In Memory

Life is a series of lessons which we can learn if we choose...but I learnt a very hard one recently, when I realised that…

Cancer Doesn't Care

Cancer doesn't care' was the hook line from one of the cancer charity television adverts that I'd seen. That phrase "Cancer doesn't care' stayed with me right throughout Christine's time of illness. But to begin with - the eight years and eight months we spent together - her final years - began when Christine and I met online back in 2011. To me, then a man of 58, the online dating site 'Plenty of Fish' was a very alien environment and A person whom I felt so completely 'right' with, that to not fall head over heels in love with Christine was unthinkable, and' head over heels' came very quickly to us both. And so my brief encounter with 'Plenty of Fish' dating site ended, as

the very best time of my life began. one I really didn't feel at all On our first date, just an evening comfortable in. However, I wrote meal at The Curlew, I was pretty what I thought was an honest much a nervous jabbering wreck, appraisal of myself, added a something which amused Christine reasonably recent photograph, and for years afterwards when we posted it on that site. The first 24 recalled it! At the end of that date I hours wasn't great I can tell you. thought to myself; “Well that's that, For example, I wasn't sure how I you idiot, you've blown it for sure. was supposed to respond to She'll never want to see you again”. e-mails which simply consisted of "Hi". In truth however, what happened was that we quickly became The following day though, on a late completely inseparable. We felt and April evening, I got a lovely e-mail, we were 'as one'. We always walked a couple of decent thoughtful side by side, hand-in-hand, and I paragraphs compiled by a lady who tell you, that simple fact (the very quickly turned into the holding of hands) is the one thing greatest love I would ever know. that I miss the most.

The life I'd been living on my own power of will with which she had turned grey and bland but fought her terrible illness. once Christine came into it, it was filled with brightness, colour and A short time on from Christine's fresh air. The pulse - the heartbeat diagnosis of Ovarian Cancer, I that our Wedding Day generated, remember we were sitting in surrounded by the loving warmth consultation with the oncologist, of the friends and family was our who casually mentioned that “we'd fondest memory of all, and of reached the point whereby course it continues to be mine. Christine could not be made better The newly married couple wanted aimed at extending life for as long to have a home together and so we as possible rather than any cure”. sold up and in early December of And that lonesome ominous phrase 2018 we moved into what we echoed in my mind once again proudly called 'ours'; our own ’Cancer doesn't care'. marital home. However, even the day of moving in was blighted for Christine, by the fact that she'd had to attend hospital just as the move took place and once again we found we were facing a second, and this time more serious battle, against cancer.

Close to Christmas time of that year she underwent a major operation and was immediately placed back into another six sessions of chemotherapy. This was an absolutely heart-breaking time for us both and we knew that we were now fighting for survival. No need to dwell on the horrible grim After that, there were a few times details. I'll spare you, but be when we could enjoy the odd day assured that I was in awe of out or even a short break away Christine as she showed incredible together, but it was clear that the tenacity, resolve and pure inner cancer was progressing. strength of spirit in the sheer and that any further treatment was

She was to endure many stays in hospital trying (trying so hard) to get better and fight her way back to some kind of a state of health. Those were hard times, hard times for us both, because I tell you, to watch someone you absolutely adore going through such treatments is both mental and physical torture of the harshest kind. Of course, right from the beginning of our dark days, the family and the friends came together around her and touched me deeply with their open offers of assistance for us, and for myself as well as the long hours of vigil at Christine's bedside shaped my life. The absolutely exceptional palliative Each of us will remember her in our own way. But none of us will have anything but good, shining memories of her. Her smile, her gentle way and open warmth - a caring, beautiful lady of decency and compassion, understated, true and genuine of character. Time cast its spell on Christine

and she had to leave far too early. care team we met at Forest Holme Hospice, each and every one of them. For us as a couple, although we met later in life, we still had so many more things we wanted to do

The counsellor there, who in and adventures we'd have loved to particular somehow reached me live through. Her impact on my life and continues to help me so much; was massive and indelible and my

Fraser, the quite remarkable deep love for her remains absolute

Chaplain, here with us to help even though my heart is broken. us in our grief. I don't forget their kindness and genuine empathy and each and every one of you will receive my most heartfelt thanks as I try to regain myself and with the passage of time return to a sense She had a nice way with her, and she was a staunch person of strong values, principles and unshakeable ethics, which guided her right throughout her all too brief life. of stability, following my own grief. Now - I have to finally say farewell

Each of us will hold our own personal memories of Christine, beit as a relative, a work colleague, to you my darling Love, my Christine. But ‘Cancer doesn't care'. a friend or as her husband. David Evans (January 2020)

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