Who I am, Volume 1
ACollectionofPoemsbyIleanaCollazo
An Unruly Sagittarius |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
I paint with words and write with images
Atthedawnoftime,thevisualartswereborn,holdingherbreath untilwordsjoinedthem.Together,theymovethesenseswitha recklessforceonlymatchedbynature.Isometimesmeldthetwoto createoneexperience,andothertimesletthemforgetheirseparate paths.Music,theelusiveghost,oftenaccompaniesmeinmycreative journey.
The Dawn of Time |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage
Artworks:
An Unruly Sagittarius |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
The Dawn of Time |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage
Here I am, Behind the Mask |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
Inside My Cavernous Mind |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
Born from the Collective, Returned to the Collective |IleanaCollazo| DigitalSelf-portrait
Out of the Forest |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
Bound by My Past |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
The Scrapbook of My Mind |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage
If I Had Wings I Would… |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage Night Blooms 21 |IleanaCollazo|DigitalArt
New England
Here I am, Behind the Mask |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
Angry with Myself
by IleanaCollazo
SometimesIgetsoangrywithmyself thatIwanttoshout, tearmyhairfromtheirroots, andscratchoutmyeyes withfingernailssosharp.
Youcanbesoinconsistent. sofullofloveinoneinstant, andademonthenextbreath. Theworldcanbeascaryplace, Idon’tneedyoutomakeitworse becauseyouthinkIwon’tfightback.
OnedayIwill,andyouwillsee, thatitwasnotforlackofstrength, SimplythelovethatIoncefelt thatyoustumpedonhalftodeath.
Sunday,April17,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
As Years Go By
by IleanaCollazo
Iwishyouluck,kissyourforehead, andsaygoodbye. Myonlyhope,asyearsgoby youdon’tdecidetotakethewrongpath.
Youaresoyoung,youthissoblind, Iknowthisfromexperience. IwishthatIcouldsharemywisdom, Butwisdomcomesfromage.
Itisthemedallifepinsonus forthebattlescarswebear. Asyearsgoby, Ihopeyouflourish.
Iwantsomuchforyou,andyetsolittle. Happinessandsecurity,butmuchmoreso, thatpainyouarespared.Thatoneday youdon’tcryhelplesstearsofdespair.
Sunday,April24,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Beware of Humans
by IleanaCollazo
Fattenwolves bysilverlight, splashsandybottoms amidstsharks.
Stalksacredground asbellstollmidnight approachravagedvultures chewingoncarcasses.
Doasyoumust, doasyouwish, butifyouareastute, bewareofhumans.
Tuesday,June21,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Contemplation
by IleanaCollazo
Iamfeeling disorganized,irresponsible,unproductive tryinghardtoconcentrate, sittingupstraight,shufflingpapers.
Startingnewprojects,neglectinghalf-doneones; despitemybestefforts,mymindwandersoff, andIfindmyselflostinthought.
Thursday,April21,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Danger, Beware
by IleanaCollazo
Thewoundsofchildhood healquicklyandaresoonforgotten.
Thewoundsofadulthood chatterourheartsintosmallpieces.
Whenthedustsettles,weareleft withadeepgriefthatdrownsus.
Monday,April25,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Deathly Slumber by
IleanaCollazo
Sleep,sleep,mydarling, inyourdark,drearychamber, Ihadhopesforyou, Ihadhopesformyself.
Allhopeisgone, turnedtoashes. Isitbyyourside, watchingyou.
Areyouhidingfromme orfromyourself? Wouldyoucomebacktolife ifIkissedyourlips?
Thesightofyou makesmeafraid, youlooksoremoved fromeverything.
Youhugthepillow. Dreamingaboutme? Icannotdecode yoursecrets.
Ilivebyday, youlivebynight; perhapsindeath we’llmeet.
Tuesday,April19,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Deluded
by IleanaCollazo
Istayawake tossingandturning, roamingthehouse, thinking; amazedthatyou havefailedtonotice thatsomeoneelse hastouchedmedeeply.
Areyousosure ofyourself? Doyouthinkso nooneelsecouldwantme?
Allthebetterforme thatyoudon’tfigureitout, mydignityandmysecurity bankonourunion.
Heisall Ihavealwayswanted, youarethetool Thatlegitimizesme.
Monday,April18,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Delusions
by IleanaCollazo
Pointoutrainbowsinthesky, fetchunicornsforaride. Standinanewlymowedmeadow whileadovecirclesaboveyou,
carryingtheworms,itjustcaught, soaringhigh,divinglow. Apurplecloudblocksyourview, youhearcooingfromafar.
Limbsextended,musclestight, Itouchthebrightcircleoflight. Softfeathersstrokemyopenpalms, wingsflaphard,andbloodstainsmyarms.
Thornystem,fragrantwhiterose, danglingjustabovemyhead.
Saturday,May2,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Dicen que me he Vuelto Loco por IleanaCollazo
Dicenquemehevueltoloco, quenohagomásquehoírelradio, quemelevantoenlanoche atomarcaféyahoírelradio.
Dicenqueyaestoyviejo, quenoaceptolanuevainvencíon,latelevisíon, quehareemplazadoelradio.
Yomesonrío, lesdejocreerquenolosoigo, paraquemedejentranquilo hacerloquequiero.
Ellosnosabenquelanuevainvencíon, meobligaamiragentejoven,gentelinda,gentefea, mireflexíonenlapantalla cuandolaenciendoylaapago.
Peroelradionomeobligaahacernada, loenciendo,cierrolosojos,yviajo, amipasado,aotrostiempos, cuandoyoerajoven,cunadoeraguapo.
Dejalosquediganquemehevuetoloco, queestoysordo.
Yomesonrío,cierrolosojos,yenmissueñosviajo.
Thursday,Abril21,1994
Lexington,Massachusetts
Dedicatoria:Nuncahaspodidoengañarme,pocaspersonasteconocencomo yo.Tueresinteligente,ypiensasbienclaro;detiaprendíyoahacerlo.
Every Woman by
IleanaCollazo
Proudandself-sufficient; speakyourmind andstandupforyourrights. Letnoonecontrolyourlife.
Rememberthatlovedoesnotmean givingupthefreedomtobeyourself, acceptingmistreatmentaslove’sbyproduct, confusingsufferingwithloyalty.
Thereisalwayssomethinglefttolearn, itisnevertoolatetogetstarted. Throughallthewickedtwistsandturns throughwhichlifetakesus
remainsteadfastandstandupstraight awareofyourstrength tobealoverandafriend, amotherandawarrior.
Saturday,April16,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Evolution by IleanaCollazo
Iwalkalongtheedgeofmyancestor’shome, feelingkeennessandsensingitbeckoningme. KnowingthatIdon’tbelong, cognizantthatIhaveanewhome.
Iwatchthesurfcaresstheland, it’smissingme,I'mmissingit. Mismatchedloversareforbiddentojoin, andthewindblowshard,lettingoutmoans.
Ivisititoften;itcan’tcometome. Isecretlyfearthatoneday,itmayclaimme. Itssaltyscentandchillingtouchbeckonme, Isubmergemyself;mylungsstruggleforbreath.
MyheartachesasIbreakthesurface, underthemorningsunasitslongfingerscaressme and,forthatmoment,IwishthatIhadthecourage tosacrificemyearth-boundbodytothisdeepblue-greenbasin.
Sagturday,April23,1994 GoodHarborBeach,Gloucester,Massachusetts
by IleanaCollazo
Thesweetscentoffreshlycutflowers, thewindhowlinglikemoaningmourners, raindropsdrippingliketearsfalling, themeninblackarefollowingclosely.
Thesilentcrowdformsacircle, theirbowedheadshanginglikeweepingwillows. Asarainbowpaintsthemorningsky, thecoffincreaks,shifts,andsettles.
Wednesday,April20,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Farewell
Final Daydream
by IleanaCollazo
Ichaserainbowsinthesky, takeunicornsforaride. Lieinameadow whileadovecirclesaboveme
chewingonaworm itjustcaught; flyinghigh,divinglow.
Adarkcloudcomesintoview, Ihearcooingfromafar. Limbsextended,musclestight, Itouchacircleoflight.
Softfeathersstrokemyopenpalms, wingsflutter, thornspiercemyarms; dropsofbloodstainingmylips.
Andthen,afragrantwhiterose dropsitspetalsonmychest asonelasttime Iclosemyeyes.
Monday,May2,1994
Lexington,Massachusetts
Forgive Me
by Ileana Collazo
Sorrow overflows my heart, slithering slowly through my veins like a muddy river rolls down a mountain after a flood.
I did you wrong and, I know, your forgiveness can’t erase the acid stain of the words I spewed out before I left.
I regretted it back then, and I do, even more, now; but there is no way to mend the rip that tore us apart.
Wednesday,April 20, 1994 Lexington, Massachusetts
Gentle Persuasion
by IleanaCollazo
Iwishamagicboxwas hiddeninafieldoftallwildoats. Littleglassslipperswithtinywings sparklinglikediamondsinthemorningsun.
Agoldenkeywassafelytuckedaway amongthedandelionsandthebuttercups. Yourworldisavelvetpillow Crimsonred,sewnwithsilverthread.
Wishingforyou isallIcando, makingitcometrue isuptoyou.
Monday,May2,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Halfway Down the Lane
by IleanaCollazo
Iwasangryatmyselfforendingupsuchafailure, furiousattheworldforlettingmedownsobadly, disappointedwithmykinforaskingtoomuchofme.
Ashamedofnotgivingmore, ponderingwhereIwentwrong, whenIalwaystriedsohard.
Beingthereforeveryone, meanttherewasnotimeforme tothriveandbecomemybestself.
Inthesummerofmylife, Iwastedtoomanyyears onself-pity,anger,andfear.
Butitisnevertoolate toreclaimtheselfIlost; thelittlegirlwhostoodtall whiletheworldshrankinherhands, asshemoldeditlikeclay tomakeitfitinherpocket.
Now,halfwaydownthelane, I’veputastoptothemadness, andlearnedtostandupformyself.
Tuesday,April19,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
I Have a Problem
by IleanaCollazo
Ihaveaproblem;Iloveyou, butIdon’tknowifyouloveme, orthecomfortofmypresencecoaxesthemtostaybesideme becauseIfacealltheproblemswhileyouwatchmefromafar.
