranaike becomes the first female president after being elected in Sri Lanka

1963

Valentina Tereshkova from USSR is the first woman in space

1975 delegated International Women’s Year

gairrhydd 25

TAF-OD

MARCH.05.2007 TAFOD@gairrhydd.COM

Béal Feirste Huw Pritchard

A

r ddydd Sadwrn 24 Chwefror cynhaliwyd gorymdaith gyda dros 4,000 o bobl ym Méal Feirste, sef Belfast dros Ddeddf Iaith Wyddeleg. Dyma'r tro cyntaf y bu digwyddiad o'r fath ac roedd ei lwyddiant yn dyst i'r cyffro yng Ngogledd Iwerddon dros hawliau i'w mamiaith.

Daeth y cyfnod ymgynghori yngl*n â'r ddeddf i ben ar Fawrth yr ail ac roedd yn bwysig i lais y siaradwyr Gwyddeleg gael ei glywed cyn y dyddiad hwn, yn ôl Pobal, trefnwyr yr orymdaith.

Gobaith y Gwyddelod yw rhoi statws swyddogol i'r iaith Wyddeleg yng Ngogledd Iwerddon. Byddai hyn yn golygu y byddai modd ei ddefnyddio mewn agweddau pob dydd megis

addysg, llysoedd a gwleidyddiaeth.

Dywedodd Janet Muller, siaradwraig ar ran Pobal ar eu gwefan, bod angen deddfwriaeth newydd i sicrhau bod eu hawliau yn cael eu cadw.

Ar ddechrau'r flwyddyn daeth y Wyddeleg yn iaith swyddogol yn yr Undeb Ewropeaidd gan agor y drws i fwy o ymgyrchoedd am hawliau yng Ngogledd Iwerddon.

Achos a atgyfnerthodd y broblem

yng Ngogledd Iwerddon oedd achos yr athrawes, Maire Nic An Bhaird a gafwyd yn euog o ymddwyn yn afreolus. Hawliodd y dylai'r dogfennau a'r achos fod mewn Gwyddeleg. Y gobaith yw y byddai'r ddeddf newydd yn rhoi'r hawl hwn i bawb. Dywedodd yr ymgyrchydd Gwyddelig a'r ASE Bairbre de Brún, a brotestiodd ar ran yr athrawes, y dylai hawliau siaradwyr Gwyddeleg gael ei ddiogelu yn debyg i'r Gymraeg.

Anfonodd Cymdeithas yr Iaith Gymraeg eu cefnogaeth i'r achos.

Rhaid ystyried y tebygrwydd rhwng ymgyrch y ddeddf iaith Wyddeleg a'r ymgyrch dros ddeddf iaith newydd i Gymru. Dywedodd Catrin Dafydd ar wefan y Gymdeithas:

"Wrth fynnu ein hawliau ni i bobl Cymru, rydyn ni'n sefyll gydag eraill fel siaradwyr yr Wyddeleg yng Ngogledd Iwerddon wrth iddynt fynnu eu hawliau nhw drwy ddeddfwriaeth."

Mae ymgyrch Cymdeithas yr Iaith hefyd yn mynd o nerth i nerth. Yn dilyn amser maith o ymgyrchu ar ddechrau mis Chwefror cyflwynwyd deiseb gyda dros 10,000 o enwau cefnogol i ddeddf iaith newydd. Eu gobaith yw sicrhau mwy o hawliau dwyieithog ymhob agwedd o fywyd pob dydd.

Y gobaith felly yw y bydd 2007 yn flwyddyn fawr i'r Wyddeleg a'r Gymraeg.

gairrhydd 27

HEALTH

MARCH.05.2006 HEALTH@gairrhydd.COM

Breaking Point

Asperger’s syndrome Helen Thompson describes a condition which a lot of people do not know about, but can leave sufferers feeling lonely and frightened

I

f Howard* saw his daughter on the street, he probably would not recognise her.

They are not estranged, and his vision is fine, but unless he meets her in a familiar context he will not recognise her face, even though he has seen it most days for the last 25 years of his life. Howard has prosopagnosia, meaning that he cannot store information about facial appearances. The only way he can learn what somebody looks like is through association; he can recognise his daughter at home because he expects to see her, and clues like clothes, voice and height make her different to his wife and other children. If he sees her on the street, she could be any young, unknown woman.

Even with this obvious difference in his social functioning, his condition was not diagnosed until the age of 50.

The Invisible Disorder Developmental prosopagnosia is often a symptom of Asperger's Syndrome (AS).

AS is a relatively new term; it was only officially recognised about 14 years ago.

Since then, it has become widely discussed - even Grange Hill involves a character called Martin who has AS. There are, however, still common misconceptions about the disorder.

Superficially, AS people are entirely normal as it only affects social functioning.

Severity varies greatly, and it can be manifested in many different ways, from inability to recognise other people's emotions to difficulty organising everyday life.

Many learn to hide their problems well, making it hard to diagnose.

Although many AS sufferers always feel they are 'different', it is sometimes not until they reach university that they experience the difficulties that lead to diagnosis.

AS people all have average or above intelligence, meaning they go to university with good prospects, but can find it a devastating experience.

Doreen Paisley runs Rookery House, a Priory educational unit for 18-25 year olds with AS. She says: “We get a lot of referrals of young adults who appeared to be successful at school, but when they went to University they just couldn't cope. Sometimes I think: 'Is there any way to get these people back?' They come to us so mentally fragile and broken. We see the damage that it can do to them when they think that they have failed.”

The transition to university can present unforeseen traumas, both socially and educationally. The sudden lack of learning structure can leave AS students unable to organise their time and they may find new methods of learning difficult to understand.

As they fall behind academically, anxiety can cause them to neglect daily routines.

“They don't attach importance to personal hygiene and appearance,” says Mrs Paisley. “They need help to realise that they have to do things like take regular showers and dress neatly.

When the pressures of work get to them they prefer to let these things suffer damage other than their academia, but when they stop acting normally they find it harder to fit in socially.”

Left Out The social whirlwind that is stereotyped as the essence of university can take its toll on students with AS. 30-year-old Sim describes how going to a pub with acquaintances can be terrifying: “You want to talk, but it’s like there are no words in your head.

You can’t think of any questions to ask and you have no idea what would be the appropriate thing to say. You realise that you are tuning out of the conversation. You’re giggling and grinning and raising your eyebrows and you’ve got no idea what is going on anymore.”

Sim dropped out of University in her second year because the emphasis on social life demoralised her: “People were always saying that the social side of things was more important than the academic. That upset me a lot and made me feel like a failure because even though I did well on my course I couldn’t make any progress socially at all.”

Her inability to fit in depressed her until a trip to the career’s service made her believe that she had no place at university: “I left knowing that it didn’t matter how clever I was, there was not a single degree level job on this planet that I could have done with my social and communication skills as they were then.”

Sim was not diagnosed with Asperger’s until she was 25, years after she left education. If she had been diagnosed earlier she may have found greater support, but some worry that early diagnosis could lead a child to be overprotected.

Sim says: “Maybe it’s like learning to walk a tight rope. You can’t learn by watching from the ground, you have to actually get up there. Having said that,

you should always have a safety net because falling is part of learning. The thing I regret the most is that I didn’t have a safety net. I got hurt a few times.”

The Safety Net The safety net is being constructed, but there are still holes in it.

Currently, students who cannot cope with the pressures of university drop out because of a lack of awareness about AS. Cardiff’s Student Support service keeps track of students who declare that they have AS when they enter university. This has been running for about four years, and includes providing library buddies, note-takers, and peer mentors who help them integrate.

Sim dropped out of University in her second year, because the emphasis on social life demoralised her Disability and Dyslexia Advisor, Delyth Morgan, says: “Most who are diagnosed before arrival don’t seem to encounter great problems. If someone is experiencing difficulties in organisation or integration, a tutor or friend might advise them to come to us.”

However, students are still falling through the net. Some cases end in a break down, and a referral to a facility like Rookery House.

The 30 occupants of the house are provided with social and life skills classes, teaching them how to look after themselves and reintegrate into education.

Although this facility is an important medium, the distance from campus maintains a barrier.

“Not all universities have a Connections adviser who understands AS to provide on-campus help, so our students are accompanied to lectures by a support worker,” Mrs Paisley says. “Some get embarrassed because it shows they need help, and they think their peers will reject them.”

face the feeling of failure.”

Unconventional behaviour still carries heavy stigma. Sim found that she was ostracised for locking her bedroom door: “I guess they thought I was being unfriendly, but it took a lot out of me being social with them and I needed time alone to recharge my batteries.”

Sim would have liked to stay in the same room in halls for her entire course, and others may need adapted living conditions. A support worker based in halls of residences could help them to maintain daily routines and defuse bullying or interaction problems.

Greater awareness among students and lecturers could mean AS is soon as widely understood as dyslexia is now.

As attitudes change, there is hope that Asperger’s may be more widely discussed and become a term that helps young people to access the resources and education that they deserve. * All names have been changed in the interest of confidentiality.

Asperger's Syndrome Austrian Paediatrician Hans Asperger wrote a paper about a group of children he called 'little professors' because they were clever, but did not interact normally. Dr. Lorna Wing coined the term Asperger's Syndrome in the eighties, but it did not become a distinct diagnosis until 1992.

■ AS is an Autistic Spectrum disorder, meaning that it is related to autism but is not as severe.

■ Just under 1% of the UK population is believed to have Asperger's Syndrome, although many more may go undiagnosed.

■ AS is believed to be a neurological disorder that could be genetic, as patients often display abnormalities in parts of the brain that deal with social functioning.

■ However, research into the causes of the syndrome is ongoing, and certain social factors may contribute.

■

Symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome

Future Understanding

■

Greater awareness of AS could stop it from being seen as a disabling difference.

Simon Coles, principal of Farleigh Further Education College, a section of Swindon College for AS students, thinks that eventually AS will be looked at in a similar way to dyslexia.

“A few decades ago, people with dyslexia were sent to special schools, but now a lot of resources go towards schooling dyslexic people in mainstream education. AS is similar in that it doesn’t prevent people learning, but they need to learn in a different way.

With adequate support AS students can learn effectively in a fully integrated educational environment.”

Universities can still do more to raise awareness that support is available, such as targeting advertising by handing out leaflets for organisational help with essay questions or putting up posters for social groups in halls.

“If people knew help was available, perhaps we could catch them before they fall,” Paisley says. “Students who start to struggle but do not understand why, could get help before they have to

For further information, log on to www.aspergerinformation.net or www.nas.org.uk

Difficulty understanding the gestures, facial expressions and displays of emotions of others, and seeming detached or lacking in empathy.

■ Displays of nervousness such as hand flapping or reluctance to make eye contact.

■ Difficulty choosing topics to talk about, leading to shyness or obsessive conversation about one topic.

■ Obsessional behaviours such as repeated routines and distress at the disruption of routine.

■ Attachment to unusual objects.

“When she was four years old, Sim cuddled a green wheelbarrow instead of a teddy, because she liked the smell of new plastic.”

■ Inability to understand people's motivation for actions, and susceptibility to take things such as sarcasm literally.

■ Problems with sequencing tasks, planning ahead and organising everyday activities.

28 gairrhydd

JOBS & MONEY

MARCH.05.2007

PHOTO: JAMES PEROU

JOBS@gairrhydd.COM

Curriculum vital

As third years start to apply for graduate placements, Jobs & Money editor Gillian Roberts looks at the best way to make your CV

W

riting a CV should not be a teeth-pulling experience.

Yet, students this term may be feeling like they are sitting in the dentist’s chair, faced with the prospect of writing their CVs. It is no secret that creating the perfect CV can help an applicant stand out of the crowd and maximise their chance of getting that dream job.

Having a CV at your disposal is never a bad thing; as well as being

required by nearly all employers, it can be a good way to see how your skills and qualifications look on paper. A CV is literally an extension of yourself - an advertisement of your personal qualities, skills, hobbies and qualifications.

Yet, it needs to be suitable for the marketplace you are aiming for.

Online CVs are becoming more and more important, as employers can quickly obtain and find what they are looking for faster than using the good

old postman. Some agencies or firms search electronically within your CV to look for key words, for example, like ‘responsibility’ or ‘Excel’ to quickly notice the better CVs or ones they wish to look at more closely.

Hence, it is important to research beforehand to take notice of the key words they may be looking for.

There is no right or wrong way to prepare your CV, but there are more effective ways than others, and it can

Graduate scheme for disabled students With less than a month to apply, Gillian Roberts looks at the Scope’s scheme for graduates.

S

tudents must hurry as there is less than one month left for disabled graduates to enter a high-profile employment scheme.

Applications must be in before 30 March 2007 for the disability organisation Scope’s highly successful ‘Leadership Recruitment’ scheme (formerly fast Track).

Now in its 10th year, the Scope project aims to introduce disabled graduates (or those of graduates calibre) to big name employers, such as Lehman Brothers, Edexcel, British Red Cross, Disability Rights Commission, HSBC, Capital One, Welsh Assembly Government and Scope.

Yet, successful applicants not only get the chance to get a foot in the door but undertake one or two paid work placements, enhancing their CV and employment skills.

Martin Patterson of Lehman Brothers said: “We recognise that dis-

abled people can bring innovative problem solving skills to the companies they join. Working with Scope, we understand that, with the right reasonable adjustments, everyone can reach their potential.”

It’s the chance to get a foot in the door and partake in work experience One successful applicant, Tom Eats, now works full time as an International Market Analyst at Edexcel after being a Leadership Recruit graduate. He said: “I have recommended the scheme to other people in my position and would do it again. It’s also good from an employer’s perspective, as there is a

whole pool of untapped talent out there.”

The manager of the scheme, Barry Hayward, has said that Scope can “help bridge the gap” between employers and graduates. He said: “Disabled people can find it difficult to obtain graduate level employment, which can be exacerbated by limited access to work-experience opportunities whilst at university.

“Similarly, employers can find it difficult to attract disabled employees despite a keenness to employ a more diverse workforce.”

Students who consider themselves to have a long term impairment or health condition, including deaf people and people with dyslexia, are able to apply for the graduate scheme.

To make that essential stepping stone into employment, students must apply before 30 March 2007 by downloading an application form from http://www.scope.org.uk/graduates or emailing graduates@scope. org.uk.

be confusing. There are different CVs which can be adapted to what is needed or is specific for a particular career field. These include Chronological, Functional, Law and One-page-media CVs. Jennifer Varallo, a third year Conservation Objects in Museums and Archaeology said: “I find the prospect of writing my CV daunting, confusing and intimidating, and keep putting it off. I just don’t know where to start, but I shall be visiting the Careers Service soon for some help.”

Yet, there is a vast amount of available help for the confused, from sites, to booklets to advice centres. Matthew Jones, a graduate who works in a law firm in Cardiff, wrote his CV last year: “I mainly wrote the majority of my CV myself, but I did use the template given in Microsoft Word for a professional-looking CV.” Jobs & Money, together with the National Union of Students (NUS) and the Career Service booklet (which is available online at www.cardiff. ac.uk/carsv), have been looking at the main issues of CV writing.

Presentation Clear, readable font and size; don’t use more than one font. White blank space surrounding your text makes attractive presentation as well as sensible margins which give an impression of freshness and strong design.

Use headings and indented paragraphs which are eye-catching and add some interest. Make headings bold, making your name the most important words to make them remember you.

However, don’t be fuzzy with your CV; you don’t have to use underlining, italics and colours. Try to avoid underlining capital letters and exclamation marks.

CVs should be no longer than two

pages, but don’t clutter the pages up.

Make your CV concise and relevant is a job in itself.

A CV is literally an extension of yourself It doesn’t cost much to buy some decent envelopes and paper to print your CV on. Take pride in your presentation so that an employer will be attracted to your application.

CV chatter It is not always what you say that is important but how you say it.

Employers like to know that you are able to sell yourself in an effective manner. Be positive, enthusiastic and professional, yet don’t overdo anything. Take care not to repeat words and avoid using ‘I’ too much.

According to a survey by Reed, one in three recruiters were put off by applicants who wrote long descriptions of extracurricular activities. Yet, the NUS (National Union of Students) advise that if there is a particular extracurricular achievement that can be a good selling point you can be specific.

What to include Personal details should include your full name, address (permanent and term time), telephone numbers and emails. It is not always necessary to include your marital status, gender and health, unless required.

Display your education in reverse chronological order, where dates, name of institution, subject and grades are shown.

It is not essential to present all your GCSE

gairrhydd 29

JOBS & MONEY

MARCH.05.2007 JOBS@gairrhydd.COM grades. A short explanation of your degree is sometimes useful to include if it is relevant to the application.

Again, show your employment or work experience in reverse chronological order. If there is space it is good to expand on the skills or things you learnt during your experiences.

The inclusion of your skills is essential to your CV. Demonstrate what skills you have, but refrain from repeating the skills you have pointed out from your experiences or from other parts of your CV. Incorporate your interests, responsibilities or achievements here, where it is not helpful to list them but to demonstrate how, because of them, you are more employable.

Within the Reed recruitment survey, ‘Samurai sword collecting’, ‘an interest in guns’ and ‘ferret racing’ were found on some of the CVs studied, where it was said that they would damage an applicants’ chances.

One in three recruiters were put off by applicants who wrote long descriptions Finally, usually two referees are required, one academic and one employer. Make sure you include their full name, address, telephone numbers and email. Don’t forget to ask them first.

The NUS advise that it is important to be truthful, relevant and to keep it short, to increase chances of not just getting an interview but performing well.

Which CV to choose?

Which one?

There are several different types of CV that you should consider, however, it is possible to mix and match parts of each CV to suit you. For example, the Chronological CV format but with the Personal Profile included.

Alternatively you may wish to use the Functional CV, but give a particular section priority, perhaps education or your work experience. There are specific CVs for example, Law and Media, which are useful if you are going into that area.

Chronological CV Begin with your personal details, following on with your education then work experience. List your skills using bullet points to make them clear and noticeable. Follow on with your interests, making sure you use short sentences and action verbs.

Finally, include your referees.

Law CV Firstly, show your personal details.

Then add in your education, making sure you include your modules you have studied each year in reverse order. If your degree result is unknown, it is useful to show your second year results and possibly your first year results if they will benefit your application.

Next, split up your relevant work

experience and other work experience up into two sections. Then include your skills, interests and referees.

Functional CV Place your personal details at the top, but follow on with a personal profile. This will grab the attention of the employer as the two or three sentences will address the field you wish to enter and what skills you have that are useful for the career area. Next, use your key skills to connect them to your job you are applying for. Then follow with your education, work experience, interests and referees.

One page Media CV This concise one page CV starts with your personal details which is followed with relevant work experience which takes focus of this CV. This can lead employers to ask for portfolio evidence which can aid your application. Next, include your skills, but make sure they are relevant journalistic skills. Then, follow on with education, interests and referees, making sure it does not exceed one page.

Covering letters A covering letter should always be sent with a CV as it personalises your CV and makes it relevant to the

Care Support Worker

Cardiff £6.25 basic, £7.81 eves and w/ends Various hours Carer respite service requires people community supervision of adults and children, personal care tasks, meal preparation. Must have your own car.

jobshop Not yet registered with Jobshop?

Come and register with our great free service.

■

We have lots of jobs available both around the campus and outside.

■

Food & Beverage Operatives Cardiff Bay £5.50 Various casual hours 5* hotel is looking for motivated staff with some hospitality experience to assist with functions, serve in restaurants and provide a helpful service upon arrival.

Nursery Assistant

Cardiff £5.40 per hour Various part time hours available Private nursery for children aged 6 weeks - 5 years requires friendly staff with a natural love of working with children to assist in the nursery.

Please contact us on 029 2078 1535 or pop in to the Jobshop on the ground floor of the Students’ Union. Opening hours 10am-4pm Monday-Friday.

post you are applying for. In addition, it can aid your application by expressing your enthusiasm and suitability to the post.

Begin the letter with reasons of why you are writing, leading on to who are you and what you have done. Include why you have chosen and why you want to obtain the post, giving evidence that you have researched their company or agency.

Give examples of your skills and experience, try not to repeat your CV but refer to it.

The next section can be used to deal with a problem you have, if you wish. Perhaps a change of course or a health problem; try to convey your reasons and how it has helped you in the long run or what you have learnt from it. Finally, give details of how you can be contacted.

30gairrhydd

MEDIA

MARCH.05.2007 MEDIA@gairrhydd.COM

The Battle of PR and Media Media investigates who’s really in charge of the media

Julia McWatt Media Reporter

L

iving in a contemporary society where we are obsessed with celebrities and their private lives means everyone is interested in a good scandal. Scandals about those in the public eye are everywhere, from Angelina Jolie being responsible for Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s split to Paris Hilton’s sex tape being released.

These stories are splashed across the media, both in the tabloids that are dominating Britain’s daily newspaper circulation to the weekly or monthly glossy magazines whose readership is generally healthy.

Throughout the increased sensationalism that we now see in the media it would appear that the media are the ones pulling the strings, with Public Relations gurus having to make the best of a bad situation. It seems that once the media has taken a particular stance on a topic there is no way for Public Relations to prevent it, they just have to pick up the pieces and try to redeem those who have been victimised.

Take the case of Jade Goody in the

Big Brother race row. Many people are sick of the story now, but it provides the perfect example of how the media occurs to be in control of the content and coverage. The relentless prosecution of Jade throughout the race row ruined her career.

Although the media have now toned down and tamed their Jade-bashing, they have certainly never shown her any support or given her the opportunity to try to restore her career, which is now in tatters after being branded a racist bully by the entire nation.

However, is it really the media who have control of the content and the way these scandals are reported? It may seem to the reader that they have no boundaries and are free to be as critical, judgemental or condemning as they wish.

those in Public Relations who are the puppeteers, exerting a firm clasp on the strings? Clients of those who are adept in Public Relations pay a small fortune to protect themselves and their careers from being ripped to shreds by an increasingly critical media, eager to expose something shameful about their private lives. We have seen careers of certain public figures such as Britney Spears, George Michael and Michael Jackson literally snatched away from them in a matter of days.

