Essential Grace Magazine January 2022 1|Es s en ti al Gr a ce Mag azi ne
Vol.2 Issue 6 January 2022
In this Issue … Monthly Themes Thirsty January Set Yourself up for Success Mental Health Mental Illness; How to ask for help when you need it 5 Strategies of Anxiety Relief Response vs Reaction Health and Wellness Habits to adopt in 2022 for better Mental Health Happiness; what will yours look like in 2022? Resources
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January 2022
Happy New year to you! Welcome to the new year, I hope your 2022 will be filled with promise and hope. This month’s issue has touched on some essential tips that most of us neglect to make use of. For example, how many times have you heard the theory that January is a bad month, it lasts too long and is filled with financial misery? Have you ever wondered why this has become such a norm in society? Well, our monthly theme has considered some possible alternatives to a miserable start of the year. Be it planning ahead for the type of year you actually want to have, or defining and working towards your version of success. Either way, there has to be a better way to start the year than in serious debt and under pressure from many more bills waiting to be paid. I encourage all our lovely readers to consider exploring other ways to live. Let’s not just accept that since this is the trend then we should all be reckless in December only to pay the consequences in the new year. As we start off into the new year, COVID 19 remains a persistent threat to our health. There is a lot of anxiety and stress that seems to come together with this pandemic. Be sure to take extra care of yourself and your loved ones especially those who battle with anxiety, panic attacks and mental illness. Consider that it may also be difficult for those suffering from such conditions to speak up about their experiences. The article on page 13 sheds some light on how one can go about this. Remember, this publication is open to those wanting to contribute articles, personal stories, and even images that will help in the promotion of better mental health in Malawi. Happy reading! Julie Soko Managing Editor
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January 2022
Julie Soko Managing Editor
Mtendere Kishindo Sub - Editor
Thandi De Jong Editorial Assistant
Naomi Msusa Editorial Art and Design
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January 2022
Submit to essentialgrace@zoho.com
Essential Grace Magazine
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January 2022
Monthly feature
A familiar sight in Malawi during the rainy season. Deep dark skies and a wide variety in shades of green. Our country is truly beautiful this time of year! Just as this image gives hope for the coming rains, it can also give us hope for the coming year. Just as the road stretches out ahead towards the City of Zomba, it can also symbolise an open road into 2022. One free of potholes, obstacles, and surrounded by vibrant colours of growth. Photo credit www.leoinmalawi.blogspot.com
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Thirsty January I’m sure the thought of going without alcohol for even a week may be enough to strike fear and anxiety in some people’s hearts. That would be a natural response if the reason for one’s drinking goes beyond it being a social past-time. Some people drink when having fun, while others drink in order to have fun because alcohol seems to give them special permission to relax. Some people drink to forget difficult events or situations they are facing, others to help them become numb when dealing with overwhelming pain. Regardless of the reasons, drinking more than normal for the average adult can lead to many problems. The worst time to drink too much is at the beginning of the year. This is usually the time when most people have a chance to review and make some changes in their lives. To assess what has worked before and what needs to be adapted for the future. January is a time to set goals, to dream big, and to get into the right mind-set for the year ahead. It is also a time to sit together as a family, a couple, a fellowship or like-minded group of any kind; and make plans together towards common goals.