Wemakeplans,thenyoustepback, whileI’mleftwiththedetailsofanotherfutileproject. Whenyousleep,youhugthepillow,asIlierestlessbesideyou, waitingforyournextcommand.
Asfreshtearsrundownmycheeks drenchingmyfreshlywashedgown, deepfrommygutescapesasigh, thecryofmysheerexhaustion
Afterabriefpause,youstart preparingforyournexttrip downonemoredead-endroad, thatendsinanotherheartache.
Sunday,April17,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
I Wish
by IleanaCollazo
IwishthatIcouldtrulygettoknowyou, thatIcouldmelttheIronCurtain youdrawtoprotectyourselffromothers.
Sometimesyouseemlikesuchanangryperson whoturnsloveintoscornandpassionintorage mixedwithdisdain.
Theoppositeofme. youseeduskwhenIseedawn; brewstormsinsideyourmind whileItendmyVictoriangarden.
Yourheartislockedfromtheinside withabrasskeyyouhidunderarock. Forgettingyourpaththatday, nowyoucan’tfindit.
Sunday,April17,1994 LexingtonMassachusetts
Judgement Day
by
IleanaCollazo
Aredlightflashes, theairisstill, adropofblood criesfrommyeyes. Thebuzzardsfeast onrottedflesh theangels’wings aretornbybirds.
Thesuniscovered bythemoon, Thewolflies howlinginhisden. Thegroundisstripped, thetreesaredead, thecorpseswiggle withoutlegs.
Thehornletsout anaimlesscry, thestarskeepfalling fromthesky.
Saturday,April30,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Leaves by IleanaCollazo
Borninspringfromtinybuds, gloryofsummer,rainbowofautumn. Togentlebreezesyouswaylikefans, inthemorninglightyoushinelikejade.
Whenthedaysgrowshort, youturnred,yellow,andbrown; fallingtotheground.
Yourloyalpartners,thebarebranches, withstandthefrostindormantstillness, asthewholewintertheystandsteadfast, waitingforyourgloriousreturn.
Tuesday,May24,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Master of Deceit
by IleanaCollazo
There’samonsterinmyhousethatnooneelsecansee; helurksintheshadows,waitingforme.
Heknowsmyworstfears.Willhekillme? No,becauseIamhissustenance.
Heeatsawayatmeslowly,lettingmywoundshealbeforefeastingagain. Iknowhimwell,thishideousthing; Ihadtowatchhimeatmyhusband. Ittookhimyearstofinishhimoff.
Myhusbandfoughthard,butthemonsterwastricky.
Allowinghimtohope,plan,anddream,allowinghimtothinkhewasfree.
Oneday,themonsterslammedthedoorshut, threwthelock,swallowedthekey, andwithacynicalsmile,forcedmetosit whilefullofdelight,hehadhisfinalfeast.
Heworkeddiligently,intentonhistask, brieflystoppingtogrinatme.
Myhusband,tooweaktorecognizeme, letoutmoansthatspokeloudlyabouthistorture.
Onthefinalday,themonsterspoketome:
“Iamalmostdone;Ihavehadagoodmeal.”
“TomorrowIwilllookjustlikehim,youwillthinkIamhim.”
“WhenIgethungryagain,Iwillstarteatingyou,mydear.”
Hekepthispromise;Irememberednothing untilonedayitstarted;hetookanibble,thenabite.
Itwaspainful;itallcameback.
Ihadnoproof,justaknowingwhenIstaredintohisbloodshoteyes andsawthatmaliciousgrinjustbeforehetookeachbite.
Tuesday,February22,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Midlife Crisis
by IleanaCollazo
Ihavecometoacrossroadsinmylife, mymid-lifecrisis. Lostandafraidaboutwhichpathtotake. DoIleave,ordoIstay?
IfIleave,Isettlethescore; ifIstay,Itakemychances. Ican’ttakethehurtaway orbeartogiveuponus.
Withoutyou,Ifeelsolost; withyou,Iamalwaysmiserable. Withyou,IknowwhereIstand; withoutyou,life’samystery.
Istroll,kickingdirt,handsinmypockets; shufflingmyfeetdownthepath, makingmywaybacktoyou, prayingthatImadetherightchoice.
Wednesday,April20,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Misery Loves Company
by IleanaCollazo
Inmyfamily,thereisalwaysacauseforcomplaining, astheyrushinandout,alwaysinahurry. IfIcook,theyhavealreadyeaten;ifIdon’t,theyarestarving. IfIdon’tclean,theycomplainbecauseitisn’ttidy. WhenIclean,theymakeamess.
Theradio,theTV,thephone,andthedoorbell dayandnightcauseacommotion. Myheadaches,Ilongforquiet.
Then,Iwokeupthismorning,startledbythesilence; andfoundthenotetheyleft: “We’llbeoutthewholeday, wethinkyouneedarest.”
Irushbacktobed, tossandturn, grababook; butit’sjusttooquiet.
Iruntotheclosetandputonsomeclothes; theyareoutbythelake,wherewealwaysspendtime eatingbarbecuedburgerswhileshooingoffbitingflies. Hey,youall,waitforme.
Itmaynotalwaysbefun, asmyhusbandburnstheburgers mydaughtersbicker,andthedogbarksatthesquirrels, butmiserylovescompany.
Monday,April18,1994
Lexington,Massachusetts
Motherhood
by IleanaCollazo
Inheroldage,amotherbecomes ababblingcronewhoshufflesherfeet; someoneyouhavenotimetomeet foraquickbiteonyourlunchbreak.
Anagwhocallsandcannothear whatyouarescreaminginherear; whoasksonequestionafteranother withoutpausingforyoutoanswer.
Whenholidaytimecomesaround, shewantstocookturkeyandham, butyouhavebeeninvitedbyyourboss whowantstotakeyoutoashow.
Oneday,thephonerings,andavoice callsyoubynamefromherhome, tellsyoutherescuecameandwent, tohavethemorguecomepickherup.
Eachtimethephoneringsfromthatdayon, yourmindreplaysherlastcall; theonewhereyouhunguponher, asshewassayingIloveyou.
Thursday,April17,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
My Accuser
by IleanaCollazo
Eachday,Itrytodomybest ateverytasktossedmyway; sometimesIfail,othertimesIsucceed, andbothinstancesincenseyou.
Pointingafingeratme istheonethingIcancounton, becauseitdisguisesyourfailures andprotectsyourwoundedpride.
Thursday,April17,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Shrouded Shadow
by IleanaCollazo
Sleep,sleep,sleepthedayaway; roam,roam,roamthelongnights reluctanttofacetheworldinthelight, lostinthelabyrinthofyourmind.
Noscarsdisfigureyourhandsomeface; despondencyandresentmentmaryoursoul. Yourshallowbreathingisfastandfurious likethunderrumblingnearby.
Youstareattheskywithbloodshoteyes thathavenovestigesoflife; ignoringthemoonandthestars. Whenmorningcomes,youfadeaway, youcannotbearthemorninglight.
Thepainthatstranglesyousoreal, youseeitwalkingdownthehalls. Youlockthedoorandgotobed, tosleepanotherdayaway.
Saturday,May21,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Sisters
at Last by IleanaCollazo
Lookinsideyourheartforsignsofhope, believeinyourself,forIbelieveinyou. Youhavegainedsomuchwisdom. Yournewfoundcouragegivesmehope.
Youareyounger,Icamefirst. Attimes,Ipavedtheroadforyou, youbrokenewgroundforme. Mosttimes,weareamismatchedpair.
Welookalikebutactquitedifferently. Foryears,wefoughtanddisagreed, untilfatebroughtustoajuncture wherewecouldcometoterms andconquerallourfears.
Monday,May16,12994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Standing Alone
by IleanaCollazo
Imovedawayfromhome along,longtimeago; Iwalkthestreetsalone sensingthestaresofstrangers.
Idarenotknockondoors; therearenofriendsbehindthem. Ineverhearmyname whenIstrolldownthestreet.
Ifeellikeanalien fromsomedistantplanet; barelyaccepted,alwayssuspected.
Itravelfar togetbackhome, Iknockondoors,seefamiliarfaces.
Ihavechanged, Inolongerfitin. Onceagain,barelyaccepted,butsuspected.
Ipackmybags andreturntowhereIcamefrom. Why?
Askmyfamilyandfriends.
BecauseIreply, Imuchprefer tobeshunned bystrangers
Thursday,April14,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Such a Good Mother
by IleanaCollazo
WhenIwasyoung,Iwassuchagoodmother; alwaysathomebakingcookiesandmuffins whilemychildren’slaughter ranintothenextroom
astheyplayedwithdollsandpuzzles andsangsongs.
Inatubfilledwithbubbles,theysplashed; soakingmyclothingandthefloor.
Shriekingwithjoyastheyranthroughthebackyard chasingthewaterfromthesprinkler.
Onsunnymornings,wewenttothepark; theyplayedball,rodebikes,andswung.
Afterdinner,camestorytime,andofftobed. Igaveeachoneamillionkisses,tuckedthemin, andturnedoffthelight.
Nowthattheyhavegrownup,everythinghaschanged; Irushinandouttoandfromwork, Orderpizza,andshoutwhentheymakeamess.
Tuesday,April19,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Courage to Stand Alone
by IleanaCollazo
Eachnewdaywritesachapter ofthestoryofmylife; secretsIcouldnotimagine, revealingthemselvestome.
Asfamiliarfacesfade intobackstoriesthatrhyme withthesadmourningdove’scry, Itreadforafewmoresteps.
UntilonedayI,alone, findmyselfatthefrontdoor ofthelasthopethatIheld todiscoverithadleft.
March1994
Lexington,Massachusetts
The Gift of Freedom
by IleanaCollazo
Igrewupinsecure, intentonprovingmyworth; feelingashamedofmyself. Angryatmyfather,
dependentonmymother. Theghostsofmychildhood, crawlingaroundintheshadows whileItriedtooutrunthem.
Then,oneday,Isatsostill, staringrightintotheeyes ofthedemonthatbewilderedme, untilitturnedintodust.
Sunday,April10,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The
Hunted by IleanaCollazo
Iknowhowitfeelstobeprey; theangerofbeingmeeker, thehumiliationofthepersecution, thefearofgettingcaught.
Iseeyoureyes glowinginthedark, hearyourimpatientstalking, envyyourexpertise, andknowthatthereis noescapingyou, thatyouwillcatchme, andthoughyoumaynotkillme.
youwillscratchme, biteme,andscarme, insomehorrificwaythatIwillnotforget. Youareanexpertbecauseyoupractice.
