Essential Grace Magazine February Issue

Essential Grace Magazine February, 2021 Vol. 1 Issue No.7

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Dear Reader I trust that you have had a good start to the year. The month of February is known as the month of love, and rightly so as Valentine’s Day is one of the most celebrated days of the year the world over.

Yet this month is also significant in relation to World Cancer Day which falls on the 4th of February. I realise that most people are focused on COVID 19 right now, especially on the burning issues around vaccination. However, cancer and other life threatening illness have not taken a backseat even though we may be rarely giving them any thought.

In our Monthly Theme section, we explore what the Government of Malawi is doing about issues concerning cancer. This section also covers Children’s Mental Health Week, an event common to the United Kingdom that could teach us a thing or two on how to help our young ones who may suffer from mental illness.

This is vital especially in the current pandemic season where every member of society needs psychological, emotional, and spiritual support.

As we watch the COVID 19 infection rates inch lower each day in Malawi, may we not begin to relax and stop taking precautionary and preventative measures. There have been many lives lost to COVID 19 in the last two months in particular, and grief has become a family member in many homes. Chilungamo M’manga, shares some much needed advice on how to cope with grief during this pandemic season in the Mental Health Section.

Please make use of the resources at the end of this magazine. We have listed several contact details of people that are qualified, experienced, and willing to help you and your family through this and every other difficult time in your life.

Help is there both in person and through telephonic and/or other online methods.

As always, enjoy the read and God bless!

Julie Soko

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We join the world wide fight against stigma, judgement and shaming of people with mental illness.

Our stories aim to normalize talking about mental illness, about challenges and problems we face as human beings.

We also promote local therapists and mental health workers that are trained and ready to help.

We explore nutrition for holistic health, and alternative remedies for common ailments, as well as habits that help in managing chronic illness.

Holistic wellness is a particular passion of ours. We aim to promote personal growth, awareness, and health in your mind, heart, and spirit.

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Meet the team Julie Soko

Contributors

Managing Editor

Tamanda Abigail Chiwaya Steveria Kadangwe, Frank Chidampamba, Andre Brown, Roshin Ebrahim, Julie Soko, Yoschabel Nkonosawa, Chilungamo M’manga

Special Thanks to:

Mtendere Kishindo Sub-Editor

Internet sources

Naomi Msusa Editorial Assistant Art and Design

www.healthline.com

Thandi Soko De-Jong Editorial Assistant

Essential Grace is a free online magazine and registered media company focused on promoting mental health and wellness in Malawi and beyond through different mediums.

Comments and feedback on any of our articles or contributors can be addressed to essentialgrace@zoho.com or through the contributors personal contact information.

Contact us for information at 0991 938 203 Our postal address is P.O. Box 323, Zomba, Malawi 4|Essential Grace Magazine

Cover Feature Picture credit @InfernoPictures

Getting Through Final Year During COVID 19

By Tamanda Abigail Chiwaya

My journey through Chancellor

College

began in 2016 after I was selected to pursue my Bachelor’s Degree in Social Science. The excitement I felt at the thought

of

walking

through the corridors of

the

mighty

Chancellor College or Chanco as a student cannot be described.

There

were

many

times when I would try to imagine what college life would be like. After all, I had heard numerous stories about how 5|Essential Grace Magazine

exciting University is; such as the freedom and the many life - changing experiences common in that world.

Coming from a strict catholic all - girls

secondary

school

what

particularly

with exactly what my freedom meant. It

excited me was the freedom I had been

was around February of 2020 when I

hearing about. The thought of being able

received my fourth year first semester

to do what I want to do in my own time

results. I had made it to my final

was thrilling. Others even talked about

semester as an undergraduate and was

how you can skip as many classes as you

expected to complete my studies in June

want and as long as you wrote your

2020. Yet when March came around, all

continuous

schools were closed due to the COVID-

assessments

and

final

exams, you would be sorted.

When school began however, I can say I almost felt like a headless chicken running around trying to figure out what exactly to do. This was mostly because for the first few weeks I was busy trying to switch programs. I wanted to switch from Social Sciences to Social Work. I thought it would be straightforward but unfortunately, it was not. It was draining and quite time - consuming.

By the time I was allowed to switch programs my classmates had covered four weeks of learning. I was way behind and struggled to manage my time. Though it took a significant amount of time, it also cost me my grades at some point. I eventually managed to catch up and get the hang of life in university.

Fast forward to my final year as an undergrad at Chanco, I had finally completely mastered the discipline of time management and gotten to grips 6|Essential Grace Magazine

19 pandemic. The closure of schools could not have come at a worse time for me. We had already experienced similar unforeseen

closures

of

our

school

throughout my studies that delayed our progress and just as we are about to finish, another disruption? I was not

impressed! However, I had come to

home. Apart from the work I already had

understand that this was for our own

before leaving school, assignments and

good.

mid-semester exams kept coming in When I returned home, I was well

aware of the fact that I had a great deal of work to get through by the time schools were to open. Well, you know what they say about doing school work at home, sukulu sapangila pakhomo which in English means that one cannot do school work at home. These words could not have been more accurate to what I was experiencing during the time I was home. I had on many occasions taken out my laptop in attempts to complete my dissertation and I kid you not when I say that I was home for nearly 6 months but only managed to write about

a

page

and

a

half

of

my

dissertation’s data analysis. I lacked the motivation and struggled greatly with procrastination, something I had already

from all sides. The workload got too much

me

and

I

was

extremely

overwhelmed. My dissertation is what frustrated me the most, no matter what I did it kept feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. On several occasions I found myself screaming as a way of calming myself down. You’d be surprised to know how many times this saved me from going insane. At some point my work got so frustrating I almost felt like going to the college registrar’s office to withdraw for the semester so I could come back the following year to complete my studies.

Thank God for some of my closest friends who encouraged me to keep going with the faith that it would eventually work out and indeed it did.