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The term Thirsty January or Dry January was coined with the aim of encouraging people to avoid alcohol in this month so that they can make use of their sober-minded state to strategize for the year ahead. It is not a good idea to just drift from one year to the next without knowing what you are doing; and without checking your progress, failures, wins, weaknesses and strengths. if you have not yet begun to plan your year, consider the following guidelines: January is not a bad month. The popular misconception that January is a horrible month has led many people to an attitude of apathy and helplessness at a time when they should be the most productive. The idea that a time of year can determine one’s life choices is a dangerous one, particularly in Malawi where we cannot afford to be apathetic about life. There are simply too many responsibilities waiting for a resourceful and optimistic person with a plan. So, the first step is to change your perception, begin to see this month of January as your
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most powerful tool towards a successful year. Know what you actually want to achieve. There is no limit to dreaming, in fact I truly believe in what our late former president H. E. Dr Bingu WaMutharika used to say ‘dream in colour!’ Have big dreams, have a vision of the most amazing version of yourself that you can possibly have. Dream big for your marriage, your children, your business, your career. Those dreams will give you a wider vision of your life than the narrow one that focusing only on your current life can give. Once you dream, you will desire to actualize those dreams, therefore you will make plans, goals, budgets, and lifestyle adjustments that will drive you towards what you are dreaming of. By the way, dreaming in colour does not involve comparison! Avoid dreaming about what someone else has achieved. What are your dreams? People without a dream or a vision for their life rarely get anywhere; how can you move in any direction when you don’t have a destination in mind? Work with others. Sometimes it’s good to have your own plans and only be concerned about where you want to end up. However, if you belong to a family, or you have children, other dependent family members, or siblings, it is always important to
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make plans together. Have you ever sat down together with your spouse to create a plan for the year ahead? Have you ever put your dreams and vision together, brainstorming on steps to take to achieve those dreams? Things such as furthering education, starting a business, having a child, building a house, moving to another city or country. These are not things that can be worked towards as individuals, rather collectively and with active participation from all those involved. Besides being a fun and productive activity, this is also a unity and intimacy building exercise that can be done periodically as time and needs dictate. Avoid a reactive lifestyle – where you only take action when something has already happened. Rather choose a proactive lifestyle – one where you have already planned on what you are going to be doing and made provision for the shortfalls that you may encounter along the way. Avoid the chaff. There are so many distractions that come up that may prevent us from becoming who we envision to be in our dreams. In Malawi, these may be in the form of negative moral influences, poor life choices that impact on our health, conflict and resentment within families, and lack of knowledge. How many times have you heard of a divorce that came about because a spouse is always out drinking with
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friends, spending precious family resources on alcohol or gambling? There are also many stories of husbands choosing to spend their money only on themselves leaving the bulk of the household finances in the hands of their wives. Or wives who take out huge loans and fail to pay it back, resulting in the loss of furniture or vehicles to money lenders or village banks. Lack of unity, goal setting, and planning will lead to such behaviour. Aim to avoid everything that distracts your progress and growth as a team. Keep your eyes on the bottom-line. What is the bottom-line? Growth. I personally believe that there is no point to life if there is no growth. There has to be growth in every area of life each passing year. You and others around you must notice this change. Even Jesus was commended for his growth as a young man (Luke 2vs52). He grew in wisdom (his mind, thoughts, decision making, and behaviour), stature (his physique, activities, state of health, habits and past-times) and in favour with God and man (his faith, social interactions, choice of company, integrity, character). Most people, especially men, are prone to deep internal dissatisfaction when there is no growth happening in their lives. Change this pattern of stunted living this year, decide on how you and your team (spouse,
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family, employees, etc.) are going to grow from now on. Start to take short courses on life skills that you don’t have (eg. communication skills or financial planning for the home), start reading a book every month on an area that you are challenged with. Learn modern techniques on parenting styles, get to know your health and how to maintain modern healthy habits. Learn how to be a spiritual leader or encourager in your home, discover new ways to eat that are suitable for your family preferences and budget. There are so many ways through which you can grow and become a more knowledgeable and informed person, the key is to be consistent with the growing process throughout your life. Knowledge is always a powerful tool. There you have it, a challenge to take the reins of your life into your own hands this January. Put off that drinking spree and allow your mind to kick into dream chasing mode this coming year. Don’t be intimidated by popular perceptions, and don’t give in to the poor planning and mismanagement of funds that leads to a very bleak or cash strapped beginning of the year. Choose to let the river of alcohol dry up while you set the tone for a productive year right from the start. Happy New Year!
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“Don’t let the sadness of your past and your fear of the future ruin your happiness today. Stay positive because today could be the best day of your life.” thepdcafe.com
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Set Yourself up for Success in 2022 How do you define success? This is an important first step before beginning your journey towards success. Define what you perceive as success; what does winning look like for you? More importantly, define the best version of yourself that you want to become. That way you will know when you are moving towards that version at the right pace. Here are some short yet powerful points to remember when working towards your success. Commit yourself to the process. No one can be more committed to your dream more than you. Your passion and drive to reach your dreams can only come from you. Be consistent in the pursuit of your dreams. Pace yourself in such a way as to take small steps rather than huge strides. Running out of steam becomes easy when you take on much more than you can handle.
