Who I Am Volume 2

Who I am, Volume 2

ACollectionofPoemsbyIleanaCollazo

Then and Now |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

I paint with words and write with images

Atthedawnoftime,thevisualartswereborn,holdingtheirbreath untilwordsjoinedthem.Together,theymovethesenseswitha recklessforceonlymatchedbynature.Isometimesmeldthetwoto createoneexperience,andothertimesletthemforgetheirseparate paths.Music,theelusiveghost,oftenaccompaniesmeinmycreative journey.

Artworks:

Then and Now |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Just Being |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Frozen in Time, Lost in Thoughts |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Pondering |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-Portrait

Washed out Memories |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

When all the Years Melt Away |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

1969 |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portraitCollage

Fading into the Past |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Pretty in Pink |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Window into My Inner Self |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Among the Flowers |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Self-analysis |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

The Age of Innocence|IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Reminiscing |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Crystal Blue Persuasion |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Sweet Sixteen |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf=portrait

2021 Virtual Central Command Station |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Waiting for the Final Truth |IleanaCollazo|Self-portrait

The Silence of the Young |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

The Scrapbook of My Mind |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage

If I Had Wings I Would… |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage

Night Blooms 21 |IleanaCollazo|DigitalArt

Florida 2004

Just Being |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

A Day in the Life of a Stay-at-home Wife

by IleanaCollazo

Isetmycoffeedown,andIforgot, doingsomethingelse; Idon’trememberwhat.

Apotclankstooloudly whenIsetitdowntoohard; Thewasherspitsinmyeye whenIpullthelaundryouttoofast.

Thephonerangandrang untilitgotangryandgaveup.

Abillcollector,thechildren,myhusband; theywillcallback.

Dinnerisreadybyeighta.m. althoughnoonewilleatituntileightp.m. Imaygotobedbeforeanyonegetshome becauseIamtooexhaustedtowaituntilnightfall.

Wednesday,May12,2004 Miami,Florida

Epilogue

by IleanaCollazo

IdonotknowforwhomIwrite; perhapsthispieceshouldnotbewritten. thisonelastselfishact.

Iliketowatch mythoughtsbeborn, askeyskeepticking.

Ihavesolittletime, bychoice; thingsarenotright.

Iaskagain, forthelasttime:

“WheredidIcomefrom? WhywasIhere? WhereamIgoing?”

Thereisnoanswer. Isnoonethere?

Sunday,February1,2004 Miami,Florida

Happy 30th Anniversary

by IleanaCollazo

Menandwomen viewlife, communicate, expressemotions differently.

Thegirlquiverswhentheboyholdsherhand. Hisgroinacheswithdesireformore.

Thewomandaydreamsaboutacandlelightdinner thatbringsbackthememoriesofthatperfectfirstevening.

Themanrusheshometositandwatchthegame andcursesunderhisbreathatthedimlylitdiningroom.

Themiddle-agedwifemournsthelossofhercharm.

Themiddle-agedhusbandregretshavingsquanderedhisyouth.

Theysit,togetherbutdistant,eatinglobsteranddrinkingwine, orpotatosaladwithsodaasflatastheirlovelife. Shedoesthedishesafterwards, whileheflipsthroughchannels,reads,surfsthenet,goesforadrive.

Theyareacouple;sheisburnedout,andheisdonewitheverything. Their30th anniversarycomesandgoeswithoutfanfare whiletheysitaroundathome. She,inherflannelnightgown,hefastasleeponhissideofthebed.

Wednesday,May12,2004 Miami,Florida

Here I am, Fifty, and Still a Child by

IleanaCollazo

HereIam,fifty,andstillachild. Maturitydoesnotsuitme. Regardlessofthecalendarpages, nomatterthattheclockwon’tstop.

Myage,likeabridesmaid’sdress, doesn’tfitquiteright. Mydaughtersoutgrewme. Theywomen;Istillachild.

Myhusbandcomplainsaboutgettingold. Myparentsareshriveledfromtoomuchsun. Likedrysnowthatdoesnotmelt, greystrandspeppermyblackmane.

Mystuffedanimalcollectiondust, oneofmyhusband’spetpeeves, becausetheyremindhimthat Irefusetothinklikehim.

Wednesday,May12,2004 Miami,Florida

Life’s Crowded Waiting Room

by IleanaCollazo

ToomanypeopleIonceknewarenowgone; thepreambleofwhatistocome. Mymother,eighty-three, hasallthelatestnews,

Theyfoundhersittingonthetoilet,dead, whereshehadbeenfordays; leukemiasinceherteens,adoctor’smistake. Theygaveherlotsofmoney, butwealthcannotbuyhealth. Anotherwealthyfriendwentonacruise, heranklegaveway,andtothefloorsheplunged. Now,withLouGehrig’sdisease,shewon’tlastlong.

Myfather,atninety-three,islookingspent, sittingonhisrecliner,watchinguscomeandgo. Unabletointervene,incapableofstoppingthecarnage, Iwatchitallunfold,chalkboardandchalkinhand.

Iwroteeveryone’sname,sowhentheygoaway, Icancrossofftheirnames. Iwrotemynameaswell. Willsomeonecrossmeout? OrwilltheyallassumethatIamstillaround?

Wednesday,May12,2004 Miami,Florida

Los Relojes Nunca Paran por IleanaCollazo

Contigomesientoesperandoquetevayas, tranquilotuestás,comonuncayotehevisto. Callado,reservado,apagado;peronuncaabandonado, porquevigilotusueño,aunqueseaunratomás.

Tratétodolopossiblemdeesforzartuviejocuerpo ahacerloquenopodiamientrasmemirabastriste.

Noqueríadejarteir,tususpirabasllamando atumadreconlabiossecos;pidiendoqueteenterraran.

Cuantoyovoyapenarte,cuantaalegríanostrajiste, lossacrificiosquehiciste,tantosbesosquenosdiste.

Cuandotecierrenlatapa,cuandoyanopuedaverte, piensasserásuficienteparapoderolvidarte Nunca,nuncanotefrustres,quesiempreestarásconmigo; amigomíodelainfancia,cariñomíodemialma.

Aquímesientollorando,queriendoparareltiempo, perofuetoquiendijiste:“Losrelojesnuncaparan”.

Viernes,Diciembre10,2004

FunerariaCaballero|Miami,Florida

My

Doll by IleanaCollazo

I’vehadadollsinceIwasveryyoung; Iclothedandfedheruntilshegrewup. Today,shesmiles,talks,andwalks; anddoesnotneedmequiteasmuch.

Sherushedinbreathlessly,theothernight, closedthebedroomdoor,andsatbymyside, herhands,hiddenbehindherback, asshecriedandlaughed.

Shehasalwayssharedherjoysandsorrows, startingwiththefirstpictureshecolored. ButthisisthebestnewsIhaveheardthusfar. Mydollisgoingtohaveadollofherown.

Thursday,May13,2004 Miami,Florida

Non-conformity

by IleanaCollazo

Non-conformityistheprimaryconduitofevil thatmakesmenblindandwomencry; throwingmassesintofrenzies thatsetcitiesablazeandsmearsthelandscapewithblood.

Onasmallerscale,ithideswithin likeatinybugthatinfectscivility andspreadsfromonetomany untilitbecomesavirusthatcannotbecontained.

Unrestrained,itdestroysthefiber thatweaveshumanityintoablanket thatspreadsovertheworld toshielditfromtheharshnessofthevastuniverse.

Saturday,May15,2004 Miami,Florida

Peace and Quiet

by IleanaCollazo

Isatinmybackyardatdawn, bythesun’sinvitation; whohadwrittentome thepreviousdusk

onawispofpinkcloud thathadlingered.

Then,afewraindropsfellonmyhead, notenoughtopersuademetoleave. Ijustclimbedon thehighestporchstep

tosneakunder theawningthathangs

outenoughtoshelterme.

Buttheroarofamotormademewince, asitrippedthroughthequietofdawn andIlookedupattheskytosee

morninglight erasethelastgreycloud;

wishingthatIcouldmusterthecourage toconfronttheintruderwhocame toreplacemypeace withallthatracket.

Monday,May17,2004 Miami,Florida

Florida 2007

Frozen in Time, Lost in Thoughts |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Ariana by IleanaCollazo

Tinyfingerstugmyskirt, Ilookdownandthereyouare; “Showme,Bella!”youexclaim.

Inyoureyes,Iseethestars, inahatbox,wehavestored lotsoftreasurestoexplore;

anoldpicturefrommyyouth, sheetsofstickersforcollages. Asyoumature,Igrowold butseenewsightsthroughyou.

Youamazemewithyourwit, withthewayyoulearnsoquickly. Inmyheart,thereisadent whereIcarvedaplaceforyou,

asyougrow,thatdentwilltoo toalwaysmakeroomforyournewwisdom.

Saturday,February24,2007 Miami,Florida

Dedication:Tomygranddaughter,Ariana.

Standing Alone

by IleanaCollazo

Imovedawayfromhomealong,longtimeago. Iwalkthestreetsalone,duckingthestareofstrangers. Idarenotknockondoors;therearenofriendsbehindthem. Iknownoone,nooneknowsme.

Ifeellikeanalienfromsomedistantgalaxy, barelyacceptedyetalwayssuspected. Itravelfartogetbackhome, Iknockondoorsandmeetfamiliarfaces.

Iamsochangedthat,onceagain,Idon’tfitin, barelyacceptedyetalwayssuspected. IpackmybagsandgobacktowhereIcamefrom. Why?Askmyfamilyandfriends.

BecauseIreply, Imuchpreferto beshunnedbystrangers.

Wednesday,April4,2007 Miami,Florida

Florida 2009

Pondering |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-Portrait

A Pebble in Your Path

by IleanaCollazo

Ilovedyouforthethingsyouwere, neverlongingforwhatyouwerenot. Icherishedyouforthings anotherwomanmaydisdain.

Inme,yousawalumpofcoal, apieceofclaythatneededmolding.

Ilistentoyourendlesschatter, watchyourexpressionsandfeelsorrow.

Thetruthisthatyouneverlovedme, Iwasapebbleinyourpath.

Youpickedmeupandtossedme onemilliontimesbeforeyoudroppedme.

Tuesday,July28,2009 Miami,Florida

Absolute Necessities

by IleanaCollazo

Arthriticfingersmakeithardforhertoopentheseashellbox, butherhearturgesheron, readytoskipabeatatthesightofhiddentreasures.

Nomatterwhathavoctimeplaysonourbodies, ourmindsremainyoung. Memoriesdancetoadifferentbeatthandoourfeet.

Thelidsighs,letsoutafaintscreech,thengivesin. Hishandkerchiefwithhisinitialsengravedindeepblue isneatlyfoldedontop.

Shepicksitupandbringsittohernose. Somuchtimehaspassed thatthescentofhiscolognehasfaded.

Butnotherrecollectionofit, straightforwardlikehim;plainold,OldSpice. Shekeepsabottleofitinadrawer.

Littlebylittle, shehasbeendiscardingthosethingshenolongerneeds: hisglasses,hiskeys,hiswallet,hishearingaid.

Forsomeoddreason, sheholdsontohisfalseteeth, well,shehasagoodreason.

Shekeepsthembecausetheyremindherofhissmile, andbecausewhenhelaydyingonthattoonarrowhospitalbed, thatwastheonethingheaskedforthemost.

Sunday,September20,2009 Miami,Florida

Adam’s

Son and Eve’s Daughter by IleanaCollazo

Stumpingaroundwithoutlookingdown, notseeingsnails,bears,orhouses. Thoughtsfullofdreamsaboutfarawaygalaxies, unhappyathome. Man.

Tip-toeingatnightnottoawaken thenewbornbabythatwasjustfed, wipingupmesses,brushingtangledtresses, smilingatflowers,admiringthemoon.

Silent, outspoken, unlikelywarrior wrappedinwhitesilk. Woman.

Collidinginspaces toosmallfortwo, brushingagainsteachother’sbodies sometimesinanger,othertimesinbliss. ManandWoman.

Madeforeachother, Perhaps; one,alwaysangry, theothersad.

Onedreaming,theotherscreaming; onecrying,theothercursing. Madeforeachother; perhaps.

Thursday,January22,2009 Miami,Florida

Another Day on Earth by

IleanaCollazo

Iopenthecurtains,andIsee atiredimageofme, notreadyfortheshow, noteagertoperform, notprivytothescript.

Ilookaround,andthereis noaudiencewaitingforme.

Idothisallfornothing fornooneseesme, noonehearsme.

Iclosethecurtains,andIwalk backtomycrumpledbed.

Itlookssomuchlikeme, ifIamquietanddon’tstir, if,faint,Ibreathe, noonewillnoticeme. ThebedandIwillbecomeone, creased,crumpled,lifeless,andinanimate. Sunraysbatheus,moonlightcaressesus, butwedon’tfeelathing.

Wednesday,June17,2009 Miami,Florida

Another Year Rolled by by

IleanaCollazo

Whydowesay, anotheryearrolledby. yearsdon’troll, theybump,bite,scratch,andscartheflesh.

Recordingdatesthatmark births,deaths,andmemoriesthatpass. Theyarenotourfriends, they’reincahootswithtime.

Thetwopalsworktogether tosidetrackourminds fromdeath,thetimebomb thatexplodes,grindingourbonestodust.

Saturday,August29,2009 Miami,Florida

Chrysalis

by IleanaCollazo

Everyoneneedsacozycorner, aprivatespacetocurlupinto.

Everyoneneedsalittlenook, animpenetrablefortressnoonetrespasses.

Itcanbebuiltoutofanything, withbarehands,afocusedmind.

Anythingworksifagreatarchitect laysoutagoodplanandstickstoit.

Ibuiltmineoutoftissuepaper Istretcheditandstretchedittowraparoundmyheart

untilIenclosedmyselfinathin,warmcloak thatkeepsmeprotectedwhenIaminacrowd, orwhentheworldbecomes amenacingdarkcloud.

Wednesday,September23,2009 Miami,Florida

Collecting Dust Particles

by IleanaCollazo

SometimesIdaydream aboutsittingonaneasychair nearasunnywindowinmid-morning collectingdustparticleswithmyfingertips.

ItissoquietthatIcanhearthemcolliding; movingtheairaroundastheyfloatandfret. SometimesIdaydreamaboutwalkingouttotheyard, catchingalightbug,andsittingontheporch, andstaringatitwhenitgetsdark. Watchingithopinsidethejar, bobbingitsheadupanddown, demandingtobeletgo,demandingtobesetfree.

SometimesIdaydreamthatIaminsidearoom whereeverythingiswhite andIamtheonlythingofadifferentcolor,andthen, abrightlightshines, makingeverythingturnred, exceptforme, andonesmallfallenstar.

Tuesday,September22,2009 Miami,Florida

Complaisant

by IleanaCollazo

Thewasherbroke,butthedryerstillworks. Shouldshestillbelieveinmiracles?

Thefridge’sdoorstaysopenalot, becausesheforgetstogiveitthreeshoves.

Eachtimeshegetspaid,shebreathesasighofrelief twodayslater,allthemoneyisspent.

Thebedroom,theonlycoolplaceinthehouse, isusedlikeacavebyherhusbandandher.

Herbackhurts,sheisalwaystired,asmuchinsideasout; so,shegetsnothingdone. Herhusbandcomplainswhileshestaresattheceiling, wherebrightspecsofpaintshineasbrightasstars.

Thedogsbark,andshefeedsthem;theybarkagain,andshewalksthem. Shecooksandgetsbathedinsweat.

Torelievetheheat,theyeatsittingupinbed. Sometimesthedishesgetwashed,othertimestheybreak.

Theygetputawayeitherway. Herhusbandcomplainsagainthatshehasbecomecomplaisant, whileshelooksattheceiling,takesadeepbreath, andwishesforrealstars.

Saturday,September26,2009 Miami,Florida

Condemned by IleanaCollazo

Myfretfulsleep,mytangledhair, myvacanteyesgivemeaway.

Icannothidesuchobviousthings, notevenfrommyself.

ThemoreIponder,thelouderthethunder thatrumblesinsidemybrain

makingithardformetohearmyselfthink alloftheseyears.

Itgetsnobetter, itgetsnoworse, buttheprognosis isnotgood;

morefretfulsleep, moretangledhair, morevacanteyes, eternaldespair.

Wednesday,June17,2009 Miami,Florida

Daddy by IleanaCollazo

Daddy,youwentawayandleftme withtheburdenofyourways.

Youneverknewthateverystepyoutook Imeasuredinchbyinch, andeverytimeyoustrayed youmademefeelsohelplessandafraid.

Ishiveredatthethought ofyourgoingaway.

Iwatched, andwaited, andfretted, andworried.

Daddy,

todayIamashadowonthewall, You'regone;I'mallalone.

Noone towatchoutfor, nooneto watchoverme.

Tuesday,September15,2009 Miami,Florida

Dead on Arrival

by IleanaCollazo

Sherushesinsideseekingshelterandsafety, bloodrunningdownhertemple, oneeyeshutclosed,lipsswollenandpurple.

Dazedandconfused,dizzyandbreathless, shehearsthevoices,seestheirfaces, andslipsintodarkness.

Thesiren’scriesmufflehermoans, doctorsandnursestakehervitals asshefades.

“One,two,three,shockher, one,two,three,shockher; theylosther.

Thestretcheriswheeledthroughaslidingdoor, severalotherdoors; thecoronerpointstothelastcurtain.

Coldandbruised,cocoonedbyawhitesheet, aloneshewaits; nolongerrunning,nolongerhurting.

Atthechildcarecenter thedirectordialsanumber whiletwolittlegirls,agedthreeandfive, sitonacouchholdinghandsandwaiting.

Saturday,October17,2009 Miami,Florida

Dining at Dusk by

IleanaCollazo

Sheiscuttingtomatoesandpeelingcucumbers onthesmooth,coldmarblesurface. Herhair,nowcropped, nolongergetsinherwaywhenshebowsherhead.

Long,thinstrandsofspaghetti free-swiminoliveoil-tintedwater. Shemadethespaghettisauceyesterday becauseittakessomuchtimeandismessy.

Sundayswerecreatedforrestingandrelaxing,notforwipingredsauce fromthestove,thefloor,andthecounter.

Thegarlicbreadwaitsintheoven, deliciouslywarmandrosemaryscented. Itisnowcoolenoughtoeatoutdoors, soshesetalovelytableoverlookingtheinpatient’sbush.

Dinnerwillbeservedatdusk,whendayandnightbrieflymeet. Everythingisperfect;redwinefillsthecarafe, andthereissilverwareforone, becausethechairacrossfromherwillbeempty.

Thursday,October8,2009 Miami,Florida

Duality

by IleanaCollazo

Loveissostrong; itclimbshighcliffs, ittreadsthroughmud.

Itsvineybushessneaking intotheheart,intothemind.

Butitcanbelikeasandcastle thatgetswashedawaybyawave.

Sometimesawindblowsitaway sofar,itcan’tfinditswayback.

Friday,September25,2009 Miami,Florida

Emily by IleanaCollazo

Emilysatinherroom lookingoutontothegraveyard justbeyondhergardengate.

Noneedforhertoventurefurtherthan herroom,herhouse,hergarden,herworld; herpenalwaysmoving,herbrainworking

likebeesfussingoverflowers, butterfliessippingsweetnectar, ladiesbakingloavesofbread.

Emilycapturedtheworld sittingbyherbedroomwindow; paintingitforuswithwords.

Learningmorefromhersmallnook thanthosewhotraveltheplanet searchingfortruthandadventure.

Thursday,August20,2009 Miami,Florida

InhonorofEmilyDickinson,thebestpoetwhoeverlived.

Empty Space

by IleanaCollazo

There’sathinlinebetween toomuchandnotenoughtalking; atwork,insocialsettings.

Wheneveryonefallssilent, Ishiftmyweight, crossanduncrossmylegs, looktoeachside;

hopingsomeonewillspeak, asIsearchmybrain forsomethingtosay.

Icringemyteeth, foronce,Istart, Icannotstop.

ForifIpause, thesilencewillreturn, andIwillbetoblame.

Thursday,October8,2009 Miami,Florida

Fawn in a Black Forest

by IleanaCollazo

Handsthatcaressedheronenight holdfasttoherneckthenext, lipsthatwhisperedinherear twistedasthescreamsescape.

Thegift,oncewrappedinricepaper shatteringagainstthewall, asilentshadowinthenight, shescoopsupitsmanypieces.

Theclockstrikesmidnight, thenone, two,three,four,thenfive, asshehidesflutteringlids

forfearhemayrealize sheisdriftingofftosleep andhisheavyhandwillcome downhardonherswollencheek.

Herblankstareofdisbelief, takentobedisrespectful, causesherevenmoregrief ashisfistcrashesagainstherchin.

Monday,August24,2009 Miami,Florida

Forced Evolution

by IleanaCollazo

Permanencygivesus asenseofsecurity, whilechangecan exciteorupsetus.

Somechangesaregood, somechangesarebad, toomanyareharmless; meaningful,orfrivolous.

Humanscravechange. Weliveanticipating. Whatwillbethenextnewthing? Whencanwetossoutthatoldthing?

Manyoldthingsworkfine, whiletoomanynewonesdriveuscrazy. Alittlescrutinyandjudgment woulddouswellbeforetradingthem.

Ofcourse, weneverstoptothink, muchtoocaughtupinthefrenzy. Themoreweget,

themorewewant, evenifweneveruseit. Thoughthriftinessbringsuspeaceofmind, weconstantlytradeitfortrinkets.

Tuesday,October13,2009 Miami,Florida

Forward Drive

by IleanaCollazo

After40yearsofdarkness, hestepsoutontothepath. Thesunshines, thebreezewhistles;

honeysuckleandbaby’sbreath formathickandtangledhedge. Hemovespastthemwithoutpausing, much,toomuch,timehasbeenwasted.

Heisfinallyinvested inquiteaquantitativemission guidedexclusively byhisvision.

Outofthesecondfloor’s window hangsthelimpform ofaragdoll,

herarmstrailingdownlikecreepers, herheaddrapedoverthesill; herfadedperiwinkledress stainedwithtinypurpleflowers.

Wednesday,August26,2009 Miami,Florida

Freedom by Incarceration

by IleanaCollazo

Herhairatangledmess;hernailssoiledandunkempt, rubystainssplatteredonherunbuttoneddress.

Shewalksoutoftheroom,downthehall,andoutthefrontdoor withoutglancingback.

Noneedtorush,notanymore; noneedtofear,nooneisnear.

Behind,sheleftapairofscissors,ablood-soakedtowel; andherfingerprintsonthereceiver.

Sittingontheporchsteps,shewaits, listeningforthesirens,lookingoutforthemeninblue,

whowillbefollowedbythemeninwhite, whowillbecarryingthegurneycoveredwiththewhitesheet.

Peace,quiet,andsafetywereallthatshecraved; andforthemoment,shehasthat.

Itisasunnymorning;thefirstoneinalongtime thatshecansitundisturbed,staring atthewhiteandyellowflowers.

AMonarchbutterfly dancestoherright, thismaybethelasttimesheeverseesone.

Friday,September4,2009 Miami,Florida

Legally Bound by

IleanaCollazo

Contingentuponthisagreement, youwillalwaysloveandhonoroneanother. Perthespecificationsofthiscontract, youwillrespectoneanother’sbodiesandworldlypossessions.

“Oh,Father,forgivethismanforhisawfultransgression Andtakeintoyourlovingarms whatremainsofthisoncelovelywoman.”

“Washoffallherpain, sothatshecanstartanew withallthatisleftofher;hersoul.”

Byherpassing,thisagreementisdissolved. Forlackofevidence, thiswomanisburied,andthismanisabsolved.

Wednesday,September16,2009 Miami,Florida

Lost Soul

by IleanaCollazo

Iwalkbesideyou, butIleavenofootsteps; myfeetdon’ttouchtheground.

Onemoment,onemotion,oneblow. Everythingwentdark, buttherewasnobrillianttunnelformetofollow.

ItwasasifIhadgoneblind. Igropedintheshadowsforawhile, then,Ireachedoutandfoundyou.

IdidnotknowifIcoulduttersounds, butdidnottryto; afraidthatyoumighthearme.

Ican’trecallhowlongit’sbeen, orknowhowlongitwillbe; intotaldarkness,Ihavelearned

tomimicyouineveryway. Youwalk,Iwalk,yousit,Isit, yousleep;Iwait.

Forwhat?Iwonder. Therearenoanswerstomyquestions. Ithinkitrainedtoday, youwalkedawhile andIfollowed, butcouldnotfeeltheraindrops.

Thursday,September24,2009 Miami,Florida

Monsters Never Leave Forever by

IleanaCollazo

Monstersneverleaveforever; theyalwaysreturntofinishwhattheystarted. Thehuntedmayassumetheyhavevanished, astheygrowwilderwhileaway; practicingleaps, filingtheirteeth.

Thewaitrenderingthem restless,hungry,angry; asitdaydreamsaboutdevouringitsprey.

Ifshedoesnotrun whensitgetsthechance, thenextattackmaybeherlast.

Friday,March20,2009 Miami,Florida

One Million Questions by

IleanaCollazo

Sittingonastoop,armscrossed,legsspreadapart; lookingattheskyalldaylong,remembering,forgetting. Nightfallbringingdeathoneinchcloser, daybreakmakingheartacheoneouncelighter.

Daybyday,nightbynight, stumblinginaspacesovastitmakesonegasp. Atumbleweed,adandelion,afeather,ahuman, blownaboutbythewindsoflife;

crushedtopowderbytheweightoftime. Onemillionquestionsfloodmymind, withnotoneanswer tobehad.

Thursday,August20,2009 Miami,Florida

Pursuer by IleanaCollazo

Anxiety, theverywordexpels sensationsofuneasiness.

Itdoesnotjustrolloff thetongue likebenevolence, reverence,orrevere. Itgrabsthethroat, forcingustoskipabreath.

Anxiety hasusstampingourfeet andwringingourhands underthetable toatunethat nooneelsecanhear, asourthoughtsclash againstoneanother, andwordsliesilent.

Anxiety makesusdothings likesteppingofftheledge toberidofit.

Wednesday,September23,2009 Miami,Florida

Sentinel of Doom

by IleanaCollazo

Evilresidesinsideeveryone’shouse, readyandwaitingforustofalter; Sopleasedwhenwedo, soquicktoanswer.

Itislate, itisraining, withintermittentlightning closelyfollowedbythunder.

Amidthesounds ofwaterfalling andrumblingrolling, faintwhimpersareheard.

Itisshe,moaning, inpainandshame; fromfearanddread, asanotherboltcrashes.

Othersoundscanbeheard: shouting,growling, asevilravages everythingittouches.