Youthreaten,youtease, youkeepmeincheck. Icanneverletdownmyguard, because,dayandnight,nightandday,
youarethere, somewhere, planning,pacing,hunting, until,onceagain,youpounceonme.
Wednesday,April20,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The
Prayer by
IleanaCollazo
BeforeIgotosleepatnight IpraytoGodtotakemylife, tofreemybodyandmysoul fromallthepainandsorrow.
Iclosemyeyesandhugmypillow, preparingforthetrip, tillIwakethenextday tofinditallthesame.
Monday,April25,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Promise
by IleanaCollazo
Youliveengulfedbyrage, excusingyouractions byfaultingothers.
Youuseme, abuseme, tearchunksfrommysoul.
Youwalkthroughthegarden steppingonflowers thatgetinyourway.
Youshower strangerswithkindness, whileforsakingyourself.
Youquicklyforget whoquietsyourcries, whotamesyourworstfears.
Despitewhoyouare, despiteyourcruelty, I’llalwaysbenear.
Sunday,April24,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Promise of Tomorrow by
IleanaCollazo
Isitwrongtolongforasolutiontoaproblemthathaslastedforever? Isitwrongtohopeforafuturedevoidofmiseryandsorrow?
WhenIwasyoung,Idreamedaboutlove,joy,andadventure; nowIcravepeace,quiet,andsecurity.
NomatterhowhardItry,Ican’treachthosegoals; Instead,Ifindmyselfplaguedbyendlessworriesandfears.
IlookaroundasIsearchforasmallsliverofhope, somethinginyourbrowneyesthatletsmeknowthatyouknow.
ButIonlyseeavacuumthatpullsmeintotheabyss youfellintoitlongagowhenyouplungedintodespair.
Saturday,March5,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Rose
by
IleanaCollazo
Onionskinpetals jealouslyguarded byhersilentlover thethornystem.
Suchafairbeauty devoidofshyness standingsoproud inawhiteheaddress.
Hermellowscent permeatestheair, hersensualcurves provokemyenvy.
Stolenfromhergarden Shesitsupstraight inherwateryvase, asifdrinkingwine.
Asthedayspass, herscentstartstofade, herwhitestartstostain, herpetalsgolimp.
Isecretlymournher, yet,wonderifnow thatsheisamemory Icouldtakeyourplace.
Monday,April4,1994
Lexington,Massachusetts
The
Runaway by IleanaCollazo
TodayIwalkwithurgency, runningawaylikeateenager whowantstogetawayfromhome.
Mymindisfullofyesterday’smemories, anddreadaboutwhatliesahead. Iquickenmypaceasthelandscapezoomsby; mymusclesareachy,andmybreathislabored. IwishthatIcouldwalkforever, Iknowthatitisjustathought.
Islowmypaceandbowmyhead, turningaroundinahalf-circle headedbackhomewhereIbelong.
Wednesday,April20,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Runner
by IleanaCollazo
Ileftonedayrunning toescapemylife; pumpingmyarmsandextendingmylegs.
Ifellintoaholehiddenbyabush; suchanunexpectedtrap. Ilaysostill;itwassodark.
Icouldclimbup;therewasnoonearound. Icriedbittertears;Imissyousomuch. Iwanttogohome,butIdon’tknowhow.
Saturday,February26,1994 LexingtonMassachusetts
The Stranger in My House
by IleanaCollazo
Mylifehasturnedintoaghastlynightmare fromwhichthereisnoawakening. HowcouldIhavefallenprey tosuchahideousthingashe?
Didmypassionsomisguideme? Drivingmetolongforsomeonewholivesbyhatred? Ifnotso,then.
Howcananangelunexpectedlybecomeademon?
Thereisastrangerinmyhouse, abeingIdon’trecognize. Idonotwanttoseehimgo, tosaygoodbyeforevertowhoheoncewas.
Howdidheevergetintomylife? Howdidhetakemylover’splace?
Whoisthismonstersharingmyhome,mymeals,mybed? AmIafraid?No,notafraid,
Iamempty,numb,lonely, andmuchtoohurttofear. HaveIalreadydiedandgonetohell? ForthisishowIfeel.
Monday,February21,1994
Lexington,Massachusetts
The Waiting Game
by IleanaCollazo
Iwonderhowitfeelstobeold. Isitlikewaitinginthedentist’soffice? Onewantstoleave,butthereisnoescape, whenthattoothhurts,thereisnootherplacetogo.
Iseemyfathersittinginhischair, lickinghislips,rubbinghisknees.
Ilookintohiseyesandseehissilentscream, heknows,Iknow,histimeisalmostup; thisweatheredeasychairishislaststop.
Monday,April4,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Writer
by
IleanaCollazo
Theyclaimthatnooneescapesmypen, thatIamshrewd,thatIamvain. ThatIwriteabouteveryoneandeverythingwithoutshame; thatIwillsoonfindmyselfwithoutfriends, thatIaminsane.
Iamnotshrewd,vain,shameless,orinsane. Thetruthisthereforalltosee.
IfIoffendyou,thinkagainaboutwhatthatsaysaboutyourself.
Sunday,April24,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Written Word
by IleanaCollazo
Mymiserablelifecomesintofocus whenIsetitdownaswords onthecrip,whitesheetofpaper withtheblacklettersasblunt
asthethoughtsinsidemyhead. Fromthepoolofmyideas, floatuptheangerandfear thatsparkleliketinystars
hangingfromthebigblackcurtain ofanightthathasnomoon. Woundsopenuptospillsorrows thatslitheroutofmelikeworms
asIbleedontothepage untileverythinggetsmuddled andIcannolongerread allIknowisthatIshouldforget.
Tuesday,April19,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Time Flies by
IleanaCollazo
Isitandwatchthedaysgoby; timeflies,theysay,andIagree. IamamazedathowI’vechanged; theproofthattimehastrulypassed.
Today,Isitinsideacell thatlooksmorelikeagildedcage, constrictedbyabrokenspirit thatshatteredwitheachdaythatpassed.
Saturday,April16,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
To My Loving Mate
by IleanaCollazo
Youweresotough,soshrewd,soheartless; alwaysreadytocrushmewithyourfist, tomakemebowinpainandshame.
Whathappenednow? Haveyoulostallyourmight? Whydoyoucry?Whydoyouwhine?
Istandbeforeyou somberandmute; devoidofpityandfilledwithdignity.
Nowismyturntowatchyouweep, likeyousatdoingwhenIdid; myheartisastonethatwillnotcrack.
Ifyousurvive,Iwilldoitagain. Onlythistime,I’llusealongerblade soIdonotmissagain.
Saturday,April16,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Virgin
Heart by IleanaCollazo
Clawsthatclutch thevictimtight, eyesthatwatchher withdelight
Fireburning inthenight, cannotscorch thevictim’smight.
Growingstronger witheachblow, herpowersprouts fromdeepinsight.
Woundsofflesh, meremortalscars, cannottouch thevirginheart.
Sunday,October9,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
What is a Friend?
by IleanaCollazo
Afriendissomeonewhotrulycaresaboutyou, whoisthereforyoueverytimeyouneedher, nevertojudge,alwaystosupportyou.
Kindandpatient, forgivingandencouraging understandingandprotective; yetbraveenoughtoadviseyou.
Sunday,April17,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Wrong
Turn by IleanaCollazo
Thegroundiscakedandcracked; noflowersgrow,noriversflow. Therocks,sharp,jaggedhatches, slashbareflesh.
Fourlonelysoulsdragtiredlimbs throughthebarrenlandscape, mouthsagape,lettingoutmoans; baldheadsbakinginthesun.
Scatteredbones,afewgoldcoins, ascrapbookofthepast.
Thesteadydrumming, incessantandmonotonous,
asonelonelysoulfalls. Theothersleaveherbehind; towarnall thosewhowillfollow.
Thedreamers,thehopeful; searchingforpuddlesofwater fromonethousand yearsago.
Astwoothersfall, thenightbiteswithbittercold asonelonelysouldragson; tooweaktonotice, tootiredtocare.
Friday,May6,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
You
a
re… by
IleanaCollazo
Youare likeathornyrosebush, sopainful, yetsofair.
Youare likeabirdinflight, sohandsome, yet,soonoutofsight.
Youare likeamusicalnote, sobeautiful, yet,turnedtothinair.
Youare likeadolphinatsea, asighttosee, yet,headedelsewhere.
Ireachforyou, likeahologram, youareneverthere.
Itryhard togetyououtofmymind, butyouressence lurkseverywhere.
Sunday,April24,1994 Lexington,Massachusetts
Inside My Cavernous Mind |IleanaCollazo|Self-Portrait
Bittersweet Love
by IleanaCollazo
Isitalone,thinkingaboutyou wantingtotellyouhowIfeel; aftermuchpondering,Ithinkitbest tousethesweetlanguageofflowers.
Frommysmallgarden,Iwillgather afreshbouquetofscentsandcolors; theirtenderpetalswillexpress themeaningoflovemixedwithsorrow.
Tostartmytale,I’llcutarose toletyouknowhowmuchIloveyou; I’lladdtothatforget-me-nots toreinforcethatmineistruelove.
WallflowersprovewhatIhavedone, fidelityinadversity; pansiesbringthoughtsofbetterdays, hyacinthsorrowthatthey’regone.
Marigoldsspeakoftoday’sgrief, ofallthethingsthathavegonewrong; last,Iwilladdasprigofhope, lilyofthevalleyforreturntohappiness.
Wednesday,April5,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Cause and Effect
by IleanaCollazo
Pestilence,dark,heavycloud, thickwithacidrainthatpoisonstheground whencrackedopenbythelightning thatignitestheancientoaks
asthunderbouncesoffthewalls ofdwellingsthatwereabandoned asthecrowdsfollowedthesun, wholeftthisforsakenspot.
Themoon,scorned,refusedtofollow, hidinginafrozencastle withallthestarsatherfeet andthestinkofrottedmeat
fromthosewhorefusedtoleave andsuccumbedtothedisease thatspreadthroughtheairandwater andturnedthesoilintodust.
Friday,May19,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Creation’s Dawn
by IleanaCollazo
Silencecracksthroughemptyspaces sendingwavesaswatervibrates. Vastblueexpandingandcontracting, inhalingfumes,expellinggases.