Despite

my

hectic

school

been struggling with but had intensified

schedule, I still managed to find some

during my time at home. At school, I was

time to relax and let go. I had been told

often motivated to work because of my

by several alumni that college is the best

peers but being home changed that

place to make memories that will last a

dynamic. It didn’t help not knowing

lifetime and I took that to heart. During

when we would go back to school.

my final days my friends and I made the

After

six

months’

schools

re-

opened and then reality hit me. I had to finish

the

work

I

had

been

procrastinating on the whole time I was 7|Essential Grace Magazine

most of our time together. From dinners to trips to the lake, these are memories that I will forever cherish.

My journey in university would not have been a success if not for the amazing support system I had. From my parents who were always so involved in my academics as well as in ensuring that I was maintaining a good balance with my education and social life, to my friends who were always there to support me and give me a good laugh every once in a while. Last but not least, my faith in God sustained me throughout.

All in all, I have learnt that positivity, goal

orientation,

confidence

are

resilience

great

ingredients

and to

achieving one’s dreams.

Tamanda and her friends during a trip to the lake, 2020.

Instagram - @tama_abby

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In this issue…

Monthly Theme World Cancer Day Children’s Mental Health Week Health and Wellness Getting to know yourself Vitamin B deficiency

Mental Heath Theme Niksen, the art of doing nothing Moooom! Mothering Toddlers During Lockdown Grief and Covid 19

Resources Helpful Resources Avialable in Malawi

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E. Dittebrandt

‘Anxiety is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.’

Arthur Somers Roche 10 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Monthly Theme

World Cancer Day …pg 11

Children’s Mental Health Week …pg 15 Articles by Steveria Kadangwe

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‘You know, once you have stood up to cancer, everything else feels like an easy fight.’

David H. Koch

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What is the Malawi Government Doing about Cancer?

Whilst researching the various articles that I have written over the past few months for this magazine on the topic of cancer, my curiosity has been roused concerning what the government is doing to combat this rapidly growing area. As the 4th of February is World Cancer Day, I will share in a two-part series about the Malawi National Cancer Control Strategic Plan (NCCSP, 20192029) which can be found here https://cutt.ly/lkYUFHv The NCCSP identifies current issues in cancer care and strategies that have been developed to mitigate the cancer burden in Malawi. It is the policy document for planning and implementing cancer intervention at all levels for effective cancer intervention and acts as a roadmap to address key issues related to specific cancer types.

NCCSP act as a strategic framework to guide a systematic approach to reduce mortality and increase the quality of life for cancer patients.

As a cancer survivor, I know how much hope is needed! There are so many people who are suffering in the rural areas and many times their cases do not get diagnosed, let alone treated due to various factors. Some cannot be treated locally and there are no resources for them to get treatment abroad. I for one am glad that there is some kind of strategy. Although as of now, it is not clear how far implementation has progressed.

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Risk factors The strategy identifies risk factors of cancer, which include HIV prevalence, human papilloma virus (HPV), Hepatitis B and C viruses, tobacco use, alcohol drinking, inadequate physical activity and obesity. HIV and HPV are highly prevalent in Malawi and therefore increase the risk of cancer, and especially impact women in the area of cervical cancer. Malawi has one of the highest cancer prevalence in the world, just look at the statistics showing that cancer contributed to 13% of all deaths in Malawi in 2016. Some of the factors that contribute to low survival rates after diagnosis include, inadequate cancer prevention, late diagnosis, inadequate cancer diagnostic services in public hospitals and underreporting of clinically diagnosed cases.

The NCCSP also identifies the most common cancers like Kaposi’s sarcoma, cervical, breast, oesophageal cancers and non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. If control efforts were focused on these factors it would reduce the cancer burden.

I am always blown away by Malawi’s statistics on cervical cancer, which is largely influenced by HPV. It is one area where mitigation can easily be implemented to prevent infection.

However, as a country, we have only recently started administering the HPV vaccine. Anything that one can do to minimise risk should be taken seriously.

Guiding Principles of the NCCSP 

Equity and universal coverage to ensure that everyone has access to cancer prevention, diagnostics and

control service with a focus on the most vulnerable population  National ownership and leadership that includes all players in the health sectors  Primary health care should provide all services related to cancer  Human rights-based approach which provides services to vulnerable populations and those in hard to reach areas  Gender mainstreaming in the planning and implementation of the policy  Ethical considerations, community participation and evidence-based decision making  Decentralisation of healthcare  Appropriate technologies which are safe, appropriate and cost-effective  Accountability for results and expenditures  Sustainability A prevailing area of concern in the provision of health services is reaching those in remote areas. Unfortunately, cancer diagnosis and treatment needs resources. This is something rural clinics do not have. Even the central hospitals lack critical equipment – I am still as shocked as I was in 2019 when I found out that Malawi has no radiotherapy treatment. I took this for granted when I was getting treatment in South Africa.

Many times, machines break down, are not available, or it is just not possible to see a specialist or get specific treatment.

Objectives The NCCSP identified six strategic objectives, and I will tackle two of them

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in this article and continue with the rest next month.

Strategy 1: Prevention Prevention is an essential and costeffective component of cancer management as 40% of all cancers are preventable by avoiding or modifying risk factors such as tobacco use, weight management, physical activity and a healthy diet. Immunisation against infections associated with cancers like HPV and Hepatitis B would also help in these areas.

Interventions and programs along these lines could go a long way in reducing the financial and social impact of cancer.

The government would focus on sexual and reproductive health services, HIV control programmes, immunisation against hepatitis B and HPV. Other interventions include health warnings and public awareness campaigns against tobacco use, imposing taxes on alcohol to reduce consumption and implementing a national alcohol policy that regulates advertising and hours of sale. Increase of physical activity also helps – women are more impacted by inactivity (13%) than men (6%). In Malawi 22% of the population are overweight and lack of physical activity and obesity have been linked to colon, breast and prostate cancers.