Whenmorningcomes, Itisdeadquiet, withintermittentsobbing, andthesoundofbrokenglass hittingthetrashcan.

Monday,September14,2009 Miami,Florida

Simple Confessions

by IleanaCollazo

Istayedupallnighttalkingtoyou, andsawthemorningblush becauseitknows.

Wewalkedunderthemoon forashortwhile; thebreezeassoftasourfirstkiss.

Yourhandreachedoutformine, suchasmallgesture, but,still,myheartbeatfast.

Isitacrossfromyou andsearchyourface forsomethingnewtome.

Ifindthatlandscapesofamiliar, yourlips,youreyes, yourchin,yourgestures

engravedinthecornersofmymind. Yet,still,eachtimeIseeyou, Ifallinlovewithyouagain.

Wednesday,January7,2009 Miami,Florida

Dedication:Tomyhusband.

South of the Border

by IleanaCollazo

980 degrees,101%humidity, smogasthickascoldgravy. Bumpertobumper:cars,trucks,motorbikes,andbuses; honking,shouting,andcursing.

Chainlinkfencesjealouslysafeguardcementedspaces. Notrees,nograss;hereandthere,abedofplasticflowers. Beercanscourtingcigarettebutts andhalf–smokedcigars

shovedinsidediscardedpapercups. Onemancallsouttoanother,whowavesback ashegrinsandmouthsacruderemark tothegirlinspikeheelsandredsatinpants.

Friday,September18,2009 Miami,Florida

Spent by IleanaCollazo

Notlongago, IwastoldbysomeoneIknow thateverythingisaboutenergy, andtheexchangeofit.

Weuseourenergytowork, andforthateffort,wegetpaid. Wegivethatmoneyaway tobuywhatothersusedtheirenergytomake.

Tomakemoreenergy, weeatwhatwebought, andtheverynextday weuseitallup.

Likeamouseonawheel, wegoroundandround ontwenty-fourhours cycles.

Intime, whatweeatnolongerservesus, wehavenothingtotradefor, sittingup takesgreateffort.

Soupandcrackers taketheplaceofsteakandeggs, andwhatisleftofus wecan’tevengiveaway.

Tuesday,September22,2009 Miami,Florida

The Brain

by IleanaCollazo

There’sasmallmassIcrawlintowhenIamindespair, itishiddenandsafeguardedinsidemyhead. Thoughitissmall,itholdsalot, aworldinsideaworld.

Dreams,hopes,wishes,fears,dreads,threats filedinsideit,sidebyside, so,Icantakeone,two,three,orfour, tomixandmatchthemtoaltermytrajectory.

Wednesday,June17,2009 Miami,Florida

The Truth

by IleanaCollazo

Breathinginandout; chokingonagulpofair, adropofwater,acrumbofstalebread.

Feelinglight,heavy,scared; likerunning,likedroppingtotheground waitingforrelieftooverpowerregret.

Themomentwecomeclosetothetruth; dreaded,revered,simplerthanimagined, werealizethatbehinditcomethedoubts thatrenderitsounreliable.

Thursday,January22,2009 Miami,Florida

The Window Cleaner

by IleanaCollazo

Whenhewassmall,hewenttothecircus andwasmesmerizedbythemanonthetrapeze.

Hewonderedhowitfelttobesohigh, suspendedinmid-air,holdingarope. Hisshiftbeginsatdawn;hopefully,itwon’train. Especially,notaccompaniedbythunder; toomuchsunandhumidityarealsonotgood. First,second,third,fourth…floorsdone.

Nowforthefinalact,allthewaytothetwenty-firstfloor. Peoplelookupandstareathimthroughtheglass; butquicklyturnaway,returningtotheirtasks. Nolongerthrilled,hereachesforthebucket.

Thescaffoldtilts,justenoughtoremindhimthat, noteverythingwewishforturnsoutthewayweintended.

Friday,September25,2009 Miami,Florida

Transparency by IleanaCollazo

Writingis whatIdo, mosteverythingelse iswhatIfake.

Eventhose whoknowmewell donotreallywanttoknow whatgoesoninsidemyhead,

becausetheyareashamed, becausetheyareafraid, thatIwillmakethemface whattheyallchoosetoignore.

Littlethingslike: believing, andliving, andloving, anddying.

Littlethingslike: accepting, anddenying, andfacing, andrenouncing.

Writingis whatIdo, liveasiftheydon’tknow iswhattheyfake.

Saturday,September5,2009

Miami,Florida

Unconventional Diagnosis

by IleanaCollazo

WhenIwassmall Iusedtothink onlyvampires livedbynightandsleptbyday.

Ithoughtitwasfantastic tolingerintheshadows; especiallyonmoonless,starlessnights, whenIcouldnotevenmakeoutmyownhands.

NowIwonder whyIthoughtthatway, nowIcurseeachnight andlongforeachday.

NowIknow thattherearenovampires, onlysoulslikemine thathowlallnightlong andwritheinpainallday, asourillbrainspropelus intothebowelsofhell.

Tuesday,September22,2009 Miami,Florida

Unwanted Companion

by IleanaCollazo

Ihaveaclosecompanion whofollowsmearound; herfirstnameisFear. Iknownothingofherlastname.

Shedressesinthemost exquisitemuslingowns; verypleasingtolookat, toostarchedtorunmyfingersover.

Herbraidedsilverhair reachesbelowherwaist; she’sbeenaroundsolong, ithashadtimetogrow.

Aroundherneck shewears anecklacewithfivesilverbells thattollasloudaschurchbells.

Hernailsarelong, herneckistoo; herface Icannotsee.

Butwhenhereyes stayfixedonme, achillfreezesmyheart, andallmybloodrunscold.

Thursday,October8,2009 Miami,Florida

Waiting to Die

by IleanaCollazo

Sittingonastoop,armscrossed,legsspreadout, lookingattheskyalldaylong;remembering,forgetting. Nightfallbringsdeathoneinchcloser, daybreakmakesheartacheoneouncelighter.

Daybyday,nightbynight, tumblinginaspacesovastitmakesonegasp.

Atumbleweed, adandelion, afeather, aman.

Blownaroundbythewindsoflife, crushedtopowerandtheweightoftime.

Time.

Whocanexplainit?Whowantsto? Explanationsarethebirthmothers ofonemillionmorequestions.

Thursday,August20,2009 Miami,Florida

Wedding Day Memories

by IleanaCollazo

Thenewsarrived,butthegroomdidnot. Alone,shestandsinhersatindress, hertremblinghandsholdingtheflowers shecarefullychosefortheoccasion.

Shestruggleswiththewords, pressedtorushtohisside.

Theflowers,nolongerforher, mustbekeptfreshtoplaceonhisgrave.

Hewasonhiswaytoher,afewblocksaway, nowheisheadedwhereshecan’tyetfollow.

Theroomiscold;heliesbloodyandlifeless; sheholdshislefthandandslipsonthering.

Ittakessomeeffort;hishandispurple, stiffandcold.

Hislidswereshutbeforeshearrived, hisblueeyes,amemoryshefiercelyholdsonto.

Herheadonhisshoulder,shehumsthelovesong theywouldhavebeendancingonehourago.

Monday,September14,2009 Miami,Florida

Weekly Ritual

by IleanaCollazo

Themedallionofabrasscrab stuckontoasanddollarawaitsmebythedoor. Iworeabaseballcaptoavoidthestares andkeeptheragingsunfromscourgingmybaldhead.

Ialwayswalkthetenblocks, andthengetaridehomebecause,inthere,theyzapallmystrength. Ithasbecomemyritual, Iwalk,liedownonthestretcher,thengohomeandwretch.

IamsickerofitthansickIam, buteveryoneisrootingforme,soIpressontothefinishline. Wehavetwodifferentrealities. Theyseemetriumphant,myhairgrownback,andIseemedead.

Aretheylyingtothemselves,oraretheydoingitforme? Oflittleconsequence,timewilltellusthetruth. Insidemybodyisanarmy fightingabattlethatishardtowin.

Theenemytroopshavespreadtoallthemajorposts, takingpossessionoftoomanystations. First,thedoctortookthisout,thenhecutthatoff. Ihavenomorelefttogive.

Ibowtothecrab;itdoesnotbowback, toofocusedonclimbingupthewall. Stuck,likeme, withnowheretogo.

Tuesday,September22,2009 Miami,Florida

Wormholes

by IleanaCollazo

Onebackwardglance, andafloodimmersesmeinthoughts, somegood, otherstoopainfultore-live.

Overcome, Irunaway, butquicklystumble, andtheysmotherme.

Isummontears towashthemoff, theystain theharshcement.

Butwhendistracted, Ilookupatthesky, theyquicklyslitherupmyspine andboroughintomybrainagain.

Tuesday,September15,2009 Miami,Florida

Zest Pool City Limits

by IleanaCollazo

Thehomelessfinally driftofftosleep, lulledbythehumming oftruckswashingthestreets.

Clubmusicsips throughthecracks ofhalf-closeddoors, andoutthewindows

ofthefewcarsontheroad. AstheMoonandtheSun executetheirdailytrade, agirlinashortskirt

holdsontoalightpost; heavingandretching, whileherfriendsits onabusbench.

Hairsmatted, one’sheelbroken, theother’sscuffed; cellphonesstucktotheirears.

Ring,ring,noanswer. Wherethehelliseveryoneat 5:00a.m.onaTuesday?

Ataxicruisesby,andtheyflagitdown,

climbintothebackseat, andpassout.

Friday,October2,2009 Miami,Florida

Florida 2010

Washed out Memories |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

24

Hours by IleanaCollazo

Onedayofmylife; insignificant,enormous. Deducted.

Ponder,wonder,worry; do,undo. Withwhom,where?

Dreams,nightmares; inability,disability, over-analysis,paralysis.

Conversations,dissertations; restless,sleepless, brooding,fretting.

Assessments,re-instatements; 24hours gone.

Thursday,July8,2010 Miami,Florida

Abandoned Pursuits

by IleanaCollazo

Ariverofhoney slithersdownamountain; abearfollowsit, butdoesnotdipitspaws.

Beesflutteroverit likeswirlsofsmoke; swayingandswooping, butnotplungingintoit.

Atthefootofthemountain thehoneycoalescesinto onelong,thinsheet ofamber.

Thebearveersoff intothewoods; thebees,onebyone, scatter.

Afewfeetaway, aroundthebend, theamberledgedrips intoahoneylake.

Wednesday,May13,2010 Miami,Florida

Background Check by

IleanaCollazo

Iexhale, theyanalyzemybreath,andprosecuteme. Istainmythumbs. Theycollectandfilemyprints.

Ipose, theytakethreephotosofmytear-stainedface. Iammarked. officiallytossedintotheirpool.

Iwalk, theydrivebyandignoreme. Iamangry, theypassmeby,shrugatmymisfortune,

Ishootaman, theycheckmybackground,andcondemnme. Idieatnoon, andtheyrecordthetimeandforgetme.

Thursday,June11,2010 Miami,Florida

Balancing Act by

IleanaCollazo

Wetakeitsoseriously;thisiscalledmakingaliving. Actingasifwe’redoingsomethingsoeverlasting. Ihaveyettohearaboutoneofuslastingforever.

Theconcentration,theconsternation,thecompetition,thedisagreements; asweallfighttosucceed,intentonbeingthebest. Butwhenitcomestodying,therearenooverachievers. Nopushandpullforfirstplaceorreachingthefinishline.

Theremustbeabalancebetweendoingandbeing, runningandpausing,gaspingandbreathing. Theremustbeabridgebetweenlovingandbeing; betweengettingandgiving,betweenlivinganddying.

Abridgewecrosswithcarefulsteps, ourpace,neitherfastnorslow, sothatourtimingisneveroff.

Wednesday,June23,2010 Miami,Florida

Bitter Remembrances

by IleanaCollazo

Fallinginloveisautomatic,butfallingoutoflovetakestime. Theshirthanginginthecloset,almostfallingoffthehanger. Waterglassstainsonthetable,stacksofbooks,readanddiscarded. Allsignsofthatotherpersonwhohasgonebuthaslefttraces.

Tookhislovetore-uselater;recycledgoodsaremostwelcome. Resentments,heleftbehind,areeasytoamass.

Wordsthatstunglikefirecoral,echoesofshoutsthathavefaded; tearstainsonhalf-emptypillowswheretwosleepingheadsoncelay.

Brokendreamspushbrokendishesforspaceinthegarbagecan. Histoothbrushwaitingtojointhem,andyourefusingtotossit. Itisonethingtodiscardmismatchedsocksandworn-outt-shirts, butthetoothbrushisonethingthatmakesitallmuchtoofinal.

So,youwakeupeachnewmorningtothattoothbrushnexttoyours, andwonderifheboughtanother. Whosetoothbrushsitsnexttohisnow?,Isitpink,red,orgreen? Istheredriedtoothpastestucktoit?Doesshelikethetasteofmint?

Breakfast,lunch,dinner,anddishesfollowedbysilence. Tearsandsobsmixedwithresentment;onelastlookatthattoothbrush. Offtobedwithrestlessmonstersthatbiteyourneckuntildaybreak whileyoudream,toss,andturn,callinghisname withdrownedwhispers.

Sunday,May23,2010 Miami,Florida

Brief Pause

by

IleanaCollazo

HereIstand,insidethisskin, whichcoversthesebonesthatacheandcreak whenIstandup.

Thesameskinthatoncefittightlybutnowsags. Thesamebonesthatoncestoodstraight, butnowbow.

HereIstandwitheyeshalfclosed andahalf-openheartthatwaitsforthings thatwillneverbe.

Flowingthroughtime,disheartened, asitrains,turnssunny,getshot,getscold; whileIblink,andblink,andblink.

Blinkawaytearsthatkeepcoming; bumpagainsttheyearsthatpushmefurther andfurtherawayintosomedarkcorner.

UntilthedaythatIfallhard; allskinlessbones andtearlesseyes.

Wednesday,February10,2010 Miami,Florida

Call to Disarm

by IleanaCollazo

Everyone, stopwalkingincircles. MotherEarthdoesit, butwearenotmeantto.

IfIwereincharge, Iwouldcommandeveryonetostop andtakeadeepbreath,

disarmandembracebeauty, forgetalltheylearned fromrulersandclergies.

Beginagain, withabrand-newperspective rootedinpeace,love,andkindness.

Tuesday,June15,2010 Miami,Florida

Chance Meetings by

IleanaCollazo

Inamoment,thismomentwillbegone; tochaseit,Iwouldhavetoreversetime andletwhateverelsecomesmywayslipby.

AllthosethingsthatIcouldbe ifIwaitfortheirarrival wouldturnintodustandwater.

Still,Isomuchwant tocatchthismoment. Thelightismellow, theairiscool, myskinfeelssosoft tothetouch.

Whatifthosethings don’tarrive?

Whatifthismomentismylast?

Toolate, Iwatchittakeflight whileIsitandwaitwithhopeanddread.

Sunday,May23,2010 Miami,Florida

Cocooned Inside Vastness

by IleanaCollazo

Mylungssnifftheairandrecoil, mytonguetastesthesoil,andIsmackmylips. Iaminacornerofthisuniverse. Mylungssniffagain;mylidsclose,thenopen.

Itouchnothingbutfeelsomething. I’vegotplentyofroomtowiggle,butIhuddle. Ithasturneddarkwherethesunshines, andlightwherethemooniscovered.

AmIalone?Isense,presume,andassume. Iponder,wonder,myhandsandfeetatrest. Asuddenjolt,andIamoffagain. Theypassme,Ipassthem.

Itisnowbrightwherethesunshines, anddarkwherethemooniscovered. Starscomeloosefromtheskyandfloataway falling,falling;butneverlanding.

Isitonsomethinghardthatsuddenlyturnssoft. Itswallowsmebutdoesnotsmotherme. Ibreathe,Ishout,Ilaugh,Icry, Ifighttofreemyselfandthengiveup.

Indarkness,Istillseethesunshining, thenewmoonnowhovering,thestarsfloating, asI,safelytuckedinsidethissoftness, driftofftosleepandwander.

Friday,May21,2010 Miami,Florida

Death

by IleanaCollazo

Deathisafascinatingsubject; itsthreatsandpromises alludeanddelude,persuade,andrepel.

Itscharmliesinpervasiveness, tenacity,illusiveness; initsobsessedlover’spassion.

Ittakesusaswefighttostay, gripsourthroatsaswegaspforbreath, asourlungsexplodewithrage.

Wednesday,July7,2010 Miami,Florida

Discarded

by IleanaCollazo

Afteryouleft,Isatforhoursbreathing; itwasneithernoisynorquiet;justempty. Attimes,thesunraysslantedacertainway, bringingbacktimeswhenyouandIsattalking.

I’dhearyourmellowvoice,butcouldnotmakeoutwords. Whensuddenbreezestouchedme,itwasyourhandIfelt. Ithasbeenyearssincethen;myfaceremainstear-stained. Ioftensitandwait,butyoudonotreturn.

Wednesday,June16,2010 Miami,Florida

Disposables

by IleanaCollazo

Iamthereceptaclethatholdswomenofacertainage, uterusesremoved;breastsamputated. Firstprincesses,thenqueens, thentarts;discards.

Awayfromthelight,shovedinsideacloset alongwiththeirlacepanties. I,bottomless,theylifeless, meldedintoonesolidlump.

Theolddaysaregoneas newweeksandmonthsstrollby. Nowordsareheard; silenceonlybrokenbytherain.

Bucketsfillandoverflow, pendulumsswingtilltheydrop, princessesstroll;queenssitontheirthrones.

Allinduetimewillfall, andwhentheydo, morewillcome.

Saturday,May22,2010 Miami,Florida

Evidence of Prior Occupancy

by IleanaCollazo

Istoodnakedinthedarkinfrontofthemirror, yourhandprintsglowingeverywhere. WhenIturnedonthelightandmovedmuchcloser, Isawyourfacereflectedinmyeyes.

Asipofwatertastedlikeyourlips, thepillowtooktheshapeofyourbentarm; theplacewheremyhairruffledthroughthenight forallthetimewelivedasone.

It’sbeensolongsinceIlastheardyourvoice, thatthesilencehascrackedfromdryness. Thewarmthofyourlastbreathagainstmyear, nowhoverslikethesmokethatescapestheashes

afterafiredieslateinthenight, andnothingmuchislefttosaveorclaim.

Thursday,June17,2010 Miami,Florida

Frustrada por IleanaCollazo

Nomegustaquemediganloquehacer, perolospobrestienenqueescuchar, bajarlacabeza,yobedecer.

Lostrabajosmeaburren, peroeldineromeamarra, laspalabrasmellaman, peroeltiempomefalta.

Contentanoestoy, cansadaestoysiempre. Unasogatransparente

mealaporelcuello; simemuevo mefaltaelaire, sicaminomeahoga.

Pasaundía,pasandos; unasemanayunaño, yaquímeencuentroatrapada.

Bocacerrada,ojosabiertos, paraquecreanqueatiendo lascosasquenomeinspiran mientrasmimentedesecha lascosasqueotrosinventan. Dandolegranimportancia, pretendiendoqueyoentiendo loquenomedicenada.

Jueves,Julio22,2010 Miami,Florida

Inquieta

por IleanaCollazo

Habromibocaysalenpalabrasmimentenoprocesó. Habromishojosyveolascosasmuydiferentequeotroslasven. Camino,mesiento,como,meacuesto; lohagotododíatrasdía,pensando,esperando.

Algunasvecestengomiedo,otras,tengoesperanzas; peronopuedoolvidar,nicomprender,niaceptar. Lasreligionsnomeconforman, conversasionesnoaclarannada.

Aquímeencuentrocontandodías. Hastaelmomentonohehechonada quedejehuellascuandomevaya. Quepuedoyo,quesedenada,daralgoquenoestáyadado.

Granosdearenavolandoalviento, miinertocuerpocubrirán.

Miclaramenteseapagará,mismilpreguntassecallarán.

Talvezentoncestodosealpaca,yconsimplezaseencruentrapaz.

Lunes,Abril12,2010 Miami,Florida

Insertitud por IleanaCollazo

Nohayamenazathehuracán, peroelotrodíaunmaremotoarrasó enotroladolejosdemi yyosufríporesagentequenuncahevisto.

Alpocorato,misufrimiento seconvirtíoenagradecimiento.

Penséenlasvidasperdidas,lascasasdestruídas, losautosdesbordados,lossueñosdefraudados.

Cerrélosojos,yvímifamilia micasa,micarromijardín. Porelmomentotodoestábien, noperfecto,perotranquilo.

Peromañanaesunasorpresa, esaotragentepuedoseryo. Mivida,micasa,miauto,missueños; sontemporarios,singarantía.

Peroporhoy,elsolsalío, yestanocheeslunallena. Elmundoviajatranquilo;pasandoestrellas, llevandomelejos.

Yyo,observandoeluniverso,pasajerasinpasaporte, meamarrobienelcinturónyfijomisojosenelCielo; buscandoseñasdelallegada, esperandollegaralparasío.

Sábado,Abril3,2010 Miami,Florida

Last Glance by

IleanaCollazo

Isetmyclockbyyourlove, Iblinkedandbreathedtoyourrhythm. Nomatterwhatyourlipssentflying, myearscaughtwhitedoves.

Itoldmyself timespentwithyouwasthemostprecious. Iraninside;thelightwaslow, Iwenttoyouwithoutapause.

Ididnotseethesmooth,coolblade, justfeltthesting, andwhenyouhelditinyourhand, bloodsmearedgrey;Isawaroseforme.

Thursday,January7,2010 Miami,Florida

Left Behind by

IleanaCollazo

Isatinmyroomlateafternoon listeningtomyspirit’sfaintsteps. Itwalkedinacirclethatwidenedandwidened untilitsoftlygrazedthewalls.

Itthenbegantotraceitswayback untilitreacheditsstartingplace. Iwonderedwhatitwoulddonext: returntome,stayput,orpace.

Iletoutabreathtoclearsomespace itleapedandfledthroughthehalf-openwindow. IfolloweditasbestIcould, butwithoutwings,Iwasleftbehind towonderhowtolivewithoutit.

Tuesday,July13,2010 Miami,Florida

Lost Treasures by

IleanaCollazo

Soundsarelosttreasures thatflyinthewind, leavinguswondering wheretheywillgonext.

Springsmurmurtales oftripsthroughthewoods, cricketssingsongs onlongsummernights,

musicalnotes caresslonelyhearts.

Monday,June17,2010 Miami,Florida

Love Gone Wrong by

IleanaCollazo

Icrouchontheedge, trappingeachwhimperinmythroat, knowingIshouldnotfallasleep whilemyheavylidsflutter.

Ihearsteps asitapproaches. Itsshadowslithers, growing.

Mypainanddread areintertwined; unlikelylovers moaning.

Icannottell whichoneisworse; thewaiting, orthemoment whengiantclaws crisscrossmyflesh andIseebareteeth gleaming.

Tuesday,May4,2010 Miami,Florida

Open House by

IleanaCollazo

Openallthedoors,leteveryonein. Thebedsarenotmade, thedishesareplasteredwithyesterday’smeals.

Thefloorisnotswept, andthetoiletbowlhasagreenandorangerim. Thewindowsarebroken, andthedoorlockswon’tturnwiththekeys.

Thefridgedoorisbroken, andthestovetopissmudgedwithspaghettisauce. Thetermitesaremating, andthedogsinthecornerarecoveredwithfleas.

Thewalls’paintispeeling, andthecracksonthewallserveasspeedwaysforroaches. Thevaseonthetableisfilledtothebrim withhalf-wiltedrosesandyesterday’srain.

Friday,May21,2010 Miami,Florida

Opiniones por IleanaCollazo

Cadaunodenosotros representamosunmundo; cadacerebro unacasaprivada.

Miramos,escuchamos,compartimos; peronocomprendemos comolosotros piensan.

Poresotenemosguerras, pequeñasennuestrascasas, tremendasconotrospueblos; terriblesydesastrosas.

Todoestohacemos porquenocomprendemos quetodoesoocurre porlasopinions.

Tutieneslastuyas, yotengolasmías; cuandoconversamos elmasguapogana.

Martes,Mayo11,2010 Miami,Florida

Progression

by IleanaCollazo

Dishpanhandsthatagetoosoon, brittleandpricklytothetouch, cannotcaressliketheyoncedid whenfingernailswerepaintedred.

Silverstrandscroppedbehindtheears donotobeythebrushandcomb asthosefree-flowingebonythreads thattookwildridesonsummerbreezes.

Forgetfulnessprecedesregret, whileremembrancecourtsdread thatmemorywillmuddle beforethelastbreathflees.

Thursday,July29,2010 Miami,Florida

Realidades

Confrontando

Deseos

por IleanaCollazo

Mesientoenlasilla,lasruedasresbalan, memuevohaciaalante,denuevoseescapan. Tengomuchoquehacer,peronohagonada. Ochohorasquerellenarcomoelpavoeldíagracias.

Tantascosasmejoresmeesperan, peromimonederoacontarmellama. Comounacueva,pequeñayoscura, cuandoestavacíayabandonada.

Comounpozoconfloresenundíaferiado, cuandolepongodinero; elmenudosonandocomolascampanas delaviejaiglesiaanunciandolamisa.

Lunes,Mayo11,2010 Miami,Florida

Recurring Nightmares by

IleanaCollazo

Therearetwoofyou andoneofme; andthiscausesmegrief.

Yourfacehardens, youreyesnarrow, yourlipscurve.

Ithappenedagain. Younolongerseeme, youaremesmerized.

Yousmellofburntflesh, yourfistsholdcrushedbones, youreyeballslookdead.

Growlingandcursing, yousnarlatme, andthiscausesmegrief.

Onedaypasses, thenanother, Iwakeupscarred; you,unaware. Then,soon,thecyclestartsagain, andthiscausesmegrief.

Saturday,June5,2010 Miami,Florida

Singularity

by IleanaCollazo

Theoceanisteemingwithlivingthings, manyofwhomlookthesametome. Blackcatsabound,asdobluebirds, andsnailsthatcrunchundermyfeet.

Buthumansallseemdifferent,asmuchinsideasout. Thisfactcreatessomuchanxiety thatwestrugglehardtocontainit. Herdingworksforotheranimals,buthumansdon’treactthesame.

Wecreatedinstitutionstopromoteequalityandcalmanxiety. Churches,clubs,sportsteams,secretsocieties; whereweareexpectedtochant,applaud,andshout withelevatedsoulsandtransfixedeyes

Butaswesit,stand,kneel,orcrouch meldingwiththecrowd; singularitycallsout; tryinginvaintostandout.

Monday,June7,2010 Miami,Florida

Skin, Bones, and Wrath

by IleanaCollazo

Ibarelyremember;mymindhaswanderedfar. Mythoughtsdisconnected;mybraindejected.

