Shrink Rap: Ask Dr. S. ________________
Is there a tactful way to discuss privilege with someone who is trying to use theirs to fuck you? Dear Dr. S, As a younger guy on Fire Island, I inevitably meet several handsome older gentlemen who at first seem like true gentlemen and are very welcoming and willing to invite a guy over in the spirit of neighborliness during the day. Too often however, showing up to the nighttime vibe feels more like arriving as hired entertainment with sexual expectations than showing up as a guest to a new friend. It seems many handsome older gentlemen feel that a smile, an invite and a drink entitles them to sexual service of one kind or another, and as the night goes on and drinks are drunk, it’s not uncommon for the feeling in the room to shift from friendly flirting among neighbors to overt pressure to perform sexual service on the oh so gracious and deserving hosts. So, what’s your advice for best ways to indicate boundaries without seeming unthankful or abrupt? What are some tactful ways to train upwards our more established community members on how it’s appropriate to act these days? Is there a tactful way to discuss privilege with someone who is trying to use theirs to fuck you? Dear Younger Guy: Here’s one of my dreams for humanity, amid the multiple insane challenges we now face: Let’s learn how to flirt. How to give it, how to receive it. How to delight in the ride of mutual pleasure without crashing into the guardrails of cock-teasing or taking advantage. I figure if we can master that, we can handle anything. 36
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