It is difficult to begin to contemplate how many stories have not been leaked to the press due to the hard work of individuals running Public Relations companies, and how many careers are still intact due to their secrets being kept close to the chest.

Journalists may like to project the image that they report the truth and that integrity is their main priority; however, the extent to which they are swayed by those in Public Relations is questionable. The various PR agents that celebrities employ are often accompanied by well-paid lawyers; therefore investigative journalism into any corruption may not be worthwhile, saving the dignity of many.

The aim of PR people is to control the media and use it to their client’s

Jade Goody - a victim of media sensationalism?

However, this may just be a façade and that in reality it is the PR gurus who are the main players. Has it been considered that the media may just be acting as puppets when it is really

advantage, which leads to a symbiotic relation between them and journalists, with both receiving a mutual reward even if journalistic integrity is compromised.

Take Max Clifford for example, seen by many as the ultimate PR guru.

Clifford has a huge influence over the media and has resurrected careers and subverted damaging reporting of those such as O.J Simpson, Frank Sinatra and Jade Goody before her appearance on Celebrity Big Brother.

Who’s in control, Public Relations or the Media?

He has now become a brand and any celebrity wishing to regain or retain credibility will hire him. His ability to keep information and scandals out of the tabloids has built his reputation and sealed his appeal to those in the public eye. However, his relationship with the media and his prominence damages the credibility of journalism as it exposes how the media are often at the hands of Public Relations gurus.

This has led to journalists accusing those in the PR industry of destroying

truthful reporting. But is it really their fault? Surely the idea of a free press in a democracy where freedom of speech is highly valued means they should be able to undertake investigative reporting and continue to publish what they like. The media is easily critical of members of the Government, despite spin doctors’ attempts to dissuade them from any negative reporting; surely the same rules should apply to celebrities?

However, as negative as this may appear, our appetite for scandal is constantly satisfied in the media on a dayto-day basis. We are still provided with all the gossip to stimulate conversations with friends, classmates or even random strangers. We still feel it is justified to demand access to the private lives and secrets of those who are in the public eye and, as long as the demand is there, the media will have to accept its subservience and succumb to PR’s conditions. They will do this to keep relations amicable, in order to be given access to any scandal, even if a particular spin is put on it.

It would seem that the only way both sides can continue to work professionally is to work together, and not to blame one another for the constraints, whether legal or economic, that are placed upon them.

Xpress yourself

Cardiff’s premier student radio station goes back online and prepares for its second FM stint

C

hristmas is over, the fun of the snow has disappeared and the work is piling up, but do not despair because Xpress Radio is back online to help you through the cold months.

Yes that’s right, we are back this term and better than ever with exciting shows, competitions and events.

The award-winning Xpress Radio has returned online so why not brighten up those long coursework-filled days by logging on and tuning in.

For a giggle at others expense why not tune into Riffing It Up With Rhys, Amy and James to hear the confessions of your fellow students, or test your music knowledge with Upbeat -

a lively quiz show hosted by Chris Jackson. The Lara and Nev Show promises a mix of alternative tunes, movie soundtracks and an ‘On this day’ feature to discover what famously took place on the day of broadcast.

Along with blasting out some quality music from all your favourite bands, we also broadcast local bands so you can hear the freshest sounds before anyone else. We have shows to suit all music tastes whether you’re getting ready for a night on the town or chilling out at home, log on to

www.xpressradio.co.uk to find what you need.

Not only do we provide great music to sing along to, we also want to make you laugh with comedy shows, and get you up to date with the latest news and sports. Xpress Radio is aired all day everyday, run by students for students so remember to log on to www.xpressradio.co.uk to discover your favourite show.

We are back on FM from the 9th March. so join us as we celebrate in style in Access All Areas.

www.xpressradio.co.uk

gairrhydd 31

MEDIA

MARCH.05.2007 MEDIA@gairrhydd.COM

Still Nuts about lads’ mags?

Men’s magazines experience signficiant decline in sales

By Laura Hinson Media Reporter

A

re men magazines out of fashion? The Media Guardian has reported that the sales of trendy men’s magazines has fallen dramatically year on year. The most popular magazine aimed at men, FHM, published by EMAP, fell 25.9%. EMAP’s other weekly publication, Zoo, also appears to have lost its sparkle with sales dropping 21.5% year on year. Arena has also seen its sales tumble, resulting ultimately in the sacking of the editor of FHM, Ross Brown and Arena’s Will Drew.

This huge loss in circulation is evident across the board with the publications Loaded and Maxim experiencing a downturn in popularity. Nuts, the main rival to Zoo, managed to minimise its losses, with only 3.8% year on year; it now outsells Zoo by 90,000 copies a week.

These statistics show a huge drop in the popularity of men’s magazines, but why is this? A clue to the collapse in the market could be the rise in digital publishing. There is a genuine suggestion that younger potential readers are not even bothering with the trip to the newsagents when they can create their own magazine online. When asked if he regularly buys lads’ magazines, one Cardiff student replied that they were “a waste of money when you could find most of the content on the internet anyway”. I sent a questionnaire to a selection of young men to find out what magazines they bought and why personally they thought sales had plummeted so radically.

“I do not buy these lads’ mags because they offer me nothing I couldn’t work out for myself. The magazines seem to strive for a brainless, embarrassing projection of today’s culture and the journalism is inevitably of poor quality. Common themes appear to be tedious and small-minded (i.e. sexist and homophobic) in tone, appealing to a lowest-common denominator audience.

“I fall into the exact targeted demographic, i.e. straight, male, 21, and find a vast spectrum of preferable information and entertainment sources in text form with ease, including alternative culture magazines (including free magazines such as Vice) and internet sites (the list is endless) that satisfy infinitely more than FHM, Zoo, etc.

“These magazines design a lifestyle

that I am supposed to aspire to, which couldn’t be further from the truth.” (Jack, Nottingham) Another reply stated that “(I) used to buy men’s magazines fairly regularly but have stopped because I realised that I never actually read them. I just shell out close to a fiver a time, have a quick flick through and then pile them up for them to gather dust and use up space.

Upon realising this I slowly but surely cut down and eventually went cold turkey altogether!

“But, having said all that, I think the underlying reason that I didn’t ever read cover to cover is that each contains one or two stories of interest but the rest is completely useless just filling space. If I were able to combine elements from a range of different magazines to create one publication I think it may be a different story altogether.

Lastly, while there is a massive market for women’s magazines, the men’s market is more limited with only three or maybe four worth even considering. More choice, and more varied choice at that, might equal an increase in sales.”

(Ben, London) Another issue raised was the quality of the magazines, one respondent claimed that “all the girls are rank in the mags for a start; it’s just cheap crap, and men desire more sophistication. All my mates are buying health mags at the mo; men are more inclined to get fit nowadays. Plus, the magazines are well expensive; they are the same every week: tits, cars, etc - boring rubbish.

(Giles, Loughborough).

It does look like the golden age of the lad mag, pioneered in the 90s by IPC’s Loaded, is over. It’s been 10 years since ‘lad culture’ arrived, proudly asking us to “get our tits out for lads.” These men’s magazines dictated to young men ‘what it is to be a man’ and provided a bible-like reference guide on how to deal with life’s most important issues; beer, babes and banter.

It looks as though today’s modern man wants more than this stereotypical version of masculinity. And so they should; the concept of gender is constantly changing. Men today seem to be more open-minded and emotionally aware than their predecessors.

They have needs that simply can’t be filled by the standards of today’s publications.

The serious and frivolous Anneka Buckle, discusses Grazia’s rising circulation in comparison to the dimishing market of men’s magazines

I

n a troubled women’s market, Grazia has defied all speculating critics with a stylishly brave touch of high class and unrivalled mix of fashion and news. From the latest gossip on Kate Moss’ and Pete’s wild relationship to women’s rights in Afghanistan, Grazia blends the serious and frivolous outstandingly.

The women’s weekly glossy has found a very good demographic very quickly , and the confidence and style that ooze from this magazine appeal to thousands of women.

Tired of wobbly bums and saggy boobs, I was won over

by Grazia editor Jane Bruton’s claim that “we don’t do cellulite shots.” Finally, a women’s magazine that understands that sometimes we just want to see people looking their best. Our culture is cursed by its obsessive scrutiny of image, and its preoccupation with the maintenance of the ‘correct’ appearance is making us sick - literally. These are supposed to be our magazines - reflecting our concerns and debating our issues.

Let’s stop letting the suits tell us what to read and buy. Let’s tell them.

Launched in 2005, despite early carping from critics suggesting Grazia was trying to spread itself too thinly in order to appeal to as wide a readership as possible and thus creating a title that lacked definition, the magazine has built up a portfolio of advertisers that includes Chanel, Dolce & Gabbana and Armani. And after asking fellow female students on their thoughts, Laura Hinson, a Second Year Journalism student, said she loved the magazines “stylish glossy format”, which works as a compromise against her other favourite must-read, Vogue.

New weeklies such as Look have been dubbed a copy of Grazia but its creators say it is aimed at younger women who prefer high street shopping to labels. Look seems to have tapped into a generation that sees celebrities as their friends, who talk about them in first name terms and who take most of their style tips from what celebrities wear. At first sight, this seems a risky proposition. Look’s

launch cover stars include Victoria Beckham and Kate Moss who are continuously in the thirty other weekly magazines out now in the UK. By any measure this looks like an intensely competitive marketplace and over the last five years, the appetite for celebrity magazines has increased exponentially.

The magazine celebrates female achievement and has a good balance of content Yet the frenzy for women’s magazines is not for everyone; Laura Panzica, a Second Year Business Management student, suggests Grazia is “starting to lean a bit too heavily in favour of Beckham/Moss cover stories”, feeling that most of its ‘gossip’ is re-hashed quotes from ‘friends’ of the celebrity. Other friends would be more inclined to go for monthly magazines such as Marie Claire, where the magazine celebrates female achievement and has a good balance of content, plus they do not have to break the bank from purchasing their favourite mag every week. Yet take a glance at the women’s monthly sector and it seems it is suffering from similar circulation declines to those experienced by Maxim and FHM. Perhaps there has been an inclination to panic and to try to compete with the weeklies on topicality and on making them a fast read, which is mistaken, because it abandons what monthlies are good at - reflection and luxuriating in their depth.

For Emily Woodrow, however, a fellow Second Year Journalism student, Grazia simply is not ‘gossipy’ enough and she questions where all the “ugly snapshots of celebs without make-up are?” Of course, the other big challenge that Grazia faces, along with all other magazines, is the growing threat of the internet. As more and more consumers turn to the web to fulfil their media needs, the magazine market will find itself increasingly squeezed. Nonetheless, as a glossy mag junky, the Internet just simply isn’t as fun for getting that weekly dosage of ‘news, views and plenty of shoes’ that Grazia so effortlessly combines.

What do you think? Add your comments to this article on www.gairrhydd.com

gairrhydd 33

TELEVISION

MARCH.05.2007 TELEVISION@gairrhydd.COM

‘I’ve always wanted to be a youthful black woman’: March 5th - March 11th

R.I.P TV Gareth

LoLzZz! OmGz! JoKeZzZ! nEw Tv OrDa In TaWwN! AsL PLZ? Luffs & <3s

HOT

Cleopatra: Not the legendary Egyptian nymphomaniac, but rather the much maligned Brummy Girl musical troupe.

A cultural maelstrom of girl power, Impulse deodorants and sizzlin’ beats. It’s easy to see why the new TV Collective model ourselves on these sassy babes. Ahem.

Soaps Upon realising that she thinks Toadie is buff ting, Steph further spirals in the deep abyss of Neighbours-style uncertainty (y’know the one, that standard ‘sad’ song plays in the background, they wince like somone has clamped their small toe and generally look like they’ve spent one night too many at the Scarlett Bar) as Max returns from hiding. Karl is still debating whether to hang up his stethescope and apparently Lolly returns too, as long as Mishka has buggered off, I really couldn’t care.

Meanwhile, Big Mo in Eastenders has a really dodgy haircut, and word in the Queen Vic is that she’s arrested for a fags scam. Bovvard.

And in Coronation Street the whole David/Tracy affair is still annoying me; Sarah has decided to save her little bruv and ensure the storyline lasts a LOT longer.

NOT

H

aving grown up on the mean streets of São Paulo, this diverse group of individuals found their feet as an exciting, but fundamentally dangerous dance quintet.

After a young girl died trying to emulate one of their more audacious dance moves, the group swore they’d never dance again. They all went their seperate ways, TV Kyle fulfilled his wish of becoming a dolphin carer, TV Guy ran for State Governor, TV Fran became the first female to hike solo across the Arctic Tundra, and TV Jazz, of course, became most famous because of her brief fling as the presenter of popular German Radio Show ‘Vernünftiger Spaß Stunde’.

Unfortunately, the tragic tale of TV Marshall’s fall from grace became tabloid fodder for several lewd and explict months. Due to an ongoing lawsuit, we are not able to dis-

Fudge Tunnel 88

cuss this, quite frankly alarming turn of events.

It seemed as if the one time group of friends would never cross paths again, despite repeated calls from the media for ‘one last tour.’ That was how it remained for several years, each member slowly fading from the limelight until all that remained of their legacy were dusty ticket stubs and nostalgia shows.

Meanwhile, back in São Paulo, the notorious racketeer Jacinto Magalhães was slowly building up his vast empire of opium dens, houses of ill-repute and violent intraspecies fighting pits. Unfortunately for him, only one property stood in the way of his complete and utter domination of the region.

The tiny youth centre where our heroes first honed their impressive dance skills. Having heard about the

insidious designs Magalhães had for the one place that they still all held dear, the die was cast.

The diverse gaggle of dancers would reunite for one final show in order to save their youth centre and to teach Magalhães a lesson he would not forget. A sexy one. Of course, there was some awkwardness as the erstwhile friends encountered each other for the first time in several years. The deep emotional wounds still seemed fresh in their minds, and many issues still remained unsolved.

It was only when the infectious beat of the samba kicked in that they finally gelled as one. It was as if they had never been apart, the years of mudslinging in the public eye melted away, and they truly put on the show of their lives. Magalhães was shamed, and fled from the city into obscurity, last seen in a monastery tending to the vegetables.

Then they became TV editors or something. As you can see, it is a slow TV week.

Comic Relief DOES Fame Academy Once again the horrific spectacle of Comic Relief rears its ugly head, with ‘wacky’ middle managers wearing silly hats, and the whole nation revels in the misguided belief that wearing a red nose for one day a year will solve world poverty.

Amazingly, Auntie Beeb has found another gaggle of fame-hungry idiots to prostrate themselves in front of shrieking bingo-winged harpies, all in the name of ‘charideee.’ A veritable galaxy of Clisters populate this Who’s Who of forgettable television ranging from the ‘famous for doing nothing’ category, to the ‘I’ve never heard of you’ category. The seemingly invincible Tara Palmer-Tompkinson makes her yearly pilgrimage to the public eye, and the terminally punchable Colin Murray attempts to remind everyone that he still exists despite being

The Passing of TV Gareth 11 December 1985 - 4 March 2007.

Died doing what he loved best: extreme yachting.

He lived a vibrant life before being tragically taken from us.

His interests included dream weaving, kitten grooming and nut collecting. His magic lives on. Forever and ever and ever.

Film The Academy Award winning English Patient is on this week (C4 at 10.35pm, Thursday).

Speaking of the Oscars, Tobey Maguire did a shit job of hiding his venom for Snaggletooth Dunst when she pinched his lines as they presented Best Original Screenplay, Eddie Murphy reportedly went diva on yo' ass and left after he lost out to Alan Arkin, and Jennifer Hudson won the coveted award for fugliest dress of the night.

OSCARS SPECIAL; SPORTS CANCELLED! But I’m sure some men wearing the same coloured top kicked a ball into some hole, and all his mates wanted to kiss him, and some people wearing different coloured tops wanted to to kick him in the head. At least, I think that’s what happened, I wasn’t really watching very carefully.

Gareth Trivia This week! That hat!

shunted to the graveard slot on Radio 1. However, the genius inclusion of both Shaun Williamson and Roland Rivron will hopefully save the whole endeavour from being the awful car crash TV we all secretly want it to be. Also, can somebody please kill Kielty? Ta x.

Yes, we’ve seen it. You’ve seen it.

Everybody’s seen it. Here’s some facts you didn’t know... it was knitted by Gareth and his Gran and currently has Coke stains on it after he was accosted by fat 12year-old girls outside Tesco Metros in Canton, proclaiming he “dresses like a vegetarian”. They also said his hat “looked like his Nan had knitted it.” Touche. He’s taken to tying the tassels together so that if the wind blows it off his head, the tassels will unhook around his neck, and not blow the hat away. The ear flaps are not perfectly located, but they try their best. Just like we will in order to try and fill Gareth’s ample shoes.

Gareth’s hat was buried with him.

34 gairrhydd

MONDAY

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Crimewatch Update

Eggheads

ITV Play: Glitterball

News at Noon

Disorderly Conduct

BBC1 11.05pm

BBC2 6.00pm

ITV1 1.30am

Channel 4 12.00pm

five 11.00pm

6:00am Breakfast This morning I spilt about one pint of milk on the floor of our kitchen. Ruined all hope of my bowl of cornflakes… until I stole some from my housemate. Moral of the story here kids: if life deals you a tough hand, steal. 9:15am Beat the Bailiff A deeply insightful early morning documentary exploring the effects of bailiffs having the shit beaten out of them. 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:00pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm 50/50 5:00pm MI High 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Mission Africa 7:30pm Holiday 2007 8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Panorama 9:00pm Crimewatch 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Wales: Power and the People 11:05pm Crimewatch Update 11:15pm Sleep Clinic 11:45pm Film 2007 with Jonathan Ross 12:15am Last Embrace 2:00am Panorama 2:30am Sign Zone:What Makes Britain Rich?

6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am ChuckleVision 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Ernie 10:30am Schools:Watch 10:45am Words and Pictures 11:00am Maths Challenge 11:30am Shakespeare: The Animated Tales 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Schools:What?

Where? When? Why? 1:15pm Something Special 1:30pm Animal Park 2:15pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Capturing Celebrity: The Photographs of Angus McBean 7:30pm Nation on Film 8:00pm University Challenge 8:30pm Masterchef: The Story So Far 9:00pm The Retreat 10:00pm Ideal 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm 21st Century Bach 11:40pm The Clandestine Marriage 1:05am Seven Days 1:50am The Witness 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Languages and Travel:The French Experience: Involves bonking a lot, having your stripy top and beret passionately disposed of then proceeding to paint black and white canvases expressing your inner turmoil and then eating a croissant. Or something.

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning Hilary Duff pops in to shamelessly promote her new bag of wank film. 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Emmerdale Confidential 3:30pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive Past it celebrities fall flat on their face and injure themslves. Hopefully. 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wales This Week Mourns the loss of TV Gareth.

8:30pm Coronation Street 9:00pm Cold Blood II 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Texaco Young Musician of Wales 2007 11:30pm Speed Guns Misfiring: Tonight 12:00am WAGs Boutique I've said it before and I'll say it again (‘cos a. I can't be arsed to think of anything new and b. I haven't got to type something very witty).

They're all twats. And dress like twats.

And only twats would watch this. Nuff said. 1:00am Champions League Weekly 1:30am ITV Play: Glitterball 3:50am Dial A Mum 4:25am Dial A Mum The perfect service for homesick university students. 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond slash TV Gareth 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond slash TV Gareth 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Why Is There So Much Rubbish on Telly?

11:30am 21st Century Bard 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Supporting Acts 12:40pm Where the Sidewalk Ends 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Preparing for the Worst What would be worse?

Listening to a Kooks record or listening to a Kooks record second time round?

8:00pm Dispatches: Greenwash 9:00pm Silver Surfers 10:00pm ER 11:05pm The Sopranos 12:10am 4 Music:Bob Dylan: Video Exclusive 12:15am 4 Music:Live from Abbey Road 1:20am 4Music Presents... Jet 1:50am 4 Music:4Play: Jack Savoretti 2:05am 4 Music:Bob Dylan: Video Exclusive 2:10am World Cup Skiing 4:00am Lisa Looks Back 4:15am All About Us: Living and Growing (Sex Ed 9-11) 4:30am Music Search 4:45am Music Search 5:00am Animated World Faiths 5:15am Just Write Is normally what I tend to do with these pages. 5:30am Puzzle Maths 5:45am More Adventures from the Writing House It's like sitting in the gair ryhdd office. Hoot a minute innit.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 “I will throw you high fives if you keep your own secrets”.

Well, it is a TV Gareth appreciation edition after all. 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff I like Ian Wright. A lot. His World Cup commentary was top notch. Him, Hansen, Shearer and our mate Gaz. Woah. 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Shadow of a Doubt 3:40pm five news update 3:45pm Mystery Woman: At First Sight 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Gadget Show 8:00pm Monster Moves S'all about bustin’ a move yo! Today the worm and robot are broken down. Je suis dance, de de with a bit of freestyleeee!

9:00pm The Woman Who Lost 30 Stone: Extraordinary People TV Gareth. 10:00pm Prison Break 11:00pm Disorderly Conduct 12:00am Tim Marlow with... Gilbert & George 12:50am USPGA Golf 1:40am French Football - Le Championnat

7:00pm Legend Today: TV Gareth 8:30pm Help, My Dog's as Fat as Me! 9:30pm Tittybangbang2 Personally I much preferred Tittybangbang1. It provided such a deep and profound insight into banging and tits. 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11:15pm Family Guy 11:35pm American Dad 12:00am Help! My Dog's as Fat as Me 1:00am Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 1:45am Sex, Lice and Videotape All about Screech (of 90s Saved by the Bell fame) and his recent dabblings in the porn industry. 2:40am New Wedding Stories TV Kyle and TV Jazz sit in the offices, thinking of crap to type to fill these spaces, whilst TV Guy insists on hounding us with Lovehearts. Meanwhile TV Marshall sits at the next computer looking at cats on google which he swears will be a good idea for this week’s fudge tunnel. I actually can’t believe I have more space to fill; this is longer than my work in progress textual analysis essay.

