Y E A R LY
October, 2011 ISSUE 4
DALE & MILA
How He Stole Her Heart!
EXCLUSIVE
ZACH IS BACK!
Bonnie’s Semi-Secret Addiction!
Zach’s return to B-Town:
• The wife • The fame • The ministry
MICAH’S MELTDOWN
On-Set Upset!
STREET SCENE
Who Wore It Best? GAB! asked 100 people in line at the AllWays Café.
Spring Silverman
71%
en PETA found INSIDE SCOOP: Wh Highway Flats vie mo the out the stars of red carpet in fur, were going to walk the scene with paint protestors were on the imal love in their an d in their balloons an down when the hearts. Everything died the vests were actors’ agents explained ian line. tar from Diesel’s 100% vege 2 October 2011
Willow Orthwein
27%
Derek Rose
1%
Get the look! Spring, Willow, and Derek are wearing Vulture Bait by RoadKiller: $14,999.
VEGETARIAN FURS ™
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GAB ! 3
RAERPDET Who Wore It Best?
C
GAB! asked some people at Bryn Athyn Thrift Shop.
Aria Carter
77%
Naomi Watts
23%
Aria let her Stella McCartney outfit shine, while Naomi’s stuffy jacket stifled her look.
Lea Michelle
14%
Clara Odhner Kristin Lindsay
86% 56%
GLITTER GIRLS! The Glee star rocked Brian Lichtenberg at her 29th b-day bash in Las Vegas. Clara sparkled at her charity event in L.A.
Hilary Swank
26%
Jenica Andic
74%
Hilary’s pink shoes were too distracting, whereas Jenica’s aqua gloves offset her outfit perfectly.
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BEST DRESSES
A NIGHT to SHINE
WITH COLORFUL GOWNS AND PERFECT POSTURE, THESE STARS SWEPT UP THE RED CARPET COMPETITION
SASHA SILVERMAN in Donna Karen Couture The Best Supporting Extra on a Set nominee hit the red carpet in layers of scarlet and 85 carats of Chopard diamonds.
MELISSA KLOC in Oscar de la Renta In a champagne tulle gown with gold paillette embroidery, the comedian pulls off a look that her hair stylist Marguerite Herder calls “Romance a la 1991.”
SANDRA BULLOCK in Marchesa
Sandra’s sleek tresses match her fitted, sequined gown. The actress’ lipstick adds the perfect pop of pink to her monochromatic ensemble.
BRIENNE LERMITTE
in Monique Lhuillier This fashion photographer is just as good in front of the camera as she is behind it. Confident in her understated elegance, Brienne rocks a classic black dress.
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL in handpainted Dries van Noten
Mags commissioned this custom dress, asking van Noten to create a look inspired by a butterfly on a pond at night.
ALISON CHILDS
in Zuhair Murhad The host steals the show in a dramatic 1920’s-inspired gown. Perfectly draped layers fall to the floor, dripping with sequins, and a belt pulls everything together.
RADDS DA
A DAY WITH MY DADDY
These famous youngsters love spending time with Dad! Cousin Country star Pehri Rhodes shares the piercing blue gaze and dusky blue shirt of daddy Luke.
SPITTGINE’ IMA
T BAREFDOIEOS! BUD When Derek Smith spends an afternoon with daughters Scarlett and Windsor, footwear is optional.* *The Smith sisters are not eligible for the Heart & Sole shoe donation project, since they do in fact own shoes.
8 October 2010
DADDY’S GIRL Ainsley Odhner cozied up to papa Chad after enjoying a family concert at the Bryn Athyn Bounty Farm Market.
OFFICIAL SELECTION BA BACKYARD FILM FESTIVAL
LAURA GLADISH
A Life of Lies
WINNER!
AUDIENCE AWARD C & S CLUB FILM FESTIVAL
hosanna ODHNER
T
Is Laura’s love of the city a sham?
OFFICIAL PHILADELPHIA WOODED ‘BURBS FILM FESTIVAL
his August, dyed-inthe-wool New Yorker Laura Gladish was sighted at a Bryn Athyn Bounty Farm Market, blending right in with the country-folk. Though her cool exterior suggests that she loves the city, she was seen standing in a field of dirt and plants, admiring chickens and talking to grandmothers and young children. “It’s an embarrassment that any New Yorker would deign to stand near natural dirt. It’s not like city grime, it’s much fowler,” says fellow New Yorker Jon Stewart. Laura released a statement claiming to be “as loyal a New Yorker as I ever was,” and adding, “I have no plans to move to Bryn Athyn within the next few weeks.”
colin FIRTH joralyn ECHOLS
The only thing faster than light is love.
