FYI Dec 2105/Jan 2016

Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

2016 Preschool Guide Plus: Hacks for handling winter Poop happens Make a snow globe And Events galore!

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2 • Aug/Sept 2015

Christian Mental Health Services

Who are these lovely people? See below.

from the Editor I don’t remember preschool.

I went to preschool at a time when not a lot of other kids did. My mom, with an infant at home and my two older sisters off in elementary school, was worried I’d be lonely. That’s what she says, at least. I think she just needed a break from my rambunctious 4-year-old self and some quality time with my baby brother.

My preschool was in a gothic-style stone Methodist church that looked like a castle. My mom says I used to get excited about going “to the castle.” And I am sure I was. I got to hang with other kids my age, finger paint and make messes (I have the framed painting my mom held on to for 40+ years to prove it) and eat animal crackers without having to fend off one of my sisters from swooping in to grab them.

But just because I can’t remember preschool doesn’t mean it wasn’t important to my future. It was the first place I learned to raise my hand and socialize with children my own age. I had a little bit of a separation issue because I wailed when she left me there, but eventually learned she’d come back for me. I even met my first boy friend, Steven, in preschool (Seriously.

Boy. Friend.), which was helpful since my social circle up to that time had been two sisters and my mom’s best friend’s six daughters.

Attending preschool has definite, research-proven academic and life advantages, which aren’t always obvious right away. You may not remember what you did in preschool, and your kids may not either (my 13-year-old has no recollection of his preschool even though we drive by it every day), but that doesn’t mean those few hours a week aren’t helping to move kids along on their trajectory of life. I only know what association the word “preschool” has for me — it stirs a warm, safe feeling and the vague happiness of a little girl — unlike, say, kindergarten, which conjures up an image of our teacher dressed as a very convincing evil witch for our Halloween party and a room full of wailing, shrieking 5-year-olds.

Now that, I remember.

Marie Lee Editor

Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

2016 Preschool Guide Plus: Hacks for handling winter Poop happens Make a snow globe And Events galore!

Published by

Publisher

encore publications, inc.

Editor

marie lee

Graphic Designer alexis stubelt

Contributors

ren briggs, brian lam, melissa lam, anne lape, kara norman, jef otte, brian powers

Advertising Sales

sophia jacobs, celeste statler, krieg lee

Office Manager hope smith

Distribution kama mitchell

FYI is published 6 times a year by Encore Publications, Inc. Copyright 2015. All rights reserved.

Editorial, circulation and advertising correspondence should be sent to Encore Publications, 117 W. Cedar St. Suite A, Kalamazoo MI, 49007. Phone: 269 383-4433. General email correspondence to publisher@encorekalamazoo.com FYI is distributed free of charge at locations throughout Southwest Michigan; home delivery subscription rate is $18 per year. Advertising rates and specifications at fyiswmichigan.com or by request.

FYI does not assume responsibility for statements made by advertisers or editorial contributors; articles and advertisements do not necessarily reflect FYI’s opinions or those of the FYI staff.

To learn more about us visit fyiswmichigan.com

About the cover:

Otis Montessori owner Jamie Crankshaw and preschoolers, Harper Trevino, 4, and Maxwell Olney, 4, work with a color wheel during class at Otis Montessori. Special thanks to the Otis Montessori staff who welcomed us to their school for photos!

Photo by Brian Powers

fyiswmichigan.com •

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Anne grew up in Northern Michigan so she knows winter. She provides us with some great hacks for dealing with the ice and snow that involve, among other things, zip-top bags, rocks and vinegar. Anne, the mother of a high schooler, is a writer and teacher living in Kalamazoo.

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Melissa Lam We welcome back Melissa, who took a break from Creation Station last issue. She doesn’t disappoint — her snow globe project is easy, fun and a great way to while away a winter afternoon. A former Montessori teacher and daycare owner, Melissa is the mom of a 6-year-old daughter.

Jef ot te

brian lam This month, we’re treated to a guest post from Santa Claus in Brian Lam’s absence.

A resident of the North Pole, Santa owns a nonprofit manufacturing and logistics business. In his free time, he enjoys his P90X workouts and spending time with his wife, Jessica. This is his first submission to FYI Magazine.

anne lape

ren briggs Give the woman some foil, veggies and meat and voilà, Ren’s got the perfect easy, quick dinner! Our Make This! genius, Ren is an Allegan mom and a graduate of Grand Rapids Community College’s Secchia School of Culinary Arts. A former baker for Alpen Rose, Via Maria and deBoer Bakery, Ren is going to be very popular at the cookie exchange this month.

Our Family Man knows that poop happens. And with three kids, it happens a lot.

Jef completed an MFA in creative writing at Western Michigan University last June, and we are hoping that his first book will not be titled Things I’ve Cleaned Poop Off. He does write about other things — his work has appeared in Spin Magazine, Village Voice and our sister publication, Encore.

Dec 2015/jan 2016

In Every Issue 3

From the Editor

4

Our Contributors

6

8

9

Fun for Free

Family-friendly fun at no charge!

Make This!

You won’t be foiled by this easy dinner recipe

Everyday Hacks

Hacks to help you handle winter

11 Is This Normal?

Smelly tweens? Your little girl is sure the house is haunted? You ask, experts answer.

12

Creation Station

FEATURE

14

Shake up some fun with homemade snow globes

25 Activity Page

2016 Preschool Guide

Will you be picking a preschool soon? Our comprehensive guide makes it easy to know your options in Greater Kalamazoo.

Ac tivities 26 Family Events

The area’s best calendar of family events!

Mazes, games and other fun to keep little hands busy

PARENT TO PARENT 23 Family Man

Poop happens — and sometimes not where you expect it

30 Last Laugh

Santa Claus sits in for our regular columnist, Brian Lam

fyiswmichigan.com •

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Fun For Free FYI

Scholastic Book Fairs Warehouse Sale

Child in a Strange Country

It’s not enough to just close your eyes and pretend.

To help understand how education for children with vision loss developed over the years, visit the exhibit Child in a Strange Country: Helen Keller and the History of Education for People Who Are Blind or Visually Impaired at the Kalamazoo Valley Museum.

Using Helen Keller’s educational journey as a backdrop, the exhibit features tactile historical artifacts, such as a washboard slate for writing Braille and a 30-inch relief model of the Earth that were used to teach the visually impaired reading, math, science and geography.

When: Through Jan. 10 Place: Kalamazoo Valley Museum 230 N. Rose St. Ages: All ages More Info: kalamazoovalleymuseum.org, 373-7990

Okay, if you count the money you’ll spend on books, this isn’t technically a “free” event, but it is a great opportunity to stock up on reading material for your children. Books left over from the book fairs held at schools throughout the area will be available, and the sale promises thousands of items for $2 or less.

Here’s an idea: If you plan to get your child’s teacher a holiday gift, think about picking up a few books at the sale for his or her classroom.

When: Dec. 10, 11 am–7 pm; Dec. 11, 9 am–7 pm; Dec. 12, 9 am–3 pm Place: Kalamazoo County Expo Center North 2900 Lake St. Ages: All ages More Info: scholastic.com/bookfairs/warehouse

Southwest MI Family Wellness Expo

To help kick-start your family’s resolution to be healthier, attend the Southwest Michigan Family Wellness Expo. This gathering features speakers and demonstrations on holistic and homeopathic approaches to health, fitness and staying well both physically and mentally. Representatives of nonprofit organizations that help those in need in our community will also be on hand.

When: Jan. 16, 10 am–3 pm Place: Kalamazoo County Expo Center North 2900 Lake St. Ages: All ages More Info: kzoofamilywellness.com

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Paint the Ice Returns!

It’s a whole new canvas for budding artists and undoubtedly the coolest one in town.

Paint the Ice allows kids and grownups to paint the ice rink at Wings Event Center for an upcoming K-Wings hockey game. Last year, 15 gallons of paint were used by those who joined Kalamazoo Institute of Arts staff, volunteers and K-Wings mascot Slappy to decorate the ice.

Wear sneakers or rubber-soled shoes and dress for mess and cool temperatures. All kids must be accompanied by a parent or caregiver. Supplies and art coaches will be on hand to provide encouragement and instruction.

When: Jan. 3, noon–4 pm Place: Wings Event Center, 3600 Vanrick Drive Ages: All ages More Info: kiarts.org, 349-7775

Officially Approved by Santa Music Instruction for All Ages & Abilities

Our mission is your musical growth and enjoyment!

• Study & learn in a positive and supportive atmosphere with professional, enthusiastic, experienced, university-trained teaching artists including Kalamazoo Symphony Orchestra Artists-in-Residence • Private instruction on strings, woodwinds, brass, piano, guitar, percussion, voice, theory and composition • String and wind chamber ensembles • Community Voices for teens and adults with mental and physical challenges • Music Together® classes for infants, toddlers, and preschoolers • Orff Studio classes for grades K-5 & adults • Gift certificates available!

Member

Hand-crafted cookies made with only the freshest ingredients…naturally.