7:00pm The Sky at Night 7:30pm Wainwright's Walks 8:00pm The World TV Gareth. 8:30pm Wainwright's Walks 9:00pm Once Upon a Time in New York 10:00pm Tight Spot: Freezing 10:35pm Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy 11:20pm The Hunt for Middle England According to Radio 4 the ultimate class barometer is an aubergine. It was actually more interesting than I'm making out, so I'm going to stop typing. 12:50am The Sky at Night 1:20am Wainwright's Walks 1:50am Proms on Four 2006 3:35am Wainwright's Walks Taking over typing duties and space filling is TV Kyle, with no doubt more awful jokes and shoddy listings jargon. Back to TV Jazz. I’ll fill you in on the wonderfully interesting events of my life. Back to TV Kyle.

Apparently the interesting events in TV Jazz’s life are few and far between, although she played bingo once. So there.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am Emmerdale 10:50am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:35am Judge Judy 12:00pm Coronation Street 12:30pm Emmerdale 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Planet's Funniest Animals 7:30pm Dancing on Ice 8:30pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 9:00pm Haunted Homes 10:00pm Me, Myself & Irene 12:10am Coronation Street

6:00am E4 Music Zone 7:00am Ed Norton Does Magic 8:00am Gwen Stefani - A Few of My Favourite Things 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nothing but... Gwen Stefani 11:00am Fresh Tracks 12:00pm Nothing but...

New Kids in Pop 1:00pm Ed Norton Does Magic 2:05pm Switched 2:35pm One Tree Hill 3:35pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Get over It 10:35pm X-Rated 11:40pm The Simple Life 12:10am The Simple Life 12:40am Scrubs 1:10am Scrubs 1:35am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:25am The Simple Life 2:45am The Simple Life 3:10am The War at Home 3:30am Desperate Housewives 4:10am One Tree Hill 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched 5:35am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Why Is There So Much Rubbish on Telly? 11:30am 21st Century Bard 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Mr Men 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Ribidires 1:15pm My Eden 1:20pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Dennis a Dannedd 4:25pm Planed Plant:Campyfan 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Ffermio 9:00pm Helpu'r Achos 10:00pm Sgorio 11:05pm Y Clwb Rygbi 11:35pm Silver Surfers 12:35am Dispatches: Greenwash 1:35am Toulouse Lautrec

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gairrhydd

35

TUESDAY

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Still Crazy

Eggheads

Loose Women

Never Did Me Any Harm

The FBI Files

BBC1 11:50pm

BBC2 6:00pm

ITV1 12:30pm

C4 9.00pm

five 1.00am

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:00pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang I’m sometimes worried that there’s not enough educational stuff in the TV listings and that it’s all in-jokes and abuse. So to balance things out, I learnt in school once that these words are all examples of onomatopoeia. Now that I’ve used my big word, abuse shall resume. 4:30pm 50/50 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Watchdog 7:30pm EastEnders 8:00pm Holby City 9:00pm Life on Mars So this is where I make a David Bowie reference. The man is quite similar to God in many ways, both musically and for his performance in Labyrinth.

10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Week In, Week Out 11:05pm ONE Life 11:50pm Still Crazy Up to date reporting on the status of Britney Spears.

1:40am Sign Zone:Seaside Rescue 2:10am Sign Zone:An Island Parish

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Astro Boy 7:25am Newsround 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am Shaun the Sheep 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Wild about Nature 10:50am Primary Geography: Portrait of Europe 11:10am Star Trek: The Next Generation 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Coming to England Arcade Fire, March 17. I’m sorry for all those who didn’t get tickets. No, really, I am. 1:20pm Bobinogs 1:30pm Iolo's Special Reserves 2:00pm am.pm 3:00pm Animal Park: Wild in Africa 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Are We There Yet? 7:30pm The Dragon's Tail 8:00pm Natural World 8:50pm Wild Dive: HMS Scylla 9:00pm Blair: The Inside Story 10:00pm The Children of Helen House 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Big Welsh Joke I don’t know if this is about Lostprophets or Funeral For a Friend, but either way it’s bound to be entertaining. 11:50pm The Cost of Kids 12:20am As BBC2 2:00am ReviseWise at Home

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Emmerdale Confidential 3:30pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm UEFA Champions League Live: Liverpool v Barcelona “Liverpool FC is hard as hell, United, Tottenham, Aresenal. Watch my lips and they will spell ‘cos they don’t just play but they can rap as well”. OK so they’re no OutKast, but the Liverpool boys were responsible for the best rap-based football song ever made.

10:00pm Confessions of a Chef They can’t cook. Oh well, I value their honesty.

10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm UEFA Champions League Highlights 12:00am ITV Play: Glitterball 3:40am Families Forever 4:35am The Jules and Lulu Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Once again it comes to the end of the TV listings and I have failed to fill up the space.

However, I shall use my vast knowledge of Youtube to offer you entertainment and delights. Type in ‘Jerry Springer midget fight’ and prepare not to be disapointed. Guess what it involves?

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 10:30am The Play's the Thing 11:30am 21st Century Bard 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Seaside Secrets 12:40pm The History of Mr Polly 2:25pm My Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown Carol Vorderman wins TV Kyle’s Channel 4 hero of the week. 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Preparing for the Worst 8:00pm You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In 9:00pm Never Did Me Any Harm 10:00pm Interview With a Poltergeist Disclaimer: It turns out poltergeists aren’t real so we have an interview with a man in a sheet instead 11:05pm Sex, Magick and Murder 12:10am Corinne Bailey Rae: Live in New York 1:00am Five O'Clock Heroes: Video Exclusive 1:05am The Charlotte Church Show Things have slipped somewhat since this was on at prime-time. You should have stuck to the classical music love. The pies didn’t do you any favours either. 1:50am My Name Is Earl 2:15am Distraction 2:40am The War at Home

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Terror in the Family 3:40pm five news update 3:45pm Wild Hearts The Wildhearts are playing The Point at the end of April. This isn’t funny or anything, just thought I’d let you know.

Also playing The Point soon is Aim, 65 Days of Static and Electrelene. TV Jazz ‘hearts’ them apparently. 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm The Singing Estate 8:00pm The Amelia Earhart Conspiracy: The True Story 9:00pm CSI: Crime Scene Investigation The only program more wank than CSI is CSI: Miami.

10:00pm CSI: Miami As luck would have it, if you enjoy wank programming then Channel 5 always comes up trumps.

11:00pm Law and Order: Special Victims Unit 12:00am The FBI Files 1:00am NBA Action 4:05am Motorsport Mundial

7:00pm Help! My Dog's as Fat as Me I take it all back. I have new found respect for BBC3. This is the single greatest name for a programme ever.

Period. In fact, I’d argue that such a title warrants some rare use of capital letters and exclamation marks just in case people miss it. HELP! MY DOG’S AS FAT AS ME! 8:00pm SuperSlim Me: A Mischief Special 9:00pm New Wedding Stories 10:00pm EastEnders 10:30pm Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11:15pm Family Guy 11:35pm American Dad 12:00am Man Stroke Woman 12:30am SuperSlim Me: A Mischief Special 1:25am New Wedding Stories 2:25am Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 3:10am Man Stroke Woman This weeks witticism on Man Stroke Woman has been cancelled due to a new TV phenomena which you can find scheduled earlier in the day. HELP! MY DOG’S AS FAT AS ME! Don’t miss it, it’s going to be huge. I give a shit about the last sentence TV Marshall.

7:00pm The New Middle Classes 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Never Mind the Full Stops Oh and where exactly would we be without full stops?

It’s this kind of modernist attitude from the youth of today which has the country in the state it’s in. You see how you just paused after the word ‘in’?

Punctuation did that, not magic.

9:00pm The Day Today Oh when did these awful extra BBC channels get semi-good? I actually enjoy this program. Shock. 9:30pm The League of Gentlemen I enjoy this one as well, I must be losing the plot. 10:00pm Life on Mars 11:00pm Queens of Disco 12:00am Never Mind the Full Stops 12:30am The New Middle Classes 1:30am Proms on Four 2006 3:35am Never Mind the Full Stops................................................. ..........................................

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars Change this to ITV1? Ok, thanks.

8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:25am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Judge Judy 5:00pm American Idol 6:30pm American Idol 8:00pm American Idol 9:00pm WAGs Boutique 10:00pm Instinct 12:25am A Few Good Men 2:55am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music Zone 7:00am Nelly Furtado's Laugh 8:00am Gwen Stefani - A Few of My Favourite Things Money and bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nothing but... Girls Aloud 11:00am Fresh Albums 12:00pm Nothing but ... Virgin Videos 1:00pm Nelly Furtado's Laugh 2:00pm Switched 2:25pm One Tree Hill 3:25pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm The OC 10:00pm Skins 11:00pm Madonna: Confessions Live From London 12:55am Scrubs 1:25am Scrubs 1:50am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:35am Skins 3:35am The War at Home 3:55am One Tree Hill 4:35am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:20am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 10:30am The Play's the Thing 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:50pm Planed Plant Bach:Peppa Pinc 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Sam Tan 1:15pm My Eden 1:20pm A Place in the Sun 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Joni Trons 4:25pm Planed Plant (12.301.15):Popty Bob Man 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm The Simpsons 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Taro 9 9:00pm Tywysogion 10:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 11:00pm Never Did Me Any Harm 12:00am ER 1:00am Interview With a Poltergeist Casper talks about his drugs hell

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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WEDNESDAY

Beat the Baliff

Dragons’ Den

BBC1 9.15am

BBC2 9.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:00pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8:00pm Casualty 8:50pm The National Lottery Draws 9:00pm New Street Law 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 11:05pm In the Bedroom 1:15am Sign Zone:Jimmy's Diaries 1:45am Sign Zone:The Madness of Modern Families 2:15am Sign Zone:A Very English Village 3:05am Sign Zone:Wanted Down Under 3:50am Joins BBC News 24 As the first week of the brand spanking new TV Desk, who are eager to please, I decided to include some fun facts about all of the team for your pleasure. And no, we’re not usually this self indulgent. OK, maybe we lie a little bit. Sometimes. Not all the time.

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am Shaun the Sheep 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie 10:30am Star Trek: The Next Generation 11:15am Small Town Gardens 11:30am am.pm 1:00pm Ground Force Revisited Fun Fact About The TV Desk #1: TV Kyle loves home and gardening programmes. This ain't no Changing Rooms, but it'll do.

1:30pm Working Lunch 2:00pm The Flying Gardener 2:15pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads Fun Fact About the TV Desk #2: TV Marshall's status on Facebook is "Ben is the eggman".

6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Match Of the Day Wales 9:00pm Dragons' Den 10:00pm Never Mind the Buzzcocks 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Party Animals 12:10am Don't Watch That Watch This! What a catchy title. 12:20am As BBC2 2:00am BBC Learning Zone: Schools:Key Stage 3 Bitesize Revision English 3 4:00am Key Stage 3 Bitesize Revision Maths As a gift, fancy buying us a new mouse?

7:00pm New Wedding Stories 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 9:00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Spaghetti Hoops 10:00pm Little Britain 10:30pm Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 11:05pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 11:35pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:35am American Dad 1:00am American Dad 1:20am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Spaghetti Hoops 2:15am New Wedding Stories 3:15am Kill It, Cook It, Eat It Unfortunately both TV Jazz and TV Marshall were busy with related tellyvision-esque tasks so I had to make up facts about them based loosely on what I already know... Fun Fact About The TV Desk #9: TV Jazz is the only one that owns an actual telly with an actual licence. She is a role model for us all. And TV Marshall is inadequate.

Go figure. He likes blowing into fans.

It’s ‘fun’.

7:00pm Planet Earth 8:00pm The World 8:30pm Cooking in the Danger Zone 9:00pm 54 10:30pm HR: An Appraisal 11:00pm Blondie: One Way Or Another Fun Fact About The TV Desk #10: TV Kyle fancies Debbie Harry. Brush up on your Blondie trivia if you want to win his heart. Which I'm sure you all aspire to do. Not only that, but if you fill out about seven Myspace questionnaires in one day, with lengthy yet witty responses, he'll probably ejaculate all over you. 12:15am Tight Spot: HR - An Appraisal 12:45am Cooking in the Danger Zone 1:15am Proms on Four 3:25am Tight Spot: HR - An Appraisal I hope this week you have all enjoyed our dazzling photos of Bald Britney. Here we would write a copyright sign, but we don’t know how to do it, as this is our first week using a mac. I watched a Britney Megamix Medley on Youtube last night. It was ace.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Emmerdale

The Bridal Path

Child In A Million

ITV1 3.00pm

C4 1.40pm

five 8.00pm

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders Hot Fuzz reminds me of Midsomer Murders if Simon Pegg and Nick Frost were the detectives. 3:00pm Emmerdale Confidential 3:30pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm The Truth About Size Zero 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Benidorm 11:30pm The Abbey Word association: Abbey National, Abi Titmuss, Farnborough Abbey. 12:00am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:05am The Jeremy Kyle Show 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News Fun Fact About The TV Desk #3: TV Jazz works on Xpress Radio. She plays stuff she likes. It's probably good. Join the other "seven people" who listen to it every Wednesday, and don't judge me for shamless plugging. She is also a proud and influential buttoneer; the Hot New Craze sweeping the nation. Other Crazes of 2007 so far include cow-tipping, tea-bagging, seagulling, wolf-bagging, water sports, nu-rave, Spidermanning, space docking, Simon Pegg and the new TV Desk.

6:00am The Cubeez 6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 10:30am The Play's the Thing 11:30am 21st Century Bard 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Supporting Acts Fun Fact About The TV Desk #4: TV Guy and TV Kyle are going to see The Arcade Fire. Electrelene are supporting. They like gigs and being music elitists. It must be tiring. 1:40pm The Bridal Path 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Preparing for the Worst 8:00pm Relocation, Relocation 9:00pm Grand Designs 10:00pm Desperate Housewives Fun Fact About The TV Desk #5: TV Fran has been down Wisteria Lane. It was the best day of her life.

11:05pm Curse of the Ice Mummy 12:05am My Chemical Romance: Video Exclusive 12:10am Goalissimo!

1:10am World Cup Skiing 3:15am Trans World Sport 4:10am Grudge Match 4:20am Hitler'sHolocaust Fun Fact About The TV Desk #6: TV Marshall has a fetish for cats who look like Hitler.

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures Of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:30pm Recipe for Revenge 3:30pm Columbo: Murder, Smoke and Shadows 5:30pm five news “Five no longer appears between four and six...” at this point, TV Marshall put his head in his hands and surrendered to the fact that he is no longer funny.

6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Out of Practice 7:00pm five news 7:15pm Lemur Island 8:00pm Child in a Million 9:00pm The Patriot 12:05am PartyPoker.com European Open III 1:35am NHL Ice Hockey 4:25am Football Argentina I ran out of facts. I thought six was quite good. So I opted for the easy option and asked the TV Desk to give me a fact about themselves. TV Guy's Fun Fact About The TV Desk #7 is that he is "hot". I had to ask TV Kyle three

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm Australian Princess 9:00pm A Few Good Men 11:30pm Coronation Street 12:00am Al Murray’s Happy Hour 1:00am Comedy Cuts 1:30am ITV Play: Glitterball 4:00am: Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music Zone 7:00am Hilary Swank Talkin' Frank 8:00am Gwen Stefani - A Few of My Favourite Things 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am Nothing but... Sugababes 11:00am Fresh Stuff 12:00pm Nothing but...

Brand New Boys 1:00pm Hilary Swank Talkin' Frank 2:05pm Switched 2:35pm One Tree Hill 3:35pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm Ugly Betty 10:00pm High School Dance 11:00pm Desperate Housewives 12:00am Scrubs 12:30am Scrubs 12:55am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 1:45am High School Dance 2:45am The War at Home 3:05am Desperate Housewives 3:50am One Tree Hill 4:35am Switched 4:55am Switched 5:15am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am 21st Century Bard 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 10:30am The Play's the Thing 11:30am Bobinogi 11:45am Bobinogi 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Bobinogi 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Falmai y Fuwch 1:15pm 3 Minute Wonder 1:20pm You Are What You Eat: Gillian Moves In 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Tair Slic 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Stwffio 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Rownd a Rownd 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Byd o Liw 9:00pm Caerdydd 10:00pm Relocation, Relocation

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02920 229977

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THURSDAY

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Comic Relief

Crufts 2007

Bonkers

Room for Improvement The Punisher

BBC1 7.00pm

BBC2 9.00pm

ITV1 9.00pm

C4 2.55pm

five 10.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:00pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Blue Peter 5:25pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy It’s lovely to see national treasures like Tara Palmer-Tomkinson and Shaun Williamson taking time out of their busy, busy schedules to devote their time to a good cause. There may be cynics out there who would suggest that they are riding the coattails of starving Africans to further their careers. I would remind these cynics that these starving Africans are in poverty and so don’t have coattails... let the show go on!

8:00pm EastEnders 8:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 9:00pm Hotel Babylon 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Dragon's Eye 11:05pm Question Time 12:05am This Week 12:55am As BBC1

7:00am CBBC:Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am Shaun the Sheep 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Underground Ernie After the Muppets finished Bert and Ernie broke off their relationship. Ernie became addicted to crystal meth and ended up as a rentboy on the streets of Brooklyn. He’s now in a rehab facility paid for by money he received from Jim Henson’s will. 10:30am Schools:Look and Read 10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am Primary Geography 11:10am English Express 11:40am Seasonal Snapshots 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:00pm Mind Your Own Business 1:45pm Animal Park 2:15pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm My Life as a Child 7:30pm Border Country with Iolo Williams 8:00pm Crufts 2007 9:00pm Fear, Stress and Anger 9:30pm Dead Ringers 10:00pm The Graham Norton Show 10:30pm Newsnight 11:20pm Big Welsh Joke 11:50pm Desi DNA 12:20am Seven Days 1:05am Joins BBC News 24

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am LK Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Emmerdale Confidential 3:30pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep Dale Winton (born 22 May 1955) is an English radio DJ and television presenter. He grew up in North London and attended Aldenham Public School in Hertfordshire. He began his DJ career in the clubs of London, before moving on to work professionally on the in-house broadcasting network at United Biscuits, where he had his own morning show broadcasting to the workforce. Contrary to popular belief, he is not married to Nell McAndrew; their ‘wedding’ was part of a spoof documentary for BBC Three called Dale's Wedding.

6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 8:00pm The Bill 9:00pm Bonkers 10:00pm Benidorm The tallest building in Spain, the Gran Hotel Bali, a fourstar hotel standing 186 metres high, is located in this city.

10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Hidden Loves 11:30pm Waterfront 12:00am Unsigned 12:30am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:10am Make Me Perfect 5:00am ITV Nightscreen

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am Frasier 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 10:30am The Play's the Thing 11:30am 21st Century Bard 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm For Whom the Bell Tolls I hope this isn’t to do with Metallica. 2:55pm Room for Improvement 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy Don’t play You Say We Pay, this gruesome twosome steal your money and spend it on fake tans and Dairy Milk.

6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:55pm 3 Minute Wonder: Preparing for the Worst 8:00pm 10 Years Younger 9:00pm The Great Global Warming Swindle 10:35pm The English Patient The English Patient is a 1996 film adaptation of the novel by Michael Ondaatje.

The film, directed by Anthony Minghella, won nine Academy Awards, including Best Picture. Ondaatje worked closely with the filmmakers to preserve his artistic vision, and has stated that he is happy with the film as an adaptation.

It stars Ralph Fiennes, thats pronounced Raif, not Ralph.

1:30am The Tie That Binds 3:15am Dispatches: Greenwash 4:10am Hitler's Holocaust

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig “I’ll give you a fact. Did you know? I don’t know - did you know that it’s physically impossible to die from an overdose of cannabis? Before you could smoke the required amount to OD, you’d lose all motor control and pass out.” 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm The Big Valley: Flight of the Lost Souls 3:40pm Out of the Woods 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris Which Chris? Is it Tarrant? Eubank? Evans?

Cringle? Tucker? Walken? Klein?

Morris? Columbus? Lawrence? De Burgh? Stone? Jericho? Waddle?

Martin? Columbus? Akabusi? Cornell?

Reeve? Robin? Perry? Coleman?

Multisante?

7:00pm five news 7:15pm Live UEFA Cup Football 10:00pm The Punisher 12:25am Football Night 1:25am Quiz Call 4:00am Football Argentina 5:00am Dutch Football This is fun, they don’t play in boots, they play in clogs!

7:00pm The Baby Borrowers Changed My Life 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 8:30pm EastEnders Scandals What’s a scandal is how many people watch this tosh.

That’s right... tosh! 9:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 10:00pm EastEnders 10:25pm EastEnders Scandals 10:55pm Help!

My Dog's as Fat as Me Something to do with Nicole Ritchie, perhaps?

11:55pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:25am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:55am Kill It, Cook It, Eat It 1:40am Help! My Dog's as Fat as Me 2:35am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 3:05am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps For all you obsessive TV pages fans the lovely picures on our front page were done by our very own budding artist TV Ben. He did them all by hand and has been working on them since we got this gig.

Neil Buchanan watch yo back!

7:00pm Sounds of the Sixties BORING 7:10pm The Avengers BORING 8:00pm The World BORING 8:30pm The Waiting Room BORING 9:00pm Nightmare in the City That Never Sleeps BORING 10:00pm Tight Spot: HR - An Appraisal BORING 10:30pm Al Franken - God Spoke: Storyville BORING 11:55pm Nightmare in the City That Never Sleeps BORING 12:55am Proms on Four BORING 3:00am Nightmare in the City That Never Sleeps BORING. My study has revealed that BBC4 is really really really boring.