Change your mind-set. Are you a victim of circumstance, does the world determine your fate or do you? If you believe you are a passive bystander in your life-story, that is exactly what you will be. Rather choose to be the main actor, play the leading role in making decisions, in changing your script, removing or adding people, and most importantly, choosing the attitude that you will carry as you do this. Success is a subjective concept, yet it is important for every human being to experience some level of success, a sense of accomplishment that will bring them purpose as they go through life. As you navigate into the new year, begin to form your definition of success and begin to move towards it.
Be honest with yourself. Know your limits including what you can handle and what you cannot. Work with your strong points, and work on your weaknesses. Remember that you can only go as far as you allow yourself to.
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Mental Health
Mental Illness; Asking for Help When You Need It. 5 Strategies for Instant Anxiety Relief Response vs Reaction
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January 2022
Mental Illness; Asking for help when you need it By Julie Soko
In past editions, we have written about when to recognize the signs and symptoms of different mental health problems as well as where to get the right help for your specific problem. We continue to explore the fact that there is a clear distinction between the need for a psychologist and a psychiatrist, as well as in the services that they provide. Our aim to raise awareness of both illness and treatment is an ongoing one, we will keep exploring mental health problems as well as mental illness in order to do this. However, there is a need to speak more on how someone with mental health challenges can ask people around them for help. Asking for help can be an extremely hard for some people. Asking for help for an ailing mind can be even worse. It could be due to the fact that physically evident illness can be seen with the eyes and it is easy to tell your family or spouse about it. When it comes to mental illness, it may be difficult to explain your symptoms and get the response you need. In my profession as a counsellor, I have noticed that most if not all of my clients with serious mental health concerns avoid telling their family, parents, or
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spouse about their problems. Most of them will isolate themselves and come to counselling in secret. Mental illness remains a topic that is heavily stigmatized in most societies around the world. There is often fear associated with matters of the mind, especially since many people know very little about this area in general. It is very important for those suffering from mental illness to share with at least one family member what they are going through, as well as the treatment they have managed to access. I have also noticed that there are men who are quick to notice a change in their spouse/partner’s mental health, and have been proactive in finding them a counsellor to help their partner get well. This is an encouraging development, and one that should be practiced by every one of us. Check on your friend, partner, sibling, or parent; notice when they are not doing well or struggling mentally and take the right steps to help them. Mental illness should never be a hidden secret that should be battled with alone. Neither should it be a shameful or embarrassing topic. In fact, the more you talk openly about healthy vs unhealthy
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mental health, the more you encourage others around you to speak up when they are struggling. Here are a few things to remember when you need to ask others for help when having problems with your mental health. Understand the importance of involving others. There are many situations that will require support and understanding from those closest to you, and going through poor mental health is one of them. Depending on the severity of your case, you will need people to help you accessing medication, going to appointments with your mental health provider, keeping you calm and motivated while you are not well, and even supporting you while you are hospitalized. Some mental illnesses may involve psychotic episodes where your perception of reality is very different from those around you. You need to have people close to you to be very aware of what is going on, to know what they need to do, and how to help you in this condition. Although you may convince yourself that you simply have a mild form of depression or anxiety, not talking about it with significant people can lead to isolation and may increase the effects of that mild condition. You may find yourself feeling unloved, unwanted, and maybe
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even suicidal, and may be even less willing to disclose these symptoms. Try to tell at least one person you trust about how you are feeling or thinking, ask them to help you get the right intervention in good time. Know when to ask for help. It is a popular belief among some Malawians that you have to be really sick before you go the hospital, especially among the menfolk. Most will endure headaches, fever, really bad toothache, even a runny tummy, believing that it will clear up on its own after a nap and some Brufen or Indocid. Going to the hospital seems a bit dramatic and may imply a weakness in the person. If this is the attitude towards physical illness, imagine how much longer most of the population will ignore symptoms of mental illness. As soon as you start to see a marked change in someone or in yourself in areas such as increasing anxiety, heart palpitations, poor sleep, poor or lost appetite, unexplained body aches and pains, muscle tightening or camps especially in your neck and shoulders, feeling as if you are not in your physical body, and medicinal intervention that has not solved these symptoms; see a mental health provider right away. Do not wait for the symptoms to go away on their own, rather find out exactly what is happening so that
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you can do the right thing to get better in good time.
your family or spouse may have regarding your mental health.