Liquidoozingfromthedepths; spillingover,fillingupspace. Darknessopeningtoblindinglight, travelingswiftly,usheringtime.
Wednesday,May17,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Cross
Wind by IleanaCollazo
Abirdhasfallen fromthesky, itisI.
Myruffledwings wereclipped byunseenhands.
Iflutterhelplessly onmuddysand andlookupatthesky.
Abluesopale mixeswithwhite. Iclosemyeyes.
Anangrywave washesmybreast whereIstruckstone.
Itwasanawfulplunge Itookontothehard, coldground;
Iliesostillnow, Theskyturnsgrey, thenblack.
Whenmorningcomes, agustofwind sendsafeatherflyinghigh.
Tuesday,February7,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Daydreaming
by IleanaCollazo
Thewindowpaneismoistwithdew assheleansherbreastsagainstitssill. Thewindchimesswayinginthebreeze, rhymingwiththeRobins’chirps.
Theairissweetwithvioletscent, thegroundcoveredwithpurplegrace. Thetwistedbranchesofthewhiteashtree thatdroppedtheleavesofsummerpast arecastingshadows onthegrass herfanciedlover treadlastnight.
Friday,March31,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Discarded
by IleanaCollazo
Everyoneturnsawayfromtrouble, noonewantstoseetear-stainedfaces swolleneyesorquiveringlips.
Theyallgoonwiththeirlives, whiletroubledsoulsstaybehind inspacesdevoidoflight.
Recedingintotheshadows, wearingblackanddrearygowns; theirhairunkemptandbrittle.
Nohopeleft, nolove,notenderness, toeasethepainandsorrow.
Monday,January2,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Failed Dreams
by IleanaCollazo
IfretabouteverymomentIwasted eachdaythatpassedthatcannotbereclaimed. Lookinginthemirror Iseethetracksofseasonspast.
Mytiredeyesfilledwithregret, mylipsshuttight,myfacegrave; ImournaloneforwhoIwas, andliveashamedofwhoIhavebecome.
Tuesday,April4,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Final Reward
by IleanaCollazo
Closedcasket, satinpulledovermysleepyeyes. Lidsshut, nojudgesaskingforaplea.
Blackvelvet, crimsonpillow, lifelessbody rottingindeepsleep.
Iwelcomethee, nothingness, forlife wasnotforme.
Monday,July31,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Grim Perspective by IleanaCollazo
Ishiverfromtheexampleofwhatmylifecanbecome Ifthingsdon’tchangeformeinthenot-too-farfuture,
Thefirstnightoftheyearwasasblackasblackcanbe, andwhendawnknockedonthedoor,theroarofthunderexploded,
Thedaythatfollowedremaineddarkandhopeless, hisheavyhandsfallingonmyachyshoulders.
Theshamedwarfedthepainthatstungmyflesh; familyandfriendshavenowheardhisscreams.
Mychildrenlookatme,demandingmyprotection, histearsandsobscommandthatIgivehimmyattention.
Imatterednotlastnight;Imatternottoday. Ifearthatfromnowon,I’llnevercountagain.
Monday,January2,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Humans, Humans
by IleanaCollazo
Constraintsandresponsibilities ruleourdailylives. Schedulesandappointments impairourfreedomtobewhoweare.
Floatinginspaceinsideapowderbluecapsule Asendlessblackexpandsbeyondourhorizon; ourseedsinsidewarmwombssprout, bloomforawhile,thenwither.
Wednesday,February8,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Journey by IleanaCollazo
Iclimbamountaintoitssummit, Theheavyfogblocksmyview. Iwalkalongtheriver’sedge, Iheartheroaringfallsahead.
Thedessertsandishotandbrittle, thescorchingsunbakesmyhead. Iseeagardenwildandpure, IfIcanreachitthere,I’llrest.
Sunday,February26,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
DedicatedtoRima,adearfriendwholeftustoosoon.
Little Dreams and Things by
IleanaCollazo
Ofallthethingstherearetodo, thelittlethingsmatterthemost. Watchingabutterflyflutter, hearingahummingbirdhum.
Admiringafreshlycutrose, tastingthemoistnessofrain, asabreezekissesourcheeks andweleavetheworldbehind.
Andourchildhooddreamsawaken tothesoundofourheartsinging.
Saturday,March11,1995 SpringFlowerShow Boston,Massachusetts
Long, Long Nights
by IleanaCollazo
Yourfacesolovedandrevered, yourbodysocravedandsolongedfor, nolongermypassionstirs instilledbythepleasuresoftheflesh.
Noanger,hatred,orresentment; onlythevoidleftwhenlove turnsintosmolderingashes andfondnessfromthetimesshared isnotenoughtoignite theflamesthatusedtoconsumeme whenyouthdictatesouractions andwelivedwithsweetabandon.
Tuesday,March28,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Lovers by IleanaCollazo
Iamnotwhatyouexpected;my aspirationsaredifferentfromyours. Wedaydreaminavacuum; youinyours,andIinmine.
Anger,sadness,andresentment intertwinedwitholdlovevestiges nowfeeltoomuchlikehatred aseyesthatmetwithsweetlonging beamwithdisdainandresentment; daggersthatpuncturethesoul. Ifwewereyoung,fueledbycourage, wemaydecidetopartways
insearchofabetterway tolivetherestofourlives. Butbynowwe’vegrowntired, ourheartstooweaktoharborhope.
Wewalkthepathhandinhand; tooscaredtotalk,tootiredtofight.
Sunday,February26,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Love’s Essence
by IleanaCollazo
Iseehisshadowbymybed, andfeelhiswarmbreathbrushmyneck. Ishiverslightly,claspmyhands, andwaitforhislipstotouchmine.
IknowthatIcan’taskformuch, Iknowthatitcan’tbethesame. Histouchiscold,hisimagevague; whendaylightcomeswithit,he’llfade.
Thursday,April6,1995
Lexington,Massachusetts
Morning
by IleanaCollazo
Itisn’trightthatyouleftmelastnight withoutsayinggood-bye; anoteisnotenough.
Iftherewaspaininyourheart,ifyouneededtopart youcouldhavegone, justnotthatway.
Youleftmetowashthestainsfrommybloodyhands, theguiltfrommyachingheart, whileyousetyourselffree; itisn’tfair.
Thinkingonlyofyourself,youdidn’ttakemeinmysleep. youweresoclose,but, Istilldidnothear.
Youmuffledthesoundwiththewhitesatinpillow whereyou’drestedyourhead everynightofourlives.
Youstaineditred,andthewalls,andthecarpet. andthegruesomepicture willremaininmyheadforalways.
Itisn’tfairthatyouleftmethismorning laidoutonastretcher whilethebrightsunlight
streamedintheroom, andagustofwind blewyourlastbreathoutthewindow.
Sunday,February26,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
My Inner Child
by IleanaCollazo
Iwalkalongtheedgeofalushmeadow, ayounggirlholdingmyhand; urgingmedownthepath thatleadstotheriver’sedge.
Hergripisfirm,butherhandisfluid; ahologramborninmymind, projectedoutontomyworld.
Strandsofmygreyhair flowfreelyinthewind; andasherpowerfeedsme, myachylimbsgrowlimber.
Wereachthewater’sedge, shepullsmetomyknees, welookintotheliquidmirror rippledbythewind.
Iblinktwotimesandpinchmycheeks, amazedbywhatIsee; myfaceisasfreshandyouthful asthelittlegirlbyme.
Shecupsmychininhertwohands andkissesmyforehead. Asifmymagiconceagain IamwhoIoncewas.
Sunday,February26,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Nature’s Way
by IleanaCollazo
Aslothandasnailsitpoisedontwochairs Inmybackyard,andponder. Whatabout? Iwonder.
Abeeandabutterflyrushbusilyby makingdinneroutofnature’sbounty. Aretheypressedfortime? Iwonder.
Aflowergrowsinsidethecreviceofarock attheedgeofameadowwheretheriverbends. Togetherbywillorchance? Iwonder.
Amanandawomanwalkdownapath; attheedgeofthewoods,thepathforks. Willtheypartways? Iwonder.
Wednesday,February8,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Nourished Roots
by IleanaCollazo
Idlemindsprovefoulfriends, frenziedtongues,thecuttingedge.
Pistongrinding,plierstightening, juicesboilinginglasskettles.
Soulswholaborinfertileground, employedindoinggooddeeds
cultivatetolerantkindness insteadofhatredandgreed.
Friday,May19,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Nuclear Night by
IleanaCollazo
Sittingonabenchwatching, hisbodyandmindfrozen. Doesheseewhatisgoingonaroundhim? Doeshehearthewarninghornsounding?
Asotherspasshim, theydon’ttrytostirhimfromhisstillness; eachofthemfocusedononething, thewarninghornsounding.
Asmorninglightfadesfromhissight, theworldaroundhimgoesblack; aheavywindbringsablackcloud, thelandscapeturnstoashes.
Aclumpofdustwherethebenchstood; themanandthebenchhavebecomeone. Whenmonthsgobyandtheyreturn, theotherscry:themanwaswise.
Wednesday,March1,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Perspective by IleanaCollazo
Perchedonamaplebranch, amourningdove watchesahummingbird drinkfromamorningglory;
flappingitswingswithdelight, savoringitssweetnectar asthemourningdovewonders. Whyhasitbeenmadesohomely?
Thehummingbirdlooksup, flappingitswingsandwondering, envyingthemourningresting whileitmustkeepconstantlymoving.
Thursday,March2,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Philosophy by IleanaCollazo
Apoetissomeonewhostarves tofeedthepopulace’shunger fortheknowledgeandthepower ofthosewhopaintimageswithwords.
Thosewhoprosperandwhotriumph doingthemeaninglessthings thatdon’tignitethoughtsorpassion thumbthroughourbrainstoinfuse
theirsoulswithmagicandwonder thatwedreamupwhileawake sothattheycanfallasleep dazzledbyouremotions.
Saturday,April8,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Powerless by IleanaCollazo
Agrainofsandgotinmyeye, agustofwindsentittwirlingby.
Iwasamazedbyhowmuchpain thistinythingcouldbringtome.
Isatandlistenedtoyourwords; youremptythreats,yourvilewords.
Iwasperplexedtorealize, youcannolongercausemepain.
Tuesday,April4,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Preamble to Insanity
by IleanaCollazo
Livinginahousewithnodoors, Iamforcedtoputupwithmyself; staringatwallswithnowindows, breathingcold,damp,staleair.
