Essential Grace Magazine August 2020

Essential Grace Magazine

August, 2020

Vol. 1 Issue No. 1

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Grace essential for the mind, body, and soul

Essential Grace is a brand new magazine that will focus on all things mental health, wellness, and spirituality!

We are all about promoting positive mental health!

Look out for different themes every month related to raising awareness, conversations, actions, and finding practical solutions to the many mental health challenges we face as Malawians both within and beyond our borders.

You will find that we love to explore nutrition, exercise, skin and hair care, rest, alternative therapies for good health, and many more practices to keep the mind, body, and spirit going strong.

The goal? To create and promote sustainable, holistic health for our readers!

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Although we at Essential Grace are Christian based creatives, we do not limit our content to one specific audience.

Our platform has been created for all religions, faiths, and personal spiritual choices.

Our aim is to inspire positive lifestyles and to educate each other on what is or is not working.

Dear Reader, Dear Reader, Welcome to the debut issue of the Essential Grace Magazine.

In this issue we look at depression in males, and we explore what this means from both a local and more global perspective. One of our stories is sent from Msondezi, a South African gentleman sharing on a traumatic experience that led to depression and substance abuse. Another is from an online mental awareness website where Harry details how he struggles with anxiety and depression along with sharing tips on how to manage these conditions. This content is hopefully going to inspire readers out there and encourage them not to be afraid of reaching out for help when living with mental health conditions, particularly in men.

In order to help raise awareness on issues of mental health and wellness, we have invited articles from local writers and independent contributors in the growing counselling and mental healthcare field. You will find contact information and website links to counsellors in and around Malawi under the label Local Resources throughout the magazine. Most of the other internet sources suggested could help individuals and groups that would like to learn how to reach out to men suffering from poor mental health, or how to run awareness initiatives for this cause.

Our September issue, which we aim to produce towards the end of September 2020, will be on the subject of spirituality and mental health. If you would like to contribute towards this topic either through a personal story, or an interesting perspective; please use the contact information below for more information. All contributions towards this magazine are done at the writer’s own discretion; and are completely voluntary.

As a counselling psychologist, I understand how difficult it may be to read some of the content in this issue. Some of the stories may be too close to home, others may strike a deeper chord in you that may be unpleasant. I encourage you to approach this content with an open heart bearing in mind that when ignored these issues may slowly rob our society of good productive young men. Let us not stand by and let this happen without making any effort to fight for our loved ones.

With that said, enjoy the debut!

Julie Soko Managing Editor Essential Grace Magazine essentialgrace@zoho.com / @essentialgracemagazine2020 3|Essential Grace Magazine

Meet the team Julie Soko, Managing Editor

Special Thanks to: Mtendere Kishindo: Sub-Editor Naomi Msusa: Editorial Assistant Art and Design Thandi Soko De-Jong: Editorial Assistant W. Gondwe: Editorial Assistant Contributors Terry Ngulube, Msondezi Damana, Harry Nanthambwe, Ruth Matumi, Yoschabel Nkonosawa, Lughano Nkuna

Essential grace Magazine is a registered publication focusing on promoting mental health and wellness in Malawi and beyond.

Contact us for information at 0991 938 203 Comments and feedback on any of our articles or contributors can be addressed to essentialgrace@zoho.com or through the contributors personal contact information.

Our postal address is P.O. Box 323, Zomba, Malawi

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In this Issue Our cover page feature is a young and promising fashion designer, and professional chef from Blantyre!

Read more about his designs and creations on page 7.

Terry Ngulube

The wellness section features a practical self-care package for men on how to look after their bodies when facing poor mental health.

Read more on page 44.

Lughano Nkuna of Pretty Brown Skin Store

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Mental Health Focus In this section you will be able to read some locally written articles on current and relevant issues in the world of mental health both from Malawi and those available to wider audiences on the internet.

Our featured articles will have both personal accounts as well as research articles, and interviews with experts in particular fields. If you would like to contribute towards this section; please contact the editor at essentialgrace@zoho.com for more details on monthly themes.

My Story: Featured Articles on pages 9 and 13 As we are focusing on male depression in this issue; we feature two stories from two very different people sharing just a snippet of their journey with poor mental health.

What’s the Story? on page 17 We ask what are the facts about male depression-from a man’s perspective? We get some insights from a Lilongwe based mental health activist. He gives us the breakdown, along with some myths vs facts, popular beliefs, and some cultural interpretations of male depression that he has come across.

Get to know. On page 23 We will be further exploring the theoretical definitions, symptoms and characteristics of male depression. How do they differ across age groups? What are the suggestions being given to treat or cure depression in men?

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Cover Feature Please tell us how you define your profession, what do you do for a living?

This is one of the most complicated questions I have had to answer so often.

But to put it in the simplest form I would say I work with my hands. I am the Creative Designer of Terry Made Designs (TMD) a contemporary luxury brand that aims to give everyone a taste of the red carpet in their everyday wear.

I am also the co-founder of Malawi’s one and only street fashion show dubbed the Winter Ankara Fashion Expo (W.A.F.E). To top it all off I am a certified chef.

How did you decide on this career path, and what is it that keeps your fire burning?

I strongly believe in destiny. Food and fashion both called my name and I answered like Moses answered the burning bush. I grew up watching my mother make all sorts of things for us from school uniforms to pyjamas. As a child, I remember my father cooking amazing and well-articulated meals. In the end it all just made perfect sense to

The Thobani Hoodie. Reversible Contemporary Wear

me.

Terry Ngulube is a Blantyre based entrepreneur working in the fashion industry. In this short interview he shares on his passion for his work and his take on mental health.

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Passion, resilience, hard work and a tremendous amount of trial and error make what I do worthwhile. Over the years I have been lucky to find people who think like me and they have in one way or another helped shape my work. Life though, is my greatest inspiration; the uncertainty of it all compels me to continue crafting and I thoroughly enjoy it all.

Have you ever encountered mental health challenges? Tell us briefly what that was like and how you responded to the experience.

I made a promise to myself when I had just finished secondary school that I would be self employed by the age of 21, I was pretty ambitious. the worst part of the deal as I was failing to meet deadlines and to even just be productive after a whole day of standing in a busy, hot and intense kitchen.

I remember talking to anyone who was willing to listen, complaining nonstop about how mentally drained I was. This was a very difficult time for me. I knew then that I had to change. It took a lot of courage and faith to follow my dreams but 2017 was the year it all started making sense. The cherry on top was that I had TMD up and running again before my 22nd birthday and that for me was a milestone worth celebrating.

.

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After working in an Italian then an Indian restaurant as a Chef de Partee and Head Chef respectively; I decided by the end of 2016 to call it a day so that I could start the New Year on a clean slate. It was also so that I wouldn’t break my own promise to myself. My company TMD was at this point getting I once came across a quote that said doing what you love is easy, but loving what you do is where you find true meaning. These words helped me find my footing, and kept me working hard for everything I do. As a creative, I find that it is important to build love for the things you are good at and maintain it to a point where it becomes just as natural as breathing.