Know who to ask for help. One of the most important things to remember is to know who to approach when asking for help. Not everyone is open to the idea that there may be something wrong with you, especially those closest to you. You may be told to just get some rest, to pray more, to drink more, to forget about your problems, or any number of suggestions that family or friends might say. These kinds of responses, although well intentioned, are very misleading and may be more about reassuring themselves that there is nothing wrong with you rather than actually helping you.
Avoid the trap of escapism. Lastly, it is very tempting to choose escapism as a way to deal with poor mental health by avoiding, denying, or suppressing symptoms of mental illness using different activities or substances. Sometimes, after noticing that things are not going well with their mental health, people will turn to alcohol, illicit drugs, marijuana, food. Being too involved in activities more than normal (such as partying, sports, watching movies, or overworking), or isolating in order to hide these changes from others. Often the person does not know what to do and may feel that asking for help will lead to judgement, loss of respect, insults, and losing friends or relationships. Escapism serves to only hide the condition and not cure or treat it, often making it worse due to the added pressure of hiding and pretending for appearance’s sake.
If you think that people around you may find it hard to accept your condition, ask your mental health provider to act as a mediator between you and your family. They may be able to help you disclose your diagnosis, and they may explain further on the details, treatment plan, and the support that you will need going forward. They may also be able to answer any questions, worries and concerns that
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Here is the bottom line, the moment you start drifting into deeper waters is the best time to ask for help. Don’t wait until you are on the verge of drowning.
January 2022
5 Strategies for Instant Anxiety Relief By Micah Abraham, BSc
Millions and millions of people suffer from anxiety, and yet according to statistics less than 50% of those with anxiety seek professional help, and less than 30% of that 50% only receive what's known as "minimally adequate treatment." So the fact that you've even been looking for anxiety relief tips gives you the upper hand over the majority of those with anxiety. But relief itself is more than just a word on a page. The following are several strategies for anxiety relief that you can do in the comfort of your own home. How to Stop Your Anxiety Naturally Word of warning, however - there isn't anything that truly stops all anxiety instantly or forever. Anyone that promises otherwise is lying. Even medications take two weeks or more to work, and cognitive behavioural therapy - the most effective therapy available - can take months. Anything that promises instant relief is likely a scam or based on fake science.
But what can you do to get some anxiety relief now? For that, consider the following: Start Jogging Easily the most important thing you can do is start exercising. Numerous studies have shown that inactivity can cause and contribute to anxiety, and that exercise itself releases hormones and chemicals in your brain that improve mood and promote relaxation. Exercise also makes it harder for your body to experience intense anxiety symptoms. Overall, jogging is one of the best things you can do for anxiety relief. Magnesium Most natural methods of relieving anxiety are probably placebo but there is some evidence that magnesium - a naturally occurring vitamin - can decrease anxiety symptoms. Talk to your doctor about trying magnesium supplements and magnesiumrich foods to see if it makes any difference. Distract Your Senses Staying ‘out of your mind’ is very
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important with relieving anxiety. Stress relief is like a muscle, and one of the ways you strengthen that muscle is to distract yourself from your anxiety and your stresses. You want to make sure that you keep your mind off your anxiety with stress-free activities and time with friends and people. The less you're out of your head, the easier time your mind will have combatting your current anxiety symptoms. Have an Anxiety Disaster Plan When you're suffering from anxiety; you need to have something you can do to take your mind off of it immediately. That's often easier said than done, of course, but consider having someone you can call when you have anxiety, some music you can listen to that is exciting and happy, and some podcasts or television shows that always make you laugh. Find things that you know help reduce your anxiety and do them immediately when your anxiety is bothering you. The less you're affected by anxiety, the less you'll fear it, and the better it will be for you in the long term.
