Hindsight 20/20

The phrase 20/20 will probably never go back to being merely a reference for perfect

vision. After this last year, I think the whole world would be onboard as saying 2020 is probably better associated with blurred vision. That was one hell of a year, and maybe it was really triggering for you. Between Vanessa Guillen and COVID-19… I’ve been triggered. I’m a survivor of Military Sexual Trauma and I have Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. I know that most of you – much like myself- are SO READY for a comeback.

Coming back to some semblance of normalcy, to the pre-quarantine weight, to kids being back inschool, etc. We all want to come back from – and overcome - something… but how?

We are badass women – no ifs ands or buts about it. We have done things most people cannot evenimagine; we have seen, experienced, and achieved in ways even Hollywood rarely glimpses onto the

screen. The saying, “Hindsight is 20/20,” might be right this time, because it showed a lot of us whatreally mattered. We’ve embraced the suck, yet the suck isn’t the whole story. I may be a WriteHER forthis magazine, but we are ALL WriteHERS of our own story in this life. I want to share 5 R’s I’vediscovered that have helped to refocus my vision, and I hope will help you to rewrite your own stories in

How do we overcome?

1. Remember

Unfortunately, forgetting the bad times doesn’t always help us. We need to remember our journey, the pain, the hurts… “The boxes in our basement.” Those memories we think we have dealt with by burying them in the ‘basement’ of our mind. For a long time, the box in my basement was abuse I endured in the fleet. I had reframed abuse as “less than consensual,” because I didn’t think rape was possible, so I buried it. The problem is if we don’t bring the boxes out and open them up, those issues still leak out into our subconscious. Unless we open, we can’t make room for, or correctly interpret, more positive and healthy experiences.

2. Reflect

Healing trauma takes reflection. For me, this was perhaps the most difficult part. Reflection means sitting with focused attention on the box we open. That forces us to interact with – not merely observe – the memory. It’s uncomfortable… Nobody wants to think about that. But when we sit with a box opened and reflect on its contents, we can find key pieces of the puzzle that may have been glossed over. Dr. Caroline Leaf, a well-known mental health expert and Neuroscientist once said, “Sometimes growth & healing requires us to go backward but deal with the past differently.” What were you feeling? What was controlling decisions and responses?

3. Reevaluate

It is vital to reevaluate the values and beliefs that led us to respond or act the way we did. Guilt, shame, regret, fear, anger, sadness… These are some key emotions that might come up. Emotions help us to recognize the internal. A rape survivor who feels shame might revisit the same situations because her subconscious is hoping for an outcome she’d have control over. What lessons might be discovered by reevaluating? Maybe that you want to be vulnerable, or that you recognize certain character traits in others that you don’t want in your future? I now know that those ‘less than consensual’ encounters… were rape. Through cognitive processing therapy (available at your local VA) I have learned to not take responsibility for someone else’s poor choices and that there are certain behaviors in people I won’t allow into my circle of trust.

4. Redefine

You have the POWER to redefine yourself. Move from victim to survivor, then to healer, and ultimately advocate; transform from toxic to tender. Whatever it is, use that pain to find purpose and reimagine your life. Just because we experienced hard things, doesn’t doom our future to keep us from a real life. I have overcome many toxic thoughts through R’s, therapy and counseling; and so can you. There are books and resources in abundance to help, but the very first step is to believe a better future is possible.

5. Redeem

Unfortunately, I wasted years of my life believing lies as a result of my

experiences. I felt I was doomed, can you relate? I stayed busy doing the wrong things so I would never have to sit alone with my thoughts and let a reality I didn’t choose catch up with me. I rejected my inner self, because I didn’t want to face the reality of what happened- that’s not the story I wanted. But now, for the first time, there is real hope. I’m overcoming the impossible that once lived in my mind. With a great deal of work, honesty with ourselves, and the humility to ask for help when we need it… we can start to achieve our dreams and redeem our stories. I’m entering a chapter where my life is finally redeemed, the boxes from the basement have been decluttered. I will continue to clear space inside to store more wonderful memories. I choose to live my life with possibility and love.

Cheers, Sisters to 2021 – the year of redeeming our lives and coming back stronger than ever,together.

Brittany lara

U S M A R I N E C O R P S

Brittany is a 27-year old Colorado Native, Marine Vet, and Siberian Husky Mom. She is usually off traveling the world, loving Jesus, and advocating for the outcasts. Brittany would love to connect on her Instagram page.

www.4thebrokenpodcast.com