Consumption of refined carbohydrates, saturated fats and low fibre foods due to urbanisation also contributes to the increase of cancer and programmes on healthy eating will be implemented and

includes policies and legislation that minimise or ban unhealthy foods, pesticides, regulates the food industry on labels and taxation of refined sugars.

One key intervention that the government has undertaken is to implement the HPV vaccine for girls aged 9 to 13 years and Hepatitis B vaccine which reduces risks of certain related cancers.

Finally, focus is made on people with albinism who are at higher risk of skin cancer than the general population.

Protective equipment and dermatology services are being made available in local health facilities to support those living with albinism. This also includes locally producing sunscreen to protect their skin Strategy 2: Diagnosis

Screening

and

Early

Not all cancers are preventable and therefore early detection allows for treatment that can increase positive outcomes for cancer patients. Screening includes physical tests, blood tests, visual inspections, endoscopy cervical cancer screening and breast examination. Early diagnosis also helps improve quality of life, prognosis and also reduces health care costs. However, challenges in the availability of tools like X-rays, CT scans and MRI equipment in both private and public hospitals impact

their effectiveness. Lack of pathology services also is a barrier to more effective early detection.

Breast examinations although recommended have not been applied consistently.

Mammograms, which detect breast cancer are not always available. There are few trained specialists in mammography and high costs impact the effectiveness of this program. The NCCSP is therefore incorporating raising awareness and combining cervical cancer screenings with breast cancer screening to minimise costs and have a maximum preventative impact on the people.

To achieve coordinated and comprehensive early detection programs, government will focus on assessing human, capacity and laboratory services and develop training plans to improve employee skills. In addition, there is a plan to set up three laboratories with the goal of improving the turnaround of results after tests. It will also have guidelines on procurement and maintenance of cancer diagnostics equipment. Awareness campaigns will be carried out and screening services made available to the general public.

Provision of scanning services and nuclear imaging will be done in the next five years in all the three regions. This will include safety procedures around cancer diagnostics.

The cancer hospital is a long-awaited service that is desperately needed in the country.

Focusing on operationalising it and making sure that all the required diagnostic, pathology and treatment facilities are available in that hospital will go a long way in reducing the devastating impact and deaths from cancer in the country. I strongly believe that this is one area where, if focused on, can have an immediate impact on people who are affected by cancer.

the 15 | E s s eLook n t i a l out G r a for ce M a g anext zine

edition where I will focus on the four remaining areas covered by the NCCSP.

10% of children and young people (aged 5-16 years) have clinically diagnosable mental health problem, yet 70% of children and adolescents who experience mental health problems have not had appropriate interventions at a sufficiently early age.

Children’s Society, 2008.

Mental Health Foundation

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Children’s Mental Health Week Raising a child is a personal and subjective experience for each parent, this makes it particularly difficult to recognize symptoms of mental health problems in children as each child and parent is different. Which parent wants to have a child who has a ‘condition’, especially something that cannot be easily described as we can with physical symptoms? Most parents are not able to recognize symptoms and do not get help for children who may have issues with their mental health. Even in the Malawian context, there has been an increase in child suicide cases reported.

According to the Mayo Clinic, common mental health disorders in children include: 







Anxiety disorders. persistent fears, worries or anxiety that disrupt their ability to participate in play, school or typical age-appropriate social situations.

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). difficulty with attention, impulsive behaviours, hyperactivity or some combination of these problems.

Autism spectrum disorder (ASD). a neurological condition that appears in early childhood — usually before age 3. Although the severity of ASD varies, a child with this disorder has difficulty communicating and interacting with others.

Eating disorders. a preoccupation with an ideal body type, disordered thinking about weight and weight loss, and unsafe eating and dieting habits. Eating disorders — such as

17 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e







anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge-eating disorder — can result in emotional and social dysfunction and life-threatening physical complications.

Depression and other mood disorders. persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest that disrupt a child's ability to function in school and interact with others.

Bipolar disorder results in extreme mood swings between depression and extreme emotional or behavioural highs that may be unguarded, risky or unsafe.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is prolonged emotional distress, anxiety, distressing memories, nightmares and disruptive behaviors in response to violence, abuse, injury or other traumatic events.

Schizophrenia. a disorder in perceptions and thoughts that cause a person to lose touch with reality (psychosis). Most often appearing in the late teens through the 20s, schizophrenia results in hallucinations, delusions, and disordered thinking and behaviors.

Sounds pretty scary but as parents, we can look for signs of such disorders to help our children. Some of the signs are:     

Persistent sadness — two or more weeks Withdrawing from or avoiding social interactions Hurting oneself or talking about hurting oneself Talking about death or suicide Outbursts or extreme irritability/ Out-of-control behaviour that can be harmful

  



Drastic changes in mood, behaviour or personality Changes in eating habits/ Loss of weight Difficulty sleeping/ Difficulty concentrating/ Changes in academic performance/ Avoiding or missing school Frequent headaches or stomach aches

So, what do you do? GET HELP! Most parents are not equipped to deal with child mental issues. There is no shame in seeking help and it is not a reflection on you as a parent if your child needs help with their mental health. Our approach should be the same as what we would do if a child is physically injured – we rush to the hospital.

Talk to your pediatrician about your concerns. Talk to the people who spend the most time with the child especially for working parents so as to understand what may be going on. And if your child is diagnosed and put on treatment, learn as much as you can about it so that you are able to provide all the support that they require. Consider enrolling the entire family in the treatment program to be able to handle difficult behaviours.

Where necessary, enroll your child in special programs or schools that may help them better than normal schools.

Explore any support groups of parents who have the same situation as you do to get encouragement and the sense that you are not alone.

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We share a list of mental health practitioners in the Resources section of this magazine to support and help parents dealing with mental health issues for themselves and their children.

The sooner you identify any mental health problems in your child the sooner you can get the right help for them. Ensuring a better outlook for their future.