Iamtheonlyoneleftfromtheaftermath; walkingupanddownthepathwithoutintentionordirection.

Lonelyandsad,Isearch; uncertainthatIwanttofindanotherinmysamestate.

Notfarahead,Iseealight; amomentaryflashthattoosoondies.

Anotherspark;theydon’texciteme liketheyoncedidwhentherewashope.

Theyareremaindersoftheinitialboom wheneverythingignitedandallbutmeexploded.

SuchagonizingpressureIfeltthen, butforsomeperversereasonIcannotexplainIremainedwhole.

Iamthesolesurvivoroftheaftermath; skin,bones,andwrath.

Thursday,July22,2010 Miami,Florida

Socialite

by IleanaCollazo

Itisessentialtobelongandimperativetofitin, for,societyisunforgiving. Itsduesaredueeachday, firstthingwhenweclimboutofbed.

Thefaceweputon,theclotheswewear, thecarwedrive,thefoodweeat; it’sallunderinspectionwithoutdiscretion.

SomeoneI’venevermetwrotealltherulesofetiquette. Don’tscratchthatitch,don’tcrossthatleg, sipinsteadofslurp,shutoffthatstare.

Exhaustedbyday’send,Iscratchtheitch, stareoutthewindow,andtackthegumI’mdonechewingonthewall. Withtheworldonedooraway,andnoonetoimpress, mybarebottomrestsonmytatteredeasychair.

Friday,May21,2010 Miami,Florida

Stranded

by IleanaCollazo

Oneinchfromtheedge. Icannotbringmyselftotakeonebackwardstep. Ishouldbecommitted,butnooneknows. Iglanceintotheabyss,andmystomachchurns.

Iheardrumsrollfaraway. theystopandstartagain. Myearsperkupasthewindcomesnear,butquicklyrunsaway. Ihavethevaguestfeeling,butIcannotgrabit.

Myworn-outsandalsslip, myredbandanaflees,andslapsapassingbird. Iscreech;thebirdmimicsmycry. I’dlaugh,butcan’t,andIdon’tknowwhy.

Nightfalls,anowlhowls,andIshiver. HowlongwillIbehere? WasitthreecenturiesagothatIarrived? Iwaitinvaintobereturned,butnoonecomes.

Itissostrange. Isleep,awaken,Idonoteatordrink, andneverfeeltheneed.

Friday,June25,2010 Miami,Florida

The Bench

by IleanaCollazo

Thereisdustonthefurniture, butthesunisout, andtheorchidsareinbloom.

Mybarefeetflattenthemoistgrass asImakemywaytowardstheback; awayfromthehouseandallitsdemands.

Ihearchirpingtomyright, butcannotfindthesource. Thecoralfountaingurgles.

Ireachtheend, whereIhaveplacedabench againstthetallbrickwall.

Thebenchisdrenched, Isquirm, thensettleintoitwithease.

Thisbenchwasmadeforme, inanotherplace whereIhaveneverbeen.

Myloyalfriend, italwayswaitsforme tokeepitcompany.

Thursday,July8,2010 Miami,Florida

The Fire Escape

By IleanaCollazo

Onamoonlessnight, itlingersintheshadows, betweenthebuildings; notquitetouchingtheground.

Onastormyday, itswaystoandfro; challengingitshinges togiveway.

Aparkbenchforthelazy, anentrywayforlovers; aneyesoreforsome, ahidingplaceforothers.

Paintedblack; itservesasaplanter, aplacetoputgarbage, aledgetobeleanedon.

Suchaplainstructure, withsomanytasks, theleastthatitdoes issavesomeone’slife.

Tuesday,May11,2010 Miami,Florida

The Gift

by

IleanaCollazo

Itspetalssmooth,itsstemprickly; myhandsstainedyellowfromitspistildust. Slightlyslantedtowardthesun; itsleavesaflurryfromthebreeze scurryingthroughtheroom.

Apinksopaleitmimicswhite, itsscentsosubtlefromafar cajolesmynosewhenIcomeclose invitingmetoclosemyeyes anddreamofsecretgardenspast.

Thissingleflowerinavase, senttomeyesterdayatdusk tomendawrongthatcan’tbesewn withathreadsothin; becausetheripwaslonganddeep.

Inafewdays,Iwillremoveit fromthis,sonarrow,sourceoflife andfindabookIwillneverread toburyitsodeepthatIwillnot comeuponitandthinkofyouagain.

Tuesday,July13,2010 Miami,Florida

The Heart

by IleanaCollazo

Theheartcanexpandaswideasthesky, asdeepastheocean,whenithearsitscall; afluteplaying,windchimesclattering, rainfalling,lovewordswhispered.

Ithassolittletimetoprocesseachnuance. Itsprimaryjobistokeeponticking throughjoy,throughgrief, throughtears,throughlaughter.

Whenitfinallystops,itletsoutasigh asallitsemotionstakeflight.

Thursday,May13,2010 Miami,Florida

The Last Day

by IleanaCollazo

Asinglenotepermeatestheair; noperfumescentlingeringthere.

Apause,anotherflutecry, afeatherfluttersdownontothedustyroad whereraincan’tfollow.

Mercilesssunscorchingallgreen; boilingdownthestream.

Ireachforamarigold, itspetalsfall asmylipscrack.

Thunderannouncesrain, theskyeruptsintoawhinycry.

Drenchedandscorched Iwalk,thenrun, andstandunderaleaflesstree.

Thestreamgrowsandoverflows, scoopingmeinitscoolarms,takingmefar.

Withmylastbreath,Isigh, asmylungsfill withfluid.

Iglanceupatthesky, lookupattherisingsun, andwonderwhyittooksolong.

Friday,July2,2010 Miami,Florida

The One

by

IleanaCollazo

Iwalkthroughtightspaces, perchonthinledges, dreamwithoutsleeping, breathebetweenphrases.

Iamtheoneyouareafraidof, whoneitherfeignsnorprays, butspitsoutthoughts andbitesthroughbones.

Myhandsarefullofair, myeyescanseethroughwalls, Imakeyoucringeandsquirm.

Mypresencespooksyouas Iposethequestions andplantthedoubts.

Whenyouliedownindarkness youdreamaboutme, whenyouwakeupandfacethesun itismyshadowyoufirstsee.

Tuesday,June1,2010 Miami,Florida

The Stairs

by IleanaCollazo

Eachstepmade outofcool,hardcement; perfectlymeasured sotheyalllookthesame.

Theirwidelipsadorned witharowofredbricks, betweeneachonetucked astraightlineofwhiteclay.

It’srailing sculptedoutofblackiron, itslandingsaswide assmallpatios.

Anarchitecturalmarvel; uniqueindesign, yet,like somanyothers, scalingupwards inincrements, alwaysfirmontheground, aswellasSkybound

Tuesday,May11,2010 Miami,Florida

Tranquil Moments

by IleanaCollazo

Thereisanunmatchedbeauty inanearlymorning wheneveryoneelseisbustlingabout andIamstandingstill;

removedfromeverything. Thesunassoftasakissonthecheek, theaircoolanddry, dewclingingtothegrass.

Thewholedayliesahead, timecrawlingslowlyby, reluctanttoadvance. Couldthewholeworldhavestopped?

Itmayaswellhave, becauseithasforme, andthatisallIneed.

Friday,July9,2010 Miami,Florida

Tropical Paradise

by IleanaCollazo

Itisonly10:33a.m.,buttheheatisstartingtoboil, Thesunisbakingthesoil,andthewindchimeissilent.

Isitandbreathe;Isitandwait foragustofwindtocoolme, astormcloudtobringrain.

Iwaitinvain. Theskyisperfectlyblue, thesunhangsperfectlyround. Theleavesaresostillthattheylooklikecut-outs.

Isitandbreathe;Isitandwait, then,hearthewindchimes announcethebreeze.

Theleavesswayastheydance, Ihearbirdschirping; then,thestiflingstillnessreturns.

Isitandbreathe;Isitandwait; longingforautumn, daydreamingaboutwinter.

Knowingitisonlyspring, dreadingwhatthesummerbrings, morebreathing,morewaiting, andhurricanewarnings.

Sunday,May9,2010 Miami,Florida

Twice Forsaken

by IleanaCollazo

Isitbyyourdeathbedholdingyourhand; prayingforyou,cryingforme. Iburiedherthreeyearsago, youfilledthatawfulvoid.

Ifelttheguilt,butlivedthelove, willingtobravethestares. Sheleft;youcame,andeachdayIgrewlesssomber. Nowyoudecidetogoandjoinher,

twoblows,twolosses,boilinginsidemygut likeyoursimmeringstews. Youleave,andyouforget; Istay,andIremember.

ThemourningIhadpushedaside willfloodmylifewithyourexit. Thehouseisempty,thebedforsaken; thestovecold,myheartfrozen.

Nobreaststocup,nolipstokiss, nohairtorunmyfingersthrough. Couldyouhavewaitedabitlonger? Whydidyouleavesosoon?

Itrytofeelyourpain, butmypainsmothersme. WhichgraveshouldIcryover? WheredoIplacetheflowers?

Icannotburyyouwithher,Icannotsplitmyselfintwo; aloneagain,Ifindmyselfmorebitterthanthefirsttime.

Tuesday,June1,2010 Miami,Florida

Unmet Expectations by

IleanaCollazo

LastnightIstayedup eatinggrapesanddrinkingwine; thegrapesweresour;thewinewasbitter.

Ichosenottoturnonthecomputer, thetelevision,ortheCDplayer; Ijustchewedslowlyanddrank.

Therewasnomoon, Isawnostars, theskywaswrappedinadullgrey.

Ileanedagainstthetableleg, thefloorfeltcool againstmylegs.

Isatlikethis formanyhours hopingthatitwouldcometome,

thatonelife-alteringidea thatmakestheworldhaltonitsaxis. Itnevercame.

Theskywasapaleblue. Thesunhighlightedhebowlofgrapeseeds andtheemptywinebottle.

Irose,undressed,andploppedontomybed -moretiredofthantiredtosleepthedayaway.

Friday,July9,2010 Miami,Florida

Victim

#199 by IleanaCollazo

Istandsostill,afraidtomove eachstepItakemaybemylast.

Whatliesaheadisindelible asIstrivetochangemycourse; asenseofurgencyforewarningme.

Butfeargripsmygut asbloodsipsfrommyswollenlips. Thedarkestcloudengulfsme, mybruisedcheekstings, mylimbsbetrayme. Theskybecomesmyshroud,

withnotonestaruponit; themoonasfarasdeaddreams. Ifeelsofaraway,

yet,Ihavebarelymoved. Itisallelsethathas?

Ishouldhaverun,orcrawled,orfought;

butitisnowtoolate. Thepainthatravagedcrossedthewoods hasfoundme asIliehelplessinaheap dressedinwhite, andred-stained.

Monday,June14,2010 Miami,Florida

Victim #299

by IleanaCollazo

Sleeplessnightscrouching, longsleevesinsummer, sunglassespastdusk, purpleskinblushing

fromananguishsodeep thatitsmotherstheanger thatwouldpromptthereaction topropeltheaction.

Exhaustion,delirium; nofever,nocough, justmarksandabrasions thatstainanddegrade.

Notimetowaste, noenergyleft; curledupinthecloset behindstorageboxes

smotheringsobs; eyefixedonthedoor, onemomentofdozing disturbedbyonegunshot.

Thursday,July29,2010 Miami,Florida

Wanderers

by IleanaCollazo

Awhileago,Icriedfortheworld, forallthethingswethinkitisbutisnot; forallitsbrokenpromises.

Forfertilegroundsgrownbarren, oceanbedsturnedintocoffins; forme,forallofus.

Ourbrainstemssearchinglikeroots, theworldrotatingonitsaxis; aroundthesun,

draggingthemoon, bumpingagainsttheblackwall thatkeepsstretchingandexpanding.

Tuesday,June1,2010 Miami,Florida

Florida 2011

When all the Years Melt Away |Ileana

|DigitalSelf-portrait

Collazo

Awake

by IleanaCollazo

Iopenmyeyeseachmorning, butfeignsleep. Wipebloodfrommychin andapplylipstick.

Eatshreddedpride threetimesaday, sipfromacup andswallowglass.

TodayIstayedinbed, eyesclosed,awake. Nolipstick, nopride,noglass.

Justme, silence, andlight.

Monday,March7,2011 Miami,Florida

Cycles

by IleanaCollazo

Minutesfall, raindropsoftime, nevercollected inbucketsorbasins.

Burrowingdeep undertheground, waitingforme tojointhem.

Weedsgrowingrass, handspullthem, theirseedsdrop, morefollow.

Myseedssprout butIwither, forgotten anddeserted.

Monday,February14,2011 Miami,Florida

Early Autumn by

IleanaCollazo

Itstartsslowly, anipintheair, shorterdays.

Aswegoaboutourdays burstofyellow,orange,andred intertwinewithgreen andthelandscapebecomes akaleidoscopeofcolors thatenticesustofollow naturepathslitteredwithleaves thatdanceaboutinthewind.

Cozybuttoned-upcoats, earmuffs,scarves, boots,andgloves keepuswarm

whileourcheeksandournoses turncrimsonred aswestooptocollect fallenleaves,wewillpress inabookwejustread toremindusofautumn whenwinterarrives, andtreebranchesstandbare,

2011 Miami,Florida

Late Autumn

by

IleanaCollazo

Walkingondryleavesscatteredbythepond thatsmotherthegroundandcracklelikeabonfire. Handsinmycoatpockets,snugandwarm, bootsandsockssoggyfromthehalf-frozensoil.

Long,desolateroadsnakingtoandfro, obstructedbyabouldershapedlikeanancientcavern. Insilence,thesunrayssqueezebetweenbarebranches; TheonlysoundIhearismyheartsendingoutsignals.

Monday,March14,2011 Miami,Florida

de Tiempo por IleanaCollazo

Memontoymebajo,memontoymebajo, sesentavecesenunahora. Miroalaizquierda,aladerecha, abrolaboca,lacierro.

Meconcentro,medescarrillo, mesiento,melevanto.

Desesperada,disgustada, queeltiempopasóynohicenada.

Febrero11,2011 Miami,Florida

Perdida

Prespectivas

porIleanaCollazo

Paradaenestaesquinameencuentro, lalluviainundandomiszapatos, lostruenosaterrandomisoídos; nisola,niacompañada.

Carrosparanenluzrojas, arrancanenluzverdes, serobanlasamarillas; meven,meignoran.

Hombres,señoras, niñosquelloran, porporquerías; quesabenellos.

Lasnochessontanlargas, elpisoestátanduro; tosoyescuposangre, pero,carajo,nomuero.

Mefaltancuatrodientes, alDiablo,yanosonrío; mebañoencualquierlavabo, comobasuraconpeste.

Elotrodíaviunarcoiris, uncieloazulconnubesblancas; lahierbaverdebrillandoestaba congotastanperladas.

Micorazónabriosupuerta, mimentesepusoclara, elmundosepusobello; deelestoyenamorada.

Friday,Abril22,2011|Miami,Florida

Rape the Artist by

IleanaCollazo

Rapetheartist, shedoesitforlove. Talkherdown tohalftheprice.

Spendmoreontheframe thanyoudidonthepainting; rapetheartist, shedoesitforlove.

Shesitsonthefloor, smearedwithpaint, sweatingandbrooding, dreamingforyou.

Youneveraskedherto; sherantsbychoice. Rapetheartist, shedoesitforlove.

Youhaveguestsover forafancydinner, youshowoffherpiece; everyonelovesit.

Shestaysupallnight, mixinghercolors, chewingstalebread, anddrinkingcoldcoffee.

Monday,June13,2011 Miami,Florida

Silent Cries

by IleanaCollazo

Iamawomankeptapartfromtherest byafenceofideas. Ibatheinpondsofthoughts thatscribblethemselvesonmyskin, andcrawlthroughmyearintomybrain.

Ispeakinmisunderstoodtongues, syllablesscratchingthewalls ofbuildingsnotyeterected; nakedanddejected, Icrylikeaswallow.

Icounttenfingers, Iclosemyfists, nothinginsidethem buttherage ofabirdinsideacage.

Wingstorn, beakscratchingagainstcorn; nothungry,justbored notthirsty,justscorched, waiting,justwaiting.

Monday,February14,2011 Miami,Florida

Sueños Extraños por IleanaCollazo

Rojo,azúl,yverde, trescampeonesenconpetencia conuncreador.

Enlapared colgandoesperaunblancolimpio delinotenso.

Asustado,embarazado; luegoembarradoporbrochaenmano quenohablaclaro.

Marcasilusas, sueñosextraños ydiambulantes, buscandocasa.

Lasgrimassecas dejansushuellaseneselienzo quenadiemira.

Porlamañana lamismamanoqueloembarró loasesina.

Unbagabundo buscandoalbergaencuentrauntrapo ysobreelseacuesta.

Viernes,Febrero11,2011 Miami,Florida

Undraped

by IleanaCollazo

Hideundermywide-hipskirt wherenooneelsecanseeyou, diggingtrenchesinmythighs withblood-taintedfingernails.

Gaspwithrage,exhalecontempt, spewobscenities,spitoutsemen. Actinglikethegiftofmanhood grantsyourightsandtitle.

Strutinthedarkandcrouchinthelight; burythetruthyoucan’tadmit.

Oneday,Iwill tearoffyourhidingplace, letthewindtakeit, andwatchyoucryinshame.

May2011 Miami,Florida

Florida 2012

1969 |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portraitCollage

Condemned

by IleanaCollazo

Crawlingdownaroad aswideasangelwings, burstingintoflames extinguishedbytherain.

SuchsorrowasIhaveneverseen, onceking,nowenslaved.

Crawlingintoacaveinfestedwithworms praying,fortheunseenandtheunheard.

Shouts,whimpers,bloodytears,savagedflesh. Chewyourmealwell, andtakethatonelastsip, for,lateryou’llbeparched.

Monday,June25,2012 Miami,Florida

Dawn by IleanaCollazo

Iwalkedthebeachaloneatdawn, thelowtideclingingtotheshore. Myfootprints,jaggedonthesand, threadingaropebehindme.

Thefewbirdsscouringtherocks forbitsoffleshfrombrokenshells didnottakeflightasIapproached; theirhungeroverpoweringdread.

Thesoothingsoundofbreakingsurf, replacedbytotalsilence, exceptforgustsofwind bumpingagainsttheseagrass.

Ihadnocausetowalkalone, orleavemybedatfirstlight, otherthanwitnessingthesight ofonemoredayarriving.

Saturday,April28,2012 Miami,Florida

Dreams I must Redeem

by IleanaCollazo

DreamsImustredeem beforetheirtimeisup.

Acarouselrideinspring, anicecreamcone,arose, adoseofsomethingbittersweet thatstainsmytongueandmakesmecringe.

Thespaceinsidemyhead haswindowswithoutwalls. ThedollIcherishedlongago sitsinabox.

Herbonnetcrookedonherhead; hertwoglassslipperslost. Thesunisasleep, andIawake;Istareupatthesky.

Themoonless,starlessnight soquiet,Icanhearmybreath.

Monday,June25,2012 Miami,Florida

Final

Exit by IleanaCollazo

Crossthethresholdonelasttime, silentandserene, unattachedfromanything thatboundyou.

Therewillbetears, buttheywillnotbeyours, foryouarenow unencumbered.

Allthosedebts, paidandunpaid, theunresolvedquarrels, thesilkdressruinedbythewine.

you’veleftitallbehind. Thehousedarkandsomber, theshuttersdrawninmourning. Themorninglightwon’tstiryou.

Whereyouoncestoodandsat, dreamedaboutloveandfortune, wherechildrenplayedandslept, nolongersuitsyou.

Youcraveanarrowspace wherenooneelsecanreachyou, whereyouwillspendthehours suspendedinoblivion.

Friday,August31,2012 Miami,Florida

Interminable

by IleanaCollazo

EventhoughIamacrone slippingoffmysaggingthrone, youstillloveme.

Balancingmycrookedcrown ondilapidatedbrow scarredbyfrowns.

Maroonlips thatoncewerepink; dryslitsforbreaths.

Thoughtsthatwanderandreturn fromendlessdead-endroads; memory’sghosts.

Handinhand wefeelthemurmur ofourheartslikecracklingembers.

Firstthedawn, andthenmidday, toosoonendsanotherday.

Thursday,January26,2012 Miami,Florida

Marooned byIleanaCollazo

Ididnotsavemyself, Ilay,half-drowned,onthisaridshore thatdrieduplongago;

gazingataskyfullofclouds withnopromiseofrain, andnotearsleft. Foreverisalongtime,

whenthereisnohope, nofuture,noredemption. Toquestionthemeaningofitall

ismeaninglessinthisvacantlot. Toscreaminragewhenthereisanecho onlymakespainmoreredundant. Nostrength, breaths,barelywhispers, thatmakenocommotioninsidethechest. Tonguedry,thoughtstwisted, intobrittlevines thatbreakeachtimeIblink. Howcoulddeath

pickmeupanddropme withoutathoughtorcare? Itvisitsmeeachdawn,

brushesmylipswithwine, fillsacupwithcoolwater, anddrinksitwhileIthirst.

Saturday,July14,2012 Miami,Florida

Night Garden 1

by IleanaCollazo

Oneminutepastthehour, duskbydarknessdevoured, assilencespeaks theunheardwords.

Bestill,andlisten, asapetalfalls; itsscentlost astheflowermourns, andabirdhides inthetangledbushes whereastarishanging fromapurpleflower.

Sunday,October21,2012 Miami,Florida

Night Garden 2

by

IleanaCollazo

Atpre-dawn, inmygarden; whereIoftengo toponderandwonder,

Iwrotethreewords onapatchoffog, andtherisingsun burnedthemtoembers.

Iblewakiss intothewind, andapassingbird inhaledit.

Itossedarock intothepond, anditsanktothebottom insteadofskipping.

Ithenstoodstill, barelybreathing, notgivingup, justwaiting.

Wednesday,October24,2012 Miami,Florida

Night Garden 3

by IleanaCollazo

Thosewinds thatstraddlesummerandfall, winterandspring pluckingleavesandcaressingflowers

envelopemeinsatinrobes thatslipandfall asIstrollthroughthegarden.

Thenight exitedbymycompany, I,humbledbyitsomnipotence.

Togetherwepace; leavingtreadmarksontheunderbrush, urgingourshadowstomimicourtrajectory.

Sometimesthemoon, directsitsbeam, studdingusinsilver; othersthestars sprinklewhitecrystals thatdazzleandamazeus.

Butonthose moonless,starlesstimes thenightandIareclosest, foritisthen thatoursoulsshine theirbrightest.

Thursday,November8,2012 Miami,Florida

Not an Ordinary Day

by IleanaCollazo

Thespiderweaves, atreedropsaleaf, silencesleeps.

Thedewclingingtothegrass driesoutinthemorningsun beforethestormcloudsform.

Notanordinaryday;noneofthemare. Thoughnothinghasgoneawry,womenpray kneelinginchurchpews,headsbowed.

Thewindarrivesuninvited, moreleavesfall, amothgetscaughtintheweb.

Norainfalls, butthesungoesaway andnothingshinesuntilthemoonarrives likeapearlbutton inthesky thatmakesonesigh.

Myeyesclose, theworldvanishes; twenty-fourhourshavepassed.

Eachglanceaverted, eachbreathnottaken, cannotberedeemedorclaimed.

Saturday,September1,2012 Miami,Florida

Padre Bendito por IleanaCollazo

Vivolavidajugandomanosconcartasquetumehasdado. Algunasgano,aplausosybesos;muchasmaspierdo,bochornoydesprecios. Tantaamarguraporunamanzanaquecaealsueloyseprude. Eresunhombre;unamujernodespreciaraloquetrajoalmundo.

Nomearrodilloapedirperdónporquenohehechonada, nacernoesunsacrilegio.tumepusisteenelmundo parasufrir,yentreternerte;notecomprendo.

Quetristeeressivivessolocreandoangelesqueapuñalas.

Tumeamenazasqueundíavendrásarechazarmepornoalabarte. Quepasarélaeternidadenlafogatallenadeescombrosdelosquetenegaron. Siyoteaceptocuandoyomuerairíacontigoavertusactos, averaquellosquehacessufrircomomehisistesufrirami.

Sirezoundíaseráporalgoquetúnoquieres;porunsilencio yoscuridadquemeprotejantantodeti,comodeldiablo.

Lagentedicequeyouestoylocadiciendocosasquemecondenan, yolesrespondositúerestúyasabestodoloqueyopienso.

Sieresmipadretengoelderechodehablarteclaroypedirtecuentas. Debestenerpaciensia,ydarmelasrespuestas. Nuncapedirmequeseaciegacuendomedisteojos, oespararqueseasordacuandomedisteoídos.

Ynocallarsitienesboca,paraaplacarmisdudas.

Jueves,Septiembre20,2012 Miami,Florida

Specter

by IleanaCollazo

ItisasifIneverleft, allthebadthingsstillhanghere clutteringtheair.

Satin-lineddrawersspillingwithspite, redstainsinmybrain. Echoesofshouts, spectersofdoubtminglingwithpain.

IfIcouldhavefeltdisdain, Imighthavesavedmyself, butlovegotintheway.

Loveexchanged forrage leavesnospace. Waitinginvain,Istood,

satdown,layonathornyquilt. Tornskin,gashedsoul, bledoutheart.

Walkingawaywouldhavesparedme, butIremainedinert. Now,setaflame,gutsdiluted, Ismolderinthedark.

Sunday,July15,2012 Miami,Florida

The Soul and Other Everyday Miracles

by IleanaCollazo

Mysoulhasallthecolorsoftherainbow, For,Iamnature.

Goldlikethesun, pearlylikethemoon, shimmeringshadesofblue thatsparklelikethedawn-kissedsea,

emeraldstrokesthatsway likewind-blowngrassinsidemybreast, andshadesofpurple,pink,orange,andred assoftaspetalsclingingfromtheirstems.

Mysoul,ifitindeedexists, singswiththebrightnessofcreation.

Saturday,May5,2012 Miami,Florida

Time Traveler

by

IleanaCollazo

Awalkcanbeshortorlong; fromthechairtothebed, fromthecartotheshore.

Longsteps,shortsteps, cement,andgravel; apausebreaksthecycle.

Lingerandwatch, asfingersfidget, andtimeslipsthroughavacuum.

Startandstop, standandsit; lieonthebaremattress.

Thesoundofbirds rufflingtheirfeathers drownsinthesurf.

Thelightofdawn swallowedbydusk letsoutasilentscream.

Dreamofwalkingbyastream, asfansofferns swayinthebreeze.

Waketosounds ofsoothingstrings thatfadelikethewind.