Freeview is a crap, not crap, but a crap.

Did any of you kids go to Rubber Duck last night dressed as Porn Stars? I hope you are all suitably hungover and riddled with vicious, marauding, permanent STDs, and have last night’s vomit strewn over your attire which was probably either a fake moustache, ironic bling, PVC nurses outfit, or Playboy bunny get up.

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-GiOh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:20am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:10am Judge Judy 12:30pm Coronation Street 1:00pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm WAGs Boutique 9:00pm 2 Fast 2 Furious 11:05pm Supernatural 12:05am Comedy Cuts 12:35am The Office: An American Workplace 1:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play 4:00am Teleshopping

6:00am E4 Music Zone 7:00am Scissor Sisters, Paper, Stone 8:00am Gwen Stefani - A Few of My Favourite Things 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am An Hour with Sugababes 11:00am Fresh Gigs 12:00pm Nothing but... Future Females 1:00pm Scissor Sisters, Paper, Stone 2:00pm Switched 2:30pm One Tree Hill 3:30pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Skins 11:00pm Get over It 12:40am Scrubs 1:10am Scrubs 1:35am Smallville: Superman the Early Years 2:20am Skins 3:20am The War at Home 3:40am One Tree Hill 4:25am Switched 4:45am Switched 5:05am Switched 5:30am Switched

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 9:00am 21st Century Bard 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 10:30am The Play's the Thing 11:30am Campyfan 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach:Tomos A'i Ffrindiau 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Meees! 1:15pm Proud Parents: Paul Rankin 1:25pm Time Team 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant:Y Fet a Fi 4:20pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Sioe Gwobrau Mawr 4:50pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Stwffio 7:00pm Wedi 7 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Gwragedd Rygbi 9:00pm Pawb a'i Farn 10:00pm Grand Designs 11:30pm The Great Global Warming Swindle

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

62 Crwys Road, Cardiff,CF24 4NN

02920 229977

38 gairrhydd

FRIDAY

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Diagnosis Murder

Eggheads

BBC1 2.35pm

BBC2 6.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 9:15am Beat the Bailiff 10:00am Escape to the Country I don't care if Monday’s blue/ Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too/ Thursday I don't care about you/ It's Friday I’m in love 11:00am Living in the Sun 11:45am Cash in the Attic 12:15pm Bargain Hunt 1:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:30pm Regional News and Weather 1:40pm Neighbours 2:05pm Doctors 2:35pm Diagnosis Murder 3:20pm BBC News; Weather; Regional News 3:25pm CBBC:Arthur 3:45pm Shaun the Sheep 4:00pm Whizz Whizz Bang Bang 4:30pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 5:00pm Beat the Boss Comic Relief Special 5:30pm Newsround 5:35pm Neighbours 6:00pm BBC News and Weather 6:30pm Wales Today; Weather 7:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 8:00pm EastEnders 9:00pm Castaway 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:35pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 11:05pm The BBC One Sessions 12:00am Amityville II: the Possession 1:35am Xchange 3:25am Joins BBC News 24 This week TV Marshall was too lazy to write his own bits so here I am ruining his day. I’d like to add that he is a simpleton. Both TV Kyle and TV Jazz are enjoying his use of Cure lyrics.

Reading ahead, he later uses S Club 7, which is less impressive.

6:00am CBeebies:Fimbles 6:20am The Story Makers 6:40am Balamory 7:00am CBBC:Comic Relief Does Fame Academy on CBBC 7:30am Wonderful World of Weird 8:15am Shaun the Sheep 8:30am CBeebies:Brum 8:40am Tweenies Monday you can fall apart; Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart; Oh Thursday doesn’t even start; It’s Friday I’m in love. 9:00am Doodle Do 9:20am Lunar Jim 9:30am Something Special 9:45am Numberjacks 10:00am Nina and the Neurons 10:15am Jackanory Junior 10:30am Schools:Razzledazzle 10:50am Words and Pictures 11:00am Starship 11:20am Focus Substance Misuse 11:40am See You, See Me - Vikings in Scotland 12:00pm The Daily Politics 12:30pm Working Lunch 1:30pm Accidents Can Happen 2:15pm Castle in the Country 3:15pm Sudo-Q 3:45pm Flog It! 4:30pm Ready Steady Cook 5:15pm The Weakest Link 5:55pm Party Conference Broadcast 6:00pm Eggheads 6:30pm Masterchef Goes Large 7:00pm Fat Man Thin 7:30pm A New Year at Kew 8:00pm Crufts 2007 9:00pm The Wild West 10:00pm The Grumpy Guide to Design 10:30pm Newsnight 11:00pm Newsnight Review 11:35pm Kaiser Chiefs: Live at Doncaster Are a bag of wank. Fact. And we’re poncey elitists. 12:20am Seven Days 1:05am Star Trek 1:55am Star Trek

7:00pm Doctor Who 7:50pm BBC3 Outtakes 2006 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 9:00pm Little Britain 9:30pm Tittybangbang2 10:00pm Castaway Exposed 10:35pm EastEnders 11:35pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 12:30am Family Guy 12:50am Family Guy 1:15am Tittybangbang2 1:45am Castaway Exposed 2:20am BBC3 Outtakes 2006 2:50am Fat Men Can't Hunt 1 can make a party; 2 is not enough to get down; 3 you'll still get lonely, cos tonight's the night for crowds; You can make it better; We can help a little bit too; Us and you together there ain't nothin we can't do; Help us get this started (‘Cause it's time to call your friends) Everyone's excited; (Cos it's Friday night again) We'll spend the whole time groovin' (Just like we do) ‘Cause what we really like; Is to party on Friday night

7:00pm Hock Hiap Leong 7:10pm Hitler and the Wagner Clan 8:00pm The World 8:30pm The Old Grey Whistle Test: Blondie 9:00pm New York Rock at the BBC 10:00pm Once Upon a Time in New York 11:00pm Never Mind the Full Stops 11:30pm The Avengers 12:20am New York Rock at the BBC 1:20am Proms on Four 2006 3:15am Once Upon a Time in New York Monday, Tuesday come and go; Wednesday, Thursday sometimes slow; Friday comes, just like a dream; We'll party until it's time to leave; Monday, Tuesday come and go; Wednesday, Thursday sometimes slow/ Friday comes, just like a dream; We'll party until it's time to leave. ‘Cause we’ve still got shitloads of space, we’re going to type random stuff once more. TV Kyle and Jazz are correcting the multiple mis-spellings of random. Rock & Roll.

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60 Minute Makeover

Ugly Betty

Prison Break

ITV1 4.10am

C4 9.00pm

five 12.00am

6:00am GMTV Newshour 6:58am GMTV Today 8:35am Entertainment Today 9:25am The Jeremy Kyle Show 10:30am This Morning 12:30pm Loose Women 1:30pm ITV Lunchtime News; Weather Dressed up to the eyes; It's a wonderful surprise; To see your shoes and your spirits rise 2:00pm Midsomer Murders 3:00pm Emmerdale Confidential 3:30pm Dancing on Ice Exclusive 3:55pm Kavanagh QC 5:30pm Dale's Supermarket Sweep 6:00pm Wales Tonight 6:30pm ITV Evening News; Weather 7:00pm Emmerdale 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Florida Beached: Tonight Beached: Tonight 8:30pm Airline 9:00pm Rebus 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 11:00pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 12:05am ITV Play: Make Your Play Throwing out your frown; And just smiling at the sound; And as sleek as a shriek; Spinning round and round; Always take a big bite; It's such a gorgeous sight; To see you in the middle of the night; You can never get enough; Enough of this stuff; It's Friday; I'm in love 4:10am 60 Minute Makeover 60 minutes is no miracle honey, Britney will do it for you in 60 seconds. Ever seen the film Gone in 60 Seconds? Yeah, that was about Britney.

Obviously. 5:00am ITV Nightscreen 5:30am ITV Early Morning News

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs Help us get this started; Everyone's excited; We'll spend the whole time groovin'; ’Cause what we really like Is to party on Friday night 7:00am Freshly Squeezed 7:30am Friends 8:00am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am Frasier 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 11:00am The Play's the Thing 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm The Gunfight at Dodge City 1:55pm Room for Improvement 2:25pm A Place in the Sun 3:30pm Countdown 4:15pm Deal or No Deal 5:00pm Richard and Judy 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Hollyoaks 7:00pm Channel 4 News 7:35pm The Insider: Bring Back the Orphanage 1 can make a party; 2 is not enough to get down; 3 you'll still get lonely, cos tonight's the night for crowds; You can make it better; We can help a little bit too Us and you together there ain't nothin we can't do 8:00pm A Place in the Sun: Home or Away 9:00pm Ugly Betty 10:00pm The Charlotte Church Show 10:50pm Balls of Steel 11:35pm Deception 1:30am 4 Music:JD Set: The Holloways 1:45am 4 Music:4Play: Tilly and the Wall 1:55am 3 Minute Wonder: Best of FourDocs 2:05am World Cup Snowboard 4:10am Proud Parents

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Bird Bath 6:45am Hi-5 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky Help us get this started (Cos it's time to call your friends) Everyone's excited (‘Cause it's Friday night again) We'll spend the whole time groovin' (Just like we do) ‘Cause what we really like; Is to party on Friday night 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Fifi and the Flowertots 8:15am Peppa Pig 8:25am Thomas & Friends 8:40am Titch 8:50am Mio Mao 9:00am The Wright Stuff 10:30am Trisha Goddard 11:30am five news 12:00pm Home and Away 12:30pm BrainTeaser 1:40pm Neil Simon's London Suite 3:40pm Gracie's Choice 5:30pm five news 6:00pm Home and Away 6:30pm Everybody Hates Chris 7:00pm five news 7:30pm Mean Machines Schools out now it's time to play (na na na na na) Weekends come like a holiday (na na na na na) Best thing is now I got my crew (na na na na na) And if you want you can join us too (na na na na na) 8:00pm Clash of the River Giants 9:00pm NCIS 10:00pm Law and Order: Criminal Intent 11:00pm Point Break: Celebrities off the Rails 12:00am Prison Break 1:00am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Mopatop's Shop 6:25am Engie Benjy 6:35am Pocoyo 6:50am Fun Song Factory 7:00am Winx Club 7:25am Transformers Cybertron 7:55am Yu-Gi-Oh! GX 8:25am Biker Mice from Mars 8:55am Sonic Underground 9:25am Coronation Street 9:55am Emmerdale 10:55am The Oprah Winfrey Show 11:40am Judge Judy 12:00pm Coronation Street 12:30pm Emmerdale 1:30pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 2:35pm The Jeremy Kyle Show 3:40pm The Ricki Lake Show 4:30pm Sally Jessy Raphael 5:15pm Airline USA 5:45pm Judge Judy 7:00pm Smallville 8:00pm ITV at the Movies 8:30pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 9:00pm American Idol 10:00pm American Idol 11:00pm American Idol 12:00am Haunted Homes 1:00am Coronation Street

6:00am E4 Music Zone 7:00am Lilly Allen - All Smiles 8:00am Gwen Stefani - A Few of My Favourite Things 9:00am Tunes You Love 10:00am E4 Music Zone 11:00am Fresh Films 12:00pm Nothing but... Return of the Mac (Daddies) 1:00pm Lilly Allen - All Smiles 2:00pm Switched 2:25pm One Tree Hill 3:25pm Smallville: Superman the Early Years 4:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm Scrubs 6:30pm Scrubs 7:00pm Hollyoaks 7:30pm The War at Home 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm My Name Is Earl 9:30pm Peep Show 10:00pm I Still Know What You Did Last Summer 11:55pm Scrubs 12:25am Scrubs 12:55am The War at Home 1:25am I Still Know What You Did Last Summer 3:10am Desperate Housewives 3:55am One Tree Hill 4:35am Switched 4:55am Switched 5:20am Switched

8:30am Everybody Loves Raymond 8:55am 3 Minute Wonder: War Torn 9:00am 21st Century Bard 9:30am Ballet Changed My Life: Ballet Hoo! 11:00am The Play's the Thing 12:00pm News at Noon 12:30pm Planed Plant Bach:Dwdlam 12:45pm Planed Plant Bach: Penblwydd Pwy 1:00pm Planed Plant Bach:Rala Rwdins 1:15pm Mesh 1:20pm A Place in the Sun 2:25pm Deal or No Deal 3:10pm Countdown 4:00pm Planed Plant (4.005.00):Bywyd Cudd Sabrina 4:25pm Planed Plant (4.00-5.00):Teledu Eddie 4:50pm Planed Plant:Ffeil 5:00pm Richard and Judy 5:55pm Party Conference Broadcast 6:00pm The Simpsons 6:30pm Uned 5 7:25pm Darllediad Cynadleddol: Democratiaid Rhyddfrydol 7:30pm Newyddion 8:00pm Pobol y Cwm 8:25pm Tipit 9:00pm Jonathan 10:00pm Gwragedd Rygbi 10:30pm Caerdydd 11:30pm The Charlotte Church Show

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39

SATURDAY

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Casualty

The Ring Cycle

CITV: Tricky Quickies

Hitler’s Holocaust

All Dogs Go To Heaven II

BBC1 8:45pm

BBC2 9:30pm

ITV1 9.50am

Channel 4 4.25am

five 4.40pm

6:00am Breakfast 8:40am Comic Relief Does Fame Academy 10:00am Saturday Kitchen 11:30am Bill's Food 12:00pm BBC News; Weather 1:00pm Six Nations Rugby 5:20pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:30pm Match of the Day Live 7:30pm To Be Announced 8:30pm The National Lottery: Saturday Draws This weeks lottery numbers are going to be 9, 15, 25, 29, 37, 47 and the all important bonus ball is number 23! Better go and get a ticket. 8:45pm Casualty I reckon this programs a bit good. I used to watch it with my mum and then go to parks and drink White Lightning and cheap vodka.

Those were the days.

10:00pm BBC News; Weather 10:25pm Match of the Day 11:40pm Film To Be Announced 1:15am Joins BBC News 24 This bloody Thursday has almost been the death of me. You lot in readerland ought to be damn thankful that I just didn’t bother, and went to bed which is calling me as we speak. Also, it’s T Guy’s birthday, and he’s spent nearly 7 hours in a sweaty room staring at a fickering screen for your benefit. Quite frankly, we deserve nothing more than a knighthood. I’m really struggling for space now so I’m literally typing whatever words arrive in my head. Quark Express is confusing, and even though Macs look quite cool, they are wank.

Why can’t I go home? I want a Frijj milkshake. I don’t have a single orange tshirt or jumper. I hate Enter Shikari.

6:00am Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am To Be Announced 7:25am To Be Announced 7:40am To Be Announced 8:00am Arthur 8:25am Bernard 8:30am Mortified 8:40am To Be Announced 11:30am Moto GP 1:00pm To Be Announced 2:20pm The Sky at Night 2:40pm Film To Be Announced 4:10pm TOTP 2 Here's another program which I like to watch, I don't know what's wrong with me today. Top of the pops 2 is better than the normal one because not only do you get to listen to a better era of pop music, but you also get to have a giggle at the fashion of old. 4:45pm Final Score TV Kyle supports Newcastle, they're not very good but we have “the best fans in the world”. Don't we TV Guy? 5:00pm Meerkat Manor 5:25pm The Enemy Below 7:00pm Crufts 2007 8:30pm Dragons’ Den 9:30pm Wagner’s Ring Cycle 2:00am Film To Be Announced 3:50am Joins BBC News 24 More horrific large gaping spaces to fill, and I’m so tired that I can’t even be arsed to make a poor sexual innuendo. More things from the brain of TV Marshall. Socks are nice. I haven’t had a Frey Bentos pie in ages. Uni Hall should be moved onto the site wherever Mechanic Engineering is, because I assume it’s some kind of Maths and that bores me, and it would mean that I wouldn’t have to wait for the pissing bus every day. Listen to Girls Aloud x

6:00am Fun Song Factory 6:10am Engie Benjy 6:20am Pocoyo 6:35am Dora the Explorer 6:55am Mickey Mouse Clubhouse 7:25am Lilo and Stitch 7:50am SpongeBob SquarePants 8:10am Emperor's New School 8:35am Kim Possible 9:10am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:25am CITV:Horrid Henry 9:35am CITV:Bel's Boys 9:50am CITV:Tricky Quickies 10:00am CITV:Art Attack 10:20am CITV:The Amazing Adrenalini Brothers 10:30am CITV:Drake and Josh 11:00am CITV:King Arthur's Disasters 11:30am Coastal Kitchen 12:00pm Saturday Cooks Live 1:00pm ITV News; Weather 1:35pm ITV Wales News and Weather 1:40pm American Idol 2:40pm The Crocodile Hunter Diaries 3:35pm Agatha Christie's Dead Man's Folly 5:00pm Local News and Weather 5:15pm ITV News; Sports Results; Weather 5:20pm ITV Wales News and Weather 5:35pm Itv News 5:48pm ITV Weather 5:50pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 6:20pm Dancing On Ice 7:20pm Primeval 8:20pm Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

9:20pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 9:50pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 10:45pm Al Murray's Happy Hour 10:50pm ITV Weekend News 11:03pm ITV Weather 11:04pm Regional Weather

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line Instructions on the best ways to enjoy class A drugs with your breakfast. 8:55am T4:Friends 9:30am T4:Musicool A more accurate description of this is probably T4:musicbad.

But what do I know? I've been listening to Kelly Clarkson's 'Breakaway' on repeat for nearly a whole day. 10:30am T4:Popworld Does Simon Amstell still do this? If he does then it's probably still very good. 11:20am T4:Friends 11:50am To Be Announced 12:25pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:55pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 4:10pm A Place in the Sun Revisited 4:45pm Deal or No Deal Classic 5:30pm Monarchy with David Starkey 6:30pm Channel 4 News 7:00pm Born Survivor: Bear Grylls 8:00pm Bremner, Bird and Fortune 9:00pm Gosford Park 11:35pm The House of Mirth 2:10am To Kill a King 4:05am To Be Announced 4:25am Hitler's Holocaust This might be interesting, but you’re probably better off just enjoying this weeks fudge tunnel instead. 5:25am Countdown More ramblings of a madman. Recycling is for dullards. Bring back Thundercats. Betty Rubble is fit.

Stop giving me my fucking flyers, and also don’t look at me as if I’ve pissed on your kids if I immediately screw it up and drop it on the floor. Words are fun. This mouse is gash. Fudge. xxx

6:00am Sunrise 6:55am Franklin 7:25am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:35am Peppa Pig 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:30am Rupert Bear 8:45am Rupert Bear In this program animals are seen sporting sweater vests and knitted scarves. How do you expect children to learn anything about the world if this the kind of crap they're being fed? I fucking hate Rupert Bear and all that he stands for. Dickhead.

9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am Don't Blame the Koalas 10:00am No Girls Allowed This programme is nearly the name of one of TV Marshall's favourite bands. Instead, it's the slogan of one of his favourite 'foods'.

1:00am Xcalibur 11:35am The Gadget Show 12:25pm To Be Announced 12:35pm The Sting II 2:30pm Housekeeping 4:40pm All Dogs Go to Heaven II 6:05pm To Walk with Lions 8:00pm five news and sport 8:15pm NCIS 9:10pm CSI:NY 10:10pm Law and Order 11:10pm Grey's Anatomy 12:10am Grey's Anatomy 1:10am Quiz Call 5:35am Wildlife SOS Fuck off TV Fran.

Fuck Off TV Fran. Fuck Off TV Fran.

Fuck Off TV Fran. Fuck Off TV Fran.

Fuck Off TV Fran. Fuck Off TV Fran.

Fuck off TV Fran. Fuck off TV Fran. Fuck off TV Fran. Fuck off TV Fran. Fuck off TV Fran. Fuck off TV Fran.

7:00pm BBC3 Outtakes 2006 These are clips from programs that didn't quite make it onto BBC3. To be fair it's always such a fantastic schedule and it's not as if they show repeats of shit sitcoms which could easily be sacrificed. 2006 7:10pm Eaten Alive 7:40pm Top Gear 8:40pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 9:50pm Little Britain 10:20pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 11:20pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:50pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 12:20am EastEnders Scandals 12:50am Little Britain 1:20am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:50am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:20am Help! My Dog's as Fat as Me I'm sorry, but I still can't get over this. The title of this program is so good that I don't even care that Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps is on four fucking times. In fact, I'll actually sit and...(SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIP!!!!)

7:00pm To Be Announced 7:05pm The Mill on the Floss 9:00pm The Year in Chat: 1997 10:00pm Hotel 10:30pm Face I think BBC4 could take a leaf out of BBC3's book when it comes to naming their programmes. Hotel? Face? It's all a bit uninspiring. Can I suggest combining the two to create “Help! My Face's as Fat as a Hotel”? Ok, so you'd be hard pushed to find somebody with a face that fat, but the title is catchy and at least somebody is going to read it and tune in. 12:10am The Year in Chat: 1997 1:10am Proms on Four 2006 3:10am The Year in Chat: 1997 Words. I need more bloody words. Well, it’ll probably have broken over the weekend, but I have it on a very good source that Charlotte Church is preggo. Bearing in mind this is written on what will be last Thursday, I am a gossip genius, so kiss my cleft Victoria Newton you ageing, lying, faux-goth harpy.

6:00am Ni Ni's Treehouse 7:20am MacDonald's Farm 8:25am Mags and Mo 8:30am Bug Alert! 8:50am The Wheels on the Bus 9:00am Teleshopping 9:25am Emmerdale Omnibus 12:35pm Coronation Street Omnibus 3:00pm Holiday Showdown 4:00pm Australian Princess 4:50pm ITV at the Movies 5:20pm Smallville 6:20pm Smallville 7:20pm Australian Princess 8:20pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted 9:20pm Harry Hill's TV Burp 9:50pm Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 10:20pm Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot 12:05am Dancing On Ice 1:05am Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 1:35am Dancing on Ice: Defrosted Results 2:00am ITV Play: Make Your Play 3:15am Emmerdale Omnibus My Dutch mate gave me some amazing waffles in Latvia. This isn’t a drugs reference, he actually did.