GAB! POLL
8SA0ID % YES
[
theory of relativity
]
Soni Werner on a Hog:
SHOULD SHE START A BA BIKER GANG? GAB ! 9
GAB ! 9
R E V O C S R A T S
This year’s cover stars ranged from glam to goofy. Jonathan Rose discusses fashion changes and Rachel Gardam talks breakfast.
Wayne Parker’s recent cover incited angst from jealous bagpipers who disbelieved the musician could really play while standing in a sub-zero Canadian lake.
Who Jonathan Rose Hometown Bryn Athyn On his new role as arm candy “Yes, I’ve had to spend a bit more time on my hair recently.” Goofy Grandpa! Since the birth of grandson Pehr, Jonathan’s been spending more time with the fam.
Grandpa Jo-Ro loves spending time with baby Pehr.
LATEST TREND: HORSE-FLIPPING!
Who Rachel Gardam Hometown Kempton On her new man “He makes me pancakes.” Strikingly similar! Rachel’s fans have noticed that she and filmmaker sweetheart, Chris Lewis have identical coiffures. Their hairstylist refused to comment.
SUE: BE SPECIAL IS
ST OF ROCK
2011
HOUS ATHYN OF BRYN O’S OUT & WH
BE WHO WILL
MOST
NTIC ROMAND RIE & BOYFKEI TH
DAVE SE DEREK RO SQUARE OFF KEYS THE BLACK Y RABBIT CIT HER ZEC LE DA
10 October 2011
Dylan Odhner
Voted Most Eligible Bachelor in the World GET THE DETAILS
Former gymnast Kelsie Odhner has been flipping horses for a profit READ HER STORY
EXCLUSIVE
Erika Jewell’s wedding vows
REALS THE EW IVE WHO’S IN
HORSE&HOUND
RocURk: PhoSUtMoMER TO THE
PTON ELPHIA, KEM IEND RK, PHILAD MY BOYFR , NEW YO NE WITH CHICAGO ALBUM: ALO NEW IR THE
Who Dylan Odhner Hometown BA, PA On his valiant steed “I’m on a horse.” Still single! After his nomination as Most Eligible Bachelor, fans expected Dylan to snag a girl, but the final unhitched O-Bro remains on the market and looking for love, unconfirmed sources report.
Who Gwyneth Paltrow Hometown LA, CA On naming her children “With Apple, it was hard to decide; we considered lots of options, including Gourd, Huckleberry, and Paw Paw.” Birthday Bash The Oscarwinning actress celebrated her 39th birthday in September with a blowout bash in New York City.
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Love ge Marria
TRUE LOVE?
Some local Bryn Athynites still don’t believe Yesenia is real, saying that if Zach wanted to make the story more believable, he should have made it less romantic.
SEASIDE ROMANCE
Rumor has it Zach and Yesenia are considering purchasing an island off the coast of New Jersey! 12 October 2011
CENTER STAGE
To keep in step with his bride during their first dance, Zach purchased Dance, Dance, Revolution before the wedding.
ZACH’S BACK! Z
ach Walter, voted Best Teeth and Most Likely
to Leave Bryn Athyn and Never Look Back, has returned to his old stomping grounds. Here to pursue a Masters of Divinity, Zach has not returned empty-handed. In October 2010, Zach married Yesenia Adame, internationally renowned salsa dancer, actress, and model. The romantic ceremony took place on the immaculate estate of a Major General near Los Angeles, California. So why did Zach trade in his Blue Dress and sabre for a white robe and stoll? Rumors abound, but reliable sources close to the couple told GAB! that Zach is still fully employed by the U.S. Marine Corps, working for a special division whose purpose is to investigate cults. Bryn Athyn has been on the armed forces’ radar for quite some time, but they had not been able to infiltrate the Swedenborgian Bubble... until now. Zach and Yesenia have been spotted going in and out of the Willow Grove Air Force Base, but GAB! reporters were refused entry er Chris Barb due to lack of credentials. (Stay tuned for developments on this front, once GAB! editors have had a chance to work on the as-yetSTEPPING IT UP uncooperative, retired Lt. Col. Greg Rose). Dancing With the Ministers is scheduled to air in 2012. Due to Zach isn’t the only one with big Bryn Athyn a surprising lack of enthusiasm plans—Yesenia has her own agenda. Using her from the pool of potential experience on Dancing with the Stars, Yesenia contestants, Yesenia opened it is looking to produce a spinoff: Dancing with up to theologs. “It was the best the Ministers. “I thought Bryn Athyn’s Next decision I made,” gushes Yesenia. Top Minister [which premiered on YouTube “Chris Barber can rumba with the last March] was genius. As soon as Zach and best of them, and now Andy Dibb I arrived in Bryn Athyn, I knew exactly what is considering adding a dance this town needed: another reality show!” class to the curriculum!” GAB ! 13
D N E R T ATCH! W
OUTRAGEOUS IN
ORANGE
To fend off paparazzi, Kristin Lindsay and Diane van Zyverden stay side-by-side when stepping out.