These are just a few samples of Terry’s work.

To see more and to find out more on the projects Terry is involved with, please follow the links at the end of this article.

Backstage at W.A.F.E, 2017

Contact Terry on‌

terrymade.designs

Terry Made Designs

TerrenceEdward6

Vlisco competition at JACCD. 2019

W.A.F.E, 2017.

Model showcasing Terry’s work

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What Is Mental Health?

Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. It affects how we think, feel, and act. It also helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices. Mental health is important at every stage of life, from childhood and adolescence through adulthood. Over the course of your life, if you experience mental health problems, your thinking, mood, and behaviour could be affected. Many factors contribute to mental health problems, including: Biological factors, such as genes or brain chemistry Life experiences, such as trauma or abuse Family history of mental health problems Mental health problems are common but help is available. People with mental health problems can get better and many recover completely.

Early Warning Signs Not sure if you or someone you know is living with mental health problems? Experiencing one or more of the following feelings or behaviors can be an early warning sign of a problem:

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Eating or sleeping too much or too little Pulling away from people and usual activities Having low or no energy Feeling numb or like nothing matters Having unexplained aches and pains Feeling helpless or hopeless Smoking, drinking, or using drugs more than usual Feeling unusually confused, forgetful, on edge, angry, upset, worried, or scared Yelling or fighting with family and friends Experiencing severe mood swings that cause problems in relationships Having persistent thoughts and memories you can’t get out of your head Hearing voices or believing things that are not true Thinking of harming yourself or others Inability to perform daily tasks like taking care of your kids or getting to work or school

Mental Health and Wellness Positive mental health allows people to: Realize their full potential Cope with the stresses of life Work productively Make meaningful contributions to their communities.

Read more of this article plus find more resources on mental health and wellness at www.livingwith-depression.org

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Book Project; Call for Submissions An Essential Grace Magazine Project.

2020 Essential Grace Magazine is inviting the participation of men of all ages in the first book project designed to promote awareness of mental health issues and possible solutions in Malawi. This collection of personal stories will hopefully be published before the end of 2020.

The purpose of this project‌ The purpose of sharing these stories is to help other men in our society that are struggling with poor mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, anger problems, among others. It is also in the effort to help stop the steady rise of suicides in our communities, especially amongst the male population.

Here is how you can get involved‌ Submit a personal account of a mental health challenge that you currently have or have had in the past and how your life was impacted by it.

This can include any mental health problem influenced by challenges such as substance abuse, trauma, psychiatric diagnosis, domestic violence, incarceration, bereavement, divorce, neglect and abandonment, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, retrenchment, retirement, chronic illness. Please do not feel restricted to these factors alone, any account of significantly poor mental health is welcome.

Who can get involved?

Any male from the age of 18 can submit their personal story. There is an option of you remaining completely anonymous and your name or particulars will not be included in your story. Or you might wish to share those details and not be anonymous at all. It is completely up to you.

This project is for every male who is of Malawian decent. This includes those that were born in Malawi, one or both parents/ancestry of Malawian origin, currently or previously resident in Malawian for ten years or more.

The point is to give a perspective that is relevant to the Malawian context.

Please use the contact information on the flier to find out more.

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My Story

By Msondezi Damana It was the evening of 2nd May, 2018. I was on a high!

A deal I had spent seven months working had just been secured and had been agreed to - in principle - by all concerned parties.

The deal was going to be signed that very evening. I was obviously invited to the signing ceremony. When I returned from the event that evening I went straight to my mom’s house to spend some time with her before proceeding to my place. The next day, I woke up to realize that I had forgotten my laptop at my mother’s house the previous evening. I went to my mom’s workplace to ask her for her keys in order to fetch my laptop.

It was 3 May, 2018, around 9am. On my way to my mom’s house, rd

I had decided to take the N2 highway. I was on the fast lane, there was a car behind me and a truck on my left driving towards the same direction as I was. On my right were barriers and on the far right, the road was leading towards the opposite direction. Suddenly, a

Msondezi Damana is a Lawyer and Advocate of the High Court of South Africa. Currently living in Port Elizabeth; he specializes in corporate and employment law.

He offered to contribute his story towards our first issue with the intention of encouraging other men out there that may find themselves in challenging situations. His message is clear, there is hope after a diagnosis of depression. Don’t give up!

white vehicle, from my far right (heading in the opposite direction) jumped onto the truck lane and drove straight into the truck on my left. It started spinning towards me. With the car behind me, barriers on my right, the rear of the truck on my left, plus at the speed I was travelling I knew there was no way to avoid crashing into the oncoming vehicle. I remember telling myself to remove my feet off my pedals and to brace for impact, which I did.

The vehicle collided with my vehicle.

I was rushed to hospital, in and out of consciousness. I remember being in an ambulance but I have no recollection of my journey to the hospital or of my family being with me at the hospital. There were lucid moments and there were moments when I was demanding to go home (this I was later told). I eventually ended up in the intensive care unit, heavily sedated and in terrible pain. I had suffered fractured ribs, broken teeth, a few scars on my face, head and legs but most horrifying for me was the loose tissue on my abdomen. I was told I would need to have an operation on my abdomen, however, there was nothing 13 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

doctors could do at the time as they need my ribs to heal first. I did undergo plastic surgery to remove the scars on my face and that was done successfully.

On the second night in ICU, some of my friends came to visit. I was only allowed two visitors at a time.

Since it happened; I had not seen or heard any details of the accident itself. I only knew that I was involved in one. My family had instructed my friends not to discuss any of the details of the accident with me. Even though the local newspaper had run story on its front page.

Eventually however, I demanded that my friends tell me what had happened and they buckled under my pressure. They told me “hey bafo (brother) we can confirm you were in an accident, perhaps you had experienced a seizure and lost control of your vehicle. You drove into a vehicle instantly killing the driver of that vehicle.�

When I got this news, I wanted to die myself, I could not believe I had killed someone, I was angry with myself, and confused.

The thoughts, fears, and anxiety brought on by this news had me emotionally paralyzed.

It became apparent to me the reason my family had kept the newspapers from me was because I had been blamed for the accident. I spent about a month in hospital and was informed that I would need to return after six months to do the operation on my abdomen.

Prior to the accident, I did not drink alcohol. I despised it because I associated most of my childhood trauma with alcoholism. I was raised by a single parent –my mother. My father only called me when he was drunk and as a child, I would have to converse with a drunk adult. That for me proved to be an extreme sport which I hated.

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However, when I went home from hospital, life became a challenge because I had to convince the police that I was still alive as they had closed the case without investigating. According to them, I had died either on my way to or while in hospital. Another month after being discharged, I went back to work, and I began to drink heavily.