Epic Center, Suite 12, 359 S. Kalamazoo Mall information@crescendoacademy.com www.crescendoacademy.com 269/345-6664

Kalamazoo (west) 4426 West Main

Downtown Kalamazoo 527 Harrison

Portage 7083 S. Westnedge

(269) 343-8440 • mackenziesbakery.com

fyiswmichigan.com •

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Make this! FYI

Family Dinner Asian Packets by

Ren Briggs

Everyone in my family has a different opinion when it comes to their favorite Chinese entrée: One wants sweet and sour, another likes Szechuan. Instead of juggling five different takeout orders, we found a way to please all our different Asian tastes and make them at home, too!

The best part of this recipe is that the whole family can pitch in and help with the cooking by putting their own packets together.

Ingredients Cooking spray Baking sheet(s) 1 lb. chicken breast or beef, diced 1 green or red pepper 1 white onion 1 can sliced water chestnuts 1 can bamboo shoots 2 cups broccoli, cleaned and chopped 1/2 cup carrot sticks 1 can pineapple tidbits 2–3 Tbsp. of a bottled sauce such as sweet and sour, teriyaki, hoisin, spicy peanut, Szechuan and moo shoo (many of these are available in the Asian or international sections of local grocery stores) 1 box Minute rice (or jasmine rice if you have a little longer to prepare dinner) 1 12 oz. can unsweetened coconut milk

How To 1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2. Have all ingredients and sauces ready and set out in bowls.

3. Prepare the rice according to the directions on the box or bag, substituting 1/2 of the water with coconut milk for extra flavor.

5. Lay a long piece of aluminum foil on the baking sheet for each person in the family. Spray lightly with cooking spray.

6. Place desired meat in the center of foil. Wash hands.

7. Choose desired veggies and place in the center of foil with the meat.

8. Bend up edges of foil slightly.

9. Add desired sauce.

10. Place another piece of foil on top of meat, veggies and sauce and fold the two foil pieces together tightly.

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11. Use a Sharpie or other felt tip pen to write names on the foil packets for those who own them.

12. Place packets onto a baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes.

13. Serve packet contents over rice.

Hints • Once the ingredients are ready, call in family members and spend some fun time prepping dinner together.

• Add other ingredients that you like in your Asian dishes, including mushrooms, baby corn, mandarin oranges and pea pods.

• If you have the time, let your children decorate their packet with a marker for a little extra family fun!

• When removing from oven, remember that there will be steam in each pouch; open and vent them carefully to prevent burning yourself or your child!

Everyday Hacks FYI

Fighting Ice and Snow by

Anne Lape

The last orange construction barrels have been cleared away from Michigan highways, which can only mean one thing: It’s time for that other season, the one with snow, ice and cold. Winter brings many fun challenges, and not just on the roads. So here are a few hacks to battle the frozen season until our state flower, the orange construction barrel, is popping up along roadsides again.

The Power of Plastic Bags I inherited many traits from my mother and one of these is the belief in the incredible power of a gallon-size zip-top plastic bag. Let men have their duct tape; give me a box of zip-top bags and I will save the world, or at least have frost-free car mirrors.

Keep a box of these bags in your car and slide one over each of your side mirrors at night (if you park outside) or whenever ice and snow threaten. When you come out to brush off your car, remove the bags and you’ve got icefree mirrors. Shake off the bags and store them in (what else?) another bag in your car until you park outside again.

Frozen Locks?

I have a tiny bottle of hand sanitizer stashed in about every handbag I own, and this time of year I’m using it to keep away as many creepy crawlies as I can. But sanitizer can also come in handy if you find yourself with a frozen door lock. Douse the blade of the key with hand sanitizer, slide it into the lock and the alcohol in the sanitizer will melt the ice. It may take a couple of tries, but it will work.

Vinegar, the Wonder Liquid On those mornings when your windshield could be used as a skating rink, it is tempting to pour hot water on it to melt the ice and be done with it. Unless you really enjoy calling the traveling windshield repair people, however, it is best to resist the temptation and avoid cracking your windshield.

A better bet: Fill a spray bottle with three parts vinegar to one part water and keep it in your car. Spray it on the ice before you begin to scrape. The acidity of the vinegar helps melt the ice as you scrape. To save more time, spray car windows the night before with this mixture to prevent the icy build-up from happening.

This same mixture also works to deice stairs.

fyiswmichigan.com •

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Overlooking Winter Clutter In July, the pile of shoes by the front door doesn’t seem to bother me — abandoned shoes look like freedom. In January, however, piles of snowy, salty, drippy boots are enough to make me go all Jack Nicholson from The Shining. Winter clutter is the worst clutter, so here are some hacks to keep your inner “Here’s Johnny!” in check.

Boots on the rocks Mats get musty, so our boot spot is a long plastic tray that’s 1 to 1 ½ inches deep filled with small rocks that can be picked up anywhere, from the hardware store to the dollar store. The water from melting snow drips down through the rocks and evaporates, leaving no mess. And you have to admit, a rock-filled tray is way more decorative than a black mat.

Spray away salt stains Ah, those telltale white marks adorning boots and floors are a definite sign of the season. This is where a spray bottle of three parts water to one part vinegar is also your inside friend. (Note, this is the opposite ratio to the outside mixture.) I sometimes add a drop of essential oil, like lavender or lemon, to mask the vinegar smell.

This mixture can be sprayed on floors, and, if tested for colorfastness, also sprayed or rubbed on boots, shoes and backpacks, and wiped away to remove salt stains.

Mitten madness The day-to-day struggle of finding mittens or gloves to wear that (a) aren’t soaking wet, and (b) sort of, kind of match each other if you squint, is wintry torture. This is where dollar store hangers and clothespins come in. Every family member has a hanger, and his or her damp mittens and other winter accessories get clipped to it each night to dry for the next day.

December 5 & 6 Saturday and Sunday: 12:00 noon – 6:00 pm You'll transport back in time.

Enjoy the live entertainment and shops from some of the best artists and crafters from the region.

Only $10 per person Ages 12 and under Free!

A WOODED PARK JUST MINUTES FROM KALAMAZOO & BATTLE CREEK

www.OldeWorldVillage.com 13215 M-96, Augusta, MI own@tds.net (269) 580-1290

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Is this normal? FYI

You Ask, Experts Answer Parenthood is truly about learning, because we never know what new dilemma or challenge our kids are going to present us with. From tweens that smell to a child’s fear of ghosts, the experts at Child and Family Psychological Services are here to answer questions from local parents wondering “Is this normal?”

Q:

Our tween stinks. Seriously.

Even though we impose a regular shower schedule for our 12-yearold, he still doesn’t brush his teeth well, wash his hair thoroughly (we don’t think he’s using shampoo) or use deodorant. We found out that after he showers, he just puts on the same underwear he was wearing before. Yuck. We don’t like nagging him and he gets very snarly about it when we do. How do we get him to care about his own hygiene?

— Mattawan Mom and Dad

A:

Sounds like this problem stinks.

The tweenage years are difficult because kids this age go from spending limited time on hygiene to needing more time, thought and effort to prevent a stinky situation. An effective area to start would be a thorough educational discussion or providing literature. Information regarding the changes his body is going through and the causes of new or increased odors as well as appropriate ways to manage them may be helpful. Though this discussion may not be received with excitement, it is important the information be given. Along with many other changes tweens go through, they often experience an increase of social awareness and need for ac-

ceptance. A discussion with your son about how his poor hygiene may impact his social relationships and increase opportunity for him to be negatively targeted could also be helpful. With the teenage need for increased independence and self-expression, your son may respond well to encouragement to create his own hygiene schedule and space as well as choosing his own hygiene items.

Allowing him to choose tools and scents that are his taste may encourage him to utilize them more often.

While directing your son to shower it is important to remain mindful of body image and sensitivities that go along with the ongoing transition into his teenage years.

Q:

My 8-year-old granddaughter thinks we have a ghost in our house and won’t go to sleep at night without the light in her bedroom on. She says she can hear noises that sound like someone moving around and thinks it’s a ghost. We’ve tried to explain that the noises she hears are just normal house creaking noises and no one else in the family has noticed anything strange, but she is still afraid.

How can I help her work through her fear? — Richland Grandma

A:

It sounds like your granddaughter has already found one helpful coping skill, a nightlight. A nightlight is still appropriate at her age, especially if it brings her comfort.

Although you have already explained to her some possible causes for the spooky sounds, staying with her in her room one night and identifying the sounds together as they occur may help address the specific sounds that are causing her worry. When children strongly hold on to beliefs of spirits or ghosts, it can be helpful to focus on safety. For example, discuss with your granddaughter how long the house has been lived in by your family or even others before you without incident. Also discuss those who keep her safe in and out of the home, and the presence of those safe figures close by at night. Last, discovering the root of the child’s knowledge of ghosts or spirits may be insightful. For example, addressing the fear if it was learned from a scary television show or movie versus a religious belief may be different. If it was a form of media, discussing reality versus make-believe with her could be helpful. When it involves religious beliefs of spirits, discussing how one finds comfort in his or her faith could be more effective.

Questions answered by Nichole Holliday, MA, LLPC, LLMFT, Private Practice at Child & Family Psychological Services Portage, and Alyssa Noonan, LLMSW, Private Practice at Child & Family Psychological Services Kalamazoo.

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Creation station FYI

Homemade Snow Globes by

Who doesn’t love to shake a snow globe?

This winter, you and your children can create a customized memory that’s more than ornamental. Making a snow globe takes just minutes with minimal materials.

