L-R: Bonnie Abely. Susan Cook, Winnie Kunst, Evie Swenson, Betty Maas, and Lois Barrer.
Girlfriends
A
By Nancy Iglesias
morning meet-up to share a cup of coffee with your best gal pals, heading outdoors for a long walk, planning a shopping trip for some new spring décor, lunching out and ending the day with an evening of games preceded by happy hour-- these could be the antics of a gaggle of girlfriends of almost any age. And while it could be the carefree calendar of a group of women in their 30s, 40s or 50s, it’s actually a day/week in the life of a group of girlfriends in a popular senor living community in St. Peter. Like fine wine, some might say that girlfriends just get better with age. It’s a growing trend for girlfriends over 60 to move into senior communities during retirement age. Heather Deshayes, Marketing Director for the Benedictine Living Community in St. Peter, said, “We’re trying to break the stigma of what a ‘Senior Living Community’ is. First, let’s talk about what it is NOT... It is NOT a nursing home! It is an apartment complex where the only rule is that you have to be over 55 to live there. It is completely independent. You don’t have to stay in your apartments, there is no nursing staff. It is just a building with apartments that houses folks over 55.” In a recent issue of Redbook magazine (July 24, 2019), Alex Watt listed 25 reasons why we
all need girlfriends. Alex stated that “our brains are actually wired to feel the joy and sadness of close friends. And that empathy can lead us to more personal and professional success, while making us happier.” Included in the benefits of having a circle of girlfriends are things like lower stress, greater productivity, greater longevity, improved selfesteem and improved memory. The author goes on to say that a woman with a strong network of female friends will have more fun, feel more like she belongs, grieve easier in the face of loss, have a higher tolerance for pain and just generally enjoy life in a greater way. The women of Heritage Meadows seem to be living proof of that. Resident Susan Cook said, “One wonderful thing about living here is, when I lived alone, I had to invite people to my house to visit. Now, I just walk out my door and enjoy coffee with my friends.” Susan and her friends enjoy crafting together, shopping, fun adventures, card clubs, and happy hour. They meet daily in the dining room for coffee and conversation. Girlfriend and fellow resident, Lois Barrer, said, “I think most people think this is the first step to a nursing home; however, we are NOT a nursing home. We are very active, we have tons to do and enjoy having our friends next door.” Bonnie Aebly moved in last fall. She said, “I was lonely living in my last place. Now I laugh, shop, craft and enjoy having new friends. There’s always something to do and someone to do it with.”
Prior to moving to Heritage Meadows, Bonnie said her social life was fairly limited. She often felt isolated and alone. She joked that her biggest outing of the week was going to Dollar General. Her family expressed concern and encouraged her to think about moving into Heritage Meadows, but she was not excited about that option. She thought it was just a glorified nursing home, and she was not ready to give up her independence. Once she made the transition, she realized that she actually gave up very little and in fact had gained so much more. Many of the residents still drive, and it’s not unusual for them to go together grocery shopping, to church, or to Michael’s for crafts supplies. They might also be seen on nearby walking trails. In between their outings, as good friends are apt to do. There are also quieter moments to share laughter, memories, lots of coffee and even a few tears. While many of the women have bonded over good times and pleasantries, many of them have also found solace in being able to share their losses and grief with one another. When asked if they have a grief support. That’s what friends do for one another.” In her earlier years, Bonnie had been a senior companion. She told the story of regularly taking her client to a community park bench to people watch. It was a way for her client to be out in the
Bonnie Aebly
community and for them to share a little slice of life together. And that sense of being together seems to be one of the most important factors for an enjoyable quality of life as we age. Results from CONTINUES ON PAGE 30 SPRING 2020
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