What parents can do to help with children’s mental health

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Health and Wellness Being your own support system … pg 20

Image credit @pocketmags

Know Thyself … pg 24 Image credit @art.com

Vitamin B Deficiency …pg 27

image credit @newyorktimes

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Being Your Own Support System In my book, Install the Happiness Software Within You, I share how fortunate I am to have amazing family and friends that add so much value to my life. These are family and friends that have helped me stay slightly less insane. They are my support system and I consider the honest and realistic conversations I have with them a big deal. They are my support system because they support me in realizing my full potential.

One thing is certain, that we all need the support system in one way or the other. We are social beings and we relate with one another. We are not living in isolation. As such, it should be okay to want the support system. It should be okay to want to relate with others in the society. It should be okay to want the company of others. While it is better to be alone than have toxic company, I wouldn’t encourage you to be alone considering that research conducted by the American Association of Retired Persons found that loneliness carries with it the same health risks as smoking fifteen cigarettes per day.

Frank Chidampamba

For you to relate well with other people, you need to learn how to build effective and sustainable connections with people so that you don’t end up being the toxic company nobody wants to associate with. You can’t sustain a relationship when you call people and check on them only when you want them to send you money. That’s now being an opportunist. You need to be able to call people just to greet them during this Covid-19 pandemic. You need to be able to call people and simply learn what their dreams are and offer to help them realise those dreams no matter how weird they may seem. Even if you may not have any formula on how to realise such dreams, people will still appreciate you for offering your availability to support them.

While we all want the support system from family and friends, it is important to realise that our family and friends can be too busy at times taking care of their own stuff and not give us the attention and support we want. They may not necessarily do that because they don’t care about us. But look, the world is quite big. And to think that everyone around you should be your support system is not just absurd but also far too unrealistic. As such, you need to be your 21 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

number one support system. When you are your own support system, you will be available to yourself 24/7 unless you want to be too busy to yourself. An external support system is nothing if you are not your own support system. If you don’t have the energy, the desire and the passion to support yourself, the support system that comes your way will be meaningless.

In order for you to be your own support system, you need to work on yourself so that you become a useful support system. The first step is to know yourself and stay true to yourself. Many of us aren’t taking enough time to get to know ourselves and stay true to ourselves. We are often in a state of identity crisis and fail to truly express ourselves. We have given ourselves a fake identity so that we can fit in society. This is worrisome because you can’t trust yourself enough to consider yourself your own support system.

While considering to be your own support system, it doesn’t mean that you need to be perfect in the first place. But as an individual, you are well aware of your weaknesses and mistakes. You need to be able to forgive yourself and trust that something good can still come out of you. You don’t need to be insensitive to the bad side of you. You need to acknowledge it and tame it so that it doesn’t haunt your success.

In positive psychology, you will learn the need to have high self-esteem. Self-esteem is basically a measurement of how we feel about ourselves. When you feel good about yourself, it doesn’t mean that the negative side of you is non-existent. It doesn’t mean that you don’t have any weaknesses or don’t make mistakes. In his article on How to Build Self-Esteem, Mark Manson says that self-esteem isn’t the silver bullet some people think it is, but it’s still important. He went on to share three ways to create a healthy and durable high self-esteem which are: 1) Accept your low or toxic self-esteem for the moment (if you have it); 2) Practice self-compassion; and 3) Be comfortable with what you lack.

For you to have high self-esteem, it doesn’t mean that you need to date the prettiest lady or most handsome man, or drive the fanciest car in town. It is from a recognition of your good and not so good qualities that you truly grow and mature.

You don’t need the external support system to end up babysitting you. You don’t need to start feeling entitled to have a support system when you are not willing to support yourself. People are usually interested to help someone that has shown the determination to help themselves in the first place. As such, being your own support system is key. Being your own support system is not only empowering but also liberating. Choose to be your own support system today and thank me later!

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About my book: Install the Happiness Software Within You, The book is a succinct attempt that empowers us to take responsibility for our inner peace, comfort and personal happiness in a world where problems are inevitable. The book further points us in a new direction where we learn and unlearn our approaches and reactions to events (good or bad) that happen to us so that we can tame our negative thoughts and afford authentic smiles coming right from within us. Dr. Chiwoza Bandawe wrote the foreword for my book.

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To know and not to do is not to know, Most people fail to try because of fear of the unknown, Hurt people will hurt people and even so pretend to be, Always choose your friends wisely and know your enemies, If you want things in your life to change you have to change things in your life, Irrelevant facts don't count once your attitude is right, Feel good about what you do and you will do great things, Be sure to know what you want and always know what you are doing

By Andre Brown, 2015

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Know Thyself The great Greek philosopher “Socrates” had said “The unexamined life is not worth living” … He was expressing the importance of getting to know oneself.

While we walk on this earth some of us put on a face for the world to see but sometimes have a nagging feeling like we do not belong. Why? It is because we don’t truly know ourselves and we don’t realize until we give ourselves some time. While we have ideas of who we are, it is often patchy and inconsistent. Self-knowledge is therefore an important thing to strive for.

Since we were tiny, we’ve developed beliefs and values, some good and some not so good, as a result of our environment and the pressure from society to conform.

Roshni Ebrahim

Self-Knowledge is to understand our feelings, motivations, thinking patterns and tendencies. This helps us build a secure sense of self, and to have a good grip on our values and motivations.

So why is it important to know yourself?

Benefits of Self-Knowledge.

Happiness: you will be happier once you can truly understand who you are, only then will you be able to express your true desires and beliefs.

Less inner conflict: when your ideal person and your real person are in congruence you will more likely have less inner conflict and be in accord with your inner feelings and values.

Self-control: when you know yourself, you understand what motivates you to resist bad habits and develop good ones. You will have better will power as you will understand your values and morals much clearly.

Resistance to social pressure: when you have grounded yourself into your values and morals you are less likely to say “Yes” when you want to say “No”.

