Girlfriends at any age

Girlfriends

Amorning meet-up to share a cup of coffee with your best gal pals, heading outdoors for a long walk, planning a shopping trip for some new spring décor, lunching out and ending the day with an evening of games preceded by happy hour-- these could be the antics of a gaggle of girlfriends of almost any age. And while it could be the carefree calendar of a group of women in their 30s, 40s or 50s, it’s actually a day/week in the life of a group of girlfriends in a popular senor living community in St. Peter.

Like fine wine, some might say that girlfriends just get better with age. It’ s a growing trend for girlfriends over 60 to move into senior communities during retirement age.

Heather Deshayes, Marketing Director for the Benedictine Living Community in St. Peter, said, “We’re trying to break the stigma of what a ‘Senior Living Community’ is. First, let’s talk about what it is NOT... It is NOT a nursing home! It is an apartment complex where the only rule is that you have to be over 55 to live there. It is completely independent. You don’t have to stay in your apartments, there is no nursing staff. It is just a building with apartments that houses folks over 55.” In a recent issue of Redbook magazine (July 24, 2019), Alex Watt listed 25 reasons why we By Nan cy Iglesias

all need girlfriends. Alex stated that “our brains are actually wired to feel the joy and sadness of close friends. And that empathy can lead us to more personal and professional success, while making us happier.”

Included in the benefits of having a circle of girlfriends are things like lower stress, greater productivity, greater longevity, improved selfesteem and improved memory. The author goes on to say that a woman with a strong network of female friends will have more fun, feel more like she belongs, grieve easier in the face of loss, have a higher tolerance for pain and just generally enjoy life in a greater way.

The women of Heritage Meadows seem to be living proof of that. Resident Susan Cook said, “One wonderful thing about living here is, when I lived alone, I had to invite people to my house to visit. Now, I just walk out my door and enjoy coffee with my friends.”

Susan and her friends enjoy crafting together, shopping, fun adventures, card clubs, and happy hour. They meet daily in the dining room for coffee and conversation. Girlfriend and fellow resident, Lois Barrer, said, “I think most people think this is the first step to a nursing home; however, we are NOT a nursing home. We are very active, we have tons to do and enjoy having our friends next door.”

Bonnie Aebly moved in last fall. She said, “I was lonely living in my last place. Now I laugh, shop, craft and enjoy having new friends. There’s always something to do and someone to do it with.” Prior to moving to Heritage Meadows, Bonnie said her social life was fairly limited. She often felt isolated and alone. She joked that her biggest outing of the week was going to Dollar General. Her family expr essed concern and encouraged her to think about moving into Heritage Meadows, but she was not excited about that option. She thought it was just a glorified nursing home, and she was not ready to give up her independence. Once she made the transition, she realized that she actually gave up very little and in fact had gained so much more. Many of the residents still drive, and it’s not unusual for them to go together grocery shopping, to church, or to Michael’s for crafts supplies. They might also be seen on nearby walking trails. In between their outings, as good friends are apt to do. There are also quieter moments to share laughter, memories, lots of coffee and even a few tears.

While many of the women have bonded over good times and pleasantries, many of them have also found solace in being able to share their losses and grief with one another. When asked if they have a grief support. That’s what friends do for one another.”

In her earlier years, Bonnie had been a senior companion. She told the stor y of regularly taking her client to a community park bench to people watch. It was a way for her client to be out in the

Bonnie Aebly

community and for them to share a little slice of life together.

And that sense of being together seems to be one of the most important factors for an enjoyable quality of life as we age. Results from

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Winnie Kunst

Don’t miss our next issue, out in mid -MAY. Women and Adventures: • Book review • Unexpected Caregiver • Wellness • Man’s Perspective • Larissa Lathrop, technology and entertainment entrepreneur • Essay on resiliency • Women-only trips • Mother-daughter entrepreneurs • Female welder, carrying on a family tradition • Mother-daughter mentors - Big Sisters • Geo-caching • The art of tattoos ....and more! MAY/JUN ISSUE DEADLINE IS APRIL 10TH Have a n idea or suggestion? Contact Beth Forkner Moe at bfmoe@southernminn.com Express Yourself! MEDIA APG South ern Minnesota Print | Digital | Events Our content reaches a larger audience than ever before. From newspaper, web design, digital advertising, special products and services we are here to help you reach your maximum audience. Contact Regional Director of Adverting Mark Nelson at mnelson@faribault.com or 507-333-3109 to set up your meeting to see what best fits your needs. SUMMER CAMP CAMP PILLSBUR Y Camp Pillsbury is a unique day and sleepaway summer camp, offering over 100 activities! Flying trapeze, circus arts, musical theater, sports, magic, horseback, gymnastics, dance, technology, musical instruments and waterski– all in the same day. So many activities to choose from! Camppillsbury.com 507-214-2200. a University of Michigan Health and Retirement Study seem to affirm what the women of Heritage Meadows are living out. While longevity was definitely impacted by loneliness, researchers also found “that people who were experiencing loneliness were less likely to be able to do simple daily tasks and activities, such as walking around the block, dressing and showering and carrying objects as light as 10 pounds.” Another lar ge study done at the University of Michigan by William Chopik affirms the power of friendship on both the physical and mental health of aging adults. Who knew that a having good friends as we age could provide so many benefits? Heather Deshayes may not have read these studies, but she seems to be at the center of creating an environment at Heritage Meadows where friendships abound. She enjoys planning special outings and activities for her residents. Listening to her giggle when speaking to and about her “girls” was indeed heart-warming and life-affirming.

