BobLand Chapter 1

Bobland_Insides.indd 1

11/08/2025 15:55

Photo credit: Toby Madden

Actor, author, comedian, presenter, writer and composer, Matt Lucas is one of the most recognisable personalities in British television. Matt first came to prominence as George Dawes in the seminal comedy panel show Shooting Stars. However, he is perhaps best known for his work alongside David Walliams, co-creating the three-time BAFTA winning BBC comedy, Little Britain.

Matt’s film credits include Alice in Wonderland, Paddington and Gnomeo and Juliet. TV credits include Doctor Who, Wind in the Willows and A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and theatre projects include Les Misérables.

Matt starred as ‘Prodnose’ alongside Timothée Chalamet in Warner Bros musical fantasy Wonka, and also starred in Sir Ridley Scott’s Gladiator II. Matt is the author of bestselling children’s books, including Thank You, Baked Potato to raise money for Feed NHS, My Very Very Very Very Very Very Very Silly Book of Jokes, Pranks and Games. The Boy Who Slept Through Christmas was Matt’s debut fiction novel and was nominated for a British Book Award and was also named Children’s Fiction Debut of the Year. It is now being adapted for the stage.

Bobland_Insides.indd 3

11/08/2025 15:55

First published in Great Britain in 2025 by Farshore An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London SE1 9GF farshore.co.uk HarperCollinsPublishers, Macken House, 39/40 Mayor Street Upper, Dublin 1, D01 C9W8 Text copyright © Matt Lucas 2025 Illustration copyright © Begoña Fernández Corbalán 2025 The moral rights of the author and illustrator have been asserted HB ISBN 978 0 00 851993 3 PB ISBN 978 0 00 851996 4 TPB ISBN 978 0 00 880552 4 Printed and bound in the UK using 100% renewable electricity at CPI Group (UK) Ltd 1 A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British Library.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher and copyright owner.

Without limiting the exclusive rights of any author, contributor or the publisher of this publication, any unauthorised use of this publication to train generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies is expressly prohibited. HarperCollins also exercise their rights under Article 4(3) of the Digital Single Market Directive 2019/790 and expressly reserve this publication from the text and data mining exception.

Stay safe online. Any website addresses listed in this book are correct at the time of going to print. However, Farshore is not responsible for content hosted by third parties. Please be aware that online content can be subject to change and websites can contain content that is unsuitable for children. We advise that all children are supervised when using the internet.

This book is produced from independently certified FSC™ paper to ensure responsible forest management.

For more information visit: www.harpercollins.co.uk/green

Bobland_Insides.indd 4

11/08/2025 15:55

Bobland_Insides.indd 5

11/08/2025 15:55

Bobland_Insides.indd 6

11/08/2025 15:55

For Silas and Albie

Bobland_Insides.indd 7

11/08/2025 15:55

CHAPTER ONE

‘I

’m not saying there’s nothing to do around here,’ said eleven-year-old Laszlo at lunch one day in the school canteen, as he

shovelled another forkful of lasagne into his mouth, ‘but last weekend the whole family went for a picnic in the middle of a roundabout.’

‘I know what you mean,’ replied his friend Bob, as he tucked into his Thai green curry. ‘On Sunday we went for a walk to the dry cleaners. We didn’t take any clothes with us but it was just nice to get out of the house, you know?’

1

Bobland_Insides.indd 1

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

‘I sooooooooooo can’t wait for Happey World to reopen again,’ said Laszlo. ‘Will it be soon?

I haven’t been for aaaaaages.’

It was the question on everybody’s lips. When was Happey World reopening?

Happey World was the most famous theme park on the planet. People came from Tipperary, Tel Aviv, Tokyo and Timbuktu to the otherwise unremarkable little village of Pudwick in the West Midlands to visit Happey World. They whizzed and zoomed on the thrilling rides, watched the amusing shows, and met the animal characters Herman Hamster and Melvin Mallard.