Tryingtomakethebestofeachmoment, Iplantblacktulipsinthecrackedcement, cutbutterfliesoutofpeelingwallpaper, letourcriesintovastemptyspaces.
Againandagain,againandagain Icrossmylegs.
Againandagain,againandagain, Iblinkmyeyesandlickmylips.
Againandagain,againandagain, untilonedaymybraincavesin.
Wednesday,April26,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Preoccupation
by IleanaCollazo
Willthewellthatmyminddrinksfrom dryupandgrowmossandfern? HowwillIquenchmycompulsion tosetwordsfreewithoutwings?
WhatwillIthinkwhenIsee theatersthatoncestagedmydreams? Whybehauntedbyanxiety, doInotwriteasIfret?
Thursday,May18,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Quest for Wisdom
by IleanaCollazo
Onahill,aboveallelse, sitsaloneanevergreen. Whenthewindbeginstoblow, hestartsmotionfortherest.
Whenthewinddies,heisthelast togiveuptheritualdance. Alltheotherslooktohim, seekingguidance.
Whenwintercomes, whiletheystandbare, Theevergreenstillwears itslushgreenvelvetgarment.
Monday,May22,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Regrets
by IleanaCollazo
Mother,
IknowIhavenorighttocomplain; Igrewupandmovedaway, youstayedwherewewere.
WhenImissyou,itisn’tyouIblame; andIrealizethatneithercanIblamemyself. Iknowyoualwaysawaitmyreturn, butyoudon’tdareaskmeifIamreadytocomehome.
SometimesIpondergoingback, butthepersonIwasisnolongerwhoIam. You’veaged,yetyouremainedthesame, I’vegrown,andgrowingpromoteschange; butIcantellyou,ifonlyinmythoughts, thatIamsoafraidtoloseyou.
IfeelregretforallthetimeIhavenotspentwithyou; cryendlesstearswhenIthink howlittletimeisleft, for,sometimesoon,Idon’tknowwhen,
thephonewillringwithnewsthatyouaregone. Youwilltakewithyoualltheloveyouhaveforme, Iwillbekeeping Theguiltofstayingaway.
Thursday,March2,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Smokestack Monoliths
by IleanaCollazo
Sittingbythewindow,gasping, staringatthelandscapethroughamistyhaze; longingforthefeelofgrassticklingmyfeet, andajasmineperfumedbreeze.
Noonestrollingdownbelow, nobirdsflyinginthesky; brittlebrancheshangingbare insummer’sgloomynightmare.
Nomorerabbitsdartingby, nomoresquirrelshoardingseeds, nomorechildrenridingswings, nomoreairlefttobreathe.
Friday,July14,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Sound Waves
by IleanaCollazo
Thereisnothing lefttosay, Ihavesaiditall toomanytimesbefore.
Letsilencevoice whatInolongerwill. Ifyoustrainyourears, youwillhear
theechoofmypleas, thevibrationsofmyfear, fromthelast onethousandyears.
Tuesday,October24,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Speculation
by
IleanaCollazo
Speculationveryoftenfillsmysenses. Igetup,gotobed, closemyeyes,openmyeyes; wondering,eachtime.
WhenwillthisgameIplayend? Thetruthisthat eachstepItakecouldbemylast, everybreathItake fliesaway.
Whenitisover, someonewilldigaholeforme, andintothegroundIwillslip whileeveryoneelsestaysbehind.
Sunday,April9,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Stolen Breath
by IleanaCollazo
Therelaysmymate,fluttering. Twobrokenwings, asilverthorn stuckinhisfeatherybreast.
Softly,Ilandathisside. Ihavenoarmstohughim. Igentlyrunmyquiveringbeak overhisbloodybrow.
Whocouldhavescarredsuchbeauty? Whotookawayfromme thewarmthofhe, whosolonghassharedmynest?
Why?
Thedayisstill, theharshsunparchedhisdown, robbinghimofhisrighttosoar.
Nomorefluttering. Sostill,sostiff, hisglassyeyes stareupatme.
Iholdthemoment inmytinybrain, becauseitisourlast.
Tuesday,October24,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
The
Prayer by
IleanaCollazo
BeforeIgotosleepatnight IpraytoGodtotakemylife, tofreemybodyandmysoul fromallthepainandsorrow.
Iclosemyeyesandhugmypillow, preparingforthetrip, tillIwakethenextday tofinditallthesame.
Tuesday,April25,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Thought Process
by IleanaCollazo
Brainstems poppingthroughtheflesh, absorbingwisdomandgrace; processingconceptsandthoughts, digestingknowledgeandwisdom.
Whileviletonguestwistandthrash, distortingtruth spewingvenom; morphingvisions, disgracingvalues.
Wednesday,May17,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Tormented by IleanaCollazo
Youthrashinpainnoonecanfathom yourangerfusingwithdespair. Comingupforair,onlytosink deeperanddeeperintoonemorenightmare.
Acavesodark,yourmindexplodes withghastlythoughtsyoucannotbear.
Yourbodyfreezesintoastupor deeperthansleep, morepotentthandeath; yourbraintospare.
Friday,April7,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Total Darkness by IleanaCollazo
Theshadowonthewall isplayingwiththelight; stretchinghigh, crouchinglow.
Sneakingpastthewindow nearthelamp; dancinginacircle, crash…
Itisdark, acloudynight, theshadow feelsthewalls, searching, crying, formorninglight; terriblyafraid ofthedark.
Wednesday,March1,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Traveling
by
IleanaCollazo
Echoesofvoices,sounds,andnoises travelthroughmybrain; exploding.
Amirageoflightsandcolors flashthroughmyeyes likeaghostatmidnight.
Bodiespressclose, shovingandpushing inamadrush.
Propelledthroughspace. Ilandonabed ofroses; theirscentsweet, theirpetalssoft, theirstemthorny.
Wednesday,February8,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Twilight Dreamer
by IleanaCollazo
Isitintwilight,andwrite wordsthatwereborndeepinsidemymind; thepainthatchokesmeandnowspills sofreelyrightontothepage.
Thefearsthatseizemelateatnight aresomehowtamedintosubmission asmylifeturnsintoadream; afilmIwatchwithhalf-closedeyes.
Whenmorningcomes, itissobright, Ishieldmyeyes, closethedrapes.
Monday,February27,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Untold
Tale by IleanaCollazo
Itallstartedwithaboyandagirl; amanandawoman. Quitedifferent, yetsomehowcompatible.
Theboyhadideas/dreams abouthowhislifeshouldbe, thegirlhadasolidplan draftedfromearlylifeexperiences.
Shethoughtshewouldbe adreamer,alover,awife,andamother. Hewantedtobe anocean-faringscientist.
Shelovedtheland;helovedthewater; abouteachone,theylearnedfromoneanother. Helookedtowardsthefuture, shelovedthepastanditstreasures.
Astheyearspassed,theyconcluded, thathopesanddreamsareelusive; butloveandcommitment areeternal.
1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Winter Morning by
IleanaCollazo
Treebranchesbow, weighteddownbyfallensnow. Powderedsugar,sprinkledthick, blanketingthegroundbelow.
Icyspears, winter’sfrozentears, sparkleinthesun.
Alightwindblows athickwhitecloud; whenitsettles lookaround; andyoumayfind thewinterrose.
Tuesday,February28,1995 Lexington,Massachusetts
Born from the Collective, Returned to the Collective |IleanaCollazo| DigitalSelf-portrait
Divine Encounter
by IleanaCollazo
Twirlsofhazeembraceme, lickingmynose,ticklingmylungs. Isquinttoseeit,expandingupwards, outofthewoods,ontotheclearing.
Contrarytoeveryone’sfancy, itsscentisfaint,tauntinglyhaunting. Fluid,yetsolid,shapeless,yetmassive; faroutofreach,Ifeelittouchme.
Isenseitgraspingmefromwithin, awarmsensationcaressingmybreast; barelyamoment,thenitisgone. Heavenispale;thereisnosun.
Mycheststilltingling asifafinger remainedindented uponmyheart.
Saturday,December14,1996 Lexington,Massachusetts
Epiphany
by IleanaCollazo
Paintinglandscapeswithoutcanvases, moldingsculptureswithoutclay, blowingthoughtslikedandelionseeds, sendingthemwherethewindblows.
Eachwordisworthonethousandmore intenacityandveracity, tearingfiber,sewingholes, dividingandunitingall.
Friday,November15,1996 Lexington,Massachusetts
Incubus Abductor
byIleanaCollazo
Hekneelsbeforeherslumberingform, waitingtostealherlastbreath. Shestirsandsettles,unaware thathehoversoverher.
Thesilvertrailofafallingstar sprinklessparklesacrossherbrow; herlashesflutter, Heretreatsintotheshadows.
Asighescapesherpartedlips asateartreadsacrosshercheek. Hebowshisheadinprofanereverence forallthebeautyshepossesses.
Awarethathecan’tdohisdeed, heturnstofleeandknocksdownthevase ofvioletsshegatheredherself alongthepath,beyondthegate.
Fearfulthatshewillgazeuponhim, hetakesflightthroughtheopenwindow; inhishaste,leavingbehind thecloakhebroughttohidehisact.
Whenmorninglight,toosoon,arrives, hewatchesherriseandcometolife; heassertshecannotfind thecouragetosnuffoutherlife
Assuddenlyasshecatcheshissight, hedashesacrossthedew-moistgrass; shefollows,runningdownthelane tofindaclumpofsmolderingash.
Wednesday,February21,1996,Lexington,Massachusetts
Isolation
by
IleanaCollazo
Inanticipationofthevisitation, mythrobbingheart trotsgently. Myfingersinandoutoftwine; theflurryalmost spillsthewine.
Itissoquiet,Icanhear thecrowrustle itsfeetalongthecorn. Asthefirststar climbsonthewall, Ibathemyselfintwilightglaze.
Friday,November15,1996 Lexington,Massachusetts
Mistrial
by IleanaCollazo
Iamperplexedthatyou, whomIhaveneverjudged, feelsocompelledtojudgeme. Whatmoralgrounddoyoustandon todigdeepintomygut?
Tocountmywrongturnsandmissteps, tostainmewithyourfoulwords.
Judgesareconfinedtocourtrooms, wherewitnessesarerequired tobackuptheaccusations ofthosewhocomeunderfire.