Monday,June25,2012 Miami,Florida

Florida 2013

Fading into the Past |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

A Family ÷ by 1

by IleanaCollazo

×causeselation,+empowersthewhole; afortress,builtstrong rejoicinginthelaughterandcommotion.

Creatingthenotion thatthereispowerinnumbers, unity,anddevotion.

Comfortinaffection, whilestackeduplikedominoes, westandshouldertoshoulder

untilonestepsaway, andtheresttumblehelplessly; scatteredandmismatched.

Thursday,March7,2013 Miami,Florida

A Little Past the Midpoint

by IleanaCollazo

Straddledalittlepastthemidpointofmylife; youthpushingfrombehind,oldagepullingmyarm.

Thecalmbeforethestormthatwill dragmethroughthemudofdismayanddisarray.

TheendmeandersasIprodthe possibilitiesofthingstocomeoncethere’snomore.

Asleepsodeep,devoidofdreams, acalmthatthunderswithoutsound,withmanymorelikemearound.

Tothinkofthisforlong destroysthefibersofthemind; theonesthatcatchrealitiesinflight.

Imighttakeawalk downawindingshore, agrassymeadow,orawaterfall.

TheywillremainwhenIhavegone, whileIjointheonesthatleftbefore, andsitandwaitformoretocome.

AsecretgardeniswhatIcrave; ahiddenplace wherenooneelsecanfindme.

Whereflowersstillgrow afterI’mgone, andmysoulcomestotendthem.

Saturday,April27,2013 Miami,Florida

Absent Minded by

IleanaCollazo

Crackedskinforlackofcream; gapingholeinherrightcoatpocket.

Oneshoetootight,theothertooloose; theyareapair,butshe’samismatch.

Squintinginthesunshine,squintingtoread, hairmatted;teethrotted.

Therollofmoney inherleftpocket forsaken,forgotten; itsedgeswornfrombeingfondled.

Backhome,morebundles linedupindrawers; rubberbandedandstranded.

Eachday,shewalks totheriver’sedge toeatbreadcrumbs withthepigeons; thenfallsasleep onthewoodenbench untilthesun makesitsexit.

Tuesday,March5,2013 Miami,Florida

All I Need

by IleanaCollazo

Retaintheessence,butgiveupallelse; refrainfromchokingonunspokenwords whilethegreedyleaveabloodytrailas furiousandpersistent theyclawthedirt searchingforlostdreams.

Patientandsubdued,Isitandwait, knowingtheywillsoongiveupthesearch, andleaveasempty-handedastheycame.

ThenI’llcupmyhandsanddrinktherain, feastondandeliongreensandmushrooms, andliedownforawhileinthemeadow.

Saturday,April13,2013 Miami,Florida

Arrived by IleanaCollazo

Broughtintothisworld, unlearnedandundressed; arrivedbeforenoon, tear-strickenandhungry.

Itookmyfirstbreath, howlingwithangeras agianthandspankedme fornoreason.

Then,warmwatersoothedme, ablanketbroughtwarmth, twoarmsgavemecomfort, twobreastscalmedmythirst.

Asleepinacradle withblindinglightsglaring, Idreamabouttheocean, andfloatingindarkness.

Thursday,February28,2013 Miami,Florida

As Slippery as Satin

by IleanaCollazo

Thereisalayer,asslipperyassatin, tuckedinbetweenmythandreality; whereveritiesarewritteninnuminouslanguages andmurmuredbysagesguidedbyspirits

whoshaketheresolveofthosewhodoubt, andfillwithawetheopen-minded whoarecaptivebythepresent, andenslavedbythepast,

eagerlyreachoutforhintsofafuture obscureandinsecure, dauntingandalluring; yetclosereachmoment.

Acorridorspanning fromheretoeternity isbeamingwithvisions weeachhaveconcocted

asahalf-forgottenpath leadingbacktoconception islitteredwithtales thatmorphandconfuseus.

2013 Miami,Florida

Black Holes

by IleanaCollazo

Sittingontheporch,armscrossed waitingforwhatwillnotcome; wrinkledhands,oncesmoothandsoft, greyhairflowinglikestardust.

Prayingthingswillnotgetworse, knowingtheywillnotgetbetter. Thoughtsmeanderingatdusk, soonreturningtomyhead.

Whoknowswhatwouldhavebeenbest? Missedchancesdrivenawaybyunrest; perhapsforthebest,for, hope’swellrunsdeep,butitsstepsaretoosteep.

ThankGodforsleep, whenthevoicesinmyhead makeupstoriesthatreplace allthosedaydreamsgoneastray.

Saturday,October5,2013 Miami,Florida

Calendar Days

by

IleanaCollazo

Ifthereareholesintheozonelayer, whycan’ttherebeholesinmysoul? Dryriverbedsinmybrain, loosethreadsonmytongue?

Imourndaysgoneby; heldtogetherbythoughts thatmemoryfilesaway indrawerswithlocks.

Iscratchtheblackboardofmypast withshreddedfingernails, lookingforthingsthepresenthaserased tomakeroomforwhatitbrings.

Todayisalwaysinahurry, dressedinpinkandgold; readytogo. Tomorrow,dressedinblack,

arriveswhileIamdreaming; pushingmeoutofmybed, urgingmeonwithsuchhaste.

Friday,April12,2013 Miami,Florida

Con Su Mano en el Bolsillo por IleanaCollazo

Tarimallenadeporquerías queyohecreadoynadieacomprado. Sentadameencuentro,rodeadadeextraños quecaminan,sesientan,hablanycomen.

Yonocomípornogastardinero, nicaminépornoperderventas adiambulantesquemeignoran.

Casialahoradecerrar unamujerconunniñoquenopodíaestarsequieto mepreguntóporelprecio deunacajitapintadaconrosas;

cuandoseledije,quedóanonadaday ensumomentodesusto, dejóelniñoabandonado.

Elruidolohicollorar; elpobrecitoasustado, porqueenelsueloenpedazos habíanunmontóndepiezasqueayeryohabiapintado.

Sinpedirmeniperdón, levantóelniñodelpiso, yseperdioenelgentíoconsumanoenelbolsillo.

Llomequedébocaabierta, cajaenmanoymalacara; almenossinovendínada, notengoquecargartanto.

Abril2013 Miami,Florida

Conversations

by IleanaCollazo

Italk, butIamnotgoodatconversation; thatdanceofwordsbetweentwopeople whereonestops,andtheotherpicksupwithoutapause.

Istumbleandfall overtheotherperson’swords; dustmyselfoffandquicklyfallagain.

Mytongueseemsdisconnectedfrommybrain, asbabbledripsfrommylips andIremaindumbfoundedbymychatter.

WhenitfinallyendsandIamalone, Ifeeltheneedtovacuummybrain tocleanoutallthesplatteredphrases thatcollidedanddied beforebeingborn; thoseexcellentideasleftuntold thatnoonecaresabout,exceptforme.

Monday,March4,2013 Miami,Florida

Daydreams

by IleanaCollazo

Youwouldhavelikedthebuttercups scatteredaroundthecloverfield; I’dpluckthemoftenandthenfeel asifIhadtoooftensinned.

I’dliethemgaspingonthegrass, andturnmyheadmuchtoouncaring; mythoughtselsewhere.

Lavendergrowinghereandthere, thesunraysbouncingofftheirblooms; faintsoundsthatbarelyreachedmyears gettingentangledwithmybreaths.

Anundercurrent,barelypalpable, brushingmyfacelikewind-sweptfeathers; makingmeblink.

Whythink?

Theworldlaidoutbeforeme, thepasttuckedinbetweenmydreams; andmyheartbeatingtillitstops.

Wednesday,August28,2013 Miami,Florida

Departure

By IleanaCollazo

Pressureappliedfromeverywhere; tentaclescrawlingupmyspine gracefullydancingthedeathrhyme.

Breathingconstrictinginmychest, wordspushedsotightagainstmybreast; thetasteofmetalonmytongue.

Aslightblueturnsamutedgrey, Ilookagaintoseeacloud ashadeofpinkthattoosoonfades.

Notcoldorhot, nobreezethatstrokes; familiarsoundshaveallleft.

Thereisnospaceleft toreachoutto, therearenoarmstohugmyself;

onlyavague,persistentfeeling that,likeabird,Isearchforbranches torestmywearysoul.

Sunday,March24,2013 Miami,Florida

Despondent

by IleanaCollazo

Isawherstandingbythestairwell, haircropped,handsinherpockets; poisedtogo,headednowhere.

Astrangegleaminhereyes, liquidsilverstreakingdownhercheeks intwostraightlines.

Thesun,agianthotplateinthesky abouttoturnitsbackonherdomain, settingthecloudsaflame.

Leaningonapole,backstraight; noglassofwine,nocigarette, nodesiretofret.

Tooquietinside, toonoisyoutside; withhourstocountbeforebed, andnotonefamiliarface. Moonlessnight, andstarsthattread anendlesscarpetofblack whilesheturnsherbackonthem andslamsthedoorontheworld.

Saturday,April27,2013 Miami,Florida

Devotion

by IleanaCollazo

Itisbetweenthelines thatwecanreadthestories; itisinthebriefpauses thatwecanfindthemeaning.

Thetalesthatbesttell, arethosethatpaintthescenes withcolorsthatenslave thesoulsoftheblindreaders.

Topassonwhatisfelt withsuchafiercedevotion thatechoeswitheachword andmakesthereadertremble,

bringstearstodryeyes, partslipsinsilentprayer; thatiswhatwordscando whenwrittenwithemotion.

Thursday,February28,2013 Miami,Florida

Disparities

by IleanaCollazo

Iwriteandeatleftoversfromsomeone’sparty, wholikesmyworkbutwon’tpayforit. someonewhomakesalotofmoney makingconcoctionsthatpreventerosion.

Iwasinvitedtoreadsomepoems; mypaintingslinedupbehindme. Whatanamazement,theguestofhonor, painter,poet,writer,andsculptor.

Everyonewantstoshakemyhand, andmakesomecommentaboutmywork. Backinmyattic,allbutforgotten, paintingandwriting,sculpting,anddreaming,

untilthephoneonceagainrings, andIamofftoanothersoirée.

Sunday,March3,2013 Miami,Florida

Distinct

by IleanaCollazo

Tostandaloneisnotafeat asdauntingasstandingamong peoplewhoseethroughwhoyouare andjudgeyouforthingsyouarenot.

Explainingthingstothosewhochoose tolistenonlytothemselves createsavacuuminthespace thatswallowsallyoutrytosay.

Turningyourbackisrude,theysay; turningmybackiswise,Ithink. Forlookingintovacanteyes ripsportionsofmysoulinshreds.

Theworldisfullofemptyspaces, aportionofwhichIwillclaim tofindtheroomIneedtogrow withoutthethreatofgettinghurt.

Friday,March1,2013 Miami,Florida

Dumfounded by IleanaCollazo

Atbirth,wegetpushedout, whenwedie,oursoulsfloattoheaven; inthemeantime, wedoourbesttostickaround.

Inevermetafaithfulsoul inamadrushtogettoheaven tobeblessedwiththeboundlessriches ofablissfulafterlife.

Buttheyarequicktosanctiontongues thatasktheobviousquestions; warningthemofimpendingdoom fordoubtingwhatissacred.

Don’tfretaboutthislife, thebestisyettocome. Eternityawaitsus; havefaithinwhatyou’retold.

WhenIlookoutmybedroomwindow, eachdaywhenIawaken, Istandinawewatchingthemiracle ofonemoredayunfolding.

Iwonder,then,ifthey’remistaken, andthisisparadise, whichtheyallfailtorecognize becausetheirgreedhasblindedthem.

Monday,March4,2013 Miami,Florida

Equal Portions

by IleanaCollazo

Splitdownthemiddle,artist/poet; bloodonthecanvas,bloodonthepaper.

Appeaseme,releaseme, withcourageandwit; withdribbledpaint andspatwords

drippingfromsurfaces, crawlingonmyskin; theroomascold, asitisdim.

Amakeshiftstage onwhichtodream, andcry, andscream.

Soprim, intheyellowapron withtwopockets fullofpensandstains.

Twohatswithfeathers andonecrowdedbrain thatdrains andstrains.

Twobucketsfilled withmurkywater; onecrammedwithcountlessdirtybrushes andtheotherwithdrowneddreams.

Thursday,March28,2013 Miami,Florida

Equality

by IleanaCollazo

IfyoucandoitbetterthanI, gorightahead.

Ifyouhaveroomformorethanme, packitallin.

Doitforyou, doitforme.

Getitalldonebeforenoon, whileIdrinkcoffeeandfret.

IheardthePopequit, ifhecandoit, Icantoo. Wewillbothsleepin.

Yourunyourlifewithintent, makeadent.

I’lldragmyfeetthroughthedirt; makeamess.

Whenwe’reundressedonthetable, withatoetagasalabel; guttedandstuffedtopreserveus, wewillbothlookthesame.

Monday,March4,2013 Miami,Florida

Every Time I Take a Step

by IleanaCollazo

Istherestilltimeformetosee allthosethingsImissedthatpassedmeby, allthosethingsIchosetooverlook

liketheskippedpagesofabookIbarelyread? Igotthegistofit,Ithink, butallthosemissinglinks

mutatedthelanguageitspoke, andbledthecolorsfromthescenes ofeverythoughtwrittenforme.

Therubbleispiledtoohigh, mixedwithallthoseotherthings thatdonotbelongtome.

Thereisnowaytoregress, theroaddisappearsbehindme everytimeItakeastep.

Saturday,April27,2013 Miami,Florida

Forgotten Gardens 1 by

IleanaCollazo

Thehallwayleads toanarrowyard wherebloomsarewatered bywindswepttears.

Thestepsthatlead tothewoodendoor carpetedthick withfeatherymoss.

Noonehassat onthecoldstoneslab huddledbesides thedrywaterbasin

wherenobirdshavedrunk foroveracentury, andnowaterliliesfloat onitssurface.

Thesunandmoon racebyontheirway, leavingnotraces oftheirtoo-shortstays.

Thesoundofthewind howlinginthedistance slippingthroughbranches tojointhesilence.

Sunday,November24,2013 Miami,Florida

Forgotten Gardens 2 by

IleanaCollazo

OneWaterLily drowninginthepond, staringatthesky, wishingitcouldtakeflight.

Thecloudsthathang fromthebluesoblue lookingallthewhiter bycomparison.

Thewater,cold fromthepre-dawnrain, makingitshiver asdropssoakitthrough.

Purple,yellow,green, meltingaway, asanewbornbloom takesitsplace.

Dilapidatedbeauty sinkingtothebottom, whiletakingonelastlook atthebrightmorningsky.

Sunday,November24,2013 Miami,Florida

Fretting Too Much About the Subject

by IleanaCollazo

Itseemsasiftimehasshreddedme intosomanypiecesthatI’mscattered ineverycornerwhereIhavelaidmyhead.

Notyetdead, justsometimesbreathlessanddeflated untilitfeelsthatway.

ButIdon’tknow howdeathfeels, orhowImayfeelonceI’mdead.

Thefinalityofthefatality, thesolemnlackitbrings. SometimesIthinkIfrettoomuch.

Iputaflowerinavase;it’ swiltedbyweek’send. Iwatchabutterflytakeflight toliveforjustoneday.

EachdayIrepent, forwastingtime whentimeissofinite.

Butnothingcarriesmeaning notevenmybeginning whenIarrived, tookmyfirstbreath, openedmyeyes, andmettheworld.

Saturday,April27,2013 Miami,Florida

Hemos Olvidado el Rio por IleanaCollazo

Hemosolvidadoelrio quesollosotristeviaja pororillasdesgarradas

arrastrandolossancochos cocinadosporlosbarcos queloescupenmientraspasan.

Aogandoseenlosdeshechos quehandestruidosufondo; dejandolodesolado.

Lasaguasquelorellenan unfantasmadesugloria, subocaquebesaelmar robadadesubelleza.

Domingo,September29.2013 Miami,Florida

I Am 1

by IleanaCollazo

Iamablindingstar thatshinesbyday andsleepsbynight.

Iamawildflower thatbloomsinsunlight andcurlsupwhenitturnsgrey.

Iamadrop ofmorningdew thatfeedsasinglebladeofgrass.

Iamadream thatfloatsaway Whenwindsblowcloudsastray.

Iamallthat andnothingelse, fortimeclaimsallthereis.

AsIdissolve intoahaze thecolorofpalehay.

Thursday,February28,2013 Miami,Florida

I Am 2

by IleanaCollazo

Theworldaroundmemovestoofast. Iamitsaxis,asfarasIknow. Still,Istand,thinkingofalltherhymes, andallthesongsthatIlongtosetfree.

IfIstepasideandleteverythingflyby wrappedincalendarpageswrittenbysages I’lllosemystepandfallintoavacuum, andIwon’tgetthechancetoponderwhy

theskyisblue,thenblack, rainfallsoutoftheclouds,thengoesrightback, deathfollowsbirthuntilitcatchesup, theflesh,oncesoresilient,turnstodust.

HereIam,crammedinsidethisshell thatsometimesseemstoosmall,otherstoolarge; abargethatdragsmedowntheriverwhileIwhine asjaggedrocksscrapemefrominside.

Ariverthatrunsredforsometime, untilitdriesandIbecomeunknown, andsomeoneelsetakesup whereIleftoff.

Wednesday,April10,2013 Miami,Florida

I am a Dame by

IleanaCollazo

Itisformethateachclockbeats tothedrowsyrhythmofsomeancientrhymeIcan’trecant.

TotimeIgrant theprivilegeofleadingmeastraytosomeancientbay whereIsitandwishforthingsIcannotname. Iamthedame

whospeaksinstrangetongues andcriesbrinecollectedinthebasin ofanancientseathatbirthedalllifeandme; thenspitmeontotheland andleftmedryoutsideandwetinside; reversingme,confusingme.

TodayIwalkovergrassandgravel; curvedspine,crookedteeth,chewingovercookedmeat

I’mmadetoswallow,butwouldratherspit, asIpraytonothing callouttonoone,feelnorelief, whine,andfrown.

2013 Miami,Florida

In Tune

by IleanaCollazo

Toliveeachhour,day,week,month withsomevestigeofdecorum; asenseofpurposeandvalidation.

Tostrikeadealwithoneself todo,notask,toask,notfear; toholdeachmomentnear.

Tolookintothevastandstill, tolistenforthesilenttears fromthosewhotreadwithunsuresteps.

Nottodiminish,buttohear whatintheirwhisperstheyconfess, andface-to-facetendtorepress.

Tuesday,April2,2013 Miami,Florida

Las Huellas de tus Dedos en mis Brazos por IleanaCollazo

Lasonrisaquellevabasenloslabios, seborrócuandovolvisteaenfrentarme. Quecaminotomastealdejarme? Tebusquéperonopudeencontrarte.

Dejastelashuellasdetusdedosenmisbrazos, tuperfumeentrelazadoenmicabello. Tuspalabrasquevolaronenelviento yregresaroncomotruenosamioído.

Noerasuficientetudesprecio?

Teníastambienquedejarmeenlastinieblas? Contucrueldadhasborradoslashuellas quecontuamortrasasteenmialma.

2013

Miami,Florida

Left Behind by

IleanaCollazo

Isatinmyroominthelateafternoon listeningtomyspirit’sfaintsteps.

Itwalkedinacirclethatwidenedandwidened untilitsoftlygrazedthewalls.

Itthenbegantotraceitswayback untilitreacheditsstartingplace.

Iwonderedwhatitwoulddonext, returntome,stayput,orpace.

Iletoutabreathtoclearsomespace, butitleapedandfledthroughthehalf-openwindow.

IfolloweditasbestIcould, butwithoutwings wasleftbehind toponderhowtolivewithoutit.

Tuesday,July13,2010 Miami,Florida

No Time Left by

IleanaCollazo

We’reatanimpasse; yougridlocked,Iincensed thatnotruceisinsight.

Ipacethefloors ofthishouse, insteadofheadingout.

Iamabsolved fromtryingtochangeyourmind; itsrustypistonsgrindingwithsuchspite.

Ileavesorrowbehind, thefuturepullsmyhand, there’snotimeforthepast.

Sunday,April28,2013 Miami,Florida

No Top Dog for Me

by IleanaCollazo

IfIweretheonlydog, Iwouldgetwalkedsixtimesaday, strokedeveryhouronthehour, fedatthedinnertablewiththem.

Thesofa,thechair,thebed wouldallbemine allthetime.

Nocompetingwhileplayingfetch, nomoreofbeingoutbarked, nofightingtowalkoutfirst.

Everypuddleonthefloor, everypoopmyhumansteppedon wouldbeminewithoutquestion.

Thebrokenvase,half-eatensandwich, thetorn-upnewspaper, wouldallhavemynameengravedonthem.

So,afterabitofpondering andrepeatedcontemplation, Ihaveconcludedwithoutexception; dogpacksareadog’sbestfriend.

Tuesday,March5,2013 Miami,Florida

One

Day by

IleanaCollazo

Toliveoneday likeabutterfly, toblinkawayatear andhaveitturntoglass.

Handsoverflowing withsaltywater thatdrench aninchofsand.

Bychance,

Ifindmyselfattheshoreatlowtide watchingthreeseagullsfly, andonedive.

Aflawlesssky hangingaboveme, soft,warmStardustundermyfeet, Imakemywaytotherockpit

wherebrackishwaterhascollected, andtakenonagoldenglow asripplesformaroundthecrevices wherebrokenshellslodgeathightide.

Thursday,March28,2013 Miami,Florida

One of a Kind

by IleanaCollazo

Itisacrime nottobeordinary; punishablebyshunningandsnubbing.

Anopenmouth thatletsoutwords thatmakesothersfret;itneedstobeshutdown.

Apairofhandsthatclap whensilenceisexpected mustbetiedwithwiresthatinflictpuncturewounds.

Apairofearsthatlisten tosoundsthattriggermotion mustbedrummedtodeafnessuntiltheybleedinpuddles.

Arebelheartthatbeats towhispersonlyithears insideitssecretcavern,cannotbeheardbyothers.

Sunday,March3,2013 Miami,Florida

Persistent

by IleanaCollazo

Retaintheessence,butgiveupallelse; refrainfromchokingonthoseunsaidwords. Thevainandrepressedareboththesame; oozingelixirsthatleavebloodredstains.

Maimedbychoicesandfate-lameandunkemptuncertainaboutwhatistocome; conformedwithdreamingaboutunconqueredthoughts thatleadtowindingtrailsattheedgeofthewoods

theydarenottraverseforfearofwolves. Andyetitistherethatapreciousfew havefoundalltherichespromisedintheiryouth. I,tiredandweary,keepstoppingforspells,

but,stubbornandangry,refusetogivein totherulesimplementedforthosewithoutbrains; preferringtoriskthewolvesinthewoods, thanthosewhoconcealthemselvesdressedinwoolsuits.

Saturday,April13,2013 Miami,Florida

Realities

by IleanaCollazo

Hungrypeoplesteal, hungrysoulskill; blindnessdoesnotusherdarkness, therefusaltoseedoes.

Nodroughtisasdevastating asscornedeyesthathavegonedry whenragingheartscrackdownthemiddle, andtherearenopoolslefttodrinkfrom.

Thesoundofthunderdrowns thespokenwordsandshouts thatechointhecaverns wherethoughtsareoftenscattered.

Aleafthatfallsinsummer whilealltherestholdtight, becomesthewingthatflutters whensummerbreezessigh.

Sunday,March3,2013 Miami,Florida

Reality

by IleanaCollazo

Theskyabovemyhead disguisingthateternalblack, caressedbycloudsontheirway toothercornersoftheworld;

holdingthepromisesofGod sittingondeep,carvedgoldenthrones withopenarmsforwearysouls.

Twenty-fourhoursforeachdream, twelveawakeandtwelveasleep; silent,Ipaceeachdawnanddusk welcomingandbiddinggoodbye

tohoursmeasuringmytime, draggingmethroughthedirtandsand, skinningmyknees,wrinklingmyskin untilIturntodust.

Wednesday,April3,2013 Miami,Florida

Rubbish

by IleanaCollazo

Wordsescapethroughgrittedteeth thatshouldhavebeenleftunsaid. Eyesassmokyasacloud burstingwiththerest.

Ahandgesturesindeadspace, deadbecausenoeyescanseeit. Itisneitherdarknorlight; butaspaleasagreyslate.

Theheartsittinginthechest, likeabirdafraidtoflutter, clattersasitscrapes withthespiritasitfrets.

Nooneistakingcommand oftheactionsorthejitters, andasitmatters,gounchecked, itallunravelsandupturns.

Whatisleft?

Butnervesandveins asmismatchedasjust-washedsocks thatcannotbemadetopair?

Leftinabininthecorner, throwninthetrashinthemorning; amarionettewithoutstrings, apuppetwithoutitsowner.

Wednesday,January23,2013 Miami,Florida

Shine Bright

by IleanaCollazo

Stumpontheratscurryingbehindthewall, nibblingonthecheeseyoulatereat. Leaveyourimprintoneveryeyethatseesyou, thendancewiththefallenstarthatalmostmadeit.

Hewillmakethebestdate,butdon’tmate; frustrationleadstocorrosionthateatsuphisdevotion. Anationfullofthosedoesnotaccountformuch, butitonlytakesonetomessthingsupforeveryone.

Prancinginthenewsuit,whichdoesn’tfitquiteright; whichheboughtatthedollarstoreforadime, hedrinkswineanddi whiletherestoftheworldcries.

Monday,April15,2013 Miami,Florida

Small by Comparison

by IleanaCollazo

SmallIam whencomparedtothevastness; thespacethatstandsbetween timeandme.

Smallisadimeis whenplacedbesideaplate; sovastisthespanbetween thetwocircumferences.

Smallisamountain whenseenfromhighabove; likeamoundofdirt thatahandcouldcrumble.

Sunday,March3,2013 Miami,Florida

Stalemate

by IleanaCollazo

Devotioncauseserosion; erosioncausesdestruction ofthefiberoftheself.

Sewnwithropethreads; firstknotted, thenunraveledandwindswept.

Blowntoaspread aswideasadinnerplate; tobeservedlikespaghetti.

Bloodredmush ontheplate; three-day-oldstalemate.

Sweptawayagain, nosilverspoon, intoabottomlessbin

wherethecyclebeginsagain: devotion,erosion,destruction; stalemate.

Sunday,March3,2013 Miami,Florida

Tender Flesh

by IleanaCollazo

Theonionskinthatwrapsmyheart issothin thateachbeatsighs whenitisstroked.

Itisnotfingersthatitsenses, butsoundsthatdriftunderground tosurfacehot likeabreath.

Theirghoststakeflight; torn-upsentences thatbounceoffwalls andoffmountains, butleaveredundantandrampant imagesthatwon’terase. Then,inahaze, myheartisglazed.