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm 4Music Presents... 2:30pm Hollyoaks 5:00pm Friends 5:30pm Friends 6:00pm The Simple Life: Interns 6:30pm Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 7:00pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 8:00pm Friends 8:30pm Friends 9:00pm To Be Announced 12:00am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 1:00am The 100 Greatest TV Ads 4:00am The Simple Life: Interns 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched I bought some bright socks from Top Man the other day, they are comfy, but they feel a bit cheap. TV Jazz on the other hand seems to know more about this than me, so I’ll hand you over to her for her expert opinion. In my sock collection red and pink socks prevail, lovely fine knit, wash well and smile inducing. Good times, although of late i’m rather enjoying metallics. And I even have a pair of cashmere blend ones. Mad fer it!

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am The Hoobs 7:00am Goalissimo! 8:00am The Morning Line 8:55am To Be Announced 9:10am Friends 9:40am Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 10:10am Cynhadledd y Democratiaid Rhyddfrydol 12:10pm The OC 1:05pm Beauty and the Geek 2:00pm Channel 4 Racing 3:00pm Y Clwb Rygbi Rhyngwladol 5:40pm Deal or No Deal 6:25pm Location, Location, Location 6:55pm Newyddion a Chwaraeon 7:10pm Y Clwb Pel-Droed 7:45pm Hwyl y Noson Lawen 8:15pm Codi Canu 9:00pm Tywysogion 10:00pm Gosford Park 12:20am Bremner, Bird and Fortune 1:20am The 50 Greatest TV Dramas 4:05am KOTV Also on the sock front, patterns!

You can’t knock a good print or pattern.

I’m told TV Kyle’s dad owns musical socks, Christmas themed to be exact.

What an inspiration to us all. I think we can learn a lot from socks that play Jingle Bells. Let’s all take a moment.

20% student discount on all pizzas and starters Every second pizza half price Call in store for our take away deals

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40 gairrhydd

SUNDAY

MARCH.05.2007 TV@gairrhydd.COM

Demolition Dad

Trans Channel 4 6.35am

Gene Detective

Animal Park

American Idol

BBC1 1.40am

BBC2 12.00pm

ITV1 1.00pm

6:00am Breakfast 7:35am Match of the Day 9:00am Sunday AM 10:00am Heaven and Earth with Gloria Hunniford 11:00am Countryfile 12:00pm The Politics Show 2:30pm Six Nations Rugby 2:55pm To Be Announced 4:00pm To Be Announced 5:15pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 5:40pm Match of the Day Live 8:00pm To Be Announced 9:00pm To Be Announced 10:00pm BBC News; Regional News; Weather 10:15pm To Be Announced 10:45pm 3lbs 11:30pm Film To Be Announced 12:10am Sign Zone:Antiques Roadshow 1:10am Sign Zone:Bill's Food 1:40am Sign Zone:Gene Detectives 2:25am Joins BBC News 24 This is a fairly exciting week for the TV Desk. It's our first week of actually attempting to do this all by ourselves without the expert help of former-TV Gareth as he jaunts off on the yellow brick road to success. So basically, sorry if it's shit. Football stickers were great. Sorry, ARE great. there is no feeling quite like opening a packet and finding a shiny. Equally there is nothing quite as crushing as finding out that you’ve got another fucking Gary Neville. In fact this burst of nostalgia has inspired me to buy some wham bars, those bracelets that snap round your wrist and a yo-yo. X Brains were clearly the best and I reckon I could still do a mean ‘walking the dog’.

6:00am CBeebies:Balamory 6:20am Tweenies 6:40am Big Cook Little Cook 7:00am CBBC:Scooby-Doo 7:30am Smile 10:00am Something for the Weekend 11:30am Planet Food 12:00pm Animal Park 12:30pm Film To Be Announced 2:00pm Star Trek: The Next Generation 2:15pm EastEnders Omnibus 4:35pm Songs of Praise 5:10pm Masterchef Goes Large 5:15pm As BBC2 5:40pm Scrum V 5:45pm Secret Gorillas of Mondika 6:10pm Natural World 7:00pm Crufts 2007 9:00pm The Trap: What Happened to Our Dream of Freedom 10:00pm As BBC2 2:35am Film To Be Announced 4:00am Joins BBC News 24 I've just noticed the amount of "To Be Announced"'s that are gracing Sunday's page. I have no idea why this is. Perhaps it'll be the return of something spectacular, like Noel's House Party or Mork and Mindy. Yes, I do like that show. Fuck off whichever TV Desk person said it was shit. So's your face.

Another thing that is both old and ace, is the pog. Pogs were amazing and those massive ones. I think they were called slammers, were amazing, and really hurt when you linged them across the classroom and twatted the class geek/nerd/simpleton. Pogs were shortly banned at my school, among other such fads as tamagotchis, yoyos and paperclips & elastic bands, bizarrely. I also found that desk tidys were also used in various brutal ways.

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:25am House of Mouse 7:50am Totally Spies! 8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:10am Oban Star Racers 9:25am CITV:Mr Bean: The Animated Series 9:35am CITV:Feodor 9:45am CITV: Curious George 9:55am CITV:Pocoyo 10:05am CITV:Jim Jam and Sunny 10:28am CITV:Jim Jam and Sunny 10:30am Soccer Sunday 11:30am The Sunday Edition with Andrew Rawnsley and Andrea Catherwood 12:23pm Itv News 12:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 12:35pm Planet's Funniest Animals 1:00pm American Idol 2:00pm American Idol I will always be grateful to them for giving the world Kelly Clarkson. 3:00pm Dancing On Ice 4:00pm Dancing on Ice - The Skate Off 4:30pm Primeval 5:30pm F1 Preview (Lewis Hamilton Doc) 6:30pm ITV Wales News and Weather 6:35pm PCB by the Welsh Liberal Democrats Party 6:45pm ITV News; Weather 7:00pm Coronation Street Family Album 7:30pm Coronation Street 8:00pm Wild at Heart 9:00pm Taggart: Pt 1 10:30pm ITV News; Weather 10:45pm Victoria Wood: A South Bank Show Special 11:45pm The South Bank Show 12:45am The Moral Of The Story 1:15am ITV Play: Glitterball.

Spot the rhymes on ITV today.

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am Trans World Sport 7:30am Velux 5 Oceans 8:00am World Cup Skiing 8:55am T4:Popworld There's nothing quite like Popworld on a Sunday. Even if Simon whateverhisnameis is an actual twat.

9:40am T4:Hollyoaks Omnibus 12:10pm T4:Shipwrecked 2007: The Hut Cam Diaries 12:45pm T4:Musicool 1:45pm T4:Gareth Gates: Video Exclusive How absolutely excellent. Just when we all thought we were safe. 1:50pm T4:Beauty and the Geek 2:50pm T4: The OC Today in a lovely TV Desk meeting, me and TV Guy decided that when The OC finishes on UK tellyvision, we will do it a spiffing farewell. It's tragic. I shall miss Peter Gallagher's eyebrows more than words can describe. 3:50pm T4:Ugly Betty 4:50pm Deal or No Deal 5:35pm Time Team 6:35pm Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 7:40pm Channel 4 News 8:00pm The Last Slave 9:00pm My Big Fat Greek Wedding 10:40pm Amelie Watch this.

12:50am 4 Music:O2 Wireless Festival 1:55am 4 Music:4Play: Howling Bells & this. 2:10am To Be Announced 2:55am Velux Leading on from my previous Kelly Clarkson praising comments, I’d just like to point out that I still prefer *Nsync. Those boys are songwriting geniuses. In recent *Nsync news; Lance Bass split with his boyf and Justin Trousersnake defended Britney’s foxy new look

6:00am Tickle, Patch and Friends 6:25am Old Bear Stories 6:35am Sailor Sid 6:40am Bird Bath 6:50am Franklin 7:20am Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends 7:30am The Adventures of Bottle Top Bill and His Best Friend Corky 7:45am Make Way for Noddy 8:00am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:15am Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs 8:30am Rupert Bear 8:45am Rupert Bear 9:00am Jane and the Dragon 9:30am What Makes Me Happy 1.

Chocolate hobnobs. 2. Adam Brody. 3. eBay. 4. American TV. Something currently bound to get me in an excellent mood is pictures of Bald Britney and listening to *Nsync. Undoubtedly THE best boyband of the 90s. 9:45am Demolition Dad 10:00am Round the Twist 10:30am A Different Life 11:00am Billie, Girl of the Future 11:35am RAD: The Groms Tour the Baltics 12:05pm Rooted 12:35pm Revelations 1:10pm five news update 1:15pm Divine Designs 1:45pm Mutiny on the Bounty 5:05pm five news and sport 5:15pm Hook Oooohh.

Funny wigs, Robin Williams, and a lot of small children. Film of the week.

8:00pm Grey's Anatomy 9:00pm Grey's Anatomy 10:00pm Enough Starring Jennifer Lopez in yet another Oscar-worthy performance.

12:15am Seniors Golf: Nelson Mandela Invitational 1:05am Seniors Golf: Nashua Masters 1:55am Adventure Triathlon 2:20am UEFA Cup

7:00pm Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Spaghetti Hoops 8:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 9:00pm New Wedding Stories 10:00pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 10:30pm Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 11:00pm Comic Relief Does Fame Academy On Three 12:00am New Wedding Stories 1:00am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 1:30am Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps 2:00am Torchwood has one reedeming quality and one only; it’s filmed in Cardiff. Acezzzz. 2:50am Freaky Eaters: Addicted to Spaghetti Hoops An addiction to spaghetti hoops isn't exactly what I'd term "freaky". I'd more call it BBC3 clutching at straws.

What a shocker. In other BBC3 related news, prizes for who can guess what their favourite show is. Clue: it's repeated over and over and over and over. Like a monkey with a miniature cymbal.

7:00pm EastEnders: Ricky and Bianca "Rickaaaaaaaayyyyy." The most high-pitched, overused EastEnders quote ever. Statiscally proven. And she was fuck ugly. 7:30pm Full Circle with Michael Palin 8:20pm Trouble at the Top 9:00pm 1997: A Year on TV 10:00pm Bright Hair 12:05am 1997: A Year on TV Ellen comes out. 10 years later she's presenting the Oscars. How very liberal and hip.

Elsewhere in '97, The Simpsons reaches its ninth season, Princess Diana took up a fuck load of air time, Beverly Hills 90210 was still around, and Titanic spawned teenage wet dreams everywhere, aswell as lots of Oscars and bundles of cash. 1:05am Proms on Four 2006 My Prom was one of the most disappointing milestone childhood experiences I have experienced.

16 year olds, vomit and small cleavages don’t mix.

3:10am 1997: A Year on TV

6:00am The Sunday Programme 7:25am House of Mouse Obvious Dangermouse rip-off. 7:50am Totally Spies! 8:15am Yin Yang Yo! 8:30am SpongeBob SquarePants 9:10am Oban 9:25am Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? 10:25am Harry Hill's TV Burp 10:55am Emmerdale Omnibus 2:00pm Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot This could've been written about my mum. She's a female Jack Bauer.

And everybody knows he's invincible.

He should've died at least 6 times already. Speaking of, I found some excellent "Jack Bauer wouldn't stand for this shit" t-shirts today. It's funny cos it's true. 3:30pm Coronation Street Omnibus 6:00pm American Idol 7:00pm American Idol 8:00pm American Idol 9:00pm Supernatural 10:00pm True Lies 12:45am Coronation Street

6:00am E4 Music Zone 2:00pm Popworld 3:00pm Playing it Straight 4:00pm Friends 4:30pm Friends 5:00pm Switched Up! 6:00pm The OC 7:00pm Friends 7:30pm Friends 8:00pm Ugly Betty 9:00pm ER 10:00pm Desperate Housewives 11:00pm Skins 12:00am Switched Up! 12:50am Playing it Straight 1:45am Skins 2:45am Popworld 3:30am My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss 4:30am Switched 5:00am Switched 5:30am Switched To continue my decidedly pop music/*Nsync/boyband shaped theme this week, I suggest you indulge in some FutureSex/LoveSounds this week, as it has in fact brainwashed me and all my friends. It might be Justin’s smooth moves, his way with the A List lady’s or his supposed huge cock, but boy, that man’s highly addictive. His catchy use of combining words a.k.a “LoveStoned” is also admirable.

Justin Timberlake: I salute you.

Amen brotha.

6:10am The Hoobs 6:35am Trans World Sport 7:30am Velux 5 Oceans 8:00am World Cup Skiing 8:55am Hollyoaks Omnibus 11:30am Shipwrecked 2007: Battle of the Islands 12:30pm Yr Wythnos 1:00pm Maniffesto 1:30pm Rownd a Rownd 2:00pm Rownd a Rownd 2:30pm To Be Announced 2:45pm A Place in the Sun 3:45pm A Place in the Sun 4:45pm Byd o Liw 5:15pm Newyddion 5:20pm Pobol y Cwm Omnibws 7:15pm Codi Canu 8:00pm Dechrau Canu Dechrau Canmol 9:00pm Cowbois ac Injans 10:00pm Newyddion 10:15pm My Big Fat Greek Wedding 11:55pm Private Benjamin 12:20am 100 Greatest Sex Symbols 4:00am The Insider And that concludes the tellyvision listings for this week young folks. I hope we have not let you down in the noticable absence of the one, the only, the amazing ex-TV Gareth and only hope you will come back again next week. Peace x <3

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PROBLEM PAGE

MARCH.05.2006 PROBLEMPAGE@gairrhydd.COM

The de Ville’s Advocate This Week: I’m every woman...

Overrrated/ Underrated I’ve taken it upon myself to sift through the minutiae of everyday life and select the very best and worst that the modern world has to offer. I’m fully aware that the television section offers a similar chart, but once upon a last year I used to write for that very section and am therefore entitled to steal their thunder. Not that I’m stealing, mind.

Overrated: Birds

Charity begins here Dear Grace, I’m keen to donate some money to charity. How am I ever going to decide who is most worthy of the meagre sum of money I can afford to stump up? I earn (on average) about £120 per month in addition to my student loan, so would be able to give around eight pounds of this to charity. Is this an acceptable amount?

Yours, Farah Second year English Literature Dear Farah,

I’ve recently been informed that I resemble a bird. This isn’t slang for a ladygirl; I apparently look just like a sparrow. It must be all those worms I eat with my big yellow bird beak. Note to self: trim feathers.

There’s just nothing endearing about a flying shit machine. Alfred was right: if they have their way they’ll peck us all to death.

And I don’t care what anyone says; “CockadoodleDON’T” isn’t a suitable safe word when par ticipating in sado-masochistic bird sex.

Underrated: Anal Beads

A door. A table. A FIST! It’s impossible to determine what you’ll end up with if you go to IKEA on a Sunday afternoon.

These Swedish fear mongers must be stopped NOW! Just forty pounds a month will aid the liberation of thousands of

did I know that he had an ulterior motive: he wanted to get into my wallet. Still, it worked and I ended up contributing eight pounds a month to children with bad heads, or something along those lines. Every time the bank attempted to withdraw the money from my empty account, I was charged £38 for insufficient funds. This spiralled into a pit of financial despair. I lived a life of extreme poverty, licking the tables in snack bars in order to satiate my raving hunger.

I literally have nothing apart from my body left to give, which has led me to an interesting solution: give blood – it’s free!

Please note: If you extract a vial of your own blood and send it to the NSPCC, they won’t necessarily be appreciative.

Big love, Grace xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dropout or Cop out?

Dear Grace, I’ve been considering dropping out of uni. It’s not that I don’t enjoy it; I just think that there’s not much point to it. I’ve been thinking about joining the armed forces or auxiliary nursing. I’m halfway through a degree in marine biology. My grades have been reasonably good so far. What shall I do?

Cheryl C. Dear Cheryl,

I’m no expert on anal beads, although I do have a necklace that looks suspiciously like it should be used for this kind of activity. This has, to my eternal chagrin, been pointed out to me on several occasions. I don’t wear the necklace anymore.

Your erstwhile editor expressed her concerns about the safety of indulging in sexual activity involving anal beads purchased abroad. Do they have the same manufacturing regulations in other countries? Is there a foreign British Standard Kite Mark? She’s highlighted an important concern: imperfections will dangerously chafe, and that’s never fun. The moral of the story? Buy your beads locally and protect the economy AND your sphincter. gair rhydd: bringing you the issues that REALLY matter.

short pencils kept in plastic boxes against their will. Don’t let the hurt continue – give away your hard earned cash today!

Where was I? Yes, charity is good. We should all ‘do’ more charity. But which one to choose? Do we help the kitten with scabies or the toddler with AIDS? Is the Rotary Club in Doncaster more deserving than The Centre for Town Criers with Thrush (CTCT)? It’s a bloody minefield out there. I’d advise you to avoid the clipboard wielding Death Eaters who infest every town centre like a plague of tabard-wearing lepers. They’re out to get you. Once the form is signed, they transform into Ursula the sea witch. Before you know it you’ve signed your voice away and you’ve got legs instead of the fetching fish tail you so lovingly moisturised every day.

One of these bastards once stopped me on the street to tell me that I had lovely eyes. Little

There’s no point pretending that everything is OK. Sometimes it only takes something miniscule to remind us how colla’ poppingly shit life really is. Here are some examples: 1) It could be the pop-up on your computer that reads: “Did Heather marry Paul for his money? Answer now for a FREE*

laptop!!!” Really? If I’d known it was this easy to score expensive computer equipment, I wouldn’t have worked twentythree hour shifts chicken plucking in a Bernard Matthews factory* for four months in order to save enough money for a battered Amstrad.

2) We’re often reminded of the futility of life by the extra strong hairspray that we’ve sprayed on our armpits after mistaking it for deodorant. You feel sticky all day, trust me.

3)Nadine Baggott (celebrity beauty editor). This woman makes me want to ingest a coma-inducing amount of pentapeptides.

Life isn’t going to get any better if you finish university.

Radical action must be taken.

The railway bridge between Sailsbury Road and Richmond road is a portal to another dimension – FACT. The other day

I observed a man carrying two umbrellas. Two umbrellas! At the same time! He must be an alien, or perhaps a little bit insane. And then a man pushing a large pram filled with meat veered dangerously off course when a wheel fell from his buggy. A little later, a troupe of grown men dressed as geriatric women strolled nonchalantly by.

They all DISAPPEARED as soon as they crossed the bridge.

Perhaps you could walk under the bridge and see where you end up?

Right, It was lovely to talk to you but it’s a full moon this evening and I’ve got a great deal of shaving to do. I suggest that you stick to full time education.

Or join the army. There isn’t much difference.

Grace xxx *This is a lie

Hello there. I hope you’re all fan-bloody-tastic this week. I’ve got no money and smell like a damp tea towel, but am otherwise hunkydory. Here are some questions for your consideration: What’s better, paper or cardboard? Would you rather be run over by a quadbike or French-kiss Justin Lee Collins? Are spectacles just close-up mirrors for really vain people who fancy their own eyes?? I look forward to reading your responses.

42gairrhydd

FIVE MINUTE FUN SUDOKU 1

A man’s beard grows fastest when anticipating sex.

Magee

The female bedbug has no flange vagina. To get around this dilemma, the male uses his curved penis to impale/ drill a vagina into the female.

Magoo facts...

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2

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7

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6 7

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8

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Laughing can burn off six calories a minute.

Ithyphallophobia is a morbid fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis.

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Pet Horoscopes

Do you turn into a poodle on the full moon? Then read on and find out your dog destiny for the next year.

Taurus You need space and lots of it and a variety of people in your life, so you are destined to disappear often. Remember, Houdini was an Arian, and you have learned his secrets well.

CROSSWORD 2

3 5

8

Maggie Thatcher Day is celebrated on January 10 in the Falkland Islands.

5

HOW TO PLAY SUDOKU: Close your eyes. Count to ten. Now open them and hope the magic rats have done it for you because you’ll never succeed. HA HA HA!

1

FMF@gairrhydd.COM

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MARCH.05.2007

Libra A very happy and productive year lies ahead. There will be much going on in the home and there is also the possibility of two offers for your paw in

4

6

10

Capricorn You strive for perfectionism and once trained you will be "perfect" at all you know and do. Getting you to that level will have its trials and tribulations, however, since you are only interested in those things which can be classified in the realm of dog reality.

Cancer You would do well on an archaeological dig since you work hard to dig for buried treasure, but thoroughly study the remains when found.

Aries You will get worms.

the hall of shame X X X X X R E B M U N T X E NEW T

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12 13

14 15 17

Scorpio You have green feet (yes, some have two left feet, but you have green feet!) Gardening is your passion and delight and you will spend hours of happiness digging in the garden although you aren't always good at discerning weeds from the perennials.

7

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marriage.

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Do stuff, store it, text us a photo

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20 21

23

22

25 26

ut blud Bang you o

ACROSS 1 Shaving implement (5) 5 Blunt criticism (8) 8 Window pane material (5) 10 Aristocrat (4) 11 Salt solution for preserving (5) 13 Running shoes (8) 14 Be sullen (4) 16 One of a pair (4) 17 Brawny (8) 21 Intense (5) 22 Soil (4) 24 Ben - - -, mountain (5) 25 English hill range (8) 26 Obscure, darken (5)

DOWN 1 Feel remorse (6) 2 British river (4) 3 Diving apparatus (5) 4 Clearly (9) 6 Governor, chief (5) 7 Modify slightly (5) 9 Finish steam bath (5) 12 Dried hemp leaves (9) 15 Oak fruit (5) 16 Vagrant (5) 18 Excessive (5) 19 Lifted (6) 20 Jeans fabric (5) 23 Inform (4)

Pissy

pants

Ever felt like your life is unsalvagable and you may as well just join a Kurdish drugs cartel?