Wendinne Buss and Miriam Synnestvedt partner up for a perfect combo—one friend in black and one in orange for the perfect orange/black duo-pop!
Sarah Gladish, host of Cameron’s Kitchen, pairs her silky orange Versace jacket with a soft blue scarf.
14 October 2011
INSIDE SCOOP!
These ladies may look sw were both asked to leave eet, but they the soccer game when the ref’s whistle could over their overly-enthusiast not be heard ic cheers.
GET HER LOOK! Pierce yo ur ear, then repeat twelve times!
LATTE LOVE! Kristin has been seen sharing lattés with BF Derek Rose.
Katya Grafska wore swaths of orange to the premiere of crony Kat Gatti’s latest film, The Suite Life of Kat and Rachel. During a day at the races, Chyler Henderson held tight to Tanner Jungé, saying “He’s the perfect orange accessory.”
For her appearance at the Cairnwood Gala, Gwyneth Paltrow chose a snakeskin Givenchy clutch as an accent to her orange frock.
CAIRN PENDLETON “Orange can really bring out your eyes,” says the star.
GAB ! 15
SNACK! TIME S KIDS FAMOUO ! EAT, TO Between takes, Five and Famous headliners Brock and James Petersmeyer recharge by snacking on sugary sticky buns with co-star Austen Wrinkle.
Duncan Childs obviously prefers chocolate ice cream to this vanilla cone, but the threeyear-old son of Cameron and Ali Childs managed to stomach the afternoon treat.
SWEET EARS! Despite her tiny teeth, Erelah Odhner can polish off an ear of corn in less than sixty minutes.
16 October 2011
SPORTY SNACKS
While olympic gold medalist Whin Brown-Sylla runs through an afternoon workout, sister Mira Brown keeps one-year-old Denzin happy with a handful of apple slices.
what you NEED TO KNOW!
Sibling superstars Chyler and Cade Henderson share a slice of homemade apple pie at the Bryn Athyn Music Festival.
Mother-oftwo Sasha Silverman loves getting parenting advice.
OOPS!
SUGAR & SPICE!
Cade doe sn’t m here and ind a drip He has pe there. ople care of th to take at.
Every parent needs a few tips now and then. Clip this list out and stash it in your Louis Vuitton for daily use: • Two nannies are better than one. • If your kid isn’t listening, talk louder. • Toddler spray-tans are much healthier than harmful UV rays. • There’s no minimum driving age for golf carts. Teach your kids early so they can take themselves to the playground. • Stock up on kiddie sunglasses—they protect from the sun and from the camera flashes. • GIve your child a GPS so they can find their way around your estate. • There’s no boo-boo a moon bounce won’t fix. GAB ! 17
MAJOWRN! MELTDO
MICAH ODHNER
On-Set Upset! Kristen Stewart’s callous comments spark cosmetic alterations.
L
ast Wednesday, one of Hollywood’s most mysterious artists shed his austere exterior, trading in his usual cool-as-a-cold-cut-sandwich attitude for a heated outburst. On the set of his upcoming film—An Eagle in Bear Country—director Micah Odhner faced off against lead actress Kristen Stewart. According to cameraman Stewart F., whose last name as been kept anonymous to protect his identity, the altercation began when Kristen made an offhand comment about redheaded directors being “sensitive.” Micah immediately lost his cool and threw his headphones on the ground, yelling “CUT!...CUT FOREVER!” before storming off-set. A spokesperson for redheaded director Dylan Hendricks said prejudice against “ginger” directors is a rampant problem in Hollywood. Though there are no confirmed reports of violence inflicted on celebrities because of their hair color, many redheads report sensing undertones of mistrust and jealousy. Since his 2009 directorial debut with Body by Nintendo, Micah has been known for his calm on-set presence. “This outburst seems totally out of character,” said screenwriter Derek Rose, who did not write An Eagle Micah o in Bear Country. Filming resumed Wednesdnayset . Thursday, and the movie is set for a July 2013 release.