Tuesday,November12,1996 Lexington,Massachusetts
Recollections
by IleanaCollazo
Ahandsoheavylandsuponmycheek. Anguishedandhelpless,frozen,Iremain. Thebuzzingsoundbouncinginmyhead, mystingingtearsburningmewithfear.
Mybeatingheart,myshallowbreath, mymuffledcry,withpain,Iswallow.
Awakenedbythemorninglight, amoment’sdoubtcrossesmymind.
ButwhenItouchmywoundedflesh, aloneatlast,Ishoutinrage.
1996
Lexington,Massachusetts
Seeking Shelter
by IleanaCollazo
Howdoyoufeel aboutsomeonewhoslashesyourpride withanonslaughtofsmugremarks?
Howdoyoufeeleachtimeyouutteraword riskingthechancethatyouwill bemetwithunbridledwrath?
Whenapproachingfootsteps makeyouasnervousasafawn whoisabouttobecomeprey.
Wherethere’snomarginoferror, nosafetynetforerror, andthepriceyoupayishigh.
Likeacometcrashingdown ontoanunsuspectedcrowd, youdoyourbesttofindshelter inabuildingwithnowalls.
1996
Lexington,Massachusetts
Spirit World
by IleanaCollazo
Oncetherewasamanwhoactedlikeabearwhorefusedtohunt; whosatatmidnightimitatingawolf, lookingatthemoonandhowlingattheshadows.
Hisnailsgrewuntiltheybecameclaws, histeethprotrudinglikefangsthatfrightenedeveryone. Alone,hesat,witheredandstarved, untilablackbirdlandedonhishead; droppingafeatherontoeachofhisopenpalms thatpropagatedintoflutteringfans. Hethenroseandfloppedhisarms, whichwerenowwings.
Hiscrownafeatherednest, asthewindblewhard andheonceagainlookedupatthesky; nevertobeseenagain.
Noweverynight,alonewolfhowls, andashadowcrossesthemoon. Coulditbetheman couldnotsethimselffree, evenwhenhewasgivenwings?
Saturday,September21,1996 Lexington,Massachusetts
New England 1997
Out of the Forest |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
Admonishment
by IleanaCollazo
Adandelionghostflyinginthewind comestorestonaBrusselssprout; bothsmall,bothround, yetsounlikeincolorandweight.
TheBrusselssproutshouts: “Getoffme,findyourownspace.” Thedandelionghostreplies: “Idonothaveone,Iamalwaysastray.”
TheBrusselssproutshakesitsleaves, thedandelionghostbursts. “Ohmy,whathaveIdone? Youhavecomeundone.”
“Don’tworryaboutme foritisyou, sittingonyourearthlythrone, whosoonwillenduponsomeone’splate.”
Tuesday,July29,1997
Lexington,Massachusetts
Affliction
by IleanaCollazo
Theagonyofmelancholy wringstheheart, clogsthethroat.
Thewear-and-tear ofpacingthoughts stumblingaimlessly insideaclutteredbrain
canmakeeyesceasetosee, earsfailtohear, andmostallothersystemshalt, exceptforone:
thatrustypistoninthemind thatgrindsandgrinds likerottedteeth whentheyareclampedtootightly.
Thursday,November6,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Agoraphobia
by IleanaCollazo
Ihave,Ihave, Itellmyself, thepowerto doanything.
Iwill,Iwill, jumpofftheledge headfirst intothepool.
Ican,Ican, scalethoserocks untilIreach thetop.
Iam,Iam, muchtooafraid toleavemyroom atall.
Thursday,October2,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Ashen Tresses
by IleanaCollazo
Astrandofsilverhair overmybrow, Ibrushitoff, itfallsbackdown.
Asinglefilament ofyarn unravelingfrom anebonyspindle.
Alockofsilverhair overmybrow, Ibrushitoff, itfallsbackdown.
Laceintertwined withsabledown, weavingthemselves intoastuddedcrown.
Friday,January17,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Astonished by IleanaCollazo
Deceit, fromsomeonethatwetrust, ishardtocomprehend.
Consequently, bythetimethemindacceptsit, itistoolatetoevade.
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Astray
by IleanaCollazo
Iamathiefwhostealsfromherself, jewelsoftimeshapedlikebeadsofwater, sohardtograsp,explodinginspace, asIlabortostringeachoneintoanecklace
mynakedthroattodress, mydried-upfleshtomoisten.
Tinyliquidpearlsthatrollunderthecarpet astheclockannouncesthetimeofmydeparture.
Inmourningthreads,Idress,coveredfromheadtotoe bysoftfrostedblacksatinthatslithersinthewind.
Treadingthroughmuddypassages, makingmyway,headednowhere,again.
Monday,February17,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Autumn Bounty by
IleanaCollazo
Thechildrenstoop,Ilean, weallsevere fiverubieseach fromtheirumbilicalcord.
Shiny,smoothoutside, sweet,fleshyinside. Ourteethsinkdeep, leavingtheirtracks.
Wesit onthemoistgrass, pickingcakeddirt formthesolesofoursneakers.
Thesunhasleft tovisitsummer, toofaraway forustoseeit, leavingbehind rainbowsofpaintedleaves fordazzledeyes tofeaston.
Thursday,October9,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Bisected
by IleanaCollazo
Distancestandsbetweenus, itslongarmsextended reachingouttotouchus.
Wegraspitswiryfingers, andpressthemtoourhearts tomaketheconnection.
Aswetravelthroughit withourlonesomeminds intoeachother’sarms.
Monday,October20,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Boisterous Howling
by IleanaCollazo
Thewindbarkedloudlyforhalfthenight andthen,quitesuddenly,fellsilent.
Itschillstillclingingtomybones, adresstootighttoslitheroutof.
MyteethstillshatteringasIpaced aboutthesparklingfireplacemouth; aloyalhoundIbenttofeed asitswarmflameslickedmytoes.
Friday,January17,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Bonfire Rituals
by IleanaCollazo
Walkingon thesacredstones; ifIlosemybeat, Iburnmyfeet.
Bendingatthewaist attheprecipice; balancingmyweight, keepingmypoise.
Myheartablaze astheblindingsun withasingleray scorchesmysoul.
Saturday,September27,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Butterfly by IleanaCollazo
Onionskinwings framedbybentwires, sprinkledwithrainbowdust, bakedinthesummersun.
Ridinggustsofwind whisperedbyrustlingleaves, kissingmarigolds withvelvetlips.
Wednesday,October22,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Carolina
by IleanaCollazo
Freeyourself,child,fromyourself sothatyoucanbecometheyouhidinginside. Openyourheartandflapitswings, paradeyourbeautyforalltosee.
Don’tbeafraidtofallinsideacloud, don’tbescaredtolandbackontheground. Thatsmilethathidesbehindquiveringlips, thosehandsthatflutter,longingtoreachfordreams,
theyknowthewaythatlifeshouldbe, allowthemtoleadtheway. Freeyourselffromyourself, forlifeisyoursforyouwithjoytolive.
Tuesday,June10,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Chimera by IleanaCollazo
Iwishtheworld andeverythinginit weremine,
AndIcouldstretch thedusk-boundshadows, weavethethreads thesunraysspin, andfreeze theclock’shands atthemoment whenliquidgold bathesalljade.
Sunday,September28,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Confession
by IleanaCollazo
Iloveyou,Ido, nomatterwhatIsay, nomatterwhatyouhear.
IknowthatIdo becausewhenIlookatyou abrightandfierylight ignitesinsidemyheart andlightsmypath throughallthosejunctures whenourlifebecomes adarktunnel.
Monday,November10,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Consumption
by IleanaCollazo
Tofallinside thesacredfire, tobedevoured bygoldenflames,
toquenchthethirst ofmydesires untilmyflesh losesallsense.
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Decomposition
by IleanaCollazo
Sometimeswetendtoforget ourdailydisintegration, thecorruptionofasystem thatrunsinpretenseconjunction
withaworldthatwon’tdecay inamannerquiteasobvious.
Withoutlookinginthemirror, wequicklytendtoforget thatwedwindlewitheachbreath astheeartharoundusblossoms.
Monday,January27,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Deluders
by
IleanaCollazo
Thewind israttlingmywindow, pleadingforme toletitin.
Itsechomoans acrossthecanyon, treebranches tremblinginitspath.
Isitinside, lookingaway; tofacethewind meanstofacedeath, relinquishing myonelastbreath tolostsoulswho havetakenflight, theirlanguidmoans themockingechoes ofangryfiends who’vecometoclaimme.
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Departure
by IleanaCollazo
Islipthroughourbedroomdoor assoftlyasabreeze, pausingonemomenttowatchyousleep; refrainingfrombrushingyourlips withmytremblingfingertips.
Iknowtoowellwhatyouwoulddo, reachoutformeandgrabmetight, sotightthatIwouldgaspforbreath, andIcannothavethat.
Imadeplanstofadeaway andcometosaygoodbye; Icannotwaitforyourreply. Fordangerliesinthat.
Youturntowardsme,andyourlipsmove asiftoutterwords; yourlashesflutter,andyoustir, whichmakesmefleewithdread.
For,ifyouweretolookatme withliquidambereyes allmyresolvewouldquicklymelt, andyouwouldhavemeback.
Monday,December29,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Desecrated Sanctum
by IleanaCollazo
Ibuiltalittlehouseoutofcoloredtissuepaper, cutoutlittlewindows,andhungcurtainsmadefromonionskin. Iwantedflowers,Ihadtohaveflowers, soIfetchedavaseandfilleditwithwater.
Waterandtissuepaper,notagoodcombination, yet,Ifailedtorecognizethis.
Iarrangedtheflowers,setthevaseonthetable, andinvitedmykintoadmiremycreation.
Theyallcameandpraisedmywork, thensomebodybumpedagainstthetable. Thewaterspilled,andmylittlehousemelted intoarainbowofcolors,smudgedintothesoil.
Aftereveryoneleft, Isatonastoop nexttomyshatteredvase andmywiltingwildflowers.
Tuesday,October13,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Desiccated Crop
by IleanaCollazo
Myarmsextendfurtherandfurther, gropinglikerootsunderthesoil untilIreachedyou,dryandbrittle, withnothinglefttooffer.
Forinthedroughtyourheartendured, thefruitoflovehasrotted.
