Issuu

Issue

Volume

June 2021

PROVINCETOWN

FAG RAG

Masthead:

Editor-In-Chief Tomik Dash Creative Director Izzy Berdan Writers Brian Calhoun Dr. S Photographers Adam Ross Gaston Lacombe Mateo Guadalupe Shann Treadwell

Contributors Paul Rizzo Mommalee Mackenzie Benwa Carolyn Qya Graphic Design Lillian Zhang Cover Photo Shann Treadwell Model: Katerina

Advertisers in Fag Rag Provincetown acknowledge that they do business in the spirit of cooperation, fairness and service, maintaining a high level of integrity and responsibility. Providers of products and/or services are fully and solely responsible for same as advertised. Fag Rag Provincetown assumes no responsibility or liability for improper or negligent business practices by advertisers. The appearance of any person, model, business or organization in this publication by name, advertisement or photograph is not an indication of sexual orientation. Advertisers and their agencies assume all responsibility and legal liability for the content of their advertisements in Fag Rag Provincetown. Publisher assumes no liability for safekeeping or return of unsolicited art, manuscripts or other materials. Fag Rag Provincetown reserves the right to edit all material for clarity, length and content. All contents are copyrighted Fag Rag Provincetown, LLC. All rights reserved. Content may only be reproduced with written permission from Fag Rag Provincetown, LLC. Fag Rag Provincetown assumes no liability for any claims or representations contained anywhere in this magazine and reserves the right to cancel or refuse advertising at publishers discretion. We are accepting original editorial submissions from photographers. Email info@fagragmag.com with the subject “PTown Submission.” Advertising Inquiries: ads@fagragmag.com

We know your phone is right next to you. Give us a follow. www.fagragmag.com @fagragmag

Contents:

4 6 12 24 30 36 38

Letter from the Editor Inspired to be Super Cape Nebula Innkeeping in Quarantimes Leather Coven Shrink Rap Babes in Funland

Photo by Dusty St. Amand

I put out a Preview Issue in March 2020, right before watching Governor Cuomo make the announcement that the state would be going into quarantine. I wondered if there would even be a Fire Island summer at all! Online I saw people cancelling their shares left and right. There was so much uncertainty about how things would play out that I gave considerable thought into postponing my plans until this year. But then I thought, fuck it! I’m going to continue as planned, and if I screw anything up, I’ll just blame it on the pandemic. Despite extenuating circumstances, luckily I didn’t screw anything up. Last summer in Fire Island was very different, but it was still beautiful. And I’m incredibly grateful that the magazine was well received. So well received in fact that to my surprise, businesses in Provincetown were asking me if they could carry it as well. The two towns have had a long history of crossover between their admirers. So naturally I thought about what a new edition could look like in PTown. The community already has a bevy of amazing magazines with a long history of serving the LGBTQ community. There even used to be a Fag Rag newspaper some 40ish years ago run by a bunch of radical homos in Boston. Iconic! (See fagragmag.com for the article I wrote last year on why I chose this name.) When thinking about how I wanted to approach Fag Rag Provincetown, of course my identity played a huge part in that. I remember asking a friend what he thought about PTown and he replied, “It’s more white than Fire Island, but less pretentious.” That stuck with me. In addition to focusing on the artists who make the Provincetown the vibrant and dynamic place that it is, I also wanted to find the underserved communities and tell their stories. The first step that I took was finding a Creative Director who was a person of color who had a strong relationship with the community. You’ll meet Izzy on the next page. They’re amazing! Together, we hope to bring something new to PTown that celebrates and amplifies the queer magic that it is known for. Thank you for joining us on this ride! FAGRAGMAG.COM

Letter from the Editor

@tomik2point0

Tomik Dash

Last year when I launched Fag Rag Fire Island, I of course had absolutely no idea what the reception would be. Eight years prior, I had ended my foray in publishing, yet in recent years felt the urge to get back into it. I knew that if I was going to take the plunge, it had to be for something that really spoke to me. And after six consecutive summers in Fire Island I thought, there are so many micro-communities here… a magazine would be a beautiful way to connect them!