Older children will enjoy the creative aspect, while the younger ones will enjoy picking out the photos as well as flipping and shaking their globes.

Materials Needed •L aminated photo (Kinko’s will laminate an 8” × 10” sheet for $2 and you can fit several options on one sheet) • Hot glue gun • Clean, clear empty jar • Glitter •D ecorations of your choosing such as pinecones, artificial greenery, miniature snowflake ornaments, or anything that gives it some landscape •O ther small decorations that can float, such as metallic confetti, sequins and beads • Clear baby oil (water can be used too)

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Melissa Lam

Directions

Tips

•C hoose a favorite holiday photo or take one for the snow globe. Make sure it can fit inside the jar!

• Water can be used instead of baby oil for a lower cost alternative, although baby oil allows for a more natural looking snowfall.

•C ut out the part of the photo you want to use and have it laminated.

•H ot glue the photo to the inside of the jar lid. Hot glue your decorations to the lid as well. Be sure to use a lot of glue to hold these items in place.

• Allow the glue to dry.

•F ill the jar with baby oil, leaving half an inch from the top that will be taken up by the photo and decorations.

•P our glitter and place other floating decorations into the jar.

• Clean the baby oil off the outside of the snow globe thoroughly before giving the globe to your child to shake. Baby oil is slick and I almost learned this one the hard way.

• Get creative with your other decorations. Dollar stores have lots of little trinkets that can be glued or added to create a fun winter setting. Some ideas include a miniature tree, miniature ornaments or even a small sprig of greenery from a pine tree.

• Put the lid on the jar and close tightly.

• Flip the jar over so the lid is on the bottom.

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Preschooler Jonah Fedak smiles as he does a building exercise with teacher Jamie Crankshaw.

2016 Preschool Guide T

he greater Kalamazoo area has a myriad of preschool options from private to public schools and in-home facilities to childcare centers. No doubt about it: picking a preschool for your child can be overwhelming.

FYI’s 2016 Preschool Guide aims to make choosing a preschool a little less daunting. Our guide provides a comprehensive list of licensed preschool options in the greater Kalamazoo area divided by geographic location to make it easier for you to pinpoint what is available near your home or work.

As you begin your preschool search, here are some terms to know : Head Start is a federally funded pre-kindergarten program for 3- and 4-year-olds that offers free tuition for families at or below the federally determined poverty level or who are receiving public assistance. Classrooms are located in public schools and at community sites, and bus transportation is often available. Find more information, at kresa.org or call 250-9845.

Great Start Readiness Program (GSRP) is a state-funded pre-kindergarten program for 4-year-olds that offers free tuition for low-income families with annual incomes up to 250% of the federal poverty level (approximately $60,000 for a family of four). Classrooms are located in •

14 • Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

public schools and private childcare centers. For information, visit michigan.gov/documents/mde/GSRP_Parent_ Promo_Doc_2013_430663_7.pdf or check with your local school district to about availability.

Kalamazoo County Ready 4s offers pre-kindergarten programs for 4-year-olds of families that do not qualify for Head Start or GSRP. Tuition assistance is on a sliding scale based on family income. Classrooms are located in childcare centers, public and private schools and licensed home daycare programs. For more information, visit kcready4s.org.

PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools’ Pre-Kindergarten Early Education Program, is offered for 4-year-olds at 11 of the district’s 17 elementary schools and is free for most families.

Private preschools run the gamut from preschool and childcare centers to in-home daycare providers who implement a preschool curriculum for their 3- to 5-year-old charges. Some preschools provide preschool only and others combine preschool with childcare. Private preschools charge tuition, although some may be part of the Great Start Readiness Program or Kalamazoo County’s Ready 4s and offer tuition assistance to qualified families.

Central Kalamazoo

W N Ave.

Our K-Prep Program features engaging and fun hands-on learning so your child can grow, play and learn at their own pace. On-site music, fitness, Spanish and technology classes are included. Prepare for Kindergarten.

Tour today! See our ad on page 21.

Milham Ave.

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Rd liv et

Sprinkle Rd.

Gilden Woods Early Care & Preschool, 4620 Arboretum Parkway, Kalamazoo, 381.0118, gildenwoods. com, kalamazoodirector@gildenwoods.com

Kilgore Rd.

Portage Rd.

SOUTHWEST

E. Cork St.

1-94

1-94

SOUTHEAST

Parkwood-Upjohn Elementary PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 2321 S. Park St., Kalamazoo, 337.0095

First Care, 212 S. Park St., Kalamazoo, 381.6340

Hilltop Preschool of Zion Lutheran Church, 2122 Bronson Blvd., Kalamazoo, 269.382.2360

Oakland Dr.

iu

Stad

Sprinkle Rd.

m Dr.

CENTRAL KALAMAZOO

EAST

St. age Port

Parkview Ave.

Solon St.

Child Development Center — Evergreen Academy, 2121 Hudson Ave., Kalamazoo, 488.0016

Gagie School, 530 Whitcomb St., Kalamazoo, 344.6541

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Nazareth Rd.

ve. an A

ichig

M W.

S. Westnedge Ave.

Child Development Center —Cork, 110 W. Cork St., Kalamazoo, 349.2445

W KL Ave.

E. Michigan Ave. 96

12th St.

Calico Corners Preschool, 2323 Stadium Dr., Kalamazoo, 345.6901

WEST

9th St.

Bread and Roses Child Care Center, 915 Sunnock Ave., Kalamazoo, 383.9956

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8th St.

Arcadia Elementary PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 932 Boswell Lane, Kalamazoo, 337.0095

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E. Main St.

Drake Rd.

A Step Above Learning Center, 207 Hutchinson St., Kalamazoo, 388.4689

Rd

M

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Riverview Rd.

in

Douglas Ave.

Nichols Rd.

8th St.

6th St.

Ra v

W H Ave.

NORTHEAST

N. Westnedge Ave.

NORTHWEST

Greta Berman Arbetter Kazoo School, 1401 Cherry St., Kalamazoo, 345.3239, kazooschool.org, kbishop@kazooschool.org Kazoo’s Prekindergarten reflects the Reggio Emilia philosophy, which understands that children are competent learners! Children are encouraged to follow their interests.

Teachers come alongside the students, bringing new experiences into the classroom to inspire learning. See our ad on page 19.

Learning Village — Fairfax, 202 Fairfax Ave., Kalamazoo, 382.3887 Learning Village — Lake St., 215 Lake St., Kalamazoo, 341.6070 Mrs. Wolfe’s Preschool, 229 Inkster Ave., Kalamazoo, 491.5026 Nature’s Way Preschool, 4442 Oakland Dr., Kalamazoo, 269.343.7342

Small World Christian Preschool, 2400 Winchell Ave., Kalamazoo, 344.4920

St. Monica Catholic School, 530 West Kilgore Road, Kalamazoo, 345.2444, stmonicakzoo.org, sgillig@csgk.org St. Monica Catholic School offers a fully licensed preschool for 3- and 4-yearold children. Our preschool curriculum follows Michigan’s standards for early childhood education and incorporates a faith-based environment where children grow near to God. See our ad on page 21.

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The Discovery Center, 4102 W. Michigan Ave., Kalamazoo, 372.0007

East Child Development Center — Augusta, 600 W. Michigan Ave., Augusta, 731.4411

The Montessori School — Kalamazoo, 750 Howard St., Kalamazoo, 349.3248, www.themontesorischool. org, support@themontessorischool. org For 40 years, we’ve served as a nonprofit, private education institution for children ages 3–12. Our highly trained, credentialed teachers nurture and cultivate each child’s curiosity while providing a strong foundation for academic success. See our ad on page 20.

West Main KinderCare, 3939 W. Main St., Kalamazoo, 385.0115 Winchell Elementary PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 2316 Winchell Ave., Kalamazoo, 337.0095 WMU Children’s Place Learning Center, 2210 Wilbur Ave., Kalamazoo, 387.2277

The YMCA Early Learning Program, 1001 W. Maple St., Kalamazoo, 345.9622 ext.161, kzooymca. org/preschool-childcare, brussell@ kzooymca.org Open to potty-trained children ages 3–5. Services are offered at the Maple Branch. We are a Five-Star Program that addresses holistic development of young children by supporting brain development, early literacy, development of healthy habits and strong parenting skills. See our ad on page 19.

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Child Development Center — Forest Academy, 5196 Comstock Ave., Kalamazoo, 488.2323

Community Learning Center, 1046 River St., Kalamazoo, 345.7243, www.communitylearningcntr.com, info@communitylearningcntr.com The Community Learning Center is a nationally accredited facility providing quality, curriculum-based care for children ages 6 weeks–5th grade. We strive to help your children develop socially and academically as a gateway to their success. See our ad on page 19.

Edison Environmental Science Academy PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 924 Russell St., Kalamazoo, 337.0095 Greenwood Elementary PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 3501 Moreland Ave., Kalamazoo, 337.0095 Little Treasures Preschool at Haven Reformed Church, 5350 N. Sprinkle Road, Kalamazoo, 344.5871 Milwood Commons Preschool & Childcare, 2031 E. Cork St., Kalamazoo, 344.9731 Milwood Cooperative Preschool, 3919 Portage St., Kalamazoo, 381.6209 North Elementary, Comstock Public Schools, KRESA, 3100 N. 26th St., Kalamazoo, 250.8550

Northeastern Elementary PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 2433 Gertrude St., Kalamazoo, 337.0095 Pre K International Child Care, 11 Mills St., Kalamazoo, 870.8412, www.prekinternational.com, info@ prekinternational.com We are a Great Start Readiness Program location, which provides a stimulating environment that fosters learning through hands-on experience and play, supporting children’s desire to be lifelong learners.