Monday,September28,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Disembodied
by IleanaCollazo
Timeistransparent, wecannotseeit bumpingagainstthewind,
tip-toeingtoourwindow, pacingbackandforth, waitingforus.
Impatient,itsquats, aswecarelesslyslumber, whileittracesonourfaces thelinesthatmarkitspresence.
Saturday,November14,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Dissolution
by IleanaCollazo
Vestigesofhimwholeftthenest remainscatteredabout. Fewerandfewertangledbranches ashemoveshistohisnewcoop.
Woundedroostercourtsalimp, pecksatwoundsfromthelastcockfight. Forsakenhenmindsherchicks, gathersstrawstofillherhenhouse.
Tuesday,February17,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Epitaph
by IleanaCollazo
Youcometostealfrommygrave thepeaceIfinallyfound, yourtearsofpityforyourself usurpmyrestingground.
DoyounotknowIcametorest detachedfromearthlysorrows? Areallyourtearsbecauseyouenvy mylibertyandabandonment?
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Erato by IleanaCollazo
Idressinlaceandpearls; Ineednoshoestowear tositonmyfrontporchstep.
Sunlightshowers plantsandflowers withprecioustearsofgold.
Morningdewdances ontheirsurface, theirtinyglassslippersaglow.
Whenthesunhides behindthehillsand themoonrollsinlikeaballoon, myhairlimp, mydresswrinkled, myeyeshalf-closed, Ifloatinshadows
tomynightchambers towaitforyou tocomeandclaimme.
Sunday,October5,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Fantast
by IleanaCollazo
IfIhadwings,Iwould… IfIhadfins,Iwould…
IfIwerethewind,Icould… IfIweretherain,Icould…
Iclosemyeyesandfancydoing themanythingsIneverwillattemptatall.
Wednesday,February19,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Farcetta
by IleanaCollazo
Swiftwerehereyesastheypiercedeveryscene, keenwereherearsastheycapturedeveryrustle.
Thehandsthatfelluponherlikethepawsofwolvesdevouring, thelipsthatdrankherbreathandenmeshedherloinswithlonging; playingsuchhavoconhersenses, renderingherlimbssosluggish.
Weretheyworthit,weretheyworthit, alltheperilssheendured?
Oncetheragingflameswereextinguished,sendingsmolderingash scrambling, blownawaybydistantwindsthatcameandwentunexpectedly asthepassionthatarousedthemwhenthestarsclusteredintheheavens
diedoutatthecrackofdawn whendewdottedeverygrassblade.
Saturday,February22,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Final
Act by
IleanaCollazo
Itwasthepre-dawnhour whenmyloversighed, Iturnedandheldhistenderface withmytremblinghands.
“Icannotgoonliving, ithurtstoomuchinside.” “Icannotbeartoloseyou, curlupundermywings.”
Hefrettedonmybosom tilldaylightcrackedacloud, ignitingeveryshadow withsuddenburstsoflight.
Hesettledthenintothenook ofmyleftshoulderblade, andletoutonelastlanguidbreath beforeclosinghiseyes.
Ilaidhimonthepillow, silentlybowed,kissedhischeek, amazedhegotsocoldsosoon afterleavingmyside.
Thursday,March6,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Forsaken by IleanaCollazo
Thirstyforlife, thedrink fromtheirwaterybasin, tryingtoholdon totime asitevaporates.
Onepetaldrops likeateardrop, ahandplucks severaldryones.
Whennightfallson theircrystaldeathbed, moonlightcaressestheirvelvet, morninglightilluminating theirhorribleputrefaction, thesamehand thatoncecaressedthem, tossingthemoutwithabandon.
Tuesday,September23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Fraternal Twins
by IleanaCollazo
Isittimeforustorunaway?
Toleavebehindtheburdensthatweshare? Wherewillwego? Whatshallwetake?
IsyouandIallthatweneed? I,soburdenedbymymuse, You,merelymyshadowonthewall.
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Invariable
by IleanaCollazo
Fingernailspeelingwallpaper, fingertipsbleedingfromsplinters, kneecapsrawfromtoomuchkneeling, oceansspillingthroughshuteyelids.
Dandelionseedsinmid-flight landonthefreshlymowedgrass. Raggedsilverboltoflightning reducestheoldoaktoashes.
Thursday,June26,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Irrepressible by
IleanaCollazo
Youcometome; Iwillawaityou perusinginmychambers. Braidingmymaneintoacrown dustingmyfleshwithrose-scentedpowder.
ButifyoulingerinyourquartersandIbecomerestless, Iwillcommandmyslumberingsentinel totakeyourplaceamongthefeathers thatfillsmybedwithsoftness.
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Leaving Home
by IleanaCollazo
Theenginesputtersandrattles asthecarrollsdownthehill, andacloudofgreysmoke iscoughedupbytheexhaust.
Oneturn,another. Thelandscapechangesasitsways; thedriver,lookingstraightahead; notback,nottoeitherside.
Behindremainsabundle ofuncertaintyandregret; asthefuturecallsouthername, likewindchimesinthewind.
Tuesday,July29,1997 LexingtonMassachusetts
Mephistopheles
by IleanaCollazo
Appeasethebeastthatlurkswithin,appeasethebeastbeforeitstiflesyou; appeasethebeastthatlurkswithin,appeasethebeastbeforeitslithersout.
Thesensuouswhisperwassofaint,Ibarelyhearditinthewind. Iwasunsure,butIbelieveditwasspillingfrommylips.
Mymouthwrappedtightlyaroundmylips,sotightIwonderedhowthewords escapedsoswiftlyandthenreturnedtoreachmyearsfromafar.
Ihadnoknowledgeofsuchfiendcavortingsomewhereinsideme; notknowinghowIcouldabidebysuchastrangerequest.
Iwaitedidlyinmyseatforothersignstoguideme. Myframecontortedwithonejerk,andoutofmefellaslimyshape.
Outofmynose,mymouth,myears,leavingmespentandparalyzed. Theinstantittouchedthefloor;itturnedtomewithanopensnout.
Slurpingmyfeetuptomyknees,asinaweb,itencasedme; crawlinguptomyheaduntilitsredflamesmetmyeyes.
Withonequickmotionofitstongue,itturnedmydaylightintonight. AsIwasgoingtoscreaminpain,mytonguewassealedinsideitstomb.
ThelastsoundheardbeforeIfaded, mybonescrushingfromitstightsqueeze.
Sunday,January5,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Nostalgia
by IleanaCollazo
Theheartacheendured whenonerosepetal onthatperfectblossom beginstofade.
Whenahummingbird dropsafeather andforgetstopickitup.
Whenmorningdew makesgrassbladescry andbuttercupsshuttheireyes.
Whenthewindblowsbeforeastorm carryingwithitthelilacscent thatstrokesthenostrils whenonepullsinabreath.
Friday,January17.1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
One Last Regret by
IleanaCollazo
Weaklimbs,nomuscletone, chalk-whiteskin,protrudingbones. Thestinkofrottedflesh, agrimreminderofmyimpendingend.
Dayandnighthavebecomethesame; awake,asleep,Iaminpain. Apill,ashot,providesthegroggystate inwhicheverythingfadesandgoesastray.
Towaitfordeathwhilemourningthepast, dreadingthepresent,andfearingthefuture isadauntingtaskthatis asinsurmountableasitisunavoidable.
Iclosemyeyesandfoldmyhands overaheavingchestthathurtssobad thatitsendswarningshocks frommybraintomyspine.
IfIcouldonlyhavemoretime, butthenIask myselfwhy. AfoolIam
forwantingthat forlivingis awasteoftime.
1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Quiescent Cultivator
by IleanaCollazo
Asfarbackasmyeyescansee, youhavelitteredmypathalongtheway, withrage,insults,threats,andshouts.
Aslongagoasmymindcanrecall, youhavealwaysblamedme astheghostsandthewitches,
whohauntyoustillcastthespells thatmakeyourestlessandrendersyoulifeless. WhydoI,then,socarelesslylinger?
Becauseinyoureyes,behindablackveil, agardenofrosesmixedinwithwilddaisies iswaitingtobloombehindironfences.
Saturday,September20,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Reminiscence
by IleanaCollazo
Iclosemyeyes,andIstillsee atheaterofdancingleaves.
Somedressedinyellow,someinred, othersinorangeandgreen.
Theyformedacarpetatmyfeet, theonesthatfellontotheground.
Twirlinglimberinmid-air beforetheylandedlimpandidle.
Monday,October27,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Solicitation
by IleanaCollazo
Iflowthroughveilsofwhisperingbreezes thatflutterinthewind, barelycaressingmyfeatherylashes asItimidlytreadforth.
Wearingapinkcloudasabonnet, asunraythrownaroundmyshoulders, Iskipbarefoot throughadaisyforest; glasspebblesscatteredonthepath. Ireachaplateauofbarecobblestone, andbendtopluckabuttercup thatbloomedinsidethespiralobelisk, bringittomylips, andmurmurinitsear beforeIbringittomychest, myheartforittohear.
Monday,January6,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Speculations
by IleanaCollazo
Whatliesbeyondthatfrontporchdoor? Itseyeletcurtain,halfwayopen. Thesunsneaksin,barelyafewfeet, hardlyenoughtoletoneseein.
Tuesday,September23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Striptease
by IleanaCollazo
Onebyone,theytoss theirsilkgarmentstothewind, standingnakedtotheelements. undulating,sensuouscurves.
Likeonethousanddancingsnakes waitingfortheflutetoplay, theypausewiththeirarmsextended listeningforthewind’ssong.
Shamelessintheirbareglory, bathedinsunlightandmoonlight, theystandwaitingtoreceive theirtight-fittingdiamondgarments.
Monday,November10,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Subjugated
by IleanaCollazo
Donotpunishmeforcrimes othersbeforemecommitted. Poisonfillsyourveins, notblood, yourbiteinfectsmewithrage.
Yourmindre-runsalltheimages yourbrainrecordedsolongago, yourretrospectivefuelingemotions filedunder thewrongname.
Sunday,October12,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
The Arrival
by IleanaCollazo
Iheardthetearingofmyuterus, andfeltthefluidspreadlikevelvet.
Mypelviswarmasitextended, easingyourwayfrominnerdarkness
intothecradleofmycuppedarms; bothofusblood-stained,bothofustrembling,
I,tooawareofthetaskawaitingus, you,slightlydreadingtheunexpected.
Bothofus,cognizantthatthedeedisdone, andwemustproceedasfateintended.