Tolerance and understanding of others: Your awareness of your own shortcomings and struggles can help you empathize with others.

Vitality and pleasure: Being who you truly are helps you feel more alive and makes your experience of life richer, larger, and more exciting.

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So how can you know who you are and what you ought to do in life? Here are 6 steps that can help you.

Be quiet: you need to take out some time to be still. Many people do not know themselves because silence scares them or its too uncomfortable to be alone faced with your flaws or having to accept your true self. But it is not until you can be alone with yourself and evaluate yourself and be completely truthful with yourself that you will actually be able to see every facet of your life—the good and the bad.

Realize who you truly are, not who you want to be: You may have a set of beliefs about who you are but it might not be who you are meant to be. Which is why knowing yourself is so important. The best way to begin is to take a personality test which may not be perfect but will help you pinpoint your strengths and weaknesses.

Find out what you are good at (and not good at): This might be the most difficult step in the process of finding who you are, but it’s a necessary one. Sure, it takes trial and error to find what you’re good at, and no, don’t give up before you’ve had more than enough attempts, but knowing when to quit is a gift that everyone needs to learn. Quit when you’ve put in ample time and your efforts aren’t giving back in return. What is ample time? Only you can decide that. But when you quit correctly, it isn’t giving up, it’s making room for something better. When your actions do nothing but drain you—rather than produce more passion and increase your drive to do more—that’s a good sign it is time to focus elsewhere. Your strengths will show you who you are.

Find what you are passionate about: Following passion of any kind is a good thing, and you need to pay attention when it comes because it indicates an area of life that you need to pay more attention to. Understand yourself in better ways, and you’ll make a bigger impact. Passion produces effort and continuous effort produces results.

Ask for Feedback: If you don’t know yourself, hearing what others have to say about you is a helpful practice. Ask them two simple questions: “What strengths do you think I need to develop further?” and “What weaknesses do you think I need to work on?” Of course, their opinion isn’t going to be perfect, but their feedback will probably indicate a few areas you should at least take a second look at. This step is especially important for those who are stuck in finding themselves. Sometimes those closest to us can see something we might not be able to see in ourselves.

Assess your relationships: A large aspect of knowing yourself can be found in your relationships. When you realize you’ll never truly know anyone else until you discover yourself, the importance of knowing yourself becomes even more apparent.

Almost as much as you need to know yourself, other people also need to know who you are. People need you—the real you.

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In addition, you can use these questions to help you find yourself Are you an introvert or an

extrovert?

What are the top five words that describe your personality?

Do you embrace rules or rebel against them?

What’s more important to you – saving time or saving money?

Are you comfortable or uncomfortable in a disorganized environment?

What do you lie about and why?

Are you comfortable with taking risks?

Do you say yes (or no) too much?

Do you work better alone or in a busy environment?

Are you patient or impatient?

What are your strengths?

Who makes you feel energized/inspired and exhausted/depleted?

What are your weaknesses?

What sets you apart from everyone else?

Are you motivated by competition?

Do you take responsibility for your mistakes?

What are you avoiding?

Do you easily feel guilty?

What are your favourite movies/shows/books?

What do you think you have to lose?

What’s more important to you – having a career or a family?

These questions can inspire you to reflect on yourself. Checkin with yourself often and you will be amazed by the true potential you actually have.

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Vitamin B Deficiency What to look out for and why?

Vitamin B is one of the most essential vitamins in the human body. There are several types of Vitamin B and they all work to keep us energised and fully functional. They have a direct impact on your energy levels, brain function, and cell metabolism. The sources of Vitamin B are many, however it is possible to become deficient and this is where we can get into trouble. Sometimes the body may experience unpleasant symptoms when this vitamin is in low supply in the body. It is important to know what these symptoms are so that you can fix the probem and remain healthy.

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Some of the symptoms of Vitamin B deficiency

Foods you can eat to boost your Vitamin B levels Among other foods, you can load up on fish , mushrooms, red meat, cheese, shellfish, chisoso, bwaka/ntolilo, luni, and milk for B12

Beans, potatoes, nuts, seeds and legumes for B6

Vitamin B Complex is comprised of the following: B-1 (thiamine)

B-6 (pyridoxine)

B-2 (riboflavin)

B-7 (biotin)

B-3 (niacin)

B-9 (folic acid)

B-5 (pantothenic acid)

B-12 (cobalamin)

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What are the benefits of Vitamin B Complex 

cell health



healthy appetite



growth of red blood cells



proper nerve function



energy levels





good eyesight

hormones and cholesterol production



healthy brain function



cardiovascular health



good digestion



muscle tone

In women B vitamins are especially important for women who are pregnant and breastfeeding. These vitamins aid in fetal brain development as well as reduce the risk of birth defects.

And for expectant mothers, B vitamins may boost energy levels, ease nausea, and lower the risk of developing preeclampsia.

In men B vitamins are thought to increase testosterone levels in men, which naturally decrease with age. They may also help men build muscle and increase strength. However, human studies confirming these claims are lacking.

How much vitamin B complex do you need?

The recommended daily amount of each B vitamin varies.

For women, the recommended daily intake is: 

B-1: 1.1 milligrams (mg)



B-2: 1.1 mg

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

B-3: 14 mg



B-5: 5 mg (RDA not



established) 

B-6: 1.3 mg

biotin: 30 micrograms (mcg) (RDA not established)



folic acid: 400 mcg



B-12: 2.4 mcg

For men, the recommended daily intake is: 

B-1: 1.2 mg



B-6: 1.3 mg



B-2: 1.3 mg



biotin: 30 mcg (RDA not



B-3: 16 mg



B-5: 5 mg (RDA not



folic acid: 400 mcg

established)



B-12: 2.4 mcg

established)

Older adults and women who are pregnant require higher amounts of B

vitamins. Your doctor can provide dosage information tailored to your individual needs.

