The Mice Will Play | JoAnn Yeoman Tongret

The Mice Will Play

JoAnn Yeoman Tongret

Cast:

Spencer - 40-something. Starting to degenerate physically. A neighbor who is supposed to be protecting his vacationing friend’s home. He is introduced to us during a phone call voiceover, but soon enters the stage as one of the two characters. (If the phone-call voice-over is a problem technically, the director might choose to isolate each character in a split stage light for the phone call segment.) Jinx - 20-something. Slender. A fledgling thief. Inept, vulnerable, and a bit mysterious. Lives in the moment. Time: An afternoon in the 70’s.

Place: The living room of a home in a suburban neighborhood.

A living room in suburbia. There are a couple of chairs, a TV, a small table, maybe an easy chair, a lamp or two. There is a night light just visible on the floor in a corner, but otherwise most illumination is coming from a central window which can be a frame hung from the flies. Other exits are out of sight in the wings. After a moment we can see the figure of a man peeking into the window. After making sure that no one is there he begins to pry the sill open. He is successful and leans into the room. He drops his crowbar (or claw hammer) inside the room and swears. He carefully mimes lifting the window, and crawls in. Once in he tries to close the window but when the phone rings he drops his tool bag in fright and then panics at the noise both of these objects make. The phone stops ringing. He checks again that no one heard him and starts to look around. He is clearly disappointed at the lack of possible value in the room. He turns on one of the lamps. The phone rings again (land line). Without thinking (perhaps out of habit or just to stop the intrusion) he goes to answer it. (If the phone call voice-over is a problem technically, the director might choose to isolate each character in a split stage light for the phone call segment.)

JINX (Picking up the receiver on a land line) Hello.

SPENCER (Voice-over from his home next door.) Whaddaya’ mean hello?

JINX Who is this?

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Well who the hell are you? Where’s Bob?

JINX Uh ... I’m Bob.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) No you’re not! What are you doing in Bob’s house? Bob’s in St. Thomas with Mildred and the kids.

JINX I knew that—I’m—house-sitting.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) No way! I’m supposed to be taking care of the place.

JINX (Pretense is useless.) Well you’re doing a crappy job of it! You don’t even know who’s here.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Cut that out! So what are you doing there? Have you broken in?

JINX Like I’m going to tell you.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Do you have a gun?

JINX Absolutely not! Are you crazy? Guns are dangerous.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Alright, then what are you doing there? Are you a thief?

JINX Honestly ... I had hopes, but there’s nothing here worth stealing. I was just about to leave when you called. (Pause.) Why did you call if you knew nobody was home? That’s no way to check up on security.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Well it worked, didn’t it? How’d you get in anyway?

Tongret | The Lively Arts

Tongret | The Lively Arts JINX Jimmied the window.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) You idiot, there’s a key under the fake frog by the door.

JINX Well, Bob didn’t leave me that memo.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Whaddaya’ mean there’s nothing worth stealing. Bob’s always talking about his Ming Dynasty “vaaahses” or his mondo inch screen or ...

JINX Boy, what a blow-hard. There’s nothing like that here.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Well take a look around and check the vase ... for me, OK?

JINX (Looks around and picks up the only vase in sight: a 6” dollar store product.) It doesn’t even say “made in China” much less have an artist’s signature. Jeeze—I thought this was a neighborhood worth the trouble.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Don’t be a smart ass. We aren’t all like Bob, ya’ know. For your information you are in an upwardly mobile area.

JINX Deepest apologies. Listen, I gotta go.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Look, I’m not gonna’ call the cops. You sound like a stand-up guy. Let’s just trade favors. The wife is hosting a baby shower and I’m goin’ nuts! Is there anything more boring than a baby shower? There must be thirty women here all squealing at once. Can I just come over and chew the fat with you? Maybe watch the game. Come on, just until the dames are gone. (Pause.) I’ll help you fix the window. You following the Series?

JINX Sort of. I don’t know.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Sure you do. We’ll watch the game to gether. Is there anything in the fridge?