18 October 2011
Micah on set Thursday.
When filming resumed after the on-set spat over Micah’s red hair, the director arrived with a slight cosmetic adjustment: a shaved head. Micah’s publicist claims the decision to go bald was unrelated to Kristen Stewart’s comments.
BONNIE HODGELL
Over-Indulging
W
ord on the street is that after years of semi-secret indulgence, Bonnie Hodgell’s addiction to Brita-filtered water is finally out in the open. Former colleague Esther Yardumian-Smyth says the knowledge of Bonnie’s struggles have been weighing on her conscience for years. “I would see her between classes, sneaking into the teacher’s lounge with a glass for a fix.” It was only after her retirement this spring that Esther worked up the courage to stage an intervention for her overindulgent friend. With the support of mutual friends Susan Sarandon and Betsy Asplundh, Bonnie has made strides toward recovery. BFF Tracy McCardell reports that Bonnie can now stomach several varieties of bottled water, including Fiji and Voss.
VIP SCENE
Amy Brickman (above) running a triathlon while shirtless fiancé Ivan Maddock cheered her on. Brittany Gruber taking a nose dive while skiing in Colorado Springs. Tracy McCardell gives GAB! the inside scoop.
MILA KUNIS
Man Trouble
U
Dale’s dapper outfits wow his woman.
p-and-coming extra Derek Hyatt’s dreams came true when he and Mila Kunis started dating in September. His hopes were soon smashed, however, when he discovered she was only with him to get to his co-worker Dale Zecher. “She said he is a better man,” Derek says. “I’m willing to admit defeat without debating her rationality or the validity of her opinion or what the word “better” really means.” Dale, whose latest album Howling at the Moon dropped this fall, says his recent fame and musical success has nothing to do with his blossoming relationship with Mila. Sources say Derek has begun work on a country album.
Allen Linnell catching a romantic comedy with a redheaded female friend. Baird Kistner and Joey McIntyre rocking out to “Never Say Never” at a soldout Justin Bieber concert in Philadelphia. Jason Bateman catching a ride across B-town on a Yellow Bike. Cheryl Cooper and January Jones steering coordinated baby buggies through Masons Mill Park, while sons Durban and Xander enjoyed the ride. Anders Hyatt pausing to croon a love song to bride Esther Dziekpor Hyatt in a Starbucks parking lot. Arina Tsepenyuk and Audrina Patridge shopping for watches at Govberg’s. Michael Douglas and Jeremy Simons catching up over cappuccinos at College Grounds Café.
Got some hot gossip? EMAIL GABMAGAZINE@GMAIL.COM
Heartbroken Derek seems to have no reason to shave.
GAB ! 19
Trend Watch!
THE LOOK FOR LE$$!
Fabulous Fi PORTABL E! CONV ENIENT!
$0.25
MANLY?
EARRINGS BATS
$0.00 SHIRT
NOT STAR’S
KEVIN JUNGÉ
Bargain Ensemble! ... . . . . . . . . . . .
Star Silverman stood out in a fabulous day-to-evening look for less than $900!
$0.55
VINTAGE APRON BEHIND THE DRYER (ADDED LACE ACCENTS)
$1.75
BLACK SKIRT WAL-MART (CLEARANCE)
$890 SHOES
LANVIN BLACK SATIN PUMPS
DIANE VAN ZYVERDEN Diane’s necklace is made from old newspaper and her skirt is fashioned from reusable shopping bags. TOTAL COST: $3.25
20 October 2011
inds and All the Latest Trends! MAN PURSE MANIA! SKYLE SIVLERRM AN
Don’t be sh love your mya, Sky, we n purse!
KEIFER SUTHERLAND
ADAM SUTTON
As a true connoisseur, Adam loves accessorizing, but he’s picky with his purses.