Tuesday,April8,1997 LexingtonMassachusetts
Time
Warp by
IleanaCollazo
Allthatbindsme lingershere, Ileavedrenched Inlovedones ’tears.
AsIride thissilverbird thatglideshidden insideclouds, theoceandancing belowme, endlessvoid stretchingaboveme, theweightthat crushesmyheart triples asthegapexpands.
Saturday,August30,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Timorous
by
IleanaCollazo
Sunflowersbow theirnobleheads, theirpetalstrembling inthebreeze, tooshytolook upatthesky forfearthatthesun willthinkthemvain.
Sunday,October12,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Unattainable
by IleanaCollazo
Myfingertipstingled asmymind reachedouttotouchhim.
Mylipsquivered asmythoughts trifledwithkissinghim.
Myeyessparkled asmylashes blinkedoffteardrops.
Saturday,October18,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Unbridled by IleanaCollazo
Itistherewithinmyreach, waitingsilentlyforme praisessunginsidemyheart forthegloryI’llattain
whenandifItaketherisk tounleashmybrainandpen. WhatifIneverdothat, andmymuseandIdiesilent?
Whenmysoulfloatstotheclouds, andmythoughtsbecomespringshowers?
Thursday,October2,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Uncommitted by
IleanaCollazo
He, whoremainspartialinbattle, willbeshotatbybothsides.
And,whenatruceiscalled, willbe seenasafoebyeveryone.
Sunday,February23,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Undeterminable
by IleanaCollazo
Perchedonabranch justaboveher, helooksout towardthehorizon,
pondering,wondering, ifdangerliesbeyondit, ifitisworthittowaste somuchchirpinginthissafety.
Beautiful,quiet, violetscented, blueberrybounties, nopredatorspresent.
Shouldhe, couldhe, flaphiswings withswiftabandon?
Wouldshe, couldshe, leavethishaven andfollow?
Saturday,October11,1997
Lexington,Massachusetts
Voyager
by IleanaCollazo
Iamawed bythevision ofyourcoming fullcircle,
ofyourploddingyourway throughthedesertsandmountains, throughtherainsandthesnow
tothecoreofouroneness tothebirthofourfire, tothecribofourpassion.
WhileIwaited,Iknew Iwouldnotwaitinvain, welcomeback,mydearlover tothewarmthofmybosom.
Saturday,November29,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
Yearnings
by IleanaCollazo
Myarmsstretched beyondthemountain, myfingersrestingonthemeadow,
Igentlystrokeeachbladeofgrass, amelodytopluck fromeachdew-studdedemeraldstalk.
Lickingthemoistness frommylips, mythirstforlifetoquench.
Thursday,February27,1997 Lexington,Massachusetts
New England 1998
Bound by My Past |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait
Featherless Wings by
IleanaCollazo
Ahandisusedtostrikeachord, ahandisusedtostrikeacheek, tocarrygrapeshomefromthevine, tothrowdirtonafreshlyduggrave.
Ahandcanspeakwithgreatemotion Withoutasounditeveruttering; closedfistdeeppurplefromitsrage, longfingersweepingagoodbye.
Handsfoldedoverastillheart thatgonetosleepwillneverbeat zealouslyguardthevirginsoul onitslongtriptotheunknown.
Monday,March9,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
Heirlooms
by IleanaCollazo
Theremnantsofmydistantpast, thethreadsofallthoselooseends, havestitchedthemselvesintoaquilt thatshelteredmefromwinter’sfrost.
Rosepatternsoverlapblacksatin, blushpinkrunsintocrimsonvelvet; tearstainsspillriverstoitsedges wherefoldedhandsforhoursrested.
NowthatIhavebeenputtosleep, quiltfoldedneatlyatmyfeet, astringofpearlsaroundmyneck; myeyelidsshut,andmylipssealed.
AllofthosethingsthatIhelddear, willnotjoinmeonthislongjourney, adreamfromwhichthere’snoawakening, whileallmyfleshfallsfrommybones.
Saturday,March28,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
I
died at Dawn, and I Remember
by IleanaCollazo
Idiedatdawn,andIremember whendaylightclosedmyeyes. MylashesflutteredasIstruggled totakeonelastlonglook.
Butsomethingpulledmefromwithin, andmademefocusinward; alloftheanswerstomyquestions, rightthereinsidemewaiting.
Wearethevessels ofinfinity, allstartsandends withus.
Marth1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
Imaginings
by IleanaCollazo
Myhands,asheavyastwopoundsoflead, myheartasdrearyasthegreylandscape, Istareoutofmybedroomwindow timingmytearstothefallingrain.
Theclockkeepstickinginsidemyhead, myheartkeepsbeatinginsidemychest. Thechainsthatbindmeclatterlikechurchbells eachtimeIstirinsidemytinycell.
Sunday,Mar1,1998
Lexington,Massachusetts
Mid-summer Day
by IleanaCollazo
Isingonenoteandholdmybreath, tohearthesounduntilitfades. Icryatearandcupmyhand; atinypooltomake.
Ifollowwithmysleepyeyes, acloudthatstretchesacrossthesky toformamonarchbutterfly thatturnsintoapuffofsmoke.
Ibitethebitterbladeofgrass Iholdbetweenmyteeth, andlayonthenewlymowedgrass toletthesunticklemyskin.
Sunday,March29,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
Pilgrimage
by IleanaCollazo
Iwalkedoutontothefrozenground sohardandsounyielding; aharsh,coldwindgnawingatmyfingers, afullmoonhanginglikeapendulum.
EachstepItook,acrunchingsound, muchlikethesoundofbrittlebonesbreaking torethroughthepre-dawnsilence andleadmeclosertomymaker.
Iwalkeduntilagiantcircle, agoldsobrightthatmyeyeswatered, climbedfrombehindthehighestmountain turningmychecksintorosepetals.
IfeltthatIhadreachedmysummit, thatopenarmsawaitedme, untilacloud,theshadeofburntcoals stolemylasthopeofeverreachingthem.
March1998
Lexington,Massachusetts
Sacrifice
by IleanaCollazo
Dancingaroundthebonfire; moaning,wailing,barearmsflailing.
Onebyone,theyshedtheirgarments, onebyone,theywillsurrender, asthecirclingwolvesandpanthers turntheirsmokyfleshtocarcasses
whilethemoonslipsfromherpedestal, andthesunignitesthedawnsky.
Tuesday,March24,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
Scant Remains by
IleanaCollazo
Eachtimeadaybegins, itendsforme. Blueskiesandgoldensunshine myeyeswillneversee.
Isnakethroughcharcoalpavements crackedopenfromthedrought, snakingmywaythroughtheshadows backtomydeep,darkcave.
Saturday,April18,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
Silent Mistress by IleanaCollazo
Thelastdayofwinterwasdrearyandquiet; nosnow,nowind,norain, justadrabcoatofgrey.
Thenextday,birdsandsquirrelsknew thequeenwasarriving dressedinsatinandpearls.
Withsilkbows,sheswiftlytied onethousandemeralds onthetreebranches, pulledouttulipsfromtheearth’swomb, draggedthesunbackfromthetopics, pinneditonthenorthernsky, whisperedbreezesthatmadeussigh, anddressedtheground withbladesofgrass.
Wednesday,March18,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
Sudden Storm
by IleanaCollazo
Itisearlydawn, thetimeofday whentheworldawakens.
Withmyheartfullofpromises, andmyheadfullofshreddeddreams, Iwalktothewindow
expectingtoseetheblooms fromseedsplantedlongago oncethecloudsgivewaytothesun.
Thedewdrops clingingtograssblades suddenlyfreezewithfear whenjaggedswords fallfromthesky andthunderbreaksthesilence.
Isitandwatchthestormunfold, andapatchofdirtturnintoapuddle whereallmydreamswilldrown.
Thursday,March19,1998 Lexington,Massachusetts
We Meet at Dawn and Dusk by
IleanaCollazo
Wemeetatdawnanddusk,myselfandI,andbarelytouch asImutateintothatotherthingIhavebecome.
Ashellwithoutasnailthrownaboutbythetide, anestwithoutabirdleftonabranch.
March1998
Lexington,Massachusetts
About me:
My wild soul drums to the rhythm of my beating heart
IlearnedallIneededtoaboutwritingpoetryandcreatingvisualartasa younggirlinmygrandmother'sgarden,whereIsatdoingwhat,asanadult,I callmeditating.Thatquietspotbecamemytemple.Manyyearspassedbefore Ibegantobringthecreationsconceivedinmyearlydaydreamstolife.I startedtowritefictionandpoetry,andthenmymindexplodedintoagalaxy ofcolors,shapes,andmovementasIbegantopaintonvarioussurfaces, digitally,andthenaddeddigitalcollagetomyartisticspectrum.Myartis representativeofthetwistsandturnswetakeinthecourseofourdailylives, andoftheawe-inspiringbeautythatsurroundsus.IwasborninCubaand havelivedinSpain,NewYork,Vermont,andMassachusetts.IresideinMiami, Florida,whereIworkandplayatCollazoArtStudiowithmyartisthusband, fourdogs,andcatsintheyard.Istrivetowritepoetrythattouchestheheart andcreatevisualartthatstimulatesthesenses.Likeapatchworkquilt,my wordsandartdocumentmylifeexperiencesfromcommunistCubatoahaven inSpain,NewEngland,andFlorida.Iaminspiredbyplacesandspacesthat transformintolayersofmemories,shapes,andcolors.Mymostrecent explorationismyinventionofHICAE(HumanIntelligenceCreativeArtistic Expression)DigitalArtGeneratedbyIC,anintricateinterchangebetween technologyandthehumanbrain. Myartworkhasbeenincludedingroupand soloexhibitionsthroughouttheworld.
ArtistWebsite: https://www.ileanacollazo.art
YouTubeChannel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy8tVr3KhHKHK28_VdoPuww fivemuses@gmail.com 1-305-613-4725
TheScrapbookofMyMind
thetreasurechestfromwhich Ipullouteverydreammymusewilluse
Mydaydreamswereborn inmygrandmother’sgarden
NightBlooms21|IleanaCollazo|DigitalArt
IfIHadWingsIWould…
spreadthemwideandflysohigh thatIwouldseemypastandfuture
https://issuu.com/fatimacanovas/docs/art_daily_news_international_magazi artailynewsinernational@gmail.com 1-305-425-9269