JINX I don’t know.

SPENCER (Voice-over continues) Well go look!

JINX Hang on. (Goes out the wings into the kitchen and returns.) There’s nothin’.

SPENCER OK. I’m bringing a six pack. Don’t go ‘way. (JINX replaces the receiver carefully and walks a few paces into the room, looking half-heartedly around. Suddenly has a thought and starts looking in his pockets for a hanky. Nothing there. Looks around the room and finds a lace doily under a lamp. Pulls it out almost knocking the lamp over. He runs to the phone and tries to wipe his fingerprints off the receiver. Same with the window sill and begins to tidy the mess under the window. The doorbells rings. He panics, drops everything and hides behind a chair. Bell rings again.)

SPENCER (from outside) Hey. Open up. It’s me.

JINX Who’s me?

SPENCER Spencer. Open up.

JINX I don’t know a Spencer.

SPENCER From next door. From the phone.

JINX Oh, right. Don’t you have a key? What about the frog?

SPENCER Holy smoke, forget the frog! My hands are full. Just ... just open the door.

JINX (Lets SPENCER in, they re-enter.) Sorry. I got nervous.

SPENCER (with tool box, a six pack, and a bottle of bourbon.) Listen, buddy, you are in the wrong business. You don’t have the smarts for this breaking in stuff. Look at you. Sit down

Tongret | The Lively Arts

Tongret | The Lively Arts before you fall down. (JINX sits. SPENCER puts the tools down and looks around.) This the kitchen? (Exits into wings.) Be right back. (He returns with a bottle opener and hands JINX a beer.) This will settle your stomach. And (holding up the bourbon) I brought an appropriate chaser. So ... what’s your name?

JINX Jinx. Just Jinx.

SPENCER I won’t ask why you got named that. (Opens a beer for himself.) Cheers.

JINX (toasting) Thanks.

SPENCER (settling in) So, how long you been stealing junk? Make any money?

JINX About a month. No.

SPENCER Yeah. Figures. (pause) You’re not very good at this.

JINX Thanks a lot.

SPENCER I’m dying of hunger. Those little roll-up things that my wife made for the party didn’t make a dent. I’m gonna call for a pizza, OK?

JINX I don’t have any money.

SPENCER How did I know that? That’s OK. (flashes his wallet) it’s on me; pay day. Hang on, (goes to phone) this place has great pizza. Hi, yeah, I wanna order two large pizzas. One Hawaiian (nods OK? to JINX who agrees) and one peanut butter. How long? That’s OK. No rush. We’re gonna watch the game. I’m at 343, oops, sorry 347 Linden. Thanks. (Hangs up.) Where were we? (Opens the bourbon and takes a drink from the bottle.) Right, you need to look into a different profession. You are terrible at this. What did you used to do? (Hands bottle to Jinx who takes a drink and hands it back.)

JINX For a while I sold insurance. Then I worked at a drug store, a Chinese food restaurant, a hardware outlet, and a deli. (Pause.) Oh, yeah. And a traveling carnival.

SPENCER No way! What’d ya’ do there?

JINX I told fortunes, sort of.

SPENCER No wonder you decided to take up stealing. (Takes a swig.) Yeah, I can see you with a crystal ball.

JINX No, I was really good at that. I AM good at that. That’s why they fired me. See, I read tarot cards and ...

SPENCER (Offers the bottle to JINX, who shakes head “Na.”) Like at a casino or somethin’?

JINX No. I used to ... I can tell people their probable future or what to look out for.

SPENCER Yeah. I’m sure you’re great at that. (Silence) Make much money telling fortunes?

JINX You’re not taking me seriously. (He seems agitated and takes the cards from his jacket pocket.)

SPENCER Oh, don’t be sore. Come on, let’s get to the game and some serious drinking. (SPENCER grabs a chair, puts the bottle on a small table between them; he positions the TV set. He tries to turn it on, but it’s broken.) Can you believe this? The damn thing’s broken! (In frustration.) OK then, show me how good you are at this fortune thing. JINX No, I just wanted to show you the cards so that you’d believe me.

