Book Excerpt
Facing Darkness, Finding Light Life After Suicide BY STEFFANY BARTON
“M
om, what’s suicide?” I the Ten Commandments, knew the 23rd asked from the back seat Psalm by heart, and could name every of our family’s Chrysler piece in the Armor of God. I committed to station wagon as we memory over 100 verses, and won Bible traveled northbound on the “highway to Trivia Bowl at the tender age of 10. Not Heaven,” the road to our fundamental only could I be found in church; I was into Baptist church. church. This did my mom’s heart good. I had first seen the word a few days Not understanding the meaning of before. During the closing credits of a the term “suicide,” unable to fathom the rerun of the television show M*A*S*H*, intense and sensitive nature of the topic, the title of the show’s theme song flashed and incapable of realizing how Mom most onscreen: “Suicide is Painless.” Ten years likely would imply a personally terrifying old, a lover of books, a seeker of meaning to my question, I recoiled at her knowledge, and a sturesponse: as she turned dent of broadcast telein her seat and looked vision, I wanted only me in the eye, she spoke to deepen my vocabuquietly but with an ar“That is a sin lary. fervor. against God. Never dent“That My mom, in the is a sin against passenger seat in front speak of that. It is God. Never speak of that. that day, turned It is wrong.” wrong.” around and looked at I felt my face flush me with wide-eyed and my stomach knot. surprise. Gracious, How I wished I could gentle, and God fearretract the question! Not ing, she believed in heaven and hell. Every only had I upset my mom, who only wantSunday, she dressed us properly and died my safety, but I had also dabbled with rected us firmly in church conduct and defiling myself against God. I promised the Baptist teachings, so that our souls myself that I would not use the word, nor could stay with her into eternity. further my efforts to understand its Her devotion to the church was a meaning for the foreseeable future. At the blend of sincere spiritual satisfaction time, that seemed the best I could do to mixed with a desire to quell a mother’s make amends, to make my wrong right. inextinguishable grief. She had lost her Several years later, in a literature first child, my brother, when he was just a class, I stumbled on the word as I read toddler and before he was christened at our assigned story. Typed in bold, the church. Although she believed that he “suicide” was a term for which we were to waited for her in Heaven, she ached for write a definition. Dutifully I did so, feelhim daily and battled breaches of faith ing uneasy. This magnified as I read the and moments of doubt because of her true meaning. Although I understood, I failure to wash his soul clean in baptismal could not fathom the concept. How? waters. She would not make that mistake Why? What would cause a person to do twice. that? My younger siblings and I had been In 14 months’ time, though, I would saved and baptized in the church. Wantbe thrust headlong, forever changed, into ing to please my parents, and seeing how an experience with suicide. happy it made my mom when I learned from my Bible, I set about making a name for myself in the congregation. Quickly, I learned the books of the Bible, memorized
EVOLVING…IN KANSAS CITY
Steffany Barton, RN, is a clairvoyant, intuitive medium who works passionately to ignite the spark contained in each person to a brilliant fire in the soul. Through lectures, stage presentations, books, and individual sessions, she illuminates the unseen world and speaks for the voice of Soul. Her work has been featured on TV and radio; her messages of love have a ripple effect around the world. The book is available on Amazon.com. Please visit Steffany's website, www.steffanybarton.com
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September 2016