Likehorsesleavingaprairie, tosettlebackintheirstalls, myheartbeatsslowlyinthesilence foundinthevalleyofthorns.

Thursday,March28,2013 Miami,Florida

The Bliss of the Womb

by IleanaCollazo

Lovemakesushigh,lifemakesussigh, realitymakesusmisstheblissofthewomb. Float,fret,eat,sleep;Idothatnow, withoutthebuoyancy,darkness,orwarmth.

Tightshoescausecalluses,tightskirtsconstrict, andlargecrowdsmakemeflee. Theoceanbreezecanmakemeweep, ariverbedpromptsmetotread itswindingshoretofindthemouth ofitsbirth;thewaterfallthatsings. Idreamawake,Ihearasiren, andfearthatsomeoneisneardeath.

Monday,March4,2013 Miami,Florida

The Last Hiding Place

by IleanaCollazo

Thelasthidingplaceisgone, Ihearthehorns andImourn forpeaceandcivility; foranoverthrownthrone withnoqueen. NomatterhowfastIrun, nomatterhowlowIstoop, theunderbrushcan’thideme asmysilhouetteontheground drawsamapforhungryhounds thatfollowtooclosebehind.

Notimetoeatordrink, orthinkorpray

Adrumbeatsinsidemyhead, whereallmythoughtsaredead.

Whilemyheartbeatsatthepace ofhorsesgallopingontheplane. Nodreamsleft,noaudiencewaiting, bythestageofmylife’splay.

Monday,April15,2013 Miami,Florida

The Sacred Silence of the Butterfly

by IleanaCollazo

Silenceisthesacredspacewherethoughtsarebornandnurtured, wheredreamsarefreetostretchandgrow, whereeverythingaroundustakesonaspecialglow.

Whereloveandgriefsitsidebyside,comparingnotes, crossingeachother’sboundaries, stitchingascentedquiltofsweetforgiveness.

Silenceisthenarrowpathwetread whenthewholeworldexplodeslikefirecrackers andourheartsyearnforholinessandwholeness.

Sunday,September15,2013

Miami,Florida

The Soul's Last Flight

by IleanaCollazo

IsitwetgrassIstandon, orthesoftdownofdeadbirds? Iheardachirpingsound asIslippedthroughaveilofhaze.

SolightIfeel,andyet, theweightofforsakenthoughts sitsuponvaguefragments ofmemoriestoosoonforgotten.

Isenseanemptiness thatonlylongingfills forthoseIcrossedlastnight enroutetosomeplaceelse.

Ihavearrived,Iknow, nowherethatIhavebeen. Thereisnoplacetosit, thereisnoneedtostand.

Isitsodarkbecause myeyesnolongersee? Orisitjustsobrightthat myheartandsoulwentblind?

Wednesday,March27,2013 Miami,Florida

Three Lives Vanished by

IleanaCollazo

Flungontothehard,coldground onafrost-bitnight; mywombslashedandemptied ofthelifeInurtured.

Refusingtofollowthelight, forIhavenowishtomeet, he,whomercilesslycrushed whathecreated.

MyloverandI, andourunbornchild, crash,clatter,fire; now,nothingelsematters. Whatcouldreplace theemptinessfelt whenthreelivesareextinguished onadark,lonelyroad?

Omnipotentbeingchoosingitsvictims withcarelesswhimsofindifference.

I’dmuchratherrotinspiritandfleshinthislonelygrave thanhavemysoulrisetomeetmymurderer.

Tuesday,March5,2013 Miami,Florida

Dedication:Tothecouplewhodiedinacaraccident,andtotheirbabywho survivedashorttimebeforefollowingthemtotheunknown.

Tu Muerto, Yo Herida por IleanaCollazo

Tumuerto,yoherida;nadiealrededornosmira porquecogidosdemano,finjimosestarenamorados. Enunaesquinaquebrilla,encharcadaporlalluvia, alumbradaporlaluna,tirasteloquedi.

Mijuventudymivida,lasdosahoraperdidas; misojosclarosnublados,misonrisaencajonada.

Nadatepuedopedir,nadatumevasadar; lonuestroseahogóenelmar.

Yo,soñando,caminé,millasporlaareanaseca buscandoloquequedóparaenterrarloenlacueva, perocuandosalíoelsol,manosvacíasregresé, conelcorazónrozandocadapiedraquecrucé.

Sunday,Abril21,2013 Miami,Florida

Two

Doors by IleanaCollazo

Iwanttwodoors; onetowalkoutthrough, onetowalkinthrough.

Withalockontheseconddoortokeepmeinside andeveryoneelseoutside, andaroomwithaneasychair, andaclearmindtothinkaboutthosethings.

Thosethings?

Don’twhisper,don’twhimper, don’tpray.

Nomatterwhatstandsatthatdoor, itisnotcomingin.

Minutesandhours slipthroughthekeyhole;Icoaxthemaway.

Suspended,insulated,accelerated, awake,asleep,surrendered; amindelated.

Incarcerated;thekeyholerusted, thekeyhalfbent.

Wondering,worrying ifthefirstdoorisstillshut.

Sunday,March3,2013 Miami,Florida

Un Fantasma en mi Memoria por IleanaCollazo

Quegransorpresa elverteahora, tancercademi.

Quisieratocarte, peronomeatrevo. Mejornosquedamos, yoaquí,ytuallí, mientraslanocheduerme yyodianbulodespierta

dentrodeuncuartosinpuertas, atrapadaeinerta, enelcirculovicioso

deunpasadoqueexistío forsadopormi; quiencreíaenti.

Entodaslascircunstancias, renuenteaverlaVerdad. Elpasado,ahoraMuerto, norespondeamispreguntas; tú,unfantasmaenmimemoria, yoarrastrandomiinocencia.

Sunday,Abril21,2013 Miami,Florida

Voyages

by IleanaCollazo

Asecondisauniverse createdfromonebreath; aminute,ablinkthatblindsuswithitsspeed.

Aportionofaday; historywrittenbyawind thatblowsawayallthattookplace.

Aweek,amonth,ayear; decadeupondecade piledhighintoaheapsodeep itmakesusweep. Aborted,discarded,mishandled; missionsembarkedonabandoned.

Travelonfoot onlytakesussofar, machines,toolittlefurther.

Itisnotuntilweremainstill thatwejourneythefurthest, foronlythemindisboundless.

Saturday,April27,2013 Miami,Florida

We Have Forgotten the River by

IleanaCollazo

Wehaveforgottentheriver, quietlysobbingasitmakes itswaydowntheclutteredshore.

Itswaterdraggingpoisonedbrews concoctedbythepassingships thatleavesitgaspinganddepleted.

Chokingonstewsfromgurglingpipes thatsettleonitsdyingbed. Themouththatfeditlongago,

ashadowofitsdistantglory, thepaththatleadsittothesea deprivedofnature’sbeauty.

Friday,September20,2013 Miami,Florida

Florida 2014

Pretty in Pink |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

A Ghost of Her

byIleanaCollazo

Seaglassandbrasssitontheshelf whileshedrinkshertea, andthehalf-drawncurtains squeezeaslantofsunlighthoneymilk.

Eachgulpshesipsmakeshersquint -lemonystingpurplelip,blackeye,bleedingheart.

Aghostofhersitsbyherside armscrossed;eyesfixed; waitingtoask.

Sheturnsherback andhumsasadsong.

Wednesday,May14,2014 Miami,Florida

A Mother

byIleanaCollazo

Amotherisawomanwhooncewasadaughter, whooncewasachild,whooncewasaninfant. Whostartedasanembryocreatedbytwo.

Amotherisanobjectofloveandaffection resentmentandrejection;apersonofsorts.

Notalwaysseenashuman,butratherasareflection ofallthatspellsperfectionandsacrifice.

Allgivingandforgiving,piousandunderstanding, nevertheleastdemanding;aneffigyoflight. Skinandbonesdiscarded,allwantsandneedsforsaken, shesitsaroundandwaitsforallofthosewhoneedher. Indreams,sherunsbarefoot,plungesintotheocean, walksdownawoodedpathuntilnighttimeapproaches. Whenawake,dishesclang,phonesring, dinnerburns,shedrives,mends, andshoutsaschildrensquirm.

Amotherisnotperfect, butifyoueverhurther, rememberthat,inessence, sheisnomorethanagirl.

May8,2014 Miami,Florida

A World Full of Beings

by IleanaCollazo

Whenawordenterssomeone’sbrain, itismetbyanarmyofpossiblemeanings. Whattoyouimpliesonething, tomesuggestsanother.

Whatoffendsandenragesyou fillsmewithhopeandlight. Withthebestofintentions,Isendyouamessage. Withdreadandconfusion,youfirerightback.

Inaworldfullofbeings withsomuchtosay, thereisboundtobe awarragingeachday.

Friday,June20,2014 Miami,Florida

A World Full of People

by IleanaCollazo

Itisalonelyplace;thisworldfullofpeople. Wewalkinunison,onlywithourselves, aswemisstepwitheveryoneelse.

Welearntodancetothesoundofmusic, towalkhandinhand, andwhispersweetnothings toearsthat,withtime, growdeaftoourcrooning. Whilewitheachheartbeat,wegrow closertothethingwecannotalter. Thoughwewishandpray thatlong,wecanstay, eachbreathwetake, hasbeenstolenfromthose whohavecrossedthatthinline thatrenderthem invisible.

Monday,May26,2014 Miami,Florida

Aborted Dreams by

IleanaCollazo

Don’twalksofast, youmakemegasp;don’tgrabmywrist, you’llmakemetrip.

Washoffyourstains inthedeepbluepool whileIliedown, onthesoft,greengrass.

Myeyesfixed onthestarlesssky, mydreamsaborted, yourhopesdiscarded.

Abucketfilled withourregrets hangingfromthebranch ofthedeadoak.

Thursday,May22,2014 Miami,Florida

Another Day in Paradise by

IleanaCollazo

Aswesitandwatch,thecrowdburstsintochatter; aswehuddleinbunches,andthecamerasblindus. Wearetheartisticcrowd, beloved,admired,andshoweredwithcompliments.

Backinourstudios,fullofdreamsandfalsehope, weapproachtheblankcanvasandsmearitwithpaint. Hopingandprayingthatthenextworkwecreate willelevateustogreatnessandpayouroverduebills.,

Rightbeforedawn,wegotobed,towakeupshortlyafter hopingthatmorninglightwon’twashoutallourdreams.

Sunday,April13,2014 Miami,Florida

Call Me Desire by

IleanaCollazo

Comecloser, letmewhisperinyourear. Tuckawayyourdread, allowmetosteer.

Thewinddieddownatsunset, thenightisdarkandstarless, themoonhasgoneastray.

Letuslockinanembrace. Don’tfret,don’tpace; erasethefearfromyourface.

Withmybarehands,Iwillnottouchyou, withmymoistlips,Iwillnotbrushyours; butIwilltakeyourbreathaway andleaveyoudazed. CallmeDesire. Whendaylightcomes,Iwillbegone.

PerhapsIwasnotthereatall. Remembermeasamirage ofdaydreamsthatnevercometrue.

Tuesday,May20,2014 Miami,Florida

Cast your Net by

IleanaCollazo

Erasethepast, castyournetintothefuture farandwide, totraptheworldinside.

Pryopenanoyster, pluckitspearl, threaditthroughsilverthread, wearitaroundyourneck

Eatbreadandcheese ataseasidecafé whileyousipwine. Dineinbedbycandlelight.

Closeyoureyes forjustonesecond, openthem, andlookaroundyou.

Runyourfingers throughtheair, trapkaleidoscopes ofmoonlight.

Cherishtheaweofthosemoments, stashthemawayforthosetimes, whenwinternightsappearendless, andgreyskiespaintthedayscolorless.

Wednesday,May14,2014 Miami,Florida

Counting Each Step by

IleanaCollazo

Thechoicebetween awindingroadandthenarrowpath canbedaunting. Asthepondisstill, andtheriverflowstotheocean, weshouldfeelateasewithourchoice.

Yet,ourstomachchurns,andourthoughtscollide aswestandandwonder ifwewillgotoofar beforerealizing thattherouteweleftbehind wastheoneweshouldhavetaken.

Sunday,May25,2014 Miami,Florida

Dream Weavers

by IleanaCollazo

Cultureisalivingthing thatconsumeseveryartist’sbrushstroke swayswitheachmusician’srhythm, chewsoneverypoet’swords.

Notmeanttobeabadgesomepeoplewear toshoweveryoneelsewhattheyareworth. Cultureisanoceanweplungeinto tosavorthetruemeaningofthedivine.

Perceivedtobeacultoftheelite whofollowittoshineinitsspotlight, itfallsthroughthedarktunnelsofgreed thatkeepssomanyothersfromitswealth.

Monday,May12,2014 Miami,Florida

Field of White Daisies

by IleanaCollazo

Whenweareusedandabused, provenguiltywithouttrial byapopulaceofjudges sittinginsidevelvetchambers, werowdownashallowriver entangledinthornybranches asthecurrentsoflifetakeus tothebrinkofbeingdrowned

asthesunandmoonhalfblindus andthestarstryhardtoguideus throughpathslitteredwithdisdain. PeasinsideaSheppard’spie,

kernelsclingingtocornhusks, grainsofsandintheseafoam; weholdontoourdreamsandhopes, tryingtokeepthemafloat.

Asthecurrenttakesusfar fromtheplaceitallbegan; weclinghardtotheillusion wewillenduponthegrass

ofafieldofwhitedaisies wherewerestourheadsandsleep insafeandlovingarms oftheonewecallourmaker.

Tuesday,May6,2014 Miami,Florida

by IleanaCollazo

HowcanIhonorthewoman whowasthemistressofwords? Commanderinchief ofversesfrozenintime.

Alady,afighter,apoet. Apersonwhostoodsotall thatshecastagiantshadow largeenoughtoscareoffprejudice.

Whoseconfidentsmile walkedintotheroombeforeher. Sopoignantandwiseshewas; sometimestoothers’demise.

Notonlysureofherself, butalsoofthingsthatareright. Sheleavesherbooksandherlegacy, andasmalldentinourhearts,

wherewecansaveallthememories ofwhatshepreachedwiththewords thatpouredfromherlikeafountain that’salwaysfilledtotherim.

Wednesday,May28,2014 Miami,Florida

Good Night Maya Angelou

Happily Married

byIleanaCollazo

IwokeupthismorningaslethargicasifIhadnotslept, andtoldmyselfthatIwastiredofbeingawoman; notbiologically,justjob-related. TheproblemisnotthatIamconstrainedinsideoutdatedboundaries, butrelativelyfreetopursueanypassion,aslongasIcankeepup withmydulygender-appointedduties. Nooneforcesmetodoso,butunderapaper-thinlayer ofuntrueprogressivefreedom,

thereisanoldendayschacklethatkeepsmetiedbymyankle. Adailygrindofrepetitivechores, whichIhaveperformedforthepast40years. Noweekendsoff,noholidays; thosespecialdaysmeandoubleduty. Asforvacations:plan,pack,unpack,mountainsoflaundry; whatfun,whatwonder. Nocontract,nojobdescription,nogivingnotice,noreplacement.

Oneofmyoptions:emancipationthroughstrikeandrebellion; myotheroption:resignation,followedtoocloselybyindignation. Pacingandpanting,Iwalkthedogs,cursinganddamming,Ifeedthecat. ThesinkIleftemptylastnightwaspiledupwithcrustedmugsand dishes.

Ihadneverheardofthearmyarriving;onlymyhusbandsinging .AsIwalkpastourstill-litstudio,atowelandpantssitonthefloor waitingforsocksandshoestojointhem. WhenIreturntothebedroom,he’scurledupinafetalposition; asleepasifhewereanangel. Itakethepillow,andforamoment,thefleetingthoughtassaultsme, butthenIkisshisforeheadandtuckhiminsohecanrest.

Wednesday,March19,2014|Miami,Florida

Homage to Love by

IleanaCollazo

Paper-thin,softasrosepetals; jasminescented,andephemeral; thatiswhattruelovecanbe.

Ontheflipside,itcanturn tosandpaper,tar,orhottea thatscarsthefleshfromwithin.

Anevergreen,anoaktree, apreciousstone,everlasting; weallwishforittobe.

Butwhenwedeemitasmagic, andleaveitsprocesstochance, thewholethingcanbecometragic.

Giveupallofthepretenses, allthoseloftyexpectations, anddonothopeforperfection.

Justholdthehandthatextends, lookintotheeyesthatseekyours, andmarvelatthismiracle.

Tuesday,May6,2014 Miami,Florida

I

Am 3

by IleanaCollazo

Ihaveavoice, butdonotshout. Ibow, butdonotcrouch.

Mytallshadow isnotafraidofthedark. Mysparklightstheforest onastarless,moonlessnight.

Icomeandgoinpeace, butdonotbackdown. Mypowercomes fromdeepinside.

Ifindthegoodineveryone,and hearthewhispersoftheirsouls. Cantasteseasaltindessertsand, andseehopewhenothersseenone.

Iamassimpleastheycome, andascomplexasonecanbe. Neitherpretentiousnorvain, justawomansureofherself.

Thursday,May15,2014 Miami,Florida

I Am Woman by

IleanaCollazo

I’velivedincaves, givenbirth, roamedthroughfields.

WhenIroar, thelioncowers, theserpentskneel.

Iamafighter, Idon’tbackdown. Iamwoman.

Myfatebelongs inmyownhands, mymightignitesmylover’sheart.

Nothingcanstopme, Iwon’tbebroken. AslongasIcanbreathe,

I’llscratchthewallsandleavemymark, I’llmovemyhipsasIstrutby.

Myinnerbeautyblinds.

Tuesday,April22,2014 Miami,Florida

Dedicatedtoallmysisterswhohavefoughtbreastcancerandwon.

I Am; Therefore I Breathe

by IleanaCollazo

Sometimeswehavetochoosebetweenlivingandexisting, lovingandresenting,wantingandrejecting. Ilistentotheconstantchatter,watchtheuselesshustle, andwonderwhysomanyothersarenotcontentwithhowitis.

Iam;therefore,Ibreathe.Ifthereisareason,noneofusknowsit. Idonotconformtotheexcusesortheexplanations, andpurposelyrejecttheprojections. Letitbe,letitbe,lettheremaybenoanswer,letitbe,letitbe;

Whyshouldweliveonpureconjecture? concoctedillusionsandforcedupondelusions?

Ifearnot,asIfollowthepaththatleadsnowhereIcanconceive. Iwatchmystep,hurtnoone,helpall,anddreambyday. Iamhuman,notsuperior;anartist,notspecial.

Awoman,notanobject;athinker,notafollower. Aroundme,somethingschangewhileothersstaythesame. Timepasses,butIcannotseeit;Iage,butstillfeelthesame. Withfewmistakes,consideringthestakes,mybrain runsmydailyoperationsfrominsidemydisposablecontainer. Isleep,butdonotknowwhymyeyesclosewhilemymindracesthrough fantasticvoyagestoosoonforgottenuponmyawakening. Mylimbsrespondtosilentcommands;Ispeak,laugh,andcry.

Doesanyofitmatterwhenitcanendinaninstant? Iam,thenIamnot;buttodayIam,andIplantobeforaslongasitis. So,Ibreatheandcockmyheadtolookatthesky,andlistentobirdssinging; becauseIam,thereforeIdo.

Monday,April21,2014|Miami,Florida

I Have a Choice

by IleanaCollazo

Iwakeupeachmorninginmycozybed withthesunstreamingthroughmywindow; mydoglappingatmyface, andmymomcookingmebreakfast.

Ifeelgood,Ifeelrightwithmyself. Iwashmyfaceandbrushmyteeth, combmyhairandgetdressed; thenthebutterfliesarrive.

Theonesthatflutterinmystomach everytimeIthinkofyou, andallthethingsyousayanddo tomakemefeelsoworthless.

Iclosethedoorofmyroom, andputthesmallboxonmybed; theonethathasmymom’spainpills, andthatoldropemyfathertossed.

Ipondermyoptions, endingitallordealingwithyou. Sometimesit’shardtochoose, butIwilllive,andyouwon’twin.

Oneday,Iwillbefreefromyou, inmybigofficeontheavenue, andyouwillbeafadedmemory thatcannolongercausemegrief.

Tuesday,June25,2014 Miami,Florida

Dedicatedtoallthechildrenwhoenduretheincrediblesufferingand humiliationforceduponthembybullying.

In Mourning

by IleanaCollazo

Twobirdslandonabranch, thepairbecomesone. Afishleapsoutfromthepond, thewaterdrippingfromitsgills.

Theclouds,sowhite, toosoonturngrey; anotherordinaryday riddledwithpain.

Eachbreathbecomesagasp. Arattlesnakesitsonthepath, themeadowflowersarefullofthorns, themourningdovecriesonthebranch.

Itissohardtochoose, diefromthesnakebiteonthepath, havetheskintornbycrookedthorns, returntowherethereisnohope.

Monday,May12,2014 Miami,Florida

Knit Yourself the Notion

by IleanaCollazo

Amidthecommotion knityourselfthenotion thatyouarealoneintheworld. Allsoundscease, allformsmeltandblur; alavendercarpetislaidoutatyourfeet.

Desistifyouarenotwillingtotravel, persistifyouareeagertoglide toamake-believeland ofsilverandgold wherepearlsgrowontrees andbirdfeathersaresilk.

Don’tthink; foritwillbreakthespell, andmakeyoudwell.

Do,bloomamongthedaffodils withtheirsmilingfaces andtheirgracefulbows.

Whereyou, withoutadoubt, willfindthepeace thatwillbringthebreeze thatsingsthelovesongs yourheartlongstohear.

Saturday,May17,2014 Miami,Florida

Let the Sun and Moon Accompany You

by IleanaCollazo

Whileyourunaroundincircles, everyonearoundyousits dressedinblackleatherandsilk, takingsipsfromtheirwineglasses whilevertigomakesyouweep. So,please,stepawayfromthecrowd andobservetheirinteractions. Watchthemignoreyourendeavor

tobecomesomeonetheyvalue enoughtoshareinyourefforts tocreateabondthatfairs inthefaceoftheadversities

thatariseaswewalkthrough allthepassagesoflife that,shared,becomemuchlessbothersome. Iftheydon’trespondtoyou,

donotwasteyourtimegrieving thosewhodonotearnyourgrace. Sitonthenewlymowedgrass, sippingfromyourownwineglass;

eatingstrawberriesandcheese offashinysilverplatter whilethebreezekissesyourcheeks, andthesunandmoonaccompanyyou.

Sunday,May18,2025 Miami,Florida

Living Together, Sleeping Apart

by IleanaCollazo

Manandwomangrappleoversexandmoney, ahalf-eatenapple,achild,internetporn; theirmarriagenowacorpse theydressupeveryday.

Hegroans,shemourns; hemoans,shesubs. Conformitybrewsthecoffee, resentmentfriesthebaconandeggs; notoast,theywon’tbebreakingbread.

What’sdeadisdead,butitcan’tbeburiedyet; societyispeekingthroughthekeyhole, andtheywon’tadmitdefeat. Sotheydriveoffeachmorning, tooquicklyreturning,

shoutandcursewithwindowsshut, andfretintheirseparatebeds.

Sunday,May4,2014 Miami,Florida

Glass by IleanaCollazo

Westrugglewiththoughts, withwords, withdialogueandphilosophy.

Westandtogether,disband, lostinthevacuumofspace, unabletowalkaway.

Shackledbygravity, theweightofoursoulsstiflesus asorderandchaosdancearoundus andsoundandsilencemeetandclash. Eachminutetickinginsideourheads, tothegranderscalelost.

Wecomeandgoinaflash, Stardustfromfaraway dissolvinglikemeltedglass.

Wednesday,May21,2014 Miami,Florida

Melted

Mother byIleanaCollazo

Amotherisawomanwhooncewasadaughter, whooncewasachild,whooncewasaninfant. Whostartedasanembryocreatedbytwo.

Amotherisanobjectofloveandaffection resentmentandrejection;apersonofsorts.

Notalwaysseenashuman,butratherasareflection ofallthatspellsperfectionandsacrifice.

Allgivingandforgiving,piousandunderstanding, nevertheleastdemanding;aneffigyoflight. Skinandbonesdiscarded,allwantsandneedsforsaken, shesitsaroundandwaitsforallofthosewhoneedher. Indreams,sherunsbarefoot,plungesintotheocean, walksdownawoodedpathuntilnighttimeapproaches. Whenawake,dishesclang,phonesring, dinnerburns,shedrives,mends, andshoutsaschildrensquirm.

Amotherisnotperfect, butifyoueverhurther, rememberthat,inessence, sheisnomorethanagirl.

Thursday,May8,2014 Miami,Florida

Mother Earth

by IleanaCollazo

Iwalkeachdaywiththegroundbelowmyfeet; sometimeshiddenunderconcrete, othertimesthereformetosee.

Isitunderanancienttree, andfeelthebreezecaressingme.

Aflowerbloomsandabirdsings; abutterflydancesinflight, whilebumblebeesbuzzbyandeat.

Theoceantravelsnearandfar, kissingtheshorelinewithfoamlips.

Araindropsparklesinthesun, themoonandstarsshineonthelake; whileIlayawake.

TheEarthcareensthroughopenspace, brushingthemeteorsinitspath.

But,asonedayfollowsonenight, andmanyweeksbecomeoneyear, itstimelessbeautydoesnotfade.

Tuesday,April22,2014 Miami,Florida

My Soul Feeds Your Ghost

by IleanaCollazo

Youmaybedead, butyouliveinsidemyhead; pollutingmybrain, squeezingmychest.

Thethumbonmytemple, thebitterwineonmytongue, thefeetthattramplemydreams withmetalbootsthatcancrush.

Youcomeandgoasyouplease, Ipleadforyoutomoveon, butyourefusetoletgo, becausemysoulfeedsyourghost.

Monday,June9,2014 Miami,Florida

Night Garden 4 by

IleanaCollazo

Atnight, inthegarden, Imeltintotheshadows;

whilethecricketschirp, andthestarsprickholesinthecharcoalsky, andtheflowerssleepontheirearthlybeds.

Ihumanoldsong, whilethebreezegaspsanddies asitstrikesthetree

underwhichIsit onawoodenbench thattimehasweathered.

Ifthesunandmoonranaway, Icouldstayrighthere andneverbefound.

Monday,July7,2014 Miami,Florida

No Need to Bow by

IleanaCollazo

Theendisnear;foryou,forme,andforeveryone. Noonecandisagree,yet weliveasifwe’reheretostay.

Nightandday,wetrytodoourbest. Forcingourinnerlighttoglowoutside, soeveryonecanseewhowetrulyare. Whenwefail,wefeeldiminished, asourshameswallowsourself-worth.