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@izzyberdan

Letter from the Creative Director

Izzy Berdan

I still feel sick to my stomach when I remember that there were people promoting the “PTOWN 400” with “sexy” Indians and pilgrims cruising each other. Please take at least 5 minutes after this sentence to acknowledge the Wampanoag people who nurtured this land for thousands of years before the brutal colonization by the pilgrims. 20 years ago, I got my first glimpse of Provincetown. From that point on it has firmly held its title as my favorite place on Earth. Every consecutive year since then I have learned more about the land and the people I share it with. It’s difficult to pretend like I could even remember all of the amazing stories from the artists and families that have lived here at some point or another in their life. Hell, that’s probably why I love documenting so much of the life that happens here over the years. And I’m not alone. There is an undeniable history of art and artistry attached to this town that continues to inspire every following generation. Where there is art, there is love. And this community is one of the most accepting, understanding, nurturing, loving places I have ever had the pleasure of experiencing. So what better spot to shelter-in-place once the country started it’s downward spiral a little over a year ago. Like many before me, and many after, I have been given the gift of PTown through the kindness of others. This past summer had to have been one of the greatest gifts of all. Don’t worry this isn’t one of those “everything is amazing” stories… I wish. The truth of the matter is that despite this being my true eyes definition of paradise, the intensity of everything going on in the world even managed to reach this serene and desolate location. One of the main reasons I feel at home here is because I feel safe. I have been assaulted a number of times for the way I look, talk and act, and this is the one place in the entire world where I can freely let my guard down. I would imagine this is what it feels like to be a str8 white guy… everywhere. There are some of us who only get this luxury in designated safe places. For me, PTown is that place. I knew the summer was going to be different and weird but I didn’t expect this much change in both the season and myself. Being the visual spectacle that I am, I’ve become accustomed to the attention I bring on the street and have grown to revel in it. As such, one always prepares for the commercial stroll. What once was an outing to compare lewks with friends on the strip now gave the same appeal of a petting zoo from the animal’s perspective. You’d find yourself having a similar conversation with every other person you knew on the street… “There sure are a lot of straight people here, right?!” It was almost reassuring that others saw it too. Calm down cis, I’m merely talking

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Inspired to be Super

about looking at last year and noticing change. That being said, man was there some change on the street! The license to intimidate seemed to be on full display. At one point, I legit saw a man walking down the street in an ak47 t-shirt with a bleeding flag skull. I thought back to all the bitch bullies I grew up with. Of course, his mask was joined with full block sunglasses and a ball cap so he could maintain his anonymity. I glared at the woman who accompanied him and wondered who could walk with a guy like that in a place like this. Honestly I was so taken aback that I was speechless. Returning home I saw the woman again and immediately looked for the man by her side, as now my wits were beside me… and low and behold, that MF changed his shirt! BWAAJAJJAJAJAJAJAJA!!! I figured at some point he must have wanted to get some semblance of service in town and found out the hard way that there was a dress code of sorts. 7

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Izzy

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Berdan As for those who want to talk about acceptance, let’s try talking about it through the lens of racial equity and antiblack racist oppression. Why is it easier for people to get military assault weapons than a drivers license? Our queer and BIPOC community stand disproportionately at the end of so many bullets that even having this conversation feels like an aggression.

town has the potential to be the most egalitarian queer sanctuary... but there is work to do. Hi! My name is Izzy Berdan. My pronouns are they/them and my ancestors are indigenous and of color. Some of my other ticked boxes include atheism, democratic socialism & polysexuality. This moment is brought to you by the letter “V” for visibility. 2020 took another giant leap with the promotion of voices of non-traditional narrators. There were even a number of documentaries on queer visibility in television and movies that left me insprired. Seeing the progression of diverse bodies in the media made me think about the role that I could potentially play in providing representational equity in my own little private Idaho Provincetown. Being intentionally inclusive is not hard. The hard part is doing so in a place where the demographics to do such a thing don’t work in your favor. Those are the kind of stories we want to tell in Fag Rag Provincetown. We want to find out who the disrupters are that seek to dismantle that and give them a platform. We want to do the work!