Tam’s Sunshine House, 861 East G Ave., Kalamazoo, 349.2151 Washington Writers Academy PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 1919 Portage St., Kalamazoo, 337.0095

Northeast Child Development Center — Borgess, 1521 Gull Road, Kalamazoo, 226.6714 Gull Lake Early Learning Center, 9500 E. 40th St., Hickory Corners, 488.5018 Home Again Early Childhood Education Center, 8681 Gull Road, Richland, 629.0181 Parchment Cooperative Preschool, 225 Glendale Blvd., Kalamazoo, 349.9194 Richland Jack and Jill Cooperative Preschool, 8047 Church St., Richland, 629.9149 S.E.E.D.S. Preschool, 120 Roberson St., Kalamazoo, 388.3111 Spring Valley Center for Exploration PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 3530 Mt. Olivet Road, Kalamazoo, 337.0095

Give your child the BEST preparation for life through a Montessori Education!

Dedicated to growing Independence, Self Confidence, Good Citizenship, and a True Love of Learning

Fall 2016 enrollment begins January 5th

Ages 2.5 to 6 years old

Building families 25+ years

810 East Centre Avenue Portage, Michigan 49002 269-327-8277 otismontessoriacademy.com fyiswmichigan.com •

17 •

The Montessori School — Richland Campus, 6274 N. 32nd St., Richland, 349.3248, www.themontessorischool.org, support@themontessorischool.org For 40 years, we’ve served as a nonprofit, private education institution for children ages 3–12. Our highly trained, credentialed teachers nurture and cultivate each child’s curiosity while providing a strong foundation for academic success. See our ad on page 20.

Vineyard Academy, 8640 Gull Road, Richland, 629.7253 YWCA Children’s Center, 353 E. Michigan Ave., Kalamazoo, 342.1519

Northwest

AppleTree Learning Center, 909 Dix St., Otsego, 692.3675, appletreekids.cc, director_otsego@ appletreekids.cc Our K-Prep Program features engaging and fun hands-on learning so your child can grow, play and learn at their own pace. On-site music, fitness, Spanish and technology classes are included. Prepare for Kindergarten.

Tour today! See our ad on page 21.

Indian Prairie Elementary PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 3546 Grand Prairie Road, Kalamazoo, 337.0095

JDI Preschool, 1515 N. Edwards St., Kalamazoo, 276.0671 Lincoln International Studies School PEEP, Kalamazoo Public Schools, 912 N. Burdick St., Kalamazoo, 337.0095

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18 • Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

New Genesis Learning Center, 225 W. Paterson St., Kalamazoo, 344.7135

The Looking Glass Child Care, 5527 Parkview Ave., Kalamazoo, 372.9766

Northglade Montessori Magnet School Children’s House, 1914 Cobb Ave., Kalamazoo, 337.0700

TLC Licensed Childcare & Preschool, 10570 Stadium Dr., Kalamazoo, 372.0156

Parchment Early Learning Center, Northwood Elementary, 600 Edison St., Parchment, 488.1360

Southwest Bullfrogs & Butterflies Christian Learning Center, 5902 S. 12th St., Kalamazoo, 488.2120 Child Development Center — Oakland, 6325 Oakland Dr., Portage, 324.3700

St. Augustine Cathedral School, 600 W. Michigan Ave., Kalamazoo, 349.1945, stakzoo.org, sgillig@csgk.org

CHUM Co-op Preschool, 7028 Oakland Dr., Portage, 251.2131

St. Augustine Cathedral School offers a fully licensed preschool for 3- and 4-year-old children. Our preschool curriculum follows Michigan’s standards for early childhood education and incorporates a faith-based environment where children grow near to God. Curious Kids Early Learning Center, Portage Public Schools, 1010 W. MilSee our ad on page 21. ham Road, Portage, 323.6780, porStarting Point Preschool, 2345 10th tageps.org/community/curiouskids, St. N., Kalamazoo, 375.4815 tkarmon@portageps.org Westwood Christian Co-op PreAt Curious Kids, families can find a school, 620 Northhampton Road, positive learning environment for 381.8691 children from 6 weeks until school Woodward School for Technology age. We are proud of our 4-star rat& Research PEEP, Kalamazoo Public ing by Great Start to Quality, an early Schools, 606 Stuart St., Kalamazoo, childhood quality education indica337.0095 tor and improvement system. Open 6:30 am—6:30 pm Monday-Friday.

West See our ad on page 21.

Heritage Christian Academy, 6312 Quail Run Dr., Kalamazoo, 372.1400 Kalamazoo Christian Schools, 3800 S. 12th St., Kalamazoo, 544.2332 Kiddie U Childcare & Preschool, 24466 Red Arrow Highway, Mattawan, 668.3300

Farmland Friends Daycare, 9867 2nd St., Mattawan, 668.5571 Great Explorations Preschool, 3355 Westcove Dr., Portage, 762.7115

JumpStart Childcare of Kalamazoo, 6712 Financial Parkway, Kalamazoo, 544.3000

The Y. So Much More.

“From exercise to education, volleyball to volunteerism,

Preparing each child for success in kindergarten, elementary school and beyond!

• Nationally accredited • Quality, curriculum-based care • Ages 6 weeks–5th grade • Education using the Creative Curriculum • Half and full-day programs

from preschool to preventive health, the Y doesn’t just strengthen our bodies, it strengthens our community.”

DeDicaTeD To builDing healThY anD connecTeD faMilieS Learn more about the Y’s 5-Star Early Learning Center on our website or call 269.345.9622 x161.

1046 River Street, Kalamazoo 269-345-7243 communitylearningcntr.com info@communitylearningcenter.com

The Greta Berman Arbetter

K azoo School Creativity.

Curiosity.

Confidence.

St. Michael Lutheran School Christ for Kids Childcare Center 7211 Oakland Drive  Portage, MI 49024 St. Michael Lutheran Church LCMS

 Preschool – 8th Grade Class sizes allow for more individual attention  Programs are open to all

• PK – 8th Grade • Kalamazoo’s only Reggio Emilia-inspired PK classroom • Strong sense of community • Small class sizes = more individual attention • Nurturing, child-centered approach • Indoor-outdoor learning experiences in Kleinstuck Nature Preserve • Each child is known, cared for, and respected

 Tuition Assistance is available for those who qualify  Proven academic excellence  Convenient wrap-around childcare for children as young as 2 1/2

www.stmikeschool.org School (269) 327-0512 Christ for Kids (269) 327-4889 Church Office (269) 327-7832

kazooschool.org

269-345-3239

Education with Christ at the Heart fyiswmichigan.com •

19 •

Little Lambs Learning Center, 110 E. Clay, Schoolcraft, 679.2508

St. James Lutheran Preschool, 2381 Romence Road, Portage, 327.7706

Little Miracles Christian Learning Center, 6726 Texas Dr., Kalamazoo, 353.2700 Little Steps Childcare and Preschool, 7890 S. 8th St., Kalamazoo, 544.1888 Nazarene Wee Care Center, 5625 Oakland Dr., Portage, 269.327.3100 PCCN Preschool, 2731 W. Milham Ave., Portage, 323.7855 Portage KinderCare Learning Center, 7455 Oakland Dr., Portage, 327.4816 Schoolcraft Community Co-op Preschool,169 N. Cedar St., Schoolcraft, 679.4062 Shamrock Montessori Center, 7508 Oakland Dr., Portage, 324.4818 St. Catherine Preschool, 1150 W. Centre Ave., Portage, 327.5165

Southeast Adventures Learning Centers, 4295 Bishop Road, Portage, 323.3600 Adventurous Kids Childcare, 9773 S. Sprinkle Road, Portage, 324.1138

St. Michael Lutheran Preschool/ Christ for Kids Childcare, 7211 Oakland Dr., Portage, 327.0512, christforkids.org We stand ready to serve your family’s needs! We offer both traditional preschool classes led by certified teachers and childcare in a loving Christian environment. Christ is the heart of our program. See our ad on page 19.

Steps and Stages, 741 W. Kilgore, Portage, 381.4155 Tutor Time Child Care Learning Center, 6500 Constitution Blvd., Portage, 324.4692

A Touch of Home, Too, 400 Gladys St., Portage, 324.1969

Gilden Woods Early Care and Preschool — Portage, 1518 E. Centre Ave., Portage, 359.1115, gildenwoods.com, portagedirector@ gildenwoods.com Our K-Prep Program features engaging and fun hands-on learning so your child can grow, play and learn at their own pace. On-site music, fitness, Spanish and technology classes are included. Prepare for Kindergarten.

Tour today! See our ad on page 21.

The greatest gift you can give your child!

For 40 years, we have served as a non-profit, private education institution for children ages 3–12.

Our highly trained, credentialed teachers nurture and cultivate each child’s curiosity while providing a strong foundation for continued academic success.