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Start Journaling Another strategy that can be very effective for controlling anxiety is journaling. The act of writing out any thoughts (whether they're stressful or not) on a piece of paper or in a journal can be very beneficial. Your mind is known to relax when it knows that your thoughts are in one permanent place, giving you an opportunity to experience less anxiety over the thoughts of the day. At first glance, these may not look that complicated. But you'd be surprised how powerful an effect they can have on your overall anxiety levels, and may provide you with some of the instant anxiety relief you need. But no matter what, you'll still need to address your overall anxiety with a more comprehensive strategy that will teach you how to control your anxiety and keep it from coming back. Find this article at www.calmclinic.com If you need to speak to a professional, please get in touch through the details provided in the resource section.
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Response vs Reaction By Julie Soko One of the lessons I learnt in 2021 was the very clear and vital difference between reacting and responding. Through various interactions with people, and especially through my work as a therapist, it became very evident that the two are far from similar. Communication skills are a useful tool in every interaction, but it is the lack of these skills that leads to many conflicts and a breakdown in relationships. Knowing the difference between a response and a reaction will help you to navigate communication in a smarter and more effective way. Be it in the workplace, in social settings, or in intimate relationships. To my understanding, a response is the verbal or non-verbal, physical or cognitive feedback to some stimulus. One can respond to a question, a request, to the weather, to pleasant surroundings, to encouragement or criticism. Sometimes a response is feedback that requires one to think beforehand, to assess the situation or process the request before giving feedback. Other-
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times the response is spontaneous, requiring little thought, such as responding to a kind smile by smiling back, or to a greeting. A reaction on the other hand, is very similar to the definition of response because it is also based on the giving of feedback through verbal or nonverbal, physical or cognitive means. What I have discovered as the main difference between the two is that a reaction is more involuntary, and often based on emotions rather than conscious or objective thoughts. So, one is likely to react to a negative attitude, a rude word, bad driving, slow or bad service in a restaurant, and even in an argument. Here is an example; suppose you are waiting to be served by a waiter at a restaurant. The service is slow and the waiter keeps walking past your table to serve others despite your many attempts at getting their attention. A response in this scenario would be to think about why the waiter is behaving this way, to rationalize as objectively as possible while deciding whether to stay and wait or go to another establishment. A response will take into
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account the fact that the waiter’s actions may be based on many different reasons of which you will never know. The waiter may not know you or your personal life in any way, so their actions, whether deliberate or not, do not need to have any lasting effect on you apart from delaying your meal. Your response therefore can either be objective, neutral, or subjective in that you can choose what you want to do in the situation, you are not at the mercy of it. Your verbal feedback to the waiter may therefore be neutral, or you will simply express your dissatisfaction at their service and demand better service, or leave. However, in your reaction, you may be more biased and will likely take the waiter’s behaviour very personally, assuming that they have a specific reason for side-lining you. Maybe they think you are less important or less impressive compared to their other customers. You may then become offended and begin to feel insulted, disrespected, and anger may build up within you. It may not even occur to you that the waiter may have an explanation for their behaviour. You may not even be interested to find out what the explanation could be
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because while in reaction mode – it is not easy to consider that you may be wrong. You will probably try to explain why the waiter is treating you so unfairly, because by now you are convinced that they are deliberately ignoring you. The emphasis would be on letting them know just how badly they have behaved, or how you have been insulted through their actions, blocking out any explanations to the contrary. Here you may hear statements like kodi mumaziona ngati ndani? (who do you think you are?) or just because we are a different colour that’s why you are ignoring us? The important thing to remember is that a response is thought out, rationalized and decided upon based on how you know and understanding yourself. While a reaction is felt out/based on emotion, often biased, defensive, and usually based on assumptions made about the other person or situation. Next time you find yourself in a conflict check with yourself whether you are responding or reacting in a way that will actually bring the results you desire rather than those that will cause more problems in future.