I was miserable! I didn’t know how to deal with the news that I had killed someone. As a lawyer I knew an arrest was certainly coming my way and that I would most probably be charged with Culpable Homicide which carries a 15-year jail sentence attached to it. I started behaving recklessly; driving drunk, going to nightclubs until I started feeling really down. I had no interest in doing anything but drinking. The police then informed me that they were re-investigating the accident.

I walked away from my job, became a recluse until my family had to intervene. My mother asked me to move in with her and I did. On the 18th of December, I overdosed on my

epilepsy

medication,

my

intention was for me to have seizures to a point where I lose my life. I was rushed to hospital, and whilst I was in there, I remember thinking, it’s been over a year since my accident. It was then that I remember a prophecy that had been spoken over my life back in 2014. I realized that I needed to fight, I needed to fight for my life.

I was referred to a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with depression and referred me to a psychologist for counselling. The Lord also started speaking to me again. The Lord was speaking to me about Benaiah in 1 Chronicles 11 vs 22 and 2 Samuel 23 vs 20. Benaiah was a valiant man, who killed two Moabite warriors on a snowy day. He went down into a pit and killed a lion. I was really taken by this scripture, it was my first time reading about snow in the Bible and the fact that this man killed a lion in a pit. It is rare to encounter lions in pits; this is not a natural habitat for them. I saw this story as an analogy for my life; I saw myself experiencing life in a very “cold and snowy” season. I felt like I was both mentally 15 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

and emotionally stuck in a pit with this lion (depression). I felt the Lord reassuring me that I was still capable, still strong, still a fighter but most importantly, His grace was still sufficient for me.

I have been going through counseling since then. The police investigation declared me as the victim of the accident and therefore not guilty of causing it. My life started to return to normal. I have stopped drinking, and I started to experience my life in a better way. I am now a victim of God’s grace and mercy.

If you would like to be featured on this page, please submit your story to essentialgrace.submission@yandex.com making sure to label your email ‘Featured Article, your name and your location.

Local Resource Sylvia Namakwa (Counsellor) Trust Psychosocial Support, Lilongwe

Call: 0888877365

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Explaining Mental Health as a person of faith

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Consider …

It is not easy for people with mental health issues to live openly within faith communities. Why? That is a good question.

How often have you heard mention of this problem among the people you pray with? Is there a platform within your faith community to discuss issues such as anxiety, anger management, depression, chronic mental illness such as bi-polar disorder?

Do you ever share any of your own mental health challenges with others in that community? If your answer is no, why is that?

In my experience as a mental health worker, I often meet a very negative and judgemental reaction when raising these issues amongst ‘believers’ very much like the gentleman in this cartoon. Why would anyone have depression if they are a believer or faith-filled person? All they need to do is pray more right? I often cannot provide the answers to questions such as these because no human is created the same, and psychological illness is not as simply explained away as that.

What I can encourage you to do, as a person of faith listening to the struggles of another person of faith, is the following:  Reserve judgement! Until you have walked in their shoes never judge anyone for being weak or of little faith because they have a mental illness  Respond with love! Often what people with mental illness need is just to be loved. Most of the time you are not equipped with a solution, or any practical way to help them to heal.

Look out for our next issue as we be will exploring this theme in more detail.

Julie Soko (Counselling Psychologist) Cartoon sourced from www.thebeggersbakery.net

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My Story Overcoming Severe Depression

By Harry

Sitting at my desk as I try to start this story, I'm

problems and to not

struggling to decide where to begin and I can feel it

be able to see a light

coming on. Shivers up my arms and into my neck, a

at the end of the

heavy chest, now my legs start, I'm not sure if I'm hot

tunnel.

or cold, my chest gets heavier as my body decides

My depression

whether to fight or take flight.

You might have seen my name before, at the bottom of emails from the Foundation's Events

Luckily, I'm aware of what's going on; my head remains calm as I write these words. Letting myself

Team. You may have even spoken to me on the phone or maybe we've exchanged emails.

overcome with the anxiety that is taking hold of my body, the natural response I feel when confronted

I'm Harry, currently working at the Mental

with difficult tasks or stress, is not going to happen.

Health Foundation as the Events

I'd like to show that if they're spotted early enough,

and Community Officer and much of the work

mental health problems can be managed and even

done on launching our Curry & Chaat

prevented.

fundraiser, including two of the recipes, is of my doing.

Dealing with depression is an everyday struggle. It's

Although I'm working at the Mental Health

definitely true that some days are worse than others,

Foundation, I am still a student, currently on a

but I've learned to manage it, to become aware of my

period of temporary withdrawal from my

symptoms, my triggers, and to remain in control.

studies due to my mental health problems.

However, this has not always been the case. It's only

Looking back, I can see that I have struggled

of late that I have come to understand what's going

with depression for a long time, but it was not

on inside and the relationship between my body and

until university that it took an uncontrollable

mind. Awareness is the key to prevention and that is

hold of my life.

why I'd like to share with you my story of battling depression. I don't want anyone else to feel the way I have, to feel trapped and isolated by mental health

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Everybody has bad days but depression can make every day a bad day. I would spend days on end in bed, unwilling, or even unable to

move, for depression can be so debilitating that

always refused treatment, always believing that

it becomes physically disabling.

I was in control enough that I didn't need it.

I would hardly eat or drink, refuse to socialise,

Yet, in late April 2017, it all became too much.

want to escape but not be able to as there was

After somehow finishing my dissertation, I

nowhere for me to go, knowing that I would

knew I couldn't go on and started to consider

always have to return to my room at the end of

temporary withdrawal. It was a step I was so

the day.

reluctant to take, as at the time, it symbolised

It's a vicious cycle that, without help, is almost impossible to break.

failure, it was me letting my depression defeat me by rendering me completely unable to carry on with 'normal' life.

Recognising that I needed help The first big step for me was accepting, or as is often more difficult, realising that I was mentally unwell. It took me a long time to do this. The days I spent lying in my bedroom on my year abroad, telling myself I was 'just bored', was me refusing to accept the reality that was my ill mental health.

Likewise, in my final year, when my

However, I was wrong. Taking this step was nothing of which to be ashamed. It's a sign of strength to know when to bow out. Accepting that I needed help and that I was unable to continue my studies at that point was an unbelievably difficult decision, but taking a break to focus on my mental health, to recover, has been so much better for me in the long run.

Therapy has changed me as a person

depression reached its peak, I would progressively miss more and more lectures and seminars, leave social outings early or skip them altogether, spend more and more time alone in self-imposed isolation, and tell myself that it was just because I'm introverted, or that I was 'tired'. And I was tired, but not for lack of sleep; this was actually a symptom of my depression.

I had, however, been seeing my GP on and off for a number of years about my mental health. I first went while I was still at school, but I had

I self-referred for cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) soon after leaving university. This was such an important step for me. Simply by removing myself from my university studies, I began to see a slight improvement in my mental health, but without CBT, I would not be where I am today.