Look to Jesus, he’s a pretty pretty pretty cool guy

Exhibit no. 68 - Jesus ‘ bludren’ Christ - The avenger.

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GRAB!

MARCH.05.2007 COMPETITIONS@gairrhydd.COM

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

Turning Japanese Ladies night T

HINGS ARE hottin’ up @ Zushi… More and more people are enjoying the delights of Wales’ first conveyor belt sushi & noodle bar.

If you are one of the uninitiated, then there has never been a better time to explore this unique eating experience.

Managing Director, Stephen Chan explains, “Since opening in 2004, we have seen sushi grow in popularity, with customers recognising that it’s different, healthy and fun! However, we are aware that the thought of eating raw fish to some isn’t appealing, so we are introducing noodle and other dishes to literally cater for other people’s tastes.

Furthermore, we are looking to create a more relaxed ambience, creating a ‘café’ feel. These improvements have been very posi-

W

E HAVE 4 tickets to give away for one lucky reader to see the starstudded, Vagina Monolgues at the Wales Millennium Centre!

Based on author Eve Ensler’s ‘Vagina Interviews’ conducted with women from all around the world, this hilariously witty and moving collection of tales give voice to a chorus of lusty, outrageous, poignant, brave and thoroughly human stories.

A staggering number of the world’s most famous & talented women, from Kate Winslet and Whoopi Goldberg to Sophie Dahl and Jerry Hall have chosen to take part in the show in New York, Los Angeles and London.

As sharp as Sex and the City, as unmissable as Friends and as funny as Smack the Pony, this riotous evening is the ultimate girls night out.

Glamorous Jerry Hall and Corrie’s Nikki Sanderson will be amongst the ladies gracing the stage at the WMC from the 19th 24th March.

If you are not lucky enough to win the tickets that we have to give away then fear not, you can pur-

tively received by our regular customers and although it is early days, we have been delighted to welcome additional visitors.”

“Now, to complement our freshly prepared sushi we offer Japanese dishes featuring succulent chicken, beef and pork such as Ramen (Japanese Noodle Soup), Pan-fried Noodles, Japanese soups, salads and hot rice dishes with new mouthwatering traditional desserts adding the finishing touch”.

We believe that Zushi is the perfect place to meet, eat and drink, but don’t take our word for it, come and see for yourself.

Zushi The Aspect, 140 Queen Street, (opposite Sainsbury’s) Cardiff.

T: 029 2066 9911 www.zushicardiff.com If you fancy sampling some fine Japanese cuisine then don’t miss out on a chance to win a £50 Zushi voucher! For your chance to win just email us at competitions@gairrhydd.com with your contact details.

chase tickets by calling the ticket hotline on 08700 40 2000.

For your chance to win 4 tickets for a night out with you and your girl-friends just e-mail us at the usual address with the answer to this easy-peasy question: Which big-lipped rocker was Jerry Hall married to? a. Mick Jagger b. Jimmy Paige c. Ozzy Osbourne

Well, this is definitely an issue for the ladies. We have some sexy and chic prizes up for grabs this week to add a bit of spice to your life! For a great night out for you and your girly mates then enter our competition to win 4 tickets to see the hilariously funny Vagina Monologues at the Wales Millennium Centre. Or, if you fancy doing something that will help you to feel fit and sexy then don’t miss the chance to win free pole dancing lessons for you and a friend. Alternatively if you are up for sampling some cultural and stylish cuisine from Japan, then Zushi is the place to be and we have £50 vouchers to give away. Also check out our DVD give-away - we have 4 copies of dark comedy Special for you guys. So come on, what are you waiting for? Someone has to win these fabulous prizes.

So special

S

PECIAL IS an offbeat dark comedy and follows the journey of Les Franken played by Michael Rapaport (Hitch, Grilled) as a superhero for our chemically enhanced time.

Les Franken, a lonely parking enforcement officer who enjoys reading comic books, decides to take part in a clinical trial for a new and exciting antidepressant called 'Special'.

An unexpected side effect of the drug renders him with superpowers - or so he thinks.

While his doctor dismisses the drug's side effects as an adverse psychological reaction to the medication, Les takes his cue from the comics he reads to embrace his newfound “powers” and quits his job to devote his life to fighting evil, real or imagined.

Les is an every day kind of superhero, the apparently gifted and yet disturbed human who wishes to save the world. Writers Hal Haberman and Jeremy Passmore based some of the characters on friends

from their youth and use their experiences of drug use, which include the use of anti-depressant medication, in the months leading up to production.

We have 4 copies of Special on DVD up for grabs and all you have to do to win yourself a copy of this quirky comedy is e-mail us at competitions.

Strictly come dancing P

OLEDANCING IS the latest keep-fit trend to sweep celebsville. As well as boosting your confidence and making you feel fabulously sexy, poledancing is a great way to keep fit and have fun in the process!

Vanity poledance is a new enterprise teaching pole fitness and dance lessons in Cardiff.

The first lesson is being held in Que Pasa on March 4th. They offer private and group lessons. As well as lessons for beginners, intermediates and advanced poledancers!

As well as a poledance lesson you and your friends will also reeive 2-for-1 cocktails every lesson!

A recent report by the BBC revealed the fitness benefits of poledancing.

“Pole dancing is a lot more strenuous than it looks. A good session on the pole can burn more calories than a good session in the gym.You can expect increased muscle defini-

tion and toning all over especially in the arms, thighs, and buttocks.

You can expect to burn about 250 calories per session.”

For more information and booking detials for Vanity poledance contact: vanitypoledance@hotmail.co.uk T: 07967810132.

Lessons will be held at Que Pasa, 18-19 Trinity Street,on Sundays at 7pm.

To win a free poledancing lesson for you and a friend plus free cocktails at Vanity Poledance just e-mail us at the usual address.

WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN

! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN! WIN!

44 gairrhydd

LISTINGS

MARCH.05.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

This Week: Amy Winehouse, ex-Gorky’s frontman Euros Childs, Tom Stoppard’s Arcadia,

The Killers @ CIA Mon, March 5 7pm

Gill Roberts recommends

T

he Killers are back to share their magic with the Cardiff crowd tonight with the final date of their sell-out UK tour, which is sure to finish with a bang.

The Las Vegas four-piece, who formed in 2002, are currently enjoying the success of their award-winning second album Sam's Town, which scooped the Best International Album and Best International Group awards at the Brits last month. The album, released in October last year, proves beyond any doubt that they are not one-album wonders.

Since Hot Fuzz was released back in 2004, the band have reached global status with their music, performing at Live 8 and starring on The O.C. among other things. It was phenomenally successful and provided über hits like Somebody Told Me and Mr. Brightside, but their new material looks set to do just as well.

The first single from Sam's Town, When You Were Young, reached number two in the singles chart last summer and was followed up by Bones.

Their newest single is Read My Mind, which will most likely be another radio hit.

The Killers, who are made up of Brandon Flowers (vocals, keyboards), Dave Keuning (guitar, vocals), Mark Stoermer (bass guitar, vocals) and Ronnie Vannucci Jr., (drums, percussion), sold out their UK tour very rapidly, reflecting their long-lasting popularity as indie-rock favourites.

Tonight they are supported by the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, who are pretty good themselves. The students who do have tickets should expect a treat, because The Killers will give a show-stopping performance.

Let us know what you thought of the gig. Leave a comment on www.gairrhydd.com

Euros Childs @ The Point Mon, March 5 7.30pm £8 Xpress Radio’s Gig of the Week Rachel McWhinney recommends

W

elsh singer-songwriter Euros Childs returns to Cardiff to celebrate the

Amy Winehouse @ SU Tues, March 6 7.30pm Jen Lloyd recommends

F

Arcadia @ New Theatre Tues - Sat March 6 - 10 7.30pm £8.50-£23 Listings Editor Rosaria Sgueglia recommends

H

ello folks, this week the New Theatre is has an amazing show for you all: be prepared for Arcadia. The plot of this enjoyable play focuses on

two different periods.

The first one is situated back in the past, April 10 1809 to be exact, and explores life in a large county estate where Lady Croom and her gardener Mr Noakes have differing opinions over remodelling their classically-styled garden in a new, fashionable way. Aside from that plot, there is another one featuring Thomasina, a 13-year-old girl who spends her time asking questions, while her tutor, Septimus Hodge, must face his multiple affairs, in particular one with the wife of poet, Mr Charter.

The play then moves forwards two hundred years for its second period.

This occurs in the same house, featuring the characters of Hannah and Bernard, who spend their time looking for love letters, books and whatever else can link them to the protagonists of the first period. This uncov-

Coming Up

ers a probable duel between Mr Charter and Septimus as a consequence of his affair.

Directed by Terry Hands, Arcadia promises to be a fabulous show, and one that the critics have loved. The Western Mail described it as "A world-class production with a cast of largely Welsh-grown actors: a chance to see a fabulous play, beautifully performed, creating an evening of unalloyed pleasure. Don't miss it".

Arcadia has also won awards; it has an Olivier Award for Best Play as well as a New York Drama Critics Award.

In this comedy play, writer Tom Stoppard analyses, explores and develops the idea of genius, against a background full of suspense, culture and sexual tension. I can only add, don't waste time; go and see this fantastic show.

resh from achieving her first Brit Award for Best Female Solo Artist, Amy Winehouse ventures to Cardiff as part of her sold out UK tour.

Famously dubbed by Russell Brand as having the mannerisms of a cab driver (which incidentally may be inherent as her dad actually IS a cab driver) there is no denying her bawdy lyrics and signature gruff jazz voice is one of the most unique on the market today.

Hailing from North London, Winehouse is notoriously known for her overtly foul mouth and drunken

release of his second solo album, Bore Da. After fronting the popular Welsh psychedelic folk band, Gorky’s Zygotic Mynci for 15 years, the singer and multi-instrumentalist has embarked on a solo career with Wichita Recordings following the band’s split.

His first album Chops was released last year and he spent a great deal of time touring the UK and Europe. Now Bore Da is ready for release, his career seems to be going from strength to strength, with him winning the Best Solo Artist award at the Welsh Rock and Pop Awards last month. Long awaited, Bore Da says that he is about getting “as close as I could to party music”.

If you were a Gorky’s fan then there is no better time or place to catch him live than on the day of his album’s release, right here in Cardiff.

behaviour (hell, they even tried to make her go to rehab – to which she replied ‘no, no, no’), the show promises to be money well spent.

She will perform the hits from both her debut album Frank and the No. 1 second album Back to Black, which includes the recent singles I'm No Good and Rehab. Her next single Back to Black is also hotly tipped for a high position in the charts.

Sure to be sporting an overwhelmingly high beehive hairdo, exaggerated makeup and a skimpy dress (all of which make her look fabulous), her interaction with the crowd appears to be just as important to Winehouse as the music itself.

Despite the vulgarity with which she usually addresses them, her unpredictable and quirky personality ensure amusing banter.

Many have labelled Winehouse as a diva due to a tendency to, almost routinely, yank her dress up and play with her hair, but I say: who cares?

She's bloody marvellous! Armed with jazz beats that will have you dancing like something sleazy, Winehouse's performance promises to be like drinking milk straight out of the carton; you know it's dirty but you love it.

Thea Gilmore - 15 March @ The Point...Faultline & Exit No Exit - 20 March @ Sherman Theatre...Moll Flanders - 22 March @ The Sherman Theatre...My Chemical Romance - 25 March @ CIA...Kelly Jones - 25 March @ Coal Exchange...The Horrors - 30 March @ Barfly...Lemar - 30 March @ CIA...Incubus - 2 April @ CIA...Sugababes - 6 April @ CIA...Dopamine - 12 April @ Barfly...Deep Purple/Styx/Thin Lizzy @ CIA...Manic Street Preachers - 11/12 May @ SU...Girls Aloud - 23 May @ CIA...The Who - 1 June @ Swansea...Damien Rice - 12 Oct @ CIA...

gairrhydd 45

LISTINGS

MARCH.05.2007 LISTINGS@gairrhydd.COM

indie-rock staples The Killers

Monday

05/03

Fun Factory @ Solus, SU Cardiff’s own alternative music night. Also features DJing by Oddsoc and bands put on

by LMS in the live music room. 10pm - 2am.

Free entry with NUS. £3 otherwise.

The Jazz Attic @ Cafe Jaz An opportunity to jam with the house jazz trio.

All instruments and singers are welcome. £2/£1 if you perform. Arrive early.

Gallows / The Scare @ Barfly Hardcore punk-rock, which will please fans of groups such as Bullet For My Valentine, As I Lay Dying and Senses Fail. 7.30pm. £6.

Wine Tasting @ Chapter Arts Centre

One of those things that you should try in life is wine tasting, and Chapter Arts Centre is offering the perfect opportunity today to do so. A selection of fine wines from different parts of the world, all from their new supplier Ballantynes, will be on offer. There will also be Welsh cheeses and snacks, and all this for the bargain price of just £5. Places need to be booked in advance, so if you want to go you’d better get on the phone sharpish. To book, email alexia.vaughan-jones@chapter.org or call 029 2031 1050 (ext. 224). 6pm. £5.

Tuesday 06/03

Wednesday 07/03

Thursday 08/03

Planet Rock @ Clwb Ifor Bach Revamped rock night that promises “familiar classics from the fields of metal, hard rock and goth.” 9pm - 2pm. £3.

Shiny Toy Guns / Viva Machine / KC @ Barfly Alternative/synth/futuristic/punk/trash rock, Shiny Toy Guns are one of those bands who draw influences from a range of genres and musical styles and darn it, they have no shame over their magpie-like tendancies.

7.30pm. £6.

Amy Winehouse @ SU See preview opposite. 7.30pm. Sold out.

Amy Winehouse Aftershow Party: Forecast DJs @ Buffalo Bar Post-performance party featuring the usual Forecast DJs. After 8pm.

Sgript Cymru: Acqua Nero By Meredydd Barker @ Chapter Arts Centre Acqua Nero is Sgript Cymru’s latest offering to the world of new writing. 8pm. £8 / £7.

Rubber Duck @ Solus, SU Clubbing for jocks and pretend jocks, with a different fancy dress theme most weeks.

Surprisingly, it is a huge sell out, mostly from those of a sporting persuasion. 10pm. £3.

Popscene @ Clwb Ifor Bach Three floors, three different clubs: classic funk and motown; indie; cheese. 9.30pm. £3.

Cardiff County and Vale of Glamorgan Music Service Spring Showcase @ St David’s Hall School choir ensemble. 7pm. £5.50 / £7.50.

The Cherubs @ Cafe Jazz Jazz quartet performing darkly emotional torch songs. Features Alex Alderton on vocals, Bill Fletcher on bass, Simon Thorne on piano, and Lolo Williams on drums. Arrive early - contact venue for more information on 029 2038 7026. £4 / £3 concs.

The Lord of the Flies @ Wales Millenium Centre New stage adaption of the classic novel by William Golding. The only survivors from a plane crash on a desert island are children, haunted by a mysterious ‘beast’. As they become more consumed by its presence, they threaten to turn from well-behaved schoolboys into savage creatures...

Performed by students on the Secondary Education Drama Programme at UWIC. Also performing on Thursday and Friday. 8pm. £5.

Into Great Silence @ Chapter Arts Centre Subtitled documentary on the spirituality of the Carthusian Order in the French Alps.

7.30pm. £5. 10.

The Bait Shop @ Barfly Alternative music club night. 10.30pm. £3/2 NUS. Stand Up Comedy Night in aid of the Lorwerth Jones Fund @ Clwb Ifor Bach Charity event. 8pm. £6 /£7.

LMS Battle of the Bands Semi Final Two @ Henry Africas Tickets are available from 12 Miskin Street or the LMS website and Myspace. Doors at 7.30pm. £3 / £2.

Cardiff's Edwardian Parks @ Cardiff Castle (Cooper’s Field) A talk by Rosie James on how Cardiff's parks have become some of the finest around. 6pm. £6.

Louise Ritchie: My Tarantino @ Chapter Arts Centre Louise Ritchie’s debut exhibition of her performance art. In this show, she uses fragments from Quentin Tarantino’s films and builds layers of sound and movement over the top of them. 8pm. £6 / £4.

Tim Minchin @ Sherman Theatre Comedian, musician and man of many other occupations. Has been described by The Times as “the best musical comedian since Bill Bailey”. 7.30pm. £12 / £10.

I'm Worried That I'm Starting To Hate Everyone In The World: Mark Watson @ Glee Club Exciting new comic Watson is both a novelist/playwright and apparently the holder of the title of the longest solo stand up show in history, an accolade gained from his 24Hour Show at Edinburgh Festival 2004.

Former member of comedy breeding ground Cambridge Footlights and Winner of the Daily Telegraph Open Mic Award 2002. 7.30pm. £10 / £7 NUS. Joan Baez @ St David’s Hall Legendary folk singer who popularised songs from Woody Guthrie, Phil Ochs, Johnny Cash and others. Baez has also been famed for her anti-commercialist music. 8pm. £29.50.

Pick Of The Day Patrick Jones: Beneath the Radar @ Chapter Arts Centre Jones is one of Wales’ best playwrights today. Harold Pinter, one of Britain’s greatest playwrights, has described his work as “strong stuff”. Now’s your chance to see a performance by Jones as, this evening, he presents new work that questions religion, the Iraq war, illness and many other issues.

It is followed by an open mic session that will invite the audience to contribute. He says, “Come along if you have something to say and prove that the verb is more important than the noun.” 8pm. £3.

Pick Of The Day The Foals / Truckers of Husk/ Tired Irie @ Clwb Ifor Bach Brighton-based indie-funksters The Foals bring their ‘dirty disco’ (no, Listings isn’t sure what that means either) down.

Currently garnering favourable reviews in the press, with the NME describing them as, “…one of the hottest new bands in indie - they deserve your immediate and total adulation”. Fact: They dropped out of Oxford University to pursue a career in music. Fact Two: Their name apparently comes from the surname of singer Yannis Philippakis, which is Greek for ‘little lover of horses’. Here’s hoping there isn’t any literal equine-loving involved. Another reason to go? The press is loving them, which sometimes, just sometimes, can be a signifier of genuine talent and not just media hype. Guardian.co.uk has recently said that they are “the brainiest punk-funksters in BritaIn”. 8pm. £5.

Friday 09/03

Saturday 10/03

Sunday 11/03

Access all Areas @ Solus SU New Look Friday. Another Union event, another way to make people drunk. Promises the best alternative music and beats for you to boogie to. 10pm - 2am. £3.50 / £3 adv.

The Dudes Abide @ Clwb Ifor Bach Music for those who love music. An indie and retro night that takes in the heady landscape created by the likes of Hendrix, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin and Dusty Springfield.

10.pm – 2.30am. £3.50 / £4.

Mad4It! @ Barfly DJ Mike TV comperes an indietastic night of your favourite alternative music, ranging from the Strokes to the Smiths to absolutely everything in between. 10.30pm - 2am. £5.

Come Play @ Solus, SU Party tunes in the main room and Traffic DJing in the side room. 10pm. £3.50.

Honour Among None / 32-A / The Alternative Ending and Spiridion @ Le Pub, Newport.

Alternative rock at one of Newport’s best live venues. Call 01633 221477 for more information.

Tim Finn @ The Point Tim is half of Kiwi rock-poppers Crowded House, and is here to promote his current solo stuff, Imaginary Kingdom, described by ents24.com as “haunting acoustic pop”. With Cardiff currently windier than Oklahoma on a very windy day, here’s hoping that when he leaves, Finn takes the weather with him.

7.30pm. £14.

Fron Male Voice Choir: Voices of the Valley @ St David's Hall It wouldn’t be Wales if a male voice choir hadn’t turned up to do a performance at some point this year and now, here they are. This particular ensemble hail from Froncysyllte in North Wales and have a combined age of 4,000 years. To put that into perspective, the Mmmbop-era Hanson averaged just 41 years in 1997. However, being the age of an ancient civilisation hasn’t stopped them from breaking into the top 10 with their album Voices of the Valley. Go to see something different. 7.30pm. £17.50 - £25.

South Wales Massive Forum Fundraiser @ Clwb Ifor Bach It’s massive. It’s a fundraiser. We don’t have any more information than that, but if you are interested then contact the venue. 8pm.

Arts4Charity @ Embasy Cafe Shakespeare night with various extracts from the pen of the man himself. All proceeds go to CancerResearchUK and The Noah's Ark Appeal, so turn up. For more information, email Arts4charity@cf.ac.uk. Doors at 7.30pm. £3 The Devil’s Backbone (El Espinazo del Diablo) @ Chapter Arts Centre Film from the director of Pan’s Labyrinth set at the end of the Spanish Civil War. Carlos moved to an orphanage during the war, but his surroundings pose a greater threat to him than the violence outside.

Pick Of The Day Loose present Silver Sun / Friends of the Bride / The Bubble Project @ Clwb Ifor Bach Ninties survivors Silver Sun (their selftitled debut reached the Top 40 in 1997) perform tracks from their latest album Dad’s Weird Dream. Supported by the jazzy Friends of the Bride, and the exccentric The Bubble Project. These guys, who refer to themselves as “retro futurists”, play lofi surf pop. Sounds weird, but they are wearing labcoats in photographs so could actually be crazily good experiementalists.

Either way, they sound so different to everything else out there that they must be worth a look. 8pm. £5.

The Lord of the Flies @ Wales Millenium Centre See Wednesday. 8pm. £5.

Danny James / Steve Royal / Paul B Edwards @ Jongleurs Comedy Club Tonight and tomorrow, James, Royal and Edwards are all playing Jongleurs, so there is double the opportunity to catch them live. To book tickets visit www.jongleurs.com or call 0870 787 0707. 8pm. £10, includes free entry to Risa.