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Health and Wellness
Habits to adopt in 2022 for better mental health 10 Dirty Secrets of Happiness in 2022
“The measure of mental health is the disposition to find good everywhere.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Habits to Adopt in 2022 for Better Mental Health By Julie Soko
It’s a brand new year, we are still riding the wave of new resolutions and fresh optimism for the coming 11 months. However, most of us desire a better year without changing some of the habits that are not serving us in any productive way. Take these five tips, try them out and watch how your resilience builds during the year like never before. Get organised. I don’t mean just knowing where to be at what time. Get organised in such a way that you are your own life planner. Plan events, meetings, relaxation, and playtimes as well. Make sure that you have accounted for any eventualities or have a plan B well in advance. It will make your life easier, reduce aimless loitering or getting carried away with other people’s activities, and most importantly it will teach you how to trust yourself. Plan your sleep routine. The goal is to choose a time when you know you can go to sleep and stick to it long term. 6 -8 hours is the standard for an active adult. Regular sleep is not only needed for rest, but to regulate your stress levels by producing serotonin to counteract it, and keeping depression at bay. So the more quality sleep you get, the more stable your mood will be. Be serious about exercise. Another reason to exercise regularly besides keeping fit or losing weight is to improve your sense of well-being. Working out at least 30 minutes three days a week will boost the production of endorphins, adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. The combination of these hormones will help to boost your mood, give you energy, and keep you positive minded. Get financially literate. One thing I know about Malawians is their tenacity when it comes to resourcefulness especially for the entrepreneurs. Being business minded is something we have to adapt to because of the economic challenges in our country and continent. Yet despite this fact, we rarely practice sustainable financial literacy. How about we begin to know more about savings and investments, insurance policies, and budgeting. Let’s go against the popular theories (music)that
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encourages spending every penny the moment we get it. Enjoyment does not have to leave us permanently broke. Seek novelty. Life can get dull when you live in the same routine each and every day. Why not try something new every now and then? Discover a new part of your city and explore it, try eating a different diet each month (vegan, vegetarian, entomophagy), or learn a new language. Reading different genres in books can also add some spice into your routine while opening you up to a wide range of knowledge. Yes, there is a pandemic, and yes the economy is tough everywhere around the world. These are things beyond our control. However, the only things we can control are those relating to ourselves and our surroundings. So take this year by the horns and challenge yourself to a better and healthier version of yourself.
A long, healthy, and happy life is the result of making contributions; of having meaningful projects that are personally exciting and contribute to and bless the lives of others. Stephen R. Covey
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January 2022
10 Dirty Secrets of Happiness in 2022
By David Steele How can we achieve REAL happiness this year? While we’d love to keep it light and fun and feel-good, to be successful in anything we must start with what’s real and messy and dirty, all the things we resist and don’t want to look at. Success requires accepting certain truths, such as: You won’t find happiness in your smart phone. You won’t find happiness with a bigger bank account. You won’t find happiness in a new boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife. In this New Year, all things are possible, including finally having the life and love that you really want. But, while we want to be happy, we don’t seem to know how. This problem has been exacerbated by the messages in social media, movies, television, etc., that promote a consumer-oriented, immediate gratification society. We seem to feel entitled to be able to buy and get
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what we want with little effort on our part. We have been conditioned that happiness comes from the outside, by having enough money, the car we want, the job we want, the partner we want. Then, when we get what we want, we find that we aren’t happy! Our relationships are not working because of this externalized, entitlement mind-set. If we aren’t happy, it is our partner’s fault and the relationship isn’t working for us. I believe this is a big reason for our divorce rate. These dirty secrets of happiness are quite contrary to the messages found in the media, and I refer to them as dirty because many of us (consciously or unconsciously) want to believe the fantasies and promises and don’t want to look at the reality. Secret #1: If you want a partner, be a partner Many of us have a wonderful, romantic, vision of the life partnership we want; the reality is that great relationships require a lot of self-work and effort on your part in the relationship. If you feel like you are putting more effort into the relationship than your partner, you’re probably doing it right. The good news is that you CAN live your Vision, the