At the end of a Black Lives Matter march in the beginning of June 2020, Provincetown community members gathered to speak about their lived experiences, especially in regard to how they are treated both by locals, guests and the police. I definitely consider myself one of the privileged when I’m in town and had no idea how much of what was going on in the town was never reaching our ears. I mean, I’ve had so many adverse experiences, even with people I’ve known for decades, that I wasn’t expecting to be surprised by a single thing. Then you hear of a family of Black children abused by the system, only to be subsequently failed at every corner, and you realize that this really isn’t a magical place. It’s the same as everywhere else in the country. We were even hearing stories popping up here and there of senseless acts of violence over masking and regulations. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! Half of my friends in town are servers. Dealing with asshole customers in your backyard has to be one of the gates of hell. Amidst all of these stories, we all sat in collective heaviness in our shared concerns for the future.

Well, time to become the person that I needed when I was younger. Ugh, this would be much easier if that person wasn’t a superhero! Fortunately for me this village of travelers is packed with extremely talented artists and characters dying to share their love and stories with you. Also, I’ve never been great at coloring inside the lines, so to some of you I say, I’m sorry. And to others, you’re welcome!

So many people call PTown home and will NEVER own a single inch of real estate here. This

– Izzy

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The season had me excited. Finally, I was going to have my own place, my own show, my own life. I even went on vacation, knowing that when I returned, it’d be back to work on what set list I had come up with. I was going to have a meeting with F for one show; then A for another show; and R as a backup plan. Then... things changed. For the longest time, it felt like an excruciating waking nightmare. The denial was felt amongst us all at first. Then the numbers started to broadcast across any and all channels. Then came the social media posts. Finally, the phone calls from family I hadn’t spoken to in over half a decade. How could this be? How could they allow this to get this bad? Why is no one listening to the ones in charge?! (Oh, wait... never mind...) But one can only feel sorry for themselves for so long before you realize that, whether ya want to admit it or not, the world hasn’t ended kiddo. So, what’s a girl to do? Well, I like performing in drag, and I know there’s a lot I still can learn. Hmm...? Well, I don’t see why I couldn’t take a couple of these old wigs and try to work out some kind of style. Maybe they’ll wind up cute! And even if not, I will have learned something. – Qya FAGRAGMAG.COM

She

Leans She

Screams She

Reads

Marie Antoinette ....

– Mommalee

@gaystrychef

Photographer Adam Ross got a glimpse into the lockdown lives of a few PTown locals. We share their photos and their poetry throughout this issue. 11

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Cape Nebula Artwork by Gaston Lacombe

@gastonlacombe

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Brian Calhoon

Co-owner

www.brasswoodptown.com @brasswoodptown

On April 13, 2020, my husband and I closed on the sale of our new business to embark on an entirely different career: We left our life in Boston to run a bed & breakfast in Provincetown, Massachusetts. (The Ides of March paled in comparison to this fateful day.) Just a few days prior, we had sold our condo, left our stable jobs, salaries, pension and benefits to become innkeepers in a tourist town at the height of closures due to the Covid-19 pandemic. When we arrived at our new home, a beautiful Victorian mansion with over 175 years of history in her bones, we stood on the front porch and looked out over an empty Commercial Street and thought, “$#!%...what have we just done?” Like so many Americans, we too were working from home, but that was the plan all along: We live at the inn, so our home is also our place of work. To say the pandemic had its share of silver linings is an understatement. Sure, we weren’t able to open for months, and we had more cancellations and refunds than we care to remember, but we survived our first season — and are still smiling.

Brasswood Inn FAGRAGMAG.COM

In a typical year, we would hit the ground running with non-stop bookings and a flurry of return guests. In 2020, the slow start to the season allowed us to step more gently into a new industry and learn on the job. The lack of certainty and a cautious rate of new bookings made it difficult to build budget projections. We essentially threw our original business plan out the window and had to start from scratch. But we were delighted to find that our neighbors (many of whom are fellow innkeepers) were happy to share their experience and commiserate while we shifted gears to meet CDC guidelines. These long-time business owners were having to craft new approaches to serve their customers while we were simply learning how to do it for the first time. We only know how to run an inn during a pandemic. Still, we found ourselves busier than expected. Many guests were eager to get out of their homes and happy to respect 24