Pick Of The Day Peski Records - Radio Luxembourg Single Launch: Radio Luxembourg / Spencer McGarry Season / Little My and Friends @ Clwb Ifor Bach Radio Luxemburg launch new EP Diwrnod Efo'r Anifeiliad on Peski Records, and tonight is a fancy dress occasion to celebrate. Ever considerate, the band have designed masks for people to wear if stuck for a costume. Now that’s value for money.

8pm. £6 / £5 NUS. Kaiser Chiefs @ SU Bouncy indie-rock from one of studentdom’s perennial favourite bands. See preview opposite for more information. Sadly sold out.

Danny James / Steve Royal / Paul B Edwards / Craig Campbell @ Jongleurs Comedy Club Comedy fun with an array of comedians selected for your delectation. Craig Campbell has been described as ‘the wild man of Canadian comedy’. Coming from the same country as the likes of Jim Carrey and Mike Myers, that is high praise indeed. 8pm. £10, includes free entry to Risa.

Pick Of The Day Aim @ The Point Underground electronica musician Aim does his thing in Cardiff Bay. He’s remixed artists like St Etienne, Ian Brown and The Charlatans, and now he’s back. His most recent single was Northwest, and he has a new album out this year called Flight 602.

7.30pm. £11.50.

Pick Of The Day Tiny Dancers @ Barfly Sheffield’s Tiny Dancers make rather lovely alt country/folk in the vein of Neil Young.

From their use of unconventional stage props (stuffed leopards sit next to an old television set), to their endearing habit of starting gigs by throwing balloons into the crowd, the Dancers and their joy de vivre bring any venue to life. Listings saw them last year and most definitely recommend.

7.30pm. £6.

VENUES

Students’ Union, Park Place 02920 387421 www.cardiffstudents.com Med Club, Neuadd Meirionydd, Heath Park 02920 744948 Clwb Ifor Bach (The Welsh Club), 11 Womanby Street 02920 232199 www.clwb.net Barfly, Kingsway Tickets: 08709070999 www.barflyclub.com/cardiff Metros, Bakers Row 02920 399939 www.clubmetropolitan.com Dempseys, Castle Street 02920 252024 Incognito, Park Place 02920 412190 Liquid, St. Mary Street 02920645464 The Philharmonic, 76-77 St. Mary Street 02920 230678 Café Jazz, 21 St. Mary Street 02920 387026 www.cafejazzcardiff.com The Riverbank Hotel, Despenser Street www.riverbankjazz.co.uk St. David’s Hall, The Hayes 02920 878444 www.stdavidshallcardiff.co.uk Chapter Arts Centre, Market Road, Canton 02920 304400 www.chapter.org Wales Millennium Centre, Cardiff Bay 0870 0402000 www.wmc.org.uk The New Theatre, Park Place 02920 878889 www.newtheatrecardiff.co.uk The Sherman Theatre, Senghennydd Road 02920 646900 www.shermantheatre.co.uk The Glee Club, Mermaid Quay 0870 2415093 www.glee.co.uk Cardiff International Arena, Mary Ann Street 02920 224488 The Millennium Stadium Can’t miss it. www.millenniumstadium.com The Point, Cardiff Bay 029 2046 0873. www.thepointcardiffbay.com

46 gairrhydd

SPORT

MARCH.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Economics B steal Division One title IMG Netball: Division 1 Law B 5 - 11 Econ B D. Tigers 6 - 11 CARBS B IN A DRAMATIC twist of fortune, Economics B snatched the Division One title on goal difference as rivals Dynamo Tigers suffered an unexpected defeat.

Dynamo Tigers only needed a draw to become Division One winners, even though Economics had earlier beaten Law B 11-5.

But a spirited CARBS B side ended the Tigers’ title hopes at the final hurdle with a superb 11-6 victory.

Understandably, Tigers captain Georgina Lovelace was disappointed with her team’s performance. She said: “I didn’t think we played at our best, we couldn’t handle the pressure.

CARBS definitely played better than us and they deserved to win.”

She added: “We felt we were the best team in the division. It’s unfair as we beat the eventual winners. We want to challenge them to a play-off.”

Astonishingly, Lovelace’s wish has been granted. Dynamo Tigers and Economics B have been drawn to play one another this week in the first round of the IMG Netball Cup. In response to the cup draw, Economics B captain Lisa Goddard admitted: “It’ll be a tough match. This game will be a good test to decide who the better team actually is.

“We were as good as them [Tigers] if not better. They were a very good side when we played them, although we were missing a couple of key play-

ers.”

And reflecting on her side’s title success, she added: “It was a very nice surprise, we didn’t expect to win it.

After losing to Dynamo Tigers, we thought that was it. We didn’t think they [Tigers] would lose against CARBS.” “We just approached our game [against Law B] by looking to win by the highest possible goal difference.

This was a big boost to our squad, considering our A team [Economics A] came so close to winning the Premiership.”

Although Economics won comfortably against Law B in the end, the match was evenly poised in the early stages. But the eventual Division One champions soon stretched their lead in the second half.

Meanwhile, CARBS B got off to a terrific start against Dynamo Tigers.

Although a gusty wind made life difficult for both sets of players, a lively CARBS team soon established a slender 4-1 lead before the interval.

But Tigers began to dominate after the break and they deservedly levelled the match after scoring three quick goals.

Nonetheless, CARBS regained their composure and stopped the constant flow of Tigers attacks by creating opportunities of their own. And they almost sealed victory after storming into an 8-4 lead with eight minutes left.

Yet a spirited Tigers side refused to give up and they responded in the best possible way by converting two more goals. With the score at 8-6, the Tigers only needed two more goals to secure the title.

But CARBS stunned the Tigers with three additional goals and handed Economics the title.

PHOTO: ROB TAYLOR

Dave Menon Sports Editor

ECON B: Div 1 champs

menon on the match NETBALL

NUMBER OF GOALS: 163 goals, 18.11 goals per game.

GOLDEN GIRLS: IWC A scored 29 against Automotive SURPRISE PACKAGE: CARBS B pulled off a remarkable 116 win against Dynamo Tigers EPIC GAME: Cardiff A v Socsi was a tense affair which finished level at 6-6 CONSISTENT PERFORMERS: The three title winners: Law A, Economics B and English A. TEAM OF THE WEEK: CARBS B upset the odds but the award should go to Economics B for holding their nerve when it mattered.

IMG Football Fixtures Wed 7 Mar

AFC History CARBS Gym Gym Engin

v v v v

Thunderkatz MOMED Zoology AFC Cathays

Arse’Alona Boca Seniors H. Dragons Chem Soc

v v v v

Butthead FC Law B Law A Pharm AC

JOMEC Economics Inter Me-Nan C. Crusaders

v v v v

J-Unit Real Ale Socsi Psycho Ath.

Esplanyol Myg Myg P. Rangers Euros

v v v v

Uni Hallstars TWNN Japsoc English Soc

Football Tables IMG Football

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

CARBS

1

1

0

0

4

3

2

Zoology

1

1

0

0

4

3

3

Gym Gym

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

Engin

1

1

0

0

2

3

5

AFC History

1

0

0

1

-2

0

6

MOMED

1

0

0

1

-2

0

7

Thunderkatz

1

0

0

1

-4

0

8

AFC Cathays

1

0

0

1

-4

0

P

W

IMG Football

LAW A: Simply the best

IMG Netball: Premiership AFTER WINNING the IMG Premiership a week ago, the Law A captain revealed their performance against Economics A was one of their best this season.

New champions Law secured the championship with a vital win over Economics A, who were also challenging for the title.

Hannah Jennings, the Law captain said: “Economics A looked as though they would make a strong comeback against us.

“However, we played one of our best games and remained positive and focused throughout.

“Everyone put in 100% effort and we got the win that we deserved in the end.”

Law won the title after recording six victories out of seven Premiership games. And they showed admirable determination to salvage a last-gasp draw in their other encounter.

But Law didn’t achieve this feat

without their fair share of late problems.

Jennings added: “We had three members of our team who couldn't play because of flu last week.

“And Claire Whitney, our Centre, was feeling really ill but still managed to play.”

“We started off last week’s match [against Economics A] with only one reserve.

“And in the second minute, our Wing-Defence, Laura Harrington, had an awful fall and suffered a really bad sprained ankle. She had to be carried off.”

However, although Law won the title over a week ago, there were still a couple of Premiership matches played lastWednesday.

Last year’s champions, Cardiff A, failed to win their final game of the season after sharing the spoils against Socsi A. But despite only securing a 6-6 draw, Cardiff A still managed to finish their Premiership campaign as runners-up. Socsi A ended up in sixth position.

Meanwhile, Economics A beat Pharmacy A 15-6 in the other fixture. But Economics still only finished in third place.

IMG FOOTBALL MATCHES WERE POSTPONED LAST WEEK DUE TO WATERLOGGED PITCHES. TAKE NOTE OF THE FIXTURES PRINTED BELOW. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUERIES, PLEASE SEE IMG COORDINATOR, ALEX McINTOSH. IMG Netball Cup Fix. Round 1

Wed 7 March Automotive English B Law B Locomotive Gym Gym Dynamo Tigers Medics CARBS B

v v v v v v v v

IWC A Socsi B IWC B English A Pharmacy B Economics B Optometry SAWSA

Bye To Round 2 All Premiership sides have received an automatic bye to Round 2. After all the matches in Round 1 have been completed, there will be another draw for Round 2. If you have any problems, please email img@cf.ac.uk

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

1

1

0

0

2

3

2

Arse’Alona

1

1

0

0

2

3

3

Boca Seniors

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

Law B

1

1

0

0

1

3

5

Chem Soc

1

0

0

1

-1

0

6

Pharm AC

1

0

0

1

-2

0

7

H. Dragons

1

0

0

1

-2

0

8

Butthead FC

1

0

0

1

-2

0

P

W

IMG Football

Ecstatic Law A celebrate Dave Menon Sports Editor

Division One

IMG Netball Results Sat 24 Feb

English A W IWC A 29 IWC B 11 English B 8

-

L Optometry 0 Automotive 2 Pharmacy B 11 Gym Gym

Wed 28 Feb Cardiff A 6 - 6 Socsi A Pharm A 6 - 15 Econ A SAWSA 17 Loco 8 D. Tigers 6 Law B 5

-

3 Socsi B 8 Socsi B 11 CARBS B 11 Econ B

W= English A win because Optometry forfeited the game

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Psycho Ath.

1

1

0

0

3

3

2

C. Crusaders

1

1

0

0

2

3

3

Economics

1

1

0

0

2

3

4

JOMEC

1

1

0

0

1

3

5

Inter Me-Nan

1

0

0

1

-1

0

6

Real Ale Madrid

1

0

0

1

-2

0

7

J-Unit

1

0

0

1

-2

0

8

Socsi

1

0

0

1

-3

0

P

W

IMG Football

Division Three D

L

Diff

Pts

1

TWNN

1

1

0

0

6

3

2

Japsoc

1

1

0

0

4

3

3

Esplanyol

1

0

1

0

0

1

4

P. Rangers

1

0

1

0

0

1

5

Myg Myg

1

0

1

0

0

1

6

Uni Hallstars

1

0

1

0

0

1

7

English Soc

1

0

0

1

-4

0

8

Euros

1

0

0

1

-6

0

* Team has been deducted 1 point

Netball Tables IMG Netball

Premiership P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Law A

7

6

1

0

55

19

2

Cardiff A

7

5

0

2

28

15

3

Economics A

7

5

0

2

7

15

4

CARBS A

7

3

2

2

3

11

5

Cardiff B

7

3

0

4

-33

9

6

Socsi A

7

2

1

4

-13

7

7

Christian Union

7

1

0

6

-19

3

8

Pharmacy A

7

1

0

6

-28

3

P

W

IMG Netball

Division One D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Economics B

7

6

0

1

36

18

2

Dynamo Tigers

7

6

0

1

21

18

3

CARBS B

7

4

0

2

8

12

4

SAWSA

7

3

1

3

22

10

5

MEDICS

7

3

0

3

-3

9

6

Locomotive

7

2

2

3

3

8

7

Law B

7

1

0

6

-33

3

8

Socsi B

7

0

1

6

-54

1

P

W

IMG Netball

Division Two D

L

Diff

Pts

1

English A

7

5

2

0

52

17

2

IWC A

7

5

0

2

34

15

3

Pharmacy B

7

4

1

2

36

13

4

IWC B

7

4

0

3

20

12

5

Gym Gym

7

2

1

4

1

7

6

English B

7

2

0

5

-10

6

7

Optometry

7

2

0

5

-32

6

8

Automotive

7

1

0

6

-101

3

gairrhydd

47

SPORT

MARCH.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

The Deloitte IMG Breakfast

Awesome SAWSA secure win James Smith IMG Reporter

IMG Rugby

IMG Rugby Results

SAWSA 18 - 8 CARBS B

SAWSA 18 - 8 CARBS B MASTS 10 - 17 Law Stoma 17 - 17 CARBS B Games on Wed 28 Feb were called off

IMG Rugby Fixtures Sun 4 Mar Planning v CARBS B Wed 7 Mar Stoma v Planning MASTS v Pharmacy

Send in your IMG reports to sport@gairrhydd.com IMG Rugby

SAWSA climbed to third in the table following a narrow victory against CARBS B. With ten minutes left, the match was evenly poised as CARBS held a marginal 8-6 advantage.

But despite the best efforts of the CARBS side, SAWSA sealed the points after scoring two crucial tries in the closing stages.

Nonetheless, it was CARBS B who made the perfect start early in the first half. After successfully coverting a penalty goal and a try, they were initially in the ascendancy.

The CARBS no. 8 played a huge part in setting up the try as he attempted countless, outrageous dummies to get within inches of the line.

And this tactic soon worked in CARBS’ favour. A supporting man eventually picked up the ball and appeared to fumble it over the line but the try was still awarded.

1/3/07 (Please note: some results are missing)

P

W

D

L

Diff

Pts

1

Engin

3

3

0

0

104

9

2

CARBS A

2

2

0

0

34

6

3

SAWSA

4

2

0

0

-21

6

4

Pharmacy

1

1

0

0

2

3

5

Law

1

1

0

0

7

3

6

MASTS

2

1

0

1

-2

3

7

Stoma

2

0

1

1

-19

1

8

CARBS B

4

0

1

3

-34

1

9

Medics

2

0

0

2

-7

0

10

Planning

1

0

0

1

-64

0

SAWSA responded well and soon had a try ruled out for double movement. However, they reduced the deficit to 8-3 just before half-time after scoring an easy penalty.

From the start of the second half SAWSA bgean to impose themselves on the game and dominate possession.

But excellent CARBS defending and some handling errors restricted SAWSA to one penalty in the first half hour, leaving the score at 8-6 with ten minutes remaining.

But SAWSA finally made their territorial advantage count late on.

SAWSA centre, Anthony Cusack, made the score 11-6 when he dived between the posts.

This breakthrough was made possible thanks to a perfectly executed backs move.

And in the final minutes of the game, SAWSA scrum-half Pete Minge broke from a lineout, only to be dragged down a yard short.

But quick recycling allowed Gareth Roach to expose the acres of space left by a disheartened CARBS to touch down in the corner for the winning try.

While SAWSA moved up the table, CARBS B are still looking for their first win in this year’s competition.

LINE-OUT: Fierce competition

Alex McIntosh IMG Coordinator

IMG Netball THE DELOITTE IMG Netball leagues have finally reached a conclusion, However, we do still have the exciting prospect of the IMG Netball Cup to look forward to. Well done to Law A, Economics B and English A for their respective victories in the Premiership, Division One and Division Two. Although IMG football and rugby matches have been plagued by the wet weather, the IMG netballers have battled it out week after week.

And they have withstood what the elements have thrown at them.

Notably, this has involved a trip down to Tesco one Saturday morning to buy salt to put on the court!

IMG Football

English lead the way IMG Netball: Division 2 ENGLISH A won their first ever IMG Netball title last week when they emerged as winners of Division Two. English completed their Division Two campaign with 17 points, and remained unbeaten throughout. They clinched the championship when

visit www.thereddragoncentre.co.uk

The Red Dragon Centre, Cardiff Bay, Hemingway Road CF10 4JY Tel: 02920 256261

tosh talk

opponents Optometry forfeited what was set to be English’s final encounter of the league season.

In the process of winning the division, English scored a staggering 88 goals in seven matches.

Afterwards, a delighted English captain, Karolyn Mandy, commented: “I’m really proud of all the girls. Our play improved significantly in the second phase as the team began to gel well.

“The team took some time to play well as a unit because we had so many new faces this year.”

“To be honest, we didn’t expect to win Division Two. We don’t take it too seriously and everybody has fun on and off the pitch - it’s great.”

Elsewhere, Gym Gym recorded their second win of the season after beating English B 11-8.

Meanwhile, IWC A ended Pharmacy B’s hopes of winning the league with a comprehensive 11-2 victory. Following this impressive result, IWC A finished in second place, two points behind champions English.

In the other match which was played last week, IWC B ended their season on a high with an emphatic 290 win over strugglers Automotive Engin.

But Automotive have the opportunity to lift their season when they face IWC A in the first round of the IMG Netball Cup. In the other ties, English B will play against Socsi B while English A entertain Locomotive Engin.

Finally, IWC B have drawn against Division One side Law B, while Gym Gym will face Pharmacy B. For any further information about the IMG Netball cup, visit www.fixs.co.uk.

ON THE WHOLE, IMG Football has been fairly successful thus far, although it is now becoming a race against time to fit all the fixtures in before the Easter break.

In order to ensure this, the AU is in discussions with the Council to try and reschedule cancelled fixtures for Sunday afternoons.

The first rescheduled game will be on the Sunday March 11. Please see www.fixs.co.uk for all the details.

Congratulations to all those teams who made it through to the Premiership. For those who missed out, there’s still plenty of time to make amends. Unlucky, but keep up the good work.

I think there has been a particularly high standard of football this year, which has been displayed across the board.

IMG Rugby Unfortunately IMG Rugby has really suffered this year.

This is mainly due to the unexpected departure of Dr Patrick O’Sullivan or “Paddy”, who had previously overseen the day-to-day running of matches for many years.

To his credit, Martyn Fowler, has battled hard this year to keep the familiar structure of IMG Rugby alive. But IMG Rugby could be cancelled due to the weather.

IMG Awards Ceremony STAY TUNED for the IMG Awards ceremony, which is likely to take place in the Students’ Union.

The event is currently scheduled for May, but I’m still looking to establish a date and venue. I will keep you posted with any more information on the matter.

Finally, good luck for the rest of the season.

gairrhydd

SPORT

MARCH.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Welsh Cup wonders Henry Winter Football Reporter

Cardiff continued to dominate the early exchanges and their efforts were eventually rewarded with a goal on 20 minutes.

Cinicola cut in from the right and NEWI Men’s 1sts . . . . . . . . . . .1 sent a left footed cross curling CARDIFF Men’s 1sts . . . . . . . .3 towards the back post where Nick Beckley adjusted well to slot home.

With rain and wind continuing to CARDIFF MEN’S Football firsts entered unfamiliar territory on be a problem, the home side strugWednesday as they claimed their gled to get the ball clear effectively first victory of the season and the second Cardiff goal came as against a much fancied North no surprise.

After some superb work down the East Wales Institute side.

Playing in conditions that were far left flank from the outstanding James from perfect, Cardiff adapted well Clifford the ball fell to Matt Jones and began to stamp their authority on who sent a speculative cross in the game with some slick football towards the back post which deceived the home keeper and early on.

Their first real chance came on 12 crashed in off the post.

After their second, Cardiff began minutes with James Cinicola shooting just wide after some good play to ease off the pressure with nearly down the right from Eifion Roberts. disastrous consequences. NEWI

broke clear down the right and sent in a great cross which was cleared from danger by stalwart Nick Bowker.

Following this scare, Cardiff found their feet again and the third goal was their best of the game.

After some good work in the centre from Jack Jarvis and Jones, Sean Hogan latched onto a cross which he calmly volleyed past the on rushing goalie.

Cardiff went into half time with a comfortable 3 - 0 lead.

After the break the match deteriorated and turned into a long ball game which suited the home team.

Centre backs Bowker and Wylde had to be on top of their game and they handled the conditions with experience, expertly assisted by Jack Jones who has been in great form in recent weeks.

The moment of the second half, however, belonged to NEWI’s centre midfielder.

Latching onto a knock down, he struck a 35 yard shot which sailed into the top right hand corner, drawing applause from the players of both sides.

Despite this moment of brilliance, Cardiff reasserted their authority and safely saw the tie end 3 - 1 giving them their first victory of a troubled season.

After the match captain Andy Wylde commented: “I was pleased with the way we adapted to the conditions and from this victory we can hopefully push on and have a successful second half to the season.

“All the boys played well but a special mention has to go to James Clifford who was a key figure today.”

Fracasing out loud Dave Menon discusses the Carling Cup Final scrum, while George Pawley assesses the implications for the Premiership title race Dave Menon Sports Editor THE LATEST Carling Cup final was quite simply a farce. As an Arsenal fan, I was quite disappointed with a game that reached the headlines for all the wrong reasons.

How will anyone forget John Terry’s serious injury in a hurry? How will anyone forget the brawl in the closing stages that sparked controversy?

How will anyone forget that thousands of fans missed the game because they were stuck somewhere between Newport and Cardiff on a packed train?

How will anyone forget that Theo Walcott scored his first goal for Arsenal? Wait a minute, they will. This was because football was the biggest loser in this so-called spectacle.

Yet above all, what annoyed me most was the fight in stoppage time.

John Terry’s horrific injury was an accident, some idiot allegedly cut a train cable and Theo Walcott scoring is hardly frontpage news.

But the players should know better. They get paid ridiculous sums of money per week to be a role model for footballlovers worldwide. And before you accuse me of being as dull as Sports Minister Richard Caborn, I’m afraid he’s got a point.

I’m aware football violence can be seen as entertainment, but you can always watch boxing if you want.