K
REAL MEN CARRY PURSES!
evin Jungé has been toting his man purse around California for more than a year, but the trend is only now reaching the east coast. Man purses are now the ‘it’ accessory for any Bryn Athyn guy. This was especially noticeable at the Bryn Athyn Bounty Farm Markets, where men were snatching up Lori Odhner’s recycled, custom tote bags. Says Lori, “I thought they were buying them for their wives!” “I thought I was buying it for my wife, too,” admitted Adam Sutton, “But once I slung it over my shoulder, I knew I would never take it off again.” Skyler Silverman says his pockets have never been so empty. “And the way I hold the purse really accentuates my shoulder blades. They’re my best feature.” This winter, Kevin’s line of man purses will hit the shelves, featuring products such as: Handyman Handbag, Sack Up, Carry-On My Wayward Son, and It’s in the Bag. GAB ! 21
Hedging his bets and vying for votes, Adam Sutton is careful not to show favoritism, spending equal time with nieces Chyler Henderson and Maya Sutton.
QT P O T E KNE
die for a ride Ryan Glunz takes niece Sa oon outing. ern on his knee during an aft remind Sadie Uncle Ryan is just trying to bought her about those two ponies he Family Ranch! that are back at the Hasen
Trend Watch!
SUPERUNCLES!
BONUS BABY!
It’s a relative showdown!
F
or these celebs, the excitement over superstardom is waning, as the allure of being an awesome uncle takes over. This opens up a whole new competition as each star competes to be best. Gone are the days of one-upping each other’s sports cars and square footage. Now all that matters is who knows how to french braid, makes the best smiley face pancakes, and can fit down the twirly slide at the playground. It’s a dog-eat-dog competition out there, and it’s every uncle for himself. The kids are eagerly egging the competition on, holding out judgment of who will be the “most awesomest uncle ever” until after the lucrative holiday season.
22 October 2011
DOUBLE DUTY
SUPER FUTURE?
Soon-to-be Super-Uncle competitor Jonathan Herr says he can’t wait to get in the game. Rumors say he already put a down payment on a Mini Cooper for his niece- or nephew-to-be.
O-Bro Dylan Odhner (left, with nephew Ozzy) has had bonus time with his nieces and nephews while brother and fellow O-Bro Thor and wife Megan get to know the family’s latest addition, baby girl Aubrey. Uncle Dylan loves his relatives so much that he’s considering adopting kids of his own! Dylan’s publicist assures fans that Dylan is taking the decision seriously, well aware that the leap to fatherhood would disqualify him from the Super-Uncle Showdown.
R
MATTHEW KENNEDY
RED 40 IT’S WHAT’S INSIDE.
When you’re tired, Red 40 is there. It’s the sugar, the dye, the color, the lifeblood of power. If you need momentary energy now and you’re willing to cope with a huge crash later, Red 40 is there. Let your blood run red.
MOVIES & TV
WHAT TO WATCH THIS WINTER This season’s shows share DNA with some of your old favorites! Check out the GAB! Guide and set your DVR!
TUNtaEtoIrN!
Dic ravo debuts on B October 15 at 9 PM
IF YOU LIKE...
THEN WATCH...
GLEE
MRS. ESTHER, DICTATOR
What It’s About Esther Yardumian-Smyth stars as a heavy-handed,
over-opinionated classroom dictator in this high school comedy drama. Stacked Cast Top-billed cast for this juicy comic drama include Mauro dePadua, Sarah Gladish, Cory Boyce, and Emily Klippenstein. Guest appearances include cameos from Denise DiFiglia and Jennifer Allen.
24 October 2011
MOVIES & TV
IF YOU LIKE...
THEN WATCH
CELEBRITY APPRENTICE
ROOKIE BOOKIES
THE DETAILS What It’s About Hosted by Ian
Chapman, the new reality show gives youngsters a chance to compete as apprentices to big-time bookies! Dynamic Duo Last week, Hope and Aurelle Odhner used quick thinking and careful calculations to emerge as the Radnor Challenge’s clear winners.
THE AMAZING RACE
WANDERING WEST
What It’s About In this alternately
fast-paced and painfully slow competition, five friends compete to see who can live longest on $1 a day. Man vs. Wife Though lovebirds Dan and Siri Griffin are both competing, strict rules dictate that the couple must may not share food or resources.