Innkeeping in Quarantimes

the safety protocols for the chance of a change of scenery. Cancellations during popular themed weeks resulted in new guests being able to enjoy a town they love or experience a place they have always wanted to visit. Fortunately, there was financial relief from the bank and Small Business Administration that allowed us to invest in updates like keyless locks to reduce contact at check in (no more fumbling of keys exchanging hands). Breakfast buffets are a thing of the past. This year, our breakfasts were made to order and delivered to the room on a tray of individually wrapped items. Less food waste provided both environmental and economic benefits, plus the perk of feeling like room service while also meeting safety guidelines. The chance for faceto-face interaction with guests is a big part of the bed and breakfast experience. Were it not for the pandemic, none of these things would have happened. We never would have considered these alternatives or afforded to make these updates. The response from guests 25

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has surpassed our expectations. In fact, we will stay with this approach even when the pandemic is behind us. Since so many things were in flux, it seemed as good a time as any for us to rebrand and change the name of our inn to reflect our identity as a welcoming, inclusive space. The name “Brasswood” is a musical reference to the trumpet (brass) and marimba (wood), which my husband and I play, respectively. Our mission is to support the arts as well as artists, with a focus on historically underrepresented communities (musicians of color, female-identifying artists, etc.). The biggest surprise was the response from the Provincetown community. This former fishing village turned artist colony is full of passionate, creative people. Town-sanctioned ambassadors walked the streets and used positive encouragement to remind visitors to wear masks and follow social distance guidelines. Business owners shared best practices and worked together in unprecedented ways. Residents took care of each other and hung signs of “Hope” on doors across Commercial Street. With performances being relegated to virtual livestreams, it left local musicians (including myself) starving for in-person opportunities, and tourists starving for live entertainment. As an experiment, I rolled my marimba onto our prominent front porch overlooking Commercial Street and began to play. The response from the public was electric. What started as a casual concert turned into a weekly event throughout the summer with a growing audience — masked and socially distanced, of course. We invited local musicians to perform in a safe, free way for a community that loves to support its artists. Our porch transformed into a literal and figurative platform for artists seeking an opportunity to practice their craft and connect with the community. One particularly memorable collaboration was with visual artist Josh Moths who repurposed a large Independence Day-themed work into a Black Lives Matter protest piece. This was lovingly displayed on our front lawn during election season. FAGRAGMAG.COM

It’s no surprise that a town full of creatives would come up with new and unique solutions to the challenges we were all facing. After all, necessity in the mother of invention and constraints breed creativity. By being forced into new routines that we invented and discovered, our business was able to grow and evolve into our own. We are profoundly proud of what we’ve achieved as a business and as a community. Anyone with a good head on their shoulders would question whether starting a new business during a pandemic was a smart decision. We couldn’t have done it any other way, and I don’t regret a thing.

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Deep.

Deep in the depths of my soul a blue shimmering light is freckled on my path.

Brighten the

flame.

Dim the

noise.

Dampen the

chatter.

A restless mind. An anxious attack, even knowing what’s real. Madre Aya is within always.

Stop searching. Go in

words.

Laugh like the children. Play the game of the dogs.

Deeper.

Go.

– Carolyn

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Winter is best spent enveloped in comfort. Draped over the arm of my couch,

Pillows and blankets everywhere, Wrapped in a cocoon of desire.

Reading arcane secrets and Escaping into worlds of fantasy. – Robert

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Leather Coven

Photography by Mateo Guadalupe

@leathercoven

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Got a question for Dr. S., or interested in a confidential consultation? Email steve_schwartzberg@yahoo.com.

Dr. S. is a clinical-psychologist, former Harvard Medical School academic, serious Buddhist meditator, and Body Electric instructor. Address your questions for Dr. S. to info@ fagrag.com with “ShrinkRap” in the subject line.

Dear Dr. S., Am I the last person on earth who hasn’t tried ayahuasca or psilocybin? I’m guessing that most of my friends have done psychedelics at least once. I want to, but the snag is that I’m in recovery. I’ve been sober for six years and absolutely don’t want to fuck that up. My program sponsor thinks I’m insane for even considering it, but I feel like I’m missing out. Can I still be sober and make an exception for ayahuasca? – Sober but curious.