Learn more about the Montessori philosophy and the gifts The Montessori School has to offer your child by contacting us today!

www.themontessorischool.org | (269) 349-3248 Kalamazoo, 750 Howard Street | Richland, 6274 N. 32nd Street

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20 • Dec 2015 / jan 2016

Your Child Deserves the Best!

St. Monica Catholic School and St. Augustine Cathedral School offer fully licensed preschools for 3- and 4-year-olds.

Our preschool curriculum follows Michigan’s standards for early childhood education and incorporates a faith-based environment where children grow near to God.

Gilden Woods-Kalamazoo (269) 389-0118 4620 Arboretum Parkway, Kalamazoo, MI 49006 Gilden Woods-Portage (269) 359-1115 1518 East Centre Avenue, Portage, MI 49002 AppleTree-Otsego (269) 692-3675 909 Dix Street, Otsego, MI 49078 www.gildenwoods.com | www.appletreekids.cc

600 W. Michigan Ave. 269.349.1945 • stakzoo.org

530 W. Kilgore Road 269.345.2444 • stmonicakzoo.org

A Lifetime of Learning & Friendship

Preschool Through Eighth Grade KAL AMAZO O CO UN T R YDAY. O R G | 2 6 9 . 3 2 9 . 0 1 1 6

fyiswmichigan.com •

21 •

Kalamazoo Country Day School, 4221 E. Milham Ave., Portage, 329.0116, kalamazoocountryday. org, jstewart@mykcds.org Kalamazoo Country Day School is a supportive, challenging and creative preschool where children feel valued and safe. Looking to educate the whole child, all Kalamazoo Country Day School students enjoy Spanish, Music, Library, Art, Computer and P.E. See our ad on page 21.

Little Tykes Learning Center, 1422 E. Centre Ave., Portage, 324.1286

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22 • Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

Loy Norrix Child Care Center, 606 E. The 2016 Preschool Guide of Greater Kilgore Road, Kalamazoo, 337.0264 Kalamazoo is researched and compiled by Encore Publications staff.

Enhanced listing information is provided by those entities. Every reasonable effort has been made to ensure the accuracy of the information conOtis Montessori Academy, 810 tained herein, but Encore PublicaE. Centre Ave., Portage, 327.8277, tions Inc. assumes no responsibility www.otismontessoriacademy.com, for errors or omissions. Information otismonti@sbcglobal.net contained here is subject to change Fall 2016 Enrollment starts January 5th. without notice.

Full- & part-time availability to meet all needs! Ages 2.5–6 years old. Classes fill quickly, please call to schedule a tour. Can’t wait to show you our program! See our ad on page 18.

Pathfinder Children’s House, 8740 S. Westnedge Ave., Portage, 323.7855

Family Man FYI

THE YARD POOPER by

Jef Otte

A

couple of months ago my wife and I went to see a friend whose 2-year-old daughter gets along well with our 4-year-old son. It works out: she thinks he’s the coolest thing ever, and he’s like “at last, a person who recognizes me as the coolest thing ever, as should all mankind.” Together they’re a dynamic duo that, instead of fighting crimes, tries to figure out how to commit them.

It was a crisp, autumnal afternoon and, after enjoying an early lunch and then systematically dismantling our friend’s house room by room, the children adjourned to the back yard to begin demolition there. Within seconds, despite the chill, the 2-yearold had her pants off. The diaper followed. “All right,” our friend said, corralling her inside, “not today, you don’t.”

Our 4-year-old continued flinging clumps of dirt at the fence, unfazed, and I reflected on the opposite problem my wife and I were having with him — I hadn’t kept count, but I estimated he was, at that moment, wearing five pairs of underpants. When you have kids, you pick your battles, and the more kids you have, the fewer battles you fight. I have three now, which means at this point I’m pretty much losing the war.

Inside, something clattered. The 2-year-old streaked by, pants-less.

Our friend followed a second later. “I made her go to the bathroom,” she explained. “She’s been doing this, this thing where she — come on, seriously?”

I looked just in time to see the 2-year-old squat and gleefully loose a turd into the sandbox. She then giggled adorably and took off like a rosy-buttocked shot, zig-zagging evasive maneuvers through the yard and into the house.

How clearly I recall the trauma of potty-training, which is etched with PTSD-like clarity upon my brain. I could fill a coffee-table book with the things I’ve cleaned poop off. My children have smeared poop, tossed poop, lobbed poop, flung poop, squished poop, eaten poop and gen-

erally messed around with poop to the point where I wasn’t even grossed out by poop anymore — just really, really tired of cleaning it up. The saga of my 4-year-old’s poop finally became manageable barely a year ago, and even now, he still doesn’t really get how to wipe. And the saga of my infant daughter’s pooping has just begun.

And in a way, isn’t it true that children never really stop pooping? On our lives, I mean? I have a 12-yearold, too, and while I never have to deal with his actual poop anymore, I

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Family Man FYI

do deal with plenty of his crap. Last month, for example, I arranged my whole week around getting to his orchestra concert, and, after sitting in traffic for more than two hours with a screaming infant in the backseat and arriving with just minutes to spare, I spotted him in the hall walking his cello toward the auditorium, laughing and joking with a friend. I caught his attention and waved, and when he saw me, his smile faded and his face arranged itself into something between a scowl and a cringe. I can honestly say I would rather have been cleaning his poop than enduring his face at that moment.

Sadly, however, we don’t get to decide. Life marches relentlessly forward, kids grow up, and then, someday, they’re not kids anymore. And what they’ll be at that point — whether they’ll be good people, people who in our hearts we know have done us proud — is probably less up to us than we’d like to think. Still, as parents, our raison d’etre, big-picture charge remains to do everything we can to make sure our children don’t grow up to be

jerks. It’s a responsibility that requires discipline of both our children and of ourselves, for it is, at essence, the stalwart and perpetual denial of a child’s copious, ridiculous wants.

With other people’s kids, though, we don’t have that.

We can just relax and enjoy the hilarious misbehavior of children, which is the stuff of great stories, like the one about how my wife, as a spritely 2-year-old, would pretend to be asleep until late in the night, after her parents had gone to sleep, she could sneak into her then-infant brother’s room, climb into his crib and pry his eyes open to wake him up. As her parent, I might have been tempted to destroy her utterly. As her husband, though, I’m … well, frankly, I’m concerned she’s passed her naughtiness down to our children genetically.

As for our friend, she rolled her eyes at our mirthful laughter and shook her head. “Curses,” she said. “The Yard Pooper strikes again.”

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Kids’ Corner FYI

Activity Page HELP THE SNOWMAN GET OUT OF THE MAZE

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ONGOING WHERE IS?

Addresses, phone numbers & websites of venues frequently appearing in the calendar: Bounceland — 6255 Technology Ave, 353-0940, bounceland.com Comstock Township Library — 6130 King Highway, 345-0136, comstocklibrary.org Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center — 7255 S Sprinkle Rd, 324-1992, junglejoesffc.com Kalamazoo County Expo Center — 2900 Lake St, 383-8778, kalcounty.com/parks/expo Kalamazoo Institute of Arts — 314 S Park St, 349-7775, kiarts.com Kalamazoo Nature Center — 7000 N Westnedge Ave, 381-1574, naturecenter.org KPL-Alma Powell — Kalamazoo Public Library-Alma Powell, 1000 W Paterson Ave, 553-7960, kpl.gov KPL-Central — Kalamazoo Public Library-Central, 315 S Rose St, 342-9827, kpl.gov KPL-Eastwood — Kalamazoo Public Library-Eastwood, 1112 Gayle Ave, 553-7810, kpl.gov KPL-Oshtemo — Kalamazoo Public Library-Oshtemo, 7265 W Main St, 553-7980, kpl.gov KPL-Washington Square — Kalamazoo Public Library-Washington Square, 1244 Portage Rd, 553-7970, kpl.gov Kalamazoo Valley Museum, 230 N Rose St, 373-7990, kalamazoomuseum.org Parchment Library — Parchment Community Library, 401 S. Riverview Drive, 343-7747, parchmentlibrary.org Portage Library — Portage District Library, 300 Library Lane, 3294544, portagelibrary.info Richland Library — 8951 Park St, 629-9085, richlandlibrary.org Sky Zone — 5103 Portage Rd, 459-9243, skyzone.com/kalamazoo

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26 • Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

Thru Dec 6, Mary Poppins, musical about a “practically perfect” nanny, 7:30 pm Dec 3–5, 2 pm Dec 6, Civic Auditorium, 329 S Park St, 3431313, kazoocivic.com, all ages, call for ticket prices Thru Dec 17, Measuring the Night, how astronomers measure cosmic distances, 3 pm Tues & Thurs, 2 pm Sat, Kalamazoo Valley Museum Planetarium, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, $3 Thru Dec 24, Santa’s Workshop, take pictures with Santa & create art, times vary, downtown Kalamazoo, check onlydowntownkzoo. com for location, all ages, FREE Thru Dec 27, Season of Light, historical, religious & social customs of the season, 1 pm Sat, 2 pm Sun, Kalamazoo Valley Museum Planetarium, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, $3 Thru Dec 28, A Christmas Carol, Dickens’ holiday classic, 8 pm Dec