Instead,weneedtoreachthatpointinlife whenvalidationissoughtfromwithin andnolongerneedtotakeabow.

Thursday,May8,2014 Miami,Florida

On being Female by

IleanaCollazo

Iwakeupeachmorning thepainter,thewriter readyfortheday; thepaintbrushescleanandlimber, thekeyboardcourtingme. Itisanotherordinaryday. Thedishesarecrustedbecause weate,andIwentbacktopaint.

Thelaundrypilehidesthefourdogs asthecatpurrsontop.

Therefrigeratorkeepsaskingforfood, whilemyhusbandandmothersleep.

Imakemyroundsandassesstheperimeter. Neatisdead,andchaosreigns. WhileIpaintandwrite, disordertakesthereins.

Isigh,andhopecries, Imutterandopentheshades, Iwalkintothekitchenandshudder, Ipassthelaundrypileandpetthecat.

What,ofitall,ismyrealm? Whoputitallinmycourt? HowmuchnoticeshouldIgive? Ineverappliedforthisjob, andIdonotlikeitatall.

Saturday,May10,2014 Miami,Florida

Rest a While

byIleanaCollazo

Iwatchtheworldgoby, standup,andswearitisflat. Mytears,somoist,tooquicklydry. PeopleI’veknownhavelivedanddied

whileIstruggletotrytosurvive. Wakinguptothemorninglight, fightingexhaustionlateatnight, awareI,too,somedaywillperish.

Ourlivestakeplaceinblocksoftime concoctedbythehumanmind. Wemeasureeverythingwedo inincrementstoosmalltograsp.

Soseriouslywetakeeachtask; thepainsandstrugglesweendure, tillwebegintofallapart, andeitherkeeloverorcrack.

ButtherearemomentswhenIstop, blockallthehustleandthebustle, raisemyeyestothestarlitsky, andknowthateachofthemismine.

Thatifthemoonweremadeofcheese, likeIwastoldwhenIwasyoung, thenallthecloudsarecottoncandy, andthegrassavelvetcarpet.

So,whynotrestawhileeachday, takesomedeepbreathsandforget thatallaroundusstirsthechaos thatcluttersliveslikelitteredshorelines.

Wednesday,May14,2014,|Miami,Florida

Robin Williams by IleanaCollazo

Whatmadeamanwhomadeuslaughsosad? Whatmadeamanlovedbysomanyfeelsolonely? Ifonlyonethingheponderedthatledhimtohisdemise, hemissedthethunderofalltherestofthewonderthatmadehimshine.

Mostofusgrabontoeachfiberoftimetomakeitlast. Wecouldnotdothesame,andcannotbringhimback. Butalltheyearsthathegaveuswilloutlasttheshock ofthesadwaythatheleftuswithoutsayinggoodbye..

Tuesday,August12,2014 Miami,Florida

Dedication:RobinWilliamswasapartofmylifefromtheearlyyearsofMork andMindytoyesterday,whenIhadtoreadthenewsofhisdeathtwiceto acceptthattheunthinkablehadhappened.Ifeelsosadforhislovedones,and forallofusgiftedbyhisinnumerabletalents.Iamas heartbrokenasIknowsomanyothersare.Hewillbesomissed;histalentwill liveonforever.

Shadow Land by

IleanaCollazo

Shadowsroaminsideourhouses whilewesleep,tossingandturning. Dotheywhisper,whimper,orstumble? Eachofthemalwaysalone, unabletomingleforfearofmelding, asthewindbreaksthroughthesilence, likeawineglassasitshatters. Themoonlightblurringtheirshapes, whichthecloudsswiftlyreturn. Bornindarkness, theydieyoung, toberebornafterdusk.

Aswedream,theyhoveroverus, softlycaressingourfaces. Withhalf-closedeyes,wecanseethem, butknowthatwecannotholdthem.

Lonelyandsomber,theyare, condemnedtothelifelessnights. Theirdaysspenthidinginclosets, cavortingwithsilentmoths, rubbingagainsttheirsoftsilk, thevacanthourstofill.

Thursday,May8,2014 Miami,Florida

Solutions can be Found by

IleanaCollazo

Tolosesomethingoneneverhadismostsad.

Tomournallthatwhichmayhavehappenedwhennothingdid, ismuchlikewearingshoestobedorholdinganemptycoffeecup.

Broodingaboutthatwaterspoutthatmaysomedaymakeland, thatwaterfallthatoverflowsandtearsitallapart, onlybringsgrieftostrickenheartsthatotherwisebeatsound.

And,thoughmisfortunesabound, solutionscanbefound whenwelettimetakecareofthings, whilewewaitpatiently,withourheadsbowed.

Wednesday,May14,2014 Miami,Florida

Space Travelers

by IleanaCollazo

Icannotsing,butIcanhum,bakebread,andlaugh. Icannotfly,butIcanskipandknitandwink.

Ismellaflowereveryhour, andthenIpausetobreatheandsigh, andchaseelusivebutterflies thatturnthecornersofmymind todrinkfromdreamsIleftbehind.

Andwhenabirdrestsonmyhand, Ipluckafeatherfromitswing toaddtoothers,Ihavestolen tomakeabedthat’ssoftandwarm.

Whenthemorninglightthatlastsaday -whereIhaveroamedandplayed passesthetorchontothemoon, Ifixmyeyesonthenightsky

anddreamaboutthoseotherworlds wherewemayonedayfindtheanswers toallthequestionsthatwehave.

Inthemeantime,itisenough toknowthatwecareenthroughspace attachedbyunseenstrings likemarionettesthatdanceandplay onanelusiveblueandgreenstage.

Friday,March7,2014 Miami,Florida

Such a Wide Spectrum

by IleanaCollazo

Thereissuchabroadspectrumintherealmofpossibilities. Wewakeupeachmorning,setourfeetonthefloor; sosolidbelowus,sotangiblyreal.

Exceptforthat,andafewotherthings, everythingisadreamthatunfoldslikeabedsheet takenoutofadrawerandspreadoutinthewind tobelaidonourbed,forwhensleepcallsourname. Wethink,butthatishardlyenough, becausetherearelayersuponlayers ofdisguisedprobabilitieswrestlingwithoneanother untilsomeofthemwin, andbecomeourreality.

Monday,May5,2014 Miami,Florida

Take a Stand by

IleanaCollazo

Sometimeswehavetotakeastand, can’tletthechancetosetthingsright flybyuslikeamourningdove thathasnotimetostopandcry. Itispreferabletodie thansquirminsideskin wrappedtootightly insideregretsthatmakeussquirm.

Fightwithallyourmight, standuptothenight withitsmanyshadows wrappedupinsideitsvelvetblanket.

Stifleyourscream,curseunderyourbreath, grityourteethandraiseyourhand. Letitfallhardtomakeadent.

Spent,lieonyourbedatsunrise, andsleepallday tobepreparedtofacethedemons roamingthetwilighttoassailyou.

Sunday,May18,2014 Miami,Florida

The Darkroom of my Mind

byIleanaCollazo

Ipacethedarkroomofmymind anddigdeeptrenches; buryinginsidethemallthegrime Icannotflushwithbreadandwine.

WhenIdine,Ichew ondandeliongreensanddaisies thatsproutbesidethedaffodils thatbloominspringtodieinsummer.

Today,thebonesofallthoselives Ilivedandlostaredugbybeasts thatchewonthemwhileIsitstill unabletogluebackthepieces.

Thursday,June12,2014 Miami,Florida

The Marriage between Good and Evil

by IleanaCollazo

Manandwomangrappleoversexandmoney, ahalf-eatenapple,anestrangedchild,internetporn; theirmarriageisacorpse;theydresseverymorning andsitinthecornertocollectsawdust.

Hegroans,shemourns;hemoans,shesobs. Conformitybrewsthecoffee, resentmentfriesthebaconandeggs; notoast,theyarenotbreakingbread.

Whatisdeadisdead,butitcan’tbeburiedyet.

Society:hell’skeeper,thetowncrier,thewhistleblower, standsatthedoorwaitingforthenewstheyrefusetoproduce. Undecidedaboutwhichpriceishigher,

theywait,enduringacoldanddarkwar.

Livinginacatacombthatblocksallthelightfromthesunandthemoon, anddimseverystaruntilitfades. Theywait,stunned:

thatthedoorissocloseandtheydon’tturntheknob, thateachtimetheydriveoff,theyreturn, thattheyhaveletthemselvesgosoastray. Theypray,butarenotbelievers;theyshout,butthewindowsareshut.

Theyswear,neveragain;thenscream,notagain. Theystowawaytothatsecretplacewheretheyknowthey’llbefound; thereisnoescape.

Blacktux,lace,andpearlswait,stuckintheclosettobeburnedbyrage.

Everybushinthegardeniswitheredandbrown,butthey stubbornchildren stillreturntoitoften,lookingforthatoneflower thatmaystillbeinbloom.

Sunday,May4,2014

Miami,Florida

The Night Flight of the Butterfly

by IleanaCollazo

Asweflysilentlythroughthenight, oureyesaresetonthemorninglight;badgesofcourageonourchests wheretheywereforcedtocutourflesh.

Focusedoneachmomentoflife, intentonliving,weallare; oddsdonotmeanathingtous, ourfaithisstrongerthanweare.

Asflowersbloominaneighboringgarden, wedrinkthenectarthatgivesusthestrength tofaceeachdayasifitwereourfirst andneverthinkthatitcouldbethelast.

Thepastisgone,alongwiththisdisease, thatwillnotbendusatthewaistortheknee; forweareasstrongastheoxonthefield, andassoftandbeautifulasnightbutterflies.

Sunday,June15,2014 Miami,Florida

Dedication:Abadgeofcourageistheemblemyouweartofaceoffadversity withoutbeingsoscared.Thispoemisdedicatedtoalltheincrediblewomen whocrossherpathandwhofighttosurvivebreastcancer.

The Other Side of Me

by IleanaCollazo

Ihavebeenthinking,Ihave; It’swhatIdomostofthetime.

FromwhenIawakentothemorninglight, untiltheclockremindsmeitispastmidnight.

Thethoughtsthatvisitmedon’talwaysstay, buttheyleavetheirtraces,allthesame. ThoseconversationsIneverhad, becausethepersongotupandleft; thethingsIscribbledonascrapofpaper thatnowliefoldedinthetrash. Iwalk,thensitonaparkbench, lookingatthecarsdrivingby.

Ieatasalad,drinkaglassofwine, andlaughasmycatplaysintheyard. MostthingsIdoareinconsequential untilIsitdownatmydesk,

andallthewordsflybylikebirds untiltheynestinsidemyhead; then,mywholebeingreverberates witheverythingIwanttosay.

SometimesIbabble,othersIhum, untilamuse,alldressedinwhite, grabsmywristtightlyandmakesmeflee tofindthatothersideofme.

2014 Miami,Florida

Thunder and Lightning

by IleanaCollazo

Therearetwotypesofsleep; theonethattakesus tothedepthsofnothingness, andtheonethatdragsus

throughthecatacombsofourminds; wherememorieswrestlefantasies, andneitheronewinsintheend. Wedon’tgettochoose.

Agreenandpurplenymph, thatactsonpurewhim, dragsusthroughthedarkness; turningournightsinto

convolutedplayswe’reforcedtowatch withheavylidshalf-closedandflutteringlashes, whilesometimesafullmoonpeeksfromthewindow andwillowtreesdancetocrickets'chirps.

Whenthundersometimesstrikes, andshadowspace; drivenbystormywinds thatcomeandgo,

ourheartsboltinourchest, andourlimbsshake, eventhoughweknowitisthelightning thatsilentlycanturnusintostardust

Tuesday,May13,2014 Miami,Florida

Time Stops for No One

by IleanaCollazo

Twenty-fourhours:onedayandonenight; alittlelessthanhalfofitspent sleeping,fretting,pacing,orreading.

Therestofitracingthroughimaginarymazes thattakeustoourmade-upplaces, wherewedothingsfornoapparentreason.

Sobusyweallaretryingtoleaveourmark thatweforgetthattimewilltooquicklyerasethem andrenderusunknownstoallbutahandful

ofotherswhorememberus forthetimewespenttogether, thatflewbymuchtooquickly.

Friday,March28,2014 Miami,Florida

Washed

Out by

IleanaCollazo

Amotherisawomanwhowasonceadaughter, whooncewasachild,whooncewasaninfant, whostartedasanembryocreatedbytwo.

Amotherisanobjectofloveandaffection, resentment,andrejection;apersonofsorts. Notalwaysseenashuman,butratherareflection ofallthatspellsperfectionandsacrifice.

Allgivingandforgiving,piousandunderstanding, nevertheleastdemanding;aneffigyoflight. Allskinandbonesshed,allwantsandneedsforsaken, shesitsaroundandwaitsforthosewhowantandneedher.

Indreams,sherunsbarefoot,plungesintotheocean, walksdownawoodedpathuntilnighttimeapproaches. Awakenedbyreality,dishesclang,phonesring, dinnerburns,shedrives,mends, andshoutsaschildrensquirm. Amotherisnotperfect,butifyoueverhurther, rememberthat,inessence,sheisnomorethanagirl.

Thursday,May8,2014 Miami,Florida

You are that Special Child

by IleanaCollazo

Haveyoueverwonderedwhyyoustoppedbeingspecial theinstantyoubecameayoungadult? Growingupseemstobeasocietaldrawback. Ametamorphosisduringwhichoneevolvesfromprecioustomundane.

Withoutasecondthought,parentsforgotheirtime, theirneeds,theirwantsfortheiroffspring; who,induetime,becomethesacrificiallambs.

Inessence,eachgenerationwastesitstimeharvestingcrops thatwillbedevastatedbyprocreation. Mysolutiontothiswidespreadproblem: keepremindingyourchildren thatyouarethechildwhoprecededthem, thatcameafterthechildren,theynowcallgrandmaandgrandpa. Thattheywillsoonbecometheoneswhowillprocreate andbemoveddowntheladder.

SitintheparkeatingCheeseDoodlesandicecream, followabutterflyuntilyouarebreathless. Dance,laugh,drawwithcrayons, catchlightbugsinajar,andsetthemfreeatmidnight.

Reclaimyourrightfulplace, youareoneofthosechildren thatsoverymuchmatters.

Saturday,April26,2014 Miami,Florida

Florida 2015

Window into My Inner Self |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

A Ghost of Her by

IleanaCollazo

Trappedinagardenwithoutgates, eyesfixedonthingsshecannotsee thathersadheart longsforinvain.

Rainfallingsoftlyonherlap, paleroseswiltingbyherfeet.

Memoriesfloatinginthewind ascrystalteardropsscratchhercheeks.

Sunday,May17,2015 Miami,Florida

Alternatives

by IleanaCollazo

Sometimeswefallinlovewithsomeonewhodoesnotexist, trytochangesomeonewhowillneveryield, loveourselveslessthanwedoothers, daydreamatnightandsleepthedayaway.

Sometimeswethinkthingsweshouldnot, saythingswedon’tmean, waitmuchtoolongtodothethingsweneedto, thenendupsittingonabenchalone.

Othertimes,wesuddenlyturnacorner, letthesummerbreezewhispertous, andletthesunlitshadowsleadus toplaceswewouldnothavegone.

Tuesday,October20,2015 Miami,Florida

Fated for Mating – Destined to Weep by

IleanaCollazo

Onebreathinhaled, onegulpofair thickwithdespair.

Ilayinert onthewetgrass daringtimetopass. Onethreadofgold aroundmyfinger; thereasonforitgone.

Istraintolisten tothefaintwhisper ofwordsthathavebeensaid, butallIhear isthewindhollowing, andmysobsgoneastray.

Sunday,May10,2015 Miami,Florida

Human Woman

by IleanaCollazo

Sometimeswefallinlovewithsomeonewhodoesnotexist, trytochangesomeonewhowillneveryield, loveourselveslessthanwedoothers, daydreamatnightandsleepthedayaway.

Sometimeswethinkthingsweshouldnot, saythingswedonotmean, waitmuchtoolongtodothingsthatneedtobedone, andendupsittingonabenchalone.

Othertimes,wesuddenlytakeaturn letthesummerbreezewhispertous, andletthesunlitshadowsleadus toplaceswewouldnothavegone.

Tuesday,October20,2015 Miami,Florida

I Pray you Pray by

IleanaCollazo

Ipraythatwhenyoupraytoday youdoitinauniversaltemple, wheretheonlywhisperingyouhear istheleavesthatrustleinthebreeze andnothumansgossipingtoonear.

Wheretheglitterofjewels comesfromtheleaves’dewdrops thatsparkleinsunlightandmoonlight.

Wheretherichandthepoor drinkfromonewaterhole; wherekillingisdone forsubstance,nothatred.

Ipray,youpray, forinnocenceandgrace; forknowledgetotake ignorance’splace. Amen-Namaste.

Thursday,December24,2015 Miami,Florida

Lying Beside You

by IleanaCollazo

Trappedinagardenwithoutgates, eyesfixedonthingsIcannotsee, thatmyheartlongsforinvain.

Therainfallssoftlyoverme; flowerssmotheringmychest, petalschokingmewithdread frommemories,fortoolong,dead.

Sunday,May17,2015 Miami,Florida

Move On

by IleanaCollazo

Continuetoponderandwonder abouteverything,forwhateverreason; inspectmanypathsbutwalkonlyone.

Arriveatdawn, bathe,eat,andsleep; butthen,moveon.

Foritisneverworthit -thepriceofholdingontothingsthatcomeandgo.

Saturday,November28,2015 Miami,Florida

The Last Day by

IleanaCollazo

Itistimetodie, butIwanttoreadonemorebook, listentoonemoresong.

Asplashofmorninglight soakedthebedroomfloor, agustofwindcrumpledthekitchencurtains

asIsilentlywaitedthatwholedayandnight; wonderingwhen, ponderingif.

Then,morningcame, andmyresolvedissolved whenmyeyesclosed.

Mylastthoughtcameandwent, andmylastbreathflewaway asasoftraindrenchedtheworld.

Tuesday,April21,2015 Miami,Florida

Worshipping the Goddess

by IleanaCollazo

Ipraythatwhenyoupray youdosointheuniversaltemple, wherethewhisperingyouhear comesfromleavesrustling insteadofhumansgossiping; andtheglitterandsparkle comesfromjadebathedinlight, wetrocksshimmering, anddewdropsbeaming; notfromnecklacesandrings.

Wheretherichandthepoor drinkfromonewaterhole andkillingisdone, forsustenance,notgreed, jealousyorhate.

Iprayyoupray forinnocenceandgrace, andforknowledgetotake ignorance’splace. Amen-Namaste.

Thursday,December24,2015 Miami,Florida

You are Gone by

IleanaCollazo

Onebreathinhaled, onegulpofair thickwithdespair.

Ilayinert onthewetgrass daringtimetopass.

Onethreadofgold aroundmyfinger, thereasonforitgone.

Istraintolisten tothefaintwhisper ofwordsthathavebeensaid, butallIhear isthewindhollowing andmysobsgoneastray.

Sunday,May10,2015 Miami,Florida

Florida 2016

Among the Flowers |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Alone with Her Thoughts by

IleanaCollazo

Isolationleadstodevastation thatcracksthesoul; carvingapassageforthought.

Abruptly,thesilenceexplodes -turningitselfinsideout erasingalldoubt.

Creationre-createdbythespace Insideabrain tooclutteredbychatter.

Thebloodrushestothestem, fillingupwithpoolsofwords thatrushfreelytoherbrain.

Likechimesthatclatterinthewind Thatbringsthepromiseofspring Thatendsthedarknessofwinter.

Thursday,April28,2016 Miami,Florida

Alternate Landscapes

by IleanaCollazo

Afloodofmemoriesconverges, forminganewformthatemerges. Whirlpoolsofcolors,shapes,andscents thatmeldintoamazinglandscapes.

IfeelasmuchasIcansee, whatmymindformsasIcreate withremnantsofthingslonggone; stillvibrantandrealinmyheart.

Apetaltwinkleswithmorningdew, afallleaftwirlsasitdrops, alonghallfilledwithmaster’sworks, abreakingwavethatsoaksmyshoes.

ThesethingsIfeelinthedark, andseethroughveilsofsunlight, andtastewitheachmealthatIeat, andhearineverysongIplay.

Becausethepastisalwaysnear, thefuture,somethingwecan’tgrasp, thepresent,clutteredwithmust-dos, andsleepourbesttimetomigrate.

Friday,February12,2016 Miami,Florida

Bleeding Heart, Paper Wings

by IleanaCollazo

Adooropensandcloses, thefloorcreaksasfootstepsstrokeit; lightshines,buttooquicklyfades, turningmorningintodarkness.

Devoidofallothersounds, onlyherbreathingisheard mingledwiththestifledwhimpers ofasoultoolimptocry.

Twenty-fourhourshavepassed Lostintime andgonetoofast, whiletheminutesdraggedtooslow.

Thoughtsentangledinaweb, tonguetoodry, eyesopenwide, armshanginglimpbyeachside.

Toolateforprayers, tooearlyfordeath; tooangrytoreason, tootiredtoflee.

Saturday,January30,2016 Miami,Florida

Bury My Ghost 6 Feet Deep

by IleanaCollazo

Itismonochromaticinsideme whilemysurroundingsburst withthecolorspectrum.

Coldaremyfeet, rawaremyhands; whileeverybladeofgrassisablaze.

Mygazeisdazed, mygaitiscrooked, mybrainisdrainingintoabasin.

Deliverme. restrainedandstrained, whilemysobstearopenmychest.

Burymyghost6feetdeep, astheworldweepsforonehour beforeitforgetsme.

2016 Miami,Florida

Concealed Identity

by IleanaCollazo

Thehearthurtsinadifferentwaythananyotherorgan. Withascaldingpainthatsmolders,makingusalmostignite asanunseenhandthatpressesuntilitleavesadeepdent tearsourfleshfrominside,twistingandshreddingourgut.

Sorrowcomestrailingbehind,carvingaditchonthegrass, exposingthejaggedrocksthatcutourfeetwhenwewalk.

Thosequiettalkswithourselves,whenwewhisperwordsofhope, falltothegroundandbreaklikeglass,slippingfromourhands.

Nomatterhowfasttimeflies,leavingallthehurtsbehind, ashescontinuetoburn,sadnesscontinuestostew, inacastironpotwithnolidthatletsitspill andsiprightdowntoourbones,stainingandscarringoursouls.

Monday,May16,2016 Miami,Florida

Divine Miracles

by IleanaCollazo

Wearenotwhatweeat, wearewhatwecarryinsideus; whatstirsourbrainsaswesleep, makingussquirmaswedream.

Whathaltsourstride andcontortsoursmiles, crackingoursouls likecakeddirt.

Divinemiraclesarewe? Ormerereproductions ofdistortedemotions moldedintotinyheaps.

Saturday,July2,2016 Miami,Florida

Drowning

by IleanaCollazo

Whenyourchestaches, andyourheartbreaks, andyoufallintoanoceansodeep thatyourlungsfillupwithbrine;

theworldceasestorollover, andsunraysbecomesodim thatthevisionsyouhaveseen blurintoaveilsothin

thatitripsinthewarmwind asyoufeelthewavesthatswell astheyswayyoubackandforth

untilyoucanhearthesong ofthosemarinerslonggone whostillweavewithcrookedhands shredsofhopethathavelonggone.

Sunday,May1,2016 Miami,Florida

Every Day should be Earth Day

by

IleanaCollazo

Protectedfromthewrathoftheharshuniverse, travelingthroughblackink, shelteredbyhermagic

asshebeckonsthesun andushersinthemoonandstars whilewewhine,andpant,andrage.

Unrulychildren, smearedingreed; weneverhaveenough.

Wescarher,suffocateher, polluteher,degradeher; butshestillhangson

aschunksofspacerocknearlymissher, thunderandlightningstrikeher, moltedlavacrackshersurface.

Onedayperyear,wehonorher, buteverydayshouldbeEarthDay, since,withouther,wearehomeless.

Friday,April22,2016 Miami,Florida

Homage to 2016 by

IleanaCollazo

Time,thethief, hasrobbedusofanotheryear; litteredwiththingsweleftundone, studdedbydreamswemadecometrue.

Thefuture,knockingatourdoor, deliversusabrand-newyear thateachnewdaywillreveal, andhistorywillfileaway.

Asfearstandswaitinginshadow andhopestrollsbyandlooksaway, wetagalong;childrenofStardust, untilthedaywefloataway.

Saturday,December31,2016 Miami,Florida

Letting Go by

IleanaCollazo

Adooropensandcloses; thefloorcreaksasfootstepsstrokeit. Lightshines,butquicklyfades; turningmorningintodarkness.

Devoidofanyothersounds, onlyherbreathingcanbeheard mingledwiththestifledwhimpers ofabrokensoul.

Twenty-fourhourshavepassed. Lostintime andgonetoofast whiletheminutesdraggedtooslow.

Thoughtsentangledinaweb; tonguetoodry, eyesopenwide, armscrossedtightlyagainstherchest.

Toolateforprayers, tooearlyfordeath, tooangrytoreason, tootiredtoflee.

Saturday,January30,2016 Miami,Florida

Looking at Herself by

IleanaCollazo

Twofigureslingeronthepath; Onemoves,onestays, oneapproaches,theotherretreats.

Onehearsasigh asabeamofmoonlight divesintoapuddleatherfeet, andthegustofwindshegreets kisseshercheek andscuttlesthroughthetrees.

Theytouch, andmeldintooneshadow, lookingupatasky sostarlitthatitshimmers.

Saturday,May7,2016 Miami,Florida

Memorial Day, a Sad Day

by IleanaCollazo

Icannothelpbutwonderwhy wecannotstopbeforetheydie, andmakenewmemoriesofdays whennomorebloodwasevershed.

Canwenotliveourtoo-shortlives inpeace,andharmony,andjoy? Whycan’twehaveMemorialDay tocelebratethe“nomoredead”?

Wehandperfectlyfoldedflags torelativeswhosadlycry, whenweknowwhattheywant istohavebacktheonestheylost.

Iknowthatwarswillneverstop, Iknowmywordswillflylikebirds thatcan’tdeterthegreedandhate thatcausesomanysenselessfights.

ButImustsay,whilewerejoice onMondays,offtorestandparty, parents,spouses,children,andfriends crybythegravesoftheirdeadsoldiers.

Saturday,May28,2016 Miami,Florida

Midnight Bloom

by IleanaCollazo

Myheart,asancientastherocks, thatrollonsilentnightsontotheshore-makingthatclickingsoundbeatstothesoundofflappingwings

thatflutterhardagainstthewind; ashardasItrytobefreefromalltheworriesandthechains thatkeepmeboundtodestiny’swhims.