There’s no place for violence on a

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football field.

There’s enough trouble in Italy, Spain, Eastern Europe and South America already. More incidents like this will simply damage the great reputation of English football.

Well, that’s about it. Rant over. Wait a minute, there’s something I’ve forgotten. Chelsea fans threw celery onto the pitch. And they won 2-1 apparently.

How will anyone forget that thousands of fans missed the game because they were stuck somewhere between Newport and Cardiff on a packed train?

George Pawley Sports Editor FOR ME, the only winners to come out of the Carling Cup Final 2007 are Manchester United and Liverpool. Just think about it.

Arsenal and Chelsea have been plunged into weeks of back page splashes, distracting FA hearings and countless suspensions which could be critical as the domestic season reaches its business end.

Firstly, for Arsenal, key players Kolo Toure, Emmanuel Eboue and Emmanuel Abebayor all either face, or could face significant bans from the league, as well as fines (however meaningless), as they battle to contain a resurgant Liverpool.

Meanwhile, Arsene Wenger has dived into a pool of scalding water after terming the linesman’s statement “a lie.”

This leaves Liverpool and boss Rafa Benitez smirking in the shadows, especially as the North London side’s turmoil continued in their FA Cup replay defeat by Blackburn.

The tight battle for third spot and countless millions of player-buying pounds now looks tipped in favour of the Merseysiders, while Arsenal’s albeit distinguished kids will be called into more frequent action as the fixtures pile up.

Chelsea find themselves in a different kind of hell.

To be still challenging in three competitions, having already won the League Cup is an enviable achievement, but the ‘Special One’ Jose Mourinho has problems of his own.

John Obi Mikel won’t be badly missed, but John Terry’s fitness remains shrowded in mystery after being horrifically knocked unconscious by Abou Diaby’s flailing boot.

Moreover, the Blues have been the subject of more tabloid revelations, after it was claimed owner Roman Abramovich didn’t visit the changing room or attend the victory party after his club’s 2 - 1 win, sparking new rumours about his commitment to the Stamford Bridge outfit.

Sir Alex Ferguson, and the red half of Manchester, sweated through a tense victory at Fulham the day before the final, though the nine point lead they established would have been a soothing tonic as Chelsea took a break from the bread and butter fixtures.

Regardless of the results at Anfield and Fratton Park over the weekend, the psychological weight of a gap so large at the top will have been on the winners’ minds as they sipped champagne at the Millenium Stadium.

Into the promised land...

Lizzie Hawes Hockey Reporter BRUNAL Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .2 CARDIFF Ladies’ 1sts . . . . . . . .2 *Cardiff win 4 - 2 on Penalties CARDIFF LADIES Hockey 1st XI were promoted to the BUSA Premier Division after a nail-biting eighty five minutes of hockey to win on penalty flicks against Brunel.

Cardiff failed to retain possession early and their usual fluid play was continuously interrupted by Brunel’s neat interceptions.

Brunel’s pressure paid off quickly and after winning a succession of short corners they slotted the opener past the Cardiff defence.

However, Cardiff did not take long to reply. Vice-captain Amy Mc Gowan’s powerful shot was blocked

by Brunel’s ‘keeper, only to be picked up by Sophie Blair who flicked it over the unbalanced ‘keeper.

Cardiff had drawn level and proceeded to enjoy their best spell of the half. After some lovely linking play by midfielders Beth Stephens and Angharad Griffiths they found captain Tamara Fateh in space. Showing both her pace and skills, Fateh took on the waiting defence, successfully reaching the circle, where she passed to a waiting Laura Ferguson for a simple finish on the left post.

The second half saw a panicked Cardiff trying to cling onto their lead. Brunel had all the pressure and if it had not been for man-of-thematch Natalie Blythe’s superb tackling in defence they would have not been leading for long.

With fourteen minutes to go Brunel won a short corner. Initially blocked by McGowan, it fell for another striker who blasted past the Cardiff ‘keeper.

Full time and a two-all draw, the match went to a seven and a half minutes each way extra time, which ran through at a stalement to see the match decided by penalty flicks.

Brunel stepped up to the mark first but goalkeeper Lizzie Hawes saved with a dive to her right.

Angharad Griffiths slotted hers away to put Cardiff in the lead.

Again Hawes saved Brunel’s attempt and Tamara Fateh found the back of the net with her flick.

The hosts scored their next two but there was nothing stopping the Cardiff team reaching promotion with Amy McGowan and Laura Ferguson finding the backboard.

In achieving promotion, the current squad have guided the Ladies’ Hockey club for the first time in their history.

An ecstatic Fateh after the match said: “I’m so pleased for the girls, we have had a fantastic season and deserved the win today. We are looking forward to competing in the Prem next season.”

50 gairrhydd

SPORT

MARCH.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Ingebjørg Braseth Kickboxing Reporter

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY Kickboxing club exceeded expectations at the 2007 British Universities Kickboxing Association National Championship in Kent, despite injury blighting one of their brightest hopes.

The annual tournament, which is in its seventh year running, saw more than 100 fighters taking part from a variety of British universities.

Apart from an inter-club tournament, this is currently the only National Championship in which the club participates, making it a big event for the members.

Cardiff was well represented in the tournament with 15 competitors, ensuring at least one competitor in each weight category.

By the end of the first round, they had won eight of their fights, a major achievement for the team who had only been practicing with ‘proper’ equipment for a few

weeks prior to the tournament.

Ross Eales coped well with being defeated in the semi-finals, commenting: “I am disappointed but I’ve really enjoyed the tournament. Having your team behind you gives a real rush when competing.”

Bad luck caused Ellie McKay, one of the favourites to win her category, to pull out only a few seconds into the semi-final.

She took a hard punch to the shoulder, which aggravated an old injury, leaving her unable to continue the fight which was a big disappointment to all her supporters.

“I was annoyed that that’s the way I had to go out, but its just one of those things really,” she conceeded after the fight.

However, Kickboxing head coach Rob Redmond was very happy with the efforts of his fighters, saying: “I had no expectations; everyone has surpassed what I thought they were capable of.”

With several competitors reaching the semi-finals at the tournament Redmond could travel back to Cardiff proud of his team.

PHOTO: INGEBJØRG BRASETH

Kicked in the teeth

Tens time ahead

CARDIFF UNIVERSITY’S Head Of Rugby Martyn Fowler has announced his IBW Cardiff University Squad for the 2007 Hong Kong Tens tournament.

The squad of 15 will travel to the Far East to compete on the 28 – 29 March against some of the best tens sides in the world, which is shaping up, according to the tournament Chairman Darron Mitchell to be: “The toughest in the 22-year history of the Tens.”

Fowler explained his squad selection in this statement: “Some very difficult decisions had to be made this

year with regard to squad selection, as there are many players in the rugby club who have performed superbly well against the best BUSA Premiership teams, many of whom were filled with international players from all over the country.

“The nature of the 10s game rules certain players out, but many were extremely unlucky due to injury and selection criteria. After making many tough decisions we believe we have selected the best 15 players available capable of competing with the strongest 10s teams in the world.

Forwards:

“We have a tough first round draw; the Acorns (Shield finalists last year) and second seeds the Aliens, Cup finalists last year, a squad filled with New Zealand super 14 players, but we are confident that if all members of the squad perform to their ability they could cause a few major upsets.

“The standard of opposition for the 10s is the strongest it has ever been, the boys will have to perform from the first whistle if we are to progress and challenge for a major trophy this year.”

Look out for further coverage of the 10s in future issues

Backs:

•Aaron Fowler (Cardiff RFC: WRU Premiership) •Andrew Cassidy (Cardiff University RFC) •Ed Hampson (Rhiwbina RFC)

•David Lewis (Cardiff University RFC) •Jon Hill (Cross Keys RFC: WRU Premiership) •Jon Walder (Pontypridd RFC: WRU Premiership) •Matthew Hopper (Newport RFC: WRU Premiership)

•Ed Steven (Cardiff University RFC)

•Michael Schropfer (Mumbles RFC)

•Emyr James (Rumney RFC) •Francis Alex Huntley (Cardiff University RFC) •Mathew Strong (Cardiff University RFC)

•Tom Isaacs. (Cardiff University: WRU Premiership) •Tom Powell (Builth Wells RFC) •Geoff Hobbs (Glamorgan Wanders RFC: WRU Premiership)

BRUTAL: Action At Last Year’s Tens

Glimmer of hope Rule violation may give Netball firsts a way back into BUSA Championship Cardiff had managed to open up a 15 - 11 lead when Northumbria called a time-out, despite their GD suffering no apparent injury.

This controversial tactic had haltNORTHUMBRIA 1sts . . . . . . .42 ed Cardiff’s momentum earlier in the CARDIFF 1sts . . . . . . . . . . . .33 season against Bath and once again, the comparably inexperienced Welsh CARDIFF NETBALL firsts suffered side lost their focus as their oppoa demoralising 42 - 33 defeat to nents performed the reverse going on the Northern Premiership win- a free-scoring run to reach half time ners Northumbria in the BUSA four up.

For the first time this season, the Championship quarter-finals, despite holding their own for self-belief in Cardiff was absent.

Despite the prospect of failing in the much of the game.

Against a Northumbria side field- last eight for three consecutive years, ing five Superleague players, Cardiff could not lift their increasCardiff’s short, sharp passing ingly flat performance.

The final score was 42-33, a allowed them to get around the rangy Kiwi defence, creating opportunities respectable, but hugely disappointfor Vaughan and Allchurch to slot ing result for the Welsh side.

“Knowing we have pushed the away with effortless assurance.

Centre Carys Jenkins kept pace, winners of the two Premierships trading blow for blow with her closer than any one else is no consoEngland international opponent and lation; we know we could match any Cardiff finished the first quarter 11 - team in the country on our day and had a great shot at winning BUSA,” 10 up.

The second quarter began in a commented a deflated Jenkins.

However, this may not be the end style akin to the first. Cardiff’s superior speed and agility allowed them for Cardiff this season. A complaint to create and convert attacking plays, was made to BUSA before the match whilst in defence, superlative team- about the suitability of the court.

Rules state the backline area must work disrupted Northumbrian possession and helped gain numerous be at least 1.5m, with the Northumbrian court clearly breachturnovers.

Having passed a last minute fit- ing this.

It is now left up to BUSA, but if ness test on a back injury, GD Oatley combined brilliantly with GK Lyons the complaint is upheld, Cardiff will to shut down their opponent’s attack- have the prospect of a rematch and ing options and turnover ball for the the possibility of a fiery semi-final against local rivals, UWIC. attack to capitalise on.

Becky Oatley Netball Reporter

gairrhydd

SPORT

MARCH.05.2007 SPORT@gairrhydd.COM

Mission to Malta CARDIFF UNIVERSITY Men's Hockey 1sts are holding a Mixed Netball Tournament to fund a trip to Malta to compete in the 2007 European Cup Winners Cup. The squad qualified for the European competiton via their win in last year’s Welsh Cup in Swansea.

The Netball tournament will be held on Sunday 18th March at Talybont Sports Centre, and the club is inviting anyone to enter a team – the only requirements are that each team must consist of 10 players and the entrance fee is £3 per person. To enter a team, send an email with your team name

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Two cl se for comfor t

and a contact phone number to:cardiffhockey@hotmail.co.uk, and for more information about the tournament you can join the Mission to Malta: Mixed Netball Tournament Facebook group. The deadline for entering a team is Wednesday, March 14 and all details about the tournament will be emailed by Friday, March 16.

Prizes will be given throughout the day including awards for the best dressed team and the eventual winners.

The Hockey squad have also organised an 18-hour team exercise bike challenge on Friday, March 9 on the Union steps.

Squash Into Scots Semi Continued from Back Page

Second the best Continued from Back Page opener Eyre showed her flare and reached 25 rapidly. With the required run rate nearing 13-anover, Cardiff’s quality shone through as their place in the final was clinched after ten overs.

Loughborough came out victorious from Group A setting up a final against the Welsh side.

Six hours of cricket prior to the final looked as if it was taking its toll on Cardiff who despite their best efforts in the field, especially by Bethan Smith, could only keep Loughborough down to mammoth 155 runs.

Loughborough continued to show Cardiff why they are ranked number one in the country with some flawless bowling that made it near impossible for the girls to score.

Openers Eyre and Kislingbury were dismissed early and despite an amazing batting spell by Wray, who made 25 not out, the overs ticked by with few runs being scored.

Smith managed an extra ten with the support of Smith but it was not enough as the side reached 83 from their allotted overs.

The team gained their first ever BUSA silver medals for the indoor tournament, and are confident they can better this when the outdoor BUSA season begins in April.

PHOTO: ED SALTER

Again, Hira went up in the third, however, with visible and audible frustration, he let this lead slip away in the final two games, never looking comfortable as he lost 9 - 5, 1 9, 9 - 6, 3 - 9, 0 - 9.

With UWE being given a ray of hope from third seed Manase’s win, the match between the second ranked players Mark Pearce and John Augustus began promisingly for the Bristolians, as Augustus shot to a 7 1 lead in the opener.

However, Pearce chased every lost cause and fought back to set up a tense finale at the end of the first game.

After agonisingly spurning his first game point, and with both players struggling to hold onto their serves, the Cardiff number two Pearce held his nerve to win 10 - 8.

From here, he settled into a comfortable rhythm, varying the pace of the ball and displaying excellent reflexes as the second game started positively for the Welsh uni.

Augustus was simply not showing enough invention to ruffle Pearce, who won the second 9 - 5, and then took the final game 9 - 4 with a delightful double-lob at match ball.

Pearce’s triumph put Cardiff into an unassailable 3 - 1 lead in the tie,

leaving top seeds Rhys Owen and Robin Aris to fight out a dead rubber.

Despite this, both players made the match an intense affair as it went to five games.

Cardiff Captain Owen took advantage of Aris’ ankle twinge to open up a small lead as his opponent gingerly moved around the court, and converted this into a 9 - 5 first game win.

In the second, Aris gained the early momentum and strolled to a 9 2 victory. The Cardiff skipper took a pressure filled third game 9 - 7, but for the rest of the match looked jaded and static as Aris levelled the overall score at 2 - 2 after reeling off six quick points in a 9 - 1 game.

With both players trading pointfor-point blows, fitness told as Owen succumbed to a 9 - 3 defeat, losing 3 - 2 after a furious forehand down the line sealed the win for Aris Regardless of this, the 3 - 2 tie win means Cardiff 1sts have made it through to the semi-finals of the BUSA Shield and will travel to Napier University in a fortnight.

Looking ahead to the fixture, Squash Captain Rhys Owen said: “Napier are an unknown quantity so we don’t really know what to expect.

“We do have a strong team that could challenge for the Shield; even though it was 3 – 2 today we were in control in all the matches.”

CARDIFF Men’s 0 LOUGHBOROUGH Men’s 3

Volleyball lose out by two points in each set as Loughborugh progress Scott D’Arcy Sports Reporter LOUGHBOROUGH STARTED as they mean to go on in the BUSA Volleyball Championship after knocking Cardiff Men’s team out in straight sets.

They took an early 3 point lead in the first set and stayed ahead as two aces showed them to be technically powerful. Cardiff however had the answer with some hard spiking of their own, along with some sublime deft touches when the opposition least expected it.

The first set was keenly contested and Cardiff pulled level late on to make it 18 a piece.

At this point, the momentum was with Cardiff, so Loughborough took a timeout to disrupt their flow. It worked and they moved to within four points of taking the set and a crucial foothold on the game Cardiff failed to regain their dominance and Loughborough closed out the set 23 - 25.

However, Cardiff captain Ollie Rocos was determined not to let his team’s heads drop and so encouraged

them to fight just as hard as they had in the previous set.

The second set started much like the first, however, and Loughborough asserted themselves to take an early 7 3 lead.

This was where Cardiff showed incredible character as they powered back into the game and took the lead 15 – 12. Some great backcourt work saved Cardiff from losing their hard earned advantage, as both Benni Pfister and Quentin Derunes made desperate diving saves.

This was complemented by strong play near the net, with Christian Pandis and Matt Garton blocked and spiked to good effect.

Again the set levelled at 18 all and a Cardiff timeout allowed for a brief breather before an intense conclusion.

It was blow-for-blow until Cardiff moved to set point with a nice set up pass by Derunes which Rocos smashed downwards across court.

Loughborough immediately responded and equalized. Each point was fiercely contested as Cardiff desperately needed to level and Loughborough were eager to take a commanding two set lead.

The latter proved too strong at the net and took the next two points and the set to make it look incredibly hard for Cardiff to overturn the deficit.

Entering the third, and potentially final set, the team showed typical bravado after every point scored but it was clear that some of the fight and determination had gone.

This was apparent when Loughborough pulled away to open a huge nine point gap at 13 - 22.

But a Cardiff timeout instilled some fire back into the players and they came out swinging and a huge spike by Garton set in motion an on the edge comeback that saw Cardiff put on 11 points to Loughborough’s two to make it 24 all.

The small partisan crowd on the sideline watched with bated breath urging the next two points to seal the set and get Cardiff back in the game.

However, their opponents again dug deep and scored twice to secure their victory.

The disappointment of the team was tangible as they perhaps deserved more for their effort, but they can take positives from the fact that they were not outplayed.

Sport gairrhydd

IMG Netball end-of-season special Page 46

Ladies play well at Lord’s

CARDIFF Men’s 1sts UWE Men’s 1sts

3 2

SMASH AND GRAB

PHOTO: JAMESON KERGOZOU

Ruth Smith Cricket Reporter

Men’s Squash reach the BUSA Shield semi-finals with an impressive victory George Pawley Sports Editor

UWE WERE swept aside by Cardiff Men’s Squash firsts, who advanced to the last four of the BUSA Shield after a 3 - 2 home win.

The quarter-final victory was set up early after Cardiff secured wins in the opening two matches, but from then on the tie was a patchy display as the

squad struggled to gain the decisive third rubber.

Fifth and fourth seeds James Wueszer and Mark Curry gave Cardiff an imposing start as they put their side 2 - 0 up inside half an hour on court.

Wueszer’s game against UWE player Josh Forde began at a frantic pace with both players working each other around the court skillfully.

At 6 - 3 up, Forde was cruising to a first game win until the Cardiff player produced a delicate backhand to stop

the game running away from him.

This proved to be the critical point of the match, as after clinching the game 9 - 6 Wueszer went on to dominate proceedings in a straight sets victory. Curry crushed his opponent Quentin Robinson 9 - 1, 9 - 1, 9 - 1 shortly after, leaving UWE needing wins from all three of the remaining games to qualify for the semis.

With Curry working the ball well, Robinson was pressured into numerous mistakes and unforced errors,

allowing the home player to ease past him without breaking a sweat.

Alex Hira’s match against Tats Manase provided tension without a great deal of quality as it went to five games, with both players playing through spells of form and inconsistency.

Hira took the first game 9 - 5, but despite Manase looking too casual at times, he surrendered the second 1 - 9 through loose and careless strokes.

Continued on page 51

CARDIFF Ladies’ Cricket squad travelled to the home of cricket at Lord’s to play in the BUSA indoor finals - and they fought bravely to finish as runners-up.

The Ladies recorded Group B wins against York, Bournemouth and Aberystwyth. But they narrowly lost to Loughborough in the final.

After losing the toss against York in the opener, Cardiff were put into bat and they welcomed this with an excellent display.

Opener Ettie Eyre’s first shot of the game went for six as she was dismissed after scroing an impressive 18 runs. The batsmen continued steadily and managed 116 runs from their 12 overs.

A great catch from wicketkeeper Laura Ralph after only two overs dismissed the York opener and the wickets continued to fall thanks to some superb bowling by Cat Wray with figures of 2 -17. York were all out for 63 runs after ten overs.

The second game saw an increasingly confident Cardiff team who chose to field first. A great catch by Lauren Woolfenden and a wicket maiden

by Emma Kislingbury ended the good spell by the Bournemouth openers.

Wickets were then taken quickly by Wray and captain Ruth Smith which meant Cardiff needed only 92 runs to secure their second win.

Eyre continued her fearless batting style and easily made the 25 runs retirement total.

Kislingbury was caught out early but the match was comfortably decided after just 9 overs.

Cardiff found themselves top of their group going into their third game against Aberystwyth.

However, losing this last group game could mean missing out on a place in the final.

Aber were put into bat and despite great fielding efforts and some fine wicket keeping by Ralph they had managed 90 runs from only 9 overs.

A tired Cardiff side dug deep and some tight bowling meant Aberystwyth were kept to 109 5. This seemed a far reach for a fatigued Cardiff team, but again Continued on page 51

GAIR RHYDD AND QUENCH MAGAZINE IS PUBLISHED BY UNIVERSITY UNION CARDIFF, PARK PLACE, CARDIFF CF10 3QN REGISTERED AS A NEWSPAPER AT THE POST OFFICE GAIR RHYDD RESERVES THE RIGHT TO EDIT ALL CONTRIBUTIONS THE VIEWS EXPRESSED ARE NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE PUBLISHERS THE GAIR RHYDD IS WRITTEN, DESIGNED, TYPESET AND OUTPUT BY STUDENTS OF CARDIFF UNIVERSITY VANSTONE WANTS PERRI FOR “JUST A SECOND” AMIRA PECKS NIKKI’S HOOTERS - NIKKI BREAKS DOWN WITH ‘THE GIGGLES’ HORWOOD: “I MISS MY BUSH” NEWS IN BRIEFS KISS MY FACE RENNISON GRACE HAS NEVER HAD A PENIS BUT SHE HAS HAD A PINK SOCK MENON ‘WANTED IN CAGE’ BY EDDY NO-ONE WANTS TO GO ON A GAIR RHYDD SOCIAL THANKS HAPPY 836TH BIRTHDAY GAIR RHYDD WHERE’S OUR CAKE AMY? VANSTONE, WE’RE SO PROUD OF YOU SWEETIE