VAMPIRE DIARIES
UN-DEAD NEWLYWED
What It’s About Two newlyweds
must fight back in order to survive in a zombie-ridden world. Real Romance On-screen newlyweds are played by real-life couple Luke and Abby Howard, who say “filming together is a dream” despite the nightmare plot they enact.
THE ODD COUPLE
ROOM FOR ROOMATES
What It’s About Max Walko and
Ben Mansbach star in this witty sitcom about post-college buddies in a rocky roommate relationship. Flashback Double Take In the season premiere, actual college roommate and twin brother Zack Walko made a cameo as Max’s hand double.
PROJECT RUNWAY
DESIGN DIVAS
What It’s About Event design guru
Jenny Son throws down the gauntlet on competing design hopefuls. Designed for Love Jenny’s nononsense judging gives way to distracted giggles as her favoritism of one strikingly handsome contestant becomes hard to hide.
GAB ! 25
D N E TR TER SET
FROCKS ROCK!
Chyler Henderson is setting the trends this fall, in perfect purple and plaid! Emma Watson strutted rocker-chic plaid on Hollywood Blvd.
Jared Jungé chose a Pitcairn family plaid kilt for the GAB! Gala.
PLUM PIZZAZZ!
PUTTING ON THE PLAID! Kirsten Dunst pranced in purple at a New York City movie premiere.
She’s a Little Fashionista!
Olivia Palermo said, “Following the trends of younger stars helps keep me young!”
26 October 2011
T
he explosion of recent media attention given to Chyler Henderson has been compared to that of child superstars Emma Watson, Miley Cyrus, and 80’s E.T. show-stealer Drew Barrymore. So when Chyler’s summer looks trended toward purples and plaids, the fashion world took notice. Now, fall fashionistas of all ages are mimicking Chyler’s style verbatim.
For women who prefer to smell better.
JELENA
A NEW FRAGRANCE FROM SHILOH
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B E L E C S! PIC
THEY WEAS R SHORT
Celebrity couple Adriann Spinks and Ryan Glunz soak up the sun after returning from their vacation in the Himalayas. How long can Ryan’s mountainman beard last in the BA heat?
R O L O C Y E TH ! E T A N I D R COO American Cowboy leads Shiloh Silverman and Jelena Ivanova like to select matching taupe tops when spending an afternoon out.
BRYN A THYN
STARS JUST LIARE K YOU! E
Security was tight at Alanna and Fabrice Paradis Beland’s exclusive June wedding, but the paparazzi were able to snap this photo as the lovebirds left their reception.
Keith Gruber, star of ABC’s Dormitory Detention, just announced that he and wife Monica are expecting their second child.
L THEY FAVLE! IN LO 28 October 2011
THEY GET MARRIED!
Experienced wedding-goers Elmo and Abbie Acton deemed it the wedding of the week!
Billionaire Yenta Shannon Walko is a Libra!
GAB! HOROSCOPES LIBRA
CAPRICORN
ARIES
CANCER
SEP 23 – OCT 22
DEC 22 — JAN 19
MAR 21 – APR 19
JUN 21 – JUL 22
SCORPIO
AQUARIUS
TAURUS
LEO
OCT 23 – NOV 21
JAN 20 – FEB 18
APR 20 – MAY 20
JUL 23 – AUG 22
This month, you will become a master at interpreting your dreams, which will free you up to figure out all that bizarre stuff that goes on while you’re awake.
If you say ‘Scorpio’ 80 times fast, its starts to sound really silly. It also distracts you from watching the planetary movement. But we did catch the tail end: “Somethingsomethingsomething... and there you’ll meet your future spouse.”
The good news is, you will learn that humidity does wonders for your hair! Unfortunately that will only happen after you accidentally lock yourself in a sauna.
Next week will be full of surprises, which you will find is very fortunate once you figure out those hiccups aren’t going away.
The powers that be are always looking out for you, but that’s only because you have these really quirky mannerisms that just crack them up.
The stars have nothing to say about you this month. And when you think about it, that is quite an accomplishment, because there are, like, a gazillion stars. It’s the equivalent of dodging raindrops, only...cosmic!
PISCES FEB 19 – MAR 20
SAGITTARIUS NOV 22 – DEC 21
Walking out on a difficult situation never solves anything. But it does give you a head start on everyone else, and that will make all the difference.
Your exciting weekend will be ruined when that pesky store clerk just has to ask you what exactly you plan to do with 500 goldfish.