Mywill,muchstrongerthananyonethinks, fightslikeawarriorinthisbattlethatneverends,andnoonewins; butIwillnotgivein.

ForIwaspromisedparadise, andaimtobuilditformyself-withmyownhands,inmyownwaywithcrystalwallsthatneversmear

whereIwillnevershedatear, andtherewillneverbeawoethatIcan’tplucklikeIdoweeds whentheygrowtooclosetomydreams.

Sunday,January3,2016

Miami,Florida

New Morning

by

IleanaCollazo

It’sanewmorning, buteverythingisthesame. Thesunishalfwayout, butgreycloudssmudgethesky.

Iboltawakeandsigh, thenclosemyeyesandwait foravoicetocallout.

Thesilencecracksthespace Itreadthrougheveryday; leavingthemarksoffootstepsthatquicklywalkaway.

Iturnawayfromthelight, toavoidfacingmyplight reluctanttoleap, fromdreamworldtoshattereddreams.

Monday,March28,2016 Miami,Florida

Newborn Love

by IleanaCollazo

Asthepastandthepresent meltintothefuture, onethingremainstrue; YouandI.

Asweage andwechange; alongwiththeworld, ourmemoriesholdfast.

Whenweholdhands, closeoureyes, andfallasleepineachother’sarms, wetravelbackto1969.

Aboyandagirl -waterloggedanddrenchedinnewlovesummerrainandthunder, astolenkissandlaughter.

Sunday,February14,2016 Miami,Florida

No Room Left in Me

by IleanaCollazo

There’snoroomleftinme forregrets,reminiscing,orrepetition; sincethatwhichseemedeternal isnowterminal.

Mylife,mythoughts,mytime, tothegrandscheme,inconsequential.

Thesedays,Isearchforthings thatIdon’tneedtokeep insomerustedtimecapsule Iwon’tbeheretoopen.

Thepastthatusedtobeckon formetogoandvisit Inowturnadeafearto; miragesarenotreal.

Andfear,alwayssonear, islosingallitspotency toloss,whichissoreal.

Allquestionsleftunanswered I’lltossinsidemycasket; thethoughtsIleavebehind willnotbestainedbygrief.

Friday,March25,2016 Miami,Florida

One Lifetime by

IleanaCollazo

Alwaysintransition,inremission fromthelastblowthatstruck withsuchdeftandprecision thatithurtthemost.

Atallcause,youswear, neveragainfor,nowyouknow. Withthenextstrike, youdrop.

Asyourdaysgrowshorter, youmovemoreslowly andsometimesfalter. Sun,moon;sun,moon.

Icecream,fallenleaves,snow,flowers. Fadedmemoriesofdays thatyouwastedinyouryouth thatyoucanneverbringback.

Sunday,June19,2016

MiamiFlorida

Reminiscing

by IleanaCollazo

Wovenintosilencearetheechoes ofallthoseunquietthoughts thatweareintentonrepressing forfearthatwearedigressing intoadarknesssoblack

thatitturnstheairintoice trappingusinside; restlessandbreathless, barelyalive.

Anysignoflife iswelcome untilwerealize notallthingsaredivine, notallbloodiswine.

Fromavinewehang withagripsotight asbrokenfingers causeustowhine.

Oncethesilencebreaks andnewtearsareshed; openwoundsstarttoheal, brokenheartsbegintomend, andallghostlythoughtsflyaway.

Monday,March7,2016 Miami,Florida

Resolution by IleanaCollazo

Myheartisasancientastherocks thatrollonsilentnightsontotheshore; makingthatclickingsound.

Itsflappingwings flutteringhardagainstthewind; rushingtofleefromunseenthings.

Mywill,muchstrongerthananyonethinks, wagingawaragainstitself thatneverendsandnoonewins.

Iwaspromisedparadise, andaimtobuilditformyself; withmyownhands,inmyownway.

Mycrystalwallswillneversmear, thereIwillnevershedatear, andtherewillneverbeaweed

thatIcan’tpluckfromthemoistsoil ifitgrowstooclose tomydreams.

Sunday,January3,2016 Miami,Florida

Re-thinking What and How We Think

by IleanaCollazo

Astheworldgrowscold fromalackofunderstanding, thetorchwelitatthedawnoftime growsdimmerwitheachdaythatpasses.

Frozenhearts,notglobalwarming, threatentoendourreignonthisplanet. Toomanyofustodayhavethepower tospreadpurenonsensewithnosenseofconsciousness.

Thepoorarenowlazy, thesickcomplacent, killingsdailynews, socialmediathebible.

Withoutface-to-faceinteractions, accountabilityhasbecomeold-fashioned. Withbuttonstopushtoreachmillionsofothers, thegarbagewepreachspreadslikeavirus.

Monday,May30.2016 Miami,Florida

IwrotethispoeminresponsetoDr.WayneDryer’squote;whichIbelieveto bedamagingandoffensivetosociety,toallthepeoplewhosufferfrommental illness,andtotheirfamilies:“Peoplewhopanicorgetdepressedusuallydoso becausetheylosecontrol–theygiveupresponsibilityforhowbadtheyfeel becauseitiseasiertoletotherstakechargeoftheirlivesthansay:“Icreated thesefeelingsmyself”.Thisisadangerousandhurtfulstatement;weneedto educatethosewhoaresupposedtoguidepeoplewiththeirexpertadvice.

Smoldering Grief

by IleanaCollazo

Wedreamthattherearethingsthatmatter, andwincewhenwethinkthatthisisallthereis. Paradisefoundandlostaretwoverydifferentthings, onesoughtafter,andtheotherfeared.

Endearingisthepromisethatwewillcountonforeternity. Appallingisthenotionthatwewilldissolveintomatter that,inturn,nolongermattersandisofnoconsequence, astheworldturnsonitsaxisandwenolongerexist.

Tositandwonderandponder,countingeachsecondthatpasses; knowingthateachtimeaclockticksandourheartbeatsinourchest, wecomeclosertothathourwhenoureyelidswillstopfluttering, andourlastbreathwillannounceitistimeforustogo.

Monday,May9,2016 Miami,Florida

The Home of our Hearts

by IleanaCollazo

Throughlayersofwonderanddismay, wetreadthroughalifenotofourmaking and,thenonedaywereachthatpoint reservedforustosettledown andweavethethreadsofallthehours, andallthedays,andalltheyears intoarobethatfitsourpresentselves; wherewewillfindthewarmthandcomfort wetraveledallthiswayinsearchof.

Monday,December23,2016 Miami,Florida

The Past is Always Near by

IleanaCollazo

WhenIwassmall,anoldmanwithalimp wouldsitmebyhisside,pointuptothesky, andtellmethatonestarintheMilkyWaywasmine.

TowhatIwouldreply:

“Iwantit,bringittome.”

Towhathewouldrebut: “Itisnotyourstohold.”

“Whatisthepoint? Iwouldask.

“Whyownitjustinname?”

“Idonotwantit,then.”

TodayIsitalone,andstareupinmyown; thewomanIhavebecome,muchlikethegirlIoncewas; stillwishingforthatstarandprayingforittofall.

Sunday,May1,2016 Miami,Florida

Waiting in Vain

by IleanaCollazo

Toslipbetweenthecracks intoaspacesotight; toslitheronthegrass inadrizzlesocold.

Towaitinvain,inpain, forallthatnevercame andallthatneverwill.

Ashourspass, andtheearthturnsbright,thendark andtheheartexpandsandshrinks, andthetearsandlipsaredry.

Toknowthatitistoolate, buttoremaininert eatingdirtservedonbrokenplates.

ThecalendarreadsMay10th, butitgetsdarkat5o’clock aseyelidsflutterliketrappedbutterflies anddoorsshuttight,leavingtheworldbehind.

Friday,March25,2016 Miami,Florida

Weightless

by

IleanaCollazo

Adrumbeatsinsidemyhead:unrest. Thebestisgone, andIamleftwithalltherest.

Unkempt,thegarden,overgrownwithpests chokesthedayliliesatnight, withersinthelightofday.

WhileIlayfrozeninbed waitingforthingsthatdonotcome, callingoutnamesintospace, diggingmynailsintomychest, tryingtoripouttheheart preventingmefromfloatingaway.

Sunday,May1,2016 Miami,Florida

Where All the Years Melt into One

by IleanaCollazo

Thepianocrieswaterlesstears assilentraindropssoakthewindows; theskyasheetofpolishedpewter, thebranchespacingshadows.

Myfingersdancingontheivory, eachnoteintandemwitharaindrop, assilencehoversinthenextroom waitingforsleeptocometoclaimme.

ButIhavenoplanstosurrender totheallureofblackvelvet, asyetanothermoonlessnight envelopesmeinherembrace.

Ipeerintothedarkandcall outtothememoriesthatroam, buttheylaycurledundermydreams andwillnotcomeuntilIcrumble

intothearmsofrestlesssleep wherealltheyearsmeltintoone andeverythingthatusedtobe returnstotauntandhauntme.

Saturday,August13,2016 Miami,Florida

You are, I am, we are by

IleanaCollazo

Withallthenegativethingsgoingonintheworld, ifyouhavemadereservationstogotoheaven remembertoreviewthebaggagerequirements andtoreadthesmallprintfor, itisnotenoughtopray ifyoulivebyscorn,

notenoughtosayI’msorry afteryouhurtothers,

notalrighttoamasswealth whileothersdiefromlack.

Youare,Iam,weare allremnantsofstardust, scatteredcosmicdust thatbecameus.

Thursday,November10,2016 Miami,Florida

Florida 2017

Self-analysis |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

All the Pretty Fish

by IleanaCollazo

Iswiminthedeepoceanatnight, wherealltheprettyfishIcan’tseeswimbyme intheblue-blackwater,Iskimwithmybody; dippingmyhead,turningitsidewaysforabreath.

Whilethewavesarecutdeepbysliversofmoonlight, andthestarsprickholesintothecrumpledblanket thatopensandclosesasmyarmsmoveintandem, andabreezechillsmybonesasitblowsofftheclouds.

Theshorebehindme,thehorizonaheadofme; alwaysmovingawayasIkeepheadingtowardsit. Asthesunslithersuplikeagoldenpendant, andtheskyandtheoceanturnapaleblue,

aswiftsilverbulletbarelytouchesme andasecondtimebumpsme; andIfearthatmylifewillsoonend, butitjustdisappears,leavingmebreathless.

Saturday,December28,2017 Miami,Florida

I

am not God by

IleanaCollazo

Fromalinesothinandlong,andafadingcircle likethesettingsunthathidesfrommyeyes, Iamaskedtocreatealife,asifIwereGod.

Asthenoiseinsidemyheadrumbles, andmyresolvecrumbles, andthewavescrashontheshore, andmyheartistornwithpain.

Ireignthethoughtsthatkickuplikehorses unwillingtoleavethepasture tobeconstrainedintheirpens.

Imoanlikethewindtrappedinacanyon -unnoticedandunheardasthepainslashesmythroat withasilkembroideredblade.

Iblink,andmytearsturnintorainbows. Ispeak,andmywordsturnintomourningdoves. Iopenmyarms,andmysoulgoesupinflames.

Iblamenoone,forIamthewriteroftheplayunfolding, andIchosethestageonwhichittakesplace; overandoveragain,whilenoonewatches.

Saturday,December23,2017 Miami,Florida

Midnight in the Deep Ocean

by IleanaCollazo

Whenyourdreamsbecomenightmares doyousurrendertosleep? Pacingthefloorwithledsteps thatfollowthelonelynight.

Twostars,sobrightthattheyblind; toofartograb,toosharptohold, hangontootighttofall whileyourheartpoundsinsideyourhead andyourlungsstruggletopullabreath becauseyoufellintothesea andsankmuchtoodeeptoswim.

Thursday,December21,2017 Miami,Florida

Moon Bridge on a Moonless Night

by IleanaCollazo

Moonbridgeonamoonlessnight, whenamillionstarslightaskysoblack, andthewatermovesswiftly intheeveningbreeze.

Sittingontheledge, danglingmyfeet, tossingbitsoffood tofish,Icannotsee.

Notasoundisheard, exceptthatformybreath seepinginandout ofmyhalf-openmouth.

Ifahandshouldland onmybowedhead, Iwouldnotturntolook, Iwouldnotsayaword.

ButIknowitwillnot, ItoldnooneIleft, therearesecretsIkeep whileeveryonesleeps.

Thursday,December21,2017 Miami,Florida

Mother by IleanaCollazo

Don’tbeafraid, Icanwalkwithyou righttotheedge; thoughIcannotcross.

Ifyoulookbehindyou, tryonlytosee alltheflowersplanted inyouryoungeryears.

Don’tfretaboutleaving, marvelatthefact youwerehereatall andyoulivedsolong.

Goandwaitforme withtheonesyoucriedfor; findjoyinknowing thatyourstrugglesareover.

Iwillstay andmakethebestofit, likeyoudid whenyoulostyours.

Saturday,April1,2017 Miami,Florida

Separated

by IleanaCollazo

Tornfromthestem,theflowerandthefruit layonthesoilinert; scaldinginthesun, staringatthemoon.

Therainthatsoaksthemunexpectedly doesnotquenchtheirthirst; thegustsofwindthatfollow blowsthefloweraway.

Thefruit,sheddingitsvelvetdress, exposestheseedinside; whiletheflower,brittleandpaperthin, floatsdownashallowstream.

Friday,August18,2017 Miami,Florida

Stranded by IleanaCollazo

There’stoomuchstressinmylife, Iamfrightenedandmarooned inaharsh,vastuniverse onaplanetsononsensical.

Ihangon,notknowingwhy, batteredbythewindsoftime; shreddedtopiecesbythings thatsmearmyresolvewithhopelessness.

Eachdaybathesmeinsunlight; eachnightengulfsmeindarkness. Noonecantellmethetruth; itdoesnotexistatall.

Memoriesofallthingsgone forcemymindtosiftandstrain throughfaintthoughtsthattiethemselves intoknotsthatbindandsqueezeme.

Iputmyhandouttotouch thatwhichnolongerhaspresence. Iopenmymouthtospeak, butnowordscanpaintmyvisions.

Aloneinacrowd,ashadowfloatingaround. Lost,found,andlostagain. Thirstyforthefinaltruth, nothingherecanquenchmythirst, Iwillhavetowaitfortime totellmewhat’sonitsmind.

Saturday,March25,2017 Miami,Florida

Time by IleanaCollazo

Timewashesoffsomanytracesofourlives, takingwithitpeople,places,thematerial,andtheephemeral. Thesedays,IsometimesfeelasifIamstandingnaked onsomelonelyroadIdidnotgotobychoice.

SomeinstinctualdriveIdonotrecognizebutknowexists propelsmeforwardintodaysaheadthatrollbymuchlike theblurrylandscapeoutsidethewindowofamovingtrain; gonefromsightbeforeonecantakeinthescene.

Whentherealityofwhattimedoessplashesmewithdread, Iletthetearsrolldownmycheeksandstainthefloor untiltheyformadeep,darkpuddle inwhichtodrownmysorrows.

Wednesday,December20,2017 Miami,Florida

Time Travel

by

IleanaCollazo

Ourlivesaretearsshedbymemory thatfeedapuddlethatgrowsanddeepens. Amirrorthatreflectsapast sometimespristineandothersmurky.

Weage;lifeevaporates, leavingusdazedandthirsty withmud-coveredthoughtsanddrysobs, andnoonelefttoholdonto. .

Oneday,oureyesfixedandglassy, weleaveandtakeitallwithus. Nopast,nopresent,nofuture; justsnapshotsleftinabox

sittingatsomesmalldriftshop waitingforsomeonetofindthem. Curioussnippetsofapastlife thatcameandwentunexpectedly.

Saturday,March4,2017 Miami,Florida

Underground Temple

by IleanaCollazo

Whentheburdensoflifetaketheirtoll, andbellschimelikesirensinyourhead; whenthesunturnstoobrightforyoureyes, andthemoonchillsyoursoul,

hideinsidetheundergroundtemple. Coveredwithmoss, litthroughcracksinthesoftearth; silentandwarm.

Wherewhispershavebutterflywings, yourbreathkissesbladesofgrass, tearsrundownlikefallingraindrops, andtimestopsuntilyousurface.

Friday,December22,2017 Miami,Florida

We are Never Free by

IleanaCollazo

Weareneverfree, eachchoicewemakecommitsustoatask; eachstepwetakesetsusonapath.

Wecanseethepast,realenoughtofeel, butwecannotgoback, aswitheachday,itdisappears.

Thefirstkissthatwarmedourlips, thecupofteadrunkonChristmasEvewhilethechildrensleep andwewrappedtheirgifts.

Theparentswhowerealwaysthere -untiltheywentaway,nevertoreturnandtheveiloftearsblindedandenragedus.

Hostagesoflife,werideaspeedtrain headedtowardsatunnel wheredarknesswillengulfus.

Tuesday,December26,2017 Miami,Florida

What More is There to Know?

by IleanaCollazo

ThesedaysIwalkwhenataslowerpace; shufflingmyfeet, whilemythoughtsflyby.

Youaskedmetotellyouaboutallofthis, soIhavebeenpondering, looking,andwondering.

Intheyard,acatpurrs, abirdchirps;aleaffalls, whileIbreatheandblink.

Inthehouse, Iclosemyeyes andlistentotherain whileyousleep.

Inabox,intheattic oldphotographsandloveletters -ignored,butnotforgottenspeakvolumeswithoutwords.

Igrabyourhand andlooktoodeepintoyoureyes; twodarkbrownpools reflectingyearsofaffection.

Whatmoreistheretoknow?

Thereisme,andthereisyou, thereisabreeze,andthereisrain. Andthereistimeandpreciousmemories.

Monday,September23,2017 Miami,Florida

You Lead, I’ll Follow by

IleanaCollazo

Tellmeonewordthatexplains, andanotheronethatsoothes. LeavemeonethoughtIcanframe insidetheblankspaceyouleftme.

Paintmeastory,nolines; whereedgesblend,meld,anddissolve andillustratestheyearswespenttogether beforeyouleftme.

Pillarofmyfeebleframe, erect,youheldmeinplace. Coldmarblesealsyouaway, leavingmebehindtofret.

Comeback, letusstartoveragain; Ipromisetodomybest nevertofalloutofstep.

Friday,August4,2017 Miami,Florida

Florida 2018

The Age of Innocence|IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

A Light Rain Falls

by IleanaCollazo

Alightrainfallsasmusicplays; theraindropsechoingthepiano. Thepalegreysky,likecottonballs, packedinajarkeptonadarkshelf.

Thewatertricklingfromtheroof carvingashallowpool, asafewsunraysslippingthrough illuminatethewallandleaves.

Achillybreezerattlesmybones asIsitstillonthefrontporch feelingaonenesswithaworld Ican’texplainormakesenseoutof.

Monday,January2,2018 Miami,Florida

Ancient Footprints

by IleanaCollazo

Sometimesatnight,Idream abouttheghostthatlingers androamswhereitoncewalked.

Thepastandallthesecrets, westrivesohardtolearn fromremnantsitleftscattered.

Butlikeabrokenvase thatshatteredwhenitfell thepiecesdonotmatch.

Thestoriesleftunwritten, imagesnotrendered, thelivesoncelivedextinguished.

Thepresentfollowssuit, unearthingourreality; thefutureyetunborn unsureofwhereit'sheaded.

Sunday,August19,2018 Miami,Florida

Crystal Shackles by

IleanaCollazo

Thecrystalshacklesthatconstrainme thatnooneelsebutIcansee, ringlikeglasswindchimesasIturn; andshinelikemoonlitsnow.

Thetearsthatfallontomypillow moistenthepicturethatIhide, alongwithonesmallpieceoflace fromadresswornwhenIwasyoung.

NooneremembersmeasI pretendthatallisstillthesame aswhenIwalkedthehillsattwilight andpluckedspringflowersintherain.

ButIrememberthembecause theypacethehallsinsidemyhead whereallmymemoriesarekept soneatlyfoldedinapile

thatgrowswitheachmomentthatpasses addingtohappinessandgrief; whileIlaystill runningoutoftime.

Tuesday,April17,2018 Miami,Florida

Dragonfly Wings

by IleanaCollazo

Insidethecocoonthatconstrictsmybrain, Iwaitforeachdaytounfoldinitsownway; for,Icannotleadtheway.

But,nurturedbymyfaith, mysoul’swingsflapandflutter untilIleavethisearth andsoarabovethewalls thatfailtocontainme asIflytowardsalight sopureandsoserene thatneithersunnormoon outshinesit.

Sunday,March25,2018 Miami,Florida

Human

Woman

by

IleanaCollazo

Fatedformating,destinedtoweep. Lookingatmyself,searchingforme; alone,weightless,washedout.

Bleedingheart,paperwings,caughtintheMatrix, travelingthroughtimedressedinsilk,smolderingwithgrief.

HumanWoman, onherway toupside-downwaterfallsfordrowningsouls.

Wednesday,October10,2018 Miami,Florida

I am Here by

IleanaCollazo

Iamhere,behindthemask -justbeingfrozenintime,lostinthoughts.

Pondering, boundtomypast.

1969, before,andnow.

Thescrapbookofmylife insidemycavernousmind; washedoutmemories.

Waitingforthefinaltruth, whenalltheyearsmeltintoone.

Outoftheforest; bornfromthecollective,returnedtothecollective.

Tuesday,October9,2018 Miami,Florida

Spiraling Galaxies

by IleanaCollazo

WithmyearsIlisten,withmyeyesIsee, withmyhandsIfeel,withmyheartIsense. EachmomentIamhere,eachmomentyouarethere, galaxiesspiralforwardinasilentvacuum.

Colorsflashaslighttrespasses, breezeswhisperascloudsformnewshapes. Iwait;youcomeandgo. Isleep;youstrokemyface.

Astheworldzipsbyandmillionsofstars shineinyoureyeseverytimeyoulookmyway.

Saturday,August18,2018 Miami,Florida

The Darkest Night

by IleanaCollazo

Thedarkestnightisnotthemoonless,starlessnight; itisthenightyourheartsplitsopenwhen alltherefusethatyoustored insideyourchest poursoutingushes

becauseyoucannolongerhold allthatresentmentstuckinsideyou chockingthelifeinsideyourlife, wastingtimecarvedoutofeternity

You,nowwalkinghandinhand withallthememoriesthathauntyou asallthathasbecomeaghost thatfrightensallthatistocome.

Wednesday,May9,2018 Miami,Florida

The Place Where Our Heart Lives

by IleanaCollazo

Wearenothomeuntilwearrive totheplacewhereourheartlives; wherewedreamwithopeneyes

aseachdayunfoldswithease, gentlebreezesbrushourcheeks, grassandwildflowersweep

asagentlerainarrives whilethesunhangsfromthesky andthecloudsarehungtodry.

Friday,August31,2018 Miami,Florida

“Themusicoftheheartplaystheloudest,foritcomesfromwithinyou.”

The

Scream by

IleanaCollazo

Throughoutthecenturies womenhavescreamed forequalrights, forsocialjustice.

Nowtheyarescreaming fortheirchildren, theirrighttolive, theirrighttothrive

inasafeworld devoidoffear whereascrapedknee isabigdeal andgettingkilled athingthathappens togrown-upswho makethewrongchoices.

Asyourememberyourchildhood, whenyoufeltsafeandfree, ponderonhowitfeelstolive hauntedbydoubtsandfears.

Sunday,March18,2018 Miami,Florida

The World

by IleanaCollazo

Theworldawakensfromthenight, slowlyrotatingonitsaxis, dancingthroughspacearounditsmaster;

gazinginaweatthevastgalaxy, speedingawayintothedarkness, takingitwithitwithoutasking.

Nobeginningandnoend, nodestination,notimeofarrival; justadeepknowingthatoneday whenthesundimsandletsitgo, likeatumbleweed,itwillfloat; alifelessrockwithoutapurpose.

Wednesday,January3,2018 Miami,Florida

Wilting Beauty

by IleanaCollazo

Aseachsoftpetalfalls, therosestaresdownatthesoil; thedropthatrollsdownitsgreenleaf, ateardropbornfrommorningdew.

Soyoungandbeautifulshewas, everyonestoppedandstared, assheswayedcarelesslyinthewind anddrankthesunandrain.

Themoonandstarsshiningonher, madeloversswoonandsigh wantingtopluckherfromherstem; refrainingfromtheact.

Knowinghowlittleshewouldlast removedfromherbelovedhome, thecornerofthecottagegarden whereshewasbornandmeanttolive.

Onlyonepetalnowleft, paleandbrittleasitstruggles tostayconnectedtoitscenter.

But,onthatmoonless,starlessnight ittumblestotheground landingonthehardpebblepath wherealltheothersfellandcrumpled.

Tuesday,February13,2018 Miami,Florida

Dedication:Tomymother,abeautifulrosewiltingbeforemyeyes,whileallI candoisstandbyhelplessly.

Florida 2019

Reminiscing |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Life Cycles

by IleanaCollazo

Asinglebloom strugglingtoshine inadark,starkuniverse

wherestarscalloutinvain tothechildrentheyhavebirthed astheyburstintoflames.

Tissuepaperpetals meltingintherain leavingrainbowstreaks thesunsoonerases washingawaymemories asthepastfliesaway.

Sunday,March31,2019 Miami,Florida

Not Long Ago, I Fell Asleep

by IleanaCollazo

Notlongago,Ifellasleep floatingonacalmblackIndiainksea; mymind,alistlessstowaway insideavesselsetastray.

Dreamsdriftingby liketheslowcurrents thattakestheseaweedtothedeep.

Iheardthewhispersofthebreeze andcaughtaglimpseofthenewmoon.

MybodyisassoftasChinesesilk assaltywaterkissedmylips.

Timebecametimeless,andIwept; thepastandpresentbecameone. Thefutureremainedamirage.

Theseareturnedmetotheshore asmorninglightquicklyapproached; myeyelidsfluttered,andIsaw aseagullplungeintothesurf.

Monday,January28,2019 Miami,Florida

Florida 2020

Crystal Blue Persuasion |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

A Place I can’t Recall

by IleanaCollazo

SometimesIamcalled toaplaceIcan’tremember, aplaceIcan’trecall.

Likeafoginmymind, athumpinmyheart, Iknowitisthere.

IknowIwasthere andtimetookitwithit, butitsessenceremains.

Idreambynight, andponderbyday ifIwalkfarenough

ifIlookhardenough, ifIstretchoutmyarms. WillIfindmysoulthere?

Monday,November23,2020 Miami,Florida

I

Am by IleanaCollazo

Iamtinyfragmentsofmoments strungtogetherbytime; grainsofsandthatcollide andintimebecomeone.

IbreatheairIcannotsee, seethingsthatgoontheirway promptingmetoremakethem intheworkshopofmymind.