Bobland_Insides.indd 2

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

Happey World had been closed for months and months. To mark its fiftieth year, the owner was adding lots of exhilarating new attractions to the park. The veil of secrecy only caused people to speculate endlessly about what they might be.

‘I reckon they’re going to have the tallest, fastest, most loop-de-loopiest roller coaster in history,’ said Laszlo, ‘and maybe a safari ride, complete with animatronic animals. And I heard there’s going to be a rocket trip to the moon and everybody inside will be completely weightless for two whole minutes. Can you see any of the new rides from your bedroom window?’

Laszlo asked Bob this because Bob actually lived on several acres of land directly behind Happey World, with his mum Linda, his dad Phil and his grandpa Sidney.

Even though the Grubb family had a huuuuge garden – the size of several football pitches – the land was bare, and they were not rich at all. Quite

3

Bobland_Insides.indd 3

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

the opposite. Before school each day, Bob got up, fed the horse, and then collected some eggs from the brood of chickens they kept, and milked Ruby, the old cow that they owned, so that they might have something to eat and drink for breakfast.

Grandpa used to do it himself, but his age was catching up with him, and he couldn’t get around as easily any more. He did get a wheelchair on the NHS but Ruby sat in it one day and flattened it.

Ruby was quite a large animal. That’s mainly why the Grubbs’ land was so bare – Ruby had eaten most of the grass.

Bob’s dad Phil was an electrician by trade, and had managed to cleverly fix a motor and a battery to an old wheelbarrow, which Grandpa sat in and drove around the garden. When he wasn’t directing Bob to do various chores around the place, Grandpa was one of the last surviving oldfashioned rag-and-bone men in Britain, taking his horse and cart out around Pudwick village,

4

Bobland_Insides.indd 4

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

collecting unwanted scrap from local people in exchange for a few pennies. He was supposed to then sell it on to local merchants for a small profit.

However, Sidney Grubb was a bit of a hoarder, always convinced that the battered old climbing frames, ancient lawnmowers and weather-beaten garden furniture might come in handy one day.

In fact, he kept having to build more sheds in the garden from the scrap materials just to store them. (If it had been up to him, Grandpa would have just left everything scattered haphazardly in the garden, but Phil was one of those people who always liked things to be neat and clean and tidy.)

Like every other child in his class (and across the nation), Bob Grubb loved Happey World. He avidly watched the Herman Hamster and Melvin Mallard cartoons, admired all the Happey World collectible figures in the local toyshop, and watched the park’s closing firework display every

5

Bobland_Insides.indd 5

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

night from his bedroom window, delighting at the bright, colourful spectacle (even if the noise did sometimes scare his mangy old mongrel Max).

Unlike every other child in his class, however, Bob had never actually been to Happey World.

His parents had been saving up to take him, but just when they’d got enough money put by, the entrance fee would rise again.

Sometimes children from his class would go to Happey World for their birthday outings, and take various school friends, but Bob never seemed to be invited. Instead he was often the butt of his classmates’ jokes. Because he had a horse, a cow and a flock of chickens in his garden, Bob’s classmates called him Old MacDonald and teased him that he stank of the animals.

They

also

sometimes

called

him

‘nerd’

or ‘dweeb’, because he always had his head buried in a large encyclopaedia, and could recite fascinating facts.

6

Bobland_Insides.indd 6

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

Here are some of Bob’s favourite titbits:

Did you know that there is a village in Wales with the longest name of any place in Bri tain? It’s called Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobw llllantysiliogogogoch, and it’s got 58 letters in it! Good luck try ing to pronounce it.

t 100 million cups of The people of Britain drink abou e of the few places tea every day (and Britain is on lk). in the world where they add mi

Although people probably think it’s fis h and chips, or a roast dinner, the most popular dish in Britain – since the 1960s, at least – is chicken tikka masala.

7

Bobland_Insides.indd 7

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

Bob loved to learn, and was gripped by history and geography. But at Bob’s school, this often worked against him. Sometimes it’s the smartest kids who get given a hard time, isn’t it?