CBT helped me understand what was causing my depression and that withdrawing from society and wallowing in self-pity was only making me feel worse. Changing my attitude and adopting a positive outlook for the future,

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seeing myself in a position where I understood

prevent others from reaching the same horrible

my depression and where it did not have an

depths that I did. The work the Mental Health

uncontrollable impact on my day-to-day life,

Foundation does in this regard is vital.

was life-changing.

No one should face mental health problems

Actively seeking to get mentally healthier and

alone and this is why I believe that Curry &

focusing on rebuilding a sense of routine in my

Chaat is such an amazing thing. If we all talk

life (which is possibly the most important

about our mental health, we'll break down the

aspect in allowing yourself to maintain good

stigma and help others to become more aware

mental health) allowed me to get into a position

of the onset of mental health problems and as a

where I was looking for part-time work whilst

result people will feel more inclined to seek

on leave from university. The work that I found

help when they start to experience the

was at the Mental Health Foundation.

symptoms.

At my lowest point, I was scoring in the 'severe'

I want to help create a world with good mental

bracket of depression, but when I was

health for all and I hope my story has been

discharged after a couple of months of CBT

helpful or even inspiring.

sessions, my mental health had improved so drastically that I scored at the lower end of 'mild'.

I've seen a huge improvement in my mental

Find Harry’s story along with more

health and am a completely different person as a result. My depression is still there, I think it always will be, but I can manage it to the extent that it doesn't affect my ability to function in day-to-day life.

No one should struggle alone There are so many other people just like me who struggle with depression and that is why it is so important to raise awareness in order to

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informative content to help promote mental health awareness on the Mental Health Foundation website at www.mentalhealth.org.uk

The Haven Center provides both face to face and telephonic counselling services by a qualified counselling and organizational psychologist. Services include: Anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorders, bereavement and loss counselling, business and career planning, professional identity formation, workplace management and intervention.

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What’s the Story?

By Harry Nanthambwe

Every man is prone to suffering depression no matter their physical appearance, strength, or age. Depression is thought to be the leading cause of suicide and cases of drug and substance abuse in men around the world.

There are a lot of misconceptions about depression in men that makes it difficult for them to talk to others and take control of their mental health.

Depression is often considered a sign of weakness in men. Yet it is a real illness just like any other. One that requires proper management and treatment.

I have noted that most men feel like they should always be in control of their emotions.

In most of Malawian cultures, boys grow up being told that men should not be expressive with their emotions because it is a sign of weakness. One of the common myths that supports this idea is mamuna salila or men do not cry. This type of thinking leads to many misconceptions about healthy and unhealthy expression of emotions as a boy transitions into manhood.

The truth is that no one can be fully in control of everything. We all have limitations and we all come to a place where we need help. Males are emotional beings just like females. It is therefore healthy to embrace our emotions as men. The strength is in facing this challenge head on. Unfortunately, most men rarely ask for help, they fight on their own to win the battle in their mind. The misconception that a lot of men believe is that men ought to be tough. To be tough is manly. Swallow your emotions, suck it in, bury it and it shall go!

Most men will focus on improving their physique, spending countless hours and cash in 23 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

the gym to build a tough looking exterior, meanwhile they are dying on the inside.

This may involve drinking or taking drugs just to numb HARRY NANTHAMBWE their A medical rehabilitation technician. emotional Social organizer. Leader. Mentor. pain but this Entrepreneur. Coach. Athlete. only brings spiritual and men’s mental health observer and advocate. a short relief. The best course of action for men and boys struggling with mental health problems is to ask for help. Whether from people around them or from mental health professionals.

Here are some more myths that are common in our society;

Depression is a woman’s illness. This is not only untrue but it can be very damaging to men who may feel that their experience of depression is invalid or not allowed. This makes it difficult for males to accept their struggles and even to seek help. When it comes to depression or any other mental health illness, gender is irrelevant.

Feeling low or down is not manly. Not being honest with your emotions when you are low or down will only make things worse. When we

suppress of hide our emotions, we create a very toxic environment within ourselves. We also create an unhealthy environment for others especially those whom we love. It is ok not to be okay but it is not okay to remain that way.

What can you do to take control of your mental health?

Sadness is an emotion that humans feel, including men. It is a special gift from God that signals that there is an issue that needs to be addressed within ourselves. One cannot fight depression alone. Most men report struggling with a fear of being shamed for not being ‘emotionally strong’ so they would rather fight alone. Sometimes men think that involving others in their battles will only make them a burden.

1. However, fighting depression requires team work. It requires effort from different professionals depending on the level and type of depression. Reach out, share your problems with the right people, and accept the help that is given to you.

2. Family members and friends also do play an integral part when it comes to fighting depression. But if you do not open up no one will know that you need help. Please note, it takes great humility and strength for a man to admit he needs help. It is by no means an act of weakness.

3. As men, we need to learn about our emotions, understanding them and their purpose in our lives before we can begin to take control of them. After that, we must learn to address our emotions by listening to and accepting them so that we can give ourselves the support that we really need.

Men, how do you help a fellow man suffering from depression?

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Depression is an illness, it is real. When you see a man suffering from depression, do not judge him, rather, give him support, talk to him, and point him to the right help. Usually when a man is going through depression, he often feels isolated, lonely, like an an outcast. It feels like you are in your own world where connections are hard, you lose interest in things you used to love and it feels too dark. This kind of feeling stings a lot. This is the most delicate space for a man to be in. This is where a man needs a band of brothers to lift him up.

Do not joke about any sudden change you see in your friend nor offer help that will only worsen the situation, such as going drinking to help them drown their sorrows. Instead, let them know that they are not alone.

Do not underestimate the emotional pain your brother is going through; rather support them, and encourage them to talk about it and always know your limitations and make proper referrals especially in regards to professional help. Do not offer them remedies that will only give them a short relief. Always encourage a man to talk about their depression and help them to access the appropriate help.

My take‌

As a man, I would like to invite other men out there to speak out about their mental health and seek help.

In my work as a mental health observer and advocate, I have met and spoken to a lot of boys and young men between the ages of 14 to over 25 years old. For most of them it has been a struggle to identify the problem, but they also feel tired of hiding their emotional pain. This is why it is important for us to model and encourage our young men to talk and speak about their mental health issues and seek help for them.

We need to create safe spaces where boys and men can come freely to be vulnerable with their

emotional pain. We need to teach our young men how to vent out their emotional pain in a healthy way.

There are a growing number of qualified professional mental health counsellors available and accessible in Malawi for those who need them. Healing is possible and available for all of us men struggling with depression. It all starts by talking about it, not just once but even many times until we get better. Sometimes the only miracle we might need while going through depression is talking to a trusted person or a professional counselor. There is hope for all of us men battling depression.

Once we begin to take charge of the challenges we face through poor mental health; we will be able to model healthy ways of dealing with men’s mental health issues especially to the younger generation. If there will be significant changes in matters of men’s mental health, men are the ones who need to bring about that influence and change today.