3–5, 10–12, 16–19, 21–22 & 28; 2 pm Dec 5–6, 12–13, 19–20 & 27, New Vic Theatre, 134 E Vine St, 381-3328, thenewvictheatre.org, all ages, $25 Thru Jan 1, Mystery of the Christmas Star, a modern retelling of the Christmas story, 3 pm Sun, Mon, Wed, Fri & Sat, Kalamazoo Valley Museum Planetarium, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, $3 Thru Jan 10, Child in a Strange Country: Helen Keller & the History of Education of the Blind & Visually Impaired, museum hours, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE Thru Jan 17, In the Dark, how plants & animals adapt to dark environments, museum hours, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE Dec 7–9, At This Special Time, celebrating the words & music of Christmas, 8 pm, New Vic Theatre,

381-3328, thenewvictheatre.org, all ages, $10 Dec 18–23, ZooLights, the zoo decorated for the holidays, 5–8 pm, Binder Park Zoo, 7400 Division Drive, Battle Creek, 979-1351, binderparkzoo.org, all ages, outdoors, $5 non-members, under 2 free Dec 19–Mar 12, Orion Nights, find the stars within the constellations, 3 pm Tues & Thurs, 2 pm Sat, Kalamazoo Valley Museum Planetarium, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, $3 Dec. 26–31, Jan. 2–3, Discovery Programs, different programs each day with children’s program 10 am–4 pm (Dec 27, 1–4 pm), Kalamazoo Nature Center, 7000 N Westnedge Ave, 381-1574, naturecenter.org, all ages, regular admission

turecenter.org, ages 0–5, regular admission plus $2 fee Toddler Time @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–1 pm, Bounceland, ages 0–5, $5 ages 3–5, $4 ages 2 & under Open Jump @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–7 pm, Bounceland, all ages, $8 age 2 & older, $4 under 2, adults vary Toddler Talk, toddlers play & adults share with a parent educator, 10:15 am–12:15 pm, KPLOshtemo, ages 1–3, FREE Baby Talk, talk about infant care with Connie Koning, RN, 1:30– 3:30 pm, KPL-Oshtemo, ages 0–12 mo, FREE Open Jump @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 4–8 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $10/30 min; $14/60 min Thursdays Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, 9 am–8 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 Toddler Time @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–1 pm, Bounceland, ages 0–5, $5 ages 3–5, $4 ages 2 & under Open Jump @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–7 pm, Bounceland, all ages, $8 age 2 & older, $4 under 2, adults vary Storytime Fun @ Barnes & Noble, story, coloring & treat, 10:30 am, Barnes & Noble, 6134 S Westnedge Ave, 324-1433, barnesandnoble.com, all ages, FREE Family Storytime, stories & activities, 10:30 am, KPL-Eastwood, ages 0–5, FREE

Family Storytime, stories & activities, 10:30 am, KPL-Oshtemo, ages 0–5, FREE Gentle Water Exercise, class for prenatal & postpartum women, 11 am, Maple St YMCA, 345-9622, kzooymca.org, adults, FREE Open Jump @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 4–8 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $10/30 min; $14/60 min Fridays Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, 9 am–9 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 Toddler Time @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 10 am–noon, Sky Zone, ages 1–5, $7/hour Toddler Time @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–1 pm, Bounceland, ages 0–5, $5 ages 3–5, $4 ages 2 & under Open Jump @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–9 pm, Bounceland, all ages, $8 age 2 & older, $4 under 2, adults vary Family Storytime, stories & activities, 10:30 am, KPL-Alma Powell, ages 0–5, FREE Family Storytime, stories & activities, 10:30 am, KPL-Central, ages 0–5, FREE Open Jump @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 3–8 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $10/30 min; $14/ 60 min Drop-In Gymnastics, supervised, structured gymnastics class, 6–8 pm, Greater Kalamazoo World of Gymnastics, 2723 Kersten Ct, 3815749, gkwg.net, ages 6 & up, $10 membership fee

WEEKLY Mondays Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, 9 am–8 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 Storytime Fun @ Barnes & Noble, story, coloring & treat, 10:30 am, Barnes & Noble, 6134 S Westnedge Ave, 324-1433, barnesandnoble.com, all ages, FREE Tuesdays Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, 9 am–8 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 Toddler Time @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 10 am–noon, Sky Zone, ages 1–5, $7/hour Toddler Time @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–1 pm, Bounceland, ages 0–5, $5 ages 3–5, $4 ages 2 & under Open Jump @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–7 pm, Bounceland, all ages, $8 age 2 & older, $4 under 2, adults vary Gentle Water Exercise, class for prenatal & postpartum women, 11 am, YMCA, 1001 W Maple St, 3459622, kzooymca.org, adults, FREE Open Jump @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 4–8 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $10/30 min; $14/60 min Wednesdays Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, 9 am–8 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 Animal Encounters, story, coloring & a live animal, 10 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 7000 N Westnedge Ave, 381-1574, na-

DECEMBER

Dec 28–Jan 1, The Little Star That Could, story of the sun & planets, 1 pm Mon–Fri, Kalamazoo Valley Museum Planetarium, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, $3 Dec 28–Jan 1, Spacepark 360, amusement park spanning the Solar System, 2 pm Mon–Fri, Kalamazoo Valley Museum Planetarium, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, $3 Jan 15–30, Over the River & Through the Woods, comedy about a man & his grandparents, 7:30 pm Jan 15–16, 21–23 & 29–30; 2 pm Jan 24, Civic Auditorium, 329 S Park St, 343-1313, kazoocivic. com, 13 & older, call for ticket prices Jan 29–Feb 13, Hands on a Hardbody, “bluesy country rock” musical about the American Dream, 7:30 pm Jan 29–30; 2 pm Jan 31, Civic Auditorium, 343-1313, kazoocivic.com, 13 & older, call for ticket prices

Jumpapalooza, 2 hours of jumping, 8–10 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $15/jumper Saturdays Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, 9 am–8 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 BenJammin Educational Music with BenJammin & Analisa, kids move, play & sing while learning about health, safety, respect & science, 10 am, Old Dog Tavern, 402 E Kalamazoo Ave, 267-1812, BenJammin.biz, all ages, FREE Open Jump @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 10 am–6 pm, Bounceland, all ages, $8 age 2 & older, $4 under 2, adults vary Open Jump @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, 10 am–8:30 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $10/30 min; $14/ 60 min Sky Jam, jump time for teens, 8:30–10 pm, Sky Zone, ages 14 & up, $18/jumper Sundays Open Jump @ Bounceland, indoor inflatable park, 11 am–6 pm, Bounceland, all ages, $8 age 2 & older, $4 under 2, adults vary Open Bounce @ Jungle Joe’s, indoor inflatable park, noon–6 pm, Jungle Joe’s Family Fun Center, all ages, $10 unlimited play, adults with child $3, 23 mo & under $2 Open Jump @ Sky Zone, trampoline park, noon–6 pm, Sky Zone, all ages, $10/30 min; $14/ 60 min

Tuesday, December 1 Family Storytime, stories, rhymes, music & a mystery letter, 10 am, Portage Library, ages 3–5, FREE Preschool Story Time, a book & a craft, 1 pm, Richland Library, richlandlibrary.org, ages 3–5, FREE Teen LEGO Club, build with LEGOs, 4 pm, Portage Library, teens, FREE Wednesday, December 2 2- & 3-Year-Old Storytime, stories, songs & movement, 10 am, Portage Library, ages 2–3, FREE Thursday, December 3 Baby & Toddler Storytime, stories, fingerplays & movement, 9:30 & 10:30 am, Portage Library, ages 0–23 mo, FREE Friday, December 4 Holiday Walk & Market, tour the Manor House, noon–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 3700 E Gull Lake Drive, Hickory Corners, 6712160, manorhouse@kbs.msu.edu, all ages, $8 adults, $5 ages 5–12, 4 & under free Preschool Story Time, a book & a craft, 1 pm, Richland Library, richlandlibrary.org, ages 3–5, FREE KIA Holiday Sale, handcrafted ceramics, paintings, photographs, sculptures & more, 4–8 pm, Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, 314 S Park St, 585-9291, kiarts.org, all ages, FREE Stories with “Mrs. Uggabumper,” 4–5 pm, Treat Street, 3023 Oakland Drive, 388-5505, all ages, FREE Art Hop, art at locations around Kalamazoo, 5–8 pm, kalamazooarts. org, all ages, FREE Saturday, December 5 Santa Breakfast, a visit with Santa, 8–10:30 am, Fetzer Center, WMU, 387-3232, wmich.edu/fetzer, all ages, call for prices Friends of the Library Book Sale, 9 am–3 pm, Portage Library, all ages, FREE KIA Holiday Sale, handcrafted ceramics, paintings, photographs, sculptures & more, 9 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, 585-9291, kiarts.org, all ages, FREE Christmas @ Wings Art & Craft Show, 9 am–4 pm, Wings Event Center, 3620 Vanrick Drive, 3451125, wingseventcenter.com, all ages, FREE Candy Cane Hunt, candy canes, arts, crafts & Santa, 10 am–noon, Bronson Park, downtown Kalamazoo, kzooparks.org, all ages, FREE LEGO @ the Library, build, race & imagine, 10:30 am, KPL-Oshtemo, all ages, FREE Creature Feature: Toads, see animals up close & ask questions, 11 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, regular admission Holiday Walk & Market, tour the Manor House, noon–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 671-2160, manorhouse@kbs.msu.edu, all ages, $8 adults, $5 ages 5–12, 4 & under free