Deshayes said, “Americans ar e living longer and are much more active than they used to be. Finding an active senior living community is nice, but finding one with friends is even better.” Heritage Meadows is part of the Benedictine Living Community of St. Peter and has 28 oneand two-bedroom apartments up to 900 square feet. Everything is included in the rent, including the noon meal. They even do housekeeping and laundry. There are bay windows, beautiful views, garages, full kitchens, and a completely remodeled community. Senior living communities are perfect for couples, best friends, or making new friends! Nancy Iglesias is a freelance writer and storyteller. She is a Midwest girl through and through with roots and stories from Wisconsin, Illinois and Minnesota. Whether she’s chatting with someone who is four or fourscore, she loves to hear their stories. CONTINUED FROM page 19 RI GHT: Standing, L-R: Susan Cook, Mary Jacobson, Bonnie Abely. Seated, L-R: Lois Barrer, Evie Swenson, Winnie Kunst, Betty Maas.

Berit

Kari Berit, author of The Unexpected Caregiver, gives dynamic presentations that provide real-life help to family & professional caregivers using her practical S.A.N.E. Method™. Follow her at www.KariBerit.net

When the Caregiving

Expert Becomes the

Receiver of Care I t’s my turn to receive care. I recently had an operation on my heel to fuse two bones to correct the wear and tear from an old injury. I had been walking in pain, bone-onbone for several years, and when the pain interrupted my daily life, it was time to have it fixed. Even though my husband and I prepared for my period of immobility, we were still caught a bit “flat-footed” by just how much I would be unable to do for myself. To facilitate the best recovery, I need to keep my foot elevated above my heart, 90% of the day for a solid two weeks. That’s a lot of time lounging. And I’m a pretty fastidious housekeeper, which translates to me either asking my husband to do more than he’s accustomed to, or balancing on crutches to wash dishes, vacuum the floor, or clean a toilet. It’s a prickly issue and requires compromise from both of us, even though I’m convinced my way is the right way (Smiley face here!).

Ther e’s a multi-stepped dance that takes place when the person receiving care isn’t accustomed to asking for help and the person giving care is doing double-duty work. We decided that the most innovative step we could take is to move to the first floor of our house, opening up the sofa-sleeper couch, and setting up camp. The couch is butted up to my desk, where I have nearly everything I need. Even though I much prefer to sleep in my bed, I’ve made this work, as has my easy-going husband. With him away during the day, we’ve also talked about what I need and how I can structure my days while living on my back.

Besides the basics of having a ½ gallon of drinking water and healthy snacks at hand, we brainstormed various projects that I can accomplish from the couch bed. The problem is not a lack of things to do; rather, it’s the antsy feeling of being physically trapped that interrupts my productivity. I have to play games with myself: If I make so many business calls or write x-number of emails, I tell myself it’s okay to read from my novel, watch a movie, or take a nap. Now, with the end of my physical down time approaching, I look at my list of things to do and wish I could have another couple of weeks to get it all finished. However, I am reminded of my doctor’s admonition that healing requires rest. And ‘rest’ needs to be an item on my to-do list! I also keep my S.A.N.E. Method™ close at hand—reminding myself that it’s okay (and necessary) to be Supported by others, Appreciated by myself (for what I CAN do), Not feel guilty about resting (as my healing depends on it), and finally, feeling Energized—that this surgery is a positive event, one that will enable me to return to the activities I love.

This time of being a car e receiver has enriched my understanding of how challenging it is to be dependent on someone else. It’s also solidified the importance of good communication, ingenuity, and patience between caregiver and care receiver.

A Full Continuum of Care

Benedictine Living Community of St. Peter is committed to helping area seniors live fully and live well. Our services include rehabilitation therapy and post acute care, skilled nursing home care/memory care, independent and assisted living, and interior access to the hospital, clinic and fitness center.

Call today to learn more.

Benedictine Living Community of St. Peter Heritage Meadows - Independent Living 1302 W Traverse |(507) 931-8545 Benedictine Court - Assisted Living 1906 N Sunrise Drive |(507) 934-8817 Benedictine Health Center Skilled Nursing, Rehab and Memory Care 1907 Klein Street |(507) 934-2203