Supporting & Championing Families

Supporting & Championing Families Created by FAME:

Family Associa5on for Mental Health Everywhere

www.fameforfamilies.com TORONTO

Created by:

“Introduc5on For Families”

FAME

Family Associa5on for Mental Health Everywhere www.fameforfamilies.com TORONTO

Hope. Support. Resilience.

Families need; empathy, support, knowledge and a compass for naviga5ng the health care system as an advocate for a loved one living with mental illness.

We understand that families play a cri5cal role in the wrap around process of recovery, and the stress associated with this responsibility impacts their health, social and family rela5ons, career and financial situa5ons.

We also acknowledge that overcoming s5gma to reach out for support remains one of the biggest challenges with respect to mental health.

This applies equally to the one in five who suffer from mental illness and the four in five who are their families, the families that we serve.

One in Five One in five. We hear that number a lot these days.

One in five people who will experience a mental illness during their life5me. Others report – one in five will suffer from a mental health condi5on, in any one year.

We believe not just one but all FIVE need our considera5on. Any of them could be part of your family.

1

One

You could be a Mother with post-­‐ partum depression or a teenager self harming or with an ea5ng disorder.

Or you could have just gone off to university – and experienced schizophrenia. You could be a spouse with bi-­‐polar or be struggling with depression, anxiety or stress.

2

Two

You could be the mother of a teenager experiencing a mental illness. You want to understand what is going on but you are so afraid to talk about things aloud.

Your family is becoming polarized. You and your spouse find your rela5onship deteriora5ng. You struggle with going to work because you are constantly worried about your loved one who is ill. You don’t know who to talk too or where to turn but you know there is a problem.

3

Three

You are Grandparents. You are caring for your grandchildren because your daughter is ill and she cannot parent them at this 5me.

Again, like the spouse, you don’t know who to talk to or where to turn. You are burning out rapidly because these are the years that you thought would be the empty nest years – but you are finding yourself paren5ng all over again.

You are stressed and 5red. You don’t know where you will find relief & support.

4

Four

You are a sibling to a brother who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.

You don’t really understand what schizophrenia is and just the men5on of the expression of the word “schizo” conjures up images of a crazy person.

Your house has been flipped upside down because of the uncontrollable outbursts. You no longer bring friends over and find yourself more and more, spending 5me away from home just because you can’t deal with the situa5on. You are detaching, geYng angry, frustrated and biZer. But yet you care deeply for your sibling, that you can’t seem to help. Feelings in conflict.

5

Five

You are nine years old.

Your mother has been been struggling with bi-­‐polar from the day you were born. Your parents have now divorced because your father could no longer manage to sustain the rela5onship.

You have two younger siblings, who you o\en care for, feed, clean and help get off to school. Your Mother hasn’t goZen out of bed for the last ten days and the only communica5on you’ve had with her are the notes she’s slipped under the door from her bedroom.

This is normal life for you. On your own.

You are the 4 in 5 Now you’ll truly see the impact that mental illness can have on a family.

You are the four in five.

You are the families who reach out to us at FAME. In the beginning, families are overwhelmed. They are experiencing emo5ons ranging from from anger, blame, grief, fear, shame, guilt.

Ini5ally, we keep things simple.

One of the core fundamentals that we begin to work on with families is very simple and short. It’s part of the founda5on that we use to begin the process of recovery, strength, resilience and hope for families.

We call it -­‐

The Four C’s

I did not cause the mental illness.

I cannot control it.

I cannot cure the mental illness.

But I can cope with the mental illness.

“How well will your loved one be, if you are not?”

Accep5ng the concept of SELF CARE.

We help families understand and accept the concept of

self care.

For many families, in par5cular with parents, the idea of self care is an absolutely foreign almost distasteful thought; caring for yourself equally or in parallel with your child.

Over my years in working with families I have o\en asked this ques5on: “How well will your loved one be, if you are not?”

These are the beginning steps of building the model of self care. This o\en leads to compassionate curiosity about the “self” which means we begin to look at ourselves with the same non-­‐judgemental acceptance we would wish to accord anyone else who is or has suffered and who needs help.

We all need to care for ourselves, that is a healthy approach.

From there we can move on to the Seven A’s of Healing.

Seven A’s of Healing It’s o\en about aYtude & approach.