We are the ones we have been waiting for. Let us change the narrative today. No man should be left behind, let us be our brother’s keepers!

What’s the story will be featuring different stories, opinions, experiences and observations from our readers depending on the monthly theme. You are welcome to contribute your articles through our dedicated email essentialgrace.subimissions@yandex.com. Make sure you label you email ‘What’s the Story?’ Along with your name and where you are based.

The next issue of Essential Grace will be on the theme of Spirituality and Mental Health. If you have an article to contribute in the What’s the Story section, please use the details provided and submit before August 31st, 2020.

Local Resource Charles Zimunya Area 47 Sector 3, Lilongwe.

Call: on 0991125543 Email: charliedox599@gmail.com Services: life coaching both in person and telephonic sessions

25 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Some Quotes on depression …

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say my tooth is aching than to say my heart is broken.

C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain Getting better from depression demands a lifelong commitment. I’ve made that commitment for my life’s sake and for the sake of those who love me.

Susan Polis Schutz If depression is creeping up and must be faced, learn something about the nature of the beast: you may escape without a mauling.

Dr R.W. Shepherd Depression isn’t just about being a bit sad. It’s feeling nothing. It’s not wanting to be alive anymore.

J. K. Rowling

26 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

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27 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Kylie is a multi-talented creative with proficiency in dance, fashion design, poetry both spoken and written word. She is a writer who also dabbles as a wellness speaker.

As a trainer, Kylie - and BSF - strives to be a fitness instructor, and company, who puts the client’s needs and requirements FIRST by making sure that the client

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28 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Get to know “Men don’t cry”- The Truth About Depression in Males.

by Ruth T. Matumbi

Just like diabetes or arthritis, depression is a chronic disease.

Getting well is only the beginning of the challenge-the goal is staying well.

We are all familiar with the phrase “men don’t cry”. It has become the norm in which men are expected to fall into. Ever wonder why men do not cry as loud as the ladies do at a funeral? Perhaps the world naturally expects men to be detached from their emotions simply because they are assumed to be created stronger than women.

Ruth is a social worker currently based in Zomba, Malawi. Her interests lie in reading the Word of God and a variety of literature. She enjoys fellowship, singing.

From time immemorial, the world has given off the idea that men are supposed to act in a particular manner especially in situations that trigger negative emotions and sadness. Before we go into detail however, let us define what depression is.

What is depression?

experience a great amount of suffering. This often results in the person affected to withdraw

Depression can be defined as a state where one

from their day to day activities as well as from

feels extreme grief and sadness. It can also be

society in general. Unfortunately, there is the

defined as a medical illness as the symptoms are

general notion of masculinity; which alludes to

often

illnesses.

strength as being paramount while the

Symptoms of depression are also linked to parts

expression of emotions perceived is a sign of

of the brain, and may run in families (genetic).

weakness. This type of masculinity is often

However, depression is considered to be a

viewed as a means by which men are measured

manageable condition which is also in most

in

cases treatable.

‘masculine’, one needs to refrain from attaching

associated

with

clinical

Depression can be marked by feelings of extreme sadness that may cause one to 29 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

society.

Simply put,

to

be

labeled

oneself to emotions or the masculine title would be stripped from them. The general perception

around the world is that showing emotions is

performance, which often results in refusing to

expected to be common among women and not

go to school, separation anxiety, phobias and in

men.

some cases fantasizing about death. School

Over the recent years, the rate of suicides amongst males has risen as people are prone to neglect the fact that males can be depressed just as much as females. Studies have shown that a large number of men as opposed to women suffer from problems closely related to depression such as alcohol and/or substance abuse. The truth of the matter is that just as depression is prevalent in women; men are

going children may face depression especially when it is time to move from one environment to another particularly when they have come to an age where they are expected to move to a higher class. This is where separation anxiety comes in where they are being separated from their friends, teachers and moving into an entirely new environment. It is important to note that children may not have a proper understanding of the concept of depression or

equally vulnerable to it.

suicidal thoughts; however; this does not The following factors illustrate how depression

prevent them from experiencing these things

manifests in men, and are broken down further

just as intensely as adults do.

according to different age groups; Depression in pre-school children (Little

Depression in Pre- Adolescent and Teenage boys

boys)

The most common manifestations of depression in pre-school going children (aged up to 6 or 7yrs) are physical symptoms such as abdominal pain and headache, fatigue and dizziness. These physical symptoms are usually followed by anxiety phobias,

(especially

separation

psychomotor

anxiety),

agitation

or

hyperactivity, irritability, loss of appetite with a failure to reach a recommendable weight or size, and sleep disorders. In little children, depression

can

be

verbalized

and

communicated as sadness. Little children present a sad appearance, they cry easily, have apathy, fatigue, isolation, and decline in school 30 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

An interesting thing to note in our Malawian context is that depression and mental illness is generally perceived with stigma, especially amongst the youth. This leads to a behaviour of secrecy,

self-rejection,

and

self-harming

practices all in the attempt to appear ‘normal’ and avoid being labelled as weak because of this condition. Depression is under-reported often when it occurs in teenage boys. Those suffering from depression are seen as ‘weak’ with no willpower to control their feelings.

Adolescent boys suffering from depression may hesitate to share information about their illness or attempts to access treatment for fear of being

judged by their peers. This is especially

are likely to behave in the way they saw their

traumatic as it can happen at a transitional stage

parents behaving alongside using the skills they

in the boy’s life where they are still learning

have accumulated. If these skills are lacking, or

more about themselves and the world around

have also been tainted with poor mental health

them. Their sense of identity has not been

or unhealthy habits and environments; the

formed yet, so when coupled with depression

likelihood of developing poor mental health and

and poor coping skills; this spells a gloomy

depression is high.

outlook for their future.

A young man who does not possess a healthy and secure sense of identity, self-esteem, and

Depression can be brought on in adolescent boys through environmental stressors like physical and sexual abuse, alcohol and substance abuse, poverty, death or loss of a parent/s through divorce, death of a sibling or close friend. In other cases, teen pregnancy, poor performance at school, loneliness and isolation, lack of support from parents, and chronic illness, is highly related to the presence of depression and poor mental health symptoms

self-knowledge, may struggle to face the world with confidence. This is evident when these young men go to college or start working, and they suddenly develop strange behaviours such as drug/alcohol abuse, overly promiscuous lifestyles, and in some cases criminal activities and violence. You can see that the person is not able to cope with this major shift of personality and they begin to show signs and symptoms of depression and generally poor mental health.

in male teens.