Certain underlying health conditions can prevent your body from properly absorbing vitamin B. You should also talk to your doctor about your vitamin B intake if you have: 

celiac disease



rheumatoid arthritis



HIV



ulcerative colitis



Crohn’s disease



inflammatory bowel disease



alcohol dependence



kidney conditions

Vitamin B is an important part of a healthy human being, especially now when COVID 19 is still a threat to life. Find out if you and your family are getting enough of these vitamins and make sure to keep up with your health in general during these times.

Read more of this article at www.healthline.com 31 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Mental Health Niksen, the art of doing nothing …pg 31

Image credit @EDtimes

Moooom! Mothering Toddlers During Lockdown …pg. 34 Image credit @the irishtimes

Coping with Loss and Grief and COVID 19 … pg.36

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Niksen, the art of doing nothing Compiled by Julie Soko The age of COVID 19 has changed many people’s lifestyles, especially over the festive season and the beginning of the new year. There have been many events both good and bad. Funerals have become the most common event of all, both live and online versions. It seems every week brings something even more challenging than the last.

While some people have adopted some healthy leisure activities such as gym, hiking, outdoor sports, and camping. For the rest of us, work and other responsibilities take too much time for such hobbies. Yet we all need some time to reset our minds, to switch off from our daily grind just for a little while. I believe in the importance of rest and leisure, yet it is more often than not difficult to factor this into our modern work or business-driven lifestyle.

I recently came across a term that speaks to the need for this rest and leisure in the age of stay at home and social distancing. The Dutch have a thing called Niksen which roughly translates to doing nothing. This is described as intentionally setting your brain on power saving mode for a few minutes or for however long you need. The goal is to have no actual goal for the time you spend practicing Niksen.

How many of us can actually manage to do this? I’m sure you have heard of the theory that men are very good at zoning out, thinking of nothing and being able to switch off completely. I am yet to discover whether this is true or not, but if so then this habit seems to work to their advantage. If you are into mindfulness and meditation then this practice would not be difficult for you at all, as being still and clearing your mind is the goal of the practice. However, Niksen is probably going to be a challenge for those who have never considered it. First of all, let’s take a look at how it is actually done.

Although similar to mindfulness and meditation, the emphasis of Niksen is not limited to giving your mind a break but on purposefully doing nothing. This means having no direction for your thoughts, no real agenda or target as you 33 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

do this. It is about allowing your brain to slow down for a given time - space, being in a state of conscious idleness.

Although it can be difficult for newbies to get the hang of being consciously idle, it is a practice that can be developed over time. The best way to learn a new practice is to simply just start. It may feel uncomfortable at first especially for those who are used to being constantly on the move or constantly problem solving, or have trouble with controlling their thoughts.

You can start to practice Niksen by being intentional, marking out a time and place where you will do this and keeping that appointment for yourself. The actual doing nothing part can be through absorbing yourself in your surroundings, listening to music, taking an aimless walk in nature, making a gratitude list, focusing on a picture or scenery, sitting in a quiet room, letting your mind wander, as long as it is done without any purpose or goal. Think of it as a pause on the continuous processing function of your brain, allowing it to deal with all the pending buildup that may be there.

More examples include: When you are waiting in line at the bank, avoid looking at your phone.

While the water for your tea is heating up, watch the water boil Go on a walk without music, a podcast, or a phone call. Listen to your feet crunch as you step on the tarmac Lie on the ground and watch the clouds shift across the sky.

Sit in your favorite chair and look out the window.

Close your laptop and rest your eyes.

Daydream.

Sit under a tree.

Lay on the ground and watch the stars on a clear night Benefits of Niksen Among other benefits, consider the following pros of practicing this simple but necessary habit; Reduced anxiety every time you allow your mind to stop and catch up with you.

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Strengthening immunity through reducing stress and anxiety Improved creativity the more you leave room for your mind to wander without pressure Problem-solving and solution finding happens as you allow your mind to get through the backlog and create room for new challenges Gaining clarity and achieving goals from resting your mind often Avoiding burnout The important thing to remember with this practice is moderation. You can plan a few minutes in each day to give your mind a break. Just avoid taking this on as a regular day job. Find a way that works for you and one that will fit in with your personality.

For more information on this topic check out the following links: https://time.com/5622094/what-is-niksen/ https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/niksen https://www.huffpost.com/entry/7-ways-to-experience-the-sweetnessof-doing-nothing_b_9073248

image credit: calvinandhobbes.com 35 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Moooom!!

Mothering Toddlers During Lockdown.

My 4-year old has the tendency of asking what I am doing when I am in the toilet, bathroom, kitchen, bedroom and sometimes whilst just watching TV. For others, this might sound annoying but moms know better. This is part of their everyday life and now with lockdowns, kids being home all the time, and parents having to work from home, this means never-ending questions from toddlers.

My kids have always been homeschooled and the only time they interacted with other kids was at church and that has become impossible as churches have been closing on and off. They usually dress up and pretend to go to school or some place they visited like the beach and restaurants which is hilarious as they try to enact what they experienced. This shows how much they miss the outside world.

We have resorted to doing everything online; worshipping, getting in touch with family and even learning. For the kids, it has been exciting as they get to be with phones and the TV all day long.

My husband runs a business that needs him to be on the road constantly, so even during these partial lockdowns, I get the kids full time. Yay for me! Although everything is all over the place because these are toddlers, two of them. Most moms in this situation would agree how wonderful it is spending so much time with your kids but a little breather won’t hurt.

As soon as the pandemic hit Malawi, I got mixed emotions from joy to anxiety, panic to calmness and sometimes even thankful. Then I would feel guilty for some of my actions especially wanting some time off. The reason for this is due to the changes taking place in our environment like isolations, travel restrictions and lockdowns.