Acceptance The willingness to recognize and accept how things are.

We can have “nega5ve” thoughts and moments but we can use them to inform our understanding of challenges we face -­‐ without allowing it to define our approach to our future. Making peace with the situa5on -­‐ accep5ng it has happened and it’s part of our reality and we’ll deal with it as best we can.

Awareness Full awareness means that we regain our lost capacity to perceive emo5onal reality and we are ready to let go of the paralyzing belief that we are not strong enough to face the truth about our lives.

This self awareness this can also mean learning what the signs of stress are in our in own bodies. We must listen and learn from these signs.

Anger Anger is a physiological process to be experienced.

It also has cogni5ve value – it provides us with essen5al informa5on.

Depending on circumstances, we may choose to manifest the anger, let go of it or simply contemplate what may have triggered it.

It is key not to suppress the experience of anger. When truly healthy anger is experienced, nothing overly drama5c happens. There is however usually a huge decrease of all muscle tension and a release of pent up nega5ve emo5on.

Autonomy Boundaries and autonomy are essen5al for health.

We need to feel free to act and communicate honestly and that requires Autonomy. We experience life through our bodies. If we are not freely able to ar5culate our life experience, there are physical and emo5onal outcomes.

Healing and healthy living requires the capacity to live and act with autonomy.

Attachment Seeking connec5ons is necessary for full healing; to bring us from a sense of isola5on to a sense of acceptance and community. AZachment is our connec5on to the world. Some5mes we find it easier to feel biZerness or rage than to allow ourselves to experience that aching desire for in5mate contact, par5cularly when we fear the nega5ve experience of s5gma.

We can permit ourselves to honour the universally reciprocal human need for connec5on and to challenge the ingrained belief that unconsciously burdens so many people with chronic illness: we are not worthy of, or able to be loved.

Our families experience this too. Healing reintroduces posi5ve aZachment.

Assertion In our fear and suffering, we falsely equate; “reality with tumult”, “being with ac5vity”, “value with achievement”.

We can return to a recogni5on of a posi5ve valua5on of ourselves independent of our history, personality, abili5es or the world’s percep5on of us. We are fully accepted and valued, regardless of that state or our health or ac5vi5es.

Asser5on is the declara5on to ourselves and to the world that “we are” and “that we are who we are” with acceptance, and without condi5ons. We are simply living our life’s journey.

Affirmation When we affirm, we make a posi5ve statement; we recognize and move towards something of value.

To affirm our individual and family experience and existence posi5vely, no maZer what the challenge -­‐ is healing for ourselves and for others.

The second great affirma5on is of the universe itself – our connec5on with all that is. Our family member’s experience and our family experience is part of life – and we accept it and will do the best we can. And o\en, that is the founda5on of healing.

“Family Recovery provides a facilitation of hope, recovery and education.

We teach family members to embrace self-care and individual responsibility.�

Mary Jursinic, FAME Family Support Worker

Let’s Talk Parents have an interest in the well-­‐being of their children, as they progress in their lives from elementary school, to middle school, on to secondary school and to work or post secondary educa5on.

Keeping dialogue open about the challenges we all face as we grow through these years is key to making sure we all feel accepted and understood, even when challenges such as mental illness arise.

You need to make sure that this dialogue takes place, not only within your family, but also with your educators, your physicians, with the support organiza5ons that you may need to access.

Recovery, coping and resiliency have a much beZer chance of taking hold when you communicate and take an interdisciplinary approach.

Keep talking.

The other dialogue that needs to take place is for parents to understand how they can talk to their children about their own mental health issues.

Depression and anxiety are the most common mental health problems in the world. When experienced by a parent the impact on the individual and the family can be significant. Children in par5cular will o\en blame themselves for their parent’s difficul5es. Family dialogue builds resilience.

Family dialog around mental illness offers a shared perspec5ve, acceptance and understanding. When parents and caregivers can demonstrate they are taking posi5ve steps towards recovery, they are in effect providing comfort and hope for the family.

Talking about mental illness encourages problem solving and builds child and family resilience.

We know that we can teach resiliency and hope, if we model it and share it.

Thank you!

For more informa5on:

www.fameforfamilies.com

FAME is a proud sponsor of The Mission Media Company’s “Family Guide to Mental Health Recovery” project.