Winter Holiday Festival, Dickensthemed holiday events, noon–6 pm, Olde World Village, 13215 M-96, Augusta, 580-1290, oldeworldvillage.com, all ages, admission charge Holiday Open House, meet author Bonnie Jo Campbell, 1–3 pm, Comstock Library, 345-0136, comstocklibrary.org, all ages, FREE Holidays @ the Homestead, 1800s-style holiday celebration, 1–4 pm, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, regular admission First Saturday @ KPL, stories, activities & door prizes, 2-3:30 pm, KPLCentral, all ages, FREE The Nutcracker, Ballet Arts Ensemble & the KSO present the holiday ballet, 2 & 7 pm, Chenery Auditorium, 387-2300, cheneryaud.com, all ages, call for ticket prices The Piano Guys, four musical dads perform classical & pop, 8 pm, Miller Auditorium, WMU, 387-2300, millerauditorium.com, all ages, call for ticket prices Sunday, December 6 Christmas @ Wings Art & Craft Show, 10 am–4 pm, Wings Event Center, 345-1125, wingseventcenter.com, all ages, FREE Santa Lunch, enjoy a visit with Santa, 11 am–1:30 pm, Fetzer Center, WMU, 387-3232, wmich.edu/fetzer, all ages, call for prices Holidays @ the Homestead, 1800s-style holiday celebration, 1–4 pm, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, regular admission The Nutcracker, Ballet Arts Ensemble & the KSO present the holiday ballet, 2 pm, Chenery Auditorium, 387-2300, cheneryaud.com, all ages, $10–12 Mrs. Claus Tea, Mrs. Claus serves tea, reads stories & sings songs, 3–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 671-2160, manorhouse@kbs.msu. edu, all ages, $30 adults, $16 ages 5–12, 4 & under free Eastside Choir Holiday Concert, music from the Eastside Choir of the Kalamazoo Children’s Chorus, 4 pm, St. Mary’s Church, 939 Charlotte Ave, 547-7183, kalamazoochildrenschorus.org, all ages, FREE Monday, December 7 Family Storytime, stories, rhymes, music & a mystery letter, 10 am, Portage Library, ages 3–5, FREE Animanga Club, watch anime & check out manga, 4:30–6 pm, Parchment Library, parchmentlibrary.org, FREE Tuesday, December 8 Story Corner, a story about the natural world, 10 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 381-1574, naturecenter.org, ages 0–5, regular admission Family Storytime, stories, rhymes, music & a mystery letter, 10 am, Portage Library, ages 3–5, FREE Preschool Story Time, a book & a craft, 1 pm, Richland Library, richlandlibrary.org, ages 3–5, FREE

Wednesday, December 9 2- & 3-Year-Old Storytime, stories, songs & movement, 10 am, Portage Library, ages 2–3, FREE Thursday, December 10 Baby & Toddler Storytime, stories, fingerplays & movement, 9:30 & 10:30 am, Portage Library, ages 0–23 mo, FREE Preschool Explorers: Winter Birds, learn about the natural world & take a hike, 10 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 381-1574, naturecenter.org, ages 3–5, regular admission Scholastic Book Fairs Warehouse Sale, large sale of discounted books, 11 am–7 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center North, 2900 Lake St, 800-843-0112, scholastic. com/bookfairs/warehouse, all ages, FREE Friday, December 11 Scholastic Book Fairs Warehouse Sale, large sale of discounted books, 9 am–7 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center North, 800843-0112, scholastic.com/bookfairs/warehouse, all ages, FREE Preschool Play & Learn, playcentered learning, 10 am, Portage Library, ages 2–5, FREE Holiday Walk & Market, tour the Manor House, noon–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 671-2160, manorhouse@kbs.msu.edu, all ages, $8 adults, $5 ages 5–12, 4 & under free Preschool Story Time, a book & a craft, 1 pm, Richland Library, richlandlibrary.org, ages 3–5, FREE Friday Teen Night, see exhibits, create art & have pizza, 6–8 pm, Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, kiarts.org, teens, $2 non-members Swim with Santa, talk with Santa & swim, 6–8:30 pm, YMCA Maple St, 345-9622, kzooymca.org, all ages, FREE Celebrate the Season, guest artist Kathy Troccoli with the Kalamazoo Concert Band, 8 pm, Miller Auditorium, WMU, kalamazooconcertband.org, all ages, FREE but ticket required Saturday, December 12 Scholastic Book Fairs Warehouse Sale, large sale of discounted books, 9 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center North, 800843-0112, scholastic.com/bookfairs/warehouse, all ages, FREE Buy Local Art & Gift Fair, 9 am–4 pm, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, FREE Christmas Expo & Craft Show, 9 am–4 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center, 903-5820, moneys7714@ sbcglobal.net, all ages, FREE Gingerbread House Craft, (registration required), 10:30 am or 1:30 pm, Comstock Library, comstocklibrary.org, all ages, FREE Sensory Showtime, The Good Dinosaur, welcoming environment for guests with special needs, 10:30 am, Celebration! Cinema, 6600 Ring Rd, 324-7469, celebrationcinema.com, all ages, regular admission

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Art Detectives: I Have an Idea!

How Everyone Is Creative, story & activity with art focus, 11 am, Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, 585-9291, kiarts.org, ages 4–8, FREE Holiday Walk & Market, tour the Manor House, noon–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 671-2160, manorhouse@kbs.msu.edu, all ages, $8 adults, $5 ages 5–12, 4 & under free Of Christmas Past, experience Christmas in the 1800s, noon–5 pm, Historic Charlton Park, 2545 S Charlton Park Road, Hastings, 945-3775, charltonpark.org, all ages, $6 adults, $4 ages 4–12 WMU Fall Showcase, presented

by WMU Dance Department, 3 & 7 pm, Dance Studio B, 3rd floor, Dalton Center, WMU, 387-5830, wmich. edu/dance, all ages, FREE Sunday, December 13 Of Christmas Past, experience Christmas in the 1800s, noon–5 pm, Historic Charlton Park, 2545 S Charlton Park Road, Hastings, 945-3775, charltonpark.org, all ages, $6 adults, $4 ages 4–12 Winter Animal Homes, a short hike in search of winter animal homes, 2 pm, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, outdoors, regular admission Make a Joyful Noise Holiday Concert, Kalamazoo Children’s Chorus performs holiday classics, 3 pm, Chenery Auditorium, 800-9659324, cheneryaud.com, all ages, call for ticket prices WMU Jazz – Jazz for the Holidays, 3 pm, Dalton Center Recital Hall, WMU, 387-2300, wmich.edu/music, all ages, $15 adults, $5 students Tuesday, December 15 Small Wonders: Animals in Winter, interactive nature stations, 10 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, ages 0–5, regular admission plus $2 fee Preschool Story Time, a book & a craft, 1 pm, Richland Library, richlandlibrary.org, ages 3–5, FREE Wednesday, December 16 Storytime Kids Christmas Cookie Party, listen to stories, make a craft, & decorate cookies, 10:15 am, Parchment Library, parchmentlibrary.org, all ages, FREE Holiday Family Fun, crafts, games & activities, 6:30–8 pm, Portage Library, all ages, FREE Friday, December 18 Holiday Walk & Market, tour the Manor House, noon–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 671-2160, manorhouse@kbs.msu.edu, all ages, $8 adults, $5 ages 5–12, 4 & under free Preschool Story Time, a book & a craft, 1 pm, Richland Library, richlandlibrary.org, ages 3–5, FREE Saturday, December 19 Holiday Kalamazoo Indoor Flea & Farmers Market, 8 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center, kalamazooexpocenter.com, all ages, FREE

•

28 • Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

Small Wonders: Animals in Winter, interactive nature stations, 10 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, ages 0–5, regular admission plus $2 fee Kalamazoo Reptile & Exotic Pet Expo, 10 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center Room A, 7799851, tonygcollison@gmail.com, all ages, $5 adults, $2 children, under 6 free LEGO @ the Library, build, race & imagine, 10:30 am, KPL-Central, all ages, FREE Holiday Walk & Market, tour the Manor House, noon–5 pm, W.K. Kellogg Manor House, 671-2160, manorhouse@kbs.msu.edu, all ages, $8 adults, $5 ages 5–12, 4 & under free Sounds of the Season with Jackie Evancho, Kalamazoo Symphony Orchestra’s holiday concert, 8 pm, Chenery Auditorium, 349-7759, kalamazoosymphony.com, all ages, call for ticket prices Sunday, December 20 Nutcracker Excerpts, presented by Kalamazoo Ballet Bullard School, 3 & 5:30 pm, Kalamazoo Ballet Bullard School, 431 E South St, 343-3027, bullardschool.com, all ages, $15 adults, $10 students, $7 child Live Nativity Scene & Market Bazaar, live nativity & outdoor market, 5–8 pm, Henderson Castle, 100 Monroe St, 344-1827, hendersoncastleinn.com, all ages, FREE Monday, December 21 Parents Take-a-Break Day: Gifts & Glitter, drop off the kids for the day, 9 am–5 pm, Air Zoo, 6151 Portage Road, 350-2848, airzoo.org, potty trained–age 16, $10/hour J-Pop Club, the latest stuff from Japan, 4 pm, KPL-Central, grades 6–12, FREE Tuesday, December 22 Story Corner, a story about our natural world, 10 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 381-1574, naturecenter. org, ages 0–5, regular admission Teen Frosting Metropolis, build a city out of frosting (registration required), 6:30 pm, Portage Library, grades 6–12, FREE Saturday, December 26 Creature Feature: Hawk, see animals up close & ask questions, 11 am, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, regular admission Sunday, December 27 Animal Tracks & Signs, search the grounds for signs of animals, 2 pm, Kalamazoo Nature Center, 3811574, naturecenter.org, all ages, regular admission Monday, December 28 Parents Take-a-Break Day: Make Some Noise, drop off the kids for the day, 9 am–5 pm, Air Zoo, 3502848, airzoo.org, potty trained–age 16, $10/hour