SometimesIsigh, anddon’tknowwhy. SometimesIcry whentherainwetsthegrass.

Atnight,Ihunt fortheshadowsofthosegone; inthemorninglight Istareatthingstheyleftbehind.

Theclockdoesnotstop. Myfacetellsitstale. Myhandsslightlytremble, mystridesometimesfails.

IamwhatIcannotexplain, camefromaplaceIcan’tremember, liveforreasonsIcan’tfathom, andIamheadedtoaplaceIcan’tenvision.

Sunday,November22,2020 Miami,Florida

Into the Light

by IleanaCollazo

Iamtheonlyone whocanpullmebackintothelight; thelongshadowIseeisme.

IfIsitandwait,itwon’tgoaway; ifIcrouchandweepitwillswallowme. EachstepItakewillscrapemysoles.

thebloodIshedwillpaintapath forotherswhoaretrappedlikemetofollow.

Monday,November23,2020 Miami,Florida

No Longer There by

IleanaCollazo

Iwalked, Isat, Ilookedaround. Nooneinsight formetocalloutto.

Thesunwaswarm, butthebreezewascool. Theairandgrassweredamp fromthemorningrain.

Arose, half-spent, wassheddingitspetals asherbeautyfaded.

Myfeetbare, myhairundone, myfacetear-streaked, Istartedonmyway.

AwarethatIcan't, mindfulthatIwon’t, returntoaplace thatisnolongerthere.

Tuesday,November17,2020 Miami,Florida

Nothing Ever Changes by

IleanaCollazo

Iknowyouknow, butIwanttotellyou; andwhenyouforget, letmehelpyouremember.

Everybladeofgrass, everydandelion, allthebirdsthatsing, butterfliesthatflutter, neveraskquestions. Theygotheirway asifnothingeverchanges untiltheyfadeaway.

Morecome, buttheiressenceremains inthememorieswekeep tuckedawayinourhearts torecallinourdaydreams.

Tuesday,November17,2020 Miami,Florida

Society at Large by

IleanaCollazo

Lawsstrictlyimposedtoprotecttheunborn don’textendtohelpchildren aftertheyareborn.

Welfarerecipient,bedammed, takecareofallthebabies weforcedyoutohave.

Gunrightsprevailoversavinginnocentlives. Freedomforall doesnotincludesome.

Thosewhosettherulesaretoooftenblind totheperilstheyinflict onsocietyatlarge.

Saturday,June4,2020 Miami,Florida

The House

by

IleanaCollazo

Thefloorboardscreak likemourningshadows. ThehousewhereIslept, ate,andlaughed nowcriesforme initsdarkmoment. Noonetopatch thepaintthatpeels, nofresh-cutflowers onthemantle. Indaylight, fadingfromabandonment.

Intwilight hauntinginthemoonlight. Sofarawayfromit,Ifeel asIsitsilentinthegarden.

Mylimbsasfrozenasmyheart, mymind,ablankspaceinmyhead.

Monday,May18,2020 Miami,Florida

The Jester

by IleanaCollazo

TheJester,toosadtolaugh, hidesbehindthecurtain. Asthecrowdroarsandwaits, heclapshishandsoverhischest.

Trappedinthatspace,withnowayout, untiltimepassesandsilencereigns. Asthelightsgoout,noonetakesnotice ofthelimpbodyslumpedontheground.

Wrappedinacloth,theysendhimoff, anotherJestertakeshisplace. Noonewillnotice,theyneverdid, theyneveraskedwhohewas.

Amarionettefortheirdelight, alonelysoulwhodiedofheartbreak.

Monday,November23,2020 Miami,Florida

Florida 2021

Sweet Sixteen |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf=portrait

As We Age

by IleanaCollazo

Whatwasonceinconsequential, becomescatastrophicasweage. There’snogloryindecay, nohonorinthedegradationoftheself.

Thosewhocomeafter,alwayseager, towipeouttheoldways. Marginalizingthefeeble whileclaimingtohonorandrespect.

Thoughnotcontagious, agingistheghostthatspooksthemost. Ourlegacyatbirth; thecursenooneescapes.

And,so,theelderlyretreat toapastonlytheysee. Whileothersthinkthey'velosttheirminds, theyknowexactlywheretheyare.

Sunday,January24,2021 Miami,Florida

Moon by IleanaCollazo

Ontheeveofthebluemoon,Iroamalone justasIdomanyothernights underastarlitsky.

Silenceandstillnesswalkbesideme, whilemyshadowmovesintandem; neveroutofstep,flowinglikethebreeze.

Iinhaleandsigh, submergedinthebeautyandthememories thatstumbleinsidemeinabandoneddisorder.

IfIwalkallnight thedawnwillmeetme,theshadowwillleaveme, andmorninglightwillkissme.

Saturday,August22,2021 Miami,Florida

Blue

Coral Path by IleanaCollazo

Thesidewalk,crookedandnarrow, madefromcutcoralfromaquarry, disappearsaroundthecorner.

Itscrevicestellingthestories oftimespentundertheocean.

Ifollowasitleadsmeastray, awayfromtheroadandintothetrees; wherethesunlightfiltersthroughtheleaves.

Asitwidensandstraightens, itsuddenlyendswithoutreason.

Irunmyfingerdownitsedge, adeepgashmakesmebleed.

Idrawacirclewithmyblood andwalkaway.

Thesunhasset,anditisdark. Itreadthegrassonmyreturn,

sosoftandcoolundermyfeet thatIforgetthepain.

Monday,May31,2021 Miami,Florida

Cosmic Traveler

by IleanaCollazo

Everythingaroundmedies, whileIawaitmyturn. Sometimesafraid, othersconfused.

WhenIwasyoung Ipaidnomind tothecarnage thatsurroundedme,

butasmyturngetscloser, Icannothelpbutwonder. Whatbroughtmehere? WhereamIheaded?

Acosmictraveler,amI? Isthisjustonemorestopintime? AmItoboardtheshipagain tosailawaytosomenewplace?

Tuesday,April20,2021 Miami,Florida

Empty Dream Catchers

by IleanaCollazo

Asweage, ourdreamcatchersempty, westareintospace andholdourbreath

asflowerswilt, butterfliespause, songbirdsgosilent, andthewhitenoiseinourheads

makeusdeaftotheworld. Ourtearsdry, ourthroatsscratchy, weswallowdrysand

untilwefillourguts andfloattothebottomoftheocean wherewelieuntilwedissolve andourbonesbecomelittlebitsofrock

thatturnintosand thatstraystotheshore.

Friday,October1,2021 Miami,Florida

For as Long as I Remember

by IleanaCollazo

ForaslongasIcanremember, Ihavebeenwalkingdownthispath, carryingmydreamsonmyback.

Whensomeslipoff,theycrumble, likethehousesofmyyouth. WhereIateandslept,laughedandcried, andgrewuptobeme.

Whilethememories scribbledonthewallsofmybrain inglaringbloodred

Ireadinsilence, thenshoutatthewind; whothrowstheechoesbackatme.

Otherstookthepathbeforeme, somearenowwalkingbesideme, morearecoming,Ican’tsee.

SometimesItrytostop,forjustalittlebit, butmyfeetkeepwalking, andmythoughtskeeptalking astheonesaheadofmeturntosmoke

whiletheonesbehindme paynomind andtheonesbesidemeweep.

Wednesday,September15,2021 Miami,Florida

Marooned by IleanaCollazo

Ilie,half-drowned, onanaridshore gazingataskyfullofclouds; nopromiseofrain,notearsleft.

Foreverisalongtime whenthereisnohope; it’ssenselesstoseekmeaning inthisvacantlot.

Toscreaminragewhenthere’sanecho makesthepainmoreunbearable. Breathsturnedtowhimpers, drytonguetwisted.

Deathvisitsmeeachdawn, brushesmylipswithwine, fillsacupwithcoolwater, anddrinksitwhileIthirst.

Wednesday,July14,2021 Miami,Florida

Florida 2022

2021 Virtual Central Command Station |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Back Home by

IleanaCollazo

Thetreessleepwhilethemourningdovesstir andthebreezewhisperstothegrass thattheWeepingWillowwillsoondance whilethewilddaisieslookupatthesky.

IsighbecauseIamnotthere. Iwascalledelsewhere toaplacethatdoesnotstir thedaydreamsIleftbehind.

Toolongit’sbeen,andlongeritwillbe; memoriesareallIhave. Nottrue,Ialsohaveregrets forhavingwalkedaway.

ButtimeandIcannotbacktrack, aswemoveforwardhandinhand. Ittakingmetotheunknown, Ihopingitwillbebackhome.

Wednesday,November23,2022 Miami,Florida

Behind the Screen Door

by IleanaCollazo

Behindthescreendoor, intheearlymorning, onecanseetheghosts reachingforthelight.

Frozentheystand, asthedarknessbehindthem seemstopushthemforward urgingthemtoflee.

Buttheycannotmove, memorycut-outs; snippetsofthoughts fromtheyearsthathavepassed.

Roamingthroughaspace devoidofalllife; silentanddemure, forgottenandabandoned.

Sunday,November27,2022 Miami,Florida

Bitter Heart

by IleanaCollazo

LostinaplaceIknowsowell; whereIcriedapooloftears andlookeddownatmyreflection toseeastrangeversionofmyself.

IdwellonthingsthatIdidwrong, andlongforthingsleftundone; whileIdonothingatall astheminutespassmeby

leavingmetowonder whatsettheminmotion andturnedmybitter hearttostone.

Thursday,December15,2022 Miami,Florida

Bundles of Energy without Bodies

by IleanaCollazo

Memoriestugatourhearts, asmuchthehappyasthesad; becausetheyareallinthepast.

Thereisnowaytobringthemback, tofixthewrongs,re-livetherights.

Forwardmarchtotheunknown wegoalone;eachoneofus. Afraidofbeingintotaldarkness,

floatinginspacelikesparksoflightning; bundlesofenergywithoutbodies.

Thursday,December8,2022

Miami,Florida

Cactus Flower

by IleanaCollazo

Iamaccusedofbeinguncaring, whenthetruthis,Iamhalf-done; agrown-upchildfacinglife, afraidofbeingonherown.

Whendawnarrives,Iseekthelight; whileatmidnight,Ireachforstars. Whenmorningdewdropsdry,Icry, untilIfindabutterfly,

thatleadsmetothedragonfly thathidesbehindthecactusflower thatclosesupuntilthemoon returnstowakeitfromitssleep; itsbreathlessbeauty onlyseen byshynightprowlers likeme.

Saturday,December3,2022 Miami,Florida

Early Morning by

IleanaCollazo

Leavingmywarmbed, Iscurrytothegarden andsitbyadandelion thatbloomedasIlaysleeping.

Sippingthroughtheleaves, thesunraysdrinkthedewdrops thatnighttimecriedlastnight.

Abirdcatchesaworm, thecatliesonthegrass, acloudcoversthesun, andIrunbackinside.

Sunday,November27,2022 Miami,Florida

Early on Sunday Mornings

by IleanaCollazo

Sometimeswhenitisquiet, Istillcanhearthenoises oftheplacesIhavebeento, ofthevoicesIhavelistenedto.

Ittakesawhile, foralltheghostsoffaces andallthescentofplaces tofadetotherecesses

withthoughtsthatinterlace entangledlikethebranches thatcreepuptheoldtree thatshadesthebenchIsiton.

EarlyonSundaymornings wheneveryoneisresting andIamfeelingrestless, Ifoldmyhandsandpray.

ButIcannotbecertain thatIambeingheard becausethewindkeepsblowing myhushedwhispersastray.

Wednesday,December7,2022 Miami,Florida

I Sit in a Corner

by IleanaCollazo

Isitinthecornerwatchingfearknitmeablanket thatlooksmuchtoosmall,ofanorangecolorIdonotlike. Itknowsmewell;myvices,myworries, shekeepsinajartosprinkleoverme; inmyrestlesssleep,whenIrunfromdreams thatracethroughmyheadlikespeedingcars thatdrivemethroughdarkstreets headednowhere.

Friday,December16,2022 Miami,Florida

My Dream Evaporates

by IleanaCollazo

Onthisnight,socrispandcold, Icradlethemooninmyarms whilethestarsblinkallaroundme andtheleavesdanceinthewind.

NoothersoundsIhear, exceptforthesoft,faintwhimpers ofwaterfillingthefountain asraindropsdripintandem fromthecloudsIdonotsee. Thewindowsillisdry, theflowerboxiswet, myarmsaregettingtired.

Iletthemoonescape, thestarsallflyaway, Iboltawakeinbed; mydreamevaporates.

Sunday,December18.2022 MiamiFlorida

My Flower Garden

by IleanaCollazo

Myflowergarden

growsaswildandunrulyasmythoughts. TheweedsIneverpluck bloomalongsiderandomwords thatflyoutofmymouth eachtimeIsigh, andsoftlyflow

throughbreezesasIwhisper thepoetrythatpoursoutofmysoul andstainsthegrasswithtearsthatIshed becausebeautyandsorrowbothbringgrief. Thefirstone,whenitfades, thesecondforitssting.

Saturday,September24,2022 Miami,Florida

On Woman’s Day, Our Sisters Cry

by IleanaCollazo

Whilewewhine,dine,anddrinkwine; oursistersflee,cry,andmourntheirdead.

Whilewecomplainaboutthepriceofgas, thelackofgoods,themask/nomask; theycrosstheborderandleavebehind husbands,fathers,sons,andbrothers.

Oneman,bornfromonewoman, shouldnothavethepower tocrushsomany whilesittinginaplushroom hidingfromaworldthatloatheshim.

Tohonorwomenonthisday weneedtostanduptothemen whoarenotforcedtopaytheprice forbeingcowardsindisguise.

Tuesday,March8,2022 Miami,Florida

Dedication:TotheUkrainianwomenwhoseunbearablesufferingshould maketheworldfeelespeciallyashamedaboutthiswar’satrocitieson InternationalWomen’sDay2022.Donotjustdedicateadaytohonorus;help usmakeapeacefulworldwherewecanbearchildrenwhocanbesafe,marry menwhodonotdieinbattle,spendtimewithourbrothersinsteadofburying themtoosoon,andwatchourfathersgrowoldinapeacefulworld.Honorthe Goddessesbycrushingthetyrants.

Society at Large by

IleanaCollazo

Lawsstrictlyimposedtoprotecttheunborn don’textendtohelpchildren aftertheyareborn.

Welfarerecipient,bedammed, takecareofallthebabies weforcedyoutohave.

Gunrightsprevailoversavinginnocentlives. Freedomforall doesnotincludesome.

Thosewhosettherulesaretoooftenblind totheperilstheyinflict onsocietyatlarge.

Saturday,Jun4,2022 Miami,Florida

The World Crumbles Around Me

by IleanaCollazo

Theworldcrumblesaroundme whileIsitarmscrossed fightingtokeepmyheart fromjumpingoutofmychest asthebirdswarnme oftheincomingstorm thatwillsweepupandtake whateverisleft.

Atearpoolsinmyeye, itselffrozenwithfear. Thewordsinsidemyhead, onlyIcanhear.

Sunday,December11,2022 Miami,Florida

To See You Once Again

by IleanaCollazo

SomedaysIfeelyouclose; wewalkhandinhand, youwhisperinmyear, andweforgetourfears.

Somedaysyoufeelsofaraway, likeyoudidthedayyouleft whenIsatweepingontheporch afterIcamehomefromthechurch;

whereweallsaidourlastgoodbye tosomeonethatweholdsodear, andhuggedeachotheraswecried tryingtofindcomfortinthefact

thatweallfeltaslost aswecrawledintoacocoon ofsharedsorrowforaloss thatnothingcanreplace.

Iwonderifyousee theworldyouleftbehind, melyingonthebed,unabletoletgo; waitingtoleavethisplace toseeyouonceagain.

Sunday,December11,2022 Miami,Florida

Waiting

by IleanaCollazo

SoslowIwalk untilIreachthecorner, turn,andcrawlunder.

Iholdmybreathandgasp; thedarknesssoothes, thequietoozeswonder.

Iclosemyeyesandshudder asIgraspfleetingthoughts thatflutterbysoswiftly.

Thewaterpeltstheground withasoftthumpingsound thatmimicsmyheartbeats.

Footstepsapproachandfade, asIlaystillandwait forhim,whocannotjoinme.

Tuesday,December6,2022 Miami,Florida

We are Given Life by

IleanaCollazo

Wearegivenlife, programmedforself-preservation; buttheyforgettopointoutthatitistakenaway atwhatalwaysseemslikeaninconvenienttime.

Procreateandstriveforsuccess, butyoucantakenothingwithyouwhenyoudie. Don’tforgettoprayeachday foradmittancetotheafterlifeclub.

Wheretheimperfectbecomeperfectand, iftheyaredevout, rejectinglogicforblindfaith willbeblessedwitheternallife.

OurFatherinHeavensenthisson todieandpavethewayforus; tocleanseoursoiledsouls ofallthewrongsthatwecommit.

Oursinsforgiven,intheend, ifwerepentandpraisetheLord, regardlessofwhatwebelieve throughoutourtaintedlives.

Saturday,June11,2022 Miami,Florida

Florida 2023

Waiting for the Final Truth |

IleanaCollazo|Self-portrait

Asleep, Awake

by IleanaCollazo

Asleep,awake. Dayafterday,nightafternight. Living,waitingtodie.

Constrictedlifespan comprisingyouthandoldage; illusionsandreality, vitalityandinfirmity.

Vividdreamsturnednightmares, carefreestepsbecameshuffles. Sharpmindmuddled, eyesoutoffocus.

Createdtobeobliterated, depositedtobecollected. Allottedtimetocreatememories thatwelluptears

inthesorrowfuleyes ofthosefewwhoremember thatweusedtobehere.

Saturday,October21,2023 Miami,Florida

Contradictions

by IleanaCollazo

Planforthefuturebutlivefortoday. Proceedwithcaution,buttossyourcarestothewind. Lifehasanexpirationdate,buteternityawaits. Foreveryoung,butagewithgrace.

Contradictionsaccostuseverystepdownthepath toatunnelsodarkthatwegaspasweenter. Nooneeverreturns,butwehearallthetales ofaplacesomagnificentandeternalexistence

Notforeverygoodsoul,butforhumanswhopray astheydowhattheywantinsteadofwhattheyshould. TheyaretheGodchosen,theyclaim. Therestofusburnbecauseweaskquestions.

Flocksofsheep,theycallthemselves, astheyfollowalongmindlessly. Iprefertotakemychances, theyaretooafraidtoponder.

Saturday,May27,2023

Miami,Florida

Four Empty Walls

by IleanaCollazo

Walkingthroughthethresholdwithoutlookingback, knowingIwillnotreturn; whatever’sleftbehind, discardedbydefault.

Grabthepressedflowerfrominsidethebook. Ican’t,myhandsarefull ofalltheairthatleftmylungs andIreachedoutandcaughtit.

ThefurtherawayIstray, theblurriermythoughts; untilaveilsowhiteandsoft wrapsmybrainlikeacocoon.

Imourn,butdon’tknowwhy, Icrybuthavenotears. Myvoice,whichfollowssilently, becomesawhisperofwind.

Thisstrange,recurrentdream leadsmeastrayeachnight. EachmorningIawaken insidefouremptywalls,

Idarenottouchforfear thattheywillmeltaway, andforcemyeyestosee, themanythingsIfear.

Friday,September29,2023 Miami,Florida

Frightened Souls Who Will Soon Follow

by IleanaCollazo

Howdoweplanourliveswhenwearebornonourdeathbeds? Wheneverybreathwetakecanbeourlast, everydreamwebuildisasandcastle, andeveryoneweloveturnsintodust.

Wewonderabout,eyesvacant, facestear-stained, askingquestionsthathavenoanswers. Re-readingfables,beggingforforgiveness, secretlydoubtingwhatwecan’tfathom. Prayingtoafatherwe’venevermet, beggingtobesavedafterwe’redead.

Weareallchildrenwhogrowuptooquickly; whocomeandgotoofast. Leavingbehindanotherassembly offrightenedsoulswhowillsoonfollow.

Friday,March3,2023 Miami,Florida

Florida 2024

The Silence of the Young |IleanaCollazo|DigitalSelf-portrait

Behind the Frosted Glass Window

by IleanaCollazo

Behindthefrostedglasswindow

Iseetheroomwherewesat holdinghandsinsilence.

Countingeachbreaththatwetook, wipingeachtearthatweshed, watchingthedayturntonight.

And,then,weleft. Closingthedoorbehindus, leavingthekeyonthemantle.

Youturnedright, andIturnedleft; walkingwithoutlookingback.

Monday,April8,2024 Miami,Florida

One Petal at a Time by

IleanaCollazo

Likearosethatfallsapart,onepetalatatime, theyleftmeonebyone.

Eachtime,Ishedcountlesstears assorrowprickedmyheart likeathornpuncturesafinger; leavingalingeringsting.

Nobloodpouredout. Itdrainedintomychest likeanangryriverflowing; floodingmybrainwithbitterthoughts.

ItfeelslikeeachbreathItake, isstolenfromtheonesImourn.

Isitaloneandwonder iftheycanfeelme,too; iftheyrememberwhen Igavethemonelastkiss.

Wednesday,May8,2024 Miami,Florida

Surrounded by Pink Flowers by

IleanaCollazo

Surroundedbypinkflowers, thegrassadew-kissedblanket, Ilookupattheclouds.

Thesunwarmingmycheeks, abirdflyingabove, thebreezerufflingmyhair.

Iblink,andI’minbed, grief-strickenanddumbfounded; love-sickforloveitself.

Icrycold,silenttears; teethclencheduntiltheyhurt, soangrywithmyself.

Eachmorning,Iawaken, soreadyfortheday becauseIkeepforgetting mybrainisallthatworks.

Monday,September9,2024 Miami,Florida

The Deep Divide Between Our Choices

by IleanaCollazo

Iwalkandwhispertomyself; firstindarkness,theninlight, throughalandscapeIknowsowell Ineednotlookahead.

ItfeelsasifIamdetached abodysearchingforasoul, hopefully,myown ifithasnotalreadyleft.

Someleavescallmetofollow, whilefallenonescoaxmetostay. Itoftenseemsthatway, thedeepdividebetweenourchoices.

Thejoyandmourning forlifelived, andalltheotherswerejected, stubbornlyimprintedinourminds.

IfIstandattheriver'sedge, andstarehardatmyreflection. WillIseewhoIamtoday, orwhoIwaswhenIhadoptions?

Saturday,September7,2024 Miami,Florida

The Only Path to Holiness

by IleanaCollazo

Toeveryonewholivesinfear,stop. Thosewhotrulyloveyouwantyoutobesafe. Bewareofmessengersoftheomnipotent whofeigntheybringthemessageofsalvation.

Whenyouwakeupeachmorning walkoutside,standstill,takeadeepbreath; lookaheadasfarasyoucansee, andknowthatyou’reaportionofthewhole.

Whereveryouarestandingisyourpresent, eachtimeyoubreatheiswhatkeepsyoualive. IfyoucannotseeGod,itisyourfault. Itsessenceisineverybladeofgrass,

eachbloom,andeverylivingthingthatthrives. Theonlypathtoholinessisclear, whenwebecomeimmersedinwhatisreal.

Monday,June17,2024 Miami,Florida

The Tears That Flow and the Heart That Beats

by IleanaCollazo

Thereisnotimeforeverything, sometimesthereisbarelytimetobreathe, butthetearscancomeatanymoment becausetheyflowatwill.

Rollingdownourcheeks, fallingonourlaps, dryinguptoosoon tobeaproofofsorrow.

Theheartthataches cannotbeseen; hiddeninacave insideourchest.

Untilonedayitstopsbeating, andwelaysostill whilethetearsofothers fallontheirlaps.

Theycryforus, theirheartsfilledwithanguish, whileasleepsodeep envelopsus.

Monday,May20,2024 Miami,Florida

When I Pause

by IleanaCollazo

WhenIpause,mymindtakesover; leavingallundonetasksbehind, guidingmetoplacesIlove, seekingsoundsthatsootheme.

Theworldaroundmebecomessmall, madeupofthingsIoverlook whenIamrushingthroughmylife anddaystoosoonturnintonights.

Eachminutethenbecomesajewel Icherishmorethanstringsofpearls Isometimeswrapitaroundmyneck totugatwhenI‘mnervous.

Kaleidoscopesoffloatingcolors, thescentofflowers andblueskies, cocoonme.

Afterawhile,Ireturn towhatwedeemthenorm, towaitimpatientlyuntil Ifindanotherreststop.

Tuesday,April2,2024 Miami,Florida

My wild soul drums to the rhythm of my beating heart

IlearnedallIneededtoaboutwritingpoetryandcreatingvisualartasa younggirlinmygrandmother'sgarden,whereIsatdoingwhat,asanadult,I callmeditating.Thatquietspotbecamemytemple.Manyyearspassedbefore Ibegantobringthecreationsconceivedinmyearlydaydreamstolife.I startedtowritefictionandpoetry,andthenmymindexplodedintoagalaxy ofcolors,shapes,andmovementasIbegantopaintonvarioussurfaces, digitally,andthenaddeddigitalcollagetomyartisticspectrum.Myartis representativeofthetwistsandturnswetakeinthecourseofourdailylives, andoftheawe-inspiringbeautythatsurroundsus.IwasborninCubaand havelivedinSpain,NewYork,Vermont,andMassachusetts.IresideinMiami, Florida,whereIworkandplayatCollazoArtStudiowithmyartisthusband, fourdogs,andcatsintheyard.Istrivetowritepoetrythattouchestheheart andcreatevisualartthatstimulatesthesenses.Likeapatchworkquilt,my wordsandartdocumentmylifeexperiencesfromcommunistCubatoahaven inSpain,NewEngland,andFlorida.Iaminspiredbyplacesandspacesthat transformintolayersofmemories,shapes,andcolors.Mymostrecent explorationismyinventionofHICAE(HumanIntelligenceCreativeArtistic Expression)DigitalArtGeneratedbyIC,anintricateinterchangebetween technologyandthehumanbrain. Myartworkhasbeenincludedingroupand soloexhibitionsthroughouttheworld.

ArtistWebsite:

https://www.ileanacollazo.art

YouTubeChannel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy8tVr3KhHKHK28_VdoPuww fivemuses@gmail.com

1-305-613-4725

1-305-613-4725

TheScrapbookofMyMind

thetreasurechestfromwhich Ipullouteverydreammymusewilluse

Mydaydreamswereborn inmygrandmother’sgarden

Alone in the Garden 7-4 |IleanaCollazo|DigitalCollage

IfIHadWingsIWould…

spreadthemwideandflysohigh thatIwouldseemypastandfuture

Special Edition Publication by:

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Copyright©2025IleanaCollazo,CollazoArt AllRightsReserved