These symptoms are often mistaken as normal Depression in young adults (20-40yrs)

mood swings, the result of too much drinking or partying, and normal boys will be boys

Being a young adult male opens up life to a

behaviour. However, if you look closely at their

variety of new experiences and the exploration

lives you will find very clear signs of a person

of new concepts to life such as relationships,

struggling to cope and needing help in order to

migration, employment and tertiary education.

heal. Dealing with depression in the context of

In such cases, the young man has to face the

young men can prove to be vital as not treating

world as an individual. This calls on the coping

it can lead to serious consequences such as we

skills and general life skills they have been

see in the ever-growing rate of suicides amongst

taught and have developed in their teenage

the males in our country.

years. Parental style and modelled behaviour is very important for this age group because once the boy has moved out of the family home; they 31 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Depression in middle aged men (4060yrs)

themselves and others in harm’s way. This is illustrated in the short example below; “When I was feeling depressed, I was very reckless

There are several ways in which depression

with my life. I didn’t care about how I drove. I

manifests in middle aged men. Middle aged

didn’t care about walking across the street

men may experience depression when they are

carefully. I didn’t care about dangerous parts of

going through a series of life situations that

the city. I wouldn’t be affected by any kinds of

pose a threat to their happiness. Situations such as illnesses, death of a spouse or child, financial problems or poverty, inability to have children, and divorce. Strangely enough, most men are

warnings on travel or places to go. I didn’t care whether I lived or died and so I was going to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And when you take those kinds of chances, you have a greater likelihood of dying.”

less likely to exhibit the typical signs of depression such as crying or sadness possibly

-Bill Maruyama, Lawyer.

due to having learnt clever ways to hide, deny,

Depression is a multifaceted condition, and one

and repress their mental health struggles. By

factor that is closely linked to it is suicide. This

having these feelings suppressed, they may

age group has a higher chance of suicide

eventually develop chronic and even worsened

possibly due to the sense of hopelessness that

mental health problems. Untreated depression

may be experienced by men. They may have

in men can have serious physical, emotional,

given up the hope of ever healing or fixing their

and behavioural consequences.

life, plus they may have a very negative outlook

The alarming suicide rate among men in

for their future and feel that there is no need to

Malawi alone may reflect the fact that men are

continue living.

less likely to seek treatment for depression. It is often the case that many men with depression rarely receive an adequate diagnosis and treatment that may be beneficial to them. This may be because depression in men is not an openly discussed topic. However, the sooner the depression is handled, the better. As not

Depression in older men (60yrs and over)

Older men are also prone to depression.

However, there is a misconception that depression amongst the elderly is normal thus when it does occur treatment is not a priority

attending to it may disturb other areas of life of

when society assumes depression is ‘part of the

the affected person. For example, depressed

package’ when it comes to this age group. To

men respond to depression by engaging in reckless behavior, by taking risks and putting 32 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

make it worse, the many challenges that older persons meet as they age causes confusion

among relatives and caretakers as symptoms of

conditions they may have. If a depressive

depression are often mistaken for expected

illness is diagnosed however, treatment with

signs of old age. If depression in this age group

appropriate

goes untreated, there is an increased risk of

psychotherapy can help older men to manage

additional illnesses and cognitive decline.

both physical illnesses and depression and

Although it is not clear what exactly causes

medication

and/or

brief

improving their quality of life.

depression in older persons, studies show that

“As you get sick, as you become drawn in more

depression for an older person may be caused

and more by depression, you lose that

by psychological factors, biological factors,

perspective. Events become more irritating;

environmental factors and genetic factors. To

you get more frustrated about getting things

be

more

specific,

situations

such

as

development of illnesses such as cancer or loss of sight, loneliness and isolation, poverty and malnutrition, and more recently having to care for their grandchildren in the absence of

done. You feel angrier, you feel sadder.

Everything’s magnified in an abnormal way.�

-Paul Gottlieb, Publisher.

Signs and symptoms of depression in males

younger more abled caregivers. Illness and disease are considered great contributors to depression just as depression can lead to the worsening and poor outcome of certain illness and disease. It is a cycle.

This

section

emotional,

will

explore

psychological

the

physical,

and

spiritual

symptoms of depression in males across different ages and its difference in severity in

Retirement may be devastating to an older male

experience. These symptoms may of course

if they have been the primary source of income

differ depending on the background, culture

for their families and have built a strong sense

and context of the individual. It is always wise

of identity through their jobs. They may feel a sense of loss and experience grief upon retirement. The loss of an important role, loss

to check symptoms with a qualified professional and avoid self-diagnosis.

1. Physical

of self- esteem, loss of friendships and community in the workplace can leave one

Persistent headaches

feeling down and prone to depression.

Stomachaches or general digestive problems

However, people may dismiss depressive

that reoccur despite treatment

symptoms in older persons by assuming that the

Marked weight loss or weight gain

symptoms being elicited are common in old age and may be linked to other physical illness or 33 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Fatigue/loss of energy

Substance and/or alcohol abuse

What perpetuates Depression in

Risky behavior such as reckless driving

Malawi?

Sexual disorders and loss of libido The general assumption by many is that Dizziness

depression in Malawi is mostly caused by 2. Emotional

factors related to the socio-economic status of our country. I spoke to several people regarding

Irritability or inappropriate expression of anger

the topic of this article and the general

Sadness that persists despite changes in context

consensus was that depression in Malawi is

or events

often caused by;

Frequent crying

Marital problems leading to separation or divorce, which may cause depression in both

Feelings of guilt, worthlessness or helplessness Low self esteem 3. Psychological

parents and children in the home.

Poor financial resources which may lead to poverty in the home. Again, this impacts parents and children alike

Generalized anxiety and fear Inability to

attain

and keep significant

The development of phobias

relationships with people. The isolation and

Hallucinations in extreme cases of distress

loneliness from this may lead to depression.

Suicidal ideas and attempts

Illness and disease may cause depression especially if the condition is life-limiting and/or

Difficulty in concentrating or brain fog 4. Spiritual

Increasing spiritualization of events and other life factors, becoming overly zealous or completely neglecting religious expression Avoiding religious’ gatherings and functions, or people associated with religion

chronic.

Infertility and not being able to have a family can also cause significant negative mental health implications.

Conclusion

A good analogy of depression is that it as vital as the air we breathe. Just as one does not have to see air to believe in its importance; one does not have to see depression to be convinced that

34 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

it exists. Even though depression can be severe, it can also be treatable. It would be advisable for people to get to know themselves so that they are able to detect whether they are heading for depression or not. When the diagnosis suggests that they are, necessary steps are to be taken in

Avoid making important decisions when you are under a lot of pressure or emotionally distressed.

Always try to practice positive thinking Allow your family and friends to help you. Do not isolate yourself

order to help themselves out of the situation

*Lastly, remember that men do not have to live

wherever possible. However, more research is

up to the strong and unbreakable public

needed to help the general public understand all

perception

out

there.

Suppressing

your

emotions will lead to stress which will in turn aspects of depression especially in men. Such as

make way for depression.

how men respond to stress, and other negative emotions associated with depression. Further, family members, friends and one’s community

Local Resource

should remember that they have a significant role in recognizing depressive symptoms and are encouraged to offer help where necessary.