As he listened to his classmates chattering away about which thrilling rides they had been on, Bob hoped that, one day, he would get to experience the joys of Happey World for himself.

He always did his best not to let these things get him down too much. So he was left off the invite list for another party? Ah well, that meant he simply had more time to himself to learn about interesting topics in his encyclopaedia, or to do some more drawing.

Bob really enjoyed drawing, and often got lost in the world of his illustrations. He had a keen artistic eye, and liked to sketch what he could see from his bedroom window.

8

Bobland_Insides.indd 8

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

The wall separating Happey World from the Grubbs’ garden was tall and imposing, but Bob could make out the tops of the roller coasters.

Eventually, having drawn the top of every roller coaster, he graduated to drawing his own roller coaster rides. He would give each ride a name, and describe how it worked. Every time Bob produced a new drawing, he proudly showed it to his mum and dad (and to Grandpa, when he wasn’t in one of his cranky moods).

Would you like to see some of Bob’s brilliant rides?

(I do hope you said ‘Yes’, because I’ve included them anyway. If you said ‘No’, well I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do about it now because this book has already been published.)

9

Bobland_Insides.indd 9

11/08/2025 15:55

heads to make up f

DARE YOU RIDE THE FLUME OF FEAR?!

‘This isn’t good! We’re about to plummet!’

'Noo

oooo

oooo

oo!'

‘Help! We can’t see where we’re going!’

Bobland_Insides.indd 10

11/08/2025 15:55

s to make up for it.

BobLand

If you were looking for something nice and gentle, you might like to go on . . .

LETTY THE YETI'S ICICLE ADVENTURE

‘Letty the Yet i is addicted to spaghetti!’

‘Letty the Yeti is covered in confetti!’

Bobland_Insides.indd 11

11/08/2025 15:55

‘Letty the Yeti says, “Stop being so petty!”’

‘Letty the Yeti is getting all sweaty!’

‘Letty the Yeti sails from a jetty!’

Bobland_Insides.indd 12

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

And – not for the faint-hearted – there’s . . .

THE BELLY OF THE BEAST ‘Oh no! We’re about to be eaten by a terrifying dragon!’

‘Eeek! He’s

swa ll o w ed

ho sw

u

le!’

Bobland_Insides.indd 13

11/08/2025 15:55

!’ es! olve in iss st ’t d

‘Ew! We’re pas throug sing h I ho his in pe we te do n

‘Hooray! has The dragon out trumped us m! We live to of his botto er day!’ fight anoth

Bobland_Insides.indd 14

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

As you can see, Bob was very inventive indeed.

Of course, drawing his own rides wasn’t the same as actually going to Happey World, but for now it would have to do.

While everybody was speculating about the new rides at Happey World, the one person at Pudwick Secondary who didn’t actually need to guess barged rudely past Bob and Laszlo, as she did every day.

‘Move it, losers!’ she sneered.

Maisie Happey – also in Year 7 – was the granddaughter of Arther Happey, the owner of Happey World.

Maisie knew she was going to inherit the theme park and its billions one day, and this knowledge had turned her into – ahem – a confident girl.

Okay, when I say ‘confident’, I mean Maisie Happey was a rude, selfish, big-headed brat. She

15

Bobland_Insides.indd 15

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

did exactly as she pleased, and listened to the teachers only when it suited her. The rest of the time she swanned around the school in her expensive designer outfits (which were not regulation school uniform), bossing around teachers and pupils, and making catty remarks.

‘Look how oily your hair is. You could grease a cake pan with it,’ she jeered at one of the girls in the year above.

‘Ugh, how spotty are you? Even your zits have zits,’ she smirked at a Year 10 boy who was already pretty self-conscious about his acne.

‘Your ears are so big, if you flapped them you’d probably take off,’ she hissed at the father of one of the other pupils at the school gates.