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Balancing kids, house chores and school (I am currently doing a Masters in Literature) has not been easy because kids do not like divided attention. Sometimes I attend a zoom class whilst feeding my 2-

year old daughter whilst trying to hush my 4-year old son. It’s a madhouse because the house is never tidy. They are constantly building some fort using couch pillows and bed sheets all over the house. Despite all these challenges, it is so refreshing to be

able to be around their milestones like potty training and feeding themselves and learning new words. One thing that keeps me sane is the idea of how I get to teach some skills to my kids and even just enjoy their company.

One day my 2yr old showed up wearing a plastic cover of an identification card as a mask and it dawned on me how they are aware of what is going on as we are trying to shield them from the pandemic that is claiming lives and causing panic. The best way is to stay positive and be reminded that this is not a death sentence but rather a good time to catch up on some of the abandoned things that we always start and leave hanging due to busy schedules like working out, reading novels and watching movies.

Every day has to be a different experience to avoid boredom and with kids around that requires creativity.

Play games, cook new recipes and watch content that keeps your mind away from stress while making the best memories with your loved ones because once everything becomes normal, everyone will be running helter-skelter trying to catch up on the lost time

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Yoschabel Nkonosawa

Coping with Loss and Grief During COVID19

Grief

is

a

natural

response to the loss of someone

or something very important to you. The loss may cause sadness and may cause you to think of very little else besides the loss. Many people think of grief as a single instance or as a short time of pain or sadness in response to a loss, like the tears shed at a loved one’s funeral.

But grieving includes the Chilungamo B. M’manga entire emotional process of coping with a loss, and it can last a long time. The process involves many different emotions, actions, and expressions, all of which help a person come to terms with the loss of a loved one. Coping with the loss of a close friend or family member may be one of the hardest challenges that many of us face. The death of a loved one can be associated with sadness, fear, despair, disbelief, shock, anger, guilt or anxiety. The pain of grief can also disrupt your physical health, making it difficult to sleep, eat, or even think straight.

No two people will experience the death of a loved one in the same way.

How individuals express their pain depends upon a number of factors including their personality, the circumstances surrounding the death, 38 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

and the way they view the world, their coping style, life experience, faith, and how significant the loss was to them. I remember receiving news of the death of my sister’s husband when I was in my first year of college.

My sister and her husband had them and funerals are off the table as made their house my second home. well.

During my high school and through to Grieving is already a tumultuous college, I could go to their house for and lonely affair, but now it has holidays and stayed there till become even more school opened. We had become People who have solitary. The pandemic is very close. So when I received forcing a grieving person to lost a loved one the death news, I was sad and deal with every single thing disheartened. One of my friends to coronavirus that is already hard to deal came to check on me and asked with all at once. Deaths specifically can me how I was related to the during the age of deceased. When he heard that also get trapped coronavirus, for example, the deceased was my brother by guilt often mean loved ones are in-law, he started being playful. dying without their families I realized that he assumed I by their side, due to Covid-19 wasn’t in pain because the deceased preventive measures. Dwelling on a was my brother in-law. That hurt me, loved one dying alone can be a source because my bond with the deceased of mental anguish for the remaining was strong despite the nature of our family members. relationship. So never measure the closeness of people based on their People who have lost a loved one relationship to the deceased because to coronavirus specifically can also get you never know. trapped by guilt. The virus might infect a whole household but kill one person.

Coronavirus disease 2019 The remaining family members could (COVID-19) is a contagious disease feel guilty that they are still alive, a caused by severe acute respiratory feeling that can crop up even if you syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoVdon't live in the same home. Survivor 2). The COVID-19 pandemic has now guilt has to do with the feeling that you claimed a lot of lives, and so many shouldn't enjoy your life. Anxiety is people have been affected differently. another symptom of grief. Grief can be Malawi has not been spared. The way exacerbated by the panic many people of doing things has also changed. already feel during this pandemic. If a Coronavirus is disrupting mourning loved one died from coronavirus, it can rituals everywhere. For some, funerals also be easy to get mad at other family and memorials can provide solace and, members, health workers lack of perhaps, a sense of closure for the response or and dwell on "what if" deceased's loved ones. But in the age of scenarios, like "What if there were coronavirus, these events aren't more ventilators and my loved one possible. We can't get together to honor could have survived?"

39 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Many people are grieving. The grieving period varies from person to person. Know that there is no “normal” timetable for grieving. While grieving a loss is an inevitable part of life, there are ways to help one cope with the pain, come to terms with your grief, and eventually, find a way to pick up the pieces and move on with your life.

Firstly, you can talk about the death of your loved one with friends or colleagues in order to help you understand what happened and remember your friend or family member. Avoidance can lead to isolation and will disrupt the healing process with your support systems.

Secondly, acknowledge your pain and accept your feelings. You may experience a wide range of emotions, those feelings are normal and it’s important to recognize when you are feeling this way. Face your feelings.

You can try to suppress your grief, but you can’t avoid it forever. In order to heal, you have to acknowledge the pain. Trying to avoid feelings of sadness and loss only prolongs the grieving process. Unresolved grief can also lead to complications such as depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and health problems.

Thirdly, you can turn to friends and family members. Now is the time to lean on the people who care about you, even if you take pride in being strong and self-sufficient. Rather than avoiding them, draw friends and loved ones close, spend time together face to face (if possible), or through the phone.

Accept the assistance that’s offered.

Often, people want to help but don’t know how, so tell them what you need, 40 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

whether it’s a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to talk to or hang out with. If you don’t feel you have anyone you can regularly connect with in person, it’s never too late to build new friendships.

The pain of grief can often cause you to want to withdraw from others and retreat into your shell. But having the face-to-face support of other people is vital to healing from loss. Even if you’re not comfortable talking about your feelings under normal circumstances, it’s important to express them when you’re grieving.

While sharing your loss can make the burden of grief easier to carry, that doesn’t mean that every time you interact with friends and family, you need to talk about your loss. Comfort can also come from just being around others who care about you. The key is not to isolate yourself.

Another thing you can do is to look after your physical health. The mind and body are connected. When you feel healthy physically, you’ll be better able to cope emotionally.