To close, here are some tips that may help those struggling with depression and generally poor mental health; Do some active exercises Spend time with family Set realistic goals and try to break large tasks into smaller ones

Ruth Mkolesia (Counsellor) Seed of Hope Consultancy Call: 0993 110 993 Email: ruth.seedofhope@gmail.com peter.seedofhope@gmail.com

Find someone you can confide in Participate in activities such as religious and social activities that are suitable to you

Services offered:

Expect your mood to improve gradually not immediately, remember, change is a process

personal therapy, trauma counselling, individual/family/group counselling, training, organizational management consulting

Help save lives, take part in the fight against depression!!!!

35 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

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Grace: a free and

the time

essential gift.

not aware

By Yoschabel Nkonosawa

people are

of them or how they work in

Kids from all walks of life grow up getting their way because they cry, throw tantrums or pull sad faces in order to get their parents to give in to their demands.

In most cases it is not because they deserve what they get but because parents or guardians feel sorry and give in to them. As a mother of two, I usually give in to my kids’ demands because I feel the need to save them from the misery they show when they are in this state. The same concept applies in the Christian’s walk, where grace follows those that do not deserve it. 8904091105601

their lives.

Amongst the youth or the

Yoschabel is a young writer from Zomba City. She is an English Literature master’s student at Chancellor College.

younger adults, life is rarely taken

seriously. There is usually a relaxed attitude to faith and Godliness and therefore to the many gifts that God gives. Focus is rather on

The concept of Grace is rarely

chasing money, education, social

understood because until you have been on

acceptance, and the outward impression

the receiving end of it, it will not make

given to the world.

much sense to you. Again from experience,

Many teenagers are immature in their

there have been moments where I thought I

behaviour, often getting away with all sorts

had hit rock bottom only to receive

of negative activites. For instance; some

unexpected help from others which to me

misdeeds that they get involved with can be

spells out grace. In the Bible, grace is the

considered to have been influenced by peer

most important concept as it shows that God

pressure or lack of parental guidance and not

gave us salvation when we really needed it

always blamed squarely on the youth. The

although we did not deserve it. He is loving

blame may be shifted from the offender to

and accepting towards an undeserving and

someone older, a parent or guardian. In this

unworthy human race.

example; one would suggest that they have

Mercy and favor are concepts closely

received

grace

because

in

other

linked to grace; and they are given to people

circumstances they would have to be

freely just like grace is. Although most of

punished for what they did. If the youth learn

37 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

what it means to receive grace, they will learn

We fail to acknowledge the work of

to appreciate it. However, if they believe they

grace in our lives when we refuse to see the

are entitled to special treatment or to being

extent of our unworthiness. Ignoring our

excused because of their age; they may

mistakes and some negative decisions we

continue to behave recklessly without regard

have made in the past may fool us into

for others.

believing that we can still redeem ourselves if

One writer suggests that grace is usually appreciated when one is in trouble or has committed a grave mistake. Max Lucado once wrote on how teens may perceive the concept of grace. He believed that teens often

we do something good someday. An article on grace by Randy Alcorn argues that only through experiencing grace can we really consider it to be truly amazing and worthy of our recognition.

believe grace is earned; and they try so hard

He illustrates this through the story of

to work and prove themselves worthy of

how the lyrics of the famous “Amazing

being considered a good person. This

Grace” song was changed to read Amazing

however is the exact opposite of what God

grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a soul

expects from them.

like me. The word soul replaced wretch

Lucado states that he himself once assumed

because the singers believed that they were

God grades on merit and that good people go

not as bad as the word described.

to heaven but perfect people get the best seats. Again this simply deviates from the original plan God has for everyone, which is to be saved by grace through Jesus Christ and not by their own efforts. As Ephesians 2 vs 89 says; ‘For you have been saved by grace through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is a gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.’

Funny enough, the author of the song described himself as a wretch and had reached the point in his life that made him realize that he needed grace to be saved. He was known as foul mouthed, immoral, and successful slave trader.

I believe that the concept of grace has been missed by so many people, especially the youth. Most young people believe that when they have done wrong, or when they cannot be perfect as society may expect them to be, they are beyond the gift of grace. They may become despondent, assuming they

38 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

cannot be helped and continue to spiral into

Young people need to understand that

the deep end until there is no hope for them.

grace is for all that have fallen short of the

This has been one of the many reasons why

glory of God; which is basically every human

the young people fall into reckless and self-

being. They are bound to make mistakes in

destructive behavior, depression, and other

life but those mistakes are meant to teach

mental health problems.

them a lesson that will carry them through in

Most articles written on the topic of grace in the lives of the young dwell much on how the young tend to see life as black and white. Meaning you can either be good or bad and if you go one way it is unlikely to go back

life. Forgiveness has to be appreciated as it gives people a second chance. Second chances are what grace is all about. It is meant to redeem humanity because everyone one of us desperately needs it.

the other way. This type of thinking can have

Grace is that special ingredient that

a very damaging impact on spiritual,

can change one’s life. It is also essential for

emotional and psychological wellbeing.

our daily challenges whether big or small. It

These young people may grow into very

was paid for by God’s son, Jesus Christ and

unbalanced

we are entitled to enjoy it without any extra

adults

who

cannot

accept

themselves as worthy or good enough to

effort to earn or gain it.

receive grace from God.

In the next issue, we will learn more of the practical ways grace works and manifests in the lives of people. We will also explore how we can open yourselves up to this free and essential gift.

39 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Grace for mental health in quotes…

Remind yourself of what you’ve been able to overcome. All the times you felt like you weren’t going to make it through, you proved yourself wrong.

You’re more powerful than you think.

Ash Alves

What mental needs is more sunlight, more candor, more unashamed conversation about illness that affects not only individuals, but their families as well Glen Close

Anything that’s human is mentionable, and anything mentionable is manageable. When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.

Fred Rogers

If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it.

Russell Wilson

Some of the most comforting words in the universe are me too. That moment you realize that your struggle is also someone else’s struggle, that you are not alone, and that others have been down the same road.

Unknown

40 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

41 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Men, There is no shame in speaking on how you feel: emotions do not make you weak!

Please talk to someone you trust, there is no shame in what you are going through‌ Local Resource Catherine Limodzi (Counsellor) Located behind Blantyre Adventist Hospital, Blantyre.

Call: 0882 431 111 Email: climodzi@gmail.com

42 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Consider …

Researchers are beginning to recognize that men often don’t acknowledge feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or guilt. They may be more likely to deny these types of feelings, or try to mask or hide them with other behaviours. When depressed, men can become irritable and aggressive, work compulsively, isolate themselves from friends and family, drink more than normal, and engage in high risk activities.