SPENCER No, can’t wiggle out now. Show me! (Takes a drink, puts the bottle on the floor; grabs JINX’s wrist and puts the card box on the table.) Show me.

Tongret | The Lively Arts

Tongret | The Lively Arts JINX I don’t want to do this. I don’t do it just for fun.

SPENCER Well do it for me. I’m your host, right? Besides I can still call the police.

JINX You might not like it.

SPENCER Well, make sure that I do. Conjure me up some fabulous future; and a new rich young wife while you’re at it.

JINX (Hands SPENCER the deck.) Shuffle the deck (SPENCER does so and starts to hand them back to JINX.) No, I can’t touch them yet. Now cut them. (SPENCER does so.)

SPENCER Now, Mr. Wizard, can you “touch” them now? (Takes another drink.)

JINX You won’t be able to understand them properly if you drink any more.

SPENCER I understand that you are a crazy bastard, con-man, a failure and I’m buying you lunch, so deal!

JINX OK. (Reluctantly) I’m going to put three cards down in a triangle facing you. (Does so.) Tarot interpretation is some what flexible based on the reader and the subject. My interpretation will ...

SPENCER Well, that’s a great “out” if nothing comes true.

JINX (Ignoring SPENCER) My interpretation can become positive or negative depending on your own decisions. You are a part of the equation.

SPENCER Get on with it. (One last big swallow.)

JINX There are four suits: Cups, Wands, ...

SPENCER Forget that. Read me what these do.

JINX But ...

SPENCER (slams fist on table) Now!

JINX This Moon card often implies a hidden meaning or a misunderstanding. It may be either in the past or in the near future. It warns that ...

SPENCER It don’t warn nothing, got it? Don’t you or your dopey cards warn me.

JINX Yes, fine. This next card is Justice and indicates the possibility of retribution or the opportunity to change current plans.

SPENCER (Starting to succumb to the efforts of the bourbon: slurred speech, lack of coordination.) Great. How ‘bout this one?

JINX This is the Tower and I’m afraid that it’s a rather dark card. Maybe conflict or ...

SPENCER Good. What’s next?

JINX Well, if there were other players they would put their cards down and they might interact with yours. That’s part of the flexible nature of interpretation.

SPENCER Good. You put your cards down.

JINX Well, I really shouldn’t ... SPENCER Now!

JINX (Lays one down.) My first card is the Fool.

SPENCER Ha!

JINX Well, he can be a positive influence. Maybe new beginnings, taking some risks to move on. But because of the Tower, this might not be so positive ...

Tongret | The Lively Arts

Tongret | The Lively Arts SPENCER This is stupid. (Gets up and wanders around the room.) I should a’ stayed at the baby shower. You are worse than no company at all.

JINX Sorry. (Starts to collect cards.) I’d better leave.

SPENCER (Grabs crow bar and blocks JINX.) No. You owe me some entertainment. (Stalks JINX slowly around the room.) No more cards. What else can we come up with?

JINX Look. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ... Just let me take my cards and go.

SPENCER (Starts to close in but kicks the bottle with his foot, trips and falls.) Oh oops. Oh, ouch ... (Moans a little and loses consciousness.)

JINX Gee, Spencer. (Leans over him.) Are you OK? I’m so sorry. You’ll be all right I think. (Grabs a pillow from the chair and puts it under SPENCER’S head.) That’s better. (Digs in SPENCER’S pocket and empties his wallet.) I’m sorry I have to do this. I’m leaving you enough for the pizza -- OK? (Tucks a few bills into SPENCER’S limp hand.) I’ve got to go. I’ll lock the door behind me. (Collects his cards, returns them to box and jacket. Retrieves bag and crow bar.) I hope your wife had a truly fine party. (Starts toward front door to exit and turns back for a moment.) I tried to tell you. You really can’t cheat the cards, you know. (Exits)

THE END