GEMINI MAY 21 – JUN 20
You will have a chance to reflect on your inner beauty when you travel to Serbia and find an entire country of people who look like you, only better.
“Just keep knocking on doors until the right one opens.” And if a really angry guy opens the door in his pajamas, that was probably the wrong door.
Next week, you will have the best dentist appointment of your life. And that is so, so great. Just hang onto that memory for the rest of the month, okay?
VIRGO AUG 23 – SEP 22
You have a really bright future ahead of you! And we’ll be really happy for you once we stop seeing these big, colorful spots when we close our eyes.
NIE AUF WITH CONNIE ZIMMER AND DAN HULTGREN
WIEDERSEHEN
SHOW STARTS MARC H 30
GAB ! 29
W
Love and Marriage
EDDINGS AT A GLANCE GAB! brings you the juiciest tid-bits from upcoming weddings
Is it too early to dub the couples Ivamendallson?
GUEST TEST Brooke Barnett and Roland Pitcairn are in the midst of planning a mountain-top wedding. “It’s a beautiful location, and it’s also really hard to get to,” Brooke explained. “We were hoping the high altitude combined with the treacherous climb would thin out the number of guests. We didn’t anticipate that everyone would RSVP ‘yes’!
Double Wedding?
Popularity is a pain!
It came as no surprise when inseparable roomies Jason Hyatt and Ivan Maddock proposed to their girlfriends Kendall Ayers and Amy Brickman within a couple weeks of each other. Now fans think a double wedding is in the works. Sources say Ivan and Jason want to have the reception in Ivan’s basement, because that’s where their friendship first blossomed.
e: Gill and Davlove! BONUS in Jolly well Dream Come True* REPORT! Playing Both Sides of the Pond On Sept. 24, in a custom-designed asymmetrical Annina King gown, Sarah Walker wed beau Nestor SolÍs in a ceremony outside of Kempton, PA. The guest list included a host of celebrity couples, including Kelly and Louis Woofenden, Derek Rose and Kristin Lindsay, and Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.
30 October 2011
David Hyam and Gillian Rose sent out two invitations, identical except for the location, leaving the press to decide whether to stake out an English castle or the Bryn Athyn Cathedral. Paparazzi have their knickers in a knot as they each guess where the couple will wed. Crumpet sales soar as they eat their feelings.
*The editors of GAB! realize that since this wedding has already taken place it no longer counts as an “upcoming” wedding. However, since Sarah and Nestor opted for a brief 4-month engagement and this publication is issued annually, we are taking this opportunity to give the couple a belated shout-out.
Lauren O’Sullivan
BEFORE
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When Bryn Athyn demands answers, GAB! delivers. Doug, Cheryl, Taryn, and Sheila take a turn in the hot seat.
Q &A
DOUGLAS AARON KEITH
Jeans Too Skinny?
F NTS GAB! WA W: TO KNO
es Where dhois he put t? walle
MEGHAN ROSS SAYS: NO! EVERYONE ELSE SAYS: YES!
or months, friends of food stylist Doug Keith have been noticing the increasingly tight fit of his trousers. At first, Doug denied it, but now he just makes excuses. “I’ve heard it all: I’ve been doing a lot of squats, my dryer is too hot, I’m still growing,” lists BFF Travis Hyatt. Doug’s girlfriend, journalist Meghan Ross, just enables him. She declined to comment, but sources say she thinks Doug’s close-fitting clothes are “cute.” The situation became life-threatening when Doug fainted at a music festival due to lack of blood flow. Colin Cooper, PA, was on call when Doug arrived. “The EMTs knew his shorts were the issue, but they didn’t have the right equipment to cut them off. I had to use a scalpel.” Doug’s friends are planning an intervention, saying they want to stop the downward spiral before Doug discovers jeggings.
CHERYL BUSS COOPER
Vying for the Presidency?
C
heryl Cooper, Director of the Cottages, is poised to take over leadership of the organization. President Kristin King was also director of the cottages before rising to her current position. Coincidence? “No,” says a top administrator who prefers to remain anonymous. “If you really study the org chart, you will see that it’s the next logical step.” When asked how she felt about Cheryl gunning for her job, Kristin said, “She can have it...I mean, no comment.”
TARYN FRAZIER AND SHEILA HEITER
Baa-aad Business?