As you might have gathered by now, Maisie Happey was an altogether unpleasant creature. Of course, if it hadn’t been for her important family, nobody would have put up with it – not for one minute. But lots of children at the school had

16

Bobland_Insides.indd 16

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

parents or older siblings who worked at Happey World, so nobody wanted to do or say anything that might put their jobs at risk.

And they were right to be wary . . .

Miss Taneja was one of the teachers at the school.

She taught French, and didn’t mind whether you were good at it or not, as long as you tried your best. She always had a smile, and wore colourful skirts. She worked hard to make her lessons fun and engaging, and everyone loved her. Miss Taneja hadn’t been at Pudwick Secondary very long, but she’d already found out the hard way the dangers of crossing Maisie Happey.

Miss Taneja had mentioned to Maisie that she was still waiting for her homework one day. After all, the rest of the class had done theirs promptly.

Maisie had been so outraged by the very nerve of such a request that she did the worst, most dreadful thing imaginable. She knocked loudly on the staffroom door, and informed Miss Taneja that she was

17

Bobland_Insides.indd 17

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

permanently, irrevocably and irreversibly banned from Happey World for a whole year! Yes, really!

In the moment, Miss Taneja was so shocked that she didn’t say anything. But on the bus, on her way home, I’m sorry to have to tell you that she actually shed a tear. For, even though she was a fully grown adult, Miss Taneja was as wild about Happey World as everybody else. In fact, one of the reasons she had moved all the way from Glasgow to Pudwick in the first place was so that she could go to Happey World on weekends and ride the roller coasters. In fact, Miss Taneja was so sad she didn’t even go to harp practice that night, and anybody who knew Miss Taneja knew she loved playing her harp.

Everyone at Pudwick Secondary heard about the ban, and thought it was very unfair, but nobody dared plead Miss Taneja’s case to Maisie, not even the head teacher himself (who liked to make everybody think he was far too serious and

18

Bobland_Insides.indd 18

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

bookish to have ever set foot in a silly theme park, but who had secretly become addicted to Happey World’s bright blue candyfloss).

How ironic that the granddaughter of the owner of Happey World seemed to have the knack of making people incredibly unhappy.

Mind you, Happey World hadn’t been quite such a cheery place in recent years.

Yes, thanks to its reputation, it was still Britain’s most famous and beloved tourist attraction. More people visited Happey World than all of the other theme parks put together. But it was a long way from its origins as a charming day out for everybody.

Since its genius creator Wally Happey had died, and his son Arthur Happey had taken over, Happey World had become less concerned with whether

19

Bobland_Insides.indd 19

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

people were having a great time, and more focused on how much they were spending.

This wasn’t because the park needed to make more money in order to stay open. After all, thousands of people passed through the gates of Happey World every day. No, the truth was simply that Arthur Happey was a very greedy man.

Now don’t get me wrong. A little money in your bank account is useful. For instance, when the Mr Whippy van comes round the corner on a balmy summer’s day, blaring its tuneful siren, and stops at the end of your street, having a little money means you can buy yourself a giant dollop of scrumptious ice cream, a dollop so large that the bottom of the cone gets soggy and drips all down your hand while you’re still eating from the top.

A little money in your bank account is useful when the trains are on strike, and you’re going to miss the big match unless you get a taxi to the stadium to see your football team lose to a goal

20

Bobland_Insides.indd 20

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

that was clearly offside and should never have been allowed but the referees are incompetent, I tell you. Incompetent!

And a little money in your bank account is useful, too, when you want to go to the cinema and see a film that wasn’t quite as good as the trailer suggested, and you needed a wee the whole way through but you didn’t want to go to the toilet in case you missed a good bit.

But too much money in your bank account is simply not necessary, especially when it has been earned by feverishly overcharging people, which is exactly what Arthur Happey did to anyone who made a pilgrimage to Happey World.

A visit to Happey World began by buying a ticket.

Well, one cannot argue with that. There are some great places you can go to where you don’t actually

21

Bobland_Insides.indd 21

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

have to pay to get in – some museums and art galleries – but it’s not irrational to expect people to pay to get into a theme park.