Holiday Break Performance: Robin Nott, storyteller & folk singer 11 am, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE Tuesday, December 29 Winter Break Performance: Magician John Dudley, 11 am, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE Teen Game Club, video, board & card games, 4 pm, Portage Library, grades 6–12, FREE Wednesday, December 30 Holiday Break Performance: Robin Nott, storyteller & folk singer, 11 am, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE Thursday, December 31 Winter Break Performance: Magician John Dudley, 11 am, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE 30th New Year’s Fest, 5:30 pm–midnight, various venues downtown Kalamazoo, 388-2830, newyearsfest.com, all ages, $5 in advance, $10 event day, ages 3 & under free JANUARY Friday, January 1 Stories with “Mrs. Uggabumper,” 4–5 pm, Treat Street, 3023 Oakland Drive, 388-5505, all ages, FREE Saturday, January 2 Cool Chemistry Family Fun Day, mix potions, play with polymers, investigate dry ice, 9 am–5 pm, Air Zoo, 350-2848, airzoo.org, all ages, regular admission plus $2 fee LEGO @ the Library, build, race & imagine, 10:30 am, KPL-Oshtemo, all ages, FREE Sensory Showtime, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, welcoming environment for guests with special needs, 10:30 am, Celebration! Cinema, 6600 Ring Rd, 324-7469, celebrationcinema.com, all ages, regular admission First Saturday @ KPL, stories, activities & door prizes, 2-3:30 pm, KPL-Central, all ages, FREE Sunday, January 3 Paint the Ice Returns! paint the ice @ Wings Event Center, noon–4 pm, Wings Event Center, 349-7775, kiarts.org, all ages, FREE Monday, January 4 Animanga Club, watch anime & check out manga, 4:30–6 pm, Parchment Library, parchmentlibrary.org, FREE Tuesday, January 5 Teen LEGO Club, build with LEGOs, 4 pm, Portage Library, teens, FREE Friday, January 8 Art Hop, art at locations around Kalamazoo, 5–8 pm, kalamazooarts. org, all ages, FREE Fretboard Festival Play-In Contest, compete in acoustic & electric guitar, 6–8 pm, Kalamazoo Valley Museum, kalamazoomuseum.org, all ages, FREE

Saturday, January 9 Art Detectives: It’s Got a Shape: Learning About Sculpture, story & activity with art focus, 11 am, Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, 585-9291, kiarts.org, ages 4–8, FREE The Green Hornet, All Ears Theatre presentation, 6 pm, First Baptist Church, 315 W Michigan Ave, 3425059, kalamazooarts.org, all ages, FREE Friday, January 15 Friday Teen Night, See exhibits, create art & have pizza, 6–8 pm, Kalamazoo Institute of Arts, 349-7775, kiarts.org, teens, $2 non-members Saturday, January 16 Weekend Kalamazoo Indoor Flea & Farmers Market, 8 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center, kalamazooexpocenter.com, all ages, FREE Kalamazoo Reptile & Exotic Pet Expo, 10 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center Room A, 7799851, tonygcollison@gmail.com, all ages, $5 adults, $2 children, under 6 free Southwest MI Family Wellness Expo, physical & mental health speakers & demos, 10 am–3 pm, Kalamazoo County Expo Center North, jeff@gingerbeardevents. com, all ages, FREE LEGO @ the Library, build, race & imagine, 10:30 am, KPL-Central, all ages, FREE Monday, January 18 J-Pop Club, the latest stuff from Japan, 4 pm, KPL-Central, grades 6–12, FREE Tuesday, January 19 MOMIX, dancer-illusionists, 7:30 pm, Miller Auditorium, WMU, 3872300, millerauditorium.com, all ages, call for ticket prices Thursday, January 21 Harlem Globetrotters, 90th anniversary world tour, 7:30 pm, Wings Event Center, 345-1125, wingseventcenter.com, all ages, call for ticket prices Sunday, January 24 Ira Glass, creator of radio show This American Life, 3 pm, Miller Auditorium, WMU, 387-2300, millerauditorium.com, all ages, call for ticket prices Tuesday, January 26 Teen Game Club, video, board & card games, 4 pm, Portage Library, grades 6–12, FREE Sunday, January 31 Vivaldi’s Ring of Mystery, KSO’s Family Discovery Series, 3 pm, Chenery Auditorium, 349-7759, kalamazoosymphony.com, all ages, call for ticket prices

Last Laugh (continued from page 30) camera adds 10 pounds! I’m not quite down to my college weight (Kansas State, if you’re wondering), but I still get a double take from Mrs. Claus when I’m rocking my penguin suit at the North Pole Summer Formal. Also — and I know I’m late to the party on this — but I finally got into P90X. I’ve been pretty good about it. Not doing it religiously or anything, but a few times a week of the X is still better than those Billy Blanks tapes I used to do.

And, for the last couple of years I’ve been bringing the cookies back to the elves instead of eating them myself.

So, if you’re looking for leave-behinds for me this year, I’ll take a Clif bar. Or, if you want to get fancy, maybe a quinoa burger (no bun, but yes on ketchup and mustard).

You can also get creative and leave FIFA ’15 queued up for me on the X-Box. Beginner mode please, and I’ll take Manchester United.

Let me see . . . what else? Oh yeah! Dog owners: Crate ’em. Seriously, it’s just for one night, but I feel like a jerk when I’ve got to shove the little doggie tranquilizer pill in a Jumbone Bite and toss it hand-grenade style into the living room. Then, I sit and wait while the poor thing

does the suspicious sniff ’n’ lick before eventually eating it, and then it’s another minute or two before I hear it finally slump over and start snoring. Side note: Why some people have talking birds, I will never understand.

But snacks and pets aside, at the end of the day, it’s all good. Nothing brings me as much joy as the look on a child’s face when he or she awakens on Christmas morning to the sight of the presents I delivered. Well, I’ve actually never seen it in person since I’m always gone by the time kids get up, but I’ve seen it in the movies, so I know it’s magical. It is that Christmas magic that keeps me going all year long. Well . . . that, and the Hollywood royalty checks and the Macy’s merch commissions. But mostly Christmas magic. Hmmm. Let’s call it 60% Christmas magic, 35% royalty checks and 15% commissions.

Wait, that’s 110%. How about 55/25/20? Solved!

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Peace, out!

Santa

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29 •

LAST LAUGH FYI

I’m Coming to Town, Peeps!

By Santa Claus Editor’s note: This issue’s Last Laugh is by guest author Santa Claus in the absence of Brian Lam, who took the month off to run into the DMV real quick.

‘s

up, everyone? I hope you’re all ready for Christmas because, let me tell you, I’m sure as sugarplums ready.

Man, what a year! Had a nasty little tussle with Weil’s disease through the summer — on account of not washing my hands after grooming the reindeer, I guess — but made a full recovery and got right back to being full-on jolly!

Good news on the present front, too. We had a few elves dabble in patent law and were finally able to secure production rights from Apple. So, if you’re sick of those lame rocking horses and wooden trains, not to worry as we’ve got the new iPad coming your way. Pow! Oh, and if trains do happen to be your thing, it’s cool! We landed an exclusive with Fisher Price through 2018 on their Thomas the Train line.

I’ve been getting your letters so keep those coming, but I’ve got to be upfront about the Naughty & Nice List.

•

30 • Dec 2015 / Jan 2016

It’s gone. You see, I finally started compiling it on a computer instead of that cumbersome long scroll and I tried backing it up to the cloud, but I think the guy at the computer store set it up wrong or something. Anyway, I talked to the Mrs. and here’s what we’re going to do: Since we’re not positive how naughty or nice everyone’s been, I’m just going to take your parents’ word for it.

Been getting a lot of letters about the North Pole and whether or not the polar ice cap is melting. Sheesh. It’s like every fifth letter these days is asking me to prove or disprove global warming. You want to know the truth?

Okay. Here’s the answer: Whatever side you’re on is the correct side and all you have to do is a quick Google search to prove that you’re right. Oh, and if you do come across an article that disagrees with your side, it was written by a crazy person with an agenda. But not the articles that support your side. They are all written by sane people with no agenda. Solved!

Also been getting a lot of the usual plausibility letters. How do I fit down the chimney and whatnot. Look, the only time you’ve ever seen me is in the movies. The

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