U
sing their beautiful babes as inspiration, Taryn Frazier and Sheila Heiter opened a children’s secondhand clothing store in Kempton, a Bryn Athyn suburb. Lamb’s Secondhand boomed in the first month of business, but Taryn and Sheila are now discovering they overestimated their contributors. Kempton moms have nothing more to give. “When we started this store, our friends said they would give us the shirts off their kids’ backs,” Taryn said. “Turns out that is not the case.” “After studying the market, we’ve discovered there aren’t a lot of clothes in Kempton,” explains Sheila, “But there are a lot of sheep.” The entrepreneurs now plan to spin their brand and enter the secondhand lamb business. “We didn’t have much of a choice,” admits Taryn. “We already ordered 3,000 business cards.” Kempton farmers with an abundance of sheep are now regularly dropping off lambs at the store. “They’re doing me a service,” says sheep farmer Katrin Jungé. “I already have three bags full of wool.”
TOO MANY LAMBS? WE’LL TAKE THEM OFF YOUR HANDS. 32 October 2011
Next time you’re shopping for new shoes for your youngster, consider Heart & Sole. For each pair you purchase, we’ll donate an identical pair to a barefoot Kempton child. And at just $1 a pair, isn’t the kindness worth the cost?
To order your pair, call 1-800-SAV-A-SOL today. GAB ! 33
BABSY! CELEBRITY CUTIE-PIE QUIZ! PIC GAB! Challenge: Can you match each munchkin to their mommy?
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
A Amanda Ogg
B Victoria Beckham
C Elise Genzlinger
D Ayris JungĂŠ
E Ali Childs
F Shawnee Hughes
G Abigail Smith
H Katie Holmes
I Angela Cooper
J Celestyn Alpers
K Cheryl Cooper
L Emily Hasen
M Brittany Lermitte
N Gwen Stefani
O Sarah Waelchli
P Taryn Frazier
Q Chelsea Odhner
R Meray Childs
S Nicole Kidman
T Eden Odhner
1 (Sofia), O 2 (Ava), J 3 (Faith), S 4 (Jackson), A 5 (Tanner), D
6 (Kingston), N 7 (Raelyn), R 8 (Spencer), F 9 (TBD), T 10 (Mara), G
11 (Harper), B 12 (Freya), C 13 (Oscar), L 14 (Kanan), M 15 (Suri), H
16 (Raya), P 17 (Everett), I 18 (Pehr), Q 19 (Adelene), E 20 (Durban), K
34 October 2011
PERSONALITY TEST
SPE CHART CIAL ER EDITIO DAY N!
Which Bryn Athyn Celebrity Are You?
You’re at the Banquet and you are not-sorandomly seated next to...
LOOK-ALIKES OF THE YEAR!
WILL FERRELL & BAIRD KISTNER
A. A bunch of older people. You spend the next couple hours charming them and making them feel better about the next generation. B. A bunch of younger people. You spend the next couple hours ignoring the obvious age gap. C. Baird Kistner. You spend the next couple hours laughing at appropriate times but inappropriate volumes.
You’re at the Mix and Mingle and you spend the night...
MEG ZIMMER & KRISTIN CAVALLARI
A. Hobnobbing with the Bryn Athyn elite, seeing and being seen, and making it into every reunion class photo—you’re still not sure how. B. At the C & S Club. C. Changing outfits, partially because of your enthusiastic dancing to Bostock Band beats and partially because you own so many different colors of tuxedoes.
You’re at the Bid and you...
ANDERS HYATT & BEN STILLER
A. Steal the mic and make the silent auction much more exciting. B. Quickly discover they are not serving beverages this year. C. Bring in tons of money for your school, mostly because people are lining up to try to solve the maze you shaved into your beard.
You’re at the football game and you...
A. Pretend you don’t see the kid stealing from the concession stand. After all, Charter Day comes but once a year.
TAYLOR SWIFT & DEBORAH BARNETT
B. Cannot believe the plays that are being called. Seriously, you have got to go for two there! C. Think it’s weird that all the moms want you to kiss their babies.
And your BA celebrity match is...
REESE WITHERSPOON & ADINA PETERSMEYER GAB ! 35
If you picked mostly: A: Spring Silverman. B: Derek Hyatt. C: Ivan Maddock.
JELENA
IVAN OVA
SHILOH
S I LV E RM AN
Turkey is better when it’s hot.
AMERICAN
COWBOY
36 October 2011