The cost of a ticket, however, was another thing all together. Here were the options. (You might understand why Bob Grubb had never been able to afford to go, once you’ve read them. Oh, and by the way, if you’re reading this book fifty years in the future, and all the prices actually seem very reasonable, just add a zero to the end of everything.

In fact, add two zeros. Thank you.)

0 SION ticket – £5 STANDARD ADMIS . You the park for half an hour o int try en u yo ed ow all This e , but at least if any of th es rid e th of y an on go couldn’t e roller you gawping at one of th security guards spotted buy a be moved on. You could coasters, you wouldn’t owed fes, but you were not all ca ny ma e th of e on at k snac en if it was raining. to sit inside at a table, ev 22

Bobland_Insides.indd 22

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

STANDARD ADMIS SI

This allowed you entry

you could queue for the

ON PLUS ticket –

into the park for an ho

£75

ur. And

rides, but you couldn’t go

on any ide one of the cafes as lon g as you spent £50 in there, which, incidentally, would buy you one hamburger and four chips. of them. You could eat ins

OLD N PLUS G O I S S I M D A STANDARD £100 ticket – nd ark for two a p e th to in y you entr This allowed rides as e for as many u e u q ld u o c u Yo a half hours. m, but n ONE of the o o g ld u o c u yo you liked, and onds about five sec d e st la t a th s e one de only one of th that went upsi s e n o e th f o not one and certainly , Jose. down. No way

23

Bobland_Insides.indd 23

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

STANDARD ADMISSION PLUS GOLD PREMIUM ticket – £200

This allowed you entry into the park for a whole day (but not the evening so patrons were politely

reminded to leave before the closing parade and

firework display). You were permitted to go on two of the rides but it had to be the same ride twice.

D ON PLUS GOL I S S I M D A D R STANDA – £250 UTIVE ticket C E X E M U I M E PR r a whole y into the park fo tr en u yo ed w lo al This wed you were only allo t bu g, in en ev e day and th k rade or the firewor pa g in os cl e th er to watch eith ch one you ds would check whi ar gu ty ri cu Se y. la disp ur eyes e sure you kept yo ak m en th d an watched to go You were entitled r. he ot e th r fo ut tightly sh a uld only sit next to co u yo t bu s de ri e on three of th em. friend on one of th

24

Bobland_Insides.indd 24

11/08/2025 15:55

BobLand

STANDAR

GOLD PRE

D

A D M I SS I

MIUM EXE

ticket –

This allowed

whole day an

come back th

of twelve m

e following

inutes. You

but you were

CUTIVE S

£300

you entr y in

d the evening

ON

day for a m

could go on

only allowed

em.

for a

u could

aximum

four rides

to use the se

for two of th

UPER

to the park

, and then yo

PLUS

at belt

And on and on it went. There were twenty-six different levels of ticket at Happey World. The most expensive of all was . . .

25

Bobland_Insides.indd 25

11/08/2025 15:55

Matt Lucas

GOLD PLUS ADMISSION IVE IVE SUPER EXCLUS UT EC EX M IU EM PR P IAL DE LUXE TO EC SP CT LE SE L ROYA RSTOR MAX ONYX FI PRIVATE SUPERI TRA EXTRA PEAK UL CLASS BONUS UM REWARD PLATIN EX AP E AG NT VA AD et – £5000 DELUXE ELITE tick a half, o the park for a day and This allowed you entry int as you ything as many times permission to ride on an nted was sitting where you wa dy bo me so if d, an , ed lik ey at they moved, and, if th th nd ma de uld co u yo , to be on them. You were also sit to ed ow all re we u yo refused, luded. e fizzy drink. Ice not inc entitled to one small fre

STANDARD

Right. Where were we?

Ah yes. Just another ordinary day at Pudwick Secondary.

But the following morning, something truly

AMAAAAAZING happened.

Bobland_Insides.indd 26

11/08/2025 15:55