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challenge is that the effort must come from YOU. Secret #2: The journey is the destination We tend to focus on goals and results, which works well in many areas of our life, but not so well in our relationships. Chances are, you will always be striving toward the relationship you really want, and will never arrive. The destination of life is death, the awareness of which pushes us to be present in the moment, because we realize that is all we really have. Similarly, our journey with our partner is all we really have. Learning to be present with and appreciate the journey is the path to happiness. Secret #3: The journey is always longer and harder than expected We are an impatient culture that wants immediate results. While some of us have the work ethic and selfdiscipline for the sustained effort necessary to be successful, few of us are happy doing so. We look around and everyone else seems to get what they want so easily, and we wonder why it has to be so hard for us. Truly accepting this principle is a necessary step toward happiness. Secret #4: Have goals while letting go of outcomes While having goals and wanting results is natural, letting go of outcomes seems to be a necessary ingredient to happiness. This means being able to
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go with the flow, to be flexible and creative, to view mistakes and failures as opportunities. Success and happiness comes from a balance of ambition and acceptance, assertion and tolerance, firmness and flexibility, choice and fate, having goals and letting go of outcomes. Secret #5: Grow up and take responsibility There is a wonderful book on this subject that I highly recommend by the late Dr. Frank Pittman, “Grow Up! How Taking Responsibility Can Make You A Happy Adult.” (St. Martin’s Press, 1998), which does an excellent job of explaining how we have become a society of victims, narcissists, and adolescents, and what to do about it. He writes: “…happy grown-ups take responsibility. They take responsibility for their bodies, their characters, and their relationships. They own their lives and they own up to the choices they make. Finding the responsible thing to do is the lifelong quest for grown-ups. And it leads to real, grown-up happiness…” (page 278) Secret #6: To be happy we must grow, to grow we must stretch Our human nature is to have an inner conflict between comfort and challenge, growth and inertia. Balancing these opposing forces within us is an on-going effort. When we lean too far towards comfort, we risk stagnation, complacency, inertia. Too much challenge can lead to stress
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and burn-out. Our culture overvalues comfort and undervalues effort. Many of our clients engage our coaching to get what they want, and resist stretching beyond their comfort level to get it. Secret #7: To get it, you have to give it away This is a paradox that challenges the “Me” generation. We are much more motivated to “get” than to “give”, which wreaks serious havoc in our relationships. When we focus on giving and let go of keeping score, we have a chance of finding happiness in our life and relationships. Secret #8: What goes around comes around There is a consequence for your every choice and action. Of course we want our choices to be successful and get us what we want, and we resist acknowledging the possibility or reality of undesired outcomes. While this may seem simple and obvious, the spread of AIDS, multiple divorces, unwanted children, etc., are caused by people that are going after what they want and ignoring future consequences.
relationships, etc., we open the door to the possibility of happiness. Secret #10: Our relationships are our mirrors The definition of intimacy that I like is “Into Me I See”. This can be quite challenging and uncomfortable, as we will experience the parts of ourselves that we don’t like (our “shadows”) as well as what we want to see. Happiness in a relationship means learning to use the relationship to learn and grow, which means taking full responsibility and even embracing our shadows when they get reflected to us. Bonus Secret: Happiness is a fleeting experience and highly overrated as a life goal. Incorporate the above “10 Dirty Secrets of Happiness” into your life and learn to have goals while letting go of attachment to outcomes. When you can be happy with what is, you will experience true contentment. Find this article atwww.relationshipcoachinginstitute.c om
Secret #9: The Truth will set you free Most of us struggle with a dissonance between what we want and what we have, the way things “should” be with the way things are, what we WANT to believe and the reality. When we can let go of our fears and ego enough to accept the truth about ourselves, life,
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Chitipa District Hospital
Resources
Karonga District Hospital Mzimba District Hospital Nkhata Bay District Hospital Rumphi District Hospital Dedza District Hospital Dowa District Hospital Kasungu District Hospital Mchinji District Hospital Nkhokota District Hospital Ntcheu District Hospital Ntchisi District Hospital Salima District Hospital Balaka District Hospital Chikwawa District Hospital Chiradzulu District Hospital Machinga District Hospital
By now, we hope you are aware that you can access mental health care from all the Central Hospitals in the country. Here is something to take note of, before you can get to the Central Hospitals, you need to first visit your local District Hospital in order to be assisted. This applies to mental health care as well. Once you have been assessed, the medical staff (a psychiatric nurse or clinician) will then determine whether you need to be referred to the Central Hospital, which also provides comprehensive care for mental health challenges. Please take note of the list of District Hospitals available in Malawi.
Mangochi District Hospital Mulanje District Hospital Mwanza District Hospital Nsanje District Hospital Phalombe District Hospital Thyolo District Hospital Zomba District Hospital
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