Combat stress and fatigue by getting enough sleep, eating right, and exercising. Don’t use alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of grief or lift your mood. The stress of a major loss can quickly deplete your energy and emotional reserves. Looking after your physical and emotional needs will help you get through this difficult time.

There’s comfort in routine and getting back to the activities that bring you joy and connect you closer to others can help you come to terms with your loss and aid the grieving process.

You also need to accept that “don’t cry “, If you do not know what to many people feel awkward when trying say, it is okay to be silent but just be to comfort someone who’s grieving. there for them. Two years ago a close Grief can be a confusing, friend of mine lost her dad. sometimes frightening Please don't disappear She was devastated. My emotion for many people, friend shared a very after someone in your especially if they haven’t special bond with her dad. experienced a similar loss life loses a loved one. In I escorted her to her village themselves. They may feel and made sure I was by as much as the person unsure about how to her side the whole time. A comfort you and end up may need some space, few days after the burial, saying or doing the wrong she returned to her city things. But don’t use that you don’t have to be and so did I. I kept on as an excuse to retreat completely out of the checking up on her into your shell and avoid through calls and text. picture. social contact. If a friend However, I noticed that or loved one reaches out to she had somehow you, it’s because they care. And do not withdrawn from everyone including conclude that those who are not me. I decided to give her space but still reaching out do not care, it may not checked on her once in a while. Months always be the case. went by but nothing seemed to change.

This begun affecting me. I felt like she Another important way of had been in this space for too long. But dealing with loss is drawing comfort later on I realized that it was okay if she from your faith. You can also turn to needed that much time to mourn her God for comfort and strength through father. I had come to terms that at the being involved in spiritual activities time, my friend’s feelings were more that are meaningful to you, such as important than mine. I decided to be praying, meditating on God’s word, or patient with her till she was back to going to church. These can offer solace. herself.

If you’re questioning your faith in the wake of the loss, talk to your pastor or Many mourners want those friends with strong faith. around them to listen, ask questions, and share memories, thereby helping You may not be the one grieving them in the healing process. Please but know someone close who is. don't disappear after someone in your Because grief is experienced in many life loses a loved one. In as much as the ways, it is better that those who would person may need some space, you support a friend or loved one in a time don’t have to be completely out of the of grieving follow that person’s lead, picture. It is easy to send a condolence and resist judging whether they seem note and then not stay in touch. Avoid to be insufficiently sad or to be dwelling this. It's crucial to remain in their lives. in grief for too long. And it is generally If you can manage to observe the unhelpful to encourage the pursuit of Covid-19 preventive measures and still “closure.” Avoid saying words like show up at the funeral, do so. And even 41 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

after the funeral, you can still show up once in a while on top of checking up on them through the phone. The most important thing is to make sure they can still feel your presence even from far away, especially during this lonely time.

Grief is complicated and we all process loss differently. When my sister died years ago, I actively avoided grieving, I did not like to talk about my sister.

The use of past tense in our conversations made it seem like she was in our lives years ago and not earlier that day or a few days before. I did not like it when people shared her stories and talked about her as if she had not been with us earlier that day.

This was the same sister who had lost her husband earlier. Oh, how I loved my sister. She was the first person who introduced me to what it meant to be “born again”. She used to trust me with her secrets and people always mistook me for her. We really looked alike.

When she passed on, it took long for me to accept it. For a long time, I dreamed of her. In my dreams we could spend time chatting as if she never left.

Later on, I realized this did not help me with my healing process. It was at this point that I went to talk to my dad about it. He enlightened me on how this was delaying my healing process and how unhealthy it was for me spiritually.

Later on, I booked a counselling session with my pastor on the same issue. My pastor agreed with what my dad had said and he helped me further.

42Chilungamo | E s s e n t i a l GB. r a M’manga c e M a g a z is i n ea

From then on, I made a decision to accept that my sister was gone and learn to live without her. I made a decision to be there for her daughter whom she had left and it was at this point that I made a decision to cherish my parents, and love all my siblings than ever before. I realized that the best time to appreciate them all and let them know how much I valued them is when they are still alive.

Those are some of the things I learned from my sister’s death and I'm hoping it may help you during this difficult time. If you're dealing with survivor guilt, don't feel bad about having it, but be reminded that your life matters too and the person you lost would want you to have a good life. Do not forget that you have other relatives who are also grieving the same person. The grieving process can take a toll on one’s body. Make sure you check in with your loved ones and that they are taking the necessary healthy steps to maintain their health May you be there for them emotionally too. You may also be struggling with the suffocating news cycle on social media that is almost exclusively focused on coronavirus. Be mindful of your intake and only consume enough to be educated about the risks that can affect you and your community.

You can even take a break from social media if you need to. Find other activities/hobbies that can take your mind off scary headlines e.g. a movie.

Remembering and celebrating the lives of your loved ones that you lost also helps you cope with their absence.

Psychologist and Lecturer of Psychology at the University of Malawi – Kamuzu College of Nursing.

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Resources Mental Health Support for Children in Malawi (Therapists, social workers, clinical psychologists) T. Lamba - 0885795906 C. Mafuta - 0888343953 L. Kaweruweru - 0884145037 R. Mkolesia – 0993110993 C. Bandawe – 0999841093 J. Soko - 0991938203 Cancer Support in Malawi Children’s Cancer Club (QECH) – 01673198 Cancer Association of Malawi – 01623122 / 0888454358 Partners in Hope – 0999971731 / 0999961961 Think Pink, Malawi - 0999 66 07 52 Counselling for Grief and Loss in Malawi Yathu Hospice (Lilongwe) – www.yathuhospice.org Bwenzi Memorial Center - 0888444338 / 0999944338 The Haven Counselling Center (Zomba) - 0991938203 45 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

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Essential Grace Magazine Promoting mental health and wellness through media Contact us essentialgrace@zoho.com / essentialgrace@yandex.com Call: 0991 938 203 47 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e