Depression affects everyone in different ways, which means your particular symptoms are unique to you. For example, one person might not have enough energy to even get out of bed, while another person might feel constantly edgy and restless. One might feel really down all the time and break into tears seemingly for no reason. The other might snap angrily at the smallest irritation. One person might never seem hungry, while the other eats constantly. The two people might both say they feel down in the dumps, but how that actually feels for them could be very different. Also, the symptoms you feel and experience may vary in intensity and duration over time.

Depression doesn’t come on suddenly–it can slowly creep up and before you know it, you’re caught in its grip. Recognizing depression is the first step to preventing or stopping it from controlling your life.

You wouldn’t attempt to heal a broken leg by simply toughing it out. Treat depression the same way you would treat any other serious injury or illness.

For more specific support on handling intense emotions, negative thoughts, low selfworth, problems with interpersonal relationships and other issues, talk therapy is a great option – designed specifically to work on these types of challenges. Please make use of the resources provided below for more information to help you and others learn how to fight depression in the men around us.

Additional Resources online: 1. Depression in Men. (www.helpguide.org) 2. Men and Depression (www.nimh.nih.gov) 3. Man Therapy (www.mantherapy.org) 4. Depression and Men: Key Facts (www.rcpsych.ac.uk)

43 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

Please visit the Headsupguys website for more specialized resources and websites dedicated to men’s mental health. www.headsupguys.org

Wellness and Health Male Depression and Wellness

by Lughano Nkuna.

Lughano is the owner of Pretty Brown Skin Store, an online based supplier of original products for skin, body and hair care for both men and women.

Contact and buy Pretty Brown Skin products through the following links:

@prettybrownskinstore

Depression knows no gender! It is a serious medical condition that affects many men and it is often ignored because of statements like "I am depressed" may not sound so manly to some. In fact, most men that experience symptoms of depression often choose to downplay them or simply call it a bad day or being moody. In Malawi, downplaying depression in men may manifest itself in the many poor coping behaviors we witness, think excessive drinking, poor anger management, drug abuse, violence/assault, and suicide.

So how do you know you might have depression, well, do you notice one or more of the following symptoms for a consistently prolonged period of time?

Feeling sad, empty and hopeless for longer than a month Insomnia that does not go away

0992877412 All the products illustrated in this article are supplied by Pretty Brown Skin Store.

Feeling extremely tired more than usual, and lacking motivation Anger and aggression that is out of the ordinary for you, not being able to tolerate anything or be patient Failure to concentrate or focus on anything

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The symptoms of depression don't stop here, that is why it is wise to seek help from a professional who would be able to give you a proper assessment and design a treatment plan that will be beneficial for you.

While these symptoms may be difficult to identify by family and friends, signs of depression may be easily noticeable in the outside appearance as well. For example, being in an extreme state of stress and anxiety may trigger stress related hair loss (alopecia) and stress induced breakouts on your skin. Thinning of the hair, dry skin, eczema and acne are all part of what I call a ‘mind-skin connection’. This connection works both ways; a bad skin condition and hair loss may be as a result of changes in hormonal levels when one is suffering from poor mental health. However, the sudden change in one’s appearance following hair loss and breakouts may also cause a negative self-perception which impacts on poor mental health. I’m sure you will agree that this is an unhealthy cycle.

This takes us to why grooming is an essential part of a man’s health. Ever heard of the saying 'when you look good, you feel good'? That's the idea!

Whether you are in your teens fighting breakouts or in your 50's fighting with wrinkles; there is a self-care plan for everyone. You don't have to break the bank when it comes to self-care and good grooming; why don’t you try just a few of my tips especially directed to the men out there.

Bath daily! Yes, there are people out there who do not take daily baths for various reasons. Trust me, this is essential for you to get rid of any sweat and dirt that causes a bad odor. You can use any soap that works for you but how about going that extra mile to get products made for men specifically, as these will have been designed to handle the texture of male skin and solve male skin problems such as razor bumps.

Besides, men’s products have a great scent that women love!

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Get a haircut regularly!

This is another essential tip for men of all ages. If you are not intentionally growing out your hair, the haircut you get will be determined by your head shape so make sure to consult with your barber on which style will suit you best.

You can get some inspiration from the internet or apps like Pinterest for trendy hairstyles. Remember, this is all about improving your appearance in order to improve your mood, so choose wisely.

Care for your hair! If you are growing out your hair, please note that the dry, brittle, unkempt look is not attractive at all. So whether you have locks, an afro, or another trendy hairstyle; proper hair maintenance is essential. Using a good shampoo and conditioner, some moisturizers and oils will do the trick. People with dry unhealthy looking skin and hair often give the impression of poor physical or mental health Prioritize your skin! Again, there are plenty of really good men’s products out there made especially for men’s skin. For example, men have bigger pores on their skin compared to women; this makes their skin oilier and more susceptible to acne. So, if you have acne you might want to invest in a good face scrub/wash and a good moisturizer for your skin type. You should always ask your supplier for the best way to use these products in order to get the best out of your skin care.

Smell good! Get yourself a unique scent. Try and find one that is right for you and not commonly used by many people. If you can't afford perfume, don't sweat it, a good deodorant spray will do. Speaking of sweating it, please 46 | E s s e n t i a l G r a c e M a g a z i n e

invest in a quality antiperspirant/deodorant roll-on to keep your armpits smelling fresh and clean. Another secret to smelling great is to use washing powder that effectively cleans your clothes and leaves them smelling fresh.

Care for your beard! Just like your hair and skin, a clean and well-trimmed beard speaks volumes. A longer beard means extra care so if you like to flaunt that long beard, make sure to get a beard comb and beard oil to keep it moisturized and vibrant.

Don't ignore your feet! People will always notice your feet, just like they notice your shoes. This is why your foot care is not only vital for first impressions, it is also an important part of self-care. If you suffer from fungal infections, make sure to get a good anti-fungal cream from a medicine store. If buying a foot cream seems unnecessary then always give them extra love like making sure you scrub the callouses (zikang’a), applying some Vaseline lotion or jelly during the night, and keeping your toe nails short and clean.

Most importantly in your self-care habits, do not neglect getting enough sleep, drinking plenty of water and eating well. These are all habits that may not be guaranteed to take away your depressive experience; however, they will go a long way to improving the way you see and feel about yourself, which will hopefully improve your mental health.

If you need more advice on self-care and men’s products like those presented in this article; please get in touch with me through the links provided below. I would love to hear from you.

Trust me, if you look good and smell good, you'll feel good!

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It is said that people begin to heal the moment they feel heard!

If you are going through a difficult time, there are people out there that would be able to help you.

Qualified counsellors, social workers, and mental health clinicians, equipped to help you through different mental health challenges.

Contact Tamanda Chiwaya on 0993 946 581 to learn more on these services all across Malawi.

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Along Namiwawa Road, opposite Zomba main Mosque.

Opening times: Monday – Friday

7.30 to 19.00

Saturday

7.30 to 17.30

Sunday

09.00 to 16.00

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