You are more than enough

In the military, you were trained to be both effective and efficient. Expectations were clearly stated.

The chain of command and battle buddy system made it clear who should have demands of your time and whom you could ask for help if needed. There are very few instances in the military where you can fail as an individual because accountability is shared, as are success and failure.

Civilian life is much less clear, structured, and collective which is why I find it to be a far more complex way of life.

Why?

Because when expectations are unclear and boundaries are porous, the construct of “less than” thrives.

If you’re wondering what the construct of less than is, follow me for a moment.

It’s Thursday. It’s been a long week.

Your boss changed their mind for the millionth time on something this week which causes you to go back to square one for the millionth time, your pet/child won’t stop whining for that third straight hour, your significant other needs you to do something they are more than capable of doing themselves, and you are looking forward to that small cry you’re going to have by yourself in your car to release all these feelings that you simply aren’t enough.

You can’t help but feel less than because if you weren’t then you would be able to meet all of these needs seamlessly.

If this resonates with you, don’t worry, I’ve been there too. I won’t leave you alone in the place of less than.

We all have our moments of simply feeling less than so don’t feel alone or ashamed. Often, this feeling sneaks in whilst we are distracted by the negative self-talk we are whisper-shouting at ourselves and it sits quietly in the corner of our brain, feeding on our insecurities and mistakes and slowly ever-growing.

This is compounded by the fact that in our society, being a woman often means having a second shift—the household and family care duties that fall on women after a full day’s work.

This means that women are already predisposed to having more demands placed on their time which can lead to this feeling of never meeting all of the requests others have of you.

So, how do we stop this?

Set yourself up for success by creating healthy boundaries in all aspects of your life!

The truth is, you are more than enough. Read that again. You are more than enough.

But, this can only be true when you reserve yourself for the things and people that should hold priority and are healthy for you.

What do I mean by that?

Well, perhaps you have a very demanding friend right now that is draining your energy, a superior at work with unrealistic expectations, or a child who is old enough to start helping with chores but you know it would just take less time for you to do it yourself.

A breach in any of these boundaries can leave you overextended and failing to meet the needs of everyone, causing you to feel less than. This is where clearly stating your boundaries with others in your life is necessary.

No one wants the piece of toast with jam spread so thin they aren’t sure what type of fruit was used.

We all start off as a nice thick layer of jam but when we spread ourselves over too many pieces of toast, no one gets the best version of us and we self-fulfill the less than prophecy.

Set up clear boundaries in your life and watch yourself transform back into the delectable piece of jammy toast that you are because you have always been and always will be more than enough.

E.V. Moore

U S A R M Y

Dr. Emily Moore is a U.S. Army National Guard disabled veteran, college professor, dog mom, and pun-maker extraordinaire. Admittedly, she spends too much time behind her computer screen but loves a good excursion into the great outdoors.