Dear Sober But Curious, Great question. I’m delighted that sobriety has been beneficial in you life, and fully support you not wanting to jeopardize that. the key question is whether experimenting with psychedelics will jeopardize that. you will find no shortage of people with strong opinions about this. In many ways, twelve step programs are amazing. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), Narcotics Anonymous (NA), and similar programs may well be the most effective grassroots healing organizations every devised. Deep bows if you have used a twelve step program to get and keep your life on track. At the same time, the 12-step model is not perfect, and it’s not for everyone. For one thing, it does not recognize non-binary thinking: either you’re an addicr or you’re not. If you’re not an addict, there’s not a problem – it assumes you can engage with moderation. But if you’re an addict, from this perspective all substances could trigger an addictive pull and are to be avoided. Anything non-prescribed is off-limits, regardless of your intent for use or specifics about the substance in question. Let’s try a different lens. To offer a gross distinction, all substance use can be considered recreational vs. nonrecreational. This includes psychedelics. Recreational use involves partying, getting high, zoning out, seeking thrills, escaping challenges.

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Shrink Rap:

Non-recreational possibilities include consciousness expansion, spiritual discovery, and targeted psychological healing (not avoiding or numbing), if your curiosity about psychedelics is mainly recreational, it’s probably not worth it. You risk substituting one high for another and screwing up your sobriety. But if it’s consciousness expansion or spiritual discovery you’re seeking, you may not be jeopardizing your recovery. You may be enhancing it. If you pursue this path, pay paramount attention to the context, setting, and intention of your exploration. If you’re brand new to this, seek out a structured, guided experience. Work with an experienced person who knows what they’re doing. Be honest with your intentions. Give yourself time to integrate the experience afterwards; walking a psychedelic journey back into daily life is a key component. Framed another way, are you using psychedelics to avoid or escape something, or to dive more deeply into a new type of knowledge? Six years into recovery, you’ve hopefully got enough wisdom under your belt to weigh the pros and cons of your choice. If you’ve got other underlying emotional or psychological challenges, consider these in your decision (there’s zero guarantee your psychedelic experience will be happy, easy, or tranquil). For folks whose recovery is newer and not yet stable, you may want to prioritize full sobriety – the option of a psychedelic experience will still be there down the road.

Ask Dr. S

As if this weren’t complicated enough, Bill W., the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, used LSD years into his sobriety and found it valuable enough to write about its potential in treating alcoholism. Psychedelics such as ketamine, psilocybin, and MDMA are now used in mental health treatment. So why, for example, is Prozac for depression okay but psilocybin for post-traumatic stress disorder not? And what about world cultures that use psychedelics not to foster addiction, but to heal it? No matter what you decide, you’ll piss someone off. Within the 12-step world, you may feel ostracized or shamed; among psychedelic explorers, you may not find adequate respect for staying abstinent from substances that serve you poorly. Check out psychedelicsinrecovery.org -- an organization of 12-step adherents interested in conscious, intentional psychedelic exploration -- for additional perspectives. Good luck! 37

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Photography by Shann Treadwell @shann_of_funland

Babes in Funland

Katerina

Qya FAGRAGMAG.COM

Electra

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Katerina FAGRAGMAG.COM

Boy Radio FAGRAGMAG.COM

Elle

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Puddin FAGRAGMAG.COM

Elle

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fourelevengallery.com/paul-rizzo

Art by Paul Rizzo

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Give me

a book and a place to sit,

and wait out any

winter storm.

Bunter, though, gets bored. He sneaks out of the fenced yard, oblivious to the danger of

cars or

He wanders the quiet streets and returns on his own. To sleep with his back against mine,

growling gently at his

coyotes.

wolf dreams.

– Anthony House

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I mourn the maskless me: Long gone, horizon-bound, Alee on local eddys Towards sunrise/sunset. He’s gone to join the crowded company

Of a bygone bohemian mantasy. I drag the sand. I strut the street. And after the boys of summer have gone,

Of some Wilder Our Town,

The tidal pulls of cash and cock

To versify his truth upon

Maintain.

A mount above Spoon River,

What deed have I to hold one melting fist

To turn and see the salty Pillars of our provenance: Of AIDS, of squalls, harpoons, Of pox and Pilgrims’ progress. There is pride in the participation (And pity in the privilege) Of feasting high in the wholly dying days

Sandbar, 2021

Of these kinetic sands? What am I that now remains But one more mooncussing pillager Of white-collar washashores, One more hustler-huckster posturing aloof In bulging denim froidure? – Benwa 51

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